The Ramsey Show - App - You Don't Get Days Off When You Owe $90,000 (Hour 2)

Episode Date: July 13, 2023

George Kamel & John Delony answer your questions and discuss:  "I have $90k of debt and I can't keep doing what I've been doing", from the blog: 28 Ways to Get Out of Debt The hidden ways that owing money affects your mental health, from the blog: How to Stop Worrying About Money Setting up your Debt Snowball for success, from the blog: How the Debt Snowball Method Works "How much are we morally obligated to help my parents financially?" from the blog: How To Talk To Your Parents About Money How to talk with your spouse about getting a job to help meet financial goals, from the blog: How to Talk to Your Spouse About Money Have a question for the show? Call 888-825-5225 Weekdays from 2-5pm ET Here's an EveryDollar deal just for our listeners: get a 14-day free trial PLUS $15 off your first year of premium. Click the link below and start budgeting today! www.everydollar.com/george Want a plan for your money? Find out where to start: https://bit.ly/3cEP4n6 Listen to all The Ramsey Network podcasts: https://bit.ly/3GxiXm6 Interested in advertising on The Ramsey Show? https://ter.li/s64ye3 Ramsey Solutions Privacy Policy

Девочка-пай Live from the headquarters of Ramsey Solutions, broadcasting from the Bob's Moving and Storage Studio, it's The Ramsey Show, where we help people build wealth, do work that they love, and create amazing relationships. I'm George Campbell, joined by Dr. John Deloney, and we are excited, enthused to take your calls at 888-825-5225. If you need some confirmation, affirmation, inspiration, whatever you're going through, whatever's keeping you up at night, we want to help you take the right next step. Some constipation.

We can't give you that. I don't know that we can relieve that either. I am certain we can give you constipation. John has been known to do that and he's very, very good at it. He's got a PhD. I don't know what it's in, but apparently he's got one or two. My PhD is in the inability to go to the bathroom. There are dumber degrees out there, so it would not shock me at this point. That's probably fair. We'll get there. Regardless of how many degrees John has, we can help, hopefully. What are all those Asians you dropped out? Inspiration, affirmation, confirmation. Constipation. Motivation. That's not in there. You keep throwing that one in there. All right. Stop trying to make it happen. All right. All right. Jeremy is up first, if he still even wants to talk to us. Jeremy, how you doing?

Hey, guys. Thank you so much for taking my call. Sure. What's going on? Well, I've reached a point of desperation in my life. I listen to you guys every night, but I still can't get my act together. I have six kids and me and my wife, we maybe bring in about $65,000 a year. We have no savings, no emergency fund, and we're barely able to pay our bills as they are, uh, due to like a special circumstance where I'm kind of getting double dipped for child support where I'm paying for two kids who live with me. Um, and and I have two $600 car payments as well as the student loans are getting ready to drop. We have about $50,000, $40,000 actually

in student loans between me and my wife. What do you do for a living, man? I'm a bus driver for Disney. What do you make a year doing that? So I make about $55,000 a year, and that's with my overtime. And is your wife working outside the home? Where's the other $10,000 coming from? Well, my wife works over at Walmart.

She's a regular associate. Okay, and that's part-time? Yes. Okay. Do you have a degree with the student. And that's part-time? Yes. Okay. Do you have a degree with these student loans you got to pay back? I have a certificate from Universal Technical Institute, and she has some schooling from Puerto Rico. Okay.

Well, there's two pieces to the puzzle. There's decreasing expenses, which you've got six kids. You've got a lot going on, on top of the debt payments, on top of normal bills that people have. And then we've got to also increase the income. We've got to find ways to make more. Because we're in the situation where we have a lot of mouths to feed and a lot of debt to pay.

And do you hear George? I want you to, George, just to still that down. But it's as simple as that. And I know it's terrifying to think that it's that simple, but the only two options here are to increase what you make and decrease the expenses you have. So everything, the only issue with that is we've been looking, uh, and like, but you haven't, cause you got two $600 a month car payments. I would look right in the driveway and I would go, those things got to go today. Yeah. What are the cars worth?

My van's worth about $11,000 and we owe $14,000. And my Corolla is worth about $15,000 and we owe, I believe, 13. But we needed the Corolla because I live about 55 miles from my job. So I needed the gas mileage. Why is this the end-all be-all job? It's been, they've been very good to me. It's, I mean, it has good benefits. You can't afford to live there, brother. I mean, you can't afford to work there. It's been, they've been very good to me. It's, I mean, it has its benefits. You can't afford to live there, brother. I mean, you can't afford to work there. It's 50 miles away for $50,000. You can go be an assistant manager at a fast food restaurant and make that money.

What is it about that job? Because that job is costing you two hours of commute time a day. It's costing you a car you cannot afford. And it's not paying you enough to pay your bills. Yeah. I don't have a real good answer for that. I mean, I really enjoy my job. I enjoy the guest interaction.

Oh, dude, I know I'm stomping on your heart. I know you love that job. You love the people. And my understanding is when you are fully bought in as a Disney employee, it's a family big time. It's a community. I get that. And you are broke and you can't breathe. And then you get in a car that's depreciating every second you sit in it and drive an hour in that traffic to work a job that does not pay you enough to support all six kids

what's your total consumer debt jeremy about 90 000 is your wife able to work more what is the child care situation like i don't i can't even imagine taking care of six kids i imagine the ages are wildly spread george has two were they pugs yeah french bulldogs he has two french bulldogs yeah okay 15 i have it and my youngest two are two and one okay so that's kind of where that comes where she has to help with the babies. Especially while I'm working. I mean, it does, yeah, it's one of the benefits.

One of the benefits is I do get to take my kids to Disney on my days off. So, I mean, that's kind of a big benefit for my children. For the next couple of years, you don't get days off. You owe $90,000. $90,000. You've got to start making some headway on this. And dude, trust me. I'm not trying to be a jerk, man.

I'm just trying to put both hands on your shoulders and let you realize how precarious your situation is. And if the cars can get us out of what? They can decrease our debt by $27,000? Obviously, we've got to save up some money. We've got to figure out the underwater situation. We've got to get some cars. Keep the van, right?

Keep the van because you've got 14,000 children, right? So keep the van. And then here's what we're trying to do. We're trying to rattle your cage a little bit to get you out of the there's just no way there is ways but you got to be willing to go all in man yeah and if you called in he said hey i make 100 i got 50 to pay off we go all right let's make a plan but you're making 65 and 090 and so the math is skewed in a tough way where the only way out

of this is to go make a whole bunch more money and do it quickly and legally and that means you're gonna have to work several jobs that are not your dream job do not fulfill your soul that you're not going to write home and tell mom about but that put money in your account yeah i've tried to look for like side hustles or like different opportunities uh uber is just not a good one because it just appreciates the value of the asset. Uber also, I mean, you could Uber to work and home from work. That is a thing you could do. Stay on the line, brother. We're going to give you FPU. I'm going to send it to you, man. And Financial Peace University and the EveryDollar app. I want you and your wife to watch those videos, man. Y'all have to get radical because you are so close to the edge. And George and I spend our careers watching people fall over the edge, and I don't want that to be you. This is The Ramsey Show. Thank you for

joining us. I'm George Campbell, joined by Dr. John Deloney. If you like this show, we have lots more where that came from. In fact, my friend Dr. John does his own show called The Dr. John Deloney Show right next door in the studio over from us, and it's a wonderful, wonderful show. Deeper dives, deeper calls, deeper everything. Just a very deep show, but also so fun. John brings a lot of levity to it. I don't know if anyone's ever called it just a wonderful show just a wonderful show that's how that's how my grandmother used to describe my haircuts like well sometimes i'll walk by the studio while you're doing it live and i go oh gosh that's a doozy yeah they're heavy it's a heavy show it's a lot of fun though you handle it uh you take it all in stride and you help a lot of people and it's i mean it's

just exploded in popularity so i appreciate i'm trying to compete. I've got my own YouTube channel that is a lot less salacious, but we focus on making money fun again. I sang a cover of Creed to open a video about adjustable rate mortgages, if that tells you anything. Oh, I thought it was going to be about washed up. Producer James played guitar in the background and we had a good time with that. So you can go check out that video on adjustable rate mortgages because that's what you want to do on a thursday here we go i thought it was gonna be something on guilty pleasures hey um so i get this question sometimes like uh hey we we what are you doing here right people ask me like why do you why do you work here why did dave ramsay

hire you yes um and dave behind closed doors the joke is always um i've been telling people for years that money is 80 psychology and 20 like knowledge right and he's also been telling people for years you can go see somebody you go talk to somebody and he finally just said i'm just gonna hire my own right there is some significant overlap when it comes to finances and your mental health. And we know that. I'm actually working with a student, a doctoral student with some dissertation research on this. And I can't tell you how much joy it brings me to see these articles being written here. The article I'm holding right now, because it's bringing this to light and we don't talk

about it enough in our culture. If we look at anxiety, we look at depression, we look at these things that have a trend line almost completely vertical. They're going straight up, and they have been. If you lay a map or a graph on top of that that plots the amount of money individuals and we collectively owe in this country, it almost perfectly mimics it.

I'm not saying it's causal, but there is correlation between debt and your mental health. collectively owe in this country, it almost perfectly mimics it. I'm not saying it's causal, but there is correlation between debt and your mental health. So the article here says, comes as no surprise that debt affects your mental health. New research shows that being in debt not only increases anxiety, it also impacts your retirement plans and marital status too. We know those things. But people who have debt report an increase in stress, anxiety, and moodiness. The National Debt Relief noted that this can lead to divorce or even putting off marriage. Three in five Americans have considered putting off marriage to avoid inheriting their partner's debt. We talked about marriage and debt a segment ago. And 54% believe having a partner who's in debt is a major reason to consider divorce. Found that people lose over 200 hours of sleep per year on average over their debts.

Now, I just wanted to put that into more stark terms. The great Dr. Matthew Walker has done some extraordinary work, and if you haven't checked out his podcast or his book, Why We Sleep, you should. He's just a master class, and he's just so brilliant, and he speaks language that I couldn't even understand. Talks about the catastrophic consequences of a culture that stops sleeping, that goes simply from seven hours a night to six hours, from eight hours to six and a half hours. It costs you everything. It costs you your mental health. It costs you long-term health, short-term health. It disrupts everything. And so when people say, yeah, I've got this debt over here, but I'm going to invest in the market. Or I just have 50,000.

Yeah. I just have my student loans. I say something like I have a sleep tax. That's the price I'm paying so that I don't die with some of these ailments. Losing sleep is killing us, man. And this surveys are showing the more debt you have, the more sleep you lose. It says people aren't sleeping. They're having nightmares. We're losing about a the more sleep you lose. It says people aren't sleeping. They're having nightmares.

We're losing about a month of sleep per year. Wow. And they're even talking about debt nightmares. Yeah. Nightmares related to the debt that you owe. And this is even, I mean, 7 in 10 said it feels like a black cloud hangs over them when they have to pay a bill or a loan. 77% reported debt would impact their retirement plans.

They said they're missing out on more activities turning down a night out with friends they're turning down date nights they're turning down attending weddings and uh credit card let's just that's life that's life hanging out with your friends celebrating weddings going to weddings where you don't even know anybody and you can dance even crazier than you usually do, right? Going out on dates, even ones that are awkward and weird. This is life. We are cashing out our life for this debt. It's killing people, man.

It's not worth it. It's killing them. It's killing them. It's killing them. Oh, man, this is brutal. And, John, you've been talking about this at our Building Wealth events that we were doing. And every time you say it, the crowd just, they just they're like yes and here's what you say debt has a physical weight on us and it's scientific and you say hey how many of you you've become debt free and you know exactly what i'm talking about when that weight gets lifted and they're all like

yes i remember that feeling and people don't realize it's like wearing an ankle bracelet holding you down you don't realize it until they're off right how much way i remember i'm talking to dave this is i've been i've been co-hosting the show with him for about six months or so and i told him um i i don't didn't get nervous anymore right my heart rate doesn't get up i'm not nervous like oh gosh gosh, there's millions. It's just the job now. And I was going through some of the data on my smartwatch. I was like, why is my heart rate spiking and holding? I wasn't exercising.

I wasn't working. Oh, it reminded me of the great book title by Dr. Bessel van der Kolk, The Body Keeps the Score. I might not be feeling anxious. My body knows I'm talking to millions of people. And if I say one thing wrong, the whole company goes away. It knows. It knows. And so you can say, oh, no, I got a great deal, man. I got no APO. I got no interest for five years. It's a good deal. Your body knows, dude, if he says one thing wrong at work, they're going to take away the car. They're going to take away his job, they're going to take away his marriage. This is not safe, right? Your body knows. And there's that

feeling. Everybody who gets on the debt-free stage says, when you ask them, how does it feel? You can go back and just watch. Their whole body changes. Their physiology changes completely. They exhale, they drop their shoulders. It's freedom from a cage you didn't even know you were locked in right so debt does affect your mental health i would go as far to say and i don't have the the huberman-esque uh huberman-esque uh you know neuro studies to back me up but i don't believe a person can be fully unanxious, can have a life that is not stressed, chronically stressed, unless you don't owe anybody anything. There's some peace there where your body goes,

we are safe now. That car is ours. That house is ours. That land is ours. And we get to decide what we do tomorrow, not the bank. And anything other than that has some sort of physiological consequence to it man i

just believe that well dave's been saying for years that we want you we want you to have nice stuff we don't want nice stuff to have you right and now there's actually research to back up what he was saying and it's not just a payment holding you back financially it's the payment affecting your mental health it affects your heart rate affects the ability for you to sleep it affects your conversations with your spouse it affects affects you being willing to go in there and dig a little deeper to save that marriage. Or, dude, I'm just going to bail. It's a black cloud.

I love the way they say that. It's just a storm cloud. There's clear research that that lack of sleep will shorten your lifespan. Oh, dude. The data is too clear on that. And so for that reason alone, get out of debt. I mean, I don't know what more data we need to give you to say here's a good reason, get out of debt. I mean, I don't know what more data we need

to give you to say, here's a good reason to get out of debt. Don't die. Not because Dave Ramsey said so, because I want you to live to meet your grandkids. I think that's a noble goal to have. And so do whatever it takes. This article, of course, has a terrible solution. Consider debt relief options. Yeah, the survey was put out by National Debt Relief. You think they didn't pay for this? So here's a better option. You pay off your debt. You are the secret sauce. We believe, this crazy belief, that you can pay the debt that you got yourself into.

You're the problem. You're the solution. And that is so freeing when you let it not control you and not put the shame and guilt and all that. Let it go and say, the guy in the mirror is the solution to my problems. I don't have to wait on a politician. I don't have to wait on a politician. I don't have to wait on a debt relief company. I can do this. So go through Financial Peace University.

Use the EveryDollar app. Connect with other people on the journey. Do whatever it takes because debt freedom is on the other side, and you will sleep better, and you will live longer, and I think that's a life well spent, John. Hey, I love making up science on the air. I love it. It's what we do. It's what we do. It's what we do.

This is The Ramsey Show. I'm George Camel, joined by Dr. John Deloney. This is The Ramsey Show. The number to call is 888-825-5225. Clinton joins us up next in Springfield. Clinton, welcome to the show. How are you doing? Hi, thanks for taking my call. Sure. How can we help? Okay. I have a little bit of analysis paralysis. I was wondering if you guys could get some input on it. So I have about $30,000

combined in consumer debt. It's an auto loan and a student loan. My employer offers $200 a month towards my student loans as long as I maintain a minimum payment. And I was wondering if I should do a minimum payment on my student loans, which is a higher balance, and then pay off my car loan first, or if I should just stay with the baby steps and pay off the smaller incremental loans from the student loans first. So what is the car loan balance? About $12,000. Okay, and then what is your smallest student loan balance? The smallest one's like $100, but the normal ones are like $2,000.

Okay, so what's wrong with following the debt snowball method and just paying them off smallest to largest? Would that affect this? No, I just think that $200 incentive was giving me wiggle room for some reason, and I was just kind of curious what you guys thought about that. So you would lose the $200 a month? As long as I make minimum payments on the student loans, we keep the $200 a month. But if you make more than that, then you lose it? Nope, they keep doing it as well.

Oh, so I don't see the issue then. Am I not tracking, John? Yeah, I don't really understand what you're saying. So if you... You have to turn over your bank statement every month? No, I just have to make the payments, and as long as they see I'm making the payments, they'll pay me the $200 towards my account.

How do they know? How does your boss know what you're paying in your personal banking? I haven't done... So it doesn't start until payment resumes. From what I remember, they just have to, you can like hook them up with your student loan servicer. Yeah. I would never let my boss have access to my private banking information or my bills ever. I wouldn't take the $200 on that principal loan. That's pure principal and that's just me. That's not speaking for Ramsey. That's just me. Now, if you can submit a PDF verifying the amount, that's fine. Definitely do that.

But I'm still confused. If you just do the debt snowball, you attack the smallest student loan first, you're going to knock it out quick. They're going to give you an extra 200 bucks to do that. What's the problem just following this through? It looks like they would just only amp up your payoff process. Yeah, you're right. And like I said, I was just kind of getting hung up on the question and I just wanted some more input really. I would just, it's basically just gravy. It's icing on the cake to get the extra 200 bucks from your employer, but I'm living my life and following the debt snowball. And you're going to attack this fast if you do that, because you got 30K total. What's the car worth? About 18. Okay. And what's your income? About 59.

Okay, cool. Are you single, married? We got engaged on the second. Oh, nice. Congratulations. That is awesome. Yeah. So that, I mean, that solves that in my book, and that hopefully solves your analysis paralysis. I'm just following the debt snowball, and break the student loans out. Don't look at it as one big balance. Break them out because they're probably a bunch of separate little debts, and just start attacking them with a vengeance. Okay, yeah, that makes sense. Thank you. You got it. Appreciate the call, Clinton. Madeline is up next in Baltimore. Madeline, welcome to the show. Hi, can you hear me? Yeah. What's going on? Thank you for taking my call.

Sorry, I'm a little nervous. It's just Dr. John. Thank you. I started listening in 2017. I was fresh out of college. I had $30,000 in Senate loans and a $5,000 personal loan. And I started dating this guy who's now my husband. And he encouraged me to listen to the Ramsey show. And I was able to pay off my loans in three years as a teacher. Awesome. Huge blessing. Yeah. And you married well. I did. Yeah. So now we're in a great situation. We're debt-free. We got married last year. This kind of starts my context for my question. So when we decided to get married, my parents husband encouraged me to think a little bit more about it because

my dad had paid for the majority of my private college and it comes up a lot, um, in a negative way. He kind of will say, um, he'll, he'll bring up a lot that he did that. And so he said he didn't want that hangover heads with our wedding. And so we decided to stay for the whole wedding by ourselves. And we did it without that. And we were able to purchase a home now a year later with 20% down. Wow. Way to go. Your husband's amazing.

Your husband's incredible. Yeah. Good for him. A lot of wisdom there. Yeah. And it's all my husband. I'm really thankful for him. So we're in a really great situation relationally and financially. But like I alluded,

my family has some just kind of like emotional problems, like my parents and my siblings. My dad has been addicted to alcohol since the beginning of the pandemic. And it's the worst, it just gets worse and worse. And he's pretty unrecognizable. And then actually in December he was diagnosed with stage four cancer. And so my family is in a really bad position, somewhat financially, but a lot just relationally. And my husband and I, he's been really supportive, but we're trying to figure out, and this kind of brings me to my question. I would just love y'all's thoughts on just like biblically and faith-wise what our

responsibility is to our parents and families, because I want to be a good daughter, but it just gets messy when they're not living on the same values that we are. Yeah, that's tough. George, I'll throw my two cents in there and you throw yours in there. So here's kind of my thoughts. And again, whenever you're talking about obligations and spirituality and religion, it just is a firestorm, right? If you're right, you're wrong, all that kind of stuff. So this is just me as for me and my house, okay? I do believe that I've got a responsibility to honor my father and mother. I do believe I have a responsibility to take care of my household.

And I think in America, we tend to look at household as my kids. But I think at some point, if my parents move in with me or become indigent and have to, then I do feel like I've got some sort of responsibility there. Here's where that gets sticky in our current world. Most of the time I hear the question you're asking, one of two things is true. Number one, the family is not asking for your help in any way. And you're watching somebody or a group of people you love literally kill themselves with their alcohol challenges or their struggles with addiction or whatever else is going on, how they're spending their money, et cetera. And it's tough when you're watching your parents with health issues or financial issues or whatever, and they couldn't give two box of farts

about what you think about that because they didn't ask you. And so that's usually number one. The other one, number two, is you want to help, but they want that help on their terms, meaning they have a million-dollar house, and they're telling you they're broke and need help paying for stuff and you say i'll help but you got to get out of the

house it's condo time because you don't have any money and they're like nope this is our family house we've had this house for 30 years this is our family house and so that's where i think it's not your responsibility i can find i don't have any sort of scriptural or religious or biblical mandate to say, your job is to prop up their lifestyle, whatever that looks like. You're their bank. But I do think sitting down with your husband and saying, okay, what would help look like? What would care look like? Is it giving them information? Is it giving them Financial Peace University? Is it providing them with? Is it giving them financial peace university? Is it providing them with $500 a month and you're going to help pay their bill? What does help look

like for you? And then go sit down with them and say, all right, here's what we're able and willing to do in this season. And when you're ready to talk about your struggles with alcohol, we're here. If you're ready to go to rehab, we're here. If you are ready to sell the house, we're here if you're ready to go to rehab we're here if you are ready to sell the house we're here but at some level that's the best you could do does that make sense yeah that does make a lot of sense okay so sorry going through this don't overextend yourself talk with your husband about what you're willing to do what you're willing to commit to and it says honor your father and mother it doesn't say enable and so do what you're comfortable with and uh i mean this is a tough situation may just be more supporting the family, emotionally being there for them. And

part of that may be financial. Wow. Sorry to hear that. Work with your husband every step of the way as you'll decide what you're going to do together. Welcome back to The Ramsey Show. We're grateful you're here wherever you're listening we're in so many places now Spotify YouTube radio you can watch us on TBN and just to add another option for you guys we are now streaming on Twitter so if you want to watch the Ramsey show on Twitter it's a very similar feed to what you would get on YouTube, and you can catch it on Twitter streaming starting at 3 p.m. That's Central Time, Monday through Friday. I think it's Central Time. They didn't write the time zone for me, but I'm just going to make a wild assumption. So 3 p.m. Monday through Friday, you can catch us on Twitter. Just go to at Ramsey

Show or twitter.com slash Ramsey Show. Hit the follow button there, get some notifications, and we will let you know when we are streaming the show over there. Just one more. You know, why not? Twitter's going big on video now. We got the new Threads app from Instagram. John and I are just trying to keep up. It's exhausting, guys.

Do we need another platform? No. But they gave it to us. We need fewer platforms. But John is on there. You can follow him on Threads. I don't even know how to find him. I'm threading it up. He's fewer platforms. But John is on there. You can follow him on threads. I don't even know how to find him. I'm threading it up.

He's threading it up. There we go. John wasn't on social media three years ago, and now he's obsessed. I'm a guru. Wow. All right. Hey, more of your calls are coming up.

888-825-5225. Austin joins us up next in Fayetteville, Arkansas. Good place. What's going on, Austin? Hey, y'all. Thank you for taking my call. Hey, so my main question is, should I convince my wife to get a job to help pay our mortgage? And I've got a little bit of a backstory here. I'll try to keep it short and sweet. Basically,

my parents have some land not very far from where I work. I got married four years ago. I've got two kids and I'm 24 years old. I'm debt free. But we entered into an agreement with my parents that they would gift us some land if we built a house on it and then, um, that would be our piece of land, we would just have to pay for the house. Um, so I built the house myself, ended up saving about, uh, a little over 50% of what it would have cost to buy one new. Um, and like I did all the electrical plumbing, all that stuff myself. Um, and, uh, so it's been a learning experience, a lot of YouTube. But now I've kind of got myself in a hole where the house is more expensive than I initially thought it was going to be. We kind of shot for $175,000. It's going to be closer to that $200,000.

We also were planning to build two years ago when the interest rates were 2.5%. Now they're 7%. And it's about time to buy the house. We've almost finished it. And my wife's a stay-at-home mom. She takes care of our two kids. Daycare in our area is about $800 a kid a month. And I just don't know if it's worth it to convince her to get a job to help pay for the mortgage. Well, if you can figure out how to convince a wife, that's, I mean, you need to be hosting the show, man. I don't know that I can convince my wife. That's the title of your first book and it's called, So I Convinced My Wife, dot, dot, dot.

Yeah. That's a tough situation. What I would do is just start the conversation and say, hey, here's some options because I know you're feeling this too financially. We're in a bind here. And part of it is owning. This is my fault. I got us into this. I had this idea that I was going to do this and it was going to be this much. And I didn't do great math. And it's put our family in a tough situation. Or the world changed underneath us while we were doing it. And mortgage interest rates are now triple what they were. And so we need a solution here. One of the solutions is for you to work so that we can provide more income and it'll be more than we would be spending

on daycare. Or we'd have to put the kids in daycare. So you'd have to bring in at least 1600 bucks take home pay to make this worth it. And that would allow us to cover this. What do you think about it? Gotcha. Yeah, that makes sense. It's just more of a question that I'm struggling with. Should I try to convince her rather than do I have to? And so I know that we can make it work. It is high. I mean, we're looking at probably 35% of take-home pay to the mortgage, which I know is really tough. And I know that I'd like to keep it to that 25%, but it's kind of this, you know, I screwed up, you know, and I'm kind of in this situation now. What's your income? So I'm at about $62,000.

Can I tell you, how old are you again? 24. Can I tell you something how old are you again? 24. Can I tell you something that will change your entire life? If you learn this at 24, what it took me to learn into my 40s, I'm going to give you two decades of your life and your marriage back, and you're going to become a pillar in your community, and you're going to become the husband that your community and you're going to become the husband that your wife has always dreamed you could be.

And I know that's quite a setup. Are you in? I'm in. I want you to sit down and tell her exactly what you just told me and George. Honey, I saw a dream in front of us and my parents made us a good deal and I went for this and i missed and i'm scared to

death and here's a couple of options i would love it if you would sit down and dream with me on and come together because i'm carrying a lot of shame because i feel like we had agreement that we're going to do this 25 thing the world spun underneath us i kept building this thing ballooned on me in price and cost and now i'm scared to death and I can't breathe and I'm sorry. And what you're going to give her is the gift not of weakness and cowardly nonsense. You're giving her vulnerability. You're giving her honesty and integrity. And you're letting her in on the guy she married, which is just something that doesn't happen.

And man, give her an opportunity to speak into what happens next and from that place at that breakfast or that lunch y'all are having then you can sit down and say okay if you get a job sixteen hundred dollars off the top goes to take care of our kids what job can you make thirty five hundred bucks a month or four thousand bucks a month and how long would you have to do that like be real specific on how long we would do this come up with a plan and also say or it's just going to be tight for a few years and then we're going to refinance when the interest rates go down but if you start with that you don't need to convince her of anything you need to sit down and say here's what i did and here's how i feel about it. And will you work with me on digging out?

See the difference there? One is I'm right and I got to get her into this place. The other is coming with hands wide open saying, I screwed this thing up and I love you so much. And will you work with me on making this right? Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. That's awesome. I would even write it down because it's going to be weird and hard to do. I'd write it down and read that letter. That's very. I would even write it down because it's going to be weird and hard to do. I'd write it down and read that letter. That's very romantic too. It's not very romantic at all actually. I don't know.

Maybe it's romantic. I don't know. I think a handwritten letter is very nice. I mean you don't want to hand it to her. No, you just read it out loud. Say I wrote this. It's that important to me. George would text this by the way.

He would just text it. Snapchat it. Honey, I messed up. LOL. Shake it off. Emojis it. Snapchat it. Honey, I messed up. LOL. Shake it off. Emojis. Emojis. Yeah, exactly.

Yeah, I think it's more about reframing this, I need to convince her to, we have to come up with some options. Yeah, and I'm going to go first. Hey, let me ask you one quick question, Austin. When your folks gave you this land, did they deed it over to you? Do you have a copy of, this is my land, and I've got the paperwork, and they've it over to you? Do you have a copy of this is my land and I've got the paperwork

and they've got it sectioned off and everything with the county? They do have it sectioned off, but it's not in my name yet. When I purchased the house, they were going to deed it over to me. Okay. I would not rest until that's done. Because unfortunately, George and I have done this show long enough that people come into agreements with their parents and they build a house and then dad's like, oh, I'll get to it, I'll get to it. And then dad passes away or dad leaves or dad changes his mind or dad gets laid off and he needs the land for something else

and then he charges you for it. Or you see what I'm saying? It just gets messy. And I know that probably isn't your parents, but man, it's good to have everything nice and clean. Yeah. A lot of the calls in the show are, my parents did this and there was a family agreement and then it all went sideways.

And so we're just looking ahead for you. The other option, Austin, is what if you could make up the gap with your income, whether that's increasing your job full time or getting a side job to make up that 10% gap and take home pay? Yeah. Yeah. That's a good option too. Yeah. And again, let her know that's an option. Yeah. When you're sitting down with your wife saying, here's an option, you go back to work, you'd have to make a bunch of money, or here's another option. I'm going to take a second job until at least I can get us up to this much of a down payment so that we can avoid X, Y, and Z.

All those things are on the table when you sit down and say, will you join me in this new adventure? Yeah, I'll take options over ultimatums any day. I think the conversation is going to go a whole lot better versus I got to convince you to do this. And if you don't, we're screwed. So thanks for the call, man. Wishing you guys the best through this home building journey. That puts this hour of the Ramsey Show in the books. Thank you.