The Ramsey Show - App - You Get to Choose Who Hurts Your Feelings (Hour 2)

Episode Date: July 14, 2020

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Hey guys, it's James Childs, producer of the show. Dave and the team are out today helping thousands of small business owners at this week's Entree Leadership Summit event. But in the meantime, we pulled together some of the best moments from the show from previous episodes for you to enjoy. You are listening to the best of The Dave Ramsey Show. I'm Dave Ramsey, your host. Thank you for joining us, America. Open phones at 888-825-5225. That's 888-825-5225.

Starting off this hour is going to be Johnny in Tennessee. Hey, Johnny, welcome to The Dave Ramsey Show. Thank you. Thank you for having me. Sure. What's up? Yes, sir. I just want to get your take on the prosperity gospel and prosperity preachers who say that Christ died so that we could be wealthy and healthy and prosperous. But then you have the other side of the question where people and other believers say that it's wrong to have money at all. And I know that as Christians and as believers, our greatest

treasure is Christ himself, and that he died to give us himself and to live for him forever. And so I just wanted to know your thoughts on both of those two sides. Well, you know, I've been studying this subject for probably 35 years and trying to match it up with the reality that I see around me. And my tendency is to believe that both ends of the spectrum are exaggerating and therefore in error. Right. And we can talk about that for a minute.

The prosperity side seems to indicate that if you're poor, then you must not have enough faith, which is ridiculous, because that doesn't match up with experiences that I've had and you've had, where we deal with people that are poor, and they've got many times more faith, and more of a pure faith. Or that if you're not healthy, it's because you haven't prayed properly. It could be because you haven't prayed properly. It could be because you didn't eat properly, you know. Right. And so that that kind of, you know, and because I talk about money and I'm a Christian and I'm unashamed, I'm unashamed about my success with finances. I often get lumped in with the trolls and the hate mail stuff that Dave Ramsey is just one of those prosperity gospels, and I'm definitely not one of the prosperity preachers.

I don't believe that stuff. Now, are there elements of what they say that are true? Sure, absolutely. And you can find scripture that indicates that an abundant life, which is not everything but money, it's everything including money. An abundant life is a good thing for a Christian. But an abundant life certainly is more than money, and if you limit it to money and apply that scripture, you know, Jesus' saying there to that, then that gets into a problem. On the other side, it's often funny to me that the anti-wealth is, the people quoting me scripture there are usually not believers, and sometimes they know the scripture better than some believers do.

And they'll say things like, well, money's the root of all evil. Well, it doesn't say that in the Bible. It says the love of money is the root of all kinds of evil. It's very clear. And to say that my Heavenly Father,

who's absolutely crazy about me, if we being evil know how to give our kids good gifts, how much more so our Father in Heaven? And so, you know, we're as parents, I have this inclination towards blessing my children that comes from the fact that I'm made in God's image, and he has an inclination towards blessing his children. Now, does that guarantee that somehow God, you know, isn't participating in that.

Of course he's participating in the blessings, for those of us that believe in God, you know. And so... And they told Abraham, I'll bless you so you can bless others. Exactly. You are blessed that you might be a blessing. And I have noticed that poor people don't feed hungry kids. And so if you say, if you're on that side of the spectrum from a spiritual perspective, you would say, okay, money is evil, and money's bad, and you can't be a spiritual person with

money. And so by definition, then, you are surrendering the resources of the world to people that are not spiritual. And they're supposed to do good with it? So, no, instead, we are called to be stewards. We're called to be managers, and faithful managers, and trustworthy managers, and we have to plant, because as you sow, so shall you reap. And does it always work exactly?

No. But there are 30 almost 3 000 scriptures dealing with how to handle money and um almost and there's a few warnings about wealth that it's dangerous it is dangerous so sex it's dangerous but it's also a gift from god for a married couple right and so right you know there's a lot of things. Power is dangerous, but when it's put in the hands of someone who sees the power as a tool to be used

for the good of others, the good of God's kingdom, then you're what's called a steward. You're a manager. And so this idea that you have to be poor in order to be spiritual, typed on someone's $700 iPhone who makes $80,000 a year, when if you make $38,000 a year, your household income, you're in the top 1% of income earners in the world.

And so almost everyone listening to me right now is in the top one percent of income earners in the world and if if rich people are all going to hell because a camel can't get through the eye of a needle then all of you listening are going to hell based on the fact that you got wealth which also completely invalidates the work that was done at the cross and so it's really blasphemy right to say that jesus's blood is not enough to cover even those evil rich people so it's it's what it is it's a toxic twist on scripture and where uh where i land is not really between those two but would be off on the third point of the triangle um because scriptures are real clear that there's a cause and effect universe that we live in. Our Heavenly Father is crazy about us.

He wants good things for us, but he's not going to give you something you can't control. So if you've not proven trustworthiness with money, then he's not going to give you money because it's going to bring harm to you. And it's like I wouldn't give my 16-year-old who doesn't know how to drive well a brand-new Corvette. They'd kill themselves because I'm a loving father.

And it wouldn't be a blessing. It wouldn't be a blessing. It would be a curse to give someone something they can't control. So there's tons of Scripture that falls into all that. So it's a great discussion, Johnny. I appreciate you letting me get up on the soapbox a minute. But, you know, the ones that believe that all things money are not spiritual actually fall under the heading of what we would call Gnosticism, which were some heretics of the first century. Gnostics were. They were supposed Christians that came to believe that anything physical was evil and all things spiritual were good.

And so everything physical is evil. And that's not what Scripture teaches. It teaches that we're supposed to take dominion over physical things in order to be a blessing to our families and to others. So, cool discussion, man. Thanks for letting me yak about it for a minute. I'll send you a copy of my latest book, which deals with this very in-depth. It's called The Legacy Journey.

It's actually the only book I've written that's purely a Christian book. And it's scripture upon scripture upon scripture and deals a lot with this issue, The Legacy Journey. Hold on, Johnny. Thanks for calling in. This is The Dave Ramsey Show. Most people's money problems come from not paying attention. That's why before I spend a dime of my money on something, I do the research and I make sure it's going to live up to what it claims. Recently, I got a great pair of sunglasses from a company called Shady Rays.

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to get $20 off your first pair of Shady Rays. You're listening to the best of The Dave Ramsey Show. We'll be back soon with more live content. Christy is with us in Missouri. Hey, Christy, your question for Christy. Yes, thank you so much. I'm new to Academy and love it. But until recently, I have intentionally kept my business really small,

and I've relied on word of mouth to get new clients. But now I'm ready to take on new clients, and I'm overwhelmed about where to start and what to do. Awesome. What's your business, Christy? I do freelance graphic design, usually print media, including magazines and books. Okay, cool. So when you say you want to grow it, do you have specific goals? Have you kind of got some numbers or ideas, especially based on right now, kind of what the trends are going on in your business? I've based my goal on how many hours a day I can work. And so right now, I can do like four hours a day. So my goals would be based around that. Okay. Well, you said, I think you mentioned that you've relied

on word of mouth in the past. Have you actually activated that? Do you incentivize referrals? Or has that just happened organically? It just happens organically. Okay. About how many clients of which are, which are base right now? Do you have? It's really small. I have about seven clients. Okay. That's okay. I have, I have repeat business. Sure. Well, that's awesome. What's one of the, the really easy, low hanging fruit ways to kind of get some marketing going and get some things happening is just to actually intentionally activate them. So if they're repeat customers, then you can give them an incentive off their next order if they refer a friend

and that friend signs up for a package or buys from you, becomes a client, that type of thing. So that's a really low-hanging fruit. Are you using social media and email marketing right now? I have not been. Okay. Well, I think that'd be another great place to start. Start actually building your brand.

I have a ton of lessons on this inside the Academy. I have a ton of articles at businessboutique.com. But I talk about this a lot, building your brand and using social media to move people down the funnel where they go from being in white space, they don't know you at all, to where they know you, like you, and trust you. And as you qualify those leads, you find people that are in your target market. You'll just start to see that pick up. It may not happen overnight, but you'll start to turn the knobs on your marketing to see what's working, what's not, what you want to do more of or less of? Dave, what would you? Just remembering that referrals are what we all do on things that we like.

If you saw a great show on Netflix, you tell your friends about it. If you saw a great movie, read a great book, went to a great concert, listened to a certain song that came out, you tell your friends about it. That's a referral. And you do that because you think you're doing your friends a favor to turn them on to this cool thing. And the trick is you are the cool thing. And they are doing their friends a favor to turn. Versus, have you ever had one of those salesmen who

tries to force referrals out of you and you're like, I'm not throwing my friends to you. You're going to I'm not throwing my friends to you. You're going to go over there and shmarm them. I'm not going to do that to my friends, right? Well, that means that, you know, they're not, you know, they're qualifying for you then is what they're doing. And so, you know, you just need to say, gosh, if you had somebody that you were so excited about our stuff that you could tell them about it

or let me tell them that you're excited about it, holler. You know, I'm trying to grow my business. Would you help me? And, you know what, people want to help a small business person that's hustling. That's right. You know, it's like it's a patriotic thing almost to just step in and give you some help. But it's just like I saw this great movie. You know, I had this great meal at this

great restaurant um that's a referral and if the restaurant asked me to do that and it was a great meal and i wouldn't have thought of it if they hadn't asked me to do it then they created a referral they wouldn't have gotten otherwise yeah i did this for academy during launch uh whenever we had our open enrollment back in march i I told our existing members, has this helped you? Go tell your friend. You know other friends that this could help. Go talk about this to your friends. Tell them this is their time to get in.

A lot of people joined at this last enrollment because existing Academy members told their friends about it. So it might just be as simple, like you said, as just asking. Yeah, just excited about it. I mean, the number of times that someone goes to Financial Peace University because someone else told them about it instead of us is very high. Right. Very high, which means that we're doing good. We're helping that person. They're going, gosh, you need to change my life.

You've got to go. Yeah. You've got to jump in the 14-day free trial, you know, that kind of stuff. All right, Andrew's with us in Colorado. Hey, Andrew, welcome to the Dave Ramsey Show. Thank you. Hey, I have a quick mortgage question for you. Just came across your podcast recently, but right before that, my wife and I, we decided to refinance our mortgage.

Only thing is that we threw my wife's student loan into the mortgage, about 38K. We, without knowing, we followed every other baby step, emergency fund, 15% retirement, kids college, no debt. So my question is, should I pay off the mortgage more aggressively since we put the student loans and the mortgage trying to figure out what to do? Yeah. So what you're saying is that you realize we would have told you not to do that, but you did it before you found us. Correct, yes.

Okay. All right, because I would have wanted you to pay that off in baby step two. But you're there now. And so, you know, it's just now you have a mortgage. I wouldn't worry about how you got the mortgage. I'm just saying now you got a mortgage. It's your baby step six, and, you know, we need to get the mortgage paid off. But, no, I don't think it's more aggressively. You know, you are, because you rolled those in, you got out of debt, quote, unquote, faster.

You're not out of debt you move the debt but um you move through the baby steps faster i guess is a better way of saying it and so you've got that cash freed up so you know baby step for us here and get your emergency phone in place no i'm not gonna shame you for what you did before you ever met me um because before i ever met me i did some really stupid stuff you know so it's like you were just saying dave about when we were talking about mortgages earlier that part of the baby step process is the marathon like when you run a full marathon which both you and i have it's 26.2 miles you can you can speed up on some certain sections but you're not sprinting 26.2

miles you're going to stop have some water you're going to pace it at a normal pace and so that's that's the mortgage that's what it is i don't think just you know regardless of the story of how you got the mortgage it's still there yeah it's still a mortgage it's gonna take a while you know uh it may be in the back of your mind and may give you a little extra push to you know go a little bit harder but that's that's okay but i don't know that you say do we turn the intensity up 25% more than you would have? No, no. You're just there sooner, so you're going to get out sooner.

You're to the step sooner, and that's the direction to go. So, hey, good question. We appreciate you joining us. Felicity is with us in Colorado. Hi, Felicity. How are you? Hi, Dave and Christy. How are you two?

I'm good. Good. How can we help? Great. I am 12 years old and a member of the Business Boutique Academy. No way. That's amazing, Felicity. You're 12?

Yes. You're a star. Oh, this is so cool. I'm so excited about this. Okay, Felicity, we'll stop talking. What's your question? My question is, how do I save money for my business if I don't have a business yet? Okay, well, do you know what you want to do?

Yes, I want to be a proofreader. A proofreader? Cool. Okay. Well, here's the good news. You don't need any money to do that, Felicity. That's a service-based business, and you're going to charge for your services, your knowledge, your expertise, your skills, the service you're providing to people. All you really need is, I would guess, a computer. Do you have a computer? Yeah. Okay. So you actually don't need any money to start your business you can launch your whole business on facebook tomorrow if you wanted to felicity you can just launch it on social media

you can use your computer you can start charging for your services and the great news felicity about service-based businesses when you start small is you turn a profit from day one how do you know what a proofreader is at 12? I didn't even know what a proofreader was when I was 12. How do you know this? Is your parents in this business or something, Felicity? No. Okay, how do you know what a proofreader is? Where'd you learn about it? I learned about it from my mom because she gets on Facebook a lot. And they need proofreaders on Facebook. That's for God's sakes.

Some of them just need editors. Some of them don't even just need to be there. But you're an amazing young lady. You're going to be fine. You're going to be fine. You're going to be a multimillionaire. It's amazing. You're going to own a huge business.

That's the coolest. Anything you want to do kid there's no stopping this one wow this is the dave ramsey show Families all over the country are discovering a faith-based and budget-friendly way of meeting health care costs, whether they're anticipated or completely unexpected. For example, take the Olcheski family from LaGrange, Texas. Jeff and Carice had just celebrated the birth of a new baby boy. Shortly after, they had another expensive medical issue come up. They could have faced a huge financial setback. But thanks to Christian Healthcare Ministries, the Olcheskis were spared from a ton of medical bills.

As members of CHM, they're part of a group of believers who financially and spiritually support each other. CHM is the longest-serving health cost-sharing ministry and is a Better Business Bureau-accredited charity. It's Christians helping other Christians, and it shared nearly $97,000 to help the Olcheskis. To be a part of Christian Healthcare Ministries, visit chministries.org. That's chministries.org. CHM is a proud sponsor of Dave Ramsey Live Events. You're listening to the best of The Dave Ramsey Show. We'll be back soon with more live content. Joining me today on The Dave Ramsey Show is my co-host, Dr. John Deloney.

Ramsey personality, answering your questions about relationships and about different mental health things. Your relational IQ, including with yourself. Heather is with us. Heather's in Alaska. Hi, Heather. How are you? Hi, Dave. Hi, John. I'm doing well. How are you? Great. How can we help? Okay. So me and my husband are both active duty military, and we have just recently finished Financial Peace University, and we're here. We've got our budget done. We're being very purposeful. We're changing the way that we do life. We're no longer keeping up with the Joneses, but we did for many years.

And we've paid off all the little things, and now we're sitting here facing the big things. We have a vehicle for sale. We have another vehicle we would like to sell, but we're upside down on it. We have a credit card that we owe way too much money on. But we feel most constrained by our house that we still own in Virginia. And the house has been on the market a few months now. It's sitting empty. So that's where the majority of our budget's going is paying the mortgage on an empty house. We've done the work, it's painted, new landscaping, everything, and we're just not getting any movement on it. And so we want to move like gazelles but we feel very caged in and we just you know do you have any advice on that

well um the great news is is that you've got a very clear target and the natural thing that happens as soon as you have a very clear target is, why aren't we there yet? Resistance shows up. Hey, what is the kids always ask us? Are we there yet? It's like, oh, no, we're not there yet. You just got started. You got all these things activated.

It's going to take a little time for the gumbo to cook. Now, that's assuming you've done everything possible on the pricing, the condition of the house in Virginia, and that you have a real estate agent that's high octane, that knows how to sell houses and actually sells houses. Is your real estate agent one of our ELPs? She's not one of the ELPs, but she is in the top 3% for the area. She's done all the work. The house is staged.

Is it priced where she said to price it? It's priced $40,000 below what it's worth right now. Below what she said to price it? Yes. Okay. And how long has it been on the market? Just over three months. Okay.

And a month and a half of that doesn't count? Right. It definitely slowed down yeah picking back up yeah it is and the area around the house is it opening but is the economy opening back up yet um i'm not 100 sure on that um the market is still very good there but typically in the lower price range than what our house is sitting at okay and what do you owe on it we owe about 380 and what's what's it on the market i'm sorry you owe 380 what's it on the market for 449 you've not got much more to drop okay right you'll start writing checks if

you drop it a lot more uh the other thing we have done and you ask your agent about this is sometimes we paid a bonus to the agent that brings the buyer in addition to normal commission put a five thousand dollar bonus on it or something to get their attention to get them to get it to pop up in the mls uh and wave a wave a red flag in front of the bull. And sometimes that'll help. But mostly you probably just got a little bit of patience here because the market's going to have to come back to life. You're doing all the stuff right that you're supposed to do. And, you know, Larry Burkett used to say,

a guy that did this stuff before I did it 100 years ago, that it takes you longer to get out of the mess than it did to get into the mess. I have not found that to be true. I've found that it usually takes you about half as long to get out of the mess as it did to get in the mess. But if it took you five years to make a mess and it takes you two and a half to clean it up, that's still not a bad trade. And that's kind of what I think the ratio is. And you're just in the early stages of that.

I'm sorry, but it's going to take a while to cook the gumbo probably. And thank you to both of you for your service, by the way. We appreciate you. John's in Georgia. Hey, John, your question for Dr. John. Hey, Dave. Thanks for having me. Sure.

What's up? So the question is family related. I'm 26 years old, and I moved out of my parents' house a couple years ago at 24. They kind of want me to move back in. That's one thing. But the other thing is, a couple years ago, they had a talk with me about estate planning. And they said that they have money that they want to leave me and my brother and sister, but there are a couple of conditions. And I just want to

get your opinion if those conditions seem fair or it's causing a boundary. Why do they want you to move back? Just so that I can save a lot more. Are there things in your life that they're worried about, or are they just hyper-controlling? You're 26 years old. Do you have a full-time job? Yeah, yeah.

I make a lot of money. Hello? John? You still there, John? Okay. Yeah, I'm here. You cut out. What do you make?

I make about $60, 000 a year uh plus bonuses as an engineer you're an engineer and you need to live at home no yeah i was making about half that my dad put his foot squarely on both of my booty cheeks and kicked me out with a smile yeah we hugged but yeah i was going. Something doesn't smell right here to me. Okay, so what's the conditions on the inheritance? There are three main ones. One's education-related. They want me to obtain both a bachelor's degree, which I've done, and a master's.

The master's may or may not happen, I'm deciding. The second one is get married to someone of our ethnic group and culture and religion. That one's kind of hairy because I'm technically dating someone that's not of our ethnic cultural background. You should never refer to the person you're dating as hairy, but go ahead. That's very true. I'm just being silly. Go ahead. Go ahead. Go ahead.

What's number three? And then the last one is to take care of my parents in their old age, and honestly, that's something I would have done anyway. But do those seem appropriate to you, or does it seem like something about great? I think they probably have good intention, but if I were in your shoes shoes they would feel overreaching um but i think they they mean well because they want they want you to have a good life and that's their definition of a good life so they're they're not they're not um they're they're saying if you do these things it's going

to be good for you that's what they're saying i'm not sure i agree with them but and you don't either necessarily but so i think we can cut them a lot of slack and and this is a loving act on their part uh uh what is your ethnic culture and background um indian i stopped indian ah okay okay i and i also default to at the end of the day whether you in your heart believe these things are good ideas or not good ideas, it's their money. And whether you agree with it or not, they can put the stipulations they want on their money. Yeah, I mean, you're saying I'm not going to do that,

and they're saying, okay, you don't get the money, you know. And that's okay. There's nothing wrong with that either, by the way. You can just go. The only thing is that every time I've seen them lately, they keep telling me that I'm veering off the path that they wanted for me, and they keep bringing out the money. And then, I don't know.

I just haven't been talking to them much lately. Starting to drive a wedge. Right. So something I talked about on a recent YouTube shoot was this idea of you get to choose which voices in your world, in your ecosystem, have permission to hurt your feelings. That's a decision you make. And one of the decisions I made a few years ago was I started taking people out of my box. I realized I was allowing so many other voices permission, folks I didn't know, folks I haven't talked to in 20 years, and then folks that I truly, deeply loved, like my parents, because they had a picture of what they wanted my life to look like, and

like Dave said, it's a picture that they had that was good and right and holy in their heads, but it was different than the one I wanted. And I had to choose what my life with my wife, what we had to choose together, what our lives were going to look like, and so they didn't get a vote anymore. And then that allowed me to actually love them deeper because I didn't have to pretend. I didn't have to be quiet about certain things. I got to live fully. And so you get to choose which voices get a vote and what you want to do.

I'm going to send you a copy of Dr. Henry Cloud's book, Boundaries. It'll be a good read for you in this situation. Trust their intent, but then you decide whether good read for you in this situation uh trust their intent but then you decide whether it is for you this of the dave ramsey show we'll be back soon with more live content christy wright is my co-host on the dave ramsey show today ramsey personality number one best selling author let's talk to nathan and nathan is with us in new york hi nathan welcome to the is my co-host on the Dave Ramsey Show today, Ramsey personality, number one best-selling author. Let's talk to Nathan, and Nathan is with us in New York. Hi, Nathan. Welcome to the Dave Ramsey Show.

Hi. How are you guys doing today? Better than we deserve. What's up? Thanks for taking my call. My parents are both 64. They're retired. And they've kind of had a dream for a long time of, you know, once they hit retirement age, to move into a lake house. So that time has kind of come where they're really starting to take it seriously, and I just want to make sure I'm giving them, you know, some good advice. If they'll take it. Okay. So go ahead. Yeah, go ahead. I mean, what are they paying for the lake

house? Well, that's the thing. They don't have a set price point. They're go ahead. I mean, what are they paying for the lake house? Well, that's the thing. They don't have a set price point. They're kind of looking right now between $300,000 and $400,000. Okay. And the current home they live in, are they selling that to live on the lake house? Well, I'm encouraging them to. They've been kind of looking at houses that I think ideally they think that's best too. But as of right now, they've kind of looked at houses that are,

you know, kind of three seasonal. They don't do too well in the winter, but ideally they, they would like to sell their house. Yeah. And make this on their primary residence. Okay.

All right. And what was their home sell for? Um, we think around a hundred thousand dollars. It's kind of, uh, the best house and kind of a slowly deteriorating neighborhood. Okay. And do they have any money?

Well, yes. Um, they do pretty well. Uh, they live right now off of pensions and social security, and they also have some money set aside in, uhs, but they haven't touched any of it yet. How much? And I'm not entirely sure. Say that again? How much? About $400,000. Yeah.

Okay. So we're going to take half of our nest egg and upgrade house. And that's our retirement plan. Well, let me throw this at you, too. That's a little scary. That's a little scary. It's a little scary. They have some whole life policies that have accrued some cash value. Together, they're worth about $80,000. And my mom has some inheritance money that she bookmarks from when her grandmother passed away of about $25,000 that she really wanted to put towards the house.

Okay. Well, I would pay cash for the upgrade. Is their current home paid for? Yes. Okay. Pay cash for the upgrade or don't do it and definitely got to sell the old house. There's no point in keeping it. Right.

And my advice to them was kind of similar i thought they could pay cash although it was kind of risky um but they're kind of really set on taking out a mortgage um and i'm really trying to steer them away from 30 years because who would want to i don't think they should do that they're 94 i don't think there's any circumstance they should do that they should stay where they are before they do that. Because here's the thing. They're 64 years old. The number one cost they have in their budget is housing.

Number one cost if you take out a mortgage in your budget is housing. And if you don't have a mortgage, you stabilize your retirement. Their chances of having to move because of financial problems goes up dramatically if they take out a mortgage. And they're destabilizing their whole plan dramatically. It's going to be really, really volatile. And so what we find is the people that have peaceful retirements have a nest egg and no mortgages. And otherwise you don't have a peaceful retirement you're struggling how do you tell adult children to talk to your parents that to their parents though because you've talked

about this before the powdered butt syndrome where these parents they don't want to listen even if their adult children are right or have proof or whatever they don't want to hear what they have to say how do you help them do that well i mean obviously you can't make any adult listen yeah you can't make somebody do something all you can do is present a case and um you know i'm not you know here's the problem in the name of being nice sometimes we go along with stupidity and like it's almost as if we've endorsed it with our silence because he's sitting there at the table while they're talking about this, obviously. Yeah. And whether they're asking his input or not.

But, you know, you can say, you know, I talked to a financial coach. He thinks it's a bad idea to take out a mortgage. Matter of fact, I talked to the financial coach in America. Yeah. It's a bad idea to take out a mortgage in retirement. And so, Mom and Dad, I really don take out a mortgage in retirement. And so, mom and dad, I really don't think you should do this. I mean, you're grownups. You can do whatever you want to do. I don't care. It's not going to affect me. I'm not going to pay your mortgage. But I think you're going to stand a real chance of this dream of yours turning into

a nightmare if you do that. And I'm not going to tell you under any circumstances it's going to be a good idea. But then when you start talking about talking about well what's the difference in a 15 and a 30 now you're starting to endorse it yeah uh when you start discussing the terms of the mortgage i'm the terms of the mortgages i'm not going to discuss a mortgage it's a dumb idea and if you guys want to do it i'm still going to love you i mean i love a lot of stupid people, but I'm not going to do that. And so how do you talk about it is you have to you cannot try to convince them based on the fact that you're kin to them, whether it's talking to your grown kids, talking to your mom and dad, talking to whoever you can't people just because you're kin to someone that doesn't. It's not a convincing argument. How much you love them doesn't convince them so you've got to just say you know you got to use a different voice and a different tact and say pretend like this isn't your mom and dad pretend like this is just an older friend yeah and say you know you're 64

yeah you really want a mortgage till you're 90 you really want a mortgage at all i wouldn't do that and you know that kind of a thing and then you know they're they're going to bow up and they're going to do what they're going to do but uh but i i would be i wouldn't be passively endorsing this by not speaking up while they talk about it in your presence okay you know you got to object you have a moral obligation to object to them doing things are going to bring harm to them and then we'll see how that works but there's not a there's not a great way to object to them doing things that are going to bring harm to them. And then we'll see how that works. But there's not a great way to do it. It's a problem.

Amelia is with us in South Carolina. Hey, Amelia, how can we help? Hi. Thank you for taking my call. Sure. So I'm a stay-at-home mom. I've got three kids. I've always maintained some sort of income through art or illustration, various things. And my husband works really hard and earns good money for our family, and he is our main breadwinner. of growing my business. And I often feel stuck or kind of left behind in being a hobby because

his income needs to be made first in order to support our family. So I guess I'm looking for advice on how to like stay confident and strong in growing towards a full-time business when your spouse is the main means of income and all of the time that takes for him to make all of that income usually doesn't leave much time left over. Why does he need time to do your business? Well, I'm sorry. I might have said that wrong. But he works full-time, and then he works after his full-time job.

Yeah, and how does that keep you from doing your business? Running the house with the kids. Oh, you just got it. Not having help. Okay, I got it. Okay. Three, five and under. Oh, yeah.

I'm with you, Amelia. We're in the trenches, right? We got the three little ones. I have a lot of, I've heard husbands ask me before, I want to support my wife. How do I do that? And I tell them how to support them verbally, you know, with asking questions, taking interest, but there's also a practical side, like you're saying of the, the responsibilities at home, you need time to be able to do your business. So this, this makes sense. I'm curious, what does your husband do? He um, equipment sales. Okay.

So what, what is he doing during the, I mean, if you've got to, uh, run the household, uh, because he's working a second thing, what's he doing in the second thing? Um, he does outside equipment repairs and just, just kind of random jobs. And how much money does that make? And he makes, um, he makes good money at it. I mean, it is, it. And how much money does that make? He does a really good job at it. He makes good money at it. What's good money? Probably over the course of the year, $12,000. So like $1,000 a month.

Okay. And so what are you making at your business? Not nearly that much. I'm an artist, but I have my first really big show coming up in July. Okay. Christy? Yeah, I think it's a communication thing. I mean, we could unpack this some other time, but really, Amelia, you need to sit down and get on the same page with your husband

like you would with the budget, with values, with how we spend our calendar and say, this is important to me, how can this be represented on our calendar, just like your job, just like the other things. And just share your heart and your story. And lay out a game plan to make more than $1,000 a month doing it. Yeah, you need time to be able to do it. Yeah, but I mean, if I had my time, I could do it this way. Right, right, right. This is The Dave Ramsey Show.

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