The Ramsey Show - App - You Have To Be Whole For Your Kids (Hour 3)

Episode Date: June 26, 2023

George Kamel & John Delony answer your questions and discuss:  How to work the Baby Steps while going through a divorce,  from the blog: Divorce Checklist: How to Prepare for Divorce What to do when when you owe money to family and the federal government for your student loans,  "Should I use my 401(k) as a down payment for my house?",  from the blog: The High Price of a 401(k) Withdrawal What you should take into consideration when deciding to work less to be home with your kids. Have a question for the show? Call 888-825-5225 Weekdays from 2-5pm ET Here's an EveryDollar deal just for our listeners: get a 14-day free trial PLUS $15 off your first year of premium. Click the link below and start budgeting today! www.everydollar.com/george Want a plan for your money? Find out where to start: https://bit.ly/3cEP4n6 Listen to all The Ramsey Network podcasts: https://bit.ly/3GxiXm6 Interested in advertising on The Ramsey Show? https://ter.li/s64ye3 Ramsey Solutions Privacy Policy

Девочка-пай Live from the headquarters of Ramsey Solutions, broadcasting from the Pods Moving and Storage Studio, it's The Ramsey Show, where we help people build wealth, do work they love, and create amazing relationships. I'm George Campbell, joined by Dr. John Deloney, and we're taking your calls at 888-825-5225. You jump in if you've got that burning question. You need a third party who is unbiased in a sense and a little biased towards helping you get to freedom and get to wellness. We are here for you, whether it's about your life, your money, your relationships, you name it. 888-825-5225. Brandon is in Boise to kick us off. Brandon,

what's going on? Hey, good afternoon. Thank you for taking my call. Sure. How can we help? I was wondering if I can get some advice on how to navigate the baby steps after a divorce. Hmm. Sorry to hear. How fresh is this? Currently ongoing. Still going on. Correct. Not finalized yet.

Almost. Man. When you say almost, I've heard almost then roll out to be another year. So have you already reached a settlement and signed everything? Not yet. Everything has kind of been drawn up and we're in the final stages of going through reviewing and signing. So hopefully within the next couple months. Okay. So what's the state of your financial situation? I know there's a whole bunch of emotional stuff going on, the whole things of mass. What's your financial situation?

So we ran the Day for Hensley program about 12 years ago, did FPU, paid off about $250,000 worth of student loans and are currently debt-free outside of a mortgage. And as part of the settlement, she's going to get the house and everything and refinance into her name. I'll be renting for at least a year just to kind of, I don't want to make any big moves. Yeah, that's very, very wise.

Is she writing you a big check for your piece of the equity there? No. Due to discrepancy in wage earnings, there's an unequal division of property to offset spousal support. So you're not having to give any spousal support as long as she gets the house? Is that the idea? Essentially, yeah. Okay. You'll have no alimony on the back end?

That's the current agreement. Okay. Again, still kind of pending. What happened? Addiction. Okay. How are you now? You don't sound good.

I'm struggling. I'm not going to lie. Yeah. Are you struggling from the reality of this? Are you struggling from what comes next? What are you struggling with? Everything. Who's walking through this with you?

Do you have anyone in your community, friends, professionals that are walking with you? No, it's just me. I need you to hear me say this as direct as I can and as true as the sun's going to come up. You got to have people that walk alongside you in this, dude. You can't do this by yourself. What was the addiction? Alcohol. Okay.

Are you still drinking? It's not me. Oh, it's not you. Okay. No. How long Are you still drinking? It's not me. Oh, it's not you. Okay. No. How long are you all together? 11 years. Do you have little ones?

We do. Have you guys figured out custody? Yeah, it's going to be split. It's going to be split down the middle. Is that safe? I believe so. Okay. One of the hardest things about being married to somebody,

being in love with somebody that struggles with addiction so deeply, is that you have that person in your life, but they're not there. And you spent a decade trying to figure out what about the situation was your fault, right? Yeah. You've been trying to solve this for a long, long, long time. And there's something to be said for the closer this gets to reality, the closer this gets to finality, you're going to have the sense that you failed something

and i want you in the darkest moments man i want you to remember at least my voice telling you you did everything possible to try to make this thing work and the challenge is that your wife was sick and she's struggling, and you did what you could do, and that's not going to bring you joy, but it might bring you just a glimmer of peace, okay? Thank you. Thank you. And I want you to be very hypervigilant about those kids. I'm trying to be. They're my entire focus.

I know. Right now. But listen, the greatest gift you can give them is by making sure their dad's okay. Because what they need is somebody that's totally present because they haven't had a present mom in a long time, have they? Not so much. Okay. They need a dad who can laser in and dad can only laser in when dad's whole.

Dad can only be whole if he's got a gang. If he's got a couple of men in his life that will show up at 2 a.m. that he can text at any time. If he's got a counselor that he can talk to.

If he's got a group. He's got to have somebody in his life. Because if not, you're going to end up using those kids as an oxygen mask so that you can breathe to get through this grief. And that's not their job.

Right. Okay. So you have to do the weird, uncomfortable, awkward work of making friends with people at work or inviting people over or reach out to local church, whatever that looks like. I'm just telling you as sure as the sun comes up,

you've got to have people in your life to, to make it the other side of this thing. Okay? Yes, sir. Is that fair? So talk to us about baby steps, man. It sounds like you don't owe anybody any money. It sounds like you're transitioning to a rental property. It sounds like, if I'm reading between the lines, you went way, way, way above and beyond to make this divorce easy on her and just said she can have the house and I've got a much more viable opportunity moving forward to get myself another place. You love this woman so much, you can get on your feet better than she can. Fair? True. And as part of that, you know, I get to keep the retirement accounts that I had. Sure. Um, and everything else like that. So where does this put you once you're renting? Do you have a pile of money and no debt?

Uh, um, I have, I'll get some cash assets from the property, the shared property. Okay. Call that your emergency fund? Hold on. Let's do this. I want you to stay on the line because we're going to hold you over to the next call. We've got a commercial coming up, but we're going to hang on to this because I want to finish this call and make sure we give you the amount of time that the severity of this call entails. So hang on the line real quick, brother, and we'll be right back after this break. Hey, you guys, health insurance costs are only moving one way, and that way isn't down. And if higher costs aren't enough, the wait times to see your doctor are longer, and it's harder than ever to get anything approved through the

bureaucracy. So if you feel like the system is working against you, try a biblically-based alternative to health insurance, Christian Healthcare Ministries. CHM is a health cost-sharing ministry that's helped hundreds of thousands of families like yours take care of over $11 billion in medical bills since 1981. And CHM has also helped them stay true to their values and avoid miles of red tape. And CHM support goes far beyond meeting financial needs. They'll also help meet spiritual needs. Members become part of a family who will pray with them

and for them when they experience a medical event. So listen, y'all, there's no better way to take care of health care costs. CHM programs start as low as $98 a month. So learn more today and join at chministries.org slash budget. That's chministries.org slash budget. Welcome back to The Ramsey Show. I'm George Campbell, joined by Dr. John Deloney. We were talking to our friend Brandon in Boise before the break, who's going through a messy divorce, dealing with a spouse with addiction and little ones involved and figuring out the next steps, both financially, mentally, relationally, and we've got them on the line to continue helping them out.

Brandon, are you still with us? Yeah, I'm still here. Okay. Cool, cool, cool. So where did we leave off? We were talking about some of your finances. You said you were in good financial shape. You're getting some assets in cash from this. What does that look like? So I'll probably get probably close

to $40,000 worth of money, which I'm going to throw towards building my emergency fund. Okay. Perfect. What's your income? That's $200,000. Awesome. And that won't change? No. Okay. And you said you're going to rent for a year and then just figure out what's next later on down the line. Correct. Correct. And then I'm just kind of wondering, cause I have a bit of money saved cause I've been saving for a number of years for retirement. And I probably have about 400,000 in, um000 between Roth IRAs and 401ks. And then should I, you know, given that I'd like to buy a house and save up for a house, would you recommend pausing putting into retirement to get a bigger down payment and less of a mortgage for a house,

given that I kind of have some monies in there as it is, or just kind of keep going with the plan as outlined. If I made $200,000 and I had an emergency fund and I was investing, I would keep on investing and shovel as much of that income into that down payment. And if you're, I mean, you don't sound like you're living super lavishly. So set a goal and say, hey, could I put away 100 grand a year into a high yield savings account and just let it sit there until I'm ready to buy a house? You could have 200 grand in two years, right? I hope so. Yeah. So would you recommend then holding off on retirement, putting additional funds into retirement for right now until I save up that money? I would just, because you're in

this storm right now, if you're going to be out of this thing in a few months, it's okay to pause the baby steps during a situation like this until you know what's next. And so if you just want to pause and stack up cash, because we just don't know what the next few months holds, I mean, lawyer fees, who knows, deposits, we just don't know what's coming, what those cash assets will actually end up being. So if you want to pause for, you know, the next three months and let this thing shake down. And once that the dust settles, we can go, all right, we got 40 grand, we're gonna get back to investing 15%. I make 200 grand, I have a goal to set this much aside for down payment, and we'll go from there. Okay.

So I think financially, you're fine. The part that worries me is what John was talking about, which is the fact that you're doing this all by yourself. Do you have family nearby? I'm sorry? Do you have any family nearby? No. All my family's on the East Coast. Was there health scares or infidelity involved? Yes. Okay.

Tell me if I'm on the right track here. One of the things I hear most common from somebody who's been in a relationship with somebody where they cheat on them is that you lose trust in the relationship. You lose trust in the other person, but most terrifying is that you lose trust in yourself. I should have known this was happening. I can't believe I just knew something was off and I didn't trust my gut. I just kept going. I just kept putting it off because I wanted this to be okay over here. And there becomes over time, and this is kind of universal when you're in love with somebody and you're trying to make a relationship work with somebody who's really struggling with addiction, is you find yourself separated from you. And you find yourself way out on a limb doing things and thinking things and being okay with things that are so disorienting to who you are at your core that you feel lost as though you don't even know the way back to yourself.

Does that make sense? Yes. And so when you find yourself like that, number one is we kept harping on this, but I want you to hear me say it. Other people can become your lighthouse in the darkness when your own feelings are not telling you the truth. Because right now your feelings are telling you that's all coming down. Everything's falling apart. You failed at this. You're the worst ever. Fill in the blank. Those are lies. They're not true. But it's really hard to wade through that when it's just you and an out of control dopamine system and a serotonin system that's left the building. So having friends to be like, no, we're good. We're going to the gym. We're going to do this. Hey, I know you're about to send this email. Don't send that email. That's all important and

well and good. The other thing is, is to have some very clear goals written down and goals, not like crush your goals, bro. Not like David Goggins kind of stuff. I'm talking about, I want to get this much money as in a down payment. I'm going to write that down. And when I get that dollar amount, I'm going to exhale because your brain's going to want to move the finish line on you. And it's going to want to move it again. And it's going to want to move it again. And when I get this much, I'm going to kick my retirement full tilt again. When I get this much after seven months, I'm going to start looking for houses and I'm going to buy in 10 to 12 months. I think you are wise beyond measure to wait six months to a year to buy a house. That's super, super wise because this whole thing

is sideways right now and it all feels like a forest fire. You got to wait till the smoke clears, but you write these things down and you live and die by these numbers that you put down and you don't get carried away with emotions and feelings during the time when your emotions and feelings are all over the place. Okay? So those are the two important things. Get people and get some very clear metrics of success. And regardless of how you feel, regardless of whether you feel motivated or not, we're going to keep pushing ahead and taking the little step and the little step and the little step every step of the way. And remember this. The greatest gift you can give your kids right now is that their dad is okay.

Because those kids need peace and their dad needs peace. And you give them that in the midst of all this chaos, that's a great, great gift. So dad needs to go to the gym. Dad needs to hang out with friends. Dad needs to go back to church. Dad needs to do those things that keep dad whole and well and that's gonna be a great stabilizing gift for those little ones thank you so so much for the call my brother anything we can do to

help you let me know it's actually somebody out in the lobby from Boise that said they'd love to be a contact for you so we'll make sure we loop back and get you the opportunity we're not gonna give them your contact number but we'll send you their contact information if you want to reach out there. Just somebody saying, hey, I'd love to go hang out and get some nachos too. The other thing I'm going to do is send you Dr. John Deloney's book, Own Your Past, Change Your Future, to help you grieve what's happened, to give you a picture of how to move forward. And we're also going to have our team send you a link to our blog article from Dr. John Deloney. It's a divorce checklist that really walks you through

in detail of kind of what you need to be thinking about right now, because you can't even think clearly. And so I hope this article helps. We're also going to link that article in the show notes or the description, wherever you guys are listening out there, the audience, so that if you're going through this, you know someone who's going through this, you can offer them this resource, this article that Dr. John has put together. Because man, there's so many things to think about, John. And the last thing you're thinking about is that checklist of, okay, what do I got to do next? What do I got to do next? Well, you just got 500 people telling you 500 different things. You got your lawyer telling you one thing, let's go to war. And then you got your spouse who's not well

or not whole or who broke your heart, but you still love them or they're still the mother or father of your kid. There's so much chaos. Then you have the nuts and bolts, like how much is the house worth and the retirement accounts and how do we split this up? I'll trade you this one for this one, all that mess. Then you got your buddies from college, like let's do this. And then you got your friends at work, just so much mess. And having something where you can just go through and say, have I covered this? Have I covered this because truthfully, it's hard to be thinking clearly. And we know that divorce turns marriage into a business transaction. And so you do have to be thinking about, okay, what about those retirement accounts? Let me get my ducks in a row. Let me make sure the banks are separated if they need to be separated. Be working with professionals, lawyers, mediators, whoever is in your corner to help you figure this

stuff out. You don't have to do this alone, whether it's insurance pros, you name it, we can get you connected at ramseysolutions.com to help with that process. And again, we'll link the divorce checklist article from Dr. John in the show notes or description wherever you're listening or watching. Man, that's tough. We're cheering you on, Brandon, to figure out what's next, create that new picture, to grieve, to heal. I know you're going through this and so many other people are, and it's a tough, tough situation. This is The Ramsey Show. Our Ramsey apparel has been flying off the shelves, and it's not just because that stuff is cozy and fits nice. It's because people are proud of the progress they're making with the baby steps and they want

to show it off to the world. And I love when folks visit us from all over the country and they're rocking that swag. We're so proud of you guys. And that's why for a limited time, we're knocking five bucks off every single Ramsey t-shirt, sweatshirt, and hoodie while supplies last. You can choose from your favorite ramsay sayings like live like no one else cash is king better than i deserve or i heart george camel okay that one's not on there john but i think that one's next that's actually the reason why we're having to discount these to get them out of the building because it's a fire sale there was three people who bought i heart george camel and they were all Whitney Camel, your wife. Even she wouldn't don that.

Yeah. I'll tell you that much. They were both comps, right? All three of them were comps. It's fine. But there's plenty better merch out there. So whatever a Ramsey saying is your go-to, we've got you covered. But hurry, because once they're gone, they're gone.

The swag is limited time only. So wear and share your story with five bucks off Ramsey Apparel for a limited time. Go to ramseysolutions.com slash store today. Sarah's up next in Nashville, Tennessee, right down the road. Sarah, how are you? Hi, I'm good. Thanks for taking my call. Absolutely.

What's going on? So my husband and I are wondering, should we pay off his mom or the government first for our student loan? Ooh, Sophie's choice. I'm not sure which one's scarier. Yikes. Okay, walk us through this. Who is scarier?

She knows. Sarah knows. I mean, I don't know if either one's scarier, but, you know, there's that relationship, of course, with... Well, one can ruin your life, and the other is the government. Right. Ooh. All right, so what are the debts? So we have 21,000 owed to his mom and we have about 28,000 owed to the government.

The government being student loans or taxes? Yeah, no, all student loans. Okay. Uh, what's this 21,000 to your, to your mother-in-law? That she paid off our private loan in full so that we wouldn't have to pay interest on it, so we're just repaying her for that. Okay. So it's $49,000 in student loans total? About $48,000. $48,000, okay.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. What's your household income? $72,000. Okay. And how much money do you guys have right now in the bank? We have, you know, about $1,000 in savings. And I mean, I wouldn't say we would pay check to paycheck, but you know, we got, we got enough to pay our bills and expenses. So. Okay. Any other debt or is this it? No, not, I mean, besides our house, no. Okay.

And what's the agreement? Hold on one second. What do you do for a living? I own an event planning company. And what does your husband do for a living? He's an illustrator and graphic designer, but he also stays at home with our kids and homeschools them. Okay.

And so who brings home the lion's share of the money? Me. What's your, what do you make annually? Uh, I pay myself from the business 72,000. And so the, his illustration business, um, is kind of here or there. So you could bring in a couple thousand a month and then nothing the next month. It's kind of here and there. Is there a possibility that mother-in-law could keep kids for a season while you and him doubled and tripled and quadrupled down just to get this debt paid off? Not the one that we're trying to repay. She doesn't live here. My parents, they are newly newly retired but i don't know

if they would take on birthmark here's what i'm saying you guys are up for a tough tough slog making 70 000 having to pay back almost 50 with um uh one parent stay at home one parent um with an event planning business that's that is i mean you you happen to be in Nashville, so that's great. But it is seasonal and it is up and down. It is, I hope it works out. Man, one year of y'all figuring out what to do with childcare and your husband working three jobs and you taking this job and then driving Uber in the mornings,

just knocking this crap out of your life forever is going to radically transform the peace inside your home, your ability to parent, your ability to run your business. Everything changes if you all just take one year or two years and just go like maniacs and get this stuff done. I could see it. I know it doesn't sound fun. Which one do you think we should focus on first?

I mean, now that the interest rate's coming back on the government loan, should we just knock that one out first? I mean, truthfully, I would pay mother-in-law first. I'd pay my mother-in-law. And it's not just a debt snowball thing because the amount's lower. It's also because you don't have to look the government in the eye over dinner. Yeah. It's a very different situation, and everything you do,

she's watched every vacation you i mean everything she's going wait yeah they owe me money and they're out here they just bought and so that's my other fear and i'm she could be a wonderful person who doesn't have that at all but she still gave you guys twenty one thousand dollars with the agreement that you were going to repay her so what what was that agreement? Is there a certain amount every month? Was there an interest rate? Or was it just pay me what you can when you can? She kind of just told us to pay her $250 a month.

We took a pause and was not paying her for a year or so, and now we've really started to pay off a chunk at a time, like $1,000 at a time. Are you keeping track of this? Yes. time. Are you keeping track of this? Yes. Okay. Is she keeping track of this? I have it in a spreadsheet that she has access to. Excellent.

Okay. I'm so glad to hear you say that because the number of people who call and like, I gave you $10,000, I only got $4,000. You get that mess with the family, so good for you for that. I honestly would just figure out a way to even if it means getting child care and your husband can earn above and beyond that i know he wants to be a graphic designer and he wants to draw y'all dug yourself a humongous hole so this is not the season to do the cool uh millennial advice of follow your passion which is a terrible idea

all the time but y'all got to just run and gun and run and gun and run and gun and get this crap paid off so that then you can be about what do we actually want to do with our lives. That's awesome. Good word. All right, let's go to Brad in Seattle. What's going on, Brad? How much are you?

Good. How can we help? I had a question. So I'm 24 years old, and I've saved up three, sorry, over the last three years I've racked up about $100K in my 401K, and I have about $50K in my savings cash. And I was wondering if what your guys' opinions would be to use my 401K to put a bigger down payment on a house. One, to avoid PMI,

and then also get a lower payment with the high interest rates right now. Oh, gosh. Okay. I'll be truthful with you. It's a terrible idea. You're going to avoid PMI, but you're going to pay tons of penalties for withdrawing that 401k. Right. So it's not even a wash you're losing big time on

this deal so i would not rob your future because you've done such an amazing job i mean you're such an impressive dude to have a hundred thousand dollars saved already in a 401k at your age to where i'm like why ruin all that hard work and rob the growth while also paying penalties? I mean, it's like taking a 30% loan on this money, 30% interest loan. So I would just pause and go, hey, if I don't have enough, I'm just going to keep saving for another six months and just delay this home purchase. Right. And the only big factor I was considering is, yes, I'm still technically losing money money but uh 40 of that was company match um so i racked up that money really quick oh you're a guy that vegas loves vegas loves you because you win a little bit of money and you think it's just vegas's money and they keep you at the table and then they take it all once it's in your pocket bro it's your money right it's your

money it's your money it's your money what Right. It's your money, it's your money, it's your money. I'm curious, Brad, what is causing you to feel this level of urgency to where you're willing to get punched in the face in order to get into a home? Well, I'm still living at home right now. Are you wanting to get out? Is it family? Is it relational problems? That's one.

You're going, I got to get out of here. No, there's no problem. I'm just... Get an apartment, man. You said you were 21? 24. 24. problems? That's one you're going, I got to get out of here. No, there's no problem on this. Get an apartment, man. You said you were 21? No. 24. 24. Okay. Get an apartment, dude. I would go rent an apartment if you can't afford it in Seattle. I'd get a roommate, make it a party for a while until you save enough to do this the right way. And that means using your future income, not your future retirement. That's what I would do if I was in your shoes, and I will sleep very well knowing I steered you in the right direction, my friend. Thanks so much for the call. This is The Ramsey Show.

Our scripture of the day comes from Proverbs 12, 11. Those who work their land will have abundant food, but those who chase fantasies have no sense it was proverbs was predicting uh crypto was that like the metaverse and crypto right there slash one said you can't wait around for destiny to give you what you think you deserve you have to earn it even if you think you've paid your dues that That one was just for John. I think that's the most words I've ever heard Slash speak. Did Slash even say that? I feel like they're trolling us. No, I think he played that on the guitar and we interpreted it. Well, the other day they gave me a Shaquille O'Neal quote and someone was like, hey, you know that was Aristotle, right? I was

like, I thought it didn't sound like Shaq. No, I think that sounds like Slash. That's fine. Good stuff. I'm George Campbell joined by Dr. John Deloney. This is The Ramsey Show. And up next, we've got Michelle in Phoenix. What's going on, Michelle? Hi, it's an honor to speak with you both. You as well. My question is, is it financially smart to take about a $50,000 pay cut to work part-time and stay home more with my one-year-old son?

And if you'd like, I can give you a little bit more background of where we are in the steps and all of that. Yeah. Run us through your numbers. Yeah. So I'm 30, my husband's 33. We're in baby steps four, five, and six. We currently make about 215K plus bonuses. My portion of that income is 130k. Like I said, I'd be going down probably part-time with the goal of making probably 80k, but I think that's very, it feels like a very high goal for only working 20 to 30 hours a week. And our monthly mortgage payment, if it's helpful, is 1670 and we owe about $230 left. So what do you do for a living?

I'm a marketing campaign manager. Okay. Where did you come up with the number of $80,000 at part-time? That's a good question. Uh, trying to look at doing like part-time work and configuring like 20 to $30 an hour plus potentially adding freelance on the top of that. So combining that aiming for maybe 70 ish dollars an hour combined, if that makes sense. Yeah. So your husband makes about 90 a year. Yes, that's right. Okay. Um, George, you can run through the math on this. I would just tell you, just given a cursory glance,

I would, if you and your husband have decided this is what y'all want to do, I wouldn't think twice about it. I wouldn't even think a third, a second about this. Now, that is very easy for me to say as a man. I don't have half of the world telling me that I'm such a terrible human for working while I have a child. And the other half of the world telling me I'm such a terrible human for all of the sacrifice women made to get you in the workforce. You're just going to stay at home with a baby. I don't have that kind of guilt and pressure on me 24, seven, three 65. Okay. Not to mention my own career aspirations that I've got a balance between my own parenting aspirations. You've got a whole bunch more on your plate than I do. Okay. So it's easy for me to say that from this position,

but it, man, if that's, what's right for you and your family, that's, what's right for you and your family. And it doesn't mean it's going to be easy. You are going to feel guilty. You are going to feel like I'm not contributing. I'm not doing X. I'm not doing Y. Remember we used to be able to do this because I was working. All those things you're going to feel. This is where it's important to choose guilt over resentment every single time. I'd much rather feel guilty that I'm not bringing in the money I used to be than resent my coworkers and where I work because I don't get to see my child, right? One of those poisons my body. The other one is a natural part of being alive. George, what do you think about the numbers? So, Michelle, here's what I would,

the way you phrased the question was, is it wise? I don't think it's a wisdom question. It's a, are you willing to do whatever you have to do to make that work? And if that means we're willing to cut our expenses down, we're willing to slow down the house payoff, we're willing to forego a vacation in order for me to stay home because that's what I want to do, then great. But that's all you need to think about is, hey, this action has a consequence. Can we live with the consequence, which is we lose this income? And if you're able to make it work on, let's say his salary alone, could you do that in the budget? Yes, I think so. It would pretty much be about breakeven.

Okay. So if that's the case, I would sit down and make a mock budget. You can make a fake account with every dollar and go, hey, if we just lived on his income, if I brought in $0 and decided I'm not going to work another day, can we still cover the bills, make ends meet, still invest for retirement and make this work? Is there a period of time that makes sense for how long you should be slowing down for? Or does that matter? Is it a family decision? I don't want to slow our financial goals so much that we look back and we're like, Oh man, I wish I would have gone back full time.

Well, what are the goals? I mean, to pay off the house we have now and move into a nicer house. I want to be able to, you know, have more kids and my kids to my school. Cause I,

nothing like concrete, I guess, just you, you, you will be making some trades no question about yeah also it's really easy to make trades right now or be concerned about trades your husband's gonna end up getting more making more money and you will be able to they'll figure out technological ways for you to continue to work from home and make good money and so you may have to like man i really want to have this house or that house or whatever house i promise you what your kids really want is is a home that is not

anxious a peaceful home and so you can have like we got to go to this school or that school i don't know man maybe the local public school is great and we'll teach them the faith of our choice at home where it should be taught anyway like all these things that that feel so heavy right now here's here's the scary thing is this your first kid yeah how old he's gonna be 12 months next month okay you were okay the fog is lifted from newborn and you're starting to look out as this kid is is kind of bumbling around the house and walking and kind of babbling a you're realizing your heart had another chamber in it that you didn't even know existed that you didn't know you had the capacity for love like this your husband too you also are realizing what like it's almost as a parent you look up and realize what an absolute dumpster fire the world is like you know about

it when you don't have kids but you feel it when you do and you're realizing oh gosh we got to do this and this and this and all that becomes that angst and that panic you know know what I mean? That's when sitting down and saying, what are the choices we're going to make for the next six months? And let's just ride six months. And then at six months, let's revisit it. And we're going to make the next change because your kid can always just go back to school. You can always go back to work. You can always fill in the blank, even if, well, they're with this school and this school, and they really have good friends, they're six. They're going to be fine. They're going to be fine.

But most parents think at one year of age, I've got to make the decision for the rest of my kid's life. And that's just, they put so much pressure. They torture themselves. It's not real. Do six months at a time. Maybe one year at a time your first year out. Because the first six months, you're going to be getting your bearings

and you're an executive. You're a a stud you're awesome at what you do you make 130 grand working from home you're good it's going to be tough transitioning from hey will you approve this will you approve this to poopy diaper poopy diaper poopy diaper poopy diaper right hey what's for dinner right that's going to be a tough psychological transition but you you can do it you just need a gang of women around you that you trust but as you move forward let's just make decisions six months at a time none of these decisions are forever and it should give you some peace knowing if i don't like this in six months then we're going to change it and i'm going to go back to work and we're going to say i gave it the old college try and it did not work and we're gonna do something else it's all good yeah is that cool okay yeah that does let me let me just tell you

in my house in my house we did private school for a few years nope we did um wife working full-time she chose to go part-time we investigated that for a couple of years she stayed at home and then now she's back to working part-time kids are in that for a couple of years. She stayed at home and then now she's back to working part-time. Kids are in public school. We might move them back to private school. We just are,

whatever season happens to show up in our life. We didn't know that when we had our first kid that we'd be living, that was three jobs and two states ago. Who knows what the world

is going to throw at you? Just do it in little incremental chunks and man, keep that, keep those goals ahead of you. But yes, you're going to make some trades and slow down. Yeah. And make peace with the decision. Don't always think, well,

if it was the other way, what if you just got to make peace with it? That's right. And nothing is fatal here. Thanks so much for the question. That puts this hour of the Ramsey show in the books. My thanks to Dr. John Deloney, all the folks in the booth and you America. Until next time, spend wisely, save intentionally, and give generously. Hey, it's George Camel. If you like what you heard in this episode and want to know more about getting started on the Ramsey Baby Steps, go to ramseysolutions.com and click on the get started button. We'll help you figure out the

best next step for you based on your specific situation. That's ramsaysolutions.com and click get started.