The Ramsey Show - App - You Need To Plan Your Exit From This Toxic Relationship (Hour 1)

Episode Date: June 12, 2023

Dave Ramsey & Dr. John Delony answer your questions and discuss:  Financially planning an exit from a toxic dating relationship, The "Marriage Advantage", "Should I sell my car to get out of debt?" from the blog:  "Why is an ARM a bad mortgage?" Dealing with a toxic estate planning situation. Have a question for the show? Call 888-825-5225 Weekdays from 2-5pm ET Join a Personality-led FPU class. Click here! Want a plan for your money? Find out where to start: https://bit.ly/3cEP4n6 Listen to all The Ramsey Network podcasts: https://bit.ly/3GxiXm6 Interested in advertising on The Ramsey Show? https://ter.li/s64ye3 Learn more about your ad choices. https://www.megaphone.fm/adchoices Ramsey Solutions Privacy Policy

Live from the headquarters of Ramsey Solutions, broadcasting from the pods, moving, and storage studios, it's the Ramsey Show, where we help people build wealth, do work that they love, and create actual amazing relationships. Open phones at 888-825-5225. Dr. John Deloney, Ramsey personality, number one best-selling author and host of the very popular Ramsey Network's produced Dr. John Deloney Show, where we deal with all kinds of relationship and mental health issues.

He's my co-host today as we're taking your questions. Phone number is 888-825-5225. This is where common sense meets reality and life. And it does it every day here. Thanks for joining us. The call's free, and some say the advice is worth exactly what you pay for it. Elizabeth is with us in Dallas. Hi, Elizabeth. Welcome to the Ramsey Show. Hello, how are you? Great. What's up? Hi. So I have a question. I've been with my partner and boyfriend for seven years,

and we have two small children together. And I recently brought up the fact that we should get married and actually have one baby count and do everything together. And he says that he doesn't want to do that. But marriage is not. Why? He doesn't want to do that. But marriage is not. Why? He doesn't want to do marriage. Why? He says because he's already previously been married, and he's just not going to do it.

Why does he think he's not married now? I'm not sure. He's got everything you have to do with marriage right now. So now my next question is. He gets sick. He gets sick. He wants you to make him chicken soup right yes yeah what's the difference in this in marriage i'm confused well he says that he says that he's not interested that either accept him or what should we do so elizabeth i want you to

hear what he's actually telling you he's telling you he went all in on somebody once and got hurt or broke up with or whatever and he's looking at you after seven years and two children and saying you're not worth that i'd rather um have my illusion of singleness in my back pocket at all times so that I can preserve my little fragile ego. Meanwhile, play house. And play house with you. And you be my wife

and I'll keep all the equity and everything and I'll keep all my money and I'll basically pay you like a live-in nanny. But this is all mine. That's what he's telling you. I hate that for you. I'm you. I hate that for you.

I'm sorry. I hate that for you. How old are your babies? One is four and the other is one. Little boy, little girl, what? It's a one-year-old boy and a four-year-old girl. So at this point, I'm at the point that i don't know what to do i don't know if i 20 years from now your daughter is 24 and she asks you this question

what do you tell her i don't know i'm not gonna i'm going to be the person that tells you you've got to stay or leave because I don't want you to hang on to this guy said this. That's a decision you're going to have to own. What I will tell you is I think you are worth going all in on, and I think you're worth having a home that two people want to do life together and create a safe space to raise these two beautiful little babies. You're worth that. But you're going to have to make the grown-up decision

on whether you stay and you try to build a life inside of a cocoon or you make other decisions? In two weeks, I'll be. I'm mostly more worried as well. Go ahead. I'm sorry. Go ahead, babe. What?

I'm mostly more afraid of like if I walk away, how would I manage with money? I haven't worked in a while. So that's, I'm going to be truthful. That's exactly what's stopping me now from walking away. And that's a very real fear. I mean, that's a very real fear. The data suggests that when men and women split up, especially in this situation,

his net worth will actually go up and yours will go down for a season. Until you get so pissed off that you become a multi-millionaire later but yeah um but yeah the uh uh so in other words you can't do this today it's theory because you got babies you have to feed but you can say all right i'm gonna plan my escape and i'm gonna get my career tooled up and i'm gonna go go get a job and I'm going to start making some serious money. And then I get to make decisions from strength rather than from weakness. Get to walk to something, not run from something. And then you can walk in and go, I'm not sure, dude, that I want to marry you. So there's that. And that's what we call an elizabeth burn right when you flip

the whole thing around mic drop yeah but that comes from strength and you're you're you're um when you're scared and broke it keeps you from making decisions so let's move from scared and broke and then remake the decision. You might make the decision under strength to stay, but you would need to make it from strength rather than from weakness. Is that logical? Yes. So if it takes you a year to start making $40,000 a year, then take that year and go do it. That's fine. I got no plan. I got no problem. And you're in Dallas, Texas. He ain't going nowhere. Yeah. And you're in Dallas, Texas. He ain't going nowhere. Yeah.

And you're in Dallas, man. There will be people that will hire you. In about 20 seconds. I don't want my kids in daycare. Then marry their mother. Hey, Elizabeth, it's not uncommon in this situation, especially after this long, that this isn't the only thing that this person won't quote unquote do. This person's been telling you that things you think are funny are stupid.

And the feelings or concerns you have about any number of things are dumb. You can't fill in the blank. And after seven years, after almost a decade of this, you've come to believe that stuff to be true right i have my doubts yeah i don't i don't either because the girl that called here has got more stuff inside of her than she sounds like she does or thinks she now go get it get you some thank you yeah really i mean don't forget two old guys believe in you yeah and and uh and you got a four-year-old daughter watching to see how mama is a warrior princess look out here comes xena you remember that one yeah but don't make that little weird noise call thing keep that one to yourself don't do that let that only be in your head yeah don't do that yeah

yeah dave you bring that up it it's a there's a concern obviously which is financial which is real that's math there is no debate about that and what about my babies and what you bring up is really important there is a ringside seat to, oh, this is what a mom and a wife are supposed to just accept as reality. Or I had a ringside seat to watching my mom go from a live-in boyfriend that told her, dude, I'm not wasting any more energy on you, all the way to a successful business owner. Warrior princess. Running shop.

And they got to watch that happen in real time. Yeah. Some of the most powerful people I've met, a single mom raised them. Oh, man. And she was a go-getter, and she wouldn't be denied. Yeah. And, yeah. The kids take that work ethic, and then they go become a surgeon or something, and there's

no stopping them. Exactly. Exactly. Sets up the next generation.. It sets up the next generation. You're setting up the next generation. So spend the next year deciding that and getting ready. I'm sorry you're facing this, kiddo. This is The Ramsey Show.

Dr. John Deloney, Ramsey personality, is my co-host today open phones at 888-825-5225 i'm going to go with 32 years of broadcasting experience and go with my gut on something here i want to continue that conversation um from that last caller yeah the uh because the actual data is and those of you that are old like me you don't realize this data but more people now live together than are married okay statistic i mean actual human beings are more more shacking up cohabitating whatever you want to call it then are married and what people don't grasp is the data it's been going on that's been going on since the you know the the love shack of the 70s and from then on you know here we go and uh so what people don't realize is the unintended consequences legally, financially, relationally, that builds up in these situations.

There's books of research on this now, on the actual results. And in the financial arena, as an example, we'll start with that one. There is a thing called the marriage advantage. the actual results and in the financial arena as an example we'll start with that one the there is a thing called the marriage advantage you've seen this data and the marriage advantage says uh that married people live longer i think that's because your wife drives you crazy to go get a physical but i don't know exactly what it is but married people live longer and their net worth is and their net worth is significantly larger and their incomes and their career trajectory is significantly higher statistically so that's not like a dave opinion

so you little farts on tic tac can just go just go run off the cliff, all right, with your little comments. But the facts are, the data says that your net worth, your longevity, and your career track and income all are improved with marriage. It's called the research piece, buckets of research are called the marriage advantage in general there's a whole volume also if you live together prior to getting married you are statistically four times more likely to get a divorce later i hadn't heard it being that high wow that's wild you know and so you get and there's all kinds of other things that come in with the cohabitating.

Well, I'm going to try on these shoes to make sure they fit before we buy them. You know, kind of a thing. Right. And so there's all kinds of data that shows the disadvantages to that. There's all kinds of data that shows the disadvantages to short engagements. You get, you know, you meet someone this weekend, and by next weekend, you're married. Statistically, you're very unlikely for that marriage to last as compared to someone who has a six-month engagement period average, not a two-year or a six-year,

but a six-month engagement period average after the dating process has begun, because it takes a little while to figure out is this a person i want to spend the rest of my life with duh met him in a bar on saturday married on monday that's las vegas that's not smart okay and so um just uh it can it can it work does it work occasionally sure sure there's always statistical anomalies but i'm talking about if you're if you're 16 or you have a 16 year old what would you tell them the best way for them to have their most prosperous quality life is have four or five long island iced teas put all your money on red and find some way to marry before the weekend's

over right no one would say that no one would say that right no grandmother ever told her her granddaughter that right good grief no yeah just saddle up at the daiquiri bar and see how this works if you marry somebody at the daiquiri bar i'm just gonna go ahead and say that study's probably not been done that ain't gonna last ain't gonna last that's a john deloney study yes all right but here's the other i don't know that this study's been done and I don't know that this study has been done, and I don't know that it needs to be. That last caller said something that's important, and it's this illusion of freedom and singleness.

I'm going to live with somebody for two years, five years, seven years. I'm going to have kids with them, but I'm not going to get married because I want to keep that shard of freedom. One foot out the door. One foot out the door. And what you forget is he or she can't fully anchor into you. Those kids can't fully anchor into this unit because it's not fully a unit yet, because you got one foot out of the boat.

You're only rowing one armed, right? It's so hard. It's impossible. And it's put her in a position almost as if she was in a domestic violence situation she's not i don't think but um but but she's trapped and that's the the abuser uses the trapped oh you how you're gonna live you ain't getting money you know and so they're trapped so they stay in the punching bag scenario because that's the only way the kids get to eat but also guess what the kids get to watch this and so they think that's how it's done and this is a problem yeah it's a serious problem

so just telling you i mean what would you tell your seven-year-old daughter right your your 17-year-old daughter your 17-year-old son what does a man look like in these situations? You know, a reasonable length of engagement, not living together prior to marriage, and then getting married. Oh, by the way, if you graduate from college, you know, you heard this thing, 50% of the marriages fail. You heard that one? Yeah.

It's absolutely not true. That's right. It's absolutely not true. They don't. Okay. If you make more than $50,000 a year household income, both of you graduate from college, and both of your parents are still married,

you have a 90% chance of your marriage lasting. That's the stats. That's the real stats. Okay? So some of these you can't control whether your parents are still together, but you can control graduating from school. You can control accomplishing goals. You can control accomplishing goals. You can control delaying pleasure called maturity.

You can control these things. These are controllables that you can use to set the table for your life, and then you get to see what the results are, what the fruit is of that. And so, you know, none of my children prior to marriage lived together. Was it because Dad's a big old meanie? No, it's because I taught him this stuff. You know, so, you know, none of my children prior to marriage lived together. None of them. Was it because dad's a big old meanie? No, it's because I taught him this stuff. Tom, you have a distinct advantage if you will have a reasonable length of engagement,

graduate from school, make a reasonable income, marry someone that is of the same religious preference that you are, learn to set boundaries with extended family if you do all of these things it's and agree on kids how many to have and whether let them live all these kinds of things right and that was a joke and um sort of you know the um but i mean when you have these things lined up ahead of time your probability of having a a marriage that lasts is very high i mean sure and i'm getting ready to celebrate 41 years and there have been times we almost killed each other but you fell back on that covenant well and we fell back on this value system that set us up to win and then it's it's just ridiculous i always like to flip the coin and ask myself what is it what has happened in this many years? And for people to opt out, and I do want

to put some of the ownership on those of us who are married with kids. If you make marriage appear to be miserable, and you scream, and you fight, and it's's abusive and somebody's always leaving or coming or going, what kid in their right mind would look and go, I want to opt into that. And so I feel an extra responsibility to model for my kids, here's what love looks like. Here's what coming back together after disagreement, here's what the repairs they call it. Here's what that looks like. Here's what saying I'm sorry looks like. Here's what asking for forgiveness looks like. I want to model this is the best way to create a world going forward. And if you didn't have that and you're entering into marriage, you need to get some people in your life that you see do have 40 years, 50 years ahead

of you, and they can give you some wisdom along the way. But there's something about, man, this doesn't have to be the old ball and chain, as the old songs go. This could be the greatest thing that ever happened to you if you opt into it and you live into it that way. Well, and all the data that I'm just saying indicates that. Right. Is it perfect?

No. Oh, that hillbilly woman and I about killed each other a couple times. Oh, man. You know, I'm just saying, it's not perfect. I've almost set fire to my No. No. That hillbilly woman and I about killed each other a couple times. Oh, man. You know, I'm just saying. It's not perfect. I've almost set fire to my marriage. Yeah. Multiple times.

But that doesn't mean that we weren't dialed in and going, what do I want when I'm old? Really old. I'm old now. But I mean really old. What do I want then? That's real old. You know, that's real old. Older than me, that's really old.

This is The Ramsey Show. Thank you for joining us, America. We're glad you're here. Hey, we have folks who tune in to every single episode of The Ramsey Show. They know all the answers, but they're still stressed and stuck. Because knowing what you do with your money isn't the problem. Doing it is the answer. Personal finance is 80% behavior. It's only 20% head knowledge.

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Dr. John Deloney, Ramsey personality, is my co-host today and is in Albuquerque, New Mexico. Hi, Ann. Welcome to the Ramsey Show. Hi. Thanks for having me. Sure. What's up? I have a question.

So I'll give you a little background. I make $110,000 a year. I've paid off $36,000 in the last 18 months. It's been hard, but I've done it. Way to go. Yeah, Yeah. But my goal was to be done by October of this coming year. And I owe $17,000 on my car. I have $17,000 in an air conditioner loan and $14,000 in a student loan.

And I really want those student loans gone before they kick back in. I've been chipping away at it, but I really just want it done. So I have an offer on my car for $33,000 and that would get me out of my car loan and that would get me out of the student loans and it would just leave me with the air conditioners. Um, but it would also leave me with no car. I do have a teenager that has a car that we could carpool and we could, you know, get through the next few months. I could save up some cash and get a beater. Um, I don't know. I, I think I probably just need to do this. I think I just need you to tell me to do it because of where your headspace is i really like where you are and you've because you have a proven track record of winning already

36 000 paid off out of 110 you're you're amazing you're amazing and you what you have decided let me say it a different way out loud is you've decided I want to be out of debt more than I want this car. Yeah. That's a fair trade. I would make that trade. Because you've also realized you can get another car. When you have no debt and you make $110,000, you can save up and get a nice car pretty quick.

Right. Yeah, absolutely. The one thing I would do different in your plan than what you've said is I would pay the car off. I would pay whatever I could on those student loans, but I would save $5,000 to go get me my own car. Yeah. Yeah. I wouldn't carpool with a teenager. Y'all need to love each other a little bit longer yeah yeah that's what they suggested too we talked about it this morning and they were like well they don't really get a vote they're a teenager teenagers don't get a vote this is just this

is grown up to grown up but i i'd probably buy me a car that I can get around with. I'm okay with that, too. 3 to 5K. Because you do make 110, and you're going to be done. All we're doing here is accelerating the inevitable. You're going to get out of debt. All we're doing is doing it faster. And then the loop back is you're going to go get another car 24 months from now. There's $20,000, and you're going to pay cash for it. Yeah.

Yeah. You will because, I mean, you'll have no debt and you'll have your emergency fund in place and you would upgrade out of a $5,000 car and make it $110. What's your hang up? Yeah. I would do it. I would do it. And I appreciate your teenager's emotional support, but it's not necessary because you already are a warrior princess.

You are already getting it done. And and when it involves them sacrificing, they're never going to vote for that. So that's OK. Right. Right. Whoopty. OK. All right. If this is one more little push towards making this call,

your kids are going to watch their mom go all in. Yep. And my mom, look, I remember when I was a teenager what my mom did. When your daughter or your son is a grandparent, they're going to be sitting on the back porch. Yeah, back when I was a kid, my mama sold off everything. I thought she was going to sell me. By God, she got out

of debt and it changed everything you'll be telling that story or your kid's gonna be one year into grad school and thinking about quitting and you're gonna say go all in and he's gonna have a picture of what that actually looks like right yeah you're amazing it's pretty awesome you're amazing well done very very well done get them them. And should I get more than one quote? Because this $33,000 came from a dealership. Yes, absolutely. Yes, you should get more than one quote. We need to maximize this asset.

Okay. Yeah, get more than one quote, and consider taking an extra month to do it and selling it private sale. What kind of car is it? It's a Toyota Tacoma. It'll sell fast. You may want to sell it private. You look on Kelley Blue Book, and that's a hot truck.

Real hot truck. Yeah, that truck will sell. It's a good truck, too. But anyway, I would look on Kelley Blue Book and see what private sale is. If it's $10,000 more, wait a month and sell it for $8,000 more to an individual. Are you? Okay. Hey, let me ask you.

Go ahead, Dave. There's somebody's face that's in your mind that's going to make fun of this decision, isn't there? I think that I just feel stupid. No, feel no no no you're not telling the truth you're not there's isn't there answer my question yeah yeah okay what i want you to do right now i want you to stick your tongue out at them yeah because they don't get a vote in your prosperity in your peace and your sleep you're in your sleep. You're amazing. Go with you. I vote with you, not them.

Get them, girl. Get them. And Tacoma people are a special, I mean, that's a gang. That's a community. The tacos. We had tacos in our family. Winston drove one for 10 years. Daniel drove one for 10 years.

You're opting out of that club to sleep well at night. Yeah. That's awesome. Today's question of the day is brought to you by Neighborly, your hub for home years. Daniel drove one for 10 years. You're opting out of that club to sleep well at night. Today's question of the day is brought to you by Neighborly, your hub for home services. As the weather warms up, Neighborly can help you find local service pros like the Groundskies, the Five Star Painting, and Mosquito Joe to turn your outdoor space into your favorite space.

Find the help you need. These are great folks. Neighborly.com. Today's question comes from Shelly in Virginia. Shelly writes, my son has a six-month emergency fund and enough to save for a 25% down payment. He's been pre-approved for a mortgage, but it's asking me why an arm is a bad choice. Not the body part, but the adjustable rate mortgage. Simple answer. I'm assuming this is a huge no-no. I'd love to know why. Simple answer. It stands for adjustable rate mortgage simple answer i'm assuming this is a huge no-no i'd love to know why simple answer it stands for adjustable rate mortgage where have interest rates been going lately up what do we want to adjust up for in a rising interest rate environment that's dumber than a rock you might have an argument in a falling interest rate environment and then i'd have to teach you a 20-minute class on why arms suck but but in addition to that just straight up in a

rising interest rate environment you should never even have to ask this question where you know because i think rates are going to go down then refinance but you do not want the uh the arms came on the scene because banks got caught in an escalating interest rate environment with a bunch of low interest rate mortgages in their portfolio. That's called disintermediation. When banks don't like not making money, they don't like disintermediation. When their portfolio is upside down compared to the marketplace. And so they invented this thing where their portfolio adjusts when rates go up. It's good for them.

And you pay for it. Don't do an adjustable rate mortgage ever, ever, under any circumstances. If you have to do an arm, you can't afford a house. This is The Ramsey Show. Dr. John Deloney, Ramsey Personalities, my co-host today thanks for being with us kelly is in oakland california hi kelly welcome to the ramsey show hi dave thank you so much for having me sure what's up um okay so my husband is a guarantor on his mom's mortgage um it's not under his name uh just the guarantor. We did a

cash out refinance of her house prior to her creating a living trust for some home improvement projects with the verbal expectation that she would put the title in my husband's name upon her passing. However, without me knowing, she threw in an additional clause that if we ever sell the house, we would be required to pay half of the profits to his eldest son, who is currently 20 years old, even though we have two additional babies under two years old. This clause was thrown in after the loan was approved. We've already thrown $100,000 of our own money cash into a house. The house is worth, as of right now, conservatively $1.25 million, and the current loan balance is a little under $400,000. So my question is, now that we are out of Baby Step 2...

Is Mama dead? Mom is unfortunately going through a lot of health situations. Is she mentally competent? Yes, she is. Okay. Your husband, her son, needs to walk into her room with fresh papers and have this fixed. That was unethical, not fair, and dumb. And she needs to fix it.

And she can do that with a signature if your husband will make his mother do that okay what happens if she doesn't because we don't know yeah we don't know what to do if i want her to sign it to a way to a charity i don't want anything else to do with it. I want it sold and given away to a charity. I do not want to wreck a 20-year-old irresponsible person's life. Because you know what an irresponsible person with $400,000 is? Really freaking irresponsible.

Right. Dumb grandmother. Dumb, dumb, dumb grandmother. Right. Bad grandmother. Bad grandmother. Bad, bad right bad grandmother bad grandmother bad bad bad bad bad bad do you have any insight as to why she did this um so she she wanted to make sure that um her grandson would be taken care of when she's gone yeah it's an act of love and she was dumb that's why she did yeah she has an improper view of what love

looks like yeah she needs it's dumb it's just you really your husband allowed this i'm angry with him too because his mother has told him what to do way too many times he's way too grown up for this mommy said and then mommy did and he didn't say anything about it because mommy mother dearest nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope and you're mad at her and you need to be mad at him because he allowed it you know i'm kind of mad about it yeah i don't blame you it's easier to be mad at her because she doesn't live in the house with you but yeah but he's he's the one that allowed this to go on and while he put his name on the loan i mean that's just unethical on her part and on his part very weak to allow this to go down does she not trust your husband

no she just had a fit of stupidity and put it on paper. I'm telling you, I don't think it's deep stuff here. Well, I think there is a little bit of untrust. Before we got married, he was very bad with money. And since then, we've turned everything around. We've called baby steps, got out of the house. As if giving it to a 20-year-old fixes that. Yeah, what are you going to do? Yeah.

There's a lot of control issues mom has that's spoken like somebody who really loves her husband but man you're more mom than you are wife yeah he he needs listen saddle up saddle up he needs to march right in there and say mom this was wrong i went along with it i shouldn't have and i'm not going along with it so here's what's going to happen you die i'm going to sue the trust and ask the judge to undo your stupidity if you don't undo it with a signature right now because giving a 20 year old four hundred thousand dollars is absolutely that's irresponsible with money is absolutely asinine because it's going to cause more problems than blessings.

Yeah. Okay. It's not a blessing. What does a cocaine person, what does a cocaine addict do when they get more money? More cocaine. What's an irresponsible person do when they get more money? More irresponsible. What's a generous person do when they get more money?

More generous. Money magnifies our good and bad parts that all of us have, me included. And, you know, what does Dave get? More things with loud mufflers. You know, I mean, what, you know, redneck. I mean, you know, but I mean, everybody's got, right? So let's back it up. Let's say grandma did this perfectly and there's only one kid is the right thing to do is to put it in an in a trust yeah yeah that has yeah multiple multi-year

payouts on it yeah yeah and different different different triggering mechanisms that indicate responsibility like you know if he's going to college i would graduate college if you're gonna go to college you need to graduate college that's a triggering event. You need to be 25 and not be deeply in debt, you know, and a triggering event, you know. And so some level of maturity. I'm not saying all 20-year-olds are doofuses. She said her 20-year-old was irresponsible. The mother just said that. Okay.

So that's what I'm going off of. So. Well, he's been, had a ringside seat to his dad. By the way, I've been irresponsible. When I i was 20 you didn't give me 400 grand that would have been a bad idea would have been the worst idea i've been a lot of loud mufflers and beer involved yeah yeah it's just a bad idea no i'm not saying that everybody but but and they're there we've had 20 year olds on this show that were more responsible and had their crap together more than a lot of 60 year olds so can't can't it's not an age thing but whatever you are good or bad is going to be magnified and when you're gifting or doing inheritance you need to structure it to ensure

that you're being a blessing and not magnifying stupidity and let's go one step up the river here a mother that would do this to her son last minute dishonestly behind closed doors without telling them has done this crap for years she's a controller and if you are married to somebody like this you've got to speak up if you're married to a coward who won't speak up against his own mom or her own mom or own dad or his own dad and say we as a family are not getting into this deal and let me tell you this is not a coward in the sense of lack of courage this is i don't want to put up with the crap yes this is going to unleash when i bother to have a conflict with her because all conflicts with her don't end well he just doesn't want to

screw with it i mean that's a different kind of cowardice. I don't, because I know it's, you know, when I walk into the forest with a bear, I'm going to meet a bear. I mean, he knows what he's got. He's dealt with it his whole life. So it's not cowardice like he's a little wuss. That's not the point. He's like, it ain't worth the fight.

Screw it. That's where he is. But it is worth the fight. We spent $100,000 of his own money. Of your own money and 400 going to an irresponsible 20 year old it's worth the fight it's worth the fight it's worth calling her out and oh by the way you signed the note that's what i mean doing business you know you know some point you got to go it is worth the fight but this is a this when we say coward we're not

like sniveling yellow bellied in the corner sucking your thumb coward this is just i don't want to deal with the pain in the butt that is mom when you confront her but the other side of that is it's your job to protect your kid exactly and yourself and your fan yeah so that's your job you know so this whole thing comes at you you go you know what i'm not signing that no we're not gonna do that we're not gonna do that no it's not not an option you want to do the deal we're doing it my way yeah we'll do it my way or or not at all it's okay and i also understand hey there's a million dollar house we're gonna have this much money i'm not worth losing my family over not worth burning everything down the whole dad gum and

dave you spoke with for with such insight that it's almost as though you've seen this before 30 years of doing this? Yes. Yeah. Yeah, a couple times. Parents and grandparents who try to bless their lineage and they bless it. You know, the worst one I ever had, early on on this show, I took a call from a grandfather who was sobbing.

And he was 89 years old. And he had co-signed for a $30,000 pickup for his grandson. And it got repoed. And they were coming after his farm because he had no money, but he had a farm. Oh, no. And they were going to take the 89-year-old's farm for the reposition on the pickup. And nobody in the family gave a crap. He thought he was helping his grandson by co-signing.

And I'll never forget that 89-year-old crying on the air. This is The Ramsey Show. Hey, it's John Deloney, co-host of The Ramsey Show. Did you know over 18 million people listen to The Ramsey Show every week? A lot of those people listen on one of our 600-plus radio stations across the country. To find a station near you, go to RamseySolutions.com slash show.