The Ramsey Show - App - Your Debt Free Education Is Worth The Sacrifice (Hour 3)

Episode Date: February 23, 2023

Rachel Cruze & Kristina Ellis answer your questions and discuss: The best ways to look for college scholarships, from the blog: How to Apply for Scholarships It's never too early to start saving for your kids college, from the blog: 10 Best Ways To Save For College How to avoid lifestyle creep, from the blog: What Is Lifestyle Creep? "How do I talk to my boyfriend about money?", from the blog: The Importance of Talking About Money What to do when family is pressuring you to pay for things that are not your responsibility, from the blog: What to Do When Your Family Doesn't Have Your Back Have a question for the show? Call 888-825-5225 Weekdays from 2-5pm ET Want a plan for your money? Take our FREE 3 minute assessment: https://bit.ly/3nInETX Listen to all The Ramsey Network podcasts: https://bit.ly/3GxiXm6 Learn more about your ad choices. https://www.megaphone.fm/adchoices Ramsey Solutions Privacy Policy

🎵 🎵 🎵 🎵 🎵 🎵 🎵 🎵

🎵 🎵 🎵 🎵 🎵 🎵 🎵 🎵

🎵 🎵 🎵 🎵 🎵 🎵 🎵 🎵 🎵 🎵 Live from the headquarters of Ramsey Solutions, broadcasting from the pods of Moving and Storage Studio, it's The Ramsey Show,

where we help people build wealth, do work that they love, and create actual amazing relationships. It is a free call anywhere in the country at 888-825-5225. And I am Ramsey Personality, Rachel Cruz, hosting today with Ramsey Personality and bestselling author Christina Ellis. So we'll go right to the phones this hour with Joel in Charlotte.

Hey, Joel, welcome to the show. Hi, thank you guys for having me on. Absolutely. How can we help? I am currently a community college student here in the Charlotte area, and I did dual enrollment during high school, which obviously saved a lot of money. It's absolutely amazing. And currently have 60 credits, college credits. And I'm looking to transfer to a four-year university

and looking for some help on scholarships and whatnot. My parents have some funds that are saved up for me for college, but they stated that if I don't use all those funds that I will get them after I complete college. So I want to try to use as little as possible when it comes to that. So I'm just wondering what suggestions you have for finding scholarships and whatnot. I love this question. Christina is here for you, Joel. I am here for this. Awesome.

And I just love that you're also selling the idea of doing dual enrollment, which gets a lot of the credits out of the way early on, that you're going to community college. Like you are modeling such a great path. The fact that you're already right here, like just hand clap to you, because that is outstanding. So where are you thinking about going for the next two years, or however long you have left? So I'm looking either online or in person. I'm looking at Regent University, which is a Christian University in Virginia Beach area. Their online program is approximately $13,000 a year. And then their in-person program, which includes room and board, is $28,000 a year. So obviously there's about a $15,000 difference there. Okay. And are you still pretty open to where you go? Like that's

somewhere that you're considering, but you're open to other options. Is that correct? I'm open to other options. I would prefer to go to this school, but obviously I am open to other options. Okay. Well, I like to typically start the search pretty broad. Like one of the easiest and best ways to get scholarships is through the school. So if you pick the right school that has a lot of merit-based scholarships or need-based aid, if you're qualified for that, like that's going to be the easiest way because a lot of these-based scholarships or need-based aid, if you're qualified for that, like that's gonna be the easiest way because a lot of these scholarships, they're just part of the application. So if you go to the financial aid website,

a lot of times you can see most schools have listed, like basically if you have this GPA and these test scores, then this is the automatic scholarships you get at this school. So that's helpful. A lot of schools too have net price calculators on their website. So you can

type in your financial information and see basically what you'll be expected to pay at that school because um a lot of schools the sticker price when you go to their website it's like oh my gosh that's so expensive but that's not typically what you actually pay so um yeah kind of first seeing if you can get a lot of scholarships for a school through a school is a great way and then also checking with your state so um states have a lot of great a lot of states have great scholarships so seeing you know what you're eligible for through that um so again starting broad and then start narrowing down so um i know this sounds so basic and sometimes people are like oh i can't believe she's recommending this but google searches are still excellent ways to find scholarships so

there's the great thing about scholarships. There's so many different scholarships available for so many different interests. So I always encourage people to write out their niche scholarship qualities. So things that could potentially qualify them for a scholarship. So if you're in 4-H, if you run cross country, if you're in the business club, if you want to be in STEM, write all that stuff down and then search for scholarships that specifically target those students. So, you know, just get in Google and type in scholarships for students in STEM, scholarships for people in business, scholarships for students who like horses. It's like literally almost anything you can think of, there's a scholarship for at this point. So like getting in there and as you look at the Google search results,

a lot of times you'll see either like a compilation of scholarships, which those can be great. But what's really good is if you can find like the site that's directly giving away the scholarship. So if you can find there's a scholarship by the National Horse Club, if you can click directly on their website, that's going to take you directly to the information you need and help you get started with the process. And then there's scholarship databases, which are also great. So they're basically, you know, these search engines that take those unique qualities and they filter through the millions of scholarships that are given away every year. And they basically come up with a list of scholarships that fit you.

So I typically recommend students use a few scholarship search engines, usually three, because each engine typically matches you with different scholarships. So you want to get as many results as possible that is going to save you so much time in the long run. Because as you know, I can already tell in your voice, you're like, yeah, that's, it's a lot. That's like one of the harder parts of the process is actually the search process because it's like, I think that's when a lot of people quit because they just feel overwhelmed or they try one search engine and they get matched with scholarships that don't quite feel right. But if you're willing to take the time on that front end, even if it takes, you know, five or six hours to come up with a good list, we're

talking like thousands of dollars in the long run. So be willing to trudge through that part. What's your thoughts on things like ScholarshipOwl where you like pay a subscription and it automatically applies you for a different scholarship? Yeah, so we've actually worked with Scholarship Owl here at Ramsey, and they're friends of Ramsey. They're really passionate about matching students with scholarships that really fit them and kind of weeding out the bad ones. So one of the hard things about scholarship databases right now is a lot of these databases are just taking these lists of scholarships and they're not really updating them. Some of them are scam scholarships. Some of them haven't been updated in six years and they no longer exist.

And so it's hard for students because they get in there and then they're like, oh, dead link, dead link. So ScholarshipBow was really trying to basically break through that. It's a great subscription to do when you're in this process. They have a free version and then they do have a paid version. And we have found, we've heard a lot of people saying it's worth it. It's worth it because it saves that time, that time where, you know, if you're just doing it can take five or six hours, they can kind of cut it down. Yeah, absolutely.

And school choice is always huge. So if you're not set on, I know you kind of said you were, Joel, but if you can broaden your horizon and say, hey, wherever I can get money to get as much money possible towards a school, I'm going to run after that. Yeah. And let that be it. So that's so great. And I have an article on how to apply for scholarships that we'll link in the show notes if y'all want some more information. So good. Well, Christina, scholarship time and it's tax time. And a lot of people have questions about taxes and we get it. Taxes are so confusing.

So to help you get a better handle on them, let's unpack a question from one of our listeners. They asked, is it better to file together or file separate when married? So the IRS actually won't force you to do one or the other. And there may be some specific, very specific scenarios where it's a good idea to file separately. But for most couples, it makes more sense to file jointly and merge all of your finances together for that matter. So filing jointly gives you a higher standard deduction and makes you eligible for more tax credits. Plus, you save time by only filing one return versus two, so it's a little less confusing. So for more tax tips and software that can help you file with confidence, head to ramseysolutions.com slash smart tax. ramseysolutions.com slash smart tax.

Now through the end of February, you can file your tax return at just $19.95. No hidden fees, no hidden agenda. It's just that. So go to ramseysolutions.com slash smart tax. to get anything approved through the bureaucracy. So if you feel like the system is working against you, try a biblically-based alternative to health insurance, Christian Healthcare Ministries. CHM is a health cost-sharing ministry that's helped hundreds of thousands of families like yours take care of over $11 billion in medical bills since 1981. And CHM has also helped them stay true to their values

and avoid miles of red tape. And CHM support goes far beyond meeting financial needs. They'll also help meet spiritual needs. Members become part of a family who will pray with them and for them when they experience a medical event. So listen, y'all, there's no better way to take care of health care costs. CHM programs start as low as $98 a month. So learn more today and join

at chministries.org slash budget. That's chministries.org slash budget. Our question of the day comes from michelle from rhode islands we have a one-year-old and have started receiving monetary gifts for her we are not ready for baby step five so what do we do with it in the meantime a savings account ideally we would like to put it somewhere so it can accrue interest i mean we've talked about high yield savings accounts already on the show and we're big fans right now especially with interest rates being pretty high. While it isn't fun for interest rates to be high if you have debt, if you're saving right now, it's pretty great. I think ours is at 3.75%. And so about a year ago, a year and a half ago,

they were like 1%. So it wasn't necessarily very attractive. But right now they're doing really great. So if I was in your shoes, I'd probably park it there. Yeah, for right now, for sure. And then you can look into if you want to, a mutual fund or something like that. And you can put in their name and yours is kind of over the top. And the Universal Transfer of Minors Act, UTMAs, can allow you to do that. So you can sit down with the SmartVestor Pro if you want to look into that option but right now since yeah they're one and you guys aren't quite on baby step five as a family um yeah or i guess i guess kids college she said not baby step five so i guess they're thinking i can put this in a college fund so if you did that

opening up a 529 but i would imagine michelle if it's not I mean if you have like your great uncle Joe dies and leaves your one-year-old like $50,000 and yeah let's talk about putting that away like in a 529 but if it's like $50 from grandma you know what I mean like if it's if it's not a significant amount I wouldn't worry about it right now until you guys get to baby step five then you can move some of that money to a college savings account if that's what you want to do but if it's a if it is a legitimate pile of money then you may want to be smarter about it or in a sense of just saying like sit down and look to see okay where can we invest this um now but if it's just a few hundred bucks here or there then i think you're fine and just a high high yield savings for now until you guys get to baby step five then you can

put some of that money yeah i i still have I still have so many questions because, yeah, it does matter how much it is. Yeah. Because if it's just a small amount, like, we still do the little piggy bank. Yeah, that's right. That's right. That's right. Totally, totally. Yeah, but great question.

All right. It is a free call anywhere in the country at 888-825-5225. And up next, we have Sarah in Minneapolis. Hey, Sarah. Welcome to the show. Hi, Rachel. Hi, Christina. Hello. Hello. How can we help? Yes, I'm in baby steps four, five and six. But I'm just really struggling with the pull

of just doing it all at once. I mean, I want my money to go so far. And there's also the the dark cloud of my husband's car might need a replacement in the next year, so deciding when to save for that. And then I saw your video yesterday on lifestyle creep. And so I've been a stay-at-home mom the last five years and the last couple of months since I've been back to work. I'm like, oh, no, is that me? Because we're not really making progress on like these goals I feel like instead I'm like oh you can have a vacation now or I can say yes to some of the things I've been saying no to for so long yeah okay so where should I put my money yeah no it's a great question so

what caused you to go back to work Sarah was it that you guys needed the extra income or was it that you were wanting to go back to work what What was, what was your motivation for that? Um, no, it was time. Like we were doing just fine on my husband's income. We were still making like little progress in all these areas, not anything extreme because we had to say no to a lot of things. But even last year I was still able to get a newer van for me and we cash, $15,000. Like, we still had some little cushion in the budget, but now it's like I have my whole income that we didn't need. So how much does your husband make? Well, altogether, our monthly income, like after taxes and everything, we see a take-home about $10,000 a month.

We've never seen that amount before. What was it before you went back to work? Before, so he even got a raise after I got back to work. So we were really playing with around $5,000 a month, maybe $5,000. Yeah, so you all doubled your income. Yes. Which is so great, maybe five. Yeah. So you all doubled your income. Yes. Which is so great. So exciting. So even with that, Sarah, you guys should be able to fund 15% of your income into retirement.

Are you guys, have y'all done kids college at all? Have you started any of that? Yeah, we started it, but when I was staying home, we really pulled back a lot. So we're only doing like $200 a month. We have like $20,000 in so far for the three kids and they don't need college for another decade. I don't know how much to put there. Yeah. So what do you feel like has changed in the lifestyle? Because you said, you know, is it me? Like what, where's this money going? Like what, what has changed? Yeah, I guess I assumed when I went back to work, I'd just have all this extra money in the budget. Well, you doubled it.

Yeah, we doubled it, but it's still, it's like, you know, the kids' activities are adding up. I got like two vacations booked this summer, and they're not like extravagant, but we're saying yes, like to the grocery store more. Like I'm not so afraid about the little nitty gritty. And now I'm starting to realize maybe I need to go back to just being very, very frugal and pretend we don't even have. No. Yeah. No.

I mean, no. What I would say, Sarah is I want you guys to look at your, what your budget was when it was just his income. Cause you guys were doing it. You were, you were living off of it and I'm sure it was,

you know, it was tight, but you were doing it. So go back to there. And then I would up your lifestyle some percentage points. Maybe it's six percent, 10 percent, you know, whatever it is, up it a few percentage points and then say, OK, here's the extra money a month now that we're going to put strictly to lifestyle, but we're going to limit it to that. We're not going to spend like like nothing is happening. We we have this limitless amount of money. We're still going to be intentional. And then from there, that's where you can kind of work through and say, okay, 10% more

is going, 10% is going to giving, 10% more to lifestyle, 15% to retirement. You can start kind of backing your way out of those percentages into your budget. And then that will give you some relief, Sarah, because I think sometimes it can feel like, especially since you guys doubled it, it can feel like, oh, gosh, okay, so what do we do now? Yeah, we can do that. I think that's fine. And this and that, you know, it's almost like you're kind of just being reactive to some

of this stuff. And so the more proactive you guys can be is so key. Do you guys have EveryDollar, our budgeting app? Yes, I've been using it for like the last three years. Oh, awesome. Everything. So I can go back even to see, yeah. Yeah, I would do that.

I think that's a, yeah, I think that's a great plan. And just to give yourself a little bit more of that permission of like, okay, we have this percentage that we're going to spend and enjoy because we're on baby steps four through six and this is what we can do. And then above that, we're still going to say no, because regardless of what you make, everyone has to say no at some point. Right.

We're not in Congress. We're not just spending money like we have everything in the world. And so there is that level of saying, yeah, I still have to be disciplined regardless of what I make. But you should feel a level of freedom that you didn't feel before your income was doubled. So as as you've made more money, like what has that budgeting process looked like? Have you intentionally, like Rachel said, kind of moved things up? Or has it been more like reactive where you're like, Oh, shoot, like we spent more here. So let's just move things around. Like what's your process look like? Well, I think I knew that I could,

you know, give a little more to my grocery budget or say yes to that family vacation this summer, whereas before it was just camping in an old tent where now we can maybe get like a little rental cabin instead. So it's not anything too crazy. It's just, I still have like my husband's car could die a year from now. And even living comfortably, not too frugally I could probably put away at least three grand a month for that car should I really focus on just getting all that lump sum for 20 to 30,000 for a year from now and then go back and revisit all of the other baby steps of the college fund but paying extra for the mortgage and yeah i mean what makes you think it's going to die in a year um it's got 250 000 miles on it okay so you know you'll review

yeah so i think that's a realistic thing to say okay we're going to replace this car um and yeah and that's a sinking fund and to say okay how much money do we want to spend on a car and you guys decide on an amount and then from there yeah you you back it out so if it's 21,000 you can save three grand a month towards a car and you got seven months to save and put that aside in the car fund and then when the car you know when you it may even go 350 miles who knows but but but yeah but when it's time yeah that you have the chunk there so yeah it's just kind of working this but like you said it's not limitless yeah well you you have the chunk there. So yeah, it's just kind of working this. But like you said, it's not limitless. Yeah. So you do have to plan. Well, and Sarah, maybe try a no-spend month. I know we were kind of feeling that a bit last year where it's like, oh, lifestyle creep

and your income changes. And you're like, well, it's just easy for you to lose some of that discipline with your money and having that month where you go all the way down to a very strict budget. And it's not so that you live the rest of your life like that, but you're just kind of going, okay, let's challenge ourselves and then see what we really want. So good. So good. Thanks for calling Sarah. This is The Ramsey Show. Welcome back to The Ramsey Show. I am Rachel Cruz hosting this hour with Christina Ellis. And we are hitting the phones. And up next, we have Raya in Charlotte, North Carolina.

Hey, Raya, welcome to the show. Hi, ladies. Thanks for taking my call. Absolutely. How can we help? Well, I am looking for a bit of relationship advice disguised as financial advice. Yes, yes. Give it to us. We can't wait. Yeah, I'm a 26-year-old in step four with no debt, and I'm really proud of that.

I make a good living living and it's wonderful and comfortable. And my boyfriend of almost one year is probably in baby step one, maybe even zero. I don't even know if he has an emergency fund. And as we get more serious, you know, beginning to talk about money, just a little, not too specific, but I'm starting to get worried that he's not as money savvy as me. And I just want to know what things are important to discuss and agree about before getting serious in a relationship. Yeah, that's a great question. So good. I like love, I love the description of this and the kind of tiptoeing into it. So you've had these little conversations. How have these gone so far? Yeah, it's like vague and non-specific, but, you know, references to student debt,

car debt, things like wanting to buy a house, even though there's still so much debt, car debt, things like wanting to buy a house, even though there's still so much debt. So that doesn't make sense to me, but yeah. Okay. Have you shared with him your journey of becoming debt-free and have you shared any part of what you love to do or what you have done and what you have loved the progress and all of that. How has he responded to that?

Well, OK. OK, disclaimer. I got such a huge head start in life. So I never did take on debt in the first place. That's OK. Yeah. Yeah. So I had no student loans.

I was provided by my parents, all of that. So I've discussed my financial values a little bit, but I know that we're coming from such different places in life that it feels a little bit almost irrelevant to share. Yeah, I hear you. We've gone through things that I've never gone through. Absolutely. Well, and let me say this, it doesn't invalidate where you've been because there's one line of thinking for sure that yes, he may not have had the doors open that you had of going debt free. He may not have had the parents maybe to walk through and teach him about money, maybe like you had, right? So you can make all these assumptions, but also he is still making decisions as an adult though.

And my curiosity is, is it more because it's ignorant and he doesn't know there's another way, or is it because he doesn't care and he is totally fine with debt, regardless of where he came from or not, right? Because we meet people on the show all the time that, that have paid off massive amounts of student debt. They were taught that debt is awesome, right? They've been taught this worldview of money, and they've decided as an adult to change that worldview and change their line of thinking and make progress and get out of debt

and build an emergency fund and do the things that you're doing. So even though he came from, I totally hear that. Maybe not where started and on a different starting point but he still is making decisions day-to-day as an adult so are those decisions he's making because he doesn't know there's a different way or is it because he's totally just fine with what he's doing oh yeah that's what I want to find out ask him, you've been dating for a year. Oh, I, we, we talk about it a little. I'm, I know he wants to get out of debt. I just feel that there's not an urgency that I would feel if I was in that situation. And that kind of scares me. Okay. Yeah. You know, if we, if we got married one day, I mean, I guess I'm being selfish, but I, or, you know, I don't want to be shallow, but I want to be

protective of my financial future. So I. Yes, that is not shallow at all. No, that is wise. That is, that is wise. That is using wisdom. Because what happens, right? In a marriage, one of the leading causes of divorce is money fights and money problems. Cause you get into a marriage and stress, the stress of money weighs on a marriage so, so much. And ahead of time, if you guys can have the same values and same perspective, it helps you. It doesn't mean you're gonna have a perfect marriage and that you're never gonna have a money fight or any of that. But it does give you, it puts you on the same playing field of like, hey, we're playing the same game. We're on the same team playing the same game.

And so, yeah, I would say that. And honestly, Raya, I'm like, if it's been a year and you're in your mid-20s, which granted, I'm like so Southern, we got married young and all that. But like, I would think if I was in your shoes and I've been dating this guy a year, I'm thinking obviously about marriage. I mean, you are too of like, okay, am I going to spend the rest of my life with him? And if you love him and it's leading that way, I would sit down and be like, hey, I just want to have this conversation with you because this topic keeps coming up and I want to just say it out loud. And I have some fear around this whole money

discussion. And I don't know if it's me. I don't know if it's you. I don't know. And don't accuse, don't point fingers and say all this, but but really leave it open-ended but be honest about the situation and what you're feeling and then hear his feedback because he could tell you either yeah screw that i don't care i'm gonna just continue to live my life the way i want and all that and if that's his attitude with money it's probably gonna be his attitude in other areas of your marriage too right so like that's a red flag but if if he says, yeah, I've thought about it so much and I've actually written some goals down and I haven't started because I'm scared, right?

Like kind of get his heart engaged where he is before you kind of slap what you assume about it because assumptions aren't always key. Yeah, and I got an idea. So we're gonna gift you FPU. And I think you have that initial conversation that Rachel said, kind of feel his temperature. And then in that say, I'd really like to take Financial Peace University with you and go through it together so that, you know, it eliminates any

type of excuse of he doesn't know about money. He didn't have parents who taught him about money. He will know what to do with money. And then from there, you can see, does he actually do it? Is he going to take this wisdom and this knowledge and move forward with it? And then from there, you can see, does he actually do it? Is he going to take this wisdom and this knowledge and move forward with it? And by the end, if he doesn't, if he's been given all the tools and he decides he just doesn't care, that's going to show a lot. And on the flip side, potentially, he could go, yes, and like completely go wild with it. And then, you know, in a year or two, you've got a completely debt-free boyfriend that potentially is ready to be a husband and right too i would say amazing yeah and i would say too raya to to give the whole situation like a um a little bit of grace because you are so um you are

so motivated you are so on track you know what you want you're thinking about that like you're very focused and so in our world we talk about the nerd and the free spirit and you know and you I'm just assuming it's probably yeah you're the nerd okay so I can I talk to you as a free spirit my husband is the nerd in our relationship and I'm the free spirit and if he expected me to love excel sheets the way he does looking at our five-year goal and if I didn't love it and get excited about it and he's like I'm not gonna marry you because of that or something crazy, I think I'd be like, oh my gosh, do I have to turn into a nerd to be your wife?

You know what I mean? So don't force him to be someone he's not. So it's not changing who he is or his personality, but it is saying, hey, from a values perspective, do we agree of like, hey, here are some big things with money that I want. I wanna be able to put money away for retirement. I am great with delaying some gratification to save for the future.

I don't have to spend everything I make right now because I'm pretty secure with who I am and I don't need this stuff to fulfill me. Do you know what I mean? It's more of the value, the value conversations I want you to have with them. But don't expect him to turn into a nerd, Raya, and like love this.

And Christina was like, don't watch Netflix. Watch Financial Peace University, which I think is a great idea. So stay on the line. You can do both. And Jenna's going to pick up and you're going to have a really exciting date night with your boyfriend, Raya, watching Financial Peace University. He's going to love it. No, but just, yeah, I think it's opening the door conversation because, again, I mean, if you want to get serious and again move to marriage, these are conversations. And, Raya, you want to have conversations around kids and around in-laws and around spirituality.

Like this is the whole picture of marriage. Money is a piece and an important piece. Yes. But there's other pieces, too. So you guys need to be having. So be talking, Raya. Y'all been dating a year. Get in those conversations.

It is not selfish or extra to want to know those things. That is building a strong foundation. That is smart. You got it, girl. We're cheering you on, Raya. We hope you guys come and do your debt-free scream as newlyweds.

Maybe y'all get married and pay off all the debt together. It'd be so exciting. Okay. Thanks for calling. This is The Ramsey Show. Our scripture of the day comes from Romans 12, 10. Love each other with genuine affection and take delight in honoring each other. Aretha Franklin said, we all require and want respect,

man or woman, black or white. It's our basic human right. Aretha Franklin, respect. So good. R-E-S-P-E-C-T. I love that song. So, so great. All right.

For the last segment, Angela is up next in Dayton, Ohio. Hey, Angela, welcome to the show. Hey, how are you doing? We are doing well. How can we help? First, I want to say, do you guys remember the icky list that you guys had done about people consolidating the deodorant stubs into one?

Yeah, that was us yesterday. Yeah, that's totally me. Yeah. That's totally me. I listen to you guys at work. I don't know what you're talking about. You don't put the hair in the pillow, though, right? Oh, God, no. We're talking about weird Google hacks. Me and George.

Oh, my gosh. How long did it take you? How long did it take you to melt down all your deodorant butts into one stick it only it really only takes like two minutes what and it's like 15 seconds in the microwave and you just pour them into an empty tube and it's so easy does it work just I don't know which art this is it is for me because I have been so ghetto poor for the last three years that $4 or $6 on a new tube of deodorant is gas money for one day to work. That's true. It's a high value for me.

Look at you, Ann. You know what? Good for you. And if it only takes two minutes, like, why not? That's awesome. I imagined it would take longer kind of like digging out all the deodorant. No, it's like if you've ever microwaved icing in a microwave, it takes just that long, like 15 seconds. It even has that steam consistency to it. Okay.

That's a good April Fool's joke right there. I'm no doubt. All right. That is some interesting insight. Thank you, Angela. Thank you, Angela. So what's going on in your life? How can we help? Okay, so what I've got going on is like a family struggle when it comes to money.

So I've taken like 15 years to back away from my family because they have a tendency to borrow money and not pay it back. And my brother, on the other hand, he's doing really good in life. Like he's worth over $2 million. And so when my parents need something, he will call me and say, you need to pay half of this. And I just simply don't have the funds. I'm melting deodorant to get

by and um so for me to come up with like five hundred dollars to help fix something like a plumbing or a septic system I just don't have that and um there's like quite a bit of um bullying tactics that are used on me when I tell them I'll do what I can because I used to just help and suffer the consequence to my financial budget. And I've been making such big strides with these new guys. I'm burnt out and I'm just hurt by their inconsiderateness towards me. Yeah. Yeah. You said, I don't know if I heard this correctly, but did you say you took a 15 year sabbatical from the family? I did. So there's, there's some, there's some stuff there, right? Yeah. I definitely grew up with a good bit of

verbal abuse and physical abuse. And my brother was the favorite child, and he definitely was not treated the same. And I was born with autoimmune disorders and muscular atrophy. Yeah. And so that was always kind of seen as the burden. Yeah. So you took this 15 years, and then you all came back together.

And your parents, your brother's expecting you to pay for your parents' needs. Is that correct? Like on their house? Right. Do your parents, do they not have money? Do they not have income? They didn't manage their money properly um angel i want to just release you that they were working okay this is not your responsibility

we can honor our parents but this is not your responsibility and the fact that your brother is using bullying tactics against you and then all the things that you were just listing out of your childhood growing up and then taking and then having some boundaries around them in the recent years i think there needs to be another really hard conversation but you need to protect yourself i mean there's a level here that is not not only that it's not fair for you it's just wrong it's wrong the way that they're treating you and again even if you had the money right even if you had it it's still your money that you get to decide and if you felt like yeah this is something i want to be generous with with mom and dad like i then i get to decide that as angela i'm not going to be forced into a situation

of what i don't need to do so i don't know if it's a conversation that you need to have with your brother and draw a really hard boundary and just say, I'm not giving any more money. Whether I have it or not, I'm deciding right now that I don't like the way that this has been going down. And so I'm sorry, but I'm drawing that. And he may get all angry and pissed

and who knows what he'll say, right? I'm like, I don't know the situation but I think John Deloney Dr. John Deloney would say there that that you need to protect yourself and a boundary allows you to do that and yeah there's a space between the 15 year gap where it's like you don't talk at all it's cold turkey and the bullying and bad feelings that you felt growing up. And, you know, they don't get to drag you into that as an adult. You're an adult now. And I know it's hard when you have childhood trauma to put up boundaries like that's hard because you're triggered whenever, you know, they say those things. It's like you're all of a sudden you're 12 years old again and you're feeling those emotions. But like Rachel said, you are released from that.

And even though it may feel mean, even though when you put the boundary up, they are probably not going to like it. They may even say some mean things, but that's okay. And that's why you put up the boundary. Yeah, that's for that kind of people. They want to have every conversation be a text because they're the kind of people that screenshot things and post them on Facebook and crop it to suit their liking. Oh, yeah. No, that's toxic.

Yeah, no. As light as they can. Yeah, I'm out. There's even a chance that this boundary needs to be, again, where there's not a lot of contact very often. Like, that is toxic. And I'm sorry you're going through that. We're going to gift you a copy of Own Your Past, Change Your Future by Dr. John Deloney, because I think there's going to be a lot of healing for you in this next few years. I think

it's going to take some time for you to process a lot of that trauma and to kind of work through it because, man, family stuff can be so hard. And especially when they're still behaving that way, it'd be different if they had gone through their own healing journey and weren't counseling and were trying to work and repair things. But it does not sound like they are willing to change, want to change. And if anything, they're trying to drag you right back in. Yes. So I hope, Angela, that you hear us just say you are released from responsibility, I think, financially and even relationally to a point that there needs to be relational boundaries and financial boundaries,

really strong ones drawn. So again, yeah, Jenna's going to pick up and read Dr. John Deloney's book because it is really helpful to acknowledge what has happened. I mean, it is all about owning your past and we all have stories of this, right? Some, the level of trauma, the stories look different. But man, there's a lot there to unpack for you, Angela. And so even get with a good therapist and counselor if you haven't yet, because everyone, I would recommend that to everybody sitting down and unpacking your story, because it is so helpful to engage who you are today and then help give you the confidence to make decisions for what's best for you, Angela, in your life and in your money.

So I hope you do that. So again, Jen will pick up and you can get a copy of that. Well, that's a huge part of changing your future too is it's not like the past just stays in a perfect box. You're still dealing with these people in real time. So it's not like you can just cut it off and that's it. It's like you have to figure out new systems, new boundaries, new ways to move forward that's going to protect you and help you have a full life. Because it's like when you're constantly feeling that negativity,

when those people are constantly trying to drag you back into your past, it's like that can really hurt you moving forward. So, you know, feel the freedom to set those boundaries and own your future. That's right. Absolutely. Thanks, Angela, for the call. Well, thank you, feel the freedom to set those boundaries and own your future. That's right. Absolutely. Thanks, Angela, for the call. Well, thank you, America. That puts this show in the books. Christina Ellis, it's always fun hosting with you.

So fun. Thanks so, so much. And yeah, thank you, America, for listening. This is The Ramsey Show. Hey, it's Christina Ellis. If you love the show and want to dive deeper on your money journey, we have a weekly newsletter that gives you trending and helpful articles and tips on following the Ramsey way. Just go to ramseysolutions.com today

to sign up for our newsletter. Again, that's ramseysolutions.com to sign up for our weekly newsletter.