The Ramsey Show - App - Your Parents Don’t Get a Vote… Set Some Boundaries!

Episode Date: June 8, 2022

Dave Ramsey & Rachel Cruze discuss: When it makes sense to join a country club (and why people need to mind their own business), How to set healthy boundaries with your parents, Am I overreacting to my husband's purchase? Want a plan for your money? Find out where to start: https://bit.ly/3nInETX Listen to all The Ramsey Network podcasts: https://bit.ly/3GxiXm6

Live from the headquarters of Ramsey Solutions, it's the Ramsey Show, where debt is dumb, cash is king, and the paid-off home mortgage has taken the place of the BMW as the status symbol of choice. This is the Ramsey Show. We help people build wealth, do work that they really love, and create actual amazing relationships. Rachel Cruz, number one best-selling author, Ramsey personality, and my daughter is my co-host today as we answer your questions about building wealth, doing work you love, and amazing actual relationships. So Rachel, I'm going to do something I don't usually do. I'm going straight to the mailbag. We don't usually pull up emails on the show anymore 2007 but this i read this i occasionally i pull off something that we get into customer care hate mail or uh trolls or actual just funny

stuff or really inspiring things that customers do and you used to read it and i read it to the uh to the staff meeting you haven't done that in a while i feel like i read this one monday morning our whatever day it was the other day and so james our producer says you got to read this to the audience okay so dave thanks for your practical and entertaining advice you and the team put on the ramsey show we're debt free including our house worth over two million dollars we presented our final mortgage check to chase bank in hollywood california the journey to the bank included driving past a man dressed as marilyn monroe riding a bicycle a 70 year old woman wearing tight animal print driving a hot pink corvette once at the bank the person ahead of us in line was covered in tattoos on her face when we handed the teller the check they congratulated us and

then my husband turned to me and said we're the weirdest people in hollywood which is a high bar is the point huge thanks to you and the entire ramsey team for your guidance and inspiration we couldn't have done it without you way to go guys that's a lot of fun that's funny we're the weirdest people in Hollywood. You're so weird. We say that all the time, but really not exactly in that context. But that's just straight up funny. That's great.

Open phones here at 888-825-5225. Matt's in Albuquerque, New Mexico. Hey, Matt, how are you? I'm doing fine. Thank you very much, Dave and Rachel, for taking my call. I appreciate it. Sure. What's up?

I feel really kind of bad asking this because so many people are having a rough go of it and suffering and everything, and yet my question seems so, you know, Your success does not cause their problems. Okay. Well, I appreciate that anyway uh what i would like to know is if i can get a uh objective answer to the question of whether i can afford or should uh purchase or get into a golf club golf club membership absolutely you should no i'm kidding i was like this is a perfect over there that's like asking me if you should buy a boat. I mean, come on.

Really. I thought I'd have a better chance of it if I said gun prep. But anyway. No, any of these are good with me. I'm good with all of them. So, all kidding aside, you know, obviously it's not a moral question. It's just a ratios thing. If it is a small enough percentage of your life that it doesn't matter mathematically

then obviously you should do it if you're going to spend your kids college tuition to join a golf club no be a man don't do that no it's it's not that uh the golf club membership um in the initiation fee plus you know getting the card itself would run $30,000. And then the monthly dues after that is roughly $550,000, $600,000 a month. That's pretty reasonable for most golf clubs. Hopefully it's a decent track, right? Yeah, it's a real nice course. What do you make a year?

What do you make a year? Household income is around $165,000. Okay, and what's your net worth? Including property and all of that good stuff in the neighborhood of $1.5 million. Okay. And you're debt-free? Debt-free, no mortgage, no credit card, no nothing except monthly bills. Matt, I think you've just joined the country club.

Yeah. I think you're fine. I think you're fine. I appreciate the hesitation, though. Your only problem is you're still a tightwad. That's your only problem. See, yeah, it kind of, you know, it kind of hurt a little bit, you know, because that's a lot of money for initial outlay.

And there was a time, you know, six months ago I canceled an MP3 purchase because they had risen the price from $0.99 to $1.29. That's just horrible. I can't believe that they would do that to a man like you but um and matt i'm assuming too you're going to use the membership correct like you enjoy golfing you're going to be using it it's not like oh i'm just going to do it it's going to just sit there and it's a waste you're going to be using it yeah i'm not going to yeah i'm not going to just say hey look what i got no absolutely i'm going to be hacking away so matt that's the – you're already like throwing out golf terms,

and I have no idea what you mean, so I'm assuming that's a golf hacking? It just means he's going to dig holes in the golf course. Okay, there you go. Yeah. What I would encourage, Matt, is that we talk about here on the show so often that you live like no one else, and that's what you hear a lot on the show is the sacrifice that people are taking currently to get out of debt, to build up an emergency fund, to get to a point where their head's

above water, but then to later to live and give like no one else. And so you're just at that other end of the equation. And a lot of people struggle in that latter part of the equation because they're like, oh, gosh, like gosh like yeah spending money feels weird or i feel wasteful is this okay they ask all the same questions you ask and so um so what i'm always looking for it to make it a wise decision and also to make it emotionally palatable is ratios okay how big a percentage of your world is this and thirty thousand dollars is a percentage of 1.5 or as a percentage of $165,000 income with

somebody completely dead free. It's like buying a biscuit, dude. I mean, it's not, it's not going to affect your life. If you take $30,000 and put it in the middle of the floor and burn it, your life is not going to change. No. Okay. That's my point. And so that means you can afford this and it, cause you don't even notice it you don't even notice. It doesn't affect your giving. It doesn't affect your investing. It affects your enjoyment of life. And there's three things you can do with money. You can enjoy it, you can give it, and you can invest it,

and you should always be doing all three. But look at the ratios. And the ratios set you free because I used to be that guy. I was that guy that said, now I need to drive a car that expensive because I'm like managing other people's lives or something and that's just a bunch of crap that's just poor mouthing is what we call it i mean that's just you grow up in a neighborhood where you run down rich people you know and it's like no one should ever go car who needs a car that expensive well i can

tell you who doesn't need it somebody can't pay for it, and they notice when they buy it. But I got a friend that made $15 million last year, and he drove up in front of my house in a $300,000 Lamborghini. But you know what? That's a smaller percentage he spent on his car of his income than you spend on your car, all of you listening. So shut up. It's none of your business what he drives. And it's not affecting him.

It's a 300,000 as a percentage of 15 million. So if you make 150,000, that'd be like buying a $3,000 car. Okay? It's the same exact ratios. So shut up. You got a full-time job managing your life. Jeez. Great job, Matt.

Touchdown. I'm proud of you. Go get the Dadgum Golf membership. You're awesome. This is the important than ever. While some circumstances can't be controlled, there are items within your budget you can take charge of, such as your health care costs. For nearly 40 years, Christian Health Care Ministries, or CHM, has provided a budget-friendly means of sharing for medical bills when our members need it. Learn more by visiting

chministries.org slash budget. That's chministries.org slash budget. Christian Healthcare Ministries is a Ramsey personality, is my co-host today. Kate's in Ontario. Hi, Kate. Welcome to the Ramsey Show. Hey, Dave. Hey, Rachel. Thank you so much for taking my call.

Dave, I actually talked to you and George back in December. My grandmother passed away and is leaving me about $150,000 Canadian dollars. The probate period is ending. I'm probably going to receive the money at the end of the month, and I'm having a disagreement with my parents about what I would like to do with the money versus what they would like me to do with the money. I'd really like to honor both my grandparents and my parents. How old are you?

And I just hope for your advice. How old are you and i just hope your advice how old are you oh i'm 30 why do your parents get a vote in this well they gave me sixty thousand dollars my husband fifty thousand dollars very generously when we bought our starter home did they give it to you or did they loan it to you and say they get to tell you how to run your life after that no sir they gave it to us as a very generous that's sweet that's sweet until they until they use that as the guilt trip ticket so you should continue to fully fund our emergency fund which is about halfway there and then put the rest towards our mortgage which would pay about 80 percent of it down there's two different things going on here, okay?

You're asking me what to do with it, and you're discussing your parents wanting to tell you what to do with it. Those are two different subjects, okay? Okay. Rachel? So, well, I'm curious, what do your parents want you to do? Because I just heard what you want to do. What do they want you to do?

My parents want me to put it in retirement accounts, basically the Canadian equivalents of Roth and IRA, as well as do some home repairs. So what is it for you, Kate, though, that kind of back to Dave's question of that need to really feel the weight of what they're saying? Are they making you feel so guilty? Like, why don't you just go and do what you want to do? They're not making me feel guilty. They're really wonderful people who have done a lot on their own, and they have really won with money and been great examples to me that I feel I should really honor.

But what you're suggesting you want to do with money is not dumb. Well, I didn't think so. Well, no, it's not. I mean, it's exactly what we teach, so obviously we think it's not dumb but also i mean you didn't suggest you go uh you know somehow you blow the money or you're irresponsible with money okay let me run a parallel for you okay this is how my mind works and i can't help it um but you know rachel's little brother daniel is 31? I don't know how old my brother is, but it sounds about right. And so if he and his wife, Allison, got $150,000, I am very loud. I am very opinionated.

And when it comes to this particular subject, I'm very right. Okay? But I'm still, the chances of me, and and Rachel back me up on this the chances of me calling Daniel and Allison up out of the blue and saying here's what you should do with money that you got from Allison's parents or got from whatever other source is zero now if they ask I'll tell them what I think they should do but i'm not going to withhold love if they don't do it i'm not going to roll my eyes if they don't do it um they're like grown people and stuff you see is that i mean that's how we would function right a hundred percent yes for

sure but but kate i have for you do you feel like you're going to get that the roll of the eye the oh my gosh I can't believe you did that Kate that that feeling from your parents or do you think they're going to say oh we just think that this was a better idea but you go do like is there that sticking point I think they might be disappointed that I maybe didn't take their advice and I took Dave Ramsey's advice instead. But I don't think they would. I don't think it would be a Thanksgiving dinner. So for you, though, you're just struggling between are they right or is this right?

Sorry, go. Exactly. Exactly. And I want to if I go ahead and make like the Dave Ramsey stream decision, I want to do it in a way and explain it to them in a way that, you know, this is what I would like to do, and I'd like to honor you and honor my grandparents in this. Absolutely. Absolutely.

So go. He's like dying over here. I appreciate you wanting them to be happy with your decision, but your need for their approval just needs to stop. Okay. Their boundaries are just, they're walking for their approval just needs to stop. Okay. Their boundaries are just, they're walking all in your yard with muddy boots. They need to get back in their yard. They came across the fence.

They just came across the fence. And, you know, you don't have to be mean about it, and I'm not suggesting you be caustic. And this isn't really about their advice or Dave Ramsey's advice. This is about, like, you being a grown-up and stuff, and you get to make your decisions. And you decided you were going to, you gathered up information from several different sources, and then you made the decision of what you wanted to do with your money. It's not like, oh, I picked Dave Ramsey over I picked my parents.

No, you're not doing that. That's not what's going on here. What's really going on here is you gathered information from several different places. You think that this particular method is the best, okay? Rachel gathered several pieces of information from different places and bought a freaking Tesla. How in the world? But she did.

And we're making, you know, we make fun of her all the time. And we joke about it. But the point is, even as, you know, we make fun of her all the time. And we joke about it. But the point is, even as, you know, we joke about it, the chances of me, she did not follow her parental guidance when she purchased a car that runs on a battery. Her father would never do that. Not going to a gas station. But I, you know, all we have done is celebrate that she loves the car and joke about it. That's all we've done. There's been no me walking over in your boundary saying you shouldn't do that.

That's a dumb idea. Stop being stupid. I never did any of that. No, no. But, Kate, I would say when you explain it to your parents, because you're like, yeah, they're probably going to be disappointed. So, yes, the boundaries is a whole issue. You shouldn't be disappointed. I'm not disappointed that you bought a tesla i make fun of you but i'm not disappointed no no but kate i think too to explain it to them though like like

um that your quickest way to honor them honor your grandparents all the language you're using and to help you and your family win, you and your husband win with money, the fastest way to get from point A to point B of what you see is to have what's wise as an emergency fund in the bank, or having an emergency fund in the bank, paying off any debt that you have, being able to take some of that and pay off your mortgage so that way you guys don't have a mortgage payment.

So that you can invest and all that. Because their advice is not necessarily, it's not the order we would do it but investing that money it's not like they're giving you bad advice you could invest that money and be totally great kate but but the steps before that and explaining to them like hey here's what here's how i'm seeing it to be wise to get to that point and then i will then i will be able to invest and have the margin to invest a lot i think john Delaney would disagree with you. Really? To explain it to him? No, I think he would just say,

listen, I appreciate your input. You don't get a vote. Okay, but if Kate's not, I'm thinking if I'm in her shoes, though, and I feel like a, oh gosh, you know, and again, this isn't you guys, but I'm like, if I had parents saying that to me, she's at the point, though, that she's taking their opinion with such weight.

For her to just eliminate that, that doesn't happen overnight. So for her to make this decision, though, in the next week. You just smile at them and say, honey, you don't get a vote. But that's mean. You can be nicer about than that. Honey, hey, you didn't tell your mother and I the name of your children before they were born because you were afraid your mother would roll her eyes okay she said because we don't get a vote it's your freaking kid you get to name the kid we hope you don't name a moonbeam but we but but you get to name the kid my mom goes oh god please don't name them anything

weird i was like well i'm not telling you the baby name. Exactly. Exactly. And all you said was, in a nice way, you don't get a vote. My kid and my body, I name it. You know? And that's healthy boundaries. I know, but what do you say to Kate who doesn't? She needs to put up healthy boundaries. She does.

But I think having a conversation and explaining why she's making this decision is not wrong. It's not. They don't get a vote. They don't get a vote. So they don't need to be persuaded. Oh, my gosh. No. She's making her decision to do the emergency fund and pay off the mortgage.

But I think it's totally fine relationally to go into her parents and say, hey, here's why I've chosen to do it. You don't get a vote. But here's why. And explain the why. That's not wrong. If you want to to it's okay but dial up deloney you didn't explain me why you named your kid that and you didn't explain to me why you bought a tesla and i still love you i don't want to get gas anymore i know but i didn't

you didn't offer you didn't owe me an explanation no i no i don't but if i was worried about it i probably would give you an explanation but i'm not worried about it, I probably would give you an explanation. But I'm not worried about it. Because you don't care. See, there it is. It's Healthy Foundries. That's it. You got it. Isn't this wonderful? I love it.

I don't know. Okay, bottom line is, do what you want to do with your money. I would recommend what we always recommend. And we hope you do that. And we love you anyway. In the lobby of Ramsey Solutions on the debt-free stage, Ken and Laura are with us. Hey, guys, how are you? Good, how are you?

Great, better than we deserve. Where do you all live? Knoxville. Knoxville. What part of Knoxville? We actually live in Powell, just north Knoxville. Yeah, very nice. Well, Rachel's husband's from Knoxville.

I was born in Merville, so we're all from over that direction. So welcome to Nashville. Good to have you. How much debt have you paid? $23,000. Good. Very good for you. And how long did that take?

A year. One year. And your range of income during that time? Started out at $76,000 and then was up to $81,000. Cool. What kind of debt was the $23,000? My car. Your car.

That's it. Our car. That's simple. The one that you you drive that's our car yes all right so uh how long y'all been married 15 years next month okay so what was the uh thing that happened a year ago that just you said okay so it started really about five years ago my work had a lunch and learn about being financially fit and I never considered financial fitness just always physical so I went to it and I was kind of intrigued and that kind of started the snowball from there so over the next course of a couple of years we kind of talked about like we weren't

going to be able to retire I hadn't put anything in retirement in probably 10 to 12 years he was only putting in five percent and just like that we needed to get our act together. So I had been praying. I was just nervous and scared. And COVID came along. And then Providentially Found Your radio show started listening. And it took me a while to get on board because we used our credit cards and got our cash back and all that kind of stuff. And so then Rachel's book, Know Yourself, Know Your Money, was coming out in the wallet.

And so I had never used a debit card. I don't even think I had one. And so that was my first debit card purchase. And then from that moment, I was like, I can't put credit cards in that wallet. No, you cannot. I'm so proud of you. I'm so glad that the motivation of doing it. It's got this little thing down inside of it.

It distinguishes whether it's debit or credit, and it destroys it as soon as you put it in there. I love it. That's awesome. Yeah. That's amazing okay so you guys so now then you come back to ken and you know okay uh i'm about to get us weird and what can say um well she was all gung-ho and i was like this was this is a little this is kind of weird fast yeah and just kind of that he was like, you have to have credit cards. Everybody has credit cards. We can't live without them.

A little while before we got turned down at a car company because we didn't have a credit card with us right around this time. So we had to go home, get a credit card, put the deposit down to get the car. So I'm like, you kind of need a credit card for emergencies. And now you're you're surviving without them yeah i don't know i'm getting too excited about this that's so funny okay so what so but the only debt you guys had was this car was the car that he used a credit card to do the down payment on yeah well and we had always um we had kind of got into debt got out like we bought his truck paid it off early went into student loan debt paid it off within like a year or two and

we just kept doing that and i knew really like inside like that's not how i want to live that's not where i want to be but we would keep going back to it so like you work for the bank yeah yeah and i had been listening um when i would pick my girls up every day from school i would listen from two to four we would hear the debt-free screams. And so I heard one that was almost exactly the same amount that we owed, same amount of money. And I was just thinking, there's no excuse that we can't do this. That's amazing.

Amazing. And then you guys did it. I mean, you said, okay, we're going to do this. So I'm curious, Ken, what would you say to the wife listening right now who wants her husband on board, but he won't get on board. What was it that helped you decide, okay, we can do this and I'm going to jump in and we're going to do this weird plan of paying off the car?

Well, it's really, Laura has really good intuition and this is more her area than mine um i'm the nerd yeah yeah um so i i guess it's really just you know do you really trust your your wife i mean i do i mean up until my job now i never even knew what my paycheck was i I mean, I never even looked at it. And so, you know, I just fully trust her in everything, and she thought this was a really good idea. And so even though it was kind of against my raising, you know, I'm on board. Everybody's raised against everybody because everybody's raised to stay in debt. Yeah. Get in debt, stay in debt your whole life.

That's how we were all taught. Yeah. That's cool. Good. So how does it feel now it feels good great i feel like it was just so empowering like we can do anything if something happened and our income decreased or one of us lost a job like we're going to be able to manage it yeah we'll be okay anybody cheering you on from the sidelines our girls yeah mainly our daughters yeah they were really big um we would go to the store one of them would have the grocery list and the other one would have a calculator and they'd be like mom we're getting close to the amount like we can't put that in that's not on the list that's good yeah that's a great great exercise for those young ladies

to learn to learn to say no to budget with, or to live with an amount and make decisions. Because you've got to, okay, if I want to put that in the buggy, I can't put these two things in the buggy. You've got to decide. And you have to do that your whole life, really. All of us do. So not just the grocery store, but everywhere. And that's the thing. So way to go, you guys.

Way to go. I'm very proud of you. How does it feel to be free? Wonderful. Feels good. I wish we had found it and started it sooner. Will you go back in debt? Nope. Nope. Nope. Done. Done. All right. Good for y'all. Feels good. I wish we had found it and started it sooner. Will you go back in debt? Nope.

Nope. Done. Done. All right. Good for y'all. Very cool. Well, let's bring the girls up to give us their names and ages, please. We've got Lexi and Abby, and they're both 10.

They're twins. Oh, wonderful. Oh, so fun. Okay. Rachel's mom's a twin, so there you go. Good stuff. Fun stuff. Well, we've got a copy of Baby Steps Millionaires for you,

How Ordinary People Built Extraordinary Wealth, How You Can Too. That's the next chapter in your story. You guys are going to be millionaires now. You're on your way. You make $80,000 a year. You don't have any payments. You can do it. It's very, very, very possible.

One-third of the millionaires that we studied never made six figures. So it's very possible. Good stuff. Also got a copy of the book, The Total Money Makeover, that almost 10 million folks have followed to do the stuff that you're doing, the baby steps, the whole thing. You can give that away to somebody, help them get started. And we've got a copy of the Financial Peace University one-year subscription to FPU and every dollar through the Ramsey Plus subscription. And we'll give you that as well.

You can go through the class if you want. If you have already been through it, give it to somebody else. We want you to pay it all forward and give you some stuff to help some other folks. So way to go, you guys. We're very proud of you all. You're awesome. You're heroes. Thank you. Well done.

Well done. Good excuse to come over to Nashville and hang out. Yes. I like it. Good stuff. All right. It's Ken and Laura and Abby and Lexi from Knoxville. $23,000 paid off in one year, making $76,000 to $81,000.

Count it down. Let's hear a debt-free scream. Three, two, one. We're debt-free! Yeah! Fabulous. Very well done, you guys. Very well done.

Nick is in Omaha, Nebraska. Hi, Nick. How can we help? I've got a couple questions about student loans. Thanks for taking my call first. Sure. So I attended a quarantine college, and there was a thing signed earlier this month about canceling debt yep your debt will be forgiven if you have a federal student loan

so i have two federal student loans technically with both from corinthian yes one's a parent plus one which i promised to pay and one's underneath my name they're both gone they're both gone so so technically i'm on baby step three right now uh well you got to go through the process i mean you're going to get with the government and work through it but uh the standard okay biden came out said i forgave five billion dollars worth of student loan debt bull crap he did not the standard procedure with the department of education is if a private college like corinthian college goes broke the federal government has always canceled all of the student loans associated

with that college they've always done that that's a standard thing biden didn't do that it was going to happen whether biden was in office or trump was in office or whoever was in office it's just it's the way the program works and so he wants to take political credit for it, but he didn't do squat. So, but the debt is forgiven. The stupid college went broke, they ripped you off, and you get your debt completely forgiven. Now, you're going to have to go through that process. So, yeah, mathematically, you're not paying any more on these debts, and you're going to walk out of this completely,

but you're going to have to go through the paperwork, and you're going to have to deal with the Department of Education and fill out the forms and do all the stuff so that it goes away, because it doesn't just poof, disappear. How does it do it? Do you know? It's a process. I mean, like a series of papers. It's a paper you fill out, a series of forms you fill out. Just like if you become disabled, your federal student loans are forgiven, but you have to go prove the disability. You have to fill out the paperwork. They don't just automatically call you up and go, hey, I heard you're disabled. We're forgiving. No, you got to fill out the paperwork, they don't just automatically call you up and go, hey, I heard you're disabled, we're forgiving.

No, you've got to go make the thing happen. Yep, yep. This is the Ramsey Show. We'll be right back. Rachel Cruz, Ramsey personality, number one best-selling author, is my co-host today. There's so much crazy going on, and people are looking for direction on how to handle their finances day-to-day, but they're also struggling to see if it's even possible to build wealth out there right now. At our Building Wealth live event, we're going to talk to you through all the crazy, through all recession talk, high gas prices, high interest rates, how are you going to become wealthy? It's not by going stupid, I can tell you that, and getting in some kind of get-rich-quick garbage.

We're going to show you how to really build wealth in good times and in bad times, and we do that at these Building Wealth Live events. We just finished up a couple of them. They were sold out in Vegas, sold out in Orlando. The Phoenix event is September the 13th, Sacramento November the 1st, Minneapolis is November the 10th, and San Antonio is November the 15th. They are all 80% sold. So if you want to come, you're not going to be able to wait until the fall to buy your tickets right before the event.

They're going to be gone. So we want you to get your tickets now so that you can actually pull this off. It's going to be great. Rachel Cruz will be with me, George Camel, Ken Coleman, Dr. John Deloney. We can't wait to see you guys. We love going out into the public, seeing human beings. We think this is important. Humans need to see humans.

It's a good thing. And event passes start as low as $25. You can get a four-pack as low as $60. So bring your friends. It's going to be amazing. Get four of your buddies up. Let's go. Go to ramseysolutions.com slash events.

Get your seats now. Our question of the day comes from blinds.com. Find out for yourself why blinds.com is the number one online retailer of custom window coverings with free samples, free shipping, and the new promos they run every month. You'll save even more. Use the promo code RAMSEY to get the best deal today's question comes from kate in oregon my husband and i are on baby step two and are getting close to baby step three he has recently started selling things he owns in order to upgrade to something more

expensive for example a new bow for hunting he sold his old bow but the price of the new one was over a thousand dollars more than he got from the sale of his old one he's an avid hunter and i want to support and i want to be supportive but the amount we have spent he has spent in the last year on hunting gear alone makes my palms sweaty he argues that he is within the rules since he is selling something he's already had, but the new purchase is always more than what he gets from the sale. Am I overreacting to this? No, you're not overreacting, Kate.

You guys are still in debt. You're getting close to Baby Step 3, but until you guys are out of Baby Step 3, you are selling things in order to get the cash from the sale to put towards debt, not to go buy new stuff. So, no, I don't think you're overacting. I think he's wrong in this.

He can still hunt with the things he has and still enjoy the hobby, but you don't have to go and purchase new stuff right now where you guys are at. I wouldn't. I would wait until after Baby Step 3. Then he can upgrade some stuff if he wants, but he needs to sell stuff in order to put that money towards debt or towards the emergency fund, not to buy something new. That's the exact correct tactical answer on what he should be doing.

The problem with this is not what he should be doing. The problem with this is why. He's acting like a little boy and you're acting like his mommy. He needs to man up and decide that the two of you as a couple, like two freaking adults, are trying to accomplish a goal together. And then he doesn't have to run whining for permission to buy a bow to go hunting. He needs to be participating in the vision of the household and once he decides that the two of you are trying to accomplish a goal that's worth it then it turns around the other way and we start selling guns and hunting gear and i'm a gun guy and i have way too many

of them my wife is a purse woman and she has way too many of them but none of those things are getting in the way of our future vision that we have for the Ramsey household as a couple. Because that's more important than a bunch of crap. Purses and guns and bows and stuff that we all collect. Okay? So, no, it's not about how can I still be the same and keep the rules. No. I'm not about how can I still be the same and keep the rules. No.

I'm not breaking the rules. You're not participating in the grown-up discussion is the problem. You need to get your butt in gear and participate in the grown-up discussion. Yes, but he's not the one asking the question. I know, but that's the point. So the point is, Kate, it's not can we blow a whistle with a striped shirt and throw a flag. He's out of bounds. He's out of bounds. He's out of bounds in not the bow that he purchased. He's out of bounds in the fact that he even wanted to purchase the bow

because he's completely not plugged into the bigger picture, the future, the vision for this house and this couple. That's where he's out of bounds. So that's where I'm throwing the flag. And that means that, no no you don't upgrade your hunting equipment when you're in debt good god no and i'm not listen i'm all for you getting your stuff guys i want you to go do stuff i go do guy stuff all the time i believe in it i think that's a big deal and if you want to go hunting and that's great go hunting but you got a

bow and it wasn't the lack of a bow that caused you to miss that last deer it was the fact you didn't crawl up on it right that was the problem it was you not the it's not the arrow it's the guy shooting it so there we go all right man he's just I can't I think well i mean no i mean this is this i know i hear i hear you and i agree i totally agree okay but listen there are people all there are there are millions of people right now and i bet half of the whatever half of them are thinking that i have a spouse like that though i have a my wife won't do it so the point is you got to give you have to talk about not the the discussion is not about the bow. Yes. The discussion is about the vision and the lack of it. But if he will not, then that's a marriage issue that's really deep because you are married

to a little boy and not a man. You're married to a little princess and not a woman because you you step in beside your spouse. You put your shoulder in the wheel and you lift to go do the things that matter for your house. And instead of just like, how little can to go do the things that matter for your house. And instead of just like, how little can I get away with if she won't nag me? Oh, my God. What are you, in a sitcom?

I mean, go have like a, no, no, no. This lack of vision from either spouse, it doesn't matter. Yeah, you're right. And so my point is it's not a hunting gear problem. It's a vision problem. And if you can't solve that, then you really, at the core of it, you have a marriage problem. Because I will never tell you in any circumstance to babysit your spouse.

You know, well, if you're married to a woman like that, you just have to enjoy making money. No, you have to quit being a wuss and deal with the problems of her behavior. And you all look at each other and go, this is not causing us to win. And she's just that way. You're just a wuss. Deal with the stuff, you know. And it's not being mad at you but that you cannot dance around it's like you know how can

i um how can i manage our household in such a way to prepare for divorce you can't you get divorced it's a freaking financial nightmare i mean marriage is grand divorce is 50 grand you can't half but do this stuff because it's all this personal finance is more personal than it is finance. Yes. All intertwined. All intertwined. And for couples, though, you know, it's, you know, a lot of people, they don't even have that discussion of what's the vision of our of our of our household. Where do we want to be?

Like, that's not a that's not a normal discussion. No, it's not. But the but the encouraging thing is to sit down and push into the awkwardness. Like, right? Like, if you've never had that discussion, it's going to be awkward. It's going to be fun.

Like, you're not going to know exactly what you're doing, but start the conversation. Start talking about it because to your point, it's not just the money issue. Your marriage changes when you guys get on the same page.

And so there's something about changing the marriage and the outflow of that changed marriage comes situations like a money situation that you guys then work on together. But a lot of people that even sitting down and having that discussion, those discussions don't happen in some households. But you cannot fix the hunting bow discussion with a hunting bow answer.

Because the hunting bow discussion is not the problem it's the symptom yep yep the problem is we're not both being grown-ups aimed at a big noble goal that's big enough to cause me to put my my items my selfish thing that i want to decide for a few moments so that we accomplish some bigger goals in my marriage yeah and that's selflessness that's a yeah and that's how marriage that's selflessness. That's the heart of marriage. That's how marriages get healed all the time at Financial Peace University. Yep. I mean, I've had people tell me for years, you know,

we've been to six marriage counselors, and then we went through FPU, and it saved our marriage. Because we force you to have a vision for the future together. We're going to be up in your grill. This is The Ramsey Show. Hey, it's Rachel Cruz, co-host on The Ramsey Show. If you want to do your debt-free scream live on the show, visit ramsaysolutions.com slash debt-free scream. We'd love for you to come to Nashville and tell Dave your story. That's ramsaysolutions.com slash debt-free scream.