The Ramsey Show - App - You’re a Grown Man - Your Parents Don’t Get a Vote! (Hour 1)

Episode Date: December 1, 2021

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Live from the headquarters of Ramsey Solutions, broadcasting from the Dollar Car Rental Studios, it's the Ramsey Show, where debt is dumb, cash is king, and the paid-off home mortgage has taken the place of the BMW as the status symbol of choice. I'm Dave Ramsey, your host, Dr. John Deloney. Ramsey Personality is my co-host today. Open phones at 888-825-5225. So John and I were making fun of obnoxious children's toys that are too loud and drive their parents crazy, and you ought to buy those for parents of little kids that you want to get back at, like my kids, for instance, and let my grandkids harass them with loud and obnoxious games.

And you had talked about this on your podcast, and that's what brought it up, I think. You and I were talking about it on the air the other day, that you were playing Hungry Hippos, which is a brainless, loud, obnoxious game. Yes, it's a game of the apocalypse. It is. It's a sign that the zombies are coming. They're en route. They're en route.

And Hasbro, we were trashing old Hasbro in the process. Thank you, Hasbro, for bringing headaches to parents for generations now because Hungry Hippos has been around for a couple generations. Absolutely. They've been hungry a long time. They just can't be fed yeah and so we you know just kind of we're just goofing off like we do sometimes here on the air when we're supposed to be answering serious people's serious questions instead we were

screwing around and uh goofing off and trashing hungry hippos and you know buy like your childhood buy your grandkid a drum set so that your kids it pays payback for a cowbell you know just in a cowbell yeah oh the other one was the flute thing right the recorder the recorder that's james child's thing oh god man we just make fingernails down a chalkboard when they come to the house with those things so um yeah and they don't i mean yeah so anyway somebody i'm gonna go with hasbro on this i'm going with a marketing rep for Hasbro. This thing just showed up. It was shipped to me the next day after we mouthing about it on the air.

It shows up here at the office, and it's addressed to me. I'm a little bit afraid to open it. There might be a COVID in there or something. There's 100% chance. It could be a trap or maybe a little COVID hiding in there. But here's what. I love a great bluff call. And so Hasbro, well played.

I'm going to play this game at my kitchen table with my kids in honor of this bluff call. I support that. You already have one, though, right? Oh, we do. But our hippos are huge. These are baby hippos. Svelte hippos. The ones we had were like the size of your hand.

Yeah, these are like little wimpy hippos. These ones work out or something. Yeah, these are like little wimpy these ones work out or something yeah these are exercising hip but i still think i'll give it to one of my grandkids and send it home with them just to uh just to spread hate and dissension among my family tonight man there you go man today maybe you guys could trash like the new macbook pros or something and we'll just see what happens you know what i really hate teslas i hate teslas hate them yeah i i hate ford f-150s they're the worst truck they're horrible it's the worst truck ever yeah and let's see if one just shows up i'm willing magic i'm

willing to give it a shot yeah you know what i ate yeah 10 000 square foot houses on 100 acres oh my gosh seriously fun so whoever sent that uh touche we love you you're awesome we appreciate it well played um we got the message team thanks our uh our uh what it amounts to is either has bros involved or someone in our audience has a sick sense of humor as you and i do which means that they've been in our audience too long yeah no way man hey uh buy hasbro for your kids just for that move well played all right that's it yeah oh we're gonna turn it into an ad for i'm supporting hasbro i'm team hasbro now okay that's well played and just like a nascar driver get you a little i'm gonna get a sticker yeah i'm gonna put stickers all over deloney

oh my gosh all right jessica's starting off this hour in milwaukee hi jessica how are you hi i'm good how are you guys better than we deserve what's up um i'm calling because we are on baby step two my husband and i we are really close really Um, but I actually, I think we only have one more. I think we are able to pay like by January and we are debt free. I know that part is exciting, but I am actually diagnosable anxiety disorder, ADHD, OCD, just crazy. And whenever it kicks in, I start spending. And it's like, I almost want to say it's almost like shopping addiction type thing. It seems to hit whenever it's like something having to do with my mom because she recently like passed away about a year ago and I don't know if you guys have any advice about our tips or anything

to help me I just don't want to ruin this for my husband for my kids I don't know if you can hear them giggling in the background but you know it's so cool to be debt-free and to be so close but every once in a while it'll just be just an overwhelming you know sadness overwhelming something and i don't know why but it just turns into shopping and or spending money on like the kids or the home or something that i feel like i can control and it's just you know any advice would be helpful so number one thanks for being brave and saying this out loud that's a big deal right um i want to reframe the way you think about this is that cool yeah all right so i want you to never again think about anxiety or depression or ocd as something that kicks in because when something

kicks in uh like when our car goes to turbo overdrive it just it's going to take off on us and then we're we are subject to that i want to flip it around and suggest this anxiety that when the ocd gets gets hot and and welcome to the club i've been a member of many of the clubs you just you just uh clubs that you're a member of too. Yeah. They are alarm systems and that's it. All they're doing is notifying you of a place in your life where you're out of control, where you can't control what tomorrow's going to look like, where you're not safe or where you're disconnected. And what checks a lot of the couple of those boxes, if not all three of them,

is you just lost your mom, right? Yeah. And that's heavy. And when you think about that, the alarm sound and then. So your shopping is not a response to the alarms. Your shopping is a response to grief. Your shopping is a response to, I need to go do a thing because I'm trying to avoid sitting in hurt. And the anxiety is, that's just an alarm system. Okay. So how have you grieved your mom's passing? I mean, I guess. Yeah, you're right. I mean, we just crying and I just vividly remember, I guess I really didn't face it head on because I do remember that there were other people that seemed to be more upset, more breaking down than I was.

And so I just vividly remember being told, oh, you have to hold it together because we have to do this for my dad. My dad was having a really hard time. So I do think I'll break down in private, but not, you know. I'm sorry that somebody told you that. Everybody grieves differently. And, yeah, when somebody passes away, you've got the responsibilities of funerals and things like that. But you've got to honor this trauma.

This is a big deal. I want you to write a letter to your mom tonight. Tell her how much you miss her. Tell her how much 2022 is going to be different without her. What you're going to miss about her. And I want you to start healing there. And then put some roadblocks in front of you. Give your debit card away if you've got to in a hard season.

I've had to do that. Give your debit card away. Set up some roadblocks so that you don't spend. Most people know me as the guy who did stupid with a lot of zeros on the end. I made my first million dollars in my 20s the wrong way and then went bankrupt. That's when I set out to learn God's ways of handling money and I developed the Ramsey Baby Steps. By following these steps, I became a millionaire again and this time the right way. After three decades of guiding millions of others through the plan, the evidence is undeniable. If you follow the Baby Steps, you will become a millionaire

and get to live and give like no one else. And now I'm excited to share with you that I've written a new book called Baby Steps Millionaires, and it's available for pre-order right now. You'll learn how ordinary people built extraordinary wealth and how you can too. I'll walk you through how to invest, build wealth, and bust through the barriers preventing you from becoming a millionaire. For those who are ready, it's game on. You can baby step your way to becoming a millionaire. Pre-order your copy today at RamseySolutions.com. a lot of people know me as the guy who messed up and lost everything and learned my lessons and that's all true 30 years ago and i set out to learn God's and Grandma's ways of managing money.

And we, in the process, created this idea of the Ramsey Baby Steps. And by following these Baby Steps, I became a millionaire. And by making a ton of money beyond that, I became a lot more than a millionaire. But my first million or two was straight up following the Baby Steps like most people, and especially people listening around here. So we spent the last three decades teaching millions and millions of people this plan, and so we have tens of thousands of baby step millionaires out there. If you follow the baby steps, you will become a millionaire.

Not next week, not by the end of the year, because of the baby steps anyway, but, you know, it's a tortoise and a hare thing, and we're tortoise people. We have a new book coming out i do the first time i've done a book a major trade pub in eight years um and so uh it comes out in january january the 11th and it's on sale pre-sale now it's called baby steps millionaires how ordinary people build extraordinary wealth and how you can do it's the exact process to follow to become a millionaire and it works like every stinking time it's not get rich quick and it's not get rich easy so don't misunderstand but this does work and with such reliability and such statistical evidence that by the time you finish reading it you're like i'm not gonna listen to any more political people with an agenda.

I can go do this. So I'm going to make you believe you can do it and then show you exactly how to do it. That's what this book is. So pre-order your copy if you want. It's $20. You get $150 worth of extra items with it if you do that. The Baby Steps Millionaires audio book and e-book,

the Legacy Journey audio book and e-book. Baby Steps Millionaires live stream, which happens in January, a Ramsey smart tax filing to file your federal income tax free, and the Ramsey Plus 30-day free trial to go into Financial Peace University and start your baby steps. So all of that at RamseySolutions.com. Just hit the store, get the whole deal, the pre-order special on Baby Steps Millionaires. Brandon is in Philadelphia.

Hey, Brandon, how are you? Good. How about you? Better than I deserve. What's up? So I got a few questions here for you. I'm not sure if you got a background on it yet. I watch your show a lot, by the way. Thank you. How can we help?

I'm 21 years old. I have about, I'm having a dilemma with my parents right now about whether I'm going to get a job or do something in real estate. And I have a few connections that I could use and I'm just wondering what obviously you wouldn't go the traditional route but I mean I I just wanted to know like what it is I could I did two years of college I just got out and I'm about $8,000 in debt and, uh, I have the money to pay that off,

but I'm, uh, I've been buying and selling ATVs and, uh, that's been working out pretty good. I got about $60,000 saved, but I just wanted to know if you would take a risk, continue what I'm doing with the buying and selling ATVs,

if you would go into real estate with the market how it is right now. I just don't want to get into real estate, look like an idiot to my family, my parents, and everything like that, and have them say I was right. I mean, I... Well, part of being 21 years old is you start worrying about what you think of you 10 years from now, not what other people think of you. They don't get a vote. They can choose to be cheerleaders or choose to be Debbie Downers. That's their choice. Friends, relatives, we've all got some of each.

But your deal is you've got to square your shoulders and be who you is, dude. And so, you know, I don't really give a crap what your parents think, other than I want to be respectful of them, okay? But my point is, you know, you've got to decide what you need to do. I can give you some ideas, but even what I think or what John thinks doesn't matter. You're the one that matters. You've got to decide this is what I'm going to do. And guess what?

A hundred percent of the things you try probably won't work one way or another. Nothing turns out exactly like you think it's going to. You have this vision of what doing real estate and being successful looks like or what failing looks like, and you're probably going to land somewhere in the middle of those two things. And so it's hard. And living a life to avoid, I told you so, is the one surefire way to do absolutely nothing with your life. Nothing.

You'll never do anything. It's like a freaking curse. The problem is I just want to know how do I convince my parents. You don't. Who cares? It's not their job. You don't have to convince them. Yeah.

You got to convince you. And you're pawning this off on your parents. You don't trust you. You don't believe in you. It sounds like you've got a good business going, and you don't think it's, in your eyes, it doesn't. It's not a valid thing. Yeah. It doesn it's in your eyes it doesn't doesn't it's not a uh a valid thing yeah it doesn't have a certification it doesn't have a degree and so

it can't be a real job so let me just tell you if you're 21 years old and you made sixty thousand dollars buying and selling atvs you're pretty dadgum good at it yes sounds to me like you got your business yeah i mean it's just not taxed it's not on the books that you know what i mean what is taxed income is taxed? Income is taxed in America. Yeah, pay taxes. You have to pay your taxes. That's illegal. Of course it's taxed.

But you need to be running a business. But you've got the ability to do this business and make money doing it. And you need to set it up as a business and start paying your dadgum taxes and making sure you're setting money aside. And write a check out of $60,000 cash on $8,000 and be debt-free by the time you get off the phone in just a minute. And then what I would do if I woke up in your shoes, you do what you want to do. 21 years old is a tough field to plow selling real estate because you're trying to talk people 40 years old into spending $300000 bucks and they're looking at what they think is a kid.

So it can be done. I did it, but it was hard. And I had to overcome the fact that I was a baby child selling real estate at 18 years old. I got my license three weeks after I turned 18. And I did sell some houses, but it was an uphill, extra hurdles to jump over because of my youth and you will have that same thing that's a bottom line so what i would do if i were in your shoes is i'd get my real estate license start selling real estate as my side gig and make atvs my full-time gig until you get the real estate gig up fast enough and running hard enough that you feel

like you want to drop the atv gig yeah i've been doing it through college so i didn't really take it serious and you know my parents don't really take it serious too so i i do like the money how many times we got to visit your parents in this they don't get a vote yeah do you still live in their basement no i have my own room there they're nice enough to put me up in my own room but Yeah. Do you still live in their basement? No, I have my own room there. They're nice enough to put me up in my own room. All right.

You need to get out. You've got 90 days. You've got to be gone. You've got to get out. You've got to grow up. You've got $60,000. You're 21 years old. Grow up. Go.

Move. Got it? When your mama quits washing your underwear, you're now a man, my son. Get out. Time to move on. This is the problem, is you're still eating at her table, and so she still has a vote. She does have a vote, actually, yeah. Yeah, so, yeah, you need to hit the road, Jack.

Time. It's not because your parents are bad people. It's called growing up. Yeah. You know, you need to move out. It's time. You're making money. You're not broke.

You don't have a, you know, go get you an apartment and go sell and buy and sell ATVs or get you a little rental house that's got a big old garage in the back. You can hold some little bit of inventory in and keep your little Craigslist thing or whatever you're doing to move those ATVs. Get after it, man. You got a legitimate freaking business going. Go make you a good living doing it. And let's say that the ATV flipping dries up in 18 months.

You're 22 and a half. Yeah, you still got a lot to do. Then go back to college and finish your last two years, or then by then you're selling out. Or then take a job, or then get your real estate stuff going in. We're not chiseling anything in stone here. Yeah, just write it. You've proven yourself. You've proven yourself. You've proven yourself.

You have $60,000 in the bank. If you had $6 in the bank and a theory, I might give you different advice. That'd make you a professor. Tenured. Evil. Hey, those are my friends. Just go to break on that.

Just go to break. This is the Ramsey personality, host of the Dr. John Deloney, Ramsey personality, host of the Dr. John Deloney podcast, which is growing by leaps and bounds, one of the more popular things we're doing on the Ramsey Network right now. Be sure you tune in if you want to hear more calls about relationships and boundaries and mental health issues and so forth. 888-825-5225. You jump in, we'll talk.

Okay, John, I want to go back to our first segment. We took a call from a lady who mentioned an alphabet soup of maladies, that she was ADHD, OCD, depression, everything else, and then she was spending when she was feeling blue to medicate. And I wanted to ask you about something because we didn't have time in that segment for me to interrupt uh and jump in there but uh doing financial coaching for 30 years i have run into a ton of i mean we've dealt with a lot of addicts of course because a hundred percent of addicts if they don't deal with their addiction become broke right it's a hundred percent isn't it there's no you do not make it out of addiction unless you're broke or you stop the addiction, one of the two.

Okay. The second thing I run into a ton is legitimately diagnosed bipolar. Yep. Where they're manic depressive. And they haven't got their meds straightened out if they're doing meds. And they haven't gotten good counseling and coaching. And so they've accepted that this is who they are and it's this dramatic swings back and forth which affects every area of their life but we see them as in financial coaching we see the when they go manic they spin

like manic like a maniac that's the word manic and so you spend you spend like you're in congress uh if you don't get this and uh but when i've talked to them they are too many times even on air on the air sometimes i would call i'm not a therapist i'm not phd like you but i just have learned enough about that diagnosis and so forth because i've dealt with so many of them that they they uh i think incorrectly accept that this is the way it is. And my pushback is that I've also met with people that were bipolar who did the work in therapy. And if they're going to do some pharmacology, then they've done the work there to get that balanced,

where it's not ruling their life. But they've made the disorder manageable towards healing versus this is just the way it is and we're always going to have money problems because I got this. So the way I framed it, I framed this with my students this way, with myself, I look in the mirror with my friends and family. Any of those diagnostics are a context, not an excuse. So they might paint a picture for where you're going to lean in. It's not a license. That's just how we spend. Then you need to give away your debit card.

So it may impact the severity by which you have, how far you have to go to control your behavior. But it's not an excuse just to let everything roll right so it it it provides a context but it's not an excuse to to be out of control and it is again i'm a lay person that's why i'm throwing it out here because what i've always believed because i've seen the evidence on the other side it is not a terminal diagnosis. Meaning you don't have to die from it. This is curable to the point that you can get it to manageable moving towards healing. I'm not saying they won't always deal with it, maybe at some level, but you can become functional.

Healing is the language I use. Yeah, absolutely. It's not a, again, we're speaking, the bell curve's broad on these things, but most people look at that diagnostic and they say, this is a path opened up for me. It becomes an identity.

This is the rest of my life. That's right. It's an identity, and it's not. Yeah, that's my problem. It's a challenge. We all have them. Some are bigger. Some are smaller.

We've got them. The other day, I got a bunch of genetic testing done from this doctor in North Carolina. He's incredible. I have something called the cookie jar gene. And it's like 462-91. And here's what he said. I think, and you and I may have talked about this.

I think my wife's a serial killer because she can open up a bag of cookies and have one. And then just put it back. Who does that? I got a friend that says, I do a line, a whole line of Oreos. Yes, exactly. Yes. And here's what he told me. He said, at the genetic level, if there's an open bag, you can white knuckle your way through it.

He said, your strategy for health for the rest of your life is? Stay away from open bags. Stay away. Get them out of your house. Don away from open bags stay away get them out of your house don't have them there and so abstinence that's it don't buy them in the first place your wife can have one gummy worm like a somebody who so you have a genetic sweet tooth he just said this is good i really like this doctor he's great he's great but here's the thing it's a context not excuse so i can't have Oreos in the house.

That's just part of it, right? When I'm out of town, my white man, they go crazy. They go to town because my kids don't have it either. But it's a context, not an excuse. You've got bipolar. You've got OCD. You've got ADHD. You've got seasons of anxiety.

You've got seasons of depression. Whatever the thing is, it's a reality. It is what it is. It's a signal that something else in your life is off. And the question is, now what are you going to go do about it? Are you going to go get healing? Are you going to go see a counselor? Are you going to go see a doctor?

What are the things you're going to go do? But it's not permission to sit. I was dealing with a guy one time in a session, and he had a serious anger thing going on. And, again, it's just showing up in the money is only reason i'm dealing with it i'm not qualified but i'm like dude you like to stay pissed off all the time like every time i'm with you you're angry and he goes well that's just the way it is that's the way i am i'm going well just change just change yeah bob newhart right stop it five dollars right so it's like you know just stop he goes what do you mean i guess he goes well it's just the way my family is i said your family is not responsible for you being a butthole yeah you know you're just being a butthole yeah and you need to stop it yeah and he's like

dude who are you i said you come in here want to know what's going on this is affecting your family pattern you cannot communicate with your wife you can't get on the same page with your money and you you get angry and you go do stuff and and you wear your anger like it's a badge of freaking honor or something stop it the great counselor terry real says family dysfunction rolls down family generations after generation after generation like a forest fire until one person stops and turns and stares it down and says no more yeah and that's it yep you learned that from your parents and they learned it from their parents well and great and stop well and families will name it i had a pastor friend of mine he said it was at a phd in psychology as well and he said uh that you'll name the besetting sin

and then it becomes a badge of honor like well we're just passionate people no you're all so tempered exactly It's like, we hold our liquor. You're an alcoholic. Congratulations, man. We're all just kind of anxious. We're just an anxious family. Well, stop. Be about healing that.

Yes, break the cycle. Change your family tree. Change it. And just like you can change your family tree with debt, and you can change your family tree with wealth, these are behavioral changes. stuff overlaps it all well how many people we have at the debt-free stage that say we just have to keep coming together once a week and talk about our money which meant we had to talk about our priorities and our goals and our future affected our marriage our marriage is better

yeah it's like ta-da you know what i mean and how many of them go you know i lost weight yeah in the process not because we're starving them, but because they said, I learned this thing called self-control. How many, I can't tell you how many marriage and family therapy friends I've got that would love a tool that a couple would commit to using for a year or two years or for the rest of their life that was just a reconnecting tool. It's like a magnet every week or every month. A budget, yeah. I've actually known several that weren't doing our stuff necessarily but marriage therapists that they use they force a couple to do a budget because it forces them to talk yeah communicate

on what's important if you were sitting there you just got back from thanksgiving and you are your teeth are still rattling from whatever that experience was. You're a crazy family. It can be different. Yeah. If you're exhausted and you're by yourself, it can be different. Your past is your past. You've got to own it. And then what comes next? Someone turns and breaks the chains.

Like you said, you're quoting the author, Terry. Yeah, Terry Rue. Yeah. Turn and they face the demon in the face and go, that's it. Yep. This stops with me me and I did that this is the last Ramsey it's going to be in debt

can we be honest about that for a second you've got scars you may die five years before Rachel and Dan do you faced it you faced the forest fire and you got burned you got scars I was in a war they weren't in that's right

and somebody's got to say it stops with me this is it You faced it, and you faced a forest fire, and you got burned. You got scars. I was in a war. They weren't in. That's right. And somebody's got to say, it stops with me. Yeah. This is it. This is it. The last time. And I want everyone listening, it can be any of you. Any of you can say, I'm done.

That's it. I've had it. That's it. I've had it. I'm not living like this anymore. Healing starts today. I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired, and it not only stops with me, it stops with me and everybody after me. That's right. I am so pissed about this, I'm done with it.

That's up. This is how it works. Get a little righteous anger going, baby. This is The Ramsey Show. We'll be right back. Dr. John Deloney Ramsey personality is my co-host today. Jen is next in Indianapolis. Hi, Jen. How are you? Hi, I'm good.

How are you? Better than we deserve. What's up? Well, I am just, well, first of all, thank you so much for everything. We've listened to your podcast all the time, Read Your Books, and it's helped us so much tremendously. We actually started paying off our debt January 2021. We're actually halfway there. And yeah, we actually ended up selling our house as well, not just to pay off our debt. It was

more like being closer to family, especially with my husband traveling a lot and stuff. A lot of good reasons. Yeah, yeah, exactly. Which allowed us to be halfway there. But I'm actually currently in a situation where I'm a little confused on what steps to do. So I actually recently just started a new job and I'm trying to decide if this is like the right fit for me because my daughter is just constantly getting sick. Um, that means me taking a lot of PTO time cause my husband travels, um, and everything. And I'm just trying, Oh, it's, it's, she's just constantly getting like earaches or like high fevers or like, well, actually right now she's homesick just because she's, if she doesn't get better, she could get pneumonia or something. I don't know.

How old is she? But hopefully she's two. And she's just constantly getting sick at daycare. So I guess I'm just trying to decide if, because I really want to keep pushing because we're so close with this student debt. We really want to just pay it off just to build a better life for our daughter and everything for us. We just don't know if I should be, you know, going to part-time so that way she's constantly not getting sick in daycare and then maybe just prolonging the baby steps a little bit

longer or if i should just you know stick in it or stick with it full time is this like a normal kid getting normal sick or is she got some kind of medical deficiency that's making her vulnerable um i don't think well i mean she got some kind of diagnosis or some kind that makes her vulnerable to this. Well, no, I don't think. I think it's just like a typical kid stuff. I mean, some daycares are just germ factories. I get it. Okay.

Yeah, yeah. Are you missing your daughter? Oh, constantly, like all the time. Okay, so if you push back on me and tell me I'm wrong, but sometimes we want something to happen in one hand, and we're going to find a way to make that happen in the other. Is there a part of you that every time she gets sick, which if you looked back over the last six months, it's not every day, it's not all the time, but it is once a month you're having to figure out something. And that is weighing on your soul because really at the end of the day you want to be home with your daughter.

Yeah. Is that it? And I think that's exactly why we are really striving for because obviously we want more kids and stuff and obviously we want to have a beautiful life for our kids and everything. But I think that like the main reason why we are pushing so hard so that way i could stay home with the kids what does your husband make um my what i'm sorry how much money does

your husband make a year um anywhere from 55 to year. What are you making at the new job? What are you making at the new job? I'm only making $19 an hour full-time. What are you doing? I'm doing administrative work. Okay. All right. At a hospital. Gotcha.

Okay. And how much debt is left? $44,200. On what? On student loans. It's all student loans? All student loans, correct. What's your car worth?

Nothing. What's his car worth? Actually, nothing. It's pre-owned. Well, yeah, okay. I mean, I've got a pre-owned car worth? Actually, nothing. It's pre-owned. Well, yeah, okay. I mean, I've got a pre-owned car worth a lot, but that doesn't necessarily mean it's worth nothing. I have a pre-owned car worth nothing. Same team.

Okay, here's what I'm hearing. even if it was some kind of self-employed idea or distance administrative work for small businesses and sign up for that kind of thing. We'll all work from home, start some kind of small business from home, business boutique with Christy Wright, and make more than you're making now and be at home with your kid. Yeah. If you were making $180,000 a year, we'd have to think about this a little harder.

But you don't make anything. So you can make almost nothing at home too i'm not i'm not putting you down i'm just saying the good news is the good news is this is not a lot of money that we're really having to make a decision over you're not doing financial arithmetic damage to your family by not making $19. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? So, uh, and I think you probably, whatever you're getting home with, I bet you can make that if you've got a little bit creative on what, you know, again, doing administrative work for small businesses remote from home, uh, sign up for some of those things. And you know i i just think you need a new context because here's the bottom line uh you're not making enough to go through the emotional angst of not being with your daughter which is your number one desire the sickness hadn't anything to do with it i would

go home be with my baby yeah and jen yeah are? Yes, a little bit. I can hear it on you. I want you to call somebody today, and hopefully you've got a friend in the community that you haven't reached out to in a while. You're a working mom of a two-year-old, of a traveling husband, and you're exhausted and you're lonely.

I want you to call somebody and say, let's get coffee. Is that fair? Yeah, definitely. Especially if you have a friend that is a little bit entrepreneurial and i'll start brainstorming some stuff with you that'd be killing two birds with one stone or a friend that's got a two-year-old or a three-year-old or a four-year-old that's just a few steps down the road from you now that understands what insanity in a body that's that tall looks like yes and a husband that's on the road not helping

with the dishes and all that feels like but i hear it on you that you're getting you're getting at the end you're getting an existential exhaustion you've been burning you've been you've been burning all the fuel all by yourself oh i i mean i've i've constantly been working just so that way we can get to where we're at now and it feels so uh blessed for that and everything sorry i'm crying that's okay you're here's the deal here's the deal five years from now you're gonna get from now, you're going to get there. You're going to get the other side of this. You're going to be deep into the baby steps, winning with money, looking back, whether you stay in this job or whether you don't.

Right. So you need to figure some way to make some money from home so you feel good about that part of this equation and you need to go home yeah can i give you one more yeah you're a good mom thank you i appreciate it so much hold on do you hear what i said yes you're a good mom your daughter's lucky to have you and you're we're busting your butt so that her life is different than yours. That makes you a good mom. Yeah, the fact that you're struggling with all this and having to make tough decisions is all for her benefit, all for the baby's benefit.

That's exactly right. And her future siblings. You didn't call up and go, I really want to go on a European vacation. I'm a spoiled brat. And, you know, that's not who you are. Right. Yeah. Yeah, you got this, kiddo.

You can do it. Yeah. You can do it. Yeah. You can do this. Yeah. But you need to figure out a way to make some money from home and go home. And you don't have to do it this week, but you need to do it by the middle of January. And if you've got administrative skills and you can work the internets right now, especially, man, you can make some money doing that.

Hang on. I'm going to have Christy. I'm going to have Christy. I'm going to have Laura send you a copy of Christie's book, Business Boutique, and start to give you some ideas and some ways, some context to think about that in. So very, very cool. So there's a lot of different places that math can take you. But the number of times I have, the reason I was asking about some of those things is,

you know, I could afford to be at home if we had, you know, if I could just make about $400 more a month. How much is your car payment? $500. Exactly. So let's sell the stupid minivan. Well, I can't do that. Yeah, you can.

Yeah, you can. You're choosing between being at home with your kid and a minivan? That's a dumb choice. You get between a dog and your kid, right? Self minivan. Good grief. But that wasn't her case. No's incredible this is the ramsey show hey it's kelly associate producer and phone screener for The Ramsey Show.

If you would like to do your debt-free scream live on the show, make sure you visit theramseyshow.com and register. We would love for you to come to Nashville and tell Dave your story.