The Ramsey Show - App - You’re Broke Making $170K, You Gotta Change Some Crap! (Hour 3)

Episode Date: August 30, 2023

🎵 Live from the headquarters of Ramsey Solutions, broadcasting from the pods, moving, and storage studios, it's The Ramsey Show, where we help people build wealth, do work that they love, and create actual amazing relationships. Thank you for joining us. Open phones at 888-825-5225. That's 888-825-5225. Dr. John Deloney, Ramsey Personality, host of the book, own host of the book, author

of the book, the number one bestselling book, Own Your Past, Change Your Future, and the brand new book, Building a Non-Anxious Life, which is on presale now. All of those things and host of the Dr. John Deloney Show on the Ramsey Network. He's my co-host today. Thanks for hanging out. James is with us. James is in Orlando. Hi, James.

How are you? Hey, how you doing? Thank you so much for having me on. Sure, man. What's up? So I'm having trouble getting to pay off my debt. I've tried many different things, budget apps, different things like that, and I've just come to the realization over the past few days, actually,

that I'm just not, I lack the discipline really needed to stop living paycheck to paycheck. And the saddest part is I have a really good salary. What's your really good salary? I make $170,000. Oh, that's impressive. How much debt do you have, sir? Collectively, I have $27,000, $28,000. What kind of woke me up on this is I ignored my debt for years.

Um, and then what am I, both of my credit cards were canceled and I settled one of them and that was fine. And then the other one, I honestly completely forgot about until a few days ago, when I received a, I was served because they're suing me for the debt. And that kind of woke me up where I said, I need to stop pushing things. I think I kept pushing things forever because I said, well, you know, I have a good amount of money coming in, you know, my next paycheck and I'll deal with it then. But how long you've been making 170 James? Just for about six months. what were you making before that um i was making i was out of work for about a year during covid which really hit me hard

and so during that i was doing uber and making you know about 20 000 a year before that i was Before that, I was making $90,000. What do you do? I work in politics. Okay. Consulting. Okay. So is that cyclical? Does that go away in another nine months? No.

This will be my salary at least for the next few years. I don't anticipate it changing or changing jobs. Some things to keep in mind, too, I have to have two places to live because my job commutes a lot between June Orlando and New York City. Some of my colleagues that I work with do hotels, but most people just end up having two places of residence. Do you currently have two places of residence? Yes. And how much have two places of residence? Yes. And how much is the New York apartment?

The New York apartment is $2,000. And how much is the Orlando apartment? $1,200, but my girlfriend and I split it. Okay. Sorry, the $1,200 is what i paid in my split okay so this is forty thousand dollars so so basically you've been spending somewhere all of your money for the last six months which is eighty five thousand dollars it's other than some rent is unaccounted for yeah so where are you spending

your money james so it's a combination of me living beyond my means yeah and also it's a combination of that but also there are some key different things that i just don't have that i think so for instance i don't a car. I do need to get a car. And instead of because, you know, my credit is so bad, I've been worried about where is $80,000 gone in six months? You're starting to sound like Congress. It's me. I've been renting cars a lot.

Instead of buying, my girlfriend's out of work, so I've been covering a lot of her expenses, and then I'm living beyond my own. So that whole thing on splitting the rent was bull crap. Yeah. She does that, but beyond that. But beyond that, I've been covering a lot of things. So I definitely need to get my stuff together.

The other thing to keep in mind, too, is – Here's what I do in these situations. I have to set a new set of things. Instead of going, I'm just not good at this. I've not got any discipline. And you keep naming off all these things that you are that you actually aren't. It's just what you do. That's not your actual identity.

So what I decided a year or a few years ago, I had the blessing of going completely bankrupt and losing everything, so I didn't have a choice. I was in an extreme situation. The only way I could eat was to behave. The only way my children had a warm home was to behave i didn't have a choice and so what i've done with folks like you over the years is i want you to put yourself mentally in a space as if you don't have a choice let's just pretend this okay let's pretend that you go the doctor

this afternoon and he says you need twenty seven thousand000 by Christmas or you're gonna die all of the sudden James you would be a person of discipline all of a sudden your budget would be perfect all of a sudden your stupid decisions would go away because you would have one goal I want to live I want $27,000 by December. And suddenly all of this bull crap that's running around in your head would become laser focused and you'd be going $27,000. James got one goal. Stay alive.

Get $27,000. No other goal matters. No other crap matters. My colleagues have two apartments. Who gives a crap what your colleagues do? You are a broke guy making 170. You got to change some crap. Really?

This has got you got to you got to get up in your face, man. Get up in your own grill and go. That's enough. I've had it. I am. This is crazy. I'm ashamed. I'm disgusted with how this looks and how this feels, because that's what you've been telling me.

And I'm so disgusted that I'm going to change it. And if you get sick and tired of being sick and tired, James, that's when you change your life. Yeah. Because, you know, stupid people don't make $170,000 a year. They don't. They don't even get hired. Okay? You couldn't even get hired. Okay?

You couldn't even have gotten the job if you were stupid. So you're not stupid. But, buddy, you've been doing some stupid stuff, hadn't you? Yeah. So stop it. For real. Just pretend you need $27,000 by Christmas or you're going to die. And all of a sudden, I'm not renting any cars.

I'm going to go get me a $4,000 car and put it down here in the driveway. Or I'm going to Uber somewhere. And I'm going to Uber. I'm not renting any cars i'm gonna go get me a four thousand dollar car and put it down here in the driveway i'm gonna uber somewhere and i'm gonna uber i'm not renting any more car i'm gonna quit we are not going out to eat and hey uh chick you need to get a job or you need to move out because i'm getting rid of this two thousand four hundred dollar apartment for two broke people if you don't and oh by the way i'm getting out of this new york lease for sure and we're gonna rent a cheap stinking hotel over across the river and haul your little butt over the Staten Island ferry over there and get to work. And, you know, you don't have to spend that kind of money to work in New York. You got to change some stuff, man. If I'm you, that's what I'm doing.

But you got to turn this disgust into behavior change this shame into behavior change this is the Ramsey Show Thanks for joining us America Dr. John Deloney Ramsey Personality is my co-host today we appreciate you being here

Hey folks if you like what you're hearing, we would appreciate you subscribing to the show or click the follow button. You can also share the show, share a link if your particular methodology has a share button, use that, or you could just tell people about that, sharing it, right? So spread the word. We know you are because our ratings and our listenership and our rankings with i phones or itunes and apple and all that stuff they continue to go up in iphones and itunes it's none of that it's apple it's literally the oldest sentence i've heard all day it's just like that was a the worst possible dinosaur recognition so i was on the phone with

blockbuster yeah you go to run yourself down to blockbuster get yourself a vhs get yourself a tape get yourself a tape let's do the question of the day let's do that please god today's question of the day is sponsored by neighborly your hub for home services is your to-do list too long whether it's a simple repair or a whole list of home improvements mr handyman's experienced professionals are here to make your home work for you. Visit Neighborly.com to find expert home service providers, including a locally operated Mr. Handyman near you. All right, today's question comes from Kyle in Minnesota.

Kyle writes, I'm 34, I've been married for five years, and I have two children under three. So basically he's living in a blender with the top off. For the first time in our lives together, we are debt free. My wife is very frugal woman, a very frugal, wonderful woman. Had to make sure you got that in there. And has been very patient with me as I've worked through debt that I have brought into the marriage. We just sold our home to take advantage of the market and are currently renting again. From the sale of our home, we paid off 20 grand in high interest

credit card debt. We put an emergency fund away and we have the money to put away a three, six month fund. After this, we have $30,000 left over, which is an incredible feeling, but I'm scared to even have it available. I don't want to screw this up. I just know that $30,000 can disappear pretty quick if I'm not responsible. I'm wondering if we should lock up this money in a CD or should I take the route to face the things in me that would make me be irresponsible? For the first time in a long time, I have the burden of debt off me completely and I want to keep it that way. What's your advice for some changes I can make to actually become a responsible person and not have to lock my money down into a bank to watch over it for me?

That's a long question there. Very self-aware. Yeah, very self-aware. And I mean, I think his approach is actually right because a lot of folks run into this kind of situation and they instantly go to shame. They go to character issues. They go to, I'm a failure. And this guy is looking at it,

which I think is in the right way, which is all right. There's a set of skills I don't have. And so I'm going to begin to, to seek, seek out these skills and begin to practice it. That's good for you, Kyle. That's awesome.

Very good. And so what I know about myself is when I get emotional and it sounds like money is something that spins your body up, makes you emotional. So when I get emotional and it sounds like money is something that spins your body up, makes you emotional. So when I get emotional, I bring other people into that conversation because I know one thing about Deloney and that's when he gets emotional, he gets irrational and he does dumb stuff. And so I will bring one or two friends in. I happen to sit by Dave and ask him questions regularly. I have a banker that I'm close to that I'm friends with that I can run stuff by. So I make sure I've got people in my life as I'm learning a new set of skills. The other thing I do is I'm, Dave, we've talked about

this on the show a lot. You set a new identity. I'm a guy that stewards his money well for himself and his family. That's who I am. And I'm going to reverse engineer a set of skills, a set of behaviors that's going to back that up. I do not spend money out of this account. This is going to be your house fund, by the way. I do not spend money out of the house fund. I don't. That's just who I am. And if that means don't carry your debit card, great. That means fill in the blank while you're learning. Great. But, Dave, that's the path I'm going to take. Yeah, you're exactly right. So, Kyle, when I was 28 years old, we had lost everything.

We'd filed bankruptcy because of my irresponsibility, because I borrowed too much money, got into a bunch of debt. I'm doing flip this house before Chip and Joanna were there to tell us how. And I had choices at that point. My identity could be, I'm a guy who filed bankruptcy. I'm a failure with money. I'm a guy who doesn't know how to handle money. I'm a guy that believed a bunch of get rich quick lies and failed. I'm a business business failure all of those would be accurate statements about the activity but not about the person because i you know i'm not going to self identify as a failure those are things i did that's not the things i did they're not who i am

right and so instead i said and i didn't know i was doing it at the time. I learned this from you later, but I accidentally did it. I just said, I'm a guy that made a lot of mistakes with money, and I learned not to borrow money. I'm a guy that never borrows money. You've told your story. Let's get in between that. You were a guy that said, I'm going to learn about this the right way. Yeah, I'm going to learn how this works.

It's a set of skills. From the Bible and from God and your grandmother common sense i'm a guy that used to believe academic hogwash about money that half the culture believes and half the culture is broke because of it and i don't have to follow them i'm not a lemming i'm gonna go learn i'm gonna learn how this really works from rich people and i'm gonna put a stake in the ground and i learned i don't borrow money anymore and that's who i am i i identify as someone who doesn't borrow money period and i'm you know how did i get there well that's an interesting story but doesn't matter the identity is i don't borrow money i was a guy who would mix up everything like you kyle and say well i mean

if there's money in the account you know there's checks in the checkbook there must be money in the account i mean it's just like we'll figure this out because i'm a total surplus guy i do i am not a uh um scarcity mindset at all i'm there's always an abundance there's always a surplus the glass is always half full with me i i for years i tried to out earn my stupidity because of that just because i just because I believe we'll go figure it out. We can make some more money. Money's always out there. We're just going to go get some of it. But not having that emergency fund set to the side was driving my wife to distraction,

I mean, into sheer freaking terror. And so I had to set an emergency fund aside and say uh for the sake of my marriage the thing i have learned is i i am going to pretend like that money's not there we don't even touch the emergency fund still if there's an emergency we just figure it out and don't touch the emergency fund we have never touched the emergency fund in 30 years because we can't touch it it's not there and if we do sharon would be launched into orbit somewhere and we'd have to pull her back down she if you get near that emergency fund it reminds her of bankruptcy and the lights being cut off and the water being cut off and a little kid with no food and she

remembers all this stuff and she remembers it very clearly and so we can't go near that fund and I'm okay with that I don't even remember it's there anyway I got to figure it out because I forgot it so that's what you do you set this money aside in a completely separate account attached to nothing and you forget that it's there. What does that look like in real life? It looks like this. I'm never going to borrow money again. I'm a guy that will never borrow money. I'm going to steward my family's finances along with my wife. Hey, Dave, we got to get a new car. This thing's ridiculous. Not happening. Hey, Dave, the air conditioner just went on the car. We don't have any money. Not buying it.

Hey, Dave, fill in the blank. I i'm tired i want to go on vacation yeah so here's the thing sharon when we the kids were this size when we're coming out of the bankruptcy and we're digging out i don't know if i don't know if i've ever told this and i'm probably gonna get in trouble but she would get this blender with the top off i mean little kids run around by the end of the day she's spent just taking care of small people that don't make sense right and it's just they're just they're just wild just mule infants animals right it's just crazy they're feral and so you come home and she's got that wild look in her eyes and she's like i need a vacation i need a vacation i need a vacation and

it became a thing it's like i need a vacation and we're like we. And it became a thing. It's like, I need a vacation. And we're like, we don't want any money. We're not going on vacation. But it was just she knew that, and she knew we weren't going. But it was her way of expressing the frustration with the day. So we finally got out. We cleared up. We got a bunch.

We started to make some money. We saved up some money. We bought a house and paid cash for it. We're doing pretty good. A couple years later, we pulled $ hundred thousand dollars out and bought this tiny little shack of a lake house and i had this whole thing printed up with a picture of the lake house on it and we named the lake house sharon's vacation because she had earned that vacation she talked about that for so much but you know it's a matter of saying this stuff out loud and yet being grownups about it.

So re-identify with this, Kyle. Re-identify and say, I'm a guy that saves money. I'm not an irresponsible guy. I used to be, but I'm not anymore. And it's hard getting there. I used to be a lot of things, but I'm not anymore. That's right. Thank God. more that's right thank god dr john deloney ramsey personality is my co-host today thank you for joining us the phone number

is 888-825-5225 this is the ramsey show steven is with us steven is in cleveland ohio hi steven welcome to the show hi dave How are you doing today, sir? Great, man. What's up? Yeah, so here's the deal for myself. Currently, I make $61,000 a year. I am hourly. It breaks down to about $29 an hour. I have a great opportunity to move jobs in the same industry and go to salary,

and with a salary change up to $88,000 a year. So that might seem like a no-brainer for some people, but some of the issues with myself are the following. So the job is somewhere else. We would have to sell our house. The part of that would be we've only lived in our house for coming up on a year, and so that's one issue. The other issue, we would have to move in with our mother-in-law for at least six months to a year until we either found something to rent or to buy.

And then really the biggest thing is we love our house. It doesn't take six months to find something to rent. Yeah, I mean, you're right there. Absolutely. Absolutely. So we can take the mother-in-law thing as mandatory off the table. Yeah, that's shenanigans, dude. It's an option, but it's not mandatory.

That's you coming up with reasons to not do this. Yeah, well, so luckily I like my mother-in-law, unlike some people. So she's great. That's okay. I like mine, but I'm going to live with her. I understand. I understand. All right.

So where is the other job? So the other job would be in West Virginia. Okay. So how long have you lived in Cleveland? We've lived in Cleveland for two years, bought our house last September, rented before that. And you moved from where? We owned our house almost a year. Where did you move?

Yeah, the town where we would be going back to. Oh, so you're going back home, so to speak. Correct, yes. Is that what you want to do? Forget the money. Right. Let's say you could make $88,000 there or you could make $88,000 in Cleveland. Where would you live?

It would be with family. I was also going to say as well, we don't have any relatives in Cleveland. It was mostly to move. Okay, so you get to move where you want to move, back home, near family, and make more money. What is the question? Bye, Felicia. I know.

Go. I know. make more money what is the question bye felicia i know i know and i i know and i i guess i i'm probably the one that sounds dumb on my end but there's so like there's so much emotional attachment i should add my wife and i just welcome a baby girl i'll be six months in two weeks um it's in so many firsts in our first home you know bringing her home finding out you know that she's going to be a girl all those things dude it's a box of sticks with a roof on it, man. Go be with your family. Like for real. And it'll, it'll be hard for a year. It will be hard for about a minute and a half. Go home, man. Sure. Sure. And I guess, okay. So I guess that portion's answered. My second portion would be, um, with the money that we would profit from our house. Luckily, I'm pretty handy as well as my father-in-law.

We did some work on our house. We bought it for $168,000. Currently, payoff is $155,000. We just had it appraised for $230,000 with the improvements that we made. Hopefully, selling it for more than that with the market currently. So, pocketing around $50,000. So my question is, with that money, how much should I throw toward the debt, if not all of it? And how much should I save?

How much debt do you have? So I currently have around $14,000 in credit card debt. I have around $6,000 in credit card debt. I have around $6,000 in medical bills, and that's really it besides the house. I'm luckily – When is the one year – when did you actually close on the home to own it? September 22nd, to be precise. Of 22. Of last year.

Of 22. Yes, sir. Okay. You do not close before september 22nd of 23 because you will be taxed at ordinary income versus long-term capital gains okay if you own the house one year if you own it one year you get taxed on one time one year capital on long-term capital gains if you own it two years you have no taxes at all okay so you don't close even if you no taxes at all okay so you don't close even if you put on the market yet tomorrow you don't close before september 22nd yeah i doubt you would you probably wouldn't anyway but just make sure okay then you're going to have a tax of 15 of your gain your gain is this what you sell it for 230 minus what you paid for it minus sales expenses

minus any big capital improvements that you and your father-in-law did to the house name me something big you did to the house uh we replaced uh that deck okay what did the deck cost labor included um um well if we are good so we did have somebody come out and just give us a quote it was going to be around nine thousand dollars okay nine thousand dollars comes off of this okay okay because you know you got to pay labor to fix the deck all right and so stuff that. So you're not going to have much gain because you've got expenses. You've got $50,000 gain, but you've got sales expenses coming off of that. You're going to have some realtor fees, some other stuff. That's going to be easily $10,000, $15,000.

You're going to have this other $10,000 for the deck. So you're not going to have a very big gain, but whatever the gain is, you're going to be taxed at 15 of the gain so if the gain is twenty thousand dollars that's three thousand dollars taxes understood okay okay you got to set that aside then we'll pay all of these pay these twenty thousand dollars worth of uh debt off and then when you move you probably are going to rent for a little while and save up some money and buy a house. That's what I would do. And you're going back to an area that you know really well.

Why have you locked yourself into your mother-in-law's house for six months? It's mostly we don't want to make any type of very quick decisions as to what kind of house we're going to buy next. So don't buy, so rent. Just go get your rental house for six months. Yeah. And then pile up some cash and, you know, have your baby in your own home with your own wife

and your own independent little nuclear family there. Let your mother-in-law come visit you. Yeah, that's what they're supposed to do. And then they can go home. And then you can let them go home and all of that they can take your baby with you so you know they can actually babysit at their home that's very nice okay i'm liking this even better now grandparents like it too by the way i'll be taking i'll be taking care of one of mine tonight so there you go the grandkid that is so

uh yeah that none i'm living with me though i. I'm just saying. All right. So, anyway. Yeah, that's what I would do, man. So, I don't think there's any. The only negative side of the equation was memories of the home he's lived in for less than one year. Was that the only negative? Yeah, I think, again, it's a similar conversation we had with an earlier caller. I think there is something about I'm an hourly guy. That's kind of who I am. I fix stuff. stuff hey here's a salary job for eighty eight thousand dollars and those are jobs that other guys get okay and now i'm going to be a suit i'm going to be an indoor

guy and that's a different that's a that's a different mental shift and that's well and you're you know and your cousin who isn't is going to be living near you because you're moving back near him that's right and you're going to have more money than your parents you're going to be living near you because you're moving back near him that's right and you're going to have more money than your parents you're going to it's just gonna be a different ball game and that's it's it's it's wise just to get in front of that starting line and say is this the right the right trajectory and that's why you call people and say hey i can't see this clearly what do you think and dave and i are telling you move to virginia have enjoy your time kind of a no-brainer yeah go for it man we're proud of you

yeah it's um but let's let's keep this family stuff real clean clear yeah clear lines clear lines it's just good for everybody it's good for relationships it's good for money so you're debt free you're living in a rental for six months you've got some money not a bunch but you got some money in an account you're gonna be adding to that and next spring you're looking for a place i remember when sheila and i moved from our first house that we ever bought i remember it was so nostalgic and i drove by a couple years ago just to like as a drive down memory lane and i was just remember going and i finally had gotten pad man it's just a box you're such a snob it's a box you're a snob no man you're just too good

for that neighborhood now oh no that neighborhood's way way better than than i am way better that's what i went back and i went either this place went down or my tastes have changed probably both actually in this case it was both yeah it's gone down and my tastes have changed yeah yeah so i'm sn. Straight up snob. I've adjusted my expectations in life. There you go. It's going to clip well on social media. You know I worry about that.

I lay awake at work. Twitter bothers me. I just wonder about it. I worry about what Twitter thinks about me. It's my biggest fear, John. Well, now that you're a TikTok sensation, man. No, there's that. See there?

See, that's why I don't care about Twitter. This is The Ramsey Show. Our Scripture of the Day, Colossians 3.23. And whatever you do, do it heartily as to the Lord and not to men. Jordan Peterson says, pursue what is is meaningful not what is expedient and they're seldom the same thing john they're almost never the same thing pursue what is mean is very seldom that something that is meaningful is also expedient they just don't usually line up kelly is with us kelly's in nashville hi Kelly. Welcome to the Ramsey Show. Hi. Thank you for taking my call today. Sure. What's up?

So about three years ago, right at the start of COVID, we were blessed to be able to come out and do our debt-free screen with you. And we paid off everything minus our home, and we went back to California. And then we said, you know what, we're going to do this whole shebang. And we sold our home in California and moved out here to Tennessee, and we paid off our mortgage, bought a home out here, so we are physically completely debt-free, thankful to you and, of course, my husband who had to get me on board. But we're very blessed.

So you paid cash for a house when you moved? Yes. Wow. So we physically have no debt whatsoever. How does that feel? I still think about it. It's very, it's very rewarding. And I'm very blessed because we have 11 year old and an eight year old and we've really, I was the, the word, the wisdom and the wine, you know, and all that. And so I were able to get through, but it was good. It's nice to be

here now in this place. But we did move our family. We've, I was, my husband and I were born and raised in California. Um, it's not a place to raise children anymore. So we came to the promised land of Tennessee. Um, but my question to you, and I'm glad I also have, um, Mr. Deloney there as well, but, um, my husband was in the same profession. He was a physical therapist at a practice for 14 years. I'm in an aesthetic sales industry. And so we did the struggle. And I think he's kind of hit, you know, a wall in his profession. And I'm trying to tell him to quit his profession and work at the golf course part time. But he's having a really hard time until I called in and spoke to Dave and Dave gave us the okay that he can quit his job. This was like, I just wanted to get your idea on what he could possibly do now

in, you know, in regards to his thoughts and feeling like he's still, I don't know. I still work full time. I love working. No, he didn't quit. He's still a physical therapist here. How many hours is he working? He is working five days a week. Um, so, you know, 40 hours a week. Yeah. And what, what is his problem then kelly that's not the job man it's not the job so i feel like he's lost his passion for physical therapy he has not he's not he's not he's not he is a okay incredibly lonely man without a mission okay without a unified without he's not standing shoulder to shoulder with his wife saying, what's next for us?

Because you crossed that finish line and you went, wahoo. And you went straight over to the beer stand. And he was like, what's the next workout? Yeah. And so y'all have to make a decision that we are going to go away on a retreat,

just the two of us and do something we never thought possible. And that is plan for the future. What could be now that we've done all this hard work and y'all got to create a new roadmap quickly well and i think too i still want to work full-time i i'm i'm really i'm really good at what i do i do sales and technically i feel we could kelly you don't have to listen kelly you don't have to apologize you don't have to no no You don't have to qualify. I'm not apologizing.

I just want to know if our numbers are in line where I could physically get him out of doing what he's been doing for the last 15 years. I don't think he needs to. I don't think that's what it is. I think he's lonelier than you can imagine. And the men I talk to. He no longer has something to work towards, and he has nobody around him.

No gang. His gang's back in California, and he has no goal. The goal's gone. He'll be miserable at a golf course. He'd be miserable as a CEO at HCA downtown. He's going to be miserable wherever he happens to be. Okay. And so if y'all got on the same page, and y'all said,

okay, we want to have this kind of house, we want to have this kind of vacation. We want to save this kind of money for our kids' college. And y'all started a plan and you slowed down now that you've been sprinting and y'all started inviting people over once a week to your house, intentionally leaving out a basket of laundry, just so y'all could practice getting over that. And then you do that for six months. And then he comes to you and you'll have a couple of friends and he goes out to have nachos and drinks with them and says, hey, guys, I think I'm going to quit my job. Now we can have that conversation. But you would be running from one hollow moment to another. Wherever he goes, he's going to show up there.

And if he is aimless and he is lonely, he's going to show up there too so it changes from um i'll tell you a book you can pick up is bob buford wrote a book years ago called half time okay and it's not unusual for males in particular men to uh spend the first half of their life in acquisition the acquiring of things and the second half of their life in search of significance. And that's the stage that we're shifting through here. The baby step seven has pushed that forward regardless of his age. And so, um,

you know, uh, I went through that really early because I went broke and because I started this, that I moved immediately where I didn't care about acquisition. I cared about significance, doing what I do, helping people. It was a lot more important to me than piling up a pile of stuff.

And I went through it about 24 months ago. That's why I'm so passionate about it. I just went through this. Yeah, so making that shift intentionally. Now, what it sounds like for some people is they stay at work, and they say, my new goal is I've got a heart for fill in the blank i've got a heart for uh adoption for foster kids being adopted i've got a friend that's all over that okay and um so i'm going to i i'm going to build a thing where we can pay for other people to do adoptions

and i'm going to build a pile of money to do that and i'm going to set that goal very clearly and i'm going to throw money at it until the pile is that big and then we're going to do that and or i'm going to build a a home for unwed mothers or i'm going to i don't care what it is but something it's probably something that means something in his life history or something that he cares about but uh i'm gonna do this thing for the unborn i'm gonna do this thing for hungry children i'm gonna do you know i'm gonna be dolly parton and i'm gonna print books and give them to every child in tennessee every month and that's one of the things she's done obviously and so uh and she comes out of the hills of East Tennessee where literacy was a problem.

It's important to read to kids. And so every child in Tennessee gets a book from Dolly Parton every month. It's a fabulously large foundation. But, I mean, way to go, Miss Dolly. She's incredible. She's an institution. But, I mean, you can do all kinds. So the goal doesn't have to be acquisition anymore.

It could be generosity. Right. There's another great book called The Second Mountain. Need a clear goal. The Second Mountain by David Brooks. But here, where I think men make this mistake is they go off by themselves to come up with this new goal. I think this is a moment when you all sit down and dream together. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

And do that together. And it might not come the first time you get, you know, the first weekend away. The first weekend away might just be a huge exhale. We did it. Yeah. Let's just put a stick in the ground. We celebrate. Yeah.

But, yeah, you need something to aim at, and then you can make a decision if the job is really the problem. And you need people and community in your life, and then you can make a decision if the job is the problem. Because I'm not sure it is. I'm not sure it is. It was very fulfilling for a lot of years. Right. And suddenly, it's horrible. Right.

Yeah, that's suspect. And again, I want everyone hearing me to say this. Like, if he quits his job and he works part-time at a golf course, he'll feel some relief instantaneously. And then one day he'll be washing his hands in that bathroom and he'll look up and see himself in the mirror and realize he went with him that same guy with no friends that same guy that doesn't have a plan with his wife he's just making 14 of his other salary and he's dug himself

a hole because he jumped off the ship he jumped off the roller coaster and so man let's get together and dream dream dream and sit down and hey hey, like in my case, my wife and I sat down and had this conversation several years ago. And I said, I don't see myself in a university setting long term. I'm going to begin to get another start training into some other field. Great. It took several years. It took five years to get there. But we had a plan together that we mapped out together and we ended up here.

Right. So whatever that happens to be, don't jump off the ship just yet. I don't think this is the job. That puts us out of the Ramsey Show and the books. We'll be back with you before you know it. In the meantime, remember, there's ultimately only one way to financial peace, and that's to walk daily with the Prince of Peace, Christ Jesus. Hey, it's Dr. John Deloney. If you like what you heard in this episode and want to know more about getting started

on the Ramsey Baby Steps, go to ramsesolutions.com and click on the Get Started button. We'll help you figure out the best next step for you based on your specific situation. That's ramsesolutions.com and click get started.