Live Like a Girl with Dr. Mindy Pelz - Moving From A Negative To A Positive You – With JJ Flizanes

Episode Date: September 6, 2021

// R E A D Y • S E T • R E S E T This episode is all about understanding the connection between diet and emotions. Plus, we talk about how to turn any negative into a positive. JJ Flizanes is an Empowerment Strategist and the host of several podcasts, including People's Choice Awards nominee Spirit, Purpose & Energy. She is the Director of Invisible Fitness, a best-selling author of Fit 2 Love: How to Get Physically, Emotionally, and Spiritually Fit to Attract the Love of Your Life and The Invisible Fitness Formula: 5 Secrets to Release Weight and End Body Shame. Named Best Personal Trainer in Los Angeles for 2007 by Elite Traveler Magazine, JJ has been featured in many national magazines, including Shape, Fitness, and Women's Health, as well as appeared on NBC, CBS, Fox, the CW, and KTLA. In this podcast, we cover: How your emotions affect your eating habits Reassessing your hunger and how to recognize your level of hunger or fullness How to identify your emotional eating needs and ways to stop it What to do once you identify your emotional eating patterns Simple tips for putting yourself first // R E S O U R C E S  M E N T I O N E D Feel the impact of Organifi - use code PELZ for a discount on all products!  15-Day Fat-Burning Experience Dr. Mindy on JJ Podcast Book: The invisible fitness formula: 5 secrets to release weight & end body shame Needs & Feelings Checklists Book: The Big Leap // M O R E  O N  J J  F L I Z A N E S Instagram Facebook // F O L L O W Instagram | @dr.mindypelz & @theresetterpodcast Facebook | /drmindypelz & /theresetterpodcast Youtube | /drmindypelz Please note the following medical disclaimer: By listening to this podcast you understand that this video is for educational purposes only. It is not intended to substitute for professional medical advice and should not be relied on as health or personal advice. Always seek the guidance of your doctor with any questions you may have regarding your health or medical condition.  

If you are an emotional eater, you are a food addict. And that means that you use food to suppress your emotion or you have a relationship with food that stops you from feeling joy in other ways or from expressing how you feel. I am a woman on a mission that is dedicated to teaching you just how powerful your body was built to be. I like to do that by bringing you the latest science, the greatest thought leaders, and applicable steps that help you tap into your own. internal healing power. The purpose of this podcast is to give you the power back and help you believe in yourself again. My name is Dr. Mindy Pels, and I want to thank you for spending part of your day with me.

On this episode of The Resetter podcast, I bring you JJ Fluzane. Now, here's what's really cool. Let me tell you a little bit about JJ. Let me tell you about what you're about to hear. So she is an empowerment strategist. She also is a podcaster and she has several podcasts. She's also an author, has several books. So we will leave links to all of those. But what's so special about this conversation is we really dive into our emotions, our past traumas and our beliefs around food.

So I wanted to bring JJ on because I wanted to give you guys some more strategies for when you are breaking your fast. So you're going to hear us talk about this, about those of us that tend to boomerang after we've been in a long fast and we go into emotional eating. I also really want you guys to achieve all your health goals,

your weight loss goals, I want to help you overcome chronic disease. And there is an emotional part of all health conditions. And this emotional part, when you can get a hold of it, when you have strategies to identify where it's holding you back, it will liberate you when you can break free from this.

And JJ specializes in helping us identify which emotions are holding us back. So she's going to go through a three-step process that you can use when you are emotionally eating, when you are turning to food over fasting. I mean, she also has some really great strategies for. for overcoming the limiting beliefs that hold us back from achieving our dreams. So I loved this conversation. There's a lot of depth. We went to a lot of different places to give you guys tools.

This three-step process, she's generously giving you guys a free copy of this three-step process. So be sure you go into the notes if you resonate with what she's saying. She talked about some tools like tapping. You're going to hear her dive into that. We ran through a lot of scenarios that I hear. hear from you guys on my lives of like when you're actually eating and you boomerang after you're fast and where you get stuck with the ketogenic diet. All of these things I brought to her and

asked her to show us where emotions and past traumas are holding us back from breaking through these particular habits. So I'm really excited to bring you JJ. It's a great conversation. And like I said, if you love what she shared, go down into the show notes so you can benefit from a lot of the free giveaways she had. And as always, I hope this is more than just entertainment for you. I hope that the information that she talks about in here changes your direction with your health and amplifies your life. Enjoy. First starters, let me just start by welcoming you. And I feel like I loved being on your podcast. I just am excited to have this conversation with you because we are not talking about this enough on the resetter podcast. So JJ, let me just start by welcoming you. And thank you.

you for being here. Thank you, Dr. Mindy for having me. I loved having you on my podcast. I think about you every day when I'm choosing what I'm going to eat and if I'm going to fast and how long I'm going to fast. And I've got all my group listening to you and doing the fast as well. So thank you for that. And yeah, I'm excited too. How we got connected really originally was through Dr. Nasha Winters and who loved you and you love her and through that and how I work with her and her doctors and what we're working on. It's like it's almost like I've been waiting in the wings as a trainer on my life, waiting for the opportunity and the time for like the universe and the people around me to catch up with this sheer fact of emotion. And like, I'm like, I'm ready. I'm like,

come on, somebody. Give it to me. Give it to me. I'm ready. I'm ready. I'm ready to like, let's dive into this because no one's really like, no one's really talking about it in the, like, in the way that needs to be talked about. Oh, I love that. And that's how I feel about fasting. You know, when I hear people go on failed diets over and over again, I'm like, you just forgot to patch fasting to it. So, so this is great. So, okay. So I'm going to, I'm going to start with like what I would consider would to be one of the most obvious questions. If I'm wanting to lose weight or I'm starting a health journey, why should I care about my emotions?

Because if you are an emotional eater, you are a food addict. And that means that you use food to suppress your emotion or you use your or you use food to celebrate in ways that you don't need to or you have a relationship with food that stops you from feeling joy in other ways or from expressing how you feel. So just everyone has addictions, everyone. Some of them are hard addictions. Some of them are soft addictions. And for a lot of people who have a hard time losing weight, who does their addiction? And they don't think of it like that because they think, well, it's good for me. I'm supposed to eat. I have to eat. But then when we look at, well, why do we eat? Forget what we eat. And you're the master

at what to eat, when to eat, when to eat it when, right? Forget all of that and ask yourself, why? Why are you eating? And why are you eating what you're eating? And most of the time, people eat when they're not hungry because they're just trying to suppress and repress emotion. Oh, yeah. Well said. Do you think that food, I mean, we look at, well, we have been trained that food is supposed to be fuel.

But do you think people use food more as a state changer? Like, we're emotionally upset. We need to change our state. So therefore, I'm going to eat so I can change the way I'm feeling right now. Do you think it's that simplistic? I do because in terms of what we talked about on our show and what you focus on in terms of how much people can fast and not need food, now we have an overabundance of food and we always want to eat it. I love eating. I'm Greek and Italian. I cook all the time. I will overeat just because I'm excited about the damn food. Oh, my God, I want to eat all these different things and I'll overeat. But because it's so easy and it's not obvious and it's and, you know, if someone was to smoke and was trying to quit smoking and then someone, saw them smoking, they think, oh, you're failing. Oh, you're not, you're not actually doing what you're

supposed to be doing. But if someone's trying to eat less, but then they see somebody eat, like, you have to eat. There's a different relationship with food. And so when, so let's be honest about why we're eating and why we're choosing to eat and when we're eating and being in touch with our bodies, because we've lost that because we have such an overabundance of food. And we're so preoccupied with what and how and when that our whole relationship with life becomes about food versus forget. that how am I feeling and what is it that I need and what do I need to express and why am I uncomfortable and do I know how to do that and is that something you ask yourself before you go eat is that like is that a retraining of your mind instead of I think I want to go eat something

what should I eat like would it behoove us to try one step you know before that saying those questions you just asked well I would I'd start to be curious about why you eat And when you do have an eating day, are you, are you starting, let's say you're doing a fast. I just got done with, thank you very much, my first 324 hour fast and my first 2, 36 hour fast. Nice. And if the first thing you want to do is shove your face with food, because you've been in, you know, you've been restricted and you feel restricted. And all you're thinking about, if the first thing you want to do after you get up a fast

is just eat whatever that you can, we have to look at that. Are you actually hungry? Are you, is it a physical hunger, a mental hunger, an emotion? hunger, is it just habitual? Because one of the things that, and I know fasting can do this for people also, when you actually have to sit in your body, then you have to deal with what's coming up for you. And if you don't know how, now there are easy ways. One of the things that I did for the fast I did recently was, of course, I was busy. Yes. But I'd love to get to the place where, yeah, I'm not busy. I'm not busy. I'm not hungry. Or I am hungry, but I'm okay with that. And I can be uncomfortable.

And I can sit with myself and live in this space of being uncomfortable. We're so reactionary. And that we always have to find a way to repress or move on or we're always, you know, when it comes to addiction and emotions, what's really interesting and funny is that a lot of people will claim, oh, I have anxiety. Like it's a condition, right? All anxiety is, it's not even an emotion. Anxiety is a body sensation that means that I have emotions and energy that needs to have expression. And if you're making in all of those things, then you're swirling all this energy within your body in your mind and you need a place to put it. And because we don't have tools on how to do that, that's where food comes into play,

which is why regardless of we're fasting or not fasting, although fasting does help you to change those neural processes in your brain to create a different relationship with food, hopefully. And over time, the more you do it, you'll start to heal that naturally. But for the people that aren't necessarily fasting, they are stuck in a loop of that when I'm uncomfortable, I go to the kitchen. When I'm bored, I go to the kitchen. I'm looking for something to eat before or I have to gather with people around food because

I need to have a couple drinks to take the edge off or I have to, right? So there's no, there's just this connection with food and repressing emotion and with, like you said, state changing. But it doesn't change us enough. It's a temporary fix. Wow. Well said. So if I, and I'm just going to go to my resetters who are trying to do exactly what you just

said. They're fasting. They're trying to make food changes. We get a lot of questions about when I go to break my fast. I just want to eat everything. And, you know, one of my journeys that I've personally been on with my own relationship with food is I realized that a lot of the messaging I got around food came from my mom. And when I was a kid, my mom used to do this thing.

And it felt very loving at the time, which was, oh, you had a bad day. Let me make you a meal. Let's sit down together. And we're going to enjoy this meal. and it felt very loving and nurturing and motherly. And when I, you know, fast forward to my 20s, I was an overeater because whenever I needed to be nurtured, I went to food. So when I found fasting, I had to confront that and really deal with that.

And I've used several ways of doing, of techniques of doing that. Now, that took a lot of years and a lot of awareness to be able to figure that out. But for the typical person that's trying to fast, trying to make diet change, is there's, do you find people are pretty unaware that they're reaching for food because of emotional reason? And how do we bring awareness to our food choices and help us decide, is this emotional? Is this hungry? Is this a craving? What is this? Why am I like going at food? Well, I think we have to address the food after we address sort of emotion separately. Like when we're looking at because before we can have a different relationship with food,

we have to have a different relationship with why we're eating. Right. So when we're looking, we're making a choice. So it's understanding how many people are not actually even in their bodies. They're not even present. Like I did a tapping session with a client recently this week. And she's an Aquarius son with a Scorpio moon.

And she's been to therapy for years. And we did one tapping session. She was like in after tears and feeling like, oh my God. I have done therapy for years and I couldn't even get there. And the reason why is because as someone who's an air sign in her head, I do a lot of astrology and I link it to that because it's energy. And it's how people, it's how people like, I don't even know your sign. Dr. Mindy, what's your sign? You don't want to guess it? Well, I'd have to do your, I know, because there's so many things in your chart. Like, you could be something that I wouldn't guess. I just teasing you. I'm a

Libra. Yeah, no, I would. Oh, so it's Dr. Nacia. But I'd be interested. I've never met a Libra. I didn't I'd be interested to see the rest of your chart, though, because there is fire in you somewhere. It could be ascending. It could be your moon. It could be your mercury. But you have fires. And I'm a Pisces, which is water sign. But I have four other planets in fire, which is why I'm so fiery. And otherwise, because other Pisces aren't like me at all necessarily. It's really about that. It's really about the ingredients in this, in your, in your recipe of you, right? And that's just one piece of it. But this client is an Aquarius with a Scorpio moon. And so Aquarians are, You're an air sign. And air signs love thinking and thoughts and concepts.

Yeah, we do. Right. Right. But you can be so much in your head that you are not in your body. And that is when a lot of air signs are prone to anxiety because, again, we haven't taken this. Imagine just the energy of emotion. It's floating in your head. Like give thoughts and thinking form. And now you're holding all of this, all this energy in your head and it's disconnected from your body. And you're not necessarily integrating it or allowing it. it, or expressing it and letting it move through you and out of you. So for her, I had to take her in her moon, how she deals with emotion is Scorpio, which is lots to Scorpio, but it's a water sign. So I was like, okay, if I'm going to get her to try to find the emotion that we want to bring up to

dissipate and to reprogram and to reroute in her brain, then I have to get her in her body first. So we did like a visualization for about five minutes, like a meditation where I kind of connected her. So she was in her body. And then once she was in her, body, then we could start to look for and access what was coming up for her. What is she feeling? And I'll tell you, I have a sheet that I use in every session, every time, and you'd think I'd have 10 of them laying around. And I don't. It's probably in my book somewhere, but it's called the feelings and needs list. And I want everyone to have 20 copies of it. I want you to have it on your desk, in your purse, in your bathroom, in your kitchen, in your car. I want it to be everywhere

because most people can't identify how they feel where it shows up in their body and have any understanding of why they feel that way. What need is not being met that's creating this feeling? Yeah, it's a total disc. I mean, I think people are incredibly disconnected from their bodies. This is honestly why I love fasting. I'm like, give me somebody and let me like teach him how to fast for a couple of weeks and they will discover a connection to an intelligence inside them that they never even knew was there. But for some people, they may have to, depending on their fast, they might have to struggle to go through that. I mean, there may be some pain to go through it, but it's very much a mirror. So how can we do that without fasting? How can we do that? Is there a way

to just listen? I love the list. And I know you're going to, there's a, you're going to give us our listeners a link for how to get that for free. So thank you for that. But is there a way that we can like immediately somebody can leave this podcast listening to it and the next time they get hungry, they can identify, is it a physiological need or is it a psychological need? Sure. I love that question because it's actually, so in my last book, the Invisible Fitness Formula, Five Secrets to Release Weight and End Body Shame, my first step in the Five Secrets is actually digestion.

It's not even diet. It's digestion because looking at if your digestion isn't working properly, there's something wrong with your diet. and it's not eat this diet necessarily. It's we need to fix your digestion and here's what that looks like. Because if we're not assimilating and if we're eating foods that aggravate us, if we're causing inflammation and if we're causing internal fires and we have a biochemical craving versus an emotional craving. So I always tell people to do an elimination diet initially to take out foods that possibly could be creating a biochemical craving.

And then once we remove that, which most of the time people feel calmer after a month off of dairy and gluten. and corn and in certain foods that they know aggravate them or if they don't, they're just doing an elimination to test and see. All of a sudden, they have this calming effect. Now, from there, when we go to, oh, I'm going to, I want to eat this food, we can start to sense, well, how do I feel hunger? What does that show up in my body? Is it, again, is it in my brain, am I thinking about the food? Or am I actually having a physical manifestation of a hunger pain or is my stomach churning or am I starting to feel tired or is it just a time of day? Because we're so disconnected, again, from our bodies leading us and guiding us. We want to override our rules and are controlling in how we do

things. And when we do things, I have to count the number of hours versus how about let your body tell you that it's hungry? Why do I have to eat? Why? Because blood sugar, well, are you taking your blood sugar every couple of hours? Do you monitor that? Are we getting that deep into this? Or can it be a little bit more organic and can we be a little more trusting and can we allow a little bit more you know i have a book called messages from the body it's a 700 page book about the emotional root cause of all disease and pain and it's like 700 pages because each like knuckle each finger each bone each vertebrae has an emotional root to it it's called messages from the body because 80% of your subconscious lives in your body your body is your first indicator there's something that's wrong but

if we're not in it, if we're not feeling it, if we're not listening to it, if we're not followed by it and letting it lead us, then we're overriding it with this thinking, thought, logic, brain control that doesn't, that's a disconnect again. So if somebody, you know, if they're diet, whether they're fasting or not fasting, I would invite people just to not do a meditation, so to speak, but to do an evaluation. So rather than numb, because you can even numb to meditation, by the way, you can like try to numb out to meditation and push, feelings right back down in meditation. And I'm not saying that means I think meditation's bad. Meditation can be useful, but it isn't always useful, especially if you're someone who can check

out and numb out on meditation. So it's really about becoming physically aware. And there are lots of different, and I even have some like, you know, visualizations that you can do to get into your body, to connect, to visually see yourself activating all cells of your body, being connected to the earth, pulling from source energy, having sort of energy above and below and around connected to you. So now you have sensation. And when we have sensation and we have an awareness, now I can ask the question before I choose to eat, am I actually hungry? And if I'm not, well, what am I feeling? Oh, am I feeling a little nervous or my little bored? Boredom. Yep. But maybe I'm not actually hungry. So is eating going to solve my boredom? Well, temporarily, but not long term.

So we have to just kind of stop. And I know some people do like the three deep breaths before you eat or drink two glasses of water to slow down. I get, and that's all good stuff. But when we want to be aware or ask the question, is this an emotional response? Am I trying to repress something right now? Or am I actually hungry? And do I actually want to eat right now?

Is this clean, it's this very clean transaction of food for my body. I would start to ask and just take that second to sit with yourself, sit quietly, connect with your body, then just ask, is this truly? Like, am I really hungry or am I just bored? And I think without even going there, I bet a lot of your listeners probably already know the answer to that. They know if they're emotional eaters, right? Don't you think a lot of your, oh, for sure. In fact, it's the biggest question that we get is when I go to break a fast, I go crazy. And you know, what's interesting is my science brain kicks in, which is why it's so good to have a discussion like this with you. Because my

brain, what I know is with, as people are fasting over time, the microbiome changes, cravings change, blood sugar stabilizes, the body will start to heal. And actually, those emotions can typically start to either reveal themselves and you can handle it or they will, your patterns change. But there's got to be other tools that can help us get there quicker, which is why I love this conversation of how do we help people get there quicker. Well, it's the inside out, outside in conversation, right? You can take biochemical changes that transform how someone feels, which by default then changes their emotional response to their life. And that can happen with no therapy, no coaching, no awareness whatsoever. But then we have that you can have 20 healers and a million

therapists and someone still doesn't get that their entire life, their core wound is that they feel invisible in life and that they don't feel important. And nothing you're going to do is going to change that until they get an awareness and a handle on that this is how, this is what's happening. This is the belief system that I have. And these are the choices that I'm making that reflect that back to me. And here's what I'm feeling on a regular basis. I'm feeling nervous. I'm fearful.

I'm scared. I'm angry. Like I have a whole bunch of therapists that are clients. And one of them was going on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on in a recent podcast mastermind. And I said, stop. Those are a lot of words for you're afraid. That's it.

You're afraid. Okay, so then we can deal with that versus the stories and the stories about why and this and that doesn't. And I'm a why gal, trust me. I want to know the why. But at the same time, sometimes people are addicted to their stories and they're addicted to staying where they are. So at the end of the day, when the people who are out there and you know that you're an emotional eater, while this will transform your life and help you feel stabilized and help you create new neural chemicals and help balance out your body so that you're not coming from a place of disembalance and imbalance in the body, right, both neurochemically and in your gut and therefore, like those cravings when people, again,

that's why I wanted to do digestion is my first secret in my book because it wasn't about the diet. It was about digestion. And if we can get that handled and we stop having biochemical cravings, now you can start to assess if the craving, because we now know that you don't have any more inflammation, then it's emotional. So for me, whenever I look to create changes for my resetters, I'm always thinking, let's step this out. So what I hear you say is let's work on some of those foods that may be changing the brain. And then once we've cleared out some of those, let's address if it's an emotional issue.

So if you identify, it's an emotional issue, now what do you do with that? What's the process there? Absolutely. Okay. So I'm going to give you, like there are so many tools to kind of dive into that. And on one end, again, it's simple. And on the other end, it's extremely complicated and needs a little bit more time to change someone's belief system and how, right, and to heal some of the things, the beliefs that you have

and to, and to give yourself what you think you need from the world that you're desperately trying to get, that unconsciously you don't even know you're trying to get. So the first thing to do, it would be this, to download this list is called the feelings and needs list. And there are two documents with that. The feelings list has a hundred feelings words. Okay. So the top section is a hundred feeling words. And most people could probably name five, happy, sad, angry, fearful, or worried, right? So we have a hundred different feeling words, which each have a slightly different vibration and frequency. And I would invite people to use the sheet. So it's three steps. Okay, step number one, what am I feeling? So you

look at the sheet. And even before you think you know what you're feeling, you grab that sheet, you sit down and you focus. And you either circle it or you write it down or you check it off and maybe even like put a date on the top of the page and like, here's the time, right? And if you want to put what you're dealing with, great, put that too. But if you just generally feel icky and you don't know why, perfect, pull up a sheet. Number one, what am I feeling? And I'd pick about two or three or four, like pick the strongest ones. Even if you're feeling five or six or ten of them, let's deal with the top two or three, right? What am I feeling right now? What's the strongest emotion that I have going on? Step number two, any negative emotion that we have happens because we have a need that's not being met or we have a perceived need not being met. It may not be being met, it may be being met, but you're not perceiving it.

So step two on the bottom, there's 86 basic human needs. So let me address something quickly before people want to check out right now. When I say needs, it doesn't mean you're needy. This is not a judgment. This is not a weakness. There is not something wrong with you. On this list, there are 86 basic human needs. We all share them alike.

So the reason why you have negative emotion is because a need is not being met. So we need to look at what need is not. not being met. Now, the first thing you're going to want to say is you're going to blame somebody. And if anyone who is aware of my work or is interested in this afterwards, you will hear me say a million times that no one can make you feel anything that you. It's easier to blame somebody, though. So much easier. But guess what? The problem never gets solved and you're never happy because you constantly give your- -ciful, the blame can have created temporary reprieve. Not to mention, you give your power away,

and that never feels good. Because you can't- because you can't control anybody. So you never get your need met. And now you're just shit out of luck. So don't know if I can say that on your show, but, oh, you can swear all you want. Okay, cool. All right. So step number two is to figure out what the need is, but I want you to be careful not to say I need him to or I need her to or I need to. This is about your need regardless of what's going on. So forget the situation. What is the need? And you may have to dig two or three under it to actually get to the real need. But you can do it. And it might take a little while, but keep going. What's the real need under this? Okay. So that's step number two. Step number three, what strategies? Notice I said strategies can I take to get the need met

that do not require anyone else to be different. That's a big caveat for number three. So again, number one is asking how do I feel and being aware of the feeling? And I would, as an exercise, especially for those of you that are overeaters and you've been emotional eaters for a very long time and maybe you have anxiety and depression. You've had depression before. If that's you, you have to do this. And you need to take this sheet and not only like for a second, look at the list, but sit with it and maybe write how it feels in your body. Where do you feel it? Is it a tight neck? Is it your stomach is tight? Do you have back pain? Are you nervous? Are you sweating? Are you hot? Are you, you know, just whatever comes up for you. How do you feel it in your body?

So what's the feeling and how do I feel in my body? Number two, what need is not being met? that's creating this. And again, perceived need, it's not necessarily true. You just think it's true. A perceived need not being met. And I'm going to say it's going to be one major one. One major need that's not being met that's causing a lot of these different emotions. And then what strategies can I take more than one to get the need met that does not require anyone else to be different? Okay. And that's your template right there. Now, easier said than done, but if you can at least start by filling it out and paying attention, you are 10 steps further and feeling more empowered, feeling better, getting your power back than you did by blaming everybody

else around you because of how you feel. I love steps. So that works. Can we run through? Somebody gets done. You just did a 24, 36 hour fast. Somebody gets to the end of their 24 hour fast. And so they start off like, what am I feeling right now? I'm feeling hungry. And now I don't have the list in front of me, but it's like, I haven't eaten in 24 hours. I'm feeling that it doesn't work like that because that's not on the list. No, no. Well, they would feel probably frustrated, agitated, worried, nervous. But I honestly think that before they eat, now, if it's a pattern, it's not really important that they overeat when they get done with a fast because they're overeating anyway, right? So it's really not about whether they've done a fast or not. It's the fact

that the pattern isn't going to go away, no matter what diet they do, no matter if they fast or not, if they don't address what they're running from. Right. But right. And but what a lot of people do is they break their fast with really bad food because they're like, okay, I did my time. Boom. And they go into a boomerang, which is why I love your three step process. Because I'm like, this could be really, I mean, I literally get this question every single

week on like my YouTube lives and Instagram lives. People are like, I love fasting. But the minute I open up my eating window, I'm done. Like it, I go back to the, I revert back to my old self. So can I speak to that for a second? Yeah, please. Because some of that is a feeling. restriction like they're willing so okay you're probably not going to like this but i'm sorry ahead of time

this is not a judgment of any of you but this is this is a form of addiction in terms of control and so when i am a good controller then um i i white knuckle things and when someone can control through and again yes we have to have a degree of control of like not eating right of like being focused of being committed are you committed to your health and that maybe that's a question ask yourself, what am I committed to as you're coming out of your fast? Am I committed to my health? Or am I committed to feeling this yo-yo restriction overeating balance? Are you only, are you only fasting to make up for bad behavior, right? That again, we have to, we have to remove those judgments and start looking at why do I feel so restricted? What is it about food that makes me not

feel like, that makes me feel like I have to overeat it? Like, I want to dive deeper into when they come out of a fast. And it's funny because I was following something you put on Instagram. I came out of my last, my second 36 hour fast a day ago. And I was just following because I like, because I have parts of me that like to do the right thing. Like, okay, I'm going to do the healthiest. I don't care what it is. You tell me to drink this thing and eat that thing and I don't care what it tastes like. I care about my health. I'll do it. So you had said about coming out of a fast and drinking broth and then having a probiotic and then having a vegetable to stimulate the prebiotic and then having protein. So what did I do? I did them all like right in a row because I didn't want to have

any of them. I was like, I don't actually even want any of this. Like I wouldn't have eaten if it wasn't for me following your guidelines. Okay. To help heal my gut. And I saw myself do that. And I thought, okay, next time I need to chill the F out because because I only did it to follow the rules right after I broke the fast. Yeah. Because I didn't want to have bone broth at nine o'clock in the morning. But I was like, right? Like instead of having my morning drink, I was like, well, I'm not going to out of the morning drink because I should do it this way. I should do it this way because it's best for my health. So again, we have to sort of start to look at what, what are our normal daily lifetime addictions, whether it be control over eating, overworking, numbing out on television,

whatever the case may be, always being in a hurry, rescuing others or so many of them, looking at, well, why am I just not enough? And what is it that I need right now? Do I need to be seen and heard, do I need freedom? Do I, and a lot of people just need freedom. And they, and they, and they, but the people who need freedom are the ones that go on these damn diets that go the yo-yo, which is why when they feel so restricted, and they're like, I can do it. I can do it. I'm just going to hold on real tight. And then when it's over, I'm going to go apes shit crazy. Yeah. Like, okay, but what does food mean to you that you have to do that? It's that it's, you're seeking freedom in the wrong area. We have to find out what's underneath that. And again, some of this isn't going to be as easy for

lifetime people. And again, there's other ways to get some help. But at least if we can just start being conscious and ask yourself the question, because you go unconscious. The more you white knuckle something, the minute you release, you like go crazy. It's primal. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And, you know, I'm thinking as you're talking, I'm like, that's kind of what I did with the, the behavior pattern that I got from my mom, which is I'm not feeling well.

So I need to change my state. Let me eat. And that was, and I, one of the things that really helped me was fasting because I, I became aware of that. Like the actual act of fasting was like a mirror to that. It was like, okay, wait, I've been taught that if I don't feel well, I'm going to eat and I will feel better. But now I'm in a fasted state and I'm not eating.

I don't feel good. I don't have that tool. And in that immediate awareness, I was able to re-pattern my thinking and go, okay, I just want, this is why I love the idea of it's a state changer. I just need to change my state right now. Well, I love nature. I can go for a walk. I can put on music.

There's other things that I can do to change my state. And the more I got used to doing that, I literally stopped having that emotional attachment to food. So what I hear from you is awareness. And that's why, again, loving your step process, that awareness of what the thought process and is behind the need is key. Am I hearing you right? Yes, but I would make it also remember food and and being overweight or overeating is a symptom of something else.

Okay. It's not actually about the food right now. And that's why we need the food to repress the uncomfortable emotions coming up. So it's really not about the food and the relationship with the food will change when you figure out what you're running from and what you're repressing. Okay. So once you do the three step process and you're like, okay, I'm seeing a pattern here. like my pattern that I saw that with what my mom, my mom had implanted into me. Now what do I do?

I see the pattern. How do I, how do I overcome the pattern? So there are ways to change neural pathways that you can do by yourself. So one of the, my favorite is EFT, which is emotional freedom technique, which is like EMDR. I used to tell people to go get EMDR, which is eye movement desensitizing reestablishment. And it has to be with a therapist. But then I learned. you could do EFT on your own. And, um, and so I do tapping with people and, and show them how to do it.

You can, there are, I'm sure there are a million gazillion free ways to do tapping on YouTube in different places, but you could get to the root of what you're afraid of. You could get to the root of what is pain, what's painful for you. And it's going to be, it needs to be a statement that makes you cry. Pretty much. Like so most people, you know, it's funny. We talk about food and, and digestion and like people are constipated. People are also emotional. constipated. Yeah. Oh, yeah. And they're emotionally constipated because they think they have to hold it all together. They think they have to do it all. They think they have to perform for love. They think they have to look a certain way for love and to be accepted. And what they don't realize is that they have to

accept and love themselves first before anybody will give them that same mirror back. Right. And so when we are looking at doing something like an EFT, or you could even simply do something that scares you. You can simply do something that you don't want to do and you force yourself to do it anyway. And it could be reaching out to somebody. So depending on what it is, that the need is. So let's say, for instance, if the need is, I need to be seen or heard, which is a lot for a lot of people. Well, you can't make anyone else see or hear you. And whatever that need is, really, it's that you need to do it for you.

All right. So let's look about how do I get myself connection? How do I see or hear myself? Okay, that's an easy one because most people don't listen to themselves. they think I did a really good job. How come nobody else is telling me that I did a really good job? Or maybe they think, oh, I wonder if I did a good job. Let me put my pearls before swine and ask everybody else, do you think I did a good job?

Please tell me who I am. Please validate me. Instead of that, if you know what your love language is, do it for yourself. If you need acknowledgement, if you need to be seen and heard, you need to start listening to you. You need to start acknowledging you. That was a really good thing I did. Wow, I did that really well. Look how amazing I did at that.

And I'm not kidding, because if you're looking for other people to give you what you need, they won't until you fill it first. They cannot, they cannot put a bandage on the hole in the boat. Only you can. Only you can fix the hole in the boat. No one else can. Yeah. And so it has to come from you. Okay. So I love this idea of the giving yourself the love language because we only talk about love language is in the sense of how you want other people to give to you. So if, if my love language is gifts and I do something that feels really good, I should go buy myself a gift. Absolutely. You know, people say, what's self care? How do I love myself? And I say, well, how do you prefer to be loved by others? Well, words of affirmation. Great. Then you give yourself words of affirmation. Absolutely.

It works the same exact way for you as it does for others. And it's actually even we all, I hate the word should, because it's very, it's not a good word, but we all really need to be doing that for ourselves because it creates this victim needy, now there's a neediness. It creates this victim neediness of, of powerlessness. If I'm waiting for you to do it. If I'm waiting for you to affirm me, to validate me, to acknowledge me, then literally I am performing for love, which is giving my power away. It means I don't love myself. So yes, whatever your love language is is what you need to do first and foremost for yourself right now. I love that. That was a. paradigm shift for me. I love that. Okay, talk about there's something that you said that I've been

really thinking about and it's the myth of being selfish. So when I hear what you're saying, you know, the self-reference point of like turning within, complimenting yourself, giving to yourself, our society does not applaud that. In fact, we call that narcissistic. We call it selfish. We have a lot of labels for it, which is why I think we've become so outwardly focused and we're constantly looking for other people's approval. So help redefine that for us. What does it, what's a healthy version of selfish look like? Well, first, let me, let me state that there's no possible way not to be selfish. You can only operate from your position of self, how you see the world, what you think is important and what you need. You cannot take away that you are the driver,

because every single thing you do, this is, this is, I loved when I was working with Dr. Nationia's doctors. This is like the bottom line of all of it. Listen up. This is the bottom line. This is it. The only reason you want what you want is because you think you'll feel better when you have it. Yes. And the only way to get it is to feel better, which by the way, you can do now and then you don't even need it.

Yep. So every choice in life, and that's actually law of attraction. But every choice in life is trying to feel better. But you have the tools now to feel better. In fact, you have to to get the thing that you want. by the time you feel better, you don't even need the thing. But we're always trying to feel better. So when it comes to being selfless, so here's what I love.

It's those people pleasers. So I apologize in advance. If I piss any of you off, well, I don't really. But because if I plant a seed in you and you hate me, I'm cool with that. Because guess what? That seed's going to germinate over time. Somewhere you're going to be like have an aha moment. It's going to change your life.

And while you won't remember that it was me that planted the seed, you will be happy that your life has changed. You people pleasers are the ultimate manipulators. Because when you give to others, when you perform for others because you want love and adoration and acceptance and validation from them, what are you doing? You're creating a false sense of an illusion of safety and security because you don't know what they do when they turn around and walk away from you. You're literally like performing and jumping around and being so that you get a certain

response from them, but it's a temporary response. You're putting all of your power and eggs in their basket. it. And then you're hoping for this one like affirmation or one like thank you. They're like, oh my God, they said thank you. But for all you know, they think you're, they don't like you. They're two-faced. They walked away. They said something bad about you. All of a sudden, when we give our power away like that, you think that being nice or being overly giving is, oh, but I'm a nice. I'm such a nice person. But why do you do it? You do it so that you and your mind think that when it comes your turn, someone's going to do the same for you. But this is all like non-spoken agreements. You have assumed that if I

do this for you. If I give to you in this way that someday you're going to give that way back to me. And then it doesn't happen. In fact, I would guess without knowing that 99% of the time it doesn't happen. And then you get mad about it. And you're like, well, how could they do that? I was so nice to them. I gave to them. Well, because you didn't set the agreement, first of all. And you were only giving to them to try to get them to like you and to make you feel temporarily good about yourself. And again, you can't have anyone else patch the hole in your boat. Okay. So how do you undo that pattern. We have to be honest. To be acknowledged it. Well, you have to acknowledge it. You're doing it, but you have to go back to the needs and feelings list. Be honest. Before you do or say anything,

you ask yourself, why am I doing this? Right. What do I want out of this? And if I don't get it, will it wreck me? Right. Am I giving because I want to give? Or am I giving? Because in the future, I want them to like me or think better of me or I'm really wanting their approval or I really want them to hire me. You have to be clean in your intentions. And too often we're acting out of out of a need for like attention right away. So, so I see that list is being used more than just food. That list can be used like you have an interaction with your husband or your spouse and you're like, okay, that didn't feel good. Okay. Let me go back to why when I went into that, that interaction, this is what I was feeling. And you just go through this three steps. So it's really about,

self-awareness, not only with food, but everything that's bringing you any kind of pain and suffering in life. Let me get, let's make up a scenario right now that just took what you just said. So I'm an overweight or woman struggling. I've struggled all my life with weight and now I'm on this. I'm doing the fasting and I'm getting results and I'm doing it because I want to have love and attention from my husband and I want to feel sexy, that I want him to tell me that I'm sexy so that I'll feel sexy. And then he's so busy because he's a man, so he's not really paying attention. Then he says something to me, and I'm really open and vulnerable and waiting for it. Like maybe I put on a new dress or something, and he doesn't say anything. And then I go

and get, and then I'm, because I'm waiting because currently, I do not believe or give myself the affirmation. I'm waiting for you to validate me because I'm not validating myself. And all of a sudden, when you don't, now I'm hurt. I feel rejected. I'm going to, I'm internally without telling anybody else about it. I'm going to assume you don't think I look sexy. You think I look bad. Why am I working so hard? Now I'm going to go emotionally overeat because who cares?

Why am I doing all this? Why am I trying so hard? I'm just going to go to food because it feels better. I feel like you need a mic drop on that one. I think there are so many people that do that. I mean, I've been ladies nights out with girlfriends that tell me that exact scenario. My husband didn't do X, Y, and Z.

And yeah, that was so well said. Well, let me finish up with this. I have five questions for you that we ask most of our guests. Some of them are a few unique for you. So my first question is that we're creating a book list and of all of our guests. What's the one book that you're like, this book, man, it changed my life. And I feel like everybody should read it. The Big Leap by Gay Hendricks.

Ooh, you know what I love is everybody gives a. different book. I don't think we've had very many repetitious books. So I love that. Okay. Second question, if you could go back to your 20-year-old self and you could give her advice, knowing what you know now, what would you tell her? You're enough. Everybody says that. A lot of people say that. Yeah. It's crazy. Stop performing. Stop performing for love. Stop proving it. Stop. Yeah, stop proving it. stop trying. Stop trying. Yeah. I love that. What's the one habit you do every day that is like really amplifies your positivity and your self-love and you can't even imagine getting throughout your day without this one habit? Well, the habit is is what I call free time. So I have free time.

And that's exactly what it means. It's what do I feel like doing? right now. What do I need right now so I can give it to myself? And so if I don't have, if I am not, like I have three sadges and me, freedom is a huge thing. So I don't want to ever feel locked into having to do anything. And I want my energy about anything that I do to come from a place of love and alignment, not from a place of, you know, obligation or, um, or anxiety or fear or whatever, resistance. So I have a lot of free time. Do you, do you schedule free time so that you like block it out so nobody can put it in? Yeah. that works the best for me too. Otherwise, I fill it. Yeah. You have to treat it like it's a real,

like it's a real appointment. I mean, I have so much self-care in my schedule, massages, acupuncture, pedicures, exercise, pull time, trips. Yeah, I mean, I have so much. And you have to schedule your free time. Yeah. You're nothing this time. You need to take a big X. I keep a calendar. I don't do online calendars for the very reason that I take, it's there's a satisfaction of taking that pencil and go through that whole like, nobody sees me before an 11. Nobody sees me before 11. I love it. I love it. I love it. What's one person that you're either following now or you've followed in the past that has given you so much inspiration. It's kind of similar to the book. Like, hey, everybody should go learn from this person. They have so much wisdom that we could all gain

some glimmer of inspiration from. Dr. Christian Northrop. Oh, how come? There are, there is no other physician who embodies all the things that I do too. Like she has, she does law of attraction. She does astrology. She does goddess work. She does nonviolent communication. She knows about emotions. She, you know, plus there's all the biodendical hormones and just natural menopause and women's

empowerment and all the thing about. So I think that I have been a super fan. She's been on my show several times. Dr. Christian Northrop is, I mean, yeah, she's a, she is to me doing what a lot of, and I'm glad she's doing it, because I don't want to be doing, I don't want to be fighting the fight that she's fighting right now. Like, I am so happy. She's fighting it on my behalf. She's got an Aries Rising, which is why she's also a Libra, by the way. Oh. So she has that Ares Rising, which is warrior energy. And I will get burned out by that, but I know and recognize that I stand on her shoulders of her doing that. And so I appreciate. and respect her and need her to fight that fight for us. I love it.

I'm going to add a little second question to that one. Do you see a world where we're going to see more medical doctors come out of the health care paradigm that they were trained in? Because when we have conversations like this, where my brain goes is, God, you know, the medical world is great for emergency care. But man, did they miss the mark on chronic disease? And how do we get more people like Dr. Northrop to step out of that? Even Dr. Gundry, I interviewed him earlier this week.

Like he's stepping out of it and he's a cardiologist. Like, do you see a world where more medical doctors are going to step out of this antiquated way of approaching health? Absolutely. I had Dr. William Davis on and I was a little nervous at first and thought he might be very doctory and he was like, he's Mr. Anti-Doctor. He has a program called Undoctored. I was going to say, have you read his book, Undoctored? Yeah, I do. Well, I don't have und doctored. I have wheat belly, but, but und doctored. And I was like, so

compatible, like, you know, compatible in that way. And I think, you know, and I've mentioned Dr. Nasha because I work with her. And I know that people that, like, find me through her because they're looking for more people like her. And I just interviewed today. And it's not in the medical world, but Harville and Helen Hendricks, Helen and Harville Hendricks and Helen and Kelly Hunt and they did the Amogah Therapy. And they have a book for clinicians. And I said, it's a very powerful thing that while, Well, instead of talking just to therapists, talk to the people and tell the people to take your book to their therapist and say, I want you to train me in this way. Because that's what's changing the face of. That's how I think you know, Nisha has her own medical doctor program. And those people find her because people read her book, take the book to the doctor and say, I want you to treat me like this. And then the doctors go, well, if I want to help my patients, I better learn something new or else I'm going to be a dinosaur. Yeah. Yeah. That's, you know what? That's happening on my fasting channel,

on my YouTube channel. We are getting so many messages from people that are saying my nurse, a nurse sent me here, my doctor sent me here. And so it fires me up to keep putting the science because I know that that's what doctors, what speaks to them so that they can see, hey, go to your own research, go to the PubMed, and you can see that the research here shows that the body heals in the state. So I visualize every morning.

I have a morning routine that is really near and dear to me. And part of my visualization is a world where we, change health care, where we look at health care through a new lens. And discussions like this for me are part of that new health care that needs to emerge because the old one is dead. And yet not everybody has realized that. So yeah, that was really well said. Last question. If you had one message for the world that you could get into everybody's brain, what would that message be? That you are the creator of your own reality, which means that that if you don't like what's happening, you have the power to change it.

Hey, resetters. I just want to start off by saying thank you so much for all your wonderful reviews. And those of you that have left me comments on iTunes, I just greatly appreciate your thoughtfulness and how much you guys are enjoying these episodes. And it seems like you're enjoying them as much as I am enjoying doing them. One of the things that I've learned in just interacting with so many people is that we've really lost the art of deep conversations. And for me, the Resetter podcast stands for having meaningful conversations with people who are

thinking about health, about life, about mindset in a way that we may not be getting on social media or in mainstream media. And so I just want to say, give you guys a shout out and just say thank you for participating in this process with me because as much as I absolutely love delivering the information to you, I love even more knowing that it's impacting your life. So please let us know if there's anything we can do to make this podcast more customized to you, to make it better. We are now officially in season two and we are working to bring you the best conversations

that health influencers have, that mindset changers can give, and to really deliver you something that you're not able to get anywhere else. So from the bottom of my heart, as I always say my YouTube, from the bottom of my heart, I am deeply appreciative of you. I am deeply grateful to be on this journey with you, and let's get healthy together.