Live Like a Girl with Dr. Mindy Pelz - Perimenopausal-Brain Toolkit: Moving, Raging & Getting with Besties - Dr. Mariza Snyder

Episode Date: November 18, 2024

Dr. Mariza Snyder joins us for a deeply personal conversation about perimenopause, its challenges, and coping mechanisms. The episode delves into Dr. Mariza's journey with hormones, touching on the harrowing experiences of her mother and herself at a young age. From experiencing heavy periods and migraines to discovering the pitfalls of traditional medical recommendations, Dr. Mariza shares her frustration and desire for a better approach to women's healthcare. This meaningful conversation underscores the value of supportive friendships and community, especially during this life transition. To view full show notes, more information on our guests, resources mentioned in the episode, discount codes, transcripts, and more, visit https://drmindypelz.com/ep262 Dr. Mariza Snyder is a functional practitioner, women's hormone expert and the author of eight books: The newest book, The Essential Oils Menopause Solution, focuses on solutions for women in perimenopause and menopause and the #1 National Bestselling book, The Essential Oils Hormone Solution, focuses on balancing women's hormones naturally.  Other bestselling books are: The Smart Mom's Guide to Essential Oils and The DASH Diet Cookbook.   Check out our fasting membership at resetacademy.drmindypelz.com. Please note our medical disclaimer.

On this episode of The Resetter podcast, I bring you my new favorite friend, Dr. Marisa Snyder, and you're going to hear why I'm introducing her as my new favorite friend and why that matters. Because we're about to dive into the mental health challenges that so many of us go through specifically in the perimenopausal years, but we of course talk about postmenopausal years as well. So before I go into what you're going to learn and what the conversation's about, let me tell you a little bit about Dr. Marisa because this woman's energy, her mind, her heart is just, it's just incredible. So she's a functional practitioner, a woman's hormone expert, and she has authored eight books. That is not easy. I can tell you as an author, that is not easy. And her newest book, The Essential Oils Menopause Solution, is a must, by the way. I have it. I've used. it and it really helps understand how to blend different oils for different symptoms. And she is embarking upon another book that will come out at the end of 2025 on the perimenopausal years and the mental health chain challenges that we face. So think of the conversation you're about

to hear as two girlfriends talking about what they experienced in their peri-menopause. menopausal journey. I think you're going to see in here a lot of the symptoms that you have are hormonal symptoms. And so Dr. Marisa and I talk about like, how do you know? I mean, think about this. Like, how do you know that depression is a hormonal issue or that depression is just because your life needs some change? How do you know that are you just irritable or is your husband chewing really loud, really annoying to you. These are the kind of things that we talk about, like, how did we navigate this dramatic brain change that happens during the perimenopausal years? How did we recognize it and how did we navigate it? So it's a really fun conversation as much

as that didn't sound fun. I think a lot of you will find yourself in this conversation. You will see that the brain changes that are happening to you are normal. And at the end, we talk about some of the best ways to meet these mental changes head on. And they are fun ways and free ways. So it's a really cool conversation. Dr. Marisa is now a Hayhouse author like me. So we have bonded over there. I call her my Hay House soul sister because she is writing menopause books with me and health books with me under the same publisher. And I have found a kindred spirit in this beautiful woman. And I think that you are going to find some real nuggets of sanity in this conversation. So I hope it puts a smile on your face and that, as always, the time you spend with me and my

podcast moves your mind, your life, and your health forward. So I'm sending you, please know, especially before this, we launch into this conversation, how much I care about your well-being. And I hope that you find something here that really frees you because the perimenopausal years can be tough. And I want you to see that it's all temporary and there are solutions that could be right around the corner from you. So hope it helps. Welcome to the Resetter podcast. This podcast is all about empowering you to believe in yourself again. If you have a passion for learning, if you're looking to be in control of your health

and take your power back, this is the podcast for you. So I always welcome people to the podcast because I feel like it's welcoming people into my home. But I actually think what we're about to do is welcome people into our voice texts. Yes, our memos. I just so welcome. Yeah.

I am so happy that you're here and I can't wait to dive into this topic. So thank you for being here. I'm here. I can't wait. So here's where I want to go with this conversation. But before we do that, I want you to go into a little bit of a background on you and like how you got so your mind so heavily wrapped into hormones, which I think happens to all of us when we hit rocky places. But can you just so people can we can fill in like the gaps of like how did Did you end up at this point of your life really dialed in on hormones and how is it personal to you? It is so deeply personal for almost all of my life. But especially, yeah, it's especially like I'll pick, I'm like, when at what point in time

are you looking for, Mindy? I'll pick the point where it really felt like a point of no return. I was 30 years old. My mom was actually 48, so do the math. She was 18 when she had me. And she was going through serious, scary, what I call. kind of a nightmare of symptoms in perimenopause. And I myself, you know, kind of looking, looking forward, I was also struggling with what I thought was like, ooh, are these precursors

to what is to come? So I was dealing with major deregulated cortisol, estrogen dominance. So the symptoms were painful, heavy periods, bloating, migraines. But ultimately, I had a hard time just getting myself out of bed in the morning. And it was in this time where not only was I kind of helping my mom or at least understanding what she was going through, but also, I had a hard time, all of the women in my practice were in perimenopause. They were in midlife. And they were being siloed into statins and metformin and sleep medications and anti-anxiety, SSRIs, all the things. And I was like, there's something greater at play here versus siloing women. I call it like the peri menopause starter pack where we're just putting women on all these medications for all these different things.

And I was like, there's something. There's a bigger root cause here. And that's shifting hormones. For some of us, we can see, you know, hormones going out of balance due to lifestyle or trauma or stress. And so for me, I had been running like a freight train until I, it was a, I ignored all the whispers. I ignored all the like, hey, hey. Me too. And then I just got slammed just so I.

Yep. Yep. It's such a good comment. Go ahead. Keep going. But yes, the whispers turned into screams. Oh, for sure. For sure.

Turned into, I can't get out of bed. And I was like. Oh, oh, what have I done? What have I? And it's always that, too. I think a lot of us, we really do blame ourselves. It's like, oh, gosh, what have I done to me? How old were you?

I was 30. Oh, wow. Really early. I was like, oh, goodness. And I knew that whatever I did movie, I was at a crossroad. I could go one way or I could go another. And I knew that the way that I had been living my life, I was borrowing against myself for so long.

I used to think stress, activating that stress response system was a super power. I used to think that that was a slight edge. I'm like, oh, I will beat somebody else out because I'm going to leverage against myself. I didn't know that's what I was doing. And eventually, I couldn't get up in the morning. I had no cortisol awakening response because basically, I basically just tanked. And I remember going to a hormone doctor because, you know, you should always go to somebody else. And they ran my labs and it was just, it was a hot mess city. It was just, oh, but all I was recommended was Zoloft and get on hormonal birth control again. And I thought, man, we have got to do better, especially when I think about that is often the standard of care

for women in the perimenopausal transition. So what my mom was being offered at 48 was what I was being offered at 30. And I was like, yeah, because we only had like back then, we only had like five things to offer. This was 2010. Anti-dip, yeah, anti-depress. and, you know, a handful of other things. So, oh, Ambien. Do they give you ambient to sleep? I mean, I was obviously over, over tired. Like I was sleeping deep into the morning.

So it was my being able to get awake. And obviously, you know, never looking at like mitochondria, never actually addressing. That was the thing that that was going to fix my hormones. That was going to regulate my hormones. I'm like, I'm pretty sure you can't regulate hormones with endocrine disruptors that just shut the whole system down. And I thought to myself, I am one of millions who literally have walked in these doors and walked right back out with no viable solution.

And I knew hormonal birth control wasn't going to fix my cortisol issue. It wasn't going to fix my kind of growing insulin resistance. It wasn't going to fix the way that I operated in life. Like it wasn't going to fix that either. And so that's when I was like, okay, I know I'm here to be a part of this solution. If my entire practice is me, just older, and I know that there's other women just like me at this age too or even younger, that there's got to be a better way. And we've got to have a much more integrative approach, a loving approach to taking care of women.

You know what I'm thinking? An interesting question to ask a doctor who is helping you through menopause is what their menopause experience was. because I hear this. I sit here with so many doctors that are, you know, female that are like, you know what? I hit a wall and then I created my own solution and then I went and taught the solution. And I think it's, you know, we have so many women that listen to this podcast that are trying to figure out how to navigate the perimenopausal years. And I'm starting to think literally the first question you should ask yourself or ask your doctor is what was your experience?

I agree. And how did you navigate? Don't you think? Yeah. And how did you navigate it? With an IUD and some antidepressants and, you know, just, you know, claw your way through that moment, you know, how is it? Because is that going to be my recommendations?

You know, how did you navigate that journey? I mean, I think I told you this. Again, people are getting a glimmer of what you and I voice message back and forth. But I just went and saw Dr. Felice Gersh. And when she sat down with me, she spent two and a half hours going through my whole medical history, which was really nothing. And then there were like some root cause stuff. She's like, I, like I had a traumatic near-death experience in my 30s. And she's like, have you gotten trauma work on that? I'm like, oh my God, what doctor asks you that?

Which was so amazing. But then we got to this point where she's like, I want to turn you into a superager. And I was like, what's a superager? And we go down this whole thing. Well, she's 72 years old. And she looks great. She's still like functioning really well. And I all of a sudden found a wise elder. And I was like, look at this woman has had her own menopausal journey that is inspiring to me. And she wants to collaborate with me and work with me, not shame me and give me antidepressants. So I just want to point that out because I think it's really important that we understand the person delivering the message to us.

Oh, absolutely. And if they're hearing our goals, what are their goals? How are they framing our journey, you know, in their mindset? But then also how are they collaborating with us in terms of who we want to become? How resilient we want to be in this journey. And so, yeah, someone who will walk with you and someone who is open to you questioning and kind of a very interactive conversation and being open to bigger resources and asking other people in case something comes up that they're not 100% clear on, like someone who's willing to go the journey with you. Yeah. Yeah, which brings me to the next part of my perimenopausal journey and something you're really talking about and experience

yourself. And I'm so happy you're talking about it. So thank you. Is the mental health changes that we're seeing with women. I, you know, I always, my audience knows if they listen to me. I'm almost 55. I'm postmenopausal. But somewhere in my mid-40s, it was like somebody took my brain, took it out of my skull and then put another brain in there and said, okay, try to use this one. And I found myself irritable, easily agitated, yelling at my children. I've never yelled at my kids like that before. Everything was annoying me, including my own thoughts. And it shocked me. So can you talk, I know you had a very similar experience, but can you talk about what you've saw? I know you've had some other additional brain stressors, but and what you're seeing with women, just so women

can feel heard and seen and understand that they are not alone and really give context to these mental changes that women are experiencing. Absolutely. I think I want to start off with, you know, any woman who's in the four to 10 plus year transition, that is perimenopause, where we are in a profound brain reorganization, that you are definitely not alone. That eight out of the 10 symptoms of perimenopause are brain related and most of those are mood related. I think a lot of people think that the number one symptom of perimenopause is stubborn weight gain. And yes, that's often why women or hot flashes.

Yeah, or hot flashes or poor sleep. But no, it is irritability. It is, it is the way your partner is breathing and eating. Yep. Everything. Oh, yeah. Yes. I remember this one time, it was during the pandemic that I literally was lying in bed and I

I swore I could hear my teenage son chewing in the kitchen downstairs. I came down and I was like, who's chewing so loud? And everybody looked at me like I was a freak. And I'm like, you have to stop. You have to close the doors. You're chewing way too loud. And then I went upstairs. I was like, who am I?

What is going on here? So you're absolutely right. Irritability. Yet we don't talk about that. No. No. And it can feel like the daily pain points. So often women, it could be brushed off or brushed under.

to the rug of like, oh, I don't have the level of resilience. I think one of the things that I have experienced and other women I know in this transition, because I'm going to be 45, literally in a couple days, is things that were effortless. I didn't have to think about. Like put a blindfold over my eyes, put my hands behind my back. Like I could do it all day any day. And then all of a sudden, that requires effort. Like the level of multitasking that I was able to effortlessly do requires more

consideration and thought, more planning. And there's something about, you're like, oh my gosh, like, again, took out the productive, efficient, mega mom brain, and then replaced it with this perimenopause brain. And you're like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Like, I'm still, my obligations are still require this level of capacity. But now my brain is operating at this level of this lower level of capacity. And that can be very disalarming. Because we are, so help. Yeah, help us understand that. Like, why is that? Because I feel like if you understand something and you make sense of it,

then it actually feels a little bit calmer, at least to my brain. I'm always trying to make sense of everything. So I know you had Dr. Mascone on the show not too long ago. And I'm sure she talked about that women undergo three major brain reorganizations. The first one is puberty, right? And I mean, what a wild ride. Puberty was for all of us, especially our parents, right? And that is like a good eight-year transition where we come online into our reproductive years

around 20 years old, right? The brain is still vastly developing, but we prune back. Gray matter shifts. We prune back. I think it's like 40 plus percent of our neurons. It's a huge amount. So you're trying to navigate life and maybe boyfriends and classes and your brain is literally being rebuilt, you know. And so no wonder perimenopause can feel so challenging. The next one is pregnancy and postpartum. And any, any mom listening, you know that once you become a mom, there's no going back. You will never be. You never know where your keys are again. That in like our protector energy, are, you know, are knowing where our children are at all times. You know, picking, you could pick out your baby out of a lineup of 50 babies.

I mean, it is impressive. The amount, I mean, you're just all systems focused on protecting that child. But constantly, I did a major check-in with my nanny and Alex. Like, you should see the little checklist I'm running off for my little three-year-old. So postpartum. And then, again, hormones are kind of metapausal range in postpartum as well. So major brain reorganization, hormones tanking. No wonder we see so much depression and anxiety and overwhelm. Put in sleep or lack thereof. And here we go. Then, and the third one is perimenopause. that is and I think you know in a lot of ways it's a higher stakes transformation because I feel like there's more I'm not having a baby is pretty high stakes too I you keep me that baby alive it's

pretty important but perimenopause you've got you mostly have family you've got partners you've got parents I have a sick sister who you know I'm always getting involved in she had a stroke last year and she had a major spine surgery this year and so I'm always involved in her so I always say you know, often that sick parents, I have, it's my, it's a sick sister. And, and so there's just a lot more life circumstances that are happening. And we know that our, our gray matter declines. We trim back those neurons again, even white matter. But then with esteridial and progesterone dropping, you know, progesterone is a powerful anti-inflammatory as alopregnolone. And then esteridial has receptor sites to dopamine, serotonin, talking about motivating hormones, progesterone, and

Gestrone stimulates gaba. You want to stop that irritation? You need more of that. You want to get some sleep? You know, and so these hormones start to shift. And now what our dear friend, Dr. Carrie Jones, calls it unconscious uncoupling, but particularly in the receptor sites of your brain. And so your brain, at times, can be in a bit of an inflammatory state due to an uncoupling of these receptor sites at inconsistent times. So that's a thing. So that's a bit of a inflammatory state. So that's what's happening in the brain. We also see a decline in glucose metabolism. Yeah, yeah. And Dr. Mascone and I talked about that because I was like, I see so many menopausal women that once they learn how to fast and they get some ketones in, they get their

brain clarity back. And I was like, do we have research on menopausal women and ketones? And she goes, no. I was like, can you do get on that, please? Yes, there isn't a lot of research on menopause brain or perimenopause. brain. What little we know, this is, this is what little we know. It's a little bit more than what I just shared, but, you know, including the estrogen, sorry, the not only, you know, kind of the binding of estrogen and how critical that is to glucose metabolism, but yeah, that lack of metabolic flexibility and how critical that becomes to the brain in menopause. I mean, that's why I love your work, because that's how we shift. If the way that our brain receives energy,

shifts and we become more resistant to that glucose energy, well, then we better find another energy source. That's right. That's right. Walk through, and you can do it from a personal lens, because again, I just want to point out that you're not only talking from an expert hormone slant, but you're talking from a perimenopausal slant. Walk through the symptoms, because I can tell you when I was going through perimenopause, there

were a few symptoms that shocked me. Probably the biggest one is that I couldn't do the same amount of work that I used to do in a day. I would say that that symptoms actually still around. Like I used to be, you give me a 10 to 12 hour work day and I would pump that out with with a smile on my face. Now I'm like five hours. I'm like, I'm done. I've had enough. So let's just walk through some of the major brain symptoms so that people can really understand that it's not their fault. It's not their fault. That it is menopause. Yeah. So the kind of the first brain symptoms that you'll notice, I'd like just walk you through that timeline. Yeah, let's do that. Early 40s, maybe even late 30s, but I would say early 40s. I know for me, I felt like I fell off a cliff at 43.

I was like, yeah, me too. 43 was a big year. That's the year. What happened? You were like, what just happened to me? Yeah. I was shook. Exactly. It was, yeah. I was, I always say it's like at 40, I came into my 40s, like in the best health of my life. By 43, I was on the couch crying. No, that was very much. I went from postpartum. I had a baby at 41. I was cruising after those first nine months, a little rough. And then I was doing so great. I remember heading into 23, barely 43, and I just fell off a cliff. And I was, and initially you're like, what is, what's happening? I went down all the rabbit holes. I'm like, what, what is this? And I was, oh, it's very, it's very metapause. So it, those initial,

symptoms will feel like, again, irritability, especially in towards your period. So all of a sudden, PMS symptoms are a little bit heightened. You may even feel what I've noticed is a lack of stress resilience. So things that you had major capacity for, you don't have that capacity. These longer work days where you're juggling all the things, you work your eight-hour shift and then you go into mom mode for another five hours, you realize you don't have it in the tank. You know, someone's asking you some very cerebral questions and you're like my brain stopped working at five o'clock if I made it to that point. So you'll notice, you know, again, brain fog, not an inability. Like how women describe it as I'm not as productive because it's always languaging around like how,

how am I showing up? So I'm not as productive. I'm not able to do as much as I used to be able to do. I find myself not having as much patience or understanding or compassion for a lot of circumstances. my sleep is beginning. I'm having a harder time going to sleep. I feel wired and tired at night before bed. And I'm maybe even waking up at night in the middle of the night. And then the other thing that may be even more so for me, it's not even just irritability. It's anger and rage. So there'll be a couple. Oh yeah. Oh, yeah. That shocked me. It scared me. Oh, yeah. I remember where I felt like there was this like a demon trying to get out of my body. It just, it was like a fire inside of my system that was looking to get unleashed. And I'm still trying to gentle parent to my

three-year-old at the same time. Right. So the rage and the anger was very scary for me. And then the lack of word recall. I'd be in a conversation with you, where I would be in an interview or I would just be talking to a bestie. And all of a sudden, that word just fluttered away. And it was never coming back. It was never coming back. So the lack of word recall, lock of concentration and also alertness. So those are kind of those early symptoms. And again, they can look like maybe I didn't get enough sleep last night, you know? They're sneaky. This is why I want to unpack this because I see it now looking back. But when I was in it, what everything you just said looked like, this is what my brain said. I'm burnout. I don't want to

keep doing like, you know, my job anymore. I, my husband is annoying me. Like, why is, was he not treating me the same way he was before? Like I'm done being a mom. These kids are like in teenage years, like what the heck is going on? Testing me. I couldn't, yeah, I couldn't pick up a book and just read a novel. I finally starting to be able to read a novel now for the first time.

I couldn't focus on that. I kept forgetting my task list all over the place. It literally felt like somebody had given me like two legs and said, But two left legs and we're like, here you go. Try to walk. Like every day I felt like I was tripping all over myself. And stress resilience is another one. Like as a human that I could take care, I had so much.

And I still have a ton of grit. But I was like you. I was like, just I could put my head down and do anything. And I no longer wanted to do that. So, you know, how do we help a woman understand? I could have easily said my kids who I love, by the way, are 24 and 22 and are amazing humans. I just so proud, my mama heart is so proud.

But I could have said, oh, I messed up as a parent. I could have divorced my husband, which I didn't. I could have made a, like totally quit my job, which I didn't. Like there's so many things that appeared as external problems, but were actually my internal ability to interpret those problems had changed. And how do we know the difference between, Hubby, I need to leave you. And hubby, my brain has now taken on a new level of stress.

That is a gosh. Well, because it's a yes and. Yes, you know, partners need to understand. Yes, partners need full on communication. And yes, you know, I am calibrating. Is this a situation where in my relationship there are things that are not, you know, that are major fissures in our, in our relationship, in our marriage or partnership, or is this just me really struggling? I think, you know, whether that's a couple's therapy or, you know,

vulnerability or maybe trauma work that helps you kind of sift through that, I will say that the highest number of divorce is in this time. Yeah. I know. And 70% of them are initiated by women. And so I, you know, I can tell you that I really learn to like talk differently, like, oh, tell my husband like, oh my God, this is what's going on with me. And it's like we had to sort of, and we still are like really have, he's having to get to know the new version of me. And I, the perimenopausal version was not the version of the woman he married. And the post menopausal version is definitely a new version. But it's taken a lot of explanation and a lot of helping him see that this is, as my brain changes, so is my, the way I show up for you. I don't know if you

and your husband have had that same kind of communication. You know, we are, and I mean, obviously he's been a hormone expert for a long time. Yeah, right. By proxy. He's my COO, so he's very much in it. Like, he's had, when I'm talking to women at an event and I'm taken up, he still ask him questions. Or I go, we can't get to your wife, but let's ask you.

Oh, my gosh. That's so great. That's so great. One of the things that I think, especially if someone's in perimenopause listening, particularly, what you'll notice, what I notice after. whether I ovulate or not. You know, some months I don't. I'm very much, my cycle runs 26 days, you know, until it's not.

I don't know, who knows, what day, what cycle, it's not going to be 26 days anymore in perimenopause. But I will have the first day that I'll notice a shift in my resilience, in my mental and emotional well-being is it'll feel like a little bit of anxiousness. It'll feel like a little bit of stress, a little bit of life is a tiny bit insurmountable. Now, two days ago, life, same problem, same issue, same. stuff. My brain just is reorganizing it differently. I'll just notice I'm a little bit more nitpickier. I'm a little bit more irritated. And Alex will be like, huh, you know, what's, what's going on here?

And then the next day, it'll be so obvious. It ascends up. Like it ratchets up. Like all of a sudden, I'm super irritated. I'm more angry. And then we're like, oh, we know what's happening. So I'll announce, especially if I'm feeling a little bit of irritation or a little bit of overwhelm, I'll say, hey, I'm noticing that I'm feeling a bit more overwhelmed. And my schedule, I didn't stack it to support me as well as I would love. And we have a three-year-old. So I'm like, is there any way in the next couple of days you could take over all of nighttime routine, that you could carry the, could you take on this responsibility?

Could you hold this for me? And so we start to reorganize the things that I'm not locked into that have flexibility. And so Alex will be like, okay, because he does. he has a lot more bandwidth than I do in these moments. And either way, one every single night for two and a half hours, we're in a nighttime routine with a three-year-old. So, you know, and so that's all notice initially, again, it'll just feel like, oh, maybe my day was too busy that day or I was a little bit overbooked.

And then the next day, I tip the scale. And so I think it's really monitoring those symptoms and then full-on communication. I like what you said because I would track this as well, that where I, you're that I was happy last week and now I'm not happy. Like that happens a lot through the whole perimenopausal journey. Like you're going along and you're like, everything's great. And then like three days later, you're like life is horrible. I've actually seen some interesting research that they say that the part of the brain that

gives you suicidal ideation actually get stimulated when you're going through menopause. You start like sort of dreaming about taking yourself out. which sounds horrible, but it is part of the brain, what I call the brain remodel project. Like the brain is remodeling itself and changing itself. And so we do have some of these centers that pop up. But the difference between life is horrible and I want out or my brain is remodeling is what you said. Three weeks ago I was fine.

And now this week, I'm not fine. Yeah. And it's a yes. And I think that it's so important to have that awareness and to have, I mean, it's easier said than done to say have extra grace and have, you know, have beautiful. And I have there's, I have so many strategies and tools that I pull out of my toolbox. And here's the thing. Sometimes in my ludial phase, that second part of the cycle, it starts earlier. I'm like, oh, I'm just two days into this. This isn't supposed to happen. I'm, I get, I'm, I'm, I'm deserved another four

days of peace. Like, did my progesterone not even show up to the party? You know? Right. Yeah. And then, Other times I can make it all the way to day 24 and I'm good. And so every single month it's going to be a different ride. And, you know, I think it's just really listening and honoring. And when, you know, for the most part, I really do my best to buffer myself as best as I can. Because I feel like I deserve it. I deserve safety. I deserve extra grace.

Even when life feels, again, insurmountable, it didn't three days ago. but all of a sudden it feels so heavy and like I'm going to barely crawl through it. I'm like, okay, how do I support myself in this moment, this phase that I know is temporary? You know, even in these next couple of days, how do I resource myself so that I'm honoring my body and I'm honoring the process? Yeah. Okay. Talk about some of the toolbox tools that you use because some of them, you and I have talked about that are just phenomenal and they're free to everybody. people to know them but what I'm hoping is that as people are hearing themselves in this conversation

and understanding that their mind is not they're not going crazy I also am hoping that we can really come together put our our brains together to be able to help women figure out like what do you do in that moment so you're you've hit you've hit that moment where his breathing is driving you crazy you can't the looping thoughts you can't stop and you're just not sure where do you you go with your own head. Yeah. So give me some ideas of what women do that. Yeah, absolutely.

So I think that first step in those moments, right, is awareness. Yeah. Like paying attention to your physiology. So it's not so much my thoughts as much as it's my physiology. And it also could be, again, it could be trauma here, you know, that there's a pattern that you're up regulating. And so I get more, more tense. I get more charged focus.

I'm not chilling, like laying back. Like I'm in, I'm in like handled business energy. My jaw tenses, everything just gets tighter. And so when I start to notice those physiological changes, that is the time where if I have bandwidth, I can have a moment, I will go and step outside. I'll take up even a three-minute walk in nature. I will, I'll try to shake it off because I know that's often charged cortisol too, like adrenaline that's running through me, that's firing without thinking.

And so I'll shake it off. I'll dance or swamp. So I love rage dancing. So if I can get up into my bedroom, I'll do a five-minute rage dance where I'll just move. What's a rage dance? Yeah. So it's usually some kind of like really intense music. Like screaming?

I wouldn't say screaming, but like death metal or something? I do not love death metal. I would say like a song that, you know, maybe it's a very sad song or maybe it's like a higher energy. like maybe Alanis Morset, you know, something like that, you know, where you're just, you know, you're just, and I usually grab a pillow and I just start moving my body and just shaking the energy. I'll do, I'll kind of kind of swamp. And this is Mama Gina's work where I'll just try to alchemize that energy. And then if I've got bandwidth, I'll move into like a sadder song, like maybe Sarah McLaughlin or something like that, or Lauren Hill. And all of a sudden,

all the emotions are moving and mobilizing. And I'll find myself crying, you know, like, again, I will feel so much better that I've just kind of uncharged a lot of those emotions. Another thing that I'll do is I scream into pillows a lot. Oh, yeah. Okay. I never screamed into a pillow. I just scream into the house. It feels so good.

But that's good. I'm going to think about the pillow. The neighbors might like that. Yeah. So, whether it's in a car, like, especially if you're like, even if people are in the house and you're afraid they're going to hear you, you can have a pill. I have a pillow in the trunk. So I'm just ready.

Okay. I'll scream in the pillow. Yeah. You kind of said three things, though, that I think are really interesting. Walking became my absolute go-to menopausal medicine. I don't, if I could not walk, I probably would have killed myself. Like, I can't tell you how many times I'm like, I don't know what to do with my thoughts. And I've literally put my tennis shoes on and I just walk.

And, you know, we have so much, so much. of a better understanding that that bilateral stimulation right left right left and when you look out at the horizon like that brings cortisol down i've even now added you got to try this i've added in a weighted vest i've become one of one of the ruckers but like a weighted vest calms the nervous system down and i go walk and it's become my drug of choice like it can literally turn my mood in in a second so i I love that. The second thing you said was like trauma release therapy. What is that where they because animals do that when they're under trauma they like shiver and shake it out. You're just spelling that excess cordial. It's got to go somewhere. Yeah. You know, meditation ain't going to get it

done. You know. No, you can't sit down and meditate in that moment. No. And then music, I, me and music have become besties through this perimenopausal journey. And my kids actually said to me, why do you listen to such sad music? And I think I'd like to listen to sad music so I can just sometimes sit and go into the sadness of it because it's like I don't know what to do with all this mind energy and maybe this feeling the sadness actually helps me move through it. So I'm right with you on those strategies. Some other things I've done, especially in this time, there's these beautiful women. They're so incredible. They hold amazing space and they do this two-hour transformational breath work and everyone's screaming.

Everyone's screaming and oh yeah, yeah, talking. Oh, that's great. It's mostly 80 plus percent women. It's like 20 people can be in this room, this living room. It's on a living room. And I usually go twice a month and I am just moving it out. And they'll do energy work while you're doing it. I mean, if you're not crying, it's a guarantee cry moment.

You know, you're going to cry at some point in this two-hour breath work. So I'm heading there in a next, next Friday. So that's been helpful. Also, somatic, like you said, more of those somatic kind of in your body. So I'll have, I have a weighted scarf that I'll put around my neck that will just calm my system, kind of like the weighted vest that you were talking about. Breath even for me, like a 30 second, one minute kind of breathwork exercise, whether if it's the kind of the longer exhale versus the inhale, I think it's a 4,7, 8 breath that I'll do.

but also run through the halotrophic breath where it's the really more intense breath to move it through because I'm just trying to move energy out. Right. Me too. I'm also really down to just honor, own my emotion. I'm feeling irritated. I'm feeling mad. I'm feeling angry.

I'm feeling rageful. And then asking myself like, well, where is that in my body? Where is that coming from? Is it my stomach? Is it my heart? Is it my throat? And so getting more in tune with my body and really understanding where I'm, you know, holding onto those emotions. Because I have an ACE's score of a seven, a child adverse, you know,

score at adverse childhood events score of a seven, I knew that trauma was going to play out in a lot of different ways potentially. And I feel like, you know, I wouldn't say that it's made my perimenopause easier. And so I really honor that too. It's like there's this trauma that I'm working through. So I do a lot of parts work. I do EMDR. So I go work with, yeah, I work with the trauma-informed therapist. And so when, even though I do a lot of the free tools and I'm very consistent, I walk sometimes four times a day because I just need to be out solo, just being outside, moving my body, maybe listening to something, maybe not. And having really scheduled a loan time more than anything, just giving myself space and bandwidth. And then the other thing that I really rely on are my

best friends, you know, who can hold space and capacity for my really big intense emotions. Sometimes I feel like my partner, because he's in it, can't always do that for me. He doesn't have as much compassion as my besties do. That's been huge for me. I just, I will voice memo. I mean, like, it all comes out. And I can just send it off. And it just feels so much better.

Let's go back to the trauma. and then we're going to the friends because I have a lot of thought on the friends. Do you think that traumas, since you know that you had a traumatic childhood, do you feel like you can handle traumas when you're locked and loaded with all the right hormones and neurochemicals? But once they go away, those traumas, if they're left unhealed, they're coming out and they're all coming out. And all of a sudden, now you are sitting in a life of trauma that needs to be addressed. Yeah, I mean, we can only hide from it for so long. And I feel like perimenopause, whether it's the universe, I don't know,

it's that I call it the reckoning and the biggest time of review. Because all of a sudden, whatever you were able to kind of like, you know, shove back, you know, kind of just, you know, cover it up with more productivity, covered up with more accomplishments, achievement, perfectionism, all those things that look good on paper. When we lose that capacity and these hormones begin to decline, it's like we're facing ourselves for the first time for some of us. That's it. That's it. I just had Terry Cole on here and we were talking about her new book, a high functioning codependent. And I was saying that I'm going through just a journey of really facing myself for the first time.

And I know that it's because of two things. It's because these hormones have shifted and the other things have shifted. And now my parenting, you know, it looks very different. Your parenting will be look different as well because you have a little guy right now. But my kids don't need me. You know, my, I closed my clinic. My clinic doesn't need me. Like so my patients aren't there.

Like I just noticed that my identity changed and it's, that loss of identity left me alone with me. And when I got alone with me, wow, that got really interesting. And thank God, I have an incredible EMDR specialist who has worked with me. But when I hear you say that, I just want every woman to hear that there's this possibility as you go through perimenopause where traumas you couldn't deal, you were able to push down before, you cannot push down anymore. And it's not your fault. It's just you don't have the neurochemical bandwidth to be able to do that. Is there anything we can say to those women?

I mean, how do we help them? Absolutely. I want to see it. I'm trying to reframe as that this is a gift that I get to face myself, that I get to redefine who I am, that I get to discover these patterns that have been driving me for so long, these little adaptations that my little Marisa's self, whether she was seven or 12 or 15, she just made up because she didn't have a choice at the time. And then she thought she could just carry them on through. And they're not serving anymore.

And who I'm becoming, I get to honor her and I get to honor the adaptations and the things that have made me me. But I also get to decide, you know, is this what I want to bring into my next phase? Is this what's, yes, is this what's going to uplevel me into the kind of woman I want to be, who I want to show up as? And I don't want to effort my way through life anymore.

I'm exhausted. Yeah, me too. I'm exhausted too. And this is the thing, like I feel like we're all exhausted. And then we come roaring into perimenopause, exhausted. And then all our neurochemicals change. And all of a sudden our brain and our body's like, here you go, deal with your traumas, learn how to communicate differently to your spouse.

And it's just a lot to handle, which leads me to my next point and one that you and I really bond on, which is my friendships, my girlfriend, girlfriend friendships used to be fun and exciting before. And now they are like medicine for me. But yeah, so, you know, how do we, this is one thing that I really feel like you and I are hearts align on, which is how do we surround all? women in this experience and you know as a as a history we women are mean to women like we're not nice to each other and I feel like menopause is the time to to change that because any woman that's

going through a hormonal transition deserves a hug I've even stood and spoke in at conferences in front of thousands of people and I ask all the perimenopausal women to raise their hand and then I tell everybody look at those women and at the break go give them a hug because this is a time where we need to come together as a collective and support each other, not and lean into each other, not tear each other apart. 100%. I will always say I take care of everybody by taking care of women. I have been a champion of women since I was so young, I don't even remember.

And so I've been really blessed to always have beautiful, amazing women around me. But even in this stage, very specifically in this stage, the caliber of deep connection. is so much more than it's ever been. And again, I think what it all comes down to, especially in the menopausal experience, it's feeling safe and feeling belonging. That's what matters. Safety's huge.

Yeah, safety and, yeah, because safety is oxytocin. Yes. Ooh. And is belonging. They're both oxytocin. Yeah, and they trump cortisol. So, you know,

oxytocin is the only hormone who can just shut cortisol down. She is the queen. She really is the queen. hormone right there. She is. And so, you know, it's especially when we're going through it and it could feel like our world is getting smaller, that's really the opportunity to step out. And it may feel a little bit scary, especially if your experience has been, man, I've had a lot of mean girls or women, it's more surface level. And if that's been the case for you, I just want to invite you to take that first step. Maybe it was somebody that you used to be best friends with while you

were moms or someone that you went to yoga with all the time. And then, you know, things like the pandemic kid and people moved and there was a massive reshuffling. I think women felt more alone in that time than ever before. And many of us may not have recovered from, you know, that loss of friendship and connection as well. And so I say go back and reach out. I, I send memos to friends who I haven't talked to in a while at least once a week. And even if I don't hear anything back, I was memoing a friend of mine about a month, two months. months ago and I didn't hear back and I memoed again. I didn't hear back and then I got a message from her husband and she has been diagnosed

with Louis body dementia. It's one of my best friends and you know it's one of those friends where no matter where you are in life like no matter how long it's been you just come right back together and I didn't at the time where I was sending these memos like every month or so and I didn't hear back I didn't think anything of it but then come to find out that she was really leaning on those at a very, very hard and difficult time, and I'm still sending them almost every single week. And so, like, you just never know when you take that step, the impact that's going to have on somebody else's life. We just don't know where everyone is at. And so my recommendation is

take that step, like go through your Rolodex, go through your phone, go through Instagram or Facebook, like, who haven't you talked to in a while that you would love to know, like what they're up to? And maybe just it can be easy, like, oh, we haven't talked in a while. And I've been thinking about you, you've been on my heart. And, you know, I saw a couple of posts and I just, you know, I immediately wanted to just say hi, see how you're doing and see what happens. But then also I say locally go doing things that you love where you cultivate community as well. And so there's a lot of ways that we can create it. I think when we set the intention of creating soul sisterhood that it all shifts and we start to really attract the people that can

hold space for us. Yeah. It's, I think, I think it's a really important part. I've been much more intentional about my friendships than ever before. And for me, what it's looked like, like yesterday, I have a friend who we had a long list of different activities we wanted to do together. And I was like, you know, let's go do this and let's go do this. And one of the things we said we were going to do was pottery class together. So yesterday we went and did a pottery class and then it was her birthday and we went and celebrated

her birthday. And this morning I woke up and I was like, you know, that was really cool because when I had my clinic, there's no way on a Tuesday, I could have stepped away from patients and gone and done pottery with a friend and then gone to dinner with she and her husband and celebrated it. So I made an intentional effort to message her and just be like, thank you. Your friendship means the world to me and I really appreciate our day together. Now, the busy version of me, younger version of me might have never done that. But I am learning that the friendships, I want to foster you you like I was gonna you I'm like I am courting you right now Mindy I know

I know we're menopausal dating this is like I you know I used to have this thing when my kids were little I would say I'm gonna mommy date I need to find some mommies now I feel like we're we're actually probably author dating because I love all my I love to find fellow authors but it's so fun to find somebody and say I like your energy I feel safe around you how do we do more together? But you're right. We're totally courting each other. It's great. It's so good. It's so good. And I am, I mean, I'm such a blessing to get to have you in my life. I mean, in last couple of months when we've been sending memos, I wanted to respect your time too. But I was like, you know, I, you know, I'm just going to admit it right here on the podcast. I'm courting

Mindy right now. Okay. I usually call it stalking. I usually say, like I literally will tell people like I stalked you. And then they laugh. I'm like, no, you don't understand. Like, I, I just love what you're up to. I love who you are. And I wanted to get to know you. It's just, I say stock because it's funny. That's hilarious. I found a sexier. I was like, let me find a sexier name for it. But yeah, I think in time. I mean, you're right. It's commitment. It's time, but it's so worth it. Like I, one of the other things that I did this year that really shifted a lot of my stress is I'm reading romantic fantasy books. And, oh, I have a whole list.

And I bet Alex is enjoying that. Exactly. And I have all these book besties. I keep gathering book besties because I'm a researcher by, you know, we're researchers by trade. And so, and I am consuming the, I think I've read 45 of these since March. So I'm going through a series and all the things. And I'm literally, I've ranked book boyfriends. You know, I mean, if you want to be like the ultimate book boyfriend, I know who we and I know

what series you need to read. And so. Oh, my God. I love you so much. This is hysterical. you now and they're like, okay, I just finished the series. Oh my gosh. And it's just like, once someone's reading something that you loved, it's just this moment. And they're like, okay, what do I read next? And so I find I have all these memos coming in either either in Instagram or in my phone of like

the next book, the next book boyfriend. And oh my God. So that has been so much fun. Okay, tell us where we go with romantic fantasies. I don't, I, where, where's my door in? And we should probably let everybody know because I'm going to go order. So yeah. So I mean the big romantic fantasy author right now, the two of them, Rebecca Yaros with the Iron Flame and Fourth Wing, a little bit younger. And then Sarah J. Mass has sold almost five million books this year. So Throne of Glass and a court of Thorn and Roses. But my favorite book boyfriend is Luther. And he is in author Pencoll, and it's the Kindred Curse saga. And book four is about to drop. So I'm so excited for that. Yeah. Okay. I'm going to go. I'm going to have to. I love, I love this. This is the power of

collaboration is like, you know, is learning things like this. So the other interesting thing is I have a friend who loves to travel. And so she asked me last year if I wanted to go to Turkey. And I was like, yeah, let's go. And so we're actually going in two weeks. And then we both love to read books. And she's like, well, we need to read a book about Turkey. So she researched a novel, a historical novel. So we're now both reading it together before we go on this excursion. And it's just, This is soul food. Like this, like, you know, maybe my 30-year-old self wanted the big house and the nice car. My soon-to-be 55-year-old self just wants connection with humans and as many lovely ways as I can. Like literally, I can't get enough of connections from heart-centered humans

that fill my soul. It's become my quest for my life is to find those people that light me up. I honestly think it's everything. When I check in, like, what matters most? and not that mission and purpose isn't so important. And goodness knows that's been the driver my whole life. But like when I tap into awe and joy and safety and belonging, like it is spending time with my favorite people in real life as much as possible. And so I have a birthday party plan this weekend. And I'm literally only having this birthday party so that I can bring my favorite people

together is why I'm doing it. I want to be the reason that people come together. And so that to me is everything, at least right now, especially when, again, rage takes over and anger and irritability. And I want somewhere that's a safe place for me to express those emotions. And they don't live in my house and they don't breathe, you know, in a way that I don't like. And so. Yes.

Yes. Exactly. Yes. I have a lot more compassion from my friends than I do my partner. Oh, yeah. Well, and it does bring up an interesting thing that our partner can't be everything to us. And I've really tried to explain this to my husband, which is a hard thing to understand. It's like when I go and I connect to my girlfriends, like I come back a more whole version of me. And I can actually give to the relationship. And he's starting to understand that.

But again, it wasn't until I went through perimenopause that all of a sudden that became a necessity. It was like, I don't get away, don't get in front of me and my besties. Like, all I want to do is hang with them because they're the thing that makes me calm and happy at this point in my hormonal journey. So, yeah, totally love this. Yeah, right. Oh my gosh, I just love you and thank you, you know, just again. I'm watching what you're doing.

I know you're embarking on writing a new book. And I think it's the most important thing that's happening in the culture right now is so many of us are like, look, here was our experience, and this is how we managed it. So, you know, I know in my heart that, like, we saved somebody's life today just by, like, being transparent with what we've gone through. So talk about where people find you. And I know you always have some good giveaways. Yes, yes. So tell me how. Energize on Dr. Marisa. You're about to be on it, talking about the book, which I'm so excited. Instagram at Dr. Marisa. And you can find me on YouTube as well. But I also have a beautiful self-care guide, self-care rituals guide that, again,

these are all free, easy. I get, I get how busy life is. I get, you know, but I think that when we can punctuate our life with these beautiful safety signals to the brain, we just feel so much better throughout the day. So I built this with a very busy, very, very full scheduled woman in mind. And I'm so excited. Like, these are things you can build into your day throughout the day with ease grace. Amazing. Well, so we'll leave links and thank you. I always am grateful when people give free stuff to my following because I'm an information

junkie. So I know I would gobble that up. So, okay, last question. This is one I've been asking this year. And it just really, I love it because everybody says something different. What is your definition of health and how do you know when you're healthy? Hmm. My definition of health is having resilience and capacity, you know, feeling good in my heart,

feeling good, like having, you know, just being able to just hum through the day. Like that is my, and how do I know? I'm doing a lot of body scans, a lot of body check-ins. Oh, yeah. Really listening to my body, tuning. That's, again, that mind-body connection I think is so critical. obviously I look at labs and all those things too. But that, I mean, I think a daily check-in because women, I think we're the ultimate biohackers.

I think we're the ultimate pivoters. And so if I do a body scan and I'm like, ooh, like I'm feeling a little bit more tired or I feel like I need kind of a little reset, a walk reset. I will make that pivot if I can in real time to kind of uplevel that energy. So yeah, that's how I'm looking. How much capacity I have for my son. That's how I'm gauging it, right? You know? Yes.

Yeah. I think the body scan is really interesting because that's where I've gone to is like checking in with, and that's an EMDR thing. I don't know. Yeah, my therapist will say like where you feel that in your body. And it's, I really like that. So I just appreciate you so much. I can't wait for your next book to get out, which I know is going to be written and

launched at supersonic speed. But your voice needs to be heard. So thank you for speaking up and helping us all. I just, I deeply appreciate you. Thank you so much for joining me in today's episode. I love bringing thoughtful discussions about all things health to you. If you enjoyed it, we'd love to know about it. So please leave us a review, share it with your friends, and let me know what your biggest takeaway is.