Live Like a Girl with Dr. Mindy Pelz - Protecting Your Peace: A Guide to Releasing Negativity with Trent Shelton

Episode Date: July 15, 2024

Trent Shelton is former NFL wide receiver turned motivational speaker and author. Join Dr. Mindy as she dives into Trent's powerful insights on "Protecting Your Peace" and releasing negativity. Discover practical advice on how to unwind the people pleaser within, manage stress, and create a balanced life that works for you. In this episode, Trent shares compelling stories and analogies, making his guidance both relatable and actionable. Whether you're struggling with overdoing, seeking more rest, or learning to set boundaries, this conversation offers invaluable wisdom to help you live a peaceful, inspired life. To view full show notes, more information on our guests, resources mentioned in the episode, discount codes, transcripts, and more, visit https://drmindypelz.com/ep244 Considered one of the most impactful speakers of his generation, he reaches over 60 million people weekly through hard-hitting videos and unprecedented engagement. He started creating YouTube videos with his words of wisdom and courage, pushing others to find their inner strength. While Trent seemingly achieved his childhood dream, his NFL career ended prematurely, inevitably giving him the space and determination to re-evaluate his values and life's purpose. As a way to hold himself accountable, Trent picked up his mobile phone and began recording two-minute video segments of his daily progress and posting them onto social media. The engaging, hard-hitting, yet always uplifting messages resonated with millions around the globe. In the years that followed, Trent founded the RehabTime Organization, a nonprofit with a mission to serve a worldwide community by demonstrating that change starts from within— through the development of faith, mindset, self-care, relationship building, and leadership. Check out our fasting membership at resetacademy.drmindypelz.com. Please note our medical disclaimer.

On this episode of The Resetter podcast, I bring you Trent Shelton. So if you're not familiar with Trent, he has quite a background as a former NFL wide receiver. But he, more importantly than that, he has moved into motivational speaking, writing books, helping us all live an inspired life. And I recently met him. And I was blown away at the inspiration that poured out of this man. He is like a gentle giant, is what I will call him. I could sit and talk to him for hours.

And his new book is a topic that I think is really important to all of us. And it's called Protecting Your Peace. So he has written several books. The first book was called The Greatest You. The second book was called Straight Up, really straight and to the, the point advice that you pick up his books and you can immediately put them into action. But the protecting your peace one is just very important conversation for us all to have. Because in a world where as women, and I know we have both men and women that listen to this

podcast and couples, but, you know, one of the things that I feel like we are just babies in understanding. Like this conversation is just starting to happen is, how detrimental stress and overdoing is for women. And the reason that this is a problem is so many of us are people pleasers. And Trent and I talk about, how do you unwind the people pleaser? So many of us put everybody else's needs ahead of our own. And we talk about that, you know, that old concept of how do you put your own oxygen mask on? His advice is so digestible.

There was a, he tells great stories. There's a couple amazing analogies that have stuck in my head since this conversation. And he's really all about creating a life that has a rhythm of rest and is working for you where you're choosing what goes on your calendar. You're choosing who you hang out with. You're choosing the pace to your life and you're making it a choice that works for you. That's what protecting your peace means to him. And it's such a beautiful discussion.

So if you're one of those that are really feeling like the pace of your life is too fast, you're not sure how to unhook yourself from trying to please everybody, you are feeling very unsteady, you don't know how to protect your own peace. Trent's the guy to show you. And this conversation is really dense and I'm really excited to bring it to you. So Trent Shelton, protecting your peace. Welcome to the Resetter podcast. This podcast is all about empowering you to believe in yourself again.

If you have a passion for learning, if you're looking to be in control of your health and take your power back, this is the podcast for you. Okay, well, let's just jump in. And first off, I just want to say welcome to my podcast. It's such an honor to have you here. Thanks for having me. I appreciate it. Yeah. I love how it just, everything worked out.

out. I feel like all the stars aligned for us to have this conversation. For sure. And I have to tell you, like, I had heard about your book. My first reaction was, that is a phenomenal title. My second reaction was, I need to read that book. And then when I saw you in person in Charleston and heard your speech, like, wow, like just inspiration oozes out of you. And I'm sure people have told you that. But can you start with just how, where do you become such an inspiring human because it feels like it's just like oxygen that just you're just breathing inspiration. Well, thank you. I appreciate that. You know, I always tell people it pretty much picked out me. I didn't ever set out to like be a speaker or be an author.

It was me losing football. I mean, my career was sports and, you know, a few years in the NFL and losing that and kind of losing my identity, losing myself and hitting a rock bottom to like, What do I want to do in my life? And so that was a big area that I felt pushed me into what I do today, even though it wasn't the only thing. Me having, with birth to my son Tristan, and then one of my best friends committed suicide. So Tristan really got me on the mind to like, man, I have a, I now have a human that's going to follow my path. So I need to get some things right in my life. And then when my best friend committed suicide, it was the thing of like, man, I had so much guilt.

I was out somewhere in Dallas. I never forget July 4th week and I got that call. And immediately I was like, man, I didn't even realize he was going through this. And I was like, man, what if he had a voice to hear? And a lot of guilt, but I had to let go of that. And I made a promise to him that I would literally walk into my biggest fear. I'm introvert by nature. But it was a calling on my life to say, you know what?

I want to help people with their self-worth, help people know that just because something is over because he lost sports. He lost a relationship. So he felt like his life was over. That your life isn't over. And that's where it started. You know, back in like 2009 is when I start recording content, but 2011 is when it became real for me. So, you know, it's interesting in all the thread, the through line and all of that is, and I think this happens to so many of us, is that our, like, who we show up as in the world becomes our identity. So if we show up at work and we give ourselves a label, like, that's our identity.

I can't tell you the number of moms I've sat with that once their kids leave the house, like, that's their identity. and I think there's something that's really profound about what do you do when your identity in these different areas of your life all of a sudden shifts. How do you, there's no manual for that. No, it's not. So how do you, and I think about your friend and I can tell you one of the things that burns on my heart all the time for menopausal women is that we go through this crazy hormonal change that has our brain really thinking different. And then we go through a crazy identity change. And the most common time for women to commit suicide is between 45 and 55.

And if you think about that, you're like, this is not a, that's not a teenager. That's like a mom, a grandma, like a community member. So there's something in that changing of who you think you are. Yeah. That I think really catches people. So do we have a formula for like, what do we do in that moment? Yeah, well, I can speak for myself, like, and maybe, you know, the listeners can relate. Like, for me, you know, my whole life, that was my identity.

It was sports. It was like, who am I without that? Not just even, like, me putting an identity on myself. It's like the world did too. Like, when people introduce me, it's like, hey, Trent's my friend Trent that plays football. And so I'm like, oh, I'm valuable because of this title. And it was very hard because I felt like, I even talked about purpose in the book, but I felt like that was my purpose.

And I think we make a mistake with that. I think we tie purpose to what I would call placement, you know, their titles and the identities in the world. And I believe that's your placement. I believe purpose isn't something you search for. I believe purpose is who you are. And I have to learn that because when I lost football, I felt like I lost my purpose.

And so I had to figure out who Trent Shelton was without the labels. Like at the core, like no followers, no. So even today, like no author, like no speaker. Because these are the things the world puts on you. It's like, who in. am I at my core. And I don't know if I figured that out yet. I think I'm still in that journey, but I think I've gotten closer to be like, this is the life that I want to live and lead if I didn't have any of these outside things, you know, tied to it, even with our

worth. And so that's where my worth was at externally. And I think a lot of people go in depression, go into sadness, going to like, man, you talk about the lady that's, you know, 40 years old, it's like this thing, whether it be a parent or it no longer has its power. Maybe my kids are getting older, so what do I do now? Your worth is tied in to being a parent. Your worth is tied to be a spouse. And there's nothing wrong with that, but if your worth is tied to something outside of you, if that thing doesn't go right or you lose it or it's over, then I feel worthless.

And so I had to go on this journey of like understanding that my worth had to be tied to something more permanent. And for me, it's as simple as like, this is who I was created to be. And my worth is tied to Trent Shelton at the core, despite all the identities the world was trying to put on me. So if you could sum up who Trent Shelton at the core is. Yeah. Who is he? Just a guy who cares. Just a guy who wants to, as my grandmother would say, lead things better than how I found it. As some, she always told me, like, if you want to be legendary, a legendary person is not a celebrity. It's not a person that, you know, is the thing we

look up to. A legendary person is a person that really makes their presence felt. And their absence is really felt too. You know, like my mother, my grandmother's like, I missed them every single day because of who they were in my life and, and what they, the purpose that they had in this world and what they did. And so for me, it's just like, I'm a guy who cares. I'm a guy every single day that wants to leave that day better than how I found it. And that's something that I could be 100% at. I really resonate with that part of how we hold on to our identity. And then if that shifts like you're left with this sort of empty knowing of yourself. I bet you can resonate with this. One of the things that I've been like really trying to wrap my head around is the last

year of my life was the most successful of my entire career. And it would be really easy to be attached to the followers and the likes and the book sales and all of that. And as each one of those numbers grew, the more I landed in my therapist's office because I was like, I have to make sure I do not get attached to that. I do not want to, like I even say there's Dr. Mindy and then there's Mindy. Right. And like Mindy is who I'm trying to cultivate and get to know because if you're attached to the external, that's going to move around and you're going to be up one day, you're going to be down one day, and you're just on a roller coaster. So, but you can do, I mean, I've watched so many moms like when they launched their kids into the world, like the success of a parent is a child leaving

your home. Right. Yeah. And then you're left with this sort of empty shell. That's right. So talk to us a little bit about how we connect back to ourselves because in the book, you have a couple of things I really resonated with. One is your morning time.

I'd love to talk a little bit about that. And the other one is the connection to nature, which was so beautifully said in there about like how if you don't ever go out into nature, why would that be connection, you would feel connection, but I think it was a really powerful point of the book. So talk a little bit about how do we create a routine to connect back to us? Yeah, you have to, you know, always tell people, you have to find your prescription for your piece. But in my prescription, it's, you know, I have it's, I laugh because I get texts all the time now since the book came out about my 12 p.m. theory, like, I'm unavailable to the world for the most part before 12 p.m. And people,

bro, like, text me, oh, I'm so sorry. Like, I didn't, like, it's like, it's not that serious. But I'm like, you know, I'm usually on do not disturb. And it's not because, like, I don't want to interact with the world, but I realize, like, in me taking care of my world, you know, my family, myself, me filling my cup up, I come into the world a better human being, right? I'm coming more feel. My energy is better.

My mindset is better. My focus is better. And so, yeah, morning times, you know, it's me really, really. what I would call protecting my peace. And what that looks like is I'm creating the energy that I need. I'm a big believer in doing things that multiply your energy. You know, some people say, eat the frog the first thing in the day. Like, that's not my strategy because I'm like, that drains me.

But for me, it's like even the smallest things, like, what are the big energy things for me that multiplies it? So, you know, the cold plunges, the working out, the meditation. I'm a big, big sunrise guy. Like the sunrise reminds me that we have another day, a new beginning, and I obsess over sunrise. And so I'm out there pretty much every day taking in the sunrise, and that fills my cup up. And when I do these things, I'm more efficient and being consistent with, you know, keeping the promises I make to myself, my habits, my routines. And so that's what it looks like for me. And I'm always in nature.

So even this morning, I was in nature. I went out to the Culver City Stairs. And I was saying downtown LA you found it. Yeah, yeah. It was like the view, you know what I mean? But I was able to disconnect. For me, the trails like saved my life because when I was going through my hardest times of even losing my mother, her going through cancer, even, you know, me dealing with so many things personally, the trails was my safe space. It was a space for me to go to and say, when I walk in these trails, usually the reception is bad.

So nothing exists. It was my place to cry. It was my place to talk to God. it was my place to figure out who I am, and it forced me to face myself. I feel like so many people are afraid to be with themselves, so they stay busy. They use busy as an excuse to not face themselves.

They're always going, going, going. And so that was the time for me to get to know myself, me get to be honest with myself. What am I struggling, but what am I dealing with? And nature, I believe nature heals. I mean, it's scientifically proven. You know, I feel like nature is literally God's natural medicine for the soul,

and it's something about being out in nature that is a beautiful quote that walks the soul back home. That was it. That's in the book. I was like, wow. Now, we just got back from Wyoming. We just flew in from Wyoming this morning.

So I was fresh off my nature path. But say that quote. Say that quote because that was so good. A walk in nature walks the soul back home. So that's not my quote. I can't simply think in the guy's name, slip in my mind, but that's a quote. I was actually in Seattle,

and they had it in one of the, by the waterfalls and it just stuck on me because it's true. I just always feel re-centered, refocus. I feel lighter. When I'm feeling heavy, I just feel lighter when I'm out in nature. Yeah. You know, from an actual like body perspective, when we're around like electronics, that's a frequency that is agitating to our bodies.

And when we go out into nature, it's a literally a frequency. They can measure it. And there's a thing called the Schumann's resonance, which is the frequency of the earth. And when you go out into nature, you're raising your frequency as opposed to being inside where all the electronics are, you're depleting your literal frequency of your cells. I believe it. 100%. I mean, I feel recharge when I'm out there.

And then I love trail running all the things. I mean, I always call it the triple threat. I mean, for your body walking or trail running, it's great for your mind and also for your energy. And then, like, the life, like the sounds, you know, it touches all the senses. You hear birds chirping, you're all this. I always tell people, I don't always love the things in nature. I've had some encounters with, like, animals and things like that. My allergies don't always love nature.

You're a pretty guy. Yeah, for sure. But it's just like, what it gives to my soul is, I mean, I can't find, to me, that's the greatest medicine that I've found for my life. And it's changed everything for me. Agreed. Talk about the people pleasing, because that was also something that was really hit me. And just full transparency, I'm a recovering people pleaser. Like, just really realizing that now. And a friend of mine said to me one day, she said,

you know, you're so afraid to disappoint other people, but you're not afraid to disappoint yourself. Yeah, and that's it. You have to be more afraid of letting yourself down than letting everybody else down. It doesn't mean that, you know, I always tell people like, I have this quote that some people kind of look at me sideways, but I said, I'd rather live, I'd rather be viewed as cold-hearted and live broken-hearted. And what I mean by that is like, I'd rather somebody tell me, oh, you changed or you don't come around no more, or because I'm no longer doing the things that maybe they benefited from, oh, you're cold-hearted, but I know when I have disrespecting my boundaries when I continue to please people and let myself down, I end up breaking my own

heart. And so being a professional people pleaser, as I call it, is a real thing. And I think we're so afraid, as you said, to let people down that we let ourselves down. And at some point, you're going to feel empty. At some point, you're not going to have nothing to give to the world. And I have a quote that says, the first step to be unhappy is trying to please everyone else. And I think that's so true. And so what I've learned how to do, is I've gotten to a point and it's taking work and I still have my people pleasing tendencies, but I realize that's mission impossible.

I'm like, this is who I am. And I know I'm a kindhearted person. I know I'm a goodhearted person. But if how I'm living or what I'm doing doesn't please your perception, that's not my problem. And a lot of people will put their perception on you and they will want you to be who they want you to be. And I mean, I even,

having in my career where people would be like, you should talk like this or sound like this. And if I listen to everybody, my life will be all over the place. So I got to listen to what's true to me. Is there, is there a way to check in with yourself? So here's what's interesting. As I was reading this book on the plane this morning coming here, I have like three things that I was really struggling with if I was going to say yes or now. And then I read parts of your book and I was like, okay, there are no. Like I'm going to say no to these things now. And there was something in there about how when you say all the yeses, you're now living other people's lives. Yeah.

You're not living your own. So what I then asked myself was like, is there some kind of internal feeling that I could have of like, because of putting myself into the future of agreeing to all these things. And but then when I get in it, I'm like, this is horrible. Whoever signed me up for this. Exactly. And then I'm like, I signed me up for this. So do you have like a gut instinct?

Do you have like a formula use in your head? Because surely right now you've got so many opportunities. Is there like a litmus test that you do that say this works for me, this doesn't work for me? Yeah, it's trial and error. I think saying yes so many times in my past are certain things that even seem good on the surface, even seeing they were great, but they weren't great for my piece. And so peace is always my guy. God in force on how I make decisions with my life. If it's going to take away from my peace and I know it and it's going to stress me out,

then it's an easy no for me. And so I like to tell people like your principles. What are the principles you have set up in your life that, you know, your principles can make the decision? It sounds like a cop out, but I tell people all that time, like, I would love to do that. But the way my principles are set up, I can't do it. And so it's not me telling you, you know, it's my principles. Because if I go against my principles, I know where that's going to lead.

It's going to lead to burnout. It's going to leave the stress. It's going to lead. to me gaining weight. It's going to lead to all these things if I continue to say yes. And there's a beautiful quote. It's not mine. It's by a rapper named Nipsey Hustle. He passed away. I don't know if it's his, but he said something that really stuck with me. He said, would you rather be at peace with the world and at war with yourself? Or would you rather be at peace with yourself and at war with the world? And that really hit me because I think a lot of people are choosing to be at war with themselves by

making everything and everybody else happy. Oh, you said something. I have to write this down because I have to speak this because I wrote it down in my notes. You said, oh, it was around relationships. Oh, the next thing you know, this is what happens to me. This is exactly what happens to me is I say yes to everybody else's agenda. And the next thing I know is I'm exhausted and my relationships now feel like a war. Yeah.

So isn't that interesting that we would, would we really, we say yes to things that were now overextended, we're not our best selves, and it's affecting our relationships? A thousand percent. Even the immediate relationship that you probably say yes to? Because what can happen is you start to resent that person. Right. You start to resent and you start to feel like, man, I really want to tell you no, but I'm saying yes and I'm drained.

I'm not going to tell you, but I'm really resent you because I'm literally drained, but I'm stealing this. And then also you don't have energy for the people that need you. So my family is my everything. And so I say a lot of knows. If it's taken away for me, then I can't be the dad or the husband I need to be. And they don't deserve that. And so always have my priorities and principles intact. And I'm pretty good at keeping those things in place.

You know what I mean? Can you share what those principles are? Because I think there's something really key there because that's your litmus test, right? You run it through what, do you have a list of what these principles? Yeah. I mean, one is just family first. Right. Yeah.

Well, I talk about this in the book. I think you split yourself first. But when it comes to family first, I'm always making decisions for my family. So right now, like, I'm going to leave here and go do an interview. And then I'm making sure that I will be at my son's football game in the morning. And so if I couldn't have made it, I probably wouldn't be out here. And so those are just things that I have non-negotiables set in place. My 12 p.m. theory, you know, that's another principle that I have set in place.

So they have been opportunities for me that, you know, whether it be a Zoom. And I'm like, if the opportunity can't wait to after 12, then it must not be really meant for my life because I believe something that's special like that, it'll be there. And I think what's happened to a lot of people is I see a lot of people not to kind of change this, but like their pace is being guided by panic of their life. And their pace is being guided by scarcity. So for me, like, I've got to take everything. To me, that's a scarcity mindset. And I've been there before and it's literally burnt me out. but now I allow peace to guide my pace.

It's just like running a race in life. If you get outside your pace, then you are going to burn out. And you're going to be tired. You're not going to do your part. And for me, the race is not to get deep, but the race is bigger than me because right now I have the baton in my hand and I'm running my part. But I have to give this baton to my kids. And so if I'm burnt out and not running my race efficiently, guess what they're going to have to do? Play catch up their whole entire life and run harder than they would.

have they would have to. So I think about that and say, man, I need to be able to say no to a lot of things that go against kind of my peace and my priorities because I'm in this for the long haul. And I trust myself that another opportunity will come. Yeah. How hard was that when you first started saying no? Oh, it was super hard because I cared how people felt about me. Right. I killed, I cared that man. People are going to think I'm a, I'm a, you know, a bad person or man, And Trent stuck up. He never does this or that. And that started to bother me.

But I had to let go of people's opinions because end of the day, and I know this might seem like extreme, but I realize that a lot of people you're pleasing that are outside of you. And I'm not saying they don't care about you because I'm sure some of them do. But a lot of those people don't even be at your funeral service. You know, a lot of people aren't going to be around in your hardest times. And I've realized that. Even when I played football, that was, I think that really helped me become who I am today as far as saying no. because when I was in sports, obviously I was the guy that everybody wanted things from. So I said yes to my friends.

I would take care everything. I would pay for everything. And when I lost that, it was like I couldn't depend on them. It wasn't no reciprocation there. And so I'm like, oh, they only love me just as much as they can use me or benefit from me. And so moving forward, I'm like, I'm not going to feel guilty anymore for respecting my peace and ignoring my worth and saying no, because I know the latter, you know? Yeah.

And when I hear those words, I put myself in the shoes of a lot of women. One of the things we do is we feel good about ourselves when we're giving to everybody else. And so it's scary as shit to think about not getting those like, oh, you're amazing, those comments of like, thank you. You're so helpful. I don't know what I would do without you. like so many women like live that's like the like the juice that gives them energy to get up the next day so if we if we take what you just said which is okay all these people you you were giving to when you stop giving them to them they weren't around I think if a lot of women looked at that

that would frighten them because they might lose friends they might lose you know family members. So did you, in that change, I would think it was a changing of quality of human you were hanging around. Absolutely. Like what did that look like? Did you lose a bunch of people? And then you went to, oh, I only have like now five people in my life that love me. My circle got small. And I think sometimes the best way to add to your life is to subtract from it. I realized that I didn't need a whole bunch of people around to make a big impact. I realized that I needed the right people. And what was crazy, like, just being honest, like during that time, I felt like I put the right people on the back burner. And I was hanging around people that, you know, maybe at that time I was going out or they were beneficial to kind of the lifestyle I was living.

And I realized, and I asked myself this question. And I still, I teach my kids, everybody, if all you have to offer was friendship, who would still be around. Oh, that's good. And that opened my eye up. And it got me around the right people that said, I care about Trent. because he's a human because I love him for who he is. I don't care about what he does. Like he could do whatever.

I'll still be there. And those are the people that I started to put myself around more. So I would tell the person, listen, to ask yourself that question. And a lot of times when it comes to, you know, I know I had this problem with like enabling people, you know, helping versus enabling. You're right about that. Yeah. Talk about that because I think, again, a lot of the people listening to this, we're getting self-worth, by enabling people.

Yeah. Because if you need me, I feel good about myself. That's the thing. We want to feel needed. And I get it. But the thing that, like I even teach my kids is that, you know, I'm going to help you, but I love you too much to have you depend on me for the rest of your life. I don't want codependency.

I know there's a time with kids, you know, in adults, but I don't want you to be so codependent that if something, then happens to me, you don't know what to do. I love you too much to do it for you. I'll teach you, I'll show you. As I say, I'll teach you out of fish, but at some point, you have to catch your own because a lot of times we're saying, oh, I want to help this person. I want to help this person.

And really, you're only helping that person depend on you more. And you're not teaching that person to be self-sufficient. You're not teaching that person to be self-reliant. And you're being there sealing. And that's scary. Like, I don't want to be somebody selling. And I don't want to be the, you can't grow because you're always depending on me. And it's hard because I've had to,

to let go of people because I love them. Because I say, you know what, if I keep trying to change you, and that's a big thing, too, like I had to let go of the idea. I know me being in my space and I care so much. And I don't know if you struggle with this, but like I always want to help people. Oh, yeah. You know, like my friends, my family. It's my go-to.

And it's hard because especially when, you know, they don't really always receive the help. And it's like, man, I'm telling you this is how you do it. But what I had to do is I had to let go. of the idea of who I wanted that human being to be. And I think that's a problem because sometimes obviously we want them to be the best version of themselves and we think we know, but you have to learn how to let go at people so they can grow in. It's scary because maybe they go down a road that you don't want them to go down, but you can't be somebody sitting there. And so that gave me peace too just saying, I would say like, I let go and let God, I just, hey, here you go, world. Like, do with this person that you know you need to do.

I'm always here to help and support, but I can't sit here and continue to enable you and continue to always be there for you in a way that you're not being there for yourself. So it's tough, but... Right, because now you're the best version of them. You're trying to be the best version of them and it's their lives. Talk a little bit about there was a statement in the book that I really actually went back and reread the sentence a couple of times, which was that boundaries are a bridge. boundaries have definitely something I've struggled with.

It's along the lines of people pleasing, but it's just knowing how to set a boundary, what is a boundary, and I sure as heck never thought of it as a bridge, and what is it a bridge to? For sure. So, yeah, a lot of people struggle with the word boundary. I think we tie a negative connotation to it.

It's like boundary is this wall, is this barrier that keeps things out. And I'll be clear, It can be that. Like if somebody disrespects your boundary over and over, maybe it needs to become a wall, but they build that wall. You don't build that wall. A boundary, the reason I call it a bridge because a boundary should lead you to something better.

So if you say that I want more peace in my life, then you should set a boundary that activates that, right? That's why it's a bridge. Even relationships, even my marriage, we have boundaries that are there and it strengthens my marriage because, you know, Maria, she has a boundary. Like she, you know, her morning time, she likes her morning time for herself. Obviously, I like my morning time. That's a boundary. Sometimes I don't want to respect them.

I'm like, no, I want to be, but I understand she needs that boundary for her peace to live her best life. And it's the same in friendships. And I think the problem is, is that, you know, people don't set boundaries for two reasons, you know, worrying guilt. We worry about, you know, what this person is going to say. We worry about, you know, even if it's a boundary with family, you know, we worry about what the family is going to say, or we feel guilty that we're leaving

people behind or this is, it's a negative thing. And I think boundaries are beautiful when they're set right. And the only way they're set right and most people miss this part is that they're communicated right. Oh, yeah. You mentioned that about how communication would say that because you said if in perfect communication leads to, there was some quote you had in there about But poor communication actually creates a worse situation. Yeah, exactly. It does. And it's not fair.

Like communication is auctioned to every relationship that you have, right? Without it, it just will die. And the thing that I see, and I've been guilty of this, is like we set these silent boundaries with people and we don't communicate it to them. And we expect people to respect a silent boundary that they don't even know exist. Yep. And you're getting into your feelings and you're feeling disrespected or whatever. but you never let this person know like, hey, this is why I need this boundary.

So the first thing I would tell somebody listening is like, go talk to a person and, you know, obviously communicate in a healthy way, understand who you're communicating with because I've learned and coaching and things like that, you know, different people receive communication in different ways. But you tell them why you're setting this boundary, why you need this boundary. And a person that truly cares about you is probably going to respect it because they want to see the best you. Right.

But I see a big thing of people. It's like, well, I just expected them to know. They're not my readers. Right. You've got to be mature in your communication and communicate. Yeah. And so let me run a scenario for you because I know you've had this with your parents, or at least with your mother. Many of the people that listen to this podcast are dealing, are that sandwich generation, right?

Where you've like, you're still got your kids. Right. And then you're taking care of your parents now. Yeah. And so you end up in this real dilemma of like, I'm a mom, I still need to show up for my kids and I have my aging parents and they need me for X, Y, and Z. Like, this is something I'm going through is like, do I need to go to every doctor's appointment with them? What do I need to do? And I've asked myself where my responsibility lies as a daughter, as a mother.

So in that scenario, how do you set a boundary? because so many women get into their 50s and men get into their 50s, and they just got done with parenting, and now they have to take care of their parents. And so their whole life dramatically changes because now they're taking care of their parents. But where is there a boundary in that? Yeah.

So I have a thing that I've always taught called, it's called ARC communication. And each one is an acronym. And I'm telling this because I feel like it's important to have the conversation with both parties. So like if I'm in that situation, I'm going to have a conversation with my kids and I'm going to have a conversation with my parents. And I think this can help. I've learned how to do this because I've had times where I just communicated like out of anger, you know, and just like communicate out of frustration. And it never works out.

So the A simply stands for appreciation. So anytime I'm about to set a boundary with a person, I'm going to go with appreciation today. person and let them know how I feel about them. Like, I appreciate what you've done, who you are in my life, et cetera, et cetera. And then the arm stands for just reassurance. So I'm going to overly reassure them that, you know, I want to help them. I want to be there for them. I care for them. I love them. And then C is just the complaint or concern. And what happens is most times is that when you go through that process, you're in a better place to give communication and they're in a better place to receive it. And so I'm going to do that if I'm in a situation. I'm going to

tell my mom or my dad, you know, I want to be there for you as much as I can. Like, let me know what you need me for, but I do want you to understand, like, I have all these responsibilities. And I know you want to see me the best me. I know you want to see me the best father. And I want to be there for you and I will be there for you. But if I'm there all the time, then I'm going to be drained. I'm going to be stressed. You're going to see a lesser version of me. And so I'm going to explain that to them. And then I'm just going to be honest. And this is tough. But at that point, they have a choice to accept it or not accept it. But one thing that I'm not going to do is I'm not going to lose myself because I have so many other responsibilities. And I'm not going to feel

guilty for it. It's hard. It's easier to say than that. But then I'm going to talk to my kids and the same thing, hey, you know, I can't be at every little thing. And that's the thing. Or I can't, I don't know if you read in the book, but like I had a thing with Tristan where it's called Daddy's shop. And ever since he was a little boy, like I'd hate it like to close Daddy's shop because that was my thing. Like I would get him dressed for school, comb his hair, make his breakfast. Like I loved it. And he got to a point where he was like, I want to say probably eight, eight years old, 10 years old. And one day I was like, man, I'm being a ceiling. And I got to set this boundary because I need my mornings for me. And I want to teach him how to take care of himself. So I say,

Hey, Tristan, today's the day, man, like you handle everything. Pick your own clothes out, brush your hair, cook your own breakfast. He almost burned down the house. His clothes were terrible. But over time, we had a boy like that in our house. But now he's like the best cook ever. Like his pancakes or scrumptious, like he's fly. But I had to set that bounty. It was hard. I didn't want to set it. But I knew I had to set it in order to see him grow and let him grow. And also to give me some time that I needed for myself. Because again, if I'm not the best version of me, then all these other things suffer anyway. And so that helps me make those decisions and send those boundaries. Where do you, where do, where does service exist for you in your mind and heart?

Because the other piece where I get caught a little bit sometimes is I know I'm actually the happiest version of me when I am spending the energy of my life towards making this world a better place. You said it like, how do I leave this place a better world? And in my service heart is what I call it, I could really, my boundaries could go away because I want to get this message out to the world. I want to help all these women. It's like I have this heart that just wants to help. And yet I can often do it at the expense of my own physical and mental health. So talk to me a little bit like inside your mind because I sense from you that you're very service oriented. You're here to make a lot. difference for others. Do you have a conversation, whether it's daily or weekly, where you're like, okay, I really want to serve and give back in this moment, but I'm depleted, or that is going to deplete me? Is that the kind of conversation that is going on in your mind at all times? Yeah, I have a routine every day that works for me. And once I check off that box, I don't feel guilty

anymore. Because, you know, I have, I mean, on Facebook, it's what, I don't know, 12 million followers, right? And so my inbox literally is thousands and thousands of messages of people wanting help wanting my time, right? And do you answer them? I do. And that's the thing, like, not all of them, but there was a point where I could answer everybody, right? But it was literally depleting me, like, you know, you're taking on all people's problems and it's draining. Right. It's draining. People don't understand that. And, and, And then it was a point where if I don't respond, it's like, oh, I knew you didn't care. And they used to break my heart because I'm like, they fill in the blank.

Like, I wish you knew that I just spent an hour responding to everybody else, but I didn't respond to them. And so in their mind, oh, you're not who you say you are. And it used to bother me so much because I'm like, man, all the things I give to my community and like the support. Like, I show up on lives and I literally like, I will do hikes for free and bring people. And I'm like, man. So I had to go down this journey and say, Trent, man, like, you just spent an hour like of helping people. You're not going to please everybody. You're not going to help everybody.

There's always going to be somebody that you miss, somebody who feels a certain type of way. And you have to have a better, a better foundation for your truth and how you feel about yourself. So for me, I'm going to serve every day at least 45 minutes in my inbox. And once I do that, I check off that box, no matter what, anybody says, I know what I did. So I have those slots in my life where as long as I do XYZ, as I would call living purpose, that I'm satisfied for the day, no matter what somebody says, no matter how somebody feels. And so that's my measuring stick. So it's like service hours. There you go. I think we all could create that. Whether you're answering, you know,

millions of comments on Facebook or giving to everybody around you, I think you're on to something really interesting there because you could set like, oh, I'm going to serve and give two hours out of the day. And whether it's going to help somebody or do something, and then the rest is going to be these blocked moments for myself. There you go. I really like that. And I can tell you from social media, who, it's so hard because you just want to answer

everybody. You want to help everybody. And you can't. You just can't. So I admire that you even try for four years. It's definitely tough for sure. Okay, you had another quote that I really, really loved. You had some really good one lighters. I'm, by the way, I am a highlighter when I read and I pulled out my highlighter and you can look at the book. I was like, I was highlighting everything. I'm like, ooh, that's good. Ooh, that's good. And then I had to, there was too many goods in your book that I had to go over and like, be like, oh, my God. Okay, this was something that I, this phrase I really loved, which was, visionaries turn down the voices of everyone. else. So explain what a visionary is. And then how the heck do you turn down the voice of everyone

else in your brain? Yeah. It takes a lot of practice. And that's why we talked about earlier, the nature for me is a place where I turn down the noise. Because, you know, everybody, not everybody, but some people think that they have the best intentions, right? They think, think that they know it's right for your life. And sometimes people are right. Sometimes people are way off. I mean, when I first started this, people told me that being a speaker, yeah, right. Like, you don't look like one.

You don't talk like one. Like, you never went to, you don't toast, like, they were. You didn't go to toastmasters. I didn't do none of this stuff, right? And so people have their own vision for you and I understand that and that's cool. But when you're a visionary, a visionary is just a person that, you know, has a vision. And whatever that vision may be and you're locked into that. vision and the best way I illustrate this is like it's almost like having prescription lenses

right and your prescription lenses are uniquely designed for you you go to the eye doctor the tomtometrist I learned how to say that um and you go to the odd doctor and you do all these tests and they say hey this prescription is for you and I at this moment I always tell this story I had this moment with Maria and my wife and uh you know she's been wearing glasses forever so our eyesight is like, she knows. It's a horrendous, right? And she knows. And my eyesight isn't always the best neither. But she has these glasses, right? And I put them on and I put them on. I was like, oh my gosh, you're blind. You can't see nothing. And she like looked at me and like, they're my glasses. You're not supposed to see them. Oh, so good. And it hit me. I said,

you just gave me something. I feel like and shift so many people with vision. I was like, you're right. I'm going to see, I'm not going to see clear because this prescription wasn't for me. And it's the same with your God-given vision that people that's been put on you. Nobody's going to see it. Most people won't see it, maybe a few people, but it's been given to you. And a lot of times what we do is we expect other people to see it. Like when we have an idea, what's the first thing most people do? They run to the people closest to them.

They run to their friends and family. Now, your friends are family, are visionaries, and they're supportive. Yes, go do it. But oftentimes those people aren't going to understand it. Yeah. They're going to see you for. who you used to be or who you are to them. So for a lot of people around me,

I'm just a football player. So, Trin, you have a vision to speak across the world and do all these things. I don't see it. But again, they're now trying to put on my lenses, so of course they're not going to see it. And so what I tell people is like, if you take off your glasses,

your vision, and let somebody see it, if they can see what you see, because they're a visionary too, great. But if they don't, don't allow that to make you put your glasses that's been given to you in your pocket and you live the rest of your life, not clear, because you allow somebody who wasn't meant to see your vision, you know, prevent you from living yours. And so I'm very protective over it. I call it like vision protection and I'm very protective over it. I don't need anybody to see it. Of course, it feels great when people

understand it. But sometimes, you know this, like the dream and vision is so big. Sometimes you don't even understand it. Yeah, I always say to people, especially on my team, I always say, I can see it up here. I can't, I don't have words for it yet, but I can see the vision that I'm trying to create. And then the more I sort of sit in the vision, the more the words come out. And sometimes you want to try the words out on people, but then you've got to be really careful. That's right. Some of them will start to rip it to shreds when you're not quite, haven't fully vetted that vision yet. But I love the eyeglass one, which actually leads me to wonder, have you, have you received a lot of hate on socials at all? Oh, yeah.

Sure. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, I've been in this for like 15 years. So there's people who don't agree with what I do. You know, it's definitely more love. And that's the thing I had to realize. Like, I have this quote that I tell people, don't let the 10% of hate take your mind off the 90% of love. Because the hate is loud because you're not used to it. It's something different. And then you literally give your energy to that when there's thousands of people that love what you do. So I made a promise to myself to give my support. important energy to those that needed. And when people hate, I don't, I protect my peace. I don't try to, you know, prove them wrong. I was like, that's how you feel you're right. And that's great. And it doesn't have to stop my life. I'm just going to keep serving. But one thing is for sure I'm not going to stop. And so I've learned how to own my power, my peace by not allowing somebody to pull me out of character and take my energy towards that. Yeah. What do you see? You and I chatted about this when we first sat down. you do a lot of speaking, you've been doing a lot of this podcasting, and you know, out in what I call

the trenches with people. What are you seeing about humanity right now? And I think, because this is something for my vision that I spent a lot of time looking at patterns that our culture is going through and looking at where I can be of service within these patterns. Like I'll give an example right now. One of the patterns for women specifically is there's just too much information. about nutrition out there and women are getting real people in general are getting really lost yeah they're like oh i should go do this oh now i should go do this so i've been really trying to synthesize all that information and try to bring it into simple chunk it into simple ways for people to bring everybody into the conversation so what have you noticed as you've been out into the world are you

seeing are people suffering are they confused you talked a little bit about how people are expressing themselves for the first time. You've been doing motivational speaking for 15 years. Yeah. Where are people at? Yeah, I think we're at a place, number one, definitely of information overload. Yes, agree. And I'm glad that you're doing that because, you know, I saw one place like, you know,

don't drink water. I'm just like, you can find, like, so many different things. Like, you're not hydrating yourself by drinking water. I thought I'm supposed to. So, like, it's just, you got to like, that's all I said. You got to, like, at least stick with some. for a while and like fill your own body and see what works. But what I'm seeing is, you know, I am seeing a lot more people be vocal about what they're going through.

You know, one of the things that that always broke my heart is silent battles. You know, people crying out for help but not saying the word. But now I feel like people are opening up and talking. And it's not a weakness no more. You know, obviously, you know, I think 2020 really shifted that a lot about mental health. Mental health is no longer a weakness. Like, I'm going to talk about what I'm going through so I can seek help. I'm often seeing, too, a lost generation of people, what I mean by that, like, they're chasing after things that they don't even know what they're chasing after.

You know, chasing after perfection, chasing after, you know, social media, you know, is just a constant chase. And I see a lot of people are tired, burnt out, and jumping from one thing to the next, you know, starting one thing this week and a month later to trying something else. And then they're giving up on themselves. And then the last thing that I see is just, it comes down to. to people not feeling like there enough. And, you know, I started in this space with self-worth. And I actually, I went on a tour, my own tour, and I asked this question to all my VIP audience.

So it was like hundreds or hundreds of people. Maybe one, maybe two people actually had an answer. And because everybody complained, like, you know, I just feel like I'm not enough. And so I asked the question, I said, okay, what's your definition of enough? And nobody knew. Right.

We're all chasing something we don't even. We're trying to feel it. I feel like I'm not enough. Yeah, I'm trying to feel it. Yeah. And this idea of perfection is like you're chasing something that doesn't even exist right now. And so when I say that, like, what's your definition of enough? People are like, I don't know, is enough followers enough, you know, making how people feel about you?

Like, what's enough? And I think it's just mission impossible for a lot of people and people are suffering because of that. Yeah. How do we change that? I, one of the, at the end of this, I'll ask you the question I ask everybody, which is what is health, because I think that something as simple as that question, most people can't answer. But then they're all, you know, spending money on supplements and gyms and memberships and things trying to get healthy, but they don't know what the definition of health is. And so there's so many scenarios of that in this world where we're chasing something that we think when we get it, we're going to be happy or we're, We're going to be the person we always thought we were going to be.

And yet we don't even have a definition of the thing that we're chasing. Yeah. And what we may be chasing is this horrible, yucky feeling inside of me of not enough. And what I just need to do everything I can so I don't feel that. Yeah. And how do you think we change that as a culture? Yeah. I think we, as a culture, I just feel like we have to simplify it.

and we have to let people know and value people based on who they are as a human. You know, I think it starts there. Like, I feel like we only value people when they're valuable, you know, as far as like, you know, who you are or what you do. Like one of the things that I can't stand is like when somebody treats me different, when they find out like who I am. Right. Or what I do.

I'm like, no, treat me good or however you want to treat me based upon the heart of me. And that's why I never tell, I never tell people what I do half the time. I'm like, I want you to love me from my heart and judge me based on that. If I'm a terrible person because our interaction, then cool. But I don't want you to treat me different because of some celebrity or some status around my name. And so I think that's a big part too is like with people, we got to get back to the foundation of like who we are as a core and who we are at the core in making that so simplistic. Because you said something that's very powerful, you know, a lot of people, they're chasing all these things.

And once they get it, they think they're missing something. Or I'm missing finances. And of course, these things can help your life. But are missing, you know, notaride, our missing status, are missing all these things. And I tell people, if you can't be fulfilled with nothing, you'll never be fulfilled with everything. Because that will wear off.

You know, it's hedonig adaptation, what they call it, it's like, and basically it's a fancy word to say, you're going to get used to it. And once you get used to it, you know what you're still left with, the things you didn't heal from. And so I want people to heal at a foundational level. And I talk about this in the book, Principle 9, is like,

living fulfillment. What does fulfillment mean to you? And for me, it's simply doing what I love with who I love. And that's when I felt the most happiest. And this is a person that NFL career, I was the lowest in my life. So I'm like, okay, well, this is my mecca of life. And I'm still low, there's something wrong. Followers, speaking on stages, you know, financial freedom, all these things.

still didn't give me peace. You know, it was the time freedom. And the time freedom allowed me to do things that really matter to me. Yeah. And so I think if we simplify life, simplify happiness. I talk about that in the book where we make happiness so easy to obtain every single day, we have no choice but to be happy.

Yeah. Because most people's list is hard. Yeah. It's like, I've got to have all these checkboxes to be happy. And I'm like, that's mission impossible every day. Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely. Absolutely.

I've had a real aha again in the last year because we had, I had so much success with Fast Like a Girl going out into the world. And what I realized is that there were moments. And I was like, I'm living what I have dreamed of my whole life. And yet there are still some holes that I'm feeling. There's still some traumas. There's still some patterns of thought that even all this success could not undo. And I'm so grateful that I had a sense of like, well, there you go.

it's not going to be the next level of more. It's going to be taking those patterns of thought and starting to get to the root cause of them and break them apart and understand them. But I think this year more than ever, I have a real aha of, oh, yeah, that thing that you think you want. You know, it's the be careful what you ask for because you may get it and realize that the pain and suffering that you have now is still there. Yeah. When you get the thing that you always do. dreamed of getting. That's when depression can rise even more. Absolutely. Because you got your everything and it's like, wait a minute, I'm still missing

something. That's why you see a lot of, you know, athletes, celebrities, you know, take their life because I just feel like they get to that point of like, okay, if this can't provide my peace and happiness, then there's nothing else. Even with football for me, I went through that journey where, you know, I was close to taking my life because I'm like, if this is the greatest thing in my life and I'm still feeling something that's missing, then what's the point of living anymore. And so I had to go down to a foundational level and change what I call my measuring stick, just of like happiness and worth and make it so simplistic. And it helped me because the next thing, you know, I say this when I speak. And this might not be true for all of you, but maybe for somebody

watching this is like, your next level is not upward. It's inward. And some of us think like our next level is like climbing higher, but a lot of times just diving deeper, like you said, to the root issues in your life of like, where did this come from? Why do I feel inadequate? What do I feel like I'm, you know, I'm not good enough. And a lot of times that stems from, you know, childhood things. Right, yeah. Yeah, and that you didn't deal with back then.

You haven't had time to deal with and now you get to deal with them. Talk about simplifying happiness because you said you have a great story in there. And it's, again, there were so many things in there that I'm like, I've thought that. I had that. And the story was you were on a speaking to. and you were leaving the stage and you saw a homeless guy. And you went to go give them money. Tell that story.

Yeah. So it was 2016 in San Francisco, the Bay Area. And to give some kind of context, I was on a 32 city tour, our own tour, which was a lot. Like I had my own small team and we're doing all the things, booking the venues. And it was great. I mean, each city, 500 to 1,000 people,

making everybody else happy. But I had so many things in my life. that I didn't deal with. You know, I had employees that I know that they shouldn't be there no more, but I feel responsible for them. I don't want to let them go because I love them. I let them go. I don't want to be this bad person, personal things in my life.

But yet I'm feeling everybody else up. And every city I went to, I just felt this gift was becoming more of a burden. And I didn't feel fulfilled in doing it. And I was like, this is scary because I know this is what I'm called to do, but it's just stressing me out more than anything. And I get to San Francisco and it was a breaking point for me. And none of my team knew because I was smiling for the camera and down behind the scenes. I'm all right.

I'm good. Let's go. And just putting on this performance. And I go out there, make everybody happy, everybody laugh and cry. And after the stage, I told my team, I was like, hey, y'all just go handle everything on the front. I'm going to just go back out here for a moment, get some fresh air. But the fresh air was me crying and me just like pleading like, man, like this isn't what I thought.

would be. And I see a guy to alleyway, like back of a theater. I see a guy. He was a homeless guy walking up. And he saw me. And he said, hey, you're the, you know, you're the guy that everybody's here to see. I'm on the marquee. He's like, yeah, my name is Trent. And he said, man, like, I feel sorry for you. And it hit me like, like, what? But what he could see was sadness. And I just got finished crying. I tried to bite my face, but you can see it. And he said, I see you back here. Everybody's happy and laughing in the front. And he said, I see you back here. everybody's happy and laughing in the front. Everybody's like, man, talking about you,

but you're here, sad. And so I reach in my pocket. I try to give him $100 because I didn't want to have that conversation like that. I'm like, I don't mind trying to have that conversation. So I don't know you, you know, so he's like, I don't need that. He's like, don't feel sorry for me again. Like, I feel sorry for you. And he said something and the conversation a little bit longer,

but he said, he said it may look like I have nothing on the outside, but I have something that you don't have on the inside. which is peace. When he said, you look like you have everything. But obviously, you're missing everything in the inside. And in that moment, literally, I went to, what's the park out there by the Bay Bridge? Like, has, like, the circle.

It has, like, like, rock figure. It's right by the Bay Bridge, but, um, or the Golden Gate Bridge. But I went over there and that was when in 2016, I may protect your peace, like the mantra of my life. I said, I'm not going to sacrifice. my peace for anything anymore because it's not worth it. And that moment changed everything for me.

Wow. What does peace mean to you? Peace. Peace means that not allowing the things outside of me to control minor self. Yeah. Yeah. That's it because peace doesn't like, you can't control the chaos around your life. Yeah.

You can't control. It's almost like you can't control the storms, right? But peace says that, yeah, the storm exists, but the storm exists, but the storm is, also going to pass. Right. And so you find hope, you find, learn how to dance in the rain. You'd be grateful for those storms in your life because you know that it's growing something that no sunny day could have grew. So that's what peace is. It gives me a different perspective towards life, that everything's going to be okay. Do you think when we are so achievement oriented and we want to accumulate material objects and, and we are, let's say, buying into the way that this world exists

do you feel like then things become overcomplicated and the more we move to overcomplication, the less peace we have? Thousand percent. I mean, it's even an ownership of stuff. Thousand percent. I was just talking about this with my wife because, you know, we are, you know, we got land and doing all these things and getting stuff and like for finances. And I'm like, man, like this is some stress.

Like, you know, like the more things that you have to do, the more stressful it is. And that's why when you, you know, I've been blessed to be able to go to, you know, like Fiji changed my life. You know, Fiji is a third world country. And I've done two events out there. And I'll never forget this because I didn't realize it with a third world country time went over there. And I was like, man, Fiji, like, you know, kids on the side of the street selling, you know, fruit and the house are made of 10. But yet they're the happiest people that you will meet. Have you ever been?

No, no. Okay. So it's a perfect, like, go. Like the happiest people you'll meet and they greet you by Sanbula. And I heard this, but when I get them like, why are these people so happy? So I end up got named Eli. He was our waiter. And I ended up like making a good relationship with him.

Like he served at our hotel for a few days. And I'll never forget. I asked him, I said, man, like, I want to ask you this, man. Like, how are you all so happy in like, you know, your living conditions? And it's just like, it's a third world country that when you learn to appreciate everything you have, you realize you have everything that you need. and that changed everything for me. And so when I saw that, I'm like, oh, man, like the more stuff that you have,

the more stress and the simplistic life is often the most peaceful life. Yeah. And the irony of that, because we're all constantly giving up the happiness of today for a future that we may or may not ever hit. And when we hit it, if we do hit it, we might be shocked to find out that that wasn't the future that was actually giving us the most happiness. I just had an experience with our 24-year-old daughter just moved from California to, we call it WIDaho. She moved to a place where Wyoming and Idaho, the borders connect, and she wants to live a more simple life. And so we

went to go visit her. And of course, as her mother, like, I was like, now tell me what you're doing for work. Like, where are you living? Like, all the things that were supposed to be really important. And she kept saying to me, and she moved with her boyfriend, she's like, we want to live a different life than what our friends are living. We want to live a more simple life. We want to live a more balanced life. And on one hand, I really was like, that's amazing. And on the other hand, I'm like, wait, you're 24 years old. Where's grit? Where's grits? Like, all the things I did at 24, you should be doing at 24. And then we just went and visited her for the last week we were there. And I'm like, I get it.

I get it. Like you are protecting your peace at 24 and you're making standing up for it. And they don't want to accumulate a bunch of stuff. They just want to live a happy life every day. And it's really interesting how your stuff can start to get a hold of you. Your job can get a hold of you. All these things that you work so hard to accumulate, they now own you. Yeah.

I struggle with. That's my battle too because I have the side of athlete, like, determination. like, let's go. And then I have the protect your peace side where it's like, man, I love to be disconnected. And I think like studying just like entertainers or you see musicians like that will like disappear and like go away. Yeah. Where'd they go?

And you hear a lot of them say, man, almost like I wish I would have never even had all this because so much came with it that literally where I lost myself in and they go away and disappear and, you know, just go live a happy and peaceful life. And so finding that balance has been like a thing for me. And I feel like I'm doing a better job at finding that. But it is a battle because, you know, I got to provide. I got to, you know, all these things that have an opportunity to impact people. So it's like trying to find that balance. Yeah. What would you tell your kids about how to build a peaceful life?

If you were to give them the formula, what would you tell them? Yeah, it's so funny because my daughter, I went into a room yesterday. She was like, hey, I'm protecting my peace. Oh, I'm using the language. Seven years old, she hit me with that. She's like, Dad, I need some quiet time. I'm protecting my peace. So good.

But I would tell them, you know, almost everything I talked about in the book, you know, just, you know, having boundaries, not being afraid to say no. You know, not living in life to please, of course, to serve people, but don't feel like your value and your worth is in pleasing people. And just keep it simple. You know, the more that you chase, and I talk about this in the book, I believe in becoming a magnet. And I know in my life, like, the things that I chased, you know, we say chase dreams and I understand the logic. And I say that at times, too, but the things that I chased, I never caught. If I caught it, I was exhausted even enjoy it. And so the magnet to me is like, you know, some people call it law of attraction.

But for me, it's just like doing the things are under my control. And it's like things come to my life. Of course, I work hard. I don't just sit and ask and it comes, but I would tell them, like, in your own little world, you know, create your world that your prescription for your piece that works for you, and don't let anybody make you feel guilty for that prescription. Yeah, yeah, amazing. And I will tell you, we're going to have this conversation when Tristan is 25.

Yeah, for sure. Because it's been really interesting to watch my own kids really protect their peace. And I always say, hey, you grew up in a family that, thought outside the lines, colored outside the lines, we thought outside the box. And so when they hit those early 20s, then they see all their friends, like they get these great jobs in corporations or they do all this. And there becomes this like fomo, you know, like, I need to be doing that. I need to be doing that. But I always, I told both my kids, I'm like, the best thing you can do is find something you're so passionate about that you just don't feel like you're working.

You go. You're just loving every moment of your life. And that might not be working at a corporation for years and years and years hoping that you get some good stock options. Like that there may be a whole different path for you. So it's a really, but this world, it gives you gold stars for, you know, good grades. And it gives you gold stars for a great job and a big house. And you get that constant reminder from the external world, how great you are. But when you protect your peace and step out and say, this is the life I want to live. live, you may not get that gold star. You have to give it to yourself. Yeah. It's really interesting. It's like

swimming upstream. And you're just like going in a different direction than everybody else. Do you find that people around you are, I mean, now that you have the book out, but is everybody sort of starting to change their ways as they're watching you change yours? I think the people that know me, they've always knew that that was kind of who I am, in a sense. They're like, thank God. Yeah. Yeah. He finally came out.

Exactly. Given the world. Because that's, like, even as a kid, like, my mother would tell you, like, I was the kid that, like, would stay in his room. You know what I mean? I'm still social when I need to be. But I'm the guy that's like, I love my long time. I love that. But a lot of my friends and people around me, yeah, they're starting to explore.

A lot of people in the industry. I mean, even my peers, like, they reach out to me and say, man, like, thank you for this book because, you know, I'm starting to realize, like, what I'm. chasing. Like, do I really need to continue to chase this? Or do I have enough? And like, what are the things that really matter to me? And that's a big thing for me, too. Like, I don't want to be successful to the world or not successful to mine. You know, that matters to me. I don't want to walk through the door and my family and my kids don't feel the same way. Yeah, we love your dad. And deep down, like, man, like, my dad is like, he's never here with us. I never wanted to be like that.

That's awesome. And so I definitely think that it's opening some eyes around people around me. So then that leads me to two questions. One is what's next. And the second question is when does the book launch stop? Yeah. And I just want everybody to know that this is what? Three months after those book came out?

Yeah, it came out in March. So yeah, about three months. What's next is, you know, I always tell, like right now in the season I'm in, is to continue to get this message to the world. You know, I don't have a next thing necessarily. Like, I want to stay in this moment with protecting your peace. I feel like I have so much work to do with it. And I don't know if it ever stops.

You know, I'm going to keep pushing this book. Maybe not as hard, but I'm going to keep pushing this message, you know, to the world. I feel like until I leave here, you know, I mean, I think that's something that's a staple of my life for sure. Even Hayhouse doesn't try to get you to read another book. No, they have. I know them. I know them, and they're like, you know, great author, great books, great method. They're like, yes.

And I have some ideas on a book for sure. Like, I still have one, like, thing that I definitely want to put out into the world and talk about. But, yeah, they definitely have. So I'm about to record the audiobook for it because I did them separately. So that's going to be a fun process. Yeah, that's smart. Okay, well, then I have to ask you my final question, which is what is health to you? What's your definition of health?

And how do you know when you're healthy? My definition of health would be having energy, mind, body, and soul in those areas. The triad for me being healthy, mentally, spiritually, physically, I mean, even emotionally. And I know I have it when, I mean, not to be pun intended, but when I feel peace in my life. Gives you energy. Yeah, when I wake up and I'm feeling vibrant about that. the day, I might dreading the day. And that's what being healthy. And I struggled for a few years, especially after losing my mom and tear my Achilles the next year. Like, I struggled a lot to be healthy.

And I feel like I'm still in the journey of getting back, either getting back or, I don't like to say getting back, but creating, you know, my best self. And so I'm on that journey right now. I love that. I love that. I ask this of everybody, and I always think it's so interesting, the answers and congruency continues to show up, like people, say, well, I know I'm healthy when I'm congruent. And everybody says a little bit different and when I'm congruent with myself. And, you know, there's some interesting studies. Like there was one of my guests recently shared a study that they did on smokers. And they found that people who smoked, if they had meaningful relationships in their life, they were less

prone to getting lung cancer and some of the challenges that happen with chronic smoking. That's the power of that love and connection. And I, I think when I hear your definition of health, sometimes I think, God, you know, those of us that are teaching health to the world, we really have it wrong because we're thinking you got to eat this, don't eat this. You got to jump. You said it earlier. I got to jump in some cold plunges and I got to work out this way. And all of that is great. But what if it's as simple as being congruent with yourself? That's it. What if that is really what health is? And then everything else is just the cherries on top. That's it. That's really cool. Wow. I can talk to you forever, so I just really appreciate several things about you, but I love your heart and how you just show up. I'm sure people tell you this all the time, but just you're easy to be around.

You're so authentically you, and it makes everybody around you want to be their best selves. So thank you for everything that you're doing. And I appreciate you for having me in what you do. So keep being legendary. Yeah. Thank you. You do. Appreciate it.

Thank you. much for joining me in today's episode. I love bringing thoughtful discussions about all things health to you. If you enjoyed it, we'd love to know about it. So please leave us a review, share it with your friends, and let me know what your biggest takeaway is.