Live Like a Girl with Dr. Mindy Pelz - What you didn't know about sex - With Susan Bratton

Episode Date: August 3, 2020

Let's talk about sex, baby.  Susan Bratton is a champion and advocate for all who desire passionate relationships. Considered the "Dear Abby of Sex," Susan's fresh approach and original ideas have helped millions of people of all ages, and across the gender spectrum transforms sex into a passion. In this podcast, we cover: - How to keep your sex life thriving when "new relationship energy" wears off  The ways gender can be fluid  About our sex drives – are they meant to decrease over time?   How libido, desire, and arousal intersect and affect our horniness  Why porn is ruining our society   How to get on the upward pleasure spiral   The cure for the monotony of monogamy  This Podcast is Sponsored by: Revelation Health. Get 10% off with promo code: TheResetterPodcast This Podcast is Sponsored by: Joylux. Get $25 off the Vfit starter kit with promo code PELZ RESOURCES: Susan Bratton Website Personal Life Media Susan Bratton on Instagram Better Lover Thrust in Time

The information discussed in this episode is intended as general information only. It is not intended for one-on-one medical advice, and you should always consult your healthcare practitioner before making any changes. And if you like the content discussed in this episode, please go leave a review so that others can benefit from it as well. I am a woman on a mission that is dedicated to teaching you just how powerful your body was built to be. I like to do that by bringing you the latest science, the greatest thought leaders, and applicable steps that help you tap into your own internal healing power. The purpose of this podcast is to give you the power back and help you believe in yourself again.

My name is Dr. Mindy Pels, and I want to thank you for spending part of your day with me. Okay, resetters, have I got an episode for you? Jessica and I had the pleasure of listening to the. this incredible woman, Susan Bratton, talk about sex, sexual habits, how to have better sex with your spouse, how to understand your own sexual desires. It was unbelievable this episode, and we are incredibly excited to bring it to you. So don't you think, Jess? Was it not good?

It was amazing. I've learned more in about 45 minutes than I think I have. ever in my life about sex. I'm 51 years old and I'm like, how did I not know all of this? And she says it in such an eloquent way that we're really excited to share it with you because it is a topic that is like taboo and people don't talk about enough. And what she does is she did an incredible job explaining it in a way that I think will unify relationships and will help people have a deeper sexual connection.

Absolutely. Just it was profound. But let me read you a little bit of her background because I want you to understand how brilliant this woman is and what she brings to this topic of sex. So this is what she says on her website that she is a champion and advocate for all who desire passionate relationships. She is considered the dear Abby of sex. She has a fresh approach and original ideas that have helped millions of people of all ages across the gender spectrum transform sex into passion. I would definitely agree with that. She has a very unique way of explaining sex and does it in such a simple and inspiring way that it just takes your knowledge to a deeper level.

Yes. She's incredibly passionate about it. Incredibly passionate. So she's married to her husband since 1993. She's an author. She's an award-winning speaker. She's a serial entrepreneur like many entrepreneurs are. and she's been featured in the New York Times on CNBC on the Today Show.

I mean, the list of credentials for this woman goes on and on and on. And I will tell you, this is an episode for both men and women. It is an episode for all different sexual preferences. We do dive in a little bit to menopause. So there's that. We dove in a little bit on how to talk about sex with your children. So we really covered a lot of different topics. I will tell you that if you're listening to this in the car or you're in your home and there are young children around, I really would advise you to put a headset on because she is not afraid to go straight to the point. And it may be something that you don't want little ears to hear. You don't want little ears to hear. But it is a topic that we really wanted to bring to you. And this was the woman to do it. So what do you think? think, Jess, any other parting words before we jump into the podcast for our resetters?

Oh my gosh. Get ready. If you think you knew something about sex, I'm going to tell you you're wrong. Like, this woman brought so much to the surface of all the things that I think people are afraid to talk about or don't know how to talk about. So yeah, just get ready. It will literally blow your mind. And I could have probably continued the conversation for another hour because my mouth was. wide open and I just had more questions for her. So she has agreed to come back and talk on different topics around sex. So if you are wanting a deeper conversation, you want us to have a deeper conversation with her, let us know. And be sure to check out her website because she isn't on a woman on a mission to really help people deepen their sexual relationships. So enjoy resetters. This is a spicy one. Let me start off by asking you this.

Because we're going to dive into a topic that we have not talked about in my reset or community, but it needs to be talked about. So thank you. Let me just start off by welcoming you and thanking you for coming and diving into the topic of sex. We have, like I mentioned before, a good portion of our audience is over 40, both men and women. And I think this is a topic that a lot of people, as Jessica would say, are having girlfriend talk about, but they're not necessarily, you know, having a talk on, bringing it to light to really dive into the topic of sex. How do we have great sex? How do we, how do the menopausal women find their sexual groove? These are things I want to talk about. But having said that, I did some research on you. You're fascinating.

Do you know that? You probably know that already. Well, let's just say I play full out, Dr. Mindy. Yes, you do. So I just want to fill my audience into your background. So for starters, you went to Stanford Business School. So I assume you have an MBA. No, I did some postgraduate work at Stanford. I don't have an MBA, but I am a business-minded CEO of two companies. And I'm also the trusted intimacy wellness expert to millions. So I'm both a brand. I have a brand.

I'm a face of a brand, but I run and I am the CEO of two companies. One is a tech company that provides and publishes passionate lovemaking techniques. And the second company, we manufacture supplements for mid-life libido because it's a missing. It has been a thing that's been missing in the marketplace. And my husband is my business partner, and we have a team of about 20 people who are global, and we work from our home and have for 15 years been doing that. Amazing. Amazing.

And anybody graduates from Stanford is a smart cookie. So that was intriguing that when we first decided to bring you on to the podcast, we were excited to talk about sex. And then when I dove into your history, I was like, wow, she is a really smart cookie. You have also worked for Tony Robbins. Yes. I was the CMO, chief marketing officer of a startup that he had envisioned early on, kind of in the beginning, almost of when Facebook started happening. And it was a very early social media company.

And one of the things that Tony understands is how important making meaning is for us, as humans on this planet. And one of the ways that we make meaning is through imagery and photos. So a lot of it was social network photo sharing. It was called My Vision One. And it was quite interesting to work for Tony. I'm very tall.

I'm 5-11 and I don't mind at the time, although I don't wear heels very much at all anymore. My feet are pretty beat up. He's a big man with a big personality. And I actually really enjoyed working with him because I never had to sugarcoat anything with that guy. Like, he wanted 110% of the unvarnished truth. And I had to break some very difficult truths to him about that business.

And, you know, it was a really fun thing to work on a tech startup with one of the people who I think has done more for people's personal empowerment than anyone. And it's really interesting, too, Mindy, that I have often said, and I really just, I really just realized this and talking to you about that. There are a few people actually asked me about Tony. What I realized in teaching people passionate lovemaking techniques and bedroom communication skills, I often say that my work is to transform having sex into making love. And people, there are a certain percentage of people who are personal growth mindset type of people.

And those are my people who also, equally care about their sexuality and want to have a good sex life, it means something to them. And they realize that their sexuality is also a personal growth mindset. And the more they learn about sexuality, the better sex they have. And the more satisfying their sex life is. And so I really am at that intersection of, it's like sexual personal development. That's what I do. I often, I call myself an orgasm a not. I'm like a I'm going to the far reaches of our orgasmic potential. And I'm coming back and I'm telling you what the map to that territory is. So when I mentioned things like the 15 types of male and female orgasm, people are like,

what? 15. And I'm like, yeah, and that's an arbitrary number because one of them is wild guard, you know. So people aren't even aware of their sexual potential. but they have in some cases a hunger for wanting to know more. And that's my people. My people are like, tell me more. Yeah.

Don't you think growth mindset people in general? It doesn't matter if they're in the bedroom, they're in the boardroom, or they're in the kitchen. They want to always do better and experience more. And there is definitely, I find that as well, that our whole resetter tribe, but we've got 200,000 people across all social media platforms. And I love their enthusiasm for understanding more about their body and how they can be healthy. So I'm with you.

Like that, those are my people too. Like you want to be better, do better, have deeper experiences. Like, I'm right there with you, which is why we wanted to bring you on. We're a good match. We're a good match. So let's start off with this. Now, you were in the tech industry. Yeah.

And your marriage was wonderful. Not so wonderful. You needed to make some changes, which is what led you into being a sex coach, is my understanding. Do I have that story right? I'm not a sex coach. Okay.

I don't do any one-on-one work. I run a tech company that is a publishing, a digital publishing company. I basically create online programs with experts to help people have more, to achieve their orgasm potential, to achieve a depth of conscious, connected sexual satisfaction and pleasure, to feel comfortable communicating in the bedroom, to understand how to be a sexual biohacker,

and reverse the ravages of aging on our sexual structures because everything ages, including our genitals. And there are many things you can do in the sexual. biohacking sphere to reverse aging, fix problems, and go on to have incredible orgasms and pleasure until the day you die. So my company is tech and it did start with me almost losing my marriage about 11 years in. Our intimacy had waned and we just realized that it was our own growth mindset. You know, I remember we were at one point we were remodeling our house. and this was down in Los Altos Hills in the Silicon Valley.

And we moved into a downstairs bedroom because we were doing a bunch of work. And there was a built-in bookcase in the bedroom. And in the year that we slept in that bedroom, that bookcase went from empty to filled. Because I buy books, if I want to know something, the first thing I do is go to Amazon and buy a book and read about it. I'm a lifelong learner. And what happened during that time was that the books that started filling up my shelf

were sexuality, that the workshops and personal growth things I started doing were sexual workshops, tantric workshops and things like that. And as we started to learn how to have good sex, our sex life became amazing. And my husband and I had both finished selling off companies or taking a company public, one and both. And we said, let's start a company together that leverages our technical you know, our technical acumen and experience and skill sets that brings these sex workshops that we've been going to to anyone anywhere in the world who is a sexual seeker with that personal growth mindset. And that's how we ended up fixing our marriage, fixing our sex life, starting a new business and going on now having been doing this for 15 years,

launching a second company last year to have libido supplements. So amazing. It's been great. Why do you think so many, I was thinking the 11-year mark is so interesting in marriage. You know, that's when it starts, you know, isn't that the 11-year itch? Don't they say something like that? Like, that's when people start having affairs and you get in ruts. What do you think? I mean, it's interesting that you gravitated to all of these books, but most people don't, and they are stuck in a place where their relationships are not thriving and they don't

realize that there's a sexual, maybe boredom. There's a piece to it. it that needs to be enhanced. Do you see that in the people that you work with that there's like happy marriage, happy marriage, great sex life, and then boom, we hit a point where we are no longer improving that part of our relationship? Yeah, there's new relationship energy, which is the flush of hormones that come from the first getting together and the falling in love. And, you know, that lasts from as little as four months to four. years. But you can only glide the path of the hormones for so long, and then you actually have to

have some skills. It's just like being the new kid at work. You can get away with not knowing what you're doing for a while, but then that catches up with you if you don't have any skills. And that's what happens in marriages. And there are two, there are a couple things at play. Number one, people aren't taught how people are, people are taught about sex. They're taught about how to procreate. They're taught about how to not get pregnant. They're mostly fear-based teachings. And then there's religious repression, there's lack of modeling in the home, there's the crap that you see on TV and all the negative information that especially males and more and more females now are getting when they watch porn, which is degrading to women. And so between the cultural shaming, the slut shaming, the, you know,

men brutalizing women, men brutalizing each other. You know, like there's endemic cultural, endemic media, endemic religious issues, lack of knowledge. And so people get together. And once the new relationship energy wears off, then they have no skills. And they've got all this repression and shame and damage and trauma. And so they just pull apart instead of people don't talk about their sex lives together.

They don't friggin't talk about them. because they don't even know the words to use, especially men being the less articulate sex. And I will speak in a lot of generalizations in these conversations. And I want to say right up front that I am fully supportive of gender spectrum, non-binary, and most of the middle-aged women I know are having relationships with other women right now. There's like a giant boom in women on women interest right now, especially in people in their 40s, 50s, and 60s. It's like the biggest thing that's going on that nobody's talking about, which is quite

interesting. The men are like, there's nobody to date. It's because all the women are dating each other because you guys haven't figured out how to get your heads out of your butt. And the heads out of your butt issue is actually based on testosterone. So what happens is women are estrogen dominant. Men are testosterone dominant. And they're very different molecules that create different behaviors, kind of like the male

and female brain, you know. They are realities of. our humanity. And one of the biggest issues with the testosterone-driven-driven brain is that it thinks it knows more than it does. This explains all kinds of issues in business where an overly qualified woman won't put herself out there. And an underqualified man will put himself out there and get the job that she should have gotten because she doesn't think she's as good because estrogen tells her, it's me, I'm the one that's wrong. Women run around feeling all this shame because they're not satisfied in their relationship, but they think it's them. And the man thinks it's her too.

Interesting. And again, these are generalities, but generalities tend to, you know, humanity is a bell curve. Everything about sexuality is a big bell curve. So there's the great middle, which is what I've been describing. And then there's women who are much more sexual than their male-bodied partners and people who don't want any sex at all. And it's just what's right for them. You know, there's all this stuff. And I hold everyone in my heart. But generally, when you say what happens in a relationship, the blind leading the blind, get married, the hormones wear off. She's not satisfied. All the intercourse feels good to him. And he thinks she must just be a lesbian. It turns out after she divorces him, she dabbles in lesbianism. Fascinating. Fascinating. So I have a really

good friend who's a psychologist. And she had, when we raised our children together, and And her kids were what she would call at the time more gender neutral. Like they just didn't fit in the boy girl category. Ended up that her son ended up that he was gay, which is great. And she used to say to me all the time that that exact thing, that sexuality is a bell curve. And we tend to think you're either homosexual or you're heterosexual, but it's not like that. There's a whole, you're the second person I heard say that there is this bell curve of sexual desire, which is fascinating.

There are two words I really like in this particular conversation. One is pansexual and the other is sapiosexual. Pansexual is, I don't really care what gender you are if you turn me on. Whatever turns me on turns me on. It's not for me about gender. It's for me about the person and my attraction to them and my experience of them. And I like that pansexual. It's like, I'll take all comers if you turn me on.

Right. And then sapiosexual is I'm turned on by intelligence. It doesn't really matter what your body is or your gender association is. Your brain, your mind, what you think about, how you live your life is what turns me on. And those are some other frames that I think are very well served, especially because in middle school today, so many kids are non-binary. So many kids. Oh, yeah.

And there's so many kids going through transformations of various kinds and trying on different gender expressions. Gender expression is a fluid experience. It's not your sexuality and it's not the gender you were born with. Gender identity is a very different thing that people are enjoying. expressing what is right for them in the moment. Yeah, which may change as time goes on. That's the other thing about that fluidity, which is so fascinating. So I've spent a lot of time studying hormones, and one of the things that I was a real

aha for me is that at 40, a woman's ovaries literally start to go like, I'm out, I'm done, I was there to help you make a baby, now you don't need me. And so once you get over 40, there's this hormone. hormonal roller coaster that will have these highs and these lows. But if you take that woman who is in this hormonal roller coaster time and now you put her in an overachieving stressful life, you're going to end up with a woman with very low sex drive. And I'm curious, that's a lot of the people that we, in our community, you know, how do you help that woman snap out of it? And I also have this feeling in my brain of like, well, and I know it's not right, but my thought is like, is the woman, are men meant to

have their sex drives stay high, their whole life, and women's sex drives are meant to go down after 40? No, no, not at all. A lot of people equate libido with hormones or the depletion thereof. And the first thing that I want to do is tell you that there's libido, desire, and arousal. and they're a Venn diagram of three intersecting circles. So libido is associated with your physical health. Part of that is diminishment of hormones, especially diminishment of estrogen, which can create vaginal atrophy and thinning of the tissue,

earning sensations, painful sex, as well as diminishment of testosterone, which is actually what makes you horny. So a lot of women think that if they take estrogen, it's going to fix their sex drive, and it's not. It's not really, your sex drive is not necessarily, a hormonal issue. It is equally important that you have to have a good gut microbiome. You have to be doing really good poos every day because when you have dysbiosis of your gut microbiome, you're not

producing the hormones you should be. And if you're not pooing, you're getting a lot of excess toxins in your system because we live in the 21st century. We're surrounded by toxins and air, water, et cetera. And so that's suppressing our hormonal production as well. At the same time, concurrently, we lose our ability of our body to produce nitric oxide. Nitric oxide is the gaseous signaling molecule that is a vasodilator that shuttles the blood to your belly when you've eaten, your brain when you're doing a project for work, and your genitals when you're making love. Women particularly don't have any glands that lubricate our vagina. Our vagina is actually lubricated by blood flow and the blood plasma, the fluid seeps through the vaginal mucosa and lubricates

us. So when women have thinning of tissue, that can be an estrogen issue, but it can also be a lack of nitric oxide. By the time you're 50, you have half the nitric oxide production that you did when you were 20. Exacerbated by taking antibacterial mouthwashes and proton pump inhibitors or acid blockers because salivary system is actually the system that produces the nitric oxide. Eating leafy green vegetables, beetroot, and other things are the foods that you need that people usually don't get enough of as well in our busy lifestyle. So you need the nitric oxide and bioidentical hormone replacement, including not just estrogen and biased is the most important thing, the dual estrogens of the three, the two pro-positive ones

that are helpful for cognitive function as well as for suppleness of skin, et cetera, heart protection, neuroprotective. And then testosterone. A lot of women like to apply the testosterone directly on the clitoral structure. I recommend compounding it in shay butter instead of in a carrier cream. The carrier creams have a lot of toxins in them. They're made with petroleum products. Never put anything on your vagina that you wouldn't literally eat. If you wouldn't put it in here, your mouth, you shouldn't put it in there, your vaginal area. Because it's your vaginal mucosate's soaking it right into your system. And you're trying to lower your toxins, not increase your toxins.

Yeah, I feel the same way, too, about anything you put on your skin. Right. Like, if you wouldn't eat it, don't put it on your skin, for sure. And you're speaking our language when it comes to the microbiome. Absolutely. Go ahead. I have another thought for you, but go ahead. You were going to say one more thing.

Yeah. So that's libido. Libido is, what's your toxin load? what's your gut microbiome? Are you pooping? Are you hydrated? Are you producing the hormones you can produce? The neurotransmitters you can produce because of course those make you happier, right? And they make you feel like you want more sex. If your health is depressed, your libido is depressed. They are two sides of the same coin. Your horniness is directly related to your level of health. So it's not just about hormones. The second piece of it is desire. How are you thinking about yourself

and your own sexuality? Who are you as a sexual person? Are you giving yourself some time in your calendar to actually plan romantics time, schedule your sex so that you have some fun together? And then the third piece is desire, and that's where most women struggle. They struggle with getting enough stimulation

and enough slow, foreplay, emotional connection, fun, adventure. I mean, if a woman is basically just a masturbatory sock for her partner, and she's not having orgasms, and he's just doing what he sees on movies, which is like ripping off her pants and spitting on his hands and toot, and he goes, like, that's the crappiest sex you could possibly have. Absolutely. And that's 95% of the sex that most couples are having. because it's the patriarchal view, the movie view, the porn view, which is not how women want to make love. Women want slow, sensual. They want to be just feeling so lubricated and so wet that they're pulling their man into them. And women don't give themselves time and men don't give their women time to really get fully engorged and to get all that erectile tissue full of blood so that you can actually have lots of

orgasms. That's kind of the missing piece for people is they rush it. And she just wants to get it over with because she's bored with them. Yeah, this is the part of the podcast episode that we take a clip of and we make sure we send this out to every man that is married to a woman. I actually did a really interesting interview with Dr. Zach Bush. Are you familiar with him? Yeah, he's like phenomenal when it comes to the microbiome. So it was for another podcast that I did with two other women. And when we went to go interview them, they sent us a list of all the things that we could talk about. And one of them was around the microbiome and sex. So we were like, let's talk about that. Well, one of the things that he said was he said that if what men need to know is that if they want to have sex with their wife at night, that floor play needs to start at the breakfast table.

and that they have to start by working all day long to connect to her so that she's ready to have sex at night. What are your thoughts on that? And do you think that the way men and women approach sex is really different? You know, is that the traditional thought that a man can turn it on and off and a woman needs more of the foreplay that you're talking about? Do you feel like that is written in our biology? When a man sees that he has an erection, he's ready for penetration. If you think about a man's erection as a banana, you've got a yellow banana in your mind, it's got a little brown stem on it,

and 100% of what's inside that banana is erectile tissue. And for him, his banana is 50% sticking out of his body, and 50% goes actually inside his penis, continues inside his abdomen and comes down, almost looks like a tongue in there. It's crazy how much the back side of penis looks like a tongue and it pops down. Inside the body. Yeah, in his abdomen. Wow. And runs down by his prostate. Then for a woman, she has the same exact amount of erectile tissue as he does. And five percent of hers is sticking out in the clitoral glands, the head of the clitoris.

The other 95% is inside her genital structure. The vagina, the opening to the vagina is called the entroitus, the entroital sphincter. And the introidal sphincter is basically wrapped all inside there, all around in there, with erectile tissue. There's the clitoral shaft, the clitoral legs, the clitoral arms, the perineal sponge on the bottom and the urethral sponge on the top. It's surrounded by erectile tissue. But because it's buried, nobody pays attention to it. So it doesn't get full of blood. So when he looks down, he's like, I'm ready to go. Let's go. Nobody's thinking about her erection, her clitoral erection,

the erectile tissue inside her vulva. So, you know, a lot of women like to start with oral pleasuring because it helps them relax, get into their body, they get to get some stimulation that's so harsh, if you will. But manual stimulation of genital massage is seriously the best foreplay there is. And there are hundreds of manual massage techniques that a woman's partner can learn to get her fully engorged. And most women haven't learned how to have orgasms from intercourse. And almost all men can do it very easily. And so where women, struggle to have orgasms from intercourse or often think, here's what women do, it's my fault, I'm not good, it's just me, I'm not the woman who can do it. Well, in fact, you are, all women can

have orgasms from intercourse without any clitoral, direct clitoral stimulation at all, because the entire vaginal canal is surrounded with erectile tissue. But because no one takes the time to get it fully engorged erect like a guy, she can achieve orgasm. She's not at time. So that, I think, is very important. And men suffer from, their number one issue is that they suffer from premature ejaculation. They come too fast. So they come before she even gets started.

So even if they were using the penis as the way to get the vaginal tissue engorged, he's over before she got there. So one of the things, I'll give you a technique. This is a really good one. It's at thrustin time.com. You can download the technique, but it's basically an intercourse technique. The other thing is that men end up watching porn and thinking that intercourse should look like they're a piston in a car pumping in and out. And that's not what a woman needs to achieve orgasm.

She needs a man to have what I like to call, I hope it's okay to say this, you might have to bleep it. I like to call it a conscious cock. Like he's just blailing around in there because it feels good to him and he doesn't know what he's doing. But if he's actually conscious of the fact that he's got a pool cue that can stimulate different areas inside her vagina, the urethral sponge on the top, which is sometimes erroneously called the G-spot. It's not a spot. The perineal sponge on the bottom, which is a beautiful amount of erectile tissue, the sides of the vagina. And pivoting his hips, This is a rocking motion rather than a thrusting in and out, especially because most men in America are circumcised. And so we're getting chafed by a piston and he can get off on it, but we can't.

And so once he learns, there are some wonderful videos on the internet of these gorgeous men who can know how to rock their hips and they do it on video and you're like, yes, that's what I want to me. How come all my guys don't know this? It's wonderful when a man realizes that he doesn't have a blunt instrument. He has a highly tuned instrument of pleasure. And then when he knows how to use it in a way that isn't just in and out, in and out, but we're bang, bang, bang, like he sees on porn, but is actually touching the spots in her vaginal area that responds. and call to him.

And when he understands how to flex his hips and he knows the spots and he can slow down, I guarantee she will have orgasms. It's just knowing what to do. And so I put together a technique that helps men who come too fast with women who struggle to come from intercourse. And it's called Thrust in Time. And it's a love-making intercourse technique

that really works perfectly. I couldn't have orgasms from intercourse until I was 45 years old. It took me that long to learn how. Wow. So I really wanted to make it my mission for people to understand that, especially women, you're not broken. You just haven't gotten there yet. And you need to teach your partner how to help get there. And part of it is getting enough blood flow first to your janitals and slowing down and not feeling rush. Yeah, you know, I just like, it's weird you're bringing this up now because literally like two months ago, somebody showed me a picture of the clitoris and how it's just how it has so much tissue that we don't see. And here I'm thinking to myself, I'm 50 years old. I have studied the human body up, down, all around. How did I never know that

the clitoris is way beyond that the part that we see and feel. Yeah. That's crazy. Well, and it's interesting too because the glands of the clitoris, the little tip, the knob that's hooded, that sticks out from our body, the 5%. That actually isn't a rectile. It's full of most of the nerve endings. But the shaft of the clitoris, which takes about 15 or 20 minutes of play to actually pop out, the shaft will get a hard on. You will get a little clitoral hard on with stimulation. And then there are the arms that drape off of the shaft. And the arms go in the gutter between the inner and outer labia. You can get to them from the outside there. And then you can also stroke the urethral sponge, which is the more erectile tissue. It's part of the whole clitoral erectile structure. It's called

the urogenital system. You can stroke that on the inside and on the the outside. And then the legs of the clitoris, the little punching bags, those are actually under the fur on each side of the opening to the vagina, under the pubic hair on each side. And they like pressure. They like they like to be plumped and needed and pressed on. Just like the urethral sponge, it likes pressure, not stroking. It's not like skin that wants to be touched. It's deeper than that. The paramed. Pranil sponge is on the bottom between the vagina and the rectum on the bottom. And it's like this little, looks like a little brain, like a little puffy little brain ball of tissue. And that, many women who like anal sex, they like that because that paroneal sponge feels, it's in a position where it feels very good to get palpated by a penis in the rectum. So everyone's wired a little differently, but all women can expand. their neural connection to their vaginal tissue.

Yeah, and as I'm listening to you, I'm thinking like, holy cow, do people need a lesson in just basic anatomy? Yeah. And, you know, again, I always put my lens on through my resetter community and I go, okay, we've got, you know, this huge community that's like 40 and over. And I guarantee the people listening right now are like, like me, like I did not know all of these pieces. And you are in these relationships where you have lost a bigger vision for your sexual habits. And then you start to listen to something like this. And you're like, oh, my God,

I didn't know there was so much involved. Yeah. I got to get out in my mirror and poke around in there. Right. So we'll put the link in there for you guys. And again, I hope that people listen to this podcast too with their spouse or their partner because I think that's the most frustrating thing, especially from a woman who is trying to learn and expand her sexual knowledge and then either if she's married to a man, that he's not coming along. That's a whole other.

I think that my experience is that most men, their number one sexual desire, is to give their female partner incredible pleasure. Most men will go without their pleasure to give her pleasure. I err on the side of the good-hearted man. That's what 90% of them are. There's 10% who are, you know, sociopaths and assholes, right?

They're out there. Just go on Facebook and you'll find a lot of them. Yep, definitely. Some of them are on my YouTube channel. We see that they make some pretty crude comments. Exactly. However, most of it is just that he's seeing the wrong imagery between Hollywood and pornography, there isn't anyone standing for female pleasure, teaching people anatomy.

He just doesn't know what he doesn't know. His heart is in the right place, and he wants to give you incredible pleasure. Whenever people interview me about the monotony of monogamy, I'm bored with my sex life, she's bored, she won't have sex with me, what do I do, you know, all this stuff, I say, remember that when you, first got together, you were romancing each other. And what happened was, this is what I say to guys. What I say to guys is, if she's not having sex with you, she's not a lesbian, and it's not menopause. You don't pleasure her enough. And it's not your fault. You found me now. You're looking for the answer. I'm going to give you the answers about how to pleasure a woman. You can learn techniques and bedroom communication skills and anatomy. Those are the three things. And if you learn them and practice them, you will have what I like to call a sex life that instead of swirling down the toilet gets on the

upward pleasure spiral. But what happens is he's constantly asking her for sex. And she doesn't want sex because that's too big an offer. Does she want a foot rob? Does she want to be held? Does she want to have a glass of Chardonnay and tell you about her day? Yeah. And then does she want a backrope? Yeah. And then does she want you to kiss her face in her neck? After that? Yeah, she probably does. And then does she want to have a makeup? Yeah, she probably does. But you're already trying to stick your penis in her vagina to sound like a sex nerd. When you have forgotten to be even fun to be with because she rejected you. You took it personally because you made her too big an offer. So let's just rewind, let go of your male pattern anger from the rejection that you perceive this to be,

and go back to romancing her and touching her sensually and reminding her why she chose to be with you first. And when guys do that, when they go, okay, I get you, I'll let me go back to what I used to do. and then slowly make her offers and then slowly accelerate them so that her arousal increases. And it works like a charm. I feel like you've been sitting at Ladies Night Out with me and my girlfriends, as we've discussed, that exact thing. And so again, I think this is where, and I know we've been talking a lot about heterosexual relationships, but I think this is where sometimes heterosexual marriages get stuck, especially again going to the

40, 50-year-old woman. And there is a lack of knowledge to be able to move their sex life to that next level. And one of the things that I've heard many women say is that their husband would prefer to have sex in the morning. And that's the last thing that they want to do. Do you think, Is that because they're not having, they're not being pleasure, they're not being romanced? Or do you think that actually, like I've actually gone in and looked, my brain goes to science? And so I'm like, do men maybe get a testosterone surge in the morning that women don't get? Do you find that there is a, the timing matters for each sex? Or is that something you can train and do differently? Some women like morning sex. Most women don't. Men have a surge of

testosterone that's highest in the morning. If your man is waking up with morning wood, he's healthy. If he's not, he's not healthy. You better get on his cardiovascular situation and have him start taking nitric oxide supplements. They are the answer. I've studied this a long time. But women, because we're estrogen dominant, we're always thinking about a million things. And so when we wake up in the morning, we're thinking about everything we have to do for the day. And for men, because testosterone is very goal-oriented and single-minded, you know how they say guys are shitty multitaskers? It's testosterone. And it's not their fault. I love men. I love men. I want to make sure that nobody listening thinks I don't adore men. I do. That's most of the people I help are men. I was going to say, you're probably a gift to many men. And what I like about guys is they're just like, tell me what to do. And I say, here's the four,

steps and they go, I'm going to go do it. Because they're single-mindedly focus. If you tell women four steps, they want to ask a million freaking questions. Right. Okay, well, what are the four steps just so we don't leave our male audience out? What are the four steps? The four steps are the four steps to getting your wife to, this comes from my program, Revive Her Drive.

And if you go to Revive or Drive.com, you can download some free reports like the 21 deadly mistakes men make that ruin their sex life and things like that. I give away a lot of free stuff. I've helped thousands and thousands of men with this. So I don't care if you buy or not, but you can have the free stuff or you can take the program. It doesn't matter. The four steps are, number one, remember to romance her. She needs to feel an emotional connection to you.

Touch her body sensually for pleasure. Stop just grabbing at her to try to get her to have sex. It drives her away. This is the grabber president issue, right? And then the third thing is often in relationships, We end long-term relationships. We end up in polarity problems. We end up being platonic.

We end up dividing and conquering. We end up, she's running this and that. She owns the schedule. She pays the bills. And pretty soon he becomes emasculated. She's no longer turned on by him in the bedroom. He doesn't know how to be the man she wants to have sex with. So we work on polarity for him.

And then the fourth thing is, what I like to call, advanced sexual mastery skills, like the seduction technique of giving her a series of small offers, little breadcrumbs that, you know, basically the raindrop effect where you're just dropping all these fun opportunities to have pleasure together and pretty soon her cup runneth over with desire. So that's the way to lead a woman toward more pleasure. That's what you're doing. And the other thing is making it fun. So I always like to say couples that played together, stay together, especially in the bedroom. The cure for the monotony of monogamy is erotic adventure, and that means learning new skills together, scheduling sex because you're busy, and then learning

something new, whether that is, I'm going to learn how to manually pleasure you. I'm going to, we're going to practice sensual massage or erotic massage. We're going to do some G-spot or sacred spot, healing and stroking, whatever it might be. We want to do role play. We want to try a new sex position, like Threston time, the one I gave you. We want to have sex in a different location. Whatever it is. Like, why is vacation and sex good? Because you don't have a list of things to do, and you're having fun, right? You're... Oh, true. Also, one last little thing that guys make a mistake of is because they're ready to go and they're goal-oriented and they're grabbing, at your genitals right away, and that's too much.

They have to work their way from the outside in. I call that bullseye touch. You go out from the far ring and work your way into the creamy middle. You don't start at the creamy middle with a woman. It's too much for her. You've got to start and work your way up. But what he is always doing is thinking, I'm going to get her aroused.

And so the first thing he tries to do is get her aroused. He tries to push her into desire. And what he doesn't realize is that first he needs to relax her nervous system. Arousal is born in a broth of relaxation. You can't let your guard down. Men don't understand that for women, security is a big problem for us. We feel unsafe. We've been traumatized.

We've been cat-called. We've been God-nose-witted by men. and we worry about stuff. Estrogen makes us worry warts. And so what he needs to do is calm us down, make us feel safe, relax us and let us remember how we love to feel sensation and that we are safe and we have time to relax together. So powerful. Yeah, so powerful.

And yeah, if men that are listening, this woman knows what she's talking about. Okay, so here's another thought I had as I was listening to you. The concept of porn, so this actually came up around my Sunday night dinner table from my 80-year-old dad, who turned to my 17-year-old son and said, so do you guys watch porn all the time now? And there was like, I actually think there were a few more teenage boys at the table. And my son kind of put his head down in embarrassment. And he's like, what? No, like, do you guys watch porn? And my son looks up and he says, Papa, all teenagers watch porn. And I've had conversations with my 20-year-old daughter that one of the

challenges that this generation growing up is having is that they're so exposed to porn that the boys that in their, as they're learning their sexual habits, think that is what sex is. And I'm sure it goes beyond this age group. But then you go to this idea I heard years ago, which is men are more visual than women, which I don't actually think is completely true. But do we have, how do we take back our minds and our understanding of what sex is supposed to look at like? Time magazine recently had an article that quoted a study of 300 random samples of pornography and 96% of them showed degradation of women.

Yeah. And that's what our little boys and girls are growing up on. It is, I honestly, Mindy, I feel like it's a ruination of our society. I agree. Agreed. As a parent of a boy, I have to tell you that it worries me and makes me want to keep talking to him more about sex, which he doesn't want to talk about. I have a lot of tricks for talking to kids about sex, especially teenage kids. And what I found is the best thing to do is to talk to them when they're trapped in the car with you. I've heard that. But then once they drive, what do you do? You have to find reasons to go places. Yeah, it's a start. You start young. You start when they're eight, you start talking about how, you know, birds and bees, babies are made, et cetera, things like that.

And then, you know, as they get a little bit older. And you can also talk about third party issues. You can tell stories from your own life. You can ask how what's going on with their friends. So you want to give them like the technology of how the body works, anatomy, things like that, how to protect themselves, what to do and what not to do. I mean, there's just so many things you can talk about in little tiny drips. It's a it's a raindrop as well where you're just doing a little thing and then you just shut up and move on, a little thing and shut up and move on. It's not a conversation. It's more like you're just dropping little advice bombs. And And they act like they can't stand it because the process of being a teen is to eschew your parents

through, it's a process of individuation. They need to be ready to go off on their own. So they start thinking that you don't know anything, that they, you know, they can do it all without you. And that's good. You want them to actually be annoyed by you. That's not a bad sign. That's a good reminder.

It is a good reminder. I must be doing something, right? Yeah. But it is talking about slow sex. Women need emotional connection. You need to be well groomed. You always bring your own condoms. Don't have sex before she's ready and you're ready. There's lots of things you can do. Oral pleasuring is nice. It's a lot safer. How do you not get STIs? How do you not get free? You know, there's a lot of things you can talk about with your kids. And little tiny, it's microdosing. It's basically. But there was another thing that you said about what do you do about pornography? generally with kids. I think it really is the most important thing to do is to let kids know

that making love is a beautiful thing that connecting your hearts and your souls, taking time to pleasure each other, having privacy to allow yourself to explore and play is good and that it's something that you can have

and get better at the rest of your life. You know, talking about sex in those terms is very healing and it helps solve the issue of pornography, making young people know that pornography is there to prey on male masturbation. It's a business that makes money because men are biologically wired to need to masturbate because they're biologically wired to have to keep their sperm fresh because they never, because you can't tell when a human female is an estrus and wants to have sex. That's basically the biology of it. And so when he needs to be always ready to go. And that's one of the reasons why he's like, boom, what do you need? I got a heart on. Let's go. Like he has, he's ready for the moment when she

wants him. And that's also why he wants to do a really good job. Because men thrive on winning and being respected and giving her incredible pleasure gets him invited back. So for women with husbands who want morning sex, it's really good to keep yourself in very good shape and take one for the team every once in a while if it's not your favorite thing to indulge his desire. And he will do the same for you. If you have a good sex life and you're like, baby, you know what I really want? And he's like, baby, tell me because I want to give it to you. If that's the relationship that you both have and that once you get really good at intercourse as a woman, once you get good at actually giving intercourse, not just receiving intercourse, when you're in control, you can do all kinds of incredible things with your vagina.

and with your janitals that bring you incredible pleasure once you get to the point where you are making love to him where you're he's penetrating you but you're in control and you're getting off on him then it doesn't really feel like such a big give because you're taking your pleasure if you i guess i would like to i don't know if we're done yet and i'm happy to answer no keep going I already got like 10 more questions. Yeah, I'm not the answer. But if I was going to leave you with one thing as a woman, it would be learn how to take your pleasure. And by that I mean in not giving oral sex, in taking your pleasure by having oral sex with your man.

Like a lot of women think I've got to do this for him. Oh no, my girl. that isn't as orgasmic and experience as anything else you do in sex. It's mindset. How do I learn to feel what feels good and do what feels good to me and get myself off on him? If you can do that, then you're hitting some good sexual mastery and he is in heaven because what does a man want? He wants to be appreciated and respected and he wants you to have him. incredible pleasure. And if he can just lie there while you have incredible pleasure, he's like super happy. Yeah. Yeah. And I'm thinking like as a culture as I'm listening to you too, I'm thinking,

I think we portray sex wrong. We talk about sex wrong. I would say most people listening to this are like, I've been doing sex wrong. I mean, is that what you find with people that come to your programs? They start learning with you. Do you feel? I mean, it's such a topic. that's not talked about. Like, I can go and talk to almost anybody about fasting and the ketogenic diet and all of that. People are fine. They're going to talk to me about that all day long. But as a culture, we don't typically, you know, unless we're in Ladies' Night Out or with

good friends, we don't typically talk about these things. Do you think if we talked about them more and we brought them to the surface that relationships would change and people's experience with sex would change? You know the answer to that. That's a leading... I'm not very a wise word. Yeah. Yeah, which is why what you're doing is pretty incredible.

What you're doing is pretty incredible, giving me a platform to open people to their sexual potential. I appreciate that. Thank you. Thanks for being courageous enough to have a conversation where we talk about intercourse. Yeah. It's, you know, there are people who are going to listen to the show and be like, that blew my freaking guess. I agree. You know? I agree. And also I love this idea of the Venn diagram about libido being part health because as I heard you say that, I was thinking,

well, that's where we fit in. That's where what we're trying to do with people. And we always call it a multi-therapeutic approach. But I've really come at hormones from an angle of, you know, environmental toxins and fasting and keto and diet variation. All this we do. We do. do a whole bunch over there. But these other two pieces, I think, are so important for women to understand because the woman journeying through menopause, the verbiage I hear, and I hear it all over, and this is for homosexual, heterosexual relationships, libido's down, like just in the toilet. So why don't we finish up with this idea? If you're a 55-year-old woman and you're listening to this podcast and you realize that all three pieces of that Venn diagram are off.

Like, what are some steps that we can start to take to be able to bring our libido back up? Single or in a relationship? Want me to do them separately? Well, let's do both because I have had conversations with patients in both categories. Okay. So libido, you've got it covered. Take a nitric oxide supplement in addition to hormone replacement therapy, bioidentical hormones and nitric oxide. supplement. Then the second thing is, I think having a really good, so let's generally for women, a really good solo pleasuring practice. And there are a couple of devices that I like, but for a lot of women, their vaginas are so atrophied, both from loss of estrogen and testosterone and also just from lack of use. And so the first thing that I start with is a V-fit. This is not a sex toy. This

is an FDA-approved at-home vaginal rejuvenation device. And it essentially uses three modalities. It goes inside your vagina. So it's a little curved device that goes in your vagina. And it uses light, red light. You can hear it. Oh, yeah. It has red light.

It looks like our juve light in our office. It's a juve. It's a Vijay Jouve. It's a vagina juve. It's a vagina juve. That's exactly what it is, a vagina juve. I am a huge believer in low-level laser light therapy red light. This is the first product that's intravaginal red light.

And it also has vibration. So it does kegling. And it also has warmth. The warmth feels so, oh, my God, this feels so good. It's incredible. It's not the kind of thing that's going to give you orgasms. It's not a sex toy on a vibrator. Though it vibrates, it's more for the kegel,

the intravaginal tightening. It reverses incontinence. it improves the glycogen levels in your vagina so that if you have any issues with persistent bacterial vaginosis or fishy smells or any kind of off odors or anything like that, it really can help so many women improve that. Like some women are like, I can't seem to fix it. And then they'll get a V-Fit and they'll be like, whoa, the smell went away. That's amazing.

That's something you use every day. It's like a reset for the vagina. Every other day for 10 minutes, three to eight weeks, and then go on. on maintenance mode. It thickens the vaginal mucosa. It, I mean, the red light stimulates the mitochondrial, the vaginal mucosal mitochondria. So this is wonderful for decreasing vaginal laxity. You know, you get, you get kind of open, loose when you age. So it tightens up your grip. You need a good grip on a penis to actually have an orgasm, too. You need to be able to have a grip. I start with the V-fit. I really like this. And then I tell women, okay, that's great and that's good for inside.

But then I also like things like a brand I like is called The Fun Factory, and they have a product called the Lady Buy. And it is a two motor by means two. It's two motors. One goes inside the vagina, you know, a penis, a small penis-shaped device that goes inside the vagina. And it has like a kind of like a bulge on it that stimulates the g area, the urethral sponge and the perineal sponge. And then it has an external pad that kind of sits on top of the clitoris, but not just the clitoral head, the glands, but it also gets those crora, those little legs that come down. Oh, yeah. So it's engorging a lot of the entire clitoral structure. And that's really good. And the more... What was that one called?

Lady by by Fund Factory. L-A-D-Y-B-I-B-I. The reason I like that is that it gives you dual motors, so you're getting an internal vibration and an external vibration. And the more you can learn to ride that vibration and stay in orgasm. So you take the moment of orgasm from like a sneeze, like a quick climax, and you stretch that climax out so that you're basically, staying in orgasm and riding the wave. It's like being a big wave server. That helps you when you're

actually having sex with a partner because the more that you're using your V-fit for inside the vagina, tissue, kegel, musculature, puffiness. And then you're having these orgasms that are generated not just on the clitoris, but also inside. You're getting that bi-vibration. The combination of those two things is very, very helpful. And for women who have partners, if you could do something like, you know, a 30-day masturbation challenge where you masturbate every day and your partner could hold you and stroke you and tell you how beautiful you are, whisper in your ear, all the things that they think are sexy about you, you don't have to leave your partner out of it.

You can incorporate it into more sensual play. with your partner. And the net effect is your partner will end up getting more sex because you're focused on your own pleasure and you're increasing all that blood flow and all those orgasms. And it's just going to make you hornyer. So when a 55-year-old woman comes to you and they're like, my libido is flatlined, I need hormones. You're like, well, I'm going to give you hormones because they're neuroprotective and heart protective. Yeah, exactly. And they're going to help you in everything. but what I really want you to do is also take this V-Fit and this lady bye and go home and get your VJ full of blood and orgasms again. I love it. It's not the hormones, it's the boredoms.

Yeah. We run thousands of Dutch tests on women and it's a hormone test. Oh, I know Dutch. Yeah, that's what I always tell everyone to get. Yeah. Yeah. And the testosterone is low on everyone. And I'll be completely honest that the tool that I've had is supplementation. and, you know, there's some great research on intermittent fasting for raising testosterone. There's great research on hit training, raising it, but you just gave me two new tools. And I hear it a lot behind closed doors in consultations with women. Dryness is an issue. Libito is down.

And many women, most women, I should say, as they start to move into the late 50s, early 60s, their feeling is like, I don't, this is not, I'm not looking to go into sexual retirement. I'm looking to enhance my sex life. Like we're wiser at that point. And so this is awesome. Those are two great, amazing tools. So let me finish up with this, because honestly, I can talk to you all day.

This is this topic. I have so many other thoughts that I'm like, oh, I should ask her that, ask her that. But let's finish up with this idea. Well, let's start with this. Where can people find your stuff? Because I think we really created some intrigue, I'm sure. Sure.

First of all, I'm happy to come back anytime. You're awesome. Thank you. And often I find that if we take a very specific, like we've covered a lot of ground here. And that's great. But it's almost overwhelming for people. And so a lot of times if you just are like, let's just solve this one problem, you know. And then we can go into it, you know, nice and in depth and step by step. And that's all, this is nice because it's like, oh, okay. I get it. There's a lot for me I could possibly do. But we could be leaving a list, one of your listeners a little bit overwhelmed. here because I said so many things. So I do like to like drop down to a prescriptive conversation. And I always think the first time that I come on somebody's show, we got to do this. Yeah, because you've got to wake everybody up. You got to be like, whoa, there's a lot I could be doing that I didn't know I could do. And that's awesome. But then how do we help? I know your your function is step by step by step is how it works. One foot in front of of the other room wasn't built in a day. So I'm here. I've been here. I'll be here.

You're not going anywhere. I'm happy to come back. We will bring you back. And actually to our listeners, if you guys have more questions, let us know. And we'll bring you back and we'll have some great another topic or another discussion on this. And to answer your question, how do people find out? I'll tell you the very best way to find out more about what you want to find out. And that goes to what questions would you ask, Mindy and I, is to go to my website at personal lifemedia.com. Personal life media, two elves, just string the words together, personal lifemedia.com. And there's a search box there. And it's like the Oracle of Sex, Susan Bratton style. I love it.

And you type in pretty much anything, because I have written thousands and thousands of articles and produced hundreds and hundreds of free videos, and they are all. That's basically the rosetta stone to your sexual potential right there. Type in anything, and things will come up, and then you can just track and find and, you know, discover. And though I sell passionate lovemaking programs, I have about 20 different programs, there is never any need for you to buy anything. I help millions of people around the world from 19 to 99.

and I am happy to give away 99% of what I give away for free because plenty of people buy my stuff. So there are so many resources there for you that I want to encourage you to seek your own solutions. I love your thought process. I love that. So, okay, now we're going to leave with this last question because this is what I love to ask everybody who comes on my podcast.

If there was one message that you had for the world, that you could get implanted in everybody's head and you could scream it from the highest mountain possible, what would that message be? It would be that your sexual vitality is your lust for life. And by nurturing your sexuality and growing as you grow, you will continue to evolve and become a more sexual and more confident person and that you can have a great sex life. until you're a hundred years old. There are many people who follow me who are in their 80s and 90s, and they're having

great sex. So the ageism that is rampant in sexuality is bull malarkey, and your sexuality is there for you to enjoy. And if you don't want it, it's okay too. Amazing. Amazing. Well, this was definitely a conversation like. no other. So I am so grateful for you to come on. We are dedicated to people's whole health,

and we really want people to experience life in the fullest. So this is why we felt like this topic was necessary. So thank you so much. And we will definitely bring you back. And resetters, everything that she talked about will put in the show notes. And again, Susan, thank you so much for joining me. Thank you, Dr. Mindy. I really enjoyed it. I love your enthusiasm. And thank you for having the courageous heart to stand for every aspect of a person's health. All right, resetters. I hope that you are just as blown away from this conversation as we were. And before Dr. Mindy and I dive into chatting more about our thoughts and our takeaways from this incredible episode, I wanted to touch on one of the tools that Susan mentioned.

If you follow us at all on social media, then you probably know that Dr. Mindy and our team are huge fans of biohacking and one of those biohacks is red light therapy. And one of the tools that Susan mentioned fits right into that biohacking red light therapy, which was the V-FIT. So the V-F-FIT is the first and only intimate wellness solution that uses red light, gentle heat, and sonic technology. It helps improve hydration, sensation, and sexual function. And if you're interested in trying it out, they are offering our listeners $25 off their V-FIT starter set with the promo code PELS. So that's P-E-L-Z. And you can go to Joylux.com backslash PELS.

That's J-O-Y-L-U-X.com back-slash Pels. It can automatically apply that discount for you. But go check it out. There's some incredible research that they have tagged on their website about this product. And if you get one, we would love to know what you think. please give us feedback, send us an email, let us know what you think. And again, I just really hope you guys enjoyed this episode. And if you have feedback on the episode, please, oh my gosh, leave a review, leave a comment, let us know what you thought. And I hope you enjoy. Okay. Wow.

Holy cow. Wow. I think I'm still read from the whole conversation. I think I was too. And I found myself really intrigued by everything that she was saying and wanting to know more and then also caught in this like you just don't talk about sex at that level and that depth, you know, ever, ever, like really ever. I mean, maybe with your closest girlfriend, but wow. I've never had that caught that. Well, I never learned as much as she taught me from any close girlfriend ever. So, okay, my first takeaway was the anatomy piece. And I'm going to say that the reason this was such an incredible takeaway from me is I love anatomy. That's what got me to be, you know, fascinated with the human body as I sat in an anatomy class. But I had no idea that there was so much

to the clitoris and there was so much to the penis. I was like, what? Had you ever heard that before? No. But I'm like, I'm trying to think where in my life somebody would have broken all of that down for me. Didn't you take a sex ed? Yeah, but I mean, they taught like the basics of protection. They didn't really teach us about our own bodies or what like, or, you know, going into adulthood, if you have a spouse, like what that looks like. Nobody ever broke down any of that stuff. Well, when I was in college, the one of the most popular courses that everybody wanted to get into was human sexuality. And everybody said that this guy really taught sex in a way that opened your mind and he was really casual and comfortable about it and all the students wanted to take it. And so I finally was able to take it. And it was like a room full of, you know, a couple hundred students. And his whole slant was a, of, you know, a couple hundred students. And his whole slant was a, about the different types of sexual behavior there was. Like here, and this is the University of Kansas, you know, in the middle of the Midwest where things are a little more conservative.

Well, and what? Like 30 years ago? Yeah, it was 1990. I think it was 1990. And so people just didn't talk about it. And that was his whole point. He was a little bit like Susan. Like he wanted to put it in your face and sort of help you see.

And so that's why people love taking. it, and especially the college-age student, you just wanted a more expansive view of sex than maybe you had been taught in sex ed. Right. Now, he never went into the anatomy like she just went into the anatomy. It's crazy. I never knew. There were so many pieces. Never knew of it. Okay, then I'm going to ask you this question, and it's going to make you read even more. How badly do you want your husband to listen to that episode? Oh, every, every couple out there needs to listen to this episode. Well, maybe they don't have to do it together, but at least individually and come back together and discuss. Yep. Yep. And that was like the Zach Bush interview that I did

on women and wellness is like when we got done, we were like, we want our husbands to hear. And primarily so you could come together and be, you know, of the same, in the same frame of mind. So, you know, if you had a, if you listened to this and your spouse didn't listen to it, I would really encourage you to have your spouse listen to it. I mean, she does. an incredible job of explaining it. She's so comfortable talking about it. And I think it could allow couples to really open up the conversation around sex in a very healthy way. Right. That was one of the things that I loved about what she said was that people just, most of the time, it's because they're not talking about it. Two people aren't coming together just to even start the conversation. So I feel like

this is a really good easy gateway into that. I also liked what she said about, you know, we just have like this big taboo on sex in general. And it was funny, as she was talking, I was listening, I was thinking about to my childhood. Like, was I ever taught anything about, I don't even remember being taught birds and the bees. I have no idea how I figured out what the heck sex was growing up. But I remember my mom and dad never being very affectionate. And then when they divorced and my dad got remarried to his current wife, Tisha, I remember they made out in front of us. all the time. Like they were never afraid to show affection to each other. And, you know, as like a 12 year old, I was disgusted. But thinking about my life now, I've never been afraid to be affectionate with my

husband in front of my dad. I feel like for that modeling reason that he showed that you could be affectionate and that there's nothing wrong with it. Oh, that's profound. And what would be like if everybody did that? Right. Everybody modeled that kind of affection. Right. Incredible. You want that for your kids, right? Like you want them to find somebody that they want to be with and that they love deeply. But we don't really, like it's, you know what I mean? It's kind of weird. We don't really model that. Yeah. Well, I was, I was raised by a 50s house mom, like born in the 50s, raised in that time frame. And I always say that one of the things I wish she had done differently is that she would say to me, or sort of have this impression that the topic of sex was not to ever, to ever, you know,

be discussed until you got married. So I would always say that it was like she'd wake up in the morning and be like, good morning, girls. Save your virginity till you're married. It was like, that was her stance. And she was never going to veer from that stance. And, you know, I look at it now and I'm like, in our generation, things were already shifting from the 50s generation. And there were moments I wanted to talk to her. I wanted to be open about it. And yet I knew, because of the way that she showed up, it was a closed door. And we couldn't talk about it. And I think that's too bad.

And now I look at the upcoming generation and we have so many different types of sexual preferences and the world is so dramatically different than that upbringing I had of just, you know, mom said close the door on the topic. So you didn't talk to her about it. Right. Right. So yeah, now you have the internet, right? So now it's combating. I feel like the discussion is more open now, but it's also combating like unrealistic expectations that people have going into relationships. And I think too, like you have access to phones now.

So people, it's easy for people to quit and just go to their phone and find some other relationship. I don't know. There's a whole other dynamic that we could go into. Well, what I've heard from teens that I've talked to that one of the challenges with the accessibility to porn is that they think, because they're forming their sexual mindset is that they think what they're seen on porn is the way that, like a man would think that's the way that a woman wants to be treated. So again, what I loved about what she explained in this is that there is a different way that a woman wants to be aroused compared to a man based off of her physiology. Right.

And it is so far from the porn world and from like what you see on a porn movie, video, clip, wherever people are seeing it now, that was profound, I thought as well. Did you see how lit up she got when I talked to her about teenagers and porn? Like she just like came in. That was a big, that was a big mission for her to redefine sex for that age. Yeah. No, it was one of the most fascinating conversations I've ever sat in on. I thought, I actually thought, oh my gosh, how am I almost 51 years old? And I've never, I'm hearing the, you know, like all of this for the first time. Right.

How many other people are out there that have no idea, right? Absolutely. And what I am really excited for is our community to get it and hear it and for couples to hear it. And I think her programs and her resources are incredible. And it's just like we're so passionate about teaching people how to reset their health. I think there needs to be a piece where we help people reset their relationships, even though this isn't our specialty. Someone like this can help, you know, dramatically reset a relationship. Absolutely.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Incredible. And the last thing we have to discuss because we love biohacking. Oh. Right.

What was that thing? I'm like it was red light therapy for the inside of the vagina. I'm like the V-fit. V-fit. fit. Right? I think that's what it was. I am going to tell you that every menopausal woman is going to rush out and get that thing. That was profound. I'm like, what? We love red light therapy. Love red light therapy. I never thought of it for the inside of the vagina. No, none. Never. That was crazy. But I mean, when you think about it, like, there's tissue in there. So why? I mean, it makes perfect sense. But yeah.

That's mind-blowing. So anyways, we hope you guys loved this as much as we did. You know, some of the interviews we do, we just love interacting with the people and, and there are some interviews that literally blow our mind. And this one did both of those. Yes. It blew my mind. I fell in love with her and I love her mission. And, you know, it's such a topic that needs to be brought to light.

So we hope you feel the same way. Enjoy.