The Sabrina Zohar Show - 116: New Year, Same Bull**t: How To *Actually* Grow This Year

Episode Date: January 3, 2025

In the first episode of 2025, Sabrina dives into building sustainable habits and creating meaningful change, challenging the expectation of becoming a brand-new person on January 1st. She reflects on her own experiences, including a tough New Year’s moment when she reverted to old patterns, illustrating how our brains resist change to maintain safety and familiarity.  Real change requires neuroplasticity, consistency, and patience. Sabrina encourages starting with "micro yeses," reflecting on past resistances, and breaking goals into manageable steps. Small habits build momentum, creating dopamine-fueled wins that reinforce self-trust. Habit stacking—linking new habits to existing routines—helps solidify change. Sabrina emphasizes intentionality behind goals, urging listeners to explore their “why” to ensure goals align with personal desires rather than external pressures.  Sabrina normalizes setbacks as opportunities for growth, framing them as data points for adjustment rather than failures. She advises responding to failures with curiosity, reflection, and recalibration while addressing emotional resistance and reframing limiting beliefs. True transformation, she notes, happens incrementally over time through self-compassion, persistence, and commitment to showing up daily. Stuck After the Podcast? Master Implementation in 8 Weeks with Sabrina's Foundation Course HERE! Do you feel like your emotions run the show and react in ways you can’t control? Join the Nervous System 101: Navigating the Unknowns In Early Dating from Sabrina and Masha Kay HERE! Struggling with a breakup? Join the Make It Make Sense: Getting Through a Breakup course from Sabrina and Britt Frank HERE! Get Ad free HERE! Want to work with Sabrina? HERE! Don't forget to follow Sabrina and The Sabrina Zohar Show on Instagram and Sabrina on TikTok! Video now available on YOUTUBE! Disclaimer: The Sabrina Zohar Show, formally known as Do The Work, is not affiliated with A.Z & associates LLC in any capacity. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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It's getting more of what you want and less of what you don't. That's how TD is making banking more human. Hello, hello, hello. Welcome to another episode of the Sabrina Zohar show. My name is Sabrina Zohar and I am your host. Oh my goodness, babes. It's 2025. That is fucking crazy.

And today, you know, I wasn't going to just do another like, new year, new you type of things. It's like, no, let's stay very in line. New year, same bullshit. Because just because it's a different day doesn't mean all of a sudden you're going to wake up and be a different person. And today, we're going to go over. how do you actually build habits? So as you guys know, we did the three part series, or the four part series for the zero to one, one to three, three to six, six plus in dating. And so we're going to do another series now. And this one is really about like how you actually

change. How do you grow? How do you evolve? And we really wanted to make sure that these don't cannibalize the courses because the courses are there. You guys can do that. There's the breakup, the nervous system, and the foundation course. But these are going to give you different tools. These are going to give you different modalities and different things that you guys can learn. And I'm very tool-based here. And really going over. like how do you implement sustainable change and start to see the growth that you're working so fucking hard for. So I'm so excited. Guys, thank you, thank you for everything. As always, please don't forget, rate, review the show. Leave comments. That's the new thing these days,

kids. That's what we've been told. So please, please comment on Spotify, YouTube, wherever you're listening. Don't forget to rate and review the show. If you think it's five stars, please leave it. We appreciate that more than you'll know. And yes, I do read all the reviews. So appreciate you. And guys, as always, just thank you. Thank you for showing up. And thank you for showing up as you. and allowing me to show up as me. So without further ado, let's get right on into it, shall we? Happy New Year's, babyes. You know, it's so funny. I've never been a big New Year's person. I think when I was younger, I really thought, like, oh, I'm going to be a different person on January 1st. And, you know, I did what everybody else did, where you, like, go to the gym for six hours.

And you're like, I'm going to cut everything out of my life. And you have these crazy and unrealistic expectations and goals, right? That because, you know, oh, I'm leaving it all in the year behind. And it's like, and then two days in, you're like, just getting, it's coming in with me this year. And I really just wanted to take some time for us to really go over, like, actual tools and things that you guys can implement and move forward. But before we do all of that, I want to give you guys a little bit of an update about me, right? Like, thank you for everybody who listens to the fucking podcast. Thank you, especially for the people that show up every week. Like, we see the numbers.

We see how they fluctuate. Some episodes are significantly more popular. And that's awesome. Like, I am really watching and monitoring what you guys like so that I can continue to provide. that. And what we're learning is like, you guys don't seem to like relationship stuff. You like a lot of the dating stuff, which is fine. We're going to keep evolving the conversations and we're going to go there. But please, please share with us in the comments of just things that you love, any episodes that you want to see. If we've already done it, give me, like what else you think is missing from it. I want to

support you guys wherever you are. And so I'm here to kind of lead that. But I'll give you a little bit of a personal update about me because, you know, sometimes I talk about my past history, but that's about it. So tech guy update. We're moving to L.A. in T-minus. a few months. By the time this comes out and people listen to this in perpetuity, we've already been living there. But I got a big announcement, guys. No, I'm not pregnant. Don't worry. I'm writing a book. Oh my God. I can't wait. I can't tell you anything about it yet because we're in that process right now, but we already know who our publisher is. And I'm just, I mean, pinch me. I'm fucking dreaming. I'm humbled. I'm excited. I use my voice so often that now it's time for me

to use my words. And I'm just fucking over the moon. But with that comes a couple of changes, right? So I'm going to be taking less clients. And I'm really only going to be working. Like we got rid of new client intro sessions at this point now. It's like you get a four pack if you want to consistently show up. And if not, that's okay. Like, then I'm just, I'm not your girl. And that's totally fine.

We are creating new courses this year. So Masha and I are going to be creating a couple of new ones. Britt Frank and I have a self-love course coming out. And I'm going to be doing a course that's a little bit longer and a little bit more involved and something that's with me. That's not just self-guided that you will have like group calls and you'll have accountability and check-ins. And so we're planning a lot of amazing things.

because I want to be able to help you guys in different ways. So as always, anything you need, everything in this in the show notes, if you want to join any of the courses that exist right now, anything like that is always there is always. Anything like that is always. But for me, I'm ready to evolve. I'm ready to break the cocoon, if you will. And I mean, I love working with my clients. Don't get me wrong. There are some that I'm never losing and I will have them always because I consider them like family.

But it's time for me to spread my wings and fly. So I'm excited and grateful for you guys. I'm hopefully like my goal is to do a TV show. Like I want to expand and grow and evolve and I'm just grateful to have you guys with me along the journey. And yeah, I'm fucking stoked. Okay. Let's get into this, shall we? So I don't want us to have any guilt, any shame, any blame about anything that we're going to talk about, right?

I understand that it's a new year and I know that we have these social norms and these thought processes that we have to be in a specific way or we have to be doing things like this. We have to go to the gym. We have to stop eating all this stuff. we have to let go of all the toxic exes. We have to do all these things. Now, do I want you to do all those things? Of course. But I'll never forget when it was 2016 going into 2017. So that was when I, if I may or may not, I've told you guys, like I was dating this guy. He was fantastic. But like, I just realized he wasn't for me. And one night we were watching TV. It was probably like 10 months into our relationship. And I just looked over him and I was like, this isn't working. And he was like, yeah, I kind of agree. And we realized, like, we're just really good friends. And that was when I quit smoking a pack of day of cigarettes. That's when I stopped all my medication. A cold turkey. which is very dangerous in hindsight. Did not know that. Please don't do that. And really changed my life. And I remember because it was the end of November, early December when all this happened, and by the time it shook out, I'll never forget New Year's Eve being like, this is it, I'm going to show up differently. And like, I already had. Like, I'd cut out so many things. And I was able to do that for my body physically, right?

Like, I stopped eating sugar. And for me, like, I have a cupcake tattoo. That's like close to fucking impossible. I was my paleo. Like, I didn't eat any bread, any gluten, any sugar, nothing. And like, again, I was a five-year-old that loosed in a grocery store. And, you know, to anybody's surprise, like, could I maintain that long term? No. But on never forget waking up and being like, I'm going to change the way I date. I'm not chasing anybody. And I'm doing that. Like, this was when I was in the thick of my shit. Like, I was really not. Like, I met my terrible, like, narcissistic ex, like six months after this just to give you, not even, like, three and a half months after this, to give you a frame of reference of where I was. And I'll never forget laying in bed. I can, like, see it in my New York City apartment when I

lived on eighth between first and A. And probably in the same building everybody else has lived in. I found that out years later. It's a very New York thing. But I remember matching with this guy. And he was one of those types of guys that you match with like every three months and you're wondering like, are we going to play chicken here? Am I just going to pretend that you don't exist until one of us dies? And we were messaging and I remember I was like, I could start to feel the anxiety. And that's when I started to message even more and even more and then try to like almost force a plan with him. And then he never responded again. And I remember just laying in bed and crying hysterically because I was like, I'm fucking two hours into the goddamn day.

And I already fucked. Like I didn't even get out of bed. And I was like, I already fucked this up. And I started belittling myself and berating myself. And the reason I share that is because, like, you can imagine how I didn't get better. I didn't change. I didn't evolve. I didn't grow.

I stayed stuck in my same thing because trying to make these wildly large New Year's resolutions is just a surefire way that your nervous system is going to be like, hey, I can't handle this. This is overwhelming. Shut down. Just go do what she always does. Which is why I came to you guys with some facts and some science and some studies to actually talk about like why your brain resists change, right? Okay.

The basal ganglia. now I probably fuck that up. Automates habits to conserve energy. So it loves what's familiar. And that's why when we always say, like, your brain is not designed to help you grow. It's designed to keep you safe. You can grow. There's neuroplasticity, but that's not why it's here.

It's here to keep you safe and to do, your brain loves familiarity because it gets overwhelmed otherwise. So knowing this, then on top of that, big sudden changes trigger the amygdala, right? And how many times we've talked? When your amygdala gets triggered, your prefrontal cortex shuts off. So you're no longer in decision-making and common sense. So when we go into that first. fear center, we create resistance because the brain perceives change as risky and scary,

which is also why, when I'm going to give you more of these tools, we want to talk about different modalities and different things that you could utilize. Now, as I've said to you a million times, this is going to require repetition, okay? And that's what even Joe Dispenza says. I know a lot of us love Joe Dispenda. And the change requires neuroplasticity. And that's repeating small actions over time to create new neural pathways. And I get this every day of like, well, I met it. for two days and like, I didn't feel any better. And I did this. And I went for a walk around the block and I didn't feel regulated. And it's like, it's not a one quick fix. It's not like, just do one thing. And all of a sudden, your brain's like, I'm good. I'm safe. Everything's fine. It's like,

you've had, however old you are now, you've had that many years of conditioning and processing and just shitty messaging, right? Like, I know I did. And now we have to work to undo that. Even think about like when you learn to drive. Right. Imagine how, remember how overwhelmed you were when you I would never forget. I sat back there and I was like, I'm going to fucking kill everybody on the road in me. Right? And it's like because we are scared of some kind of bigger change, right? Especially when you think of like for me, what came with driving freedom, autonomy, my own self, that's scary. And it's totally normal to be scared by change, but that doesn't mean that we can't achieve it. Not in times the reason we're so scared of change and the reason we're so scared of the unknown is more so because

we don't really necessarily think we trust ourselves. And I am guilty of that myself, right? Like, we're entering into a new year. This is a void. This is a vortex. I don't have any guarantees, right? Like if I don't go to work, if I don't come up, if I don't show up, if I don't hustle, if I don't sell courses, if I don't do one-on-ones, if I don't do the podcast, I don't make money. That's it. Like, I don't get to live. I don't get to have a home and lights and a salary and food. And so, of course it's scary, right? Starting new things. Writing a fucking book, doing all of these things. I'm doing fucking terrified. But I know that no matter what I trust myself, that I have my back and that I've been doing my parts work and I've been listening to

the parts of me that don't actually believe that. And I'm giving her space to say, okay, well, what is scary? What are you scared of happening? And can I show you reaffirming beliefs and proof that I have your back? And so it's okay. I just want to normalize that this is totally, totally normal and valid. Welcome aboard via rail. Please sit and enjoy. Please sit and stretch. Steep. Flip. Or that. And enjoy. Rearail, love the way. Now I'm weaving in the questions as we go along. It just feels like it's easier to hit on specific questions you guys ask us. We're talking about topics.

Why do I get excited about my goals but lose motivation so quickly? Well, because your brain is defaulting to go to what's easy and familiar, right? So when you try for something too big, too soon, it pushes back because change starts with small steps. Change starts with little micro-yesses, which is what we're going to go over as we kind of go along. And that's why Britt Frank, as you guys know, I love Britt. We have the course together, the breakup course. Her book, The Science of Stuck, will change your fucking life if you feel like you're stuck somewhere. It'll be in the show notes. Go grab it. She's one of the most

brilliant authors I have ever met my entire life. And her book changed it for me. She's taught me how to reframe why questions. She's taught me about different tools and techniques on like how to actually motivate myself to get the fuck out of bed. You know, like, don't get me wrong. We love all this clickbait bullshit of like, count five, four, three, two one and get out of bed. And it's like, what no one's talking about what's causing you to not want to get out of bed. What's causing your heart and your brain all of this strife that feels like you can't get out of bed? Because I would love to tell my nervous system, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 go. And sometimes don't get me wrong.

It definitely has a place, but it's oversimplified if you're feeling like I can't actually make progress and change. So just remember that. It takes a lot more than just a quick mantra for all of a sudden for us to believe this stuff. Otherwise, I please, I would be a millionaire. So I want you to reflect on one past goal where you felt resistance. That's it. Was the change too big or was it undefined and what felt overwhelming? So just take a second for yourself, right? Like I know for me, what felt really like the biggest change I had resistance to was da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da the fucking name change, right? Like this year, that was the biggest thing.

My brain was like, hey, you can't do this. Like, girl, you need to shut down. You are not safe. And that's okay because change is really scary. Now, were some of the fears that I had accurate? Absolutely. Right? Like those things happened, they came true. But you know what also happened? that no matter what I showed up for myself, that I had my back and then I continue to show up every single day, whether it works out or not. And it's the same with dating, relationships. It doesn't really matter. Work, professional friendships. A lot of this stuff is not just in one element of life. And so I don't want you to forget that. But I'd like you to reflect on what's a big goal that you had for this year that you didn't feel like you hit. And then let's start talking about it, right? Like, was it that it was just, I was going to lose 100 pounds. And it's like, maybe we could start with five. Maybe we could start with a walk, right? Like we don't have to, we don't have to, we don't. Marum wasn't built in a day. And if your goal is, I didn't want to be anxious anymore in dating,

it's like, well, that's going to be a really toughie because when it's too broad, it's not actionable, there's not actually like specific metrics that we can gauge and look at. But maybe it could be, I want to put a minute in between my response and my reaction, right? Like just those little micro-yesses that start to add up every single day. I didn't just one day walk in and buy all the cameras and equipment and start this podcast. I started one small thing every day that led me further and further towards my goal. And so please just know for all my anxious folks, anybody with anything in the world right now, it's going to take you time. Let's talk tools. Okay. So first one I want to talk about is micro habits. Okay. So like Britt Franks talks about this, the micro yeses all the time. So small

habits trick the brain into starting, reducing resistance and building momentum because consistency is better than intensity. And that's what I mean. You don't need to come in guns blazing of like, I'm never going to text this person again. It's like, I think you and I will know that you're probably going to text them. Maybe it's again, I'm going to give myself five minutes before I respond, or I'm going to go for a walk. I'm going to call my friend. I'm going to go do something for me before I make this decision. You're allowed to. You're allowed to take up space. You're allowed to pause. You're allowed to do whatever the fuck you need to do before you make a decision. So Dr. BJ Fogg has a study, and it's when habits are small and too easy to fail, they compound over time. So small winds release

dopamine reinforcing the behavior. And so an example is, right? So if you're like, I want a journal every day, that might not be attainable. But maybe it's that for the first day, this is what Britt taught me. For the first day, maybe you buy the notebook. And then maybe the second day, you put the notebook on your counter. Maybe the third day you put the pen next to it. Maybe the fourth day you open the notebook. Maybe the fifth day you write one sentence. Maybe the sixth day you write the second sentence. It could take you a week just to even write a full paragraph in that book. And that's okay because you notice how every single day. Like I'll share this little secret. I started skin flooding. I'm so obsessed with it. Oh my God. I got Ryan into it. Tech guy for those who don't want to call

him Ryan. I get it. And it's pretty much where you just like, I don't want to do Botox. I'm doing everything I can on the face of this planet to like age gracefully and just allow things to happen. And I don't want to look anything different. And this is no knock against anybody else. I hate the way it feels in my face. Like I've gotten it before and I'm like, I can't move. I look maniacal. And skin flooding is really overwhelming. I was watching this girl and I'm like, oh my She had like eight toners and then all these serums and all this stuff. And I was like, I don't know where I'm going to start. And it's like, so I started with one. And then I bought the second. And then I bought the third. And then I paired that with it. And I started to build up.

It's taken us three weeks to finally get to that. And I'm still every day building like, oh, okay, I need the serum. Oh, okay, I'll need this tool. But I'm not doing everything overnight. Because then I'd get overwhelmed on my body. I'd be like, girl, you can't do this. Go back to your dry, crusty ass face. I'm not doing that. So if you want to work out, do five minutes of stretching after you wake up. Right. Like, make you. them attainable and achievable. Maybe it means like you want to meditate, sit quietly for two minutes while you drink your coffee. Don't touch your phone. It's hard. It's fucking hard. I do it all the time and I'm like, oh shit, I really want to grab for it. So try little things so that you can slowly but surely get your nervous system ready. So how do I stop feeling like I'm not doing enough? Well, remember, small wins build confidence and trust over time. So it's not about doing everything, right? Like again, it's not like I want to start a podcast. Great. I'm going to go and invest $50,000. There's an equipment. It's like, listen, if you have the money, good luck. But the average person does, I didn't fucking have that money. It's not how much I invested in the studio, but you know my point. And so it's

about showing up for yourself every day. That's how you build trust within yourself is when you say, I'm going to do something and then you do it. Right? Like I, that's why I live and die by my calendar. I put it in my calendar. I'm going to get it done. And if I don't, that's okay. I'm a human. I show myself compassion and grace. But that is why I have these small attainable goals every day. And so for me, I wanted to red light and I bought a red light. So instead of, you know, blaming and shaming myself that at three o'clock in the afternoon, I'm like, fuck, I forgot to red light. Instead of what I'll do the night before is I'll set it up. And then that way, I'll put something by my red light that I always grab in the morning so that I'm like, oh, wait, right? I said I was going to do this. Okay, you know what? Let me take the 20 minutes to do it now instead of sitting on my fucking phone and scrolling and doom scrolling. Invest in yourself. Again, it doesn't have to be monetarily, but like it does have to be in either time or in your money, right? Like you want to join a course? Great. Come join one of our courses. You want to go to therapy? Please do. Like do something for you. You want to go for a two-minute walk? Great. Just put your sneakers by the door. Just know that it's small increments. And so I want you guys to tell me, and in the comments, what's one small habit you want to build? Let's share and celebrate this together. You can write this in your journal. And I want you to shrink that down until it feels painfully small. And like I said, so if your goal is I get really anxious in the early stages of dating and I want to go slow. Okay. It could feel really overwhelming for your nervous system. And so that's why I'm saying maybe what that means is, is you just put your phone down for a minute and just sit without it. And then maybe what that means

is when you get the text message, you allow yourself a solid minute and a half or two minutes and you set your clock before you even respond. Allow yourself, right? Because it's going to build over time. I didn't turn into this person that you guys see now just because I woke up one day and this was how it was. This was compounding of nine, almost nine years of work and therapy and holding myself accountable and fucking up and failing and losing and saying goodbye to Clem and people that I thought in my life that were going to be there for a while that were not and that's okay but remember those micro yes it's like I'll never forget when I started dating I call him the conventionally handsome guy and he was the guy I changed how I dated with and it was the first time

I ever said no it's the first time I ever set a boundary it's the first time I didn't let somebody pull the wool over my eyes and accept their bullshit I was like I'm done I'm not doing this and that was that and I didn't turn back. And so then the next person, I started to implement more of that. And then the next person, it's like it didn't mean that all of a sudden I met my partner the next day. I didn't meet Ryan for another year. But I had to start to build on that. I had to start to say no. I had to start to say, hey, that doesn't work for me. I don't like this. How do I feel in my body? Implementing and adding new things along the way so that we start to see progress and change. You don't get to the top of a mountain by just skipping to it. You take one step at a time. One foot in front of the other is the only way forward. So don't want you to forget that. The Volkswagen Atlas is a 7-seat powerhouse that actually makes sense for real life. It's got cargo space for all your gear, the dogs, and even half of your rec league soccer team. And under the hood, a 2-liter turbocharged TSI engine that hauls up to 5,000 pounds. The 7-seat Atlas.

You deserve more space. Visit vw.ca to learn more. S-UBW, German-engineered for all. The second thing that I want you guys to remember, habit stacking, okay? Habit stacking is one of my favorite ways to get myself to do something new. So it's kind of what I was talking about, the red light. So your brain already has strong routines, right? You brush your teeth, you drink coffee, tea, water, something in the more.

I hope you do. Maybe you take a shower, whatever, right? Whatever your day is to attach new habits to the ones that are automatic. So an example could be, after I brush my teeth, I'll take three deep breaths. I'm going to do that anyways, right? or while I'm waiting for my coffee, I'll write one thing down that I'm grateful for. I do that. I've been listening to the activations for Mimi and she's coming on soon.

I can't wait. And I've been doing that. Like, I'll put my activations on. And I'm like, I can do two minutes today. And then two minutes turns to three, three minutes turn to four and so on and so forth. Or when I close my laptop at five, I'm going to go out for a walk for 10 minutes or right around the block. Just habit stack.

That's what I was saying about like when I want to do the red light, I'll usually put something that I'm going to do in the morning. like I'll put my pills or something by it so that I know when I go for my pills, I'm like, it's by the red light. I need to hold myself accountable. And so someone said, how do I make my new habits automatic? Well, you want to tie them to something that you already do that removes the need for willpower. So again, when do I do my skin flooding right after I brush my teeth? That way I know, like, this is my prep. This is how I'm going to get ready for my day. I'm not going to walk out of this bathroom until it's all done. And again, if that doesn't happen, that's okay. You're a human.

And so something, kind of a formula is after I, whatever the habit is, I will, the new habit. So after I wake up, I will do a meditation for one minute. Cool. Then maybe the next day is 90 seconds. Then you do 120. Then you go, right? You start to build up. Please don't think that you have to all do it all at once.

That's how your nervous system is going to be like, ah, fuck it. Let's just go back to what we were doing. And so the next kind of aspect here, right? So we know that we're going to have it stack. We know that we're going to have compassion. and we know that we need repetition and neuroplasticity. Well, now we need to look at and see what is your why, right? Look, what are your goals?

And are goals tied to guilt? Are they tied to external validation, expectations, right? Like society's timeline, right? Look, I have to get married. I have to do this. Like, do you believe that? Do you want to do that? Or Instagram trends, right?

Because those rarely stick, right? Goals rooted in your intentionality, your purpose, and staying in your power, that is how your goals are going to align. I'm not doing. And the reason I use the gym is it's just because it's an easy, like, it's the first thing that comes to mind. So let's say you're like, I'm going to eat better. Okay, well, I don't want you to do that because on Instagram you watched a video and someone shamed you for it.

I want you to do that because you're like, I don't feel good in my body and I want to implement new change. I get to make a choice. I don't want to eat McDonald's anymore, right? Or like fast food or something. So I love this tool. It's called the three Ys. And the three Y times three exercise.

So I want you to write your goal. And so the one I had written down here was, I want a morning. routine. Great. So then I want you to ask yourself, why three times to dig deeper. So I want a morning routine. Why? To feel less rushed in the morning. Okay. Why? So I can start my day calmly. Why? Because I value peace and control in my life. Right. So for me, I want a red light every day. Why? Because I want to take care of my body. Why? Because I'm feeling really sluggish recently and I want to give myself the nutrients that I need. Why? Because I value and love myself and care about my body. So I want to do something for me. Ask yourself those three whys because then at the end of that, if you ask yourself

those questions and you're like, I ain't got nothing. I don't know why I'm doing this. Great. Then let's reevaluate the goal. Then that could be why it's not sticking for you. And if your why is like, well, my partner told me to do this. My parents told me to do this. It's like, well, maybe we can look at and say what matters to me. What's important for me to come up here, right? So how do I know if my goals are mine or someone else's? So does your goal feel like it's pressure or obligation? I want you to get curious, right? Who are you? Who are you? you doing this for? Whose voice is playing in your head? Because real goals feel like freedom, not a cage. And so when I think about it, like, if my parents were telling me to do something and I'm like,

okay, my goal for this year, I'm just going to throw something, I was like to go to college. But that doesn't resonate with me, which is a real story. Then that's not, that's where it's going to constantly be like, I don't want to do this, I don't want to do this, I don't want to do this. Or for instance, right, if you're like, I don't want to be anxious in the dating world anymore, but like, if you don't genuinely think that there's an issue and you're just like, well, everybody keeps telling me that I am, it's not going to be sustainable. You're just not going to stick to it because if you don't do it for yourself and intrinsically for something that you genuinely are passionate and excited about, people are going to fucking tell and you're going to be able to tell

and you're not going to actually sustain it. So I want you to pick your goal right now and ask yourself why. What is the deeper value driving it? I really want you to get curious with yourselves. And like I said, you can write all these in the comments. We want to hear what's going on. I want to hear your goals. I want to hear how I can support your goals further. Let's celebrate together. I want us to win in this together because we're all in this together, truly. I just said that a lot of times, but it's true. Okay. Now for the last step, let's fucking normalize setbacks if we can, right? So it's progress, it's progress not perfection because healing is not linear. And we know, right, we've gone over this. If you think when this, then this, right? When I'm healed,

then I'll have the relationship. When I lose this weight, then I'll get the guy or the girl. When I do this, then this. I'm telling you right now, you're setting yourself up for failure because that's not how life works. You don't wait for the perfect moment. You create the perfect moment right now. I didn't wait for somebody to tell me to do something. I created the podcast because I was like, hey, it's time. I might as well get started. And there have been a lot of setbacks along the way, but that doesn't mean that I don't still keep going. Healing is not linear. And if you're waiting for the perfect moment, if you're waiting to be fully healed, you're going to fucking wait forever because you're human and there's no such thing. And the one thing I tell all of my clients when I start with them, it's the same

fucking thing. Doing this work and healing and learning about yourself and getting curious isn't because you're just, all these feelings go away and suddenly you're never going to feel them again. You do it so that you learn to live with what comes up. You do it so that you can meet yourself with compassion and grace. You do it so that you have heart and soul for yourself and you know that, hey, given everything I've been through, it's not a surprise that I would feel like this. And you do this so that you expand your window of tolerance so that you can fucking handle more than you think you can fucking handle. Don't forget that, my babies. So Dr. Kael Dweck said people with a growth mindset see setbacks as data, not defeat. And that's, what do I always say? I look at triggers as an

opportunity for growth. And I see this all the time, right? That very rigid mindset of like, no, everything is like at the end of the world. We all know those people. And if it's yourself, that's okay. Right? Just look at yourself and be like, okay, I think I'm really rigid. If it's not the way I have to have it or if it's not the way I want it to be, I go up in arm. But I look at it as like, I can't handle triggers. I can't get in her anymore. And I can't do this. And I can't do this. And it's like, again, what I hear from that is that you don't trust yourself, that you want everything to be perfect and cushy and comfortable. Whereas somebody who's really growth-minded, who really wants to evolve and change, these are all, what else you got for me? Let's go. Let's go. You fucking, okay, this is bad. Let's, let me want up myself so that I can show myself that I can show up for myself. I could be there for myself because growing up, I didn't have anybody I could trust. Growing up, I didn't know that I could trust my family members or friends or anybody. in my surroundings because those are the people that actually caused me the most pain. So now as an adult, I get to teach myself that I will be there for myself no matter what. And that is the most beautiful act of self-love you could ever fucking give for yourself.

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So the first one, fail. Acknowledge the slip without shame. I didn't meditate today. I don't like the word fail either. But maybe it's, I text them two times more than I would have wanted to. Okay. Learn. Ask, what made it hard? Did I set the bar too high for myself? Because, and I don't want to hear this like, I can't do it. It's like, listen, okay, again, fixed mindset, right? You can't do it. Okay. Well, if you believe that. And it's also why I hate the hate, this is the number one question I hate on dates. What's your attachment style? Why are you asking somebody something that is not fixed? I don't need to self-identify, first of all. I don't need to have somebody judge me based on my answer and I don't need preconceived notions based on who I'm not actually and who I'm presenting myself to be. So the second thing,

here is learn. Again, ask, what made it hard? Did I set the bar too high? Am I saying that I'm again, I'm going to go on a walk for an hour and then I don't even leave the couch, right? Because it's a lot. It's too much. Your brain's like, ma' does stay seated. Who cares? Right. Sometimes I'll have days that I'm just like, I'm overwhelmed. I'm swamped. Instead of overloading myself, I'll be like, you know what, Sabrina, just do one video today. And then one turns into two turns into three and the next thing I knew I created five new pieces of content. Because I start really small. Otherwise, my nervous system gets overwhelmed and goes, Sabrina, what's the point? Rightfully so. She's got a lot going on.

And then the last part is adjust, okay? Shrink the habit or tweak your approach. Tomorrow, I'll meditate for one minute. And the reason being is because somebody asked, how do I get back on track when I messed up? Missing one day doesn't erase progress. And I want to reiterate that. Just because you text somebody today when you didn't mean to, just because you cried, just because you looked at their social media, doesn't mean you still don't have an opportunity

to rewrite your story right now. You're a fucking human. Go and show yourself some compassion. You're allowed to mess up. You're allowed to have days that you flop. You're allowed to have days when you don't do things. Every day I say I'm going to eat lunch and then there are a good portion of days that I don't, but I don't attack myself.

Instead, what I say is I will start again tomorrow and I will make it more attainable. I will help myself. I'll meal prep. I'll do things to make it easier for me to achieve my goal. That is what you actually have control over. That is what you can control, which is yourself, not anybody else. I want you to reflect on a time you missed a goal. I want you to really think about like what lesson can I take from it.

I'm babies do you notice all the stories that I have about dating you notice how I only really remember the times I fucked up royally more than I remember the times that went really well yeah I know and that fun and what's one adjustment you can make from that moving forward I really just want you to noodle on that like I said if you want to pause the fucking recording right now and just sit with this for a second that's why I give you these prompts and these reflection questions you don't have to you can pause this right my little freeze phase and take some time to really think about that of like oh yeah I want to get curious with myself what is coming up for me.

And then the last aspect here I want is we need to address emotional resistance because this is a biggie. So the subconscious beliefs like I'm not consistent. I'll fail anyways. What's the point? Hi, it's me. Sabotage progress before you even start, right? That is actually sabotaging it because it's like that's intentionally inflicting some

kind of thought and pain on us. That's not necessary. And of course, these are still fucking self-protection. But I want you guys to start reframing your thoughts. So one, write down a limiting belief. I'm not disciplined. I'm too much. I'm to this.

I'm too that. Then I want you to challenge it. Is this true? What's the one time? So if your thing is, I never do anything right, is this true? Or have I done things that are correct? So if your thing is I'm not disciplined, is that true? What's the one time I showed up for myself?

Even if you're like, I washed my face and brushed my teeth, you're like, okay, I showed up for myself. Saying no, I showed up for myself. Standing up for myself. And then I want you to do a frame. I'm building discipline one step at a time. So instead of I can't do anything right, oh, no, I do a lot of things right. And then reframe it too. I'm also a human who's allowed to fuck up at times and I still love and accept myself.

Right? So someone had asked, how do I stop doubting myself every time I make changes? Start collecting data about small wins. Every action is proof that you're capable of change. Every little thing. Again, do you think I showed up like this because this is just how I always was? I always laugh when people were like, oh yeah, well, you must always have been confident like this. I'm like, I was as insecure as they come because I'm human and I'm a person that had my own trauma.

Again, that doesn't mean you can't heal and change, right? That just means that we need to look at it. So, like, I want you to write down one limiting belief and I want you to reframe it to something empowering. Every time I used to think I'm too much, I had to reframe it to, you're just enough for the right person, baby. And for the wrong people, let them see themselves out, right? I give a comments every day of like, I don't like that you said this. I'm finding a new podcast. And it's like, okay, thank you so much.

I appreciate it. Everybody is welcomed here, but I don't need to cater myself to everybody that's coming here. If you don't like it, that's okay. You have every right to say, this doesn't work for me anymore. No worries. I respect you for that. More than anything, I respect you for that. Thank you for coming by.

But I don't need to change who I am. Right? And that's me empowering myself to say, I'm not too much. I'm just enough for the right fucking people. If you're here for that, yay. And if you're not, that's okay. There's plenty of other groups for you. There's plenty of other crews.

Who am I? Why would I need to change who I am for other people when I need to stay true to myself and really validate and reaffirm to myself that I'm not too much. I'm just enough. And for the right people, I'm more than enough. And I love that. Because guys, remember, real change doesn't happen overnight. It's just not. I mean, again, fucking me, nine years into this. So I was on a podcast the other day and she was like, do I want to ask how long it took you? And I was like, it's been a work of progress. I've been under construction for a while. But I'm really, really proud of myself. And this year, yay, I'm setting new goals. And I'm setting goals that my

nervous system feel comfortable with. That's again why we're like, okay, we're going to introduce new courses. We're going to phase off. And like fading off one-on-ones is fucking terrifying for me. I love that part of my business. And it's a big part of my business. But I also know that I have other goals, like writing a book and being on TV and creating bigger courses and growing my socials. For anybody who, if TikTok gets taken down, don't forget the Sabrina Zohar show on Instagram or Sabrina underscore Zohar on YouTube if you want to watch everything. But it's really just how can you show up for yourself this year. What can you do for you? So here's your challenge. I want you to pick one micro habit and commit to it for the next seven days, even if that means something so stupid that

you just fucking put your shoes by the goddamn door. I don't care. So I'll stretch for two minutes every morning. Great. Great. And now I want you to write that in the comments. I want you to comment, what is your micro habit? And so, because I want to cheer you on, I want to make 2025 the fucking year. I want you to feel supported, loved, adored, and safe. Above all, I want you to feel safe and I want you to feel like this is a place you can come to anytime. So let's celebrate this together. Let me know. What are your goals?

What habit are you going to be creating this year? And is there any way I can support that? Because you guys just being here, just listening, just staying through this entirety or supporting me in ways that are so much more than anything I could ask for. So thank you. Thank you guys for making 2024 a year I'll never forget. And not because you did, right? You guys are fucking amazing. But for a lot of other things that people did. And I'll never forget it because I'll never forget the growth. I'll never forget the journey that I've been on. And I'll never forget how far I fucking come and how far you can come to because I believe in you. And I just need you to believe in yourself. So I love you guys. If you need anything, as always, the show notes, there's the courses, there's all the stuff. Please don't forget. Rate review the show. Comment. Let me know what you think. Let me know what your habits are. Let me know how I can support. And just share it with a friend. That's all I ask. So babies, until next time.