The Sabrina Zohar Show - 162: The Power of Detachment with Sabrina Bendory

Episode Date: September 19, 2025

Detachment isn’t about being cold or not caring. It’s about knowing your worth and letting go of outcomes you can’t control. In this episode, Sabrina Zohar and guest Sabrina Bendory break down what healthy detachment really looks like, why obsession is just a story you tell yourself, and how to self-source your worth instead of outsourcing it. If you’re tired of spiraling over texts or feeling stuck on someone who isn’t right for you, this conversation gives you the tools to finally reclaim your power.Get Sabrina Bendory's book, "Detached: How to Let Go, Heal, and Become Irresistible"Stuck After the Podcast? Master Implementation in 8 Weeks with Sabrina's Foundation Course HERE! Enrollment for The Self Love Course, The Nervous System Course, and The Break Up Course is now closed. For your continued education and growth, please explore The Foundation Course, which is currently available.Get Ad free HERE!Want to work with Sabrina? HERE!Get merch for The Sabrina Zohar Show HERE!Don't forget to follow Sabrina and The Sabrina Zohar Show on Instagram and Sabrina on TikTok! Video now available on YOUTUBE! Disclaimer: The Sabrina Zohar Show, formerly known as Do The Work, is not affiliated with A.Z & associates LLC in any capacity. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hello, hello, hello, and welcome to another episode of the Sabrina Zohar Show. My name is Sabrina Zohar, and I am your host. Welcome back, Babes, happy Friday. I'm excited. It's our guest episode of the month, and we have Sabrina Bendori here, and we're talking about a hot subject that you guys ask a lot about detachment. How to actually detach what does that look like? And we give you a different perspective, some different tools, and I'm just really excited. So, guys, as always, if you need anything, everything will be at Sabrinazohar.com or the link in the show notes.

If you want to work one-on-one, ask a question, whatever you guys need. And as always, thank you guys. Thank you for showing up. Thank you for rating or reviewing the show. Please don't forget, subscribe, all the fun stuff. And thank you guys for being here. So, without further ado, let's get right on into it, shall we? Sabrina.

Sabrina. Welcome, Sabrina Squared. We did it. Welcome to the show. Thank you so much. I'm so excited to be here. I can't even tell you how much I've been looking forward to this. I'm so stoked.

I know that when you reached out originally that your book was coming out, I was so excited because I'm like, wait a minute. You were like one of my OG TikTok. Like, I used to follow it. I loved it and I was like, you gave me inspiration of like, oh, I can do this. So really? Yeah. Oh my God.

That's such to me. Yeah. I was just seeing other people have different thought processes and realizing like you're not alone in thinking differently, which actually feels really welcoming in a weird way. Yes. And you know what? I really got to know you because a lot of my clients were like the only people I listened to are you and other Sabrina.

It was others. Like, who was other Sabrina? I looked into you. I'm like, okay, like this makes sense. Why? I get it. This is the style that you like. From New York to California.

Here we are. Yes. Before we dive in, because today we're going to talk about. The number one thing that everybody asks about is like, how do I detach? Am I doing it wrong? How do I not care? Right? All of those things. But before we get into that, because you've got your amazing new book that's out, could you tell us a little bit more about you, your journey? And I think also you were a former hot mess like the rest of us if I read correctly in the book. So I'd love you to share your story before we get started. Sure. Well, I've always been fascinated by people and understanding human nature. And it's probably because people were so horrible to me that I thought if I could understand them, then maybe I could have some control. So I double majored in English. in psychology in college. And I was always like, I want to write about people. But the greatest lesson I learned in college was when I dated a complete narcissist who destroyed me and sent me into the depths of my disorganized attachment style. And anyone who's been through this knows, it was the most

unbelievably, profoundly gutting experience of my life. And I felt so alone. This is a long time ago. There was no TikTok. There really wasn't social media. I think we just had Facebook. And that feeling, I was like, I wish there was something that just made me feel less alone in this. And I had this, like, vision that I would write about relationships. I was very inspired by Carrie from Sex and the City as well. So anyway, two years go by. And this guy, because I didn't know how to process anything in a healthy way, he was still living in my head. And I had completely emotionally shut down. I wasn't detached. I was dissociated. I was full on dissociated. But then certain people would trigger me and I would go into this super, super anxious mode. But he was still in my head. So I decided to reach out to him. I was like, I can't. can't exercise this ghost from my life. So I reach out to him and because I was so dissociated and avoidant, guys were very responsive to that. Not because it was healthy or a good thing at all. It wasn't. But because I had that aloof, mysterious thing, like, it would draw in a lot of male attention and guys would be very much, like, almost like, obsessed with me. But then, like, they would get to know me and I was such a hot mess that that would be the end of it.

But anyway, I wanted to make him realize what he had lost. So I'm telling him. him about all the guys that are chasing after me and all the guys that want me. I was 22 at the time, so don't judge. But anyway, he was like, he didn't want to get back together, but he was like, you should write about this. You should teach women how to do this. And so we went into business together. Not so smart. He decided to be like the tech. He was my tech guy. He was your tech. I was about to say, I'm like, this sounds awful familiar. Yeah. So he was going to build the website and I was going to write about it. Now, before that, I had another experience where I was ghosted by this guy. we'd been dating, he disappeared. Like, again, in the beginning, he was totally infatuated by me. I was, like, so aloof and mysterious. But then once I dropped and I switched into that anxious mode from my avoided mode, that's when everything went downhill for me. Anyway, he ghosted me and then he called me and then he called me and then he goes to me and then he goes to be going out. Let's go have fun. I was like, you're not going to leave what just happened to me. And he was like, okay, Sabrina, come on. Like, it was Friday night. They walk in. They're like, come on Sabrina. Like, we're going out. Let's go have fun. I was like, you're not going to believe what just happened to me.

Like, I just got dumped in the most insane way possible. And him and some of his friends were like, sit down, tell us what happened. We're going to explain everything to you. So I tell them the whole story. They break it down piece by piece. They were like, oh, when you did this, you were so needy. He had no respect for you anymore. What is the matter with you?

Why would you go to his place at 2 a.m.? And I was like, this is what the world needs. The women of the world need to know this. We need honest, real advice from men. So that had happened. Got back in touch with the ex. He's like, let's start a site. And that's really where it began.

Obviously, it wasn't a very healthy situation working with an ex who I was still in love with. who unbeknownst to me was also a narcissist, and I do not use that term lightly. I do not. I do not. That term is a lot of gravitas for me, same because of what I've been through. So I take it very, very seriously. Anyway, that's really where it all began. I was in that partnership for a while. We created something very successful and really helped a lot of women, but it was not good towards the end. And I was able to really find an audience on social media. And so that's what I did. And now I just work with women and I write books and talk about relationships. And make babies? And make babies, yeah. It's interesting because, like, the thought of detachment, even before, like, I remember when you told me that's what your book was about.

I was like, oh, I love this. Because I totally hear, like, even with the questions you guys wrote in, which as a reminder, if you guys want, on the Sabrina Zohar Show on Instagram, I have question boxes. And that's how we get these, if you guys want to submit. But I started to notice some themes. And in the, especially when we're talking about, well, I mean, it depends on what we're talking about. If we're talking attachment styles, boy, oh boy, have I seen some holes in those questions. But if we're really talking about detachment, I kind of wanted to maybe go through a myth busting. What is, what it isn't? Because I know for me, oh, God, I think back on my, like, anxious days and the progression of 20-year-old Sabrina sitting, oh, God. It's like, you know when she's, we're supposed to go out with one of the bartenders from this was when Matchless. Was that the name of it?

Matchless. Matchless bar in Brooklyn. If anybody remember, it's been closed for like 10 plus. Oh, I know that place. On the corner in Greenpoint, right? Yes, yeah, yeah. So blast really fast. It closed.

It closed. And I remember because I had way too much on there. Like, I was there all the time. Right. I lived like a 10-minute walk. So that was my watering hole. Like I was always there. And it was like the cool place to be for anyone that fucking remembers.

And I remember going and like being just obsessed with the idea of these dudes. And I remember there was one guy. He was a bartender because like, duh, a 20-year-old me should obviously be going for bartenders in Brooklyn. That's what Sabrina should be doing. No offense to anyone that's a bartender in Brooklyn. I just had 20, I shouldn't have been dating them. And I did a lot. They were so hot.

They were so hot. They were so hot. Don't blame you. I'm 20. You're like, hubba, hubba. Yeah. And I remember he was like this. My friend was like kind of having a thing with him.

And he was like cheating on his girlfriend with her. And instead of me being like, hey, Sabrina, this isn't healthy free. No. Instead, I was like, I'm going to get him to like me because I want him to think I'm the coolest girl and that I'm the hot one. And I remember we were supposed to go out one night. And he texted me like 10 minutes before to cancel and be like, sorry, I can't make it. I don't even remember the excuse. It was some bullshit.

excuse. And I remember losing it. And that attachment to the idea of them for it working out. And like, attachment to me comes in different ways, right? I can be attached to the idea of them, attached to the outcome, right? Because if he liked me, what did that mean? I'm prettier than her. Right. I created this entire fucking narrative that now as an adult. You're like, I kind of cringe when I think back on those days. But I was attached to so many things because I didn't have myself. And so I wanted to know, before we even get into audience questions, what is actually detaching and what is it not? Because you mentioned earlier. earlier disassociation, numbing out. So I wanted to know because someone had actually said, like,

how do I do this without numbing out? Yes, and that's the common misconception. Detachment is knowing that you are worthy, that you are lovable, that you are enough without needing anyone else to tell you so. Detachment means you are absolutely in touch with your feelings. You are present. You care. It's not about detaching from people. It's about detaching from outcomes. And this isn't just a relationship thing. This shows up in every area of our life. For example, I wrote the book, detached. I put my all into it. I'm here talking about it. I'm promoting it. I'm posting. Can I control whether people buy it? No. All I can do. And if I'm going to measure my worth based on the sales, that is also not going to take me to a good place. Do I want it to do well? Yes. Am I still proud of it?

Do I still think I created something meaningful? Yes. So I'm just using, that's obviously the most relevant example in my life about detachment. Detachment, I think that people get the idea confused with, and I'm sure you have a lot of opinions on this, the whole black cat trend, right? Black Cat Woman. And really where that originated was from the book Why Men Love Bitches. Do you ever read that? That's where it came from? Yes. Well, she doesn't use the term black cat.

She uses the term dream girl in the book. Okay. But it's the same concept. It's the exact same concept. Thank you. Yes. Because I heard, you know, on Love Island they use. And she was like, I never saw that.

But they were like, because Ryan and I were watching, we're like, holy shit, this infiltrated pop culture now. She was like, you found your black cat. Oh. And I remember just watching it. And she was like, yes, he's my golden retriever. And I was like, no, he's not. Bad person.

I was like, you're both black cats. You're both aloof. You're both standoffish. I was like, you don't get it. So I think that that concept just got so exaggerated and basically painted as, oh, she doesn't care. She can't be bothered. No man wants to be with a woman like that.

No man wants to be with a woman who doesn't care. What they want is a woman who is confident and has standards and is not relying on a man to fill her emotional bucket. Obviously, your partner should be there for you and support you emotionally. They cannot regulate your emotions for you. You have to. The way I've really been putting it is you. you have to self-source instead of outsource.

And where relationships can get exhausting for a partner, it could be man or woman, is when one person can't regulate and relies on the other person, too much to feel okay. Absolutely, your partner can give you those things, but you also, it will never land unless you have a solid foundation within yourself.

I've been through a lot. I've been through a lot in my life, and sometimes that's going to spill into my relationship, with my husband, no matter how much therapy, no matter how much work that I've done, he can be understanding, but I still need to take responsibility for what's making me reactive,

what's triggering me. And it's my responsibility, especially these days my problem is more going into that avoidance mode. It is my responsibility to communicate that, but it's not always his responsibility to do all the work to, like, get me out of like that mode that I'm in.

Does that make sense? Like, there's a balance here. And it's so much easier to achieve when you're able to self-source, and the way that you do that is by building your self-worth. And the way that you do that is by not being so attached to every outcome, to every glance, to every comment, to everything. When you're constantly looking at the world to tell you who you are, it's never going to be enough.

You are in a constant state of reactivity. You get in situations like the bartender, tell me I'm enough, tell me I'm pretty. And when that doesn't happen, then you spiral. And then that leads you to outsourcing again and looking for the next person to validate you and tell you you're enough. And it's just never ending and it's exhausting. And what I've also noticed, too, is the, I think the misconception with detachment doesn't mean you don't care. Because someone said, how do I not care? Oh, no, you absolutely care. You absolutely care. But what it is is that to me, my mama has said it and you guys have heard it and me say a million times on the show, you got to love yourself more than the need to be loved by others. Oh, beautiful. I love that. Because when you love yourself more than need to be loved by others. And like Shark Tank, I think, is the perfect example of one of I realized I had put everything into one bucket. Like my past life was, I'm in fashion. I have a clothing line called software. Where software.com, if anybody wants them.

And I thought that was my life. I thought that was where I was going. Like I was talking about attached. I remember it's interesting. It's interesting to see now in hindsight when I first started. I remember my sister's friend, Nikki, sitting me down and saying, Sab, you know, it's okay. Like if this doesn't work, hyperventilating.

No, it has to work. It has to work. But then I'm a failure if this doesn't. And I couldn't comprehend that if software didn't make me a millionaire, I am a fucking loser. I am the end of it. And so then when I had Shark Tank, that was it. I attached to that's what's going to save me.

It's my everything. Okay. So I go on, I'm there and do my fucking meditation. I'm in, I'm in. I'm on set. And I'm like, this is it. I can see my future. I can see my success.

And then they come in and tell me they can't fit me in and I get sent home. And I almost took my life that night. Like I went into a dark, dark, dark, dark place because I put everything on. This is what's going to save me. Right. And I have shared this story before that this guy called me, had one date with him, and he talked me off a ledge. He literally just was there for me. And I remember after, then I started my career. Then I started then when I lost Clem, it really made me realize, especially losing Clem, that when I attach to the external, I am setting myself up for failure because if I attach to I'm only okay if I have this, then what happens when I don't. So you're telling me I'm no longer okay. Exactly. Exactly. That is the perfect metaphor for what we do all the time. And for basically my entire 20s, I was living life like a reptile. Reptiles can't generate heat from within. They need external sources of heat. Right? And that's how I was. I could never feel like I was enough unless there was somebody clapping for me and somebody telling me that I was. And it wasn't until the very end of my 20s when I was 29 that I decided to, do the George Costanza route, which is, you've ever watched Seinfeld? Oh, yeah. Okay, so you know that episode where

George Costanza does everything opposite? He's like, my life is horrible and I'm just going to do everything opposite. And then all of a sudden, everything's going right. So that's really where I started because I was like, okay, anytime something doesn't go my way or it doesn't work out with a guy, which is like the prologue of the book, I would binge. I would starve myself. I would go out and get blackout drunk. I would go looking for guys. I would go dress slutty. And just so like guys would stare at me and give me attention, was my default. Tell me I'm okay. Tell me everything's going to be okay. Instead, I was like, I'm not doing that. I'm staying home and I want to do yoga and I'm going to drink green juice. I went to like an opposite extreme. And I was like, I wonder what would happen if I started

treating myself as if I valued myself. And then that really started to penetrate and started to change everything for me. And above all, people always ask me, how do I have self-worth? How do I decide that I have self-worth? It really starts with just deciding that you are worthy. It's deciding. And then you decide to look at things from a completely new perspective, because that's the problem. We all take the perspective of this didn't work out. I'm a loser. Instead of, you know what, fine, I tried. This didn't work out. This shows that I'm somebody with grit. And that is the number one quality that's going to determine if you're going to succeed in life. I tried. It didn't work out. I have great. I'm going to pick myself back up. We can look at any situation from how does this prove to me

that I'm a loser or how does this prove to me that I'm incredible and look at what I'm made of. And that's really what I started doing, and that led me to a place where I actually valued myself for the first time ever. And when I did, that's when I started dating my husband who had no desire to date me for the decade before. We dated in high school. There was no part of him that was interested in dating me again. We would run into each other every few years. I would get overly attached to the story in my head of maybe now, maybe now, maybe now he's going to ask me out again to me because I always felt that chemistry. I think there was a part of me that always saw that there was something there. And obviously he wasn't in the right place. his life for a long time either. But I'm telling you, as soon as I detached, meaning I let go of that fear that I was going to end up alone, as soon as I realize, of course, I'm worthy of love. Like, why have I been operating under a completely other set of beliefs that I'm not, that I deserve to be treated like crap. Everything shifted. Oh, yeah. Everything shifted.

It's interesting. I had my client who had a similar story the other day. And because when we come, when we talk especially about detachment, part of that, and I think the big part of the, heart that people maybe miss is that grief is also part of it. Because when you're detaching, and I'm my client, he lived for everybody else. You know, we've been working through self-worth and things like that. And I think I'd share this on another episode, but too bad, you're going to listen to it again. And we were talking and he said, at first when we started going through all this, he was like, I'm losing people, I'm losing people. My family's arguing with me, all these people. And I was like, well, remember, you're changing the dance steps. People are going to take a minute.

And so it's been about a year. And so we went through the hump of it's okay, you can lose people. And he was okay losing people. And for the first time, he didn't think of his acts. Like this was, we were seeing progress. It was like, it's okay. Like that's part of it. Then we had our session last week and he said, okay, so now I'm on a different side. And he said, now I went through, I had to lose all of it.

I had to completely detach. And he goes, and now when I'm dating, all these people like me. And he goes, and now I'm realizing people are noticing and saying to him, by the way, I've seen how much work you've done. People that he's meeting are going, wow, you're so different. You're so growth-minded. I've never met men like you. And he started to realize he was like, I don't even necessarily like want to, I don't need to attach to this.

He's like, I'm able to just be in the moment. Yes. Yes. And that to me was like, I think the biggest thing is I want you in my life. I don't need you in my life because that was where Ryan and I, like, I could be, I've said this million times. I would be 100% honest. If I didn't detach from Ryan in the beginning, because we fucked on the first date. We had sex on the first date.

And I even left him. I looked him in the eyes when we left. And I was like, listen, you call me is because you want more than this. If you don't, don't waste my time. I was like, I don't do casual. And he even said it. He was like, what was so sexy was you were not like, oh, this has to work out and I have to be with this person. And I hate to say it to anybody on the receiving end of this, right? For anybody that was us, right, that did the like, I need you, I need you. To the person receiving it, it feels so inauthentic because you know very well, especially when you're somebody who's a bit more secure within yourself, you know very well that I know I'm amazing. How the fuck does this person of two fucking dates know I'm so amazing that they're hyperventilating if I don't text them back? Right. The other person can pick up on that energy and people have written in saying, do they know? Oh, they know. They know. They know. They know. You ain't tricking anybody. They know. And this isn't to scare you. It's to be honest. Because I think someone had asked, how does detachment different from indifference and coldness? And I think that's the trickiness of, like you said, the black cat. Can we maybe talk a little bit more about what it doesn't look like, right? Just being fucking aloof and being a cunty bitch and being cold versus how do you actually start to live in this space of detachment?

I'm curious your thoughts. Yes. Okay. Let me get granular with this. So I'll tell you when I started dating my husband, this is what detachment looked like. Like I said, we dated in high school. I was madly in love with this kid. He broke my heart. And I, for years, every few years, we'd run into each other. And I would get my hopes up. I would paint the clouds. This is it. Like, we're going to get, this is it. Like, this is my happily ever after. And it would never pan out. Then we run into each other after I have this whole summer of me, which I talk about in the book, where I'm feeling good. I'm looking my best. I'm feeling my best. I'm living my purpose. and I just, I'm at the top of my game. This is peak Sabrina, right? So we run into each other. He messages me and then he's like, we should get together. And I'm like, is this a date? Is it not? And I was so nervous that day, I felt like I was going to throw up.

And I was like, I'm not doing this. I am not doing this. I'm not getting my hopes up. So I told myself, I was like, you know what? If it works out with him, great. What a story this would be. If it doesn't, I will be okay. It turned out that was a first date.

I didn't know if it was a date or not. Seven hours later, when he finally kissed me. I'm like, oh, we were on a date this whole time. Four kids later. Right. Well, so then in the beginning, though, we weren't official. Things did move pretty quickly. And I kept my options open. Did I care about him? Did I like him? Yes. Was I present when we were together? Yes. I was not playing any games. I was not, oh, I'm going to make him wait. I'm going to make him chase me. I was fully in it. The difference was not attaching to any outcome. I was not terrified a few hours would go by without hearing from him that it meant he was losing interest and what that would mean about me. Because I had a story for a very long time. that I told myself, which is I'm defective and I'm damaged. And a lot of that was the narcissist that told me so. And it's amazing how all this stuff gets wired in. And then it becomes part of your inner critic when it was really his voice. And I never challenged that voice. I'm too damaged. I'm too broken. No one's going to love me. That was the song that played on loop in my head.

So in the beginning with him, I was still talking to other guys. Did I? Not only that. I really allowed myself when my anxiety would kick into high gear. I allowed myself to imagine all the ways this could go. Option A, him and I end up together. What a story. Option B, okay, this guy who lives in South Carolina, who I've been talking to, like, we used to talk on the phone a lot and, like, we were talking about meeting up. Maybe I'll end up with him. Then there was another guy. My mom dug him out from who knows where, because, like, she was at this one. I was 29. She was like, you need to get married. So she started calling people. She found this guy. He sounded great, actually. Like, he was great. And we kind of lived these parallel lives,

and we were like in Italy at the same time. So maybe I'll end up with him. Or maybe I'll be single for a while longer. And at that point in time, I loved my life. I loved my single life so much. If I could pick one point in time to go, if I could like travel back in time to any period of my life and just live there for a week. And then I'll come back to my kids. I love my kids. It would be then. It would be single 29 year old Sabrina living in the city because I was happy and my life was fulfilled. And it was like if you're going to come into my life, you better really be adding something because this life is incredible. I don't need you to fill any slots. There are no gaps. Like everything is amazing. So I really, that was detachment. That was detachment. It was obviously I want this to work out. But if it doesn't, I am going to be okay. There is no part of you that is scared I'm not going to find someone. Whereas before, it was, well, I never like anybody. And when I do like a guy, I better hold on to him for dear life because who knows when the next one's going to come along. Who knows? So that was, there was no fear. I was not operating from a place of fear. That's detachment. It's also the story that you created. Look at the two different. Like my mom was, I want you in my life, but I don't need you in my life because they're in addition to not instead of. Yes. Yes. This person is in addition to your life. Like you were saying, like my life is full. I'm really happy. with the life I'm living. Now, that doesn't mean that there aren't days where you feel lonely, where you feel sad. Like, you're a human who lives a full spectrum of, like, but I'm lonely. It's like, that's normal. Yeah. But what you're saying is I get to make a choice if you stay in my life as opposed to what I hear attachment. And I know there could be people say, well, it's healthy to attach in your adult life.

It's like, no, no, no, I'm not talking about that fucking shit. And I'm talking about is attached, detached, right? To me, when I say I want you in my life, but I don't need you in my life, versus when I'm detached. What I'm saying is that I know that no matter what I'll be okay and that if this works out great and if this doesn't work out, great because that's part of being secure, right? People that are secure, people that were raised in a secure home know that boundaries matter, know that no doesn't mean scary, know that their feelings matter. So all of these aspects. So if I'm attaching to this story and saying, I'm only safe if I have them, well, then no wonder if I don't a towel in a handbasket because as a child, you're right. If I didn't have my caregivers,

I was fucked. I had to be attached to my caregivers. But as an adult, I'm not abandoned. My life isn't threatened because you don't choose me. What that means is that two adults made a choice that this isn't right for them. And if I'm going to attach to the outcome, I want people to detach from the outcome of people versus detaching from being a person and feeling. And I think that's the misconception is it doesn't happen when you least expect it.

It happens when you surrender to the outcome because you're not forcing something in your life. You're welcoming something. Exactly. And that is what it's all about. That is what, you know, the let them theory. Mel Robbins is all about, right? Let the theory. Not a fan personally, but I understand what you mean.

It really is just, I don't know, and I hear what you're saying about that. But it really is letting go of what is not under your control. Right. And it's not just relationships. It's every aspect of your life when you can just surrender and just say, I am going to take control over what it is that's under my control. A lot of women come to me because they are terrified they're going to end up alone. This is the thing that I see more than anything else. They're terrified. They're going to end up alone. Okay, you can choose to live in that land in the cycle of

worry and sit and worry. Am I ever going to have babies? My biological clock. Everything's ticking. What's that doing for you? Nothing good. Or you could take control over what's under your control. So what's under your control? I could focus on looking my best. I could focus on feeling my best. I can read John Gottman's seven principles of making a marriage work, even though I'm not married because when I am someday, like, I want to know how to have a healthy relationship. I can go to therapy. I could do coaching. All of these things are in the realm of my control. I can make myself a vessel who's able to receive healthy love. And I really want to bring up this point, going back to what you mentioned before about the unhealthy, what people think detachment is. When I was dissociated because I was so emotionally shattered from that narcissist, what it looked like was I would date guys. I wouldn't let anybody close. I wouldn't let anybody in. And once it got to the point where there was this expectation of me having to, like, drop that mask a little bit, I would panic. I would absolutely panic and I would sabotage and I was horrible. I would be so mean. I feel so bad for some of these guys because they just wanted to love me.

And I couldn't allow them, which was nothing about them. It had nothing. They were great. It was me. I was terrified. And in that space that I was in where I was had a disorganized attachment, it was I feel unsafe alone. and I feel unsafe when I'm with someone else. So there was just no access to safety anywhere.

That was unhealthy. That was me just being a cold bitch. Now, at the same time, if my husband was here, he'll also tell you that I can be a bit icy. Like, that part of me is still there. You know, I am. There can be a bit of a cold side to me. But it's something that I'm still managing that is still a behavioral adaptation that I developed to deal with things that I've been through in my life.

But I still care. And I'm still present. And that is the key here. Being detached is really learning to be okay within yourself and not being so thirsty for other people to fill up your bucket. That's what it is. Because when you're thirsty, it's like, are you going to just take the poison because you need a drink? It's like, no, babe. I get that every day of like questions will be, this guy's really nice to me or this girl's really nice to me.

But I just don't feel it. Should I just take it? And it's like, no, no, no. No one's asking you to do charity work, right? Detaching doesn't mean that you're just like, oh, nice person. Take them. Detaching is understanding, again, I'm living. my life as a full human. I am living my life. And if I'm allowing you into my life, that's

because I'm making a choice because you have earned a place in my life. But if I attach to where's it's going to go, what's going to happen? It has to be good. Well, then that's the perception of control. And the perception of control is going to keep us in this spiral and this ruminate of, I can control the external, which is also why to my fucking anxious attaches who love to listen and chime in. And none of you guys, I love you guys, but some of them, the people that come in saying, you need to change the way you speak. I don't like how you speak. You make. You me triggered, you make me anxious. So anxious people, instead of being able to control themselves, they try to control the outcome and the external. I don't like how you're speaking to me,

so you need to change the way you're speaking to me instead of realizing I get a choice because then I can say, I don't need to be here for that. So instead of it, I'm going to change how you are, it's I'm going to make a choice for myself that this isn't where I belong. And those are two different experiences, completely different experiences, because one is a place empowerment of I am choosing that this doesn't work for me, and I am not going to attach that there's anything wrong with me or a story. I find that detachment slash attachment comes from stories more than anything else. Absolutely. Yes. Every time we talk about something, it's the story that we're telling ourselves. Like when I was obsessed with this guy in Venice,

it was because he was successful and he was attractive. And so what did the, and the unattainable, what did the unattainable, sexy, attractive guy? If he chooses me, what does that mean about me? Yes. I was obsessed with the idea of like, I will be respected. I will be loved. I will be adored. And then I had to realize, bitch, you need to give that to yourself. Because when you constantly trying to seek that external, it's never enough because that's this endless pit of needs. That's why I'm too needy.

No, bitch, you're not too needy. Your needs might be too much for the other person. Being able to separate and stop fusing with I'm too much and there's something wrong with me, my. Yes, yes. And also, I just want to add to that. A lot of women will come to me and ask, why is it that I can't get the guys that I want? The guys I want don't want me.

but the guys I'm just kind of like, eh, on the fence on. It's because of what you just described, the, oh, my God, he's so hot, he's so successful. You're basically sending out an energy of, I'm not worthy of you. You're better than me. I'm just going to try and overcorrect and overcompensate and hope that you don't notice and choose me anyway. Who wants to be with someone like that? Spoiler alert, they figure it out. Right, exactly.

I think people don't even realize the extent to which our nervous systems are linked. There are some wild studies on this, I'm sure, because I love like you're very, like, sciencey. But for this book, I was really looking into it. Even to the point there was a study done where they showed participants other people's hands being dunked into cold water. It changed the temperature of their hands. Wow. They showed participants for less than a second, a face of somebody being angry and it affected their facial muscles.

We're all connected. Do you mirror? Mirror mirrors? Yeah, mirror neurons. Yeah, yeah. That's why somebody yawns. Everybody yawns. And so you think, oh, he doesn't know that I'm like spirited.

No, he knows. knows. People know when you are sitting by the phone waiting for a text. I don't know how they know. I don't know. I feel like this is like Joe Dispenza's realm of like the quantum mechanics. Right. To me, it's the energy of which you get the response, right? Because it's one thing. Like if somebody, say, for instance, you really like this person and they finally text you in the day. And you're instantly, like, hey, oh my God, so great to hear from you. How are you? Right. Instead of being like, hey, how's your day? Right. Because you're living your life. Instead of you, when you're constantly waiting, waiting, waiting, like, I remember my brother telling me that. He was like, baby, he was like, sap. If you're. If you're. always sitting by your phone waiting, he's like, then I think you need to fill your life up with more shit. Because if you have so much time that hypervigilance of like, they didn't text me at this time, they said they're doing this, you have so much fucking time on your hands that you can address the other person's attachment style. But yet, what's that saying about you? You can diagnose and you can figure out their avoidant and they do this and they do this and they shut down here. You're so hyper-focused on them. But yet, what choices are you making for yourself? Yeah. He's very wise. That was, well, that was me. But that's my brother's point, though, of like, I'm, I would. was so hyper-focused on every single thing going on in the day of like, why aren't they doing this?

They didn't put a period here. So then what happened? I started to show up differently. There was actually a story I share in my book that I'm writing, which hopefully you guys forget about this story. But it was a friend of mine. And there was just like this whole thing that we were talking about in the group. And she was a little bit overweight. It wasn't anything major. It wasn't anything crazy. It was just she was a couple pounds bigger than she wanted. And she, we all went to matchless. That's the way she walked. A woman walked into a bar. And we walked in and I saw it. Like I saw it firsthand, walked in and her head was humped over, her shoulders, right? She felt really shitty.

She walked up to the bartender. And it was matchless. He was being an asshole. And she started saying it's because I'm not pretty. See, he gave you a drink quick. And I'm like, first of what the fuck are you talking about? I was like, I was waiting for 10 minutes. This guy snubbed me three times.

It's not because I'm thinner than you. But what happened? Her insecurity was projected onto everybody. Then as the night went on, she was miserable. She didn't see that three guys tried to come up and talk to her and she turned away. Then she comes up and she's like, I'm leaving. And she left and I was like, man, look at the difference that that night could have been. And hindsight, right?

That night could have been a totally different experience, but she came in feeling insecure. And then one of the guys even came up to me and he was like, is there something wrong with her? She like couldn't seem to receive any kind of compliment. And he was like, I think she looks insecure. And I instantly was like, he picked up on it because we are attuned. I can understand that person, right? When people write in and you're like, I can smell the insecurity. I can smell the desperation because look at the words that we're using because somebody

that is secure is going to say, I don't know that that works for me, but I'll have a conversation versus I need to figure out how I'm going to say this. And I need to. There's a different energy that comes into the room when you pick yourself and you're not attached to the idea of them. A million percent. A million percent. And when I had that summer of me where I did all that work on myself, I can't even tell you, it was freaking reigning men. And it was raining rerun men. It was raining men who I was like, oh, I'm kind of interested in it. You know, I had a really big circle back in those days back when I had a social life, not anymore. And I had a lot of guys in my orbit and I'm like, oh, he's kind of cute.

I would date him. And they were always kind of like, I don't know about her. Like, there's just something. I feel like people could pick up that I was like, I was a little sloppy, okay? Like I was emotionally messy inside. And then all of a sudden, it was guys backing me into a corner. You have to go on a date with me. Please, like, I'll do anything.

Guys contacting me from like, guys in L.A. Who had just like, oh, I got your name from someone and I looked you and I would love to meet you. It was crazy. And it wasn't just that. Every girl wanted to be my friend. I was just a magnet for all of these things. And sometimes people will hear that story going, oh, like, you just got lucky. It's like, no, because it was a decade of nothing ever working out for me ever because I had an expectation that nothing ever works out for me. And so nothing ever did. It was really only once I got into the headspace of, I have so much to offer. And I just felt so good about myself. And you send it out and people are always going to reflect back to you how you are already feeling about yourself. And just one more thing, like that example you gave about your friend was overweight. I just got this question in one of my group coaching courses where the woman was like, I just feel like I'm too overweight to have a good boyfriend. I'm like, so you're telling me that overweight people don't deserve love? They never deserve love. They never deserve love. Like they just like are totally single. Like every overweight person in the world is single. She's like, well, no. And I was like, you're making your weight your prison. Right. No one else is telling you that. You're telling yourself that. Look at the narrative. Almost every. Even here, I had questions I was going to ask you. What's the common theme of some of the question. And again, none of this is shame or blame. Let's call out the elephant of the room. How do I detach? How do I detach? for someone who's not right for me, but they're all I think about. How do I detach from someone

when they were the best I ever got and surprised they were into me? I fear I won't do better. How do I detach? They treated me so well. I still love them. They've moved on. What is the common theme here? Look at the way we're describing them and then you wonder why you're attached to them. Yes, exactly. And I... It's okay. Yes, absolutely. And that's why it really starts with you and your relationship with yourself. A lot of the time that people that you are way too attached to, or if we're getting into like the obsession and the limerance. Yes. It is because of something that they have that you really want for yourself.

Maybe they are confident. They're charismatic. And you want that. You want to be that. But rather than cultivating it within yourself because like, that's hard work. Who wants to do that? If this person can choose me, then it means that I'm that. Right.

Or you see it as they, since they don't want me, they must be better than me. And so in order to prove to myself that I'm good, I'm worthy, I'm okay, I need to get this person. Because in reality, you don't really know anything about them. You don't even know them. You don't even know anything about them. about them. You don't know anything real about them. The only thing interesting about them is that they're not into you. And that's it. Typically speaking, we only obsess over people that don't make

us feel safe because the idea that we have built about them is so much better than who they actually are. Someone that offers safety to you, consistency, reciprocity, they call when they say they're going to, there's no guessing. You're not leaving in the blanks. You're not filling in the blanks. But when we have somebody that they're either, maybe you don't know them very well. Maybe this is a new relationship. Maybe this is somebody that's like a celebrity, right? It's somebody that's on this pedestal. When we say, I'm obsessed. I can't get over them.

This limerence, what's happening is it's self-abandonment because if I can focus on them, I don't have to focus on me. If I can look and project and live in the fantasy, I don't have to live in the reality. And that was a childhood core belief for me. My trauma was I would fantasize. I would escape. I would listen to music and movies and things where I'd be like, someone's going to come and get me one day. And it's going to be what the movies have told me.

I would play Barbie for hours because then I wouldn't have to live in the reality that I was in. I could fantasize about the reality I didn't have. And living in the fantasy felt safer. And so that's where I would say, what are my secondary gains? Right? What am I gaining by avoiding looking at myself? So if I can be obsessed with them, oh, well, they're so smart. They're so funny.

And then what am I saying about myself? I would really, anybody that's listening right now, if you're attached to anybody, you are obsessed with somebody, I would love you to take out a pen and paper and really write. What am I obsessed with? And then, what are three facts to back up this obsession? Yeah. Because I used to like, the guy that I had in Venice, I'd be like, oh, my God, he's so funny. What did I have to back that up?

I didn't have anything besides he had some funny videos. And so I, Halo Effect, I whitewashed it and went, his videos are funny, which means he's funny. And so then that caught me in this phase of, wait a minute, I'm just trying to reaffirm some core beliefs. That's all I'm doing here is because that's how I feel about me. And they just reaffirmed that. And the reason I probably dated them is because of that. Yes, because the subconscious mind is always looking to prove itself right. Loves to do that.

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Okay. I mean, first, I guess you have to see them all the time. You know what I mean? Is this like an X? We're detaching from an X that you work with and have to see all the time? They didn't specify, I think, because I get this all the time of, I get it all the time. And that's why I'm like, stop fucking people you date or stop fucking people you work with. Like, please don't sleep with people and date people when you potentially have to see them every single day.

That would be my first thing. Yeah. Unless you're like really comfortable with either way. But I would say, I guess maybe both. Maybe one, if it was never anything like a situation type thing. Right. Or if it was a relationship and. your heartbroken and you have to see them all the time. Okay. So the first thing I would say is you have to

minimize contact as much as possible because obviously this is still an open wound and the more you talk to them, the more you flirt with them. If this is someone you have to work with, then only talk about work, don't talk about anything else. More than anything, you have to pour yourself into something that makes you feel really good and really fulfilled. I'll give you a practical example in my life. And I'm sure you have this experience too. Sometimes I get a little too into the social media, especially when this is our job. It's our livelihood. I'll post something and I'm like, How many likes? What's algorithm?

And I'm refreshing, like, how many people commented? Whenever I catch myself doing that now, I'm like, nope, I am turning this off. And I'm going to pour myself into something that makes me feel really good and puts me in touch with why I'm on this earth. Maybe I'm going to go play with my baby, play with my kids. Maybe I'm going to spend some time writing because I feel like that's like why I'm here. I'm here to write really more than anything. That's what makes me feel alive.

What is going to make me feel so good and so back in touch with like why I'm here? And it's not, I'm not here to collect likes. the likes are nice and the comments are great. And yeah, it's meaningful. We want to share our message with as many people as possible. But I know I can feel it. And I'm sure you can too. I'm sure all of you can when I'm getting too attached to how the social media, the people are responding to what I'm putting out there. And so I recognize that. And if sometimes, if I have to just schedule my content and only set a timer of 10 minutes, I'm going to reply to the first few comments and not look at it, then sometimes that's what I need to do to like regulate myself and get myself back. Now, how does this apply to dating?

the same thing. If you are obsessing over a guy, if you're obsessing over your ex, if you have to see him all the time, you need to pour yourself into something that makes you feel amazing about who you are. Maybe you set a meaningful goal for yourself, a challenge. Maybe you spend more time with your friends, but you need to get back in touch with like what you're on this earth to do. And it is not to pine for a man or a woman. And I always say what helped me with because the social media was my same thing. I would get really anxious and I would go. So tough. And I realize I'm like, oh, you're seeking safety. You're seeking the validation. You want safety to know. Look, look. Right. It's there. So for me, what I had to do, especially in the dating, right, when we're talking about dating and relationships if we're really attached to the idea of these people was I had to actually face the shit that I didn't want to, right? So that's where I would encourage that if you're attached to someone, it's like, start to pull on the string of a sweater, right? Start to see it unfold of like, what am I scared of? I'm never going to find anyone like that. Okay, is it really that I'm never going to get of like, what am I really so scared of? I'm going to be alone forever. Okay, have I always been alone? No, I've had 15 boyfriends. Okay. So that's not a fact.

How old do I feel? Where am I feeling this in my body? What's coming up for me? Like, I think for so many of us, that's why I chuckle when it's like, wait, you know so much about them and their attachment style and everything. But what do you know about you and yours and yourself? Because we can distract. I could go to the gym for six hours. That doesn't mean that my nervous system doesn't still think I'm being chased by a tiger. And I think when we really wanted, like, when I was trying to detach from that guy, he was the last person before I started changing the way I dated, the story I was telling you about. So he was the last guy. And like I, up until that point, I had started to implement new things every guy, right? So, again, heterosexual woman, so that's the norms I'm speaking. So let's say it would be a guy where, like, he would go four days without texting me. And so instead of freaking, I'd be like, okay, this time I'm going to do something different. And then the next time I'd implement something new, right? A different, different, different. And I remember this guy lasted nine days. And I remember the obsession lasted nine days because I remember it was like right around holidays and like it was just a short thing. And like, I remember that didn't mean that just because the obsession lasted nine days and I was conscious and aware. That didn't mean that when I'd see him at the

gym because I would see him almost every day at the gym that my heart didn't sing right you know the feeling when you're like oh I want to throw up you know you see them with another girl and the irony is I remember he was with the girl and she was so beautiful I created this whole narrative I'm now friends with her and she never had interest in him and she even was like oh him she's like he's the fuck boy of Venice and I was like oh okay but I'll show you like I created this entire narrative that he found someone better and she's prettier than him and instead what I had to do was like then then the next guy came and I was like all right spurna You did something really hard. You walked away from the guy that you really wanted. He embodied everything you wanted on paper and you're okay. And so then when the next guy came and I was like, this doesn't feel good. It was small moment. And I think that's the biggest thing here because someone said, how long does it take to detach? There is no fucking timeline because there is no manual for this, not because humans are human.

It might take you six months or it could take you three days. What will matter is how honest you're being with yourself, what realness you're bringing and how much you're actually addressing the narrative. and story in the room versus bypassing it. Yes. Yes. That's why I think the word I say more than anything else is reframe. You have to reframe. You have to, whatever story it is that you're telling yourself, you have to stop and say, what is another way of looking at this?

100%. I want to know. Someone asked how to make it sustainable. I can do this for a week, but then my heart struggles again. Okay. So to make it sustainable, you have to focus on building yourself worth. And I think, I'm not really totally sure what she's asking. Like, I think is it in terms of getting over an X and not spiraling?

I think the no contact as well. because like I can do it for a week and then my heart struggles. It's like, but that's also being a human. That's being a human and also that's normal. And unfortunately, like, if I could come up with some magic bullet or some pill to like bypass the heartbreak process, I would be a very wealthy woman right now. But unfortunately, there is no way around it. You have to move through it. And I think that Sabrina said something very, very important, which is about validating your emotions, allowing them to come up and recognizing them, not just like putting them to the side. And that's definitely not like what I was encouraging for. When I said, You have to throw yourself into what makes you feel good. You also have to be there for yourself. If you're not there for you, who's going to be there for you? It comes from within. And most of us, the way we talk to ourselves, we would never be friends with someone who

talks to us the way that we talk to ourselves. And so you absolutely need to recognize, okay, I'm thinking about gym right now. That makes sense. I was really hurt. And I'm not going to judge myself for the fact that I'm still hurting over this person. It's a process. And it's not, you can't just snap your fingers and just be 100. percent attached. It's a process and it comes in the choices that you make every single day.

It comes in the choices of, what am I going to choose to think? Because the fact is like, okay, thoughts are going to come into your head. You have the choice who to give energy to or not. Jim can pop into your head and you can go, oh, my God, I miss him so much. I'm never going to find. Or you can think, oh, he's popping into my head. That's normal. We're fresh out of the breakup. I'm going to get through this. He wasn't my guy. He wasn't my person. He couldn't meet my needs. You have the choice. That's where your power is. Which line of thinking am I going to go down? The more you resist, the more it will persist. I remember before we, Ryan, I had this one guy in my head and I felt so guilty when I was dating Ryan because I'm like,

but I'm thinking about him and there's something wrong with you. And I finally had to stop one day and I was like, or you could just let it happen. So he'd come into my mind and I'd go, yeah, that was a really nice connection. It didn't pan out. I don't need to create a narrative about it. Right. And the more I did that, the less it impacted me to the point where, oh boy, reached out to me recently and I chuckled because I was like unsubscribe, no thank you. The girl then thought this is what she needed. The girl now understands it's not. And that's okay. You're allowed to grow. You're allowed to evolve. allowed to outgrow of people. And I think, because like when I really read a lot of these questions,

I think what I'm noticing is we're not trying to have you disconnect. We're trying to have you detach. This isn't about never feeling again or hiding parts of you. It's like part of being secure means that I know that vulnerability is really important. I know that I have to show these parts of me, but just because I open up to somebody or sleep with someone or do, right, doesn't matter. It doesn't mean that they now owe me things. Yes. Because I think that's where people get really stuck up of like, I did a video recently because a friend of mine had this experience where he was going out on one or two dates and these women were like asking him for a guarantee on the first or second date of like, well, I'm all in and I'm 100% and I need you to be. And a girl said, I don't understand, but I slept with him. Come on, Sabrina, that's ridiculous that you're telling me I can't. And I said, no, you made a choice for yourself. That doesn't mean he owes you anything. You are an adult, unless you agreed that when you walked in and you said, if we sleep together, you're my boyfriend or girlfriend now, which is clear before. But that doesn't mean that after that this person all of a sudden. And if you're going to attach that, well, I did this, which means you have to, that's where you're going to be obsessive and compulsive and noticing. And then that's when the other person's going to realize

you're not really letting this grow. You're trying to control the outcome. And someone trying to control the outcome to me is very triggering for me because that was my childhood. That no one allowed me to just have my emotions and feelings and be, and they were trying to constantly monitor and manage. That wouldn't work for me. That wouldn't work for anybody. Nobody wants that. A relationship needs that freedom, that space to grow, especially for a man. Men are not, most men are not commitment fobs. They're not against commitment, but they don't want to be backed into a corner and forced into something that they're not ready for yet. Like the beauty of a relationship is when each has the space to choose each other, rather than feeling like, oh, this person has an agenda.

And if I don't conform to what they want, then there's going to be consequences. I'm going to suffer, they're going to suffer. Or like, this just isn't going to work. Nobody wants that. Because when you have an agenda mode, you're really operating from fear. You don't trust that things are going to work out. And that's what detachment is. It is letting go of that fear and knowing that everything's going to work out the way they are meant to. I don't have to force anything. I don't need to force timelines. I don't need to force things to be a certain way.

I trust myself. I trust a higher power, whatever it is that you believe in. I trust. And that's it. And when you operate from that place, there is no room for fear. And the fear is what messes everything up. This is what messes. And not just in relationships, in all areas of life.

So we just have to surrender. We do our best. You have to put in the effort. You can't just sit back and do nothing. You have to work on yourself. You have to show up as your best self. You have to manage your triggers and all of those things. And you give it your best.

And if it doesn't work out, it just wasn't meant for you. Yeah. It's just not yours. That's it. And that's not a loss. It's not a loss to lose something that's not yours. The more you focus on the door that's closed, the more you're missing all the windows that are around you. Exactly.

Right. If I'm banging on that, it's like the example I use is like when you're building burns, do you try to rebuild it with the ashes? is no, because it's done, it's gone. Now you can be the phoenix that rises and you can rebuild what actually works for you as opposed to trying so hard to force that because as a kid, I only had one caregiver. I don't have that anymore. Right. Ah, Sabrina, you and I could talk about this for fucking days. Is there anything that you want to leave the audience with? It could be no. The answer could be no. But is there anything that we

haven't really hit on it when it comes to detachment or something that comes up in the book for you that you're like, this is really important. Like maybe even a place of like, where can people start? Right. What's a place of starting? Because I think that's scary. for a lot of us of now how do I navigate this? Can you leave them with? Okay. Besides get the book. Okay, well, first, get the book.

Okay, here's what I can leave you with. And this is what I wish that I knew sooner. You have so much more control over your destiny than you realize. And also, it doesn't have to be this way. I know, I know in my bones how easy it is to sink into that victim mentality of things are happening to me that beyond my control. And I know how easy it is to just sink into miseries, warm embrace, not because it feels good, but because it's so familiar. And I also know that it's easy to look at me and think, oh, everything worked out for her. Who cares what she has? You know, like everything

worked out for her. It's because I had to fight for it. Like that some of us, it's not dished out fairly. It's not dished out in equal measure. Some of us have it way harder than others. That's the way the cookie grumbles. That's just how it is. But if you, can make the conscious choice to really do the work. I know that expression gets used a lot, but to really decide that you are someone of value with high self-worth and things are going to work out for you. And you're amazing and you're special. And maybe nobody told you that your entire life. Maybe you got told the opposite. So what? So what does that mean? That means that it's true because they said it says who. You get to decide, take control over your life and what's under your control

and detach from the rest. And if you can do this, your life will have so much more peace and meaning and joy. And you're going to notice that the things that you've been fighting for so hard are just kind of going to effortlessly come your way. And you are going to become a magnet for those things. And that I can almost guarantee you. It's exciting. It's an exciting place to be of I want to get rid of the way I was. The things I were doing is not get rid of them.

It's about I want to let those parts know that they don't have to keep doing their job. And let them know that they can have a new job now. that means that maybe they protect what's inside the house and not trying so hard to protect what's around it. Because I will be honest, detaching is what changed the game for me because I do that with my career. Also, if you're going to use Do the Work, be careful, trade market. Oh, God. Yes, I really, as I said that. No, you don't mean people.

They're like, is it a different show? I'm like, same show. Just illegal bullshit. But anyways. Yeah. I think what I'd love to leave anybody with on detachment is everything you've said is so beautiful. And it's like, they're not broken or something to fix. Nobody is damaged.

even though both of us thought that I used to tell my mom I'm a damaged good and she would yell at me and she's like, I don't make back garments I was like, but you did. What you believe is you'll see it when you believe it. It's not that you'll believe it when you see it. You will see it when you believe it. And if you are going to go in with,

I'm never going to find anybody and there's nobody for me and then no wonder you're going to attach to anything because when you think there is nothing, you will fucking take everything because if you don't stand for something, you fall for everything. And so that is what I hope that we can leave people with is the encouragement that you can change

your life, but it requires daily decisions and practices, not just one massive kumbaya, because baby, you're good for a week, be good for two, be good for three, be good for four, and show you in your nervous system that you could fucking do it. Ah, amen, exactly. Exactly. This is not a marathon. There is no finish line that you're going to cross. This is not like, you know, a fit person doesn't say, oh, well, I'm fit now and I don't

want to go to the gym anymore. I don't have to do this anymore. Thank God. We're done. Nope. Nope. Every day. You got to show up.

You've got to put in the reps. And it becomes your new reality. I know what it is to have a default system of self-destruction. I lived in that place for a very long time. And I choose every day not to go down that path. Do I slip up? Of course, I'm human. But I make that choice. And you can, the choice is yours to make. Oh, I love it. Sabrina, where can people find you? We'll have the book linked and everything. So can they go grab it. But where can they find you to work with you or learn more? Sure. You can find me. I'm at Sabrina Bendori on YouTube, on TikTok, on Instagram. And my podcast is you will be okay because you will. I love it. Sabrina, thank you so much for being on. Thank you, Sabrina. This was so wonderful. Of course. The Sabrina's unite. Yes,

guys, go follow. Go get the book. And if you guys need anything, Sabrina or Spina here. And until next time, my babes.