The Sabrina Zohar Show - 171: Why You Create Stories in Your Head (and How to Stop) | In The Trenches

Episode Date: November 11, 2025

We’re back in the trenches. This episode, Ryan joins Sabrina in the studio to unpack YOUR questions including “Are We Dating the Same Guy?” Facebook groups to what happens when your nervous system won’t let you relax in a healthy relationship. They talk about what it actually means to trust yourself, why so many of us self-sabotage when things feel good, and how to stop creating stories in your head every time they don’t text you back for a day.If you’ve ever said “I just feel blindsided,” or caught yourself scrolling back through screenshots trying to “decode” someone’s behavior… this one’s for you. Sabrina dives in on protest behavior, attachment styles, and that moment when you realize it’s not about them. It’s about your nervous system trying to protect you.If you keep finding yourself in relationships that start fast and end the same way, you’re not broken.Your body just learned that fast feels safe.The Art of Going Slow is my new 4-week live program starting November 20. Together, we’ll build the tools that help you stay calm, grounded, and connected while dating, without losing yourself in the process.Doors close November 18.🎟️ Learn more and join at https://slow.sabrinazohar.com/Stuck After the Podcast? Master Implementation in 8 Weeks with Sabrina's Foundation Course HERE!Get Ad free HERE!Want to work with Sabrina? HERE!Get merch for The Sabrina Zohar Show HERE!Don't forget to follow Sabrina and The Sabrina Zohar Show on Instagram and Sabrina on TikTok! Video now available on YOUTUBE! Disclaimer: The Sabrina Zohar Show, formerly known as Do The Work, is not affiliated with A.Z & associates LLC in any capacity. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hello, hello, hello, and welcome into another episode of the Sabrina Zohar Show. My name is Sabrina Zohar, and I am your host. We're back, babies. We're in the trenches. You know, I do my makeup every time. And I'm really excited because today, tech guys in the studio for the first time, in the new studio for the first time. Right, that is. But we are going to answer your questions. Now, how do we do that?

Well, without you guys writing them in, we wouldn't be able to. So don't forget, in the trenches at Sabrinazohar.com. please only use that email to send in things for the podcast. Otherwise, we just don't answer the emails. But please know, we send in your screenshots, send your stories, send your dating profile, send me the text messages between. I will take it all. But don't forget if you guys want to be featured on the show, that's how.

And as always, thank you guys. Thank you for being here every single week. Thank you for sharing the show with your friends. Thank you for rating, reviewing, leaving comments. Like, that is the only way I grow. There is no one that helps me do this besides you guys and me. So that is my plea to you. Don't forget to follow on the Sabrina Zohar show on Insta and TikTok at Sabrina.

Dot Zohar if you guys need anything. And I'm just grateful. I'm so fucking excited to be here with you guys. And without further ado, let's get right on into it, shall we? Hey, babe. Oh, hello. Well, welcome to the studio. I'm very excited to be here.

Look what we've built. I know. It's pretty bananas. I'm excited that today. We got a lot of questions that we're going to answer. We're going to help everybody. I mean, I like being in the trenches because you and I dated in many, many a cities and we understand the pain points and what everybody is experiencing. And so I'm happy that we are

back for another episode. But before we do that, I've been getting into the routine of showing more of myself, right? Because that's really hard for me. It's like, you know my family. Oh, I've met them. You met them. You've seen it. And it's been really hard for me to find ways to show up. And I just wanted to kind of take a moment, I think, to talk about the post that we had the other day because I think it's important for people to hear both sides of it. Cool. Let's do it. For anyone who doesn't know, Ryan, tech guy, we, I posted the other day on Insta on my personal account, Sabrina. Dot Zohar. Shameless plug. Shamedless. Yeah. And like, don't unfuck and follow just because I post a personal photo. That is wild to me. How many people unfollow when I post personal shit? Like me with the dog or like me and my partner. It's wild. People are very specific. Yeah. Well, some of the dudes thought that they had a shot with you.

That's true. They don't. Sorry. Sorry, boys. But anyways, I posted this photo, and it was just me saying, like, I could have said that we had the perfect date night and everything's amazing. And I was like, and while we were on the date night, I even said, I was like, we were trying to take a photo.

And I was like, great, is this the photo we need? And I was like, because I knew in that moment, I was like, this date night didn't go how planned, you know? We were like, we're going to get a selfie on the boat. And then you just end up arguing in a swan boat. It wasn't even, I wouldn't even say arguing. I think it was, I was going to say. Arguing is the wrong word.

Disagreement. and just a... Is that even it, though? I think it was what it was really about was like, you made a comment at dinner that really hurt my feelings that you were unaware of, but I was very aware.

And that led us to a conversation of how are we showing up in our relationship? How are we as partners for each other? What do we still need? And by we am and me, that was what I needed. Correct. So I don't know if that necessarily... I don't think we disagreed.

I don't think we argued. I think it was the hard conversation that most of us avoid having, which is telling someone, hey, I need more. Or, again, it's not more than you. it's more of you or I need more connection or, you know, before we even go on into the audience questions, like, I'm curious what that was like for you to receive because I think a lot of

the people listening are like, oh my God, you told your partner that like the way they showed up wasn't working for you or that you needed more. And it's like, I think a lot of us fear that the other person's going to leave. But I'm curious on your experience of the receiving end of that. Yeah. I mean, obviously no one wants to hear that their actions are not enough for their partner. And obviously, it's not wit large. It's that it was in that specific microcosm. But that still, no one wants to hear that. But at the same time, like, if I don't know that, how the hell am I ever going to change? Like, I need to have that information and understand how that impacts you to understand how I want my future behavior to, to shape. And so while I didn't

love hearing that it hurt you, I'm very glad that we had that discussion. And, you know, we, were able to grow closer and I feel like I understand you a lot more. And to anybody that's worried about these conversations, this is the point of the conversations. Because at the end of the day, it would have led to one of two major aspects, right? We could come up with different ones. It would have led to either us realizing, hey, we don't have this. And he very easily could, you could have very easily been like, I don't have the bandwidth or that's not an interest of mine or I like the way I am and that. Right. And you have every right.

And we had talked about that. I was like, if you're good with this, that's cool. It just doesn't work for me. But I think the important thing of these conversations is it allows the other person to be like, cool, thank you for letting me know what you need and giving me a direct rubric of where I need to go. So you're not like, is this what she wants or is this what they want? It's incredibly empowering because I would have gotten what I wanted, which was you or what I needed, which is clarity. And it would have been a win-win either way because I would have been able to see, I don't think my partner has the bandwidth and for what I need. But instead, you were like, no, I do.

And let me show that to you. Absolutely. And it gives me an opportunity to step up for you in other ways and to show you. show up as a partner because, you know, you are the person that I care about most and I want to be there to support you. And guys just as a reminder, like, I for a long time didn't think I was ever going to find anybody that felt that about me. I never thought that I'd meet someone that was like, I care so much about you that when

you're hurt, I care about that and I want to change my actions towards that. I'm used to, as you've met my family, well, get fucked, right? Like, this is talk about, I was talking to our friend the other day and when I was talking to John, and I was just talking about narcissism. just a friend. And when I mentioned that and I said, whiplash, and he was like, oh my God, that's it. And I was like, isn't it wild to have someone that's experienced it when you say certain words? You're like, you just encapsulated my experience.

And for me, I've always been used to. I have to earn it. I have to work. Nobody cares about me. No one's going to give a shit. What I need is too much. So to have a partner that's like, not only do I care about it, that means the most to me. And because you're hurt, I'm hurt. That is talk about a reconformation experience. and it's okay that that happened at 35. Like there's no right or wrong time in life for those things to happen. So thank you for that. Fuck yeah.

Life is one long continuous growth journey. And you can either get on the ride or get off. Yeah. And that's why I'm saying like if you have these conversations with people and it doesn't end like this, that is also okay. Like I have talked to Ryan about this extensively and to you guys that if we broke up in that moment, I would have been like, okay. Right? Like that's so I'm not. It has to work.

It has to be. It's like we talk about this all the time. Are we at the end of our road or do we feel like we can continue on the journey? because as long as both of us are like, yes, we're good, then great. But if one person's out, that's okay. That's okay. But it's important to have those conversations. So thanks for being here, babe.

Fuck yeah. I'm excited to be here. Now let's help these people. Let's help you guys. And guys, as always, I didn't shamelessly plug, but don't forget, sprinterzoa.com. If you guys want to join a course, work one-on-one, ask a question. The book's not out until next year, baby, is I still got time. So whatever you guys need, let us know and feel free to check that out.

So, and seriously, though, Send us in questions, screenshots. Like, we can only do this show if you guys send them in. So in the trenches at Sabrina Zohar.com. Nothing's too small or too big. Okay. You ready? So we're going to go.

All right. I wanted your hot take on this subject. Great. So there are many Facebook groups called Are We Dating the Same Guy? Ugh. I feel like it can protect women to an extent of seeing what kind of guy they are dating, but in my opinion, it can really self-sabotage your dating experience. I'm with you.

I went on a date, I went on one date with this guy in June from Hinge. The date was great and we immediately clicked. When he asked to go on. on a second date. I looked him up on my local. Are we dating the same guy? A group. He was posted three separate times on the site, mostly women saying he's a player and just wants one thing. His ex was obviously on their blowing his shit up and exposing their most intimate details of their past relationship. We've been consistently seeing each other for three months and we recently went on a trip together. So far, honestly, everything has been a great slow progression

into this relationship with him. However, I consistently obsessed over what the women had said about him on the Facebook group, especially his ex, saying he flipped like a switch and she was completely blindsided when he broke off their engagement and some other horrible details. He did tell me his side of the story and of their relationship, but it was a complete opposite of the story than what she said. I find myself, the more we see each other, the more I go and reread the horrible comments. Do you think this is a red flag or would you get more curious and ask him about his past relationship?

I do feel like I'm creating a lot of fear in telling myself a story in case one day he flips the switch on me. I'm not sure how to handle the situation or should I just ignore other people's negative experiences with him. Your feedback is always appreciated. Love Sarah. Oh, Sarah. I totally get it.

Do you want to start or do you want to start or do you want? me too you got anything burning because i have so much let's have you start okay okay god there's there's there's like major pillars i want to hit the first pillar is your nervous system is looking for a problem right now and i get that right she acknowledged it she admitted it and like god damn sarah i'm so fucking proud of you like there's a lot of self-awareness in here so please don't think anything i'm saying is a knock you're already acknowledging and saying at the end i am rereading like your nervous system is going consistently back to be like there it is because the ultimate umbrella what I'm hearing is that you don't trust yourself.

That is the common theme that it's, I'm reading this, I'm reading that. So that's the first thing. The second thing is, and I think there's that other element, right, the dopamine of like, but he's still here. It's been three months. None of these women had anything more than he just wanted one thing. No. Yeah, she said more here.

The date was it with the, she posted three separate times, mostly women saying he's a player and just wants one thing. Right, but he also broke off an engagement with someone else. But his ex. No, no, no, I didn't get to that. Oh, okay. I didn't get to that. My point being is most of the other women in the group.

are saying that they couldn't get beyond that. Oh, yeah. So she did. So of course there's the like, oh, whoa, I'm special. Then the third pillar is the X. Now that's the biggest here. Oh, yeah. Because you're saying...

The most weight seemingly as well to her. Correct. You're saying, should I put that much into what she's, into what the X said? Now, here's my next question. Do you think someone in their right thought mind that is secure and healthy would be posting on Facebook groups like this? That was what I was going to say? Yeah.

I would be very, very wary of the source of information that you are trusting. And it's not to say that this woman's experience is not valid, but there are three sides to every story. Her side, his side, and the actual truth. And usually the truth is somewhere much more in the middle of the two. And so I think I would be very wary of trusting her implicitly, unless she's posting screenshots and photo evidence, things like that. people can change. The whole reason for this podcast is people can change. So if you implicitly don't believe people can change, then why are you on this journey?

And at the end of the day, do you think he's going to show up authentically for you? And can you trust him? Or is this a red flag focus more on his behavior and women writing him? I actually think it's kind of a red flag being so myopically. focused on his past without allowing him to show up as the person he is today. I think you made a good point. No one's going to gaslight that woman's experience. No one's going to discredit it.

No one's saying she's making it. She might be making it now. But I think what I hear is like, I see this all the time. I could have an experience, even me and you, the person I dated right before you and I did not work out. Who knows? Imagine if he was going around saying, we didn't end it badly, but imagine if any of those and then I met you and we have a totally different dynamic.

We have a completely different relationship. and now here we are three years later. Now, if you were dating a woman, if you had three women before me and all of them were like, Ryan's avoided and he doesn't over open up and he doesn't want me thing, they're probably right. Probably right. But if I had taken that, well, that's it. Then I would never have been with my partner because I then wouldn't have trusted going,

but this feels good to me. Now, if you feel like there's something here, of course, please explore it. But one thing I picked up on that I can't let go of, she says he flipped like a switch she was completely blindsided when he broke off and some other i'm sorry i'm done with this completely blindsided bullshit as somebody who used to claim i was completely blindsided by things no i wasn't you want to know why i was blindsided because i got fucking slapped in the face when i wasn't looking i was blindsided because i didn't see it and that's not shame or blame on me i'm just notice how i'm not attacking myself for that but what i'm saying is i'm

holding myself accountable to say, what, blindside? Right? What do you mean? He just all of a sudden one day he woke up and he was a totally different person. It's like, and so her way of dealing with this is going into, are we dating the same guy, Facebook group to try and ruin any future relationships that he has because she feels so wronged that she needs to vindicate and let every other person know. I mean, that's my problem with these groups as a whole is, you know, it's only one-sided.

And it's one. And I'm so tired of the other side of the narrative of like, oh, God forbid men. held accountable. Bitch, unless I'm seeing red receipts where I see the what he is saying to you or they, I don't believe it. Because I could say, this person is such an asshole and then they get into a relationship after and they're really fucking happy. Maybe, maybe, here's a crazy thought.

Maybe it was also me. Maybe it was incessant or that I wouldn't leave this personal. Maybe. Or the bigger aspect, maybe you guys triggered each other in very similar and familiar childhood ways. and maybe like for you, I was able to let you in because you showed up different than a lot of women that I had dated. And so it's important to also take stock that someone's experience in the past does not, I mean, obviously take cues from their past. Not everything can't be changed, though. And there are fundamental aspects that are missed.

You can't provide all the nuance and context in a Facebook post. And it's usually people that are just seeking some sort of. of vindication. And as somebody who had a Facebook group back in the day when we started this, oh, God, that turned so cesspool, so quick. Real fucking, all of a sudden, there were people were like, the moderators were messaging me being like, hey, I can't, I don't know what to do here. Like, we're talking, we're going manic. Fucking, you have to remember when you're disregulated and you're posting dozens, like, I'm sorry, but the fact that- screenshots of all of their, their children, posting their location. Posting names, posting

photos like it's inappropriate and so i think are we just setting people up to get doxed i think are we dating the same guy facebook groups while i understand don't get me wrong i'm not going to discredit them a hundred percent because one of my clients they've asked so she found it her husband was cheating on her so like but to be fair on that same token there were shit in their marriage that she just didn't want to see until after when she was like yeah it was pretty fucking obvious that's what i mean by the blind side and what i hear a lot is like if you're going back you don't trust yourself you're not trusting that you're reading this right and i get that i hold that i hold it's space for that because they think that's real

when you've got 20 people saying that person's a terrible person and you're like, yikes. But think about it. I have people on the internet that talk shit about me. Imagine if you went on one subreddit. Go on Reddit. Go on one. Influencer snark. You'll fucking see it. You'll see a bunch of sad fucking people that have nothing better to do than

anonymously hide and talk shit about other people to make themselves feel better. So... That's the internet, baby. That's internet. So all I'm saying is be cognizant who you take. Would you take advice? Do you want that woman life? Do you want her? Is that the advice you're going to take? And again, if you start to see, whoa, she said that he says these things and he started saying them, that's a different story.

Then you're like, got it. But if you're looking going, her experience and my experience do not align, then let it fucking let her have her experience and you get to go have yours. I'll say this. Should you get blindsided? Then we can start to learn and say, what did I not see? He flips like a switch. Now here's my question. What do you think when she asked? I'm curious from a male perspective, should she talk to him about it? Because I think that's really real. I think that's a really valid question. How would you feel if I was like, hey, you're in a Facebook group and I don't know what to do with it?

I personally think there's nothing wrong with talking about it, but I'm curious your perspective. My initial thought is struggled only because I was going to say I wouldn't disclose that you were actively going to seek information about him because that's immediately going to break his trust. And I was going to be like, maybe you should tell you that a friend had told you that he was. posted in there, but at the same time, then you're lying. Then I think you can just say, I'm part of a group. When we first started to date, I saw you in there, but I didn't want to believe it. Now that we're three months in, I'm realizing that stuff has stuck and I haven't really let go of it. Can I ask you about your past relationship?

Because what you told me and what she's right, but then that that's a thing, you open Pandora's box. I was going to say. Now all of a sudden, he's like, wait, she's saying what? Because there's been quite a few lawsuits of men suing women for defamation. And I'm sorry, they have every fucking right. Absolutely. Do not come at me right now with this fucking bullshit that, well, they're being held accountable. You don't know the truth.

Anybody could go on there and say, this person said all of this and did all of this, and they lose their job and none of that happened. Or I've had that, or I've gone on one date with the guy, and he took it way more seriously than I did. And all of a sudden, he's texting me 100 times. I don't know what he's telling people. Oh, yeah. I don't know what his perception of the situation was. That's what we have to remember.

Look at how. Again, it'd be one thing if they. ex was in there being like, hey, I know I might sound crazy. And I just wanted to share that this person really hurt me. And here's what he did just for you guys to know for the future. And then she left. Then I'd say, hey, you know what? Girl's girl. Maybe she's trying. But even me. I find out my ex, he's engaged again. What do you think I'm going to fucking re? What do you think I'm going fucking put it in a pot? Good luck. Godspeed, girl. I had a different relationship. Maybe you guys have had more luck. Who am I to judge? Exactly. I want him to be off my back. But usually when

people do this, she might want him back. And that's my thing is my mama always said, look at the emotions. When someone's truly moved on, they're indifferent. When someone's truly moved on, you think they're going to spend their time trying to ruin his future relationships. Just remember that. Again, you want to be part of these groups? You do whatever the fuck you want to do. Let me know how they're working for you. If you feel alone or empty, okay, then maybe don't engage. If you feel like this community has your back, okay, cool. Maybe there's a million of those groups. That's why I say, you know, it depends on the chapter, if you will. Yep, absolutely. All right, we're ready?

So ready. All right, next one, male and female, back and forth. Hey, Sabrina. Did you just read my teaser text to you to set the scene? Perfect. Set the steam, male and female, texting back and forth. I'm excited to be emailing you about something going on in my life. You're absolutely amazing and have helped me so much in my dating life.

I swear I don't read these before. I'm going to share a little bit about myself before sending screenshots for some background info. First relationship began at 14 years old, Ended six years later due to cheating lies, physical abuse. I had my first son with this person. Okay, so you guys achieved a lot by the time you were 21. Just for context. Second relationship turned into a 14-year marriage.

I have two sons with this person. I trusted him 100%, but he had an affair with a man. Okay. That's different. Turns out he's gay. Okay. We were always more best friends than anything. That happens.

So I was not able to process what was actually happening for a couple of years. Once I did, I filed for divorce and it was the best decision ever. I'm so happy. I'm so happy. I'm so happy. That's what I'm saying divorce isn't always a bad thing. God, we got to stop looking at that like it's a negative. I have Celebrate.

I remember when we were at fucking the burlesh show in New York and she flashed everybody after getting divorced and everybody cheered her on. We were stoked for her. Yeah, I mean, that's the problem with going into things with the mindset that this can never fail. Because all you're doing is setting yourself up to put up with bullshit that is no longer serving you. And I look at it as not a, I don't know, it's not even failing. It's like, I'm pivoting. Yeah. Right.

Okay. Once I did file for the Dada-da-da-da-da-da. The relationship came with every form of abuse and I'm still working on my healing journey as we speak. and I'm really fucking proud of you. Fast forward to the present time, and I've been dating in the, I've been in the dating world for about two years. It's hard for me to trust people, and when I let myself get close to someone emotionally and physically, I start to spiral trying to desperately regulate my nervous system from fear

of getting hurt again. Questions pop up. How do I know if I can trust them? It's been hours since I've heard from them, and am I starting to create my own story? Well, will this get better? I feel like I've grown so much within the past two years, but I've realized I still have so much to learn and heal from. The screenshots are examples of me trying to close the door on a person I've been dating

for five months. I want your opinion. Am I right or wrong? Anything you want to share would be great. I need to stop this cycle. Thank you for being awesome, Dana. Okay. Or Donna or Dana, I don't know, but regardless of it. We'll say Dana. So you're blue. I'm blue. All right. Ready for the text? Now, even before we even read, I want to do a quick before we read. Before we read, first of all, beautiful self-awareness. Like, I could not be prouder than of any of you guys. And I'm going to be honest with you. Right before we recorded, I had a mental breakdown. Because my brother and I got into a huge tiff and it was the same shit. And I went back in. And Ryan, looked at me and went, and that's why you react that way because that triggered you. Absolutely. And that's okay. I have no shot. I wiped it off, one put makeup on, and here I am.

And the reason I share that is because all of what you're going through is really real and normal. It's not, I think we have to dispel some stuff. When I met you, him, who I'm pointing out, whoever's listening or watching, if you're watching on YouTube, you know what I'm saying, if you're listening on Spotify. When I met you, I thought the same stuff. Can I trust him? Is this person going to be right for me?

But I knew ultimately that I could trust myself more than anything, that if it didn't work out, I would figure it out. And so that's the first thing. This episode is sponsored by cornbread hemp. I know life has been a little crazy for a lot of us. And one thing that personally helps me unwind is cornbread hemp's CBD gummies. I have always been looking for natural ways to relieve aches and discomfort. And the CBD gummies from cornbread hemp are formulated to work with your body, not against it. And they use only the best part of the hemp plant, which is the flour for the purest and most potent CBD. It's formulated to help relieve comfort, stress, and sleeplessness.

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So let's get into some texts. This is to Harbu. I've taken time to reflect and I've realized I can't continue in something where my feelings are ignored and communication is inconsistent. Okay. We didn't even get into it.

Yeah. You know what I'm about to say. Why is this a tax? Why is this a text? Like, this is not text conversation for five months of a relationship. This is hypervigilance coming out. Like, this is at 6.51 a.m. The day, and I'm a bitch that text at 4 a.m. So I get, we got to understand. Imagine this is the first thing he sees when he picks up his phone.

Well, it was. He read at 802 a.m. Okay. Okay. So, okay. Yeah, okay. So I've, okay, especially when I've expressed how I feel about it. Zero communication on Saturday was unacceptable. It takes, Dana, I'm going to be honest. Before we started, I wanted to say we got black and white already. Am I right or wrong, right? Is this? So zero communication on Saturday was unacceptable. It takes 10 seconds to send a simple message, even when working with family. That's black or white right there. That is myopic. That is, you didn't do what I wanted. And I'm not happy. Instead of being like, hey, how was your time with your family? I really, I was a bummer. I didn't hear from you. And I really actually, remember, we had to conference, right? Okay, anyways, I won't tolerate being disrespected or made to feel like I don't matter.

I can't even imagine when a relationship would be like if this is already happening. This isn't healthy for me, so I'm stepping away for good. I wish you well. First, I understand messages take 10 seconds, but remember, I can't take my iPhone out when I'm there representing the company I work for. We're going to not give out his company, but it's not an Apple product. He works for a competing manufacturer. Yes, I could have sent it before or after the event, but once I got up, we went to the event, and after we went to go eat and came back and hit up the pool and fell asleep.

Secondly, remember, I had my son with me, and he's only 10. So it's either keep an eye on him or entertain him, or so he's not bored. I couldn't just take out my phone when I wanted to. Thirdly, I message you on Sunday morning as soon as I woke up, because you were the first person who popped into my head. You were the person I wanted to hear from, but I didn't hear from. Just remember you said communication is big thing and communication goes both ways. It shouldn't just be me reaching out for the first time.

Saturday, you could have sent me a message to check in on me, which, like you said, it takes 10 seconds. Lastly, I've always told you not to be overthinking. Don't love that. For example, when I don't hear from you like this weekend, I know that you are with your boys. And like yesterday and today, I know that you're going to be at the beach. So if I don't hear from you, it's because I know that you're enjoying your time. And I want to respect that. and I also want to respect your time with your family.

But I'll always check in and up on you. So again, I do not accept stepping away because that means a part of my heart will be taken away. I have to be honest, fuck yes. I'm sorry, that's the biggest fuck yes to his text back. Minus the overthinking thing, you're right. Yeah, yeah. But I am 100%.

We'll call him dude in case we don't want to call him his name. Fuck yeah, dude. Fuck yeah, dude. Like, that is what I mean by, oh, really? You want to give me, it takes 10 seconds. So send a fucking text. Where's your fucking text? Where are you reaching out?

Where are you being reciprocal? Where are you also doing it? You're right. It does take 10 seconds, but you know what doesn't bandwidth? He is 100%. He had shit to do. He's at work. He's with his kid.

Not everything. He literally can't take out his iPhone because he works for another company. And what he said, when I don't hear from you, I don't worry that anything is going on between us because he's secure in your connection. Yeah, not making up stories. Thank you. And that's why I'm done. Dana, I love you.

But maybe you don't listen to the podcast. enough because if you do and maybe you do and it just hasn't landed, Dana, I say this with love. It doesn't just take 10 seconds because it's never just one text. I get this every day because then I get the, well, he only texts me good morning and he didn't try to tell. Oh, he's not interested in me. He texts you first thing the next morning. First thing the next morning. And that's not enough. This is what I mean. That's creating narratives. Completely. Okay. And I love you. I have a queen of creating narratives. When I didn't hear from Ryan for a day, I was like, well, I guess he thinks I'm dead and that's it. And it wasn't. She said, hi, Daniel. Thank you for a message in taking the time

to reflect and explain. I do appreciate you opening up and sharing your side. I can see that you care and that means something to me. Can we just make a really quick note that this is 725 PM as the response time. Oh, so she took the day. Yeah, she took nearly 12 hours. Almost 12 hours. And that's okay, right? Absolutely. We are good with that. Don't get me wrong. I'm fine with that. No one is owed an answer. No one is out in the answer. I'm just, for someone that's hypervigilant, I think it's important to call out. You're right. Okay.

I understand your weekend was busy and that you had your son in responsibly with work. I never wanted to feel like I didn't understand that. My feeling came from a place of needing reassurance. And when I didn't hear from you, it left me feel dismissed even it wasn't your intention because you're projecting that onto him. You created a narrative that him not texting you meant all of this. And that's not what it meant. I say that all the fucking time and thank you for showing an example of it.

I'm proud of you. You're right. Communication goes both ways. I've always tried to be present. But I know I also could do better. area. Fuck yeah. I don't want to overthink. I just want to feel emotionally safe and considered. Not just in the big ways, but in the small

daily things too. The truth is, I do care. That's what scares me. I get it. And I would have said that. It's because you guys really like each other. You're scared that you're going to be taken, you know, for a ride. But I also need us to be more mindful of how we show up for each other. Okay, that I don't know if that's fair.

I'm open to continuing this if we can grow from this moment instead of repeating it. Well, I'm not here to hurt you. I've already told you that. And just because I don't message you right away doesn't mean I'm avoiding you or making you feel in the other way. Sometimes being scared isn't always bad. It keeps us on our toes. But sometimes you have to take a leap of faith to know that it's going to be worth it. God, just about to make some food. I know it's late. I'm sorry, but I can't do this. I thought I could because I really like you like you. But I can't spend more one more day of feeling like my nervous system is in fight or flight. Thank you for everything. I truly mean that. But I just can't. What do you mean? I explained myself the other day. I'm not going to repeat it. You have your own life. And I'm no one to question you. So I need to step away. Wait, are you referring to when you said you prefer to talk on the phone versus texting? No, about communication.

When I don't hear from you, I get in my head. It's not you. It's me. I know I need a lot of reassurance, but I can't keep doing this. It's not fair to you. Okay, this is protest behavior. This is the exact example of protest behavior. So I need to step away. No, about communication.

When I don't hear from you, I get in my head. It's not you. It's me. I know, but I need a lot of reassurance and I can't keep doing this. It's not fair to you. Oh, Dana. Oh, Dana. Okay, so this protest behavior at its finest.

Yeah. You, this is exactly, thank you for writing in actually. I'm actually really grateful. Thank you for explaining the series we just had. And if you haven't listened to it, go back and watch it from like a month ago. We start with core beliefs. Your core beliefs are, no one's going to like me, no one's going to pick me, no one's going to choose me, I'm too much, right?

Insert it all. I don't care. I'm too much. I'm not good enough. And that's how you feel. And because that's, you're still working on that, you're taking, that's the black and the white. He didn't text me and you're creating an entire narrative and then going, so that's it.

I have to end it because that's the perception of control. I get to say it. I'm ending it. I'm the one calling the shots. I can't do this. And now you're such a martyr. I can't do that to you. That's not fair to you.

Honestly, what are we calling him? The dude. Okay. So Big Lobowski, uh, out of, outside of that one, uh,

point that he had made where he was kind of undercutting her about telling her not to overthink. I think he handled that incredibly, beautifully. Incredibly. Incredibly well, given all of the, nuances. Why did none of you just pick up the fucking phone? Pick up the fucking phone. But this is where I'm saying like that is, that's the epitome of

what self-sabotage means and self-protection, that you're sabotaging, right? No, you're protecting. Your nervous system is going, I can't do this. And you're saying, you know what? Easiest thing, welcome to avoidant. Welcome to avoidant. I need to remove myself. I can't do this. Thank you. Thank you for showing me what an avoidant person would be like in that situation. because you can say this is anxiety. It doesn't matter. I don't give a fuck. What she exhibited is,

I can't do this, so I'm out. Doesn't work for me. I'm out. This makes me uncomfortable. Don't want to do it anymore. Meanwhile, this poor guy is going, what?

What are you talking about? Because I didn't text you for one fucking day. The relationship is over? That's because TikTok taught you that, isn't it? Is that little 22-year-old girl that's like, if a guy doesn't text you every day, it's because they don't like it. Meanwhile, you're both parents.

You think you would have some understanding that he has a 10-year-old himself and he has him that day, and he's with his son and his family. Here's the thing. I'm not going to ever take away that if you're bummed, he didn't text you. Okay. Then you communicate. Hey, we talked about this. And I think that's the misconception.

If you think that a healthy and secure relationship means you say it once and that's it, then you are gravely mistaken and you will be single for the rest of your fucking life. A healthy and secure relationship is built with two people who consistently communicate. If you are not making progress on the same issue, that's a very different story, then maybe we're not addressing the root of it. But I have had many a talks with my partner of, hey, this is what I need. And then I show examples so that he can go, got it, didn't understand it in this context. And then he can repair. This is to me the epitome of black and white thinking.

Go listen to that episode. And then protest behavior of like, well, I can't do this. And it's like, did you want him to run after? You wanted him to martyr himself and throw himself on coals and beat himself until you accepted as a Here's 500 texts. Or did you want him to just go, okay, thanks so much. And then you would have been like, see, I knew it. You have no proof to back up any of the story that was created.

And instead of saying, I need to sit in the discomfort, I need to challenge through. Because what that was was an opportunity for connection of, wow, thank you so much. I actually, you're right. That's on me. I didn't take accountability on that. I can. The phone does work two ways. How was your Sunday?

Tell me, or how was your Saturday? Tell me everything about your family. Thank you for listening to me. I think I needed to get it out. We could have just moved right on. Could have moved right on. And instead, you ended the fucking relationship because this guy didn't text you for one single day. I want you to sit in that.

You ended the relationship because for one day, someone didn't text you. And then I want you to come back and let me know why dating is so hard. I don't have a whole lot to add to that. I think that's where we moved on. And you guys know, I say that with love. I'm not beating you. I'm not trying to be an asshole. I'm not fucking making shit up.

This is the epitome. I have not seen anything. And you know what? When she delivered, she sent the screenshot. He didn't even read it. He didn't even read it because I feel bad for this guy. I genuinely do. She also could have blocked him right after that.

I fucking hope not. I fucking hope not. And then she wouldn't get the read receipts. I hope not. But that's what I'll say, baby, is it's okay. We learned, right? We move on. If you can rectify it with like, for me, I'd be eating crow.

I would be going back saying, hey, oh, I fucked up. That is all me. You literally didn't do anything wrong. You are allowed to not text me for a day. And you're right. I could have text you. You gave me ample understanding. And if we're going to be so myopic and so rigid that if they don't do this, then they're out,

enjoy being single. Because I don't know anyone that is going to do 100% of what you want them to do. And if your response is, well, I just need reassurance, learn to reassure yourself. That's where self-soothing comes into play. That is where self-sourcing, not outsourcing, come into play. Because then you can stop and go, whoa, he was right. He was gone for a day. That doesn't mean anything.

The relationship is not over. But I know how it feels because it's easier when you walk away. way going see, knew it, than it is to sit in the discomfort and say, well, I was wrong. And she wrote in asking pretty much you for reassurance. And I'm not giving you. I'm sorry, Dana. That was not reassurance. I'm not giving you any.

And that's okay if you guys have disagreed. You are allowed to. You are allowed to let me know what the relationship that you are in. If you're going to come and disagree and say, I think she has every right to have broken up with him because of one text on one day. Are you in a happy and secure relationship? Are you with a partner that does everything you want? It's okay if not.

but we got to have under different experiences. I just can't. Again, a week, different story than a day, un-day, singular day, one day. Where he had already communicated with you in advance that he's going to be with his son and his family. And working. And then he can contact to you exactly morning of the next day,

completely quelling any insecurities. That's what I mean by we create narratives and then we hold onto them and then we project them and then we see the world in a way that. Look at that. What you're trying to avoid, you literally created. You literally created it

because you were trying to avoid it instead of being in it. And that's okay. We're learning. Hey, Sabrina, this is my Hinch profile that I have prompts. So, we don't have any photos just to preface.

We didn't provide, she didn't provide photos, and that's okay. We're just going to go on prompts. So just so you guys know. What I'm looking for and my non-negotiables. I get a few likes a week,

some who don't bother even reading my profile since they fit under my non-negotiables. Well, because a lot of people are really, guys, I don't know how many times I have to say this. People are terrible at self-identification

and a lot of people don't read, right? Like, we know that. And that's the beautiful thing is when you see that, you don't waste your time. You go, no, thank you. Yeah, but at the same time, we're going to get into that. Oh, yeah. Fair, you read it. I didn't.

Correct. Okay, with that being said, how can I polish my profile to get matches that are more compatible with what I'm looking for? Thank you for your time and love listening to the podcast. Kiki. Okay. First off, we need to manage some expectations. You cannot control the outcome. So you cannot control how can I get more compatible matches in a way that will work from me.

And it's like, you can only keep showing up authentically as yourself and hoping that people aligned. So I just wanted to preface. Which is not and we'll jump into it. Right. That's what I want to preface. Okay. Which do we have in common? Sure. There's three selection options. You like the outdoors and would like to buy a camper van one day. You have a passport. You want to travel and maybe even buy property overseas. Third, you enjoy cooking at home or know how to cook or open to learning how. The one thing you should know about me is, I'm bold so I don't entertain inconsistencies, small talk or having to do all the asking. Liking my pick or saying hi, isn't enough to catch my interest. Bare minimum isn't my love language. Effort and substances.

No wonder, she were saying, that's why people, if she's saying they didn't read it. We'll get along if here to date intentionally and delete this app for good. Like to travel slash new activities. Want to gym partners and love dogs are direct slash straightforward. Respect standards slash boundaries. Have growth mindset. Take accountability. Have goals. Oof. Something that's not negotiable for me. knows how to provide emotional safety is secure emotionally intelligent have integrity humble you'll understand if you're watching why i just screamed that because it's in all caps i have integrity humble loyal mature clear slash open communication no liberal ideologies no nose slash weird piercings no cigarettes weed or

pills okay i know absolutely nothing about i was going to say i know nothing what are what do you guys remember. Stop for a second. What are three things that you guys remember from the profile that we just said besides for the fact that there's a lot of rigidity here? I know nothing about you. Literally, I know nothing about you besides you like the outdoors. I think. Yeah. Which do we have in common? I don't even know if that's the one they have in common. I don't even know if that's the one. Okay. So you keep saying, so the only, the one thing you should know about me is, and you bring that back to what it is that you want them to do. Uh, the one thing that you should know, about me prompt should be changed because you didn't disclose an iota there's nothing about you

the only thing you're telling me is you're not willing to and all this and love language and into guys we have to stop this isn't a laundry list like this isn't a wish list you're not with a matchmaker telling them everything that you want you're creating connect do you let me ask you a question you go to a grocery store you go to a bar is this how you started does somebody come up and talk to you and say by the way you should know my list of demands you should know are you liberal because if you're liberal get out of here you have a nose piercing get out of here we don't interact with humans like this. You smoke pot once in eighth grade?

Get out of here. Kiki says no. Kiki says no. And so I say this with love. I can understand why. Let me ask you, what was your as a man? I know my impression as a woman. What was your impression as a man when you first saw this?

Yikes. Yeah. That's when I said that, I went, oh, yikes. Yeah. And again, I'm not trying to be an asshole. You guys are sending them in. I'm just reading what I'm seeing. But there is nothing.

Like, you're bold to entertain, entertain inconsistency, small talk, or having to do all the asking. The reason why she's not having the matches that she's looking for is because she's putting out a resume and a list of demands, not an invitation for connection. Thank you. And this is all what I hear. These are all the reasons. These are all the ways you got fucked in the past. Yeah.

There's no emotional warmth, no playfulness. Your energy screams, I've been hurt before and I'm protecting myself. Healthy boundaries don't need to be announced. They are shown in actions and energy. Then we go on and we'll get along if you're here to date intentionally and it's like, okay, cool. Like, you're intentional with the way that you date. Love that. Fine, right? Like, that's the only...

That should have been it. You're here to date intentionally. Like, I meant... I apologize, when I meant that should have been it. Meaning, like, as far as what you're looking for. You don't need to sit here and be like, I want someone this, this, this, this. Again, people are shit at self-identification.

Real quick. Is anybody watching Love is blind? You know I am. We are on the couch together. So, by the time this comes out, it could be the end, and I don't know. But we're recording this when it's only a few episodes aired. One girl, was it Anna? Anna, whatever her name was?

was the first girl? First girl. The girl, Anna, I think, when she was talking to one of the guys, she says, oh, I don't ghost. I don't ghost. Yeah, she said, I've never ghosted. And he said, you've never ghosted? She's like, no, I maybe just didn't answer a text. The next day, Anna left the house without saying goodbye to anybody.

She literally ghosted two people, and one of them ended up going home because he was so bummed and hurt. So my point being, people are terrible. So when you keep saying, I want a partner that does X, Y, and Z, do you think as someone reading that they're like, oh, I'm secure? I'm emotionally intelligent. I'm aware. No, they don't. They don't. I never put any of that shit. What I had, your growth minded and I'm committed to that I had one serious prompt. You know why? Because I knew

there would be a lot of people that didn't resonate with that. Then I had playful. Then I went into more about me because I knew I wanted to show depth. But I didn't need the entire profile to scream. I don't trust myself. Every prompt is an instruction, not an invitation. Yeah. You have to do X, Y, and Z. You have to like to. You want to travel. Okay. Let me ask you this. You want to travel. new activities. I'm sorry, but how many people do you know that are like, oh, I hate traveling? I hate trying new things. I want to stay home all day and never leave the house. It's all criteria and no connection.

It's all criteria and it's all like basic. It's basic shit. You need to respect my standards and boundaries. What the fuck does that mean? Right? Like, you think a narcissist reading that is like, y'all do that. Well, the best profile, spark curiosity and invite conversation. This does the exact opposite. It's incredibly rigid

offers no invitation for conversation. It's a laundry list, right? And something that's a non-negotiable for me. knows that to provide emotional safety. But Kiki, what does that mean? What does that mean? Do you know how many men I talk to that are like, I don't know what the fuck that means? Well, you also don't give someone emotional safety.

You create a space. You co-create that. That's what I'm saying is like, I don't give Ryan emotional safety. He doesn't give me emotional safety. We've created that in our home. Also, capitalizing secure screams insecurity. Exactly. Most people are not self-identifying going, I'm secure, emotionally intelligent.

Most people don't know what that is. Have integrity, humble, loyal, mature, clear, open communication. It's just, I see rigidity. And that's why I'm not shocked that one, you're getting messages, like, guys are harding your stuff and not listening and not reading or that you're not getting a lot of matches. Because I think people are reading that going, yeah, no thanks. Yeah. No, thanks. Just that, but it's also mixing depth with weird superficial judgments.

Yeah, that's true. Knows how to provide emotional safety sits right next to no liberal ideologies and no nose slash weird piercings. That instantly confuses the message. It's both moralistic and somehow shallow. And on the same token, why do you need to say no one with a nose piercings? Let them match with you and you just press the X. Like, you can just press the X button go, that's not what I'm looking for.

I don't want someone like that. But it's like, also, I go on to the point, what does liberal ideologies mean? Does that mean you're against abortion and gay marriage? Or are you going, no, no, I'm fine with that. I mean, the homeless, I don't know, whatever it is. I don't care. What does that mean?

Yeah. What does that mean? Because if I saw no conservative ideologies, I'd go, well, not conservative, but, I mean, I definitely have some thoughts that I agree with, right? like because it's what I mean of like if I see no liberal ideologies my thought would go oh I shouldn't contact her but I don't consider myself one way or another what I would look at is I'm growth minded and that's why my profile said that I'm looking for someone growth minded who has death because I'm giving what I'm actually looking for in a partner of like I want somebody who mine was a lot more thought out when I really had this versus what I'm giving you right now but I can't not tell you how many people commented on that saying this is so refreshing and this is what I've been looking for Absolutely. Let's help her out. Let's help her out.

Kiki needs some work. Kiki needs love and some work. Let's go, babe. What do you think? First off, remove the three selection criteria. It's not serving you in it. I'm going to start off on scratch. Remove all your prompts. We're starting from scratch.

But also get rid of the three selection criteria. It offers the lowest effort capability. So someone... They choose one and that's it. Yeah. So someone chooses cooking at home. Then what? the onus is on you to either come up with a conversation around cooking at home or just put the connection into the ether and have them double message.

Or a segues into, is that our first date? Yeah. Oh, are you going to make me a meal for our date? And you're like, exactly. Because it's like, sure, what are they going to message? What do you like to cook? And it's like, okay. And then you say, I love Italian.

Awesome. I don't cook. And you're like. I'm allergic to tomatoes. Right. Awesome. There's no, there's no fodder. Right.

If I were at the store and would I start talking to you? because I'd be like, do you like to cook at home? I don't know. Not really, actually. I kind of hate it. Sorry, I'm going to be honest. I don't do the cooking in the house he does. Sure.

And I don't do cooking at home evening. Like, to me, that's not a big romance. That's our night every single night. So to me, the romance is going out and doing something. That's a fun date. That's why I'm saying, I think we cut off a lot of people when it's very myopic of you, the question we had before. If you don't do it this way, then it's wrong.

You need to do it this way. What I hear from that is I don't feel like I have control over my own life, so I need to control everything else around me. And that's okay. That's okay. I'm not like saying that that's a good or a bad, but that's just what I'm seeing. She kind of had the framework. She just answered the questions terribly. So the one thing you should know about me, great, use that or some other thing that can act as and about me, you know, start more meaningful, or instead of just a list of traits or perhaps.

references, have a narrative structure, story like tell people about who you are, what you do, what you love, hobbies, interest, passions, things like that. Something that they can start a conversation up. Exactly. My profile, what you commented on when I said, new from, I had just put that at the bottom of my answer. But it, we will get a long, or like, one thing you should know about me is, I eat dinner to get to dessert and I always have snacks in my bag. What's in yours? I started a conversation.

That way. Oh, it's like, I didn't respond to that. No, but then you responded to the one that says, new from New York to L.A. go easy on me and you responded to that. But the amount of, I cannot tell you how many dude would be like, what's your snack? Or like, what does, oh great, where are we going for dessert? What's your favorite dessert? And then I'd go back being like chocolate cake. What about you? Ooh, I'm a lemon bar kind of guy. Whoa, you put dessert. You put fruit in your dessert. Yikes, that should be illegal. Well, how about I take you to my favorite lemon bar place?

You're right? Like, look at the way I'm evil. You're saying, new from New York when you wrote and you were like, oh, I've never spent a ton of time in New York, but and you wrote me a whole paragraph of like how people think that you're from New York. And I understand that you're not. I say that with love after you met me. But like it started something. You gave you a thing. How many people you asked me,

what's the biggest difference that you notice between L.A. and California. I gave. Start an actual conversation and show up with curiosity. And it was about me. I do eat dinner to get a dessert. That is 100% factual and 100% real. And I also put that on there in case people are like, I don't eat sweets.

I'm like, well, you might not want to be with me. But I gave people things to start a conversation. conversation. Instead, you could just date you for three years and make you healthier over time. Yeah, I still eat dessert on time. Thank you very much. And I got you into that. But my point being is use the profile. Think about when you're out in public. When you're out in public and you look at someone and you're like, fuck, I don't know how to start a conversation with them. Right. That's the point of these. Whereas versus when I go out and I'm looking, right, when I used to go out, I'd be like, all right, he's wearing a woop. I'm going to talk about that.

And I would go up and be like, I did that at the gym all the time. Is that the gen three or four? And then when the, you know, you get the head. What? I just want to know, what do you think of that because then if they're like, yeah, I like it. And they put their, okay, cool, thank you. Then it's innocent versus you're like, oh, I'll fuck right off. Exactly. Then I otherwise, then they start a conversation and like so you know, you're talking. Oh, you have that. Yeah, I used to have it. It gives you something to talk about even if you don't care about it. I don't care if you look at one of their, if you have on one of their photos that you're wearing red glasses and they're like, I love those red glasses. I don't care. But it's about giving something that they can talk about. That way, you get matches that feel like they're more in

alignment with what you're actually looking for because you're not telling people what you're looking for. You're vetting people as to what you're looking for. Absolutely. Because here's the thing, you put about you, you can see how they respond and how they converse with you. That will tell you, do they respect my boundaries? Do they have respect? Are they all of these things? Why don't we start to look at that by seeing somebody instead of analyzing it up front and then wondering why, I don't know. It's like, well, because I don't think you trust yourself. Also, let's make sure that we're not just giving people list of demands that you're expecting from them. It's fine to set expectations of what you're looking for in a partner.

But talk about the actions that you're looking for, not the demands of their behavior on how you expect them to show up. Yeah. Like something that you can say is like, I'm intentional with the way that a date, not like mine was not looking for casual or a pen pal. I think I said like not looking for a pen pal or a hookup. That was why. And that way I was very clear off the bat. But here's the funny thing.

And here's why I say, be careful what you put in your profile. because I would go out with guys and then I'd go, I'd fuck him, but I don't want to see him again. But then I just contradicted myself. I put on my profile. I'm not looking for a hookup. So that's where I'm like, yeah, just be honest. That's why I say I'm intentional the way that I date. And then when you're with it, because if someone goes, what does that mean?

You can say, if I spend more time with you, that's because I genuinely think we're building something, but I'm not going to see you on a consistent basis if we're just fucking or hooking up. Yeah. That's what I said to you. Absolutely. After we hooked up on our first date. Oh. So Kiki, I say it with love, baby.

I just think we can do better. You guys know I say this with love. And I'm not, we're not trying to sit here like with a fucking magnifying glass over ants being like, ha ha. It's more about like, hey, you guys are giving this to me. I'm going to tell you exactly what I see and how, because I'll tell you this, if I coddled you and said, oh, you guys did such a great job. Oh my God, that profile is great. But that's not actually helping you. No.

Versus, hey, here's the reality and here are what both of us think would help. Take it with what, take it with grain assault. Here's how two people, strangers on the internet are perceiving what you're putting. putting forward to other strangers on the internet. Precisate. That's a really good way of putting it. And you're right, because we wrote strangers on the internet.

Yeah. Guys, this is fun. I hope you guys like Tech Guy on it, because I love when Tech Guy's on the episodes with me. We get to have fun and you guys get to see a different side of our relationship, which is always fun. It's us. It's us.

It's us. Yay. Guys, as always, thank you, thank you. Don't forget. In the trenches at Sabrinazora.com. And we can keep it anonymous. We are good. We can change your names.

Like, do not worry about that if you don't want to be grilled. But this segment of the show is only as good as of the stories we receive. So if you like In the Trenches and you want to continue the advice section, you've got to send it your shit. Yeah. So don't forget at Spruid, in the trenches at Suburnazara.com. And if not, if you want a private dating profile audit, we do that.

You can go to the link in show notes, SabrinaZara.com. You can purchase a question where we answer directly. I answer to you in your email. He sent you an email with from me and him of a dating profile audit. You can work one-on-one. You can join the foundation course. We have a new offering coming soon because this is coming out in November, so it's coming out in the new year. Twist them nipples. Twist them nipples, baby. But whatever you guys

need, please just know I'm here. And if not, and you're just here to listen to the podcast, that's awesome. Thank you so much for being here. Guys, as always, if you want ad free, you can subscribe if you want, instead of complaining about ads, by the way, complaining adds more stress to your life. So cut that bullshit. But if you guys want more, feel free. Everything will be at sprinnisar.com. You can subscribe if you want. And if not, thank you for just being here. Thank you for listening. And thank you for being part of the community. That's all we're asking for it. Just so you know that there's more to be had if you want. And as we're outro and Thank you for what you do for these people.

I know that it's a heavy burden at times that you carry, and there's a lot of emotional weight that gets put onto your shoulders, and I see that firsthand, and I just, I know that there's a lot of thankful people out there, so I'm going to thank you on behalf of them, and I love the shit out of you. Thanks, honey. I love you, too.

On that note, I love you guys. Thank you so much for being here, and thank you for letting us continue the show with you, because without you, I wouldn't be here, and I mean that in every humble way. So until next time, babes. Soccer fans, your chance to witness history is here. You can win tickets to the FIFA World Cup 2026 final thanks to Visa.

All it takes is a BMO Visa credit card to enter. Sign up and enter at bemo.com slash contest. Contest rules apply.