The Sabrina Zohar Show - 172: Why Your Brain Won’t Let You Move On

Episode Date: November 14, 2025

In this week’s episode, Sabrina dives deep into the cycle of self-blame and shame, exploring why your brain keeps holding onto guilt, even when you logically know it’s not your fault. She uncovers the neuroscience behind how blame and shame get wired into your brain and explains how to break free from this harmful loop. Sabrina shares personal stories of overcoming the blame cycle and walks you through the tools she uses to stop self-punishment, regain control, and practice self-compassion. Tune in to learn how to stop blaming yourself for things outside your control and start showing yourself the grace you deserve.If you keep finding yourself in relationships that start fast and end the same way, you’re not broken.Your body just learned that fast feels safe.The Art of Going Slow is my new 4-week live program starting November 20. Together, we’ll build the tools that help you stay calm, grounded, and connected while dating, without losing yourself in the process.Doors close November 18.🎟️ Learn more and join at https://slow.sabrinazohar.com/Stuck After the Podcast? Master Implementation in 8 Weeks with Sabrina's Foundation Course HERE!Get Ad free HERE!Want to work with Sabrina? HERE!Get merch for The Sabrina Zohar Show HERE!Don't forget to follow Sabrina and The Sabrina Zohar Show on Instagram and Sabrina on TikTok! Video now available on YOUTUBE! Disclaimer: The Sabrina Zohar Show, formerly known as Do The Work, is not affiliated with A.Z & associates LLC in any capacity. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hello, hello, hello. Welcome to another episode of the Sabrina Zoharsha. My name is Sabrina Zohart, and I am your host. Hi, babes. Welcome back to another Friday. So we have a D-part series. Duh, right? Hi, someone's learning French. A two-part series. And we're going to go into today, shame and blame. So today we're going to talk about blame. Why do you keep blaming yourself? Why you can't move on? Why do you keep always going back onto the guilt trips and all that? And then the second part is going to be shame. So we split it up so that we have two parts to this. so you guys can come back next week and hear the other part. But I'm so excited because we're evolving, we're growing, and we're seeing other sides to the coin. It's not just about how people do me dirty.

It's also about how am I showing up and what am I internalizing? Because as always, it comes back to us. So guys, as always, thank you for everything. Don't forget, rate, review the show. Leave a comment wherever you're listening to. Please share it with your friends and rate and review it if you think it's worth a five star. We just ask for kindness in our language because we are building a community of safety here. So without further ado, babies, let's get right on into it, shall we? Hi, friends. I'm excited about today and next week's episode that I'm going to be recording because I really took my time to, like, sit and understand, okay, what's coming up. And again, as always, I write in the questions on Instagram, on the Sabrina Zohar show on Insta if you follow. And you guys, a ton of you had asked, like, I can't move on knowing I did something wrong.

So we're going to go into all of that and some of the questions even that you guys have asked and sent in, along the way. But before we go into that, the reason I wanted to have this conversation was this is a huge part for me. I grew up with a narcissistic caregiver, and that looks like consistently feeling like everything is my fault. Because when the person in the home, everything revolves around them when you're not making them happy, when you're not satisfying them, you then internalize, oh my God, it's my fucking fault. Like, what did I do? And I allowed people they would blame me, people would deflect onto me and say, what, you're doing this, and you're doing this. And when I really didn't have that self-trust and when I really didn't understand what was happening, I internalized it and I believed it. That was a big thing with my ex was every some for some reason. Well, I know why. The narcissistic key piece is the important part. But every single time, it would land with him blaming me for everything, somehow me apologizing to him, somehow me being sorry for being upset and how dare I call him out on anything. And it became the cycle where eventually I realized like I needed to get off the merry ground.

And it's funny, I was on with my client yesterday and she said, how do I get to this? How do I get to where you are? What made you get here? And I was like, I just told her, I was like, one day I woke up and I was sick and tired of fucking being sick and tired. I was so exhausted from being Groundhog's day, every day, feeling the same, doing the same. That's why even now, like, I have been working Dr. Tori and we figured out I have that free cortisol stuff that's like fucking with my body and I've been taking a supplement now. Even just that one minute detail, one small fucking thing I've done for me has like almost freed me from the shackles. I don't have that same anxiety I've been waking up and going to bed too. I keep telling her, like, every day I'm feeling like three to five percent better, which is fucking huge.

And for the first time, you guys, the first fucking time, I was laying in bed the other night. I forgot to take my supplement. This is it's you take it in the morning for me, just for what I'm dealing with. And I forgot to take it. And I literally woke up and I, in my head, the first thought that came was, oh my God, fuck, dude, you didn't take your supplement. Like, no wonder you can't sleep. So I was going into the blaming myself.

Like, you're an idiot. Why would you? And instead of going down that road of like panic and starting to hyperventilate, I literally said, you know what, dude, you're a fucking human, you made a mistake, you'll put, you'll take it in the morning. And I could feel my body relax. I could feel the dopamine release in my brain when I showed myself compassion, when I showed myself grace when I didn't try to attack my fucking self. And I've also been allowing myself. Like last night, we went to a Netflix event. I was on cloud nine. I was like, this is why we moved to L.A. Like I fucking feel it. I know it's coming. Like I felt it in. my loins and I was like this. And then I woke up this morning going, maybe it's not. Oh my God, no, wait, what? Dude, what are you talking about? You're just fucking kidding yourself. Like, look at, look at your number. Right? And I started going into reconfirmation of like, no, no, no, you need to find what's not working so that you can prove to yourself that it's your fault that it's not working. And I default to blame. And instead, now I'm learning to say, hey,

you're going to go on the waves. One day, you're going to be like, oh my God, I feel like I'm in cloud nine. I got this. Fuck you world. I'm coming for. And then something small might happen or you wake up and all of a sudden you're like, why am I here? What's my point? What's my purpose? Like what is the, what are we all doing this for? And that's really normal. And it was so interesting. I was actually at to lunch with my friend yesterday. And I said, man, some days I wake up and I blame myself so hard for why everything happened and my mind, you know, full accountability, right? Accountability different than blame. And I said, you know, sometimes I just want to say, fuck it and be done with it all. And she goes, oh, yeah, ha ha. When you're driving, you just think, what if I, what if I just like veered my car off and it just went off the side? And when you're she said it, I was like, wait a minute, you think that too? And she was like, yeah, dude, that's really human. And I was like, I wouldn't do that, but I was like, holy shit, I want to share that story in case you have that moment of, oh my God, you think this too? You're not alone. It is really tough being a fucking human. And if you have moments where you're like, what if I just gave up right now? That's okay for you to have them. I'm like, what if? But then you remind yourself,

no, bitch, I'm not. Because the alternative, if I take my last breath, I don't get a chance. I don't get an opportunity. I don't get another try at this time. So I'm going to fucking make the goddamn most of it while I have breath. So we're going to do that together. And we're going to go over what's going on. What's going on? So some of you guys have written in, my brain keeps blaming me for my ex cheating and leaving.

How do I stop? Or I logically know it wasn't my fault, but I can't stop self-blaming. So that's what we're going to dive in today. Why your brain literally won't let you forgive yourself. or, you know, really let you do anything about forgiveness with yourself, even when everyone else has, even when you know it wasn't your fucking fault. And here's a thing. This isn't about you being weak. There's actually neuroscience, which is what we're going to go, as to why some brains are wired for self-punishment more than others. So let's get right on into it. So the

self-blame brain. So there is something called the neural highway discovery. And you know what? I realized, by the way, guys, you might not think, I watch every episode. I read all the comments. Me or tech, I read all the comments. Sometimes we specifically ignore them, and sometimes, you know, I'll be on the run and I see it and I'm on the way. I have realized that I don't want to say the studies. After really, after I was hearing it, I was like, you sound dumb. So if you want the studies, I'm happy to send them to you, but I'm just going to go ahead and give you the title of the study and not have to botch the names. Researchers at King's College Lundgeon discovered that self-blame creates hyper-connectivity between your anterior temporal cortex

and your subgenual cortex. So what does that mean in layman's term in English so we can understand? Your brain builds an eight-lane highway for self-blame. So the more you use it, the stronger it gets. This actually predicts future depressive episodes. And the reason I wanted to talk about the neuroscience to start is to debunk things that you think you're the only one or that you think you're the fuck up. I lived that life for so fucking long.

Guys, all I used to do was blame myself for everything. A guy didn't like me must be my fault. Somebody didn't want to be with me. That's it. I'm the fuck up. I didn't get the job because you're not good enough, dude. Why the fuck would you think anybody would like you? And that was a physical and mental manifestation for me of my brain creating all of these highways so that I could blame myself because you know why?

If I blame myself, all roads lead back to me because if I blame me, I take full accountability. And if I take full accountability and ownership, then it was in my control. And if it was in my control, I could have changed the outcome. And that is not actually based in any kind of fact or logic. That is really just that emotional side of our brain saying, but I could have changed the outcome. And that's the reality you couldn't. Now we have the physical pain study.

So we know that your brain has wiring. And I'm kind of like a kid who got a new pair of sneakers. When I hear a new study, I'll probably say it 20 times. Yay, you'll remember. So the study that I was seeing that if you complain for up to three minutes, even three minutes of complaining adds one to two hours of cortisol stress to your day. And so then what happens? brain is like, hey, this is what we want. The more you give it, the more dopamine it receives,

the more attention you give it, the more your brain's like, got it. Okay, so this is what they want. I'm doing a great job. So you're reconfirming that road. That's why when we have an eight-lane highway of blame, it's not shocking that you just keep getting back on the road. So when you say it physically hurts, you're not being dramatic. Brain scans actually show that self-blame activates the interior cingulate cortex. That is the same region as physical pain. That's why when a breakup happens, I feel like my heart is broken. You're not being dramatic. That's why I'm like, when you said, I will validate like, yeah, that's actually how it feels.

You genuinely believe that someone came in, ripped your heart out, threw it on the floor, and is stepping on it with a fucking knife and just going to town. Because that part of your brain activates. And so your brain just knows I'm in pain. That's why it feels so intense. And that's why we also say, do not start to get back on the loops of like checking the instants, checking the stories, because you're just going deeper on that neural path. pathway. Have you ever had a moment where you think, man, someone should really do something about this?

Then you realize, maybe that someone is you. Well, with the help of GoFundMe, you can change someone's life. You could start a GoFund me to help a friend pay for school, fund that new community space, or help a local kid finally get to that national competition. I've seen this myself. Last year, a friend of mine launched a go fund me to help with medical bills after an unexpected surgery. It was incredible how fast the support rolled in. People want to help. They just need a way to do it. And GoFundMe makes it easy. So do you have a dream, a person, or a cause in your life that could use some support? Don't wait for someone else to bring change. You can be the one who makes a difference. GoFundMe is the world's number one fundraising platform, trusted by over 200 million people.

Start your GoFundMe today at gofundme.com. That's gofundme.com. That's gofundme. Then there was something called the guilt versus shame revelation. So guilt, I did something bad and shame, I am bad, light up completely different brain regions and most of us don't even know which one we're experiencing. And I think that's really interesting. The guilt, I did something bad. Shame, I am bad. I think it's really important for us to hold on to that difference and it's very real.

So one of you guys are written in and asked, but I feel bad because I didn't want to be a bitch. What does that mean? Well, that's shame about your identity, not guilt about an action. Do you notice the difference? I feel that I don't want to be a bitch. So you're shaming. I am a bitch. I am an asshole.

I am these things. You're fusing. You're not feeling guilty about I feel like I would be a bitch because I would hurt their feelings, right? Then you're like, huh, does that actually make any sense? No. Does that make me bitchy? No. That's where we have to say, what is the difference here between how we're identifying with

what we're feeling. Is it your action that's a cause or your identity? When you fuse with your identity, baby, it's really fucking hard to defuse that. That's part of a lot of the stuff that I do in the courses, which, by the way, guys, as always, the shameless plug. If you need more, join the foundation course. It is eight weeks. It gives you everything. We have some new stuff coming out in the new year as well. We have a going slow course, babies. Everything is going to be in the link in show notes. You can work one-on-one. You can ask a question. You can download the free guides. Whatever you guys need, please know everything at SabrinazoHer.com or right here. There's a stand store link in the show notes or my website. So please just know that's an option. And if not, thanks for listening to

the podcast. The last thing I will call out, ad free. Stop complaining about fucking ads on a goddamn free show. I say that with a lot of love, but this is a free resource for you guys. I've had four ads since I started the show two years ago. So if you want ad free, join on up. It's $4 a month. If not, that's totally cool. Enjoy the show. You guys had asked, friendship breakup and now I feel like the bad guy. Well, go back and listen to the friendship episode, which was actually shocking. I thought that was going to do better, but here we are. Anyways, we'll keep doing more. But notice, again, the bad guy, not I did something bad.

You're making it about who you are, not what happened to you. And that's what I mean by we fuse. And we have to, you know, I'll be honest with you guys. I feel like nowadays language has kind of gone out the window. Words are very fucking important. We can't just be throwing shit left right and center. And it's like because you don't understand what it does to your psyche. That's why I yell and scream of like, stop identifying.

Stop calling people. You know, somebody wrote in today being like, had two dates, she ended it with me. Could it be because she's a void? And it's like, what are you trying to understand their attachment style when you had two dates and they said, I don't feel it? Stop trying to understand everybody else and instead come back to you and don't fuse with that. And this is why, we're going to go into it. This is why knowing doesn't help. Because this is why intellectualizing isn't going to get you to where you want.

Because, again, I could go and say, imagine if I intellectualize how to fucking do brain surgery. I've read all the books. I did all the courses. I read all the podcasts. It doesn't mean when I go to do it. I know what the fuck I'm doing. That there's a different, we have to exercise different muscles.

That's also why I say like failure it doesn't exist anymore. There are lessons that you're learning. And if you're not learning from them, okay, well then that's the fucking failure if you ask me. So there's a study done. Your logical brain,

which is the prefrontal cortex and your emotional brain, which is the amygdala, literally speak different languages. So trying to fix feelings with logic is like using Excel to heal a broken heart. And the reason that we say that is it's two different parts. That's why we say

different tools, different techniques. There is a reason. There is a reason journaling, meditating, yoga are important. I used to scoff. I used to go like, this is stupid. This is pointless. It was just buzzwords. Now I understand. I'm like, no, meditation allowed me to put space between my thoughts and my feelings so that I could watch thoughts go by and not act on them. Yoga helped them get into my body, helped me move my nervous system and regulate.

Journaling helped me get it out of my brain and process in a different way. They're not just buzzy. It's because you can't think your way out of feeling better. You can't. You're excheated and somehow you made it your fault. They lied. They betrayed you. They broke your trust.

And you're over here asking, what did I do wrong? Let me tell you what's happening. Your brain would rather you be guilty than helpless. If it's your fault, you had control. If you had control, you could have prevented it. If you could have prevented it, you're not vulnerable. But here's the reality, baby. Sometimes people are just fucking shit.

That's it. It has nothing to do with you. And sometimes it truly has everything to do with them and how they handle conflict or the lack thereof. Your brain just can't accept that and you can do everything right and still fucking get hurt. And then we have something called the body bridge. Since logic can't reach emotions directly, we use your body as a translator. So what does that actually mean? Your hand on your head.

Logic. Your hand on your heart. Emotion. Take five deep breaths to connect them because both are real and valid. these are what I mean by these little things. I know you're probably like, is this dumb bitch really telling me to put like, like, what am I fucking going to tap on my head in my stomach? It's random things like that. Like actually, yeah, if you start to feel anxious, hop backwards on one foot and count to 10. What you're doing is you're tricking your brain. Because just as easily as we can go on to those paths, we can create new ones. I, the reason I share, again, so much about me is so that you guys can see how I'm practicing this and putting this into practice every fucking day. When I say like, holy shit, I woke up in my brain. I'm, I woke up in my brain. I, didn't go to where I naturally automatically did. That didn't just happen because I'm just so special and I am just such a unique, crazy.

No, it's because I do the fucking work. Every goddamn day, I show up every fucking day for myself. I don't blame myself for not doing something. I allow myself to take rest when it's needed. But I also challenge myself. Like this morning, did you think I wanted to go to Pilates at 7 a.m.? No, no. I wanted to lay in bed, and I wanted to watch more ID channel.

And I didn't. Instead, I said, Sabrina, you said something to yourself. You're going to do it because you're going to hold your word. And I didn't blame or shame myself. for doing that. Someone asked, I logically know it wasn't my fault, but I can't stop ruminating. I want you to try this. Set a rumination appointment. Literally, because what that does, it allows you to know that you're going to get to it. So at 5 p.m. when I'm home from work, I'm going to give myself 20 minutes to ruminate. Outside of those, those thoughts wait for their appointment. That way, you're not stopping them

or scheduling them. You're giving yourself the choice and the freedom to say, and right now it doesn't work. Right? It's the same even like, I had a friend that we haven't spoken in two months. And every time I go to reach out. I'm like, I reached out to her and she didn't answer me. Okay. Right. I don't need to I ruminate and a spiral and I check the text and I'm like, you know what? When I get home later today, I'm going to allow myself to freak out about this. But right now, I have work to do. I have clients. I have stuff to do. I cannot put my life on hold because of other people's bullshit. And then let's actually talk about the replay addiction. What is that? It's 3 a.m. and you're replaying the one thing that you did in fucking 2019. Your brain is convinced that if you analyze it enough, you can somehow

I don't know, change what happened. But here's the reality. Your brain doesn't know the difference between replaying and rehearsing. So every replay that you do strengthens the neural pathway of self-blame. You're not actually processing. You're literally practicing fucking self-torture. That goes back to what we were talking about earlier of. The more you do think you replay, you go into it, you're not actually helping yourself grow.

Eventually, guys, like let me, let's be honest. Let's call it what it is. You get to a point. My mom always said, when you're sick and tired of being sick and tired, you'll make a change. Eventually, you get to a point where it's like, I think you know very well. You're not fucking processing anymore. And the reason I love the DMs I get from you guys of like, oh my God, I'm doing the work, isn't because, I'm sure, some of you guys aren't in relationships. It's not always about I met the person. You know why? It's because you're making fucking choices.

You are saying, I'm done feeling this way. Why do you think I started working with Dr. Tori? Well, let me ask you, why do you think I go to therapy every week? Why do you think I go to the gym? Why do you, what do you think I do all this shit? It's because I know if I don't do anything different than is going to change and that my life is my responsibility. Now, there are things I can't control. But if I don't feel great or if I'm not feeling good, I don't like this and this doesn't work for me, then I'm going to do everything in my fucking power. And that took me years. I'm still on this journey. So please know, we have got to get to a point where eventually you say, I'm fucking tired of this. And you know, some people do that. They'll stop listening to the show. They'll hop off and

they'll just say, I don't want to do this anymore. I just want to go back to what I was. And that's more than okay. You've ever right. If this is our last time together, Arriva d'erchu, baby. It was great to have you. Or first or anywhere in between. Welcome. But you do have control. You don't have to keep blaming yourself for why your life is like this, but you could take accountability for what your part in it was. This is the one rule. I want you to extract an exit. What was the lesson? Write it in one fucking sentence. Every time your brain replays, I want you to repeat that sentence out loud. What's the lesson? And then say it, because your brain will get bored once it knows what you've learned. Isn't that interesting?

That your brain is like, nah, I'm good. No thanks. Because it's a predictive machine. So it's like, oh, they learned. Got it. Hence why we can move on with things. Someone asked, what do I do? I always rethink about a text I sent.

Well, your brain thinks that there is a perfect text. You've convinced yourself that if I'm just perfect, if I get, if I do everything right, I will get the outcome I desire. But there's not. I want you to write your lesson. I text when I'm emotional. And then what's the future rule? I'm going to wait two hours before sending.

Done. That way you don't need to analyze what you're doing. That way you have trust that you know what it is that you're doing. That when you say something, that's why I'm always saying too. You can put it in your notes. I never sent Ryan the breakup text. Thank God. Here we are.

And I'm glad I didn't because not everything needs to be in the moment. The friend I was just telling you guys about, I haven't texted. No. It's sitting in my notepad. Should I decide to? Maybe. But I'm good. I don't need to beg and run after somebody.

And when I send a text, I know what you've mean. Do you know how many times I've opened up my phone? Like when I thought, when I thought, and I was like, oh my God, if she goes me and I kept rereading the text and I was like, hey, dude, this isn't helping you. This isn't helping you move on. This isn't helping you process. You're just getting back into what the fuck did I do. What's wrong with me? Why isn't this working? And it's like because I'm trying to figure out what was a what can I do to get what I want. Sometimes it's just about accepting it. Did you guys know that there are three types of self-blamers? The first type is the one that takes the responsibility thief. This is my mama. They take blame for

others actions, right? So the cheating acts, the narcissists behavior, all of those things. So that's my mama. If somebody else does something, she'll say, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry they did that. And I'm like, why is that your responsibility? How are you taking blame and responsibility for what your son, your ex-husband, your sister, any of these people, why is it your responsibility? Now we have the second one, the good person prisoner. This type can't set boundaries without feeling evil. You know why you feel guilty for having boundaries? Because somewhere along the way, you learned that being good meant having no needs, because that was probably what a caregiver taught you. That being nice meant never saying no. That being lovable meant never making anyone uncomfortable because, hey, I have control, right? So now when someone disrespects you and you want to leave, your brain goes, oh, no, that's mean. No, bitch, that's not mean. That's self-respect right there in action. You're not a fucking rehabilitation center for badly behaved adults. You are allowed to leave rooms where you are not respected. That's not being bitchy. That is showing basic fucking respect for yourself. And like frankly speaking, it gets exhausting. You start to overanalyze, you overthink, you overthink, you spiral. And guys, if you remember the series from a couple of weeks ago,

about the overthinking and the over texting and the protest behavior. It's exhausting. And here's the thing about all these three types. You've probably apologized 40 fucking seven times. They said they forgive you. Everyone's moved on, except you. You're still punishing yourself for that thing that you did six months ago. But do you know why? Because you don't actually want their forgiveness. I know, that might sound really crazy. You want to go back in time and not need it. You want to undo the thing that required the apology. But that's not how fucking time works. So you're stuck in this loop where no amount of to forgiveness is enough because what you really want is impossible to have never messed up in the first place.

There's a full assessment to determine your type. But truthfully told, most people are mixed. So the solution depends on your primary pattern. So I want you to start to look at each one of those and be objective about it. Of like, okay, do I try to take accountability for everybody else's fuck up? Is it like that my excheed on me? It must have been my fault. I didn't treat him.

I didn't do this. I didn't do that. She did this. She did that. Eventually, we have to say, what was my part in it and what was theirs? What can I control and what can they? That's all we can do. So one tool I want you guys to start with when we start to feel it's called the 5-5-5. So we are going to give you this. And like I said, if you guys want more, come and join the course. I say that with love because, of course, not everything can just be given in a podcast. There is something about like investing in yourself. Again, why do you think I went to class this morning? Because I fucking paid. I paid. I invested in myself. And I was like, no, girl, you're showing up. You fucking. But if it was a free class, I would be like, yeah, whatever, I'm staying home. Because when we have when we have skin in the game, we actually show up. That could even be subscribing to the podcast. I don't really care. But please just know. Those resources are there. But I'm going to give you a tool

that you guys can start to implement and then see how you're feeling. And then that's, we'll go from there. Guys, you know, the podcast has so many tools anyways. So here's one that you could try. So for five minutes, I want you to feel the guilt or the shamefully. You can even set a clock. I don't care. Then for five minutes, I want you to physically move. I do some yoga. You could literally punch the air. I don't care. Then for five minutes, you're going to engage an next. You're teaching your brain that feelings have a beginning, a middle, and an end. And it's literally you carve out 15 fucking minutes of your time in the day to just say, I'm going to show up for me. So maybe I ruminate, I spiral, I do that. And then I say, you know what, I'm done. I'm going to go for a walk right now.

And then I come home and I go back into maybe making something. Because what I'm telling is, we're closing the loop. There's a finality to how I feel. I'm not just letting this go off into ether. Because I was. Like, I would literally sit and spiral. and cry and hyperventilate in bed, I would attack myself. I always thought it's all my fault. Everything has to be my fault because if I could blame me, then I have control. And I know we all want control because what does control mean that I can choose if I have to feel this or not? And there are going to be times you're going to be a fucking human. You're going to be a human and you're going to fuck up and you're going to mess up and you're going to say something stupid or you're going to hurt somebody else's feelings.

And that's okay. We have to stop trying to be these perfect versions because, did that work when you were a kid? Did you have caregivers that just had no patience for you unless you did what they wanted? Or maybe they didn't teach you how to say no? Because if you said no, like my household, you got hit, or you got into fucking boatloads of trouble, or you just didn't even dare say it because why would you?

But the reality is your brain won't let you off the hook because it thinks punishing you keeps everyone safe. But self-blame doesn't prevent future mistakes. It actually kind of predicts them. That's the real thing here is like, I see this all the time. the shit that we're trained to avoid, we end up doing. How many times we've been like, I want to make sure, like, I've seen this with my own family,

my mom will be like, I want to make sure everything goes right and she'll focus on all the stuff that's outside of her. And then sure enough, it's like, guess what didn't go well? The night. And it happens because we have to release control of the outcome and learn to surrender that we're not in full control. But you are in control of yourself. You are in control of your thoughts.

You are in control of how you show up. But more importantly, more importantly than anything, I hope that from this episode, from anything that we're talking about, that you can just understand you're fucking human, that if you blame yourself and you go into the spiral and the loop, that that's really normal because your brain was wired for that. So now how do we combat that? What are the tools that you can tap into? How are you speaking to yourself? How are you showing up for you? How are you allowing yourself to process through this? You've got a choice, babe. And so now I invite you to take that choice. And guys, as always, you know, I'm here if you know, I'm here. If you want to work one and one, ask a question,

join the course. Whatever you want. I'm here. And if not, that's cool too. tuning in. Thank you for being part of the family. I'd love to know, what do you blame yourself for? Do you try to take or which one of the three do you identify with? What are you holding on to? And what can we fucking let go with? I love the comments. Leave them in. Let's engage. Let's start a fucking conversation. Let's get the community involved so that you guys really can feel less alone. I know I do. I know I do. When you guys comment in and let me know what you're experiencing, it makes me feel like I'm a fucking human and that this is all par for the course. I invite you guys to do that. And if not, thank you for being here. And until next time, my babies, I love you. And I'll see you next week for part D or part two of the series where we are going to go into no shame and guilt. Until then, babes.