The Sabrina Zohar Show - 30: Overcoming heartbreak and long distance relationship with Lindsey Harrod

Episode Date: August 11, 2023

On this weeks episode of The Sabrina Zohar Show, Sabrina is joined by fitness influencer and badass babe Lindsey Harrod to go over overcoming heartbreak, doing the work to heal, and getting the love of her life in a successful long distance relationship!  Use the code 'dothework' for 5 FREE classes on the Lindsey Harrod Fitness app found HERE! Want to work with Sabrina? HERE! Stuck After the Podcast? Master Implementation in 8 Weeks with Sabrina's Foundation Course Join the Make It Make Sense: Getting Through a Breakup course HERE! Get Ad-free episodes and 2 Bonus episodes a month HERE! Dont forget to follow Sabrina and The Sabrina Zohar Show on instagram and Sabrina on Tik tok! Video now available on YOUTUBE!  Disclaimer: The Sabrina Zohar Show, formally known as Do The Work, is not affiliated with A.Z & associates LLC in any capacity. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Amazon presents Laura versus Fruit Flies. Swarming your fruit and terrorizing your kitchen, these little freaks multiply at a rate that would make a rabbit say yo. Chill. But Laura shopped on Amazon and saved on cleaning spray, countertop wipes, and fly traps. Hey, fruit flies, your baby boom ends here. Save the Everyday with Amazon. Hello, hello, hello, and welcome into another episode of Do the Work podcast.

My name is Sabrina Zohar and I am your host. I am so excited, guys. We have my friend Lindsay Herod here. She is our guest this week. Lindsay is one of my favorite fitness badass babes. She's got an incredible fitness app. But aside from that, she is on this week to talk about overcoming her greatest heartbreak, her breakup of with her ex-fiance, moving into her healing journey, how it was when she was single,

and then meeting the love of her life in a long-distance relationship. and how they were able to work through that to where he is now living in California with her. So I'm just so excited to share with you about Lindsay's journey because I think so many of you guys ask about long distance relationships and overcoming heartbreak. And I think this is a true testament. Like if you do the work, it works. If you work it, it works. That's what my mama always says. And so I'm so excited. And guys, just another PSA. If you haven't already, please don't forget to leave a five-star review for the podcast if you think it's worth five stars. It helps me so much more than I can even explain. I'm so amped with you guys. We have our next live event coming up in LA, September 14th, by the time this comes out, our New York event, August, some point in August.

I know we're still finalizing. But I'm just so excited to meet you guys in real life. And as always, if you ever need anything, there is a link in my show notes for everything, Lindsay that you could possibly need as well as myself. If you want to ask a question, dating app audits, or anything at all, if you ever need, it's always in the show notes. So without further ado, let's get right on into it. Hello, Lindsay.

Hey, girls. Hey girl, hey, live for you from California. I'm stoked. I've known Lindsay for a minute now. And this is kind of something that I had been wanting to do with you for a while. And I'm so excited that I could have you on because I think long distance relationships, first, let's even backtrack. Heartbreak is something everybody can experience.

And I think being able to surrender to the universe and trust and do what you did and then meet somebody in a long distance relationship, push through and have a success is such an inspiration to so many people and I can't wait to hear your journey. And I, because I remember when you text me. I remember when we text about this. Look how far we've come. Oh my goodness. Look how far we've come. But, Linz, let's start off if you could just introduce yourself. So everybody knows who you are and in your own words. Thanks, girl. What's up you guys? I'm Lindsay Harrod. I'm a fitness trainer. I have my own app. It is the LHF app. So if you just head to the app store and just search Lindsay Harrod Fitness, she'll pop right up. I lead a community of women. My brand is all about community connection.

connection through movement, helping women feel their strongest and most confident self. So that's what I do. That's what I'm passionate about. I've been an athlete my entire life. So fitness has always been really a cornerstone of just who I am.

And being able to turn it into a career that impacts other women's lives in a positive way has been truly the greatest gift. Oh, fuck yeah. This might be biased. I love the app. Personally, I love it. I do.

And I'm really excited because Lindsay is offering five free classes. So we're going to put the show in the link in the show notes, if you use do the work, you get to experience one of my favorite workouts, because sometimes you really do just need a little on the go when you're kind of stuck in that day and you don't know what you want to do. And you know what I love that you actually do cycling. Like with your cycle of like, okay, and this week do this and this week do this. It's been actually a game changer for me. So thank you for doing. Oh, you are so welcome. I love it. Okay.

So let's, I kind of want to start really, I think, on what, let's start, I think, with, you are now because I know your story is so beautiful and I'd love to hear you're just your story of how you met your man and oh goodness we're going there right away we're going right in because I think there's a lot of folks I think I know you even mentioned this that like you felt alone that you didn't realize that so many people are in long distance relationships and so many people are yeah so I would love to just hear your story and then I'm going to chip away and start asking you a ton of questions okay let's get into it I'll do my best to like keep it brief because it is kind of a long story but essentially I was in Greece last October hosting my first international fitness retreat.

And I met him at a bar. That's the short of it. I met him at a bar. And it was kind of like an instant connection. I contact right away. It was like kind of a game over like, this is it. We, you know, spent time together while I was in Greece. And then I left and I went home thinking I was never going to see this person ever again.

You know, we stayed in contact for just like texting for a few days. I think just like I was like to be polite and cordial. But then it honestly just was a snowball effect. It turned into communicating more and more and more and face-timing every single day and really getting to know this person and falling for this person for who they are, which we can touch on that later too, but that to me is like one of the beautiful parts of a long-distance relationship. And then fast forward a couple months later, he lived in Greece, by the way. He wasn't like an American guy that I met at a bar.

He came to visit and we were just kind of having fun at this point. I was like, if this hot Greek guy wants to come visit me, like, I am not going to say no. I am single. I just moved to Orange County. I'm thriving. Bring it on. So he came to visit and the connection just got stronger. You know, we missed each other a lot when he left.

A couple months later, he came back again. And after that time, it was like, okay, it's been six months now. Like, we need to make a decision here. Are we moving this relationship forward and we need to have a conversation about what that looks like? Or we just need to cut ties because it's not fair for either of us to keep investing energy in this. if it's not going anywhere. I'm 34 years old. Like I've had a failed engagement. Like I, I don't have time to waste, but I really felt strongly about what I had with this person. And long story short, he ended up moving here three months ago and we're extremely happy. Holy shit. It's been three months already.

Yeah. My God. Yeah. That's wild. But I know. And I think the one thing that I love that you said was like, and it's kind of the same thing with me. Like when I met my boyfriend, I own, we hooked up on the first date. So when I left his house, I was like, you bitch, you're never seeing this guy again. I was like, that's it. Like, say goodbye. You know, because like we're going to condition to feel like that. Totally. And I think I love that you mentioned that when you left.

Like you didn't hold to the outcome. It wasn't like, oh no, yeah. Oh, my God, I met this Greek guy. But let me ask you. Okay, so for a lot of folks that are in long distance now, let's also preface. We're not talking long distance that you met somebody on a dating app. And you're talking for six months, but you've never met each other. We're talking.

You met this person in person. Yeah. What did the communication look like? because I know that's a big point of contention. I'm a big advocate of you don't need to text all day every day, but I'd love to know how did you guys kind of work through the communication? Yeah, I mean, first of all, texting all day is not feasible for me.

One, there's a 10 hour time difference. It's just actually not possible. But I mean, I'm running my own business. I'm extremely busy all day. But you carve out the time and you don't have mind. We didn't have mindless communication that was like, you know, small talk over text and silly banter. Sure, that's fun and that's part of it.

it was intentional, meaningful communication. That was time carved out of my day for that, time carved out of his day for that, meeting in the middle with time zones and what works for who. And a lot, a lot of face time. Yeah. Yeah. And so you guys relied more on that than the texting.

Oh, yeah, 100%. And I think it's like, realistically, I mean, so how long did you guys spend when you met? When we met? I met him on the last night of my trip. Oh, my God. Of course you did. I know.

Of course. I mean, I wasn't there on a vacation. Like, I was there hosting my fitness retreat. was with girls. I was not out there with the intention of finding a guy, you know, that wasn't on my radar at all. This was just literally last night of my trip. It was just me and a couple of my girlfriends left, saw this cute guy at a bar. It's a funny story. But I, I'm just like, I'm going to shoot my shot. Who knows? You know, wait a minute. Wait a minute. You just, I love this. How did you shoot your shot? Okay. Please inspire women everywhere. Okay. Well,

I don't know if this will be inspiring, but this is the truth. He was just standing there. He was just standing there looking like a Greek god with a sunset hitting his face and we were all sitting at this table having happy hour drinks like watching the sunset by the water and we were admiring him and I took a video of him like on my phone zoomed in on his face. I love this. I wasn't even I wasn't even cool about it. You know what I mean? Like no shame. Straight up. I can see it. And I can't really. And I posted it to my close friends. But I obviously I was just like being playful and I posted it to my close friends. And I was like, what are the odds they make out with this guy tonight? Again, just being playful. Well, then when he ended up coming over and talking to us,

it got to the point where we were going to exchange contact information. And I went to hand him my phone because he wanted my Instagram. And when I pulled up my Instagram, the last thing that was up on my screen was the video of him on my close friends. Straight up. Oh, I love this so much. Have you guys, I'm sure, talked about this since? Yeah. He didn't know I was videoing him. He didn't know. He said he felt like we were talking about him, but he didn't know that I was videoing him, but he saw. And I mean, like, you don't have any choice in that moment, but to just suck it up and play it cool. Like, there's no recovering or acting like, oh, I didn't know that was there. Oh, my God. Yeah, I know. I mean, it just laughed, you know.

I was like, yeah. Oh, man, I love that. But I appreciate at least that you shot your shot and you had this conversation because I think there's a lot of people and that, that is inspiring because there are people that are scared or I don't want to make any moves and da-da-da. It's like, sometimes you just have to kind of say, fuck it. and like accept the cards as they fall of like, yeah, I did something embarrassing. Yeah. I mean, obviously, like, I didn't know it was going to pan out that way. I was for sure trying to like get some eye contact going. Things like that put the vibes out. But I did not think that this funny video that I took was going to be how that panned out.

Oh, man. So it makes it better. Makes the story better. That is probably my favorite part of the story. So once you left, because I'm curious about, I think a lot of the questions that we got were really around like, how did you guys maintain this, connection when you were gone, like when you weren't together. And I mean, I know obviously face times, but like, did you plan dates on the face times? Not really. I think, you know, I'll be honest, my situation is a little bit different because for me, I was in a place in my life where I had just gone through like a really intense healing period in my life. And I was finally feeling in a place where I was having almost like a playful attitude towards dating, which I had lost that for

myself for a really long time. And so I was kind of like, lighthearted about it. There was no intense expectations or pressures on the outcome of this, like you said in the beginning. We just really loved talking to one another and getting to know one another. So I wouldn't say we necessarily planned dates, but it was that was, we looked forward to that time of our day. You know, I looked forward to getting off work and getting that hour, hour and a half to like FaceTime with him and hang out with him. Sometimes I would just put the face time up while I was working on the computer and just felt like we were hanging out. And I like that you guys, and here's, I think, the biggest component of this is it takes two willing participants.

100%. Yeah. That's, that's a really, a really large component of it is that we were, it was mutual. You know, we were both, we were both invested equally. But again, not invested to the degree where we're like, oh, thinking this is really going to turn into something. I think obviously you're hopeful. That's why you're continuing to get to know somebody. And like I said earlier, I think one of the beautiful parts about a long distance relationship. is that I was really getting to fall in love with this person for who they are. Like, I fell for this person's soul. It had nothing, like no external factors played into that. It wasn't about what kind of car he picked me up in or where he took me to dinner on our first date or if he was fidgeting or nervous or saying or doing the right things. Like, your guard's kind of down when you're in your own element and you're just getting to know somebody like via communication.

And we built a foundation that was really based off of communication and an emotional connection, none of the outside bullshit. And he just so happens to be a total babe, which is, so are you. So, yay, all this right in the world. But, like, I think, L.O.L. I think, like, what I see a lot, because, like, I've had, I've had a couple of long-distance little things. I wouldn't say there were anything to call home about. But it was like, when I lived in L.A., I had met a guy to work out class. And, like, he lived in Utah. And we tried to make it work. And it was like, he just wasn't in a headspace. Like, Homeboy is still fucking single this long after. We've been there. You know those guys that I'm talking about that it's like, you want to make it work. But as,

it takes two people. It can't just be one person that is the one willing to make the phone calls and willing to make the text messages and willing. But I think what I get what actually shocks me a lot is how many people will like meet somebody on an app and they'll start getting into these conversations after like a couple of weeks. Because think about it. You're texting somebody morning and a night. What are you going to talk about the future? I mean, you can only talk about so much about yourself. And then it starts to kind of tee up this unrealistic expectation. And it's like it has to work out because you've vested so much into this. And I'm appreciative that you mentioned, like, it was playful. It was fun. You enjoyed the process of it as opposed to it being like anxiety inducing. Yeah, there was no conversations about the future until honestly, probably after like six months, which I'm not telling people to go out there and just waste six months of your life in a long distance relationship and then decide to have a conversation about if this is going to go somewhere. My situation was a little bit more unique. I actually have been in a previous long distance relationship with someone else who lived in Europe. Oh, really? You know, I also met my ex-Biancee on vacation in another country,

too. Apparently, this is my thing. Oh, okay. I'm here for this. Or maybe the underlining theme here is I don't like American men. Also here for that too. Okay. But it was honestly same. It was mutual and there was time differences and we were both willing to make that sacrifice or in those scheduling differences and things like that. But it does eventually come to a head where it's like, okay, if this is going to move forward and we're having this conversation, like at some point, someone has got to move. Right. You know?

And he had said he was going to move. And I think when it came down to it, he was too afraid to make that decision. And I understand moving is moving to a new city is scary, let alone moving to an entire new country. I give my current boyfriend like so much credit because that transition has like not been easy for him. But yeah, if you're in a long distance relationship, I think it's important to have open conversations about the future, but without putting an intense pressure on them, you can still have

conversations about what you want out of your future and keep it playful and get to know what this other person wants out of the future in their life and what that looks like for them without it feeling like, are you that person? Are you going to like slide into my life and fill that role? Exactly. And it's like or, you know, because like you're the epitome of like you build this beautiful life for yourself. This person's in addition to not instead of. Like he wasn't coming in to save you or to come. you have an incredible life that you've built. And now you get to share that with somebody awesome. And I think what I hear a lot is very, like,

that's kind of the first question I'll always ask. Anybody that reaches out to me about like advice for long distance, I'm like, okay, are either one of you okay to move? Because if no one's going to call each, if you're, if you live here and the other person lives there, you guys can't take time off of work, your paycheck to paycheck. You can't go visit each other.

It's like, as much as I'd love to say, fairy tales can happen. It's like an element of reality is to set in that, yeah, this might not pan out. Yeah. And also I think accepting the fact that if one person is in a position to be able to move, like they have the flexibility to do that.

Like, let's call a spade a spade. That means that the more secure person needs to be ready to take on the responsibility of being the more secure person. Maybe that's financially or whatever it is in the relationship. Because that person is making that huge life adjustment for you and for the sake of the relationship. So, you know, there's a balance. There's a give and take from both people.

100%. And would you say, what would you say your top tip is for anybody in a long distance relationship right now? Oh my God. This is, this is pressure. Top tip. I mean, honestly, I think make sure that it feels equally yoke is my top tip. If it starts to feel one sided, if you feel like you're the one who's reaching out more, communicating more, and that's, that's going to start to give you anxiety. You're going to start to fill attachment anxiety. It should feel mutual. And if it's not, then I think you have a conversation about it and see if it improves and if it doesn't, then it may be time to move on. But I think, like, try it. It's a shitty situation to be in long distance isn't like fun, you know. So try to

keep it as playful as you can, you know, like to keep that spark alive doesn't mean don't be serious with one another. But try to keep the process of it as playful as you can so that it's enjoyable and there's no animosity that's, you know, or resentment that's built up down the road and just make sure that you feel in your heart that it's 100. percent mutual. Totally. And I think I like, I'm glad you even said playful because it's like dating in general, I think it's gotten to this point where it's like I can feel the anxiety from people. And listen, I used to be her. Like I was same same. I was just say, did you ever were you, where would you fall on the spectrum? More avoidant, more anxious. Like, not avoidant. I don't know, honestly.

A little bit more anxious though. Yeah, maybe a little bit more anxious. Because like I used to have, I just used to go into things with such an expectation. Like I had a plan. This is what I want for my life. this is the kind of man that I'm looking for. I have a list of who he is. And if you don't, like, I'm sizing you up right away, you know. And if you're not meeting the criteria, I'm already writing you off, which is sad. But that's pretty much what it came down to. But that's, you know, part of my journey and where I'm at. It's personal to me. But, um, yeah, I just, I had to know, like, and I feel like, and then you almost have this like desperation about you because they're like, you're desperate to find a husband and they can feel that. And they can feel that energy,

whether you realize you're giving it off or not. And I probably was. And it just, I was just not attracting the right men. It was horrible. I remember I asked my boyfriend recently. I was like, did you? I was like, oh, you know, I'm secure now. And he's like, yeah, he laughed. And I was like, I'm secure in a relationship asshole. I was like, not in life. And I was like, one day. And I was like, can you tell I'm anxious? And he started laughing. And he was like, I could tell the minute I met you. And I was like, you could. And he was like, not a bad way. He was like, I didn't sense the anxiety of like, you needed me in your life and all that. He's like, I could see you were doing your own thing. And he's like, that was really fucking hot. But I think.

for a lot of people with anxiety, it's like, it's not just going to go away one day. Like, I've done all the healing that you could possibly imagine and I continue to, but I'm anxious. Like I have anxiety from the way that I was raised. And I think it's, like you said, people can pick up on that depending on where that anxiety falls. Like for me, now it's more career. Yeah. So it doesn't fall on my relationships. And so when I met my, we call him tech guy, when I met him, it was because, truthfully speaking, the whole reason that this happened was because I went on the date. We hooked up. I left going, I'm going to see this motherfucker again. The next morning. I said, you know what? I'll do a video. And I was like, I don't know. I went out with this tech guy.

And he just kept asking me out. Kept asking me out because I released all the pressure. Yeah. When we were together, we were just having fun. Because in my mind, I was like, every time I left him, it was, it would be nice to see you again. But if I don't, I'm going to be okay. The fun is completely just been sucked out of dating. Everyone's the second you leave the dates over, it doesn't matter if it was amazing. You're already thinking, are they going to ghost me? Yeah. Are they not going to talk to me again? Did they like me? Do I even like them? It's just, it's too overwhelming. It's like, and I was in that place for, a long time after coming out of like two really bad heartbreaks. And it took a lot of healing and

time for me to get to that place where I was able to have a playful attitude towards dating again. And I think that was the universe kind of letting me know like, okay, I think you're ready now. Well, great. Let's segue into that because I do want to know how it is now that your man is here. But I'd like to know about your journey with your heartbreak because I know you went through some shit. And I'd be curious to hear what your experience was. And like, what did you turn to to heal to go through that? Yeah, it's been quite an intense past few years for me on an emotional level. I broke off my engagement in the beginning of 2021. Nothing. I have not a single bad thing to say about this person. I loved him dearly. It just, there was an intuition and a voice in my head that was telling me this

wasn't my forever and the right thing and didn't come to this decision easily or take it lightly. But yeah, I ended up calling off my engagement. And even though it was amicable, doesn't make it any less hard. And so I was really, and it's the separation of two lives and telling all of your friends and what does this look like now and moving out. And it's the whole thing. And after that, I found myself literally like got smacked in the face with a man. Literally, quite literally, Satan himself. Been there done that. Yeah. And found myself in another relationship. And it was, it felt like the stars were aligning. It felt like the universe was rewarding me for stepping into my truth with the situation with my fiance. I was the happiest I'd ever been. I felt so fulfilled

in this relationship only to find out once I was like deeply invested in the relationship that he was married. He's a narcissist and a sociopath. And it was like the most emotionally abusive thing I've ever gone through in my life. And it led me to thank God led me to therapy. Yeah. I think it took something like that happening to me for me to sign up for therapy, which I regret not signing up earlier. And I mean, after one session, it was like, here I am thinking I'm signing up for therapy because I want to like deal with this heartbreak. And within one session already my mindset was shifting. It was not about how could this happen to me. Why did this person do this to me? It was like, what can I learn about myself through the situation? Like what behavior patterns do I need to recognize?

what thought patterns like, you know, decision making, do I need to recognize about myself through this situation and how can I work through that? Because I knew that was the only way I was going to heal from it. This person was never going to fucking give me closure. There was nothing that he could have said or done that was going to help in my healing process. And I had to turn inward and it was so uncomfortable. I mean, I went nine months straight every single week. Yep. And every week, I was like, maybe I should just cancel my session, you know? But I didn't. I always should. showed up and it was hard, but it was the hardest, most rewarding work I've ever put in on myself, the greatest gift I've ever given myself. And I know therapy, I'm so glad that like the

stigma around it is changing. Yeah. I just don't want people to feel like it's some woo woo thing now. You know, it really fucking works. I know. And I'm like, I, it's interesting because I had the same thing. Like when my narcissistic ex and I broke up and I'd like, I just like, get the fuck out out of my house. And that was the last time we ever spoke. Like, when I think about it, I'm like, holy shit. And I'll never forget when I started therapy. I wasn't twice a week. I was that like mentally in shambles because I had actually believed that it was my fault. Oh yeah. I genuinely believed that everything was my fault. And I did tapping. I don't know if you ever did tapping, where it's like you tap on certain parts of the body as you're saying things. And I really loved

that I had different therapists at different times. And I'm seeing now why. Like when one had to say, you know, hey, I'm moving on to a different thing. And it was like, oh, I'm so sad. I'm leaving. And then I got someone else and I was like, now I see why. But we would do tapping and I remember just being like, it's all my fault. I'm such a piece of shit and all that. And as I was doing it, I was like, I mean, I'm not that bad. You know, like being able to safely open up to somebody that you know isn't judging you, that you know is there to help you is a gift that I just, for anybody who is not in therapy,

it's like, I wish that you would give yourself that gift to have that outlet. Yeah. Because like I said, it's going to help you realize that, like, for me, I was, I would say this about anybody who has been in a relationship with a narcissist or a sociopath, anything like that. It's like, it's not just that they rob you of your light. It's they rob you of your spirit. Like, I was second guessing myself. Oh, yeah.

Because I was like, how did I find myself in the situation? How did I not see the signs? I'm smarter than this. And now I'm second guessing myself and who I am. And it ruined. It robbed me of all of my. confidence and that was such a dark place to pull myself out of. And I kept thinking like, how could someone do this to me? I'm smarter than this. All of these things. And it was therapy who

finally helped me realize, you know, it's not that you're stupid. It's not that you're weak. It's that you were like manipulated. You know, I mean, it was literal emotional abuse. And it was a, yeah, it was a really rough healing journey. Really, really rough healing journey. But therapy is what moved the needle a lot for me. Of course, I leaned into healthy outlets. And it was a it's, you know, fitness has always been a part of my life, like I said, at the beginning of the episode. But I think in that phase of my life, that season of my life, I realized more than ever how much my mental health relied on that portion of my life, fitness. And just leaning into the people who love you. And I will say it was an isolating time in my life as well. And I'm sorry for

anyone who's maybe going through that right now and feels that way because I feel for you. I know how debilitating and isolating it feels trying to heal from a heartbreak. You know, you feel like people are sick of hearing about it or you're letting this person back into your life and people are judging you for it or whatever it is. So if anyone's listening and maybe the heartbreak portion's not resonating with you, but you know someone who's going through that or maybe you have someone in your life in the future who's going through that, I definitely encourage you to just see them through it through loving them. Yeah. You know, the compassion is the compassion. Like I had a very small amount of in my life who I and it makes me emotional um literally of chills um who I really could be open with

in that time in my life and I will be forever grateful I'll be forever grateful for them. Because like if it wasn't for them I don't know what I would have done. Um and not this isn't some like oh you learn who you true friends are you know but I'm just trying to encourage you to be there for the people who are going through heartbreak because it really is and it's an also it's an experience that everyone shares like we've all fucking had our heartbroken, you know. So, yeah, I got a little off topic there. Which is welcome to do the work podcast. Which is, it's so funny, yeah, because I think, like, I remember when, especially with a narcissist,

like, very specifically on that and, like, so many people write it and I'm like, no, just because that guy, like, wasn't avoided. No, no, no, that's not a narcissist. Like, when you know, you know you've dated a narcissist, you are literally a shell of a human. Like, I remember, I lost, to me who I am right now, I was 30 pounds lighter. Like, that's how mentally, I mean, I lived with him. He was my, my partner.

And the worst part about it was, was in true narcissist form. He alienated me from everybody. I was completely separated because he really convinced me, I'm the only one that loves you. I'm the only one who cares for you. They get in your head. They set up shop and they fuck shit up. They, it is, it is the biggest mind fuck you could ever live through. They own it.

They take over in the gaslighting and the way that they, because who was I at the time, highly broken as a human? I was end up broken. I should take that back. There was nothing to fix. I was a damaged girl who had had a narcissistic father who was replaying my childhood dynamics like clockwork. And the hardest thing for me was at the end of it because I had alienated so many people, I didn't have a lot of people to turn to.

And the very few people that I did, I will always be grateful, even though a couple of them aren't in my life anymore because I outgrew that relationship. But man, it's for anybody, if you have a friend, like you said, that is going through this, compassion, even if you're sick and tired of hearing them talk about it, you can say it in a loving way of like, hey, man, maybe therapy would be a good outlet for you. I'm here to support you, but I think so many times I hear this, like, what I hear a lot is a lot of people that try to shame or blame themselves into healing. And you can't shame, you can't blame yourself or being like, why didn't I see this? And what was I thinking? It's like, I always envision a little five-year-old Sabrina that I'm screaming at. And the poor thing is like, I don't know any better. Yeah.

You did the best you could with the information that you knew at the time. And now, though, holy shit, talk about a glow up. Yeah. But like I said, it's so funny how the universe works because it's like this heartbreak brought me to therapy. But what I ended up getting out of the experience of committing to therapy for so long was so much more than just healing from a fucking heartbreak. I mean, it was just learning myself on such a deep level, getting to know myself better

and all that generational trauma and that inner childhood work. And now I'm like, okay, now I'm self-aware and I have the power to move forward into healthy relationships with this knowledge. And not just healthy relationships that are romantic, but all of my relationships, everything, my business relationships, absolutely everything. It's funny how I think a lot of people underestimate where anxiety or whatever, you know, anxiety or whatever you're dealing with,

that it does go into all areas of life. Oh, yeah. So long, I thought, it's just my relationships until I have a really secure relationship, which I don't know about you. For me, this is the first time I've been with like a man where it's like, this is a solid, incredible fucking human being. And then for the first, about two or three months, I felt very uncomfortable. My nervous system was very dysregulated.

And I kind of, I remember one night I was laying on his chest and I felt it. And I stopped myself and I was like, what's going on? And I was like, oh my God, you don't know what it feels like to be safe. It was hard for me to receive having somebody that chose me as I am because that went against my core beliefs of like, no, I'm fucked up. There's something wrong with me. Nobody's ever going to want me. I'm going to be alone forever.

And here is this person trying to love me. And it was really hard for me to receive that. Yeah. Yeah, I love that you brought that up. That's something that I've struggled with a lot too. And I will say in the relationship that I'm in now, it's like the softest kind of love that I've ever experienced. And I have a lot of hyper independence.

And this is like, you all dates back to childhood trauma, like survival mechanisms. I'm very hyper independent. And I really struggle to allow people to show up for me or which is, like what I do for a living is I show up for other people. people. I struggle to allow other people to show up for me and I struggle with receiving love. And it feels so effortless in my relationship now. It feels so like a soft like blanket and a soft hug. Like it feels so soft and so safe. Like if you were to meet this person just like within five

minutes of meeting him, you're just like like the sweetest soul. And to me it's not for me, it's not about him being like super manly or not manly or alpha or anything like that. He's just like genuinely a good person and a safe person and like loves me so much. And it's, it's, wow, I just have no words for like how rewarding it is to be in this relationship now after those two experiences. And you can see that. Like when I saw the video that you were posting of when you first made the announcement, you could see the announcement. It's the same with like when people see me with tech guy and they're like, you can see the love. And it's like, it's a very genuine. It's not bullshit. Look, Instagram. Look how happy we are. Meanwhile, you're fucking crying in a corner after.

But it's funny you've mentioned the masculine thing because I personally, I hate the feminine masculine. Okay, I'm so glad you brought this up because I'm honestly so over it too. I'm so over it. Being your feminine, I'm like, you know what? What I realized the other night, so Tekkeye and I were, we were doing something.

He was theragunning my leg. You know about therogun. It fucking hurts. And he was doing it. I remember I was laughing like a little child and he was holding me. I was literally falling. And as I stopped, it hit me at that moment

and I was like, I got to be the girl. And he was being the big man. He was a big dude. And then when I realized, I was like, oh, no, you've been out this all wrong. It's not feminine and masculine. You're looking for safety because in safety you can disarm. You can finally. Oh my gosh.

I'm so glad you just used that word. You can finally allow someone to love you. Yeah. Because like we have both. You and I are both similar in the like badass boss babe and we're hard and tough. And to be able to allow that, it's not about being feminine. It's like you felt safe to do so. Yeah, exactly.

Because that's what I'm trying to tell you. I'm like, my boyfriend, this is the safest I've ever felt. And for lack of a better term in my first. feminine energy. And it has nothing to do with how alpha he is. Right. That role in our relationship. It's that I feel safe. And he has such a serving heart. And I feel so open to receiving that serving from him all of the time. And I can tell how much that lights him up that I allow him to serve me in those ways. And for me, I'm like, this is amazing. Why the fuck have I been rejecting this for so long? And it's like, because when you're asking for the, from it from the wrong people, there's no wonder it's

not going to work out. I remember the other night, even tech. We did the laundry. And he joked. And he literally comes in. He goes, all right, be in your feminine. And he dumped the laundry on the bed. And I was dying laughing because I knew what he was trying to say.

It was like, it's absurd these constructs of like, feminine equals this, masculine equals this. I'm like, I make more money than him. I am. And I'm not ashamed of that. I work my fucking tail off. But he does his shit for me and I do for him. Exactly.

It's not about, oh, well, he makes more money and he takes care of me. And okay, well, then I get to be feminine and go shopping and get my nails done. It's like, is it 1950? Are we not allowed to, you know, be empowered and feel safe in our relationship? So I'm glad. I'm happy that we were able to just even touch on that. Yeah, me too. Now that he's here, though, how are you feeling?

You know, I will definitely say there was a little nerve, like a little bit of nerves right before he came. Of course, it's a huge transition going from being long distance to living this close to each other. And you kind of start to ask yourself a spiral for like a quick second, you know, like, Like, is like, it was, was the long distance part of this, the appeal? You know, like is this, is this going to fizzle out once he's here? Are we going to get annoyed of each other?

All of those things. And it has never been the case. I mean, we couldn't be happier. We couldn't be stronger. We appreciate our time together so much now because of all the time that we didn't have together in person. We don't bicker. I mean, I'm not like trying to say we have a perfect relationship, but it's been amazing

since he's been here so far. Well, and I think, again, like, I think what, what the one takes. away from all of this that I'm hearing is like it's not a lot of people the fantasy of long distance is that the obvious it's like oh you don't really have to show parts of yourself there is a distance and a part of you kind of knows that it may not work out yeah really you guys it wasn't you didn't find them on an app and plan this it was serendipitous you naturally met you came home being like met this hot guy I will never forget the text when I was trying to like connect you with somebody and you were like I mean I met this guy but like I don't know if anything's going to

happen and it's like I remember I was like oh you have to tell you. me about it. And here we are because it's like you let you surrender. You let naturalness happen. And then you can show up as your best version because you're not squeezing it. Exactly. Exactly. Like to fit. I think just the fact that there wasn't that pressure on things for so long. And then I mean, obviously then the pressure got very applied there at the end. It's like you're moving halfway across the world. But I mean also it's like if you're willing to take that jump for this relationship like I'm all in. 100%. And when, but I, what we had talked about earlier was like, but he came and you wanted him to build his own life, which I do think is so important so that resentment doesn't get built. Yeah. I mean, I can definitely touch on that. We did have conversations before he moved here about, you know, are we going to live together or what is this going to look like? And I think, you know, there's no right or wrong answer for us. The decision that we had come to was that it would be better for him to move to Los Angeles rather than Orange County. I felt like going from long distance to jumping into living together. was a pretty fast and large step. And yeah, we wanted, we both wanted him to feel like he could

find his own identity here and his own group of friends and way of life and things like that. And that it didn't all feel attached and centered around me, you know, I didn't want to feel like he was being robbed of his own identity in any way. And I know that just for himself as a man and to prove to himself, he wanted to get on his feet on his own out here. Yeah, but now that enough time is past. Obviously, we see that things are still working great. Right. I mean, listen, I watch enough 90-day fiancé to see Lord's like, I personally could not imagine having long distance where you maybe have seen this person one or twice. And then all of a sudden, they're in their house. Yeah. And that's it. Like, and especially at like, depending on if they, whatever their situation is

and yada yada. But I think that to me makes the most sense of like, because anytime I've, I've had a long distance kind of thing, like I dated the guy in Utah and I dated a guy in Miami. And my whole thing was like, I made it very clear. Like, I wouldn't be moving. for you. I would move, Utah was probably for him, but the Miami guy, I was like, I would not be moving for you. I'd be moving for myself. And it just so happens that you're there because I'd never want to base my life around that specific person because God forbid life happens and it doesn't work out. You don't have some fucking schmuck in your house. Yeah. That's overwhelming. So, and now are you feeling, are you ready? Is it the next step is going to be there? Yeah, I think so. Also, I will say too,

you know, it was like, it wasn't like there wasn't trial runs. Like when he would come to visit before, He would come for like, you know, 10 days, two weeks at a time. We went on vacation together once. Oh, I mean, New York. Yeah. Well, New York. We also went to Cabo together. So, yeah, I mean, at no point in that time was I like, there are habits about this person that I can't handle or he's getting under my skin.

I'm also just like, the nicest, most helpful person ever. I can't wait. I love that he came and was your Instagram boyfriend, like, taking the content when you guys were in Palm Springs. He's literally so sweet. I love that. But you see, you do, but you deserve that. And you knew that you deserve that because I have tried to hook you up with some of my friends. Names will not be names.

But, and I saw it's like the way these dudes treat women, it's like, it's almost insulting at this point. Oh, it is. And let's not forget the one that dated us both. How can I forget these things? Try to so hard. But I think it really is a testament to like a talking post I made today, which by the time this comes out, this will be a month later. weeks later, but it was like, you don't have to act out of fear. It's like acting out of fear is how you're going to get somebody that is not going to be at your level. It's not about having standards so high that you then knock everybody out, but it's about trusting the universe, God, what of the

fuck you believe in, that your person's out there. And if you have that scarcity mindset going in, no shit, you're not going to see it. Yeah. But if you know and you're surrendering and you're like, listen, I'm living my life and this person's going to be awesome. Yeah. Surrender and just be your most authentic self because I will say it's not like me and my boyfriend are completely aligned and where we're at in our lives, things that we're trying to accomplish. But we showed up as our authentic selves to one another in a romantic way. And I think that's really what has standed like the test of this relationship so far. Yeah.

And when he, I was for a quick second, what was his perception of like the long distance? Like was he okay with it? Was he struggling with it? Like I mean, I was a yeah, of course, we were both struggling with it. You know, it's not fun to miss a person. person every night when you go to sleep. And then it's the first thing you think about when you wake up in the morning and you're just like waiting, you know, to call them again. But like I said, I don't, we didn't go into this experience thinking truthfully that this was going to be the outcome. This just ended up being

the outcome. And he was, you know, on the fence back and forth about making the decision to move here or not. He had committed and then kind of got cold feet and then committed again. And I was like, okay. Like, you know, like it was a bit of an emotional roller coaster for a second. But yeah, I mean, I think it was hard. But I think also we were just kind of like rolling with it day by day as it came and letting it just unfold naturally. And again, coming back to this, there just wasn't any pressure on it. Square knows that in hospitality, efficiency is everything. That's why their system lets you take payments.

Track sales, handle inventory, manage staff, send invoices, and keep up with finances all in one place. Fly through orders with zero mistakes. Get the data you need and keep everything. working together. So you're ready for whatever's next. Learn more about their customized little plans at squareup.com. If you live in the moment, you actually get to enjoy the moment. And again, that's like kind of my same experience. Like every time I'd go out with tech guy, yeah, that anxiety, you know, little, because you're human, would come into my mind and I would have to self-soothe because I'm like, listen, this person's not going to save you. This person is not going to come and do anything.

This person is just an awesome person you're getting to know. So enjoy it. Yeah. Because like I'll get, you know, I'll get in letters every day. And I can feel the anxiety of like, it has to work because if this doesn't work, then like, I won't be okay. And I think really what the moral of the story is here is like, if you just kind of let it evolve as it should evolve, you'll let you'll get what you want or you get what you need. You'll get what you want, which is the person. Or you'll get what you need, which is clarity or a lesson or whatever.

But instead of trying to force a circle through a square peg, just try to fucking enjoy the process. For sure. Yeah. And I mean, the messaging is not to like be careless, with your dating life, you know, like you can still be intentional without applying intense pressure. Exactly. So be intentional with the time, but still be playful with the time. Like the two can coexist. I know like it wasn't working for me when I was going into every date. Like I said, like with this checklist,

with all of these expectations. When they weren't being met, I was disappointed. I was frustrated. And it was just a rinse and repeat process over and over again. I was getting burnt out. I was like, this person's never, I'm never going to find this person. They're not out there. There was nothing lighthearted. about it. See, I think it's just finding that balance. Don't be careless. Of course. Be intentional as fuck with the person that you're pursuing. But still, like you said, be in the moment. Let it unfold naturally. Take the time to get to know this person. If you get the egg right away. Okay. Bye. But just thank you. I'm glad you said that because I'm like so many times I'll get like, can we, should I be exclusive after two dates? And I'm like, you don't,

what's their middle fucking name? You know like, you don't know this person. And even if you know their middle name, you don't know them. You don't know that. It's like, you don't know anything. about people. I mean, I can say now, boyfriend and I have been together, we're in our eighth month. I'm starting to understand him. He's been very consistent. But I have absolutely had it. We're all date a guy for two, three, four months. And then you're like, oh, there you are. Yeah. Because it's very easy to wear the mask of this is who I am and this is the version I want you to see. And then you scratch the surface. And it's like, what happens when you set a boundary? What happens when there was an issue? And you guys have to, it's like, I remember once. You know how this person handles conflict. Oh, gosh.

Because I remember I asked, somebody had asked, like I did a poll of all the men and it was like, how did you know that this was the person for you? And all of them respond in the same. They're like, when I saw how she handled adversity and conflict, could we be a good team? It's not, oh, she looks really hot at the bar. Or she's like, oh, good in bed. It's like, there is more depth to it. And I think if you actually like get to know somebody and let it happen as opposed to like, where's my text and focusing on your phone and doing all that, then you can see them for who they are, not for who you want them to be. I was guilty of that. Oh, yeah. Same. I used to date the babes. I mean, you know the guys in L.A. Oh, yeah. Some of these guys where you're like, I would leave one. Girl, I was there for 11 years. Been there done that. Oh, yeah. Same. It's like New York than L.A. I'd leave the dates and be like, oh, my God, this guy's amazing. And my mom would be like, all right, fucking relax. Romanticizing the shit out of these people, projecting like what I want them to be onto them. Yeah. Oh, God. What a time to be alive. Yeah, you name it. We've been there. I've done it. I've done it. I'm so, Lynn, thank you so much for being vulnerable and sharing your story. I think it's really going to help

a lot of people, even if maybe not everybody's going to meet their hot Greek guy at bar, but, listen, listen, we're going to manifest this for you guys. I saw your video when you said your friend went to Portugal and when I'm Bumble. Hey, oh my God, but did you see it? Oh, I did. No, no, but did you see it? Oh, I saw it. I'm like everyone book a trip to Europe right now.

It's a different breed of men out there. No, but like it really is. But like actually is. But like actually. Almost every friend I have that's international. They're like, what the fuck is wrong with the American way of dating? They're like, people don't date like this other countries. No.

You meet someone you like them. You get to know them. They're like not this. Oh, I have a roster. It's like, oh, are you from L.A.? Yeah. But, Lynn, where can people find you? I'm going to put it in the show notes.

But in general, where can they find you? Absolutely. Okay, you can find me on Instagram. It's just my name at Lindsay Herod. Lindsayherit Fitness.com. And again, you can download my app in the app Lindsay Herod Fitness or the LHF app. And we are giving all of you guys five free classes.

Come move with me. Come work out with me. It is a fucking blast. And that's it. Yeah, and use the code. Do the work. And like I said, it'll be in the link and notes. And you have to let us know how you like the app.

You can DM. You can DM me. You can leave Lindsay alone. But DM me and let me know how the experience is so that we want to make sure that you're having a good fucking time on there and that you're utilizing these classes. Yeah. And quick on quick PSA about that too. All of my classes are live stream workouts from home.

So all you need is some weights. Perfect. And your bad self. I was going to say that's really important. I think because a lot of people don't have a gym. From the comfort of your own home, baby. Yeah. Which we do love that.

So if you're going to do it, fucking do it. Thanks, thank you again so much.