The Sabrina Zohar Show - 52: New year, same you- How to 'manifest' in 2024 and set realistic goals with Masha Kay!

Episode Date: January 5, 2024

On this weeks episode of The Sabrina Zohar Show, Sabrina is joined by Masha Kay to debunk manifestation myths, set realistic goals for 2024, and support your nervous system on working towards your goals this year! Want to work with Sabrina? HERE! Stuck After the Podcast? Master Implementation in 8 Weeks with Sabrina's Foundation Course Join the Make It Make Sense: Getting Through a Breakup course HERE! Get Ad-free episodes and 2 Bonus episodes a month HERE! Dont forget to follow Sabrina and The Sabrina Zohar Show on instagram and Sabrina on Tik tok! Video now available on YOUTUBE!  Disclaimer: The Sabrina Zohar Show, formally known as Do The Work, is not affiliated with A.Z & associates LLC in any capacity. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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That's gofundme.com. Gofundme.com. Hello, hello, hello. And welcome to another episode of Do the Work podcast. My name is Sabrina Zohar and I am your host. Happy New Year friends. Oh my goodness, guys. I actually, we made it.

I remember in 2023 being like, all we just have to get to 2024. Like we just have to get to New Year. And okay, it's the final. That's like the moment that we need to get to. And here we are. And I am just so excited, so grateful, so excited to kick off the new year with you guys

and with somebody very special with Masha, the person who is my nearest and dearest. And I think that we all love so much. And what better way than to start the new year off by supporting you guys and being really realistic about like what manifestation actually means and how to have goals and to successfully approach them and with intentionality. And I think we, you know, at the new year, there's so much bullshit of like new year, new year, new you. And it's like, nah, it's the new year. Same you. But that's the thing. It's like being realistic about who's showing up in this new year so that you can be realistic about. who you want to continue to show up. And that is within your power. So we have an incredible episode for you guys. As you know, the new year is bringing out a lot of new things. So link and bio for everything at all times. But I am changing the way that I work with people. So now it's going to be a much more intensive structure as far as working with me one on one. So you can either get a four pack and you can use that at your leisure than the next six months. Or you can join the, I call it a program. It's just a three month minimum commitment. But it's two sessions a month and the limited messaging in between.

because at the end of the day, the sessions that we have are super important. And you have all these breakthroughs and all these aha moments. But then what do you do with it? How do you implement it? What happens in those moments when you're about to text this person and you're freaking out and you're spiraling? It's like, that's where I come in so that you have the support unlimited. And I have three more spots.

So if you guys are interested in link in bio for everything, I'm going to have a course coming out. We have some exclusive content coming out this year for subscriptions with the podcast. It'll be ad free and extra bonus episodes with me and Tech Guy. It's going to be incredible. We've so much planned and I'm so fucking excited to get that going. So let's start this year off right. Let's start manifesting and bringing in the life that you deserve because at the end of the day,

I know you're worthy of it, but I need you now to see that you are worthy and deserving of it. So let's get right on into it without further ado. And guys, as always, thank you for everything. Thank you for reading the show. Thank you for keeping us here. Please, please don't forget to go rate the show five stars and helps us get more guests. It helps me climb the ranks. And that's how I can continue to grow the show.

please support the sponsors. You know, I understand that ads are new, but this is how it can keep the show for you guys going and growing and for everything. I'm just so grateful. So thank you guys so fucking much. And let's get right on into it. This episode is sponsored by software. Guys, that's my clothing company. I started software in 2017 after my mom went to the doctor with a headache and they found six brain aneurysms that grew to the top half of her vessel.

And they gave her a three to five percent chance of living. And I said, fuck it. I need to do something that I actually care about. So I created this clothing line for her because I really wanted to keep her comfortable, cozy, but above all, looking sophisticated because we didn't need something with more stars and stripes and panels and mesh. We just needed something that was really comfy, cozy, made in America, sustainable, non-toxic that felt like a cloud and like you were getting a hug.

And the day after I got a photo of her in the hospital with two thumbs up and I started soft for the next day. So if you guys check out wear software.com, you get 20% off your purchase and you use the code, do the work. So again, that's W-E-A-R, soft W-E-A-R, so wearsoftwaresoft.com, and use the code do the work to get 20% off your purchase. And thank you guys for supporting something local, sustainable, high quality, but ultimately that feels like loud. I can't wait to get you guys cozy. Hello, my friends. I can't believe that we are talking now in 2024, a new year.

Honestly, if you would ask to me, we would even be here a year and a half ago. It was questionable. but let alone when I mean be here, would I be on a podcast talking to you all with Masha sitting next to me and never in my life would have thought that. So I'm so excited. We have Masha here today, guys, because today we are going to debunk some shit, but we're going to welcome us into the new year, I think the right way, the healthy way and the way to actually set you up for success. So Masha, welcome in. Thank you so much for having me. I am so excited for this episode. I feel very honored to have this spot because I think this is.

a really important episode. I think this is a really important part of the year. I'm super excited to be here. This conversation, oh, I can't wait. Honestly, I couldn't think of a better, when I was going through like the list of the year and mapping out, because for people that don't know, like my anxiety will not allow me to wing things, I have the podcast scheduled out through July of 2024 of everybody because, hi, look who you're talking to. And when I was thinking about the new year, it's like, we ended the year with what are we getting rid of? What are we removing from our lives, the energy that we're no longer going to match. And it's like, we're creating our own vibration now in this year as crunchy as that sounds. I hear it. I sound like I'm from Venice,

California. I know. But removing the LA verbiate, when I was thinking about how we're going to start the year, one, how could we not start the year talking about the nervous system, but also with someone that we trust so much. So I really hope that everybody feels really supported today, especially if, you know, the holidays didn't go how you wanted or weren't as expected, or you had some news maybe that wasn't great like a breakup. We want to be here to support you. And for anybody that the holidays were better than expected, we want to support you too. So I'm really excited. And you know, before we get started, Masha, new year, new you. I also hate, I hate resolutions. So we're not even going to pretend like this is. But talk to me. What do you have coming up?

I know you have the course coming up in February. But like, what's the new year bringing in for you? Oh my gosh. It's so crazy that it's 2024. Honestly, it's blowing my mind. I'm a little shock. But new year, I know so many exciting things. I mean, the most exciting for me right now is there is a new cohort of the mind-body recalibration formula. We are starting February 1st. That's a really intentional start day because like you, I don't love New Year's resolutions. And I do think there is a powerful energy in the beginning of the year. And so we're giving everyone time in January to settle in, to recommit to themselves to think about what they want, which is what this episode's going to be doing. And then February 1st, we're going to hit the ground running with with the form. formula with the program, just helping you do the inner and outer work of achieving your goals, of creating, bringing your vision to life in every area of your life. And so I'm so excited for this new cohort. We already have some really awesome people signed up. So just I'm super excited. I'm up too because you guys are going to hear my experience with the course as we're talking because it just so happened. I did the course. I was the first cohort, right? Yes. Founding member.

Founding member. And so I got to experience the entirety of it. And what was the best part for me was experiencing through it and you guys will hear about my journey and not in a way that's like a testimonial but actual is how much I learned about myself going through the course and it wasn't just some bullshit like you know here's pay $50 and get this download that comes to you for three minutes and you get to watch a video and here's a worksheet it's like this is actually learning implementing tools support like I felt so supported in growth so I'm really excited for this next group and I know they get $300 off if they use do the work 300. So yes. And I really appreciate you saying that because that was my number one thing when

creating this. I didn't want it to be that. I didn't want it to just be you learning things you've already heard said 5,000 more times. This is really an experience. Like we're really doing the work together. Creating that support. You know, kind of I said in the beginning. Like it's the support that really matters to me. And the learning is very important. But it's really the support that I think is transformational. And that's why I love what you do so much and what you offer to your listeners, to your clients, because that's really where the transformation is long-term support. 100%. That's actually why, like, even this year, I, you know, we can kick it off with new goals.

Like, for my, for me personally, I didn't want to set unrealistic resolutions. I wasn't trying to set something where it was, okay, starting January 1st, some arbitrary day that we have now decided is just going to be, we're wiping the sleep clean, right? Like, nothing nicks. The calories I ate in 2023, don't. for over into 2024. But for me, even when I was going through like my business strategy or what is this year going to look like and attainable goals and things like that that we're going to talk about, but, you know, for me, making the decision to walk away from just doing one-on-ones that were

booked at any time was really scary for me and uncomfortable because I, it was one way I built my business and it was a way that I was able to connect with people. But what supported me was, one, obviously in the course, we actually went through this and we were talking about ways I could support myself and how could I rewrite goals that felt better for me and felt like my nervous system could handle it, which we again are going to talk about. But that's actually why I started my program of like, it's a three month intensive program that works with people twice a week. And you have unlimited messaging in between to work with me. There are only two spots left and I can't fucking wait. And if people continue, there won't be two more slots open in April. We'll see when

that happens. So you can get on the wait list. But the reason I wanted to do that was because I know as well, the work that's dedicated doesn't just happen in 45 minutes. Like the work that's dedicated to really start to see the needle move is three works of three months of really investing everything you got. And so I'm excited that I have all of these new things. Courses coming out this year. Same as you. Like, I am not, we don't bullshit around here. So I'm just excited. And I hope you guys are equally as excited as we are. And I, you know, on a personal level, you know how I excited I am for you to do this because I just think it takes your work to a very different level. I'm excited for your clients because when you receive that

type of support, people don't really realize, you know, we all want a quick fix, right? We all want it to be fixed in 45 minutes. We want, you know, that breakthrough that, you know, we have in a session to be like, okay, that's it. I'm going to walk out of here, a different person. And I wish that was true. But from my experience, from what I know about the nervous system, it's actually not true, right? That breakthrough is just a moment. It's what you do with that day in, day out. It's how you reflect, how you handle challenges. And I think that's what you're really stepping into supporting your clients with. And I'm not even sure they understand how powerful and transformative that is. So I am just so excited for you and so proud of you. But honestly, I'm just excited for your clients because what's

going to come out of this is going to be so incredibly next level. If they already think your work is next level, I don't think they understand. I don't think they understand what's going to happen. Thanks, man. Now I'm excited. There's just so many, there's so many great things happening and soon enough you guys will be able to watch us talking. So yay. All right. Let's talk today a bit about the biggest thing I really wanted us to hit was like, New Year, New Year, right? No, no, no, no. We're not even going to stay any cheesy bullshit. New Year, same shit. So let's set. you up for success here because I remember even when we started the, when I started the course with you and we were doing goal setting. And when I worked at Lulu Lemon, so many fucking moons ago,

it's crazy to think. It was one of my first jobs in New York. And they had us do goals. And I remember it was like six months, one year, five year. And then if you were bold enough to do a 10 year, I mean, 10, let me tell you, when I was 18 and shit that I thought was going to happen by 28 happened. I'll tell you, none of that did. But I didn't think, didn't manifest me I'm marrying my father, but here we are. So, anyhow, but I remember when we were going through these goal settings, like, how overwhelmed I felt, you know, like doing, I think sometimes we think of manifestation as the secret or as this super cheesy, you know, you have to love yourself and think positive thoughts.

And if you let any negative thoughts in your head, then you're doing it wrong because it's positive only because negative thoughts are going to bring your vibe down. And it's like, listen, dude, I don't live in a fucking field where it's not 1967. Like, I'm not on assing. You know, like we're here on planet Earth of, apparently this is my standup too, we're here on planet Earth dealing with real life issues. And that includes that just because it's January 1st doesn't, well, January 5th, technically. Just because it's the first week of January doesn't mean that you have now shown up as a different person. And I think it would be really great for us to understand like, what is manifestation actually?

And then how do we use this responsibly? because our nervous system plays such a huge part in, and we'll talk about how and why and where it fits into the reason that your goals are attainable. A hundred percent. And like, you know, when you say the word manifestation, I think for some people that's already like, whoa, that's very woo-woo.

Or they have some preconceived notion of what that means, right? Vision boarding and all these things. But like, realistically, manifestation is just the process of achieving your goals, right? And manifestation just acknowledges that within that process, there is not only external work, but internal work. That's really what it is. And for me, and what I've learned in my own journey of manifesting and achieving goals, you know, going from being like a very logical overachiever to then like finding my way

into the spiritual world and discovering manifestation and all of that is realizing, wait, neither approach really worked that well for me. And the missing link was the nervous system because you need something to link those two approaches. There is value in both sides, but it's when you link those together where you, you really can access that power that I think is promised to us at the other side of manifesting on the other side of achieving your goals or creating your life. And so I'm excited to really like demystify that for people and like help them get started in a real way. Again, not in this BS way of like new

year, new you. The truth is it's not a new you. No. You are who you were a few days ago. Like nothing magical happens at midnight. And I think often we set ourselves up for success. You know, it's the same like nonsense as like diet starts Monday. It's like it's not. It could start. at any point when you decide, and it really, things change when you change, when you start showing up differently. And so let's talk about what actually mean. Yeah, because I think anything, like these bumper sticker slogans, I mean, shit, if you guys listen to me consistently, you know I say this all the fucking time. Like, anything that's 140 characters or less, you know everything going on. Everything. If you wanted to, he would. New die, you know,

new year, new you, things like that. If it can be chalked up to a quick bumper sticker, you know as well as I do. It's well oversimplified for what, the reality is. That's why, for everybody listening, that really wants to hold on to these sayings, that's why reality and fantasy isn't ever matching up, because if it were that simple, then it would be sustainable. But here, you want to bet on a human being a human, that's a bet that you're probably going to fucking win on, that it's not realistic. And I think when I first started to manifest, when I was, you know, my early, many moons ago, I, like, I had a list and I was very list driven. And I will, of course, tell you a story. And I, I,

I just, I shared this story with Masha earlier. It was the first time she ever heard this story. She's going to hear it again. And so when I first started like, quote unquote manifesting, it was my mom had a friend and she wrote, she was who actually taught us how to read tarot cards. That's why I have a tarot card tattoo for my mom. And this woman would always tell us every new moon, make sure you list out your manifestations and like your goals, 10 goals in very specific, like as in depth and specific

as you could. And this is like when the secret was becoming big and I used to watch those videos every day. and I was just like, yes, I'm going to feel all this, and it's going to be a whole thing. And it's like, it took me a long time to get there. But here we are. And I had listed out. And I remember I was, well, so I was going to my friend's house.

And I was supposed to only go for the day. And her mom said, no, stay overnight. You know, you and Missy want to hang out. You haven't seen each other in years. We're friends from like middle school. Still friends to her today. What's up, Missy, if you listen? And we, I remember we let we were going to, I think we were going to, like, go to

dinner or some shit. We ended up just staying home. And I said, let's like, do our, like, manifestation thing. And we wrote out a list of everything we wanted. And to this day, she and I still talk about that moment, her remembering all that happened. And we wrote out our list. And I remember we lit a candle and it burned. And my list was my favorite name for a guy was named Brandon.

I was obsessed with Brandon Lee and Brandon Boyd and Brandon Flowers from whatever the fuck that band was. I can't remember. But nonetheless, I was obsessed with the name Brandon because all of my favorites were name it. And the list specifically said, like, number one, I'm going to meet a man who's 6-5, tattooed blue eyes, brown hair. His name is Brandon and he's creative, all of this stuff. Like I got so specific.

And we lit it. And I remember Missy just returning to me saying, let's go out tonight. Come on. Let's just go out. And I was like, sure. Instead of driving home, let's go out. And so we went out and because we had massive Xs on our hands because I was under the age of 18.

So we went to the bar and of course, sure enough, I'm dancing and we were having so much fun. And I bump into this guy or like, this guy starts dancing with me. And I realized like, my God, he's really handsome. And so we get off and he had made the comment on my. exes and I said, what's your name? And he turns to me and says, hi, I'm Brandon. And I'll never forget my friend Missy going, what? And like seeing it, blue eyes, brown hair, like works in the creative. He was like a creative, whatever, digital artist or some shit. And super tall tattooed, like, this was it.

And because my list was so specific, I was like, oh my God, oh my God, I'm 18. The universe gave me my person. The universe, that's it. He ended up being the guy I lost my virginity to. Now, before we run off into the sunset and say, my God, what a beautiful story. The reason I bring. this up is because that whole situation was one of the most toxic, unhealthy, depressive states of my life. Like, I had suicidal ideations because after I lost my Virginia to this guy who had no intentions of being in a relationship with me, I was going fucking insane. And then months later, I moved to New York, and he came on this crusade to win me back. And he showed up. And I remember going out to dinner with him, forcing myself to like him thinking he's my soulmate, right? I had manifested him. He's my twin flame.

And we hooked up and I cried right after. I told him, leave and I never spoke to him again. So the reason I bring up the story isn't just a poo-poo on everyone's parade. It's really to exemplify my point being that just because you have a list and you're like, oh my God, this is what it is. Just because you think you know what you want doesn't mean you think you know what you need. And I think we need to be really realistic when we're talking about creating this list of what you're actually going to put in order to actually receive versus putting something on a list that's so specific that either one when you meet that, you're. You're you think that's it and your tunnel vision and you can't accept anything else,

or maybe another reality of this isn't for you. And two, the other thing of being that when you're listing, sometimes when we get so specific, we are actually, it's so unattainable that our nervous system, like if I said I want to make $40 million next year, my nervous system knows it's not going to happen. Yeah. No, and I honestly, when you told me the story,

I was blown away by just, that's a crazy story. Let's be honest. But also just how perfect it is for what we're talking. about, right? Because I think it really does show all the things we're getting wrong about manifestation, all the things we're not quite understanding, right? And so like maybe we could just like break this down. Like I think there's, I don't know, about four different kind of like myths about manifestation that we could really start to talk about and start to look at and that the story really does show. Right. And I think the first one and the most obvious one is this idea

of a list, right? A lot of us when we get into manifestation or a lot of us that are high achievers don't resonate with manifestation, resonate with like goals, right? We have this very specific list. My life needs to look this way. I want this. I want this house, this car, this partner. He's going to look this way. And we think that that's helpful. Don't get me wrong, to some degree, knowing what you want is helpful. It gives you direction. Yeah. Right. But I think we mistake it. We think that's the ultimate destination when in reality those things your desires are more just giving you direction. they are not actually the thing that you necessarily need. And that requires a way deeper understanding of yourself, right?

And I think a lot of people really go wrong with this idea of a list. They attach to the what? As long as I have this, that's it. I'm going to be happy. I'm going to be successful. But like, guys, you know, you could say, you know, if I have, if I get married and have a kid, I'm successful. Right.

But what kind of mother are you? What kind of relationship do you have? Are you happy, right? Like, we get so attached. If I could check that thing off my list, that means I'm successful. That means I manifested it. But we're completely misunderstanding that it's not just about a checkbox. It's about how we feel when we're there, who we are when we're there. And that's where the list really takes us off course. And like if I could kind of flip that, the way I flip the list is like, if you have this list of

what you want, A, stop looking at it as a destination. It's more of like, it's a direction. Sure, it's giving you an idea of what you like. But then also start asking yourself, why do I want this? Why do I want, what did you say on your list? Brandon? That's a great example. Like, okay, what about Brandon? It's like, oh, well, because it's all these people that I think are really cool, we're named that. Oh, so maybe it's that you want a guy who's really cool or interesting or creative. Like maybe that name doesn't matter at all, right? And I think we could do that with our lists. And again, that gives us a better understanding, not of where necessarily going, but like the direction of like, oh, this could actually help me navigate the way forward because it's about how I feel.

And that is something we could focus on. And that is something that could take us somewhere successfully. You know, like I would say that's the first point when we're talking about manifesting things. And like, by the way, we should probably call this out because we were talking about this. It's like we're saying this not just in the realm of relationship. This is in any area of your life. Like I would say like, I want you guys to have goals in many different areas of your life, right? I want you to have a very full life. And you could apply everything we're talking about to that.

And you could definitely apply it to dating because that, too, is a goal and really requires a very intentional process. I think so many great points made. But I think the understanding the why of my goal is what changed everything for me. Even when we started the course, we gold out everything. And like, okay, let's even back this up. When I started software, when I first started the company, I remember my goal on there was we were going to make $40 million by the end of year one now.

I mean, I talk about like being completely off. reality, but even like a million I would have been happy with. I wouldn't have been happening. But I remember being so, like, so stuck on that goal. Like, no, I have to be successful here because if I'm not, but what that did was, I didn't allow space for anything else to happen. Because like last year, when I was manifesting, I'll never forget Shark Tank. And when I was on set, I did a Joe Dispenza motherfucker fucking meditation where I was

on set and I saw Mark Cuban and I had my speech. Like, this is a real story, by the way. I was literally on set to do Shark Tank last year. 10 and a half hours before being sent home for telling me that they couldn't fit me on. So I remember sitting there feeling it, but not feeling proud of myself, not feeling, wow, I feel fulfilled, feeling I'm validated because Mark Cuban's going to choose me. I feel validated because I'm on set and look, I manifested this. And the universe was like, no, bitch, this isn't your future.

Now let's think about this. I was so hell bent on software being my future that when they sent me home, I went into to such a spiral and deep depression. They did that to me twice. Another two months later, they did the same thing again. That was the lowest I think I've ever hit. And then Clem passed away a month later. And I broke up with the guy two weeks after that.

So everything was succinct. Now, my thing is, if I had been so hell bent on that list, guys, could you imagine if I got that investment last year? Guess where I would be, not here with you right now. I wouldn't be, I would not have met tech guy. I wouldn't have met you. I wouldn't have started this podcast. I wouldn't have started my whole entire TikTok, everything.

because at the time I was listing out things that weren't about how I felt about feeling fulfilled or I have someone that's consistent or reciprocal like these are, you know, I feel seen, heard, understood, and safe. Those are things that I can recognize in somebody that might not necessarily fit my list. So I think what you're, what we're saying here is like when you're talking about things, being open and receptive to the naturalness and beauty of life that if it doesn't work, God damn, I promise that pearl is being squeezed, but beauty does come out of pressure sometimes. And if you're in that moment saying, but I don't understand, but nothing I've manifested came true,

just wait for what could be on the other side. That's so true. You said that so beautifully. I could not agree more. And again, I think this is one of those things that people get wrong about manifestation. And then they're like, oh, manifestation is bullshit, right? The truth with manifestation is like a very key component of it is I want this or better. there is a surrender element in manifestation. And when I say surrender, I don't mean quitting. I don't mean

sitting there and doing nothing and never leaving your house and never taking action. I mean surrendering in terms of this is where I want to go. But I'm going to surrender that. And I'm going to trust that as long as I commit to the process, I am moving forward and it's taking me where I need to go and maybe even taking me somewhere better. So again, this is where we're getting wrong. First, we create the super detailed list where the kind of the pieces, the characteristics we put on that list are not actually coming from an authentic place. They're coming from, honestly, a dysregulated nervous system. They're coming from fear, from insecurity, from not feeling worthy, right? All those things in the list of coming from that place instead of the place of knowing your potential, know what's possible,

knowing what excite you, notice what fills you, right? That's what you were saying with the list first. And now the second point, after we make that list, we get obsessed with it. We get so attached to it. And And if it doesn't happen, we blame manifestation and we say it's not working, right? And we just keep banging on that door that is very clearly closed. That's not what manifestation asks you to do. If you really understood it, you would see it's, I chose that. Now I'm going to commit to the process of doing the work, showing up every single day and trust that it's going to take me to that or better.

So if that door is closed that I was imagining that I had on my list, my work is now to trust and to keep committing to the process and to keep showing up every day and to keep doing the work and trusting that something even better is going to show up. And I think your story, I mean, it's one of those beautiful examples of that. Like, truly, and I mean this, like, I'm from the bottom of my heart. You know, I'm not being paid. Like, I know your story very, I know the truth of it, right? The whole story. And it's just such a beautiful example of that exact thing. Well, even when we started like your course, when I first started, we had a goal. setting and it was right at your goals. And I remember mine was like, I'm going to double my following.

And I'm going to make double the salary. And it was just like March. And so I was just new, like, new in the sense where like I was just creating my business. And I remember like every time I would, we would be on your call, like we would be doing stuff. My way, the one, I remember this is the first time I realized what dysregulated look like for me because I noticed every time that we'd be on when we'd be talking about something that made me uncomfortable, I'd go to my phone and I'd check my following list for the validation of, okay, it's still growing. And I would feel. And I would feel. my shoulders would tense up. I could feel it.

And I remember we, and this is kind of similar to like before I met Ryan when I had like, you know, man, oh, I'm going to get the guy that texts me every day and blah, blah, blah. Now, what I loved was it's like, that was similar to my goal of I'm going to double all my following. I wanted the validation. But then when you and I, we had our one-on-one because part of the group is that we get one-on-ones, which is my favorite part. And we were talking and I remember telling you like, yeah, but I'm growing and I'm still not feeling better in all of this.

And when we stopped and you finally kind of asked me like, where did this goal come from? Where is his goal coming from? Like, you know, not why. But really, where is the heart of this goal? Which reminded me of the heart of the goal that had happened when I met the guy before tech guy, that I had wanted it from a place of dysregulation. I wanted that from a place. But then after I'd experienced it and went, okay, but this still doesn't fulfill me.

I still don't feel happy. When I started to strip away where the goal, like what that happened, that I met tech guy, because I didn't follow by the list that I had. And now what we've really worked on is I don't have my goal. my goal, I think halfway through the course, we had reestablished goals, I changed my goals. And what I changed them to being was I am working on my nervous system to be able to receive what's coming my way. Because the whole time I thought that it was a lack of. And that's what I was missing was a lack of. But what it actually was was I was not being able to receive because

my nervous system was going, hey, we've never attained this goal. You have never attained most of the goals that you've done because you're a fucking loser. So don't remember that, right? Or don't forget that because you're never going to forget how lame you are. Like this is my internal dialogue telling me all of these things when it's on the end of the contrary. What we really want to be able to do is when you're listing out these things is make sure that they're attainable because we shifted everything. Now my goals are, am I ready to receive the next step? Am I ready? And because we did that and I was no longer driven by an outcome, I grew so much quicker because I started to actually heal the cause of that list, where that checklist came from. We were able to

work through. Why was that money so important to me? Because of those memories of my dad that started to play on. So when I released that, I started to make more money. And it wasn't because I had a higher following. Okay, that's by proxy. It was because my goals weren't coming from desperation and because, oh my God, I have nothing. My goals were coming from security and authenticity because I was finally being able to receive what it is. I kept saying I wanted. Amazon presents Jeff versus Taco Truck Salsa, whether it's Verde, Roja, or the orange one. Trying any salsa is like playing Russian roulette with a flame thrower. Luckily, Jeff saved with Amazon and stocked up on antacids, ginger tea, and milk.

Habaniero? More like habanier, yes. Save the everyday with Amazon. Yes, 100%. And something like I remember in that conversation I had said to you and I say this all the time is external solutions don't fix internal problems. So when you were telling me, I wish that too, God, desperately, right? Like, I've been there for years as well. Like, I speak to this from personal experience. But it's like when you kept telling me, it's like the followers are growing, the money is growing everything. Why don't I feel better? And then your brain will go to, oh, it's not enough.

If I had double, then I'd feel better. If I had triple, then I'd feel better. And even like in those couple of months, you would see as we would talk, you're like, shit it grew. I still don't feel better. Right? And that's when we had to come back to that saying of like, external solutions don't fix internal problems. It's never going to feel like enough because you're trying to fix something

internal with something external. That external goal wasn't coming from a place of like, I truly desire that I want that. It was coming from a place of fear and insecurity. It was coming from a place of dysregulation. Like, our, we don't think about this in this way or maybe I haven't really said it in this way here, but our nervous system, yes, they're responsible for healing. But they play a really big role in how we achieve our goals because they play a huge role even in not forget how we work towards them, although that's a huge piece and we could talk about that. Even in how we set them, most people, when they choose their goal, it's coming from a dysregulated place. They're not feeling worthy. They're in a scarcity mindset, all signs of dysregulation, right? They don't feel good enough.

They feel behind. And so they make their goal like, what can I do to make this feeling go away? And then they start chasing that. And the more they chase that, the more emptied feels. Because every time they achieve it, actually reaffirms that they were not good enough in the first place. and it's only adding to that. And that's why it feels like a bottomless pit. That's why like no matter how much money you make, no matter if you get the guy, you're like, it's still not good enough.

It's still not working. I still don't feel it. And I think your story really highlights that, that we really need to reconsider. What is the real goal? What is it I'm really after? And how would my goal look like? What would it look like if I was regulated?

If I was coming from a place of feeling worthy, feeling good enough, believing in my future, feeling like there's possibility for most people, that goal is drastically different than the goal when they're dysregulated, not enough trying to fill an internal void with something external. And I wish 100% because it's like even when I was goal setting of like next year, okay, what am I going to, we all do that. Like, what are my goals for my business and what are new things you want to introduce and things like that? And if I wasn't self-aware

to the point of like almost a fault, then I think I would, this would have come and pass me by. And my goal was, I'm going to create a course. And I wasn't understanding why, because when I first started to come up with that goal. It was, okay, well, I can't help everybody. And, like, I'm just trying to figure out, like, it was coming from anxiety of like, but I can't help everybody. And then you're not worthy. Because Sabrina, if you can't help everybody, then what good are you? And so because I was coming from a place of fear and not feeling confident of, no, this is the natural progression, Sabrina, you can't help everybody. So let's utilize your skills. I came from dysregulation. And instead of me feeling confident and excited about

this new decision, it was, no, I need to find a coach now to help me with this because I'm insecure. and now I'm feeling insecure about it. And everything was coming from a place of insecurity because then once we started to talk about when I started bringing coaches in and they were saying, yes, oh my God, this is going to be great. Then you see how much they want to charge you and you're like, Ouch.

So when I started to talk about creating, they were like, you know, you can make all of this money on courses. You know what happened? Not me getting excited. I lost my marbles because my nervous system went, no, you can't do that, Sabrina. You're never, you who would ever see you worthy of that? And it was that stinking thinking.

And I remember until you and I spoke and you stopped and said, what is your actual goal for like making this course? And in my gut, it was I want to be able, I can't, I want to be authentic. I want to be transparent. I can't work with every single person. But for the price of one one on one, you're going to get an eight week course because it's actually going to help. And I remember you were like, cool.

So lead with that. Lead with the place of security and confidence because you're setting a goal because it's more. And then you even ask me one important question. When you set this goal and then you know, what are you going to do? with that time now that you're creating. You're making all this space. What's that time for? And I started say, well, I want to work on all these other things. And your response was great. Think about the life you want. And then let's work backwards. Because then when I started going, oh, yeah, so what does that

look like to me? Well, I want my mornings that I could work out. Okay. So that's why I'm doing it to give myself more freedoms in the morning. So I'm not chained to seven one-on-ones every day and feeling like I'm losing myself. That came from a place of power. Can we contrast that, like, that conversation was so important. Like, can we contrast that with like what your instinct is? And like, I say this because my instinct is very similar. Everything you've said is something I've really had to work on on myself, specifically when I started working for myself, which was just probably like one of the biggest challenges

of my life, really kind of rewiring myself because I just realized I would create all the stuff I hated in corporate. I would create it for myself and like, imprison myself, right? And like, I guess I saw you doing that a little bit. And so, you know, you said what you would actually want. What kind of life would I want? And how do I start cultivating that now? Let's contrast that with what your instinct is similar to mine, which is, oh, my God, I don't feel good enough.

They, like, can I actually do this? Can I make this amount of money? Everyone's saying they need to help me. I probably need to hire all these people. I need to spend more money. So I need to make more. And like, there's this downward spiral. And what does that lead to?

You working yourself into the ground. You leaving no free time. You're not taking care of yourself. And now think of how different how you would live life. now would be from the life you want. Right. Right. So you're trying to get to this life where you have space where you're helping more people, where you're cultivating your energy, where you're engaging in all these creative ideas and like just helping the world and serving people from a place of fullness. That's the life you want. Meanwhile, you're trying to get to it by working yourself into the ground,

having no free time, having sessions while feeling drained, right? Like, it's literally the exact opposite. And I think this is where a lot of people get really, especially with dating when you think about, Think about as you're talking. I'm like, you know how we can loop this back to dating? You want it so fucking bad. You work, work, work for it. And then you're completely depleted because it's coming from a place of scarcity, of feeling like I'm, I can't tell you how many times I hear in a day.

I'm never going to find my person. And I'm in my 30s. And I'm like, listen, I met my person at 32. You know, like it took me. You met your person at 16. Everybody's different. I know people that are 60 that have met their person. I know some people that have met their person at 40.

Like there is no timeline for everybody, but if you're going to consistently come from that place of when I get this, then this, you will always be chasing your tail and in burnout because it's not coming from that place of I genuinely like, here's what they can. Let's talk about this. Maybe this year we ship it. And instead of it being so external about everything, like the secret, everything about the secret was manifest everything you want externally. That's going to bring you that happiness, right? No, because I can't tell you many times I've set goals for myself with my business and then you reach them and all you're thinking. about is the next goal. So let's not pretend like we're not human. Otherwise, we'd be satisfied. And that's why we have to have us whenever. I think we can turn this inward. How about maybe for, even for the next, let's not put a time on it. I'm not even say for a month. But maybe now a goal isn't that this year I'm going to find a boyfriend or this year I'm going to do this. Maybe it's, I want and learn what it feels like to have the life that I'd like. Not putting any attachments to the person, to the outcome, to the home, to the city that you live in. Maybe it's just, I wake up feeling calm and secure within myself because I know that no matter what, I'll be okay,

and that I have this incredible partner who's in addition to my life, not instead of. I have a career that fulfills me because I get to help people every day. So if we can bring it inward, then we can start to see it outward. A hundred percent. And like, that's actually what I encourage most people to do in January, right? Like, if you do want to use this energy. I don't think January is necessarily the best time to set goals. Actually, I don't even think that makes sense.

the winter is more of a time of reflection and going inward. But if you want to use this energy and kind of drive yourself forward, that's beautiful. I think the way you can use it is use this time to really get clear and like, what is it you're after? What is it you want? How do you make sure that's coming from a regulated place of potential and connection and possibility and worthiness versus fear? Right. And I think what you're saying is a great start. So you could think about what is that external thing you've been wanting and chasing what's been on your list. Wait, can we play a role play here? I'm going to give it to you.

Okay, let's do this. That way, people, I think this is what they love about us. We give them real steps. Let's do it. Okay. So I come to you, Ms. Masha, I want a relationship this year. I'm ready. I've done all my work and I'm ready.

I want a relationship. Okay. What do you want that relationship to feel like would be my question, right? You want the relationship. That's very external. But for everybody, what a relationship feels like is different. So what would you want that relationship to feel? What do you imagine it's going to be on the other side of that?

When you get that relationship, then what? What do you imagine is going to happen? Because remember, the endpoint of every experience is an emotion. We are all after an emotion. We are not actually after the external thing. There's more to life than finding the perfect car. But finding the perfect car can help you get the most out of life. Like the SUV that handles everything from drop off to off road.

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I think even that one question that she asked would probably send 50% of the people being like, oh, I just sit this one out. I need to think about this. Because then I hear the like, but I want someone to do stuff with. I want, and it's like, okay, okay, let's take that. I want someone to just do something with.

I don't want to just be alone all the time. Okay, and what do you imagine it would be like to have someone there? Are you imagining you're going to feel really connected? Are you imagining you're going to feel joyful? Your life's going to be a little bit more fun. What do you imagine that's going to feel like? Not what you're imagining is not going to happen.

I'm not going to feel lonely. What do you imagine will happen? For me, obviously, I'm giving the, I've been thinking about this for many a years. And I'm like, I want to feel safe, seen heard and understood. I want someone that's thoughtful and compassionate and make space for me. And that is by my side when she, that's why like coming up doing these exercises helped me because when I would go through this list, you know what, didn't land on the list?

He texts me every day. Yeah, he posts me on social media. He asked me to be his girlfriend. Like, just the bullshit of like, so that you think that's a relationship? Do you think that's a relationship? Like, because this is where the disconnect is happening. It's like when we're just entering it shallow

and not thinking about like you said, how do I want to feel? Oh, fuck. Yeah. I want to feel really supported. Go further. Okay. And that's a beautiful place to start.

And then you could start thinking, okay, what do I need to do now in order to start cultivating those feelings? Just to give my nervous system that experience, to feel supported, to feel maybe a little bit more joyful, to feel safe, right? And there's many ways you can do that. One, cultivating safety within yourself, right? That might look like getting support. That might look like having practices that cultivate safety.

That might look like routines and habits and how you structure your day, whether you rest and have free time, right? It could also look like looking at all relationships in your life, not just your romantic relationships, but, you know, are there other relationships that make you feel supported? Can you prioritize those? Maybe you're realizing, my friends don't even make me feel supported. Maybe it's time to make an effort even to cultivate those friendships. So your nervous system has the experience of feeling supported. And then you could take that a step further into work you and I talk about all the time. It's like, do you make yourself feel supported? What is your relationship with your inner child and the different parts of

yourself, do you make yourself feel supported? How do you treat yourself? Because often the way we treat ourselves is sometimes a mirror to how other people treat us. And then we're wondering like, wait, why does everyone treat me like crap? I was about to say, if you're taking, like, we're doing this exercise now. And then you're starting to take inventory of, okay, so that's what I want, right? That's how I want to feel. I want this. I want someone that listens to me that, like, for me, that was always my thing. I don't feel like anyone hears me. And so I'd always scream louder as a kid to be like, fucking hear me. So this day it drives me. And so. It drives me. in. So for me, being seen heard and understood was a huge thing. Now, then we do a fun little

exercise of, okay, now what do you, what is your dating experience? What is your current lived experience? And if your current lived experience is, well, every guy I date's emotionally unavailable and they're all narcissists. It's like, okay. So now let's take a look at what we have versus what, where we want to go. Two very polarizing things, right? I want to feel all of these things, but yet here's where I'm at. So that's when I looked at myself and had to say, How am I facilitating in this? So for, like you said, you want to support yourself. So for me to support myself in that moment, what that meant was I needed to learn out of boundaries

because I kept getting with these people that were, I didn't have boundaries. I wasn't telling them, no, that doesn't work for me. No, I don't want to meet you out at 10 o'clock at night. I'm going to be exhausted the next day. Instead, I would go and I would suffer the next day. Then I'd be pissed off. They didn't call me. What the fuck?

I stayed out late for you. How could you know? See what's happened. See how this train, this gravy, gravy train just starts to get riding. So it's like, if we can stop and look, And again, this isn't about blaming yourself. I'm not saying that you need to sound like make yourself feel bad, but if you can't take personal accountability and look to see that you actually are the common denominator,

it's not that you're doing one thing in every aspect. But maybe it's because you're not showing up in a specific way. Then, yeah, what that means now is that this is going to require removing people from your life or letting go or that you're going to go out and your pool's going to get smaller. I can't tell you how many guys when I had made new goals for myself and like really focused on how I wanted to feel on the date, not how I wanted to feel about them, shifted from, I knew I was too much and I'm da-da-da-da to where when I'd see that it would just go above their pay grade, you could see they couldn't keep up with the emotional intelligence that I had and

just the availability that I found that his superpower. I was like, cool, I'm just weeding out the people that can't match where I'm trying to be. Met tech guy. Yeah, exactly. And I think now we're getting to, so it's like, okay, first we were instead of making these like super specific, arbitrary shallow list, we're getting deeper into. Yeah, but what about that is, really drawing me. Why do I want that? Right? Getting clear on the why, which then kind of transforms the outcome. It makes it way less external and way more internal, right? So we're taking these two common myths about manifestation, things that people are getting wrong and we're transforming them. Right. Okay. So now we're getting clear on what it is you want. We're setting a more internal outcome,

which is great because you have control over that. You don't always have control over the outcome, the external. This is where in manifestation we say we set that. That gives us direction. Now we let it go and we trust, right? That's where the surrender piece comes on. And now you're taking us to the next point. And again, the myth with manifestation is, oh, you just, you think about it, you envision it, you make vision boards, you imagine it, and then you do nothing. It's like, no, no, no, no, no. Once you imagine it, you surrender that outcome, you let go of it, you trust that or better, and then you commit to the process and you commit to taking action. And that's what we're talking about. we're talking about cultivating all of those things you want in your daily life,

taking action in alignment with those things you want, right? That might mean setting boundaries. That might be looking at who you date, what people you allow into your life. That looks like how you structure your day, what you are saying about how you're really thinking about your day. Maybe it's not about working more. Maybe it's about having more free time, having more space to be creative, being more intentional, filling up your own cup, right?

Like, again, cultivating a life that allows you to feel. those emotions. And like I have to say from the nervous system standpoint, that's really freaking huge. Because many of us, there's so much to say on this, many of us, we set goals, like one, you touched on this already, that are so unattainable that our nervous system freaks the fuck out. Right? If you set a goal that is so out of the realm of what you've experienced in possibility, your nervous system doesn't see that as inspiring. It sees that as like, do that. You set yourself up for victim mode beautifully. I told you.

See, I'm such a piece of shit. I couldn't do it. Exactly. You said it so big. And when it doesn't happen in two weeks, you're nervous. I knew it. This just proves that we're losers. It proves that it's not possible for us.

So really setting goals that are more attainable, that are smaller. And we're doing that not because you can't achieve big goals. I mean, be very clear about that. We're doing that because we don't want to overwhelm your nervous system. So with my clients, this is a huge part of the program. You know this. It's like, we really want to notice. how a goal lands in your nervous system. We want it to be a little uncomfortable, but not overwhelming.

There's some research that shows with your goal. You want it to feel 85% achievable. With 85% certainty, I could achieve this. If it's 50, scary. That's really scary. That's a that's a coin toss. That's an F. I'm not betting on an F, but in 85, that's a B plus almost. Exactly. So you're kind of like, okay, chances are I'm going to achieve that. So that 85, that sweet spot, it's a lot. a little out of your comfort zone. It's not like you're like 100% done. That's too easy. You're not stretching. But if you make it too hard for your nervous system, you're like, what? That's impossible. I could never make that much money this year. I could never have that relationship. Your nervous system will protect you by shutting down. It will go into dorsal. And yeah, that's where the

self-sabotage comes in. That's where not taking action, procrastination. That's your nervous system saying, hey, we feel overwhelmed by this. We feel scared. Right? So that's like one piece. with your nervous system. And the second is that your nervous system has to have the capacity to hold these beautiful dreams that you have. And I think a lot of us, when we're like vision boarding and imagining our future and imagining our dream relationship, right, we're not considering, like, does my nervous system has the capacity to hold what I want? And if it doesn't, it actually just regulates me more. And so part of the work is, yes, make the goal maybe a little bit more bite size for yourself, but also doing the work to cultivate those emotions. So you

your nervous system has the capacity to receive what you want so that when it comes, your nervous system be like, what? I don't deserve this. No, no, no. This doesn't feel safe based on my lived experience and then pushes it away. That's why when I first transitioned my goal, it went from, I'm going to get all this to, I don't know if you remember this. I said, I want to be able to handle the flows, be ready to receive the flows.

When it's coming in, I'm good, but handle the ebbs. So that when the shift went down, because I think that's the perfect way to even describe of like, oh, I'm going to have, like, think about it. Okay, so if you're somebody that's never been in a healthy relationship, that was me before I met, Tech guy, never. I didn't even, I didn't blip on the screen. The only healthy relationship I had ever seen was my sister and her husband. And, like, I don't know the ins and outs of their relationship. It's just, okay, they've been together for like 20 years.

So knowing that when I would vision of like, I'm going to have all of these things, I'm going to get this partner, it was like a Disney movie. And so I was already envisioning unattainability. It wasn't real because I didn't understand. Then when you started, that's why you keep getting the same bullshit because it's like, oh, well, it's this. Oh, that's because. the guy that texts me all the time, right? So of course this is going to lead to that. Versus my goal changed from, I'm going to get that to, I am going to work on that if my nervous system gets hit, I can handle the ebbs, but I can also handle the flow so that while I'm dating out

there, if I meet a guy that's not great, that's okay. That doesn't go against my Disney fairy tale of, no, it's Prince Charming. It's, hey, I can handle this. But then when I meet a guy that's great, that might not be the Disney fucking Prince, my nervous isn't going, okay, well, we can receive this, because this isn't overwhelming for us. Yes, I love that parallel you just made. And can I just say, like, we can use your goal with the business of like, when you and I start diving into, why do you want X amount of followers, X amount of money? And again, we had already acknowledged it was coming from a place of fear.

There's nothing wrong with wanting that. The problem is when you want that from a place of fear because you downward spiral. Downward spiral and low self-esteem is because I want people to like me. Exactly. And so when we really were exploring that, like that came up. And what came up is like, well, I just, I don't want to feel. feel like people don't like me. I don't want to feel the low. If we could like generalize that you just didn't want to feel the negative emotions that come with the ebb. Right? And you were like, if I just

manage everything, if I control everything, if everything is perfect, then I could avoid the ebb. Not because the ebb is so bad, but because I don't have the capacity to handle those negative emotions. And the same is true in relationship. We want the perfect relationship, the Disney movie. We put that list there because there's a part of us that's like, well, I just don't want to handle the negative stuff. I can't handle the negative stuff. That's why we're so obsessed with that outcome. And you know what to add, add the last add on. Also because when I'm in the ebb, I have to believe that the flow will come. And that's terrifying. Because the ebb is, see, I knew it. The roller coaster came right back down. But then to believe, but wait, it's going to go back up. Wait, I don't know what it goes back to.

So for my nervous system to not catastrophize every single time was really hard for me. And I had to go through that in relationships. Here's the funny thing. I think I had posted a video the other day. and someone was like, easy for you to say you have your partner. And I was like, bitch, get over here. Come, cut, da, da, da. I was like, you forget. I've known him for a fucking year. I haven't been with him for 30 years.

I'm like, you forget who went, who ate living shit dating in New York and L.A. for years, to guy to guy that was a no, a no, a no, a no. And for years, every no, every unavailable. I remember telling you about the Utah guy. And the minute you looked at me, you were like, that's dismissive avoided. And I was like, what? I didn't even understand it. then when I understood it, I was like, wow, I attacked myself that whole time without really

understanding that this is what this other person was dealing with. When I was finally able to stop only living for the flow and only wanting the flow, but then the ebb was terrifying, essentially what we're kind of realizing is like what doing what doing this work preps you for is a real relationship because a real relationship will be up and down. You will have fights. You'll have conflict. You'll have shit. Doesn't mean it's toxic. But if your nervous system can handle already you being okay with ebbs and flows and knowing money cometh money goeth. People come, people go. Just because you're dating somebody now, like someone freaked out saying, because I said,

you know, when you go through a breakup, the person doing the breaking up has already processed this. They've thought about this, you know? And he was like, how selfish, that's such bullshit. This person used me and they used me while they processed. And I was like, you internalized everything about this without understanding that people are humans and that people go through things. And without understanding that like, just because you're in a relationship and you have

the flow doesn't mean that the ebb is not inevitable, that somebody might decide that they don't want to be with you. And if we are such glass creatures that we can't comprehend that somebody could not want to be with me, then your whole world's going to crumble because you don't know what you can't handle an ebb. I think you are touching on such an important point, which is basically self-trust. If we could summarize this, we're saying the reason we get so attached to outcomes and lists and specifics is not because that's manifestation. That's your misunderstanding of manifestation because you are lacking self-trust. You are lacking trusting yourself

to move through the ups and downs of life. And you're trying to control and manage everything. And so I think what we're saying is the key to achieving your goals. And yes, the key to manifesting, if that word resonates with you, is self-trust. And that self-trust is interconnected with your nervous system's ability to move through the ups and downs. You cannot have self-trust if you cannot trust your nervous system to handle the ups and downs of life, right?

Like, self-trust and the nervous system go hand in hand for me. Like, that is why I love the nervous system piece so much because I think it puts science to a concept that tends to feel very woo-woo. Self-love, self-trust, right? This is really it. Like, I think self-trust is the key component. And that's why the nervous system is the key component. And that's why the nervous system is the key to manifesting or achieving, your goals because the process of achieving your goals actually requires a lot of ups and downs.

Every down is, you know, where you do the work that then creates the up, the contraction then creates the expansion, right? And if you cannot handle that, there will be no growth. You will stay exactly as you are and you will be doing that to protect yourself. Don't be a business owner. I'll tell you that too. And it's true. It's like I, it makes me, and this is like a good place for us to kind of leave off because next, the next time you're on, which is in like a few, three or four weeks, we're going to talk about the fallacy of the self-love and self-trust and all of that, what that really means.

So I'm excited about that to tune in. But it kind of just reminds me of, yeah, like this one girl I knew, I told you about her. And it was like, she was a beautiful girl, had such a bright future. And she was a hairdresser and she was doing all this stuff. But because she had in her head that she wanted to do one specific thing, she wanted one specific thing. And she changed the career. And I'll never forget all of us.

This has been 10 plus years ago watching her saying, no, no, no. And she would always say, no, I'm manifesting it. And I'm journaling. she would spend days inside just making vision boards. And what's really sad is because she didn't quite understand, she just kept thinking, no, I want it, and I'm going to will it, and I'm going to manifest it,

and I'm going to dream it enough. And it's like, I hate to break it to her. This girl is 10 years later. She is broke as fuck, lives with her mom back home because she's got nothing. She went off her deep end and like lost everything, lost all her friends, lost her career, lost everything she had,

never made that new career she wanted, and is now just the epitome of like, when you hold on so tight and you don't leave space for anything else, it can literally be your demise. And I'm just hopeful that if anything, if you took anything away from me blabbering the fuck away from things and Masha supporting me on the blabber,

that it's okay if things don't go according to plan because maybe your plan isn't the right fucking plan for you. Because I thought I had the right plan. I love software. Software's still in existence. Software is killing it now. Software is still doing really well. Please go by software.

But it wasn't my only fate. And this won't be either. I have, there's a million other things that are going to come up in the pipelines for you, too. It's like you weren't meant to be an actuary. You were meant to do more and more and more and more. But just because you're not getting what you want right now doesn't mean you won't in the future. A hundred percent. And what we are kind of saying it's pointing you towards is there's a lack of self-trust, right?

There's an inability for your nervous system to move through the ups and downs, which are the process of achieving your goals. And there's a lack of capacity in your nervous system. Like maybe your dreams are 100% possible, and it's just that your nervous system does not yet have the capacity, the strength to hold them. So maybe the work is just building that capacity in your nervous system. Maybe it's not about necessarily changing your goals or giving up on your goals, but maybe the work is building that capacity. And all those beautiful manifestation tools, like by the way, we've been using that word and maybe people have in mind like vision boarding and affirmations. It's not like we're saying that stuff doesn't work, but like what I will say through my voice, lens is that none of that stuff works when you're dysregulated.

And none of that stuff works singular. It's not just that. It's like saying with healing, people will be like, but I journal and like, you think that's all you have to do. You think all you have to do is just journal and like read. And that's, that's it. It's like, it's an amalgamation of things, but stop reading into like, make a vision board and your life will be better. It's like, a hundred percent. Then what? Right. That's, that's you avoiding doing the work. So we're saying, yes, manifestation is doing the work internal and external, showing up every day. It's building your nervous system's capacity to hold your dreams. It's developing self-trusts, right? And we're saying the nervous system plays a big role. And if you want to use those really awesome tools of manifestation,

great. But you need to do that when you're in a regulated state in combination with all of the other work. It's really a commitment to the process to doing the work. So now that we've gone through all of this, I hope you guys will take out your little notebooks and scratch off some of the some of the unrealistic things that you've set for yourself. And instead maybe, you know, if it's, I'm going to lose 15 pounds in the next 30 days. I love your goal of getting healthy. But maybe we look at what's underneath this goal. Am I doing that because I hate the way I look and I'm thinking that if I lose this weight,

I'm going to love the way I look? Am I doing that because I have really bad knees and I need to lose the weight because then I'm going to be able to play with my kid more. And that means something. Whatever your goal is, it's okay. It's, we're not saying to throw it away. way. But what we're saying is maybe support your nervous system more in a way of going, wow, if this is coming from a place of insecurity, the reality is I could lose 40 pounds and still not

feel better. Hello, body dysmorphia. Like, welcome to reality. So it's maybe just taking a look at a couple of your prompts and maybe just lifting the veil a little bit on them. And I'm just, yeah. And we could even go through those four myths and maybe we help you flip them a little bit. So kind of like really summarize because I know we talked about a lot of things and I and I don't want to this to be overwhelming. I really do want this to be actionable, right? So we started with talking about getting way too attached to this list and these really specific things, kind of like Sabrina's story highlighted, right? So maybe yours is like losing X amount of pounds or this perfect guy or X amount of followers or money or whatever. You can write that, like look at your list and then go deeper.

Why? Why do I want this? What do I think is going to give me? How do I expect to feel? What does it represent? Exactly. How do we go deeper on that? So we kind of flip that one, right? And then from there we think about how do we stop attaching to the external outcome? External achievements don't fix internal problems. So we really need to think about what would it look like, yes, okay, maybe I want to lose X amount of weight. But what would it look like to use that as just a direction for the work that I'm doing, but not necessarily is where I need to be of like, I set that and I surrender and I that

or better. Right. So what could the external, I mean the internal outcome look like? How do I want to feel? How do I get even more specific on that? And how do I make that the goal? How I want to feel. Right. From there, we come back to, you know, thinking that manifestation means not taking action. Right? We just sit there and vision board 24-7. Like, no, it does not. Now that you have your outcome, you know how you want to feel. What are you going to do to cultivate that? What are you going to take action? What are you going to do to build capacity in your nervous

system to receive that and to build self-trust to move through the ups and downs, which the process of achieving any goal will require your relationship, your weight. I don't care. There's going to be ups and downs. And if you can't handle them, you won't get to where you want to go. Everything you want is on the other side of those ups and downs. Right. And then lastly, this idea of like, you know, often we think manifestation is setting these crazy unattainable goals. I want you to have your dreams, right? But those dreams can't be the short-term goal for the year, for the month, right? That can't be it. Our goals need to be attainable. 85% certainty that you could achieve them. Make them smaller. They might need to be made smaller than you want, that's not to say you give up on them long term. It's just so your nervous

system feels a little bit safer moving towards them. So maybe it's this huge amount of weight. And maybe what feels doable to like if 85% certainty to your nervous system is five pounds. So start there. And once you get there, that will show your nervous system. Oh, shoot, that was possible. Maybe you could do a little more. Right. And that's just an example with weight, but we really could apply that. We want to make our goals more bite size. So they're more realistic for our nervous system. So we really want to work with our nervous system. And then if we want to add on top of that, any of these beautiful manifestation tools, let's just not gaslight ourselves. Okay. These affirmations, these, if your nervous system is like, whoa, that doesn't feel safe. I can't achieve that. I can't

do that. That's okay. You could keep coming back to doing the work, showing up for yourself, committing to the process. And that's just pointing to you of like, hmm, my nervous system is still not on board with this. I still need to give my nervous system proof that this is possible for me. that's the work. This doesn't mean it's impossible. This doesn't mean I'm not saying my affirmations enough time. It means I need to get my nervous system on board because right now, based on my lived experience, it's not. That was just dropped the mic. Like that was it. That's perfectly, that's put perfectly. That's concise. That is actionable. That's bite-sized. And you're welcome. So on that note, I'm so, guys, I'm so glad we could bring in the new year together. I'm so glad. I mean,

can I just say thank you to, first of all, to you, Mosh, of course, but to just every that shows up every week investing in themselves, even just listening. Like, that is an investment in yourself. And thank you for starting the year with us. We have so much excitement across. And you know what? I'm sure some things. You know, like even look at us. We were going to do the dating app. And then we decided to walk away from the dating app because of timing and things like that. That doesn't mean that we failed. It doesn't mean that no, you know what that meant? We left space open for bigger and better things. And baby, oh boy, I could see the horizon. The sun's already starting to rise. So I'm so excited, guys. If you need anything,

I'm going to have everything linked in the show notes. Masha, you have the course coming up, correct? Yes, we are starting February 1st. There are still a few spots left. I can't wait. We've kind of added a lot of components. It's going to be a really awesome one just to start February 1st with all of this energy, I think is really powerful. So I'm super excited. Don't forget, you guys can use the code, do the work 300 to grab one of those spots. And can I just say, I can't think of a better way to have started the year than with you guys. I'm so grateful to you, Sabrina, and to this beautiful community. you guys are truly inspiring. I get to talk to you guys in sessions.

It's truly inspiring. And let me just say like, like Sabrina said, like we are doing this with you. Like everything we said today, we are working on ourselves. It's not like we're past it. It's just as relevant to me. And so like,

this was just a great way for me to start the year and be like, okay, yeah, let's do exactly what we said. That's why I don't like those charlatans that are just like, I'm healed. It's like, fuck off. No, you're not.

Get out of here. But anyways, guys, yeah, you need a Ving. Everything will be linked in the show notes. If you want to join my program, there are, I think there's like two spots left for the next three months. And then it'll start over if somebody doesn't continue on for the three months. So we don't know when the next one will be. But get it now while you have just literally two spots left.

And I will say like, I think this is a really beautiful time to really commit to yourself. Like we said, we don't believe in New Year's resolutions. That's not our thing. But I think sometimes there is this energy in the air. And we're like, oh, I want to make a change. And I think a lot of us think we have to make that change alone. And that's why, like, I just love what you're doing. Obviously, I love my group program.

and the community we've cultivated. It's like, realize that we don't have to do this alone. Like, even that we, we have each other. Yeah. You know what I mean? Like, what a difference it makes to be able to work towards our goals with someone we trust by our sides. And like, you guys, like, that's why, you know, what Serena was saying of, like,

just so grateful to have this community. It makes a really big difference. Yeah, you guys aren't alone. So don't forget. And also, just an FYI, there's a bunch of fake fucking Facebook pages being made of me. I'm going to make an, I'm going to do the intro of this about, don't believe any of them, please. There's only one for me.

please don't listen to these fucking scammers. One person's putting houses in Thailand as well. So apparently people are still thinking it's me. I didn't realize that all of a sudden I'm such a well-traveled machine here in the middle of everything. And what's inappropriate is they're using photos of Clem. And that's the straw that's breaking the camels back for me. So guys, don't believe that shit.

But anyways, love you guys. Thank you for everything. Masha, thank you for joining us for another week. We'll have her back in a month to talk about the bullshit fallacies of self-love and self-trust and all that. We debunked this. So get ready for another episode. I can't wait.

Thank you guys again. This was awesome. Until next time.