The Sabrina Zohar Show - 68: Your dating questions answered with Tech guy!

Episode Date: April 5, 2024

Sabrina and the tech guy sit down for a meaningful chat and Q&A session about their dating journey and experiences. We gain perspective on the dos and don'ts, responsibilities (e.g., who should pay for the date), the honeymoon phase, and boundaries. They delve into the recipe for compatibility, working past friction points, and creating a safe space for each other. They offer honest opinions on how to date securely. Want to work with Sabrina? HERE! Stuck After the Podcast? Master Implementation in 8 Weeks with Sabrina's Foundation Course Join the Make It Make Sense: Getting Through a Breakup course HERE! Get Ad-free episodes and 2 Bonus episodes a month HERE! Dont forget to follow Sabrina and The Sabrina Zohar Show on instagram and Sabrina on Tik tok! Video now available on YOUTUBE!  Disclaimer: The Sabrina Zohar Show, formally known as Do The Work, is not affiliated with A.Z & associates LLC in any capacity. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hello, hello, hello. And welcome to another episode of Do the Work podcast, this time in video too. Oh, you guys, I'm so excited to have you here. Welcome to our home studio. I have slaved away at this home for the last four months in this place to get this ready because YouTube, we are here. We have arrived. So if you're listening on Spotify, Apple, Amazon, where of the fuck you are listening right now? You can also watch us.

If you go to Sabrina.zohar on YouTube, we are live. So all the podcasts are going to also live there. Today, guys, is a very special day. We have Tech Guy Part 2. But this time, it's not just me and Tech Guy talking, which it will be. But we're also answering your questions, the emails, the questions you wrote in. And the reason we're doing this is because we started bonus content. So soon you guys, well, now actually, you guys can choose to pay $7 a month or $70 a year.

A steal helps us keep this all going. And as a thank you for that, you get all episodes ad free. That's pretty awesome. And you also get two to three bonus content videos a month. And that includes Ask Me Anything. So you guys can use that platform to ask me questions. And then TechI and I are going to be answering those and giving you and helping you in every single way that we can. As always, with some tough love that I really do think is needed.

So I'm super excited, guys. The course is out. It's just been incredible our foundation course. I spent another four months working on that. There's just been so much exciting stuff. So as always, everything will be linked in the show notes. You can work with me one-on-one for the time being. You can ask me a question.

There's some free guides as well as the course now and now bonus content. So, guys, thank you, as always, for everything. Please don't forget to say a big thank you and support our sponsors. If you're not going to subscribe, no worries at all. At the very least, we can thank them for keeping the show free. So without further ado, let's get right the fuck on into it, shall we? Hello, hello. Hi, babe.

Hi, welcome. So, babe, if you could properly introduce yourself to the world, world. Hi, I'm tech guy. Yeah. Kay, what's your real fucking name? Oh, yeah, that. Hi, I'm Ryan. I know. For a lot of folks out there, they're like, no, your name is tech guy. And that's okay. I am not going to fight a current, right? But I'm so excited to have you here, babe. I'm not going to fight it either. I love anonymity. They want to call me that. Great. Perfect. So, babe, welcome to, welcome to the show. Welcome to Part two. We have so many things that are really exciting. But I just think it's rad that you and I, what, we've been together a year and a half now, crazy to think that a year ago, when I think

about literally a year ago, we just started dating. Like, we were really new. I think we were month like three or four at this point, by four months in. I was just telling you, I love you when I was on drugs when I did a party. Whoops. Yes, you were. Yeah, and it worked out really well. And in that matter of a year, I went from a 600 square foot apartment and not even knowing

which way was up or how I was going to run my business or what business I was going to run, to now you working for do the work and us being. able to work together in our beautiful new home that we have and just seeing growth in the matter of a year, like for anybody out there that doesn't believe it's possible. Yeah, you can co-create something beautiful. Yeah. So today, I'm really excited because you guys wrote in your questions. You wrote in your questions.

And of course, I'm going to go off on tangents because who doesn't? But you guys asked us a... You do. Of course I do. You guys asked us a ton of really great questions and I'm excited. And there's some stories that you wrote in. And so moving forward, of course, if you're doing the... bonus content, which is where this will live from now on. This is now for everybody, of course,

but this will be monthly. So you guys can ask any questions and we will be there to support you male, female perspective or just me, if that's what you guys want. So baby, let's get right on to show we. Let's do it. All right. So flip the iPad around, correct? Cool. So let's get right on into it, shall we? Great. Perfect. Okay. So the first question somebody asked, we're going to really, we have like a bit of a run of show. We want to start because I understand that a lot of people listening right now be in a relationship. Yay, we love that. And don't you worry, we're going to make more content for you. We, I understand that a lot of you guys are in relationships, but we are going to support you. We're going to do some more episodes on relationship stuff.

But nonetheless, I do think still we are talking about dating and dating, setting you up for success and having a strong foundation is really, really important. So today, we're going to just start. The first question at the gate is, should I confirm with him the day of our date or should I let him do Absolutely. Confirm with him. Confirm with him every time and confirm with every person every time, indifferent of whether you're a female, male, or non-binary. You only have so many things in your control in the dating experience and your time is one of them. And so not valuing your time and not confirming before a date, you're setting yourself up for failure, either a failure of expectations or the person's going to fail you. And like here's the thing. I,

understand the like antiquated no let a guy run after you and let him put all the effort but it's like I've had it where guys have put a shit ton of effort that didn't mean that that was going to continue and that is a bit of a harsh reality we kind of need to face is like dating doesn't mean there's a guarantee just because somebody is great off the bat doesn't mean that that person's going to want a relationship with you just because you had a 10 hour date doesn't mean shit yeah that meant that that guy had a good time on the moment and was hoping to get late like that's the extent of it. And I think for me, like, I, I'm tired of this like, no, you're living in you're masculine if you reach out to a guy. And it's like, no, bitch, you know what I'm doing?

Taking care of myself. Because let's be honest, if somebody made a plan with me for a week from now, I don't know if it's going to happen. I also have a ton of stuff I want to get done. And I have a lot of plans. So I put it in pencil. And I always had a backup plan that night of like, okay, well, if I don't hear from the guy or if like I confirm and he doesn't confirm with me, no worries. I'm going to take myself out to dinner. That way, I detach from me. the outcome. You have every right to text somebody and say, hey, can't wait to see you tonight. And if you're sitting here telling me, well, I don't want to have to put the effort in. Good luck with your relationship then. Let me know how that's going to work for you. When you waste someone's time,

you waste a part of their life. And what you're doing by putting the onus on someone else to do the confirmation is you're allowing people to waste your life. 100%. That's why I'm a big fan of coffee dates. I know it's out poo-poo. I love a coffee date. We went on a hike date as our first date. I love efficient dates. You know how many times when I lived in Venice, I would tell guys, to, like, I'd be like, you know what? I have to go to Arawan, duh. I'd be like, I have to go to Arawan. Have to.

It was a must because I needed my $18 smoothie. Let's be real here. But like, I would look and be like, you know what? I'm going to go to class. Like, I loved my studio camp. I'd be like, I'm going to go take yoga. I'm going to go. If you're going to go in L.A.,

go to take J.B.'s class. phenomenal. I love her. But I would go take class. And I'd be like, listen, if you want to come to yoga or meet me after, like, I'm going to be at Arwan. That way, it was or I have 45 minutes. You want to grab a quick coffee and just like see if we jive? Then that way, one, it wasn't out.

I'd be like, hey, I got to go. Like I mentioned, I only had this much time. Or, hey, I'm going to take Clem for a walk when he was alive. Like, do you want to meet me down by the beach and we'll go for a stroll, grab a coffee? I was going to do it anyways. That way, I'm in control of my destiny and my goddamn fucking schedule because I'm a very busy person and I have a lot of things going on. So the last thing I need to do is spend four hours and get ready and go to dinner to find out that that dude's a dud. Been there, done that many a times.

Absolutely. So I'm a big fan of confirm either way. Come from confidence. Hey, I'm really excited to see you tonight. See you at five. Yep. It's that simple. If they don't answer, great.

You have an answer. No answer is very much an answer. And if they say, oh, God, I'm so sorry. I totally blame. You don't have to remake those plans with them. But at the very least, you are in control of your life. And it's not waiting for someone else to tell you it's okay to do that. No.

And I've never resched it. with someone that just blew that off. Except there's one exception and they took full ownership and made a follow-up plan. So without that retribution and showing intentionality of scheduling the next date, you're off to a terrible start. And now let me ask you. Because obviously, I'm never going to ask you all men because, like, that I think is the biggest issue with the content that we ingest. It's like, if I say one more fucking video of like, all men do this, like, the newest one I saw was, here's what all men want you to do. And I'm like, so all of a sudden, every one of that gender suddenly is just the same. All guys are just the same now. So you're no different than any other fulkin schmo than the psychopath that are locked up. Cool, because you're a guy, right?

Exactly. And it was, look, I'm tired of all that. But from a male perspective, your specific male perspective, were you turned off by a woman because she confirmed plans with you? No, I'm, it's actually the converse. I'm turned off by someone not respecting their time enough to confirm. I confirmed our date. Well, you confirmed our date because you had changed the plans and changed our meetup location. But in every other situation, I would have confirmed the date and without any type of answer an hour before, it's off the table. And like, here's a reality. Like, I understand people are saying, well, I want them to show me effort in the beginning. And it's like, but you also have to show that effort.

Absolutely. It's the relationship that we have isn't because I'm a princess and I just sit. back all day and I don't do anything. Just the opposite. Like, we're very invested in this relationship. We always have been. And that's where like reciprocity, like I looked back at our texts. I text you just as much as you text me.

And like that wasn't a lot. But like let's even talk about that for just a second. The texting and early dating. Yep. You did a beautiful job. I'll say that twice. You did a beautiful job. You confirmed with me or I'm sorry, you confirmed with me.

When I, when we started dating, you were not a big texter. You text me like every. two or three days. Like it wasn't. Still not a big text. Still not a big texter. Neither am I anymore. Not as much.

And I remember when I reached out to and I was like, hey, you know, I'd love more communication in between our dates to feel more connected to you. And what did you say? You didn't say more communication. You said more texting. More texting. Because there is a very big difference and I do want to call out that nuance. I had said that that's not something that I'm interested in.

I stare at a screen for nine hours a day. I work in tech. The last thing that I want to do is this. didn't stare at a smaller screen right after I'm off and I'm trying to go out and enjoy life and spend time with my dog. But I made sure to couch that in saying that that is not a sign of my disinterest. Just the exact opposite. I care deeply about you and I'm very interested in getting to know you.

And I would like to do that in person and not build a digital relationship. And like I remember my anxiety was flaring because, but I remember the reason like I, it was flaring prior, but the reason that when you text me that, because I was like, wait a minute, I remember calling my mom and being like, can we process this together? And I was like, he shows up in so many ways. I'm like, he'll call me. He'll FaceTime. And I'm like, we have consistent plans. Like, even at that point, we had always had plans to hang out. And like, I'm going to call it what it is. I'm just going to put this out there. And I say this with a lot of love. If you're somebody that wants good morning text before you've even fucking met this person or

you've had one or two dates with them, cut the shit. You were doing that because you want to make sure that your anxiety is managed because you can't sit in some fucking discomfort and accept the fact that dating is the unknown. Is there anxiety? Absolutely. You don't know if it's going to work out, but that doesn't mean that someone needs to inauthentically quell your anxiety and tell you every single morning, good morning, when that is not an indication of them wanting a relationship with you. And cut the bullshit with this. Well, if they're starting off like that, what are they going to grow to? You can grow to this. You can have a beautiful in-person relationship that's not contingent. on a tablet and actually has to do with who the person is in front of you.

And that way you actually get to know the person and not just some digital avatar that has a large schism versus how they actually show up in person. 100%. The amount of times I'll get people that write in and they're like, no, no, I didn't mean it. Rude. And I'm like, but there's no tone. I'm seeing words. I'm creating who I want you to be.

Even before we met, I had created this version of you. And then when we met, I was like, where is that guy? And it's like, that wasn't your fault. That was on me. Because I didn't, you don't know somebody. And for anyone doing the long distance, like, oh, but I, how am I going to get to know them? Babe, what do you have to say for that? For long distance?

I don't. Yeah, like, if you can't spend time with somebody, listen, of course, I understand when you're, I've been long distance. We started off long distance. We did. I understand that you need to have communication. That doesn't mean it has to be texting. Correct. You can call somebody.

You can FaceTime. No, that doesn't mean spend hours a day. I have people that are right in being like every night we call each other for four hours. And I'm like, what do you do? doing. That is a controlled environment, like Love is Blind. You don't actually get to see somebody outside of that prospective phone call or FaceTime when they're on their best behavior. They're not being triggered. They're in a very confined space. Then all of a sudden, you're with them and you're like, I don't understand, but why are you acting different? Because they weren't. You just didn't know

who the fuck they were. And if you're going to do long distance, here are my tips. Who has the money to go back and forth? Who has the resources to go back and forth? What's your timeline and end game? What's the end game? Who's moving? I remember dating a guy long distance. The first thing I said was like, listen, you live here. I'd be down to move. And he was like, okay, good for us to know that we'd even otherwise. If I wasn't going to move there and he wasn't going to move here, what are we doing? Hoping and wishing and praying? It wouldn't have worked out with us if you didn't have the intentionality of moving to San Diego. 100%. I was not going to be driving up to L.A. every weekend. I hate L.A. You have to force me to go every time. And so do I. And that's why I think it's important to just understand, like, when it comes to those early. stages of dating. Like allow, cut the theory bullshit.

Let them theory. Stop making everything a fucking bumper sticker and maybe let's just call it what it is. Allow people to show up how authentically they're going to show up. Absolutely. That's it. So, okay. Next question here, baby. When should you consider dating an ex?

Never. End of story. Okay. Adding some actual nuance to that. Sure. There's a hypothetical scenario in which people, people can rekindle. Usually it's after some sort of fracture at no fault of either party, someone moved, they joined active military service, something like that that is out of the

control of both parties. However, most of the time, the person that you are with is not the same person that they are today. Just like you are on your own change path, that person has gone through their own change, whether that's positive or negative in that time frame. So to assume that you even want to be with that person assumes that you want to be with that former version of them and not who they are today. 100%. Like if there's a difference between, yeah, oh, I moved or, you know what, hey, we dated for like a month and then this person moved.

There was no point in us doing long distance. We know each other. That's not really an ex. Yeah. But like if your ex was toxic, you were unhealthy together. I get it so often. Oh, the person named dating said that we need to break up and take some space. like a break because they need to go to therapy and that they're saying, you know, like one day and I'm

like, no, they're benching you. Yeah. I hate to break it to you. They're keeping you on it. You may probably never hear from that person again. You're slot five on a roster girl. Yeah. Or, you'll like probably never hear from them again. Or if you do, it's like, what changed? Like I remember when I lived in Venice, the guy that I kind of share the story that like I changed the way I dated after him. Because like at that same time. It was literally like two weeks after I told my dad I was done, like after my dad had pulled his same narcissistic bullshit. And I was like, I'm done. I'm done. I wasn't going to do this anymore. And we didn't speak. And so at that point, for me, I was scared. The biggest fear I had was losing my father. You know what I mean? Being abandoned by my dad. Well, I already experienced that. So anyone I dated at that point, I was like, what am I so scared of? And I remember the guy. I mean, when I say when we were together, it was so electric, like, it was such a spark, which is really just a chemical reaction. That didn't mean that we were. compatible. It just means that your fair modes are compatible. Correct. I like couldn't, I literally like could not like, you touched me and I was like you can't like because I was trying to be, I was trying to be the good girl of no, I'm not sleeping with you. I'm going to make you earn it.

That one worked out well. Anyways, and I'll never forget when Raquel met him and she was like, either we're getting played or this is the love of your life. And I looked at her and I was like, why do I have a feeling we're getting played? Because he was too perfect. Everything was so well rehearsed. He knew, because I'm going out to dinner with my colleagues. Can I bring you food? I'm like, I had two dates with you. Like, no, I'm good. I'm okay. Like, my friend made me dinner. I appreciate it. And just like, we even met her everything. And sure enough, wildly, emotionally unavailable. We dated for two months, long distance. I mean, this guy was blown hot smoke. And I kicked him out of the house. He came to visit me. And that's the funny part. The spark completely went away.

Like, when he showed back up and he was acting like such a dickhead to me, we hooked up that night finally didn't feel a fucking thing. I remember even just thinking like, wow, if we had hooked up a month and a half ago, I would have been slain now. It didn't feel shit because he was attractive physically, but not anymore to me because of who I knew he was. And then I remember we, I ended it. I told him to get the fuck out of my house. And I was like, I'm done. And I remember him literally stomping on my patio going, but you know it's my emotional unavailability. It's not you. And I was like, oh, I know. Now get the fuck off my porch. And I closed the door. And I didn't, I never contacted him. And that took so much for me.

Because, of course, the whole time I was like, he's going to be crawling back. No, he never, I'd never heard from him. About eight months later. This was like my month before Clem passed away. So I was just in a lake. It was after Shark Tank. I was in a really low place. I remember I reached out to him and I said, I've been thinking about you and I miss you.

And he wrote back to me like, hey, bro. Yeah, right, right, right. Hey, babe. And he was like, I'm actually in L.A. And I was like, thanks for cool. Like first red flag. And I was like, oh. And he was like, why don't we do dinner tomorrow?

Not even acknowledging anything. of like the fact that we hadn't met up for eight months. Right. And I said, okay. And I'll never forget. I called my mom and my mom was like, what are you doing? What do you? Sabrina, what are you doing?

And I was like, no, but maybe he's changed. She was like, cool, you let me know how that goes. Sure enough that night, he said, let's do dinner at seven. Already I'm old. I was like, seven's a little late, but fine. 630 rolls around and I hadn't heard from him. So I texted him like, hey, are we doing this or not? Like, I already had other plans.

Hey, sorry, actually going to be more like 839. Not in this world. on this one. And I never, all I said to him was no, thank you. I wish you all the best. Never spoke to him again. Because you know why? In that moment, I realized not a fucking thing had changed. Eight months went by and nothing had changed. He hadn't grown. He didn't evolve. He didn't take accountability of shit. He wasn't putting an effort. And it just, thank goodness, I had enough self-respect for myself. Because guess who I met, all the two months later, when I made space for somebody better in my life to come because I was tired of accepting

bullshit and I wasn't going to allow someone to come back into my life to remind me of why they weren't in my life to begin with. Babbage. Babit. I'm just going to bop around. Splitting the check early in dating. If I'm asking you out, I am anticipating paying. If I am asking for your time, there is an expectation of covering the cost of the

activity, whether that, whatever you've invited them to, whether that's to dinner, whether it's to laser tag, whatever you're doing. If you were inviting someone and asking for their time, there's an expectation that you are then going to pay for that. I'm with you. I've always been in the school of thought. Like when I asked you on a date, like when I said I was going to come over and cook dinner, like I brought the groceries. I didn't expect that you were going to have the groceries. I said I'm going to make you dinner. So I brought what I needed. Oh, you don't have butterleaf lettuce for my lettuce wraps? Right, which is exactly what. I made for him. And because I had checked with you. I was like, hey, do you have this? Do you have this? And it's like, you know, like, I think that to me is very normal. Absolutely. Here's my reality. Listen, you want to live that princess fairy tale of I want someone that takes care of everything for me. I'm going to let you know one thing. Nothing in life is free. Back in the day, why did men pay for women? Women didn't have a fucking job. That's why. Women didn't have rights. And you know what a woman would do? How would she pay? She'd fuck them. That that was a very normal, unsaid kind of thing.

was I'm taking you to dinner. So what do I get in return? I'm taking you out. Marriage as an institution is an exchange of property for sexual favors. Pretty much. It's here's five goats so you can have my daughter's vagina. Pretty much. Very thoughtfully said. But and it's like, listen, if you want to be with somebody that they pay for everything, again, it's going to come with the cost. Like I remember my brother saying he was like, I'm living in L.A. He's like, I do well for myself. Like, I take care of myself. And he was like, I can pay for rent. I'm doing really well. And he was like, these women

want me to have millions of dollars, have all the time in the world. I have to text them every single day all day. And he's like, but I can't go work the job that I need to have to make this money. And he's like, this person doesn't exist. Correct. It's everything comes with a price. And so if you want someone that's going to only pay for all your dinners, there are going to be a lot of women that don't want that. So my recommendation would be to do what the fuck feels right for you. I'm a big fan of at first, the first couple of dates, you took care of it. And then after, I was like, well, I got dinner, you get dinner. It wasn't a, okay, like my ex would be like, okay, so you spent $4 at the grocery store

and I didn't need that. Like he would go down the list. That is just cheap. Yeah. That's being just ridiculous. We're not doing itemized receipts in this household. No. But there is basic reciprocity and that has always been.

Always will be. Yeah, I was going to say it wasn't even a conversation that was needed to be had. I think both of us knew what the right thing to do was. Yeah. And like I said, like you want somebody that's going to take. take care of you, that's fine. Again, that comes with a price. Like, you not, then there is going to be different things that you are going to do for the other person. And there's going to be expectations from the other party who is paying. I have heard many a men frustrated as fuck of like,

what am I a meal ticket? I'm just here to take you out. And like, let's be honest, there was a video the other day and the girl was like, the best dating advice I've ever gotten 90. You do 10%. He does 90. And it's like, so that's an entitlement. So I just have to show up. And like, I'm so tired of women being like, well, I have to spend money on my lashes and this. And I have to get ready. It's like, no, you're doing that for you. You're not doing that for anybody else.

I don't have to do all that. I show up as I am. I show up in my leggings on a fucking sports bra. You like me or you don't. My presence is your presence. It's just, and like here I said, if you're somebody that likes that, then we're not the people for you. This is, it doesn't mean that you need to attack.

I'm not attacking you. That just means that go find a coach that's going to keep you in your, same shit. That's cool. What I want is for you guys to have secure, healthy relationships. And so when it comes to finances, talk about it. Have a conversation with somebody if you feel uncomfortable. Or I used to tell guys, like the guy that I was dating the one, I was just showed to share the story. I remember he took me to a dinner and it was like a $400 dinner. And I was honest with him. I was like, hey, I can't chip in on this. And I didn't. I'll never forget after. I paid for parking. I didn't let him. And I'll never forget. He stopped me. And he was like, I just want to let you know

how much that meant to me. He was like, I knew you weren't going to pay for dinner. I knew that I asked you out to this really fancy restaurant. He was like, but the fact that you insisted on just paying for the $10 parking showed me that you genuinely wanted me here and it wasn't because of all the things I could do for you. Correct. All right, we're going to go into a story. Ooh. Okay. Story time. Okay. And we have so many other questions of people asked. Okay. Actually, before we do that, was the honeymoon phase of our relationship always easy and smooth? What honeymoon phase? We never really even got to enjoy that. Life came out. out of us pretty goddamn fast.

Pretty fucking fast. You lost your job, month three of us being in a relate, not even two months into dating. All this, it was like February. It was about two, almost three months.

And all of a sudden, I remember you called me and I was like, fuck, okay, like, we'll get through this. And it was, but the beauty of that was like, here's the reality.

Like, we've had hard conversations from the beginning. First date, I asked you, had your last relationship end and what did it teach you about yourself?

What is, like, what is something you're no longer willing to accept that you used to? Like, I showed depth because I wanted a partner with depth. That meant I had to show up as that in order to see if my partner could also show up as that.

Did that freak you out? Not at all. I appreciated it. And I challenged you as well, like understanding your religious proclivities and some other deal breakers from me. We discussed all of them on the first date. Yeah. I think if you're in a dating situation that it just, oh, we have no fights. We never have any issues.

That's a big red flag because what's happening is you're not actually communicating with each other. You're just going on the idea of each other and saying, oh, everything's amazing. And it's like, yeah, it might be. It might be really great. Eventually, there's going to be friction. Eventually, conflict will arise. So then you're going to have to repair it, right? That right there was why I felt more connected to you.

It wasn't because, oh, my God, we just have all these fun dates. No, it was because when hard things happened, how we showed up for each other, how we communicated, how you created a safe space for me and vice versa. of honesty and openness and transparency. If you're scared to talk to somebody in the first few months of dating because you're scared they're going to leave, you do not have the foundation for a sustainable relationship. Correct. Just going to say it.

Can you agree more? Okay. Here we go. Me and my guy. So here's a question. Me and my guy have been dating for three and a half months. We have been exclusive for one and a half months. He has a bachelor party in May and I'm uncomfortable with the idea of him hitting strip clubs.

How do I manage this? I don't want to tell him to not go, of course, but I don't know what kind of boundaries I should or could set. Any thoughts on this would be helpful. I know it's a once in a lifetime event, marriage and bachelor parties. So that's why I'm not like, don't go. If you were going to be hitting them on the weekends, then that we wouldn't be compatible. But that's not the case. I'd like your first, your perspective on it as a male.

I know you don't do strip clubs. I have no desire. Right. But as a male, like I think this could be in general, it could also have just somebody to be traveling or something. What are your thoughts? I think it's important for people to have. new experiences. It's one thing to set a boundary about cheating in a relationship. But if this is a one-off and not a habitual practice, then you have no boundary to set here. Let him go have his fun.

Let him go do whatever it is that he wants to do in celebration and support of his friend, which is why he's there. And this is coming from someone who despises being at the strip club. I'm frugal and I have no problem getting laid. I don't need to go to a strip club. However, this person has absolutely no right to put any boundaries on this guy's ability to go to a strip club. If you do try and set that, you are going to experience some negative ramifications within the relationship. If you think that you're going to get stronger from trying to set that boundary, you're sorely mistaken. He is going to resent you and that resentment will start to build up.

I 100% agree. I think it's unrealistic. to demand somebody to change the life. And I think she's being very honest. Like, I think she's even saying, I don't want, like, I'm not going to tell him not to go. And I think at the end of the day, like, if you're insecure that your partner is going somewhere else, like, we need to work on that insecurity. Absolutely. The trust issues.

Like, I'm not saying that you have to trust somebody implicitly. But if somebody's given you no reason not to trust them and you're worried, I get it, strippers, naked, women, bodies. But, like, let me just be honest. If I knew you were going to a strip club, I have nothing to worry about because I know what the fuck I have. I know who I am and I know how I take care of you and how I satisfy. you. I'm not worried about another woman doing that. God damn right. That's just it. Like, I'm just, I'm secure and who I am and not arrogant. It's just I know that what we have and I know that if you go out, it's like, cool, go enjoy your trip. You do you. Just communicate with me while you're gone.

Absolutely. Somebody said, is it all right when your partner checks out someone else? Absolutely. I was going to say, 100%. Yeah. Are they a human? If so, then yes. Yes, it's totally It's totally like you and I have caught each other looking at people. Like I've caught you. I know that I am not your typical type. Look, let's just talk about that really quick. People get so, you said, I will never forget when you know who said that. Like freaked out.

And I was like, what is the big deal? Like I didn't say I'm not into my partner. What I meant by not my typical type. So when people, because people ask me that all the fucking time. The person I would date was a carbon copy. Even my mom, she was like, I don't understand how you do this. She's like, they look all the same. They were all tall, thin, athletic, six-packs, and fully tattooed.

Like, that was my type. And every guy, Burnett, blue eyes or brown eyes, like just always the same thing. I find you incredibly attractive, but you are not that. Right. You're not that cookie cutter that anytime I'd see. So when I saw you, I remember thinking he's a handsome guy. He's just not the normal guy I would go for. And vice versa, if I'm not mistaken, correct?

Absolutely. Yeah, I dated every color in the rainbow. Yeah. And like, normally darker shades than me, but here we are. And like, there is nothing wrong with each one. And like, it's not, I don't get insecure when you see a beautiful woman because I'm usually looking too. And if I see a guy, I'm sorry, I am a human. If I see a man who has a six pack and is shredded and his shirt is off and he's running by me on the street, there would be something wrong with me if I didn't look.

I'm probably going to be talking to the guy as well. Bro, what is your regimen? What are your macros like? And here's the reality. It's like, I think we go back to trust. Yeah. I think it's like there's a difference between a quick look and you go back to your day. Like that you're just, yeah.

Like I remember my sister. I remember we were walking once and she's like, yeah, that guy's handsome. And she's like, but I love my husband. Like you're allowed to look. You can hold two truths at the same time. It becomes an issue when one person acts on it. Absolutely. Or when somebody makes a comment, like if a woman walked by and you turn around and

we're like, whoa, the ass on her. Foo. Damn, that would be. I'd fuck that. Like, I'd leave you in a minute. Like, that would be an issue. Or if I was like, man, that guy, he would fuck me. Like, then I'd be like, yeah, no shit.

Like, why are you with me? But if somebody just merely looks and just gets back to the conversation, we can't avoid the fact that we are human beings. And I think there's a difference between someone taking a quick check and someone taking a long up and down and then I see him get hard. Very big difference. Very. Very.

All right. So now let's get into some communication. So people had asked. I'm like, these are all questions you guys asked. Like I'm just going by, I'm giving what the people want. How long did you date before he became an official couple? I think four and a half months? Yeah, because you asked me to be your girlfriend twice.

I did. And I said no. The first time. The first time. And but let's talk about that. Yes. I didn't just say. An appropriate qualifier when I set a boundary with texting.

You said no right now because I don't know enough about you. that you haven't opened up and you gave me the roadmap to success. And like, here's something, too. Something that I think is important to talk about. I didn't say that in the first, I didn't say that the same night. I said to you for right now, no. And I was like, I need to like think about it.

I was like, I just like, I remember because you literally turned around to me out of nowhere and went, will you be my girlfriend? And I was like completely caught off guard. Like we were just watching TV on the couch. And I remember just being like, what? And I just, and in that moment, instead of people pleasing to me like, yeah. And being like, yeah, but I didn't feel that. I remember, I just blurted out.

No. And then you were like, what? And I said, let me go on. I was like, not right now. And I said, like, I remember, I even said, give me some time. And then the next day I text you and said, let's go out to dinner. I want to talk to you more about our discussion. At that time, I'm going to be 100% candid.

I was still unsure. I wasn't sure if I, what I was going to say. Because I just knew in the moment I wasn't ready. Yeah. I needed to process. That is okay. you're a human. It is okay to tell somebody, just because somebody asks you for exclusivity, it's okay to say, can you give me a 24 hours? I want to process this. I want to process this

because then when we went out to dinner and you and I had plans and I remember like, it was really cute. We went up to this nice dinner and you. And I remember I was anxious the whole time. I was like, I don't want to bring it up. I don't want to bring it up. You brought it up. You were like, so you wanted to talk to me about something? And I was like, fuck. Okay. And I just said, I was like, I think you're amazing. And I was like, but I don't know enough about you. I was like, you haven't opened up to me. You haven't been vulnerable. I was like, You're very, you are rigid. You're more avoidant. Like, that's not me being a dickhead. That's just who you are as like you're fundamentally. No, I don't share information voluntarily. I'm happy to talk about basically anything, but I am reticent on sharing information voluntarily.

Yeah. And for me, I didn't know how to communicate with you at first. So we used, we're not really strangers. We use the card game. And I think it was until like month seven or eight that I was still keeping them at the table because that wasn't to anybody's fault. I didn't know question. to ask you. I was still kind of feeling it out. And then what I would ask you and see your response is I realized like, I am safe to talk to him about stuff. Like he's not shying away from things. Oh no. Avoidance is a spectrum. Just because somebody might be like, and I would imagine though in your avoidance journey like my anxious journey, you used to be like worse. Like were you ever at a point where you like, I'm not having these conversations or shut down or just remove yourself? No, not really. I'm raised by strong women and I have learned to not shy away from pretty much any discussion. That said, I mean, the way in which my avoidance would manifest is really once things got

to a certain point, and I wasn't feeling it and just removed myself from the situation. And like, here's, can I just ask you a question? Was it that you didn't care or was it that you didn't know how to communicate with the other person? Because I think there's that common misconception of like, avoidance just don't care. They just, they don't feel anything. And it's like, I don't think you're a robot. No, it's more so the anxious avoidant trap and feeling like there wasn't a respect of my time, energy, or attention, and feeling like that was owed. And so it was more so a reactionary step or impulse, one would say, to that stimuli. And just being overly, how do I want to say this?

trying to think of some very PC words to say right now. How can I effectively remove myself from this situation without hurting this person who is clearly trying to develop a relationship with me that I have no real interest in? And I've already learned enough about them that I don't want to date them. 100%. I think I've been trying so hard to destigmatize avoid. and also anxious because like I think there's this misconception of well I'm an anxious person at least I express myself and it's like but you're not actually expressing yourself you're not not a healthy way exactly it's like just because you're saying words constantly talking doesn't mean you're communicating not at all favorite line for my favorite movie eternal sunshine where I named clemy after please go watch it's my favorite movie but it was one of my it's stuck with me for years constantly talking isn't communicating correct because just because I tell you I mean we've all watched love is blind at this point whenever you're watching this in the world, we've all seen instances when you've watched even just TV or movies or something

where just because somebody is getting volatile and screaming and it's like, but I'm not expressing myself. I'm not coming to you clearly saying, hey, this is what I need from you. I'm expecting. Instead, it's you don't do this and you never do this.

And other than all this and you're crying. And it's like, but that just means that like you're in sick. We're both triggered. Yeah. I just handle it by actively outward and you handle it by going inward. I do have a question for you off the cusp.

in your past with me included when you've dated anxious women did you were you able to tell like off the bat oh yeah even before i met them it's palpable through text and it's so ridiculous that people think that it's nuanced and hidden no it is as painfully clear as day and i don't mean that to shame anybody but the point is like i remember i even asked you and you were like sab i knew you were anxious from when you walked in to have a conversation with me. Like, it's not a shock that, like, I have always had anxiety. I try, and you've taught me that, like, don't self-identify. I'm not anxious. I have anxiety. Correct. Really working on that. And you're not avoidant. You have avoided tendencies. Like, it's the same with like, stop identity. My narc, my this, my avoidant does this. It's like,

I'm sorry. Are you a fucking doctor to be able to tell this person that they're a narcissist? Are they at Tomogachi that you're just going and electronically watering and just helping them grow? My little avoidance growing so big. No. Thank you. Thank you for aging us also by saying that, because I was like, what is he, a Furby? Like, but it's true. Like, I want us to just get rid of trying to label people. What we need to look at is, does the behavior work for you? Right. Does the behavior work for you? Okay. So if I know you have more avoidant tendencies, that just might mean that I'm not going to be a bull in a China shop and come out the gate being like, ma-ma-ma-me-me-me-that I might say something. But that also means I like, I should probably be doing that in general with people. It doesn't matter whether you're anxious or void and it doesn't really matter. If you can't even just have a basic fucking conversation with your partner, again, you do not have the sustainability for a long-term relationship. Yep. You just don't. You ready for another little ride-in?

Let's do it. All right. Oh, before that, actually, someone said, did you have communication issues and how did you work through them? Well, I won't speak for you. Yeah, I'd like your thoughts on this. I knew that there was a friction point around the texting. However, I've always felt that our in-person and phone call, FaceTime communication has been stellar. When I'm losing the tonality, the intonations, and any type of biological feedback, body language, anything like that,

I'm less inclined to care about that medium. And so text is an immaterial form of communication to me. And I know it meant a lot to you, at least in the beginning. and tried to improve in certain aspects. But I also, you know, said a very clear boundary that this isn't how I want to build something with you. I would say overall, we've ever had one point of contention. You know what I'm talking about. And that was purely because I think it was very circumstantial.

I was heightened with my anxiety and you were in your shit. You were not in therapy at the time. You were dealing with your best friend going through an accident. I was dealing with a lot of other things personally. and we just, we also were living in a 600 square foot apartment, like it was the perfect storm. And we had just moved into here into our new home. So we were stressed. And even then, I have, to this day, we have never cursed at each other. I've cursed in a sentence because you've met me. I've never called you a name. I've never, vice versa. Neither one of us have ever put each other down,

called each other a name, stormed out, screamed. Only once I removed myself the other day when I was frustrated with you and I just walked upstairs and then I came back down an hour later and we spoke. Yes. That is normal because you're a human. It's not always going to be. Everything is perfect. But on the aggregate, I'll never forget the first time. I don't remember exactly what it was about.

But I never forget there was like an issue. We had something that I wasn't stoked on. And I remember being, I was at the pool. And I was sitting outside. And I called my mom and I was like, we're going to face time in a little bit. And I was like, Mom, but what if he like, what if he yells at me or like, what if he shuts down? And my mom looked at me and she was like, he's not your father. He is not your father.

You've met my father. I have. And she was like, he is not your father, Sabrina. He is a good man. Give him a chance. And she was like, here's the beauty of it. Call me after and we'll talk about it if it doesn't go well. I was like, you know what? You're right. And I'll never forget, my hands were shaking. I was like scared because I was like, okay, I'm going to practice this right. I'm going to be honest. I'm to be vulnerable. And I told you everything. And I'll never forget. You just sat there. And you looked at me and you said, I am so sorry if I ever made you feel like that. You were like, that wasn't my intention. But intent with that action doesn't mean anything. I need to do better. And we had like a 30 minute talk and I never forget. I hung up. I called my mom and I was like, I've never felt more connected to somebody in my life than the conversation I just had with him. I was like, I felt seen, heard and understood.

He took accountability. He didn't deflect onto me. I was able to tell you what bothered me. You took it and you were like, thank you for letting me know. If you don't communicate, how else am I going to? Exactly. No, I think it's incredibly important to be able to receive feedback in a constructive way. And those fractures and fissures end up become.

the glue that ends up building the foundation that you're creating this house of a relationship in. And realistically speaking, like, you created a safe space and I hope that I was also, I'm not going to speak for you, but I would imagine I also created that safe space for you to come to me with issues or if there's anything ever coming up, like it's equally as important. It's not just about your needs. It's also your partners. And being able to actively fucking listen and shut your mouth and say, okay, tell me what's going on.

Yep, absolutely. And then take ownership. I'm sorry. I apologize. I was never my intention. I will do better. How can I support you moving forward? Yeah. Ultimately, we're both trying to build something together and there's going to be friction points along the way. But the only way to get through that is communication and having the tough conversations, not shying away from that, being open and vulnerable and then ultimately taking accountability for your shit, even if it's uncomfortable. 100%. All right, baby. We're going to get into a question. Let's do a write-up. I've been seeing a guy for three weeks. I thought things were going great. So he... So I think you're going great for three weeks. I've been seeing this guy for three weeks. I thought we were going great. He was so sweet and communicative and really opened up to me. After our second date, we slept together both dates. I let him know I definitely...

I let him know I definitely wanted to keep seeing him and he agreed. He told me he loved my company and felt comfortable around me, which I took as a really good sign. I didn't hear from him for two days. So at the end of the second day, I asked him if he said him, I asked him if he... if he was still interested because the vibes felt off since the last time I saw him. Looking right into the camera, don't ever say the vibes are off. All right, proceed. Please also don't text this to somebody. And the last time I saw him,

he said, yeah, of course. And then said, I could ask and tell him anything. He would be upfront and blunt. It's been two days and nothing from him. I'm giving him a space. If I have scared him, I don't want to push him even further. If after a few days, I still don't hear from him, is it okay to reach out and just ask what went wrong?

I'm a big communicator and would like some clarification. Girl, I know that you want to be selected. Your communication and you being a communicator has nothing to do with this. What this is is your anxiety manifesting. And that's probably palpable. And he's reading into that and now a little bit more or less inclined to continue the communication. I could not agree more. I get it, babies.

I understand you want clear communication. But you're forcing that. Correct. This is forcing it. Because, okay, so it's been three weeks. Like, let's just off the bat. You don't know this person. Correct.

The first few months, you don't really know this person, specifically the first three weeks. What do we think? People are not on their best behavior? Like, let's get fucking real. You slept together both dates. Nothing wrong with that. Get it, girl. That is, let me ask you at least real quick sidebar in your experience.

A woman sleeping with somebody early on. Is that going to be your, is that the sole reason because she hooked up with you that you no longer wanted her? God, no. Every long-term relationship I've been in. when we hooked up on the first date. Yeah. Same with me. Like, at first or second,

every partner, every friend even that I have, when I asked them, they're like, yeah, it was the first, like, couple of dates. Like, very rarely, actually, do I meet people that are like,

yeah, I waited three months? And it's like, because I think that is just an antiquing. I'm like, where is the data to show three months means that this person's going to then not make a change after you hook up? The data is actually in the converse.

Exactly. That you have spent all this time getting to know someone, you've developed attachments, and then the sex is terrible. And then you overlook that and get into a relationship. And you can only overlook that for so long. 100%. Because then that becomes just your friend. And that's a roommate at that point.

If you are like, and that depends on if intimacy is important to you. Correct. Like I had my client this morning and he was like, oh my God, he was like, thank you for normalizing that it's important. He was like, it's huge for me. And he was like, and I'm tired of shaming myself for that of like, oh, well, no, it doesn't matter. It's like, but it does.

It fucking matters. It fucking does. I'm sorry. the reason I broke up with two Xs in a row was because the sex life went. And I realized I was like, I'm not actually that into these people. So anyways, let's get back to this. So I think at the end of the day, it's like, listen, all you can do is let someone know I'd like to see you again. And then you let they hate, they both agreed.

So then he said all that, you didn't hear from him for two days. So at the end, so technically not even a full two days. This is at the end of the second day, I text. Here's another alternative. You know what you could just do. Hey, I'd love to see you again. Are you free? And then talk to them in fucking person.

Correct. Hey, so how do you like to communicate? What are your intentions for dating? Is that like, do you want a relationship? Are you somebody, you're not a big texture? Would you rather do phone calls or FaceTime? That is coming from a place of security versus just full on anxiety. Correct.

Because already the fact, it's already, it's been two days. Here we have, here's the biggest thing that I have, if I scared him away, I don't want to push him even further. it's just a scared little girl wanting to be chosen and and was said with a lot of love yeah said with a lot of love this is not by no means but it is but it is a judgment but at the end of the day it's just that it's like if you want to be chosen i get that then you're not connecting with people you're attaching to them yep because think about it every time like i have this thought today this morning you only get once at a parents, like biological parents, right? You know, you can have, you could be adopted, things like that. Don't get me wrong. But biological, who gave you birth, came out of the womb, you only get one set,

unless there's new science that I don't know about. As a child, yeah, it's fucking terrifying if you're like, if I lose that, I'm literally dead. Like, my safety is dependent upon if my parent shows up for me. You're now a grown-ass fucking adult who has spent all of two days with this person. So what, all, maybe including fucking maybe 10 hours total. And if you're scared, well, if I scared him off, what did you do to scare this person off? Being yourself, just asking a question? If all it takes is you asking one thing to scare him off, but here's a reality, it might not be that you scared him off and you don't want to be too needy. What it could also be is maybe that person picked up on your insecurity and realize, whoa, because let me, correct me if I'm wrong, even me, when I dated

anxious people, I got freaked the fuck out. Oh, it is. They didn't. Not easy. They didn't scare me off. It wasn't that they were the problem. Their anxiety was overwhelming for me. And I said, this is not what I want to be involved in.

Yep. Because if after two days, somebody is texting me saying, hey, the vibes are off. My response to be, what the fuck are you talking about? Yep. Couldn't agree more. What do you mean the vibes are off? Because I didn't text you when you wanted me to text you. We need to come from security.

No. If someone texts me, the vibes are off. I was like, great, the relationship is off. Like, it's just, it's one thing. Listen, I'm not saying, no, don't get me wrong. I'm not saying like, you're not allowed to ask anybody anything. But let's do this in person. Let's do this in a way of communicating effectively.

If you can call them. Yes. Call them and be like, hey, I haven't talked to you in a couple of days. I just wanted to see how you were doing. I'd love to hang out again if you're interested. That comes from a place of power. I statements, what I would like. What I want, not.

But are you still interested? in me? Are you? Are you? Are you? Because what that tells, because as somebody who is quite fucking secure in themselves, the minute I even read emails like this, I'm like, I would never date somebody like this. Now, don't get me wrong. I'm not shaming or blaming anybody. But the reality is, when you are somebody who's like, I have my peace, I don't want to now have to, after two days of hanging out with somebody already, they're starting to micro-analyze are in every conference everything it's like oh my god if this is two days imagine what's going to be in two months absolutely it's overwhelming and that's what i mean and i'm not saying it's the same with

if someone's super avoidant it's not appropriate it's not a it's not a you have to go no what it is let's date with security if you're feeling unsure about what's going on talk to the motherfucker when you're with them what kind of relationship do you want how do you like to communicate Hey, so we had sex. How do you see this playing out? That is a very different circumstance than texting somebody because they didn't text you for a day and a half saying, hey, are we good? The vibes are off. Very different circumstance.

That's just trying to get, that's trying to get validation. Correct. That's not anything besides, you didn't hear from them for two, for a week. Then I could imagine you being like, hey, just a little confused. We were together and you said you wanted to see me again. I haven't spoken to in a week. that I think would be correct me if I'm wrong I think that would be more appropriate a week yeah I would go a day I don't think two days but a day in between communicating with you early on

but a week is an astronomical amount of time even like four five days you know what I mean like but I think when we get into the like I haven't heard from him in like a day and a half and it's like you don't know if maybe the next day the guy was going to text you like hey thinking of you I'd love to see you again. And it's like, that's what I mean by is, oh, self-sabotage. It's like, that's self-protection, you're trying to protect yourself from getting hurt, but then what happens is you then compromise the connection. You compromise what could grow with this person being like, yeah, I'm not doing this. You're so demanding of being chosen that you ensure that you're not going to be chosen. It's a self-fulfilling prophecy. Correct. And I'm, again, I'm saying all of this with love because I was hurt.

I used to do this. I used to text guys, like, if I didn't hear from them for a day and being like, Hey, so are like, are you still interested in like getting to know each other? I used to. Good thing you didn't text me that. Exactly. And that's my, that's what my, this is my point exactly. I could have easily fucked this up. Yeah.

A hundred percent. But I knew within myself, Sabrina, change the way you've been doing things. There's, there's no reason. If it ain't been working for you, try something new. And I hope everybody understands, like, we have so many more questions we couldn't even get through on this episode. But I really hope that everyone. understands like, you're going to ask our honest opinion, you're going to get the honest opinion. If you find it harsh, you find it, this is whatever, whatever, that's cool again, then we're not

for you. But at the end of the day, I hope that you can just extract from a former girl who was all of this telling you, you can absolutely heal through the shit and start allowing yourself to say, do I choose them, not am I going to be chosen by them? Let's start about empowerment and getting back in your body and understanding yourself because This is the prime example of learning to self-soothe and allowing things to unfold. If you didn't hear from this person for a week, then all I would have said is the guy was full of shit. He promised you things. He wrote a check.

He wasn't ready to cash. We don't even have to have to- Welcome to dating. Welcome to dating. I've had many guys where I've spent weekends. I get this all the time. People are like, we had a 15-hour date. And I'm like, that means nothing.

No. The length of your date means nothing. Not deterministic about your long-term compatibility. Just it's not. I'm sorry. It doesn't mean that all of a sudden you're going to be in a relationship. That just means that you guys spent 10 hours together. Cool. I've had it where I've spent weekends with guys. We're like, you meet on Friday and then you're Monday morning and then I never see them again. Because they'll tell me like, I just had a good, I just had a good time with you. We never talked about it. You kept having sex with me. Literally. Like that was literally it. It was like, we just kept, you know, you're like, let's go to dinner. Oh, let's go do this. And then, you know, on Monday, you find out that like this person didn't want a relationship. Again, it. Or didn't want a relationship with you? Whatever it is. But I think when it comes to the anxiety around dating, it's normal to be anxious. That is not.

What's not normal is trying to constantly quell your anxiety by somebody else telling you everything is going to be okay. Yeah. Constantly seeking external validation for your own emotional state. Because here's the thing. At the end of the day, so this guy says that, you know, look, even this girl, this guy says, well, yeah, you know, everything's fine. mind. If I didn't hear from someone for a week, here's the reality. You know what my response would be? That doesn't work for me. That doesn't... Get fucked. That doesn't work for me. Because I am not going to accept somebody that would go a week without contacting me. Yeah. Because I allowed him to show me

where I fit in his life and he showed me I don't. No worries, bitch. Correct. I'm out. Versus this, because now this comes from disempowerment. Well, now I'm giving him a space and it's like the reality is, maybe you'll hear from him, maybe you won't. But I would highly suggest that if you do hear from him, you start to learn to self-soothe and sit in some discomfort and understand the feeling will pass. Whether they're in your life or not, you are safe because you have you, not because you have them. We need to encourage everyone to come join us on Supercast. Yes. Guys, you guys know, I think anybody that actually really knows the content, knows the podcast and knows me and maybe new, maybe old, understand how much love I have for.

what I do. I'm not this passionate because I'm not doing all of this just because I have nothing else to do. I run a fucking clothing line. I have an entire other business that I run software, that I do on the side. I do this because I genuinely want to help and I totally understand if this isn't for you. That's cool. Go find somebody else. And it's the same in dating. Just because you meet people that aren't what you want or you want them to change, maybe instead we just focus on, I don't need somebody to change for me. I'd rather them just show up authentically, and I'd rather decide if that works for me or not.

So yeah, if you guys want more, join the Supercast. We're going to be answering tons more of your questions. You're going to have more content with me. And thank you to the YouTube community. Thank you to everybody who listened. Thank you to everybody who let me rant on just now. That was... Something.

That was cathartic, if you ask me. And just thank you for everybody for allowing me to show up as me so that then that gives you credence and freedom for you to show up as you. So babe, thank you for joining on another episode of Do the Work podcast. I'm just, I'm so grateful for you and I'm grateful for your support and I just fucking love you. So thank you for everything. Thank you for having me.