The Sabrina Zohar Show - 7: Boundaries, non negotiables and how to set them in dating.

Episode Date: March 10, 2023

On this weeks episode of The Sabrina Zohar Show, Sabrina dives into the 7 boundaries we all need and her 6 non negotiables that changed her dating life.   Want to work with Sabrina? HERE! Stuck After the Podcast? Master Implementation in 8 Weeks with Sabrina's Foundation Course Join the Make It Make Sense: Getting Through a Breakup course HERE! Get Ad-free episodes and 2 Bonus episodes a month HERE! Dont forget to follow Sabrina and The Sabrina Zohar Show on instagram and Sabrina on Tik tok! Video now available on YOUTUBE!  Disclaimer: The Sabrina Zohar Show, formally known as Do The Work, is not affiliated with A.Z & associates LLC in any capacity. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Don't miss what the movie blog calls something you need to watch. Saving those children is how we all go home. From binge all episodes exclusively on Paramount Plus. Hello, and welcome back to another episode of Do the Work podcast. My name is Sabrina Zohar, and I am your lovely host. This week, we are going to be talking about boundaries, non-negotiables, and how to set them in dating. A question I literally get asked on TikTok almost every single day and from my clients. So let's dive on in and get going.

How, week seven, guys, holy smokes, that is wild. I am so grateful, so excited. Thank you to everybody who's been on this journey with me. and I'm just so stoked to see everyone that shares it with friends. I've had some people say they talk about it with their colleagues. It's just, it means so much to me. And I'm just thank you again to everybody. I'm so grateful.

And some general reminders before we dive into our episode. If you want to work on me one-on-one, you most certainly can. I'm going to link all this in our show notes. The Patreon is a great opportunity to ask me a question directly because a lot of people DM me with stuff and unfortunately can't answer emails or DMs about this stuff. So again, we'll link in the show notes. And a gentle reminder, we're still as a little reminder. our last week or two of casting for the dating show. So for anyone that missed it, I am going to be the

co-host on a new dating docu-series. It's going to be called Better Date Than Never. And it's myself, a co-host that's a male as well as a licensed therapist. And we are not matching with other people, but we are deep diving into figuring out like what's going on in your dating life and how we can help to make you a better dater and have a healthier outlook and perspective on things. So consider it like a boot camp. And they've got it all organized as long as you're in the United States and you are anywhere 20 and above. Please, please, I will again put in the show notes, a place. so we could work together. It's so fun. And yeah, thank you for sharing five-starring, reviewing us, and continuing on with the journey that we're trying to. And what's cool is I also learned on

Spotify, I think you can ask questions or give responses on specific episodes. So let me know what you guys think. So anyhow, now that we're done with all those fun messages, this week, we're going to talk about boundaries and non-negotiables. And it's like one of the questions I probably get more often than not is like, I'm not good with boundaries. And it's like, well, yeah, that's pretty common with anxious attachment style is that they waver on their boundaries and sometimes they don't even have any because oftentimes you don't want to do anything that will deter your partner, especially when they're avoidant or hot and cold. So you will do anything that they say and minimize any boundaries that you have in order to be as people pleasing as you possibly can

within this relationship that you know is not healthy. And by speaking up and holding boundaries, there is a possibility that someone could walk away. And oftentimes anxious attachment, they're not fucking taking that risk. So it's super important while you're on your journey and while you are in your dating world, the first thing I talk to all of my clients about is, instead of going out and dating and looking about how you feel about that person, I want you to think how you feel with that person. And it's really getting in touch with your own emotions and everything that you're going on like internally. But the number one thing that you need to have in order to be able to identify all of these things and know when to walk away and things like that

in a relationship that isn't healthy when you don't feel something right is you're bound and not-negotiables. And this is actually something I ask a lot of my dates. I'm always curious. I'm like, tell me about your non-negotiables and your boundaries. Tell me about your last relationship and what it taught you. Like, I think it's super important to listen to what people say. Oftentimes when people are on dates, they're just waiting for the other person to stop talking so that they can start fucking talking. And that's not why we're there. You're on a first date just to see if you want to have a second date. So, and a second date, just to see if you want to have a third date. And how you're going to protect yourself along the way, are your boundaries and non-negotiables? And so what I usually work with my clients on is the first thing

I want you to do is I need you to list that out. What are your boundaries and non-negotiables? What are things that you are willing to waver on and what are things that you're not? And it's important to understand there's some things that you can live with that. Like there's a 20, I do it 80-20 rule. If 80%, if you get 80% of what you want on your list, that's pretty fucking great. 20%, fine, make concessions. So if that means that the person doesn't text you every day in the beginning, okay, I think we can overlook that if they're doing so many other things and they're hitting all of those things. And like tech guy and I, you know, we are constantly, constantly sharing boundaries with each other. Like even just earlier today, we were supposed to do something tomorrow and I was like, cool,

are we doing like a slumber party thing? And he phacetime and he was like, I need to maintain, because he's going through some stuff. He's like, I need to maintain my normalcy and my routine. This is not because I don't want to spend the night with you. He's like, I just need to be able to do my shit before I have my 8 a.m. call and that requires me to sleep alone. And he was like, I'm still stoked to see you. I can't wait to spend the day with you. But that is just what I mean for myself. And it's like those are very clear and healthy boundaries so that I as his partner and the receiving end can say, okay, I respect that. And it's either it's something that you're cool with or you're not. And the thing about boundaries too is once you start to make them in your

dating life and in your love life and just in your life in general, it's not about keeping people out. It's about protecting what's in. And you will start to see as you start to create boundaries and all of your relationships that you're going to have some people that are going to fucking fall off. You're going to have some people that are annoyed by that because people that don't want to respect. boundaries are the ones that have the biggest problems with it because they can't get away with the same shit that they were. So let's get into like what, there are seven boundaries that we as humans have. And it's identifying where you need, where are you wavering in any and where do you need to have firmer boundaries? And then that goes into non-negotiables. So the first boundary is physical

boundaries. And it's super important to set that, especially in the beginning, like you want to set all of these things in the beginning stages, but it's really the physical boundaries are when someone sits close to you and you feel uncomfortable, like, hi, can you please give me a little bit space? Thank you. Or when someone comes into your home and is wearing shoes and it's like, hi, we have a no shoe, you know, home policy. That is setting boundaries. You are doing that because you are telling somebody that is what I need and that is what makes me feel comfortable. Great. So then the second boundary you go on to is sexual boundaries. And this is really, really important to set. Even if you haven't slept with somebody, this isn't just mean that you are going to be intimate with them.

sexual boundaries could be, I'm okay to hold hands in public, but I don't want to kiss. Or I don't want to be touched like that. I don't enjoy doing that. Like you are setting the boundary and telling somebody, no, that's not okay with me. I don't want to do that. You have every right to do so. And a lot of people don't set these boundaries because they don't want to come off looking in any way and they don't want to turn somebody off. Trust me, it's really fucking sexy when people have boundaries. And if you're triggered by somebody else's boundaries, that's a place for you to explore and vice versa. If someone is triggered by your boundaries. Like, I get this a lot of like, I, you know, I told a guy I want to wait until marriage. I told a guy I want to wait to sleep with him. And he ran off. Like, I'm devowed. And it's

like, I'm not. You set a boundary. You let that person know, I'm not going to do this. And they in turn said, okay, no thank you. And they walked away. I know it might suck and it might feel shitty. It's not a personal attack against you. But what that person is saying is I am not picking up what you were putting down. I don't want to do that. And that is totally cool. And that is also, acceptance. As you start to set boundaries, you have to also accept that like not everybody is going to want to abide by them and that's cool. Then you just determine is that somebody that's in your life anymore. So the third boundary, emotional or mental. So things like I don't feel comfortable talking about this. I feel embarrassed when you say in front of our friends like you're dumb,

please stop that. Or even simply putting the boundary to somebody if they come to you without asking, hey, is this a code? Like can we talk? Can I share something with you? Hey, can we talk about this later? I'm tired and I'm not in the headspace, nor do I have the bandwidth to discuss that right now. It's important because you want to make sure that you are responding from the best version of yourself. And if you know in that time, you don't have it, if you're an empty cup and you have nothing else to give to somebody, setting the boundary so that they understand and it's managing expectations so that the other person understands where you're standing with that. The fourth boundary, spiritual or religious boundaries. Now, this one is a tougher subject only because, you know, it's one of those things you don't want to talk about.

politics or religion on the first date. Now, personally, I think it's like, if you could have a non-heated argument, go for it. Listen, if faith is important to you, that is absolutely a boundary that you should set. Inclusive of sexually, I don't want to sleep with somebody until we're married or things like that. Like, if it's a boundary that's important to you, you need to share that with somebody or not even need, but you should share that with somebody because you don't want to get to that point and then it's a no pass. So if you're a specific religion or of a specific faith, yeah, if that matters, to you about somebody that is respectful of that. So like, for instance, you know, my partner goes to church alone because we have different beliefs. So it's like, if you are cool setting that

boundary of like, well, this is something I do every Sunday, whether or not you want to be part of it, that is totally fucking cool. That's a boundary you're setting. You know, like, or I'm going to take a moment to pray before my meal. You are telling somebody like, this is what I'm going to do. So the fifth one, financial and material boundaries. And that is something I think a lot of people get hesitant to just to say, I think especially with the splitting the bill and things like that. And even that, like if you are on a date with a dude and he asks you to split the bill, set that fucking boundary. I wasn't expecting to pay for dinner tonight when you asked me out.

So I'm not comfortable doing so. That person has a problem with it. Spare me the fucking time. That's something that I wasn't anticipating and I'm being honest about it. That's setting a boundary. I don't feel comfortable paying for this or something else. Like I'm not comfortable spending that much money on something. somebody wants to do something, or, you know, even material things.

Like, please don't borrow my car without asking. Like, it's important to set that boundaries so that the person understands because a lot of people think that someone's going to read your fucking mind. And unfortunately, that's not how it works. And oftentimes, this is why I see, because so many clients I deal with and so many people that I talk to, my needs aren't being met. This person's not doing it. And then when I ask, well, have you expressed it?

Well, no. My partner should know. Well, imagine if they came and said that to you. You'd be like, what, you didn't tell me. Why was I supposed to know that this would bother you or that this is a boundary? It's really important to clarify that. Amazon presents Jeff versus Taco Truck Salsa,

whether it's Verde, Roja, or the orange one. For Jeff, trying any salsa is like playing Russian roulette with a flamethrower. Luckily, Jeff saved with Amazon and stocked up on antacids, ginger tea, and milk. Habaniero, more like Habinier, yes. Save the everyday with Amazon. Okay, and now tour six boundary, which this one is the one that tech guy is great at

fucking implementing, and that is time boundaries. That is something that I think a lot of people misconstrue for disinterest. Now listen, nobody is saying that if a guy doesn't make time for you or make you a priority in his schedule, that you should continue to give him that energy. I'm not fucking saying that. But a boundary around time means that somebody is managing your expectations and letting you know exactly what it is that they can offer you. So, for instance, like, I spend my time and my evenings alone with friends and families, I will respond to this email in the morning. That is a work boundary that you can have.

Or, you know, even at a time, I wasn't able to get groceries. So don't worry, you and I will do a grocery delivery this week together and I'll take care of it. Again, that's a boundary. I wasn't able to do this, but here's how I'm going to rectify it. And I think in the dating sphere, this is a big part because a lot of people will look at somebody saying, okay, well, I can only see you once a week as, oh, well, they're dating a bunch of other people, blah, blah. And it's like, well, maybe, maybe they are dating a bunch of other fucking people. Or maybe that person just really is strict about where they spend their time in the wait for their own mental health.

It's not a direct reflection around you if somebody is setting a boundary around their time. On the contrary, they are sharing that information with you so that you could be privy to it. And I remember tech guy used to do that with me. And he still does, even with the conversation about this morning of, I need to be home by Thursday evening. I'm going to spend the day with you Thursday, but I'm not spending the night because I have shit to do on Friday morning. I tried to push the boundary.

And I was like, really? You know, I thought you said your call's not till eight. And he was like, I want to keep my routine. And this is something that matters to me. Heard and understood. That was a boundary. I knew it didn't come from a place of him not wanting to spend time with me or him not wanting me.

It came from a place of that's for this person's mental health and what this person means. And I can understand that because it's the same as like, You know, you get back from a trip and somebody asks to see you and you're like, I'm exhausted. I want to shower and go to bed. I don't want to see you right now. You have every right to say, I want to take time for myself. How about this time? And if somebody on the receiving ed is going to internalize that and make it all about you,

that again is where I'd say, I think we need to fucking talk here. Because you're not respecting when someone sets a boundary and you are trying to push. That's an issue. And then seven, non-negotiable boundaries. And these are non-negotiable. So this kind of segues us into the other part of this conversation, which was boundaries and non-negotiables. And I did a video on this that went viral on TikTok. And I had my six non-negotiables that changed my life.

So the first one being like so, okay, so when it comes to non-negotiables, that is something that you are not willing to waver on. What so fucking ever. So the first one for me is consistency. I'm not wavering on that. I came from a very inconsistent home. Growing up, my dad was always fucking in and out. He was super hot and cold. He was incredibly inconsistent.

He would say one thing and do another. and I grew up thinking that that was normal and that was love because when someone would be inconsistent with me, it would, it would flare my nervous system and my anxious attachment style would be triggered because it would bring me right back to that childhood core belief of like, you're not good enough, you're not worthy. Of course, this person doesn't like you. That's why they're leaving you and you're always going to be left. And once I started to do the work and understand how that impacted me and what that was doing to me mentally, abs so fucking looting not moving forward. Anybody I date, if you are inconsistent, again, this doesn't mean somebody texts you one day and then they don't

text you for a day and then they text you again. That's not being inconsistent. That's just a cadence. Inconsistent is they text you nonstop one day and then you don't hear from them for a week. And then maybe they'll jump in and they'll ask you out for dinner and then you don't hear from them for another two weeks. That's inconsistent. That is not being the same person every day. But if somebody is just getting to know you and over time, they develop like do they, when they say they're going to be somewhere, are they there? When they make plans, do they stick to them? Do their words and actions match? That is fucking consistency.

So then, which brings me to my second non-negotiable reciprocity, I am sick and fucking tired of going after a guy that doesn't want the same things as me. I'm tired of it. That is not my invitation to prove my worth or my value to this person whatsoever. That is now a non-negotiable for me. If I don't feel like it's a fucking tennis match back and forth and that the ball is going to each one of our court in a good manner, that we're actually getting to know each other and building depth and having great

conversation and learning about each other and growth, then I don't fucking want it. Next and no thank you. I am far too busy. I run a clothing company. I have a full-time dating coaching business. I have now got the TV show I'm going to be doing. I have so much shit going on, a podcast. I do not have time for somebody that doesn't want to equally be as part my part of my life as I want to be part of theirs. The third thing for me is open communication and dialogue. I will not entertain emotionally unavailable or avoidant men that cannot be open and honest and direct with what the fuck they want to tell me. Even if that means you need to text it or write me a goddamn letter instead of telling it

to my face. But I am sick and tired of reading between the lines of trying to have a conversation, someone gaslighting me or deflecting or even projecting their bullshit onto me. I'm tired of it. I want it to be where when I tell you something or we have a conversation, hey, this is how I'm feeling based off something that happened. It's, okay, great. I am so sorry.

Let me take ownership of it. And let's rectify and find a way that we can move on from this. because intention without action means shit. And words without change behavior is manipulation. So it needs to be where we can talk about anything. And that's how it should be. Number four, someone that manages their emotions. I am not your fucking mother.

I am not your caregiver. I am not your therapist. And I am not your buddy, buddy friend that can leave you and not talk to you for three weeks. I am your partner. Which means you need to be able to handle your emotions like an adult and not project that shit onto me and not take it out on me. If you can't, then fucking figure it out. If I can handle my emotions, you need to figure out how to handle yours.

We are all adults here. And none of this temper tantrum shit. There is a lot of people, men, women, I don't care what you identify as. This is for you as a human. Manage your emotions and figure out how to show up in a way that is conducive for society and not have a tantrum just because you hear something you don't want to hear, Karen. Number five, you accept me versus you're trying to change me. I am tired of it.

I'm not trying to change anybody. I'm just trying to see if I can live with it. And I expect the same thing. And I talk about that with tech guy all the time. I'll say, listen, I'm going to do this. And he'll say, well, I don't want to. And I'm like, well, just like I respect that you don't want to, I want you to respect that I do. And he's like, Beth, yeah, that's fair.

You're right. And I don't want somebody that wants to me to be a different version of who I am. All my life, I was fucking bullied. Growing up, I was too much. And I learned that for my dad. And I figured out with my sister when we talked about this the other day. I learned that I was too much because my father couldn't even be in your presence if you cried, if you had an emotion.

if you felt anything, he instantly couldn't handle it. He was a text book narcissist. And nothing was ever his fault. It was everybody else. And he was on the pedestal. And we were all just there and being the child of a narcissist. Thus, you grew up and you date narcissist. It's a terrible pattern. And so for me now, I am just tired of that. I want somebody who accepts me for who I fucking am, isn't trying to change me. Because all my life, it was just that you're too much and you're too needy. And anytime you have any kind of emotions, my dad would just scoff and walk away or leave or hit you or do something that dismissed you. And thus, I kept thinking, I'm too needy.

That's it. I'm too fucking needy. I'm too much. And I learned all that as a child. And thus it kept manifesting. And then the more and more that I went after unavailable people and the narcissist and the fuckboy and the dude that was playing the hot and cold because it triggered my anxiety, the more I kept reaffirming to myself.

See, your childhood core beliefs are right. You are not good enough. You are not worthy. Nobody wants you. Love has to be earned. You're all of those things. Everything kept flaring up. I have to be okay with myself because I have to live with myself.

Nobody else is ever going to come and save me, is ever going to come and try to rescue me. I have to do that for myself. And so I had to finally accept myself for who I am, flaws in all. And now I expect my partner to accept me for who I am. I am not saying that they have to accept bullshit behavior or me doing, you know, something inappropriate to them. No, no, no, no. But what I do expect is that who I am is a person, giddy and bubbly and fun and outgoing

and talk a lot and a cute little anxious bean. yeah, I want to be loved for all of those things and not have someone tried to change me. And number six, non-negotiable, how they make me feel is far more important than how I feel about. I am tired of my dating life revolving around worrying about how somebody else feels about me. I'm fucking tired of it. Because at the end of the day, I never stopped to ask, well, how do I feel about them? I'm giving all of this power. And I deal, clients, and this happens all the time.

I gave all of this power to these external factors to dictate how I felt, as opposed to feel like, well, how did I feel with that person? Was I enjoying myself on the date? Was I having a good time? Were we having a good rapport? Was I feeling a calm nervous system? Or was I super anxious and butterflies and nervous and tripping over my words? Because that's telling you something.

I want to feel relaxed. I want to feel calm. And I want to feel good with this person. I want to feel like open, honest, vulnerable. I was seen, heard, and understood. Those are three basic needs that we as people have. have. And I want to know that those boxes are checked on these dates as I keep getting to know somebody. So I don't care how you felt about them because how your body and your anxiety can trick you.

No, no, no. But I want to know how you felt with that's really important. So I think, I understand. I get that boundaries can be difficult for some people to set. But you can now, after we go over what boundaries and non-negotiables are, you can understand how fucking important. This isn't a relationship because how you allow you to, how you allow yourself to be treated is how people will continue to show up for you. And oftentimes, our relationships are mirrors so that we can see parts of ourselves that we need to work on. And we are constantly going to be triggered. There is never going to be a relationship that you're going to have where you're not going to feel any triggers or anything from this person because you're fucking human. But understanding,

what are things that you can live with and what are things that you're like, I'm sorry, I just waver on this. what are where's your 80-20 rule and then also like if it's something that you're like like if it's somebody's height or something like that it's like can you overlook that maybe on a date and give it a try are there things that you can waver are there really is is a man's height really in the 80 in the 20% that you can't handle or can we move that into the 80 so there's a difference and let's go a little deeper too like I've noticed when I have my clients make their list and they'll come to me and I'm like, all right, guys, these are all very shallow. So we got, he has to be dull or she has to be pretty and a fit body and this kind of hair

and this color and this kind of job. And it's like, cool, strip all of that away from a person. Are you going to be happy with who they are? No, because like one of my clients said, she was like, I got all that I had wanted and on paper. And she's like, and he was a terrible fucking person. He was super selfish and just like not somebody that I wanted to be with long term. And it's like, well, because you got what you wanted on that list. but you were really fucking shallow about that.

And so that's why I say, when you're making a non-negotiables list, it's the non-negotiables out how you want to feel. If you noticed all of the non-negotiables I had were evolved around how I felt about myself and the other person, less about he has to be this and this job and this height because all that shit fades. I'm sorry, but we all know somebody from our high school or college or adult life that used to be really hot that let themselves go. And you're like, ooh, age has.

and time has not been good, do you? And that's why it's like, well, exactly. That's why it doesn't fucking matter. And here's another question, too. Like, if you're unsure about somebody on a date, I'd like you to ask, would I be friends with this person stripped of who they are physically? And that goes back to where those non-negotiables came from. Because I also think of, like, what is the best friend that I look for in life?

And that's essentially, I want that plus a romantic aspect to my relationship. And that's my ideal partner. So for me, like, I want to feel seeing hurt and understood. I want to feel calm. I want to calm nervous system. I want to be able to handle my anxiety. I want to be with somebody that supports me, that supports my dreams and my aspirations and where I want to go in life and the career I'm building.

And I want somebody that wants to be by my side. And you're only going to be able to find that when you get really clear on like what that person looks like. And then also when you also become the person that they'll want as a partner as well. Because think about it. You know, I had this one friend, never fucking forget. and he was giving me this list. This guy was giving me this entire list of his ideal partner.

She has to be this and she has to be this and she has to be this and he's throwing all of this in. And I'm just like, okay. And then he finished and he goes, is that that hard? And I said, okay, well, let me ask you a question. Do you embody any of these traits that you just said? Because if that person, you want all of this in a person, but yet you are emotionally unavailable, super insecure, like painfully insecure.

and going from girl to girl to girl to girl because you're constantly finding an issue with them or you're going for completely emotionally unavailable people. So what that's telling me is you want this really healthy, successful, put together, incredible woman, but you yourself are still a very wounded and hurt bird that's refusing to even get help for himself. It's not like he was like doing all this work on himself

that it's like, of course you're growing to that. This dude was like completely unaware of all that shit and thought he was God's gift to this earth. And it's like, that's where you have to stop and ask, like, well, are you the person that you want to show up? You want someone to show up like that for you, but are you showing up for them like that? It's the same with people being like, I want someone that's open, honest, and communicative. And it's like, okay, but you don't give them the space to do so. You don't put any space in distance.

Distance creates desire. Are you giving that to somebody else? Are you putting in some space between conversations so that they can fucking step into? Or you just demanding all of these things from people or like the I have to have this and I have to have that. Like, do you fucking though? And are you healthy to realize that if you don't get that, you can still date somebody for other parts of them? Because I can guarantee you a lot of people, if you've had anxiety or anything, there are tons

of people. Avoidance and anxious. If you were just coming from those insecure places, there are a lot of people along the way that you have missed out on that could have been really healthy, happy relationships, but your shit was in the fucking way. It's not just everybody else. I hate to break it to you. There are so many guys I think back on, if I were fucking healthier, I wouldn't have

ruined shit. I wouldn't have texted them a thousand times or I wouldn't have been like, you know, I haven't heard from you in two days, blah, blah. And it's like, yeah, no wonder these dudes were like, dude, I've met you once. Like, who are you? Why are you fucking now?

Because it's like, you're already having drama in the beginning with the relationship, but why I didn't hear from you? And it's like, you guys haven't even started. That is such a preview of no, thank you. That's like if I tried to have like a serious conversation with someone and they were completely avoided into not wanting any depth. I would be like, yeah, I'm out.

I'm out. because they're so unaware of like how they're coming off to people. It's like, I'm healthy. I don't go for that shit. So I think it's really important like when you're setting these boundaries and non-negotiables to take a really hard look in the mirror yourself and really figure out the person that you're trying to attract. Are you embodying those characteristics as well?

And if not, that's totally okay. This is what doing the work comes into play, being really honest with yourself and saying, you know what, you're right. I have fucked up so many relationships by having, have some fucking self-awareness. And think back on, you're right, I've fucked up a lot of relationships in my day. The texting or the demanding too much or whatever. And I need to take ownership of that because if I keep doing the same thing, expecting a different result, that is actually the definition of insanity.

And for once, I want to see. And it actually warmed my heart. My friend and like, no, a really good friend. And my neighbor Amanda, we were talking yesterday. And she was like, dude, I got to thank you, by the way. And I was like, for what? And she was like, your advice. She was like, since I've met you and we've been working together,

my anxiety is like so much more curbed in dating. I don't even think about this shit anymore. I don't obsess anymore. I don't care if they text me. I've changed the texting behavior. And she's like, that's thank you. And I was like, no, no, no, you did the work. I just did our sessions together and led you along the way, which is what I tell with all my clients. Like, ultimately, you're the one that's really putting in the work. I am just your handy-dandy guide along the way. And that's why I love what I do so fucking much because I get to help so many people along this journey of healing and to know that you're not alone. And don't worry, if you can't set boundaries and non-negotiables off the bat, one small step at a time.

Even if that's this guy texting you all the time at night and you always used to run over and for once you say, I want to be taken out to dinner. I don't want to come to your house anymore. And if that guy goes, well, fine, fuck it. Or if he never contacts you again, let me ask you a question. You really think that if you didn't put that boundary, shit would have changed? Hmm, I think we know the answer to that. So hold true. and strong on your fucking boundaries. Have some goddamn fucking confidence in yourself to know that you know what's good for you

and you know what you can handle and what you can't. And you know that if you lose somebody by setting a boundary that you were good before them and maybe you'll be even better probably after them because I don't want anybody in my life and doesn't abide by my fucking boundaries because that's how I'm protecting myself. So now you're disrespecting me now

by telling me that you don't respect my boundaries that I'm setting very fucking clearly. And it's taking me time. It will take you time to start setting them but start, at least just even get clear on what they are. Start journaling and meditating on things that you think you've wavered and places that you think that you need to strengthen your boundaries. And then you're non-negotiables.

And like I said, when you're starting to write your dream list and you manifest and you journal and you do all that shit, be very careful what words you use because you'll get it. The universe gives you what you need when you need it. And then after a while you look and you're like, oh, I see what happened here. Wasn't learning my lesson. So I think we've said it all. I don't know what else we can go over on boundaries and non-negotiables.

And I am so stoked to have spent another episode with you guys and to have this opportunity to talk and to share. And thank you all for trusting me with all of this. And until next week, I am stoked to chat. We'll have Masha back next week. Yay! Our episode, Part 2, out of calm the nervous system, things that you can do. Oh, I can't wait. She is so phenomenal and a fucking legend,

and I'm stoked to have her back on for part two. So thank you guys again. Please don't forget. If you think this is worth five stars, please give it. You can write feedback and give me notes on what you liked. And don't forget, if you need anything, you can always book a session with me,

but I can't answer DMs, so I'm sorry. And you can always revert back to the podcast because I do a new episode every Friday. And I do this to help you guys so that you guys can learn as much as you can because sometimes you don't need to necessarily talk to me. You just need to hear somebody call you on your shit. once in a while, and I will always be here for you to do that.

Until next time, fam.