The Sabrina Zohar Show - 75: Overcoming shame to prioritize mental health and build a fulfilling life with Anna Przy

Episode Date: May 14, 2024

Sabrina talks with guest Anna Przy about the mental health journey that led to her current ventures. Addressing mental health needs can be a complex process, and the journey is not always straightforward, which can make it unappealing to some. In their conversation, Sabrina and Anna discuss the transition from treating mental wellness as a taboo subject to being open to receiving help and sharing the wisdom behind accepting help. Both emphasize how shame around seeking help causes breakdown before realizing "I'm not okay." Anna shares how finding love and marriage not long after pursuing her mental health journey changed her perception of living life for herself, but also loving living her life with her husband. Accepting the possibility of growing apart from people during your mental health journey is crucial. It is a testament to becoming secure after healing. Prioritizing mental health enables setting boundaries to overcome setbacks like imposter syndrome, anxiety, and burnout from the expectation of constant productivity. Get Anna Przy's new book, “Keep It Up, Cutie! A Not-Quite Self-Help Book” Want to work with Sabrina? HERE! Stuck After the Podcast? Master Implementation in 8 Weeks with Sabrina's Foundation Course Join the Make It Make Sense: Getting Through a Breakup course HERE! Get Ad-free episodes and 2 Bonus episodes a month HERE! Dont forget to follow Sabrina and The Sabrina Zohar Show on instagram and Sabrina on Tik tok! Video now available on YOUTUBE!  Disclaimer: The Sabrina Zohar Show, formally known as Do The Work, is not affiliated with A.Z & associates LLC in any capacity. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

It's something else here now. Something new. From. Exclusively on Paramount Plus. It's the series Stephen King calls scary as hell. Everything here is impossible, but it's also real. Sci-fi Vision calls it the best show streaming right now. We're running out of time and we still don't know the rules.

Don't miss what the movie blog calls something you need to watch. Saving those children is how we all go home. From binge all episodes exclusively on Paramount Plus. Hello, hello, hello. And welcome to another episode of Do the Work Podcast. My name is Sabrina Zohar and I am your host. Hi, friends. We have a bonus week.

Yay. There are two episodes this week and I am over the moon because I love bonus episodes. And so this week we have Ms. Anna Prissy. She is, I mean, her last name is way longer than that, but we're just going to go with the shortened version. But I love Anna. She has a new book out called Keep It Up Cutie. And she is just, she's an amazing content creator and kind of like just, just

that best friend that you really need when you need them. And so I love Anna. We have a great conversation. We talk about her journey, mental health and the importance of mental health on your journey and like how often that's overlooked. So there's a lot of laughs and a couple of tears in this episode. And I'm just really excited to share somebody else with you guys that I love and that I hope you guys love too. So guys, just a reminder, don't forget, please, please rate the fucking podcast. So many of you guys listen and so many of you are not rating it, wherever you're listening. You can leave a review on Apple on Spotify. You can leave just a star review. You can leave a written review. It means the world. It's how I can grow this podcast and continue to keep it free for you

guys because we have our amazing sponsors to show them some love. And if you're done with the ads and you want more content, great bonus content. The premium subscription is out. It's seven bucks a month. You get two extra episodes a month. Ask me anything or you guys get to also tell me what episodes you want and I will create that for you guys and ad free. So that's all out. And guys, the last kind of fun announcement is that the course is out and it is going and it is just fucking amazing. So it is an eight week self-guided course. So once you have access to the course, you have lifetime access to it. You can come back because there's three different meditations on there. We do a lot of different journaling techniques and just a lot of new tools that are added in.

And so I did it. I made it cheaper than a one-on-one. There is a payment plan that we are here for you guys, but it's under $400 total. So I did the best I could to give you guys something to be able to come to be able to utilize and because I won't be able to take as many one-on-ones and those are becoming more limited. So at least we have another way that you guys can start to do the work. And also there's a community. We have amazing people in there and everybody's helping each other and chiming in and you go at your pace. You go at whatever pace that you need. So that's the beauty of the course is it's there for you. And everything as always will be linked in the show notes. So please, please, guys, show some love. And you know what? If anything, if it's just following along on the

socials or just listening to the podcast, that is more than okay. But if you guys need more, it is there for you. There's some free guides. There's some resources, a book list, whatever you guys need. So, babes, without further ado, let's get right on into it, shall we? Anna, thank you so much for coming on and welcome to do the work podcast and welcome to the studio. It's so good to have you. Oh, I'm so excited. That's my first in-person podcast ever. Yeah. Oh, I'm so excited. I love popping cherries. It's my first in-person interview ever. Really? Yeah. Oh, yeah.

Hey, well, I'm super stoked. You drove all the way here from Michigan. Just to see me, of course. Yeah, actually, we drove straight here from Michigan. We didn't stop. We came right to your house. Because that's how important it is. I can't even say that with a straight face.

But anyways, I'm so excited to have you. And for anybody in our audience who is not familiar, can you please share a little bit about who the fuck you are? And how are we where we are? I love people's stories. Loaded question. I would say, like, if anybody knows, knows who I am, it's because I'm like a digital content creator by evening and by day I'm an

event planner and by weekends I'm on tour or something. Not that sounds about right. I have no. I wish I had a better answer, but it was kind of like a snowball, like one thing after another. Like I posted a couple things on the internet and they go viral and you're like, well, now I'm famous and this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. And that's obviously not true. But it did open doors.

And I mean, I'm lucky that while I'm terrified of literally everything, like that's my, when I say like, change is scary, but so is everything. You're like, no, I mean that. I mean, everything is terrifying. So when people offer me or like ask, like, have you ever considered doing a live show or whatever. So now I've taken this mental health comedy content off of the internet. and I'm performing it in real life. And apparently I wrote a book. It's, I don't.

There are people who are very strategic and, like, they come at their lives with a plan and, like, this is how I'm going to do this and this is how I'm going to do this. And every single minute of the last few years has been like, ah. I can relate to that. I can relate in the sense of, like, just being your authentic self, like sharing something with the world and being like, let's see if this sticks. And then it sticks and you're like, oh, fuck. Fuck. Yeah. I'm like, I didn't do anything. I just was myself on, on camera in front of you and you like, you like it. You think that's nice? I was like, well, I can do that. Like, I can tell you about my life. I mean, I'm living it. So which I, and I love, that's why I like, I do love looking, watching your content because it's like, I enjoy at the very least taking something that is like mental health. That is something that we have that's serious, but having a little bit fun with it of like, if you can't laugh at yourself and like, what the fuck are we doing? Yes. And, and, and. I mean, my story is like long and sorted, but, but my initial, like, foray into the mental health world was so unexpected and also so clinical that, like, I've kind of never wanted it to be that way for anybody else. Like when, you know, mental health, we talk about it and it's this huge, big, scary thing and people don't want to admit that they need help.

And, you know, like, my mom once said to me, it almost got bad enough that I got a therapist. And I was like, you know, you can just have a therapist. when things are good. And so I just want to come, let people know that like this is hard. Everything is hard. And we're all dealing with it. And everybody's maybe not saying that it's really fucking hard and that they're having a hard time. And I'm like, hey, just so you know, I'm having the worst time ever.

This is not fun for any party. Which is like it's something, it's a cross I will fucking bear. I think for so long, like I'm kind of similar. Like my journey into mental health was like a family that you just didn't talk about that. Right. Keep it to yourself. Keep it to yourself. Like even my dad will always call me like, you stop fucking telling people that you're sad.

Like you should be happy. And it's like, okay, so let me add that to my list. Just be happy. That's all. Right? So that's it. Yes. Yes.

My parents are the king and queen of keep it to yourself. And then like I also for, you know, most of my life became like the president of keep it to yourself. And then shocker, a false shock. I think fell apart multiple times. I was actually going to ask because like, and like no, and before I even ask you a fucking question on that because I do find that interesting, one thing I really do want to yell a little louder is like us normalizing the fact that like mental health, this journey of healing is not pretty. It's not clean. It's not neat. It's not tied up with a fucking bow.

It's dirty. It's messy. It's ugly. It's really involved. But it's like such a beautiful practice. But I think what really bothers me like I started. all this kind of same thing where I was like, all right, well, hey, I have something to say. Let me see if anybody cares about what I have to say.

And that stemmed from personally me, my experience being like, look up anxious attachment style in the dictionary and there are why president, CEO and founder of like what that embodied. And I think for so many years, I felt like a fucking alien. I felt like every time you turn on the computer, there's some snake oil salesman or some fucking charlatan telling you, no, no, if you're doing that, you should be happy. And it's like no one's actually saying you can heal through anxiety while also still having anxiety. And then you just learn how to fucking live with it. Right.

It's not like it's going to go away. There's no like we like I wish. I would that was the potions and stuff. It's like no, like it's going to suck so much. But you're going to get better at it. You're going to work with yourself. Like for me, that's the biggest thing. It's like not working against myself.

Yeah. Also getting to know myself, which was a whole other thing. I was going to say, like, what did your journey look like? Because I always think it's so fascinating to see, like, how did people get on that? Like, coming from a background of like, we don't talk about this. Therapy is, yikes. No, no, no, to now being so open and vulnerable. Like, what did that look like for you in that moment of like, I need to make a change? Oh. So my, obviously I didn't, I literally didn't even know what mental health was until my, until I was 19. And I was a tracking cross country runner in college. And I had literally, when I think about my entire life, I had never done anything for myself. Yeah. Not once, right? Like, I didn't want to be a runner.

I was a runner because my parents were elite athletes as well. I didn't want to, you know, like, go to this Catholic college. I don't feel particularly, like, religious, but I'm going to because that's because apparently we're Catholic. And I'm, and I'm going to do everything that I'm supposed to do. and I'm going to live the life that I think I should live. Like, you know, like the case of the shoulds. And it's like, I was living it. If I thought I should do it, I would do it.

And, you know, I just lived my life for other people. I lived my life to look like what I thought other people wanted me to look like and be who other people wanted me to be. And it's like, oh, what's your personality? I don't know. What's yours? Because that's mine. Yeah. What do you want me to be?

Yeah. Who do you want me to be? Because I'm a chameleon and I'm going to be who you want me to be always. Like, and I think of, I think back, it just was such a long life. And I grew up in a household where everything was very exercise oriented. And so not surprisingly, I had an eating disorder from six to 19. Yeah. And when I was 19, I got injured because my body couldn't finally hit a wall. It was like, we are not recovering anymore.

Like, this is over for us. Yeah. Like, you're done. You cannot keep working out for three hours a day and putting strain on this body and then fuel it with Diet Coke. Like that you're going to. You can't? It's so weird. It's so weird how eight months after I got injured, I ended up in inpatient treatment for anorexia.

So that's kind of how it all started. But the reason I'm so open is because nobody wanted me to get that help, right? I was like, something is wrong with me. I'm going to get help. And my parents said, no, come home, you know, we can deal with this quietly. We can give it to ourselves here at home. And I was like, something is wrong with me and I'm getting help. Like, I don't put my foot down.

I don't do anything for myself. I was like, but I'm telling you something is wrong. And yeah, and it really was like I got this 100 mile an hour like intro to mental health, right? because my first day is I have a therapist. I have a doctor, a nutritionist, a psychiatrist. I'm in group meetings and I live with 30 other women with eating. And it really was that. But it was the first time I ever did something for myself, truly.

Like, and it was the first time I ever decided that I was right about me. I love that because I think like what that is is so, it's so fucking empowering. But it's such a moment to take. this back to yourself to be like, no, I need to speak up. I need to find my boundaries. I need to find my voice. And I can imagine, like, I can imagine that was scary when you stand up to people that you're like, all of my life, I have been either like, shamed if I did this or gotten in trouble if I did this or told that there's something wrong with me. But at the end of the day, it's like, either I'm going to kill myself and then you guys are going to have to look and say, whoopsie,

maybe she should help? And like, can I ask, what, when you, like, when you experienced that and like went into this place and we're doing that, was. Is there ever a moment where you were like, it's time for me to go? Or did you feel like, no, this is right for me? Oh, I mean, there's also the fact that I was 19. So it's like you're like, you're like as, you know as much as you know. Right. And it was also not great because it was this moment of me, like a really empowering moment where I was like, I now know what's right for me all the time, which is not true.

At 19, no, certainly not. Yeah. And so it was kind of that like, yeah, I was like, I'm armed and ready. I have like three tools now and I'm going to take on the world, right? And you're like, and that tool is breathing. Okay? It's like I eat now and now I can do it all. And it's like, oh, honey.

So cute, but no. Very nice try. And like one thing that I really love that you pointed out that I think a lot of people really should hear again. It's like, especially when we're talking about mental health was I needed help that nobody wanted me to get. because it's like, let's be honest. When, like, I was the black sheep. I was the first person out of my family. Like, I had, my father was like, he's just, is.

No, it was. Raging narcissist and, like, very textbook. Like, this isn't me using a buzzword. This is like, when you meet him, you're like, definition. Got it. This is where it all comes from. And like, a people pleasing mother.

So growing up, it was always taught, like, very much just like, nope, like, you shut your mouth. You be a good girl. Yeah. Don't you dare fucking talk to any about this. Don't you open. And my mom's like, who was I going to ever talk to? She was alone in an island.

My brother was sent away, like, I keep saying, like, all those big crazy stories we're seeing about these programs. My brother went to one. So he was gone for two years. Went to the wilderness program. Went to the drug program. My sister had an eating disorder, like, went through the whole gamut. And when I was the first one in my family to stand up and be like, hey, guys, I think the way that we were raised may not have been the healthiest. Like, that was the end of the fucking world.

And it's like, I just think that we need to exemplify the strength that it takes to, especially at 19. to stand up and say, there's something fucking wrong. And no, I'm not coming home for us to solve this. Right. I mean, at some point, you're like, well, thank God. I'd had, like, you know, two whole days under my belt when my parents, like, drove down at a thousand miles an hour to Florida to, like, pull me out of rehab. Of course. And I was like, I was like, first of all, I have a disease.

It's chronic, progressive, and deadly. The end of this story is I die. Like, that's the end of the story. I'm already pretty darn close. You know, you're like, I've only. almost have osteoporosis. I mean, there's all these things. And it's, and I wish I had thought of that, but it'd be like, we can't, we can't take

care of this at your house. Like, can't you see that that didn't work? I was going to say, we're here because of that, actually. Like, it didn't work. And while leaving the house, like, made it even worse. People are like, oh, didn't anybody in your life know you were sick, well, blah, blah. And it's, I came from a really fitness-oriented family where disordered eating is the norm. Not necessarily eating disorder, but disordered eating is definitely, it still counts.

Like if you're just eating orthorexia, you know, it's just like eating overly healthy, being overly conscious of everything you're doing and seeing. And they're still like that, but I love them. I can relate because I had my sister on and we were talking about her eating disorder. And she was like, you know, this is something that like, I think a lot of people looked at it being like, no, no, I don't have one. And then they listened to the episodes. They're like, oh, fall.

Like it's not that you, it doesn't, like you said, it doesn't have to be bad that you have a, you have an eating disorder. But it's like, what's your relationship with food? Do you, you know, how do you view that? Like, because I know for sure like, yeah, I would restrict, restrict and be like, yeah, I did it. You know, it's like, I got this. I'm in control. And then it's like, then you're fucking three sheets to the wind throwing up on the floor and you're like, I don't got this. I was such a food as a reward person.

And so, you know, that's always my first thing when people, people, people will. always ask for advice about eating and I'm like there's no like unfortunately there's no bandaid for this I don't know the answer but it's just like number one food's not a reward like I was like so cut that out of whatever you're doing and then like go from there but but I think of how you know we talk like mental health is big and scary and the reason I'm so weird and open about everything I do now is because because I saw what it did to keep it to myself I saw what happened to my life I saw the way that I went and it's not like an ended. You know, I just traded having an eating disorder for being a super weird workaholic. And that just ended a few years ago. So it's like this. But luckily, that background is the reason that I started talking about it online. One, because I lost my job at the beginning of the pandemic because I'm in a event planner. Yep, you were fucked. Yeah. And yeah. So I just, I had free time and it was kind of this terrible realization that I was in in as bad of a place as I was at 19 at 32 just I ate food like oh no you didn't fix anything else right and so that's been this you know kind of since the

pandemic started this this timeline of figuring out who I am and what I want to do with my life and doing it online mostly because why not oh 100% at least like I can totally relate like for me I started all this because I was at rock bottom. Like my dog had just died and I was like, I have nothing else. Like my, I have a clothing company software. And it's, you know, that I started years prior. And it's like COVID was great. But then good luck surviving after COVID when you hit it really well.

And it was very similar of like, wait a minute, staying quiet and like looking at all of these people that are telling me that what I'm doing like, okay, you want to be healthy. You want to do this. Just do this. And I'm like, okay. But there's something missing here. And that's called how. You know, like, how do I get there?

So you're telling me to get to that mountain, but I'm naked and afraid over here and I've got no tools. So how are we going to bridge this gap? Yeah. And I think it's so fucking rad to be able to take your story and then turn that into something where at least other people can look and be like, oh my God, I'm not alone.

Yeah. And the other thing about shared, I was going to say something, and I'm like, what was it? What was it? We'll just continue. I do want to ask you, though. because I know that you have a husband.

Yeah. You're married. Tell me a little bit of a story because I know that you guys have an interesting, like you guys were long distance for a good portion of this situation. Like can you paint me a picture of like how you guys met? And yeah, like, what was that journey like? Because so many people that write in about long distance and I'm like, I'm not your girl. Yeah.

We did meet the old fashioned way at a party, of course. I was so waiting for you to be like a dating app because that's how I met my partner. No, unfortunately those didn't exist yet. You guys been together for a while. Yeah, a long time. Since I was 23. You were a baby. Yeah.

So 36 this week. Congratulations. Happy birthday. And so you met him like shortly after your recovery stuff like all of that. Yep. And I was very active in therapy at the time when we met and he was really supportive of that, which was great. It was also bad timing because I was in a really good place. And I was finally single.

And I was like, I'm going to focus on me and like, I got to just like live my life for myself, which actually comes into play later. But he moved in like two weeks later. It's like it's not. I don't feel like I hear of a lot of like I feel like I would hear more of that from like our parents generation. But no, it was just like I was so bummed when he walked in. And they looked at him and I was like, that's him. Dang it. You know?

And you're just like, oh, recently someone had asked me, like, do you believe my guardian angels or like anything? I'm like, no. But I definitely believe that things sort of like can just happen. Like I saw him and hardly knew him and was like, I have to marry that guy. I don't know why. Which, and it's, luckily this worked out because otherwise then if we were looking back and you were like, I should have been institutionalized if I thought that.

So like, yay. But I also don't. But I like, I'm also not a person who believes in like a failure. Like even if it hadn't worked out, somebody asked me the other day, how do you go through this healing journey with with a husband? And I said, yeah, that's a really good question. And I said, the reality is that like it didn't have to go the way it went. It could have gone anyway. We could have grown apart.

But we just like happened to grow at a similar pace in the same direction, which like doesn't have to happen. But this is very, I was still not quite living for myself at the moment. I was trying. But then probably five or six years in, he was like, I'm so miserable at my job. And I could never have done this for myself, right? I was like, no, you still have to work all the time. You can't take a break. But I was like, quit your job.

No, you do that. Me. No, I'm not doing that. Yeah, I was like, quit your job. You're miserable. And I was like, this is like, I like to stay delusional. Okay. People are always like, how do you just like stay positive?

And I'm like, I'm fully delusional. At least you own it. How I like keep, I am like unfounded, believe in the best in everybody for no reason, right? I have no reason to feel this way. But I was like, quit your job. And so he was home. And my uncle in New Jersey had said like, oh, I have a couple of weeks of work. Do you want to come out and help?

And then it just kind of lasted four years. Oh, shit. Yeah. And so. You married at this point or not married yet? Married. Oh, okay. So, but, okay, so you guys had a relationship together and then, okay, so it's not like you were a long distance a whole fucking time. No.

But talk to me of like a long distance, like, how the fuck did you guys manage that? I, first of all, I really like it. I don't blame you. It just, it definitely gave me this huge opportunity to kind of for the first time in my life be really selfish with my personal time. Yeah. And really, I think you have to think of it that way. If your relationship, if it's codependent, then long distance is going to be impossible. But like for me, I have a whole life by myself and he has a whole life by himself.

And when we hang out, it's fun and it's bonus time. But the long distance part, while it was like a little bit hard in the beginning, but just not for any reason other than I was picking fights because I just was. Right. You're just like, don't leave or whatever. I don't know. It was a little bit for connection even. I was like, but I love you. But eventually, I really fell in love with having all that time to myself.

And it was that like, it was so nice when he came home because he was a bonus versus I always like to say like if it worked because we were too full people with our own lives. Yeah. And we just, it was kind of like takes you back to dating the first time around. I don't know. It just felt magical. It made it made the together times more. special, which I think is a huge boost when it always feels like special when you are together. What I love is you said something. My mom has been saying this to me since I was a fucking

kid. You got to love yourself. No, not that one, but that is. You got to love yourself more than the need to be loved by others, which I'm like, yes. Stop seeking everyone's fucking validation before you give it to yourself. But somebody, she was always been saying to me, they're in addition to your life they're not instead of. Right. It's like, not 50-50. Exactly. 100, 100. You each have a life. You each have your own stuff. Like, I'm the same. Like, like, I get excited. So my partner, we call him tech guy, but like, his name is fucking Ryan. Like, we're just going to give him his name back because when we first started dating, he was like, please don't talk about me.

So that's where we got this nickname and here we are. When, like, we were supposed to go away. And I like to go to a friend's wedding at the end of, in the next couple of months. And I got an unexpected shoot. And I was like, I remember just going down and I was like, oh, rats, I can't go. And he was all bummed. And I was like, God, I'm so excited. And I was already planning.

I'm like, fuck yeah. All right. I'm going to have like my alone time. Yeah. I'm going to like catch up on work. I'm going to catch up on my trash shows. I'm going to call my mom. I'm going to like go for my walks because it's true.

It's like not to say that a relationship like, no, please. It's not that you shouldn't be in one, but it's so fucking important to balance. Yeah. And it was like obviously it's a different situation because we were together before. And then it was like this great opportunity to get to know myself better. Right. But I think in any long distance relationship, you just have to look at like all of the positives of that versus he's not here. What is he doing?

I was going to say, can I ask you? How did you guys like that, and I think this is the biggest difference here. You has had an established relationship before. So anybody that's listening that's like, we met on Hinge and we haven't met, I'm going to do what she did. It's like, no, no, no, no, no. Maybe get to know this person, like, spend some time. But how did you guys with the communication?

Like, what did that look like? Because I think that's such a point of contention for a lot of people when you're in a long-distance relationship. It's, well, why aren't we texting every day? We need to be talking all the time. And I'm like, yikes. I think our apart communication was very, The same every day.

You know, like, good morning. Yeah. In the morning. How's your day? In the middle of the day. What did you have for dinner? And good night. Like, just like every day having like this same time of day.

But I always really liked it. Like, I would know it was coming. Like, it was just like knowing that like. And the text messages feel special. I don't. You don't have that person. Right. It's like, he doesn't text me when we're home.

Right. You're like now. Yeah. Like, how's your morning? And so it's like, we didn't really like communicate a ton. I don't just, this is bad advice. No, no. I'm, the years of the reality.

I think because like, but you had phone calls and FaceTime's, I'd imagine. Yeah. Yeah. But because it's like, I think the actually good moral of the story is that like you didn't rely to keep your communicate. You didn't rely on keeping your connection alive by texting each other because you weren't together. The hardest part about being in a long distance relationship is the way other people

treat you about it. Not the way you feel. feel about it. I love that actually. It's a thousand percent. I would go to dinner and my grandpa every time that judgey eye roll and he's not here. And you're like, no. He's making his money. I'm like, I have a life like, this is my life. Do you need him here? Like, but it's like every room I walk in, everywhere you. Where's Andy? And I'm like, where do you think Andy is? Where has Andy been for the last several years? Same place, same time. Thank you so much. I, but like I, I just think it's, It's a true testament to one-year connection that you guys have because I think like if you can be, like I have a friend, same, like she and her husband, they met, they lived in the same city. And then she got a job and she was like, not only did he help, but not only was his support, she's like, you'll be pack. And she's like, then I went. She like moved to Bahamas, worked with Bahamas. And she was like, and then they kept dating. And she was like, we looked at it as we just had places in different cities. She was like, we didn't look at it as I'm going to his house. He's coming to mine. She's like, I had an apartment in the Bahamas. Then I moved to Florida. I had apartment in Florida. He lived in New York. And they were just able to like still

find a way to be connected without it relying on. Yeah. Now we have to text and FaceTime all the time because like, I don't know about you. For me, yes, when I was super unhealthy and anxious all the time feeling like someone was going to abandon me, oh God, I lived and died by that fucking tablet. But once you really start to understand who the fuck you are and you start to realize like your shit and love your life, you rely less on that and you really focus and get excited on actually seeing that person.

Yeah. If you're like really confident in what you're, I mean, I'm not. not confident in literally anything, but like I'm confident in that, like in that relationship, whatever. And if I wasn't, like, I'm also, I feel like it's important to know, one, your relationship doesn't have to look like anything. It doesn't have to look like a relationship you've seen before. Like, make your own shit up.

It's all made up, right? Yeah. It's all. Everything is made up. Like, it just doesn't have to look the way you think it's going to look. And I don't know how I, why I think I have seen so many of my friends do things different. Yeah. And I think in 2024, that's just kind of how it's going to, like, everything is going to look a little, like you're not just going to meet them at the bar and then you're going to get me.

Like that's going to be one in every bazillion. Like it's the same thing. Like I hooked up with my partner on our first date. And it's like, I get that. That's not for everybody. One life stand. Exactly. One life stand.

And it's like, and I always have. I'm like, we are the epitome of a normal couple in 2024. Like we met on a dating app. We hooked up on the first date. I left saying I'm never going to see this guy again. But I think that. That was really a pinnacle, at least for me too, was being like, okay, so everyone on all these people shaming on the internet, you are not a high value woman.

If you do a coffee date. And I'm like, I don't know, coffee dates always worked for me. I fuck with a coffee date. And it's like, I think that is such a good point of like what the internet is saying. And like even me, like anybody that will come to me for advice. I'm like, hey, you like to do that. That's you. If you enjoy, you want to be emotionally like ethically non monogamous, go and live your

fucking life. Make sure you communicate with each other. Is that something I'm going to do? Fuck no. But that is a you thing. And it's like I think what we need to get away from, like somebody asked me today I was live and they were like, should relationships and love be easy? And I was like, who the fuck has lied to you telling you that it is?

Because those are the people that are giving you an Instagram caption that's like, my love is this and we do this and we do this. And it's like, who taught you how to do all that? Because I don't know about you, but like I was never taught how to be in a healthy, secure relationship. I never saw that ever in my life. So until I got into it being like, oh, oh, I'm allowed to tell you how I feel and you're not going to yell at me or shut down or leave me, tell me more. Like that's weird.

And I think that part of this whole messy weird thing is like getting comfortable and then discomfort. Yeah. I mean, look, when you said communication, it is really important. That's the other thing that we're very, very good at and always have been in maybe where I wouldn't even think of it to answer a question because it's just the way it is. It's like if you want it, you have to ask for it. If you need it, you're going to have to, like, nobody's a mind reader. Nobody can, you know, but even in like the big conversations, I just want to make sure that line of communications always open like for everything. And even for me, like being in a 13 year relationship and planning to be together forever, like that's the plan.

But I mean, I will tell him like if it's not like, if it's not me, like anymore at some point like just leave me yeah like please don't make it weird take me out my life yeah and yeah just like or even you know right now he's on tour with me and i said when you're done with this just you have to say it because when it's done it's done and that's fine i just like you're gonna have to tell me 100% that i need this and even little things like just if you're afraid to ask for something or you're afraid to say something it's like Figure that out. Amazon presents Jeff versus Taco Truck Salsa,

whether it's Verde, Roja, or the orange one. For Jeff, trying any salsa is like playing Russian roulette with a flamethrower. Luckily, Jeff saved with Amazon and stocked up on antacids, ginger tea, and milk. Habaniero? More like habanier, yes. Save the everyday with Amazon. That to me, anytime I get like, I get that all the time.

I'm like, how do I do this without coming off like this? And I'm like, well, that's the problem. You're so focused on how the other person's going to perceive you that you've never stopped to be like, but what do I need? Because like I had shared a story about my partner, like he was going through some stuff and he was just acting. Like he's a little bit more avoidance. Like he goes more inward. You know, like he's the type like, like, hello. We met me.

I'm like very communicative. And I'm like, talk to me. How do you feel? What's going on? And he's, if you ask him, hey, are you okay? he'll answer you. But you can see the frustration and you're like, okay,

you don't know how to communicate. That's fine. And we went away and he was just, just being a dick. You know what I mean? Like just to those moods where you know, you know, we've all had that person where there's a day

where you're like, what is your fucking deed? Like, why are you snapping at me? And it's like, sure. Could I have just gone with my day of like, I'm just going to not say anything and if you don't communicate with me? And it's like, no.

Instead, what I did is I sat him down and I was like, what the fuck is happening? And I was like, talk to me. Like, I'm your partner. I am here for you. And then he broke down. He cried.

We talked. We had a great day. Then we ended up turning the whole day. And what was crazy was I shared that story online with somebody of like, just because you're dating someone that may have never been taught how to communicate doesn't mean that they're not going to. And I got it like, and it's okay to like, you know, talk to a partner that like maybe all, like my sister who's more avoidant who doesn't know how to.

And then when you show them, oh, it's safe. Okay. And what shooketh me was somebody commented saying, I don't need to teach someone or tell someone how to communicate with me and let them know. that they need to communicate with me. It's going to be a long life. And as I said, I was like, so you just expect that everybody's going to know how you feel. Everyone's going to know what you want.

So people are going to know how you specifically want them to communicate with you. But yet you've never asked, you've never told somebody, hey, I don't like when you say things like that to me. That hurts my feelings. You got, oh, God, I'm like, I'm very good at asking for what I need. But sometimes I'm a few days late, you know, like, I've needed it for three days. And finally, I'm like, I really need you to say this to me like right now. But I was also My mom also

Relationships-wise Is a relationship that I'm constantly working on And this was last week Or it was the week my book came out And she didn't call her text And I was so upset Right And so for like days I sued on it

And finally I was like Anna Just pick up the phone and call her I picked up the phone and I was like I just really need you to tell me you're proud of me And she goes Do you not know I'm proud of you? And I was like no I just called you to tell me

I just called you to say, can you please tell me you're proud of me? And it's like, it's that way. Oh, I remembered what I was going to say before. Being wrong. Like, you have to be okay with being wrong. Yeah. If you're not okay with being wrong, like, I don't think anything is going to work out in your life. I was going to say, do you think like, because you've been with your partner for 13 fucking years.

So, like, what would you say are the top things that you have learned, obviously, like being wrong in communication? But like, what are the top things that you've learned to succeed in a relationship long term with somebody? with somebody for that because you're evolving, you're changing, you're growing. Is there anything that you've learned along this way that you're like, yo, this is what I didn't know before that I know now? Well, the one thing I just mean, like, we have just gotten lucky that we grew in the same direction. Like, I don't expect that everybody on earth is going to be in a relationship for 13 years and they're going to manage to stay like in the same two track.

Like, it's just, I don't think it's that realistic. So a lot of that, I think, for me, just feels really lucky. Also, that we just really like each other. It's silly. But I think being, like, knowing when you're wrong or agreeing with things you don't like to hear. Like, the other day, he goes, you're really cranky. And I go, I'm not cranky. And they're like, I see your point.

And then, like, three minutes later, I was like, you're right. I'm in a really bad mood. It takes so much strength. I'm in such a wrong mood. And that's hard to, like, admit that, like, I really did take that. on you and I just need to like step back into my space and be like oh shit I did that like that was me it is like a fucking superpower to be able and like that is yeah let's exemplify that like if you're in a relationship being able to say I'm sorry if I hurt you or like tell me more like I had the

same thing I snapped it and Ryan and I like came down after and he was like I feel like you take out your frustration on me and like as I'm about to be like what are you talking about I stopped and I was like can I ask you what that where is this coming from and he gave me like like three examples in that day. And I was like, you know what? I got to hang my hat. And I was like, you're right. I was like, I'm sorry. I'm having a really shitty day. I was like, that wasn't appropriate of me. And I was like, you said something that really, I was like, now can we talk about? I was like, okay, but what you did say was fucked up. And he was like, okay, and it's like, it's just being able to both be like, okay, I'll own that. You're right. I got,

thank you for clarifying. Yeah. But I think it's so, it's so big to be able to, but there's a pendulum that swings. It's like you have to know when to say, I'm sorry. Yeah. But then you also have to know when it's like, but I can't own all of this. Oh, God, yeah. And that's what in our relationship is really prevalent. Like, Andy lives very much in the real world. And I live very much in a unicorn cloud, right? Like, sign me up.

How the fuck do I get to that one? Everything is just like, oh, God, I just let go of a lot of stuff. And that's kind of, I mean, that's been my journey. But, like, I think that helps me in relationships too. Just let go of. most of my life. I was going to ask you, like, when you started all this, did you have, like, an imposter syndrome?

Because, like, I know for me. I have imposter syndrome every minute of every day, every day of the week. Awesome. I always think that I shouldn't be in the space I'm in, almost no matter what, to a fault. Now, have you pushed through that? I just keep doing.

I just keep doing it. I think, you know, it's like the shows where in the beginning, I say, like, I hope you didn't come here expecting, like, some polished, like, song and dance, because, unfortunately that's know who I am. But like I just keep doing it. I don't, you have to do it. And people always ask me too, like, what's your advice for growing on social media?

And I say post. Yeah. That's it. I'm like, no, my advice is post. It's like, be a bit of tasteful. I'm like, to put yourself out there. Yeah, I'm like, I don't have any other advice except for you have to do it. And even once I started doing it, I regretted all of the time I wasn't posting.

I was like, what a waste of my life? The last eight months were when I was like thinking about it, thinking about it. No, I can't do it. And then I did it. And I was like, well, this is the best time I've ever had in my whole life. Yeah. I mean, and also the worst. But it's sick.

It is six of money. Once you get on the internet, you're like, it's so lovely. And still it's not. Yeah, trust me, I do understand that. The internet. But I know, I think it's important. It's like, I'm with you. I talk about this all the time.

I'm like, I get anxious before every podcast. I get anxious before every time I have to do something. even when I record a video, sometimes I'll say the same sentence like six times and I'm like, you know, I will find myself going back into like, stupid, gosh, gosh, Jesus, Sabrina. And I have to stop and I'm like, okay, if my five-year-old me was here, do I need to talk to her like my dad used to talk to me? No. Instead, I can say, okay, sure you're a little anxious, but I trust and we've been there because it's like, what's neuroplasticity? Your brain for however many years was like, hey, you can't do this. So of course your brain, your body is like, now the bitch can't do this.

Like she's at. But then how you actually be able to push through that, whether it's dating, whether it's professional, professional. It doesn't really matter is by doing it, by saying I might fuck up, but I know that I'll have my back. Yeah. Unfortunately, you have to do it. Nike was right. You know what I mean? Like, yeah, like they really meant what they said.

But it's true. I mean, people will say like, oh, you're so lucky. Like, blah, blah. And I'm like, maybe, yes. In a lot of ways, I believe that too. But a lot of that is because I'm putting myself out there. I'm doing things that I don't think I have any business doing. I'm doing things that I do not have the confidence to do.

I'm doing things that I don't believe that I have the skills to do, but I'm doing them anyways. And I'm doing it terrified. And it's like, well, I don't know if this is the answer because I love comfort zones. I really do. It's cozy. But I, you have to do it. If you want something to change, you have to do something. Yeah, nothing changes if nothing changes.

And it's like even like you had done a video and I was watching it where you were even talking about like, yeah. So like it's okay to be exhausted. It's okay to take a moment and acknowledge like, okay. Like even when people will come to dating of like, how do I keep pushing on? And I'm like, well, maybe you shouldn't. Like maybe that's the answer is where are we taught that even when you're at zero to keep going. Like I'll never forget when I moved to New York. My brother told me and like not great advice in hindsight, you know, a lot of them thing.

but he was like if you're in New York City and you even have a minute to yourself, you're doing it wrong. And he was like, you should always be bitten. It's like that hustle culture. Oh my gosh. So I lived that for my entire, for 12 years of living in New York.

My nervous system shot to shit. Constant go, go, go, go, go. And being like, oh, no, we have to go on a date. But Sabrina, you haven't gone on a date this week. And like pushing myself to the point where it's like, you know what is actually okay. You're like, hey, you're going to be so burnt out for so long. It took me like two years of moving to California

to be like, I just need to, like there are days even now were on the weekends, I literally will put my phone down and I'm like, none of you exist. I need not, I don't want. I need to sit on that couch for four hours and not move. Because if my body doesn't take a fucking second to just acknowledge I'm pooped, I'm exhausted, this is, it's just, I don't know, I believe in lots of weird things. But two years ago today, I posted a TikTok and it popped up in my memory. It's the only reason I know this.

And I go, the weekend is upon us. And I just wanted to let you know that if you find yourself with a free moment, you don't have to fill it with anything. And that was two years ago. But like, but my content like that is what I'm learning that day. Yeah. I'm talking about it that minute. So it's usually like this is. And people are like, how do you come up with it?

And I'm like, it's whatever I'm going through that second. Like I was in my car. So I probably just got home from work. And I was like thinking of all the things I could do because I had a day off. And it was like, oh, you know. that you shouldn't you don't need to do that you don't need to do that like who like breathe the second like it just doesn't have to be that way but i mean i was raised that way like you know that idle hands or the devils play thing or whatever you know it's like you should always be doing

something it's that toxic productivity i'm so tired i that's how i felt oh boy do i get that that's how i felt like when i lived in l.a where it was just this like toxic positivity and productivity and it's like of just you always have to be doing and you always have to be in like i remember even just going for walk and like feeling guilty that I wasn't working. And it wasn't until like recently, to be honest, because I'm with you. Like it was I have not, the reason I got to where I'm going is because like I didn't stop. Like I was posting five videos a day consistently for a fucking year. So you can imagine like, like the bitch can talk. But like you can imagine it was the same day. I'd be sitting somewhere and be like video idea. And I would do it. And it's like even now my partner

like he'll see me like I'll get people like write in it to me a question and I'll answer it. And the minute I get one, I'm like, and then he'll look at me and I'm like, and then you've set your little boundary. I love it. I've been watching it. Every time you post on your little story, you're like, I'm not doing that. And I'm like, yeah. I'm not doing it.

I'm not doing it. Because it's so important, whether your personal, professional, it doesn't matter, but especially dating. If you're listening right now and you're like, I'm a dater, having boundaries is so fucking sexy. Because what it tells me is, oh, I can't, I can't take advantage of you. I love that. You know who you are. Yeah.

Yeah. Boundaries are boundaries in your online personal space. You seem to be good at them. I'm not good at them. You know what I had, but where I learned it is like what we were talking about, because it didn't work for me. I was doing it for so long and answering people, you know, when you get to the level that you and I are at with the amount of followers,

it's not, I'm not being a fucking asshole and being arrogant. It's just you get hundreds of DMs a day of, I need your advice. I need your advice. And after a while, I'm burned out holding space. holding space and going, but I'm not getting compensated for my time. That's a boundary that I had to set. Same when I was dating. When I was dating, I'd be like, hey, cool, I can meet you for an hour.

I don't have the time right now to spend with someone. I don't know who the fuck you are. I don't even know if I'm going to see you again. And here's the odds on chance. I was 32 and a half when I met my partner. So I had 15 years of my adult life of dates that didn't really pan out into anything. And you start to learn boundaries don't keep people out. They protect what's in.

And I knew I could only continue to show up. authentically as myself if I make sure that I do contain what it is that I'm showing up as. What did I do say the other day to somebody? And it was so funny. They asked me if I could do something or come to their restaurant. I don't know. And I just, I said no. Like, I just can't.

And they replied and they go, I love your boundaries. And I was like, if the whole world was that way, like, oh, wouldn't it be nice? Like if you're like sweating over saying. no to somebody and you do it and they're like, perfect. Take care of you. You're like, what? Need a vehicle that isn't afraid to make a splash? That's the Volkswagen Tauce. Capable and confident, the Volkswagen Tauce is fit for everyday life, nimble in traffic, agile and tight spots, and still spacious enough for weekend getaways. While available for motion all-wheel drive gives confidence in rain and snow. The capable Touse, you deserve more confidence. Visit VW.

to learn more. SUVW, German-engineered for all. And I had a therapist on the podcast, and we were talking about people-pleasing and, like, always saying yes. And, you know, and he made such a great point. He was like, what I want you to look at when you're going to say no is, is this going to be hurtful or harmful? Yeah.

And he was like, if it's hurtful, hey, I'm going to hurt your feelings, I can live with that. I can live with saying, I'm sorry I can't come in because I have this. That's a different story than your daughter's recital that. you miss because you're like, well, mommy needed a self-care a day. It's like, that's harmful. That's different. That's like, I had my client and he was like, I don't want to, he was like, you know what? I kept saying, I was like, do you like this girl? He'd been on like three dates with her. And he was like, you know what? Honestly, no. And he was like, I, they hooked up and he was like, she's an awesome girl. He was like, I don't see a future here. And I said, are you going to

tell her? And he's like, I don't want to hurt her feelings. And I was like, okay, so then what are you going to do? He's like, I'll just wait a few days. And I looked at him and I said, that's harmful. I said, hurtful in this moment would be telling her, hey, sorry, I'm not feeling it. It's only been three days. You're going to wait to tell someone that you're not interested? Now you're going to wait. And then this poor girl and he was like, fuck, you're right. And so he like, even with Andy, I'm like, if you're done, like, if you fall out of love

with me, please tell me. Tell me immediately. Alert the fucking media. Because I, I just think I did not have it in me to be strung along and fucked around on and whatever. Oh my gosh. Yeah. But if, and like, at the end of the day, though,

I think especially when you're dating like, I've been ghosted. Like, I know it sucks. It sucks to have somebody that wasn't honest with you, that wasn't telling you what they feel, that wasn't being up front. But at the end of the day, what I learned was I was like, that's on them. Like I, if for me, I want, like you, you showed up saying, no, I'm sorry, I can't do that because you respect yourself and you respect your boundaries and you knew that that wasn't going to work for you and you communicated that.

Yeah. That shows me about who the person is versus if it's just, well, I'm just not going to answer them because like I'm busy and I don't owe them anything. And it's like, okay, listen, if you've had a date, like I always am like, if you had a first date and the person doesn't call you after it's like, you don't, that's not owed to you. After one or two dates, if you didn't do, if you didn't hook up or do anything, like that person doesn't owe you a response. Because sometimes it's just better to be like, never. We tried. Exactly. We tried. Listen, I went on a date or two with you. It didn't work out. Wish you the, you know, even if somebody doesn't want to text you like,

especially when you've dated in major cities and you have five or six dates a week, after a while, it gets really exhausting. I know. But like, I just like, it was exhausting. I would just not, right? Like,

I have me and he's great and I'm going to keep him. But like, if that ends for some reason, like, I think I'm done. Hey, you're like, kay, the fuck.

I'm like, I heard too many. I've heard too much. Oh, I go to Ryan all the time and I'm like, yeah, we're not breaking up. Yeah.

I love you. And I'm glad I do. But like it's, but even if, even if it were thrown back in, it's like, I think at the end of the day, when you have a life that you love

and you've built a life for you, it doesn't impact as severely. Right. You know what I mean? Because when your walls are down and someone throws an arrow, it's going to go right to the heart. But when it's not the figurative walls, not literal fit, you know, you don't have to fucking build a fortress around you. But when you protect your peace and you know who the fuck you are, it's not going to

impact you as much when some schmo tells you something. You're like, well, I don't believe that. This kind of goes back to like, not to say like imagine your relationship if it was long distance, like what's missing from your day to day. and for me it's just dandy. I like that though. It's not like my day is fine. Exactly.

And I like the framing about that because it's like, so all that's missing is the physical body being here. And it's like, okay, but I still have my friends. I've got my family. And I think that's like when I have people right in love like all this could tell like all these terrible things that someone says to like, what do I do? And I'm like, what you do is you move on with you. Not worth it. When you're, listen, I get it. When I, when you're a six year old and when we regress and it's like at six, you're right.

You have nowhere to go. Like your parents, fuck you. Your parents leave you in a room. You're in that room. And that's... But when you're an adult and you're like, oh, you mean I get to take myself out of that room, it's like you get to go live the life that you want to live and you get to choose who the fuck is part of it.

Yeah. And there's like the reality is that like people just aren't going to like you. And that was a really, a really hard one for me, especially like as a people police really come to terms with. Like people just aren't going to like you. And but the second that I came to terms with that and the second. that like I really believed that. The way, the lightness in my life, because I think that way, the other way as well,

like I don't worry about what other people are doing. I think about how much of my time and energy I used to spend, like, being annoyed about what someone else was doing. And it's like, oh, not my best. Like, I think of how much of my brain space I was spending. And I think of it this way too, like, it's different because, you know, these people have podcasts about TV shows. But the amount of time you're spending talking about other people's lives or thinking about

other people's lives. I'm like not to sound selfish, but I hardly think of other people. But you know what? But that is, I'm glad you said that because for fuck's sake, I wish people listen to when I say, I'm like, people aren't thinking about you. You're the main center. I'm the main character of my movie. I'm a fucking extra on everybody else's.

Some people don't even see me walk across the fucking backdrop of their set. That's how insignificant. And it's so true because I think especially like, I always bring it back to dating because especially in that time, I have had it where like I think that this person's thinking all of these things. And then you find out you're like, that person didn't even fucking think about you once. Yeah. Not. They didn't. Like they just didn't. Or like that one embarrassing thing that you said, it's like that person probably didn't even fucking hear it.

But we magnify everything because we're egocentric. Like I get that. We're, it's all about us. It's all about us. And it's like we all, every person has narcissism. We all have an element of, I think of me. that's just being, that's literally just psychology, but it's a matter of like, well, how far do we take that? Yeah.

But I think it's so true. Like if you have a life that you are building right now, if you have a life that you're excited about, even just excited about going on your walks every morning. Like I had to, even when I lived in L.A. and I was not excited about much living there. I found little things every day just so that I could look and be like, okay, well, I've been single for the last year living here, right? Okay. So I have this new person here.

the fantasy of what this could be, but it's not, right? We're here where we are right now. And so instead, I was like, I'm going to water this little pot of land because the more I focus on you and the more I ask, why is he doing this? Why is she acting this way? Guess what I'm doing? I'm not focused on me. Yeah.

Yes. I mean, yeah, there's a little thing I said, I don't know, a long time ago. And I was like, were you happy? And it's, and I said, I don't know, but look how productive. if I was. Right? So true. It's like such a hard truth to like look back on your whole life and be like, well, I was

busy. That's like, it's so funny. I thought about this yesterday. I don't know why that reminded me of that, but it's true. But it did. I was thinking about that yesterday because like it's so true. Like I think we notice like I know that like when my dog passed away when my mom got sick.

Like those are the moments that slap you in the face that you're like, oh my God, we of finite resources here. Like, that is not forever. And I thought about it the other day of like, you know, you think about when people are like, oh, I wouldn't trade it for the world, right? You think back on the time of like, oh, I wouldn't, you know, that experience, it wouldn't trade it for the world. And I thought back, I would totally trade a lot. And I was thinking about being where I'm at as a woman in her 30s, not having kids, not, you know, and not sure that I want to, to be honest. And I thought about it, okay, if I had had kids at 20, I wouldn't be where I'm at. It's like, you know, of course, I'd have a 13-year-old child right now. My life would be completely

different. And I was like, okay, grateful I didn't necessarily enough because I, oh, it was that somebody was telling me that their mom is, like, close an age to them. And I was like, man, what would that feel like if, you know, your mom had you at 18 or 19? Like, my mom didn't be at 35. So, like, my mom is now and her almost 70. It's like, fuck, you know. And so I think about that of like, you know, Ryan and I talk about this lesson. I'm like, I don't want to be 45 having a kid. And that's just a personal thing. Like I just, I don't want to do that. Yeah.

I don't want them bad enough. But then I had that thought of, well, but what did I do with my 20s instead? See, I didn't have kids. And I literally for the first time made the admission where I was like, I wouldn't have traded that for the world because I wasted my fucking 20s. I wasted my 20s worried about if this guy was going to call me, worried about if somebody liked me, worried about I wasted away. I didn't save any fucking money.

I didn't advance my career. I lived in New York, but on paycheck to paycheck because all it was. I was waiting for was someone to come fucking save me. And it wasn't until I actually had to own up to myself and be like, this is the bitch that's coming to save me. Nobody else is. Then I realize now I refuse to look back on my 30s like I did my 20s. I will not allow myself to look back on that time and say, I fucking wasted it worrying about

everybody else. And I was so far removed for myself. It's like so life is, life is so long. And you're all you get. nothing else like not one other thing in your life is guaranteed nope the only person who has to be with you is you and like it's the longest relationship yeah and and when I think about how long I stayed like in a job where my boss was just awful right and I don't I stayed just to prove nothing to nobody right like no I can do it I'm tough it's like no you're fucking miserable yeah but like now I look at my life as

as I'm the boss of it. And it's just like, what do you, what do you, how do you want to treat yourself? How do you want to organize your day-to-day life? Like, how do you want to build yourself up to be more successful or not? Like, I say that too. They're, sometimes you're looking the wrong direction. There are, you know, sometimes you were so conditioned to look up and forward. And every once in a while, that's the wrong direction, right?

Like, and even for me right now with tour and all of these other. things like I'm taking a huge step back at work yeah and that's something that didn't feel possible to me because you live your whole life moving forward right and it's like you can move forward by moving backward you can move forward by walking away and you know even lots of times now I have to tell myself like baby steps are steps and backwards steps are steps like you're moving at least exactly it's like at least you're doing something because like I'm the same like there are days where like I had to lessen my workload in the last three months because I'm working on a course and I'm working on book and all of that stuff. And I remember even just like the panic ensued. And then my friend

actually said something to me that fucking name is Elise. She's such a great dating coach. And she, we were talking the other day and she was like, Sabrina, you're acting as if the buffet closed. And she was like, you got to shift that thinking. You're at the buffet. And there's always, there's always going to be newness. You're always going to have more. She's like, the plate of food that you have in front of you isn't it? And that allowed me to start being like, oh my God, you're right. I can take a day where I focus on other things. take a step back, if you will, but that'll help me propel 30 forward. Yeah.

Because I know that I'm doing something now that's going to help for the long run. Yeah. And I think just being able to get rid of the shame and guilt around that. Oh my gosh. Guilt is so heavy. And it just like never goes away. It doesn't stop. And like I think I think like what the reason I was so excited to have you on was because

I really do want to normalize the experience of mental health. Like I'm just so tired of it being this package. that none of us are able to afford because it's not realistic. And what is realistic is that it's going to be a journey of like falling a ton, scraping your knees and getting back up to being like, but the bitch still has another day in her, so we're going to keep going. All you have to be is here.

And that can be like a battle. Yeah. Being here every day, I like to remind people, like, it's not going to look the same for everybody. Like when they're like, well, I'm really like, I'm lazy and I'm not accomplishing anything. and I'm like, can you tell me what's going on inside your mind in your brain? Right. And then tell me you're not accomplishing anything.

How exhausted? Like, how many scenarios have you run through today? It's a lot of thoughts. How many thoughts? Like, yeah, the brains are tough. They're quick moving and they lie and they're mean and they know you. And they're not. And the biggest thing that I learned is like, they're not meant for the world that we're living in either.

Our bodies and our nervous system and our brain are meant for hundreds of and gatherers living in groups of 50, no more than 50, without technology, without everything. What we've done is we've just taken our bodies from like 1700 that we're doing great. And we threw them in now and we're like, fucker, why aren't you figuring this out? And not like, I always say like we were not meant to know this much. But it's like, but now we can know this much. And now you're required to know this much. And people are going to yell at you if you don't know it and talk about it constantly.

And you're like, listen, I'm a mental health content. Like I can unfortunately not save the world. I don't need to talk about geopolitics right now when I'm talking about relationships and that doesn't need to be my place. I'm just trying to focus on you staying alive. Exactly. I'm trying to get through the fucking day. I am focused on the basics here, okay?

Like we need to live our lives alive. You know what? Honestly, I remember that was one thing that my therapist taught like really reminded me. Every time I'd come into my sessions, this was like one of the first therapists ever had. And she'd be like, how are you doing today? And I'd be like, I'm okay. And she would stop me. And she'd be like, and we'll take that for today. Because for today, that's great. And she was like, you're okay. I'll take an okay. And it helped me reframe where I was like, because I remember you know when people ask you like, hey, how are you? And you're like, good, thanks. And I tried it

for a little bit where I was honest. Where I'd be like, I'm really fucking stressed actually. And you see people's an auto, oh good. What? Yeah. Like they couldn't, couldn't comprehend with like, being like, yeah. And like, that's okay. I can normalize that for today. I feel like shit. And then tomorrow I'll probably be fine. Yeah, the world's really heavy. Like, it's okay to not have a good day. It is so okay to not have a good day. And I think that is, it's okay to not have a good day.

It's okay to not have a good week. It's okay to not have a good month. And it's okay to not have a good year. Yeah. That doesn't mean you don't have a good life. That just means that for now. It's not forever. It's a bad day.

It's a bad, you know, it's not a bad forever. Oh, it's hard to think about sometimes when you're trapped in it. But it's like that, like take a step back. Look at it. What's wrong? Nothing? Okay. Yeah.

I always do it. I'm like, speed bump. Just like for fuck sake, put a space between what you are now to fuck. Like, the pendulum doesn't have to swing to this equals. Like, the person that didn't call you back after a date doesn't now mean that you're a piece of shit and that there's something wrong with you. What that just meant was that's not a person you're going to have another date with. We don't need to create this narrative. We don't have to create a whole thing. It could just be, I see this for what it is right now, not for something that I want it to be. The other thing that can really bum you out or whatever is, is you, you overthink, I don't want to say you. That's generalizing, but yes. I will overthink not being happy, right? Yeah. Like, what am I doing wrong?

Like, what, and it's like, happy's not like doesn't live somewhere. It's not a finish line. It's not like a destination. It's not always. It's little moments. Like, I have to remind me this all the time like, hey, happy isn't living somewhere. Happy. Happy isn't when you lose those 20 pounds.

Happy isn't when you get that promotion and happy isn't. Like maybe those moments will bring you a little bit of joy. I don't know. But the reality is like that there's, we all have this finish line complex of like, when I get there, that's where it is. And it's like, it's elusive. I learned that when I had my clothing company over COVID. I remember I was like telling my mom and I was like, no, no, no.

When we get to like. When I. When we get to this level every day, then I'll be happy. And I remember the sales started to get to that level the number I had said. And I remember getting it earlier in the day. You know, it's like earlier, earlier, earlier. And just sitting there and my mom being like, oh, my God, Sab, aren't you excited? And I was like, but what about tomorrow?

But then what about? And it was always because it wasn't, like my friend Masha always said. She's like, are you running towards a goal or are you running away from fear? Because if you're running away from something, you're going to be fucking running forever. But if you're actually running towards a goal, you understand it's going to take you a minute to get there. And I was like, damn, you, Doug. Yeah, that's deep. but like, dude, this was such a great conversation.

Thank you for like sitting here with me shooting the shit. You have a new book out, don't you, ma'am? I do. I do. Can you tell us more about it? Yeah. I mean, it's a lot of that. It reminds me very much of me, like upon first glance, a slightly overwhelming,

a lot of color, a lot of chaos, drawings and pictures and rainbows. And then it's like I hide nuggets in there, right? which is kind of what my content is too. It's that like life is really hard and but here's a rainbow. It's like I just want to let you know. You're doing okay. But life is the worst and that's, you know, it's okay that it's okay. But it's that way.

It's normal. It's not okay, but it is the way that it is. Like the life is just going to be hard. There are going to be days that aren't it. And sometimes people just want to know other people feel the way they feel. And that's what the whole book is. It's like flipped any page and you probably feel that way. Awesome.

I'm excited. It'll be linked in the show notes for anybody to be able to grab a copy and they can purchase that from many of different places, but we'll put it in the show notes specifically so that they can find it. And where can people find you on the Instagrams and the TikToks and all of that? I'm at AKP RZY everywhere. TikTok Instagram, Fred's, Lemonate, Clapper. I don't know. There's so many now.

I just made sure to get them all Call it a day so I could have at AKP RZ white everywhere I just wanted to say one like really quick thing Talking about you know being a content creator And when you're saying that finish line complex When I hit a million followers when I hit 600,000 followers I'll be happy This last month was probably the first time ever

I listened to this shit I've been saying for three years And I said like oh this is where I'm going to be for a little while like yeah this is not I do not need to go anywhere this is where I'm at I have a lot going on and I have an amazing community and like I had that that that convincing yourself that like there's nothing there's nothing at a million there's nothing at two million that like you don't have right oh I thought I a thousand percent can relate to it I just I just like it's it's in everything but I think it was the first time I ever like really in this new life in this new content this new internet life I was like, this is where I'm going to stay for a minute.

Yeah. Like, I'm cool, which is weird. Yeah. I trust me, I'm with you. Every day I had to get that effort to a TikTok. I was like, well, since you're not going to show our content anyways and since you're just going to act as if I'm shadow banned all the time, I was like, I'm just going to walk away from this and stop putting my fucking worth into the fact that you're not showing it.

Instead, I'll just keep knowing who the fuck I am and keep going on with my day. So, Anna, thank you again so much. Thank you. Oh, my gosh. This is wonderful.