The School of Greatness - 110 How to Find the Courage to Open Up, Share Your Truth, and Live Free with Robbie Rogers

Episode Date: November 26, 2014

"Sometimes you have to give people who love you a chance to really love you." - Robbie Rogers If you enjoyed this episode, check out show notes and more at www.lewishowes.com/110.

This is episode number 110 with U.S. Olympian and Major League Soccer star, Robbie Rogers. Welcome to the School of Greatness. My name is Lewis Howes, former pro athlete turned lifestyle entrepreneur. And each week we bring you an inspiring person or message to help you discover how to unlock your inner greatness. Thanks for spending some time with me today. Now let the class begin. Welcome back, everyone, to the School of Greatness podcast. My name is Lewis Howes. Thank you so much for hanging out with me today.

And I've got a special guest on. It's a dear friend of mine that I've known for many years, Mr. Robbie Rogers. For those that don't know who Robbie is, he is an Olympian. He was on the U.S. national team in the soccer, and he plays for the Los Angeles Galaxy currently. When I met him, he was playing with the Columbus Crew, and he had won a championship. He was an all-star. He was one of the best players in the country. He's an awesome human being. And we talk about his story today. Robbie created history when he decided to retire, announced that he was gay, playing professional soccer over in Europe, and then came back to play here in the States with the LA Galaxy. And the conversation of homosexuality in sports has been a big topic for many years,

and it's never really been accepted, and it's still not accepted in many sports as he's currently the only one doing it in one of the major men's pro sports right now. And others are trying to lead the way as well. Others are opening up, but they're retired now or they're not actively playing. So it's a delicate topic right now for a lot of athletes. And although many athletes are accepting it, some of the media is not accepting it, and there are a lot of people who are not in acceptance of it. But today we talked about the decision Robbie made to first look inside himself and start

being honest with himself and then start being honest with his friends and his family and then be honest with the world and the process of which how he opened up and how he started to share this truth with himself and with the world. And we talk about he gets some good advice on the process on how anyone could take action and start opening up about their truth. And it doesn't need to be their homosexuality, but truth about something, a secret they've been holding on to or a lie or just being truthful about anything in relationships, in business, whatever it may be, but opening up and sharing your truth.

And it was fun to sit down with Robbie because, you know, we've been friends for a number of years, and I had no clue about any of this. So for me, it was interesting to really ask him the questions I've been wanting to ask him for the last couple of years since this has come to fruition. And I got to dive in and have a fun conversation with him, an intimate conversation with him today. And he's a dear friend, someone I care about deeply. And I'm so proud and happy for his success and for him opening up and sharing his truth. And I talk about also how he was the inspiration for me to open up with everyone here on my podcast about an experience I had as a child going through sexual abuse as a child. as a child, going through sexual abuse as a child.

And I don't know if I would have fully committed to opening him up in a public format without seeing what my good friend Robbie did and how he did it and how the media took it and everyone had their own opinion. And for me, it's just a very courageous thing for him to do in his situation. And let's go ahead and dive into this episode with the one and only Robbie Rogers. Welcome back everyone to the School of Greatness podcast with my man, Robbie Rogers in the house. What's up Robbie? Not too much. It's good to see you, Lewis. It's been too long. It's been too long, man. For those that don't know, Robbie Rogers is a standout soccer player. He was on the US Olympic team back in 2008 in Beijing. Also, you almost went to the World Cup in 2002. Yeah, that's how we met. That's how we met. 2012, is that right? Or was it 2010?

2010. 2010. Robbie was on the USA national team, soccer team, and what is it, 30 people that they were at camp? Yeah, it was an alternate. And they'd take 24 or something? 23. So you were like one of the last ones to come. Yeah.

And what happened? You walked into the office. Thanks for reminding me. Yeah, we had like a last game before the last cut against Czech Republic. And about two in the morning after that game, so probably five or six hours after that game, I got a call from Bob Bradley and he just wanted to meet with me. So I knew it was bad news. Oh, man. But you were playing well in the...

Yeah, yeah, playing well. The game went really well and had a great camp. And I had a few of the players say, don't worry, Robbie. You're in. You're in. Yeah, don't worry about it. And I think I let my guard down. Oh, man. That's too bad.

Because you'd won a championship in the MLS the year before or two years before? Two years before. With Columbus Crew. We won the support shield the next year. I think it was an all-star that year. And then obviously you went to the Olympics. So you had a pretty good career. Yes, up to that point.

Oh, man. What was that feeling like getting so close? Yeah. It's tough because the Olympics is every four years. So you know you don't have that many shots at it. And so to be that close, but then you just think about like, oh, what if I would have done this? Or what if I would have done this differently?

Yeah. If I would have scored one goal, then i would be in yeah you just those things go through your mind but um in the end of the day i felt like you know i i did everything in my power that i that i could possibly do and and i played really well and it just came down to experience and i was a young guy then so it's tough how old were you then i think it was like 21 or 22 yeah man, man, that's tough. But it's also, we would not be sitting here right now if that didn't happen. You don't. Yeah, that's true. Yes, that's true. We would not be

sitting here, not to say that I'm better than the Olympics or than the World Cup, but because we actually were, you know, me and my former business partner, Sean Malarkey, were walking down to Columbus. You're living in Columbus. We were walking down to go watch the game, like the USA game, I think, or one of the games at Cup of Joe. Remember that? Cup of Joe?

Was it called Joe's or Cup of Joe? Cup of Joe. I was sitting outside. Yeah. You were sitting outside. And I remember, I don't watch soccer. I don't really care about soccer. But Sean goes- Now he does, though. I do now. Now that you play, I do now that I know you. He goes, I think that's Robbie Rogers. I was like, who? And he goes, Robbie Rogers. He's's like one of the best players in the crew don't you watch soccer i was like i don't care i was like how do you know it's him he's like he's got a tattoo that says like lola or something right early lolly yeah and he's like that's his tattoo i was like what you're like a freak dude and uh so then i realized that my business partner was a stalker

um but i was also like let's go say hi you know let's go chat with him. He was like, well, I think he's supposed to be in the World Cup, but he's not there. Yeah. I think I just got back the day before. So that was pretty email. And you were by yourself

like writing in a journal or something. You're like, and I was like, hey, what's up, bro? Like,

are you Robbie? And you were like, yeah, what's up? And we just started connecting and we pretty much, I watched the game with you guys. Yeah.

We were like, come on in and hang with us if you want. And you were like, I'm going to sit here for a bit. And then you came in and we pretty much. I watched the game with you guys. Yeah. We were like, come on in and hang with us if you want. And you were like, I'm going to sit here for a bit. And then you came in. And we pretty much became good friends ever since then. We pretty much hung out like every day.

We lived like two blocks from each other. Yeah. We almost lived together. Went to the quarry. Went to the quarry. Jumped off cliffs. Jumped off cliffs. Got in trouble.

We went to Nita's. Impero. Impero. All the Columbus hot spots. It was a fun two years. And I went to games. It was just like a good time. We played tons of ping pong.

You beat me most of the time, even though they were all close games. And it's just been a fun experience getting to know you and getting to hang out. And then you went off to London, or you went to Leeds. To Leeds, yeah. And played there. I remember talking to you and saying, hey, man, if you really want to go to the World Cup, you got to go play in Europe probably and show them. Because we were kind of talking about that.

You were a little disappointed. And you visited me. I visited you. Yeah, for the Olympics. I was there for the Olympics, and I went up and came hang out for, was it a day or two? Yeah.

Stayed in your apartment up there. It was a nice little town. Yeah. And I was going to watch a game, but it was like four hours away or something, I think. And I remember hanging out, and then a couple months later, something yeah and then i came i came out and you came out yes lewis came out to london and then i decided i had to come out yeah um yeah it was

england especially i mean obviously and i wrote about it um you know there was moments in my life where i was happy and could keep myself busy with soccer or busy with other things. But I was just kind of a little depressed and dealing with my sexuality and coming from a very conservative family and from the sports world, I felt like it might not ever be part of my life and I might not ever be able to be open to that side. So it was really in England where I kind of discovered myself. And I think right when you were like visiting me, I had a lot of alone time and time just to think about things. And it was probably after you visited me, I think it was probably, I don't know,

four or five months later that I came out to my, to my family. So I didn't look back. Crazy. And you moved to London. Moved to London. To play with another team. Yeah. I mean, it was, yeah, I mean, it was, I moved to London, just, I went on loan. Leeds got a new coach and he told me pretty much that I could go on loan somewhere because I wasn't going to play at Leeds and had a bunch of injuries. And even at that point, I was, I was figuring out when I was going to retire because I felt

like I couldn't come out and be a football or be a soccer player at the same time. I thought it was going to be possible. Obviously it is. I play for the Galaxy now and the league and the football and soccer world is very accepting. But it was just all the things that happened in the locker room when I was young, all the little things that people said that really scarred me, that made me believe that it was impossible. Wow. Now, what do the people say? I mean, I would get in – not me, but I'd be in the locker room when they'd be having discussions.

Like, for example, they'd say, like, how could a guy even be gay? How could someone go through the act of loving like another man? And when you hear that kind of stuff and you hear it from a young age, just, again, it scars you and just makes you believe that it's just you're in an industry that isn't acceptable to. Or that it's bad or that you're wrong. Exactly. And that's, you know, again, I come from a very Catholic family. My family's been very supportive. But before I came out, it was almost like, it's such a sin and it's evil and, and, and they don't really believe that, you know?

And I know that because after I came out from the second I told them, they, they've been very supportive, but yeah, but it's, it's like that, you know, sometimes people say things that they think they should say and not that they actually believe. And in the locker room, it's that like pack mentality where guys say things to kind of make other guys laugh or it'll just be like one of the dudes and they're just not sensitive to other things. Interesting. Now your family's been really supportive the whole time. You have amazing parents and you know, siblings are all awesome. I've met them all. And, uh, so was there ever any concern like before you opened up to them or did they mention things before? Like you have to, you know, same sex marriage or being the same sex is a sin or?

I grew up thinking that like, you know, same sex marriage was just not ever a possibility. And that wasn't. Through your family or through religion? Yeah, through my family, through I went to Catholic schools growing up, always part of a church. Yeah, through my family, through I went to Catholic schools growing up, always part of a church. So from a very young age, I obviously thought that that was a side of me that I had to keep away from people that I that I couldn't even accept. So, you know, that was really tough. And that's probably why I was so afraid to come out to my family.

You know, but I didn't want to lose them. Yeah, I didn't want to lose them or I didn't want them to think like, oh, is Robbie now different? Is this not the person we know? And I mean, I think even after I came out, they were still worried of that, even though they accepted everything that I was going through. But I think they've realized that like, oh, Robbie's still the same boring soccer player. Interesting. So that's cool. And that was there ever been someone who hasn't been supported? Now, just to let people know, it's pretty monumental that you're the only active, unless, correct me if I'm wrong, I don't watch the news much, but you're

the only actively gay male professional athlete in one of the top male sports out right now. Is there another person that's out? That's a mouthful, but I think so. I think that's right. There's no one else that's actively, or not actively, but like.

Actively gay. Who's actively playing who's gay. I mean, I guess, you know, obviously Jason Collins retired. He's a great guy. And Michael Sams, I'm not quite sure what his. Is he playing still? I don't know. I don't know what his status is.

But he was drafted, obviously. Yeah. He made. He was on preseason. I know that. Yeah, preseason. I think he was on the practice team at Dallas, I believe. I tried to kind of follow and like support that in any way I could. But I'm not. Yeah, pre-season. I think he was on the practice team at Dallas, I believe. I tried to kind of follow and support that in any way I could,

but I'm not quite sure what his status is. But I think there's a few female athletes that are out and playing, and then there's myself. There's not many of us, but I think hopefully that will change soon. Right. Now, what was – first off, you wrote a letter that you posted online. And I remember reading this letter because Sean, my former business partner, Sean, and good friend, he was like. He really is a stalker.

He goes, I didn't know this happened. And then Sean like texted me or called me. He goes, hey, did you know Robby came out? I was like, what do you mean he came out? Came out where? I'm like, so what is this? And he's like, dude, check his website out. He just wrote a letter that he's gay. And I was like, what? And I was like, dude, check his website out. He just wrote a letter that he's gay.

And I was like, what? And I was like, it was so interesting. First off, I have so many questions because we still haven't really debriefed on all this. But first off, what was that like writing that letter? And how long did it take you to write the letter? And what was coming up for you? So I wrote that letter two months after I came out to my family. And I wrote it because one of my

friends, um, just said, you know, you should be writing right now. Just like, you know, it's very therapeutic and it will help you gather your thoughts. So I wrote that just like one night, it was like really late in London. I was sitting in my, in my, in my flat, in my apartment and I just started writing. And I, I remember, um, just sitting there and thinking like, you know, what is it that I would want to say to like other people or what was I so afraid of and how do I feel now? So I wrote that and I just left it on my desktop for a few months. A few months?

Yeah, I think like two months. Wow. Yeah, two months I left it there. And then I was in my flat with one of my friends, my apartment, sorry. In February. There's some Londoners listening. Yeah. I understand.

Yeah, you Londoners get what I'm saying. Um, and he was like, just, I was talking, I was like, do you think I should come out to the public or should I post this? This is what I wrote and I showed it to him.

And he's the kind of guy that would only like make fun of me and never be like, Oh yeah, that's actually like really great. He, but he said to me, he's like, this is like really emotional. And he got really emotional reading it.

And I was like, Oh wow. Was he straight? Gay guy. Yeah. And he's like, you know, you should post that.

And I was like, really? He's like, yeah, just do it. Like, who cares? Nothing's going to happen anyways. And I was like, and I was like, oh, wow. Was he straight? Gay guy. Yeah. And he's like, you know, you should post that. And I was like, really? He's like, yeah, just do it. Like, who cares? Nothing's going to happen anyways. And then you broke the internet. And I was like, oh, maybe nothing will happen. And maybe some people will say, like, oh, good job.

And pat me on the back. And some people might say, like, oh, gosh, you're gay. Like, I don't like you. So I was like, all right, well, I'm going to do it. So I posted it then to social media. And it just went insane. It was trending. You broke the internet, I felt like.

I was like Kim Kardashian. For a week, you were Kim Kardashian. I didn't have to social media and it just went insane. It was like trending and like. You broke the internet, I felt like. I was like Kim Kardashian. For a week, you were Kim Kardashian. I didn't have to get naked. Yeah, right. And I photoshopped. Yeah, so it was kind of crazy for a while. What was it like when you published it? What was the feeling you felt? It felt like.

Even before you saw any feedback. I didn't see any feedback for a while. My friends, then I went to get some drinks with my friends, get some some food and they were kind of following stuff so they probably didn't know that it was gonna be a big deal maybe they kind of tricked me but um i how did you feel right after i felt amazing i felt like like everyone i can just start from ground zero that i'm starting from scratch everyone knows who i am and and i don't have the secret that i'm hiding from anyone so it felt uh absolutely amazing again I like turned my phone off. I didn't talk to anyone.

I mean, I didn't even tell my mom that I was posting that letter. And they were like, you should have told us because there was like people were calling them and people were calling my sister at work. She's a nurse. I'm calling her at the hospital. To do interviews or something. And I didn't realize that it was going to be a big deal. I just thought it was, you know, I was just coming out and that people would just, okay, good for you. Yeah, right.

Support her. Say something bad about her. Exactly. I didn't know that it would be such a big issue. So now did the sense of relief starting from ground zero, did that continue or did you start to get scared and freaked out? No. I mean, I was always like I'd see people that like –

so I came into my family and a bunch of friends, but I didn't come out to a lot of people. So I knew that I was going to see people that I didn't tell personally. You never told. Exactly. Like you didn't tell me. a lot of people. So I knew that I was going to see people that I didn't tell personally. You never told. Exactly. Like you didn't tell me. Yeah, I know. Exactly.

So I was like, I'm going to see people that I probably should have told, but I didn't. But how are they going to react? Or are they going to want to talk about things, get more personal? And I mean, that did happen. I had to be open about everything. And at first, for me, it was a little awkward just because I'm not good at being open about things, period. Yeah.

So it took a little bit of getting used to. And then having to like – and I did my first interviews like a month or two after that in London with like The Guardian and The New York Times. And I was like, holy crap. I got to be open about everything. They want to ask you every question. Yes, exactly. And at first I was just – I'm a shy person. So it was hard for me to do that.

But I think that going into the detail and talking about stuff is really what helps people and what helps people kind of connect with it. So I'm happy I did it, but it was tough for me. Would you do anything differently? No, the only thing differently I would have done when I was younger in my life was probably speak to a therapist or someone away from my family just to kind of share those feelings with and just to like toss ideas around i don't know if it if i would have came out earlier but at least just to like get all that stuff out of me because i honestly didn't tell anyone i was gay till i was 25 or even like and then even come to terms with when i was probably like 24 when did you know about it i must have known about it when i was like 14 or 15 you know like my freshman year of high school i think and i think even at a age, like I probably on like a genetic level, I must've known because people would say

the word like fag or gay or all those words. And I would be really sensitive to them. So I must've like deep down known, I must've known somehow. Yeah. But I knew for sure when I was like just going to high school. Wow. Yeah. And you give some awesome stories in your book and for everyone listening, make sure to go check out Coming Out to Play with Robbie Rogers. It's all about his entire experience about opening up with coming out as an athlete and a professional athlete in a world where it's not accepted yet in pro sports. And you talk about some relationships with some girls you had in high school and what that was like and yeah some some pretty interesting stories um what did your girlfriends think um like it's funny i'm still like friends with all of them and like they're all like oh yeah let's go out tonight and get dinner or whatever because they love to have a gay friend sure but um i always i felt like bad about it i mean i felt bad about

then and even now because i i honestly thought that like if i met the right girl that like maybe i could be straight and fall in love and like have this life that would be like my brothers or my sisters so that part was like you know kind of sad for me to think about those times but also like you know you're i was kind of using someone yeah and um so i felt bad about it but all the girls that i've like dated or hooked up with or whatever have been so understanding and amazing about like it's just people if you give them a chance to love you and know who you are uh and that's one thing i've like learned from all this it's like you have to give people a chance to really like get to know you and and give them a chance to just love you for you know even when you're insecure about things so they've been amazing and supportive and some of them came to

my book party and one of my the last girl that i did just text me this week. It's like, I'm home. Let's go get sushi. I'm like, are you sure you don't hate me? But no, they're all, they're all great. That's interesting. Now, one of the things that's been cool about, uh, you know, our friendship and watching all this is that for years, you know, I told you about something that happened to me in my life when I was a child. And I remember thinking like, there's no way I will ever tell anyone this ever happened to me. And I opened up about it on the, an episode on the school of greatness podcast about, uh, having experiencing some childhood sexual abuse. And I remember feeling terrified just over the thought coming to my head that I would like even talk about it to one-on-one with someone. And then

I saw what you did and it actually really inspired me I was like holy crap if Robbie can do this on such a huge level then I feel like it's something I need to do yeah because it was holding me back now do you feel like um it was holding you back from performing at a higher level in sports I know you started to get some injuries yeah uh and uh you know what do you feel like I mean it definitely held me back from enjoying the whole experience and enjoying life life life in general but like being in the locker room and traveling with my teammates and winning games and going out to get beers after and having real discussions at team dinners so now we have that kind of stuff we talk about stuff that's

going on in the gay worlds and the straight and we aren't too sensitive we joke about things and the guys will say like robbie you're the gene gene, you're a genius here. Like you're the one guy that has figured everything out. You can go home and play fantasy football and your wife's not going to bother you about it. Like, yeah, my boyfriend and I will both work on fantasy football together. But I mean, just like we know, so we play and we joke and, um, you know, but I have real discussions with them. You know, I've had discussions with guys about not being able to date till I was 25 years old and having to go through that awkwardness.

And, and they like, we'll then get really like serious and emotional and we'll be at a team dinner. So it's just something that's, that's not going to like on in, in team sports, you know,

but it is going on with the Los Angeles galaxy, which is so amazing. It's, it's, it's, it's, it's so crazy. You know,

I'll come back to West Hollywood, you know, and hang out some of my friends that are gay guys and talk to them about the stuff and they're like you know it's just so different and such different world yeah and even my coach uh after the book party was like you know robbie thanks so much for inviting including us and he's like it's just i met so many amazing people and you know we're just living in a time now where things have just changed so much and he's been around forever he's coached world cup teams he's been with national team forever he's obviously been with the galaxy for a while and it's been very successful

and so for it to come from a guy like that seen so much and so experienced he sees the difference and and how the world of sports has changed and um it's just it's you know the soccer deals with racism and and homophobia and sports it was sexism so it's just everything's changing i think too slowly but at least you least we're getting somewhere. We look at the Los Angeles Clippers and the owner, right? Yeah, exactly. Exactly. Now he's fired or he had to sell the team

because of what he's been doing for years. Exactly. So people aren't tolerating this type of- Closed-mindedness. Yeah, this type of energy, this type of attitude or abuse, really, on all these different levels, which I think is pretty cool. And you're setting a great standard

for people to follow along. So it's been amazing. Now, let's go back to Columbus because I want to know about, because we hung out a lot. Yeah. We had a lot of fun time. Except when we played lobster ball.

Don't bring up lobster ball. I still have bitter about losing. I never, you know losing I never you know I remember one time your sister Coco came out and we were

like hanging out for a few days with her and whatever and I remember being like where's Robbie's girlfriend

you know I was like where's Robbie's girlfriend because I never thought you were gay maybe I'm horrible at like

figuring that out I'm horrible at it too I'm like I don't know and I'm just curious like you know did it ever come up when we were hanging out or to talk to your teammates in Columbus crew? Because you had some really close friends, your roommates. No, I was so closeted that like.

Really? I didn't even like let myself. It's like, yeah, I wouldn't even talk to my teammates. I wouldn't even like let myself like say I saw like a good looking person, guy in the street. I wouldn't even let myself like go to that place. I was like, and it's really damaging. Again, that's why i wish i would have spoke to someone you know like so i would talk about it right just be able to talk about it i was so closeted and afraid of that side that i just like afraid of again it was just being raised i think the double cause like the combo of like being raised in a very conservative catholic

family and then being raised in the sports world. I mean, I've been a professional athlete since I was 19. Double whammy. Yeah, I went to like the residency IMG Academy. I was young, played with the national team, you know, always played soccer since I was young. And it's just the culture that's just not very accepting. It wasn't very liberal. No, no, no. And you hear so many things growing up you know in the field and in this

and from the fans and in the changing room so i was just so closeted that i i wouldn't even allow myself any kind of attraction to men i was afraid to say anything to my sisters who like have been so amazing and accepting and i'm sure if i would have that they would have just been worried and wanting to like help me and love on you exactly exactly and like if i would have like told a person like you like you would have been able to just support me but yeah i was so closeted that i just uh and it's weird for me to say so closeted but i was just so just scared yeah yeah you're i know i just hate the term closeted yeah of course no i hear you it's interesting because you know i would say i'm a pretty liberal straight guy you're very liberal sick like i'm and i have

relatives that are very liberal like have gay friends like would talk to me about them but it doesn't matter it didn't matter what anyone said to me really man i was just so yeah i know it is crazy you know you go crazy when you're closeted and it's like uh it's interesting because looking back and i'm like you know i hang out with you and lots of gay friends i live in west hollywood it's like you know the gay capital of the country or whatever and i have lots of gay friends. I live in West Hollywood. It's like the gay capital of the country or whatever. And I have lots of gay friends and have fun. And I remember, I'm pretty affectionate as a guy.

I'm affectionate with women. I'm affectionate with men. I'm like, I put my arm around people. And I always put my arm around you and just want to give you some manly affection. Not gay affection, but just like, hey, bro, let's be bros. Yeah, I know, that's you. And you would push me away. Would I?

Yeah, man. You'd be like, okay, it's a little too much. Sometimes you be pros and you would like push me away yeah man you'd be like okay it's a little too much you'd like sometimes you still do that and i still push you away but uh it's just uh you know it's funny to think back on that and recognize that like you were just so closed off to like even going there on a friend level i'm sure i mean yeah i think that a lot of my relationships weren't as deep and as, I don't know, just not as great because I was kind of closed off to emotion and not being able to just totally be myself. So I would distance myself from people, which again is like very sad. And there's a lot of people that deal with this stuff around the world that are closeted or guys that have been married and have kids. And guys that have like-

No one knows in their life and they're just living a lie. No, they don't really know who these people are yeah and it sucks you're saying they're living a lie but like it's really they're just they're struggling so much with themselves so they feel like they have to lie it's crazy yeah but it's i mean i get letters every day from people so it's it happens a lot what do you feel like uh do you feel like you've made an impact in people's lives for them being truthful or being honest in their own life about opening up or sharing anything else that they're afraid of? Well,

I mean, just from receiving these letters and I'm thousands and thousands of letters over the past two years, I know that it's made an impact. I don't know exactly, you know, what kind of changes people want to implement their lives from, from hearing about my story.

But I know I get letters from people that thank me on behalf of their partner that like, you know, they were closeted with their family. And I just want to tell you, because it's helped our relationship so much. I've received letters again from like older men that are married and have kids. And they're like, you know, I probably will never come out, but like, just your story just, you know, gives me like hope. So, yeah. So it's just people from all walks of life. I've received letters from straight people that are just like, you know, I've felt very different in my life for whatever reasons. And I, you know, if you can come out and be gay and play soccer and you know, all this stuff, then I should be able to be open with my family about whatever I can do this. I'm not gay, but this is like me coming out is like the scariest thing. It was like the scariest thing for me.

I think people like all have a moment in their life where they have to come out. If it's like come out about having a divorce with their family, come out about changing religions, a breakup, you know, cheating on someone. There's just so many different things where I feel like people kind of have to just be honest with themselves and the people around them.

So I think maybe that's why I've been able to connect with a lot of different people, not just gay men and women. Amazing, man. What, um, what's next for you? What's, what do you want to come away from this experience? Well, first off, like the book would be a success to me if, if people like in middle America or places where it's a little homophobic, where people can like pick up the book and read it and connect with it. And if I can hear back from those people and that it's helped them in some way, that would mean, at least to me, the book will be a success.

But, you know, busy with soccer, obviously. Signed another contract with the Galaxy and I'm hoping to continue to play with them. We have the Western Conference finals coming up in Seattle and hopefully we can win that game and get to the championships. And then have the show that's on ABC,

Universal's, the studio, and working with Craig and Neil, the show that's on abc um universal is the the studio and working with craig and neil the guys that produce oscars and some amazing talented writers so we're working on the pilot for that and uh i don't know i'm just trying to focus more on my relationships i think this next this winter in the spring and kind of take some time to kind of figure out my life it's kind of like you're reborn you're like yeah you are you're like 10 years old and i think i mean i'm sure you even felt that way a little bit when you shared your story so you do you feel like it's like you've never really been in a relationship exactly you've never experienced this no you you don't get to go to prom with your boyfriend you don't go on your first date so you're 25 you don't know who's supposed to pick

up the check or who's supposed to open the it's so really the awkwardness of of dating as a 25 year old you're supposed to do it you know obviously when you're like 13 14 15 and go through all that stuff for 10 years you make lots of mistakes exactly and you're doing it in a standard relationship yes gay you know straight people that's pretty public so yeah as opposed to yeah when you should be doing when you're like young and no one cares what you do and it's even a different dynamics in a gay relationship obviously right it's like yeah like you said who picks up the check yeah yeah two guys i know what do you do it's like well i mean i think what do you learn firstly i think it's easier because again it's two guys it's like you know but um do you split the check or do you yeah we just split it whatever whatever now i don't know um we're still humans yeah right so i mean what's it been like being in a you know

experiencing relationships and uh yeah i've learned a lot about myself i've learned a lot about uh sharing a life with someone and being um you know just not selfish i guess and trying to put someone else's needs before mine, but it's really difficult, especially when it's your first one, you know, it's, you have to learn so much so quickly. You don't know what you're supposed to do, right? No, you don't. And, and again, like you said, you, you know, for the first 10 years of dating, you like learn like, oh, this is good. This is bad. What you want, what you don't want. Exactly. But you're like, and you want to stand up for yourself and when not to and all this stuff. So I'm learning that as I go as a 27-year-old.

Now, what is it you want ultimately in your life with a relationship or how do you want your life to look moving forward? That's a good question. I love to be inspired by what I'm doing with work. So now I really love football. Sorry, soccer. And I'll do that until I love it. And then, you know, now I really love football, sorry, soccer, and I'll do that until I love it. And then when I don't, I'll stop. And to learn about, you know, the entertainment industry and doing the show with Craig Zade and Neil Marin has been absolutely

amazing. And the book process, I'm sure, you know, because you're writing one now, is again, another process. You have to be honest with yourself and you have to work through a lot of things that you kind of put in the back of your mind so uh it gets very emotional and again very therapeutic because you're writing so much um so i mean i want to always be inspired when i'm working and in terms of relationship that's tough i think i just uh you know want to be with someone that um i can learn from and i can hopefully teach something and that is like we both motivate each other and that we can sit and just be alone with each other for weeks or months. Uh, I think that kind of stuff is really important. Um, but you know, I'm still figuring it out. So I'll tell you when I hear that.

And what would you say, what would your words of advice be to someone who knows they have to, they have something inside of them that scares them, whether it be coming out or cheating or lying or whatever it may be, and they feel trapped. They feel like only bad will come from them sharing or talking about it. They feel terrified of what the outcome will be if they do. They feel like their family will disown them, the school, outcome will be if they do. They feel like their family will disown them, the school, sports team, coaches, the world, the media. What message do you have for people who have something inside of them they've been holding onto for years about how to let it out and why they should let it out? And what would be a good process? We kind of like touched the two points, I guess, that I would say. I would say, you know, you need to find, or hopefully you can find someone away from your family, away from your school or from your

team that you can just tell that you can just get all of those feelings, those negative feelings, you know, out and just to talk about it and discuss it. So when you can trust, that's not going to tell anyone else. So, you know, a therapist, a licensed therapist, who's confidentiality, they can't tell anyone. Yeah. Someone like that. So maybe not someone associated with your family either. No, no. Someone totally separate from your life. Yeah.

You know, someone in a different city that like doesn't know anyone that you know. Someone that is legally can't, you know, talk about your business. And then I would say. What do you think that'll do for people when they take that first step and they at least tell one person? Yeah, I think for me, like once I told like one person, it just made me feel so good and that like wow this is possible like i can talk about this i can tell people and people have compassion and will help you work through it it doesn't have to control your energy exactly and that's what it did to me so no you're it's that's exactly right it doesn't control your life you know and that's how i lived i go to dinner with my family and i

would have a cramp in my stomach so i was afraid that they'd ask me about you know who i was dating or whatever it's just something i have to yeah lie about it divert divert or like do something weird exactly that was a good answer that i used to have but and then also like i mean from what i've learned from experience i understand you know not everyone's coming out as the same actually a lot of people have you know really difficult experiences but I and my mom said this to me she's like Robbie sometimes you have to give people that love you a chance like a chance to just love you and to give them a chance to you know to really know you so I mean that's what I learned from this and I understand that's not everyone's case but you know a lot of friends

that I've that I've had that have come out and had initially bad experiences, usually their family has come around and really loved them. And we're a little embarrassed that they reacted that way. So I think you just got to give people a chance. Yeah, what are they going to do? Just own their, you know, son or something? Yeah, I mean. And it probably does happen sometimes.

It does. Yeah, it does happen. It does happen. Closed off parents. I mean, it really does happen. But if that's the case. You don't want to be around those parents anyways. It's dangerous for you to be around them. It does happen. Closed off parents. I mean, it really does happen. But if that's the case. You don't want to be around those parents anyways. It's dangerous for you to be around them.

Man. I know. So you have to build a network outside of that and build your family outside of that. But life is just too precious and too short. I know it's cheesy, but you can't surround yourself with that kind of negativity. Wow. Man. Well, so you've got the book out right now.

Everyone make sure to go check out the book. It's called Coming Out to Play. I'll have it linked up in the show notes. So make sure to go check out the book. It's called Coming Out to Play. I'll have it linked up in the show notes. So make sure to go back to the show notes. Check this out. Follow Robbie on Instagram, on Twitter, everyone online. You've got a show also that you have an option right now, right? So ABC bought the show from Universal and now we're making the pilot.

And it's about? It's called Men in Shorts. And it's about like this guy that comes out in the soccer world, in the sports world. And it's just like, it's a comedy. We're trying to teach people through through laughter and through comedy and give an insight of how ridiculous the sports world is you know the banter of the locker room and traveling and how ignorant some people can be sometimes but to laugh and play with stereotypes you know when you love you can when you see the stereotypes are sometimes so wrong and often you

can laugh at that and sometimes when stereotypes are right on and spot on and we can just laugh about that as well. So, so this guy that comes out and, and, you know, his team embraces him, but there's, you know, difficult trial and difficulties and him going on his first dates and all that craziness. And then his family's like really involved with his life. So it's, it's all that stuff. It's not like really, it's not based off my life. It's based off some of my experiences. Inspired by her. Yes. Inspired. Cause I think that's the term that ABC is using. And so I'm helping with story and creating characters and I'm a producer on the show and I'll be working on wardrobe.

I'm kidding. Oh, tough life. I'm just kidding. No, I'm just, you know, trying to help out in any way I can. But the writers are amazing. Robbie's the best dressed man in soccer right now. I don't know. If David Beckham didn't retire, maybe he would.

Exactly. Now you are though. Yes. A couple final questions. And check him out on Instagram, Robbie Rogers. You can see all the suits he wears. It's pretty good. A couple final questions.

What are you most grateful for recently? My real relationships. The people that care about me regardless of being a professional soccer player, the book the show or anything in the past and the people that actually you know if something bad happens like you can come sleep on my couch or yeah you know just that really care about me that that um that every all the other stuff doesn't matter to them so sometimes i get away from that stuff and when i get too busy with work or too busy with other things or get consumed with with performance you know soccer stuff and so sometimes it's nice to have a little like check, a little life check and to remember those people and, um, just to kind of be around them.

Cool. Before I ask you the last question, which is what I ask everyone here, I want to acknowledge you as your friend that, uh, I want to acknowledge you for stepping up and, you know, not to play on words, but coming out. Yeah. And opening up and being a powerful leader in the world, man, where so many people are afraid. And I was afraid for 25 years to open up about my inner, you know, demons. Yeah. I acknowledge you for having the courage to step up and allowing people to love you and bring you in and accept you because that's all I did. And that's all of all your friends did. And, uh, I think it's takes a ton

of courage and, uh, you're an incredible human being. So I've always got your back and, uh, I'm so grateful that we're friends and grateful for you for doing this. Thanks so much. Um, I've have, I'm very lucky to have so many amazing people around me, including you. So you guys have all made my life so much easier. And I always am sad when I hear stories where people don't have those kinds of people in their life. So I feel extremely blessed in that way. Um, you know, cause I couldn't have done it or I couldn't have been as happy at this point if, if I didn't have people like you. So thanks. My pleasure. Final question. It is, what's your definition of greatness? Gosh, greatness.

I think just to live up to your potential, to not be afraid to like take risks and just like be everything. And I think you have potential, but you also have to just work at it. So whatever your calling is, or whatever your passion is, to just take your talent and to work your ass off.

Robert Rogers, you're the man. Thanks, brother. Thank you. There you have it, guys. Thank you so much for spending the last 45 minutes with us today and listening to this conversation between two friends about an honest conversation about his decision and how you can make a decision to open up about anything that scares you, any truth you may have. I appreciate you guys. I would love to hear your thoughts over on the blog

over at lewishouse.com slash 110. That's 110. Make sure to check out all the links that we have linked up about Robbie, how you can find him on his website, Instagram, Twitter, Facebook. Make sure to follow him. Give him some love. Check out his book coming out to play. It's out right now. Go pick it up at Barnes & Noble or on Amazon. It's a great read, and definitely pick it up as a gift for a friend as well,

someone who loves sports this Christmas. So thank you guys so much. Again, check out lewishouse.com slash 110. Leave a comment on the blog. Share this with your friends. Keep me posted. Let me know what you guys are up to. I love seeing you guys out in the world.

Keep saying hi to me. Give me a high five or give me a hug. I'm always down to say hi. Love you guys so much. You know what time it is. It's time to go out there and do something great Bye. Thank you. you