The School of Greatness - 13 Ways You Can Start Building A Stronger Relationship TODAY

Episode Date: July 14, 2025

Leave an Amazon Rating or Review for my New York Times Bestselling book, Make Money Easy!Martha Higareda Howes, my beautiful wife, joins me to break down the relationship principles that transformed our marriage preparation process. We dive deep into "13 Things Mentally Strong Couples Don't Do" by Amy Morin, sharing raw stories about boundary setting, emotional weaponization, and the dangerous trap of trying to fix your partner. Martha opens up about overcoming patterns from a previous narcissistic relationship and learning to communicate without walking on eggshells. You'll walk away with the exact tools we use to have conversations that actually strengthen our bond instead of tearing it apart.Buy Amy’s book 13 Things Mentally Strong Couples Don't Do: Fix What's Broken, Develop Healthier Patterns, and Grow Stronger TogetherMartha on InstagramMartha on YouTubeThe Greatness Mindset: Unlock the Power of Your Mind and Live Your Best Life TodayThe Mask of Masculinity: How Men Can Embrace Vulnerability, Create Strong Relationships, and Live Their Fullest LivesThe School of Greatness: A Real-World Guide to Living Bigger, Loving Deeper, and Leaving a LegacyIn this episode you will learn:How ignoring small problems creates massive resentment and the simple phrase that stops this patternThe difference between healthy boundaries and people-pleasing that destroys relationshipsWhy trying to fix your partner puts you above them and creates mutual resentmentHow to communicate emotions without weaponizing them through conscious conflict resolutionThe appreciation formula that makes both partners want to give more in the relationshipFor more information go to https://www.lewishowes.com/1797For more Greatness text PODCAST to [phone]More SOG episodes we think you’ll love:Lewis and Martha – greatness.lnk.to/1788SCMatthew Hussey  – greatness.lnk.to/1782SCEsther Perel – greatness.lnk.to/1686SC Get more from Lewis! Get my New York Times Bestselling book, Make Money Easy!Get The Greatness Mindset audiobook on SpotifyText Lewis AIYouTubeInstagramWebsiteTiktokFacebookX

Welcome back, my friend. I'm excited about today's episode. It is all about 13 different ways you can start building a stronger, happier, healthier relationship today. And I've got my wife on. Martha Igareda, How's in the House. I'm excited. We break down one of our favorite books because a lot of people have been asking us, now that we're married, now that we have a baby on the way, a lot of people are asking us how did you get into your relationship?

How did you create a foundation for your relationship? You know, how did you eliminate challenges and adversities that were unnecessary early on in the relationship? All these different things and I preface this by saying in no way have we been married for 20 years and have all the answers. We are not this relationship expert couple coming out here talking about how we coach people on this. This is our own personal experience. And this is a process that we went through. We went through years of almost

every single month doing some type of workshop together some type of therapy, coaching, reading a book, and really diving in into the uncomfortable conversations in a conscious way about our values, about our vision, about our lifestyle. And even then, it doesn't mean we're going to have a perfect relationship and there's not going to be some type of challenges or adversities that we need to face head on. But we have created such a solid foundation to this point to be able to have peace rather than daily stress.

Whereas in my previous relationships I had daily stress and once in a blue moon peace. And I don't know if you have ever experienced that in a relationship before, or maybe you're struggling in a relationship right now, and you're just trying to figure out how can we create more harmony together as a unit, as a team, as a couple. If you're dating, if you're married,

whatever it might be, how can we create more unity, harmony, and love together? And this book is called 13 Things Mentally Strong Couples Don't Do love together. And this book is called 13 things mentally strong couples don't do by Amy Moran is something that we break down in today's episode. It's one of the books we went through, we went through many different books, because we love these type of books as we started dating, because it forced us to ask the

tough questions upfront, not just, oh, let's have fun and just, you know, hang out and, you know, be connected to each other and go on trips and have this honeymoon phase. But within the first week, we were talking about some of the challenging conversations that struggle within relationships. If you don't address them and create conscious agreements. conversations around money around family around kids around religion around past history around future dreams around all these different things of values, vision and lifestyle. These

things need to match up and least be in alignment or you least to be you least need to be willing to accept the other person's value, vision and lifestyle. And they need to be in alignment with you. So they work and mesh as a unit and as a new family. If you're building a relationship, getting married, you are starting a new family and essentially leaving your old family of origin. You're creating a new family together. And it takes you creating those shared values and having uncomfortable yet very cautious conversations to create agreements of the marriage or the relationship you're looking to create together. some type of challenges. So we are not some 30 year therapist, relationship coach, experts here giving you research that we've gone through

personally and coached all these people. That's not what this is. But this is our understanding of what we've been through to create harmony and peace in a beautiful relationship for us where every day we look at each other, I kid you not, every day, even if we have some argument or disagreement or whatever it might be, every day we're able each other, I kid you not, every day, even if we have some argument or disagreement or whatever it might be, every day we're able

to share appreciation and gratitude for one another and come back to those foundations, those agreements. And so we talk about why mentally strong couples don't ignore their problems and how to confront challenges with love, with compassion. Now listen, I'm a, you know, I'm an impatient human being by nature. And so I've had to condition and train myself to listen better, to be more patient, to do all these things. And it's been a beautiful process.

And in doing so, you have to learn how to transform your inner world, which is not easy all the time to improve, to serve the unit to serve the relationship to serve the family in a way where it needs it the most that means leading yourself to lead the relationship. We talked about the importance of developing healthy relationship habits before issues arise. Again, me and Martha were going to therapy in the beginning of our relationship, not because something was wrong or broken or there was problems.

It was the opposite. It was going amazing. And I said, you know what? I want to keep the amazing going. I want to keep the healthy conversations going. So let's proactively go to therapy together just to figure out future. How can we navigate stresses, adversities, challenges together and when stress or adversity arises because it will, whether it be internally or externally, how are we going to face it together?

And it doesn't mean, again, that it's some perfect way of navigating challenges every single time these things arise, but we have a foundation of shared conversations and shared agreements. And I think at the end of the day, that alone makes us mutually respect and appreciate one another for being willing to do that work early on. We talk about all these things and more.

I'm very excited about it. I hope you enjoy this episode. If you can, please share it with a couple of your friends, whether it be a friend of yours that you know is in a relationship, share it with your partner and listen to these different practices as well and go back and forth and talking about them together

in your relationship. If you have couples that you know who are friends of yours, send it to your couple friends and say, hey, I would love your thoughts on this episode with Lewis house and Martha, about 13 ways you can start building a strong relationship today. Very excited. I hope you enjoyed this. Let's go ahead and dive in.

What we wanted to do today with everyone watching and listening is break down one of the books that we went through that really supported us in a big way. And this book is called 13 Things Mentally Strong Couples Don't Do. It's by Amy Marin. And the subtext is fix what's broken, develop healthier patterns, and grow stronger together. And I don't think we ever had anything to fix. It wasn't like we had something broken because we were starting the relationship and creating agreements and getting alignment and all these different things.

But I think developing healthy patterns is something we were doing and also finding ways to grow stronger together. But also, we wanted to make sure we weren't doing wrong things that, you know, mentally strong couples don't do. And so we went through this this book a while ago And we wanted to break down step-by-step the different things that mentally strong couples do not do so

I'm gonna let you hold the book. Thank you And Amy Moran wrote this book and I think it's sold over a million copies. So this is a very powerful book that a lot of people have loved and as So this is a very powerful book that a lot of people have loved and has supported people in creating healthier relationships. And again, we're coming from this from the context. This is a book that we went through. It's a process we went through. And it's really an opportunity to reflect on what's working or what's not working in

your relationship. Maybe if you're not in a relationship, it's thinking about how can I just become mentally stronger in general as a human being? If I'm single, if I'm intimate with someone, if I'm married, if we're dating. And the first thing that I think that she talks about that I think is really important is she says that mentally strong couples, they don't ignore their problems. Because if you ignore or sweep under the rug your problem, something is always gonna be like festering. Something's gonna be resentful,

and you're always gonna be frustrated with one another. And I think it's such a great place to start because this is something I think we do well. And even we are reminded when we don't do it well. Even like last week, you had something on your mind. I don't even remember what it was, but you had- I don't remember what it was. I was just thinking about it. It doesn't really matter what it is. But you had something on your mind that you didn't speak up about. That you were like, it's not like I did something wrong or you did something wrong. But it was something that was like bothering you. You just didn't communicate about. And you're like, ah, why is it like my, I'm getting like a headache and my back and my neck is feeling like a little tension and painful. And every time that's happened for you, which is maybe like three times in the last few years,

it's because you haven't spoken up. And there's a problem in your mind, whether it's an actual problem or not, which this wasn't a problem we had, but it was something you were just like, I just feel like I needed to talk about, but you ignored it for like two days. And you started to feel this or it was like a whole week I'm trying to remember what it was because it wasn't important like meaning it wasn't

important in the way wasn't an issue but it was wasn't an issue for us but it was something that was bothering you it was like concerning you and you just wanted me you just wanted to talk about it yeah and once you did you're like oh I feel better yes and it was such an easy conversation. And it was easy conversation. And so it's, knowing your problems is going to become a bigger problem in your life, whether you're single or in a relationship. And when we can create a healthy space of, hey,

if there's ever an issue, let's address it sooner than later. Because if we don't address it sooner, it's going to be a problem later. I want to say that's a thing that I've had to work with, that I really had to work with myself. Why? I don't ignore the problems in my life, in general, before I met you.

But specifically because of the previous relationship, it was very hard for me to think about how to bring up a subject. Now regardless, like, you know, people in the past that I was with was diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder. So it makes you, as in the other end of the receiving of that type of personality, it makes you very worried about how to bring up a subject because you start walking on eggshells as a normal pattern in your life. So then what happens is, you know, I remember even when we started dating and we talk about

it recently, for me to bring up something that I was feeling like, mm, just, you know, it doesn't feel whatever it was, the feeling, even if it was a tiny feeling, I would think so much about how to bring it up, how to mention it, because I wasn't sure how you were going to react because I had come from from a conditioned way of thinking every everything even the slightest little thing is going to create a blow up, you know, from you, from the past. So then I was like, kind of like, worried, anxious, worried about how to bring it up without making you upset or, you know, thinking that there was something wrong when maybe it wasn't even anything wrong. So I used to do this thing before

that because I was conditioned that way that instead of talking about what the problem was, I would walk around the bushes and come up with all these different examples of all these different people. Remember that? How do we call it? The salt and pepper example.

We were sitting at a restaurant one time and you're like, okay, I want to tell you a story. And imagine the salt is this thing, and the pepper is this thing. And I am the pepper. And this is the salt. And I was like, just tell me what the issue is. I was like, you don't need to explain

some elaborate story analogies. Yeah. Just, it's okay. Just tell me what's going on. Yes, yes. And some people, and again, we had to learn how to create an environment and a safety where, hey, if there's something on your mind, I want you to tell me, but just let's learn

how to communicate these things. In the previous episode, we talked about conscious conflict resolution, which was like, when something in your mind say, hey, listen, there's something on my mind that I really wanna talk about. And it's something that's upsetting me, and it doesn't need to be a big deal. Maybe it is a big deal, but I want to talk about it openly and lovingly and I want to be curious about it. Not coming from a place of you did this, you're wrong. I can't believe

you and shame on you because that's not going to create a healthy resolution. And also it's going to put the other person in the fence. Yeah, it's not going. It's like, listen, you're calling me all these different things. I know I'm a nice person. Yeah, exactly. And so I was just like, all we need to do, just tell me what's going on. Just say it. You don't have to tell a long, elaborate story and analogies. Let's get to it.

And if we can agree on how to communicate issues or problems in a healthy way where it's fair, we both can receive it, then it should be fine. So instead of waiting for weeks or months to say, you did this and it hurt me, it's got to cause more pain inside of you and resentment in you as well, because you're not communicating it. And instead of saying, you did this right away and making the other person wrong because of some problem or issue, just come to it and say, Hey, something's on my heart and on my mind.

And I want to talk about it. Yes. And I want to talk about it and I want you to feel good and me to feel good throughout it. And at the end, are you open to that? You know, having this open conversation, it's not easy when you're stressed out and anxious about it. But I think if you set that from the beginning, it will make these problems be easier to manage as opposed to sweeping you under the rug. I think there's an easy example that I can think of, and she does very well explaining

in the book different examples that she has with patients and in therapy and all of that, bringing it home. I'm just going to give an example. There was a time in which grandpa was very, very ill at the hospital, right? And it was the first time he had ever been at the hospital. And for some reason, everybody flew in in the city, you know, because everybody thought, this is it, grandpa's going to die. And I was stuck in Mexico shooting a movie and I couldn't come here. So I was helping my mom in between takes, translate what the doctors were saying and all of that. And I

was like, ah, panic mode. And I told you, I'm struggling with this thing with grandpa, blah, blah, blah. Then the day went by and later, like hours and hours later, you texted me a photo of a frame of a picture. Do you remember this? And you said, hey, do you think we should buy this picture for our home? Like this- Picture frame? Piece of art.

Okay. Piece of art from our home. And I remember, because this is the thing, one has to train ourselves. Like we have to train ourselves. When you are in panic mode or in, you know, in whatever, any of these modes, it's easier for your brain to go into thinking badly, very quickly, of your partner or of anybody.

Very quickly, it's easier, because you don't have the normal filters that you have in life of like giving the benefit of the doubt to the other person, like thinking they're coming from a good place. No, you're in panic mode. And so sometimes what happens is that, you know, this thing activates in you that no matter what happens, you're, it's almost like you're not, you're not yourself at that moment.

And in my mind, immediately I went to, how insensitive. I can't believe he's not checking in with me to say, hey, how's your grandpa doing? I don't care about a piece of art. What is it? So it's easy to go there. What is he thinking? I don't understand. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

And I watched it. It's almost like, thank God, I had the ability at that moment to step out and watch these thoughts unfold inside of me. And the other side of me, that is the part of me that is conscious, was like, I know Lewis. Reason number one, we've never been in this situation. He doesn't know how to deal with this, perhaps. Maybe he's sending me this to distract myself so I'm not overly stressed or thinking about this. Another option, he forgot. And that's okay, you know?

There's so many options, A, B, C, D, D. You can think before thinking the worst case scenario of a person that loves you, right? I think it's asking what you need. Say, hey, here's what I would love. I'm going through this right now. I'd that loves you. Right? And I think it's asking what you need. Right. Say, hey, here's what I would love. You know, I'm going through this right now. I'd love for you. Or if you're not getting what you need, ask for it.

Yes, and this is exactly what happened. So I remember I went through that and I just said to myself, you know what? No, he was just either any of these options, A, B, and C, and D, before this last option, right? Because in general, in our relationship, I know you are thoughtful, you are caring, you are loving, like you do all these things naturally. So why would I

think, oh, malevolously, just today, he decided to hurt me the most by thinking in sending this message to me so then I'll be feel hurt. That's not what is that? Right. Exactly. So, but I still had it inside of me and I didn't know how to bring it up. Right. Because it's still kind of affected me. And so, um, and I remember we had a very beautiful conversation about it.

It was really short. Cause that's the thing. It doesn't need to be too long. And he was like, you know, love, this happened. And I felt this way, you know, because I said, you're, I started with like, you're always very thoughtful. But you weren't yesterday. Which is why it surprised me.

Yeah, yeah. That, you know, yesterday that it was such a hard thing, you know, it felt like you weren't, but I know it probably wasn't any of these reasons, but I just wanna let you know. And you said to me, what do you need from me? And I'll do what you need right now. Exactly, and for me, and I can't remember exactly the whole situation,

but I remember you telling me what happened on the phone and me being like, I'm so sorry you're going through this and listening to you. And then after however many, I don't know, 10, 20 minutes, the conversation was going through this and listening to you. And then, you know, after however many, I don't know, 10, 20 minutes, the conversation was done and you went back to your family. For me, I'm like, I'm being present, I'm listening to you, it's what you need, okay.

I'm kind of helpless in the meantime, like what can I do? And I also went through a similar situation where my grandfather back in the day was like in and out of the hospital for, I't know different years as he was getting older and inside of me I'm also like oh this is the first time I know he's okay in my heart I was like he's okay I know he's okay yeah like I know what they're talking about and I know he's okay and so I just wasn't thinking other than that to be

like let me check in every 10 minutes to make sure how you're feeling, how you're feeling. When the whole family is in chaos. Yeah, the whole family. How are you feeling? How are you feeling? Are you okay? It's like, I know people just need to go through their process.

And then at night, I can ask you how you're feeling. But you know, I'm also not the guy who's gonna be texting every hour. I hope you're okay in this month. It was a really good conversation because I got to express myself in a conscious way. And say what you needed. But this is the thing, this is why I think it's important to take space.

Like if you react immediately to however you're feeling, and especially in this situation, there was a hospital situation, you're most likely gonna react poorly. Yeah. It's in my mind, there was a hospital situation, you're most likely gonna react poorly. Yeah. In my mind, I was thinking this. So then I took my time, so that was good. Then I approached the conversation by saying to you-

It's what I mean. No, before that, it was saying to you like, you're so thoughtful, you do all of these things, and you do, and then I told you, hey, this was- But you didn't do this today, and it felt weird. Then I told you, hey this was... But you didn't do this today and it felt weird. And then I told you how I felt so it was not like, oh you ignored me the whole day. I don't know, I'm just saying words but instead of that it was like, I felt alone. Could you please check in with me more?

Yeah, and I was like, I'm sorry I didn't mean to make you feel alone. It's not my intention. It was not your intention. I know it. And so we tend to assume is the other person's intention. And when you communicate and say, tomorrow, can you check in with me a couple of times throughout the day? Then I know what to do. Yes. What you need.

Yes. If you don't communicate it, you're just going to be frustrated. Then there's the other thing very quickly when it says don't, they don't ignore their problems. Another thing that sometimes happens and, and it doesn't happen with us, but I've heard it happening to other people is when people have a problem and they sweep it under the rug and they

never get to talk about it. They don't get to the root of it. They don't get to the root of it or to try to understand. Let's say they explode with each other, something happens, it becomes an argument, nobody says I'm sorry, and then they behave the next day or even like a few hours later, like it never happened. They don't address to the root of it.

They don't get to the root of it. What do you think that creates for you, I mean, if you think about it. I feel frustrated, be like, why, why did we just argue and we just swept under the rug and we never got to the result of it? We never got to like a solution. I'd feel, I'd feel a little anxious, I'd feel frustrated, I feel resentful, all these things. That's how I would feel. I'd be like, I need to talk about this and if you don't want to talk about it, then what are we doing? Right. It'd be frustrating. I feel like I didn't have a partner, you know. So. And what happens when they talk about it constantly, or let's say not

frequently, but you've brought up something and you brought up something and it doesn't get addressed. They say, yeah, yeah, I hear you. I'm here for you. I understand. But, and it continues to happen. It'd be tough. It'd be tough. Yes. Very tough. But this happens. This happens in relationships.

Yeah. Yeah. 13 things mentally strong couples don't do. That's one of them. They don't ignore their problems. Um, the next thing is I'm not going to go through all 13 of these. Probably I'm going to pick a few of them. The next one is they don't keep secrets.

Ooh, that's a good one. Why do you think married couples or couples should keep any secrets? I think should keep any secrets. Do you think couples or married couples should keep any secrets? Are there any secrets you should keep? I don't think so. I don't think so. I think there's two different aspects here. One is, how do I say this? Being absolutely completely transparent about everything you do and say and think, that's one thing. And another thing is being honest,

which I think is different. So should you be one or the other? I think there's some things, for example, there are thoughts or things that can harm the other person that you might as well just keep them inside of you. Like why would you share those things if it's something that you need to work on and you are consciously working on those things?

To what purpose or what end are you gonna bring it to the other person? That's what I'm talking about, transparency. Like being 120% transparent with everything you think of. You don't need that. No, because you may change tomorrow, whatever it is that you're working on. But honesty is.

Honesty is important. Yeah, and then I think in general, like, if, if I start thinking in the terms of like, ooh, I should keep this a secret from Lewis, that tells me this is something that I'm like, there's a line here that is getting that could be getting into like the danger. So why would I keep that from you? that could be getting into like the dangers. Why would I keep that from you? You know? Oh, unless there's something that perhaps is not integrals or is not, ah. So then it's a self-conscious exercise that you go, mm-mm, no.

You know, what do you think? Yeah, I don't think you should keep saying this. I mean, I also said from the beginning when I first started dating you, I was like, I'm gonna be honest about everything and you may not like it. So hopefully you can receive it and take it. And I was just like, you know,

you asked me like stuff early on that I was like, you sure you want the answer to this? I know, I remember. I was like, here it is. And you're like, okay, like, all right. And so I think you have to so I think the other person has to prove that they can receive honesty and really take it in. I am so happy you're touching on that subject,

because this is something that. Because if I'm honest with someone, if I was honest with you in the beginning about certain stuff, like my past, certain things, that maybe I'm not proud of or whatever. And I'm like, I really don't want to share certain things. But if you ask me a question, and I can either say, are you sure you want the answer, or I kind of don't want to share, but if you want it, I'm going to tell you the truth. But if you hear the truth and you don't like it,

it's kind of on you now, because you've asked for the truth. And so if you can't handle it, if you're reacting or something that's so crazy, I can't believe you. I'm like, I don't want to share certain things. But if you ask me a question, and I can of on you now. Because you've asked for the truth. And so if you can't handle it, if you're reacting or something that's so crazy, I can't believe you. Oh, that's hurtful. But I'm like, this is something that happened in the past.

You mean like you shared something and people reacted. And you react to it, the truth. It's not going to make the person want to share the truth in the future. No. It's going to make them want a person want to hide or like hold back certain things because the other person cannot receive the truth. And I said to you, I'm going to be honest with you from the very beginning.

I was like, I'm going to be honest with you, but you got to be willing to receive it. You can't like scream at me or shame me or whatever it is, like be like, I can't believe you thought that way, whatever it is, you have to be like, okay, I hear you. You don't have to love it, but you have to be willing to receive it. I have a good friend that said to me once, she confided in me about something that was going on in her relationship in which her partner,

after being together for a while, trusted her into telling her, listen, I did a couple of things, you know, that it's hard for me because I've been struggling having it inside of my heart and now I'm bringing it up to you and I want to share this with you. And she, you know, shared the story with me. She said, I was so angry.

I was so upset. I can't believe. And she went into the thing of like, why is it that all this time you didn't share it? And it wasn't like years. I'm just talking about months, like not even like a few months. And she reacted that way, like, huh, you know, it would, and I understand the reaction by the way, because, you know, depending on how you grew up, where you're coming from and where you're in life at that moment, somebody sharing something that hasn't shared with

you before could trigger insecurities inside of you. The path that she chose was to make him wrong for having shared that. And she asked my opinion and I was like, do you really want to know my opinion? She's like, yes. I said, well, I think what he did is an act of love. What? And I said, well, I think what he did is an act of love. What? And I said, yes, he did.

I think at that moment when he finally decided after struggling with himself to be honest with you and telling you what happened, and it wasn't, I'm not talking about infidelity. I'm talking about something from the past. Before they met. Yes, when they were not together. So I said, he was trusting you.

He was literally trusting you at that moment. Hey, this is me. It's almost like taking off your clothes. Like I'm naked here in front of you. And instead of embracing it, you went into. I can't believe you. I can't believe you did this. And not only this is wrong, how horrible shame on you.

Oh, it doesn't make you want to be honest in the future. It makes you second guess. Should I share this or not? Yes. So I said, be careful because now it's gonna be very hard for him to share and open up in other things in life. Anything in general in the future, because we got this as a precedent

that you can't take him. Yes. So we gotta be a heart enough, big enough, and open the space for the other person to be. 100%. Don't keep secrets. No. But you don't have to be fully transparent

about every thought you have in your mind. Can you imagine? No, crazy. Especially about emotions and things, emotions come and go. If you're like telling every single emotion you have to the person you're with, all these things. And now I feel like this. And I feel like it's going to be a lot. The next thing is I think one of the most important steps is what

mentally strong couples don't do is they don't hesitate to set boundaries. Yes. And I think from the very beginning, I mean, I was very clear on my side that I needed boundaries in my relationship. Yeah. And I was clear with you that I didn't feel like I had those in previous relationships. Same with you. Yeah. And I was just like, this is who I was. So I was almost like trying to get you to run away from me. Not a bad way, but I was like,

this is who I am. This is what I think. This is what I believe. This is how I act. This is how I behave. I'm not willing to do this. I am willing to do this. I was like, I don't care what you think of me. This is who I'm going to be and take it or leave it, you know, type of mentality. It was so clear, because, you know, in the past, you also dated very close to people. Yeah, I was just like, I was never able to really be me without someone getting upset at me. So I felt like I had to keep the peace

by changing who I was all the time. And it was exhausting trying to keep the peace. And I think the best way to have peace in your life is to create boundaries and to hold onto those boundaries and just set a firm boundary on certain things. And I was just very clear early on, and it's not like this was ever an issue that we had to address something,

but I was like, listen, one boundary for me is I will not be in a relationship where anyone screams, period. Oh yeah, no, thank God. And so if you like to scream at me, The boundary for me is I will not be in a relationship where anyone screams. Period. Oh yeah, no thank God. And so if you like to scream at me, it's not going to happen. We're not going to be together. And I just come from a relationship in which I was the receiving end of a lot of exposure and screaming.

And me too. I was like, oh I don't want to see that. So I was just clear, like here are boundaries for me. Like it can't even be a little bit that then gets more and more and more. So it has to be a clear boundary. There's no screaming. There's no screaming. There's no this. There's this doesn't work for me.

That doesn't mean you have to be perfect with your emotions all day long. I'm not saying that, but there are certain things that we should not accept. You shouldn't accept me to scream at you. You shouldn't accept me to do whatever other things too, that don't make sense for you. And it's just being very clear about that. And I think we were really good in the first year, year and a half when we started in therapy, which I think was another powerful thing.

We were clear on those boundaries by creating agreements. And I think that made the relationship for me, at least, feel safer and same for you. And one of the things that we also did, we started making boundaries in our individual lives as well, really in the last couple of years. So we created boundaries with each other.

And then it's boundaries with friends, family, colleagues, worker, you know, all these different things in life to continue to protect our energy in the relationship and outside of the relationship. Work, whatever it might be, just finding ways to continue the skill of boundary setting to create more peace and freedom inside. And I think both of us love people, like people, we want people to be happy, and we both overextended ourselves. We have been people pleasers in the past. We've both overextended ourselves. We have been people pleasers in the past. Both been people pleasers in the past. We've both overextended ourselves to try to make everyone happy around us. Everyone feel good around us by sometimes giving more

than making our and not making ourselves feel good or feeling frustrated in the process. And really in the last couple of years, we both had to learn hard way. Okay, we had it figured out with us, but we didn't have it figured out with everyone else. And it was like both of us in the same timeline, we're just doing a one after one after one, just creating boundaries. And it has given us so much more peace and freedom in life. And so, you know, just cause you're in a loving, beautiful relationship with someone doesn't mean you don't need to create a boundary with them around something.

How do you think it's the best way to create a boundary or the way that works for you? Loving boundary and say, hey, listen, this is something and then when you do it early on and you communicate it early on in relationship, you don't just give into everything, it's easier. It's harder to create a boundary two, five, 10 years in when you've never created one. But from the beginning, we did that with each other. Hey, this is something I want. You said, this is what I wanna create

in the next two and a half years. If we're dating, like, I wanna get married the next couple of years. I wanna start building a family in the next two, three, four years. Is that something you want? And if it's not something I wanted, you'd have been like, okay, see you later.

It would have been a boundary for you. If you're not at least open and interested in that same vision, and if you would have said, well, maybe he'll change. Maybe he'll be open to it once he falls in love with me in a few months. Maybe I'll convince him. Maybe I'll fix his mentality and he'll want to do it in three, four years. And then three, four years comes and I haven't proposed and we're not engaged and we're not married and I'm not speaking about family.

You would be resentful and frustrated. You'd be, you should be like nagging at me constantly. I'd be like, why aren't you doing this? Why don't you do this underneath? It's because I wasn't meeting the expectation because you didn't set a boundary. You may be communicated. You may maybe said, this is my dream, what do I want?

And I'd be like, yeah, I'm open to it. But if you didn't really dig in and be like, do you want this? Are you clear? And if I didn't want it, you could have been like, okay, this relationship doesn't work for me. That's a boundary and it's a loving boundary. You don't have to yell at someone or shame them. Just, all right, it doesn't work.

And that's okay. Yeah. It's the thing is that you, because in the past, I struggled in the past with setting boundaries because I've been a people pleaser. Yeah. And it's- Most people are. Most people are.

Most people are. Yeah. It's hard sometimes. It's hard sometimes because you want to be liked. You want people to, you people are. Yeah. It's hard sometimes. It's hard sometimes, because you want to be liked. You want people to, you know, accept you. But I think it does come to self-acceptance. Yes. And being okay with walking away from.

Walk away. Seriously, it's like. Walk away. Walking away from that situation. That's it. Or from that scenario, because, and you, and knowing you're going to be okay, because at the end of the day, you're going to be okay. So why would you be in a relationship or in

a situation in which you guys are not aligned and yet you have the hopes that this thing is going to change and you are not setting a boundary because you don't want to have ruffled the waters. not setting a boundary because you don't wanna have ruffled the waters, you just start resenting inside of you. That's a big invoice you're gonna charge later, I think. Yeah, and if you could do this in the first six months or first year of a relationship, start doing some of these things, it's gonna set you up for more success.

If you wait two, three years in, and you never have any of these conversations, and you never do any of these things, you are just gonna be two years in and feeling never have any of these conversations and you never do any of these things you are just going to be two years in and feeling like this problem's everywhere. Yeah. You like went in everything was like beautiful and we love each other and the chemistry and explosion and passion but if you don't address these things early on. I just remember the Vegas example and then our friend that shared with us remember that it's a couple that got divorced, and he had a big opening and event that he was gonna have with the chef.

He was excited about going to this event. And his partner was like, wait a second, but this is the same weekend we're moving in together. So we're moving in together and you also have this event. And it was just an evening, a few hours, and he was just sharing with us. I decided not to go to the event. That I was very excited about. It was my passion event. He decided not to go in order to please someone, like who he's no longer with by the way, because it didn't work out because of these things. He didn't set a

boundary and it was beautiful because he said, that's on things. He didn't set a boundary. And it was beautiful because he said, that's on me, I didn't set a boundary. Yeah, I didn't go and communicate, I'm doing this and allow her to be upset. And he said, that set the precedent for our entire relationship. Because I gave in once to make her happy. And then I gave in every time

that I wanted to do something. She needed me, there was a breakdown. So I always gave in to try to keep the peace. And then that's not setting a strong foundation. And so don't hesitate to set boundaries is a big one. The next one is don't become a martyr. Ooh, that's such a good one. What does this mean?

Why do mentally strong couples not become martyrs? We've learned this during our preparation before getting engaged and then before getting married. But some people misuse the word sacrifice. And we know, and we're gonna learn it even more as being married, but a long-term relationship does require some sacrifices. And it doesn't mean something that is going to feel like, oh my God, my arm is cut.

Like meaning, like, ah, this was such a strong thing that I had to let go in order to make this person happy. Just like we were saying. No. It's little things like this. Well, you know, I have my time to work out. I have my time to work out, I have my time to run my business and then maybe, you know, lately I've been playing pickleball a lot, but now

we have a child and I actually want to spend time with our children. Maybe I want to sacrifice this one day that I used to play pickleball to be with my family. And then you realize it's not a sacrifice because you're actually- I will never give up on pickleball. I love that you play pickleball to be with my family. And then you realize it's not a sacrifice. Because you're actually- I will never give up on pickleball. No, I was kidding. I love that you played pickleball. I will never.

No, I was kidding. It's just the first thing that came to my mind. Yeah, of course. But you realize- Or you're like, I'm gonna get up earlier. I'm gonna do something else. Exactly. It's like-

Maybe I can change the pickleball thing in the morning. I'll call my friend and see if we can play. Those are the sacrifices we're talking about. Somebody gets sick. When it becomes a martyr. What does a martyr mean in a relationship? A martyr means a person that is being unhappy in their life and you're offering help to them. I'm going to help you with this. Do you need support? I'll bring somebody to help you. You need this. You're struggling with this. Do you need support? I'll bring somebody to help you. You need this You're struggling with this and they refuse the support

The day because they are it's almost like subconsciously they prefer to sit in the martyr Situation so you see how much I suffer For us and the relationship and I'm not willing to receive support Unless it's like you sacrificing more to like be miserable with me or something. When they become competitive, because it happens to men and it happens to women, they become competitive.

The woman starts saying, I am so tired. I'm taking care of the kids. I also have a job. I'm doing all these things. I'm putting on my efforts. I'm making you food. I'm all this, I'm exhausted. And then the man says, well, I've been working on this, trying to bring more money to the household. I'm doing all these things. I suffer more than you.

No, you suffer more than me. And you start, you're literally taking an accountability of who is suffering more. And you're making the other person the subject of all your suffering. Yet when the other person tries to support you you say no because I... how do I explain this? Why wouldn't people receive their support if they're in a moderate position? Why wouldn't they receive the support? Yeah why won't you receive it if you're so overwhelmed and so stressed and have suffering so much in a relationship Why not just receive the support and set yourself free? I believe it comes from two different things But this is my personal belief again. I'm not an expert, but this is what I think I think one of them is

Sometimes It can happen to all of us. There's moments in which you get used to an emotion over and over again, you repeat that emotion inside of you, it becomes you. It becomes your reality and your version of reality. And when a solution is being offered to change that, perhaps you don't want it to change because you're getting the attention that you need from being a murderer in this case, from being a victim of what's happening. It's almost like a subconscious game that inside of you, you want to be freed of this, but subconsciously you don't want to because you are getting the attention that you want

by saying look at all what I'm doing and look at my suffering look at my suffering and the other thing is because your suffering perhaps is validating you your existence because if I get help if I do these things then why am I here for I I'm not needed anymore. Then I'm not worthy. So it's so obviously I think it's subconsciously that I think this is happening inside. If you help me and I'm used to arguing with you, and unless there's an argument in my life, I don't feel alive,

because I'm used to all the chemicals and the emotions that an argument brings. I don't want to change that because this is me. You want to have these things. No, I mean, I want you want to change it, but it's your identity. You say you want to change it, but you really don't want to change. Because it has become your identity. It literally has become, I think. And so it's kind of like comes both ways,

chemically, you're feeling the emotions and unless you feel those emotions, you don't feel alive. And the other thing is, if I get all the help and all the stuff, how am I gonna get the emotions I was getting for being a martyr? And if I get the help, then am I really worth as a person? Yes. Because perhaps me being a martyr, proves that I exist, that I'm worthy of your love and recognition and validation. I don't know. Don't become martyrs. That's going to make your

relationship suffer for sure. The next one is they don't use their emotions as weapons. Would you want to say an example? Not using your emotions as weapons? Yes. I don't really feel like I have a lot of extreme emotions that I would use as a weapon so I don't know if I understand this but I have had previous relationships where you know the people I chose would use like the silent treatment emotion. It was like not talking to me for days as like a weapon. It's like, I'm not going to speak to you. I'm not going to talk to you or I'm going to explode on you if I think you did something wrong. Would you know, would they tell you what you were doing?

Maybe, maybe not, but it's just more of like using as a weapon to try to get, I guess, me to come back and apologize or like do something differently. But really it was like trying to get me to change the person I am to make them feel safe. And then if I would change, they would keep doing it to change more and more until I've just become a shell of a person.

So using either like a screaming or a sadness emotion or a silent treatment emotion to try to manipulate or weaponize relationship dynamics. That's a manipulation. I think it's very, yeah, it's very destructive. It's exhausting, it's confusing, it's emotionally scary, all these things. It doesn't make you feel like you have a safe nervous system. When the person you love and have committed to emotionally, sexually, spiritually, all

these different things, if they're playing emotional games with you. And if they're not just communicating consciously, hey, I've got an issue with this, can we talk about it? And I think that's what mentally strong couples don't do is they don't weaponize their emotions. They communicate their emotions calmly, or at least consciously. Maybe you're not gonna be this perfect like,

ah, you're hurting me and I'm gonna be loving towards you right now, but you're gonna say, listen, something's really bothering me and I wanna speak to you about it. I don't wanna get angry. I want us to have a calm conversation, but I'm really hiding emotion and I wanna feel safe. Can you listen to me for a little bit?

It's like learning how to approach emotional subjects without weaponizing your emotions. little bit. It's like learning how to approach emotional subjects without weaponizing your emotions. I didn't have an experience in the past of like the silent treatment. Yeah. That's gotta be horrible. Yeah, it's not fun. It's not. And these are things that highly narcissistic people use and in my mind I think they're using them to tame you. Like if you're training a dog or something, it's horrible. Um, but however, I did experience this type of thing. I'm sharing something and the person say, don't bring this up because it makes me angry.

And you know, it does. And then you end up not discussing that thing that you really wanted to bring up. And so then there's, they're, they're blah, you know. And then you end up not discussing that thing that you really wanted to bring up. And so then they're weaponizing the emotion. This thing makes me angry if you bring it up ever. I'm just whatever. So then in little by little, you start quieting your voice. Like it really starts happening.

Yeah, and in the previous episodes we did, we talked about, you you know conscious conflict resolution Yeah, like learning how to resolve conflicts and not saying don't speak about this ever or this makes me angry every time you say this There are probably like things that like frustrate me or maybe I'm like, huh I don't want to have this conversation right now But if it's important to you, and if we either say, hey, can we set a time to talk about this, if this is not a good time, can we schedule a time today,

tomorrow to talk about this? Something's on my heart or my mind and I want to open up about it. And if we come to a place like, we've talked about this before, whenever there is something on our heart or mind, we try to always talk about the good in the other person first. Like, hey, there's something on our heart or mind we try to always talk about the good in the other person first

Like hey, there's something bothering me right now But gosh, I'm so grateful for you and how you show up for me and you're always this this this in a positive way But there's something that's been on my heart and mind that I just want to speak about that's frustrating me I think when we lead with acknowledging so much of the good it doesn't have to be a thousand things but acknowledging like You showed up this week in a beautiful way all here, here, here. But there's one thing that's like on my mind. I just want to talk about it. It's less threatening. You know what I mean? It's less like, otherwise you only bring up a problem or something that's on your heart and minds and you don't speak about the good. It makes the other persons feel less valued for all the hard work

they're putting in into the relationship to try to show you love, care, support, patience, presence, all those things. And I just think you succeed in relationship more when you acknowledge the person and express gratitude towards the person before you bring up some challenge you're facing. I just think you're always gonna do it.

You're always getting to feel more love instead of frustration and resentment. So they don't use their emotions as weapons. And the next thing I think is massive, which is they don't try to fix each other. And we have married friends that, you know, from the beginning of their relationship that, you know, the woman will say, you know, he was a project and I wanted to like...

Oh my goodness, yes. I wanted to help him and I wanted to fix him. And there was, I saw issues in him that I wanted to like help him overcome it. And I think that's coming from a good heart and a good intention, but you can't go into a relationship trying to fix or solve the other person's problems or pain. Maybe that bonds you in the beginning and allows you to develop some type of relationship where you're like saving the person and they really feel taken care of and you're taking care of them and this like bonding experience, but that's not healthy.

No, because then it starts becoming a fusion. And then when it becomes a fusion, it goes from a bond to a fusion, then what happens is you literally create a co-dependent relationship in which one person is dependent of the other one in order for me to feel taken care of and helped and seen, you can fix me. Yes. Like I need you, I literally need you to feel safe and seen. And then the fixer, that's the codependent person.

It's like, that's the person that in order for them to feel worthy, they need somebody that really needs them. So they kind of like blend each other perfectly in a bad way because, because it creates a fusion that is not healthy. Yes. And one, the dependent needs the codependent in order to create these things. And you, what really you are creating is a prison around the two of you.

And the other thing is, I remember back in the day in therapy, because I was struggling with this same relationship we're talking about, I was like so confused about all these jumping different emotions, all this anger and all this that I wasn't experienced, but I was like the receiving side of it. And so then I was coming from a good place into saying, hey, read this book. Hey, listen to this podcast. Hey, why don't you do this?

Hey, why don't you do that? And I remember my therapist said at the time, you don't realize what you're doing. It's coming from a good place because it comes from a really good heart. But you're putting yourself above this other person. This other person doesn't want you to be their coach. They don't want you to be their therapist.

They want you to be their partner. Considering that this person had issues and she said, listen, we're going to discuss these other issues that are narcissistic, but like in reality, this is a lesson for you to learn that it's not your job to fix him. It's not your job. What are you doing? You are not only gonna end up resenting all the time

and all the effort that you're putting, but also he's gonna end up resenting you because you're putting, but also he's going to end up resenting you because you're putting yourself above him. Meaning I know better. I have the knowledge. I have the books. I have the podcast. You learn from me.

And I had never seen it that way because I always thought I'm coming from this place. I'm being helpful, but just like. Yeah. And it's like, if you're trying to fix someone, you don't accept them for who they are. Yeah. And if you don't accept them, you shouldn't be with them. I don't think you should. It's either accept the person you're choosing to be with, like get to know the person before you fuse with them sexually, emotionally, psychologically, don't fuse or

bond with someone before you get to know them. Once you get to know them and you see if their words and their behaviors are in alignment, match, if they match, then you have to ask yourself, can I fully accept this person's personality? All of them. Stuff when they're stressed and overwhelmed. Have we traveled?

Have we been around friends and family? Like, can I accept their personality? If I can't, I shouldn't try to fix them. And I shouldn't be with them if I can't accept them. And that's hard for people, because you might feel loving emotions towards someone. You might feel chemical emotions. You might feel like, I love being around this person. It makes me feel alive.

But if you can't accept them, why are you with them? Why are you choosing to be with them? And if so, it's either accept them and be with them. But if you're trying to be with someone and you want to fix them all the time, it's just a recipe for frustration. They are going to resent you for trying to fix them. And you're going to resent them for not changing. Yeah, I'm putting all this effort and you're not changing. And they're not living up to the changes you want to see in them. They never will. So you actually fell in love with them. You fell in love with the projection. The potential of what they could be in your mind. A fantasy of a person that's not real. And they probably will never get to that fantasy. Unless they break up with you and two years later,

they realize, oh, I want to transform for me. Also, unless they evolve in the relationship, because for example, my parents met when my mom was, they got married, she was 19 and he was 20. Can you imagine how much they... But they both had a growth mindset. Yeah, they did. They both had a growth mindset. They both had a willingness to want to grow on their own, not for the other person.

Maybe they wanted to become better for their family, but it was like a desire that I want to become a better man. You want to become a better woman. We just want to be better in life. And that other part, the partner benefits from that growth mindset. But if you're going- They also went through things. I'm just saying like in general,

the stories that my parents shared. Yeah, they were 19. Literally, they were children. Exactly. But at the same time, they had the love. This is the thing my mom says, although I got married when I was 19, I asked you the hard questions.

Early on. Early on. And I'm not saying you shouldn't encourage your partner to, like you encourage me to take supplements, you encourage me to do healthy things. When I'm like at midnight, I'm like, I want to order some pink berry right now. You're like, you sure you want that right now? Yeah, that's what I think. You don't tell me don't do it.

You say, you sure you want this? You really want this? Yeah. And sometimes I'm like, yeah. And sometimes I'm like, actually, I don't want it. So there's encouragement. And then there's trying to fix and control. And I think when you can be open about that and say, hey, in this relationship, I want to be my best, I want to be willing to grow constantly. It doesn't mean I'm going to do what you want me to do all the time. And I want you to be your best. And I'm going to encourage you to grow as well. And I think that's the spirit of

growth is where it becomes more beautiful, I think, than if you just say, I wish he or I wish she understood this and was better. Don't get in a relationship unless you know, like, hey, people are complicated, they're complex, they're going to evolve in their own timeline they are going to evolve and if you can't accept that don't get intimate just be friends because you're gonna have these high expectations that you'll never meet or be okay that you're gonna suffer for a while or just be okay this is who they are this is the person you

chosen my dad used to say this about my mom when she she she has a very explosive personality and my dad also, both of them. And so sometimes my mom would go into all these explosions and I was young and I would tell my dad, Dad, but why is it that she's behaving this way? Right? And my dad said to me, what's going on right now is that you want to change your mom. You want to change your mom, but you're not accepting your mom. Yes. I know your mom.

This is the woman I married. She behaves this way. And all I think about at that moment, when she explodes this way, is that she's being a little girl. And then inside of me, I feel a lot of compassion for the little girl that I know she grew up with, basically both of her parents not being with her. And so this is how I think.

My dad has never gone to therapy, but he was already, he already figured out that his compassionate side of him was coming forward to see the little girl in my mom, although she was, you know, whatever, 40 at a time, whatever. He saw the little girl coming out and he knew how to step aside and watch it and be there for her.

Yes. But they figure it out. Like there's some, but then later in life, my mom started catching herself. And sometimes she does and sometimes she does, but he says, you're trying to change your mom. I'm walking with your mom in life. Yes. This is't. Sometimes she does. But he says, you're trying to change your mom. I'm walking with your mom in life. Yes. This is where she is right now. So I think that's beautiful.

I want to share the I'm going to go through the next few and just say them. And then we're going to go over the final two. Yes, because we're getting close to the end of our time. So I'm just going to list these out. Because there's a lot of people could go through. But there's also the book they can get. 13 Things Mentally Strong Couples Don't Do, where they can go through all these different steps. It's all about fixing what's broken, developing healthier patterns, and growing stronger together. So I'm just going to list these few.

They don't try to communicate with disrespect. Again, I don't want to go into this right now, but whenever couples disrespect each other, it just creates resentment. And so don't want to go into this right now, but whenever couples disrespect each other, it just creates resentment. And so don't communicate with disrespect. And it might be challenging to do, but this is just a key foundation. We don't do this. And if we did, we probably wouldn't be together if we were just disrespecting all the time. The eighth thing is they don't blame each other for their problems.

Again, big one. If you have a problem, you can't blame your partner for it. You've got to take ownership of your life and stop being a victim. You know what happens, love, is that when, and this I've learned and I think it's also in the book, when you have a problem, even if it's a tiny one, right? Let's say you're driving and you're late

because there's a lot of traffic, right and When you're in that problem, you're gonna blame traffic It's very it's easier to blame someone else than to say oh, I should have left Right, but when you have your partner with you Uh-huh, and you're stuck in traffic and you are late. It's easier to blame your partner Mmm, I say you should have been earlier. You took longer to find your purse, whatever it was. It's easier because the, um, I don't know how to say this in English,

but the amygdala, like the, this part of your brain that goes into fight or fight the flight or fight mode. It's, it's so quick to find the next thing next to you to blame it on. So sometimes it also could be in a bigger way if you're going through a hard time in your life for something that if you're, let's say you're frustrated with your job, with your work, let's say, this doesn't happen, but like, let's say you're frustrated with your work or with a specific person about your work. And if I was to come close to you at that moment and I'm not careful, let's say, the

scenario hasn't happened, but it would be easier for you to relate that whatever the frustration you're feeling at that moment has to do with me just because I'm close to you. Do you know what I'm saying? But it's because the brain does this chemistry thing. Yeah. Exactly. Don't blame each other for your own problems. The next one really quickly is they don't forget why they fell in love. I think always remembering why you fell in love with the person in front of you. And if you remember that I fell in love because they were attractive

or something, just like a sexual chemistry thing, just gotta be challenging the future. You need to say, I fall in love with the full person in front of me and accepting the personality of the person. Otherwise, you're gonna be frustrated constantly. So don't forget. And sometimes that thing can be, people fall in love with the adventurous personality

of somebody and then later they are resentful because that adventurous personality of somebody. And then later they are resentful because that adventurous personality is traveling all the time and they wanna try the next thing. And you're like, well, but that is the first reason you fell in love with this person. I know. The next thing is they don't expect the relationship

to meet all their needs. And this is something that so many people do. And Esther Perel talks about this beautifully. That people get into marriage or relationship and thinking that they're supposed to be your lover, your business partner, your best friend, your therapist, your coach. Aren't you all those things for me?

I'm kidding you. You're not. I mean. Yeah. No, no, I'm just kidding. No. No, but it's like when you expect it, and it's something we've done really well is,

you do this beautifully because you have so many girlfriends in your life. You have your mom, you have your family that you talk with, you have activities outside of me that are just yours. You have your career, you have your own projects, movies, your writing, all these things you do amazingly. But you don't need me to fill you up. You have me to fill you up. You have me to add love and richness and share with and share experiences with

and have connection and intimacy and all these things. But you're not expecting me to give you everything in your life at all times. You're not waiting by the doorstep or waiting by the phone to get a phone call from me, a text from me to like fill you up throughout the day. You have your life, I have my life, we share our lives together. And I think that allows for more harmony to ensue in the relationship because you don't expect me and I don't expect you to fill all of our needs. You know, this is where I said that romanticism really hurts our lives in life.

You know, what we see in TV shows, what we see in movies, what we hear in songs, all this romantic idea that your partner is going to be your best friend, but also your lover, lover, but also your psychologist, but also your confidant, but also, you know, your bank, your bank, but all these different things, like, what are we doing? Can you imagine? It's exhausting to think about. And yet this is the picture we're being sold about love.

This is what like literally they hammer you on with this. Like, this is what love's supposed to be. That person's supposed to be there for you in all these different aspects. In my opinion, there's things, for example, that I can be struggling with, that I can share with you. I always share everything with you. But I mean, wouldn't it be nice sometimes to have a little bit of a filter and say, you know what, this thing is just an emotion. It's going to come and it's going to go. Why would I even bring it up? Yeah. Or if this thing is something that I'm just starting

off has to do with my period and has to do with hormones. You don't need to bring everything to me. No, I have friends, girlfriends that I go, has it ever happened to you that this thing and we vent with each other? Yes, there's being that you let it go. And then I let it go. And then by the time I see you, I don't even have it in my mind. Exactly. It's not that I want to don't want to bring it you, I don't even have it in my mind. Exactly. It's not that I don't wanna bring it up. It's like, I just don't have it anymore.

Yeah. You know? So it's balancing all these things. Don't expect your relationships to meet all your needs. And we go through the last three really quickly. They don't neglect their partnership, meaning they're willing to keep investing in it. They don't take each other for granted, which is a big one.

Something we do every night is we talk about what we're grateful for from the day and what we're grateful for of each other for granted, which is a big one. Something we do every night is we talk about what we're grateful for from the day and what we're grateful for of each other. And it's like, it doesn't have to be all day long, what I appreciate about you. But I think little things once a day, a little moment of just saying, here's what I appreciate about you. It just shows you're not taking each other for granted. And it doesn't mean if maybe words of affirmation is not your strategy for love, and it could just be I'm going to do service, I'm going to do other things to show I'm not taking for granted. But finding what works for you. I want to ask you something because I think this is important.

What makes a man feel appreciated? I mean, it's probably different for every man. But for me, I like hearing, thank you. I like hearing, thank you for what you do. You know, as a provider, someone that's going to go out and want to provide and want to lead, protect, provide and serve. All I want, and I think all a lot of men want is thank you for doing

what you do for us. How important is appreciation for a man? I think it's very important but I think it's important for me and I think if you didn't just say thank you. It doesn't need to be like you're the most amazing man like every day but just thank you. That's all it is. Thank you for doing this. Thank you for thinking of me. Thank you for providing for us. Thank you for doing this. Thank you for thinking of me. Thank you for providing for us. Thank you for taking care of this. I will fricking do anything, you know. I will go above and beyond with just a little thank you

and a little appreciation. It's why you do it so well. You do it so well with me. And I think it just makes me wanna go create more and serve more and show up for you more because you give a little and I'm going to give it a lot. You give more, I'm going to keep giving more.

So it's just, it makes you feel seen, accepted for the work you're doing when no one's watching. And I think that's what I appreciate and it's what I think a lot of men appreciate. I think it goes both ways too. I think it's important for women to feel appreciated for all the things that we do that sometimes men can take for granted. Yes. Even little things that we think about,

oh, he doesn't have any socks, I'm gonna get him some. Yeah. Oh, I heard him talking about this vitamin thing, I'm gonna research and buy it more, all these things. And let's imagine a situation, this doesn't happen to us, but I've heard about this vitamin thing. I'm going to research and buy it's more, you know, all these things. And let's imagine a situation that's also happened to us, but I heard about it. Like all of these Amazon boxes, what is this thing that you, you know, and then you don't, you may not know you open these boxes and some of them are things that you didn't know you needed.

Exactly. Right. And so I think it's a, it's a good recipe to start healthy or bring back health into the relationship, to be appreciative with each other because it is a fuel that charges you as a couple and as a person. That's it. For me, like when you say, oh, I appreciate you did this, you know what it makes me do? It makes me want to do more of that. And when you appreciate something, it appreciates in value. Yes. So pour appreciation into your partner as frequently as you can. And the final one is they don't stop growing. And again, this is 13 things mentally strong couples don't do. Make sure you guys get a copy of this book. So good.

We went through it when we were just dating and it allowed us to create dynamics, exercises, and reflections based on learning about what couples do do well and what couples don't do well. We just scratched the surface on this but I would love for you to share which one of the 13 things in the comments below resonated with you the most. Maybe something that you don't do yet that you need to do better or one that you do that really helps you in your relationship. So share that below. Leave us a comment.

Let us know what you think. Make sure to follow Martha on her YouTube channel. And all of her social media will have that link in the description below. We had a couple previous episodes that we did about our marriage journey. If you want to learn more about that, go watch or listen to that. You know what's cool, and we can do this too if you want to, but if people leave questions, sometimes people are going through something and say, hey, you know,

what does Louis think about this? Or what does Martha think? Like, what do we, how do we do? That's really cool, Like one day bringing these questions. Absolutely. Share any questions you have. Yeah, share them below in the comments. I love- Also because we're learning with them. We are.

We don't have all the answers. No. We're three months in marriage, but I feel like we've done stuff that works for us. And we're not expecting people to read 20 books and go to every workshop. But I think if you can learn a little bit from here and take it a little deeper,

it's gonna support you in your relationship. Whether you're in one now or you wanna be one in the future, always be growing. That's the last one of the 13 things. So, You do that. We do that.

I love you. You're amazing. I love you too. I love you. You're amazing. I love you too. Te amo. And I hope you guys enjoy this episode. I have a brand new book called Make Money Easy. And if you're looking to create more financial freedom in your life, you want abundance in your life, and you want to stop making money hard in your life, but you want to make it

easier, you want to make it flow, you want to make it flow. You want to feel abundant. Then make sure to go to makemoneyeasybook.com right now and get yourself a copy. I really think this is going to help you transform your relationship with money this moment moving forward. I hope you enjoyed today's episode and it inspired you on your journey towards greatness.

Make sure to check out the show notes in the description for a full rundown of today's episode with all the important links. And if you want weekly exclusive bonus episodes with me personally, as well as ad free listening, then make sure to subscribe to our greatness plus channel exclusively on Apple podcasts. Share this with a friend on social media and leave us a review on Apple Podcasts as well. Let me know what you enjoyed about this episode in that review. I really love hearing feedback from you and it helps us figure out how we can support and serve you moving forward. And I want to remind you if no one has told you lately that you are loved,

you are worthy, and you matter. And now it's time to go out there and do something great.