The School of Greatness - 192 How to Make the Case For What You Want with Kimberly Guilfoyle

Episode Date: June 22, 2015

"Never be afraid of the no." - Kimberly Guilfoyle If you enjoyed this episode, check out show notes and more at lewishowes.com/192.

This is episode number 192 with Kimberly Guilfoyle. Welcome to the School of Greatness. My name is Lewis Howes, former pro athlete turned lifestyle entrepreneur. And each week we bring you an inspiring person or message to help you discover how to unlock your inner greatness. Thanks for spending some time with me today. Now let the class begin. Now, Kimberly Guilfoyle is an incredible woman, and I had such a fun time connecting with her.

I think you're going to get a lot out of this interview. For those that don't know, she currently serves as a co-host of Fox News The Five and is part of a rotating panel on Fox News channels outnumbered. She also appears regularly on The O'Reilly Factor, Hannity, and other programs. And prior to the Fox News channel, Guilfoyle served as a legal analyst for ABC News and was featured regularly on ABC's Good Morning America. She has covered major legal cases, including OJ Simpson, Kobe Bryant, and Michael Jackson. And before her career in broadcast television, she served as an assistant district attorney at the San Francisco and Los Angeles district attorney's offices. She is an author of a new book and a national bestseller, Making the Case, How to Be Your Own Best Advocate.

And she has won many awards. And in this episode, we talk about how to make the case for yourself, how to be the best advocate in your career, in your relationships. And she tells some great stories about what she did to sell herself up to win, to make the best case when she didn't have the best opportunity, how she got her foot in the door to get to where she is each step along the way to help her achieve her success. I think you're going to get a lot out of this.

I'm very excited to introduce you to the one, the only, Kimberly Guilfoyle. Welcome everyone back to the School of Greatness podcast. Very excited about today's guest. Her name is Kimberly Guilfoyle. Thank you so much for coming on, Kimberly. Thank you, Luke. Pleasure to be on your show today. And I love it.

The School of Greatness, right? That says it all. That's where I live. I live and breathe in the School of Greatness because every day there's new possibilities. I wake up in the morning. I'm excited. And I want to see how I can make a difference in my life and the lives of others. And that's why I wrote this book, Making the Case, How to Be Your Own Best Advocate. I love it. Yeah. And I saw it in

Barnes & Noble recently, and it's a national bestseller. So congratulations on that. Thank you. And you're all over the news, and you've been all over the news for years. Can you tell the listeners a little bit about what you're doing right now on the news and which shows you're on? Yeah, absolutely. So I am co-host of the show called The Five at the Fox News Channel. It's national and international. And this is a show where five people sit around the table and we talk about the issues. We debate, we discuss the issues, we do news of the day. We'll talk about everything from foreign policy to national security. We'll go later in the program and talk about business, finance, money issues, taxation, go through all the stuff in the government. And the latter half of the show

we'll do a little bit sometimes lighter items and entertainment, pop culture, kind of water cooler. I'm like, what are people talking about, you know, around the office or, you know, in the neighborhood? What's like the talk of the day, kind of like the hot topic. So it's become wide, you know, widely successful. And one of the things that's interesting is we were the replacement for Glenn Beck, which was a huge, huge success. So it was very difficult to fill those shoes. And Roger Ailes, who's a great innovator and entrepreneur, a great thinker, said, what do I do? I don't want to burn out one, you know, great talent at Fox to try to put them in, to put them head to head, to compete with the numbers that Glenn Beck was getting. So he decided to put five of us at a table. So there wasn't a focus on any one talent, sort of spread it out. He's always been a big believer. You under promise you over,

you know, deliver. We do kind of like a slow rollout, soft launch, so that you kind of let it build. And it's really worked as, I guess, a model, a business model for him in television. So we were some of the most widely watched talent on Fox. We were appearing on all the big shows like Bill O'Reilly and Sean Hannity and Greta Van Susteren and Megyn Kelly. And they said, listen, this is who people tend to click and resonate with. They're big personalities with ideas and thoughts. They're provocative, unabashed, fearless. So he put us at the table and it's kind of like Thanksgiving dinner gone wild.

I love it. You know? And did you always want to be on the news or how did you come about this? Well, it's interesting because my background is rhetoric and communications. I went to UC Davis School, go Aggies, and I also attended then USF Law School. So from an early age, and this is the whole genesis of the book, my father raised me to be a strong advocate for myself, to really wanted to develop my self-esteem and my self-confidence to make sure that I could stand on my own two feet.

He told me anything a boy can do, you can do better. Like he was that kind of like motivational person. That's why I say I am where I am today in life because I had the greatest coach. He was constantly trying to mentor and reach into me to pull out what he saw was great talent, ability, passion, and ideas because that's not easy to do. You don't wake up one morning and all of a sudden say, I'm going to be winning and killing it in life. You have to develop it.

You have to get into your own head, which is usually our biggest enemy because inside the head, that's where fear, rejection, all those concerns kind of just sitting there lying in wait to mess with you, to prevent you from achieving the ultimate happiness that you could have in your life. And so he wanted me to get out of that. Meaning my mother passed away when I was 11 years of age from leukemia. So my dad said, what am I going to do with this sweet girl who has a huge heart that is broken in a million pieces and is a little shy? He really wanted to develop and cultivate my talent and ability because, you know, also, you know, as a young girl growing up, a lot of

times then I had my brother was like, well, what can Kimberly do? So when my mom passed away, he put us both in private lessons in Shaolin Kenpo and karate, right? To physically build our strength and also mentally, because you can't feed one without the other. So we both became like stronger to push through this. And he said, you've just gone through something that is probably the most horrifying and horrible experience, you know, that you're going to have in your life. There's nothing now that can come at you that you will not be able to handle.

You're warriors. You can battle through this. You're tough. So from there, then he said, when I wanted to do something or, you know, approach them about whether it was a school trip or getting something, he said, Kimberly, go to your room, put your facts together, your argument. I want you to then come back upstairs here after you have thought this through and you're prepared. Make your case to me and I will tell you my answer. Never be afraid of the no. That's what he said to me. Yeah. Yeah. And that's what he started.

So it was like, yeah, the great Santini. So he was sitting there making these, you know, whole motivational speeches to me to say, you can do this. You can achieve this in life.

If you put your mind to it and you put your heart into it. So I would make the arguments to him. And some days I won and he would say yes. And there were days that I didn't. And he said no. So what happened from that was I learned to prepare and improve my game and my ability. Wow. So did you join the debate team in high school as well?

Yeah, I was in the debate team, speech and debate. As I cultivated it, you know, from there, I went into it to became class, you know, vice president. It was interesting because one of my best friends at the time, Maura Devlin, was running for president of the senior class, okay? And I was her campaign manager. And I'm writing speeches and preparing all the things. And my dad said, wait a second, this is fantastic.

I love your strength, your loyalty to your friends, all of the above. But you are a great public speaker. You are an incredible follow through. You're bright and talented. You treat people in a loving way. He said, you're always looking out for others. Why don't you run for, I think you might be able to really serve your class and your school. I was like, wow, I never thought about that. So then I did. And then I ran as well and became the vice president. So we were a great team together. It's things like that. Or when I wanted to develop a fast pitch, you know, softball team at my school, right? And I was trying out at the time, so I'm going to go be cheerleader. Okay. And my dad said, okay, fantastic. I love that you're going to support, you know, as I went to all girls, probably the Catholic school, Mercy High School in the Bay Area, San Francisco. You know, I went to all girls' private Catholic school, Mercy High School, in the Bay Area, San Francisco. And so I said, oh, my girlfriends are on the cheerleading squad, and I'll just be able to be great and cheer for my friends.

My dad says, fantastic. Have you thought about actually playing? You've been playing this long. You're a really talented athlete. He goes, try out for the team. Worst case scenario, you don't make it. But at least you know you've tried, right? Nothing ventured, nothing gained, went out, made the team, kicked major butt and became captain of the varsity fast pitch as a sophomore in high school. And we won every championship year after that.

So that's what I'm talking about. But I had somebody that was mentoring me and coaching me to feel good about myself, to say, you know, achieve it. You can, you know, believe that you can achieve it. And that's what I was, I was literally everyday coach like that in a really good way. Like, you know, try it. Don't be afraid. Don't be shy. Don't be, you know, holding yourself back. And he really taught me about that. So I've always had a very strong mental game because of this development. Sure. Now I'm curious, you know, I'm sorry to hear that you lost your mother at such a young age. And I'm curious, you know, I'm sorry to hear that you lost your mother at such a young age, and I'm curious, do you feel like you would have been as driven with her in your life? Yeah, it's so interesting that you say that.

I think my father worked extra hard to make sure that I wasn't sidelined and sidetracked emotionally after she passed away. So before she did, I loved soccer, okay, because I love team sports. I love to be part of a team and set goals and just, like, be together, like, let's do this. So I loved soccer, but there was no girl team. So my mom said, listen, you're pretty good, practice. I was playing with my brother, was really good. He went down and she made the case to the coach.

So my daughter loves soccer. You know, we just don't want to be here to, like, provide the case to the coach. So my daughter loves soccer. You know, we just don't want to be here to, like, provide the oranges for the team. Can you give her a tryout? And if she's good, you can make the exception and put her on. If she is bad, I want you to cut her. Like, don't put her on just because she's the girl. You know, and I translate that even into the election right now with, you know, Hillary Clinton running. And I tell people, sure, it would be fantastic to have a female president,

but I'm not going to vote for somebody just because I'm going to check the gender box. I said, you know who I think would be great? And I said this when I was on The View last night. I'm like, Condoleezza Rice. Now that is a candidate I could get behind. So on The View, everyone was like, whoa, that was like a drop-the-mic moment. They're like, whoa, she's got a point, you know, cause what were they going to argue with that with Condi Rice? I don't think so. So, you know, maybe I, you know, ideologically,

but not in every other way. So that was, that's my point. Like she did help create this finished product because of how she wanted me to be. And I think especially because she was a little bit more shy for herself. Um, despite the fact that she was so, so, so, so super talented, she wanted me to free myself. And so she started it early on. And then my dad picked up, you know, the pace with it and continued sort of like pass the baton. Right, right, right. Gotcha. So after, after high school and college, then were you, did you want to be a lawyer? Do you want to get into that practice or what was the next step for you? Um, after, after high school and college, did you want to be a lawyer? Did you want to get into that practice? Or what was the next step for you? After high school?

Yeah, after high school and then into college, what was the next thing for you? Believe it or not, even in high school, because you mentioned the speech and debate, I really thought, wow, I love advocating and making the case on behalf of other people. I feel really pure about it when I do that. That's a noble cause to help those who don't have a voice for themselves. That's when everybody started saying, gosh, Kimberly, you would be a fantastic attorney. My father loves education. My mother was an educator. She worked with special needs children.

She was, you know, children with learning differences, emotional challenges. And so I used to go even in the classrooms with her. So I saw, you know, a family model of giving back and giving back to the community and working, you know, well with others. So I definitely developed a passion then to do it. And so then I said, well, let me try and do some internships, things like that. So right away then when I was in college at UC Davis, I went ahead and got an internship at the Yolo County DA's office.

You know, I found it somewhere on the map, and I would make my way there. I also worked at closed time because a girl's got to make some money as well, and I was a manager. And then while I was doing that, I also ended up getting a job modeling and commuting back and forth to San Francisco to pay for law school because by then I knew after being in the DA's office that I wanted to be a prosecutor, and I got discovered at the closed time when a lady came in with her daughter and I commented on her daughter and she's, oh yeah, she's doing this, you know, modeling to make money for law

school. I said, well, I'm working here to make money for law school. And at the time I was making $6 an hour because it was a management position versus normal minimum wage that was like four and a quarter, right? I was just feeling pretty amazing and big time. I was working 40 hours a week at that job, plus my internship, plus I had a full load, you know, full maxed out on units at Davis. I was on the Dean's list, 4.0, perfect attendance. I mean, you get what I'm saying? A little bit of a, you know, I pushed myself. Yeah, I know. It's like, could be kind of annoying, except it's actually kind of awesome. So I did all of that, and then I was like, wow, somebody wants to take pictures of me and pay me a lot of money. So I still kept that job for a bit because I didn't want to abandon them, and then did that job, made all the money for law school, and that allowed me to do the job that I wanted in public service as a DA because that job doesn't pay so well, right?

But I always tell people, don't be afraid to take the job that makes you feel like you're following your bliss, you know, that you feel good about when you go to bed at night and you wake up in the morning and you're making a difference. I was able to make a choice about a career because I didn't have the student debt that so many of the young people out there have these days

where they're like, wow, what am I going to do about this economy? What am I going to do about this, you know, student loans? You even see it still affecting somebody like Marco Rubio, who's running for president of the United States of America. And they're like dissing him because he still has student loan debt, or he's had some challenges with trying to pay it off. I get it. For sure, at least get a job. And then you can always pivot and say, let me see if I can find to this. Let me see if I can monetize it. Because I think you will agree with this, Lewis. If you are able to do something that you are really passionate about and you have that entrepreneurial spirit and

you're working, willing to work your butt off, okay, to make things happen and you're not looking for a handout or an entitlement, you want to unleash your power within, you could do it. I do believe you can make money doing what you love. And then I was able to do that, like from DA's office, getting hired, working at the LA DA's office, San Francisco DA's office, and making that pivot, that transition to be able to work, you know, in television. And, and sure, I could have stayed in a very safe cocoon and people who are familiar, you know, with my background or my bio that's on foxnews.com or on Facebook pages, any of that stuff, you'll see that, you know, I was working and tried a very high profile case, a dog mauling case out of San

Francisco. It got a lot of national attention. I ended up getting six offers to work in television in New York. So it wasn't that I all of a sudden woke up one day and said, I want to work in TV. It sort of was a natural progression in terms of having a communications background, becoming a prosecutor, being hard charging, taking the cases that nobody else wanted to take, trying a tremendous amount of cases because I didn't take any days off. And, you know, I've worked through weekends, holidays to be able to prepare myself just like I do here. You know, and that's how I made opportunity at Fox a transition from just being a legal analyst, because when other people were like, I want to be off for

the holidays or the weekends, you know, God bless, they've got family they want to be with. I get it. I was trying to achieve and make the case for myself to be considered for general news. So I said, give me a chance, like put me in coach, you know, like, let me, let me pinch it. And that's how it was able to happen. Like one thing leads to another. And I could have stayed in San Francisco. I was first lady of San Francisco. I was married to the mayor, Gavin Newsom, who is now Lieutenant Governor of California, still stayed in very close contact with him. He just texted me about an hour ago saying congratulations, you know, on the book and that he's reading it. So, you know, and it's about the power of relationships, the connections you make. So when I saw these opportunities, like, wow,

something's happening in the universe. I want to listen. I want to pay attention. And I got these offers. I was like, something is pulling me, you know, almost gravitationally towards the East Coast to make this happen. And I was happy with what I was doing and where I was, but I wanted to be courageous. Like, I really believe that I was put on this, you know, planet to be fearless, to be courageous, especially because of the things that I've gone through and that I've like persevered. I didn't let that define me or be like my last chapter. I was like, let's keep redefining.

And especially because, you know, my father died Thanksgiving night five years ago. I, you know, I'm on my own. I may have a brother in LA, but you know,

what am I going to do? I have to honor that legacy and the valuable lessons that they gave me, um, make them proud. And that's why, you know, put pen to paper and did this book. I love it. I love it. You are a powerhouse. I love your energy.

That was the longest run on sentence in America. I love it. A couple of things I want to mention from that that I pulled from that. One is I love that you talked about you can make a full-time living doing what you love. And that's actually my mission right now is to serve 100 million people to show them how to make a full time living, doing what they love. So I love that you mentioned that because that's, that's what I do. That's what I teach people to do. I feel like if people are making a full time living, doing what they love, that's actually, this may sound a little lame. That's actually what's going to heal the world because you're going to feel more fulfilled. You're going to treat other people's with respect. You're going

to treat yourself with respect and you're going to be passionate every single day, which is creating that energy around you as well. So I think, I think it's possible. That's a fantastic formula, isn't it? And you're creating a goodwill in the universe because people are doing things that they feel good about, that they're passionate about. That's why I tell people don't get caught up in the dollars and cents like right away from the-go, because then you start to get comfortable. You're getting that check, and you're going to sit in your nice little bubble and just sit there and be like, oh, I'm not going to take risks. But you could be really missing out. And if you go ahead, take a little bit of a risk, do something you enjoy, you can monetize it.

You can do it. We've seen this example over and over again with people that have been able to translate a passion into dollars. Exactly. And especially now more than ever in the last 10 years with the internet, anything is possible. That's true. So it's amazing the possibility. You can run it from anywhere. Anywhere.

Okay. Let's dive into how does someone go about building a case? There's a lot of entrepreneurs who are listening here, but some people who have jobs, some people who maybe are, you know, looking to go on, get in a relationship and build a case for that. There's lots of different things you can build a case for. What are like the building blocks in any situation, whether you're making a pitch for your business to get a new client, relationships, whatever it may be, what are the building blocks for creating the perfect case? Yeah. So, you know, honestly, I think you have to be very, you know, very certain about what you want, your goals and your objectives. And even if you write these things down, I'm not even kidding,

you put it down on paper and help like go through it. It's one thing I like to visualize and see like, okay, if I could create my, you know, perfect scenario, what would it be? And then you really like piecemeal go through and say, okay, these are the steps. These are the types of things I need to be doing. I should be doing in order to move towards the X. And I think about it like in a military way, because a lot of friends that are special forces guys, these deltas, braids, you know, seals, and they talk about the target, moving on target and getting to the X, right? So when you think about it that way, I visualize it. I'm like, okay, what am I trying to get to? What's my objective? What's my mission objective? So then I map it out like that, but that's what they do,

right? When they're trying to go on a mission, they practice, they go through it, they map it out, and they say the steps that they need to take in order for that to be achieved. And it's like that, they say the steps that they need to take in order for that to be achieved. And it's like that, whether you're asking for a promotion, you know, you're trying to, you know, get a job, anything like that. And like, for example, when I first was coming back and forth doing television appearances, right. I heard about a job that might be coming up at court TV as an anchor. So I want to move from,

let me just talk about the Michael Jackson or Kobe Bryant case to actually hosting a show. Well, they're not going to just hand that out to you. It's not like I had ever anchored, you know, television before. Right. But I thought, how hard can it be? There's got to be a first time. So how do I get somebody to let me do it? So I can say I've done it. But anyway, so, um, having done the television stuff, I found myself one day going to do Catherine Cryer's show at Court TV. And it was in 2003, October 2003, when they had the big power outage for days in New York. So I was supposed to be there to do her show. All of a sudden, lights out, nobody can get a hold of cars, nothing. So I walk like 45 some odd blocks,

yes and heels, and get there to Court TV, show up just in case the lights go back nothing. So I walk like 45, some odd blocks, yes, in heels, and get there to Court TV, show up just in case the lights go back on. It's my whole perfect attendance thing. I was like, I just like flew out here from San Francisco. I got to go back tomorrow. Are you kidding me? I got to make this trip worth it. I got to make it count. So I showed up there. Everybody's gone, but I know the CEO is still there, Henry Schleif, um, was great business guys and a lot of stuff. He's an investigation channel, um, discovering all kinds of things. And then he was the king of court TV back in the big time day with me, Nancy Grace, all the people were there. So I show up, I convinced his secretary to let me go in to say hi, go, Hey, I just want to say hi to Mr. Schleif. I've got to fly back tomorrow. It's maybe my one chance, you know,

by the time to meet him and say hi and say, thank you for having me on his show. Just take a couple seconds of his time. Just wave and say hi. Fine, because I know I need to get in the door so and then I can do the ask. So I created that opening, got in. You don't go, oh, hi, can I see him? Because I want to make a job pitch because, you know, it's kind of creepy. The lights are out and I would like to come in and frighten him. Yeah. So I just want to say hi and say thank you and put smiling, bubbly, and I was already dressing the part. I was dressed in one of my nice little, like, legal outfits, ready to go. Fine.

Got in there, had a conversation with him. He's enjoying the company because he's kind of stuck there and he can't leave. And I'm, you know, pleasant enough, pleasant enough. So we're chatting, and then he brings up about Ricky Klayman, who was married to Bill Bratton, and he was leaving to take the top cop job in Los Angeles at the time, leaving New York. So I said, Ricky's going to be leaving. Looks like Vinnie Paulitan needs a co-host. Well, I've done all the research about Court TV. I knew their whole lineup inside and out, et cetera. I was always prepared. So I ended up making the pitch, telling them, listen,

I think you don't need to look any further. Let's not waste anybody else's time. I'm everything you need full package. You know, I said, listen, I've tried to have profile cases. I'll have the respectable, you know, the viewers. I already have, you know, no variety from doing these cases. I'm L.A. D.A.'s office. I'm San Francisco D.A.'s office. You've got all these people who have never even worked at a prosecutor's office, but technically they're attorneys, you know, on the air, you know, feast your eyes on the real deal. Okay. So he was like, yeah, sounds good. He ended up, I'm like, listen, if you do not like me, if I do not do a good job, if your numbers do not improve,

you can have your money back, money back guarantee. So my agents don't like that, but I feel pretty confident about it. So went ahead, got the job, moved to New York, ended up accepting three offers, which was unprecedented. My, it's like, no, you can only like serve one mass. You can accept them from one network. I'm like, why? I'm not on the air till, you know, from one to three at Court TV.

What am I going to do with my morning? Right. You know? So he's like, oh gosh. So I got ABC. They signed me in the morning exclusive to them. So like, you know, 12, of the West Coast Rear and whatnot. Court TV during the day.

And then at night when Court TV was done, I went and did primetime with Anderson Cooper and Larry King at CNN. So I was killing it. Machine? Yeah, machine, totally. I got the attention then of Roger Ailes who called me and it was phenomenal. And he said, he called me one day and he's like, oh, I saw you on, you know you know, court TV and CNN. And you know, how would you like to come over to the Fox news channel? And I was like, you betcha. Right. So that was really fantastic because I'd always admired him and his business model and his, you know, entrepreneurism because he was just so incredible.

And I had studied him at UC Davis. He had written a book called you are the message. And I have a copy of it right here in my office. I actually am reaching out and putting in my hands. And it says, getting what you want by being who you are. You know, this is someone, Roger Ailes, advisor to you as president, top executives, everything. So I brought that book in. So when I ended up meeting him in person, again, this is about making the case. This guy can hire and hand, you know, any talent in the world. Why is he going to choose me? Why is he going to pay me and show me the money?

I have to show him that I'm value-added bonus, that I stand out, that you can distinguish me from the other people he has because he had a heavy bench, super talented. When you work at Fox News Channel, it's like playing for the Yankees, right? Right, right, right. I mean, everybody here is a total winner. Everyone here is 4.0, valedictorian, community service, et cetera, et cetera. You know, we've got several Miss Americas running around here. It's unbelievable.

So what can I do? I'm like, besides being a brunette at Fox, right, which is one of my selling points, you like that. I'm like, hey, you've got a lot of blondes here. So anyway, I was able to make that case, show him the book from my college class, had him autograph it, the whole deal. And he loved it. And he saw that I didn't like just run out and buy it at the store. It wasn't like clean, nice copy. It was all highlighted and written in because I'd used it. It was my assigned reading.

That was the closer, you know, because if you're not closing, you know, you're behind, you're standing still, you're stuck in cement. That's what I always tell people. This is amazing. I know. I love your storytelling as well. So I'm curious, what's next for you? What's your vision right now moving forward?

What do you want? I mean, it seems like you have gotten everything you wanted. Is there another level for you? Yeah, well, you know, I wanted to do the book. Like I said, I could have done a book. I had a bunch of offers to do books like on politics and everything like that. It was sort of a layup, right, given the audience at Fox. But I wanted to do something that was giving back.

So here's the other part of it. Yes, you can achieve things enough if you set your mind to it. I really believe it. I'm living proof of it. And the people that, you know, I take on in my life to, like, coach and mentor, you know, they win too. Like, you just, you can do it. It's really 100% possible, especially if you're not afraid to also ask for help, like give and receive. So the other balance on that is that you have to give it, give back. To me, I think it's extremely

important if you've had so many blessings in life or opportunities or people that believe in you, people that mentor to you, you better pay it forward, right? Because to those like much that's been given much is expected. So, you know, I do that. That's what I do. And like writing this book, it was very, you know, revealing, it was personal, you know, about my parents, all that was not easy to do. But so many people said to me, Kimberly, how can we get to where you are? Or can you talk to my child? You know, I want to talk to, you know, reach out to young people to be able to let them know that there's a path and there's a means to be able to do it. And adults that are like trying to make a shift or just want to do something better or more interesting, more fulfilling in their life. There's a lot of people out there.

Do you not know there's more people that are perhaps like struggling personally or emotionally or financially? And it's because they haven't tapped into it you know right exactly yeah a lot of people and you want to reach those people you want to tell them like this is possible you can make this happen and like don't give up when people like well i've got a job it's stable i have a family i don't know about taking a risk i've got a paycheck coming in there's some safety and, but there can also be some stagnation in that kind of model. So, right.

And complacency. And then you sit there and you become like soft, so to speak, mentally, physically, et cetera, not getting after it. And then people go, whoa, what, you know what? So like, what makes me different from somebody else? I think just because I'm, I'm hungry about it and I try and do it. I try and do the things that I actually dream about, you know, as a Pisces in my head. I think about these things and I go, so, you know, what's next? I don't know. More books, maybe politics. I certainly had a lot

of experience, but being first lady and working in the DA's office, I've grown up around politics my whole life. People talk to me about, would you like to host your own show? Well, I mean, if I decide about doing that later, right now, I love being part of my team, part of the Five and part of Bill O'Reilly's show in Hannity. I fill in, I host in the morning. It was very unusual, you know, for Brunette to host the morning show. That's like all about like, you know, sunshine and blondes and all that. But now I'm doing it because personality can make the day. I always knew I could do it, but then I was able to fill in when other people were out on the holidays. It just put me in one time.

I go and do me a favor and give me like six minutes of your time to watch the screen and like pay attention and tell me what you think. And now I do that regularly when my friend, Elizabeth Hasselbeck is out, they'll ask me to come in on boxing friends, you know, because I'm the, I'm the kind of gal that will do the, you know, shoot the pool segment, do the canoeing outside, interview the band, do the chicken wing eating contest, which I did win on Fourth of July.

And I raised Bob Beckle. By the way, that's on YouTube. And no, they didn't speed the tape up. So viewer advised warning. Yeah, it's pretty scary, actually, because I was like doing them two at a time. Yeah. We'll link that up in the show notes so people can watch that video. It's pretty funny, right?

But it's like it's the mental power, right? People wouldn't necessarily put their money on me unless you know me that, okay, Kimberly is not going to take a defeat in the chicken wing eating contest. She's going to make it happen. I love it. A few things I pulled from that. One, I love, I'm a Pisces as well, so that's why I feel like I have a good connection with you.

Wait, are you a March baby or? March 16th. Oh, are you a March 16th? You're right before St. Patrick's Day on March 9th. Exactly, yeah. So I love your hustle and your drive because that's what I have as well. And your heart. For me, I've got a book coming out later this year, and one of the chapters is Living a Life of Service.

And I feel like if you're not giving back the gifts that you've built and created and others have given to you, then what's the point of just being selfish and taking it all yourself? So I want to ask you a question about – I've asked a lot of big leaders on this podcast this question. First, I want to ask you a different question that's going to lead into it. And that is, what's the biggest lesson you learned from being married and then getting divorced? It's tough. So, you know, I saw with my parents a very loving relationship. Okay. My mom was born in Aguadilla in Puerto Rico. My father was born in Ennis County, Clare, Ireland, and they met in San Francisco and it was like

super passionate sparks, like this amazing. And at the time, you know, my mother was, you know, she had quite a few men after, I think someone had already like proposed to her. I was like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. My dad had to like make the case to get my mom. Okay. Yeah, he was smart. So what happened was he happened to be around and there he was like working construction with his uncles and stuff and had moved to, um, you know, San Francisco. He happened to have a ladder in the back of his car. He's like, I'll help you. You're locked out of your house. So he helped her. He got in, you know, in the window, the whole deal. And then he went over to try and, you know, make nice, you know, with her parents, except my mom's parents did not speak English at the time because they came over here to San Francisco

when the last two of the five kids, you know, were 10 and 11, my mom and her sister Juanita, right? So they weren't quite conversant in English. So he's like, well, how am I going to, you know, get them to like me? So he sang, everybody likes beautiful music and he was an incredible singer. He even sang with, yeah, Elvis Presley when he was in the U.S. Army at the same time as Elvis. Yeah. And he sang with Frank Sinatra too over in Ireland. So that's how he was able to make his case, through music. He translated. He found a way.

They loved him. And that helped him get my mom. Yeah, Puerto Ricans love music. They love singing and dancing. They love it. They love it. He's an amazing singer and an amazing dancer. So they, like, he had them at the first note, you know? So that was really, really great.

So I saw that kind of passion and love. Like, my mom was super, super, you know, sexy, fun, loving. My dad would come home. My mom would like go and sit on his lap and like kiss on him, like in a sweet way. And it was just very charming to see. And she was always doing new and interesting things. Like, for example, one time she decided she wanted to take up like belly dancing. And she sewed costumes for herself and her best friend. And she took the classes and she would do the dancing for my

father. And he was like, this is amazing. What a good idea to marry her. So I saw that type of thing. So I always, like in my life, I was like, you know what, you can have the best, you know, marriage ever. Right. And even though my mom passed away, she was just 37 years of age. My dad never lived a day of regret because he was so happy to be with her, you know, on this planet. Like he just, you know, as he said to the greatest gifts in the world, my man, my brother Anthony. So I had this beautiful, idealistic, you know, vision kind of a marriage. And I really wanted to be married forever. And I still do believe that I can.

You know, I do believe in the power of great love. And that is, when you asked me earlier, what do I see for myself next? Personally, I would like to achieve the success that I have professionally. I would like to win in my personal life. And I feel like I have a lot to give. And I'm not gonna say, oh, because I've failed before,

marriage, oh, it's over for me. I don't think so. And I feel like I'm even better to say, oh, because I've, you know, failed before, you know, marriage. Oh, you know, it's over for me. I don't think so. And I feel like I'm even better having gone through the challenges of marriage because I'm not afraid to make a commitment. I'm also not afraid to say, you know what, maybe I got it wrong and pick myself up, which was very difficult. I mean, when I got divorced last time, it was after my father had passed away and I never felt more alone in my life. But I had to sit there and really pull it out from inside of me, the strength to just continue to go forward. And it was very challenging. So for me, I think what I've also learned about and I write about in the book is about communicating. Like you may be a great communicator as it relates to like for me, for example, in the courtroom, in, you know, on television, you know, professionally, but what

can you do to improve your interpersonal relationships? What can you take away from the relationships that you had and try and make yourself better? So when I tell people like, oh, were you married before? I'm like, yeah. I go, guess what? Yeah. This is the new and improved Kimberly Guilfoyle. You have the best timing in life. I am so happy that you meet me now versus what you met me earlier. That's how I think. I have the benefit of relationship experience, knowing what works and being able to be, have the humility to say, I got something wrong and let me try again. Like why not? Right. Why not? So why wouldn't somebody want to like cash in on that and say, you know what,

Kimberly, I love your heart. I love that you're not afraid to take a chance even, you know, in a relationship in love that you really believe that I have a very good, you know, family example of tremendous love and devotion. And people see how I treat those that are in my life, you know, interpersonally. Like if you're in my circle, you stay, you're in, and I've got you. You're going to ask me for something. I'm going to exceed your expectations.

I have my girlfriends and all my childhood friends, like since kindergarten. That should tell you something. That's big. Yeah, I don't abandon people. A relationship may not have worked out, but I don't abandon people. You know, I literally communicated with my ex-husband Gavin today and my ex-husband Eric Valencia, who is the father of, you know, Ronan. So they would say, Kimberly Guilfoyle, best friend, worst enemy. Because I'm very loyal, very passionate.

I'm like my mom that way. She's so super sweet until you mess with somebody she cared about. I love it. That's a Puerto Rican, right? Of course. Now, do you, you know, with so many divorces happening, I think it's over 50% right now. And then a lot of marriages that probably should be divorced that aren't, where people are just not happy. Right, because people stay safe, right?

Exactly. They're afraid, which I get. Right. Do you believe that you can, you know, and then with people like Oprah who aren't married, who are on top of the world and other people who just don't get married, do you believe that you can achieve your biggest vision in life and have it all professionally, but also have a successful marriage? I do.

I like saying that. I do. Yes. I do believe it. I have saying that. I do. Yes. I do believe it. I have seen it. I see evidence of it here. Well, I'm going to tell you that I have seen so many great marriages here. Like my colleague, Megan Kelly, has an incredible husband, Doug, and they are such a great team together.

He's totally there for her. He's super supportive. He's great with the kids. You know, it's kind of like I use the analogy from like the Carrie Underwood song, like Jesus take the wheel. Like you have to be like that in a relationship where one person, if they're striving, they're achieving something like you take the wheel and like make the rest of it work. Like it's all about that team. So you can't have somebody that jealous of your success, feeling threatened by it or et cetera. So they have to be understand it's gotta be the right fit. Okay. It may not be

like two Titans. Maybe that's not going to work out per se. Okay. But like Martha McCallum here, another fantastic marriage, Gretchen Carlson, these are all amazing female anchors who have really wonderful, you know, stable home lives and kids. Um, also my cohost on the five, Dana Perino, former Bush, you know, white house press secretary, great husband, you know, in Peter and their dog Jasper, everyone knows about. But the point is, is that I've seen it in action. So what I do is I try to look to successful models, right, of what I see. And then I get in my head to think about, well, how can I self-actualize? How can I achieve and attain the same thing? Well, perhaps I'm being attracted to like the wrong kind of men.

Sometimes that happens. Maybe I need somebody who's more, you know, emotionally, physically, like in line with me, you know, that has the same kind of passions and interests. It has kind of the same, you know, worldview. Somebody that is a very, you know, a positive person. I'm a positive person, you know, and I don't love no. You may tell me no about something, but I'm going to see how I can get to yes. You know, or at least learn and grow from the experience or work on something and get better.

It's like, well, maybe it's a no for now. But I'd rather hear a no because it means that I asked or I put myself out there or I tried, whether it's in a relationship with something that you know someone you want to go out with or whether it's a job you want to get or you know um a promotion you're going after better to have heard a no because that means you were putting yourself out there and taking a risk then never even go in the room that's true right Right? Yeah. Because that is, that's like nowhereville.

I mean, I don't know. It was like, that sucks. Like people who do that, it's like, I wish I could jump inside their body and make the case for them. You know, I literally, I saw it was the other day. I was at Good Day New York. Okay. And there was this lady, it's a little side tangent. There was this lady there and she's Beyonce's, I don't remember her exact name, but she's Beyonce's

lead dance captain. I think that's what they go by on their resumes these days. She's like the lead dancer for Beyonce and she is a knockout. She's a stunning dancer, great moves,

everything. And I stopped her and I said, so are you super happy with everything you're doing? I said, because you're a huge star, you've got great screen presence

and charisma and I said, can you sing at all? She's like, well, I can sing, you know, a little bit. I go like, yeah, but then there's JLo. Like is JLo known for like a Pavarotti voice or Mariah Carey? No, but JLo is a great branding and marketing machine. Okay. And she's a great dancer. I said, so what about if you had backing vocals? What if you had, um, you were in a part of a girl band? So I was giving her all these ideas. And I said, have you even asked any of the people in your industry to be able to give you some help or connect with a record label, do something like that? I go, because you're working with people like Beyonce, Jay-Z, all these people.

Like you have everyone around you already built into your circle that you could in fact get to help you. Right? She's been doing some acting and stuff like that. And so she loved the idea of it. And she says, you know, I'm going to talk about this someday, how you gave me this talk, you gave me this speech to believe in myself. So that's my point. So what I need to do, sure.

We all have things we need to work on. I'm now working on my personal life because I want to be able to, you know, make the case for myself to be in a great relationship and I want to be able to, you know, make the case for myself to be in a great relationship, and I want to choose well, and I'm excited, like I said, about what I have to offer. So this is my new little project. I love it. Isn't that funny? Yeah, and people, oh, Kimberly, you must get asked out all the time, blah, blah.

Yeah, okay, great. But, you know, it's not like the numbers. It's not like, okay, the more people that ask out. I mean, but guess what else? I always, people are like, oh, well, you know, it's not like the numbers. It's not like, okay, the more people that ask out. I mean, but guess what else? I always, people are like, oh, well, you must have. No, listen, I say to people, hey, to my dentist, to my doctor, might you know somebody that would be lovely to introduce me to, right? You do something like that.

And you have to put yourself out there. If you get invitations to go do things, maybe you should go. Don't sit there and curl up in a ball, you know, pounding like, you know, popcorn, even if it's like skinny pop and watching Netflix when you could be out socializing. Go take a yoga class if you like it. Maybe you'll meet a guy there. You know, I have a friend that did that. She met some guy. She likes the hot yoga situation. So she kept going a bunch of hot yoga. I go, just don't go to the same place every day. Go to a bunch of hot yoga places. And then maybe you're going to find somebody, right?

Sure enough. You know, my friend met this guy, Bill, and he's like a nice fisherman. He likes hot yoga. They're sailing off into the sunset together, catching a marlin here or there. Right? I love it. I love it. This is awesome.

Yeah, that's a girl i just met on the bus like on the jitney i was like hey what's happening and i told her i said hey you work down in the financial district you know you know any people that are like american psycho that might be nice that would be good for a nice girl like myself you know so and also you have to set reasonable expectations right okay can you know is this somebody that, um, is, you know, looking to get married or is it somebody who's not, it all depends because there's guys out there, maybe they want to get married. Maybe there's guys out there. They don't want to get married. When guys ask me about this and it's very, very funny, Louis, I get interviewed right away from people, right? They'll say, Oh, okay. Well, would you want to do this? Would you

want to do that? They like fire off 10 questions, right? Yeah, yeah. And I'm like, okay, let me fill out this questionnaire. Let me get my number two pencil and try to color within the circle so the Scantron machine can read it. But they want to know, like, what are you looking for? What do you like to do? And that's, these are all important questions, right? Right. Because you really do need to be able to figure out for yourself what it is you're looking for. And I have a girlfriend, Gigi Stone, who always says that. Well, Kimberly, let's make a list. Let's put it together and talk about what you would like.

So that's a fun thing to talk about and to do. And also, a lot of people wait to do that, have their personal relationships, until they feel they're in a good place. I know many men are like, well, I want to get to this. I'll be able to retire in two years. Oh, then I'll reach this certain goal. Oh, I want to provide financial stability so I'm going to hold off. And I tell people, if you have too much of a formulaic approach, you might miss out on the greatest love out there just because you're like, well, I want to wait for six months or I want to wait till after Labor Day. I'm like, what are you talking about? Do you get what I'm

saying? Of course. Yeah, of course. Right. And then like, that's no way to live. And then all of a sudden, like, oh, I'll just roll up on match.com one day and like, figure it out when I'm ready in six months. I mean, come on. I love your approach. And I've got just a couple questions left before we finish up. And I want to make sure everyone goes to get the book, Making the Case, How to Be Your Own Best Advocate. I'll have it linked up here in a second. I'll tell you guys where to go, but it's everywhere in bookstores and online and Barnes & Noble and Amazon. Great book. And I want to ask you a couple of final questions. One is, what are you most grateful for in your life recently?

questions. One is, what are you most grateful for in your life recently? Oh, I will for sure tell you, I have a little boy. He's eight years old. His name is Ronan, middle name Anthony, after my father and my brother and my mom's favorite saint, Saint Anthony. So it's very sweet. I'm super happy. This has been my greatest blessing to have him in my life. And he said to me, and you just, you wonder how things happen in life. And he said, you know, mom, thank God you have me. Otherwise, you know, you might be alone, but he, you know, and because he knows I lost my father and my mother, my brother lives in, you know, in Los Angeles. And I did raise my little brother since he was eight years of age, because that's what, how old he was when my mom passed. So he's like my little buddy. He's great

company. Um, I'm so happy he had gone through some challenges with ear infections and things like that, some health issues related to that. And now he's like good to go. And he's just like cruising, you know. He's like in the HOV lane, like loving life. So I'm very happy about that and that I'm able to, you know, have an incredible job, great friends around me. And I talk about this in the book, you know, sometimes you can't choose your family, but they are the

family you have try and make it work, right. And avoid family drama, but you can choose your friends, surround yourself with, um, loving, warm, you know, loyal people that'll have your back. As we say in the military, you know, I got your six, like somebody is going to have your back and literally be there for you when the chips are down. You have the ability and the great power to choose those who are close to you and that you let in and make those decisions wisely. So it's people that, you know, lift you up, that aren't jealous or petty or have unreasonable expectations, but do appreciate the power of friendship and of loyalty.

That's I've found some of, even though my family got so very small and I've got me and my little boy, I do have incredible friends that I love to pieces that are really, really great. I love that. Okay, two final questions. The first one is,

if you could write down three truths on a piece of paper that you could share with the world, the three truths you know to be true about life. And this was the message that everyone saw in the world from you. What would those three truths be? Oh, my gosh. I wish I got this ahead of time.

Okay. The three truths. I would say believe in yourself, give back. Let me think because I only have one more wish with the magic lamp, believe in yourself, give back. And I would say also, because I just, I really do think this like be fearless. I mean, it's a little bit similar to one, but a belief in yourself is like being loving to yourself and really just, you know, being good to yourself. Like believe in yourself that you can achieve things.

But also you've got to be super courageous. And that's where the fearlessness comes into play for sure. And then the second one is like what you talk about is give back and, you know, pay forward your blessings. You're going to feel so much better about it. If you're happy within yourself, now it's time to roll it out and put it out there in the world so other people can feel good about themselves as well. And like you said, that's the key. A lot of the frustrations and things we see in life is because people in different communities that are having, you know, disenfranchised communities because they don't have jobs, they don't have personal happiness, they don't have safe communities or good schools for their kids. That's going to breed dissatisfaction and strife,

you know, in the universe. And you see when that manifests how deadly and dangerous it can be. So what can we do to like turn it around and, you know, collectively make sure that, you know, we're doing what we can to make it happen. And again, one of the big things I believe in in life is, you know, equality of opportunity, but not a result. Don't be expecting it for people to hand it to you, like entitlements, et cetera, et cetera, because you just disappoint yourself. Look to see what you can do to help yourself.

And God helps those that help themselves. I've always believed that. I love that. That's great. Okay, before I ask the final question, I want to take a moment. I gave you like 10. That was just great. I love it. I'm proud believed that. I love that. That's great. Okay. Before I ask the final question, I want to take a moment. I gave you like 10. That was just great. I love it.

I'm proud of it. Yeah. From one Pisces to another, Kimberly, I want to acknowledge you for a moment for your passion. Your passion for me is what's come across this whole interview and this episode. And I really appreciate and acknowledge you for your passion. And I think that comes from your Pisces blood, I guess, and your Puerto Rican blood. But your commitment to creating great information for the world, but also your commitment to yourself. I love that you've gone through so many different challenges in life, you know, so many different relationships that haven't worked out in certain cases. And yet you continue to acknowledge the process, acknowledge where you've been,

what has worked, what hasn't worked, and you keep moving forward. And that drive and that passion and that commitment to excellence is something I really want to acknowledge in you for a moment. So thanks for all that you do. Oh, my gosh. Thank you so much. That's very sweet. I appreciate it. And I think we're both, you know, on similar paths trying to do that and help other people, you know, be their own best advocate, school of greatness, all that.

It really does matter and has an impact on people's lives. And it's a beautiful thing to see. So thank you for what you do as well. Of course. Yeah. Final question. It's what is your definition of greatness? What is my definition? I would say personal satisfaction.

And that by me is, and it's my simple formula. You know, how do I feel when I go to bed at night? And how do I feel when I wake up in the morning about the person I am, about how I treat other people, about what I'm doing in my life professionally. Am I achieving? Am I doing something that is meaningful and impactful in the universe? I don't ever like to have a day where I don't feel like I'm mailing it in. I never, I don't do that. I don't allow it because every day counts.

I saw that too with just the fragility of life, how precious it is, losing my parents, just the losses that I've gone through. People haven't, you know, gone through so much and made tremendous sacrifices for me to squander my time and I won't do it. Kimberly Guilfoyle, thank you so much for coming on. I appreciate you. Thank you, Lewis. I appreciate you as well. And also for the incredible people that check you out and go into your podcast because, you know, they're making an investment in themselves. And I'd love to hear about that. And that's manifested in the success of your program.

There you go. Thanks so much. I appreciate it. Okay. Thank you. Thank you guys again so much for tuning in. And I hope you enjoyed this episode with Kimberly Guilfoyle. again so much for tuning in and I hope you enjoyed this episode with Kimberly Guilfoyle

if you did make sure to head back to lewishouse.com slash 192 and share this episode with your friends also connect with Kimberly on social media on Twitter and Facebook and Instagram and let her know that you enjoyed this episode we got her information on how you

can connect with her over at lewishouse.com slash 192 thank you guys so much for being a part of this community thank you for spreading and how you can connect with her over at lewishouse.com slash 192. Thank you guys so much for being a part of this community. Thank you for spreading the word. I get all of your tweets. I get all of your messages on Instagram, all the tags on the photos there and in Facebook. You guys are an incredible community, so inspiring, so passionate,

and I love to be of service to you. And it's my pleasure to be of service to continue to provide great guests great information and seek out the most inspiring top performers in the world to share with you lessons about what it means to be great thank you guys again for being here you know what time it is it's time to go out there and do something great.