The School of Greatness - 278 Lisa Nichols on The Key to Abundance and Success

Episode Date: January 18, 2016

"Don't count the number of times you get knocked down. Get attached to the number of times you get back up." - Lisa Nichols If you enjoyed this episode, check out show notes, video, and more at http://lewishowes.com/278

This is episode number 278 with New York Times best-selling author Lisa Nichols. Welcome to the School of Greatness. My name is Lewis Howes, a former pro-athlete turned lifestyle entrepreneur. And each week we bring you an inspiring person or message to help you discover how to unlock your inner greatness. Thanks for spending some time with me today. Now let the class begin. Welcome everyone to the episode. Thank you so much for joining me.

We've got a great guest on today. Her name is Lisa Nichols, and she's one of the world's most requested motivational speakers, as well as a media personality and corporate CEO whose global platform has reached and served nearly 30 million people. From a struggling mom on public assistance to a millionaire entrepreneur, Lisa has become a multiple-time best-selling author and appeared on shows like Oprah, The Today Show, and Steve Harvey. Her company, Motivating the Masses,

was one of the first self-development companies to go public. In today's episode, we dive in on a lot about how to generate abundance in your life, abundance and prosperity and wealth in your life. Some of the things we cover, what the catalyst was for Lisa to switch from a scarcity mindset to an abundance mindset. We talk about that because a lot of people grow up in this scarcity mindset or thinking that money is a bad thing and how she switched that and what you can do to switch that as well. The power of our environment to tell us what we deserve is something else we cover. How visualization creates cognitive dissonance and why this leads to action.

We talk about my visualization process as well, from sports to business. The three types of relationships, number one, life-giving relationships, lifetime relationships, and purposeful relationships. And the amazing story behind Lisa's health transformation as well. We dive into a lot here, and we also have the full video interview that you can check out at lewishouse.com slash 278 if you want to watch that. I am super pumped for this episode, so let's go ahead and dive in with the one, the only, Lisa Nichols. Welcome, everyone, to the School of Greatness podcast. Very excited about our guest today, Lisa Nichols.

Thanks so much for being here. I appreciate it. Yeah, I'm excited. You've got a new book out. I'm just going to show it to the camera really quick. Make sure you guys check this book out. We'll have it linked up. It's called Abundance Now.

Amplify your life and achieve prosperity today. And I'm very excited about this. I was just going through it and I love your message. I love your insights. I love your wisdom. And I also love your message. I love your insights. I love your wisdom. And I also love your story. And I want to dive into it before we begin the process of how to be abundant. Because you didn't start out abundant, right?

No, not at all. No. And you're also a track star from what our agent tells me. I know. How'd you know that? That's like back in the cup. That's not in the book. He's like, you got to talk about your track days because I was a decathlete all American.

Yeah. Come on. I'm a state champion. There you go. All right. What events? I ran the one 10 and a three 30 low hurdles. Wow. The four by 400, four by 100 relay and the open quarter. Okay, cool. And what was your favorite event? The three 30 low hurdles. And I held the record at my high school, just got to say, for the 330 Little Hurdles for 18 years. Get it, girl. Boom. I found out in the 15th year that I held the record. So only had three years of bragging rights before someone broke it.

I love it. I love it. Okay, cool. I'm curious now, growing up, who was the most influential person in your life? And what was the biggest lesson you remember them teaching you? My grandmother, my father's mother, my grandmother, Bernice. And she taught me that she said she prophesied over my life, meaning she spoke life into me when I didn't see it for myself. And she said several things. But one of the key things was she said, baby, as you grow up,

you're going to impact lives and they're going to write about you. I have no idea how she knew. And many people are going to talk about you. She said, do yourself a favor, take everything they've written about you and put it in a file cabinet. Don't read it. She said, and when you get old in my age, sit in your favorite rocking chair, grab a cup of tea and be entertained by who they thought you were while all the time you knew whose you were. And she just instilled this sense of humility. Like you are a servant leader and I don't care what they call you. Expert guru master.

You are a servant leader. You remember that? Cause they'll say a lot of things. And so she has been my anchor. You know, she's long since deceased, but she's been my anchor. And that was just one of the most powerful things.

And then she also said, baby, you can get all the knowledge in the world. She said, but only time will give you the wisdom that I have. I was like, whoa. I was like, I think she just grandma checked me. And so I still to this day with all the knowledge that I've acquired from great books like yours and great books like Stephen Covey's and great books from Phil Jackson, 11 rings and Howard Schultz onward, you know,

all these great pieces of work. I still sit at the feet of seniors. I still sit my spiritual mentor. I sit at her feet once a quarter. I sit at people's feet when they're 20 years older than me or more because they have something I don't have, which is wisdom time. Yeah. So she's,

she angered me in two things, which both leave me in humility. Wow. Okay. What's the wisdom you have from all your time so far? Don't count the number of times you've been knocked down. Get attached to the number of times you get up. All right. I'm going to get these truth bombs all day. Right, right. Boom, boom, boom, boom. I love it. I'm curious now, cause you didn't start out, you start out with a lot of money and with a lot of abundance mindset, did you?

Right. It wasn't just not a lot of money. It was one thing to be fiscally broke. It's another thing to be emotionally broken. Two very different things. And I was broke and broken. And in 1994, I had to go get on government's assistance just to feed my newborn baby. I had to get on WIC, Women, Infants, and Children. And I still say it. And I say it often.

I was interviewed 155 times in five months for my previous book, No Matter What. for my previous book, No Matter What, and it still hits me in the same place. I was ashamed to stand in line with all the other mothers, some fathers, to get free butter, free cheese, free milk, free pasta. But at the same time, I was grateful that there was such a service to help people like me that I knew this wasn't where I was going to stay. But it was where I was in that moment. I wasn't committed to take up real estate there, but it was my current address and broke it. It kind of hit the, I felt like I hit the bottom. Sometimes you feel your back on the bottom. Like, I think that's the bottom. And then there's always a deeper bottom.

Right, right, right. So when I was getting food stamps, I thought I was at the bottom. And then boom, boom, boom. I went to the ATM. I ran out of Pampers for my son, Jelani. And I went to the ATM to get money to go buy Pampers. And it said insufficient funds. And I had $11 and 42 cents in the bank. What's the minimum you can take out 20 bucks?

Exactly. You need 20 in to get 20 out. And, um, I had $11 and 42 cents. And so I went home and I had to wrap my son Jelani for two days in a series of different towels. That, that was my rock bottom. And that was because as a parent, all you want to do is provide. That's it. It's simple. I just want to provide safety and food for my baby. Somebody else was providing my food and I didn't even have pampers. And I remember on the second day of wrapping my son in the towel, Louis, I put my hand over his stomach and I said, don't worry, Jelani, with tears streaming down my face. I said, don't worry, son. Mommy will never, ever be this broke again. And so you talk about

having financial resources. I realized that I needed to first believe that I could do something different, that wherever my mindset was, my bank account was going to follow. So I needed to change my mental zip code. What was your mental zip code then? Scarcity, lack. I was born and raised in South Central LA. I grew up between the Harlem Crip 30s and the Roland 60s. I had three fights a week to get home from school. My highest grade in school was a C+. In 12 years of school, my highest

grade was a C+. If you ever tell this story to anybody, don't forget my plus. Y'all don't forget my plus. It's very important. To a C student, to an A student... I was a C or D student. To an A student, it doesn't matter. Plus, whatever. But to a C student, the plus matters, man.

I get it. So I struggled. Everything in my life was about a hustle. Everything. Nothing was easy except the love for my family. That was easy and effortless and graceful and bountiful. But everything else outside of that, it was a hustle. Get her, get God.

It was the environment I grew up in. And I'm not saying that you have to grow up in that rough environment to have an amazing future. People always say, well, Lisa, I didn't have it rough. Could I have a, listen, I would have traded my background in for anybody. Like, don't think I chose that so I can have this. And so I didn't know abundance. I didn't know abundance existed. I didn't know abundance could happen to people who look like me.

A woman geographically from my neighborhood, I didn't know abundance can be that. I didn't know abundance could happen to people who look like me, a woman geographically from my neighborhood. I didn't know abundance can be that. I didn't see it around me. I didn't know abundance can be for someone that was in my culture. Everything was about survival and hustle. So, so many things. And spiritually, I didn't know that someone who loved God, who had a spiritual foundation can also have prosperity without being perceived as greedy. I mean, everything in my environment said, not me. Everything said, not me. If I listen to the sound effects, and sometimes you just got to turn the volume down and listen to your heart. Right. So what was the conversation you would tell yourself during this time when you're in this scarce zip code? Someone like me can't have it. Them over there, that guy right there,

he comes from the right family. That girl right there, her skin color's the right complexion. That I'm full figured, a mocha skin, full lips, round hip, kinky hair girl? Nah, not me. Not, no, I get other things. I get a bountiful family.

I get great children if I want. I get closeness to God, but I don't get abundance. And I realized that so much of that conversation was embedded in me before I was five. I mean, it just comes with the territory. I would watch my grandmother make a dime going 20 different directions. And I never wondered about having 21 dimes. I just wanted to grow up and make my dime go in 20 different directions to be like grandma. And so, so much is culturally inherited, gender inherited. As a gender, as a woman, you're not raised to make millions. You're raised to either get a good job or get a man with a good

job. Especially in the 80s and 90s. Absolutely. Absolutely. And that's how we were raised. Spiritually, you're taught, in my background, my religious background. Now I'm a spiritual. I'm not attached to a religion at all. But growing up in the Mount Tabor Missionary Baptist Church, it was, you know, money is the root of all evil. Well, who would want a lot of that? And that good people. Who wants evil? And if that's what you say, then I learned that I don't need it. And Sister Brown, I watched Sister Brown and Sister Brown was the most godly woman in the church. And she was always selling fish dinners and barbecue dinners to make sure she had enough money. And so unconsciously, I wanted to be like Sister Brown because that woman can pray the heavens down. And so then again, I'm looking at that. And then in my neighborhood, it was the moment you get a little extra, you give it away. You give it away. Still to this day, I kid you not. One of my last opportunities, I don't call them challenges, opportunities, is I'm in the top 1% earners in America. And I say that humbly. I'm grateful. And my job now is to learn how to keep it and

grow it because I love to give it away. And I know it's a learned behavior. It's a learned, and I give it away to good things. I just put $82,000 and revamped my grandmother's whole house because I knew she wasn't going to move. She's going to live, she's going to, that's where she's going to rest in peace. She's going to stay right there. She's been at that house since 1968. She's not going anywhere. So I just redid the entire house, gutted out the entire house and spent close to $100,000 doing it. And I'll do that

over and over and over and over again because I also was taught, give it away. So now I'm going to people who are more powerful in money in terms of, I know how to make a lot. I know how to keep a lot. Now I learn how to grow a lot, you know, and being willing and being humble enough to say that's where I am. I got the first two down because money has three levels. How do you earn it? How do you keep it? And how do you grow it? And so, you know, I had a conversation for a long time in many different ways. And then it's the conversation as a woman, if I make so much, it's going to be hard to be datable. That big D word, you know, and so as an African-American. You're unapproachable now. Exactly. And men are taught, as I'm taught as a woman about money, you know? And so as an African, you're unapproachable now. Exactly. And men are

taught as I taught as a woman about money, you're taught as a man, be the provider. Well, you know, it's kind of hard to provide for a G like me, you know, when I come in, I go, how about we just put it together? Cause I'm kind of cool on the provision thing, you know? And so I realized that men have to also feel comfortable with the fact that, that that's an eighties conversation. And in 2015, she might make millions. 2016 now. Right, 2016, right, right. You're on the book tour.

You're still last year. I started the book tour, and I have like, you have to at every moment tell me the date that we're living in. I feel you. I feel you. Right, you know, you just. I feel it. I'm just recovering.

I'm finally just like. Tell me there's something on the other side. There is. Recovery is true. There's a clear voice. There's sanity. I'm not seeing doubles. Yes me there's something on the other side. There is. Recovery is true. There's a clear voice. There's sanity. I'm not seeing doubles. Yes.

There's a healthy body. Right, right, right. There's your freedom of time. So I'm curious, what was this moment then that you realized, okay, I need to shift the way I'm thinking, the conversations I'm having, how I'm showing up, who I'm being in every moment from living in the scarce environment that I've lived in for 20 something years to all of a sudden shifting into an abundance mindset and way of being.

What was the moment you experienced the thought, the idea, the catalyst that broke that? I like how you say a moment. Like I got the ceiling opened up and the lights came in and the angels can't. No, maybe it was over time. Right. It was there was a moment when there was a moment when suffering became too painful. There you go. So mine didn't necessarily come at a glory moment.

It came eleven dollars and forty two cents and watching my baby wrapped in a towel, a towel. I, I felt like I was being unfair to him. See, because 30 days before the towel, really tell my stuff for 30 days before the towel, his father called me. And when I answered the phone, I never forget. I said, hello. He said, Lisa, I'm in LA County jail. Well, I don't do jail and I don't do people in jail and I don't know people who have a possibility of going. So how did you get there? Cause I met you in corporate America and you were a professional. How you got there is his business. I don't know. But now I'm a single mom of a son whose father's now in prison, but won't put rock bottom, rock bottom again. So 30 days later, when I had my

son wrapped in a towel, I was done. I was just done. You're sick and tired of being sick and tired. I was done. So, you know, the concept of bankrupt is there's nothing left. That's the concept of bankrupt. So I like to explain it. I was bankrupt in my mess. I was bankrupt in my chaos and I was bankrupt in every sexy, because my excuses are sexy, by the way. I've been a linguistic specialist for years. I could talk my teachers into doing things right. I mean, that's just been my gift. My father used to say, Lisa, please promise me you will use your powers for good. And so I was bankrupt in all of my excuses. So if you ask when, it was probably about three hours after I told my son we'll never be here again on day two of being wrapped in a towel in 1994. And then I said, how? The next question was how? If I'm done with this, I'm not even sure what that looks like. I just know over there are a bunch of abundant thinkers living an abundant life, having abundant memories with a surplus of everything

in it because abundance is to be an overflow of the things that you have. Abundance is just about overflow. It's about overflow. That means that if there were a saucer under this cup, abundance would be everything. This tea flows over into the saucer and I can feed you from my saucer under this cup, abundance would be everything. This tea flows over into the saucer and I can feed you from my saucer because I have filled my cup up enough. I use my cup for me and I feed you from my saucer. And abundance is saying, I have a saucer in my relationships filled with great experiences. There's a saucer in my health and wellness. I have so much bountiful health and vitality that I can show up for you. There's a saucer with my spirituality that I can pray for you. I can forgive the perceivably unforgivable and love the perceivably unlovable. And then there's a saucer for my finances

and that in every area, because abundance is a 360 experience. See, wealth is singularly focused. Wealth is about your money and your possessions. That's wealth. Okay. But abundance is 360. I have a lot of very, very wealthy friends. Who are miserable, unhappy, bad relationships. Who are not abundant. They're wealthy. They're wealthy. They're not abundant.

And they understand that. And they come to me and go, Lisa, help me with my relationships with my family or whatever. And so I had to learn something different. Lewis, I didn't know what I didn't know. And so that became the moment when I said, what do I need to know to have something different? What do they know that I don't know? And how can I get it? And I became a hunter.

So what was the first discovery? That there's a mindset that comes with abundance, that they think differently. They don't just do something different. There's not a hookup. First of all, what camera do I look into? Is it that one? Anyone, anyone. There is no such thing as a hookup. I am still waiting on mine. And if you know where it is, my phone number is. So there was no hookup. There's no hookup. Like it's not true. Like you got a 297 million chance in one to win the lotto. And within five years, the people win the lotto are in more debt than they were before they won the lotto. So that ain't even a hookup. Right. And so I realized that I needed to change my mindset. I needed to learn

something different. And I needed to know it at a cellular level. All that stuff I just told you about, my color, my gender, I had to unlearn. People are, we're information junkies because we got all kind of access to information online. And we're learning all this stuff, but we're not implementing anything. I'm sorry, I might step on a few toes. That's what I do. And so I realized that I had to, at a cellular level, first, before I went to get any more information, I had to be willing to divorce and evict some belief systems that I already had that they had taken me as far as they can take me and now they're

holding me back it's almost like you wear a size 11 you have 11 foot and you tried to fit it back in a size 7 shoe you passed that a long time ago and and that's going to be a very uncomfortable day. I was in discomfort. I was very uncomfortable with my thinking. And so I started diving into books. The first book I dove into was Stephen Covey's Seven Habits of Highly Effective People. And it disrupted me. It disrupted everything. I didn't know. It was like a double door opened up and then a wall opened up. I'm like, what are they? They know that? Why nobody told me that? I felt like I was out of a club. And really you are. I'm just going to tell you, abundant thinkers think a certain way. And they don't go around trying to convert you. People like you and I go, let's open it up to everyone. But here's what I know about the human

spirit. It's that the human spirit has a power of choice. And most people don't want to choose this kind of thinking because it costs you something. What's the cost? The cost is you got to get up earlier. You get up earlier than the average guy. Your day, what you do in a day is what some people do in a week.

What you do in the mornings is what some people do in 12 hour day. You got to be willing. What you're willing to do on your book tour to get on the New York times. Some people say, I got to do all that. I don't want to do all that. It's a lot of work. Okay, great.

Then have your life. You sign up for your life experience. There's no way. When I realized that I was a culmination of all my decisions, that's like straight with no chaser. That's like getting it with no cookies and milk. You're a culmination of all your decisions. And then when you up-level your decisions, and that's even hard at times when you go, God, why am I always single? You're a culmination of all your decisions. And then when you uplevel your decisions and that's even hard at times,

you go, God, why am I always single? You're a culmination of your decisions. You're a culmination of your actions. Why can't I keep any money? You're a culmination of your decisions, your life. So I wanted to make better decisions because my son being wrapped in a towel, me having $11 and 42 cents, me being overweight, me, my, my son's father being in prison, I couldn't shake it. I was a culmination. My life experience was a culmination of all my decisions. And it was undoubtedly a hot mess. And so I went, well, let me go learn from somebody whose life don't seem like it's a hot mess. And then let me adopt some of their behaviors. when I began to hunt. I went to conferences.

I was scared the bejeebies out of me, these conferences. I'd never been to conferences before. I went to entrepreneurial conferences. I was one of four women at an 800-person conference, and I was the only woman of color. So it was all older white men and me, and I was like, okay, well,

they're not afraid of money, seems like. They're talking money and business and corporations and ROIs and PPMs and term agreements and no habla espanol. I don't know what that means, but I am not leaving until I figure this out. And I went to the same conference. When I say do what other people won't do and you'll have what other people don't have, I went to the same conference, Louis, 42 times. I told you I was a C student, so it took me a minute to get it. And I kept getting sponsored back to the

I didn't even have the money to go to the conference I started volunteering at the conference I would be on stage teaching because they loved the way I spoke then I'd get off and I'd help clean up because I had to pay my dues to be there I was okay, I ate my slice of humble pie every day because I was bankrupt

see some people, you haven't pushed non-negotiable yet you're still optional, I really would love to be successful. I want to be successful. I want to be successful. I want to make money. I want to make money. I want to be healthy. But it's not non-negotiable yet because the moment the rubber meets the road and you feel a little skin and it gets a little tender and a little blood may show up.

You don't want to give blood. You don't want to give sweat. You don't want to give tears. Let me just tell you, you can't take the elevator to the top. It ain't nothing but stairs. All right. Yeah. Boom. Sorry, I got excited. I don't know where give tears. Let me just tell you, you can't take the elevator to the top. It ain't nothing but stairs. Boom. Sorry, I got excited. I don't know where you were going with your questions. What was this event you went to? You know what?

I'd rather not even tell it because people begin to think the event was everything. I'm going to say there's a conference you know about. There's every conference. There's a conference you know about. Find like-minded people in your tribe that's going to make you stand on your tippy toes. With no disrespect to it, but people start saying, that's the next light. No, it's not.

It was me hunting because the conference didn't give me a whole lot other than the people there I kept pulling from. You know what I mean? How important, you know, I'm a big believer in visualization and obviously in The Secret, that's something that was talked about. I haven't watched The Secret in 10 years when it came out. But I mean, this is something I practice as an athlete to visualize my results before the game would happen, to see myself scoring the touchdown in the track meet.

And I'm sure you did a lot of similar things. How important is visualization in abundance, but then also how important is taking action? Right. So I have five visualization exercises in that book just because it's so important. Visualization is a gift to your heart and your soul. It's a gift because if the idea is the seed, visualization is the fertilizer. It's the fertilizer because when your thoughts are connected with an emotion, see, you would visualize yourself winning and you would feel all the emotion that came with that.

And all you're doing now is you're not chasing a foreign emotion. You know the feeling. And now you're just doing what's necessary to get back to that feeling in real time. Exactly. And so what a good friend of mine, Vishen, the CEO of Mindvalley, who you know, I did a visualization with him. who of the CEO of mind Valley, who, you know, um, I would, I did a visualization with him. We were in Bali and, um, he said to me afterwards, I never get emotional. He doesn't get emotional. He's like, well, he was like, I cried. I got emotional. He goes,

I figured it out. It's visualization. A good visualization brings an emotion. He was like, that's how you do it. And so I love doing visualizations because and it's really important in the visualization. You can't see it over there. You have to see it right here. You got to feel it right here. Like I am. It's all I am. I am.

I am in my dream home. I am in my dream relationship. And then unpack what that looks like. But most importantly, unpack what it feels like. And when you have that emotion in this moment, all of a sudden you stir up something that I don't think will ever go back to sleep. It'll go, okay, let's go get that. And what it really does is it sets up a state of cognitive dissonance. cognitive dissonance and cognitive dissonance is when you see something in your mind and you see yourself in a way that your behaviors are not currently leading to it so your mind becomes disrupted and it goes okay can we get there right because i'm not there right now i'm not there right

now and that's not comfortable your mind wants to literally be congruent what it thinks is what you're doing what it thinks is what you're doing and so when you set up a constant and abundant thinkers like you and i we do it unconsciously we we are constantly keeping ourself in a state of cognitive dissonance meaning okay what else and i'm seeing lisa over there and i'm going okay let me go while while being grateful for my now yeah it's not in that i'm going to be whole and complete when I get over there. I'm whole and complete now. I just know I'm supposed to be over there. So let me do what's necessary to get over there.

And let me evict any behaviors or characteristics that are stopping me and let me adopt any new ones that I need. Right, right. How does someone discover their unique calling? Because you talk about that in the book, discovering your unique calling. What if people are like, I don't even know what I want. I know I want to be out of the place I'm in. I want to be abundant, wealthy, healthy, great relationships, but I don't know what my purpose or calling is right now. I think that people put too big of a notion on purpose in that they think that it has to look

like a Nelson Mandela or a Mother Teresa or Oprah or a you you or I. And a lot of times what you're really good at is right in front of you. What you're really great at is right in front of you and to recognize that your calling and your purpose can change. That it can change. You have a long lifetime. It's not going to be the same calling the whole time. And so allow yourself to evolve, allow your purpose to evolve. What's that thing you do effortlessly that you give no credit to? Because you're just looking past, oh, it can't be that because it's not hard. Well, how about it doesn't have to be difficult? How about the fact that you're a great listener? How can you take that and use that and expand it? And don't compare yourself to someone else. Comparison, I think Benjamin Franklin said, comparison is the thief of all joy.

When you look left or right, people are always comparing me to Oprah Winfrey or Ayanna Vanzant or Les Brown or Tony Robbins. I said, listen, if you want me to give you Oprah or Ayanna or Tony or Les, I'm always going to 1,000% fail you. But if you're ever interested, I do a damn good Lisa Nichols. I do a good Lisa Nichols. And so when you look at what are my gifts, what are my unique gifts? I knew very early on I was a gifted speaker. I wasn't certified as a gifted speaker. I haven't passed any courses as a speaker. Matter of fact, the last time I took a speech class, I got a D minus. And my speech teacher told me, Ms. Nichols, I recommend you

never speak in public, that you get a desk job. That was in my freshman year of college, the last speech class I took. So a lot of times your gift and your purpose, you've discounted it either because someone else discounted it or what's more common is you don't know how to monetize it. And sometimes the greatest gift you have to give is not for fee, it's for free. You watch people like you and I and go, well, why can't I get paid for it? Well, not every gift you're supposed to get paid for. Nelson Mandela did not get paid for leading 27 years when he got out of prison. He got paid after that, but he was a great leader while he was in prison. And Martin Luther King, he got paid from the church, but his fight for civil rights,

that was a free one. and he paid the highest cost. And you can go on and on and on to some of the greatest leaders, Mahatma Gandhi. It wasn't a paycheck. Right. And I know we're scaled down to our version, but don't get attached to having to get paid for your gift. Right. Yeah. I started this podcast as a way of I'm going to do this for free for a year.

I'm not going to take any sponsors. Right, right, right. I'm not going to do anything of I'm going to do this for free for a year. I'm not going to take any sponsors. I'm not going to do anything. I'm not going to sell anything. I'm just going to create and facilitate great conversations. And that's it. And now the money is coming in because of how it's impacted people's lives. And your intention was in the right place. Yeah, but I wasn't like, how can I do this right now to make money?

It was how can I serve the maximum number of people? That right there. That when people live in a place of servant leadership, my grandmother said when I was 24, if you leave and how you, how can you serve the most people? When I sit with my team, I go,

how can we serve more people? How can we serve? Last year we were able to touch 30 million people. How? And that's all our question. Now, as we serve our platform gets brought up, but how can we serve?

Don't tell me how we can make more money. I'm not interested in that. I'm not sure how can we serve more? Because if I do the right thing for the right reasons, everything I need will be a byproduct of that. So I think we get caught up in, you know, society allows us to have us has us looking at possessions. And so we begin to measure our joy and our abundance on possessions. I have a friend who's worth, he's worth $14 billion. How do you even write that?

I had to write it down so I could see it. How many zeros is that? Right, right, right. A lot. He's worth $14 billion. I checked my email on my phone before we started, and he's on my phone asking me, please come visit me, because he's lonely.

He's rich, but he's not abundant. He flew from Canada to come to my house for New Year's just to be around people who were celebrating and wanted nothing from him. And so don't pursue the things, pursue the acts of service and everything you need will come. I promise you. Yeah, that's powerful. Let's talk about the four E's. What is this principle of the four E's that you talk about in your you. Yeah, that's powerful. Let's talk about the four E's. What is this principle of the four E's that you talk about in your book? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I like to break up my life in quadrants and I help my students. I do a lot of coaching. I do personal development and professional development coaching. And no matter where you come to me, whether you

come to me for personal development or whether you want to turn your passion into profit in this professional development and business development. For entrepreneurs, we go over the four E's because abundance is holistic. It's a holistic experience. So the first is enrichment of self, that you are only going to go as far as you think you're worthy. I can push. You can push. You can have the greatest product, but if you don't feel worthy, you will work hard to sabotage that relationship. You don't know you're doing it.

Every day you will. Right. You don't know you're doing it. You think these are the things I need. And you're driving that guy away. You're driving that woman away. Because your self-worth says they weren't going to stay forever anyway. Or self-worth around money.

You have a cap that you feel like you're worthy of a million dollars. You will always get to $999,000 and you will stop because your self-worth says it. So enrichment is number one. What's a good exercise or process that we can follow on a daily basis, maybe something simple to enhance our enrichment and worthiness? Absolutely. I did this for six months, every single day right after I brushed my teeth. And it's the I see you exercise. And you get in the mirror. Now, it's not necessarily simple because you're dealing with yourself.

Of course. And as complicated as you are, we'll be the degree. Well, the mechanics of it are simple. The mechanics are very simple. Yes. I appreciate that distinction. You get in the mirror and you complete three different sentences. You want to write this down.

The first sentence, you look at yourself and you say your name. So you say, Lewis, and you complete three different sentences. You want to write this down. The first sentence, you look at yourself and you say your name. So you say, Louis, and you complete this as I'm proud that you and find seven different things every day to celebrate yourself for seven different each day. You can do the same thing you did the day before, but each day do seven different things to be proud of.

The second sentence is going to knock you down a little bit. It's going to come from your gut. Louis, The second sentence is going to knock you down a little bit. It's going to come from your gut. Lewis, I forgive you for and cut the shackles to blame, shame, guilt, regret and anger. In that sentence, you cut those five shackles. Not the first day, maybe not the third day, but by the 21st day, by the 13th day, you'll feel some relief. So, Lewis, I forgive you for and go back five years 15 years 20 years do that forgive you for that thing don't nobody know about but you go ahead and cut those shackles because if you can still think about it it's still in your energy space yeah and then the third

sentence is lewis i commit to you that before you make a commitment to anybody else throughout your day you make seven commitments to you so the the first sentence is, I'm proud that you, you're celebrating yourself first. We are under celebrated as a, as a society. We look for acknowledgement. They enter, they interviewed a hundred executives that all made over a quarter of a million dollars and said, would you like a 5% raise next year? Or would you rather be told? Thank you more often. 100%, 100% said, keep your money. I'd rather hear. Thank you. So we're under celebrated, but first celebrate you. Be the example.

When I was on Oprah, when she said, what do you do? I said, I recognize that I'm the example of how the rest of the world is supposed to treat me. And it's my job to give the world the best example of how I like to be treated. So celebrate yourself, forgive yourself, cut the shackles, and then commit to yourself before you commit to anyone else. That right there. Powerful. That right there will begin to fill your cup up to get to your saucer. I love that.

Where did you start to learn that process? Was that something you just started to practice yourself and started looking in the mirror and trying different things? Boy, you asked the question. I was in a relationship, engaged to be married, and it became abusive. I was emotionally abused. And then he picked me up and threw me three feet across the room and choked me until I passed out. I don't tell a lot of people that. And I was suffering with post-traumatic stress disorder. And my mother asked me to go to the doctor, strongly recommended I go to the doctor, drug me to the doctor. And after the assessment of me in Manhattan Beach, my doctor said that I was clinically depressed. And I said,

how did I get here? Me? That don't even fit with my name. I was head cheerleader in my high school. I was the captain of the track team. I'm always the person to get people going. It didn't fit. How did I get here? I don't know if you've ever found yourself saying, how did I get here? I was sitting on the table in the doctor's office saying, how did I get here? And when she wrote me the prescription, she handed me the prescription and I read the prescription and it said, Lisa Nichols Prozac. It was like I was looking at a foreign statement, my name and Prozac. And I asked her, I said, can I try something for 30 days?

Because I realized I was just sad. I lost me. I had lost me in him. I lost me in being a mother. I lost me in being the mother of a son whose father was in prison and trying to hide that shame and then trying to make this man happy and then beginning to fend for my life. I lost me. So I needed to discover me. I needed to remind myself who I was.

And so I just realized I didn't celebrate me. I was beating myself up. I was really mad at me. And I was showing up for everyone else. So I just made up these sentences. And I did it to rescue myself, to turn my crawl into a walk. And I ultimately was able to turn my crawl into a walk and my walk into a run and my run into a soar. But it started out as a crawl. So I don't offer the how I got to that exercise often unless someone asks. Thank you very much, my darling.

You're welcome. Thanks for sharing and opening up. I've long since learned four things. To me, this is the road to true freedom. I have nothing to prove. I have nothing to protect. I have nothing to hide and I have nothing to defend. That your perception of me after I tell my truth is actually none of my business. My perception of me, that I go to bed as whole and complete as I woke up before I check how many likes I have on Facebook, that I like me first. And every other like is bonus. There you go.

I like it. That was a long road to get to. Long road. Sure. Long road. Yeah. And we probably have to constantly be reminded of it, you know, to get in that place. And then when I live like I'm forgetting you have to have

accountability partners stashed in the corners of your life and you have to give them an assignment on your high day you have to give them an assignment on your high day if I look like I'm slipping well my ego's in the way get in my face get in my face right get in my face and remind me of the man of the woman I said I wanted to. Don't let me off the hook for the 2020 version of me. Because we're humans. It's going to happen. As long as we're breathing, we're going to be out of integrity at some point. Come on.

Your humanity is going to get in the way. Your ego or ladies, your shego is going to get hooked. Exactly. Absolutely. Your resentment. Absolutely. Your smallness. Just smallness.

It all fits in smallness. I'm human. The best thing I did was to keep people around me to hold me accountable to the woman I said I want to become sure

that's great I love that that's why I have a lot of people from the Midwest who work with me on my team support me keep me grounded right right right

like don't get too Hollywood exactly don't get caught up in the lights and the cameras and the daggone headset exactly exactly

absolutely okay enrichment that's the first and the cameras and the daggone headset. Exactly. Exactly. Absolutely. Okay. Enrichment. That's the first part. The second part is enchantment. Relationships are going to define the quality of your life. When you're on your bed on your last days, you're going to want to know who's going to be around you.

Bottom line, you're not going to care about another podcast. You're not going to care about another sponsor. I'm not going to care about another book or the freaking New York Times best. It matters to us now. But the relationships in your life are going to determine the quality of your life. And so mind your relationships. And so in the book abundance, now I teach you how to, how to heal broken relationships that matter to you, how to get back level set. I give you this great, um, it's a conversation to heal a broken experience. So it's called a communication charter. I use it in my company. I use it at my house.

And so just is about how do I keep great relationships? And then the third area is engagement, work engagement. You're going to spend so much time in work. And we're so emotionally attached to our work. And most of the time people are attached in such a dismal way that why would you have that dismal energy around something you're going to spend so many hours in? So I teach you how to shift your energy towards your work so that you no longer look at it as your work. Now it's no longer your JLB. Like everyone in my community, everyone in my tribe, they no longer say they have a job. They say, I have an investor. And when you look at your job as your investor and you really rename it as your investor and it's investing in your breathtaking future, it has the capacity to buy

anything you want for your future. If you mind your money, right. Right. Right. It can buy your freedom. And all of a sudden you start treating your investor better and you're more excited about going. Matter of fact, you're grateful. You're grateful for your investor. It doesn't feel like work. Man, my investor was LA Unified School District. That was a hard place to be when it was a job. I'm just telling you.

But as an investor, for three and a half years, I wrote myself a check. And I put in the memo line, funding my dream. I didn't even know what the dream was. I wasn't even clear. I just knew whatever my dream was, it was going to cost some money. I needed to pay and I need to have some money to pay. And that if I was going to ask other people to invest in me, I had to be my first investor. Who am I to ask someone to put money my way when I didn't put money my way? So I wanted someone for them to match, just match my investment in me. I got 10 in, can you put 10 in? I got 20 in. Can you put 20 in? And so when you look at your job, your work engagement as an investor into your breathtaking life, all of a sudden there's a different energy around it. And then the last one is money endowment. And to recognize more than the Dr. Seuss family and the Disney family and the McDonald's family and the Lawrence Welk family has a right to an endowment, when you get the understanding, and I really unpack it here where you kind of go, what? Like I'll make you do a couple of Scooby-Doo looks in the book. When you look and go, I can do an endowment. Because we think it's for them. Remember, I started this conversation with abundances for those people over there, especially when it comes to an endowment or a living legacy,

like in your book and creating a legacy to, create a legacy to recognize that. Wait a minute. There's a Lewis endowment and a Lisa endowment and a Don and John and Tanya endowment and fill in the blank here endowment. And I need to live my life to set up my endowment. All of a sudden you become responsible for generations to come responsible for changing the trajectory of your family's life. That's some bold stuff. When in your lifetime,

you do a needlepoint move for your family. In my lifetime, I was able to do a needlepoint move for my son. Like he's a Nichols child. He's one of many Nichols men, but that's a Nichols man who now knows what it feels like to cook in Italy and in Tuscany and in Florence and in Venice and in Rome. That's a Nichols child who knows what it feels like to go surfing on the Gold Coast of Australia.

That's a Nichols child who understands what it feels like to stand on the tallest mountain in Africa, like his life. I asked him this morning, I said, Jelani, can you, when you get married and have children, can you stay in California so mommy can really see her grandchildren? He goes, well, mom, that's kind of restrictive. It's restrictive to stay in big California. Because he knows the world. His paradigm shift has occurred.

He won't ever live like another. And he'll take everything he's learned and expand the Nichols male child experience. So in my generation, in my lifetime, I was able to change our family experience for him. And so I believe that we have a right to look at our legacy and create a living legacy and then create a legacy. Right. Right. I want to talk a little bit more about relationships because I feel like for my success, my growth has all been about relationships and building quality relationships. In the process, I've lost, I would say, a lot of friends from college to after college.

It's like a lot of people don't understand it. They don't get it. Right. And when you try to connect with them and educate or just lift them up and say, hey, this is possible for you too. Rescue 911. It's almost scary for them. Yes. A lot of judgment happens, a lot of negative talk behind your back, jealousy, things like that.

Have you lost a lot of relationships over the years from family to friends? And how do you handle a situation when someone that you're very close with no longer wants to grow, wants to learn, wants to be in this abundance mindset? What do you do in that situation? Do you just cut them out? Do you add new people to your life? How does that work? Because I know you have great relationships and you're constantly connecting with people. I do. And I nurture them. And there's probably just a few, few years between us, just a few, but they've taught me something. And I'm happy you asked that question because I've been looking at that lately.

So there are three types of – I talk about this and I deep dive this in the book. There are three types of relationships. There are life-giving relationships. Now, I'm going to speak to friendships and I'm going to speak to romance. May I? Sure, of course. Because what we talk most about are relationships. What many people think most about is money.

Those are the two anchors that just kind of consume a lot of energy. Right? There are three types of relationships. There are, and I'm happy to answer the friendships that I've lost and what I've done, but I want to kind of give this context because I think this is going to be a liberator for someone. Someone came to this podcast just for this. Like this is your nugget. Everything else is bonus. This is it.

There are three types of relationships. There's a life-giving relationship. And that's the friend or the romance that lasted one day to two years. And it was, they were in your life just to remind you, you still got it. That you were, and you know that friend you made, it was like, for like six months. And then they're gone. And because you can't even sustain it.

It's too combustive. You know, it's too demanding. It's too chaotic. It's too, it's the turbulent turbulent the joy is high and the turbulence is high yeah exactly and and so it was it can't it can't exist past two years but that's called a life-giving relationship and some are only last for one day there's they're a stranger that passed in your night and it was delicious it was one good night right Or two. And with no judgment on that. That's just life.

They're life-giving. They're there to remind you, stay in the game. That fire you had in your belly when we played or skated or made love or sang, keep that fire in your belly. That's a life-giving. Relationship number one. Relationship number two is a lifetime. No matter what you do, someone's going to bury the other person. Friends, romance, it's just meant to be lifetime.

They can get on your last nerve. Y'all ain't going nowhere. And then this third type is the type that there's the most disruption in, the most chaos in, the most sadness in, the most discord in. And it's the relationship we're in the most chaos in, the most sadness in, the most discord in, and it's the relationship we're in the most of. It's 80% of our relationships are in this category. And probably about 99% of our chaos and discord is in this category. And that's called a purposeful, I hope y'all writing this down by now. That's called a purposeful relationship. And a purposeful relationship is a relationship that was brought together to serve a purpose. Whether the purpose was to birth a business, to grow each other up, to have children, to learn how to love madly.

There's a purpose. And that relationship lasts anywhere from three years to 15 years to 25 years. It can be a long time. However, where the discord comes in, where the sadness comes in, where the disgruntledness comes in is that once, you know what I'm going to say? Once it's a purposeful relationship,

full of purpose, purposeful. Once the purpose is fulfilled, the relationship will forever take a shift. It won't necessarily be over, but it is in the beginning of its decline. Now, can you stay together for a lifetime after the purpose is fulfilled? Yes, you can, but it will have a flat line. It will just have a flat line. And then most people, a lot of people, the relationship ends because something just isn't right. Because someone's saying, a lot of people, the relationship ends because something just isn't right. Cause someone's saying, why can't we just go back to the way it used to be?

Right. Well, we learned it. We used to be serving and fulfilling the purpose. Yeah. It's already for in that beautiful, juicy, great content. It didn't even come from me. I learned it years ago and I adopted it to save my own life. And so in that context, I do have friends that have been with me for years and I have friends that have moved on and they were purposeful. And that was the only thing I could give it to find peace because there is this gap, there's this hole, there was, I wish I would've got them. But let me share something with you, there's this gap. There's this hole. There was, I wish I would've got them, but let me share something with you, Lois. I realized that my job in my friend's life and in my family member's life is not to rescue them. Now, this is where the distance in our years comes.

I realized that I can have all this information in your beautiful book. I can have all this information in what I wrote in mine. And when I show up to them, with them, they just want their girlfriend. They just want their homegirl. They just want their niece. They just want their cousin. They just want their daughter. They don't want me to rescue them. That I had to retire from the converting business.

Because I suck at converting people. They are going to be who they want to be in this to no disrespect to them, but no one drug me to this place of awareness. So who am I to drag them? And I know we get excited because we see the light and the reality is all we, all your job, all my job, all your job, all your job is to be the light. Not try to pour it on people, but to be the light so that we get to serve them again from our saucer. And they pick up on it. Last night I had a book signing. But they've got to want it.

And when they're ready. Own it. In their time. Last night I had a book signing. And I don't know if my family's going to be watching this. But if they are, I'm grateful. And I don't know if my family's going to be watching this, but if they are, I'm grateful. More people from my family showed up to my book signing last night than any other event in the history of my business.

I've been doing this for 21 years. Well, any other I've been inviting them. Why? Why now? I don't know. I didn't ask him. I was just grateful. Yeah. I didn't inviting them. Why now? I don't know. I didn't ask them. I was just grateful. I didn't even ask.

And then today I got a text from my cousin who I grew up with, six months difference. My ride or die. She's the one I got in trouble all the time with, ride or die. Never interested in coming to my work. And it would kill me to see her life. Kill me to see her suffering. Kill me to see her struggle, kill me to see her not happy. And today she sent me a text and she said, I'm going to read your book because I'm ready for a change. I read it like three times. And then I texted my cousin, my first cousin. And I texted her back.

I said, nothing would make me more happy to support than to support you in your journey. Let me know what I could do. That's awesome. When you're ready, when you're ready. Yeah. And so I stopped trying to convert my friends because I was driving our friendships away. It was a hard lesson learned. And then I started thinking my work was so big and so, so and so meaningful that they would understand if I didn't have time.

And I realized people don't care about what you're doing for the planet. You need to nurture this friendship. So I let some die on the vine. So there are relationships that you've let die on the vine because you didn't invest enough in it. You thought the plant would live without water. I thought the plant would live without water. I thought the plant would live without water because I was watering everyone out here, but I forgot to turn the water back around to my friendships. And so if they died away, I am 100% as responsible as my friend. Yeah, of course. What do you think is the most purposeful relationship you've been in?

The one that's... Are you going to turn around and ask me the most life-giving one too? I got to check this question out. Sure, both of them. Right, right. Both of them. Purposeful relationship that I've been in. I'm going to tell you three. so one is with a girlfriend of mine who taught me to trust other people her name is Denise did you not trust people before

I don't know if I distrust it I didn't just didn't try to trust I was I was queen of I could do it I could do it don't worry about me I'm good don't worry about me which we don't think that's lack of trust we just think that's I'm a superhero I got this I realize if I don't I think that's lack of trust. We just think that's, I'm a superhero. You see this as a much as I got this. I realized if I don't, I think it was a part of no, but it was unconscious.

I would never say I don't trust people. I just said, I got it. I got, don't worry about me. You're good. Don't worry about me. I'm good. I'm good. So she taught me how to trust.

Um, and my ex fiance who abused me, uh, taught me how to fight for my life without fighting with words. I fought without fighting. I grew up like this. I grew up like this. And I had to learn how to fight strategically. He made me realize how much I wanted to live and how much I had to live for and how willing I was to go out of my norm to make sure I was around. So my son doesn't fit in purposeful because he's a lifetime. But my son has taught me. I had a consultant come in my company and fraud my company.

It's the worst. It cost me several hundred thousand dollars, but that money is just dirty paper. That was the easy part. The feeling of betrayal. The emotional part, yeah. The ego in the way, the resentment. When I told my son, and I'm crying, I couldn't fake it. My son knows me so well.

He's 21 now. He can look at me and go, mom, something's wrong. And, um, I was trying to fight it off and he's like, something's wrong. And I just started bawling and crying. And my son took my hand and said, mom, let's just pray. And we're not religious, we're spiritual, but we, we, we, he was raised praying and my son started praying for us. And then, then he did something that rocked my world. He started praying for the guy. I never, I thought about doing a lot of things to this man. Praying was not one.

Praying was not one. I'm just telling you. My son prayed for him and my son prayed for his children. My son cracked my compassion wide open. I started bawling even more, but I started crying for a different reason. I started crying because I had no compassion. I had no forgiveness in my heart at that moment. It's hard to when you feel like someone deliberately intentionally betrays you.

Right, but we do hard things every dang day. We're athletes on top of life athletes. We're athletes. Athletes sign up, get dressed and go out to hurt. Exactly. I mean, there's many days I play football. I was allowed to physically hurt people.

Man, there are many days I've made a personal phone call to Earl on the side, Earl on the side of the track. I knew when I did 800 breakdown, I was going to make a direct line call to Earl. Yeah, exactly. And I signed up for it. So we know hard. I didn't, as hard as that was, I wasn't entertaining it. So my son is the other person.

He's a lifetime relationship, but he taught me like in that moment. And that was recently, that was in the last 12 months. He taught me, I don't care how much you're hurting, still open up your heart to compassion. care how much you're hurting, still open up your heart to compassion. Don't ever stop forgetting where they might be that will cause them to live in that kind of dark place, mom. It's not your job to leave them there, mom. Shine your light on them, even if they don't know it's your light. Even if they violated you, you still live in the light. Living in the light is not optional. When you choose the light, stay in the light the light you never ever take the train down to darkness because someone betrayed you you don't ever leave the light that's what he said basically that was powerful at 21 you know mom let's pray

and i'm like he's praying for him and so amazing and then i'm not telling you life-giving relationship. You know, it was romance for me. It was romance. It was at a time where, is this PG or is this R? What is this? PG-13. Some kids listen. Mom, share this with the kids.

All right, all right, all right. Yeah, man. I'm good. I can do PG-13. I wasn't going too far. Well, thank you. We can bleep stuff. Right, right, right, right, right. Yeah, man, I'm good. I can do PG-13. I wasn't going too hard, but thank you. We can bleep stuff. Right, right, right, right, right. No, no, no.

No, I think not, maybe. There was someone in my life, and still is. He's a great friend. And it was at a time that I didn't see myself through the lenses he did. Like, he saw me far more beautiful than I saw myself.

And it, and it speaks to a bigger picture that sometimes you have to borrow someone else's lenses and look at yourself through their lenses. He was significantly younger than me. And that was a big thing for me because I felt like, and he was phenomenally beautiful. He was African-American and French, just a delicious blend. That's all I'm going to say. Everyone over 21 knows that, what it means. And I would look at him and literally lose my breath.

I would lose my breath when I would look at him. And I would watch him look at me and lose his breath. And I kept wondering what he saw. It was the craziest thing. I kept wanting to go behind him and look at me. Like, you know, I don't know if you understand, but I just wanted to see what he saw. And I was 78 pounds heavier than I am now. I haven't been in this body long. So I'm still getting used to being under 210 pounds.

Wow. So for him to see me so beautiful then. Where'd my napkin go? Where'd you sit it? There we go. You got me there. You got yourself there. Yeah, well, you, you opened the door. Now I'm grateful. I want you to stay in this moment because, uh, you know, I'm curious how

for, it sounds like to me for a long time, you know, this is our first time connecting, but it sounds like to me for a long time. Yes. I hope not. It sounds like to me for a long time, you were living in abundance in a lot of areas of your life, except the health category. Absolutely. Absolutely. 100%. 1,000%. And how were you able to navigate that process, the conversation with, I don't see myself the way this man sees me and other people see me, and my body isn't showing who I'm being.

Right. It was incongruent. I'll say it. It's a grown folk conversation. It was incongruent with who I knew myself to be. It was what I call my kryptonite. We all have it. It was my kryptonite. We all have it.

Right, right, right. A lot of people's kryptonite you can't see. You could see my kryptonite. And I wore it well. Well, sometimes I had some bad outfits. I mean, even in the book cover, you don't even look like yourself right now. Right, right. I was still in the work. You know, they needed a cover shot. And I'm like, okay, I'm in this work of transformation. You can take it now. But that's not who you're going to see when the book comes out.

And I was committed to keep going. You've never been this weight? I mean, in the last 20 years? When I ran track. Right, right. Literally. At my book signing last night, I had five people from my high school. And they said, you are.

You look like you're back in high school right now. Right. Hello now. What? Right, right, right. What? So it's all over Facebook now with my high school track members. They're going, Lisa, this was you running track.

I was like, I know. I'm actually a little smaller than I was when I was running track. You have to change all the videos on your site, by the way. I know. Because I looked at the videos from before. And then there's a video. I know. Of like you with a party in the background.

Right. And I was like, wait, who is that? Right. Who is that lady? Is that like a fangirl? Right, right. And I was like, oh, wait, that's her. Right, right, right.

You can say fangirl. So you don't have many videos I have out on YouTube. So many videos. So many to replace. That no one's going to recognize you. No one's going to recognize me. And so I appreciate the question. How was I able to navigate through it? And feel like, because. I was congruent. I know what you're going to recognize me. And so I appreciate the question. How was I able to navigate through it?

And feel like, because I was congruent. I know what you're going to say. Feel congruent, feel like you weren't a liar or weren't like. Well, what I said was, I'm still in the journey with my health. I'm not going, man, I don't want to. Now, is that like a mask or something that you just continue to say for 20 years? No, it was – I thought my weight was just weight. I'm not saying it's bad or wrong.

No, no, no, no. I appreciate the question. No, I love the question. I didn't know what I didn't know. That's number one. So my truth was my truth based on what I knew up until that moment. Yeah. one. So my truth was my truth based on what I knew up until that moment. So for years, I would say, I don't know how to lose the weight because I couldn't be consistent.

But for years, I just made it about what I ate and what I did. And I never let it be emotional weight. Like when I realized, I don't say I lost weight as much as I say I released it because I wore a jacket, a 78 pound jacket. And I didn't know why I was wearing the jacket. 78 pounds? Yeah. Why would you, oh, you mean, I thought you meant literally. No, that was the weight. I thought you meant literally. I did, literally.

I did. But I didn't mean like on top of the weight. No, no, it was the weight. Like this is who I am. But you lost 78 pounds in the last, how long has it been? I released 78 pounds and it took me 11 and a half months to realize it's great and so um but what i didn't realize was that there was an emotional weight that preceded the physical weight and i put the jacket on 21 years ago for a reason and i never looked at the reason what was the reason you are all in my business. Like for real, for real, for real.

Absolutely. So I told you my son's father went to prison. And when he went to prison, I put the jacket on. I never acknowledged that I was wildly, madly in love with him and that I saw myself with him for a lifetime. And so I put a jacket on almost immediately after he went in. I didn't put all 78 on immediately. Right. But it slowly came on

because I actually didn't want to be attractive to anyone else. And I wanted him to come home. And after 10 years, it was a 10-year mark, I realized, I'm not going to date him again

because in my opinion, he was institutionalized or whatever. And I was never a fan of prison, never a fan of people in prison, never a fan of... My brother was in prison for four and a half years. Right, right, right. I never was a fan of prison, never a fan of people in prison. My brother was in prison for four and a half years. Right, right, right. I never was a fan. I didn't go visit him for the first eight years. I only went to visit him when my son said, Mom, I want to touch my dad. Now, I let him

talk to his son every single week, every week. I was all about fostering the connection. And I realized that I unconsciously was trying to hold myself and stay unavailable. Protect yourself. Protect myself until he came home. And on December 12th of 2014, I called him after leaving the Steve Harvey show. And on the Steve Harvey show, I was supposed to coach a woman on relationships, which I got. I can do that. Relationships, money.

Got it. Got it. Got it. At the last minute, she didn't show up or she canceled. And the woman to replace her, they asked me to coach her on weight loss. Oh, zing. And to drive home the point that you opened with, I sat in the green room keenly aware that I wasn't qualified to coach her.

I would be incongruent if I did. So in the green room, I'm having a slight meltdown. Not good for the… A couple million people are going to watch me be incongruent. Well, not good for the expert coach to a slight meltdown. Not good for the... A couple million people are going to watch me be incongruent. Well, not good for the expert coach to have a meltdown. Exactly. And I wasn't willing to be incongruent. I wasn't willing. I wasn't willing. I never opened up health and wellness as a deep dive conversation. I never. I said, there are four quadrants of your life that you need to master. I talked about all four. And I said, in the fourth quadrant, I'm in that.

I'm living that. I'm working through that. The health quadrant. The health quadrant. So here we are at the only focus on this quadrant. And so I committed to her that I would take the journey with her. Ooh, interesting. I put myself out there. I bust myself out. I expose myself. I said, I can't coach you. Talk about accountability. I said, and Steve's sitting there, Steve Harvey's sitting there looking at me like this. Are you sure Talk about accountability. I said, and Steve's sitting there. Steve Harvey's sitting there looking at me like this. Are you sure what you're about to take off? She's over there. And he's looking at me like, what are you doing?

And I said, I can't coach you. I'm over 200 pounds. I don't qualify to coach you. But what I do qualify to do is walk with you. And I said, so let's do it together. Every Sunday, I'll meet you on the phone. I said, and how about we come back here in five months? And I commit in five months I'll be 45 pounds lighter.

Wow, that's a ballsy commitment. You know, play big or go home. Of course. And so I did that. And I went home and I sat still and I said, what do I do? And I started sitting and why did you put the jacket on? And I started sitting on, why did you put the jacket on? And I tracked it back, tracked it back. Oh, my God.

Because before then, I was an athlete, 13 years. I mean, I did track. I swam competition. I was a city champion in freestyle and swimming. I did water ballet for five years. And so why did I put the jacket on? I looked at it. And so it was because of him

and because of my emotions around him. So I called him and we talked for an hour and a half. And I told him everything. I told him how much I loved him and I waited on him. I told him that I released him at 10 years, but I didn't know how to release the weight

and that I've been waiting. You know, I just said everything. He cried. I cried. We cried. I sat with my son. I told my son. I cried. He cried. We cried. I sat with my son. I told my son. I cry. He cry. We cry. And then I was OK to take my jacket off.

And then people ask, what do you do? Then I did everything I've been hearing for the last 20 years. I just did it better. You work. I was consistent. I ate smaller meals. I didn't work out for an hour a day. I didn't do that because an hour a day would cost me two hours a day in time. And two hours a day would cost me around about $40,000 in money. And time was my highest commodity. And so I consistently agreed to work out 15 minutes a day because 15 minutes I can do. And every win built on the next win. Every day I completed my goal, which built momentum. I did it. It was just 15 minutes, but I did it. So I was consistent. The length of time wasn't my big deal. It was the consistency. Traveling on planes, I was on the road 321 days the same year I lost the weight. The same year I lost the weight. It's not easy to lose weight while you're traveling, eating all the junk food. No, no, no. And so I ate smaller meals. I made my meals in the morning while I was at home.

I stayed home for 90 days. I didn't travel, wouldn't travel for 90 days to jumpstart my weight loss because I had to get off 45 pounds before. In five months. In five months. And so I was radical. I made all my meals, small meals, and I set them aside. I looked like all the little athletes like you.

All the athletes made meals and then I worked out. I slept in my sweat sometimes. I took a shower and got in my sweats so i can get out of bed that's the whole track days that's your high school college workout days go hard i go home wake up right right i can't even think about getting dressed i'm gonna wake up dressed yeah and then i didn't use any weights and i didn't go to the gym i used my body weight i used cardio. You had enough of it at the time. I had enough of it.

I jumped jacks and lunges and crunches. I just said everything I have. I just believed what every trainer said. Everything you have is right here. So that when I did start traveling, I was okay. I conditioned myself. You have the tools to use in your hotel room or whatever. Anywhere I am.

Oh, listen, let me tell you. I got radical. I was lunging through the airport. Sure, yeah. I don't care if people see me. You can call me crazy. 15 minutes, you got to get it in. You can call me crazy.

I don't care if you call me crazy. Yeah. Do you understand I'm fighting for my life now? Yeah. And so I went back to Steve Harvey in five months and I wasn't 45 pounds lighter. I was 57 pounds lighter. There you go.

And she was 56 pounds lighter. Wow. And then it became a big conversation. Like thousands and thousands of women began to follow me. Interesting. And so I publicized my workouts. I wasn't trying to be a workout guru. I'm not that.

People still tell me, let's do a program. I'm not the teacher. I'm the student. Yeah. I'm clear. I'll go follow that person. 10 years after you've mastered it. I don't even need to do it. I just need, I'm the student I'm clear I'll go follow that person maybe 10 years after you've mastered it I don't even need to do it

I just need I'm the student watch me as a student I got ugly workout pictures of me online still on Facebook I got you know early morning

you know crazy shots and then people want to do shows with me television shows me I don't want to make any money off of it this was for my liberation this is so I can tackle

all four quadrants do you know how powerful I feel today do you know right I I feel today? Very. Do you know? Right. I'm completely in a line. Thank you.

Amen. And hopefully humble and grateful. Of course. You know, but now, now, now game on. Yeah.

Game freaking on now. Now game freaking on. Now I'm going, man, I built a multimillion dollar business, wrote seven bestsellers, traveled the world, all of that carrying two over the world, all of that carrying over 210 pounds. All of it.

Almost as big as me. All of it. Right. Now, what do I do? Now, watch out. Now it gets interesting. Now I got to watch out because young men now don't know quite my age anymore. With my braids and the Auburn hair.

They're hollering at you oh and like you know and then i'm hanging out at the the mind valley conferences and where all the young you know amazing entrepreneurs go so it's funny i'm tickled all the time i just laugh and go this is funny this is really really that's great i was walking out i gotta just tell you this i was walking out of a little hole in the wall restaurant in LA. And this guy comes running out behind me and goes, excuse me, cutie. You cutie. And I turn around.

I've been a long time since my walk has called me cutie. Excuse me, excuse me, excuse me, cutie. Shorty. Cutie. He called me short. He goes, I'm a producer. And we're doing a Bone Thugs-N-Harmony video. Wow.

And we're doing it with fine sisters, fine sisters who are, what did he call it? Mature fine sisters. That's the old folks. And I said, oh, old ladies.

He goes, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, mature women, like in their like late thirties. I smiled. I was like, oh, you're so cute.

He goes, would you be interested in being in a video? No, baby, but thank you so much for asking. You have made my day. He goes, would you be interested in being in a video? No, baby, but thank you so much for asking. You have made my day. So anyway, it's a new season. Yeah, I'm enjoying it. I'm grateful. I love it. I want to ask you three more questions. Before I do, I want to make sure everyone goes and picks up the book. Make sure to check this out. We'll have it linked up also below this

in the show notes. But go get Abundance now if you want to have an abundant life. It gets spicy now, I want to have an abundant life. It gets spicy now, I got to tell you. It's great. There's a lot of stuff I wanted to ask you in here, but you shared so many great stories. I had a lot of things marked off here that I liked. Balance is a myth. Harmony is a must. Rich people think differently. All the different topics you talked about in here. To create prosperity must create a new relationship with money. I think that's going to be powerful for a lot of people. So make sure to get this book to learn these principles. Where can we connect with you online before I ask the final three questions?

Yeah. So I'm in a season where people ask me, how did I go from public assistance to going public? My company two years ago went public. Yeah. And so the big conversation. And you're the second, what is it, second African-American woman to go out of a public company.

Is that right? Yeah. Congratulations. And the only person in the self-development industryAmerican woman to go out of a public company. Is that right? Yeah. Congratulations. And the only person in the self-development industry today to be the founder of a public health company. I'm grateful. Thank you very much. And so the big question is how do you go from welfare to Wall Street? How do you go from public assistance to going public, which is a big leap?

And there's two big things. One, I changed my mindset. I picked up a book, which is why I love this book because I wrote it modeling kind of like the seven habits. Like how did I, what did I give them? What did I get? Okay. Then the second thing was I went and I joined a tribe of people that made me stand on my tippy toes. And so I'm, uh, I'm doing something kind of, well, not kind of crazy. My CFO says it's very crazy. I've invested over $200,000 to put on two free conferences where you just come. Your book is your ticket. This is your ticket to get in. And so the way you find out

about me online, I would say go to joinlisafree.com. Joinlisafree.com. And there it'll give you access to my website, access to my programs, how you can be coached if you want to. But I think first and foremost, it gives you access to come and be in my presence at no cost. Like you bought the book for you. Bring the book as your pass. Hold it up. I'm a love on it. And then for nine hours, we're going to talk about bringing concept into action. Like, what do you do? That's the benefit. That's the beauty of that day that we're going to come get in action. Like I said, I went to this conference over and over and over again. I want to get you into the same process I did because it worked.

But what I also love about it is that I've gathered some of the best people on the planet to come together in the right mindset of movement to set you up with an accountability community. Because I know that when you have an accountability community. Because I know that when you have an accountability community, you are 80% more likely to follow through with the dream you said you have. And so accountability gets me everywhere. And so we're going to have accountability pods of accountability communities that we set up that day. It's going to be so juicy, so delicious. It's going to be confrontive. It's going to be edgy. It's going to be spicy. It's going to be liberating. We're going to have breakdowns and breakthroughs. It's going to be so juicy, so delicious. It's going to be confrontive. It's going to be edgy. It's going to be spicy. It's going to be liberating. We're going to have breakdowns and breakthroughs. It's going to be one of those days. I'm coming for your breakthrough.

I am not coming to entertain you, though I can be quite entertaining. I'm coming for your breakthrough. And so I just want to give people what I got. Someone said, oh, it's like you're paying it forward. And I thought, oh, I never thought like that. I just feel like I'm being responsible with what I know. And someone blessed me with this information and then blessed me. People, people poured into me, Lewis. People loved me. People saw my light and said, I'm going to help you, young lady. I mean, white people, black people, men, women, young, old, more older, more older people who had made so much money, had so much success, had such great relationships, all they wanted to do was help somebody else. And I was the beneficiary.

That's great. And so this is just going, here, let me show you what they gave me. I don't know if you're going to meet them. And then come play with my tribe because they're pretty awesome. And so I'm excited to be able to allow 2,500 people to just come. I love it. And what was the link for that? Join Lisa free.

Okay, cool. Keyword free. Awesome. We'll have that linked up that? Join Lisa free. Okay, cool. Keyword. Awesome. We'll have that link. We'll have that linked up as well. Um, okay. Final three questions.

What are you most grateful for in your life recently? Ah, Oh, Oh, when you say most, you make me have to pick one. Um, I am most grateful for my newfound health.

Amen. I love it. I'm most grateful. I'm most grateful that my body can now keep up with my life purpose. That's great. That's beautiful. And I just have to say this.

I would be remiss if I didn't. I'm grateful for my 86-year-old grandmother who was sitting in the audience last night cheering me on, who accompanied me to Jamaica to see me speak, who's coming out tonight to see me speak again, that she's in her right body, her right mind, able body, a right mind, and she's in my life

and she's able to witness what she helped create. I love it. Thanks. I'm actually going to add one more question. What's something you do every single morning, a ritual that you do, no matter where you are, what's happening, what's something you must do? Non-negotiable. I find 10 things to be grateful for before my feet hit the ground. Hmm. 10 things and they can't cost money. They can't cost money. Perfect. Do you write them down or just think about them and acknowledge them?

I think about them. I say them out loud. I speak to them. Some days, a lot of days I do 25, but I won't let myself move until I've done 10. Every day, no matter where I am. Sometimes I do it on the plane because I get up really, really early. And so if I'm at a crack of dawn flight, and especially if I'm feeling strained and stressed, I go over my gratitude list because gratitude will reduce stress all day long.

Of course. I believe in it. Every morning I do three things. Maybe I have to step it up to ten. But every night I always speak it out loud and ask someone what the three things they're most grateful for for the day. And then I'll repeat my three things. So I think it's really important. Every six months I asked my son to measure our relationship. Every six months I asked my son on a scale from one to 10,

10 being amazing. One being it doesn't exist, mom. How do you measure our relationship? And when he measures it, the next question is the most important question. I say, son, what would take it from an eight to a 10? What would take it from an eight to a 10? What would take it from a nine to a 10? What would take it from a seven to a 10? Every six months. That's a ritual. That's powerful.

Very powerful. This is a question I've been asking a lot recently. It is the last day for you. Sometime way in the future. Yes. All your books have been erased. Every video that's ever been on YouTube has been gone.

Everything you've said, the secret is long gone. It's been erased from time. The secret is a secret. Exactly, yeah. And you have all the people that you wanted to be there by your side.

You're healthy, happy, but it's your last day. And they say, hey, mom, sister, lover, everything's erased that you've created, but we have a piece of paper and a pen and you get to write down three truths, the three things you know to be true

about what you've experienced in this beautiful world. This will be the only thing we get to remember you by. I love this question. Three truths by Lisa Nichols. What would you say? What would you write down?

I love you. Three truths. I'm putting you What would you say? What would you write down? I love you. Three truths. I'm putting you on the spot. I apologize. No, I love the spot. I love the spot. I love organic. I love non-rehearsed.

Non-rehearsed is so much richer, juicier. Three truths. My three truths would be that you get a thousand second chances. And every time you get to 999, you get to press reset. You get a thousand do-overs. That would be truth number one. You get a thousand do-overs and every $9.99 you get to press reset. The second truth would be the most valuable possession, commodity, investment that you could ever make and have

would be to nourish the people around you that are loving you. would be to nourish the people around you that are loving you. Because if it's my last day, then these faces are the ones that matter the most. And these are the people that I somehow invested enough in and gave enough value to that you would bless me with being here on this special day. And then third. Make your dash dance.

Make that dash between your birthday and this day. Make that dash dance. Make it rock this planet. Make it unapologetic. Take no prisoners. Play full out. If you're going to run, run fast, run hard, even at the risk of hitting the wall. Make your dash dance. I love it. I love it. Final question before I ask Lisa, I just want to acknowledge you for a moment for coming on and sharing your wisdom and opening up and being present and being loving and committed. And for the constant work you've done over the years to not only develop yourself, but also develop so many others who are ready for that type of information and transformation. you for your ability to show up and be honest over the last couple of years about the things that aren't serving you, the things that are holding you back or weighing you down and

taking them full on and being committed to all areas of your life. Always understanding that it's a work in progress and you're never going to be perfect, neither am I, but for acknowledging it and taking the action, even if it is after many years when people wanted you to do it. It's amazing that you took it on now, and you look amazing. Thank you. You look beautiful, and you always have been. So I acknowledge you for all the work you continue to do to support so many.

Thank you. I respect that. I appreciate that. And a final question is what's your definition of greatness? what's your definition of greatness? My definition of greatness is living with intention to lead people better than how you found them, to allowing your breath to show up and possibly be a change agent moment for someone else, for giving yourself permission to illuminate your light so brightly that if someone is in your presence and they might be in a dark moment in life,

that your light brightens their life just long enough for them to see their own possibility again. Greatness is about being willing to be used to your highest level of possibility, even when it's uncomfortable, even when it's unpopular, even when you're alone, even when it's inconveniencing, you're still willing to lead. Lisa Nichols, thanks for coming on. I appreciate it. Thank you for having me. This is awesome. Thank you. There you have it, guys. I hope you enjoyed this episode.

If you did, make sure to share this with your friends, lewishouse.com slash 278. And also watch the full video interview back at lewishouse.com slash 278 as well. You can share that with your friends over on Facebook, on Twitter, on Instagram. And let me know what you thought. Leave a comment below in the show notes. We'll have everything linked up, how you can get access to Lisa's book as well. We'll be there. And everything else we covered today will be at the show notes, lewishouse.com slash 278. We've got some big guests coming up.

Our next episode is with Damon John from Shark Tank. And we talk about his story of becoming a successful entrepreneur and the entire journey of how he got started in his new book as well. So make sure to subscribe to this podcast if you haven't yet at iTunes, Stitcher or SoundCloud. Again, make sure to subscribe if this is your first time and thank the friend who sent you to this episode or that you saw this online with them sharing. Thank them for bringing you to the School of Greatness podcast. I appreciate you guys so much. I love you.

You know what time it is. It's time to go out there and do something great. Outro Music