The School of Greatness - 3 Key Secrets to Mastering Negotiation

Episode Date: September 22, 2023

Few skills can be more valuable in a wider variety of areas than negotiation can. From salary talks to landing top-tier clients to navigating a miscommunication with your spouse, learning how to negotiate can take you further than you might have ever thought was possible. In this special episode, we’re bringing together Tony Robbins, Daymond John, and Sara Blakely to share their origin stories and the lessons they learned from negotiating that led to their success.In this episode,Tony Robbins, entrepreneur, best-selling author, philanthropist, and the nation’s #1 life and business strategist, shares why your past do not equal your future.Daymond John, American businessman, investor, television personality, New York Times bestselling author, and motivational speaker, explains the simple process of getting started on your first business when you’re broke.Sara Blakely, businesswoman, philanthropist, and the founder of Spanx, explains why you don’t need a lot of money in order to be ultra successful and how ten minutes of someone’s time is all you need.For more information go to www.lewishowes.com/1503For more Greatness text PODCAST to [phone]Original Episodes:Tony Robbins - https://link.chtbl.com/1107-podDaymond John - https://link.chtbl.com/598-podSara Blakely - https://link.chtbl.com/893-pod

If you're not happy, you're not growing in some area. And usually it's a place where you're blaming. People can be unfair, unjust. That's for sure happens. Freedom comes from growth. Freedom does not come from... Welcome to the School of Greatness. My name is Lewis Howes,

former pro athlete turned lifestyle entrepreneur. And each week we bring you an inspiring person or message to help you discover how to unlock your inner greatness. Thanks for spending some time with me today. Now let the class begin. Welcome to this special masterclass. We brought some of the top experts in the world to help you unlock the power of your life through this specific theme today. It's going to be powerful. So let's go ahead and dive in. Was there ever a moment where you didn't unconditionally love yourself? And if so,

and if so, when did that shift where you stopped that? And you started saying, okay, I appreciate myself because of my contribution and my service and who I am. When was that shift? I don't think it was ever I just didn't love myself. There are times, obviously, being angry with yourself or frustrated with yourself or thinking, you know, I'm not doing enough. I mean, I can remember my birthdays, to be honest with you, probably up to my 40th birthday,

including my 40th birthday. You know, you have a birthday with a zero on it once you're over past 30, you know, 35, sometimes five years on it as well. People look at their life differently culturally. And I used to think it was bullshit, but sure enough, I would do it. And I remember turning 40, and I was really, really unhappy.

I was like, Jesus, I've not done enough. I've not helped enough people. I know tens of millions of people at that point already had done all over the earth in 100 plus countries at that point, but it was still kind of stuck in my head. So I would earn the love by over-delivering, change somebody's life. Like I don't get it because somebody says, oh, I love you, Tony. I mean, I appreciate that. Or, oh, you're the greatest. It's got to be my standard. My standard is higher than their standard for me, right? So when I get up and someone's going to kill themselves and it's, they're they're suicidal and boom turn around they're no longer not gonna kill

themselves but they're transformed their life is there you know that's when I go okay you know now we've hit the center of what I'm made for now you know I deserve to feel this euphoric feeling within myself and appreciation even then I still know it's God coming through me I don't have the delusion it's just me but I think sometime after 40, I finally saw the stupidity of it. I accumulated enough that I looked at life with fresh eyes. And I can say by the time I turned 60 a year ago, I noticed it was interesting because my birthday, I didn't have an ounce of it. I was just like, you know, how could I at this stage of my life

when I've had the privilege of serving so many humans in so many contexts, you know, from turning around, you know, guys are going to kill themselves with PTSD, to helping kids turn around, to getting kids off cocaine or adults, to, you know, helping people build multi-billion dollar businesses from nothing. And when I've lived this long, I can't go by without hearing half a dozen stories a day or a dozen stories a day from people telling me how something I did changed their life. So it's not that I'm so smart now, it's just I've stacked it. By the way, though, stacking is the way you can do things. Most of us stack the negative. If you are really angry, it's not usually because it's just the moment. It's that it happened again. You know, it's like if you've

ever lost it or overreacted to your kid or to a friend or a business or even within yourself, it's because it happened again. We hit this one, two, three, many point, and then our nervous system overreacts. But what I've learned is you can stack the good. And, but for example, if you're, if you go into a state of really strong anger for more than five minutes, your immune system is suppressed between an hour and a half to two hours. That's a physiological fact. But knowing I've done these study, I started stacking good. Like, okay, let me stack a dozen great memories.

Feel them, see them, experience them. And I felt this biochemical change that didn't just last a half hour, an hour, or 10 minutes. It went on for a day or two. And so I think I've learned to stack the good. So just having the experience is not enough. You gotta stack the good to be able to appreciate it. But I think the more you find unconditional love for others, the easier it is to find in yourself. And I think the focus is serving and loving. And that's what will get to

the point where you start doing it. But if you want to speed it up, stack all the good you've done, you'll feel great about yourself. I already know all the comments that have come through. Thousands of comments tell me, but what about my family that's toxic? What about my partner who's toxic? And how do I love someone unconditionally when they don't respect me? I can't trust them. What about situations like that? All those reactions are natural human reactions from ego. Because it's all about you, me, me, me, what I'm not getting, what I'm not doing, and that's why you're in pain. I've done it too in the past, but it's an old you, me, me, me, what I'm not getting, what I'm not doing, and that's why you're in pain. I've done it too in the past, but it's an old pattern.

I don't really do anymore, and it used to affect me. Now, not a dominant one, I wouldn't have become who I've become. Early in my life, I developed this belief that life is calling not to give me something. Life is calling for me to deliver things, for me to bring something to life. And I felt the joy that came from not getting, but giving and I got hooked on that core pattern and then the pattern of learning. So I'd have something to give, which I know. One of the things I respect about you, Lewis, is that you have that same pattern in you. You're,

you're always trying to learn more because underneath it all, you also want to give it. You want it, you want it for you, but you want to share it. Right. And so those patterns help me not be in what they're not giving me. And all this language. Language, today, people don't understand the power of their language. Like, toxic. You've been reading too much social media and thinking about yourself,

or somebody raised you to constantly judge everybody else. We live in a culture now where people, you know, you're evil or you're like me. That's basically how it is, right? The whole world, everybody else is immoral unless they do what you do, think what you think, experience what you think. I mean, being a liberal, I was a liberal, right? Being a liberal growing up meant I would fight for your ability to say and believe whatever you want different than me. Today, now, everybody wants everybody to think the same thing. Otherwise, they're evil or otherwise they could hurt me.

Whatever happens, sticks and stones will break your bones, and words will never hurt me. We have this whole thing that words are evil, words are action, and all it does is make you incredibly weak as a human being, and you're more than that. We all are more than that. But you know what? Like a kid that's never broken their bones, definitely afraid of breaking the bone. But if you're a kid and you're rough and tumble, you broke multiple bones and they healed, you don't have any fear of it. There's so many kids that have been raised to be safe and secure every moment. Anything that's

insecure or unsafe, they don't want to be a part of, including language. And what it does is make you incredibly weak and fearful. And that's why there's so many people that are abundant that are angry all the time. Because they're angry because they're not growing. So don't get me wrong. I know some people are not a good influence. I'm not denying that. I'm just saying you're more than somebody's influence. Unless you obsess about it every moment and make them wrong so you can make yourself feel superior morally, psychologically, or spiritually.

Stop the pattern. We've all done it. Catch yourself. Because if you want joy, happiness, and freedom, and an extraordinary life, it will not come from blame. Never. There's no pride that comes from blame. Pride is something you earn. Like, people tell me, oh, I have no self-esteem because my parents used to say this

or they'd say that. Self-esteem does not come from what people say about you. Self-esteem comes from what you experience about yourself. See, someone can tell you your whole life you're a piece of crap, and part of you can go, you're full of it, I'm going to show you. Lots of people have done that. They never bought it. Or someone tells you you're beautiful your whole life, you go, I'm not really beautiful. So what people tell you doesn't matter at all. It's what you stack. It's what you assemble. It's what you create.

It's the habit of what you put in your head. And today, I don't blame you because we've got a whole culture that's always blaming somebody else for something in their life. But blame is not a strategy for pride. That's why you listen to these blaming people. They're all angry all the time. Listen, if I wanted to blame, I grew up in an environment I didn't even share it to my mom. Past and even then I didn't share. I grew up in a pretty rough environment. My mom was a beautiful soul, but when she drank alcohol and she mixed it with

prescription drugs, it was a different creature. And it was a violent creature. And I have a younger brother, five years younger and a younger sister, seven years younger. And my mom would get nuts and I didn't want them to get hurt. So I was 5'1 in high school. She grabbed me by the hair and smashed me against the wall until I bled. Now, I never shared this, and I'm not denigrating her in any way. I only shared it like four or five years after she died because I was talking to a group of kids in New York City, all without fathers, 80% African-American, about 20% Hispanic out of their group roughly. No white kids, and I'm talking about your biography is not your destiny. And it doesn't matter what you've been through,

what you decide now is what's gonna control your life, what you decide each day going forward is gonna decide your life. And I look at them seeing me, I can read their minds. This big, tall, white, rich guy is gonna tell me biography doesn't matter. So I said, you know, let me tell you my story. And I told them the whole story,

way more than I'm telling you. And every one of them was crying their eyes out when they're done. I said, look where I am right now, because I wouldn't assemble the story that my past equals my future. The past only equals your future if you live there. If you're using a rear view mirror to guide yourself, you're going to crash. So what you've been through is horrific. What you've been through is unjust. I've been through is unjust i'm on your side but if you hang on to it you have no future and you have no one to blame but yourself and these kids to their credit man they just responded to the challenge because they first cried their eyes out hearing all the stories my mom would think i was lying and i wasn't lying

she poured liquid soap down my throat till i threw up and i wasn't lying so it's not the physical abuse it's the fact that this is the person you love most that's trying to hurt you that messes with your head. So I could have been messed up for life, but I didn't because something inside me says I'm responsible for this life. And part of that's because I started reading when I was 13, 14 biographies of people, the greatest people in history, and reading their lives and finding out, guess what? Their lives were far from perfect. Some of them had worse lives than I had. But when you have no reference and all you do is go online, you talk to other people, making everybody else toxic, and I'm like this, and they didn't do that, right? Don't be one of

those. Free yourself from the chains of your past. I'm not saying your past doesn't matter but listen my mother i tell people this all the time and it's the truth if my mother had been the mother i wanted to be the mother she should have been i would not be the man i'm proud to be today because i had to become a practical psychologist way before any schooling figure out when she's going to go into mood how How do I change her state? How do I protect her from the kids? What do we, I mean, it was felt life and death and it was to some extent.

So I developed skills at such a young age. Then when I learned things, I just added to my skills, but I had a core sense of certainty that I could turn anybody around because it started with my mother. And thank God for her. And she encouraged me in so many ways. She did so many great things

and she loved me even though it didn't look like it at times so right but if your parents if the people around you said all the things you thought they should have if they had just not been toxic if they'd encouraged you you wouldn't have any muscle and right now you don't have any muscle because you're using that as the excuse if you're thinking that that. And I'm not attacking you, brothers and sisters. I'm calling to you because I know you're more. Otherwise, I'd just keep my mouth shut. You've been hypnotized by a culture of weakness. Now, having said that, I'll say one last thing.

I know you haven't got other questions, but it's so important what you've asked. Yes, there are people that you don't want to hang out with that will not serve you. But then move on. Don't sit there and talk about it constantly. Don't waste your time. And you say, but what if it's family, Tony? Mine was family too. That's God coming to you saying, grow.

You need some spiritual growth. There's got to be some change in your perception, your belief, your emotions, your spiritual look of life. So that can't happen anymore and when it happens like at 61 i've been through so many of those things and i like do things in mass i took on big challenges so i'd have to grow more but then life throws them at you too when they come you just go okay it's gonna have me until i grow what needs a shift in me so that no longer has an impact but you know jim rohan used to say my original teacher he used to say Tony what happens if I've got a cup of coffee here and he'd say what if your worst enemy drops sugar in your coffee what's going to happen and I go well you'd have sweet coffee and

he goes what if your best friend your mother your father your brother your sister your loved one drops one drop of strychnine I said you'd be dead he goes that's right life is both sugar and strychnine so watch your coffee his whole thing was stand guard at the door of your brain. But some people take that and go, oh my God, you can kill me. It was a metaphor. These people are not so toxic. They're toxic because you give them energy. So if your mom's crazy and constantly criticizing you and it drives you nuts, just go, that's my mom. That's her way of showing love. And I find a new perspective. And no matter what she does, just stay in a beautiful state and love on her and think, boy, think of all that she cares and feels for, all that she's frustrated in life, or all that she's going through that's made her this way.

And think, I don't have to go through this. I can love her. It's like your growth is the only limit to your happiness. If you're not happy, you're not growing in some area. And usually it's a place where you're not happy, you're not growing in some area. And usually, it's a place where you're blaming, you're pointing the finger. I don't care if it's government. Don't get me wrong. People can be unfair, unjust. That for sure happens. But you can't control that. You can't make it not happen. What you have to do is become stronger than any of it so you're free. Freedom comes from growth. Freedom does not come from control because controls an illusion you can't control everybody

no matter how hard you try you can't control what they think or feel and not everybody's gonna be fair and just and you my dear friends and I have not always been fair and just whether we admit it or not it's just the nature of being a being a human being but we can't make the largest pattern fair and just and loving and powerful and serving and growing until it becomes the dominant thing inside you. And then you experience life as being great, not you're great. Life's great because you're living a great path. It seems like what I'm seeing and hearing from a lot of people that this past year, everything has fallen apart for them, their health, their relationships,

their finances, their mission or purpose, and their spiritual awareness. Every area of life has been in breakdown mode for some people. Not everyone. Some people have had incredible lives, and they've stepped up to the occasion and broken through and all these things. But I'm seeing a pattern of a lot of people breaking down in many areas. Hypothetical scenario, let's say you could only focus on one thing to get you started. You only have the time and energy to focus on one of these areas. Your health, your relationships are all breaking down. Your finances are failing everywhere.

Where should people lean into first to kind of create that foundation so that everything else can start to rise as well? I think before you answer what to do, you've got to answer why you're there. It is not because of the pandemic. I remember when 9-11 happened and people tell, oh my God, my life was destroyed because of 9-11. And there were people in the same building who turned their life around, grew spiritually, grew closer to their family made their businesses larger and the same building burned down right um i know in my case you know 9-11 comes if you can imagine you know i'm fortunate to have now more than 80 companies and all these different industries and obviously you know i've done pretty darn well but by most people's standards of business and life

but my core mission is what i do for a living it's why i'm here talking to you right now it's getting people to be free and alive and have the level of fulfillment that they deserve to have. I know they desire, but I also believe they deserve to have. But to deserve to have it, you've got to do certain things, right? Blame is not a strategy for a meaningful life. Blame is not a strategy for greatness. So you've got to resolve that, number one. And then your question was, what's the one thing to focus on if you only focus on one?

I think it's smart to focus on one thing primarily. Focus on too many can be overwhelming. Other people, it's good to focus on multiple things. It depends on your personality. So I wouldn't presuppose. But then the answer would be whichever thing you're most desirous of changing. Whatever thing is giving you the most pain. So if it's your relationship, I go full force on that.

Now, in the world we're in today, you know, you don't usually have the privilege of going, okay, I want to work on just being happy. Well, I can train you to be happy while hell's breaking loose. You can sit in this chair and be totally euphoric. But if you do that in a Western culture, people come and take your furniture, right? So you probably have to work on both your business or financial side and some personal side i would be working on both and to me the way to attack that if you're not sure which area is to start with the body and i know you can relate to this lewis because you and i both share

this in common it's like i always teach physiology first as you well know if you change the body you'll change the emotions if you change the emotions you'll change your decisions you'll change the quality of your life because the quality of life is your emotions it's not what you get you have a billion dollars and commit suicide people have done it right you can have beautiful relationships and commit suicide you can have people loving you and be sad all the time our pattern of emotion is our home and you have to upgrade your home you You have to train it. And one way to train it is the emotion comes from the way you move, the way you breathe, the way you speak. So if I said to your listeners, there's a depressed person behind the curtain over here,

and I'll give a hundred thousand dollars to their favorite charity. If they had to describe their body, their posture, and they're depressed, you tell me, I'll just use the example. What does that person look like? They're slunched down down they're looking down at their feet they're not looking upward their their shoulders are over there are they breathing full or shallow do you think they're shallow are they talking fast or slow they're talking probably if they're depressed they're probably talking fast cuz they're not calm well no that's usually stressed depressed is different than stressed they're probably talking low volume slower than and all those physical characteristics change your biochemistry towards this feeling of being depressed and in a depressed state you

won't do anything when i used to be depressed i don't get it anymore i just took it out of my life i even took the language of it out of my life because the words you create create a biochemical response i got out of it by using anger originally i'd much like sometimes if somebody's really sad or depressed i'll make them angry people like what's he doing he's making them angry because angry is much more resourceful than depressed from anger i can get you the laughter i can get you know taking action so and then gradually i got what i didn't need anger it was about growth it was about contribution was about meaning so there's like stages to go through but to answer your question they should work on both their business side of their life and personal one of each and in order for either one of those to work

you need to be in a strong emotional state and if you start with your body like you know I start every morning in my cold water starting morning with my workout I started every morning on feeding my mind right so there's certain things you got to do physically so you're strong enough to remember the truth because remember fear is physical you feel your throat or your gut so it's courage courage isn't mean you're not afraid it just means you're strong enough you push through in spite of the fear right and courage feels different in the body so when you go lift or you go for a sprint or a strong run or you jump in that freezing water when you push your mind you go beyond what's comfortable you feel a strength inside you and that strength will help you to change your body, your emotions, your relationships,

whatever. But then the other thing I want to say is model someone who's successful. Find somebody who has what you want, ideally maybe more than one person, two or three, and figure out what are they doing different than you in their relationship? What do they believe different than you about relationship? If it's their body, what are they doing different? They're not lucky. They're doing things differently. You might be slightly biochemically different, but there's patterns there that you can see. And so instead of learning by trial and error, which can take decades, you may never learn. Jim Rohn taught me success leaves clues, man.

Find someone's got what you want, study what they do, every aspect of it, and then add yourself to it. And that's the pathway to speed of transformation. So now, like, you know, I've done it, and then add yourself to it. And that's the pathway to speed of transformation. So now, like, you know, I've done it. I'm not the only person. There's so many companies that went from worse off than they'd ever been in their history to the best off because they found a way to pivot. Life is a series of mentors. I went on from there and, you know, I had one great teacher and that's all you need is one really great teacher in school that makes you feel really special. And then I had a mentor who owned a corner store in my neighborhood and he would teach me and explain to me, you know, his business tactics. And then my mother ended up having a boyfriend who I call

my stepfather, who was actually of the Jewish faith. And, you know, he taught me that love doesn't come in a color or a gender and that, you know, for me to be very proud of my culture, but don't be anti anything else and respect everybody. So I think that gave me a broader look at life. And I never walked in the room with a chip on my shoulder. I also never thought anybody else was better than me, but I never thought anybody had it better than me too because people of all colors have challenges in life, dreams and aspirations. So those things all led me you know to be the man that I am and I'm very happy of those experiences. Yeah and what got you into or being interested into the fashion world and the clothing world?

Well, it was this new music that was coming out of the Bronx right around 1982, 83. It was called, you know, rap music. And it made its way into Queens where I lived. And his music was amazing. It was fascinating. Before that, I would listen to music, great people like, of course, rest in peace, David Bowie and Rolling Stones and Donna Summer, Stevie Wonder, Barry White. But all these people had this beautiful way of singing. They had this orchestra and everything else. And they touched on some of the political issues in the world. But this music that was coming out of the Bronx named rap it was kind of like our version of Twitter today I always say it was like a disruptive technology because I started to hear

about other kids their hopes and their dreams their aspirations the plights of the neighborhood things that I wouldn't be able to see on the news and they were putting it in a rhythmic form and it was starting to educate us and it came with with a way not only to listen to music, but a way to walk, talk, and even dress. And you felt like you were part of this society if you wore your Adidas with fat laces on or you knew how to breakdance. And that's where I started to find my identity as a young man.

So that's really where fashion started with me. I wouldn't know until I was about 12 years old. I wouldn't know until probably about another 10 years, 15 years, that maybe we should all do something that we love. I tried everything else, but I never thought about fashion. It's kind of like you bust your butt to go uh and and work and make a living and then you go out and on the weekends you kind of snowboard and do all stuff like that but you never thought about busting your butt building snowboard or or or yeah or snowboarding and making

money like rob dyrdek your buddy exactly rob yeah rob's in the book as well of course yeah that's interesting so how old were you when you sold your first article of clothing? How old was I? How old was I? I know the date. I know exactly the date. It was 1989, good Friday, 3 o'clock in the afternoon, 37 degrees outside. I stood outside the Coliseum Mall in 1989, so I was 20 years old. Wow, okay.

Yeah. Cool, 20 years old. 20 years old. When did you have years old 20 years old when did you have uh how old were you when you said you had the passion for i had the passion at 10 11 12 i had a passion for fashion earlier on in my life prior to that as well but it was really my mother was dressing me because we didn't you know not really when i was four or five or six because we didn't have money enough money to go buy clothes so she was selling interesting and sometimes the pocket would be hanging up in the back somewhere,

but it was okay. So what gave you, when did you decide that you had the permission to go create your own things or sew them in the basement and then go sell them? What gave you that belief in yourself that you could create this? You know what? Again, like most of us start, there was no belief that I could do it, but I remember walking into a store, and I started to see cross colors everywhere.

And I walked in the store, and I saw this picture of this guy who looked like a young Mike Tyson hanging off a pair of jeans, and it was Carl Canai. And then it just hit me. I thought prior to that, we always thought that you had to be from italy and france to design you had to be older and like a you know you know the guys with the with the tape around their neck you know the tailors right and so or whatever the fashion designer had looked like in those days and i thought i just i'm just supposed to buy from them when i saw that i was like wow that's amazing okay no problem uh then i'm watching a De La Soul video, I remember,

and seeing them wearing these hats. It almost looked like a ski cap, but it has like a tie on the top, and I couldn't find that hat anywhere in Queens. I finally find one uptown Manhattan. I pay for the hat. I come home. I show my mother. I say, look, Ma, I paid, you know, I always say a joke.

I paid $6 in gas, $900 in tolls, and $20 for the hat. Check this out. And she goes, that's a piece of crap. But I can show you how to sew hats like that so you can sew as many as you want so you can wear them. You don't have to do that. So go get $40 worth of fabric. I go to the store. Get $40 worth of fabric.

I come home. I give my mother the stuff to sew the hats. And she says, I'm not sewing this. You're sewing this. I sew. Crap, now says, I'm not sewing this. You're sewing this. I sew. Crap, now I got to work at this? I sew the hats, and then all of a sudden, I have all these hats and only one head. Because it's not like I was too stupid or I wasn't thinking.

Thank God. I didn't buy $40 worth of different fabric. I bought $40 worth of the same fabric. You only made one maybe every three years. Yeah. So anyway, so that's when it happened. That's when I went out and sold those hats outside on that Good Friday, and I sold $800 worth of hats in one hour.

And that's when it just snapped. I just said to myself, wait a minute. I made this with my own hands. I went and sold this to individuals, and nobody was in my way. I didn't have to get a check from a boss. Nobody told me when or to come to work or go to work. I can't get fired from this because of my color creed or whatever the case is. I'm responsible for what's happening here. And I will either fail because every decision I make, I'll succeed because every decision I make.

Was that the first time that you made money on your own as an entrepreneur or were you? No, no, no, no. I made money on my own and lost money on my own as an entrepreneur. I started my first business. It took me a long time to really decide what I want to do and what was my first business. It took me forever to decide my first business. My first business, I finally decided what I wanted to do when I was six years old. It took me forever. I was selling pencils in school.

And then I would go ahead and and and sell candy and then when i when when when it snowed i would shovel snow in the winter rake leaves in the in the fall and and then i remember when i used to shovel snow i used to go and kids would want to help me because i started getting you know everybody in the blocks that i wanted to i would travel about three miles and take care of it. Kids would want to help me, so I would tell them, okay, no problem. Here's what you're going to do. If you're going to help me, I'm going to let you work. I'm going to split the money with you, but you got to do a spring cleanup for free so we can go back into spring. Then I would go to the owners of the house and say, well, everybody else in the block,

if they shovel your snow, they're charging you $3. If I shovel your snow three times during the winter, I'm going to give you a free spring cleanup. So I was leveraging all those little guys in the neighborhood. I love it. Ah, man, that was a great business. Now, when did you realize that you kind of, you know, the $800 first day,

it might have been a great first day, but when did you realize, like, okay okay i have something actually that is consistently getting results i mean was it just easy for you after that for the next year you were just making 800 bucks every day and then it just kept growing or was there like oh there's some dry spells here or i need to change where i'm promoting like anything in business it was always a dry spell here, a dry spell there. But in all reality, you know, my friends and I, we love selling the hats. Why? Because there was a reason to talk to girls on the street. There you go.

Right? That's why we do a lot of things. Of course we do. That's why we do a lot of things. Everything, right? If we didn't have women in the world, we'd all be walking around barefoot and just, you know, no teeth, right? Exactly.

Then I would start going to the black expos Where there was like a basically market on the road And I would try to sell shirts there Why? Because girls were there Right, right But also We started We were really passionate about

What we were doing And And we started getting that high When we sold stuff at a black expo You know And then we'd go to another one And we'd see somebody wearing it And we'd go wow

That's pretty cool. And that's when they came back and started saying, man, you know, I tell everybody about this shirt and they asked me for it so I need to buy three now because I got to buy for everybody.

And we started saying, wow. Right? And it just became so exciting. I would have normally paid to go to the Black Expo to go around and buy stuff or see stuff. And then, you know, we happen to live in Hollis, Queens.

There's a lot of music artists in Hollis, Queens. You know, obviously Salt-N-Pepa, Run-DMC, LL Cool J, Tribal Quest. A lot of them come from there. We didn't really know them, but we knew all their friends. But then all of a sudden we heard, we were saying, well, can we get something in a video? And they would go, yeah, come on down. We go down to the video, and there's craft services.

It's free to eat as much food as you want. You get to see somebody like LL Cool J performing a song. There's video vixens running around. There's everywhere. I would have paid to go there. Meanwhile, I'm going to go ahead and put on a shirt. They put on a shirt, and then I'll say, man, I don't have any money. I have a small company, so I really can't afford to lose that shirt.

Can I have it back? Really? It sounds like what you did. When was this? What year was this? Well, honestly, I opened Food 189. I closed it three times because I ran out of capital from 89 to 92. So the story really goes from 89 to around 96.

Okay, cool. 96. Okay, cool. So 20 years ago, you were essentially the true branding expert who was leveraging the Instagram influencers of today. You were leveraging the music stars, the MTV stars. Yes.

And getting that social media out there on MTV as opposed to on Instagram, which is what brands are doing today. They're trying to find the top influencers and get their clothing on them. Yeah, we always call FUBU the first hashtag of clothing. There you go. I like it.

I like it. What would you say was the biggest challenge once you started to really take off and grow? Obviously, as a small business owner, when a trend hits and everyone wants your product, how did you handle that and what was the biggest challenge? and everyone wants your product. How did you handle that and what was the biggest challenge? Scalability was very hard because it was how do I go and finance and underwrite these things? Where will I get the capital?

What's the turnaround time? And I didn't have any financial intelligence at the time. So my journey. You could sell and you could hustle. I could sell, I could hustle, but my journey. You could sell and you could hustle. I could sell, I could hustle, but you know, my journey, I, I, I almost failed or in lost everything several times throughout that journey because I just didn't know how to use the tool of money. Yeah. And,

and, and it's so hard to try to acquire all that knowledge within the same time. How do I acquire the knowledge of branding, marketing, distribution, manufacturing, warehousing, shipping,

financial intelligence, customer support, you know, return on goods, you know, marketing, distribution, manufacturing, warehousing, shipping, financial intelligence, customer support, return on goods, consumption. You know what I mean? It's so hard. So, of course, I had to start leveraging as well and creating a bunch of strategic relationships because I knew I needed that. I knew I needed that because, you know, listen, when you tell somebody to stop smoking you know a couple of times and and and after the 10th time they know

they already have a problem smoking they don't want to listen to you listen forget it I'm not even gonna address it and when they start smoking when you have business you have to answer the call or you're closed right right so you have to plug the dam and I knew I had to plug the dam so I started just creating a lot of strategic relationship and that's actually the power broke because it is the fact that you know if I would have had money when I went to those video sets I would have paid the director out of paid the producer out of paid the rapper everybody else right how do if you gave me $20,000 at that time and I heard that LL Cool J will

wear my stuff for $5,000 and the director wants $5,000 to wear it, they're getting the money. Of course. Right? And then you're going to wear it. But I got into 30, 40 videos with $0, right? Because I had no way to do it. I had nothing to lose. You couldn't take anything from me. I didn't have anything. Yeah. Right? Exactly. So, so- You couldn't even anything from me. I didn't have anything. Yeah. Right? Exactly. You couldn't even give me your shirt. Right.

You took it back. I took it back. You know, when you're working with the power of broke, it does a couple of things. Number one, it makes sure that you learn the process yourself. You can't afford to hire anybody else. So all those people out there who pay $40,000 for a website when it really costs five, right? Or you can leverage it by bartering or something. Whatever the case is, right? So you have to learn the process. And what happens during that period of time of learning the process is that when and if and hopefully you get to the point that you are successful, nobody can tell you

lies. You can't have somebody say, well, I'm not going to tell you about shipping because you're firing me and I got to go work it out yourself. You get and you learn the process, number one. Number two is because you don't have a lot of capital, you focus on the only thing that you can do. You don't drown drown an opportunity you don't take a bunch of money and go we should try a bunch of stuff here you go here's ten thousand ten thousand ten thousand ten thousand here go yeah you go all right what are we gonna do with this hat yeah right now you know so that's the process and that process is very very important, you learn and it brings out the character of who you have around you

when you operate the power of broke. What do you mean by that? Well, if you're busy, let's open a business today. Let's go take a $10,000, let's go take a $100,000 loan. Well, what happens when the money goes away? Because when I didn't have anything, people worked with me for free.

And I saw who rose to the challenge. I saw who jumped ship. I saw who was problem solvers and problem creators. And that's the process of activating the power broke. Because to tell you the truth, the people who activate the power broke more than anybody else are the people who are successful. Because that's how they stay successful. the power broke more than anybody else are the people who are successful because that's how they stay successful. Can you share how it all started so we have an understanding of what it is and how you got into it? Absolutely. It actually started with my own butt because I couldn't figure out

what to wear under white pants. And I'm sure you've had this problem when you're getting dressed. All the time. So what ended up happening was there was you know our undergarment options were no good there was underwear that left a panty line and then there was the girdle that was way too thick and heavy and so then they came out with the thong which just put underwear exactly where we've been trying to get it out of and so Spanx was born out of just being a frustrated consumer. I wanted to wear my clothes. I wanted a smooth canvas. I didn't want to see lines or any kind of things going on underneath.

So by taking the hosiery material, which was meant to be seen on the leg until Spanx sort of looked at it with a different lens and said, no, no, no. I want the hosiery material to actually be what I create the undergarment out of and it was wild trying to convince the hosiery manufacturers to help me make this product with that in mind because for so many years they'd been using the material to be seen on the leg right I said no it's just it's the perfect material to create the perfect canvas for women under our clothes and it opened up my wardrobe it opened up so many other women's wardrobe we could start wearing colors we didn't feel comfortable wearing and the models get air brushed we get spanks there you go there you go i love it and when was this uh what year this was

in um well i cut the feet out of my pantyhose in 1998 wow yes i was 18 years ago. Am I doing my math? Yes, I was 27. And then I spent the next two years getting it made. I worked at night and on the weekends on the idea while I was selling fax machines door to door. And then the company was launched in 2000 when I was 29. Wow. Yeah. Selling fax machines door to door. Where were you living? In Clearwater, Florida. Okay. Where I grew up. Fax machines. On Clearwater Beach.

Are there even fax machines anymore around? No. I mean, thank God I'm not still doing that. I don't know what would have happened. There are no more fax machines. Just like no one watches the movie Airplane anymore? I'm just kidding. I cannot believe.

I need to know. Is he the only one on the planet who's not seen the movie Airplane? I was quoting Airplane as soon as they put the headset on. I'm like, Stryker, you're too low. You're too low. And you just stared at me like, what is she talking about? That's it, guys. So how long were you selling the fax machines? I sold the fax machines to Ordedor for seven years.

Seven years? Yes. I know. And before that, I wanted to be a lawyer, but I failed the LSAT not once, but twice. You wanted to be a lawyer. That was your dream. I wanted to be a lawyer. I was like, I'm going to be a lawyer, but I failed the LSAT not once, but twice. You wanted to be a lawyer. That was your training. I wanted to be a lawyer. I was like, I'm going to be a lawyer. So you wanted to be a lawyer, but it didn't work out. I wanted to be a lawyer. I failed the LSAT not once,

twice. So then instead of going to law school, I drove to Disney World and tried out to be goofy, but you have to be 5'8". And you're 5'6". And I'm 5'6". So you didn't wear heels? No, I didn't wear heels. I didn't wear heels. And so I didn't wear heels. Come on, Sarah. I didn't wear heels. And so I was the height of a chipmunk.

So you got the chipmunk? I got the chipmunk part, but I didn't end up doing it. I put people on rides in a brown polyester spacesuit at the World of Motion and Horizons at Epcot. Epcot Center. And I would see people that I hadn't seen in a while. Come through. I'm walking on the moving sidewalk, putting people on rides. And they'd go, Hey, Blakely, is that you? Didn't you graduate from college? And my big Mickey mouse here said, Sarah Blakely. And I'd be like, Oh my gosh. But that's

what I did. And then I sold fax machines door to door for seven years, seven years. Did you wake up every morning and say, this is my dream to sell fax machines door to door? Were you thinking, no, what am I doing in my life? Exactly. So what happened was a lot of people think that Spanx started when I cut the feet out of my pantyhose, but actually it started long before that. It started when I was selling fax machines door to door and getting my car business card ripped up in my face, being escorted out of buildings all day, every day that I woke up one day and just thought I'm in the wrong movie. Like, how did this happen? This is not my life. Cut scene director, like call the producer.

And I got out a piece of paper and I wrote down, what am I good at? And the only thing in the good column was sales. And I thought, okay, what am I going to do with that? And I ended up writing in my journal, I'm going to invent a product and sell it to millions of people that will make them feel good. And then I asked the universe for an idea and I was very specific and it took two years and I only cut the feet out of my pantyhose one time and I was not going to squander any idea the universe gave me because I had really asked for it. And then the minute I cut the feet out, I started trying to make it. I started looking up manufacturers on the Internet. This was before Alibaba, wasn't it?

Yes. Because I did this about eight years ago, and I used Alibaba for something, and it was easy to find a manufacturer in China and test different things. But how did you find a manufacturer at that time? A website called thomasregistry.com, and it lists all the manufacturers in the country based on category. And that's when I found out that a lot of hosiery and undergarments were being made in North Carolina. Oh, really?

Yeah. Oh, so you got it local. Yeah. I mean, U.S., yeah. So I called and called, and no one would take my call, and they'd either hang up on me or say they weren't interested. So I took a week off of work and drove around in person. And just showed up and I just showed up I want to create a sample yeah because if they weren't going to get a big order for

something they're probably like what's I got to do a little sample for you right yeah I showed up with my lucky red backpack from college it's always with me you still have it yeah of course and you didn't bring it here come on it's with me with me. It's with me in LA. Yeah. Oh, wow. Yeah. So anyway, I went into the manufacturing plants and they asked me the same three questions. And you are, let's say, Sarah Blakely. And you're with? Myself.

Sarah Blakely. And you're financially backed by? And I was like, Sarah Blakely. So you can imagine how those went. It was like, well, have a nice day honey and good luck and um about you know a few weeks after I made all those rounds I got a call from a guy in North Carolina who had took pity on me and said Sarah I've decided to make your crazy idea wow I'm gonna ask why you had the change of heart. He said, I have three daughters. Wow. Yeah. So he ran the idea by them and they're like, dad, that sounds interesting. You got to give that girl a chance. Amazing. So he called you back. You didn't follow up with these people.

Oh yeah. I was following up, but to no avail. But he, he followed up and said, yeah, we'll give it a shot. We'll make this. So what was the next step? Was he just making a sample for you or testing different models or sizes or? Yeah. So it just set up to make the garment while I was making it with his manufacturing plant. I was also wanting to patent the idea and I was also trying to come up with the name for the invention. So I was doing those three things simultaneously, driving up on the weekends and working with

Ted in the back of the manufacturing plant that I'd become very close with and driving to north carolina from florida no from atlanta i was living in atlanta at the time what's that about eight hour drive six hour drives um about four and a half oh it's not bad yeah it's not bad and so anyway um ted ted became my buddy and i went to get it patented, but all the patent lawyers wanted between $3,000 and $5,000, and I had $5,000 set aside to do this. That's it, yeah. So I wrote my own patent. I went to Barnes & Noble. No way.

And I bought a book called Patents and Trademarks, and I wrote the patent, and then I called one of the patent lawyers that was the nicest to me and said, Please, please, please, will you write the claims over the weekend for a discounted price? I've done all the other rest of the patent. The legwork you'd done. Yeah. You just kind of needed to button it up. Yeah, he needed to do the legal part. And so he did.

He actually admitted to me that when I came to visit him, he thought I'd been sent by Canon Camera, which let me put it in your words. Canon Camera, I know. He thought he was being punked. Of course, of course. Wow. Yeah, He thought he was being punked. Of course. Of course. Wow. Yeah.

He thought he was being punked. Okay. And he thought. Where's Ashton? Where's Ashton? Yeah, exactly. He thought that his friends were playing a joke on him. No way.

Yeah. He goes. Who's this girl? He goes, Sarah. I mean, like, you're not the typical person who walks in the door saying I've got a product and I want to patent it. Wow. So anyway anyway he did

that then at the same time i'm trying to think of the name i had horrible names written on scrap pieces of paper all over the place in my apartment in my car and rental cars on the back of like avis agreements and um you want to hear how bad the runner-up name to spanx was yeah open-toed delilahs no way yes i cannot believe that was even an option it was it was the runner on like how bad is that open toad delilahs i so wouldn't be sitting here with you right now if i named it that that is the horrible yeah it's so bad wow yes so anyway okay so what's spake stand for well it's all about the butt makes your mind wander a little bit nobody ever forgets it i had no money to advertise it was risky it was fun at the time

listen now it's become a household name but when i first invented it i would call people and say hi i'm sarah from spanks and they would hang up right it's probably like a porn yeah they thought i was pranking them i'm called i'm like no really i'm sarah my company really is called spanks and i had a department stores across the country that wouldn't sell it they thought it was too risque of a name. And my mom sent her whole lunch into the wrong website when I first started. I was like, Mom, it's with an X. Oh, my God. It's super important.

It's with an X. So, yeah. Anyway, I ended up buying the word Spanx from a man who said he was holding out from the porn industry. Funny enough that you say that. I bet. Yeah. I paid for it. Spanx with an industry. Funny enough that you say that. I bet, yeah. I paid for it.

Spanx with an X. I paid some money for that. But anyway, yes. Amazing. Named it Spanx. It came to me because I narrowed down my thinking. I knew that Kodak and Coca-Cola were the two most recognized names in the world at the time.

And I thought, what do they have in common? I like to think about words and phrases a lot. They both had a strong K sound in them. And the man that created Kodak liked the K sound so much, he took a K and put it in the beginning and the end of the word and played with letters in the alphabet. So, and I also had a bunch of friends who did standup comedy and it's this weird trade secret among comedians that the K sound will make your audience laugh. So I put all that together and I'm like, okay, I want my product name to have the K sound in it for good luck. And literally Spanx came across my dashboard in my car in my mind. And I pulled off the side of the road. I wrote it down. I went home that night. I typed

it in my computer for $150 with my credit card. And at the last second, I backspaced the K and the S and put in an X and hit send. So it was accident kind of with the X. No, I backspaced because I stared at it for a while and I had done research that made up words do better for product than real words and they're easier to trademark. So then, then I had the name and I had the, the, the, um, patent in the works, got my prototype and my patent lawyer said, Sarah, I need to know what's in this garment in order to write the patent. I said, okay, I need to know what's in this garment in order to write the patent. I said, okay, no problem. We'll call Ted. So I get Ted on the phone. I'm

like, Ted, can you talk to the manufacturer? Yeah. I'm like in the back, in the back. I'm like, Ted, can you talk to my patent lawyer? He's like, yeah. So we're all talking and he goes, I go, can you tell him what's in it? He's like, yeah, well, it's 70% nylon and 30% lacquer. And I'm like, all right. And so I'm taking notes. My patent lawyer's taking notes. And that night I could not sleep. I'm up all night.

And the next morning I wake up, I'm like, how is there lacquer in this product? What is lacquer? Just so I'm aware. I think it's like paint thinner or something. Okay. So I called. 30% paint thinner? So I called Ted.

I go, Ted, can you spell lacquer? He's like, yeah, L-Y-C-R-A. I'm like, oh, my God, lycra. Oh, yeah, yeah. I was like. Got it. Doing all change on lacquer immediately. All change.

My patent lawyer was laughing. He said, you know how fast you would have gotten a patent if you tried to make this out of paint thinner? He's like, they would have been like, sure. So was it challenging to get it? Did you get it the first try? The patent? I did. Wow.

It usually takes a few turns, doesn't it? I got the patent the first try, and I got the trademark name Spanx. Amazing. Yeah. So it didn't seem like there was that many challenges once you submitted it or whatever. You kind of got the things you needed in place. You got the orders in. Was there a lot of challenges after that?

Once you got the patent, the trademark? That was a really hard part. It's just I heard the word no for two years. Yeah, all the manufacturers. Nobody thought it was a good idea. And also when you're just yourself trying to break into an industry like you mentioned, the manufacturers, it's not really in their best interest to slow down machines or try to give a girl with a couple grand a chance.

Unless you're going to give them a bunch of money for a big order or something. Yeah, right. So that was the hard part. And then once I had it, I cold called Neiman Marcus. And that was the first account I called on. Did you get it? Yes. Well, you were great at sales.

So you could sell it. I was so excited. It was my moment. I flew to Dallas. I called them and said, if you give me 10 minutes of your time, I'll come and meet with you. And she said, all right. This is a buyer. Yep. The buyer. I first called the Atlanta store. They're like, girl, we can't help you. We have a buying office. I'm like, well, where is that? Give me their number. And I went in and halfway through my pitch i could tell i was losing her so i said you know what will you please come to the bathroom with me and she was like so buttoned up i mean neiman marcus like her pen matched her belt that matched her shoes and she was like what like what am i doing in the bathroom i was like just

follow me to the bathroom and show you my own panty line. And I went in the stall with Spanx in my pants and without it in my pants. And she was like, oh, I totally get it. It's awesome. And I'm going to put it in seven stores. Wow. Yeah. Just like that. Just like that.

It was so unbelievable. I was so nervous. And then, of course, I had to call Sam. In the rental car on the way back to the um to the um airport i called the owner of the manufacturer i'm like sam sam it's sarah i need more i just landed neiman marcus and he's like what he was in shock he goes sarah i thought you were gonna give his way his birthday presents for like years and i said no neiman marcus just bought it and i need more and he patched me through to ted he goes okay you need to talk to ted okay so ted comes back in

he's on the phone. And I go, Ted, I need more. And he goes, I go, I just landed Neiman Marcus. He goes, well, that's great, but what are you going to do about the crotches? The crotches? Yeah. Exactly. That's what I said. I go, what? Don't they come with crotches? We've been making them with crotches. He goes, well, yeah, but we only

got one crotch machine. It's being used by somebody else. No way. Yeah. So what do you do then so i just landed neiman marcus and i have no crotches oh my god i don't know where to go for a crotch do you i mean like i don't know where do you go i actually looked in the yellow pages crotch making machines yeah i just i looked up crotch machine i looked up crotch i don't know how you spell crotch okay listen this is what This is what I learned. I'm going to teach you something. Okay, so I didn't know this.

What's Yellow Pages again? Yeah, oh my God. I'm just kidding. It's a big book. It's yellow. It's what we used to look things up. Of course. Hilarious.

What's Instagram? Oh, yeah. You just got on it. Okay, I just joined it seven days ago. All right. So where was it? Oh, crotch. Oh, yeah.

Crotch machine. Lift it up. Yeah, so anyway, in the Yellow Pages, it's not under crotch. So I learned there's a fancy Oh, crotch. Oh, yeah. Crotch machine. Wrapped it up. Yeah. So anyway, in the Yellow Pages, it's not under crotch. So I learned there's a fancy word for crotch named gusset. Gusset? Yes. What?

Gusset. I never heard that word. So I started calling gusset companies. They were like FedExing me crotches from all over. My roommate would come home and be like, you got another crotch in the mail. And then I ended up finding a man by the name of Gene Bobo that worked for a crotch company just 20 minutes north of where I lived in Atlanta. And he saved the day. And they made the crotches.

And then I could deliver Neiman Marcus. So you had the leggings. They made the crotches. And then you sewed them together. Is that how it works? Yes. Apparently, yes. Gotcha.

OK. So then you had another. How many did you print the first time? 3,000. 3, time? 3,000. 3,000? 3,000 pair of the first Spanx. One SKU, right? Yes, one SKU.

$20, one SKU. Three sizes or? Like four. Four sizes. Yep. 3,000 of them. Yes. And that's what Neiman's ordered.

And then I sent them to, they sent them to the seven stores. I had no packing and shipping department. So the semi-trucks were pulling up to my apartment in Atlanta. And I was shipping them myself to Neiman's. This is amazing. And then I called every friend I had in those seven cities. Like people I hadn't talked to in 20 years. Hey, go buy a few of these.

Take your girlfriends there. Hi, Christina, remember me? I used to sit next to you all the time in grade school. Will you please go buy this product called Spanx? I literally called them and I said, and I'll mail you a check. So I paid all my friends and friends of friends to go buy the product. That is brilliant, actually, to get some movement. Yeah, I said, go in.

I gave them a whole script. I'm like, go in and say, I've been looking for this all my life. I can't believe it's here. And create all this excitement. This is amazing. And then, of course, a week later, I talked to the Ne it's here. And create all this excitement. This is amazing. And then, of course, a week later, I talked to the Neiman's buyer. And she's like, Sarah, we are blowing out. I'm like, you don't say.

No way. Meanwhile, I was buying them all. That's brilliant. You have to. Wow. You have to. You have to. You have to ensure your own success.

Absolutely. So then once I started running out of money, Oprah called and put it on as her favorite product of the year. How long was that for until the time was in Neiman Marcus to Oprah calling? Like a month. It just happened that quick? A month or a month and a half. How did she even hear about it in a month and a half? I sent it to her in a gift basket.

And her Andre who dresses her put it in her dressing room and she put them on and has basically worn them every day since. Shut up. I'm not kidding. It it was so unbelievable i had no money to advertise in the back of my apartment i was selling fax machines like a month before that but i have to say i was working every night and on the weekends for two years quietly trying to get this building this thing yeah building it i had no option in my mind i was like i am scripting a new life for myself and was this movie about you that came out a year ago? Joy? Yeah. Is that about you? My dad called me, he goes, Sarah, I just saw a movie. It's basically your life except for the dysfunctional family part.

I was like, yeah, right dad. Okay, sure. Yeah. But I could really relate to her. I'm sure it was like the hustle and yeah. But when I got Neiman Marcus, I think a lot of people think that's when you've arrived. No. That's when I double-timed. I mean, I got on a plane and was gone for two years straight. And I went to every department store in the country that sold Spanx, every Neiman Sachs, Nordstrom, and Bloomingdale's. And I would go before the store opened and do an all-store rally and tell them what my product was, explain it to them, do a demo, give out free product, and then stand there in the department for eight hours a day

and tell customers what it was. Because I didn't have any money averages. I was selling it for them, but what I didn't realize I was doing was I was building a sales force not on my payroll because all these people started to become so... Ambassadors. Ambassadors, and they were rooting for me and they loved the product and so that was a really important part of the formula

and then i learned what my next products were going to be because i was standing right there with customers and let's say what they need what the challenge is i can't do this they told me what they wanted amazing yeah i hope today's episode inspired you on your journey towards greatness. Make sure to check out the show notes in the description for a rundown of today's show with all the important links. And if you want weekly exclusive bonus episodes with me as well as ad-free listening experience, make sure to subscribe to our Greatness Plus channel on Apple Podcast. If you enjoyed this, please share it with a friend over on social media or text a friend. Leave us a review over on Apple Podcast and let me know what you learned

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