The School of Greatness - 329 Breaking Free from the Matrix and Living Mindfully with Carrie-Anne Moss

Episode Date: May 16, 2016

"When you are connected to yourself, you know what you need." - Carrie-Anne Moss If you enjoyed this episode, check out show notes, video, and more at http://lewishowes.com/329

This is episode number 329 with Carrie Ann Moss. Welcome to the School of Greatness. My name is Lewis Howes, former pro athlete turned lifestyle entrepreneur. And each week we bring you an inspiring person or message to help you discover how to unlock your inner greatness. Thanks for spending some time with me today. Now let the class begin. Maya Angelou said, you alone are enough.

You have nothing to prove to anybody. I've been connecting with so many more people lately out in the world, and I've met so many of you who listen to the podcast, and it just fills me up. It brings so much joy to me to hear your stories and hear how you've overcome so many challenges to get to where you are today. And I just want to let you know that you are 100% enough. Wherever you're at in your life right now, whether you're struggling to make money and make ends meet, whether you're going through a challenging relationship or a breakup, whether

you're opening up about something that you've never told anyone and it's terrifying you, I just want to let you know that you are fully enough with where you're at, where you're heading. You are 100 percent totally worth it and enough to have everything you want and everything you desire. We've got an incredible interview today and it's with Carrie Ann Moss, someone that I recently got connected to through a buddy of mine, Eric Handler. And as I started researching more about Carrie Ann and learning about her, I became more inspired by her than just what her characters are on TV and in the movies. Now, most of you might know who Carrie Ann is as the character Trinity in The Matrix,

which was a cult classic instantly and inspired and moved so many people who watched that movie. And she had an incredible role and did an amazing job. But Carrie Ann is much more than that. She is a mother, a wife, an actress, and a yogi who came to Los Angeles to pursue a career in acting. Now, over the last 20 years, her work in the entertainment industry includes roles in The Matrix and Memento and many other films and TV shows. Now, success as an actress has brought her fulfillment, but for Carrie Ann, it was marriage and motherhood where she found her deepest sense of purpose and her greatest joy. And we got to dive in deep today.

I really enjoyed this conversation. We actually went for over an hour and I just didn't want to stop. I just wanted to continue diving in deeper to her soul, her heart, and really learning how she's evolved over the last 20 years and how she moved from Canada to pursue a dream when she had no money, no place to live, and really no clue if it was going to work out or not. Then how she went from being a working actress but not really breaking through anywhere and landing the job with Trinity for the Matrix. And what happened after that? Then how she went from being a movie star to becoming a mother and transitioning there and all of the amazing, messy, and beautiful things that come along the journey.

So I hope you guys enjoy this one. And some of the main things we cover are the incredible power of visualization to create the life you dream of and how Carrie Ann has done this her entire life. Also, how to live in the present moment, no matter how busy we are. We talked about the value of finding your self-worth outside of your job and outside of your career. Also, what Carrie Ann's training looked like in preparation for filming The Matrix

and the story of how she got cast in such a big movie, and so much more. Make sure to share this out with your friends. It's lewishouse.com slash 329. Share that link out on Twitter, on Facebook, post it on Instagram, and also you can check out the full show notes back there at lewishouse.com slash 329, and check out the full video interview that we did together in the Greatness Studio as well. So without further ado, let me introduce you to the one, the only, Carrie Ann Moss. Welcome everyone to the School of Greatness podcast. We've got Carrie Ann Moss

in the house. Good to see you. Thank you. I'm very excited for this. We got connected through Eric Handler, who's a mutual friend of ours and a good buddy of mine. So I'm very grateful for Eric for connecting us. And I already feel really connected to you just in the last 20 minutes, hearing about everything and learning about your story. So excited to dive in. Now, a lot of people know you from The Matrix, right? Which was what, 15 years ago when that came out or 1999, I think, 2000. And that was kind of like, it was such a huge thing. It's amazing that you're talking about all the things that we were talking about before about really this consciousness and this awareness that that's really what you started in your career that made it big is this consciousness and awareness. And now it's really what you're doing with your work, working with mothers, working with other women,

about bringing this to life, right? Yeah, I think it's not so coincidental. Really? And I'm in awe of the unfoldment of my own life and looking at all of those things that could appear to be coincidental and understanding that there's a journey there that is beyond me. And I'm beyond grateful for getting to play that role and having that impact and being a part of something that had that much of an impact on people. Still today.

Yeah. And the consciousness of it is so deep and layered. And I remember at the time that I didn't at all understand the depth of it. I was, you know, on a spiritual journey. I understood the layers of consciousness in it, they're very smart people and really bright. I mean, so I took off with a script like that. Totally brilliant. And I remember I had a rock at my door. In fact, I still have it. It's in my office. And it said, believe. And I remember thinking about Trinity, and I understood her heart completely.

I'm not a very intellectual person. Like I completely come from instinct and intuition and my heart. And I understood her that way. That was my way in. And I always felt like she was the heart of the three of them, Morpheus, Neo, and Trinity. And I had the greatest time playing her and bringing her to life and being a part of that.

What an experience. Yeah. I mean, was life just completely changed after that? Because before you were working and you were a consistent actor, right? And you were a model before that. But then that really kind of like took it to a whole nother level. It did. Everyone watched the movie, right? Yeah. I mean, it was one of those moments where I remember shortly before getting it

where I thought, oh, you know, I'm going to be turning 30 and maybe I'll never be in movies. Maybe I'll just have this mediocre television career. And that's like better than most people. Most people don't get that. Most people don't ever get that. I make a living as an actor.

I understood how big that was. I had a lot of friends who were actors and most of us weren't making a living as an actor. So I understood. I bought a house as an actor. I was paying my bills as an actor. You weren't waiting tables. Yeah. And it wasn't that far off, but I was making a living. Some months where you're like, well, maybe I need to go get a second job, right? Absolutely. Absolutely. In fact- You're never certain as an actor. In fact, after I shot The in as an actor. In fact, after I shot The Matrix,

that year of shooting The Matrix, I wasn't sure if I was going to need to wait tables in between it coming out. No. I wasn't sure. And I thought to myself,

Was it not that big of a paid gig? No. No, I was like, nobody, right? So you didn't get a big like Keanu? No.

No, I was, it was, yeah, I would have done it for free and they all know that, right? When they're making your deals. Right. So you didn't get a big. No. No. I was. It was. Yeah, I would have done it for free. And they all know that. Right. When they're making your deals. But I remember thinking, you know, I got offered a few things before it came out and things for like a lot of money, but they weren't great.

And I had to trust that the movie I didn't know if the movie was going to be big. I didn't know if if my career was going to take off or not. And I just had to know that I had to trust and really get into that place of trusting that. Wow. So you turned down bigger paying jobs for a potential, potentially be a bust. Totally. Who knows what the movie's going to do. Totally.

Right. These guys weren't like, were they known directors or producers before? They'd done like a, a, a, a movie that had done well, but there was no, I had no idea. It was a weird concept. So many people didn't understand what the heck we were doing. And, and yeah, I, I had to, I had to believe, and I hadn't seen like a piece of it. I didn't know what it even looked like. And I just, I remember getting one offer in particular that was quite big. I'd never seen an offer like that. Like a TV deal? No, it was a movie thing, but it was, it wasn't in alignment with like what I was about. And so it was, I couldn't, I couldn't say yes to

just the money. Couldn't do it. And I'm glad I didn't do it. You know, I've never done that. Right. So it wasn't really that hard of a decision. And if I had to wait tables, I would have waited tables. You know what? I loved waiting tables, I got to tell you. I waited tables.

I was very good at it. I almost managed restaurants when I was like 17, 18 years old in Vancouver. I was the waitress that people would bring their families and I would hold their kids while they ate dinner and their children would bring me photographs that they had drawn. And I loved being of service and I loved serving people food and I loved being in the energy of a restaurant. I thought that's what I was going to do as a career was perhaps manage. And I was going up the ranks in the restaurant chain that I worked at pretty fast because I was good with

people and I loved what I did and I enjoyed it. And then I remembered, a friend of mine came in and I remembered that I had a dream of being an actress. And I didn't know exactly how I was going to do it because I'd never seen anyone do it before. I didn't know anyone. I mean, Michael J. Fox had gone to my elementary school. Really? He's Canadian, huh? Yeah. And although I didn't know him, he was like a light for me that someone who walked in the same school that I went to was able to make that. And it would just seem so far away. And I just rekindled that idea that I had that dream and it lived within me. And sure, I could go into restaurant business and probably do really well at it and really enjoy it. But that I had this deep

yearning to be an artist and to be an actress and to tell stories and to do that. And I went and I studied. I came here to Pasadena to go to school for a year. And I had a job to pay for that. I mean, it really was a hard thing to do. I went to school full-time and had like three jobs or something. How old are you at this time? I think I was 18 or 19. Sure. That's young. And then I traveled and I did some modeling and that was really an incredibly eye-opening

experience for me. And then I moved home to Vancouver after being in, I'd been in Japan, I'd been in Spain, I'd been in a few different places in Belgium. And I came home and I thought, okay, I'll, I'll try to be an actress here in Vancouver. And after a few days I started to feel kind of blue. And my mom was like, that's not like you. I normally have quite a sad. I mean, yeah. Yeah. Blue as in sad. You don't say that. No, I just didn't know if you were like sick or what. Is that a girl thing? No. Yeah, I felt kind of sad and not very turned on energetically for what was happening in my life. I mean, I'd literally been home like a few days. I probably needed to ride it out a little bit. But I remember since I was a child, I saw myself living here, driving on

the PCH, wearing all white, which is interesting because I'm a kundalini yoga teacher and- Wearing all white. I wear all white all the time. I live right off of that PCH. And I envisioned that since I was a child. I envisioned the life that I have since I was a child. When we talk about visualization and manifestation, those were naturally within me since I was a little kid. I was making vision boards when I was seven and eight years old. Did you know what you were doing? I had no idea.

It was like, here's a dream. It'd be cool to do this. I was meditating when I was a kid with other children and going in a circle with them and having a love for yoga, which I didn't even know what yoga was. And I was just very tuned in, I guess, to some of those things that now I have such a great love for. And I can see the seeds. And they weren't planted there by other people. They were in me.

No, they weren't. You didn't see it on TV or movies? Well, I could have seen a lot of what my career was in television. Absolutely. Because I grew up watching a lot of television. So that was the inspiration maybe came from the things you saw in Hollywood or whatever, right? Absolutely. You saw the PCH. Exactly. How would I have known that? Yes. Baywatch or something. Probably. We're talking way pre-Baywatch. We're talking Three's Company. We're talking Happy Days. We're talking all you know, all those shows. And I remember like just as a family, we would go to Seattle once a year.

And to go like across the border into the United States of America was huge. And I could get like all the candy and the chocolate that I saw in the commercials because we didn't have that stuff. It was like a big deal. You had the fake M&Ms, not the real ones. I don't know. We had that stuff. It was like a big deal. Like a fake M and M's, not the real one. I don't know. We had different stuff, but I remember like thinking like America had something that you wanted, that I wanted.

And although I can see now that it's not necessarily true, Canada, America, I mean, sure. There's so many great qualities in both countries, but I was definitely attracted to the vibration of the United States of America for me as an, as a wanting to be an actress and stuff. It's funny. in both countries, but I was definitely attracted to the vibration of the United States of America

for me as a wanting to be an actress and stuff. It's funny. We were just talking before we started recording that you might move out of the country now at some point, depending on who is elected president based on where things go. It's kind of interesting how you've got what you wanted and now you may want to- Well, who knows? I think I always want to move. And I think one of the things that I'm exploring right now at this phase of my life is

where is home. And when it comes down to it, home is in, is within me no matter what. And I know that I believe that, but there's another level that I'm exploring. I was just writing about it for Annapurna living about home. And I've written a lot about it because it's, I think, as the mother of three children that I think about it a lot. My husband and I think about it a lot, about the memories that we are creating for our children and where we're choosing to be and where we're laying down roots and what kind of life we want for our children. And the reality is you're having the life you're having. what kind of life we want for our children. And the reality is you're having the life you're having. So you can live in your mind of thinking that things could be better somewhere else. And yet you need to be where you are because as Ram Dass says, be here now or wherever I am,

there I am. And I'm really exploring that right now. We're in a rental house in the Palisades because we sold our family home a couple of years ago thinking we were going to move out of California. And I love the house that we live in. It's an old house, but it's not mine. I still have boxes in the closet. We've moved in. It's like we're going on our second year, but we didn't unpack everything. And I didn't realize I was loving it at a distance. I didn't realize until just a few weeks ago, I went away to London to work and I had this breakthrough. Sometimes I have those when I pull out of my life

and have a moment of space, mental space. I think as mothers, it's not often that we have the mental space to be thinking of other things other than what we're doing. And your children, your husband, your life, your career. Yeah. And so I had this moment and when I came home, I just saw the house in a different way. I started loving it in this way. I had this dream of living on a farm and having animals and having green and having a garden, all of these things. And so I started a little one, like not a big one. And of course, then this is what my mind does.

I thought, oh, I need to go to like the right store and like get the right plants. Well, I can't do that right now. So I went to Gelson's and got the organic herbs that just were there. Three plants, $3.99 each. I don't have to wait till I can get to the perfect store to get the right combination to have it done right. It's not about that. I put these three little potted plants in my window and a fern, and it's bringing me so much joy to look at it every morning with my tea. And I thought, wow, I've been waiting. I've been waiting, thinking that over there, somewhere else, I'll have that. But I can have it here. I can have it now. And that's

what I try to live my life exploring. Where am I not living my desire of how I want to be living like right now? Intimacy with people. Well, my life is filled with people that I'm interacting with all the time. How can I connect in that way without leaking all over the place or squandering my energy? What do you mean by leaking? Well, I think that I have a tendency, although not as much as I used to have. This used to be something that I definitely dealt with when I was younger, sharing too much or leaking, like having my energy leaking out of the boat, basically. And I know when I'm doing that, that it's a sign that something's off. So when I look at that and I noticed it recently, I hadn't noticed it in a while. I hadn't felt that. I thought, okay, what is that telling me? Like it's a red flag or a red

light saying, okay, where am I not taking tender care of my soul or myself or what I have right in front of me? And what I love about consciousness and awareness is that it happens in a moment. And so I try to look at my life that way in everything I do. And when I feel off, I don't beat myself up. I go, oh, something needs my attention. Thank you for showing me that. Okay. Let's shift here or shift there. And I call that feedback. Yeah. You know, it's not like we're failing at something in our life or our relationships or our health. It's not a failure. It's just like, it's information for us to say what's working and what's not working on our dreams or where we want to be, you know? So that's cool.

What do you think is missing the most for people right now? At least in, let's say in America, what's missing for people? What do you think that they're lacking the most of? Well, the thing that comes to mind is connection. I'm pretty passionate about that because I think that when you're connected to yourself, then you know what you need. And I think that we're bombarded with so much information right now and we don't need any more information. What we need is wisdom to know what information works for us. We don't really need another course to do to get ourselves distracted into another idea. And there's so many people that are teaching so

many great things, which I'm all about. And I, I, I'm so grateful, but really how can you discern for yourself what you need and not just get lost in the information and feel overwhelmed and bogged down and then start to spiral into the same issues that brought you there, which are not feeling like you're enough, like so-and-so has a better life than you, and maybe you're doing it wrong. But when you're connected to yourself, and that's why one of the things I teach are three-minute meditations so that people don't... You're a yoga teacher. Yeah. Well, I've been studying kundalini yoga for a long time, like over 20 years.

And I became a kundalini yoga teacher. I took the teacher training, which I highly recommend to absolutely everybody. Just to get it, even if you're not going to teach it. No doubt about it. Really? It's the single best thing I've ever done. Wow. The tools for living a life, a modern life right now, are in there.

And I knew I needed it. My husband had taken it, and I watched him really transform. And then I knew I knew all this. You'd experienced it before. You'd heard it. I know. I've been taking yoga forever. I've been knew I knew all this. I'm, you know, I experienced it before. I've been taking yoga forever. I've been studying with Guru Singh forever. I've, you know, I've been awake for a long time, but I was starting to feel a lot of anxiety, daily anxiety. When was this? Probably after I had my kids started growing a little bit. So this is a few years ago. Yeah. You have three children. I have three kids started growing a little bit. So this is a few years ago.

Yeah. You have three children. I have three kids, 12, almost 13. He's almost 13. And then I have a 10-year-old and then I have an almost seven-year-old. Sure. And I started just to feel the manicness of my mind. Just, you know, at night, not sleeping well, thinking about what schools they should go

to, what the world was going to be like for them, and feeling just overwhelmed and leaking with looking for the best schools and looking for what I could do when really what I needed was to connect to myself. Finding there's no perfect school out there. There's no perfect garden. There's no perfect neighborhood. There's no perfect anything. And so I started to take the teacher training, which I did over a nine-month period. And at that point, I couldn't even imagine leaving my life for one weekend a month. I mean, I would go home at night, but up until then, I barely had a babysitter for my children. So it was a huge deal. Huge commitment.

Huge commitment. My children play sports on the weekend. I like to be there. I don't like to miss stuff. So what made you decide to do it? Well, it was time. I knew it was time. My husband said, we can do it.

I can take care of it. You go do this. This will be the best thing you do. And so he was very supportive of that, which always helps. And I know a lot of people don't have that kind of supportive partnerships, but, um, I was really grateful. I needed that. I needed that support because I don't think I would have done it quite then. And then I did it and, uh, started, you know, if I could say one thing that I got out of it, like I got a million things, but one of the major things was having a regular meditation practice. It's so powerful.

It's so powerful because when you can meditate and start taking out the garbage of your subconscious mind and you go through that period of getting there, and then you get to that place where when you close your eyes, and even if it's only for three minutes, that you have a moment of not being in that craziness and all of that manic. The matrix. Yep. And you connect to yourself and you connect to your soul. Even if it's for a moment, when you catch a glimpse of that, your life changes. Yeah. Because you just, it's the sweetest thing. And it doesn't cost any money.

You don't need anybody but you. And it's not always blissful or easy or any, I'm not suggesting that, but when you catch a glimpse of that, it's, for me, it's heaven. It's just the most euphoric, like I love that. And so I do that every day. That's great. And sometimes I don't want to do it. And sometimes I don't have that euphoric moment of it.

But the more that I do it, the more that I'm able to handle stressful situations, the more that I'm able to go with the flow. And the other day I was taking my daughter somewhere and what did I say to her? I said, well, let's go to Sweet Rose Creamery, this organic ice cream place on the corner. And she was like, really? She was so shocked. And she was like, I said, yeah. I said, let's just do it.

She was like, and she's walking ahead of me. She goes, you know, mom, sometimes you just got to go with the flow. And I thought, how many times have I said that to her when I haven't been able to get her in the car? Or you're late for practice or whatever. It was so cute to hear it mirrored back, of course, in a situation that she was so excited about. Sometimes you just got to go with the flow. That's amazing.

So yeah. Yeah. So meditation has been such a big deal for me. And the Kundalini yoga music that I listen to a lot raises the vibration of my life. The sound. The sound actually- Do you do the bowls too? I don't.

What's that called? Where they put the sticker on the bowl? Yeah. I love that. It's a great sound. The sound actually- Do you do the bowls too? I don't. What's that called? Where they put the sticker on the bowl? Yeah, I love that. I mean, I love- It's a great sound. Yeah. I don't know. Sure.

I think it's bowls. Bowls. I don't know. It's like crystal bowls or something, right? Crystal bowls, yeah. Yeah, it's not part of my practice, but I sure appreciate that. But my practice is real simple. I'll put a sheepskin in my kitchen on the floor, tune in, meditate.

I'll do it in my kid's playroom. I'll do it in the bathroom while they're one of them when they were little having a bath. And that's what I feel that I want to share with women and why I work with a lot of mothers on Annapurna Living and with my mother course and with Fierce Grace Collective is demystifying meditation. I'm really teaching to the householder. Kundalini yoga was brought for the householder, not for the person living in the cave in solitude and all of that. We're living these modern lives. People like you who've got a busy career, three kids. Full on.

Full on. Full on. You were saying that you used to say no to things like this in the past. You just say no to everything because you said you didn't have the time. And so you've got a lot going on. So how do you meditate and how do you develop the practice in this, in the messiness? Right. Well, I try to keep it super simple. Yeah. And how long is it for a few minutes? You said, well, like my sadhana, which is like some exercises, it can be more like half an hour to an hour with yoga mixed in. But if I, if I really can't do that, then I'll,

I'll literally, it takes me five minutes to tune in and do a meditation. And that'll make such a huge difference in my day if I do that. You know, it's interesting. I've been talking a lot about meditation on this with people. And what if there was no meditation? What would you be doing to give yourself that inner peace? If there was no meditation or yoga, you couldn't do it. Do you think there'd be a substitute for it? For people that are like, you know what? It's just really not for me. Like meditation, yoga, it's just not something I'm even going to think about doing.

But is there another solution for people who are similar to you, who have busy lives? I think they should try meditating. Right. Because I think that when I come back around to any issue that I have in my life, that if I'm meditating on a regular basis, even if it's just sitting still, putting your hand on your heart and inhaling and exhaling and connecting to your breath, I'm not talking about doing,

I don't do like hardcore yoga. I do like Kundalini, you know, that kind of physical downward dog. I mean, I do, I love that, but that's not the kind of yoga that I do. Kundalini yoga is different. It's the yoga of awareness. It's a different kind of yoga that when I do that regularly, it's not that things don't happen, but I'm able to clearly move through them energetically. And I'm able to sort of see how I need to do things. And when I don't do that, then it's a lot more complicated. So I say try it. You know, I don't believe that any of us, I can't, you have to experience something. And if you really don't want to, like maybe ask why.

Like, what is that? Whose voice is that? Because if somebody, if you could sit down with yourself and connect to yourself, and maybe there's too much pain, maybe there's too many voices in there, maybe you just can't imagine it. Maybe you judge that or whatever that is. Look at that. What is that? Because there's probably something to really learn there. Sure. Yeah. And maybe it's running for some people or hiking for some people and looking at nature. I mean,

there's so many ways in swimming or whatever. Yeah. There's so many ways in, and you have to know yourself to know what works for you. Yeah. Who was the most influential person in your life growing up? My mom. Why is that?

Well, she loved me so much that I remember feeling incredibly loved as a child. And I remember feeling like the world was a good place. I think that's really important to give our children. And I think that because we're exposed to so many things today, it's hard to protect them. And you want your children to be aware, but sometimes I hear like really young children worried about GMO food and worried about the environment. And of course they are because they're hearing us and we're having more intimacy with our children today than perhaps the parents of my, you know, my generation of growing up. Uh, I think that we

are much more intimate. So our children are really experiencing us in a different way, which is wonderful. But I have to be mindful of not bringing too much to them too soon. What do you mean too much to them? Too much protection or too much information? Too much information. Let them be children. Let them believe that the world is a beautiful, safe, incredible place. Because you need that foundation, I think, to really thrive in life. That's something that I believe is really worth a lot. And it's hard to have that. You know, I have an older child now, too. So my younger child's getting exposed to all kinds of stuff so much younger.

And there isn't any perfect way. And I'm all about connection to my children and being present and meeting them where they are and all of that. But my mom, I look back and I felt we didn't have a lot of money. We didn't have any of that material stuff. And yet I felt like our house was magic. I felt like there was so much possibility in the world. And I got that from her. And it's not necessarily that she is like this super positive person. She created that for us. How so?

I have a memory, like one of my biggest memories as a child were these placemats we had and they had that yellow happy face. And we had like things that hung that had like happy faces on them. And she had like sayings about parenting on the wall that were all about respect. And she talked to me like I was a human being, a person. We had a relationship that was that way. And she, I remember her talking about that. She wanted that, that it was important to her. And she put herself through college when my brother and I were little. And I went to the nursery school at the college. She took my brother to classes. We watched our mom get her high school diploma and go to college and learn it, learn how to do something. I remember

my mom coming home with her one day from there, it was Langara college. And like, she picked up a hitchhiker, a kid and like gave him a lecture about like, why it wasn't a good idea to do that. And I was in the car and she wasn't like, she was super, uh, you know, reading and into, Like she was super, you know, reading and into being self-taught. And she wanted us to have like a better life, right? She wanted that. Were your parents together? No, they weren't.

Wow. So she was a single mom. She was a single mom for a big part of it. And then she got married to my stepfather for a few years in there. But I think of our family unit as my brother and her and I. And she always believed in me too. And I remember when I was a kid, she would come home and I would have literally called all the acting agencies in Vancouver and like set up appointments and she'd come home. I think I was like maybe sixth, seventh, eighth, ninth grade. I don't know.

Somewhere in there. And she'd be like, Carrie Ann, you're going to have to call and cancel that. And when you're old enough to drive yourself, you can. Wow. And I'm so glad that she did that. That's hilarious. But she took me, you know, I was in dance class and I sang all over Vancouver. I was part of this troupe called the Ormiston Entertainers.

And we were like. And we would go into this, this woman taught us and we'd sing show tunes and we'd go and we'd perform. I was a Scottish dancer and I performed that way. And I sang and I was in all the school plays and I wrote the school plays. And I loved that. And my mom always played music and she played the guitar and she sang. And so I was around a creative, you know, she was a creative person. I think the thing that I have that surprising is the fierceness that I have. I think that's where, if I look at my mom and what she might be proud of me for, and I know she's proud of me for lots of things because she shares that with me, because she shares that with me, is that I'm pretty hardcore. I'm very compassionate and have a lot of heart, but I'm also really strong.

Yeah. I feel that about you. Thanks. But I moved here knowing absolutely nobody. I had one person that I knew. nobody. I had one person that I knew. I had no money. I had no green card. I just had a dream. And I wasn't super savvy. I mean, I have a great deal of naivety at the same time. That helps. Yeah, totally helps. I don't know how. I lived for Oprah back then because she was my three o'clock. I knew I had something that I could do at three o'clock because I didn't have auditions. I didn't have friends. I didn't have anything here that first year of living in LA.

Where did you live? Where did you- I lived right around the corner on Melrose. I met my manager who's from Vancouver. She and I have been together for 24 years. She still lives there. So she was in Vancouver. She said to go to LA.

I met her. I was walking by her office, bringing a guy that I knew to meet a modeling agent. And she saw me and she said, you come in. And we ended up talking and she said, what do you want to do? I said, I'm going to LA to be an actress. And she said, I'll help you. I was like, okay. She became my manager. And her ex-husband lived here.

And part of their, you know, he, they had a child and I lived, I rented a room and I paid her the $500. It was part of his, like his support or whatever. And he was, he's a comedian and a talk show host and he's amazing. And I, he was always traveling. And so I lived in this one room in his apartment in off Melrose, Sweetser in Melrose. And I didn't have enough money to go for a coffee. And I'm not exaggerating. Not even in the least. And I just knew that- Did she start sending you out on auditions or what happened? She connected me with an agent and I met an agent and I started auditioning and I started

to work. Acting classes. I started to do acting classes. So you got work early on. Little bits, little things here and there. Extra work here and there. No, I never did extra. I did extra work when I was really young, but no, like parts.

Wow. Yeah. You know, little parts here and there. And how old were you? I was, I moved here on my almost my 25th birthday. Okay, cool. So you were here for about five years before you got The Matrix, right?

Yeah. I did TV. I did Models Inc. I did different Canadian stuff because I was Canadian so I could go and do Canadian stuff quite easily. Being a Canadian actually really helped me to support myself as an actress

because they wouldn't have to deal with that Canadian issue. Sure. So it actually worked out in my favor. Who would have known that Canada would become so... Because a lot of filming is in Vancouver, right? Yeah, I actually would work more in Toronto. Very rarely worked in Vancouver. Gotcha.

Yeah, so that's how it unfolded for me. Wow. What's the biggest lesson that you've learned as an actor that you apply to real life? So many. I just don't think there's any separation. I look at myself as an actress. Do I call it actress or actor? It doesn't matter. Sometimes I say actress, sometimes I say actress. I don't know. Sort of whatever whenever i'd be politically correct here no political correct with me i'm like depends on the day sometimes i call myself an actor and other times i call myself an actress i don't even know why that is i like that i can be mercurial like that i guess i um what jeez louise that's a big lesson you learn it's i mean every day i look at life as an ongoing exploration of my soul and of my things that are in the way.

What I love about acting is that so often the parts that I get are something that I'm actually working on in my own life. Really? In some way, shape, or form. So I look at- Can you give me an example of one? Let's see. Maybe from the past, where you're like, oh, I'm working on this right now. I mean, it can be very subtle. It might not even be in the material. It might be just a theme, an overarching theme of when I think of the character. Maybe I need to be exploring a certain part of myself that I'm not. So it's not as

literal as that. I just went and spoke with some kids at our school because I like to work with the young actors. So I was talking to the eighth grade about the play that they're doing. They're doing Fiddler on the Roof. And what I love to do for them and what I love about acting is where in your life are you like that? And where in your life are you judging that? So like one of the kids is playing a guy that could be really judged. And we, you know, we brought in some political figures that are, that could be judged. And we, we, we looked at like what's happening in the world right now, that we can look at this old, old play and bring ref, bring modern thinking to. And,

you know, whenever we're judging somebody, it, there's something in there that, especially if you're playing it, you can't, you know, if you play someone and you're judging the character you're playing with, you're not getting in to the person. Right. So one of the things that I have always applied in my acting career, and I'm actually thinking a lot about it lately as a woman, is I would always think when I get a job or something that I was part of the wheel, right? Like you have your wheel with the spokes coming out of the wheel, like on a bicycle. Sure. And that my value as an actor was no more important than the craft service, than the sound guy, than the camera operator, the producer, the writer, all of us.

It takes all of us. We all have these equal pieces that create the function of this wheel. And so it's always been very important to me to understand that because sometimes as an actor, you get treated so well, can be, not always, very, you know, probably pretty rarely for most people, but I've had that experience where I've been treated so well. People bring you a coffee and what do you need? And, oh, can you get me that for my trailer? And, you know, those kinds of things that are pretty. The sound guy doesn't get that treatment necessarily.

But I want, I always want to remember that, that, that part of the whole. If the sound guy isn't doing his job, then you're going to suffer. The wheel's going to suffer. And it's just holding that we're all creating this. We're all part of this creative process together. We're all making, like if you look at The Matrix,

it was this coming together of all of these people that all had such big heart and expertise and passion and drive to create this product. And I love being a part of that. I'm a team player. I love to be on a team.

I'm not alone. I don't want to do it on my own. I love collaborating. It turns me on to collaborate with people. I need that. I'm not an island unto myself. I need that interaction with other people. So as an actress, I think, and then, you know,

then some basic things like with, as an actress, often you're unemployed. So I remember feeling and I feeling like if I needed to know that I was enough, regardless of whether I had a job or not. So I worked hard at that. Yeah. That was an ongoing. It might be a year or two. We don't have something, right?

It can be. I mean, I, if you were to look at, I have every journal I've ever written in since I was 10 years old. I have journals and journals and journals from that apartment on Melrose and Sweets are saying, I am enough. Wow. I am enough. I am enough.

I deserve, I deserve success. I worked through all of that really vigorously. I would wake up in the morning and do my morning pages from The Artist's Way, Julia Cameron's Artist's Way, and I would write and get it out. And I would apply that and go into an audition. And my mom was just saying the other day, I saw her and my brother in London. And she was saying how what she was so impressed with when I was younger and auditioning a lot was that I was able to do it and let it go and move on. And I remember. With an audition. Yeah.

Like not carrying on to it. I got to get this role. I always applied to auditions that if it was meant for me, then I would get it. That if I did the work, if I did the preparation, that if it was meant for me. Not like I got to get it. I never had that attitude. It was if it was meant for me and if it was part of my journey. And if someone else got it, it was part of their journey.

And I trusted that completely and totally. That's a great way of looking at it. Because so many people, whether it be acting or anything, like they go after something, a pitch in business, they want to get the gig, they want to get the client. But it may not be the right client. You know, it's not the right job as an actor. And it may actually take away from your life if you get that client or the acting gig, right? It may. Totally.

Or you make that sports team or whatever it is. Absolutely. You have to trust it. How many times did I almost get a job and feel like I wanted it and it not happened and something so much better happened? Matrix included. Really? If I had gotten other things that I thought, no, no, just things before that,

that seemed great. I couldn't have imagined the matrix being in my, I couldn't have seen that, but it was the right time. I was, it was meant to be in that way. And it doesn't mean that you don't show up and do the work. Of course. There's work to be done. You know, success is when opportunity meets preparation.

That was one of my founding thing as an actress, my acting teacher drilled that into us. You don't just show up and think it's just gonna, you have to be prepared. You got to do your work. You've got to do your homework. You've got to be growing and looking at yourself. Yeah.

But I want to also do all of that and like have a good life and not be living in insecurity and panic over all of the things I can't control. So I've worked hard at that. And now I look back and I don't even necessarily know, but I spent years doing that. And now I'm reaping. Not being aware of it, but you were. I was aware. I was in it. But now I don't even remember who that was that ever felt that way. Who felt, I feel different things now. And sometimes they'll come up and I'll go, oh, yeah, I remember that. But really, I think awareness and consciousness and having that awakening, you almost don't

recognize yourself. You become new. And you can become new in a moment by changing the way you think. So I'm doing that dance all day long and I love it. I love life in that way. Yeah. When you look yourself in the mirror, how often do you look in the mirror? Not a lot. Not a lot. When you look yourself in the mirror, what do you see? Sometimes that I'm very tired. I really don't. I'm not a big mirror person. sometimes that I'm very tired. I really don't.

I'm not a big mirror person. In fact, when I did the matrix, I had them take all the mirrors out of the, the part, the hotel room. There was just mirrors like everywhere. Really? You had to take them out.

It wasn't really a huge deal, but it was like too much. And I said, I'm, I said like, um, this is kind of driving me crazy. I have to live here in this hotel room for a year.

Where was it filmed? In Sydney. Really? Yeah. And I think I covered a few with like cloths and stuff like that. I'm not, I'm honestly, I would love part of what I love about my life,

I guess, is I don't have to think about that too much except when I'm working. And I really, even when I'm working, I have a friend who's a producer. I worked with her a few years ago and she was like, you really need to check your hair before you, you know, I was like, I don't want to. Who cares, right?

Be authentic. I do care because if it's on a show or something, but like there's people that are hired to do that. They're doing it for you. I have to trust they're doing their job because I don't want to care. I don't want to think about it. I mean, I never- Put that much energy into the way you look.

I just can't. I want to look healthy and I want my skin to care. I don't want to think about it. I mean, I know. Put that much energy into the way you look. I just can't. I want to look healthy and I want my skin to look good. I want my eyes to be vibrant. I want to feel beautiful from the inside out. But to fixate on it. Oh, I can't. Yeah. I just, yeah.

I always, even when I was younger and auditioning all the time, I'd always just pull my hair back and I wouldn't wear any makeup. And that was always my, where I felt. Natural beauty. I love it. Thanks. That's where it's at. That's what I felt most beautiful was in that place. And my brother, all women are the most beautiful when they have that natural. My brother used to say to me when I was really young, he'd always say, don't wear makeup. It's the best. It's the best. Yeah. So a year, so you were, the filming took a year, right? It

took a year and it was in Sydney the whole time. Is that right? The first one. The first one. What was that? When you were in the middle of it, did you feel like you were onto something? You guys were part of something bigger than yourselves, different than other gigs you'd done? Oh, it was different.

You're like, this is actually going to impact people? Or were you like, who knows still? Yeah, I didn't know. Really? No. I just knew it was. You're like, this is actually going to impact people? Or were you like, who knows still? Yeah, I didn't know. Really? No. I just knew it was an amazing, I knew that I was having a personal exploration. Sure. You know, facing a lot of fears and dealing with a lot of expansiveness within myself.

You had to grow a lot. Yes. And I knew that was happening. What was the biggest lesson you learned during that year? Oh. What didn't I learn? Right, what didn't I learn? What didn't I learn? I couldn't put it into one. Did you feel like you were worthy of that role in that? I guess you didn't really know how big it was going to be, but if you knew like this is going

to be the biggest movie of the decade or whatever it is, that everyone's going to see this, did you feel like you were ready for it? Are you worthy of it? Are you enough for that? And I don't know if Kiana was as big then as he was. He was. He was pretty huge. Yeah. You know, we had this... We all were very close and so we spent

a lot of time together. So I really... The three are kind of like the whole cast. All of us. Yeah, the three of us and then Hugo Weaving and the directors

and the DP. You spent a lot of time together. Yeah, we did. Going over the vision, going over... No, having dinner, talking, having conversations

a training i mean we trained for four months here in la before we went so i really you know i had this team of the martial art team that taught us who didn't speak any english but who were but they were like masters they were masters and they they were supporting us completely was that a couple hours a day of training it was was all day, every day. Martial arts training? Monday through Friday. Yeah. It was like the first hour was stretching.

And then the second hour was kicking. And then learning your fight. And then I'd work out with my Pilates trainer. And then I'd do my cardio. And I was there. We were there from like 9 to 3 or 4 every day. It was fun. I loved it.

That's amazing. It was great. It's like being a pro athlete, just training all day. I love that. Yeah. I really do. I love that. I loved it. It was great. It's like being a pro athlete, just training all day. I love that. Yeah. I really do. I love that. I'm getting paid to do it.

I love that. I love training for a job. It's fun. Wow. It's something that I, you know, it's different now, but I look back at that as just really enjoying that time in my life to have, to have all that time to train. So, so we got to really know each other.

I didn't, I wasn't married. Didn't know my husband. Even I was, you're a full, I was turning, I think I turned 30 on the day. I,

on the day I screen tested, I had like a, quite a length, lengthy, lengthy screen testing process. But like on one of the main days I turned 30 and we wrapped it on my 31st birthday, the first matrix. So it was that entry into 30.

And I did feel that I felt a freedom in turning 30. And I remember, I laugh now because 30 seems so young, but I remember feeling like the whole world opened up to me literally on my 30th birthday. And I- I felt that way too literally on my 30th birthday. And, you know, I'd... I felt that way too when I had 30, yeah. Yeah. I really felt that awakening, that opening of possibility. How long did it take when you first heard about the role or the casting happened for this?

How long did it take from the first time I heard about it until you actually got the gig? A few weeks. Not that long. Well, it was, you know, like I think I auditioned for it and the casting director said, I think I'm going to bring you back. And I thought, really? Okay. Like I just didn't in a million years think.

It's hard to get in there. So then I had- Isn't it funny that the casting director pretty much has all the power, right? Is it that person's vision or was the director there also? She was, her name's Mally Finn. She's no longer alive. And she was a really amazing casting director. And she had a vision.

And she knew them and knew what they wanted. Gotcha. So she's bringing me to them and bringing all the other women that wanted it too. Gotcha, gotcha. And so then I met with them, with the directors and auditioned for them. And then you wait. That's the worst, right? It was okay.

I didn't, every, every part of it, I felt so grateful that I got to do it another day. I remember my agent at the time saying that I may screen test and I screamed and he said, well, don't get too excited. And I said, oh no, I'm going to get really excited. And I remember in that moment thinking he won't be my agent much longer because I didn't like that. Don't get too excited. I was like, and I, and he was, he was a great guy and all of that.

But I remember in the moment thinking, uh, if I don't celebrate this, what the heck am I going to celebrate? Whether or not I get this or not. This is the closest, this is like the biggest audition I've ever had in my life that I'm actually possibly screen testing for a Warner Brothers movie. And I really didn't think I would get it. But I trusted that if it was meant to be that I would get it. And that's what I, and then when I finished the screen testing process, which was many days, I had to do a fighting audition.

And you weren't trained at this time. No martial arts. You just had to fake it. You're like, well, I'd done Billy blanks, aerobics. So you had like some kick boxes.

And the director said that what they loved about my audition video of my fighting was that they, that there'd be like these cuts. And every time that they would come back, that the martial artist team that I was fighting were padding themselves up because I was actually making contact. Oh man, that's funny.

And that, you know, I didn't know not how not to make contact, but the fact that I wasn't afraid to make contact was something that they noticed. And so when that whole process was done of auditioning, because then I had to audition with Keanu and I had to do screen tests and all that. Because he was already chosen. Yeah. And then I had to wait.

Then I waited. They had like a week to tell me. And on the Friday that they were going to tell me, they asked for another week. And from what I understood, nobody wanted me except the directors. Really? No. And, and I just went about my life. And by the time I got the phone call the following Friday, I pretty much thought it probably wasn't going to happen. And my team told me that I got that. I can almost remember it like it was yesterday. I think I like fell to my knees and cried and got instantly sick.

I instantly got sick, like got a sore throat. No, like I think I was, it was so, I was holding so much that I didn't even know I was holding. Wow. And, you know, called my mom, called my best friends and just was in it. Wow. Oh my gosh. It's exciting. That's incredible. It's interesting. A few things I'm picking up as you said these things that your agent told you or your manager told you not to get excited. And when are we supposed to get excited? When the thing happens, when we achieve the dream. So are we not supposed to get excited along the journey, along the ups and downs, right?

You have to. It's like we got to, you know, I love this book. I was just talking about this the other day, The Alchemist. I don't know if you've read it. Yes. It's all about the journey. You know, it's very simple that we forget sometimes. And sometimes I get so focused on like the launch of my book or whatever, the product

or the launch of their movie. But the day-in-day like work is what we should be celebrating, right? Yeah. That's what I'm really... Like the little things each day. Absolutely. Your life, the way you live your life. It's...

That we're alive today. Yeah. It's pretty amazing. And I think one of the things I've been thinking a lot about, you know, I create this content for my, what I'm, what I'm teaching here on online with the Fierce Grace Collective is I teach these different ideas. And I sort of thought about the summer, this summer, and I thought, okay, I've got next month's done and maybe I'll do the next couple months. Like I'll just really get in there. But then I thought, no,

I'm living my life and sharing the process. And so I actually can't apply that model of business to what I'm doing because it would put me into here. And what I'm really trying to share is simple ways to live your life from the inside out. And so I'm doing that in order to create it. So sometimes it's hard because I have to look at my vacation schedule and my children are going to this and doing that and all of that. But I was thinking about this today about some of the women that are part of the collective that I have., we have like a comment section and how sometimes that can be so distracting and how I really, I think that it's, I want to take the tools that I'm sharing and that I'm living and put them into my life, not stay in my head with them, like go out and live them and be

living it and be an example of that. Not just the idea of that. I remember always thinking like people would be teaching something, but they wouldn't necessarily, you knew they weren't living their life that way. And it never really, I didn't never liked that if I ever caught a glimpse of that. And yet somebody told me once that you don't have to be great at something to actually teach it. Some of the best acting teachers might not be the best actors. Some of the best relationship therapy therapists might not be able to actually teach it. Some of the best acting teachers might not be the best actors. Some of the best relationship therapists might not be able to actually have great relationships. I mean, you know, but for me, I'm not doing this to be like an idea of somebody. I'm really want to like reach my hand out and give women who may never have access to this kind of information

because of where they live or their family structure, these simple tools to elevate their lives because I am so darn grateful that I was led to come to this city and that because of how difficult what I do for work is that I had to dig so deep to have a rich, beautiful life because the alternative was not acceptable to me. The alternative of being competitive in the face of envy or all that kind of thinking or not feeling good about myself or beating myself up or being full of anxiety and stress and all that stuff. That's not an option for me. So I'm so incredibly grateful. And so I'm really passing it forward and wanting to give that.

So what's the program again, where can people get it? Well, it's called fierce grace collective is one of the things I offer. It's an Annapurna living has lots of is my website and has lots of just storytelling. I like to tell stories and I have other people that also write for it too, that are sharing stories just about living your life from the inside out and living in a simple way that feels nourishing to yourself. And I think one of the big things, myth busters, and we all know this, but it's like important to remember that nobody else has got it figured out. Nobody else has got a better life. Nobody else is just

because they might have the nice house and the nice car and the perfect family. And don't judge your insides by other people's outsides. It's what I've lived by my whole life. I remember being a kid. We lived in an apartment in a co-op in Granville Island, my mom and I, and I went to a school where everyone was very wealthy and I commuted there for the drama and the music. And I never felt like ashamed of like where I came from. Like, I always felt super proud of my apartment and my friends lived in beautiful mansions. And, you know, I remember that, but I never felt less than because of that. And so much of the world is built to make you feel less than if you don't have the things that you can buy, which is all, as we know, manipulating us through media to buy and want

and want to be into that system that we all don't want to do anymore. And I don't want my kids to do it. And I don't want my kids to feel like they have to do it. And it's like waking up to your life, waking up to the truth of the life you have right in front of you. And how can you connect better to it and deeper to it? And in a way that is nourishing

and isn't waiting until the new job, the guy, the kids, because you're going to get those things and still feel the same ache. Yeah. I mean, you're talking, I mean, not to be like cliche here, but you're talking about the matrix. You know what I mean? It's like when people are like, they're stuck in this way of being,

they need something to feel a certain way. And what do you think is the biggest challenge today for people staying stuck in this energy? Is it the media? Is it smartphones today? Because we didn't have that back in 1999. I got my first cell phone, actually. That's when The Matrix came out, but it wasn't really a thing then.

But now people are connected to it nonstop. What is holding us back the most? How can we break free of these things? It's very tricky. I think technology. I have a love-hate relationship with technology. I do. It helps you get your message out there. It helps you connect with your women. So much goodness in it, and yet it's so addictive. So addictive.

It's so addictive. I am so- Are you on Snapchat? No. Okay. Don't get on it. No. I wouldn't even know. I probably need to know it though, because my children are growing up in this. Sure. They're probably on it. Let's not go there.

I think technology is tricky. And I think we have this ability to have to, there's so many great things about it, but really having parameters. I think it's massive addiction that we're dealing with. We're an addicted society to so many different things. And I think that what we're looking for, what are we looking for on our phones when we're going through Instagram, checking out this person's thing, and then going down the rabbit hole to there, to there, to there? We're looking for connection. We're looking for inspiration. We're looking for, I think, connection. And so again, if we can be

connected to ourselves in a way that's deeply meaningful to us, that's personal, then we might notice when we're doing that and say, oh, wow, I must, you know, oh gosh, I'm really feeling like I could spend hours doing this. What am I not taking care of right now? What do I need? What's that telling me? Because it's a cycle of, it's a slippery slope. Yeah. And you think the best way to figure out what we need is to meditate and to- To connect to ourselves. To connect to ourselves. And you think meditation is a good channel for that. I do. I do. I think that when we can spend time connecting to ourselves away from the ego, because the ego is important, right? The ego, there's lots of good things. But

when we think that the ego is who we are and we start making our decisions based on our ego, we're in pain. We're screwed. We're in pain. Defensive or angry or resentful. That's right. Not enough. We have to have a glimpse of the truth of our soul, that place. We have to have a glimpse of it. If we don't have a glimpse of it, we don't know. And the more that I meditate, the easier it is for me to get into that energetic space. And then I just think that life flows in a way that I'm enjoying so much more. I know the difference when I don't meditate versus when I do.

Yeah, me too. I use Headspace right now. I've done different types of meditation, but I don't know if you've heard of Headspace. It's an app on your phone. The unfortunate thing is you have to have it next to your bed or wherever you're at meditating, but it's just 10-minute meditations. They have shorter ones too. Yeah. Somebody leads you through it. Guided meditations. I like that. It keeps me on track. I don't have to do it myself. I just kind of relax and just go into it. But that's cool. I feel like I could talk to you for another couple hours, but I want to be conscious of our time and I want to ask a few more questions if

that's okay with you. What's something you've done maybe that a lot of people don't know about that you're really proud of? Maybe something smaller or something that you haven't really announced to the world or not a big movie or something that you've just done. Maybe it's a role. Maybe it's a way you've given back the work you're in. Well, I'm pretty passionate about midwifery and midwives because I had all my babies with midwives.

So I'm a pretty passionate birth advocate. And at the same time, I'm passionate about women not feeling like, see, this is interesting because there's this whole natural birth movement happening, or there has been for quite a few years with Rikki Lake. She made that great documentary. But what happens is that women start to beat themselves up if they don't have the perfect birth or they don't have the perfect natural birth. They took the drugs. Yeah. So we continually perpetuate.

The reason why we wanted to do it or why we feel this inclination, it continues to be sabotaged by the same thinking that took us away from it. And so I'm very passionate about families and mothering and advocating for women to know what they want and to understand their journey into becoming a mother is uniquely theirs and is something that they can't control. One of the things I talk a lot about with my friends who are having babies, and I'm out of that now because most of my friends, we've all had our kids, but is that it's actually your baby's birth. It's not your birth. It's actually your baby's birth. And even though you're, I mean, I gave birth three times.

Facilitating it, right? I gave birth three times. I could do it 10 million more times. I never felt more empowered, more in tune with my soul, with myself. I had two of my babies at home. I believe in the power of birth. I believe in a woman's body to give birth. I believe in all of that. And sometimes it doesn't go well. and sometimes things happen. And so I wish that there was more of a space of that kind of healing for women that, that are disappointed with their births, uh, because it's your entry into being a mama. And, and so I'm pretty passionate about that conversation. Uh, what else? Yeah. So that's something that maybe people don't know about me. And you write about this on, how do I say it? Annapurna. Annapurna. Annapurna. Yeah.

We'll have it all linked up, all the stuff we've talked about. Yeah. I don't even know if I've talked that much about that on there. Where I talk about it is actually in the world, meeting somebody I don't even know who within 10 minutes is crying over a C-section that they feel guilty about or feel like they failed or something and, or someone who lost a baby. And I, I'm, it's really not something that I actually, that Annapurna is all that much about, but I moved through my life in a way that I'm open to having that conversation with, with women. And sometimes it's a conversation that women have never had

or about miscarriages and the sadness that a lot of women have around their birth experiences. Sure. If this was a vision board right here, and you got to put a few things on it right now for what you see for the rest of your life, you already had an incredible career, you've got great kids, marriage, you've done so many good things in the world so

far. Um, but at the end, if this was your board and you were creating it right now, what would be just a few things that you'd want to put on there? Oh, something I saw on Instagram yesterday. I was showing my daughter yesterday. My daughter is very crafty. She's very creative. She is so divinely creative. It just blows my mind. And she was making this thing and it just was gorgeous. Okay, what would it be? Your vision right now.

My vision for the rest of my life. Oh, I wouldn't do that. Okay, for the next five years. No, I wouldn't do that either. No? No, I'd do it for right now. Okay, what's your vision? do that either. No, I do it for right now. Okay. Because I want to be so out of my mind, out of the mind, the construct of my mind to create my vision. And that for me is about

staying current to who I am, which changes all the time. That's true. So literally I... Can be a different person in six months. Well, one of the things that I do a lot on Annapurna Living and one of the things people might not know about me too, is that I do a lot on Annapurna Living. And one of the things people might not know about me too, is that I, I share a lot about the moon and the cycles of the moon and, and like understanding that there's a cycle to things that, that there's a cycle to life. And so one of the things that I've been doing this year that I love is I have like simple altars. I have them all over my house.

Super simple, nothing fancy, no gold Buddhas or anything like that. Sometimes they're a flower and a plant or a picture that one of my children drew for me or a picture of myself at a certain time in my life or an award that I've won or whatever. And on the new moon, I changed them. And I changed my wishes because if I'm really current with my soul, then the wish and the dream I had a month ago might not be the same. Could it still be the same? It could be.

Right. But I find that the more in tune that I am with that, that it's a kind of a mental construct and probably more a male way of thinking, actually, having a very kind of compartmentalized sort of... Sure. You know, for women, we're very creative. very kind of compartmentalized sort of. Sure. You know, for women, we're very creative.

We have the potential to have 15 children. And most of us never do, but we have that potential. So whether or not a woman has had a baby or not, she's infinitely creative. Wow. You know, we can have a baby on our hip and be making a meal. On the phone. On the phone, organizing this over here, tending to somebody's sore knee, answering a business call.

I mean, we can do that. We have that infinite creativity. So my board today would have wood, it would have a sheepskin on it, it would have white curtains. And this is what I'm living right now. I put my grandmother's curtains in my window, her lace curtains in all my windows just the other day. And it makes me so incredibly happy to see them. And they've been sitting in my closet that I got handed down from my great

grandmother, my grandmother. But literally that's what my dream board would be. It would be about this feeling of, it's not a car that I want. There's no car that I want. It's about a sense of feeling in the world that feels rustic and authentic and natural and happens to have green and happens to have this energy around. But there's nothing that I... I don't want a pair of shoes. I don't want a new dress. I really don't. And that's not to say that I might not see something go, Oh, I really want that. I'm not a purist in any way, but my dreams aren't about that. My dreams are about feeling connected to my children, truly connected to them. And I'm not always at all. I, and I know when I'm not, when I'm in my mind of how it should be and how they should be,

I want to live a life that feels like it's living and breathing and changing. And so that when my children are changing, I notice and that I'm showing up in a way that I love and not a nag and not trying to control and judge. I can be controlling, judgmental. Sure. In my mind, that's reality for me. And I go in and out of it all day. And so really my dream board would be that I would love, I could see telling a story. I have a story that I want to tell and I see it in some kind of film medium and I can see the actors that I'd want in it to

be part of that. So that's ruminating. And then I have to actually put the legwork into making that happen. And I trust that I will. And it's not a grind and I'm not putting that on myself, but I want to move gracefully through my life and enjoy it and enjoy it all and be present to it. And when I'm not, to have people around me to remind me or to check in with myself and remind myself. That's cool. I like it. I like that vision. That's great. Okay, good. Since you don't go to the mirror that much, but when you are there, if you had to, do you have any tattoos in your body? I do. You do? Yeah. If you had to put one on your forehead, that was a word or a saying that was in reverse, that when you looked in the mirror, only you could read it. You could see it then. What would the word or saying be?

Well, I'm remembering when I was younger, I had next to my mirror, I am perfect with my imperfections. That was something that as an actress coming into my career, that that was my mantra in the mirror. So I did have a saying next to my mirror. What would it be on my forehead? Keep on keeping up. There's all these sayings in Kundalini yoga. One of them is keep on keeping up. Another one is when the pressure's on start and the pressure will be off, you know, vibrate the cosmos and the cosmos shall clear the way, like create that vibration in your life and your life will just unfold in that way. Um, um, recognize the other person is you. These are all Kundalini yoga sutras for this age that we're living in. These are these little tools, these little ideas

and, you know, recognize the other person is you like that person you want to judge. Where am I like that? Where am I like that? How does that show up in my life? So I definitely have a lot of tools that I have in my tool belt that I'm constantly leaning on. That's cool. And, um, so probably it would be keep on keeping up because sometimes I feel weary, like tired and like overwhelmed. Well, yeah, I don't like the word overwhelmed.

I don't use it. Okay. I choose not to use that word. We'll edit that out. No, it's okay. But I really, it's like a word that when I start to want to say it,

not a big fan of that word. Uh, I have a kind of a good feeling. I have a fierceness it, I'm not a big fan of that word. That's not a good feeling. I have a fierceness around feeling victim, being a victim. That's good. And so I don't like,

it's not that I deny that I'll feel, I have a moment of feeling like, oh, I can't believe they did that to me. But nobody can make me feel anyway. So I turn that around. I turn things around. It's a choice, yeah. Yeah.

So I, yeah, keep on keeping up. Yeah, sometimes I just feel like, oh, so what do I do? I run the bath. I throw in three scoops of Epsom salts. Now I throw in a cup of coconut oil. And I get in the bath, and even if it's for 10 minutes, and I look at a magazine that I may have gotten or a book or just something inspiring that I have. And I just, that 10 minutes, and I give that to myself a lot. I give that to myself a lot. Sometimes twice a day if I have to.

Really? Wow. I do. That's cool. I do. It's my getaway. Sure. What are you most grateful for in your life recently?

Oh, my gosh. My marriage, my partnership, my family. My husband and I have been married for almost 18 years and I feel like we're still growing in this way that is so exciting and turns me on and makes me so excited to be with him and be his partner. And it's imperfect. And I'm so grateful that we've gone through that, all of that, to be here and to continually grow and change.

Is he in the entertainment world? Yeah, he's a writer and an actor and an amazing guy and an amazing dad. And we disagree on tons of stuff. And, you know, it's like, I always thought like these people had these marriages that were like super perfect or that I saw. And I remember thinking, oh, wow, I really love what that person has when I was younger. Then you'd find out that there were all these things that were happening that they weren't showing or telling. And so I'm,

I love having like, you know, my husband is amazing and he's so straight and like straight up with the, with the information with me, he'll just look at me and go, you're spinning. You need to stop. That's and,

and, and be, I, and I hear him. I'm open to hearing him. And that's extraordinary to have someone on your team that can really see who you are. And that when you are struggling for me, that I can, sometimes I'm not open at all. I'm just like, Oh my God, I hate you.

You know, I'm not listening to that. But I come, but I, then it's like, there's a certain way he communicates with me that I, I can see that in it and I do the same for him. That's cool. Yeah. So I'm pretty grateful about that right now. And, and definitely grateful for my career too. Right now having this resurgence right now of working a lot, cause I took a lot of time

to raise my children. So it's exciting to feel creative. That's cool. Yeah. That's cool. A couple of final questions. And before I ask the last couple of questions, where do you like to connect most online, Twitter, Instagram?

Where can people connect and reach out with you or find you? I mean, I have some different things that for Annapurna Living that we have Twitter and we have Facebook but I actually don't really interact with that all that much. Instagram, I do.

Personally, you do, yep. I do. Yeah. I don't often comment and get into all that just because it's sort of a, I don't want to,

I don't want to leak my energy either there. Yeah, Yeah. And, but I definitely see things and part of that, you know, we hashtag within my group of things.

I'm checking out people's altars that they've made or their children meditating or their special space that they bring whatever to. But, uh, yeah. And then I have, you know, I have this fierce grace collective that is this group that I that I'm putting a lot of energy into and share.

And I'm part of that. I do live calls with them once a month. That's for mothers mostly? No, the mother one is called Mother. Mother, okay. Yeah, it's different. But both of those, I'm interacting in there. I have to be mindful of my energy, as you know, because we can just give, I could be up

all night, every night writing content. And I, and sometimes I do, there's certain times when I feel really creative like that. And I honor that and I get up and I do it. But in general, I'm, I'm finding the balance and finding, this is all new to me. I created this a couple of years ago and it's been incredibly exciting for me to find this, you know, that I can creating all the content that I'm creating, but also just not burning myself out so that I don't want to do it anymore. Right. Yeah. That's cool. Yeah. Um, we'll have it all linked up. Everything we talked about on the, uh, the show notes. Um, okay. This is a question that I ask at the end for everyone. It's called

the three truths. Okay. So it's many years from now for you, and it's going to be your last day. And you know it's your last day. Everyone's there. You've had everything you wanted to achieve has happened. Everything you wanted to create, you've created. But for some reason, all the movies you've done, all the articles you've written have been erased. And so there's nothing to remember you by physically that people can watch or read.

And, um, someone in your family says, can you write down, here's a piece of paper and a pen. Can you write down your three truths, three things, you know,

to be true from everything you've experienced and learned in the world from acting, motherhood, marriage, whatever it may be, um, that you think would be the three things. If you were to pass three things on for us as lessons, what would those things be?

Love is everything. Be in your life. Don't look outside of yourself for validation and love. And I have to say, when my kids were little and I was at the height of my career and I would get offered something, I would look at my kids and I'd think, at the height of my career and I would get offered something. I would look at my kids and I'd think at the end of my life, will I care that I have another movie on my resume or will I care that I help my babies? And I always chose holding my babies.

Wow. That's cool. Well, before I ask the final question, it's got me teary there. Just seems like yesterday, you know, so little and now they're so big. So, see, it's got me teary there. It just seems like yesterday, you know. Wow. We gave them so little and now they're so big.

So it just goes by so quick. I can imagine. Yeah. I mean, my mom had four of us. Wow. And she still calls me her baby, you know, I'm 33 and I'm like, Mom. Totally. You know, I want to tell her, Mom, come on.

You know what I mean? But at the same time, it's like it probably went by so fast for her. It does. You know? I actually remember being in high school and I'm like, how did the last 15 years go by? I know. And when you're really little, it goes by so slow. So slow.

And then all of a sudden it just goes by so quickly. And you think, I remember people would always say, you better appreciate it. Your kids are going to grow up. People tell you that used to drive me crazy. And that's true. Well, I was so present. And I was there. I don't have regret in there.

Right. But it has gone by real quick. And I don't think anyone could prepare you. I don't know regret in there. Right. But it has gone by real quick. And I don't think anyone could prepare you. I don't know if you'd do it if you knew that. If you really had – that your tiny little baby could be – and it's so great that they're getting bigger and changes. Now we're going to movies and doing all that stuff. Dynamic. Yeah, it's great.

It's awesome. That's cool. But those beginning – those, those, those are quite quick. Well, before I ask the final question, Karianne, I want to acknowledge you. I want to acknowledge you for a lot of things, but I'm going to keep it short. I want to acknowledge you for your fierceness in going after your dreams, because I'm a big believer that our dreams are what matters the most. And I think it's so inspiring to know that you went for it. And not only did you go for it, but you have created such incredible work in your creativity to inspire so many people.

I mean, you are literally a catalyst for so many people, especially just with The Matrix alone, you know, what it did for people. And I don't think anyone else could have done what you did. So your courage to step up to the challenge, you know challenge in that situation, which was probably foreign to you, and really lay your heart on the table that entire time is like such a gift to the world and such a catalyst for so many people. So I want to acknowledge you for really your courage, your fierceness, your feminine grace as well to be able to stand in the messiness and continue doing it all with the kids, with the marriage, with the career and just be an example, a symbol for what's possible for so many women. So I acknowledge that. Thank you. The final question is what's your definition of greatness? What is my definition of greatness?

Hmm. It's hard. I don't really have a, I know that it's a big word for you, right? And it's not a word that I think about greatness or that I'm really, I can't even really feel it. The word.

The reason I asked you, I asked it for everyone because there's a different definition for everyone. Yeah. So I'm trying to find my way into it. Yeah, the word. The reason I ask it, I ask it for everyone because there's a different definition for everyone that I find. Yeah, so I'm trying to find my way into it. Yeah, for sure. It's different than success for me. Success is, a lot of people think about it as like money and achieving things. So what's your definition of greatness? Right now, my definition is discovering and cultivating the unique talents and gifts within

us to pursue our dreams. And in that pursuit, make the biggest impact on the people around us as possible. That's awesome. So it's not about making money. Although you can make money in that process. It's not about achieving things, but I think it's about using what we're born with to cultivate our talents and gifts and then figure out our dream like you did and go after that because that dream is going to create a ripple effect on people when we're in that pursuit.

Even if we never achieve the dream, in the pursuit of it inspires other people around us. Absolutely. And I think our world, our life is about service. You know, we're the most fulfilled when we're in service and we were given so much. This world was given to us, you know, when we were born and it's like we were, we have this playground to live and breathe in. So I feel like it's our duty to give back to the world and to everyone else in the world

who supported us, whether they know it or not. Yeah. So that's my mission. Yeah. I love that. I love that. You're doing it. You're doing it and you're creating it and it's inspiring and helping and healing people. And it's amazing to hear your story. And I was telling you earlier, listening to your story and listening to your podcast, it's so great because too, it takes women and men to step up into this space of this sharing from this space of heart awareness and consciousness and creativity

and to break that old way of thinking that has dominated so many of the things that we've done in our world. Right. So it's exciting. It's an exciting time to be alive. I think greatness for me. There we go. I'm so good at that now.

I'm kidding. Greatness for me is the exploration of creating a life from within, inside out, however that might look for someone. And if that means doing something huge and solving something amazing and finding a cure for whatever, that's greatness. If it means tending to a garden and feeding your family, or if it means being a teacher or whatever it is, understanding that each of us has an impact on everything that we do and everyone that we come into contact and true greatness is when you understand that and are in flow with that.

And it's aligned with the values of who you are as a person. And your life all flows in that way. Whether or not you have a job that you love or not, but can you be the person that shows up at that job and emanates who you are and isn't waiting for something else. I think that's greatness, to live your life that way in alignment with your own values and your own soul and your truth of yourself. Awesome. Thank you so much. I appreciate it. Pleasure. Thank you. There you have it, my friends. I hope you enjoyed this conversation as much as I enjoyed being in it. And I hope you learned some valuable as much as I enjoyed being in it. And I hope you learned some valuable lessons. If you did, make sure to check out the full show

notes at lewishouse.com slash 329 to see all the links that we talked about, where you can connect with Carrie Ann, how to find her on social media, and check out her websites and programs as well. Today's episode was brought to you by Lisa Mattresses. Again, I've been trying this new mattress, guys, for a few weeks now, and I'm getting great sleep, and I love the quality of it. I love to optimize my performance in all areas of my life. And the cool thing about it is this mattress isn't that expensive. They start at 525 bucks. And again, they're 100% American made. I didn't have to do anything. I didn't have to go to a store to go pick it out.

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Check out the site. See all the great reviews and let me know what you think. Again, lisa.com slash greatness. Go ahead and check it out. Check out the site. See all the great reviews and let me know what you think. Again, lisa.com slash greatness today. Again, this episode was brought to you by DesignCrowd. For those looking to build a website, create a logo, do a book cover, create a t-shirt design, and design anything you want online, DesignCrowd is the place to go. If you don't want to hire a premium high-end designer that's going to cost you $5,000 to $10,000 for a specific logo design or maybe $20,000 for a website design, then go to designcrowd.com slash greatness. Again, you're going to post a brief description of the design you want, and then DesignCrowd will help you with their half a million designers to respond. And within hours, you'll start getting a few designs back. And you can leave comments, get feedback and tell people what you're really looking for to get the best design that works for you. And a typical project again receives about 50 to 100

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the biggest lesson you learned, or what you loved about it the most. And again, I would love it if you share this out with your friends. So please post it on Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, Pinterest, anywhere you want to share with your friends

and who you think would find this fascinating and interesting. We post episodes every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. We're over 1.3 million downloads a month and it's all because of you. You continue to spread the message, to share the word, to get the message of greatness out there. And it allows me to bring on great guests like Carrie-Anne and share her message. So I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart for constantly listening to this podcast. When there's hundreds of thousands of podcasts out there, you continue to come back to this one. It's my job.

It's my responsibility to curate some of the most fascinating people in the world and bring you their greatest gifts, their greatest wisdom. And that's my duty and responsibility every single week. I'm going to continue to do my duty. My request from you is to continue to share this out with the world. I can't do this alone. I need all of you to get this message out there. And together, we can make such a huge impact on the world. I love you guys.

Make sure to let Carrie Ann know what you thought over on her social media, and you know what time it is. It's time to go out there and do something great. Thank you.