The School of Greatness - 349 Choosing Optimism and Finding Modern Love with Ravi Patel

Episode Date: July 4, 2016

"Hustle is something you can bank on. The rest is a game of poker." - Ravi Patel If you enjoyed this episode, check out show notes, video, and more at http://lewishowes.com/349

Episode number 349 with Ravi Patel. Welcome to the School of Greatness. My name is Lewis Howes, former pro athlete turned lifestyle entrepreneur. And each week we bring you an inspiring person or message to help you discover how to unlock your inner greatness. Thanks for spending some time with me today. Now let the class begin. Welcome everyone to the School of Greatness podcast.

I am excited for this one because it's my good friend Ravi Patel in the house. And if you don't know who Ravi is, he is an actor who is most recognized for his work on Scrubs, It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Transformers, Master of None, The New Normal, and is co-starring in the Fox series Grandfathered alongside John Stamos. And I found out about him from his hit documentary called Meet the Patels, which is a real-life romantic comedy that has won several film festival awards. And I found it on Netflix a while ago and thought it was fascinating. And there's an interesting story about how we actually got connected right after I watched the documentary that we talk about in the first few minutes of our interview. And some of the main things we cover today in this episode are why we fight with the people we love.

Also, how making a good marriage is like making a good movie. Ooh, get ready for that one. The three things marriages need to succeed. The three pillars of success for any marriage. Why it's so hard to keep focusing on your vision the longer you go. And the biggest primal need for both men and women. We talk about that, the process of how he created his documentary, which took him five years and then became a huge hit. The upsides and the downsides of having a documentary.

All the other incredible things that he's been up to. We have a lot of fun. We bromance it out on this interview. So if you're ready to witness a bromance, then make sure to stay tuned to the very end because Ravi and I have a pretty good time. So I hope you guys enjoy this one. It's episode 349. So feel free to share this out with your friends on social media right now or watch the full video interview back at the show notes at lewishouse.com slash 349. And without further ado, let me introduce to you the one, the only, Ravi Patel. Welcome, everyone, back to the School of Genius podcast.

Very excited about our guest, Ravi Patel in the house. Good to see you, brother. What's up, man? I'm very excited that you're here. And for those that don't know who you are, you're an actor, but you're also much more than that. And you also had a documentary that's one of the biggest documentaries in the world right now on Netflix. Which how we originally met is I watched the documentary. And like five or six months ago, I think.

Right. It was over Christmas time. I was watching Making a Murderer. Right. And then I saw the documentary like five or six months ago, I think. It was over Christmas time. I was watching Making a Murderer. Right. And then I saw your documentary. I was like, let me check this out. Who's this Indian guy, right? And I watched it and I was like, this guy is actually really interesting.

And then the next day you tweeted me something about my podcast. I was like, what? This is so weird. Twitter brought us together. Twitter brought us together. This is the modern romance. It is, man. This is it.

The bromance. And then we – yeah, it really was because then we went and we met at Jones on 3rd. Yes. And I feel like we – I had a cold-pressed juice. And I had a – what did I have? You got some sort of a quinoa situation? No, I had a sandwich. Is that what it was?

The pulled pork sandwich or something. It was amazing. Yeah, yeah, yes. Yes, I do remember that. And yeah, and then here we are. And by the way, I listened to your last episode and you were finishing up a juice cleanse. Are you still on it? Yes.

I just finished last night. I have strong opinions on juice cleansing. Well, this is my first time doing it. Oh, my God. What was the experience? It was only three days, so it wasn't that hard. It's a good start. It was hard. It's like some L.A. stuff.

It's like I would never do this in Ohio, but being in L.A. and around it all the time, it's like, okay, let me try this thing out. No, it's like emasculating to even admit it outside of L.A. Right? Yeah, like I did a juice cleanse. I mean, I'm from the East Coast to even admit it outside of LA. Right? Yeah. Like I did a juice cleanse. Yeah. Oh, yeah. I mean, I'm from the East Coast.

I could never tell my friends. Right, right. But was it euphoric? Did you feel a sense of focus or energy? No, I felt kind of bloated, actually. Like, I don't know. Maybe it was just too much juice in there. When did...

100% it was too much juice. That's all you were having. I had juice and smoothies, and we had like some other, like a little bit of food, but it was like quinoa. Right, right, right, right. So it was like – So let me tell you what you should have been looking for. What's that?

The breakthrough moment in a cleanse is when you have the sweats and you feel awful. And it's like a – it's almost like you're on acid or something. Right, right, right. It's crazy. And then what happens is you break through into like a euphoric stage and you actually – that is the beginning of like all the toxins leaving your body and you are releasing all your – The negative stuff. All the bad stuff. You've done this then.

I have juice cleansed. I'm the most yo-yo dieter in the history of mankind. I've done every single hacky health and wellness trend and I love it. And then I'll go out drinking, and I'll be smoking. Right, right, right. This is the struggle of being me. Have you done the cleanse the other way? Have I done a colonic?

Yes. I've recently gotten into it in the last couple of years. No way. How is it? It's great. It's all great. Here's the thing, man. All these things, what they do is they shake things up and they kind of reset you.

If anything, it ends up being like a mental reset. Okay. Because you're just like, okay, this is a new thing I did. Now I feel weird. Now I have to work back to whatever. And you define what that whatever is. Sure. Because you're starting in a new place.

Interesting. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah. I mean, the juice cleansing thing, though, when you break through, the reason to do it is what it does for your mind. It gives you such mental clarity and focus. Oh, yeah. And stamina. Yes.

Okay? Now that I'm 37 now, a couple things happen now to me, okay? You're looking at me. Metabolism isn't as fast. Look, I'm a fucking specimen. You see this across the table, right? Five foot six. Yeah, five foot six-ish.

For whatever reason, every time I play a sport now, I break something. You and me both, man. You got to stretch for like 30 minutes before now. I have to do so much stretching. And then 8 o'clock rolls around and I'm like, you know what would be great right now? Falling asleep. And that happens. And then 8 o'clock rolls around and I'm like, you know what would be great right now? Falling asleep. And that happens.

And I used to be the most passionate, aggressive, like the most Indian Indian you can imagine. Like, oh, I'm going to start five companies today and then I'm going to take the SATs. Like that's me. But now all I can think about is, you know what's great? Chilling, going to sleep. And that's when you have to start figuring out, okay, how do I make it so I'm not tired at 8 o'clock so that I don't feel guilty for doing less work than I'm used to doing? And that's where the juice cleanse comes in. And it's very helpful. You need to do it for five to six days.

We can cleanse together if you want. You want to do it sometime? I love a good bro cleanse. Okay. Nobody loves bro cleanse. Give me six months. Six months? Are you ready to bro cleanse? Yes I love a good bro cleanse. Okay. Nobody loves bro cleanse. Give me six months. Six months? Are you ready to bro cleanse?

Yes. In six months. Sure. Yeah. Honestly, it could be next week. You'll do it whenever. Yeah, yeah. Next time I do it, I'll call you.

Here's another thing about me. I don't ever pass up an opportunity to bond with someone. So if someone says, let's do this thing together and it'll be weird, I'm in. You're into Burning Man. You're into all that stuff. Love Burning Man. Yeah. yeah i've actually never been but i get invited every year my friends go all the time and i'm like i just don't know if i'm ready for it it's one of the coolest things i've ever done in my life i'm sure i don't know necessarily that i'll ever go again i have a pregnant wife and we just bought a place in the valley so that i'm going into that place in life

right uh but so it will entirely reframe how you look at the world and yourself, and I'm not overstating that. What's the biggest thing you learned about yourself by going to Burning Man? I think it was literally about framing. So when I went, it was probably two or three years ago, and it is an entirely new set of rules, and even the most basic of assumptions are thrown out the door. Okay? So you go there.

There's no money. Okay? Right. People are giving stuff away. You can't buy anything. Right. They won't even allow you to pay for anything. Yeah.

Probably the biggest lesson, though, was, yeah, they're just giving stuff away and training, whatever, but mostly just giving stuff away. And everyone's so nice and welcoming. It's just really cool and interesting. But I think the biggest takeaway, which actually is ironically probably material and superficial, which is not what people think of when they think of Burning Man. But in Burning Man, there's like – it's weird if you dress normally. You're supposed to wear the weirdest stuff and you're half naked or whatever you're wearing. You're supposed to wear the weirdest stuff and you're half naked or whatever you're wearing. And what I realized for the first time is how much what you wear affects how you feel.

And it was the first time I really respected fashion. I always thought fashion was like this thing you do when you need to get laid. Right. Or you need someone to like you in a room. Right. And when I was a Burning Man, obviously with the help of Molly and whoever else, I realized I had this epiphanous moment where I'm like, oh, that's what's great about clothes. That's what's great about – that's why you have to just do a weird hair. Like three days ago, I just decided to part my hair the other way. After years of the one – like you've probably been going this way for years. Same way for years.

For years. Go this way and just see if it affects you. It will affect you somehow. Interesting. Wear an outfit that you're not used, that's like totally outside your comfort zone. It affects your experience in the world because it affects the lens through which you see the world.

Yeah. Right? And your experience in the world is not objective. It's how you see it. And other people see you differently too. More importantly, I would say you see other people see you differently. Interesting. Because you're projecting those things.

Sure, sure. Wow. Yeah. How hippie did that get? Very cool. I like it. Does that make sense to you though? Of course.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So how come you go back to wearing black v-necks like myself every day? Well, I don't do Vs. I'm just a crew guy actually. I'm done with Vs. No offense.

I mean- That's when you're six foot eight on Vs. I don't hate on Vs. offense i mean that's when you're six i don't hate on these you know well when you're honestly when you're tall like i do whatever you want the world just throws themselves at you god i'd be like president of the world and not even a post that exists they would form it for me uh but what's your fashion like now then pretty It's pretty hipster adjacent. But you know – Venacy. It's Venacy. It's – I'm very – I generally skew towards like hip comfortable. And I care less than ever because I'm married.

Yeah, yeah. And when you're married – I'm still trying to figure out like what's the point of life when like there's no women to chase. What is the point for you now? On a primal level, I don't know. I mean we've talked about this. I know. I know. So how do you –

Men are primally motivated by seeking women. Yes. So now I have a woman who I love. Yes. Like I'm obsessed with her and like I mean I think day to day, my obsession right now, she's pregnant. I'm obsessed with her. And I think day to day, my obsession right now, she's pregnant. So my obsession, we were talking about this 20 minutes, maybe 10 minutes ago, is how to have the most fun with family.

That's something that I find myself constantly being mindful about, trying to figure out. With your wife or with? With my wife and just spiritually on a personal level like my wife and i are you know we go to couples therapy because we're like let's make this thing let's just keep working at it and always make it awesome um we talk about okay how are we gonna how are we gonna make it so like intimately it's always exciting and uh a form it's artful in a sense. We're trying to look at this relationship as a really cool project that we're doing together. And it's something that we want to keep evolving and make awesome.

It's your own movie that you're making. It's very much making your own movie. It's so funny because I was talking to her. She was trying to make a decision on whether or not to go to japan with me in like a few weeks for this work thing i have and it's funny because the way we were talking about i was like well sometimes when i have trouble making a decision i think about what i would do if i was the character in my own story and you know who's the guy i wouldn't want to write and where we identified who that character was that she wanted to be and then

realized yeah i actually shouldn't come to japan too uncomfortable right because she's pregnant Who's the guy I would want to write? Anyway, we identified who that character was that she wanted to be and then realized, yeah, I actually shouldn't come to Japan. I'd be too uncomfortable. Right, right, right. Because she's pregnant. Right, yeah. When did she do? Huh?

When did she do? In November. Wow. Yeah, dude, I've never been so excited in my life. Wow. I've never. Life's going to change completely. You know, everyone says that.

Right. But I don't think it's like, I don't know. There's something to me that I feel negatively frames the experience by saying life is going to change. I feel like it implies like a fear or like – like to me, it's like is there any greater like meaning you can give to life than to bring someone into the world and like help them be happy i mean that's like the you know on a very fundamental level if you read any book on happiness they say the the point of life is happiness the way you get happy is the extent to which you've made the world a better place when you leave and that is generally measured by giving yeah and there's no bigger way to give than love yeah i don't know i I'm really excited.

I also just can't wait to like – I'm going to like coach my kids in every sport. I just can't wait to be a dad. That's cool. You're from the East Coast, right? North Carolina. North Carolina. And when did you move here? Because you used to be an investment banker, correct?

Yeah. Very briefly. I was an investment banker after college. I was in international studies, which is like a made-up major. Right. And economics and these languages I was taking at the time, is like a made-up major. Right. And economics and these languages I was taking at the time, none of which I can speak anymore. And economics.

I was a double major. And then I went into investment banking after college. In New York? So I went to school in UNC Chapel Hill. And then I was working at this investment bank in Raleigh, North Carolina. Gotcha. And I got laid off shortly after 9-11. And I got like a three-month severance. And I was like, this is the best thing that's ever happened to me.

Because I was already interviewing at other places trying to figure out a better life. So it was so serendipitous. And I lost all that money, by the way, four weeks later on a riverboat gambling. What made you want to move to LA and be an actor then and when was that um so probably a year and a half after i got laid off i ended up in la and i'd spend that time just kind of roaming around doing fun things i worked for the winter olympics at one point and went down to san diego hung out friends like managing the indian restaurant taught sat classes and uh typically indian thing typically needs to go back to that tutoring uh but i came to la where down to San Diego, hung out with friends, managed an Indian restaurant, taught SAT classes. Typical Indian thing.

Typical Indian stuff. Back to that. Tutoring. But I came to LA where my older sister is a writer and director. And a friend of hers worked at this place called Channel One. It was where Lisa Ling and I think Anderson Cooper maybe got their start there. It's a news network. And I really just wanted to do something that had meaning to it.

So I thought news, I'll do research there. It'll'll be good i won't feel dead inside like i did during investment banking and uh so i got here but the job wasn't ready yet and they kept pushing it off during the time i started bartending and um i kind of got like discovered i guess well i oh i started the poker magazine in there too when you were here you just you started the magazine yeah kind of like my roommate like founded it and then i what was my became a co-founder it was called all in all then yeah it was right during the poker boom i think so yeah i'm not like not in touch with those people all right you sold it after a few years or no no i like left and sued him it was like a whole thing gotcha poker poker was uh it was blowing up do you remember yeah it was on

espn every night i mean when i was in college i played it was blowing up do you remember yeah it was on espn every night i mean when i was in college i played it every night with you know yeah it was great and by the way this was the craziest time of my life because it was literally like my roommate would like keep i was applying to law school at the time my roommate was like would like ask me for advice because he thought i was smart and so he's like asking my help with things and i'm like dude i don't have time for this as soon as i'm done with my last application, I'll sit down with you. We'll talk. And like, I remember I came back after playing an all-nighter, sending an application off. I come home from the post office and we sit down and we talk about it.

And I was so, and I knew about how big poker was getting. And I was just so excited about it. And that night we were in like, I don't know, San Jose. And I was directing the first photo shoot for what became our magazine. Yeah. And that was to this day, one of the craziest experiences because poker was so hot that like – So big. Celebrities were trying to hang out with me. When I was in Vegas, I was in Vegas –

Because you were the founder of the magazine. So it was like a big deal. I was just one of the guys. Yeah. And I would walk around and people would be like, Mr. Patel, we've got a table for you. It was just – it was surreal. It was surreal and then in a way just kind of ironic because I eventually ended up becoming an actor in Hollywood. You know what I mean?

That was my top-down experience and then here I was at the bottom trying to do it. It was just – I don't know. But yeah, so the way I got into it was my sister's friend asked me to audition for like a commercial and I didn't get it. But the cast director was like, hey, I think you're talented. Do you mind if I set up a meeting with an agent? I think, you know. She did one commercial casting and then you got an agent. I didn't know. I didn't even get that commercial.

But you did a casting. You did a casting. Yeah. And then they're like, oh, let's set you up with an agent. Yeah, there was that. And then my sister was producing this arts festival and the emcee, who is this in the daily show had like had to go do a movie the last second there was like a nightly 500 person theater show or whatever and so they needed someone to fill in at the last minute as an mc because my sister was producing it and they all knew me and thought it was funny they're like you do it and i ended up

doing like 30 40 minutes of improvised stand-up and to this day it's like one of the like best performances i've ever had in anything did you ever do stand-up before to this day it's like one of the like best performances i've ever had in anything did you ever do stand-up before this no i had done uh i had you know i was like a class clown kind of growing up or like you know i would host like you know like the big indian like nights in college you know which looking back those are like 3 000 person events right and you were hosting them and on the mic yeah Yeah. But it was at college. So it didn't – there was no – I've never been nervous in big crowds. None of that.

Sure, sure. So anyway, so I got like 15, 20 calls like the week after that thing in LA. Really? Yeah. So I don't remember which one of those things happened first. But like my first year as an actor, I think I did like 20, 25 national commercials. What? I did a pilot presentation.

Yeah, dude. It was crazy. This was probably, I'm going to say 26 or 27. Wow. Okay. You're 37 now. 10 years ago. I'm 37 now.

Yeah. It could have been 25. 25 national commercials. That's a pretty big deal. In my first year. That's great pay. I was making so much money, dude. And it was crazy because i

didn't want to do it okay so there was some overlap there was some overlap where the actors are like dying to get one commercial like going out every day remember i was working in that bar so this started while i was working in the bar and i remember one day everyone's an actor there everyone's an actor there okay and i'm the only one who's like – Whatever. This is a stupid thing you guys are doing. Like do you see how abusive of a horrible profession this is? Right. Which I mostly still feel by the way. Yeah, yeah.

And this girl was like crying because she was just so miserable and depressed, blah, blah, blah. And she's like, I hate this job. This town sucks. My career is going to – anyway, she's crying. Okay. And then she just, she storms out the front door. This is Lucky Strike in Hollywood.

If you've ever been there. Walks out the front door. The bowling alley? The bowling alley. Yeah, yeah. And when it, I was part of the group of people who like first opened it.

It was like a hotspot at the time. She walks out the door and then she comes back in and she points, she's like, and this asshole meanwhile, and she's talking about me and pointing behind her because across the street from the entrance is a billboard with my face on it.

Shut up. No. Isn't that hilarious? Across from where you're bartending. Literally across the street. Oh my gosh. It was one of my first – it was like some Ryan Seacrest show. Wow.

But it was just – it was crazy. Like my agent would call me, I remember, and be like, hey, you have this thing. And I would be in Vegas or something. I'd be like, I'm not going to go. And he'd like yell at me i remember and like be like hey you have this thing and i like would be in vegas or something i'd be like i'm not gonna go and he'd like yell at me and i'd be like dude yell at me again i'm just not gonna pick up wow i think i told you i don't it was crazy man um and i think actually the toughest thing for me was once i actually was like oh i'm i'm really interested in this like i this is exciting you know it was a weird thing where it's like you you already know. You're like, oh, my God, this is such a cool, this is a cool experience that clearly everyone here wants. Right.

And it's happening to me, and that's great. But I didn't, it took me a long time to figure out. To embrace it. To embrace it, to understand what it would mean in my life. Like, art is a very, it's a very kind of tumultuous pursuit. You have to know what that relationship is going to be to you and how it's actually going to make you a better person because if you don't know that, then it's an abusive relationship. And also in doing that, you have to figure out a way to develop the craft, like the work ethic of you know specifically in acting you know for me it was like the reason why i was so successful up front because i would walk in a room and

be the person who cared the least like i didn't care what lines were i didn't care like i i wasn't trying to impress anyone and that was attractive yeah that was attractive those people because in all and as an actor i was super loose but you're in the flow you're just like yeah let's do this yeah yeah go yeah. Let's go. Yeah. Boom, boom, boom. And then in training, what happens is it becomes important. And when it becomes important, you become self-aware, gets nervous. So you're doing all this work to figure out, okay, how do I actually get better at this thing? How do I figure out tricks? How do I get in the gym and make this muscle bigger while still being able to walk into the room or walk on a set and be loose like I was that first day.

It's something that I continue to struggle with. And the more you care about it and the bigger opportunities you get, you probably get more tense or more worried about it in your head. I feel like you get that, right? I feel like it's fairly universal. It's like getting better at something that matters to you while being able to perform with poise. So how do you prepare now for a big audition or a big time on set or a big moment? Is there a process you follow or? Yeah, I don't, I don't really have one specific process.

Um, I have a ton of, at this point, tools that I kind of access depending on what's being called for. Some things are, are small enough where I can just kind of look at it and I already know what I'm – it's just very intuitive to me if it's like straight comedy and the character is going to be a lot like the three to four guys that I almost always play. or a longer scene with important points of inference. I mean, I can tell you like on a very basic level, the first, like I'll read the script, then I'll look at the character, figure out what the character's function is in telling the story.

Then I'll ask myself, okay, like scene to scene, what are the major, usually most scenes have like some point where the character's attitude changes. So I try to identify that point and then you kind of know like emotionally where you're driving. And then that point is the point at which

you know so it just but it entirely depends on the on the tone and the piece like i just did this movie last week and it was like a very kind of it was like a loose indie where i'm improvising a lot and so when i'm doing that i actually do very little work to the point where like i barely know my lines because my plan in that situation is to just go on set and just be entirely entirely present and do as little dick and like be as unconscious in terms of the acting as possible you know i mean just try to be in the moment just try to be real yeah sounds like what will ferrell does will ferrell or something like he just like riffs all the time yeah he does as many riffs as he can to try to get the –

It's so funny because I just did something with him on Saturday. It was my first time meeting him. It was awesome. Was he incredible? Yeah. He's Will Ferrell. It was incredible. It was incredible.

It was – Was it a TV show or a movie? It was like a test shoot for this – So my friend's the director and it's for a Will Ferrell movie and they're trying to figure out this thing. And my friend called me up and said, hey, can you just do me a favor and come do a scene with Will Ferrell? I was like, yeah, man, I'll do whatever you want with Will Ferrell. It was just really cool. First of all, he's just like a super nice guy.

But yeah, we were like improvising together. That's cool. Yeah, it was good, man. What's it like when you get to connect with someone like that and do a scene together? Do you get nervous with someone like that? No. If I get nervous, it's usually because I feel uncomfortable around the person. Look, nerves can come from a million different places.

That's one thing you learn as an actor. You show up with your instrument, which is affected by what you're eating, the conversation you had 10 minutes ago. Who you're dating, whatever. Yeah. It all affects the song that's being played in that moment, you know? But, yeah, I don't really get – I don't think I get nervous. Like I would say I almost get more nervous around like mean people than I do about like when I'm acting. Big celebrities or something.

get more nervous around like mean people than i do about like when i'm acting with something yeah like if i'm acting with a big celebrity who's like just like really like self-involved and uh even if they're nice like that kind of stuff i think throws me off quite a bit because it makes me feel kind of like i need to i need to do something to make them happy and you know then i'm like okay what is that thing I need to do? I have no idea what it is. Right, right. Gotcha. Tell me about the documentary you did because it was like a six-year process, wasn't it? Yeah, it was.

How long was this documentary take to film and then edit? Yeah. So Meet the Patels started, I would say 2007 or 2008, somewhere in there. It started kind of by accident. I had this white girlfriend that I never told my parents about. We'd been together for, I don't don't know two maybe two and a half years and we broke up and then we got my family and i go on this family trip to india it's it's hilarious what you guys do is hilarious thanks man yeah before you go on that trip

don't you go on like on a dating indian dating retreat no no so that happens no that no the first thing that happens in the movie is like a breakup with the girl and we go on this family trip. And then after that, the movie is basically like while I'm in India and I'm going through this like depression of a breakup, my parents are meanwhile – and my parents in like all of India are panicking that I'm almost 30 and unmarried. And so they're saying, hey, let us set you up. Let us set you up.

Here in India. In the Indian way. Yeah, exactly. Indian way. The way my parents got married. Right. And it's like this whole other – saying hey let us set you up let us set you up here in india way yeah exactly in way the way my parents got married right and it's like this whole other and by the way it's totally common place amongst indian americans not all but many indian americans will do it the indian way still which is getting set up by your parents i was just talking to someone last week who was dating a white

girl then went to india and got married no way and they go oh yeah and he's american born it's like oh what a heartbreaking. It's, you know, anyway, that's a whole nother thing altogether. But basically the movie is about I finally, you know, my dad, my dad said to me, hey, just give me a shot at this thing. Trust me. I promise you. You're going to be happy you did it. I'll make you happy.

And I was like, OK, well, I can't argue with that. And I don't want to be the kind of person who doesn't want to try. So I jumped two feet in and we got back to America. And next thing you know, my matrimonial resume called a biodata is floating around the country between many Indian parents' hands. In the U.S. In the U.S. and Canada. And I flew around the country and went on all these blind dates. And yeah, it was entirely the most important experience of my life.

Not only the story that you saw on camera and how my family evolved from it, but my personal, what I learned about relationships, what I learned about myself culturally and what I want, my identity, what I learned about how to love in terms of my sister and I making a documentary together and not being able to fire each other. And then the experience of traveling with this documentary with my entire family for the last couple of years, it has been an incredible once in a lifetime experience. I'm a million times closer to my family. Like I like love my family so much and none of this – like we wouldn't have this incredibly special thing that we have. It's not something that just happens. It's something that you have to be forced to make happen and we were forced because we made this movie together.

Now my dad is like screenwriting. Really? Oh my god. It's the best. My parents are like famous now. It's hilarious. They get recognized every day. Wow.

Yeah. They're like the best famous people in the world, by the way. Everyone just thinks they're their parents. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And they're so happy. Like every day my dad's like, well, three people recognize me today. Yep, I talked to this one lady for 20 minutes. And then my dad recently, he told me, he's like, you know what the perfect job would be?

I should be a Walmart greeter. That's the perfect job. You just, hi, like, you know what the perfect job would be? I should be a Walmart greeter. That's the perfect job. You just, hi, hello, how are your kids? I mean, how great of a guy do you have to be to want that job? That's hilarious, yeah. Where do they live? Are they? North Carolina, Charlotte.

They're in North Carolina. Yeah, that's where I'm from. Right, right. Very cool. Man, do you know how many people have seen the documentary? Do you have those stats, data? I don't because, you know. Netflix doesn't give you that.

I think we were one of the top whatever documentaries theatrically. We were in theaters for three months. You were in theaters. Yeah, for three months. Yeah, yeah. Gotcha. And then, I mean, the fact that I know that I have told you before is we were trending next to Making a Murderer for a month. Which was huge

it's i mean the biggest documentary of all time or something right i mean it's got it's got it's got it was a really big i mean i would say it was just a really big film period if it if it's next to making a murder for a month right um so that's all i know that and the fact that literally like you know no matter where i'm traveling whether it it's the US or abroad, every day, constantly. And it's – From the documentary. Yeah. I mean not all – sometimes it's from other things.

But it's all – it's been a crazy – it's all been kind of symbiotic. You and I were talking about this before. Like the movie came out. Like I said, Geetha and I, my sister and I, we spent probably five and a half years editing it. So it took how long to film it? Two years? About a year, a year and a half of principal photography. Five and a half years of editing.

But then we picked up stuff along the way, like a lot of those couples interviews. We have all this romantic comedy elements. We genre-fuck this thing. There's like cartoon. The animations in there. It's a lot of it. There's a lot of rom-com. You guys did a great job.

Thanks, man. Good job, yeah. Yeah. Well, we intentionally wanted to make a film that was entertaining to people. Like we wanted people – like my parents who don't usually watch documentaries to watch this movie and have the time of their lives while still kind of having some sort of interesting – Lessons. Yeah, insight about family and love. But that took us a long time.

And it was also – for me, it was film school. So there was a lot of experimentation, which what I'm really saying is we made a lot of mistakes, almost every mistake, before finally arriving to the thing that worked. And, you know, in the process, we're still raising money for the documentary. My sister and I are fighting, butting heads the whole time.

And, you know, I say this all to say that at when the movie was finally done and we were like we like this movie this was after we had done i think 30 cuts of the movie we did like focus groups we sent them around the country to different friends they would have like 10 people over fill out these surveys we made various you know variations to the film whatever. It's a lot of work, man. It was the most work to the point where I would lie to people when I told them why I couldn't go out that night. Because I was ashamed to tell them that I was still doing the documentary. Because they were like, dude, you've been saying this for years. Five years.

It's very embarrassing. And finally it came out. We finished it. And Sundance rejected us. South by Southwest rejected us. I don't know, Toronto came out. We finished it, and Sundance rejected us. South by Southwest rejected us. I don't know. Toronto Film Festival. All the majors rejected us.

Why? And we had to beg to get in. I have a theory as to why, and it's very dark and negative. But it's because the gatekeepers – we'll get into that in a second. But the point is we finally got into this – we had to like beg our way into this documentary festival in Toronto. And we ended up like taking the audience award, like sold out shows around the corner, 500 to 700 people in every screening even after they had screenings. And that trend continued when we opened domestically here in the LA Film Festival, which we also won the audience award. I think we won five or six festivals in a row.

Michael Moore, he won best film and audience award. He became a friend of the film in the process. Michael Moore's won best film and audience award and he became a friend of the film in the process that's when we got you know this one agent at UTA named Rina Ronson who like really championed our film and this woman named Nancy Utley at Fox Searchlight

as a result of the LA Film Festival as well became like a big fan of our film and you know now we're writing and directing an adaptation for Fox Searchlight because of that we really just got like a few key players who fought for us and thought this was a great thing. And it's been really fulfilling to see that the audience,

that it finally got to the audience. It ended up being on Netflix and went to theaters, all these things. And then just the way it happened on Netflix without really any marketing. No. I didn't even hear about it. I just saw it and I was interested. And I just the way it happened on Netflix without really any marketing. No. I didn't even hear about it. I just saw it and I was interested. And I was like, oh, let me check this out. Yeah.

It was crazy. We learned a lot about just the marketing of films and how politicized the whole distribution game is. Crazy, right? It's crazy. But we haven't made one penny on it, by the way. Right. How much did you say it was to do the whole thing? We probably spent almost a million.

Crazy. Yeah. Yeah. And we haven't made one penny because the – I mean, it was just in the trades today. The distributor is bankrupt. Wow. Really? You don't get paid on it?

Don't get me started talking on that. Are you serious? It's a disaster. Oh, my gosh. It's an absolute disaster. It was – yeah. There was a lot of, let's just say, negligence. Oh, man.

That's scary. Yeah. I mean we did the marketing of that film. We got incredible press hits. Yeah. Like an Oprah magazine or NPR. The vast majority of all that came through – my sister and I hired people beneath us and basically started a marketing company for our film. Yeah, yeah.

We did all – we invested our own money into it. Wow. Because these other guys didn't really know what they were doing. Wow. It was a disaster. Crazy. Okay.

Yeah. Well, that beside, Sorry, I know the wheels have totally come off. No, no. I have no idea. That aside, you learned a lot of great lessons

during this about relationships and about family and about making a movie. Let's talk about the things you learned about relationships because you ended the relationship from this movie for a certain reason, right? What do you mean?

In the movie, the documentary, you broke up with your girlfriend. Right, right, right. For a certain reason, right? Yeah, yeah, because I wanted to make... Well, the main thing was I hadn't told my parents about her. Right. And I think it was like uh it was a moment of commitment

yeah more than you know i think i was trying to decide the sign of commitment would be okay if i think i'm going to marry you or likely likely head in that direction then it's probably a good time to tell my parents and then i was like you know i don't really want to tell my parents that i'm not really sure how committed I am to this thing then. And so we broke up and that was the beginning of, you know, this journey of this time in my life when I was trying to figure out, you know, I love my parents and I want to make them happy. Obviously the most important thing in their happiness is my own happiness. And I always grew up thinking I was going to marry an Indian girl, but I also have all these other things about me that are very American.

And it's really hard to find a girl in general that you want to be with. And I have all these additional statistics, like all these additional kind of like very specific things, like being Indian and being the same mix of American as me. So yeah, that was the beginning of me trying to figure out what I really wanted and how to reconcile the search for love with the expectations of tradition, which I think we all know. We all know what it feels like from generation to generation. Family is really interesting because we're the ugliest to the people we love the most, right? Sure.

And all the fights in family are pretty much always people who have the same goal but have a different way of getting there. But the goal is actually I want you to be better off. I want us to be better off. The goal is love. But in the moment when you're fighting about it, it becomes hate. And that, why is that? I think, I think, uh, when you're, when you're fighting, I I'm, I'm fascinated with how you fight with people you love. I'm fascinated by it. I think it's like, it's like my most important pursuit in life is figuring out a way to do it better and better, even with my wife.

Right. I don't know why it is. I think, I think we feel first of all, comfortable. I think there's a point at which we lose respect when we're fighting with so much, someone we love. I think we all know what it feels like when you're in a conversation and it becomes not about the truth, but about winning. Right. We all know- Especially as competitive guys. Especially as competitive guys. But ego is your worst enemy in any sort of a debate, right? And then when you're with someone you love, you feel the safety that because you are in love,

you can't lose this person, right? So therefore, you feel like respect doesn't matter anymore. The benefit of the doubt doesn't matter anymore the benefit of the thousand basically your ego can go unchecked and you get obsessed with winning and it's it's a really um you know i'll give you an example with my sister for the first like four years of making this movie we we had we had such different sensibilities and so we'd be butting heads and in this conversation it would never let's it wouldn't it would end up evolving from a conversation about an idea to a conversation about who's right, which is, by the way, exactly what's happening in our political landscape these days, right? And what happened was we both just got really tired of hurting each other's feelings and fighting.

It was not a productive way. It was super inefficient in terms of filmmaking. Horrible way to collaborate. That's what took it six years to clear. Partially, sure. Yeah. But also, that's not the relationship I want with my sister. Bottom line, it's my sister. I want to love her. I want to be a good brother to her. I want to make her a better person. I want her to make me a better person. And I know that she feels the same way about me. So in these moments when we're disagreeing, we have to stop and ask each other, okay, are we talking about the idea or are we trying to win? Because if we're trying to win, let's stop and contextualize it in terms of we both love each other. We both want the

best thing here. Okay. So then we shouldn't be mean. We should be respectful. We should say yes to the other person's idea first, live in that idea. That was a big thing I learned about collaborating. I think it's really helped me in business. Like when someone else has an idea, instead of immediately giving my gut reaction, which can often be the opposite or why it's a bad idea. Instead, I will usually spend about five minutes trying to be that person's wingman on that idea. And you'd be shocked. The emotion goes away. The emotional resistance and the skepticism often will fade. And five minutes later, if you really commit to being the wingman on that person's idea, five minutes later, you will often love

that idea. It's been one of the greatest tools. And that's something that I use in relationships. I had a breakdown moment with my sister where we were just in my place and I started crying. And I was like, I'm just so tired of hating you. I don't – I feel like a horrible person. This is not the brother I want to be to you. Wow. I don't, I feel like a horrible person. This is not the brother I want to be to you. I don't know what we're doing wrong,

but we have to fix something here. And she was crying too. And we just had like a really beautiful talk about what we really want out of this whole thing. And I think to go back to your original question, when you're arguing with family, I think people forget like what the final goal is, which is like,

we all want a good thing. And now with my parents, it's like, we have a more transparent relationship. We communicate about, about, you know, anything that's coming up.

We talk about it openly. And there's a respect that's there, even when the opinions, which as you saw in the movie, opinions run strong constantly in my family. But now there's a respect that, that says like, okay, well as you saw in the movie, opinions run strong constantly in my family. But now there's a respect that says like, okay, well, this is why I disagree with you, blah, blah, blah, but I get it. And then we move on.

Wow. That was fascinating. So I know I talked a lot. That coffee's really kicking. I like it. Yeah. I'm curious. I don't want to spoil the end of the movie for people because I want people to watch

the movie. It's really great. It's still on Netflix right now? Yeah. It's still on Netflix. Go watch it. I learned so much about myself and in relationships, how I am in relationships from watching your experience. Oh, that's awesome.

So it was really cool. Oh, that's the best thing you could have said. That's great. Yeah, it was really cool. But I'm curious. What was the thing that – can you think of one thing that like – I don't mean to put you on the spot, but what was – Well, I think it would spoil the surprise of the end of the movie if I said – Really?

You can't tell me a theme without telling me how it ended? I'm really pressing. I'm really pressing. I'll tell you what. Think about it. Go on to your question. I'll come back to it. I'll come back to it.

Yeah. Sure. My question is what is the biggest thing you learned about relationships for yourself after ending the relationship in the movie? What was the last thing you learned from going on all these dates and i guess without spoiling it yeah uh that's another i guess we have two questions to come back to you um my um i don't think you were afraid of the commitment you were afraid of the commitment yeah i was afraid of the commitment you weren't sure if it was the right thing yeah took a Took a break. Yeah. You went out and spread your seed to say, not literally, but you went out there.

In the context of the film, I think my fears were that by breaking tradition, I was going to put myself in a position to essentially not succeed in love. succeed in love. And I think the biggest lesson is that love, like, look, there's this one thing that, you know, I mentioned this on, when I was on Bill Maher the other night, like there's three major, three major kind of, I don't know, guideposts to a successful relationship. And depending on what model of marriage you were raised with, you put emphasis on different ones of those pillars. So, so the main pillar here in the, in, in America is actually love.

It's this chemistry, this feeling that you just want to be around each other. Most Americans put almost all their eggs in that basket. And that's why the minute it's gone, the relationship, the relationship's gone. There's these other two pillars that are really important. And those are the ones that my parents entirely based their marriage on because obviously

they were arranged so the love didn't come until later. One of them is compatibility. That's what the bio data, this matrimonial resume is premised on. Essentially, it's like this idea that if we come from the same place, we speak the same language, we eat the same kind of foods, we're also going to want the same things in life. And we're going to be able to create this team. We're going to be able to work better together as a team because we're going to be going to the same place together. If you don't want the same things, it's going to be hard to be compatible. Exactly. Which is something that a lot of people, for whatever reason, skip over,

it seems. And then the other one is commitment. The idea that this is about more than just you. When you are in a relationship, the commitment is the most important thing. It's not unlike a startup. It really isn't because you've worked with co-founders before. I've obviously had co-founders before. co-founders before, anytime you're doing something that matters and is worthwhile, the most important obstacle in intimacy, whether it's in business or love, is conflict. So that is actually – that's where the juice is. If you're doing 10,000 hours to become an expert in anything, they'll tell you the difference between good and great is that part that's necessarily not fun. That's where the breakthrough is. It's the best part of a workout. It's the part that you hate the most.

Yeah. So, um, when the legs start to shake and can't breathe and yeah, that's when the good stuff is. You have to learn how to squeeze the juice out of the, out of the good stuff, which is the hardest stuff. Commitment, compatibility, and love are the three pillars of a successful relationship. Yeah. Yeah. And it's so – I think we're now – it's becoming something that people are becoming increasingly aware of.

I mean there's a big movement for – I mean this podcast is entirely premised on positive psychology, right? And then so you have positive psychology. You have behavioral economics as a new branch of academia, right? These are all things that have come as a result of living in a more frenetic world where we're overwhelmed with choices and stimuli. We're watching eight shows. We're on our laptop while we're watching TV. So now there's – we have to actually focus harder to be happier and to make choices because now we're pickier. I don't know where I was going with that.

I just lost it. It's all good. You know where I was going. Yeah. So when did you meet your current wife? What's that? When did you meet your current wife? I met her, let's see, probably two and a half.

Two and a half years ago. Two and a half, three years ago. Oh, really? And when did you guys get married uh we got married twice so we had a small wedding in november which was like an intimate kind of 30 person thing and then we had the big indian shit show in november and that was like six where was that north carolina like the whole week long thing it was yeah it was insane. It was so much fun. I mean, we had a blast. My parents, my parents, this is their, yeah, this was their Superbowl. This is their Superbowl. I mean, and when I tell you like every time I like FaceTimed with them,

there's like 40 other Indians in there. Like it was, you know, the national convention for this one. They had so many people working you know in the indian culture like they don't hire a wedding planner one of the friends takes over and they're all there like planning the wedding all the parents you don't have any say on the napkins and the food no i have say i mean i mean you know i think i managed i imagine it varies from family to family but my parents wish was like, we'd rather you not have a say in most things because we got a lot of opinions here. And my thought was, well, great because I got other things to do. So I gave them some notes.

There was three things that I said really mattered to me, one of which was like I don don't want to be so tired. I want to be able to actually enjoy it. So I don't want to be overscheduled. My wife was pregnant. So I was like, we need to be able to schedule breaks for her. And I also said, I want Saturday night. I want my crew done at 11 so I can throw my own after party. And they made that happen. That's amazing.

Threw a little bus party, started at 11. It was great. And she's not Indian, right? She's not. She looks it, but she's not. She's close enough. She's half white, half Afghan. Did you think you were going to eventually marry an Indian girl after this experience?

No. No. Or did you know you didn't want to marry an Indian girl? I knew it didn't matter that much. It didn't matter. And that was the beginning of kind of that thing where I was just – I was like, you know, it's a big deal. Like all this stuff, all this emphasis I was putting on culture and tradition and the norms and the expectations, it was all – look, the reason why I really cared about all that stuff when I really thought about it was just because I love my family and I want that relationship to continue to grow. And when I bring someone else into it, I want them to be a value add to this

thing. And my fear was that they would come in and divide it. And in order for them to come in and be a value add, all they really need is to love me, to be committed to me, and to also have that same respect and commitment towards my family. I wanted a girl who can come in and be the daughter-in-law that my parents always wanted. And it's just going to be – it's just about being thoughtful. And that's not a religious or cultural thing. It's just like a good person thing who gets what family is about. Right, right.

Did you have any fears and getting married of course i mean i still do dude it's the hardest thing in the world what are the big things i just told you i was in couples therapy it's not it wasn't entirely because of good things right right fears yeah first of all monogamy is crazy. Like I just alluded to. It's crazy. That doesn't mean it's not an incredible thing. Sure.

But if you live in L.A., okay, and you're a dude who's been – let's say you're like a handballed athlete slash football player slash a guy who wrote a book called The School of Greatness. I think at the end of that rainbow, we're hoping for more vaginas. That's on a very psychological, on a primal level. That is part of the pot of gold. It's primal. Yeah. Yes. Sure.

So, you know, look, in the last year, I've had a hit documentary. I was on a TV show on Fox. Master of None ended up being like the biggest show. I was on Bill Maher a couple weeks ago. And you know what? You know what my pot of gold was? Love. Right.

Look, it's great. But it's partially because you have to convince yourself that it's great. We've been handed this thing no man i've been doing a bit but like yeah it's hard man because you know it's there's sacrifice right i mean you really have to figure out what matters to you in life you do have to kind of think about the ego stuff of like the sexual validation that you can get when you're kind of gaining power and attention. But I've found it really – And when you were growing up. Cleansing for me to have to choose. Yeah.

It's kind of like – I mean when you're doing a cleanse, you're giving up. I'm like – I went from cleansing to literal cleanse. Yeah, yeah. a cleanse, you're giving up. I'm like, I went from cleansing to literal cleanse. Yeah. Um, you're doing a cleanse. You're like, all right, I'm not going to, I'm not going to have milkshakes for three days. I'm not going to do chocolate chip cookies. I'm not going to do pizza. By the way, those are three of my favorite things in the world. Okay, great. Why are you giving it up for three days? Because you think this other thing is better, right? That's as bad.

It's about as great analogy as I can give you. Okay. I'm giving up some things that I know are delicious. Yes. Okay. But I'm investing in this thing that will be the best meal of my life. And the more I learn about it, the more I invest in it in terms of the commitment, the teamwork. It's like the beauty of going deep of like what's great about love. You know,

it's like you get into all this crazy stuff with the person because we're all crazy, right? And then you start working through it. And in the process of doing that, you're actually, how many people in life are going to be that, they go that deep a dive in yourself. how many people in life are going to go that deep a dive in yourself. It becomes a mirror on your own psyche and your own spirituality. And that is an incredible gift when you find a partner who's willing to do that kind of deep dive with you because ultimately it becomes a journey of self-discovery. It's the most beautiful thing, man but it's hard dude we you know we got married at a time when i was working i don't know 13 hour days or whatever and and she's pregnant and it's a big indian wedding you know and and and uh and she was in her first trimester and

she was vomiting every day it was beyond i mean just being that sick makes you depressed and like – and we were just going through – and we'd only been together for like two and a half years. A lot – and bought a new place that we're renovating. There's just a lot of change and that caused – that put stress on the thing. Yeah. And it was really hard and we had some really – like we said some ugly things we had some big fights um but just like just like that euphoric feeling of when a hangover goes away i've never had that feeling oh yeah you've never drank i knew that about you yeah yeah yeah yeah uh just when you're sugar high

imagine when you're sick for like and how depressed you get when you're sick and that you that first time you go running or yeah that feeling yes it's so grateful you're sick. It's amazing. And that first time you go running, yeah, that feeling. It's the best. It's the best. You're so grateful. You're like, oh, I'm so grateful for my legs. Yeah. What happens when you come out of a fight is if you do it right, it's euphoric. And it's euphoric not only because it's gone, but because if you do it right every time, if you're both committed to using it as an opportunity, then you'll always come out of it being better at fighting and you'll always come out of it being better at fighting and you'll be better at understanding each other, better at learning these things about

yourself. You'll come out of it committed to fixing these things about yourself that you want, not only because you want to be a happier, better person, but because you want to be a better person to this other person on your team, which also comes back to you because that makes that person better to you. It's an awesome, beautiful thing. And you have to focus on that while all the hot models are walking by at dinner. So you're saying it's even harder for you now? I mean because I remember in the documentary you talked about how you had like one girlfriend or something or like two girlfriends going out maybe. So you didn't have all these opportunities in your early 20s really being out here.

No. I mean I always crushed it with Indian girls because I felt like I was like the cool – I felt like I was like the cool Indian. I was just confident for whatever reason. I was like, oh, they want me. Maybe they did or not. It's a self-fulfilling thing when you're confident. Sure, sure. Conversely, when I'm around non-Indian girls, I would friend zone them because I assumed that that's all they want.

But now you're everywhere. And everyone recognizes you. So you find it even more challenging? But they're just all too late. I just tell them, like, I just don't need that validation anymore. I'm full. Yeah. This would have been great like five, ten years ago.

I have so many – like my single friends go like – I can't tell you. Some of them are just obsessed with their like – they're just like, this is a disaster. They're like, how are you single now? How are you not single right now? Right, right, right. I'm like, you know what, man? It's all good. It's just too late.

37 now, 38, right? Yeah, I'm 37. Like I just – that stuff doesn't matter to me now like i'm just i'm just really like you know a funny thing happens depending on you know i think in our in the achievement generation these people like we're all obsessed with like doing big things doing well at work i think our emotional growth is a little stunted where we don't really go through that big transformation from, uh, like adulthood to man, if that makes sense. Like there's this thing that happens where you really,

you stop trying to be the guy you want to be and you become the person you are. And, uh, that happened to me sometime in the last three, four years. I know who I am. I like myself.

I know for the most part, the things that I need to work on. I forgive myself for them. And I am also really grateful for the people who love me. And those are the only people's validation I really seek are the people who I need, love-wise. And once you have that, these other things become so insignificant. They just become like little moments of appetite. They become cravings. Of course.

Those cravings can be addictive sometimes. All the time. Yeah. I mean, our country's battle with sugar is entirely premised. That's why I did the cleanse because I'm addicted to sugar. If you do the cleanse for a week, you can

totally get off sugar. Yeah. I'm going to be off be off sugar for a while and caffeine is a good thing to get off yeah i'm on caffeine really yeah i just had a cup of coffee before i talked to you guys like you know why because i had three drinks at dinner last night and now i'm too old where apparently i can't have three drinks without feeling hung over which is bananas that three drinks gave me a hangover so i'm like oh i need to drink coffee before I go on Louis' thing so I don't, because I'm not entirely dumb and boring. Now I can't stop talking. No, you're good.

Well, I want to wrap it up with a few final questions. This has been great and I want to make sure everyone goes and watches the film. It's Meet the Patels. Meet the Patels on Netflix. And it's on Netflix. Check it out. Where can we connect with you online the most? Where do you hang out with? I am on Twitter and Instagram at showmetherovey.

Show me the rovey. Show me the rovey. Oh, it's so lame. But yeah, big fan of Jerry Maguire. Yeah, me too. I like that. Show me the rovey on Twitter and Instagram. Okay.

That's where you hang out the most. That's where I hang out. I hang out on Facebook the most, but those are people I know. Whoever's listening to this, you can't be in that club. I would add you there. Yeah. Are we not Facebook friends? Maybe. I'll add you if not. What's the vision going forward? You've created so much in the last 10 years since you've been here. What is the main vision now? What do you want to create for yourself in this world? So I, you know, I think it's just about doing things that in some way teach me about myself and bring me closer to the people I love. So like, for example, we, oh my God, I don't think we can talk about, I have a granola bar company.

This bar saves lives. For every bar we sell, we donate a life-saving meal packet to a child in need. That was a really cool thing at the time because I was like, you know, I want to do things that impact the world. Now, actually, I'm more of like, I'm more thinking, okay, I want to build a neighborhood here in LA that is entirely premised on positive psychology. And there's like no cell phones there. Like I'm thinking about building the perfect community to raise happy and socially and emotionally intelligent children. Interesting. So I'm thinking about more on a smaller level. I'm thinking about family.

I'm thinking about community. Like I would love to just have my own bar that's in this neighborhood. Like there you go. Like I'll be Woody at Cheers. Right, right. I think it's just about – I guess it's also about – I've put so much effort towards output. Right, nothing. I think that's a great quality as I get older. I just want to hang out with my kids,

be a good dad. What's the biggest lesson you think you still need to learn about yourself? I mean, there's so many. First of all, just listening to that advice I just said right now, I'll probably still attempt to do five.

You'll still be outputting everything. Yeah, I'll be writing, directing and acting and a million things and investing. I get very excited. I think the biggest lesson. Wow. For me, for me, it's always about mindfulness. For me, it's always about mindfulness. Whenever things get negative or – negativity for me pursuits into my bigger life journey, like what actually matters to me. Because it's really easy to get excited about a million things in the world for the wrong reasons, especially these days because no generation has ever had more access to more cool stuff.

It's true. Stuff, ideas, people, all those things. Yeah. Interesting. Yeah. I mean, do you feel that way at all? Absolutely, man. Yeah.

Do you feel like – A lot of distractions. Yeah. I mean, do you feel like that's a day-to-day struggle for you where you're able to figure out your distractions or do you feel pretty focused? No. I mean, it's just I'm pretty focused,

but there's so many opportunities. Right. I'm sure for you, too, there's a new opportunity every day for you. Yeah. Like, let's work on this project and this project. Yeah. And that's what I have as well.

And that's a problem. It's a problem. To say no to all the cool stuff out there, I think it's hard. Yeah. And to focus on your vision of what really matters. Yeah. Because, well, the more opportunities you get, the more, at least for me, I was just telling this to somebody the other day, the more opportunities that you get, the more

filters you have to throw into how you make those decisions. But those are actually really awesome filters. me i was just telling this some of the day the more opportunities that you get the more filters you have to throw into how you make those decisions but those are actually really awesome filters they're just luxuries that most people aren't used to having right you know like for my dad who came here he borrowed money from his entire village to come here wow he his filter was will it allow me to uh will it provide my kids a better education will it allow me to – will it provide my kids a better education? Will it allow me to pay rent and buy a house? It was like very basic kind of blue-collar stuff, which is what most people – and then we're in this really cool place, and I imagine a lot of your listeners are,

where you get to think of these triple bottom lines, these other things beyond just making a living. think of this these triple bottom lines these other these other things beyond just making a living and those are i mean those could not be more valuable in understanding what those met like how we measure those metrics and how we play them our lives it's just such a privilege it's like a beautiful i don't know that's what your whole podcast about um what are you most grateful for in your life my family yeah. Yeah. It was pretty obvious. What about you? Do people not ask you these questions? You look generally stumped.

A lot of people don't. Generally stumped. It only happens once in a while. But what I'm most grateful for today is my health. I mean, I think every day is my health first because if I'm not healthy, that's the only thing that matters. Yeah. You definitely take care of yourself. You know,

I want to revise one of my answers. That's my biggest issue is, is taking care of myself. Yeah. I'm, I'm, my wife is very focused on every other diet there is, right?

I'm just, I'm just, I'm just super clean or super. I'm just, I'm just an extreme. Yeah. I, I'm trying to be,

I've gotten way better just by living in LA. you're already – your baseline is a little healthier. But still, I can – now, we live in Venice. So now I – and she cooks like vegan food all the time. Right, right, right. But when she leaves town, I mean, it gets crazy. It's whatever you want. It's a free-for-all. There's like pizza, ice cream and cookies everywhere.

That's it. I got to come over sometime then when she's gone. Next time she goes out of town, let's have a sleepover. Okay. Final couple of questions. I want to wrap it up for you. Sure. This is the three truths question. I don't know if you've heard at the end of the episodes.

It's the end of the day for you. It's the last day many years from now. Your whole family is there. Everyone you love is there. And everything you've ever created is erased. It's the last day many years from now. Your whole family's there. Everyone you love is there. And everything you've ever created is erased. It's gone. The biggest documentary of all time is gone. All those things you've done, right? And you get to write down on a piece of paper the three things you know to be true about your life and your experience and what you would pass on as the lessons for everyone else in your family. What would be your three truths?

I love this question. God, I just feel like I'm already going to very cheesy places. Do people always end up – okay. Whatever you feel like. Can we make a deal before I give you this answer? After I give you my three truths, can we evaluate whether or not they were good answers even though that's not something you're supposed to do? Sure.

Can we collectively judge the answers? If you want to. I would love to. Okay. Okay. Three truths. Three truths. One is that the more love you give, the more love you feel, the happier you are.

One, two, and three are all the same. One equals family. Okay? Two, focus on what you have. Be grateful for what you have. And forgive and let go of the stuff you don't. And do the same onto others if you want to love them. You know, most people in one of the biggest conflicts in relationships is people tend to focus on changing the things they don't like instead of loving the things that they

do. Okay. That's good. Number two, I feel really good about number two. Just for when we go to critique it right off the bat. I like number two. Okay. Number three, final truth. Number three. Final truth. This is your message to the world. Okay. I'll make number three a School of Greatness exclusive. All right. Nobody is talented. You will only do as well as the work you put into it.

Do you like that? Did that make sense? I feel like it could have been worded better. However you want to word it. No. See, okay. I liked it. Let's get into the judgment phase. I into it. Do you like that? Did that make sense? I feel like it could have been worded better. However you want to word it. No. See, okay. I liked it. Let's get into the judgment phase.

I liked it. Three was great. I just didn't say it well. It wasn't eloquent, but it was great. It was great. Yeah. And I really feel this way.

People aren't- No one's talented. We're only as talented as the work we put into it. There's a perception of talent. There's a perception of innate, like some sort of innate gift. The only innate gift you have is the environment that you were brought into. But for the most part, I see it day in, day out.

The most talented people are often not the people that succeed. They work the hardest. The hustlers always – And they're consistent. Yeah. And at least hustle is something you can bank on. Right. The rest is a game of poker.

God, I wish that was my number three let's let's talk about your honest critiques of the three things in fact i know you're a pleaser so you're going to say nice things about the three things i want you to tell me the negative things about the three things here's an exercise that i know you suck at go ahead does he suck at it what's your name tiff tiff Tiff. Tiff. Listeners. Okay. The first one. What was the first one?

Unbelievable. Do you remember the first one? Family. Family. Love is what you give. Yes. Family. The love you get is the love you give.

Okay. Okay. Do you feel good about that one? Yes. The love you get is the love you give. Yes. Yep. That's right. You get out of anything what you put into it.

Yeah. But also, it's more a statement about happiness in life. Yes. The love you get is the love you give. Yes. Yep, that's right. You get out of anything what you put into it. Yeah, but also just – it's more a statement about happiness in life. Yes. Like the more positivity you put out, like generally speaking, the more you get. I feel like everyone understands that. The giving is in the giving. That's right. That's right. The giving is in the giving.

This isn't a negative criticism. You're just clarifying. I am. I think you're on to something. I think you're on to something. I think you're on to something. I want your listeners. Here's the thing. The key to fulfillment in life that I've learned is contribution and growth.

When we are giving to other people, we are the most fulfilled. When we're learning, when we're growing, we are fulfilled. We're happier. So if you're talking about happiness and love, when we're giving and making about service, that's what I talk about. For me, it's about impacting 100 million people in my lifetime. I want to serve as many people as I can. And maybe I'll never reach that number.

But for me, it's going to be the pursuit of service. Yes, yes. And you know what? You're hitting on an even bigger primal need that we have. We talked about sex. But the biggest primal need amongst male and females is purpose. That's really – I mean when you look at – have you ever been to a – have you ever taken someone to an AA meeting? No.

I've had the fortune of taking a number of people there. Sure. It's a beautiful thing, but it's something that everyone could use. It's mostly premised on community and giving people a sense of purpose. And they're kind of given a form where they say, hey, in addition to someone being here to help you, you have to help other people. And that's actually what helps, you know, in many ways people create their own feeling of self-confidence and makes them want to wake up and give up.

Mentoring. Mentoring. Mentoring makes you feel good about yourself. Yeah, of course. So I like that one. Okay. The second one was? I don't know. They're all good.

This is hard. I like them all good. They're all great. Yeah. You did a great job. Give you an A. A for your answers. Thanks, Ed.

Dude, I love talking to you, man. I'll tell you. And I should have told you this earlier, but I think what you're doing is really important work thank you and you know i think i probably tweeted this to you but i'm a big fan of your show um but i i feel like i'm almost a bigger fan of of of the legacy that you're attempting i appreciate you know the personal legacy i think it's it's important work and hopefully you know you're touching people's lives it's a good thing i appreciate it thanks yeah thanks man well i've got one final question for you. Okay.

Before I ask it, I want to acknowledge you for a moment. I want to acknowledge you for your humor because I think the world needs more humor. Thank you. I think we need a lot more humor in our world when we have a lot of stress and anxiety and fears and doubts and insecurities.

We need to have more fun. So I want to acknowledge you for your humor. I want to acknowledge you for your courage in putting yourself fully out there in a documentary about your relationship. Because I think that's probably one of the most scary things to do is to document a relationship and a breakup and the process

of not knowing what you're supposed to do in a relationship. So I want to acknowledge you for... The reason why it's such a big documentary is because you're impacting so many people. And I want to acknowledge you for that courage and that. I probably would have, after five years, stopped a project, but you were able to stay committed

to make it happen. It's really inspiring to see that you pushed through the messiness with your family and your sister to put this message out there. I want to acknowledge you for all that you're doing and the joy you bring to the world. That's really kind, buddy. God, are we going to make out?

We are. This is amazing. Yes. This is great. Final question. I want to make sure when you go follow my man over on Twitter, show me the rubby. Show me the rubby. Yeah.

On Twitter and Instagram. Twitter and Instagram. And check out the Netflix show. It's amazing. Yeah. It's a movie. Anything else we want to send people to before I ask the final question? Is there another website that you have?

I think that's it. I'm very excited. I want people who are listening to this to tweet at me and show me the ruby and what you're at, Lewis. Lewis House. Okay. I want you to tweet at us and critique the three things. There you go. And ideally, you're actually critiquing the critiques of the three things.

Oh, man. For example, Lewis did a great job of not saying anything bad of Ravi's three things. There you go. Despite stuff like that. There you go. Tweet us both. Show me the Ravi and I'll do his house. You know what tweets we're going to get?

Yeah. Add show me the Ravi. You're a House. You know what tweets we're going to get? Yeah. Add show me the Ravi. You're a disrespectful asshole for asking these questions to Louis House. Anytime I ask any sort of a challenging question on like a radio show or a podcast, there's always these listeners. They're just like, you arrogant. People are – dude, the Bill Maher tweets. Oh, my God.

Crazy, huh? Oh, my – I had a very rude – They're still coming in probably, right? Oh, it's crazy. Well, I had a very rude – They're still coming in probably, right? Oh, it's crazy. Well, I had a very rude moment where I lost it and I just – Really? Yeah, and I totally demeaned this woman. I mean the crowd went crazy.

Right. They loved it. But the interwebs went crazy as well. Rightfully. Yeah, yeah. Like hate city out of everywhere. It's like Donald Trump. She said – well, she was talking about how much she loves Trump and she wrote a book

about why everyone should have a gun and then she went on this whole thing about how great of a guy Trump is. And at this point, I had read her entire book. Wow. You really prepared. Yeah. And the book – it was just poorly researched. I just really did not enjoy it. And then I'm nervous as hell.

It's like the most barbaric environment for a conversation when people are like cheering you on. And it's like the most barbaric environment for a conversation when people are cheering you on. And then she says all these things about Trump and I just let my emotions get the best of me. What did you say? I just wrote, yeah, well, you wrote a book called Emily Gets a Gun. So I don't think that really – I don't think your point of view really matters. Oh, wow. It was so childish and I felt really bad about it because that's actually antithetical to how I believe you should handle conflict.

It's not what I've been – I should have said something have said something someone down and make fun of someone exactly like i should have actually said something that was an intelligent rebuttal that felt her that created a safer space for her to have a real conversation back with education and facts and empathy you know it's like that hey you your point of view does matter because you want to get through this. But whatever. Anyway, Twitter went nuts. And more people were on my side. And I'm like, yo, I don't want your hate either.

I don't want to be a part of either one of this. I messed up. Sure, sure. All good. Well, this has been great. I appreciate it. I have one more question for you. One more question.

And that's what's your definition of greatness? My definition of greatness. Oh, man. Greatness is optimism. Is that what I want? You tell me. Greatness. Yeah.

Greatness is actually being optimistic. Like it's not opportunity. It's not optimizing. It's being optimistic. If you can be happy and positive and grateful day to day, your life will be great. Ravi Patel, thanks for coming on, man. All right, brother. Let's go make out. Thanks, man. I appreciate it. tell. Thanks for coming out, man. All right, brother. Let's go make out. Thanks, man. I appreciate it.

There we have it. I hope you guys enjoyed the bromance of Lewis and Rubby. That's right. Make sure to say hi to Rubby over on his Twitter and Instagram. All of his information about how you can watch his documentary, check out his shows, everything he's done is back at lewishouse.com slash 349. And if

you enjoyed this, please tweet me and let me know what you thought about this and also tweet Ravi as well and let us both know what you thought. Share it with your friends. For all the busy entrepreneurs out there and all the business owners, Bench is the online bookkeeping service that pairs you with a team of dedicated bookkeepers who use simple, elegant software to do bookkeeping service that pairs you with a team of dedicated bookkeepers who use simple, elegant software to do bookkeeping for you. And by using Bench, you can cross bookkeeping off your list forever and focus on what matters most around what you love in your business. Now, for School of Greatness listeners, you receive 20% off your first six months of bookkeeping

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