The School of Greatness - 391 Gabby Bernstein on How to Turn Fear Into Faith

Episode Date: October 10, 2016

"A spiritual journey truly is unlearning fear and remembering love." - Gabby Bernstein If you enjoyed this episode, check out show notes, video, and more at http://lewishowes.com/391

This is episode number 391 with number one New York Times best-selling author Gabby Bernstein. Welcome to the School of Greatness. My name is Lewis Howes, a former pro-athlete turned lifestyle entrepreneur. And each week we bring you an inspiring person or message to help you discover how to unlock your inner greatness. Thanks for spending some time with me today. Now let the class begin. Welcome everyone to a very special edition of the School of Greatness podcast. Super, super pumped about our guest today.

Had an amazing interview and time with Gabby Bernstein. For those that don't know who Gabby is, her book that just came out hit number one on the New York Times bestseller list. She is an international speaker, a spirit junkie, and an author of a number of New York Times bestselling books. She was featured on Oprah's Super Soul Sunday as a next generation thought leader. And the New York Times named her a new role model. She appears regularly as an expert on the Dr. Oz Show and leads talks and meditations for sold out audiences around the world.

Forbes called her one of the 20 best branded women and Self Made Magazine named her one of the top 50 women in business. And there was something unique and different and special about my interaction and conversation with Gabby this time over every other time I've hung out with her, and I've known her for a number of years. There was something that shifted inside of her that I noticed right away from the moment she walked in the door to the entire interview. And I'm excited for you guys to connect to this new thing that's opened up for Gabby.

We talk about her new book, The Universe Has Your Back, and also the keys to convert fear into faith. We talk about how Gabby overcame addictions in her life and how she realized that she still didn't let go of something that was holding her back from something so powerful and so profound and great in her life and how she realized that she still didn't let go of something that was holding her back from something so powerful and so profound and great in her life. And when she finally recognized what that was, the incredible freedom that she had personally in her marriage, in her relationships, and how her business just continued to flow and flow with positive vibes. I'm super pumped and excited to connect you with Gabby. If you don't know who she is, make sure to check her out on social media.

All of the show notes are back at lewishouse.com slash 391. So if you're listening to this right now, make sure to click the share button on the podcast app on iTunes, or if you're listening to the website, then click the share button to Twitter and Facebook. Tag both me and Gabby on social media and share this with your friends. I think your friends are going to love this one. So lewishouse.com slash 391. Also make sure to check out the full video interview.

It's over there as well. All the links to Gabby and her book. Check it all out. lewishouse.com slash 391. And without further ado, let me introduce to you the one, the only, Gabby Bernstein. Welcome everyone back to the School of Greatness podcast. Very excited about our guest, Gabby Bernstein, and she's got a new book out. Make sure to check this book out. It's called The Universe Has Your Back. I'm so glad that you're here.

Thank you so much for coming to the studio, the greatness studio. We'll put you on the wall here soon. I want to be on that wall. And yeah, we have a lot of people. You're like in a private jet with Tony Robbins. I know. Come on, man. It's been a lot of fun.

Your life. It's been a lot of fun. This podcast has been fun. Yeah. I get to interview incredible people like yourself. Yeah. This book just came out. The Universe Has Your Back, Transform Fear into Faith, Fear to Faith. You've already written a couple of New York Times bestsellers before. Why did you want to write another book

about fear? So it's interesting. I used to think that I wrote my books for my readers. I used to think like, okay, whatever they need or what, you know, I would get a pulse of what's going on with the reader in their life at the time. And this time I believe I wrote this book for myself. I wrote it during the worst year of my life, which I shared with you earlier. And during that year, I didn't realize it was just really hitting a major bottom, like a bigger bottom than when I got sober 11 years ago. Actually, three days ago, I celebrated my 11 years of sobriety. Congratulations.

Thank you. And I think this year, my bottom was bigger than that bottom. How so? What was going on? I mean, when someone hears that, you're at the top of your game. You're on the Today Show. You're on Dr. Oz. You're on Oprah every other week, it seems like.

You've got New York Times bestsellers. You're making multiple seven figures in your business. You're on Oprah every other week, it seems like. You've got New York Times bestsellers. You're making multiple different figures in your business. You're healthy. You're speaking in front of thousands of people every single week. How did you hit rock bottom more than being an addict? Yeah. There was hidden parts of my shadow that needed to come forward and memories I didn't know. And I spent a year cracking into that place of remembering what I needed to truly unearth so that I could be free, truly. But I wrote this book while I was going through that bottom. So in the midst of having that experience of just breaking down, picking myself up, breaking down, picking myself up, I had to write.

And you know what it's like to have a deadline and have a deal and have people expecting you to submit a book at a certain time. And I had a word count and a deadline and a publishing deal, and I had to stick to it. And I like to be early. So I just kept writing and writing and writing. And it came to the point where the process of writing the book actually healed me throughout, throughout the year. And then, and then even submitting the book and having to go through the editing process healed me again, because it's, it's just the being, being, I don't like to use the word forced, but being called and committed to writing a book on, on love and, and, and the universe and connection to a higher power, there's no other choice but to be in the daily remembrance of what is real to you.

And so that was my experience of writing this book, that while I was going through the toughest time, it also was the remedy. Yeah. So what was it you were holding on to or rejecting or well afraid of so so i had been ultimately going through what i now know was the process of of cracking into a traumatic memory and ultimately that memory was the reason i was a drug addict in the first place 11 years ago and uh it had been something that i had been that i'd shut away for 30 years and And in the, in 2015, while writing this book, a lot of the things that were sort of the ways that I controlled my, my life and, and kept things in order so that I wouldn't have

to remember that trauma, uh, started to be taken from me. Right. So my husband leaving his job to come work with me, you know, created this sort of feeling of, Oh my God, I got to let go of the rope or wanting to have a baby. Like, wow, I really got to let go of control there. And so these sort of monumental shifts in my life created this, this breaking point for me. Uh, and so month after month, I was, I was cracking open to something I didn't know. And it was horrifying. And actually the month after submit, the month that I submitted this book was when the memory came in.

Wow. So in the editing process of the book, I used the book through this very raw, scary, horrific time. The book healed me again. And what came out for you then? What was the – are you allowed to share? So the memory, of course. I mean, the memory was the memory of, of childhood sexual abuse. And I, uh, didn't have any recollection of it at all. Many psychics and mediums had said, what happened to you when you were six years old, Gabby? You know, I had been

asked that many, many times in my life. There's trauma, there's fear from six years old. And I would be like, nothing, absolutely nothing. What the hell are you talking about? And because I had no idea. And if anyone out there is listening that has had the remembrance of trauma, it's fucking horrifying. Because you go back into the memory. You go back into the time and your whole body constricts. And so, and I had a few, you know, a few, thankfully I was in therapy when I remembered. So, and I had a few, you know, a few, thankfully I was, I was in therapy when I remembered. And also thankfully I have this world that we live and work in, which is filled with the greatest trauma therapists and EFT practitioners and EMDR people and somatic experience experts and all the people that can serve me.

But what has come forth really is that down the road, there's definitely a book in trauma for me and trauma recovery because there's people there's, there's, you know what they say, one in three, I think it's far more. And I think it's one in six boys,

one in six men, one in three women. Yeah. Yeah. And, but I think it's more, I think it's more like that's that we know of the rest don't remember or they, you know,

have been hiding from it or using drugs over it or whatever it is or they don't come forward. And so I'm so grateful to have remembered, which is what we were talking about earlier. Because now I can be free and I can let go of the rope and I can take the first breath. You know, it's interesting because, well, thanks for sharing because I know what it's like. And I've been through my process over the last few years of sharing and opening up. And it wasn't easy when I first started, especially as a man,

as we were talking about, there's not many men who open up about that publicly, let alone to their family for 25 years. I kept it inside and just when I, whenever I felt attacked by anything in the world, I was just became aggressive to prove myself, to protect myself, to not let anyone take advantage of me again and just had this natural reaction because I wasn't

willing to deal with it. You know what I mean? And it's funny. I think we're in a lot of ways we're similar because we're both very driven to achieve and to create and to put our message into the world. And, you know, I'm assuming that that's something that had to do with like our trauma. Absolutely. That makes us so driven and wants to be seen or whatever, you know.

Yes. And before in my early 20s, it used to be more of like an egotistical thing. And now it's more of a way of inspiration. I want to serve. I want to be in service constantly. And I could care less about the recognition or the things I get. Although they're nice, it's not my driving force. And this is the first time that I've been around you.

I've probably known you for what? Four or five years, maybe longer? Yeah. Six years maybe? I don't even know. And this is the first time that I've actually seen you calm. Yeah. Like the first time ever.

It's the first time I ever. I never fully see you like look me in the eyes. Yeah. I couldn't. Without feeling stressed or anyone in the eyes without like constantly looking around, without like your mind racing. Like there was always something like, man, she's like high strung or just like in control of like, she never lets go. Running. This feeling, yes. Of like never letting go. And I was like, wow, you're in the middle of your book launch. And I was like, how are you so calm? Because I know what it's like to go through a launch, and you want to do well, and you want to sell,

and you're doing interviews left and right five times a day. So it's really inspiring to see your transformation since the last time we hung out and to see the calm inside of you. It means a lot to me coming from you because truly the last time I saw you was the week that I remembered. And I was a real head case and I was breaking down and losing it. So I was pretty excited to come here today and say, hey, this is what was up. Right, right.

And this is what's happening now. Not that I didn't love you before. No, but it's hard to – She's off, but it was just – It's hard to really connect with someone on that level, whether you're a friend or even a spouse, you know, I have a deeper connection with my husband now than I have ever had in 10 years of being with him because I'm finally letting go and surrendering and not just on my meditation pillow, but in my life. Yeah.

And I'm, I'm finally, you know, I was at a Hay House event and, um, the guy who does the sound engineering, you know, comes and puts his mic on me and I see him every time I do a Hay House event. And this was like a few months after remembering this trauma. And he looks at me and he says, what's new, Gabby? I said, you know, Matt, I'm new. Wow. I said, I'm new.

And I owned that. I own that completely. I'm completely new. that I'm new and I own that. I own that completely. I'm completely new. And there's some big things I wanted to talk to you about today, actually, because it relates to what you were saying about when you have trauma, how that driving force can, in some cases, in my case at first, it was channeled into drugs and alcohol, but then I redirected it and channeled it into good, thankfully. But now I can channel it into great. But what I had noticed at the time when I was first in this early recovery, and I'm still in early recovery, it's only been seven months or whatever, but the first few months when I was

struggling to get out of bed in the morning. It's no joke. It's no joke. It's literally the most brutal. You're like in a hangover constantly, right? Yeah. It's far worse than my cocaine addiction and recovering from cocaine. I mean, far, far worse, you know? And anyway, so I'd wake up in the morning. I'd feel really depressed. And I would walk up to my office and I'd sit down to the computer and start working. And I'd see myself take a deep breath. Like, this was my way of numbing out.

And so while I had put down the drink and the drug and had been clean for 11 years, I had was absolutely, yes, driven my work, my work, create, create. Yeah. While it was funneled into something that was serving the world, it greatly, it was killing me. Absolutely. And what I did in that moment was I diagnosed myself with work addiction. And work addiction is something that no one talks about. There's no 12-step group for it. It's not, I mean, there's a book in this, 100%. 100%. Especially with entrepreneurs who are trying to create their own thing.

We're praised for it, right? Oh, you work so hard. You do everything. You do so much. And it's like, how is that something to be proud of? It's proud of your accomplishments, sure, but not proud of beating your body. Yes, at what cost? Your relationships, your physical presence, your capacity to be with someone connected in some way.

And so I think all addiction is – the root cause of all addiction is trauma in some way. Yeah. I've come to understand that and accept that. It's all trauma. Even if it's a positive addiction like working on your health or working on… Yeah. I mean, I think there are positive focuses, but addiction is when we become powerless, when life is unmanageable. So you could have like an addiction to your health and you could be powerless and unmanageable

and that's not necessarily positive anymore. True. Wow. So you feel like, I mean, you're still pretty driven though. You already talked about writing the next book. Well, it's amazing. I haven't lost any drive,

but I have like days where I could be like, oh, because I hired a shitload of people, as you know. Yes. So you let go of control. I let go of the control. I let people help me. I let my husband step in and run my business in the most beautiful way and just got out of the way. And so now when you hire people, you're like, well, I have a lot less to do. And all I can focus on now is creating beautiful

content, doing things like this with you, being on the road and giving my talks. And I had this affirmation that I was using throughout the year when I was falling apart, which was something that I wanted. I wasn't there, but I wanted it. And so I would say out loud in the mirror or walking around, everything is happening around me. I am fully taken care of. And I could feel it. And there was like one area of my life, and this is like a good manifesting tip for people listening. There was this one area of my life that was, I have this event planner who runs my, her name is Annette, and she just slays. She just does the best job running these events. She's, she was formerly a coaching client 11 years ago. You know, like she's just a dear sister to me, but she's an amazing event

planner. And so I, I had this, this knowing even at the time when I wasn't letting people help me, I let her help me. So I knew what it felt like to be taken care of. And so I would think about what it felt like with Annette. Cause there was one frame of reference that I had, right? And then I would use the affirmation, feeling the feeling of what it felt like to do an event with Annette. And I would call on that feeling and I'd say this affirmation. And then all of a sudden, four or five months into my trauma healing, I was looking at my life and I was like, everything is happening around me. I'm truly taken care of. Yeah. I remember you used to do it all in your business. You used to manage everything, create the content, edit it, write it.

Seven months ago. I had one VA running this crazy business. I remember that. It seems like so overwhelming to me. It was stressful. I mean, I was sitting in your house at a party begging for help. I remember this. I don't know what the hell I'm doing.

And you guys were all looking at me cross-eyed like, girl, hire somebody? Yeah, yeah. But I was so unwilling and so afraid to let people help me. Why? Because the way that I masked my trauma was by trying to keep it all under my control. And with that suffering comes TNJ, which I'm still healing and physical tension. Cracking up a jaw constantly. Yeah. Yeah. But you can start to feel it unraveling and now I have a whole life ahead of me that is free.

Yeah. I think I saw on your Instagram stories a couple months ago, you have a house somewhere in the woods or something. And I was like, awesome. You just get to decompress and relax and have some balance every now and then. Yeah. That's pretty cool. So are you doing more of that where you're just taking days off?

I live there. I live there. I mean, I have a place in the city. It's Connecticut. Is that where it is? Yeah. Yeah. And I'm barely in the city.

Like I'm in the city. I have to be. Now you're living full time. I have two places, but I try to be in the country like most of the time. Because you can just, you just have to relax there. It's like. It's the best thing that ever happened to me. Slow, you know.

Yeah. I have a community of people that I love there. It's like New York City is great and I'm grateful for having my home there, but it's not my home anymore. Yeah. So if someone's feeling, I mean, I just did this event in Columbus, Ohio, and there was so many incredible people from all over the world who came. And there were a lot of people who were afraid to really go after their dreams or afraid to leave the relationship that they've been in for a long time, afraid to go after the relationship they want, afraid to all these different things. What's the first step to overcoming the fear or transforming the fear? To witness it, to be the nonjudgmental witness of it, to look at it and say,

something's got to give, right? So if you're unwilling to look at your fear head on and honor it and, and witness, I always say, if you don't show up for what's up, it will keep showing up. So looking and saying, you know, I witnessed my resistance and you see that fear as resistance. It's fear is a resistance to what it is that you desire. And in the absence of resistance, you become a magnet for what you desire. And when the absence of resistance, you become a magnet for what you desire. And when you let go of that fear and you transcend that fear, that's when you start to become a super attractor. That's when you start to let what is truly of essence for you into your life, what is truly of service for you into your life, what is true happiness into your life.

And so looking at the fear, witnessing it, calling it by its name. And even if you don't have the tools yet, what happens is, is when you look at the fear and you're like, oh, I see this fear, I see this resistance, I see how it's blocking my life, and I choose to see it differently. That's when you're listening to an audio like this. That's when a book like yours will fall off the shelf. A catalyst. Yeah, exactly. You open up your consciousness pretty much. You crack open your consciousness to find solutions rather than find problems. Right.

And so when you're not looking at the fear, you're just living in the fear and you're believing in the problem. But when you witness the fear and you're willing to see it differently, you start living in the solution. So it's acknowledging that you're experiencing the fear, that you're being held back, that you're resistant to growth or whatever it is you're looking for. Not judging it. You know, look at the fear without any more judgment.

So don't beat yourself up. Don't say, oh, I see it and I'm such an idiot. I'm such a loser. No, be proud of yourself for looking at it. Be proud of yourself and being aware. And then start using an affirmation or a prayer that says, I'm willing to see this differently. Show me what to do. And that's when you're going to be led to the book or the author or the yoga teacher or the therapist or whatever it is that you need to transcend that fear. And I believe that the universe works through people. So when you say yes to healing, the healing is presented to you in very profound ways that you could never imagine. And it comes through because you open up your awareness for it. That's powerful. Is there anything you have

yet to heal? Yeah, I'm still healing this trauma stuff. I mean, it's like, like I said, I'm in such early recovery. I'm in like the infant stages of this recovery. And while I'm out of the weeds, I've got, you know, stuff to deal with people and I have stuff to deal with, with my physical body and my, and my sexual energy. And, you know, it's like, it's brutal as, and you know, I mean, and, and speaking to anyone that's been through this, it's like, I have so much compassion and it, it, it ruins people's lives. And so I have to rebuild my life. And so, um, I'm,

I'm going to not be the victim. I'm going to be the survivor and, and someone who's going to thrive as a result of this knowing and heal people through knowing but um it's work it's not like it's easy so you know i had dinner with my friend sheila kelly last night she's at the founder of s factor she'd get her on this show actually and um she and i were talking and she you know it's like here i am sitting next to this woman who's sort of embodying this freedom this physical sexual freedom that i really long for and for. And she's like, I'm going to mentor you. I'm going to help you. And there was so much resistance. I was like, ah, I can't go. No, no, no. It's too scary. And then I was like, wait, this is what I've been praying for. I've been praying for some healing. And it's right in front of me, sitting at dinner, offering to be my mentor and guide

through this. I have to say yes. So that's the next step in healing fear is that if you ask for guidance, you say, I witnessed my problem and I fear and I need guidance and the guidance shows up, you better say yes to it. You have to say yes to it. Once you see the tools or the teacher, take action and start learning. And people don't. They can come in and they should say, no, that's too much.

I feel like we need to be challenged more in life. I feel like we need to be called to a challenge. And I think teachers or books or podcasts or whatever allow us to create that challenge where someone keeps you accountable to something you should be doing, a challenge for yourself, some type of game. I like to make things into a game. If I'm scared of something, I talk about this a lot in here. Like when I was a teenager, I was scared to talk to girls.

But I wanted to have a girlfriend, right? And I was just terrified because I didn't feel intelligent and I didn't feel like I was good looking. I was just like this goofy, tall, skinny kid with like acne or whatever and just very insecure. And so I gave myself a challenge going into my junior year. I said, okay, I'm sick and tired of feeling scared around every single girl that I'm attracted to. Yeah. I'm tired of this. I'm tired of this feeling of not knowing what to say.

I'm just like feeling like an idiot. Like I'm over of this. I'm tired of this feeling of not knowing what to say. I'm just feeling like an idiot. I'm over it. Enough is enough. So I said, every time I go outside during the summer and I see a girl that gives me butterflies, I have to go up and say hi to her. Just say hi. And then a high turned into asking for a number, into meeting up later. And by the end of the summer, I was like, I could talk to anyone. It didn't matter if they turned me down or didn't talk back to me. I was just like, all right, whatever, on to the summer, I was like, I could talk to anyone. Yeah. You know, it didn't matter if they like turned me down or didn't talk back to me. I was just like, all right, whatever, on to the next. You know, I was able to transform my fear by just practicing. By doing it.

Yeah. By acknowledging, okay, I'm afraid and then practicing different things. Oh, that didn't work. Oh, let me not be a complete idiot the next time and just be more happy or whatever, you know, and just try again. There's a lot in the book about how to, you know, just showing up. Yeah. Just start showing up and trusting in the process of showing up and trusting that there

is, that there is, even when you mess up, you're showing up. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. Who was the most influential person in your life growing up? Growing up? Well, you know, I have to say my mom because while my mom has gone through her own personal healings and struggles and in some ways taught me a lot of the chaotic ways that I was living just by being in her presence, some of what I witnessed her do was channel that frantic energy into creation. And so while I had all this frantic energy, I could have channel that frantic energy into creation. And so while I had all this frantic energy, I could have channeled into a lot of things.

I mean, I did. I channeled into drugs. even though it was coming from a pretty wacky place, was a pretty powerful lesson to learn that I could do anything, that I could create anything. And so there's a lot of layers to what that was for me. And in retrospect, I can see how it was kind of detrimental in some ways, but mainly amazing because I wouldn't be sitting here with you today.

And then I think back, would I change anything about my traumatic past or anything? No, because I wouldn't be sitting here with you today. And then I think back, would I change anything about my traumatic past or anything? No, because I wouldn't be me right now, and I live for this life that I'm in. And I love who I am, and I am proud of everything I've done to this point, even though there may have been a lot of chaos in it. And then I'm really proud of who I'm becoming. So I wouldn't change it. What was it like when you told your husband when you found out about the

trauma? What was that conversation like? How did you approach it? How did he respond? I mean, I have the most incredible husband in the whole world. And so he held me and continues to hold me in my transformation. And I think on a subtle level, I think he was relieved because not relieved that something had happened to me, but relieved to know because there was such a disconnect, you know, the same disconnect that you felt with me on like these random occasions that we'd see each other. Imagine being married to me. Every day, like, why is she so in control? Why is she trying to control it? Why is she so manic, you know? And living with that was very, very hard for him. And there was an energetic disconnect.

And all he longed for was that connection. And so I think. Intimacy and you letting go and surrendering. And the moment of acknowledging what it was, I think, was just this great relief for both of us. Wow. Oh, there's a reason. Okay. I'm not just, I'm not just, this isn't just a sentence, you know, I'm not going to just be this person.

There's actually something to heal. This is interesting. I'm writing a, I don't know if I told you this already, but I'm writing a book called The Mask of Masculinity. Woo. What a title. Every female who comes on here gets the same reaction. That is fabulous.

Yes. And it's about the, uh, the masks that men wear that hold them back from living the most loving, authentic life they could have and actually living the life of their dreams and having it all, the relationship, the freedom, peace, everything. Oh my God. I am so proud of you. Thank you.

You're so fabulous. Thank you. It's beautiful. And in the process of this research, it's been unbelievable, the research that I'm learning and the people I'm connecting with about this. Because I feel like it's my own continual healing process. I wore many masks growing up. From the trauma and from other things, I just wore them to protect myself. And I'm curious to hear your thoughts on this. Do you feel like you in any way hurt your husband from essentially wearing your mask for so many years that you were in a relationship with him and now finally starting to take it off?

Do you feel like you affected his life in any way? Oh, definitely, yeah. who has unhealed trauma or anyone, we all have unhealed trauma of some kind, that our wounds are a mirror of someone else's wounds or can activate other wounds. And so I think that as a result of me taking down my mask, he's been able to take down his. Because he probably had to protect himself or... Absolutely. And also just the defensiveness and the sadness of not knowing why there's this disconnect and frustration, major frustration.

But there's a lot to be said for two people that are on a path of personal growth. And when they show up, miracles happen. Right. How do you feel like he has transformed or has he from you letting go and opening up? My husband is the greatest transformation I've ever seen in my life. He is a miracle. He has completely changed his personality. He's changed his attitude about life. He's changed his hair, his beard. And I say that he's changed his hair and his beard because he's like, he left, he worked in private equity for a decade and then retired from this very big job to come run his wife's business.

You know, that takes a lot of that takes a lot of confidence for a man to do that. Absolutely. And because I'm now in this place where I let him shine in his greatness, he owns his masculinity. While at the same time holding a tremendous amount of space for me to be who I am in the world and be proud of that. Standing in the back of my lecture halls and just like smiling and just being so proud. And not feeling like he is creating this with me. And I know it's God's work. I know that he and I were placed together to do this work.

And there's a lot of people in my field that have teamed up with their spouses. And I think it is. I mean, I think that there is something about having it all in the same home and trusting the person that's behind you. Absolutely. Did you feel like he ever felt emasculated through? Oh, definitely. Oh my God. God, poor God bless him. I was only in my masculine. That's all I knew how to do. Because know. Because in that running, like, femininity meant vulnerability. And vulnerability wasn't safe for me. Yeah. I don't think I've ever seen vulnerable until now.

I mean, being open-minded. I would be vulnerable on my stage. Like, when I would give a talk, I would let myself be vulnerable. You know, just let myself be moved by what I was sharing. Because all the while i would feel i could feel god move through me you know god universe whatever you want to call it um i would let spirit move through me and so there's there's there's sort of an undeniable vulnerability that comes through when you're letting yourself be a channel for that kind of

truth yeah but then right when you jump off, you're back into like control and masculine mode. Second I get off that stage. But the one place where I did feel free was on stage and speaking and where I would really let go and I'd really let something else move through or in my meditation. But now I'm letting it happen in a conversation right here with you or, you know, in a, you know, I had lunch. I had breakfast this morning with my best friend from that i grew up with i only have this one friend that is from childhood and he you know like he's the only one like we're like remember when we were the same and like he lives out here and so i i sat with him and i like didn't pick up the phone i said you know he shared about what's going on with me shared about his mom's diagnosis like Like we went deep and very fast, you know,

we hadn't spoken to him in a year and went right in. And so this capacity to be vulnerable and real even at breakfast, you know, it's new. Yeah. Any moment. Yeah. Yeah. It's new. Interesting. How's it feel? I feel so great. I'm so glad. You look like you have so much weight off your shoulders. It's amazing. It's amazing. You know, don't be afraid. I guess my message in this is don't be afraid to, to let go of the rope and don't be afraid to let healing occur even if, even though it's so scary, uh, because it's far more scary not to go there. Right. What would you say was, did you realize you were in your masculine energy a lot? Yeah.

You realized it, you recognized it. But I had no idea how to get out. Interesting. What would you say is now your definition, or I guess then, but what's your definition of masculinity in general now? Oh, what a nice question. Well, I think that there's fabulous, there's so much great about being in the masculine, right? It it's for me it was sort of the embodiment of creation and confidence and and um speaking up and having a voice and not that that's not feminine too but but but in a um sort of sort of a loud and proud way right sort of owning my circumstances and and and not being afraid to to show up yeah and um so there's the that can you

can do that from a feminine place of course sure but there's a there's a there's a fierceness around being in that masculine energy which which is you know most of my contemporaries that are women some of which are on your wall um the key to their successes was being in that masculine but i think the key to their greatest successes will be merging that masculine with their feminine. You'll have to let me know because I've never been married. When you're in a marriage and the female is being masculine a majority of the time, is it possible for the man to be just as masculine? Or do they have to kind of default into their feminine

to be able to just function well first of all i think you should interview marianne williamson for your book i've had her okay great but for the book yeah yeah because she's done a lot of work on this concept but i think that we dance a lot i think couples can dance between both. So my husband can be very masculine and take care of business and runs – like my house runs on a full tight ship because that man is so – he's getting his contractor's license. He is legit. Yeah, he's amazing. And then also legal.

He's a lawyer, so he runs legal. He's going to run shit. But then at the same time he can move into the space of the feminine and like let me nurture and take care of him in that sort of feminine softer gentler place so i think that we that learning the dance and learning like these areas are when it's great when i'm in my masculine and these areas are great when he's in his feminine and and the and vice versa and and and i don't think there's anything wrong with slipping in and out as long as you go in and out

and you don't just stay in these two head-butting places. And I think it's extremely important. This is what Marianne has taught me. It's extremely important that we as women make a commitment to being our feminine because you guys need it.

Like you... If you're masculine, we don't know what to do, right? It's like yeah you your makeup and there's a beautiful book by luanne brisendine the book on the female brain and she talks about how like the male brain like just needs to to like to help and support and serve and and there's a lot of bodies of work on this. Alison Armstrong, all this great work on the male brain. The man is hardwired to support, to fix, to make things.

And so the woman's constantly doing that. I'm not letting a man do his job. If you're constantly fixing everything. Yeah. You just got to let them in. Let them show up. Let them make the reservation. At least part-time, sometimes, right?

Yes. Majority time, whatever, yeah. Yes. Yes. Let them make the reservation. At least part-time sometimes, right? Yes. Majority time, whatever. Yes. Yes. Interesting. It's crucial. So you've seen a huge shift then in your relationship because of this. Much deeper connection and respect for one another.

And I've fallen in love with him again in a different way. And I believe it's the same for him. Did you ever feel like the relationship, and maybe I'm getting too personal here, but did you ever feel like the relationship was going to not work out in your marriage? No, I always had a lot of faith in our relationship because even in the darkest times, we were willing to do the work. Yeah. And so I think that- You've been committed.

Yeah. But rather than just beyond commitment and having a ring, I think if two people are willing to do the spiritual and personal growth work around being in a relationship, it can work. Yeah. It really can work. It can thrive. What's it mean to have a spiritual practice? What does that mean and look like? Does that mean praying every day?

It means what you want it to mean. I mean, these books I write are helping people establish a spiritual relationship and practice of their own understanding. And so for me, what it means is having daily devotion to connecting to the universe, to source, to love, right? To God, to a million ways of calling it. I call it all, right? I'll call it God. I'll call it the universe. I'll call it spirit or alignment. But having daily devotion to that alignment. Is that considered meditation or just a period of time?

to that alignment. Is that considered meditation or just a period of time? Prayer, meditation, devoting time. And sometimes that time may only be five minutes in the morning, but for me I make a commitment at least 20 to just really listen. And then in the afternoon I try to do it as well because you get taken out all day long. And then throughout the day, I live in a constant prayer. Every moment there's like

some shit that's thrown at me and i'm like how can i see this differently help me change my mind about this and just offering it up and offering up and there's actually tons of prayers in this book yeah um which i which i'm so proud of you know i think that like one of my special skills is like prayer giver like i just like to give prayer and i love to like channel prayers just like it's just like one of my favorite things to do what's one you're channeling right now? I mean, all throughout the book, there's tons of prayers on surrender. And so that's probably one that I'm living in right now is, thank you, universe, for taking this from me, helping me see this with love. Something very simple, right?

You just say that over in your mind or you say it out loud? In my mind, if I'm with someone that's highly spiritual that wants to go there, I'll say it out loud. Right, right. But just being in that conscious communication. And being in connection spiritually is a conversation. It's constantly bridging your lower vibe self to your higher self through prayer. How does the universe have people's back when they feel like they'd never have a break?

People in Syria, I just watched a documentary in Syria about there's just bombings every single day. Helpless people that are just trying to live life have nothing to do with what's happening. For people that just feel like, I never get a break. I never get a break.

The universe does not have my back. How are they supposed to believe or feel that it does? Well, in those situations, that's when we need faith most. Because otherwise, what are you living for? And it's a beautiful question because it's very easy for us to sit here in your Los Angeles apartment. Look at this view. And selling books and be like, the universe totally has my back. But, you know, looking at this refugees and, and looking at the bombings and looking at

what's happening, you know, in the world that, that is, that is devastation. Or even just single moms of three who are like, I have no, you know, I can't get the job. I have no time. I'm stressed. I'm just like overwhelmed. So the answer in that is that we all, while some of our problems are far worse than others, at the root, we all have the same problem, which is choosing to lean into the fear, choosing to believe in the fear. Now, I want to be very clear. I don't want to offend anybody. So I don't want to take away anything from the people who are suffering versus the people

who are thriving in first world countries, right? So let's not take anything away from the, the, the real suffering in this world. But from a spiritual perspective, there's, there's one problem, which is believing in the fear. And the more we believe in the fear, the more, the more, you know, that becomes an epidemic and that epidemic becomes a war, becomes all the division that we see in the world. It becomes racial injustice or becomes, and that's, you know's the root cause of all the problems in this world are based on our belief and fear. And so those people that are suffering and stuck in these very, very difficult situations, the ones that will thrive, and I write about many of them in the book,

you know, Lama Gabawi, and I write about, you know, Viktor Frankl. And I write about, you know, the people who in the midst of the darkest moments, chose to see the light, chose to see with love, chose to lean into love, and chose to lean into faith. And because of that faith, created movements. Gandhi, right? Created movements. divine powers of example, it's very easy for us to lean on them, you know, and say it's, it's, it's that many people are given a, um, a tremendous of a tremendous amount of, of difficulty that will be far worse than the average person. But in the same breath, what are you going to do with it? Um, it's a lot to ask of somebody who's, who's lost their home

and doesn't have, you know, how do you find love in those situations? But at the root of it all, it is a choice. It is a mental decision. And so there probably, we should keep our eyes out for the miracles that we hear from the refugees, right? So like people that, you know, through prayer and faith can have, you know, found, maybe found their way into a home that was exactly as it needed to be. Or, you know, there, there, there are miraculous stories. Um, but I mean, in the same breath, it's also, um, what I think is most important is for those of us who are in first world countries that don't have these problems, right.

Or, or people who are not suffering from, from war, you know, war or violence or bombing. It's really our responsibility to show up. Yeah. Show up in the greatest way that we can in honor of those who don't have the support and the resources that we have. Yeah. I'm curious about, you know, it's kind of a contradictory thought to think that when I'm not in control, when I let go, that I actually create more freedom and more certainty by letting go. How is that possible?

Yeah. That when we let go and we're not in control, we actually have freedom. Yeah. And more certainty. Are you feeling that and experiencing that? I'm living that right now. I'm really living that right now. You said this is my fifth book and this launch is the biggest book launch I've ever had.

Yeah, you're everywhere. I've quadrupled my pre-orders and all these things and i've been the most relaxed the most faithful the most receptive the most aligned the most you know um forgiving when shit went wrong yeah um the most willing to like heal throughout the process because it brings up stuff, you know, and the most willing to let people help me and let the universe help me. And so I can say that with conviction that you can speed up by slowing down. And really, so what it is, is that resistance is what blocks us from receiving support and guidance. Resistance comes from the belief systems and fear-based thoughts that keep us negative

and in these low vibe energy. It's in the absence of resistance that we start to feel supported. So when we can shed the patterns and belief systems and energy and start to truly breathe and truly believe, believe, believe, believe, that's when we can allow ourselves to genuinely receive the support that we need and that we long for. What is something you're extremely proud of that most people don't know about? Because your life is very public. You've had a lot out there. You speak about a lot of things on the press and the media.

But is there something we don't know that you're extremely proud of or that most people don't know. I am proud of my willingness to heal. I am not an avoider. I see that there's something up and I show up. And even last night when I was in so much resistance to wanting to get to the deeper level of this healing with Sheila Kelly, I was still willing. So I'm proud of that willingness, even when it's scary. Right. What's the role of love in overcoming fear?

So love is the antidote. Love is the opposite. And love, not from a romantic love conversation but love being the energy and ever-present essence of love that is within us and around us and it's the truth of who we are and so when we start to reprogram our thinking and reorganize our belief systems and change our energy we return to love as marianne williamson to love. That's the title of her book. It is. It's her most famous book. We return to love. And that remembrance, I mean, really, I believe that a spiritual journey truly is unlearning fear and remembering love. Yeah.

What do you feel now that you've started opening up about your trauma? What do you feel your purpose is? Yeah. My purpose hasn't changed, actually. It's to crack people open to a spiritual relationship of their own understanding so that they can find freedom and peace and healing. And your biggest teacher has been Marianne? She's been one of my biggest teachers. Deepak Chopra is a dear teacher and friend. And really, probably my most cherished teacher is Dr. Wayne Dyer.

And I don't say was, I say is, because there's a whole chapter in the book about how I channeled, we've been channeling Wayne. And, you know, one of the things I don't talk about, here's another thing I don't talk about, unapologetically owning my mediumship. So I can, you know, we all are mediums, I believe. But it's just sort of how do we fine tune that skill like we would anything, playing the piano. Um, but it's just sort of how do we fine tune that skill? Like we would anything playing the piano. And so, um, the more free I've become, the more my, my connection has deepened, you know, I'll be on stage and all of a sudden I'll hear someone's grandmother tell them, oh shit,

I gotta tell her this, but I don't know how to tell her, you know? So, um, I've been channeling Wayne and he's been a really clean, clear voice and he wants everyone to know that anyone who he'll come to anyone that needs him, like any or spirit or guide but um this may be heady for some of your listeners but you know take it or leave it sure um but that that he comes he really wants to support people who are in the commitment to being a voice for the light and so i've been hearing him come through and there's been tremendous like these like synchronistic experiences of, I was getting messages for his daughters and like through a series of events was like,

there was another medium who like called me and said, Wayne wants you to know that it is him. And like, you know, that you are. And then like, you know, getting on the phones with his daughters and like giving them the message

and they're like, how could you know any of this? You know? So I had, I've given, he's given me proof that he's with me. And, and so he,

he, I say he is my most transformational teacher because the way the embodiment of his faith is what i want in my life yeah and it's what i strive for yeah i never got to meet him but uh you would have loved this podcast yeah well he's here now sure sure well the power of intention that was his book right he has so many i think the power Power of Intention is a book. When I first discovered him, it was probably 15 years ago, 13, 15 years ago. I remember I was 21, 22, something like that. I remember I was like, wow, this is really powerful information. Just the intention we have, things we want, the way we want to be. And I fell in love with the guy at that moment.

He's just profound. That's cool. And he's even more connected now. He's doing such great bigger work now. And I think that's why he left his body now because he's like, I got more to do and I have to do it this way. Interesting. And so there was a chapter in the book that I write about him. But then at the end of the chapter, I share about how towards the end of writing that chapter, I felt him standing over my desk like like this huge, tall presence looking down at me.

I just stopped in my tracks and just was moved to tears because I just knew, I know you're here. Wow. Yeah. That's cool. It is. What are you most grateful for recently in your life? Reconnecting to my mediumship, like accepting my mediumship and, and, and re and recommitting

to that, to being a channel and just accepting it, you know, just, just like, I don't talk about this publicly because it's not really something that I would even really want to talk about publicly because it's like, it's like any skill or gift. It's like, you wouldn't go bragging about it. It weakens it, you know? But, but it's something I'm proud of that I can have that connection now. That's cool. Very cool. How does that work? I mean, I'm always fascinated by this. Like, do you just channel it in moments or do you have to go into a place personally?

You have to go into a place. You have to be ready for it. You're like, you can, you can try to like, okay, so look, there's plenty of people

that are not like fully healed that are mediums that are tremendous mediums, you know? So it's kind of like any skill. Like some people could wake up in the morning

and they're like amazing at the piano. Yeah. You know, there's different skills. You just see it. how clear are you and and you could be born with it like that this is a very innate skill that is is is tapped in and and for me it was always sort of present in my life um but you know everyone is a medium like the way anyone can pick up and you know write a book if they wanted to right even if i don't have any literary background and i've written five books, right? So you figure it out. But it's the same thing with mediumship. It's a practice and it's something that you channel and funnel. And so what I would

recommend if someone's like, oh, this sounds interesting. There's actually a lot of meditations in this book. And following those meditations, I suggest a lot of free writing. And so letting your pen flow, letting yourself just be in a surrendered state but tuning in first through meditation and prayer yeah and centering your energy and aligning your energy with source energy with with with so you almost feel like your body begins to vibrate when you meditate or maybe you felt that kind of peace come over you in a meditation practice or through a prayer and then then in that space, just write. Now, I channel the most when I'm speaking publicly.

I just really step back and allow. And that's when a lot of times when I'm taking a Q&A, I'll hear things. And the other night, I just heard this woman. I was like, your mother really wants you to forgive her. Like, let's just accept it, you know? And I started saying things to her. And she's like, how would you know that later? And I was like, because she was telling me, you know?

And so just getting out of the way is really the key to being a channel. That's cool. But it's not just listening to spirits or guides. It's also just letting, letting you, you channeled your book, whether you realize it or not, you just let that come through. You channel right now. This work is all just letting intuition move through you. For the women listening who think, you know, Gabby's incredible, she's beautiful, she's got the husband, the books, the career, everything. I don't have that type of confidence. I don't have the type of self-love.

I don't think I'm worthy enough of the things that she has or the things that they want to create. How do they build more self-love, self-confidence, and worthiness in themselves? Yeah. Well, I think the first part is a reframe, right? I think that a lot of times we're going to look at people who have things that we want and say, I'm not good enough. But my way of seeing folks like that is looking and saying, the light that I see in them is a reflection of who I am, is a reflection of my light. And so even if you don't believe that yet, just act as if, say it out loud, that what I admire in someone is a

reflection of what I am, of what I'm stepping into, of my true essence. Not necessarily of what I want to be or long to be, you already are. And then also getting out of judgment and separation, because one of the biggest things that holds women back from stepping into their authentic power is judging and separating, seeing themselves as less than or judging people for having something that they want. Why do they do that? This is a whole body of work that I'm going to be writing about for my next book, is judgment. Judgment is a disowned part of our shadow. We use judgment to avoid having to face what we don't want to see in ourselves. It's an addiction. Judging others. Yeah to see in ourselves. And it's an addiction. Judging others.

Yeah. And judging ourselves. Oh, that's the biggest probably. Yeah. Wow. Big time. Yeah, it's funny. You know, there's lots of people that judge others online.

They leave comments, a lot of negative comments. And I feel like as creators, it's hard to judge and create at the same time. Just like it's hard to be in fear and in love at the same time. You know, when you're creating, you're not judging other people. No, no. You're focused on creation. You're right. And you're not, you don't want to bring others down when you're creating because you know how

hard it is to create. Yeah. And so I think when the people that are judging, if they just start creating something, they'll stop judging. Yes. And mostly they're not doing anything. Ooh, that's a good tip for my book. Thank you.

You're welcome. Get into creation and you'll be out of judgment. That's it. Yeah. No, it's beautiful. If you're just sitting back and watching everything, you're just going to be analyzing, analyzing, judging. Yeah. Because you're seeing what you're not doing.

I'm not doing anything. But get into the doing. That's it. And you clear judgment. Ooh, this is another chapter in the book. Be loving and then do something. And then you can have. Yeah, yeah.

So good. Be, do, have. That's it. There's a question I, do, have. That's it. There's a question I asked towards the end. It's called the three truths. Now, many, many years from now, it's your last day. And for some reason, all of your books and videos and interviews have been erased from time. And you're about to have your last moment.

Everyone's there. You've said goodbye to everyone. And they give you, they say, we don't have anything to remember of you, but here's a piece of paper and a pen to write down three truths, the three things you know to be true

about everything you've experienced in life that you would pass on to us, the lessons you would pass on to us. What would you say are your three truths? There is an ever-present energy of love that is supporting you and around you. Number one, there is, ever-present energy of love that is supporting you and around you. Number one, there is, with conviction. This is a lesson from Yogi Bhajan, but understand through compassion.

Compassion will remind you of who you are and will help you forgive whatever it is that you thought you knew. And the final one is very simple. It's choose love. Because that's what this whole gig is about. It's the more that we choose love, the more we let go of what we thought we needed and we allow what we really need to come in. Yeah.

I love that one. Those are great. If you had to get a tattoo on your forehead that was in reverse so that only when you looked in the mirror you could see it. And every time you look in the mirror you see one word. Yeah. Or message. I am love. I am love.

That'd be a good one to see every day. I like that. Good reminder. That's good. That's good. Is there a question that no one's ever asked you that you wish they would? Ooh, these are so good. Let's see.

You know, maybe something like, what are your special skills? Like, what do you do that is unique about you? Okay. Besides mediumship, what are your special skills? I ride a unicycle. A unicycle? What?? I ride a unicycle. A unicycle? What? I can ride a unicycle. For more than like a couple seconds? Yes. No way. I've never seen a video of this or anything. I have. I have video footage.

Oh, I have to see this. In my first book, there's photos. What? Yeah. No, I'm serious. I think I remember now. The ING book? Yeah. Yeah. I remember that now. Yeah. That's funny. It is kind of funny. How'd you learn that? I was in a circus art school when I was younger. Shut up. That's amazing. When I else like rock out on the stage or I need to cycle.

That's amazing. Yeah, it's a special skill. Okay. It's like riding a bike. You can just pick it up and go. Sure, sure. What else? I'm like passionate about cooking.

Like so, so, so passionate about cooking. It's one of my meditations. I think that cooking is an art and it's meditation. And it makes me so happy to cook a meal and to prepare a meal and serve a meal and eat the meal. That's cool. Before I ask the final question, I want to

acknowledge you for a moment, Gabby, for your incredible ability to shift and open up and transform your own energy and for letting go. Because I know how challenging for your incredible ability to shift and open up and transform your own energy, and for letting go. Because I know how challenging it can be to hold on to something for so long, 30 years for you. And I really acknowledge you for stepping out of your comfort zone in a major way,

shifting all of your relationships in the process, healing yourself, and being an incredible catalyst of love for so many people around the world for all the work that you do. So it's amazing. Thank you. You're welcome. Thank you. The universe has your back.

Transform fear to faith. Make sure you guys get this book ASAP. Share with your friends. Share this out with your friends for anyone you think it could be useful for. Connect with Gabby on social media. You're at Gabby Bernstein everywhere. And also, is there anything else you want to say before I ask the final question? I just want to say thank you.

I just think that you're such an amazing man, and I'm so proud of you, and I'm just proud to be your friend. Appreciate it. I mean it. When we knew that I was going to come on this podcast, I told my PR, this is the most important thing I'm just proud to be your friend. I appreciate it. I mean it. When we knew that I was going to come on this podcast, I told my PR, this is the most important thing I'm going to do. And I don't just say that just because of the reach, but because,

and you said to me at the beginning, you were like, what is it that you're, what could make this the best podcast? I was like, it already is. Because the first time I interviewed with you, I was just so moved by your talent in interviewing. And this one just is far, far beyond even the last one.

I appreciate it. I mean it. I really mean it. I appreciate it. Thanks. Okay. Well, the final question is what's your definition of greatness? To stand in your authentic truth.

Gabby Bernstein. It's coming on. Appreciate it. Appreciate it. There you have it I hope you guys enjoyed this special interview with Gabby I feel like

she's never really opened up in this unique way before she's never really revealed some of these things my goal was to go a little bit deeper

than she normally goes in her other interviews and I hope you took away a lot of valuable information if you did make sure to share this with your friends, lewishouse.com slash three nine one, tweet it out, post it on Facebook, post it on Instagram. Let me know what you think. And also make sure to support Gabby, get her new book. The universe has your back and let her know what you thought of this interview over on social media. I love you guys so very much.

We do this every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, and it's grown in such a profound, incredible platform all because of you. So continue to listen, continue to download, continue to spread the message and share the School of Greatness podcast. By you doing that, I'm able to bring on some of the biggest, most inspiring names in the world because of the platform you have created. So thank you so much from the bottom of my heart for all you do to spread this message. We've got some incredible guests coming up soon. I'm so pumped to introduce to you some of these big guests we've had on that we're about to release

here in the coming weeks. So make sure to stay tuned. Subscribe if this is your first time here on the podcast. You can stay tuned to all the latest and greatest on the School of Greatness podcast. And I'll leave you with this. The universe has your back. Make sure you trust the process of your life and allow it to flow into living the life of your dreams. I hope you guys enjoyed this one and you know what time it is. It's time to go out there and do something great. ស្រូវនប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ Outro Music