The School of Greatness - 433 Transform Resistance Into Freedom & Success with Chris Lee

Episode Date: January 16, 2017

"You can never create an abundant life through resistance." - Chris Lee If you enjoyed this episode, check out show notes, video, and more at http://lewishowes.com/433

Episode number 433 with transformational coach Chris Lee. Welcome to the School of Greatness. My name is Lewis Howes, a former pro athlete turned lifestyle entrepreneur. And each week we bring you an inspiring person or message to help you discover how to unlock your inner greatness. Thanks for spending some time with me today. Now let the class begin. Welcome everyone to the School of Greatness podcast. I'm excited for today because we have our resident coach. That's right, Chris Lee, a crowd favorite who's back on the podcast today.

He's in studio with us and I'm excited to share what we're covering. And it's about resistance. You know, so many people are resisting so many things in their life right now. I get emails all the time from people who are frustrated that they're not creating the results they want. A lot of it is usually relationship related or it's financial related. They're not creating certain results in all areas of your life that they want because there's some sort of resistance. And you may be listening to this right now and saying you don't resist anything. There's nothing you resist. But I'm telling you, there's something we all resist. Because if we're not at a certain level that we want to be, whether it be financially,

relationship, health-wise, if we're not at a certain level we want to be, then there's something in the way that we've been resisting. So this is about how to transform resistance into freedom and success. resistance into freedom and success. And at lewishouse.com slash 433, we'll have all the show notes and all the previous episodes that Chris has been on. But I believe this is over 10 now that he's been on. So Chris is amazing, transformational coach, been doing the work for over 25 years. And in this episode, we really cover the source of resistance and where resistance comes from. Also, what surrendering actually means. Why we keep doing things that don't serve us.

Yes, I've been there many, many times and done things over and over again that didn't get the result I wanted but thought it would. So why we keep doing things that don't serve us. Why staying in your comfort zone feeds resistance, how to handle fear and get to the bottom of it, and so much more. Guys, we break it down in practical steps today in this interview, so I hope you enjoy it. Please share it, lewishouse.com slash 433. And without further ado, let me introduce to you the one and only Chris Lee. All right, welcome back, everyone, to the School of Greatness podcast. We have the resident coach in the house, Chris Lee. Hey.

My good friend. Thank you so much for being here. Very excited about this. This will be the 11th time that your voice has been published on the School of Greatness podcast. Nine times. Is that right? Nine times on here. We did a repost of one and a five-minute Friday, but this is 11, I guess. That's incredible. So it's probably close to, I don't know, six or 700,000 downloads for all the episodes, I would say. I'm guessing. Of the 27 million downloads. You're close to probably a million from your voice and your message on here. So we're excited about

what you have for us today. And then we're talking about resistance and how to overcome resistance, right? Yeah, how to transform resistance, how to embrace it, and really how to identify it. Because sometimes we're resisting something and we're not aware that we're in resistance. All we do know is that we're feeling tense, we're feeling anxious, we're feeling afraid, but we're not naming it. And I think part of what's valuable about transformational information in these podcasts and what you offer people is giving people something to be able to identify. And the ability to distinguish something gives us power. So when we're able to identify and

distinguish why we are resisting something, then we're able to transform it and have the joy and the success and the extraordinary results that we're committed to. And this is perfect timing for this because we're beginning a new year and we've made a lot of new year's resolutions and we've really have been committed in this 2017, a new beginning. And I think that a lot of times we aren't aware that we resist these changes and that no matter how many resolutions we make, something pulls us back. And so this is good to be able to use so that we could identify and break through and create the results that we want. So what is resistance then? Let's define it first. Resistance is avoiding something, not trusting something, not accepting something, not embracing something.

So when I resist a relationship, I'm pushing it away. When I resist a feeling, I'm covering it up. When I resist change, because there's different kinds of resistance. We could resist change. We could resist a relationship. We could resist a decision that we need to make. And what happens is that what you resist persists. So it doesn't go away. You could pretend you don't have a cavity, but before you know it, that cavity turns into a root canal. And so the value of embracing resistance is you're able to transform it into something positive. A better result. Now, is all resistance bad? What if you're resisting something that is negative or that's something you don't want in your life?

Is that bad or is that? Well, you need to be able to really look at the consequence of what you're resisting. Gotcha. So it's all fear. What if you're resisting a toxic person in your life? Well, then keep resisting. Right. Okay. Gotcha. Yes. You know, I don't think it's like fear. Not all fear is bad. I think sometimes fear keeps us alive. Fear is what has us be aware of toxic people, toxic situations, situations where I could be endangered. But the kind of resistance that I'm talking about today and that I think is important for us to talk about is the resistance of something that could bring us something positive. Like if I resist

change, if I resist getting out of my comfort zone. And so I want everyone listening to think about how many things in your life have you missed out on because you resisted it. How many relationships? How many opportunities? Experiences. Experiences. And so we resist things. And then what happens is that we end up staying in

the same place and staying in the same place really means going backwards. Right? So my definition of resistance is when I'm avoiding something that can bring you a positive result or a benefit or value to you. When you avoid something that could end up being something positive or avoid something I don't want to take care of, whether it's a responsibility or it's something- A broken agreement. A broken agreement or a conversation I haven't had with my girlfriend or my boyfriend or my husband. Sometimes we avoid having the talk. And those of you who haven't had the talk, you need to have the talk. Why do we avoid so much?

Because now let's go to the source of resistance, which is fear. Resistance becomes a strategy. You see, behavior is not random. So resistance is what I call a racket. And a racket are the things that we use to avoid. So when I'm resisting as a way of being, and some people are more resistant than others, when I'm resistant, that's my racket. That's my way of keeping myself safe. And so the reason why we resist is because it brings us a payoff. There's actually a false reward that comes as a result of resisting.

It makes me feel safe. It makes me feel like I'm in control. It makes me feel like I'm not going to get hurt. I'm not going to rock the boat. I'm not going to jeopardize anything. So I resist making these changes because there's a payoff. But what happens is that over time, when you continuously resist something that would be to your benefit, then you pay a huge price. And so the prices of resisting a conversation in your relationship might be the end of the relationship. A price that you could pay by resisting a conversation with a business partner or an

employee or a client is that you push the relationship away. And so it's kind of like this. There's a giant elephant in between me and you, and I'm saying, pass me the coffee. But I'm resisting the fact that there's an elephant on the table. There's a saying called, there's an elephant on the table. And a lot of families resist talking to each other. A lot of relationships resist talking to each other. And there's this big, giant elephant sitting on the table and we're avoiding it. And so the value of confronting quickly and surrendering and embracing what we're resisting allows us to transform what that is that we're resisting or to accept it, embrace it, and move on. Awesome.

Yeah. Okay. So how do we do that? How do we surrender to resistance and transform it into success? Well, the first step is to tell the truth. We got to tell the truth. We got to be honest. I get to be honest.

One of the things I've been resisting is losing weight. I love eating. I'm a foodie. Yeah. Good excuse. And yeah, and so my racket in resisting diet and exercising and taking care of my health is the payoff of that resistance is that it feels good. The taste.

You get to eat with friends. I love food. Who else is with me? Yes, I love food. I love all foods. I travel the world. I want to try the cuisine everywhere I go. Yes.

And I'm in total resistance, or I was in total resistance. So what are you committed to creating now? Well, not yet. You're too fast. Okay. So the first step is to tell the truth. The truth is, is that I'm in resistance to X or I'm avoiding Y. So in my case, this is a how to guys pay attention. In my case, I am resisting taking care of my health i'm resisting losing weight i'm resisting being mindful of my health and the payoff is that i could eat what i want when i want where i want i could do what i want i could sleep as much as i want and that feels good it gives me a false sense of freedom and choice.

Comfort. That's the lie. And so by me telling the truth that that's really a lie, I get to face the prices. Which are? Which are I'm overweight, I'm uncomfortable with my body, I'm not where I want to be, and health-wise, it doesn't serve me to create the life that I want. It doesn't give you the energy or the sustained energy. Right. And so one of the things that we get to do, the first step is to tell the truth.

The second step is to identify what's the source of that resistance. So if I'm not telling the truth about my weight or telling the truth about my resistance to take care of my health, if I don't tell the truth about that, then I can't transform it. And so some people resist relationships. Some people resist love. Some people resist money. Believe it or not, they make a lot of money and then they resist it and they throw it away. They resist love.

They have the love of their life that finally is in their life, finally shows up the person that you've dreamed of and you blow it up. And so by resisting, we end up sabotaging it. So by telling the truth, acknowledging the resistance, then you can move on to the second step, which is to get to the source of it. And so the source of it is always a limiting belief. What do you mean? What's the source of it? There's a belief that is fueled by fear. So fear is the source and fear is the source of limiting beliefs.

So there's fear and there's a belief that maintains that resistance. And the belief is that it's too hard. I can't do it. If I fall in love and if I let myself be loved, I'm going to miss out on something. There's always something better around the corner. It just depends on the situation. But in my case, in terms of losing weight, the limiting belief is that I'm going to have to sacrifice and I'm going to have to be unhappy and eat cardboard and just not enjoy food. Count your calories every day.

Yeah, and it can't be done. And it's just a limiting belief. It's not true. And so by identifying the limiting belief about whatever it is you're resisting, and it's just a limiting belief. It's not true. And so by identifying the limiting belief about whatever it is you're resisting, and every person's a different thing, but we get to really identify once you're able to accept it and acknowledge and tell the truth that you're resisting something, really get to what's the limiting belief that's causing that, where does that come from? And then look at the consequences of the resistance.

So like if nothing changes, where am I going to be in six months? Where am I going to be in a year? Where am I going to be in five years? How is this going to end up? How is this going to play out? Not good. So like if you keep resisting relationships, where is that going to play out? If you keep resisting saving money, some people have issues with money.

This is blow money. They don't organize it. They don't structure it. They're in resistance to that. If I keep resisting that, how's that going to play out? Some people resist getting out of their comfort zone. They want everything to be safe and comfortable. If I keep hanging out in this comfort zone,

how will it play out? What's the long-term conversation? What's the long-term result? And so it's something that I recommend that we do, that we really look at the long-term price of the resistance and the area that you're resisting it. And by finally getting that, then you get to surrender. And what surrendering means is to accept, to own, and to be without judgment about it. So if I'm in judgment of myself because I'm resisting a relationship, that's going to cause more resistance. If I'm in judgment about myself because I'm not making the money I want to make, then that causes more resistance. Whatever you're in judgment about, you're resisting. If I'm in judgment about my body and my health, by surrendering and accepting and embracing, then I get to love me as I am,

love whatever the situation is as it is. I don't have to like something to love it. But by surrendering and loving it and embracing it and really using my energy in a proactive way. You see, resistance is resisting on every level, even energetically. So if I'm resisting a relationship, then that creates tension in my body. It creates tension in my being. It creates dis-ease. So by telling the truth, by acknowledging it, and by finally embracing it and surrendering to it, then basically what I'm doing is I'm redirecting my energy. When you surrender and you embrace and you accept, then you could get clear on the next part of this,

which is what's my vision? Where am I going to go? Where do I want to be? What's my vision for my health? What's my vision for my relationship? What's my vision for my finances, my business. What's my vision for the world? Some people go out in the world and resist it.

And so what you focus on expands, and that's the nature of thought. So if I resist something, it just gets bigger and bigger and bigger. And as great lawyers that we are, we gather evidence to back up whatever we're resisting. You know, some of us resist transformation, resist change. And so that resistance that creates walls around us, and by embracing it and owning it and telling the truth, I've got this wall.

That wall is just fear. The source of that wall is my belief that I'm not good enough. Then I can get clear. Okay, so now let me embrace that, own it, not resist it. Know that I have this wall. Know that I have this excess weight. Love it. Surrender.

Embrace it. Now what's my vision? It's all energy. And so you could never create an abundant life through resistance. As long as you're resisting something, you're not honoring something. You're not embracing something. And so by embracing it and surrendering it and truly trusting it, I could then declare, here's where I'm headed. 2017, by the end of the year, 40 pounds less.

It's a declaration right here. Oh, really? Yes. Wow, okay. So check in with me at the end of the year. We'll do another podcast. I'll check in with you every couple months. Well, we always check in with you at all times.

But I'm serious. This year, 40 pounds less. 40 pounds less. But I'm not going to lose weight. I'm just going to shift my lifestyle and embrace and surrender to the fact that I love food and that I'm a foodie and it's a question of shifting my priorities and shifting my energy. And how do you create the win-win and not sacrifice loving food but make sure you're making – It's called balance. Yeah, exactly.

Yeah, it's called balance. So like every now and then giving myself a permission just never not allowing the permission once in a while to be coming every day you're laughing because you're holding me in my box exactly right okay yeah but but truly by surrendering and by and by being focused on the vision and the long-term vision. And once I make that vision and that declaration, then I get to trust the process. And trust the process is really about surrendering as well. It's even more surrender.

Yeah, because when you trust the process, and really one of the biggest ways to transform resistance into success is by trusting the process. That whichever process you find yourself in as you're listening to this, whether you're going through a financial challenge or you're going through a relationship challenge or a health challenge or a family challenge or an existential challenge, trust the process. Trust that everything is going to turn out in a beautiful way. One of the things that I say a lot, and I say in my book, Transform Your Life, 10 Principles of Abundance and Prosperity. By the way, surrender is actually one of the principles of the book that we're talking about here. But one of the things I say is transform your fear into faith. And what that means is fear, which is resistance,

is the expectation that everything's going to turn out in a negative way. Faith is the knowing that everything is going to turn out in a beautiful way. So transform fear into faith. I say it in my seminars all the time. I've been saying it for over 25 years. Wow. People are writing books about it now. So transform fear into faith.

It's truly trust the process, that whatever is going on right now in your life, trust that you're going to be able to transform that into something beautiful. And the way to do that is to surrender and to embrace it and to accept it. And by accepting it, then you could do something about it.

Or you can be clear that there's nothing to be done and just let it go. So there's two choices as a result of surrendering. Either I surrender and I own the fact that there's nothing I could do about it and just give it to the universe. But you're letting go. And be okay with it. I have no control over this thing and let it go. and the second choice is if there's something I can do about it,

then I get to create my vision, an action plan, and a commitment to transforming it. But resisting it and avoiding it will never transform it. Yeah. You always keep creating the same thing over and over. What you resist persists.

Yeah. I know people that have died because they resisted my mom's best friend hal clark this man was one of the most incredible architects in puerto rico he had this stomach like like a stomach virus like like like he just got sick to his stomach all the time and he thought it was a stomach virus and he thought it was the flu and then the stomach ache would never go away

and he just pretended it wasn't there and by the time he got to the doctor he had stage four stomach cancer. It was spread all over the place. Too late. Had he confronted it and took it on immediately he'd be alive still. Yeah.

And sometimes we miss out on relationships because we're afraid to have the conversation because we're resisting it. Yeah. So by surrendering and embracing this conversation and really acknowledging it, then maybe we're just walking around with myths in our minds that keep us separate. Yeah. What's something that someone could do that sees someone in resistance? Like for instance, see someone who's got this stomach ache or, you know, as an example for years, but they never do anything about it. How can someone get them to shift so that they're open to seeing it? You know, if they're so close minded to,

they're so resistant to the change or looking at it or being aware of it, what can a friend do in that situation? Well, a friend could have a conversation where the friend tells the truth about what they're saying. In other words, I've noticed you've had this stomach problem for a while.

Have you checked it out? And I think sometimes friends back off. We're so afraid. We walk on eggshells with each other. To or we're gonna hurt people's feelings guys i'd rather you be that person that pressured your friend into going to the doctor and to get a checkup and and having your friend get mad at you but you saved his life then you stayed silent and your friend died. And I believe in confrontation. Confrontation is not a bad thing. Confrontation is bring to the foreground what's hidden. And so, for example, you and I have the kind of relationship that if there's anything out between us,

like in my life, if I'm doing something that's going to hurt me, you're going to confront me. You don't care. You're like, Chris, this is not working. And I could get mad at you. I could resist you. But you know what? I know that you love me and care about me. And it's for my own good. And the next day, it's clear.

We're clear. It's moved on. But what's motivating your confrontation is your care for me. Yes. And I think that what a friend could do is a friend could be honest with a friend. A husband could be honest with his wife. You have a partner that's smoking and you know that he's smoking or she's smoking

and that that is damaging to their health, don't stay silent. You know, speak up. I think that by telling the truth, then we support people in embracing it. And then if the person's willing to do the work, then you could actually walk them through these steps. You know, what's the reward that this resistance is creating in your life? We don't realize that behavior that doesn't serve us, the reason why we keep doing it is because it provides a reward.

And what's the price? And if nothing changes over time, what's going to happen? And so I'm here because I love you. And what's it going to take to change that? Yeah. Yeah. I like it. And we get to transform our resistance into opportunities. And one of the biggest ways we resist as human beings is we stay in our comfort zone. And we finally, you know, like some people finally reach a certain level and they're And every single day that you challenge yourself and step out of your comfort zone, that's a day that is worth living. And one of the recommendations I have for people, like a specific recommendation of how we can break through resistance is to

disprove your limiting beliefs. How do you do that? By doing things that you normally wouldn't do. For example? For example, if you normally don't dance, go out and dance. If you have a hard time speaking or singing in public, karaoke. Like, I would never sing karaoke. Get your butt into gear gear go out and sing karaoke

if you would never write a poem to your girlfriend or a letter of appreciation to your mom your dad or a loved one write that letter do things that in your mind you would say i would never do that or that's not me because the minute I say that's not me, I put myself into a box and basically I'm resisting something. And some people resist passion and some people resist love and some people resist results and some people resist discipline. And so by challenging ourselves and stepping through that resistance, then we could incorporate some incredible new tools that has 2017 be a monumental year. Yes. That's what I'm about.

I love it. Is there anything else we're missing here? Is there anything else that you wanted to talk about or cover? Or is that all the main points? Another thing that I would do in terms of resistance is i would take fear all the way down to the end give me an example so like i know what you're talking about but so yeah so like an example if i tell my girlfriend how i feel let's give an example for people that maybe would be watching like speaking speaking on stage. Okay, so if I speak on stage, I may make a mistake.

Okay. If I make a mistake, then people will reject me. If people reject me, then I'll feel like a loser. If I feel like a loser, then I'm making the high school bully right. Right. If I make the high school bully right, then I'm going to feel sad. If I feel sad, then I'm gonna feel sad if i feel sad then i'm gonna be sadder and if i feel sadder then then i'm sad i mean it just it just it ends i have no

friends all right right but then at the end at the end of it you're still left with who yourself yourself yeah it's not the end of the day yeah and so if you take fear all the way down you realize that this big fearful thing is really when you break it down it ends up being nothing so if I tell my girlfriend I love her then she might reject me and if she rejects me then she'll leave

me and if she leaves me then I'm alone if I'm alone I'm left with me you know if I ask for a raise, my boss might say no. And if he says no, then he'll lose respect for me. And then he'll fire me and I'll be unemployed. And then what? I'll get another job or I'll look for another job. I mean, at the end of the day, we resist these big changes because we have such giant walls of consequences that might happen that most of the time never happen.

Right. It's a lot of ego conversation too. A lot of fear of what we think other people are going to think about us, what we're not going to have, what we're going to have, things like that by taking action, by getting, you know, like you said, by asking or saying, I love you or being on stage, the rejection, the fear of the ego, I think, being hurt. Is there something that you feel that you have resisted that you've been like, you know, just something you're avoiding, maybe a conversation, maybe a decision?

Yeah, I mean, there was, and then I had it. I mean, conversation in relationships, intimate relationships, and I've had those, which... In the beginning, you resisted it. Uh-huh. And then... Even, you know, a few months ago, I was resisting certain conversations. And then you embraced it. And then you embraced it.

And it was uncomfortable. And then you had it. It was uncomfortable having it. And there were some uncomfortable moments of the conversation. Right. And fearful moments and scary moments and vulnerable moments but afterwards as a result freedom yeah it's been like weight off my shoulders i was like i wish i would have done this months ago why'd i wait till the end of the year you know right why not just do it like when it comes up

and i feel like something in the moment yeah or feel like this constant little nag of like resistance why not just start doing it then right when i'm aware of it as opposed to Or feel like something. In the moment. Yeah. Or feel like this constant little nag of like resistance. Why not just start doing it then, right when I'm aware of it, as opposed to waiting and waiting and waiting. And then it's like built up even more. So I think it's, you know, I experience this and it happens all the time. You know, every few months something comes up in some area of my life. Absolutely. Where I get to be aware of it and either address it or not. If I don't, it continues.

It continues to come into my life and be like this little nag, like a little fly that just won't get away. It happens in relationship. When you put two people together, there are two different worlds and two different belief systems and strategies and fears and visions. And then someone's bound to do something that's going to annoy you. Exactly. Like people that,

like relationships that say we never have a disagreement, I always say someone's lying. Because if you're telling the truth, Right. Yeah, if you're telling the truth, then if it's real, like if you want an authentic relationship,

then sometimes I want to go left and you want to go right. Right, exactly. There's going to go right. Right. Exactly. There's going to be conflict. But if we embrace it and we express it, then you actually get closer. Think about it, guys. How many of you got into this massive fight with a loved one and you avoided each other for a couple of days?

Then you kind of sat down and talked to each other. And then the sex was better than ever. It's explosive. Yeah, exactly. It's called makeup sex. Yeah, exactly. But then the sex was better than ever. Amazing. Explosive. Yeah, exactly. It's called makeup sex. Yeah, exactly. But then the relationship gets better. You feel more connected. You feel more loving. You're more intimate. Yes.

I had a moment with you that I was resisting something. I remember, and I had a conversation with you and I said, Lewis, I need to clear something with you. I remember. And you listened and you were loving about it and you didn't get defensive. The next day was fine. Or that moment was fine. It's fine yeah and there are things that you've cleared with me that you've had moments you know in our relationship because you know you don't you don't create anything new by avoiding no and if you want to keep your energy and i think at the end of the day like we're going to wrap it up yes Yes. This is about energy. And do you want your energy tied up with something that's negative?

Or do you want to use that energy towards something positive? So we get to transform our resistance into success by surrendering it and embracing it. I love it. Trusting the process. And the bigger the dream and the vision we have, we're going to need all the energy we can get in order to make it happen. If there's a couple little resistance pulling us back towards the vision, it's just going to be that much more of a challenge to get there.

And the bigger the resistance. Exactly. It's going to keep building and holding you back and dragging you more. So don't resist resistance. How about that? Yeah. Don't resist anything. When you're resisting, it lets you know, hey, you resistance. How about that? Yeah, don't resist anything. When you're resisting,

it lets you know, hey, you're up to something big. Yeah, absolutely. And just as a matter of channeling it. I love it. Shifting it. I've asked you your definition of greatness

a million times, your three truths, so I think I'm going to mix it up for the end. Okay. Before I ask you a final question, make sure you guys go get Chris Lee's book.

It's called Transform Your Life, 10 Principles of Abundance and Prosperity, which was birthed from this podcast, which kind of came from here, and then he made it into a more extensive book. Check it out. It's on Amazon. You can get it right now. Just go on there and type in Transform Your Life with Chris Lee. You'll see it up there.

Get a copy. Follow Chris on Instagram, Twitter. Where else are you hanging out? Facebook. Facebook. It's all the same. Chris Motivador. Correct?

At Chris Motivador. At Chris Motivador, D-O-R at the end. And let me think of a final question for you. Final question. You know what? Let's do this. Let's do a motivational moment to close it up. So whatever is on your heart right now from an experience in your life that you want to share a message to the world in a minute or less or a few words or whatever it may

be, a motivational minute from Chris the Motivator, what what would that be love you putting me on the spot but i'm ready and you can look at camera if you want so my motivational minute is celebrate embrace and appreciate everything you have and everything you are for everything we have is temporary and when we leave it doesn't matter what we had what matters is what we gave so be generous with your heart the more you give it the bigger it becomes wow generosity there you go chris we love. Thank you very much. Appreciate it. It's amazing. Thank you. All righty. There you have it, guys. Chris Lee back on the podcast again.

So thank you so much for listening. If you found this helpful in any way, spread the message forward. Pay it forward. Share it with your friends on social media, Facebook, Twitter. Tag me on Instagram as well, or email a friend who you feel like this would support or inspire in their day-to-day journey. Again, the link is lewishowes.com slash 433, or you can just click on the podcast app on Stitcher or iTunes or wherever you like to listen to the podcast and share it out as well. I appreciate you guys so very much. And you know what time it is. It's time to go out there and do something great. I'm a super

I'm a super I'm a super