The School of Greatness - 442 The Mindset That Creates Miracles with JJ Virgin

Episode Date: February 6, 2017

"We don't grow when things are fabulous." - JJ Virgin If you enjoyed this episode, check out show notes, video, and more at http://lewishowes.com/442

This is episode number 442 with New York Times best-selling author J.J. Virgin. Welcome to the School of Greatness. My name is Lewis Howes, former pro-athlete turned lifestyle entrepreneur. And each week we bring you an inspiring person or message to help you discover how to unlock your inner greatness. Thanks for spending some time with me today. Now let the class begin. JJ Virgin is one of the nation's foremost celebrity nutritionist experts, public speaker

and media personality. Her 25 years in the health and fitness industry, the past 10 in holistic nutrition and functional medicine, have earned JJ recognition as the go-to weight loss expert who can unlock the door to lifelong weight management through her sensible, no-fail approach to nutrition and fitness. Now, she's worked with some of the biggest performance athletes, CEOs, A-list celebrities from around the world. She's appeared on major media shows like Dr. Phil, ABC's Extreme Makeover, and many others.

She's also a four-time New York Times best-selling author, podcast host. Guys, she has done it all. And in this interview, we go a little bit more vulnerable, a little bit deeper, a little bit on a separate topic, but also related to nutrition, the mind, and spirituality. We talk about an experience that is near and dear to JJ's heart. And some of the main notes that we cover are whether the spiritual side of health is as important as the physical side. Also, what JJ learned about her biggest fears because she was adopted.

The surprising truth about what is actually holding our health back. The story that inspired this new book she has where her son nearly passed away. And also why forgiveness is the number one thing you must do if you want to live a happier, more fulfilling life. Guys, this is a powerful interview. Make sure to share it with your friends, lewishouse.com slash 442 and let me know what you think. And without further ado, let me introduce to you the one and only J.J. Virgin.

only, J.J. Virgin. Welcome, everyone, back to the School of Greatness podcast. Very excited about our guest, J.J. Virgin, in the house. Thank you so much for being here. I appreciate it. You have a new book out called Miracle Mindset, A Mother, Her Son, and Life's Hardest Lessons. Make sure you guys go pick it up right now. You can get it ASAP.

You are a New York Times bestselling author, four-time New York Times bestseller, correct, of many different nutritional and health-related books. And you're a celebrity nutritionist. You're among many things. And you've been doing it for a long time. And you're looked at as one of the leaders in the space. Every book you do is a huge hit and you heal so many people through your message. But this is a different message. It's not necessarily a nutrition health related message, although there's a different type

of health related to it. So can we talk about why Miracle Mindset? Why making this transition? And what is it exactly about? Well, you know, what's so interesting is it seems like, you know, I've been going down this path, and I went, but the reality is, we queried my community a couple months ago. And we said, if you are not where you want to be in your health, why is it? Now now i expected to hear i can't give up my cheese right or i'm just like i'm a sugar addict right okay because i mean come on like you know i'm all about getting rid of gluten and dairy and lowering your sugar impact so what i heard was blew my mind and not what i expected here's what it was i don't feel feel good enough. I am not worthy.

And I realized that, you know, heck, strategies abound, right? There's no shortage of strategies on how to lose weight, how to get more energy. But if your mindset's not dialed in, if you don't feel good enough, if you don't feel worthy, we're trying to hit a mindset issue with strategies, and we'll fail every time. So in reality, it might look like I've taken this diversion, but really this has to sit up on top of everything you do in your life, whether you're trying to work on your business or your finances or your relationship or your health. If you don't believe you're good enough, if your mindset's not there, you're going to be limited to wherever it is. Right.

Wow. Okay. Have you always felt like your mindset's been worthy enough? I've never thought about my mindset prior to this whole thing. You know, so- But you were creating extraordinary results in your business, making multiple seven figures, New York Times bestseller, multiple, you know, Dr. Phil, all these different shows you've been on multiple times.

Did you feel- That all sounds really great. Right. And I'm thinking, wow, that's a really great, wow, that's amazing. Who is that? Sure. And the other side of that is I was on Dr. Phil and when I was on Dr. Phil, I got my own primetime pilot on ABC.

Wow. You never saw it because I signed the contract, I taped it and it went in in the can. And it took me off TV and I never saw it. You don't know about my first book because it sold 1000 copies. The book before that actually never even came out. I had to give my business partner 50% to leave me alone because he was going to own everything I ever did for the rest of my life. You know, you don't see the near bankruptcies. The reality is it's not the Dr. Phil or the New York Times that gave me the mindset. We don't grow when things are fabulous. That's what we tend to look at.

But the things that brought me to those places were all of the challenges I've gone through every, you know, all through my life. That's what created it. And I never thought about the mindset piece until after what this book was written on, this whole accident where my son nearly died and people went, how the heck did you do it? You know, and at first I thought, well, it was because I was really healthy, you know, but the reality was that didn't have anything to do with it. It had to do with my mindset and how I decided to show up.

Right, right. So what happened with your son, for those that don't know? Yes. So about six weeks before The Virgin Diet's coming out. Now, I'll set this whole space. Which is the biggest book launch you're ever going to do. The biggest book launch ever. I get this book advance.

I take the entire book advance. I invest it into launching this book. And then I go borrow some some too. I do a public television special. I have lined everything up because I know that this is my breakout thing. I've been using it, testing it, getting amazing results. This is it, right? So, six weeks before, now six weeks before a book launch is mass insanity of all the things you still have to get done, right? Okay, so it's craziness. And I've got two sons, they're 15 and 16. I'm a single mom, I am the financial support for my kids. My 16 year old is bipolar. So things can be topsy turvy, you never know what

you're coming home to. And I come home one afternoon, and he is in a bad mood. Now he'd missed school that day, he'd gone to school and come home because he had he is in a bad mood. Now, he'd missed school that day. He'd gone to school and come home because he had a migraine, right, that he'd miraculously recovered from. And now he wants to go to martial arts. But the rule is, like, if you couldn't stay in school, you don't get to go to martial arts. So, I'm saying no and he's escalating the situation and I'm holding my ground.

And I was actually super proud of how well I was handling this whole thing because I was tired. So I was like not reacting. He gets madder and madder and madder and storms out of the house. He looks back at me, he goes, mom, I'm not as strong as you think I am. He has nothing. He's got a pair of shorts, t-shirt, no shoes, nothing, storms out. It's dusk. I look at that whole thing. I think, should I go get him? And I think, let him go, walk it off, go to a friend's house. I go into my garage to burst train. Right. And the next thing I know, my 15-year-old son comes running into the garage and says,

Mom, Grant's been hit by a car and airlifted to the local hospital. The weirdest thing. It was like I wasn't even in my body anymore. It was like, I was watching myself go get my stuff, you know, throw all my stuff into a tote bag. I ran out the door with my 15 year old son, Bryce, and my ex-husband, and we drive to the hospital. And we're trying to get information as we're driving, but they won't tell us anything because he's a John Doe. We get there. And first of all, they're making us sit in the waiting room and not telling us anything. And everyone's looking very grim. So, you know, we're just sitting there freaking

out. Then we get ushered into a conference room. And then the doctors start asking me questions. And finally, like, what was he doing? Why was he barefoot? Why was he out walking by himself? And I'm like, hold it. You know, like, we're not on trial here. What is going on with my son? And they say, your son has been in a serious accident. Hit and run.

Remind me to tell you what I found out later about the hit and run. Blow your mind. But hit and run accident. He's got a torn aorta. Now, a torn aorta kills 90 of the people on the scene his was hanging on he said the doctor said it's like an onion skin he had multiple brain bleeds diffuse sexonal injuries he was in a deep coma it's called a glasgow three deepest you could be in he had 13 fractures in fact when we were brought in to see him, he had bones sticking through. He had a road rash covering one half of his body.

I was pulling glass out of him for months. Oh, my gosh. And the doctor said, we can't fix his torn aorta here because we'd have to use a blood thinner. And he bleed out. Just so I'm aware, what's an aorta? This is what's going to be pumping the blood into your heart. So no aorta, no blood, no heart. So think of either heart or brain because that's basically the choice we were given. You can either have his heart or you can have his brain.

But if we don't fix his aorta, he's not going to have a heart and he's gone. And if we fix his aorta, his brain bleeds out. He's gone. However. No good solution. he's gone. Wow. However. No good solution. Uh-oh. Yeah. But it turns out that there is a doctor that can do this without blood thinners. Now, you always have to ask the right questions. My ex-husband was a medical malpractice trial attorney. He goes, well, what are the options? He goes, well, there is a doctor that could do this without blood thinners, but he'd never

survive the airlift to that hospital. Even if he did, he'd never survive surgery. And even if he survived both those things, which is so slim, the chance he'd ever be normal, he's going to be so brain damaged. And my 15-year-old listening to this, so he goes, so like a 0.25% chance. So you're saying there's a chance yeah right all we need and and the doctor goes that's right son he goes here's my 15 year old we'll take those odds wow and from that minute i was like we're in what are you doing standing here we're overruling you and and so and that's why i, there's the start of it. There's the mindset, the mindset

that says, hey, I'm going to go with abundance, not scarcity. I hear 0.25%. I don't hear there's a 99.75% chance he's going, you know, he's dying here. We heard there's a 0.25% chance he's going to make it, we're grabbing that, right? And so that was the first thing that we did was like okay we're overruling you and you know i i think back to that night because shortly after that another kid came in with a brain injury to that hospital and died there and i was trying to reach the parents going get him out you know because so many people will hear that first opinion go oh, oh, okay. Instead of going, what are all the possibilities? How can we be open to possibilities? So we airlift him. We have no idea if we're going to pick up a corpse, you know, or if we're, I mean, that was a tough drive. And this, by the way, happened in the

middle of the night. So at midnight, we did the we're overruling you step. Now they had to get the doctor to agree. There's like this one doctor, right? They fax the hospital. I'm like, we're really doing this. They get a hold of this doctor. They get a hold of this doctor at 2am. Now this is all getting set up. The doctor has to now assemble not only his team, because when a doctor, when another hospital takes on a case, the first hospital gets to go here, it's all yours, right? So this next hospital doesn't know if they're getting, you know, a corpse or if there's anything they can do. They've agreed to this case because the doctor had to get them to agree to the case.

Now this vascular surgeon has to assemble his team, the orthopedic surgery team, the neurosurgery team, the critical care team, both for adults and pete's and he had to get the stint that he was going to use but the stint he wanted to use was part of a study that had been discontinued two weeks ago so no stints at his hospital he had to get one flown in from another hospital and then he was going to use it on my son who's 16 it was only approved for adults and he said to us later he goes goes, yeah, I figured I'd ask for forgiveness. I figured we could do that once he's alive. So great. And I remember when I walked into that hospital, literally walking in going, you know, you want to run in the door and then you don't want to go in at all because you just like, what is going on here? And that doctor walked up

to me, he goes, is that your son? You know, and there is full court press going on around my son. There's all these teams working on him. And I'm like, mm-hmm. He goes, I got this. Don't even worry. He goes, I do this all the time. I had someone thrown off the overpass last week. I fixed him. I'll fix him. Don't worry. You go to the waiting room. I'll come get you. That's nice. I'm like, all right. I went up to the waiting room. It come get you that's nice i'm like all right i went up to the waiting room it's now like 5 30 in the morning i'm like i've got to put my brain somewhere else i'm writing blog posts oh nice and uh it's funny we sat in there for two and a half hours and my ex-husband was wearing a red shirt he hadn't been wearing the red shirt earlier he'd

been wearing he changed and put that on and drove to the hospital my son later goes you know when you and dad were in the waiting room dad was in that red shirt i'm like wow wow yeah we remembered he saw us he left he left what he was doing came over checked us out went back over there yeah he's told us a bunch of stuff i'm like huh i've always been fascinated by the whole near death thing i I didn't necessarily want to like experience it in this way. But it is super interesting. So he came through that surgery, the doctor came out to tell us everything had gone great. He goes, Now, I'm just the plumber. I don't know if he'll ever wake up. That's not my part. You can talk to the neurosurgeons. And so

it was like, kind of like, we're high, we're back low. And we go in to talk to the neurosurgeons. We're like, you know, he's so brain damaged. And I'm like, you know, I'm not listening to this. I'm just not going to listen to this. And I went in to see Grant. And I stood there and I thought, you know, I kind of was standing there going, do I, what do I do? You know, freaking out, you're trying to control all of these negative thoughts because I don't want anything to enter my brain, anything negative, because it felt like then that would become reality. I've just got to hold on to the positive. And it was funny, I was in there and I get this text from a client. And I don't know this person especially well,

she didn't know I have kids. I'd been been coaching her on nutrition and this text says Grant is worried about you he said he's going to be fine you need to you know be stronger I'm like okay all right it was just like it was like you know that moon strike snap out of it I just went all right game on I looked over and I said Grant you're going to be 110% we've got this your name means warrior we're going to do this you're going to be 110%. We've got this. Your name means warrior. We're going to do this. It's going to be the best thing that ever happened. And I just kept repeating that to him. And when we were in the hospital and people would come over and say, we don't know if he's ever going to walk again. I'm like, no, get him out of the room. You know, I didn't let anyone around who was saying anything negative about him not waking up or not being able to walk. And later he said to me, cause I literally,

he was in the hospital for four and a half months. He was in a coma for weeks. Now I'm in my book launch. Yeah. I'm on the way. That's still going on too. Book launch is still going on. And I can't postpone that. You know, I remember, you know, someone said, you don't worry about your job. You just go take care of your sweet boy. Your job will be waiting for you. I'm like, no, it won't. I go, not only will my job not be waiting for me, I'll be bankrupt. And as much as publishers are human, it's a business. And this is it.

And if I'm not there, that book is going to go. And it affects the rest of your books in the future and your everything. Oh, I'd be done. Yeah. I looked at this and went, here's my son. He's lying in a coma. I'm going to do whatever it takes to bring him to 110%. That's not going to be cheap. I need the money to make it happen. I got to make this happen. And so this book launch just got 10x'd. Now I've burned all the boats. just got 10x'd. Like now there is, now I burned all the boats, you know, I am taking this island.

And I realized that there were two things I had to do. Be with my son, third leading cause of death, death by doctor, all the stuff that goes down in hospitals, third leading cause of death. First leading cause of death for children, brain injuries. So I'm like, I'm not leaving here, but I've got to make this book a huge success. So I'd literally sit next to my pictures of me in the hospital talking to him and working on my book launch, you know, just sharing what I'm doing, talking it out. And later he said, Mom, the gray man came to the hospital and came down and asked me if I wanted to live or die. And I did not want to live. But I kept hearing your voice. Wow.

So I told him I would. Wow. I know crazy stuff. Wow. So yeah, so I got very essential. I love that book Essentialism and The One Thing. And I'm really bad at doing that. You know, all of us, too many ideas and all these things you want to do.

But, you know, all of us, too many ideas and all these things you want to do. But you know, that I, I credit the reason Virgin diet is a huge success is I didn't have any option. I, it wasn't, I wasn't going to try to make it successful. It was like, Oh no, this is, this is a lifesaver. Now this is it. So, wow. And how is your son now? So it has been been a you would think that the four and a half months of the hospital were the hard part yeah no no the four years have been since then have been the hard part and um it's made me realize that i have a way bigger purpose out there in terms of getting information out about brain health. So, you know, obviously it is severe brain injury. Turns out 17 million people a year have a brain injury. 17 million. We'll think, have you ever hit your head? I played football. I hit my head many times. And so we think about, you know, football, soccer, volleyball is actually one of the big sports

that's problematic. You know, all of our veterans, anyone who's been in any car accident. I was in a car accident where I was hit head on and rear-ended in the freeway, and it cracked my Lexus SUV in half. So this was a hard hit. And, you know, I passed out, came to, and went to the hospital. And they go, okay, well, you know, it's just going to take time. I'm like, just time. When Grant was coming out of the coma, they said know it's just going to take time i'm like just time when grant was coming out of the coma they said it's going to be ugly now i had no idea i've only seen movies

and in movies people come out of comas they look at you lovingly i love you so i thought like he'd wake up he'd go i love you mom it's not what happens it is not what happens. 25% of people who have brain injuries try to kill themselves or think about it. It's a major scary thing. The last four years, I have committed myself to making them 110% and figuring it out and then getting that information out to everybody. Because when someone has a brain injury, it's not just them who's affected. It affects everybody. who's affected. It affects every, yeah, it's amazing.

So he's probably tried to kill himself now 10 times over the last four years. And I have jumped him. We have, I'm like going, I did not just go through all this. Like you're not doing this, not on my watch, you know?

Um, but it's, it's like they're a prisoner in their, their brain. It's a scary, scary thing. I think I mentioned to you last time we talked, my dad was in a car accident about 11 years ago. And really traumatic head injury.

He was in a coma for many months and never been the same. You know, it's even 11 years later. I can have a conversation with him. You know, he has some of the characteristics from the past. But he's not the dad that I used to have. He's a completely different person, and he needs a lot of care and a lot of help, and he isn't able to function with his words and the way he wants to. He forgets a lot.

He has a lot of amnesia, so he can't remember a lot of things. He repeats himself over and over. It's just like it's a challenge. There's been growth, and I'm so grateful he's still around, but it's also like, it's really challenging, you know? Well, you can heal the brain at any time. There's so much information that needs to be out there. And I was lucky in that the minute this happened, so I've got ideas for your dad.

The minute this happened, I put an SOS out to my community. I'm like, listen, I don't need your sympathy. I need your need your support what you got you know daniel amon's in the hospital with me right away you know so i mean i have amazing resources barry sears was helping me with the whole fish oil thing dr michael lewis i got you know i got the guy who figured out the progesterone stuff they're all i'm talking to them so i was super fortunate with all of that. He's been doing high-dose fish oil. He did progesterone. We've been doing interthecal stem cells,

growing his own stem cells, injecting them to his spine. It is waking him up. He has memories back of when he was three and four years old now. Everything is shifting. Because I'm coming from a place of, I believe that we can fix this and I'm going to make him 110% because there's things that make him better because of the accident, because now he's empathetic. He's never been a victim, but, um, you know, these, these stories that we all have, everyone's had someone touch with a brain injury and yes, it change them forever but your brain can you can continue healing at any point so yes we've done

fish oil we've done obviously i was bringing also i had a neutral bullet in his in the hospital as soon as he was starting to show that you know he could eat he actually spit up his own feeding tube and i was like okay i'm all in now i was making him smoothies um we couldn't get the hospital to do the fish oil like i want them to so i just did it anyway right um and the progesterone cream but it's been the stem cells and then neurofeedback ping pong yep there's been a lot of things that we've done but um the neuro the stem cells have to me the biggest hope and something i'll share with you after that would be for your dad because honestly um you look at what happens after a brain injury depression anxiety uh memory issues and then you think about the fact that at any one time 50 of us have

something going on with depression anxiety mood issues 26 and a half percent of people in their lifetime are going to have some kind of mental illness and you go huh you know what is there a correlation here i think there is i think we're misdiagnosing head injuries because we we don't think about it um i just had a friend post on facebook and i i am der i'm like um you've got a problem here she goes my husband rolled off the top of the van as they got caught in the beach towel while he was putting the surfboards up and he got knocked out.

Then he was talking kind of nonsense, but we took him to the hospital and they said, he's fine, he doesn't have a head injury. I'm like, of course he has a head injury. How could he not have a head injury, right? It's crazy. But these are the things that we need to treat. We need to teach people that,

no, it's not just about time, right? And yes, there's tons of things you can do and you no, it's not just about time. Right. And you know, yes, there's tons of things you can do and you can do it forever because everything keeps healing. So your dad's still got, there's still a lot of stuff that you can do. And he's doing a lot better. Your son after four years, I mean, you've been through a lot. So yeah. So I will tell you that some things he's 110%. There are parts of him that were better than before the accident. He's more empathetic and nicer. He's never blamed this woman.

He got hit. This woman hit him, got out of the car, gasped, got back in the car and drove off. She was probably scared. Yeah. And people are like, did you find the woman? And it's one of the parts of the miracle mindset is forgiveness. And I go, I never focused on that. I had to focus on saving my son.

And I go, and I don't know. Okay, she shouldn't have driven off. But I't know maybe she had kids at home she was like i have no idea what her situation was it didn't matter she saw another person pull in to protect him and i don't know who who was at fault here and nor does it matter it's like this is where we're at now she's got her own life to deal with he might have ran in front who knows what happened we'll never know never know no one saw it because he's not you know he doesn't remember yeah so who knows and if you didn't know who she is doesn't what you know it was interesting because when i was in the hospital um my ex-husband called and said okay they found the woman and all of this stuff came up like this mama bear stuff. I was

like, where is she? You know, and I was like, and then, and that's when, you know, you kind of realize I've got to work on this forgiveness part because if you are, you've got to actively forgive people. It doesn't just happen of, okay, I'm not going to focus on that. I'll focus on saving my son. I had to go back and forgive her. I had to forgive my son for going and doing that. I'll focus on saving my son. I had to go back and forgive her. I had to forgive my son for going and doing that. I had to forgive myself for not stopping him. You know, there's a lot of forgiveness that had to go on just to be okay with all of that stuff. And you can't just put that in the closet. Is there anything you haven't forgiven yet? You know what? I've got a lot of stuff I need to forget. I went, so our buddy Dave Asprey, last two summers ago, he strong-armed me, as you know,

he can be so bossy. He said, JJ, you have to come to 40 Years of Zen, because he saw what happened from all of this is I got some pretty bad PTSD, right, as one could imagine. And nothing was giving me joy. I got the Virgin Diet. It became a New York Times bestseller. And then I did three more books, I didn't I forgot I even did it someone said what did you do cool in the last six months I go nothing right I totally even I mean it was just nothing was like I just was flatlining and he goes you're coming to this thing and I'm it was it was a week

of neurofeedback you stick stick things in your hair. Like those guys were all lucky. None of them. I was with Joe Polish and Vision. I'm like, no one else has to deal with all this. You had to stick electrodes in your head and you literally were down in these chambers. And they didn't tell me what it was when I was going. I just like, all right, I'll be there.

And it turns out you work through forgiveness because the fastest way to raise your alpha and to be more creative and to be happier is to forgive. Because if you're angry, it will just smush your joy. That's a scientific term. And so as I'm going through this first couple of days working on forgiveness, I'm thinking, I'm going to be here all year. Right. This is a peeling of onions because you go, okay, well, I need to forgive Grant. Well, then I got to forgive this woman. Well, I got to forgive myself. But then we've got to go back to everything that led up to that. And, you know, I kept going back further and further and further. And Dave's one of my very best friends. And I'm going, you know, I think I need to forgive my birth mom. And he goes, you think? I think you might even need to

go back further. I'm like, oh my gosh, okay. So yeah, I think that's an important point to bring up is forgiveness is a process that you're never done with, you know, because there's stuff that comes up all the time. And I kind of check in, I was really mad at someone for a couple weeks and I just, I was like, you know how to go through this forgiveness stuff, let this one go. and it's not a matter of just going, oh, it's fine. You have to actively forgive someone. You have to go through and feel all the reasons you're so upset with them and then step over to their side and go, all right, let's look at it from their side. Let's be them for a minute, which is huge, hugely eyeopening.

And then find the gift in the whole thing. Cause there's always a major gift. You know, you're not going to grow when everything is perfect. Right. That's true. Wow. I'm curious about what you think is the misconception around people who have life-altering events or experiences. You've went through one with your son.

I've been through one with my dad. For people who haven't been through one, what do you think they, I guess their misconception is around it? Their misconception. So biggest thing people have said to me since Grant got hit is, oh, I'm so sorry. And I look at it and I go, well, he didn't die, right? And I think that our misconception on anything, whether it's that, or just a really bad thing happening. So let's say that someone, you know, you were bankrupt, or you went through a divorce, anything like that. What if we flip that to being this is going to be the best thing that ever happened to me? I will be better because of this, I'll be a better person,

a better father, a better husband, whatever it is, right? You know, there's always something in there. And in the moment, I mean, heck, in the moment with Grant, I was scared to death. When we were making that decision that we were going to overrule those doctors, I stood outside at the hospital and I just got totally present, which has never been very easy for me to do. I just stood out there. It was now like 11 o'clock at night and I just stood out there and listened and I went, Grant, what do you want me to do?

Because here was my big fear. Overrule the doctors. Go charge in there. Be bossy. Tell them what they're going to do. Have no problem doing that. And he is a vegetable where he is so damaged. And I went, I want to do what's going to be best for him.

You know, that's the whole, what do I do? And I just stood out there and got quiet. And it was funny, I was describing it to this guy, Roz, who founded Hoffman Institute. And he goes, you know, you had a divine experience there. I was like, it was? Because I just stood out there and it was just a lightning bolt of, boom, save your son. And I marched and I'm like, that's it. This is what we're doing. It was like, I knew exactly what I needed to do. But there are still times along the way I would sit there. When he came out of a coma, he was staring off into space. He was staring sideways.

I have pictures. You can see that no one's home, moving his arm back and forth for days. And I'm thinking, Oh, is this what I what did I do here? You know, so I had to so manage all of that fear. And that's why I just held on to the hope, you know, and and so if you say, Okay, my plan is 110%. And here's what I'm going to do to do that. And every day you look for any little win that tells you that you're going in the right direction. And sometimes it was a very small win. He wrinkled his nose. I mean, there was not for months and months and months, years, any sign he was going to

be 110% at all. But I just figured, you know what? I'm going to go with 110% because if I make it to 80, I win. And we're already past 80. We kind of go between 90 and 110 right now. Oh, that's great. And there's some really bad times, but they're few and far between compared to the really good times. You know, there's bad times with people who are healthy.

I know. You know what I mean? It's like there's horrible times with people who have the brain and everything figured out. You know what I mean? So it like there's horrible times with people who have the brain and everything figured out. You know what I mean? So it's all good. We're never going to be perfect. I'm curious, though. You've been teaching nutrition and physical health for many years.

And now you have this experience of kind of like this spiritual mental health experience. What did you learn about from this process? What did you learn about from this process? And is the spiritual side of well-being just as important as the nutritional and physical side now for you? Or has it always been that way? I haven't ever paid attention to it before. You know, when you talked about mindset, it just was who I was. And I never really looked at how you developed that.

And I think the reason that I'm very left brain. Yeah. So I think the reason I always focused very left brain. So I think the reason I always focused on nutrition and exercise was they were so measurable. It was so obvious. I could draw out an algorithm. I knew exactly your labs are this, you need to do that. And all of a sudden people are going, well, how'd you do that? And I'm like, uh, and, and then as I was going through this, I went, could I teach this? Like, is there a way to help someone develop this mindset? Once we know that you're not in a fixed mindset, you're not a victim, that life doesn't happen to you, that you can be responsible for your life, control it, build it, create it because of your mindset.

Then the next question is, can you make that? Can you build that? Is it like a muscle? So that's, I said, okay, let build that is it like a muscle so that's i said okay let's let's say that mindset's a muscle you can develop it so what is it exactly because i have to measure everything right yeah so i actually yeah can you measure it and so then i broke it up to what were my attributes that i saw in me and then i started going around like when we interviewed you and we interviewed just a group of people, I look and I go, okay, you're doing amazing things.

And here was the common denominator. Every single person I know in my life who's doing amazing things has gone through some crap. Yes. Every single one of them, all of them. And as I went through, I went, what are the common attributes? Things like abundance minded, right? Courageous, resilient. So I just built all of

those up. And then I created a way to evaluate them. Because that's my little left brain can totally deal with that. And then I took a group of people through it. I want to see could I train this. And here's what's crazy, because it's like, all right, you know, because I never saw myself, I, I'm sitting here doing this and selling this PD book. And I'm like, but I'm not a personal development person. I'm a nutritionist. But in reality, aren't we all personal development teachers? All of us at any level, right?

A mom is a personal development teacher. Yeah. So, you know, so I'm taking this group through this. And this has never happened, by the way, when I've taken people through a diet program. You see people have amazing results and it does impact all the other areas of their life. But this is the first week of a coaching call. And we're going through this first exercise to build resilience. And this gal gets on and she goes, I want to do that, but I can't.

And I go, okay, why not? What's in your way? Right? She goes, I want to do that, but I can't. And I go, okay, why not? What's in your way, right? And she goes, I don't feel good enough. I don't feel worthy. And I go, well, if you were worthy, if you did feel that way, what would you say about yourself? And she goes, well, people wouldn't believe it, but I am smart. And I go, okay, that sounds good. What else?

And she starts listing out all these things about herself. And I'm putting on our Facebook group page, angel is smart, angel is kind. And then I put an angel is worthy. And all of a sudden, all these people on this call are on this page and they're putting it angels worthy, angels worthy. And I'm watching this, my team, and I've got some big guys, you know, are crying. They're crying in the office, right? And I'm going, wow. Because I had been leaning away from this. And I tell people, if something's scary, that's where you need to go. Like, if it's not scary, you're not playing big enough. And this has scared me. Doing this scared me, terrified me.

Nutritional, you can do all day. Yeah, yeah. It's easy. And that's why, honestly, why am I doing this? Because it terr terrified me. Nutritional you can do all day. Yeah. Yeah. It's easy. And that's why, honestly, why am I doing this? Because it terrifies me and I know I have to, and I see the difference in people when they do this. You, you go through and uplevel your mindset. You can go take on your health, you know, you can, you can go change your business. You can get a better relationship. All those things are going to uplift. But you don't fix your mindset, and you have a fixed mindset that believes that you can't do it, that life happens to you, that you're the victim. No amount of our great strategies are going to do a thing.

Right. Right? Right. So what's it come down to? Worthiness first? Is that kind of the foundation of what you teach is how to build that or building the confidence? So I actually, what I do first is measure again, because I'm, I'm always evaluating. And then I just start them. I have seven lessons that go along with the lessons in the book.

And again, it was like when people started to go, how did you do this? My first response when people were like, how were you able to do that? I go, well, I was really healthy when I went into the hospital. And I was, I mean, I really healthy when I went into the hospital. And I was, I mean, I went in and I was super physically healthy. I was under ridiculous stress. So I decided that my self-care came above everything else. And I know people, they're looking going, well, that's so selfish. I go, it actually was the most selfless thing I could do because you don't go into the ICU if you're sick. And so I went, you know, if I'm going to be making

life and death decisions and I'm going to pull this out, I cannot even have a sniffle. This is, I'm going to take, so I was getting my eight to nine hours of sleep. I was burst training in the hospital stairs. I had friends sending in food. I was on it, right? I totally nailed that stuff. And at first when people said, how did you do it?

I go, I was super healthy. And then when I realized, no, that was not the case at all. It was the decision above that. And then I went, well, what, how would I take someone through this? And so it's really taking them through a series of lessons and looking at each of those things. How do we move from a scarcity mindset to abundance mindset? How do we? I actually have a really crazy exercise that I take people through that someone took me through. I had a mentor in my twenties that had me do this silly exercise. And so she has you take out a sheet of paper and write down everything you want. Okay. And fill it up.

Like physical things or achievements or- Physical things. So I want, I want, you know, this car. She says, I don't care, you know, just be materialistic. You know, what kind of vacations, jewelry want, you know, this car. She says, I don't care, you know, just be materialistic. You know, what kind of vacations, jewelry, shoes, everything, write it all down, fill up the paper. And I still remember sitting in the room. I remember where I was writing it down. And I remember the things I wrote on there.

I wanted a teal green Jaguar. And I wanted a condo in Maui. And I thought I was like thinking huge, big, big, big. Okay. So then she says, all right. So tell me what's on your list. Right. And there's a bunch of us in here, but she was my mentor.

So I'm like listening out. She goes, oh, that's great. So I just have a question for you on the Jaguar. So why just one? And I and I said well I don't need more than one she goes I didn't ask you what you needed so that condo in Maui like why just a condo and I go okay I'll take a house she goes well why did you want a condo she goes well you know I don't need that much she goes no this is not what you need just why not the house and i go okay how she goes well why not like maui just take you know and it was like crazy when you start to realize that we limit ourselves every so we always do it right so just that way of starting to go

huh am i physical possessions yeah i mean and that's just that's just a sign of it i mean if you do it in one the way you do one thing is the way you do everything, right? But I'll tell you that to me, and I always look at this, this is going to be my vegetable analogy because in health, I think, gosh, so many things would just get better if people would just get a good night's sleep and eat more vegetables. A lot of stuff gets better. You know, we're so worried about, am I getting enough of this micronutrient? I'm like, eat your vegetables right gratitude is to vegetables you know right

it's like gratitude we think of vegetables for health and gratitude for personal development you want to get more resilient you know you want to change your life the best thing that you can do is start every single day in gratitude and And when I looked back and went, what helped me get through all of this stuff in the hospital? The biggest thing was making sure I had my morning routine dialed. And every day it was get up and what are my things I'm grateful for? Three things, write them down and find something, right? Find something. They're like, I don't have anything. I'm like, you're awake. You're alive. You know, your eyes are open. You can do it. Yeah. So so those are some of the things I've built the lessons.

But that was the big question mark is could this be teached without you having to go through all this stuff? Right. But here's the other thing is you never know when this stuff's going to happen. And are you ready? And how do you get ready? Well, you have to lean into fear. You have to do things that scare you. You have to get out of your comfort zone. So, and you know, you have to actively pursue that. Otherwise you won't, which is why I think it's great

to have coaches and support communities that all cheer you on from going and doing the hard things. Because in life, we tend to shy away from doing the hard things, right? Absolutely, yeah, yeah. And in the book,

you have all the examples of how to build this mindset and all these different lessons, right? Absolutely, yeah, yeah. And in the book, you have all the examples of how to build this mindset and all these different lessons, correct? Right. Okay, cool. I want to ask a few more questions before I finish with the final few. Is there a question you wish people would ask you

that they don't? Uh-oh, the final few. Yes. Before I ask the final few questions, is there a question? You didn't warn me about the final few. Before I ask them, is there a question that you wish people would ask that they don't?

Hmm. Yeah, you know, what I'd love to be asked, because I think that there's a perception. When you look at someone and, you know, you sat down, you said, okay, you've been on Dr. Phil and you've got these books and it looks like it's been easy and you know that you just kind of roll through and go jump on a tv set or write a book and and i what i want people to see is the struggle because i think when we just see that and then we're not there we all judge ourselves and go i could never do that look at they just like plop those books out. They just got on that TV show and, you know, we're all scared and we all struggle. And so I think that's the big thing that I'd like to pull up more in interviews

is what, you know, what's scary and, you know, what's the struggle. Okay. Well, what's scary and what's the struggle right now? struggle. Okay. Well, what's scary and what's the struggle right now? You know, I've really looked at a lot of what's been super important and I was just talking to my fiance about that and I go, you know, there's not a lot of things that scare me. You know, you can take all my money away and I'll go work and do it again and I don't need to have a whole bunch of fancy stuff and, you know, don't take my shoes away. But what would scare me is losing the people around me who I love. You know, that's the big one.

That's the big one. And so what's the struggle really is I am an adopted kid. And there's a thing with adopted kids. And I've never really wanted to talk about it because I always thought it makes me sound like a whiner like I'm ungrateful because you know when you're an adopted kid back when I was adopted my parents had to really fight for it to get to be able to adopt a child they actually matched you but my birth mom gave me up for adoption she was engaged my birth father and he wanted her to drink quinine

and abort wow thankfully she said no and she went to a home for unwed mothers in san francisco and gave me up and then they put me into a foster home for six weeks they made you have holding period i'm like going well that's the worst plan ever like six weeks of limbo for a baby during that most important bonding thing. Wow. And then put me into this place with my adopted parents who have done the best they can, but I'm so not, there's just not that, there's never been that bond. You know, it's like that bond. So you grow up feeling unloved and unworthy. Right.

Wow. You know, and it's like, so that's the biggest thing. When I came down to like, when you start to look at what you want in your life, and then you go, well, why do I want that? Why do I want that? Why do I want it? And you can dial it all back. I was like, ultimately why I want all these things is you just want to be loved. And so actually you don't have to do a whole bunch of that stuff because it's not so important anymore. You can just go. Be loved. Be loved.

Love and be loved. It's so much easier. Wow. Love people and let them love you. I didn't know this about you. Do you know your parents yet? Have you met them or no? So yeah, I met my birth parents.

I got rejected again. So not once but twice. So yeah, my ex-husband reminded me of that. I have a super great relationship with my ex-husband but i i went and sought out my birth mother because how could you not want to know of course and again my my adoptive parents you know were great parents tried hard um and they were open about it from they were open about it they always told me about it you know it's funny because the big the big fat lie to adopt kids is that you're so

special because more people wanted you i'm like no not really your mom like i'm a mom you as clearly as you've seen you would have to kill me to take my kids away like i will do whatever for them sure and i mean that's just in our dna so you know when you've got someone and i know i know because i went through the forgiveness protocol because dave's like yes i think we need to go there you know of what it was like for her to be a scared unwed mother who was engaged this guy who now wants her to abort and she doesn't want to give me up to his crazy mom and so hey she did the best she could do and now i've really fully like all of a sudden i was like okay i, I forgave her. I forgave my mom, everybody. But I met my birth mom and I met my birth dad and he made me take a paternity test.

And 99.999. I'm like, okay, we'll do this. How old were you? I was 25. Wow. So my birth dad had never told his wife. He was still in love with my mother that made it kind of weird because when i met him he's like oh my gosh you're just like her and i'm like okay

stop it but um he married a debutante like miss oregon just the kind of person who's not my type of person you know um and they lived in a little, they're very provincial. They'd never really left Oregon. They literally white picket fence. Right, right. And I like show up. It's like, uh-oh. Right. He goes, I never told her about you.

I'm like, well, you know. So that was the problem. Yeah. So I met everybody. But there was no, it's not like they're your family. They're not your family. You know, when people talk, you're real parents, real parents are the people who had to deal with you growing up.

Right. Those are your whining and crying, you know, those are your parents. These people were my, uh, biological parents, but they're not my parents. So, so kind of put shoes like there's really no place for them, but you know, it just, what's the biggest lesson you learned about your biological mom what's the biggest lesson she's taught you throughout your life whether she's told you something or not but something you've learned that's been powerful you know she taught me by not doing and it's it's interesting because i believe that you know

sometimes negative role models can be the most powerful of all i understand now that she gave me up because that was what she believed to be the best thing i still think it whenever possible that birth kids should be with their birth families because there's this genetic i mean when i met her i got off the plane and looked at a woman dressed just like me, same taste, same. I am, I grew up in a very like Ward and June Cleaver family with parents who golf and dad who has a job waiting for a ship to come in. You know, just very, very unlike me. My dad is a massive entrepreneur. My mom is a scientist and her whole family are athletes. His family are models.

It was like you finally met your tribe, right? And so, but it was funny when I met her again. She was very judgy. And, you know, the one thing that you- At 25, when you were 25? Yeah, she was just kind of judging who I was and how I was. And it was interesting to see because I'm a parent and I may not love all the choices my kids make. Although, it's rare

that I have issues with them, but I mean, they might do things I disagree with, but I love them unconditionally. That will never change. And so it was interesting to see that because I was like, going, you know what? I think that the most powerful gift you can give your kids is the gift of unconditional love. That was the big lesson that I learned with this. Wow. Amazing. Okay. Well, thank you for sharing and letting me know that that's what you want people to ask you about. There you go. Well, now they don't have to because they heard the answer. Exactly. Exactly. Is there anything else you wish people would ask you? No, I'm now totally nervous about this speed round thing. Okay. Well, yeah. A few final questions. You'll be great. This is called The Three Truths.

And it's many, many years from now. You've written however many New York Times bestsellers. You've achieved everything you want to. And anything on the list of dreams that you write down now, you may happen. You have this abundant lifestyle. Anything you want, you create it. And it's the last day for you, many, many years. And for whatever reason, all your books have been erased, all your videos, all the work you put out there is gone. And it's the last day and your whole family's there. And some great, great grandchild walks up to you and gives you a piece of paper and a pen and says, we don't have anything physical to remember ourselves or be remembered by you. Can you write down three things you know to be true

of all the lessons you've learned, of all the experiences you've had, of all the people you've met? What are the three things, the three truths that you would leave behind and this is all we would have to remember from your three lessons lesson one has to do with integrity so i've always lived as if anything i do you could publish in the paper that i'm being true to myself my message message. So live with integrity. Number two, you know, put your family and your loved ones above everything else. They are your, your biggest gift. Um, and number three, forgive as quickly as possible. Hmm. That was great. Thank you. I want to take a moment, JJ, to acknowledge you for forgiving all the people in your life and for developing this incredible mindset because the things that you've learned and the things you've been through have been challenging,

but they're creating so many blessings in the world for so many people. So I want to acknowledge you for the gifts you have and your creativity, your hard work, your overcoming all these challenges, and also for showing up differently now than you ever have because of this struggle that you went through. So I want to acknowledge you for all your incredible gifts and I appreciate it. Thank you. You're welcome. There is one final question I want to ask you. Before I do do make sure you guys pick up the book. It's called Miracle Mindset. Go grab it right now. More lessons on how to have this abundant mindset and to really overcome challenges in your life. So make sure you guys pick it up. Final question I want to ask you is what is your definition of greatness? It's pretty simple. Leave it better than you found it.

That's the big thing I strive to do when I leave this planet is I want to make sure I've left it better than I found it. There you go. Thanks for coming out. Appreciate it. Thank you.

There you have it, guys. I hope you enjoyed this one. If you did, make sure to check out the full show notes. lewishouse.com slash 442. JJ has had an incredible career, but this is her most powerful work. Make sure to check out the book. Again, you can get the book at lewishouse.com slash 442. It'll be linked to where you can get it or you can get it in bookstores wherever you're at in the USA.

Make sure to connect with me over on social media at Lewis Howes on Instagram and Twitter and Facebook and post a picture of you listening to this interview, whether it be on the iTunes or SoundCloud or just you listening to it anywhere in the world and tag me at Lewis Howes over on your Instagram story. And I'll make sure to reply to you over there if you tag at Lewis Howes. I your Instagram story, and I'll make sure to reply to you over there if you tag at Lewis Howes. I'm so glad you decided to take some time today and listen to this interview.

Again, please share it with your friends if you know anyone that this would inspire or help along their journey. LewisHowes.com slash 442. We've got some incredible guests coming up, some huge people who I want to introduce to you and bring to light their story of how they've overcome some extreme tragedies, how they overcame being broke and broken down, and how they were risen to the top, the actions they took,

the strategy they took, the mindset that helped them get there. We're bringing it all to you on the School of Greatness podcast. And I am so pumped that you are part of this powerful community. Guys, it keeps growing and growing. Every single day, we are infecting the world with positivity and greatness in people's hearts. Get ready to take your life on in a whole new way. Get ready to attract the people in your life that you want to support you in achieving your financial goals, your relationship goals, your intimacy goals, all these things. It's coming, but you've got to prepare yourself. You've got to prepare for greatness. If you are prepared, you don't have to get ready at any time because you're always

ready. You're always setting yourself up to win. You're always setting the stage. You've got the habits in place. You've got the learning in place, the mindset, the relationships, the team. You are ready. You don't have to get ready. And the School of Greatness podcast is giving you the tools you need to stay ready. My friends, thank you so much for being here. And you know what time it is. It's time to go out there and do something great. Outro Music