The School of Greatness - 45 Sean Stephenson: How to Leave People Breathless

Episode Date: December 18, 2013

The next professor on the School of Greatness is an old friend of mine. He grew up suffering from a condition in which his brittle bone were incredibly prone to damage. He broke more than 200 bones in his lifetime and his stories are excruciation. He persevered through his condition and achieved a Phd. in Clinical Hypnosis. He stands 3 feet tall, has brittle bones and needs a wheelchair to move around, but he is one of the most powerful and vulnerable guests we've ever had on. Please welcome, Sean Stephenson.

And this is episode number 45 with Shawn Stevenson. Welcome to the School of Greatness. My name is Lewis Howes, a former pro athlete turned lifestyle entrepreneur. And each week we bring you an inspiring person or message to help you discover how to unlock your inner greatness. Thanks for spending some time with me today. Now let the class begin. Hey, what is up, everyone?

Thanks so much for tuning in today. And I'm back in Ohio for a few days, hanging out with family and catching up with all my little nephews and nieces. And I'm very excited about this episode to share with you because I got to sit down with my good friend, Sean Stevenson, a couple of weeks ago in the studio in LA and just had an amazing conversation about how to leave people breathless, not only on a stage or during a presentation,

but also just in life, relationships in business conversations with your family, with your friends, how to leave people breathless. And it's different probably than what you think. It's not about some tactics or some strategies for hypnotizing people, you know, on stage or whatever like that,

but really about dropping into vulnerability and courageous vulnerability. So we're gonna be diving into that today. Very excited. We'll be talking about the value in facing and persevering through fear about your infinite being, the realities of unconditional love and what unconditional love really is,

how to leave anyone breathless, obviously, and secrets to the courageous of vulnerability inside of you, and a whole lot more things. Sean taps into a lot of great things, some amazing stories. And for those who don't know who Sean Stevenson is, he is an amazing individual and was born with a disease called brittle bone disease. And he broke more than 200 bones in his lifetime. I think by the age of like 18 or something crazy like that. And has gone through excruciating pain, both physically and emotionally because of this. And it's amazing to see what he's created in his life based on this experience.

So with that, guys, let's jump in and dive into today's episode with the one and only Sean Stevenson. What is up, everyone? Thanks again for tuning back in to the School of Greatness. Got my good friend, Sean Stevenson, in the house. What's up, brother man? Good to see you, man. I know. You're never in LA, so it's perfect timing we get you. I know, you called me up and you're like, hey, you're gonna ever be in LA? I'm like, how about tomorrow?

Made you feel special, but it had nothing to do with it. I love it, I love it. And I've known Sean for a couple years now. I think we met at Summit at Sea. Yep. Which was 2010, is that right? Oh, yeah. And, uh, now I've known Sean for a couple of years now. I think we met at summit at sea, which was 2010. Is that right? Oh yeah. So three years,

probably three and a half years. And, uh, we just got reconnected a couple of months ago at, uh, in Utah on the mountain. The bromance is, uh,

grown, grows. It continues to grow. And, uh, for those that don't know Sean Stevenson, uh, really tune in to this and open up

your hearts because this is a man with a huge heart that has inspired the world with his story. And do you want to tell a little bit about your story, your background, just in a brief moment? Sure. So hopefully we'll get into much larger things than my story because I'm just an example. I don't have it all together yet by any means. But my story starts off very modestly. I was born into a container called osteogenesis imperfecta. It's a rare brittle bones disorder. And with this condition, my parents were told that I would be dead within the first 24 hours of my life. What's funny is 34 years later, all those doctors are dead, and I'm the only doctor remaining. So you don't always want to believe the experts. They don't

know everything. But with this condition, my bones were extremely fragile as a child. And by the time I was 18, I'd fractured over 200 times. So something as simple as sneezing could break ribs. Coughing too hard could break a collarbone. Putting on pants too quickly, I could break a tibia, fibula, or femur, all the bones in the leg. And, you know, like I said, 18 years old, I'd already fractured 200 times. 200 bones. 200 times. 200 times.

So we have about 215 bones, depending on who you ask, but about 215 bones in the body. Wow. And 200 times, mostly the long bones, so arms, legs, ribs, not so much with the shorter fingers. I never broke, fortunately, maybe once or twice. But yeah, the long bones would just

continue to break wow as they were growing as they were just going through the stresses of life and so you know i'm about it also affects the uh the growth of the bone so i'm obviously uh for those that can't see me right now i'm only about three feet tall so it affects um my height and it also affects my mobility i use a wheelchair for physical mobility because my legs can't support the weight of my trunk my body and so with this you know i've dealt with more than just physical pain i had many surgeries i had um just the discrimination of people really kind of lowering the bar for me, thinking that, you know, what can he really offer us?

Right. You know, and bringing out the attitude of, you know, well, what can Sean do for me? I mean, I think I can help Sean because he's disabled, but can Sean really help me? And so overcoming that and really getting to the point in this lifetime where I realized that do what I do and say what I say. Because, you know, you take a guy like yourself, Lewis, and there's so many things that people make assumptions about you, you know,

by your size, by your physique and everything. And so that in some ways is a disadvantage to you. It is. People don't know the depths of your soul and the depths of your mind and the depths of your capabilities because they just assume that you're a jock, you know? And so you and I have probably a lot more in common than we would imagine. That's true. I believe it.

It's true. Amazing. 200 fractures. Which bone fractured the most? Oh, gosh. Probably ribs because every time I would sneeze, I would fracture my ribs. Oh, my gosh. That's the most painful thing in the world.

Yeah, because you're breathing. I mean, you've probably injured them before. I've broken six. Yeah. It's the worst pain ever. No, the worst pain ever is having a steel rod pulled from your bone mirror while you're awake. Oh, my gosh.

Yeah. It feels like your leg's being turned inside out by a massive evil vacuum. That's the worst pain ever. Oh, my gosh. That or I had an infection in my jaw this year that I had to have some of my molars removed. And they couldn't get the Novocaine to the roots. And so I was awake for that. And that was, I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemies. Oh, my gosh.

Yeah, that was just evil. But you know what? What's cool about pain, and maybe this is the athlete in me that I'm not even aware of, but what's cool about pain is once you come out the other side of it, you feel more like a badass.

Yeah, you do. Like when people try to intimidate you or tell you that something's not possible, you're like, dude, I had to steal a rod, poke my legs, I had teeth ripped out of my face, I've had steal a rod, poke my legs. I had teeth ripped out of my face. I've had, you know, numerous ribs shattered. I've had, you know, my tailbone. I probably broke my tailbone five or six times in my life.

And what sucks about a tailbone fracture is to heal properly, you have to lay on your stomach for about six weeks. And so it just really sucks because you live your life with your face about an inch off the ground. And, you know, you just, what's great about pain, Lewis, maybe you would agree or disagree, I don't know, is that if you survive it, it like, it really makes you stronger. So much stronger. So much stronger. And it's not to say I try to invite it, you know, because it's not fun.

so much stronger. And it's not to say I try to invite it, you know, because it's not fun, but when it shows up, you know, whether it's physical or emotional or spiritual, financial, I mean,

any kind of pain, you survive it, you know, you're, it's going to layer, add a layer of strength to you, a layer of courage. I feel like we're very similar in a lot of ways because we've both dealt with a lot of pain.

Oh. And I would say I feel even stronger by going through a lot of the emotional and mental pain that i've been through my entire life and i'm assuming the emotional pain is way harder to deal with than physical because physical physical you can you can kind of float out of your body and you can do drugs and you can do this you can do that you can do all these techniques to try to isolate the the incident in your body away from the rest of your psyche. But when you have emotional pain that's wrapped in like heartache, you know, like when your heart feels hurt

because of a betrayal or of a love, you know, that was lost or an unrequited love, that kind of stuff, you'll just be going through your day and you're doing everything you can to get around it. But the best way to get over it is to go through it yeah you know so that's that's the it's not easy and the body is something you you grow to get used to i mean no pain no pain uh that i went through um was ever fun yeah i never was like oh okay i remember this you know arm fraction what it feels like i know how to handle it it would hurt just as much each time so but in some ways i feel like i have a tremendous

amount of compassion and patience because with every injury you have you also have healing so i probably have more healing experience than most people I've ever met, which is powerful because if you can extrapolate what it takes to heal and then decipher the little nuances to share with the world, that's worth a lot of money, energy, and resource value to people. Now, why do you think's the hard, why do you think so many people have a hard time healing? Because their ego, they want to be right. They want to be right. They want to control it. They want to, they're attached to being healed.

And healing doesn't work that way healing comes from surrender you're like you the most pain i've ever had is when i'm trying not to be in pain it sounds counterintuitive but when you surrender and you're just like you know what what's what's this teaching me what's this lesson what's this what's this purpose here? When you go into pain with the mentality of, what do you got for me? Then you get rid of the self-pity. I think the worst part about pain, whether it's emotional or physical, is when you feel sorry for yourself. And when you feel sorry for yourself, it just makes it worse. It's like struggling.

It's like quicksand. The more you feel sorry for yourself, the more you're just grappling and just the deeper you go. Yeah. When you finally go, wow, I've had enough self-pity for the day. I'm going to suck it up and have a good life. And I'm going to do the best I can with what I got right now. You know, the pain seems to subside. The healing begins to take effect.

But as long as you're feeling sorry for yourself, you're hosed. I would agree. Because whenever I'd get injured in football or any sports, if I tried to like rush it or try to like fix it quickly, it would just continue to be painful. But when I came from a place of, okay, surrender, where's the lesson here? And that's hard for a big guy like you, you know,

who probably feels like a gladiator when you feel good. You know, when you look like a Titan and feel like a Titan. Yeah. And then you're brought to your knees, the identity crisis that happens. You know, I mean, everybody expects me to be weak. They don't expect you to be weak. Right. And so you have a whole set of challenges that I haven't had to face.

Yeah. And so you have a whole set of challenges that I haven't had to face. Yeah. It was very humbling when I got injured and had to retire playing football, going from playing in front of 20,000 people, suiting up, wearing this armor, literally, and then not being able to play anymore and being like, what do I do with the rest of my life? Well, you have the identity issue of like, if I'm not an athlete, what am I? Exactly.

And that's scary. Who am I? It's like I'll be counseling moms or dads who their baby died, their child died. And if they're not a parent, then what are they? That's scary. Or you're a business owner and then your business collapsed. And then now are you still a business owner? Have you lost your business?

Or there's all these things where somebody's married and then they get divorced. And then they're like, who am I without my spouse? Who am I without my child? And so I got a tattoo, and it's infinity. Ah, it looks nice. And my wife has one matching. Hers is on her left side.

Mine's on my right side, so that we're a mirror image of each other. Oh, that's on my right side, so that we're a mirror image of each other. Oh, that's nice. And what we found is that if you really wanted to put a good ending to this phrase, I am dot, dot, dot, infinite is the only word that I've ever found that encompasses what you really are. Because you're not an athlete. You're not a business owner. You're not a parent. Those are the things that you're experiencing.

Those are the titles that you may be putting on for that time period of your life. But what you really are is infinite. Because even when people say, I'm happy today. No, you're not. You experience happiness. But if you are truly happy, then you would be happy every moment of the day, which isn't possible. And that's an expectation that just adds way too much pressure to a human being. Yeah.

Whereas if you say, right now I'm experiencing happiness, that's way more accurate. And it may sound like it's a linguistic thing, but it's really truthful that you are infinite. Sometimes you're going to be angry. Sometimes you're going to be feeling sorry for yourself. Sometimes you're going to feel, and you are in the moment, like a titan, and like nothing can stop you. And when you have that mentality of I'm infinite, then there doesn't come that guilt when you don't feel like who you're being and what you're doing don't match up perfectly. Interesting.

What do you think is the most important thing for people to focus on in their life? Well, the first thing that comes to mind is gratitude. And that's a word that sometimes gets thrown around too much today um another word is appreciation um when you get to a place where no matter what is happening to you good or bad i look at good or bad this way good is the things that we like done to us that is the things we don't like done to us or experiencing sure but when you are grateful it doesn't matter whether good or bad

things are happening because you're just like wow okay i'm expanding i'm i'm gonna be an expansion in this moment and even if it's uncomfortable you know I can tell you that a buddy of mine, the best example I can give you is he was sitting on my couch a couple weeks ago. And he lives in San Diego and he's such a weather baby. Like if it's at all cold, he cries. And I become a weather baby now that I live in the desert. But he was like, God, Sean, I'm so jealous of your pain tolerance. And I said, buddy, don't be. Because to it, you'd have to go through what I have. And I don't, and I don't think you need that.

Like you, you've got a different body and a different life for a reason. And so you, you have to go through things that I don't. And I have to go through things that you don't. So there's no need to feel like you should have a better pain tolerance because to get it, you'd have to go through more pain. And it's like when I don't pray for patience because the universe will step in and do things that will make you patient. Like patience is inevitable if you're living your life. And so I think that the best thing is the gratitude, just being like, wow, okay, I'm not a fan of this right now,

but I know that this is for my highest calling. This is for my greatest good. And what's the lessons here? What do I need to surrender to? What do I need to, what fears do I need to step up to? Yeah. And when you have that mentality of gratitude, what happens is you get more.

The people that are not grateful, they may have acquired a lot of stuff, but they never feel like they own anything. They never feel like they have anything because it's never enough. When you're grateful, whatever you have is enough for you. So, yeah, gratitude is probably my biggest thing that I'm experiencing these days. That's what's hot on my mind. What's your thoughts on unconditional love?

I don't know if it's possible. Hmm. I, it may be when you have a child and like, you're a woman and you press it out of your vagina and like this beautiful little hunk of mass is like looking at you in the eyes and you would do anything for it. Maybe that is,

I, I'm not, I'm not a woman nor do I have kids. So I don't know that, but, but I certainly don't believe that i think it's a great expectation i think it's great um i think it's a great like goal but truthfully we all have conditions in our lives especially in our in our love relationships you know to be like oh I love my wife unconditionally.

Really? I don't know if that's true, because if they start cheating on you or they start stealing from you, at some point, you're going to not be a fan, right? Right. And so I get from a spiritual perspective, unconditional love means you love everyone from no matter what they do to you. And that's beautiful from a high level picture but from an actual day-to-day perspective i think our love's very conditional i think it's a matter of being clear on what your conditions what your conditions are like what what do you need to

feel loved you know whether it's talking about the love languages or whatever it may be. But yeah, I think that that's a nice snazzy word to use, but I think it's also setting us up for a failure and a letdown. And as I've gotten older, Lewis, in my 30s now, which is not that old, but I feel like I've lived a long life up to this point, and I look at it this way. I want to set Sean up to this point and i look at it this way i want to get i want to set sean up to win you know so one of the things that i'm trying to do or now i'm trying to really put my heart into is um not comparing myself to others god that's so hard that's so hard because you know if i looked at you know what you're doing or what you've done,

and I'm like, well, I've never done that. And shoot, I would be happier if I had what Lewis had. Not necessarily. And to compare yourself leads to despair. It sounds all cheesy that compare leads to despair, but it's true. No human being is better or worse than another. We just play the game like we are. Yeah.

better or worse than another. We just play the game like we are. Yeah. Okay, so let's move aside from unconditional love and go to acceptance or non-judgment. Sure. I think... Is that possible? I think it's human to judge.

I really do. I think that being aware of judgments is important, though. Because if you find yourself judging that's that's maybe a moment to like step back and be like whoa because we only judge another human being because we're judging ourselves yeah you know and and the whole unconditional love thing to just tie it into this is you can't give to another what you won't give to yourself first. And that sounds so overused in the personal growth realm, but it's true. Like, you can't fully love a person to the depths of your soul if you won't give yourself that love.

You can't fully trust another human being if you don't fully trust yourself. You can't fully accept another human being if you don't accept yourself. Anytime there's something more I want to give to the planet, I first have to give it to myself. It's true. And so judgment, I have a lot of friends that are very earthy. I call them my namaste buddies. They're all like, Sean, I don't think it's a good idea for you to judge. And I'm all like, maybe not, but i'm human and so like i have an ego just

like i have a soul and i'd rather set myself up to win and say you know sometimes i'm gonna judge and you know what i'm gonna judge when i haven't been taking care of myself that's true when i've been treating myself pretty shitty i'm gonna naturally treat you like shit and I'd rather be honest about that and so is judgment is non-judgment possible theoretically for short bursts of time but if you're human and you're uncomfortable and you've not been taking care of yourself it's gonna be easy to judge because you're gonna judge yourself first that's true I like it I like it so I want to move into the speech you gave at Summit Series, which was about how to leave people breathless.

And this was a very inspiring, moving presentation or share with me. And I really loved what you had to talk about. So I wanted to dive into that a little bit. What specifically? Yeah, I want to dive into anyone, for anyone. It doesn't have to be business people or giving a speech, but how to leave anyone breathless. Again, whether you're in the board meeting, whether you're in one-on-one with someone, your lover, whatever it may be, what are some ways that you can connect on a level that

literally has people gasp and leave them breathless. What is it all about? What does it entail? Yeah, it's brutal vulnerability. And I don't mean brutal in a barbaric way. I mean in a, or maybe it's a better word,

it's courageous vulnerability is courageous yeah i like that um because it's laying down your arms laying down your weapons and saying like here's who i really am and here's what i really want to do and here's what i really feel and some of it's not going to be pretty and some of it's not going to be tied up neatly with a bow and some of it's not going to be pretty and some of it's not going to be tied up neatly with a bow and some of it is going to um seem shallow and some of it's going to seem profound but really this is this is where i'm at and you leave a human being breathless when you when you're willing to show them all sides to you, even if they judge you, you know,

like knowing that they probably will judge you, but, but it's better to be so incredibly authentic that another human being is inspired to be authentic themselves. You know, when, um, when we had that talk and, you you know you were one of the people

that stood up but there was also someone else that stood up that um when i was asking him about like that courageous vulnerability she was like i haven't talked to my father in years and i miss my relationship with my dad and i don't know if i need closure or what i need but um i haven't spoken to my father in years and i don't have the relationship with him. And, man, that was like rung like a bell, didn't it? You know, like the whole room was just like, whoa. And it raised the bar, right? It was like, holy cow, like this is some serious honesty.

And it's true, like I had a moment recently I talked about on my podcast where I had a moment recently with my wife where I came to her and admitted something to her that I'll tell you that was really hard to admit. So my wife loves to hike, like go hiking in the mountains. And I'm not really built for hiking. You know, I'm more like the Ferrari. Ferraris can't go off-road. I am great on the streets. I'm great in a nice showroom,

but I'm not built for off-road, really. Yet, I wanted desperately to be able to enjoy hiking with her, so I had a buddy strap me to his back in a carrier case behind him. I was pushing, pushing pushing pushing to try to hike with my wife and she was just like why do you have to do this with me like why why are you so attached to this and i um to give you the the moment that i i admitted something to her so my when i'm at home i have this backpack on my wheelchair that's a little backpack that i put like these reacher sticks in that if i drop something i can pick it up

but the backpack is actually a hiking backpack that you put a bladder in for water like a camel back and i and i kind of confiscated it from my wife and um it was her favorite backpack that she would go hiking with and for the last last maybe like three years of our relationship, out of the four years that we've been together, I've kind of jokingly commandeered this backpack. And I said, well, I'll get you another backpack, blah, blah, blah. Well, one afternoon I was sitting with myself in meditation and I'm like looking at that backpack going,

you know what you're doing to her you're holding something that she loves is a visual metaphor hostage you're being cold and you are being calculated even if it's unconsciously you are trying to block her from going hiking you can tell her all you want to go hiking but by holding back on this backpack you're really silently protesting and god being passive aggressive yeah totally passive aggressive i was being a little shit and when i came aware of that my heart sunk and i was like wow and my heart sunk for two reasons one, what kind of lover and friend and partner was that being for her? But two, like,

I was in more pain about it than I realized. And my heart sunk for me. Like, wow, buddy, like, you need some love, don't you?

Yeah. You know, self-love, like some connection to yourself. And I investigated, like, what is, what is it about hiking that was really bugging me?

And it wasn't just because i couldn't go hiking with her i'll go even deeper it was because i was thinking my voice is cracking because i'm embarrassed admitting is what if she's hiking on a trail and she meets a a lewis house kind of guy who's in great shape and you know can climb you know mountains in a single bound and and she's thinking gosh he's he's intellectual he's funny he's nice he's all the things that my husband is but he can go hiking with me and i felt like i'm not there to kill the guy you know i'm not there to like protect my woman and like you know stand, stand my territory, you know? And, and I was like, wow. Okay. So let's look at that. Cause that's a big insecurity and it's certainly holding you back from being closer

to your life and being closer to yourself because it's feeling like you're not enough, which is probably the greatest pain of all is that you're not enough. And, um, and I sat with him. I'm like, well, if your wife goes hiking and she meets a burly dude who's all these other things that you think you are in addition to the physical side that you don't feel you are, and she chooses to be with you,

there's nothing you can do to stop that. And if you try to block it, you actually might cause it. And what you resist persists. So I'm like, you know, I love my wife enough that i don't want her to be with me if she's miserable so just like when you when you love something you hold it with open hands you don't squeeze it tightly and so i said to my wife when i brought that backpack to her she didn't react at first the way i wanted her to i wanted her to be like oh sweetie that

you worked through a lot to like admit this and wow and thank you she was like she was like well what took you so long to learn this and why have you been holding my backpack hostage she was hers you know and and i just held the ground because i she had every right to react that way and i just looked at her and i said i know sweetie and you know literally five minutes later she came back and we were hugging and like she got it you know that i had to work through a lot to get to that point and how hurt she was you know um and we just i said to her look i um i get now that that this is an insecurity that goes so much deeper than hiking this is me not feeling like i'm enough for you and and i'm i'm working on that myself you know with all these you know

i have a doctorate in clinical hypnosis i've gone through personal growth after personal growth i read so many friggin books at this point and i'm still uncovering layers of insecurity right you know so it's it's not like you arrive and you become an expert and you just like get it you know it really more of is a case of like you're just gonna find another layer it's like an onion another layer another layer another layer and i said to my wife you know if you find this guy on this trail that you need to be with him you need to go and she just started crying and goes, you don't get it, silly man. I go, what?

And she goes, if I wanted a guy to go hiking with, I wouldn't have married a three-foot-tall guy in a wheelchair. I'm an introvert, you fool, and I like to do this shit by myself. Ourself alone. Alone. And if I had a guy that could do it with me, he would want to go do it with me, and I would have to come up with stupid excuses why he couldn't, and I'd have to sneak out when he wasn't around to go hiking and she's like you know i would have picked that

guy i didn't pick that guy for a reason and i'm like oh you know the little slow learner here so i believe to leave somebody breathless you need to have that courageous vulnerability where you're willing to tell them, I am struggling with being human and here's how I am dealing with it. And you just share that openness. And I think when we do that with people, if they're ready, they lose their breath for a moment because they go, whoa, I could do that. I could be that vulnerable. And what would my life look like if I was that vulnerable? And it's funny, by letting people know your weaknesses, they see you as stronger.

It's very counterintuitive. Because when you only lead with your strengths, people don't trust you. Because everybody's got strengths. And we would put them up front we put our best foot forward but what about things they're not really weaknesses but like they're perceived weaknesses you know i mean our shortcomings our our vulnerabilities our fragile our frailties you know our fragileness and when you're willing to say like here, here's where I'm still working on myself, people are like, wow, Lewis, I get that and I hear you.

But when you just want to share your strengths, people aren't left breathless. They end up kind of not trusting you. So would you say vulnerability is one of the most powerful qualities you can have? I think it's certainly one of the most powerful qualities to help you connect with another person. Because human beings, we really, we want to know what people are really all about so we can trust them. We want to know their agendas. And when somebody only shows us the strengths and their their winnings then then we're like but yeah that's a part of who you are but there's more there's your disappointments there's your failures

there's your mistakes there's your your your times when you trip fell and hit your head like show me your boo-boos you know show me your owies your ouchies you know and and and when we're kids we we show people our boo-oos yeah we we go oh look at my skinny you know will you kiss it like look look look at what i did over here look where i ripped my jeans but as adults we get to the point where we're like oh well no i'm i'm fine i don't ever i don't have any scars yeah but but we do we we do have scars now how does someone become vulnerable when they've been conditioned for years and years to hold it in stuff it down like an athlete or a badass put on a mask yeah and act like everything's fine or even like you know a mom who's always got to put it together

yeah and keep it together for the family for the kids anyone they got a team of people they always got to be leading supportive like like they're under control sure when for really they're in a lot of pain yeah and hurting significantly what can what are some things that we can do on a daily or weekly monthly practice to open up and be vulnerable but and also is there too much vulnerability well i don't know there's too much vulnerability there's times when you air your dirty laundry and that's not the side that's not the same as vulnerability um airing your dirty laundry is where you just tell everybody every mistake you've ever made and like you almost want pity you know like oh look at what a train wreck i am that's

not vulnerability that's being a victim that's being a victim that's um that's deriving pleasure out of telling people your pain right and that's different to get significance right vulnerability is like hey um here's who i really am do you still love me you know and those are the best relationships whether they're in business romantic friendships family it's like here's who i really am lewis you still love me you know i did Those are the best relationships, whether they're in business, romantic, friendships, family. It's like, here's who I really am, Lewis. You still love me? You know, I did this, this, and this when I was in college. And I'm not proud of it.

Do you still love me? You know, I made sure to tell my wife every dark, evil secret of mine that I could before we got married. Because I basically was like, I would tell her something and and then be like you still love me and she'd be like yeah it's cool i mean i'm not happy that you did that okay and and it was very important to me that she knew all of me before we got married because if she could love me knowing all of me then i knew i knew i was. So what can we do to be more vulnerable? We have to go to the places that scare us inside of ourselves and face them first before we share them. And I look at it like, have you ever gone snorkeling?

Yeah, it's a little scary. Yeah, okay. Have you ever been scuba diving? No, I'm a little intimidated by it, actually. So, well, that's good. This is a perfect metaphor. So what's the difference between snorkeling and scuba diving, physically? Snorkeling, you're just on top of the water, and you go down and come back up for air.

Yeah. And scuba is you're completely relying on the air tank. Yeah, it's complete trust in that valve. Yeah. Yeah. So most people want to live in a snorkel world they want to just and and i don't blame them because it's it's not as dangerous it's not as scary um most of the fish are really colorful and beautiful on the surface um they're very shiny

they're flashy um and you're not really in danger because you can just basically pick your head up at any time right um and that's where most people want to live they want to snorkel through life and if that's where that if that's what's meant for them then that's fine but i'm a scuba diver at heart you know metaphorically speaking and when you dive deep the pressure is a lot more yeah you know and it's a lot more dangerous in terms of um what you'll find you know and it's darker right and when you're scuba diving the creatures at the bottom of the ocean aren't as pretty surface and i look at it like back in the day is you know i i wanted to live on the surface. You know, it's like I want the nice car. I want the model-looking woman.

I want the big house. I want the snorkeling fish stuff. And then as I got older, I was like, no, you know what? There's nothing wrong with that, but I want to be a scuba diver. I want to go to the depths of humanity. I want to find what scares me and go do those things. And the scariest stuff is never outside of you. It's always inside of you.

It's facing those insecurities. It's sharing what you're afraid of with other people. It's sharing what you want to do, but you're afraid you might not be able to make it happen. It's telling the world your big, hairy, scary goals, even if they're like, how the hell are you going to inspire hundred million people really you know and and yet facing the stuff that's in the depths of our soul that's where the juice is because because those those things can take a lot of pressure and still keep ticking you know those little creepy crawlers at the bottom of the ocean that we think are ugly are actually powerful and beautiful.

And in their own right, they have a lot to teach us. And so when it comes to vulnerability, I really think about snorkel versus scuba. And do you want to just be shallow and live on the surface of life? Or are you willing to dive deep? And it starts with yourself. And there's a lot of creatures down there that you can never see on the surface no and they they have a lot of value in fact they say that the much of the ocean we've not even explored yet yeah and the same thing with ourselves just like the universe i mean everything it's like the microscope telescope you know what's

more amazing you know the microscope and looking as deep into the cell structure as possible and down into like the the quantum quarks and things or is it the telescope and looking out into the vast array of galaxies you know it really i think it's the same damn thing it's infinite you know it's it's the same thing and the same thing with you know external versus internal, that you will find more about life going inside than you'll ever do chasing external. You know, I love George Carlin before he passed away. He said, you know, if you try to be, if you try to seek happiness externally, it's like stapling sandwiches to your body and thinking you'll no longer be hungry it's not gonna happen that's hilarious that's a good one wow so what's your vision sean well the big hairy scary one

is i want to rid the world of insecurity and another way of saying that in the positive is i want to reach as many people as are willing to listen to me and learn from me, or learn with me, I guess, on how to feel secure in your own skin and know that you're enough. You're enough for just who you are. You don't need any more or do any more. There was a period where I felt like I needed more degrees. I got a doctorate, for God's sakes. I needed more research. I needed more intelligence. I needed more degrees you know i got a doctorate for god's sakes you know i needed more more research i needed more intelligence i needed more references no i didn't that was just for my

ego truthfully i was helping people every step of the way and still will um so my vision is to really to die leaving a body of work that humanity can continue to ease their suffering with generations after I'm gone because

I don't want statues erected in my name what I want, although I wanted that at one time, what I want is a body of work where it helps people and maybe my name even fades from it. That's when you really get into serious shit. What would you do for the planet if no one knew you did it, but it made it a better place?

That's ego-less right there. That's ego-less ego listening ain't fun you know the ego is what makes us uh drive for more the recognition the recognition the significance the the attention but and don't think i don't think there's anything wrong with the ego uh i just think that it won't take us as far as the soul yeah interesting i like the vision man what um well it's also interesting you said that about like uh research and and having uh degrees and things like that because some of the most powerful people in the world have the biggest hearts and don't have any education mother theresa you know i mean she was doing what she did with no money no education i mean

to my knowledge she didn't have much of an education. But I sat at dinner a couple of years ago with a room full of entrepreneurs. And I was a doctor. And they were all high school dropouts. And their net worths dwarfed mine. And not that that matters, but what was funny is i felt overqualified for success like i had all these degrees they had none and they they were just pulling the trigger my wife and i have something we call it ptft pull the blank and trigger because in life there's so

often that we're like should i do this should do this? Should I not do this? And what I love about studying masculinity is masculinity is all about being decisive. That what was very attractive about masculinity, even amongst men, take away the sexuality of it, just masculinity at its core, both in women and men, is being decisive, making a decision and not second guessing yourself that is true masculine feminine is about creativity and and receiving and allowing into your reality things and flowing you know i love when you study history in terms of art history ultimate um ultimate masculinity is represented in art as death it's the pure presence it's the I mean nothing is more decisive than death right

and life is represented with femininity as the sun you know the sun in the sky it's like the rays the beams the heat the light the the creation of light and how the feminine is about creation. And so you bring decisiveness with creation, and you have conception of anything.

Conception of an idea, conception of a baby, conception of a thought, you know? And what I love about studying masculine and feminine energies is we need both inside of all of us. That's true. Would you say the perfect man or the idea of a perfect man is being able to use both masculine and feminine at all times or being able to dance with it back and forth? Yeah.

I think the perfect man knows when to be what, you know? You can't be totally alpha masculine 100 of the time or you'll you'll be exhausted yeah because it's the feminine that nurtures you back yeah and you can't be 100 feminine because then you'll just have a million ideas and not get shit done that's true never take action you never take action. You never kill. Yeah. You know, and I mean, we use that term, and it's a scary word, kill, because it means

the loss of something, right? The ending of something. And when it comes to human life, it's not necessary. I get that. But there's so many things in our life that we need to kill off. We need to kill bad ideas. We need to separate ourselves. Decis kill bad ideas we need to we need to we need to separate ourselves decisive means it's an incision it's cutting off from everything else and you know i am continuing

to study my inner killer you know because we are only alive because other people killed to keep us alive killed animals that were trying enemies you know all these things and and we live in a very soft society today at least in america where like everybody doesn't everybody wants to accommodate everybody else and so we try to be politically correct we try to be um very kind and i think that that has its place and that's amazing but there's sometimes where you need to be a warrior there's sometimes where you need to be like no i'm i'm not cool with this this is not cool this is this is not acceptable to me and you need to stand in your power and that's scary to a lot of people this is true well what's up with your new show so my new show is called recharge with sean

stevenson i love the name it's you. It's perfect. Thank you. Because I've been in social media now for probably going on four or five years. And in social media, people follow me on Twitter and Facebook and all those terms. But really what they're doing is they're coming to recharge.

They're feeling overwhelmed by life. And they want to get recharged. They want to get an insight that will help them struggle less. They want to get a comment that makes them smile or laugh or think or even cry a tear that they've been holding back. And I think crying can be recharging. I think yelling can be recharging. I think laughing can be recharging. And think laughing can be recharging. And so, you know, when people tune into my show, I want to help them recharge by giving them insights that are not from me but through me that I'm using and learning myself to charge up their batteries. You know, your cell phone, my cell phone, at the end of the night needs to be charged up again.

Your cell phone, my cell phone, at the end of the night needs to be charged up again. And yet we won't allow ourselves to recharge. We're like, oh, no, I need to have a perfect battery at all times. No, you're going to get drained, and that's why you need to go to things that are healthy to recharge. Because unhealthy things won't recharge you. They'll spark you. They'll give you a spark of energy, but they end up draining you faster over the long haul.

And so I really want to be an outlet for people to really think about their health, their wealth, and their relationships so that they're able to recharge and they're able to get up the next day and go at it again with a smile on their face. So that's what the show's about. I love it. And you just launched it recently. It's at SoundCloud slash Sean Stevenson.

So make sure to go check that out over there. I love it. And you've got a few episodes already. You'll be doing it weekly, right? Yep. So you can subscribe to him there. And what else you got going on? I know you're speaking all over the world, traveling, sharing the message and the vision.

I'm really working on a love for work. Because I got to tell you, I am the opposite of a workaholic. I'm a relaxer. I'm a lazy bastard. And I mean that both joviallyially and that's even a word and also just sincerely i love just sitting around and doing nothing sitting by my pool with my kindle and reading with my wife um you know making a good a good meal and walking around my house naked and trying to see when my wife is willing to give me a little lovin'. I love being a very simple guy. And I don't get a kick out of

locking myself into a room and working for three months on a project and not coming up for air. I'm not a fan of that. And I want to see why I'm not a fan of that. Because for years, I looked at that as like, I would have all these therapy clients coming into my office, and they were successful entrepreneurs and celebrities that were burned out. And I went, I don't want that. And to the extreme, where sometimes I haven't been badass enough and really stuck to things and push to create more and to get that body of work to be bigger out there.

And so I'm really, I'm finding that healthy balance between relaxing, enjoying, and getting shit done because I usually gravitate towards the relaxing and so at times in my income i will i'll make a bunch of money and then i'll lay off the accelerator and then i'll make a bunch of money because i need to pay your bills and and like i want i want stuff and i want to go do fun stuff and then i'll lay off. And so my career and my income have been very slam on the accelerator, slam on the brake, slam on the accelerator, slam on the brake. And that's not a fun ride. It's too jerky.

And as I've matured, I've realized that that's not healthy. There's no balance there. And so now I'm in this space where it's like ease on the accelerator let off the accelerator ease on the accelerator there's no need to slam on the brake slam on the gas that that that was my 20s and now in my 30s i want to i want to really figure out how to enjoy the acceleration and not feel it i'm a very black and white person searching for my gray, you know, because I'm an all or nothing kind of guy for the most part. Right, right.

And that's served me well. I've done a lot of cool shit, but I've been in the black. But when I'm in the white, I get nothing done, you know. And so my wife is very gray. She has an ability to be very comfortable with not having to do it all or not having to do nothing. And that's what I'm learning from her. So that's where I'm at now.

Love it. Well, we're going to end with the final question, which is what is your definition of greatness? I mean, there's a million like queued up answers that I don't want to say. From your heart. Yeah, from your heart yeah from my heart it's are you having fun greatness is are you making a life that's fun for you because i'm sure a lot of greatness people give up the queued up answers of like leaving a legacy inspiring people making the world a better place that was all the shit that was queued up but my heart's like come on man you know if you create a life that that you're having a really and i don't mean fun in like a cheesy service way but like a a deep you love the

company when you're all alone you know that somebody's really at greatness when they can be all alone and really enjoy the company and they can be all alone and really enjoy the company and they can be surrounded by people and enjoy the company like can you walk through every moment and and have fun like that that level of greatness i want to be around somebody that's that way more than i do somebody who's rich more than somebody who's famous more than somebody accomplished a lot of shit i want to be around people that man it's like whatever they're doing

they're having a fun time at it gosh I want to surround myself with those people I love it well the next time you're in LA

which is probably next year we'll have to have come back on maybe it's a different definition then Sean Stevenson

SeanStevenson.com and all over Twitter at the SeanTourage. Mm-hmm. I'm in the Twitter at the SeanTourage and I'm in Facebook. I mean,

if you just Google me, you'll find me. Yeah. Check him out. Yeah. And also, there'll be all the show notes over at schoolofgreatness.com.

We'll put a video of you up there and we'll post a picture of me and you on Instagram now so everyone can check it out. thanks for doing what you do, man. Thank you. I know that you're doing some cool shit. And I appreciate the fact that you're breaking down your stereotypes.

Because so many people probably really have put you in a box. And the fact that you've really taken yourself out of that box, it's inspiring. Thanks. It's inspiring. Thanks. It's been my goal to break down stereotypes my whole life. So that's one of my missions to break that down, definitely for myself and the way I look at other people as well. I mean, it's a constant progress. Absolutely.

And opportunity to look inside and see where the mirror is in front of me. So I appreciate it. Thanks for acknowledging that. You're welcome. Thanks for having me on the show. Yeah. Thanks, bro. And I hope you guys enjoyed this episode. If you did, please head over to the show notes over at lewishouse.com or you can check out schoolofgreatness.com as well and check out all the notes, the videos, the updates from this episode over there. A lot of great stuff happening over on the site and be sure to check out all the previous shows as well. If you enjoyed this episode, please share it with your friends on Twitter and Facebook or Google Plus and spread the word. Spread the word about school of greatness. It's been amazing. We've been featured on the homepage of iTunes recently.

We've been featured on Stitcher, SoundCloud and all these other platforms are picking up a school of greatness because of what you guys are talking about. And you know, you guys are the ones that are driving this energy. I think it was in the top 50 and overall podcasts and iTunes recently as well above Joel Osteen and a bunch of other amazing leaders in the world. So you guys are the ones who are pushing this forward and I appreciate all the support. I'm going to keep bringing you the top guests in the

world and, uh, it's your job to keep listening and sharing the word. So I appreciate you also go ahead and post a picture on Instagram, wherever you are in the world. Just go ahead and take a quick pic and tag me at Lewis Howes over there and tag hashtag school of greatness. So I can see where all you guys are in the world listening to the podcast. It's a, it's a lot of fun to see those every single day over on Instagram. And with that guys, you know what time it is. It's time to go out there and do something epic and be great. Be calmer