The School of Greatness - 491 David Vobora on the Power of Pain to Transform Into Your Best Self

Episode Date: May 31, 2017

"There's turning points, but there's a lot more checkpoints." - David Vobora If you enjoyed this episode, check out show notes, video, and more at http://lewishowes.com/491

This is episode number 491 with David Vobora. Welcome to the School of Greatness. My name is Lewis Howes, former pro athlete turned lifestyle entrepreneur. And each week we bring you an inspiring person or message to help you discover how to unlock your inner greatness. Thanks for spending some time with me today. Now let the class begin. We've got a special one on today.

His name is David Vibora, and he is a five-year veteran of the NFL. He was Mr. Irrelevant, which means the last pick in the 2008 NFL draft. Mr. Irrelevant, which means the last pick in the 2008 NFL draft. And in 2014, he opened the Adaptive Training Foundation to restore hope through movement to those with physical impairment by creating opportunities for adaptive athletes to train and compete. As a professional speaker, David now speaks to audiences across the country about seeing beyond the daily grind and tapping into deeper potential. His passion is to help others find theirs and in doing so discover the fuel to become stronger,

truer, and braver versions of themselves. I really enjoyed this episode because we share similar paths. We both played football for a while. He was in the NFL. I was not in the NFL, but we shared a path of losing a dream and then reinventing ourselves afterwards. And here are some things that David talked about. Why there's a void for veterans in physical fitness. How to balance the for-profit and non-profit movements together. The difference between checkpoints and turning points in our lives and what to do when we

notice them, why David doesn't trust an unbroken person, which I thought was interesting, and why good grades are not an indication of how great someone working with you will be. And as always, make sure to share this with your friends. The link with all the show notes and information and full video is at lewishouse.com slash 491.

And make sure to tag me on social media at Lewis House, Twitter, Facebook, at Instagram as well, as I'd love to see how you're enjoying this specific episode. So without further ado, let me introduce to you the one, the only, David Vobora. All right, welcome back, everyone, to the School of Greatness podcast. We've got David Vobora in the house. Good to see you, man. Great to be here, man. Very excited about this.

We have some things in common. We do. Number one, we both played football. Yep. You played in the NFL for five years, correct? I did. I never made it to the league, but you were Mr. Irrelevant. Isn't that right?

Yeah. 2008, last pick drafted in the NFL. 2008. What do you get, a Rolex or something? Don't they give you something? It looks kind of like the Heisman Trophy, but the guy's fumbling the football. It's called the Lozman. No way. You truly do. I had no idea that irrelevant week

existed, but it's basically treating the first pick like, or excuse me, the last pick like they're the first, and then they're sparking this whole weekend or weekend parades in Disneyland and stuff in Newport Beach and gifts. And you got all that. Yeah, I got all that.

So if you're going to be a late pick, you might as well be the last pick because your signing bonus isn't that different from the person in front of you. That's funny, man. Yeah. So you got treated like a king. Yeah. And frankly, like I accomplished a dream of being drafted. Yeah, that's huge. Call me Mr. Anything you want.

Right. And then, you know, to have something in a platform, especially with the media around that i learned like man this part of the story like when i went and talked to kids at schools i could say how many of you guys have ever been the last pick on the playground hands shoot up i've been that no amen well we all have yeah but like that's the part that we're embarrassed to tell right we just focus on the strength and so for me it's like man this is you can celebrate this yeah i already had a chip on my shoulder. Of course. I was always one that needed to prove myself, felt like the underdog. So this was just a really good excuse to let it be known. That's cool, man.

Okay, so we both played football. Also, we were both on Ellen the same week. Yeah. I was in the green room watching you on Ellen like, wait, what? Oh, they were showing the day before? Oh, they were showing that day. Right, they were showing that day because we were recording. That's so funny.

Which was outstanding to watch, man. Congrats. Thank you. Twice on Ellen. Yeah, it's good. Lightning strikes twice. Hopefully more than that. It will.

It will, no question. But you've also been on a lot of other big news outlets recently. Your story's been coming out there more and more recently because you started a gym for injured veterans. Is that right? Yeah. You know, I got out of the league in 2012, traumatic shoulder injury, you know, again, loss of identity. You played five years, right?

Yeah. And the last was really on injured reserve because the shot there. Got it. And as I was... You were a linebacker? A linebacker, yeah. Trying to be tough, you know, trying to not ask for help. I started to just cope with pain medication.

And it just downward spiral. Eventually it led me to a seven-day detox. I lost 34 pounds, two seizures. Didn't know up from down. I literally at one point the nurses restrained me because of a fear that I was going to try to hurt myself. I mean, weeks prior I was playing for the Seattle Seahawks. So think about that contrast.

Yeah, it was crazy. Big drop. So as I came out of that, it's crazy. That was a big drop. So as I came out of that process and I rehabilitated my mind and my body, I took a year off, and I realized, man, something in me switched. You know, you can't be like one foot in, one foot out in the league. No. You're playing against monsters. You're all in or you're done.

That's it. You literally will be death because they will kill you in there. And so I decided to walk away knowing that I probably had snaps left physically, which was weird. But I started this gym, kind of found myself because the sanctuary, right? You and I probably just love the gym because we could take out a lot of that aggression. We could learn from the pain inside there

and drive it toward our purpose or what our calling was, right? And so I started a gym, was training elite athletes mostly, college guys, pro guys, and then in walks a quadruple amputee, a guy that was blown up, lost all four limbs. Wow. And it was like the hot chick at the bar. I was just like walked right up to him.

I have to talk to you, you know? Challenged him to work out. You know, this is the story that's been told by Starbucks and some of the big news channels just about him taking a chance, advancing into his fear, his fear of falling specifically. And then all of a sudden he was just using, you know, a hundred pound sled pulls and calling out my NFL guys like, oh, your pinky toe is sore, huh bro? It was amazing. I mean, it was just iron sharpening iron. And I realized, wow,

okay, wait a second. There's a void of post-rehab and it's not just veterans, right? Like, you know, veterans, they can come home geographically, but they can still not be home. Right. And so part of arriving home is redefining the new identity, the new self, knowing that, Hey, even though I was, you're elite, right? Like when, when football was everything for you, you're working to become a lead at your craft. And suddenly it's torn from you. You're like, well, wait a second. Like I know how to run a post, but that doesn't help me in the business world. Like, yeah, you can coach, you can scout. But for me, it was, it was not the same. Yeah. It wasn't the same. And I saw this beautiful thing happen when everyone lost their excuses. Cause you know, someone that was visually, you know,

viscerally charged when you saw someone attack something that they maybe didn't think they could do. Like that's sort of the raw message that's always been on my heart. So now it's about taking people that want to support, step into the story so we can keep cost-free training for veterans and civilians with physical disabilities. Cost-free. Cost-free. So the gym you started was an elite training gym. How long was it?

Did you have it until he walked in? Just about a year, year and a half. But I was making good money. I was in the best shape of my life because I was training with all my clients. And things were going great. And then there was this sort of thing that guided, prompted me in my gut. I call it a spiritual speed dial. I call it an intuition.

But that instinct, I listened. And I was bold enough to walk up to him and be curious. I think a lot of people, they get too worried about saying the right thing to someone. Or the wrong thing. Or the wrong thing. And that's the problem is they let that paralysis set in because of fear. Now, did you keep that gym or did you start a new gym? So the gyms coincide. Again, I'm enjoying this title of social entrepreneur. Because I think there is a beauty. I mean, Starbucks getting behind us and Howard Schultz has become a great business mentor of mine, which is profound. And no one knows scalability better than Howard Schultz, right? And what he

has kind of fostered and come alongside with me is just this understanding of how you balance the for-profit and nonprofit cohesion, right? Impact and income. And having them share space is a unique model that can help to create fiscal responsibility for sure. Uh, again, the, the pro athletes, my pro athletes, they want to be alongside these warriors, right? Because all of a sudden they're, they're getting their best workouts.

They're developing these friendships and the, the warriors are amazed because like Andy Dalton just asked me to use those dumbbells when I was done, you know, and that stokes them up. And so then they're just wanting to push a little harder. So, you know,

this nine week program we run is really unique. Put them through nine weeks of training, restore, recalibrate, redeploy. And it's sort of bootcamp, but we're mindful of pain. It's not just punishing them and putting them into like physical misery, but it's waking up the things so that they realize that, man, like the things that they let define them for a little while, they no longer have to let that happen. They can actually defy them by using pain for purpose. And my background is psychology, right? Like communications and psychology is everything to me. All the human performance stuff is just, you know, what helped me to master my craft. So specific to me, it was, man, how do I create sweat psychology? Because you've learned about

yourself in the gym. We learn about ourselves by not going to the gym, you know? And so that was the conduit for me. Now this is an adaptive training foundation. It's a 501c3. And we have a train-the-trainer model to create recurring revenue out of a certification to train trainers nationally. When I went to DC, met with Obama, the policy level was the same way that there's a mandated handicapped parking spot out of a large corporate gym. We want to create a threshold of about 200 members, two to 300 members, that over that, there has to be a mandate for an ADA-certified trainer

inside the gym. Think about progress for this country, for all people, because there's over 10 million Americans with a physical disability. Wow. Anyway, I'm not passionate about this at all. 10 million with a physical disability from war or battle or just in general?

In general, In general. In general, right? And there's about 60,000 post 9-11 combat injured veterans. Wow. But again, there's, you know, as we know,

veteran suicide, right? 22 a day. That's a staggering statistic. But we know that suicide's not just a veteran-based issue. It's a human issue. And I believe it's one

we can break through empowerment. And again, the gym is a way to champion each other and move just, you know, sometimes it's all about, oh, you inspire me. But it's one we can break through empowerment. And again, the gym is a way to champion each other and move. Sometimes it's all about, oh, you inspire me. But it's aspiration too. And as you begin to develop that and they begin to realize that it's inside of them, I look at guys all the time and say, it's in you.

Walk away. And for a while, they're like, wow, that sounds cool. But then it's like, wait, what is it? And people did that to me. They believed in me. And now it's my duty to do it for someone else tell you what you know i play with the usa uh men's national handball team and i was dude i love handball we have a handball at the gym i kid you not little gray one official really yeah nice yeah and uh i was down in uh with the the team in alabama and um they they trained down in auburnurn, Alabama at the facilities down there.

And there was one day I was doing training camp with the team and there was one day where I was just like exhausted. You know, I was like, this sucks. I'm in the middle of nowhere. You know, I'm running my business here, but I go down there to train like every six months or something just to stay on the team. And I was just like miserable that day. I was like, this place is, what am I doing here?

Like, what am I wasting my time for? And I remember feeling all this pain in my legs like miserable that day. I was like, this place is, what am I doing here? What am I wasting my time for? And I remember feeling all this pain in my legs this whole day. We'd just been a hard camp. And all of a sudden, on the other side of the court, there is this group of basketball players in wheelchairs, all in wheelchairs. And I look over to them, and I'm just like, what am I complaining for?

It was so inspiring to watch them play and have so much fun and like be active and hitting each other and I was just like we are for me

I would love to be in your gym if I was like a pro athlete I'd love to be training there because it would be constantly reminding me of how grateful I am how blessed I am

to like have a body to feel pain sure yeah the perspective is huge right it's crazy it's just that it's that new pair of glasses. We're so quick to just keep the same ones on because it's, it's habitual. It's comfortable. And it's not to say that it's,

it's bad when you have the aha moment, like, oh gosh, I should feel bad about why I haven't thought about this. Cause again, like people can become a part of this adaptive demographic in an instant. You don't think about an earthquake or a tree falling or a car crash or someone, it can happen, spinal cord injury, amputee. So, you know, I think we all benefit, right, from sort of broadening the aperture or the vision for what it is that I can still be even if the self that I know today is deterred, right? The expectation of what I'm supposed to, you know? I think that's a part of what I kind of balk at anyway, is it's like, I'm not going to be like everybody else. I want to challenge the status quo, not as a juvenile delinquent, not as a middle school kid, but I

want to challenge that impossible is truly just an opinion. So a lot of these doctor diagnosis, for example, they'll say, you know, we don't want you to lift anything over 20 pounds for the rest of your life. And sometimes now we're mindful of not hurting these guys and making sure that we're good, but we'll put that on the wall. Like it's the insurgent, you know, and now all of a sudden there's a really tactical way to achieve what the path is here. And we tell them like, let us do all the programming. Let's let us do all the work. You just, you know, you come in here with the effort and we'll take care of the rest. So it's a cool place for them because they're used to structure and giving and taking orders.

And it's awesome to watch them start to exchange numbers. And the veteran civilian divide is big too. Again, when I started this, people like just make it about veterans, you'll get more funding. And that's true. It is easier to get veteran funding. It's a sexy topic, but the civilians, there's far more of them. And for the two to get together, the civilian teaches the veteran that they're not far from reintegrating. Right. This is civilian society and that helps. And then the veteran teaches the civilian about grit and teamwork. And so I think that community done well is agnostic,

right? Of, of race, of gender, of way you were her veteran, civilian, sexual preference. It doesn't matter.

Yeah. And that's the piece that I think the gym is a unique cross-section of community in America. CrossFit's done it well. Amazing. And that culture change, that piece of inclusion is huge. Diversity and inclusion works, not with a glass ceiling, not because you're required to, but because it's in them.

One of my guys, the most impaired guy at my gym, quadriplegic, incomplete, very little dexterity of his hands. I call him the mood director because this guy is always smiling. He's always calling people out as if, oh, man, your life must be so bad. You know, like in a good way, you know, in a friendly way. But he's one that, you know, he can feed himself again. Right. He can push up his wheelchair ramp on himself. Those levels of competition are just as important as, in fact, we just took this veteran with 21 others, took 22 of them to Reno, Tahoe, and we skied for adaptive ski for five days.

And it's not enough for us to just take them skiing recreationally, right? We want to train them for nine weeks so that they can squeeze everything out of it. So the adrenaline of flying down the mountain somehow compares to a little bit of what it was to be in a firefight. Wow. I mean, I can't replicate running down on kickoff. That's why I love surfing because you can't paddle out and say, hey, time out, waves, right?

It's the high anxiety of being caught in between, and then the little 12-year-old kid passes by like it's so easy. Those are the lessons that I like, and those are the situations I like to put myself in now because of that lack of control. Yeah. What do you miss the most about playing? I mean, Sundays were glorious. You can't replicate a Sunday in front of 80,000 people. There's just no way.

I forgot to experience that. But you have, though. Yeah, of course. I mean, Friday Night Lights is its purest. I'll be honest. I mean, it's the same thing. It's just bottled in a different package with a little bit fancier stuff. And a nice paycheck. And a little bit better paycheck.

Yeah, I'll say that too. Even for Mr. Irrelevant. Yeah, right. But I don't miss how I felt on Monday mornings. I like waking up Monday morning today and feeling a little better than I normally would. But I think there's something about the game of football and how they call it the makers of men, right? And you grew up in Ohio, birthplace. Yeah. And so it's just imprinted onto you, right? Like just leather little prints on you from the day you were born. Probably you had football in your hospital, right, when you were born? Probably, yeah.

So, you know, for me, the game of football gave me so much. But even with the traumatic brain injuries and the shoulder injuries and even the coming out with the painful addiction, I don't blame football. I think that those things could have surfaced in other ways. But in fact, I have a platform now to leverage that piece of my story because you preach from your pain. And frankly, your pain is your power. So what is it then to, you know, I can't tell you how many people have been touched more by my story of overcoming addiction than even what I'm doing with the veterans in the gym. And that opens up those hard conversations and they say, well, he's been through it. You know, we can trust. Yeah. So, so you started getting on pain meds. Is that what happened? Yeah. It was to start with prescriptions and then continued after you got it. Yeah, it was basically as I got hurt mid-season.

It started while we were in season. Your last season. Yes, my last season. And then as it really took the next jump, it wasn't just pain pills. It was basically anything I could get my hands on. Really? Yeah. And I was masking with this.

It was essentially to not feel. And for a long time, it scared me to acknowledge what emotion could do because you felt like for so long, it was this compartmentalized, when I cross this line, I'm going to be the most hostile, violent person on this gridiron. And so you got good at turning the switch on and off. But all of a sudden, it was off season and your habits are creating chaos in your life. They're not just you going and having some fun anymore. It was you trying to run from the real self, the person looking back at you. What were you running from? I think I was looking at myself in the mirror, and it was habitual for me to run toward applause,

for me to run toward what I could define as if I did X and Y, it equals Z. But the fear of the unknown, the fear of inadequacy, the fear of uncertainty, that imposter syndrome, the whisper inside was what I was letting define my need for external validation. And I think, you've talked with Tony Robbins. Tony and I have the same book agent down in Dallas. And I asked Tony a question when I met him at Jan Miller's house.

And I asked him, I said, what is it that whispers to you? And he said, it's the same thing, brother. We all have that, that inner voice, that fear of inadequacy. And you have to decide the ways that you either let it hang out or the ways that you dismiss it. Because surrender is an interesting word. It feels kind of weak. As a man, does it not? So I've always wrestled with the like you raise the white flag to win thing.

But I think acknowledgement and then dismissal is different. And I think that's the piece that inside of me, I wasn't ready to look back at David without anyone that looked at David as the football player. It's tough, man. How long did it take until you're able to transition and be like, okay, that's in the past. I'm not going to hold on to that as like who I am anymore. Obviously, it's still part of your story,

and it helps you with your career and everything you're doing now. Yeah, I rarely introduce myself as David the football player, and that's like number five down the list, and rightfully so, because the most meaningful purposeful stuff that I'm doing right now is always going to far surpass what I did on the football field. Yeah. I feel like for me, this is a daily thing. Like, I wish I could tell the listeners right now that there's some destination. Like, I think there's turning points, but there's a lot more checkpoints. There's a lot more checkpoints that daily you have to assess whether you're getting on that merry-go-round or not.

Meditation is a great way, right? Other habits, constructive habits, like working out every single day, doing certain things with what you're putting in your body. Yes, those are great to help with some rebound effect when you have the hard days, but I'm not agnostic to those. Um, you know,

those hard days, they're different than bad days. I mean, I can have hard days, but not bad days. Cause I think that the, the hardest days like, yeah,

I would love to just always do something that's effortless, satisfactory to me, but that doesn't mean it's not going to be hard just because it's effortless. Doesn't mean that you don't have to really try. And so for me, but that doesn't mean it's not going to be hard. Just because it's effortless doesn't mean that you don't have to really try. Yeah. And so for me, it's about how am I dealing with the patterns in my life that I try to treat the game of life like the game of football? Because as a linebacker, if I got too in close to the line, right, I couldn't get around

them to make the tackle. And so that's the lesson for me in life is, is where am I always trying to attack when I need to read, need to realize that the greatness in me, you know, is, is, is allowing this to develop. Right. So that then you see clarity a hundred percent. Yeah. Yeah. Feeling it. Now, when I was playing college ball, I remember I tore, uh, my AC joint and my, like my, I sprained my ankle in the same play. I remember this on a kickoff. I don't know how it happened, but the same play,

like twisted my ankle and tore an AC joint. And then I was so stubborn because I was a freshman. I was the only freshman playing who didn't redshirt. And I was like, okay, I'm just going to keep playing and tape it up or whatever. And so I just started hitting with the other shoulder. And then I tore that AC joint, right? And then I was like, okay, but I don't want to sit out my freshman year and this and that. So I kept playing and I just started leading with my head.

Just like every kickoff, every tackle was with the head. And I just remember like ringing so bad. I mean, I probably have minor concussions constantly from just leading with the head all the time. Did you do that as well? It sounds like you had some brain trauma, right? Or you had some concussions? Yeah. And did you always hit with the head and lead with the head or what?

Well, it's funny. There's this, the body will find the path of least resistance, right? Like you systematically were going to the next area that you could. And it doesn't make sense. A lot of people that either aren't have never competed as an elite athlete they're just like why wouldn't you just stop you know like hey pain is a red flag here but and that's where i you know i love working with a lot of the navy seals yeah because they're 40 rule right when you think you are at your breaking point you're only

40 there and as there's a amazing just sort of instruction in. But at the same time, you cannot be totally tuning pain out always because it's telling you something. So you went from this to this to compensate to go to that to that, and it created a chain reaction. If your car was out of alignment and you drove it 100 miles an hour for as long as you could, eventually something bad would happen. Of course. And so those are the signs.

And I think that in football, we figure out a way to do what works best for us, regardless of whether it has a detrimental effect on the body. And people do this in life. Look how many people are right here in Beverly Hills right now doing this. Whatever makes them money, they're hitting with just their head because that's all their head is convinced that matters, even though they have so many other assets that they're not accessing. And in fact, if they access them, it may be even more wealth. Maybe not in the terms of money, but it may be something that is even greater. And that's the piece that, that's the vision change. Yeah.

So for football, for me, I had seven, eight that I had lost significant time, either lost consciousness. Really? Vomited, missed games, missed practice. Seven or eight times? Seven or eight concussions to that effect. Traumatic brain injuries. Wow. And then I had another 30, 40 where everything went practice. Seven or eight times? Seven or eight concussions to that effect, traumatic brain injuries. Wow.

And then I had another 30, 40 where everything went green, everything would be upside down, so you'd close your eyes and shake real hard again. Shut up, really? You know, linebacker, you're – In the game or practice or what? Both. Wow.

It's a cumulative, right? So you're hitting the big guys in front of you consistently like a thud and a bat against your forehead. And then you have special teams. So now, back when we had the wedge, right? Full speed. Now they don't let the wedge be in the NFL anymore, but you'd run down full speed, 60 yards and dive into guys that are a hundred pounds heavier. Torpedo. Yeah. So for me,

I would say this, the cognitive side of what I see happening in my life is I get very obsessive. I get very obsessive and I, it's hard to draw the line between where David, the competitor is in that and where it's maybe because of certain frontal cortex impairment. And I'm going to Brain Center right now here in California, just learning about this stuff. Because I don't want to be 51. I'm 31 now. I don't want to be 51. And then it all of a sudden surprises me. For me, it's about I want to be freed from the having to do list everything. You know, I want to access my mind as a tool, right? Not get frustrated at, it's not operating the way that it should be. And I think that's the way that we think about the body anyway, you know, as an athlete, like I'll go and smoke myself working out still

because I feed off of that point. Like the Muhammad Ali, once it gets hard, that's when I count my reps. Right, right. But then I'm cashed for three or four days because that's not normally what I do anymore. Yeah. And so it's – You're not trained like that anymore. That's not it. And you can't always train yourself. You got to widen that vision and get a little bit –

It's tough, man. It's tough to like hold back sometimes. You know, I'm almost 10 years out of playing and it's still hard to like – I still feel like I can play. Yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah., I still feel like I can play. Yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah. And it's still feel like I can train the same way,

but sometimes I do CrossFit or some hard workout. And then I'm like, I just tweaked my back for like a week and I'm like, uh, you know, it's so frustrating, right? You're like,

uh, so you got to humble yourself. I'm humbled all the time when I work out now. Well, I'm hold back a little bit. I'm significantly humbled because a lot of these guys that are gym, right? Like our plan,

they're playing, they're balling, or there's guys with no arms or legs that are doing things that I can't. And I'm like, all right lot of these guys that are Jim, right? Like they're playing, they're balling, or there's guys with no arms or legs that are doing things that I can't. I'm like, all right, man, this is, you know, but as a trainer, you're, you're good. Cause you just sort of just teach the example rep and you can do anything for one rep, you know, and look good. And then by the end of the day, you get 60 or 70 cause you've shown everyone throughout the work. Yeah. Yeah. That's crazy, man. Uh uh now i'm always fascinated by people who've achieved uh great things in their career because usually it comes from some dark place usually they're somewhere in some part of their mind or spirit or soul where um they've experienced some

hardship and that's what's driven them to be so great or to get to that level what were some of the things that you went through yeah do you find that to be true about yourself, that you had this drive for some certain reason? Or were you just, everything was always great and you just had these incredible gifts and you just made it to the league and everything was awesome? Or was there something that really made you

want to become great? Yeah, absolutely. It's the latter. I mean, there's some things that happened and occurred in my journey. I had two great parents, have two great parents, still married. I grew up in Eugene, Oregon. Football was it for me.

The University of Oregon Ducks, everything was right there. My dad played for the Ducks. It was it. I was carving watermelons on game day and going to the games. It was great for me to be in that environment. And all of my heroes were the Captain Americas, the Hulk Hogan's and the Arnold's. And it gave though this facade of what a man really is. And I think that I never had a scar from my father as far as... I think my father showed me through his actions what a man should be and what a man is

but because of what I think movies do to us we I put it this way how many middle-aged white boys were at home when eight mile came out and like Eminem suddenly someone understood them right where it's like dude you're not you don't grow up in Detroit you know but like what it was in movies like the program what it was in movies like The Program. What it was, right? Like that was almost how we, this bigger, faster, stronger mentality. And so even though my dad wasn't jamming football

down my throat, I felt like I was always looking for his approval. And I think in my mom, I think my mom and I are very personality driven, very similar, very good communicating and very empathetic. And my dad was hard. It was tough for him to kind of export those feelings, those emotions. And so I think my mom affirmed me, but I think at some level it kind of emasculated me.

And then through my dad, I think that I've always sort of been different from him. I'm always a risk taker. He's always very safe. And so I can tell him, dad, I'll try to be smart, but I't be safe. Like it's just not in me. And I think he's envious of that a little bit. And I'm envious of a little bit of his even keel. But you know, something that happened to me as I, when I was a kid was a sexual abuse. I was, I was sexually abused when I was 10 years old from a, from a neighbor. And it was an older, it was an older boy. And it was something that, uh, until I got out of really detox and rehab in 2012 after the pain pill stuff that that was the first time I had voiced it to really. And so now in working and working through it and understanding and learning about some of the ways that that skewed, you know, my view of sex, my view of, of, of just, uh, what it is as a young boy to be kind of robbed of that,

that joy or that innocence, you know, and being, you know, the, the, the personality that is inviting always. And so I think that there was the first time I felt like I learned

behaviorally that I could put on a mask that I could have some type of like, I could just stuff that down far enough and no one would ever have to know. Train like a machine. That's it. Yeah. And X and Y means, and so I was,

you know, Homecoming King, Prom King, and Mr. Lancer, you know, Mr. Whatever the school is. Right, right, right. Whatever that is,

like I got all of those things, but at the same time, that golden boy image was here and I was trying to push back against it on the other side. And I was trying to like push it with, not so much drugs at that early age, but partying definitely.

And definitely just tried to learn how I could best game life. And that's exhausting. That is the quickest way to be torn in two directions and split in half and literally not know who you are. And so in retrospect now, a lot of the building blocks out of that pain are because of the beauty in what the story is and how many others have faced something similar. Wow. You know, it took me 25 years to open up about being sexually abused. And I just felt so shameful and guilty about it the whole time.

And I never felt like I could talk to anyone about it or that they would understand or that they would accept me moving forward. Did you tell anyone at all or friends or family until a few years ago or? So in 2012, I told my parents and, uh, you know, again, there's not, they, they can't say the right thing. That makes sense. I, it's not a fun conversation. No. And they blame themselves at some some level and at the same time then you find like should you be mad at them as if they're responsible but but they're not they're not and it and so there's this it's the it's the living in the gray truly a great friend of mine said you know if you look at black under a microscope and white under a microscope they both look gray. Where is that place?

And so it's forgiveness to an extent that doesn't make sense. And then being able to communicate now with others, it's been an amazing piece used in small amounts. I don't know. I'm not projecting necessarily. But when I am willing to tell it with authenticity, it reaches someone at the perfect timing. So how selfish of me to not be willing to show their scars. Like people ask all the time in the last three, four years,

everything that I've accomplished, what has been the most significant thing I've learned? Cause you can accomplish a lot and not necessarily be learning. And I said that I don't trust an unbroken person. I believe those that are willing to show the scar, they're proof that they're willing to move beyond it. Like, if you tell me you have it all put together, I'm going to walk as far away from you as possible.

You know, the scar, when we see your wrist, right? That has a story, right? Specific story that leads into your sister's couch. And again, I can show you a bunch of different scars. Like in fourth grade when I was trying to impress this girl on a high back, threw my hands back like a little girl and it cut it and the whole pool had to be cleared out, right? So, but the body scars these things down.

That's a natural physiological process to protect it. But if you just walk away from it forever and you never use it again, it'll actually scar into a position that it wasn't supposed to. Just like rolling an ankle, not getting it treated, then your knee hurts, then your hip hurts. It's the same chain reaction you mentioned earlier with your decision making. So the scar itself is absolutely the pain. It's fueled me. My problem now post football is not becoming an addict to my pain because like

pain can fuel you and it can feel really good. It can drive you to a place that no other thing in your life can give you energy like it. Right? But you become a slave to it. Yes. And you're the shark in the water that if you stop swimming, you're going to get eaten. And that internal unrest, that angst, that's something I live with every day. I'm still learning how to deal with this person that wants to punch everything in the throat, but no longer can on the football field.

Right. You know? It's challenging, man. Yeah. Yeah. And then there's this impulsivity around what it is and putting really kind of, I guess, temporal feelings, or excuse me, permanent feelings to a temporal situation.

And that's part of the understanding of being able to pause. For example? Well, for example, it's as simple for some of our guys with post-traumatic stress as someone cut them off on the freeway. Like they will get into the gym after driving in traffic and doing all this,

be so pissed off and triggered. They're like, I'm out of here. And I'm like, but you drove to the gym to work out, right? So we can put those permanent feelings on this temporary situation, or we can find the solution to why you actually came here. And I find myself call it mole Hills in the mountains,

whatever it is. I find myself becoming like intoxicated by what fuels me in some of that angst. And so I have to be really mindful that I don't pick it up. And then accountable to people that know my story so that they, they see that Dave that kind of starts to do this and spin a little bit they what's your biggest trigger what upsets you or makes you angry it's it's more around the need that the standard of excellence one of the amazing neuro psychs that I'm working with down at this brain center

yesterday yesterday before I drove up here to LA. We sit down for our meeting and the very first thing he does, he just crumples a piece of paper and starts talking to me. Now I've been in plenty of interviews and I knew, I know what he's doing typically. I think he's testing my, my perfectionism, right? Like my OCD. I need to be like, why did you, you know, this goes over here with the other crumpled papers. Yeah. So those are the things that I think do make me great. Like they're the things that drove

Mr. Relevant to become a starter in the NFL. You know, they're the things that I think have allowed for the immense amount of growth in such a short amount of time, both foundationally and with my own personal brand. But if I'm not careful, the same sun that melts the ice hardens the clay. And that's where I find myself going to the extremes. And so where is it that I live in the moderation, right? So him crumpling that paper, he wanted to see how long it would take until I brought it up.

And then finally, I couldn't concentrate on what he was saying. And I'm like, hey, man, what are we doing about this paper? Really? Well, I kind of wanted to push the envelope. I knew it was coming. And so what we started to unpack, though, was just the same thing.

Like, hey, bro, he's a big professor. He says, I only hire interns that have had more than one B. I'm like, okay. He's like, yeah, they're all high, high levels. But the Bs are the ones that have had to learn that life isn't just A's. And I think that's the living in the gray, man. When the standard is excellent and elite and it's not met, where's the lesson in that?

Not just looking at it as it wasn't enough to get me to the next, to the next goal. Right. So yeah, it's just, it's a, I don't know. Do you find yourself finding little idiosyncrasies that become these

patterns or do you, are you pretty quick at blotting them out? My triggers are in sports. Sports and business, when I feel taken advantage of. Sure. When I feel like I'm horrible in the basketball court sometimes. When I'm not focused and aware, I allow people that, you know, just not even good players to like get under my skin.

And by the things they say to me or how they're like fouling me, if I think it's like not fair or if I think it's like, you know, attacking me in a certain way, then sometimes I really allow it to affect me. And I hate that I allow it to affect me. Do you think it's transference a little bit? Transference? And I don't mean – because, again, there's always this what you see in people that bothers you is what you don't like about yourself. Oh, sure.

Yeah, I'm sure. Because I'm the same way. Of course. If I feel – because of the basketball court, right? Yeah. I was the guy who left football as a superstar and then was like the honorable mention in basketball, the football rebounder. Yeah, yeah, of course. Good defense guy.

Yeah, yeah. Hustle guy. Hustle guy. Always took charges. Team, good defense guy. Hustle guy. Hustle guy. Always took charges. Team guy, coach guy. But that was something that in basketball I would get frustrated because I wasn't the David on the football field. Right?

And even though I like physically, because we don't play basketball a lot, we feel like we can. They're like, man, this guy's a scrub and he's showing me up. And that pride comes out more as ego than pride as far as like healthy pride. Yeah. I mean, it's probably some of that. But I think it's just more like if I feel like someone's abusing me because I felt abused a lot growing up that it can be like triggered again. Or I felt like I was being abused.

I took that as my story. Right. So I'm aware of it like after it happens. But sometimes I just love my mind just goes into like crazy mode. Sure. And it's like I can't control it unless I like ground myself before I go on the court. I'm like, okay, Lewis, you're not going push anyone you're not gonna like fight back yeah you're just gonna like drop your ego yeah and if someone steps to you you're just gonna say i hope you have

a good day you know but it's like it's the competitor in me just like wants to dominate sometimes dude yeah it it's hard to turn it off i think that the the exercise that in which you can find what it means to be competitive even if it's not exported every single day like that's been something for me that it's been how do I do certain you know mind exercise mindfulness and it's almost like that's the prison that I'm confined in and then through that I walk out and all of a sudden the world is it's I am a different human being because I did that internal strengthening. I don't know how else to, you know, to put it except for to know that like I do, I had to for an hour last week, just sit in silence in this room with a mirror and decide whether or not you wanted to stare back at yourself for an hour.

This is one of my exercises of this. I'm like, have I sat in silence for an hour in the last? I mean, I have kids too, so good luck. But it was incredible because once I accepted the fact that I was not going to leave this room, no one was going to join, and it was just me in this mirror, then all of a sudden I started to think about why I hated it so much. And then instead of trying to let that be the part that like festered in me,

I tried to just grab that and squeeze it as tight as possible. Like almost make it another person in the room that the angst that I was actually going to overcome was what I wanted as near as possible. So I eventually stood and then I sat. And then I ended up sitting there and I just closed my eyes, even though the mirror was in front of me. And I could almost see the person looking back at me. And after an hour, it felt like it felt like maybe 15 minutes, 10, 15 minutes. And I came out and I had this even cool calm and I don't even know what tactically happened in there except for my parasympathetic nervous system turned on.

Right. And and some things kind of went by the wayside i walked out with a stronger mind even though physically i wanted to you know i wanted when i went in there i wanted to punch something yeah when i left there totally different so we are capable even if we want to say hey i'm not good at math or hey i'm not good you can be disciplined and apply yourself right i mean I mean, that's, that's it, right? You can be great by digging into people that are right around you doing great things. Absolutely. You got to be curious though. Absolutely. Uh, I'm curious if you were to go give a speech to all the rookies of the NFL and you had one minute, what would you say to them knowing everything, you know, from playing and everything after the league? I had

a cool opportunity about a month ago to speak at Ross Business School in Michigan to the NFL player engagement kind of side. So some current players, some retired. But I am going to be going out to a couple of teams and speaking this year. And I'd say the three things that I will say is, the first, don't be a sponge. I mean, you are going to be bombarded with every, you know, not just winning deal business-wise, you know, financially wise, but everything that's going

to sound enticing, don't be a sponge. Balance what it is in here with what it is in here. Because if you're just sponging whatever the next flashy thing is, not only will you not have any flashy things left when it all comes down to it, but you're going to find yourself with tons that you've consumed, tons that you've enjoyed, but nothing that actually is a core of who you are. When I was in the league, they kept saying, you're developing your brand. But I was like, hey, I'm just trying to last in the NFL. I don't know about this time developing my brand thing. So I just try to get guys to, to first say, don't be a sponge,

which is essentially say, just take a stand knowing that, Hey, this is who I am. This is what I will and won't do. Okay. So don't be a sponge. The next is,

uh, think about a time when you were a young kid and someone just took time for you and what that meant, right? Like if that was on the football field, great. Maybe it was in the weight room. Maybe it was in the classroom. But how often are you doing that, which is the hope dealing part? How are you using what your gifts and talents are? I don't just mean

money to write a check to charity. How are you actually using bandwidth or sweat equity to better someone else's life. And then lastly, it's never as good as it seems and it never is as bad as it seems. Don't be a sponge. Know what you stand for. Be a hope dealer. Find a way to give back. It's in a personal way,

not just in starting a foundation. And that's the way that you get a tax write off. I want you to be boots on the ground. And then that last piece is more about the identity. I think that it's not as good as it seems. It's not as bad as it seems. When you feel like no one cares, there's still somebody out there that cares. If not, we do.

Yeah, exactly. And then if it seems like it's so good, man, right, everything's perfect, just take that with a little bit of an ounce of perspective because you can obviously be quickly knocked off that high horse. And that's a piece of the identity. No matter what, man, I believe that your worth is fixed like a nail in mortar. No matter what you achieve, you can't move it up. No matter how badly you failed, you can't move it down. So don't buy into the shame of thinking that you're less than, that you're fractured, that you're somehow a guy with an unloaded weapon in a fight, right? But think about what it is also that no matter how good you do and the whole world loves you and all the money you make,

you're right there. And so that's a tough concept for all of us to grasp, but I think it helps us to be free from the need to achieve, to be successful and to feel worthy. Yeah. To matter. Yeah. Yeah. I love that. That's great, man. You've got a new podcast coming out soon, right? What's it called and what's the purpose? Yeah. So the book that I have coming out in 2018 is the hope dealer. The hope dealer is exactly what I just said. You know, it's, it's repurposing your gifts and in fact, your pain to help lighten the suffering of someone else. So, uh, you know, the hope dealer movement, right? Like it's cool. We have a whole line, hope dealer, uh, just, you know, don't deal hope, deal, don't deal dope, right? Like what that, that book is cool. And the podcast that comes

out this fall, the hope dealer, I call it the non-podcast podcast. I love podcasts. I love your podcast. Love a lot of these really cool influencers and entrepreneurs. But I feel like you get a ton of head knowledge. You're consuming. You listen. You're hopefully inspired for the moment, the day, the week, maybe a year. Again, there's a small percentage, just like any book, that are going to take it and apply. And of course, those are the ones that you pour everything in so that they can get every last bit of content. You give them your best. But at the podcast level, these influencers, I feel like a lot of what you're doing here, you can go and you can buy. I can find this stuff on Lewis. What I want to do and what I'm beginning to backfill content is Howard Schultz and I go to Seattle. I fly to the influencer

to do the podcast. The podcast is action oriented. So it's on the move. It'll be video and audio, but you won't have to be watching the video. It's not about high production value. It's about authenticity. So Howard and I will go into a cancer wing of a hospital and you're going to, for the first 30 minutes, you're going to get to listen and hear Howard Schultz interact with this kid who has terminal cancer. And I'll facilitate, but it's less about us talking about Starbucks or philanthropy or the greatest next thing in America. And it's more about you getting to know Howard Schultz on a level because you're in the room with us. So you're going to get 30

minutes of listening and hearing what it is and all that context. And then we'll break out in the nearest close diner, call it a Starbucks probably, little spot that we're going to carve out is just 20 minutes to talk about what we experienced together. That's cool. And that's when a little bit more of the higher level of philosophy could come out. But I think that the core is about, I don't know, me as the audience, I would want to hear this really, really transparent truth and interaction and then hear about what it was because i was with you in what you drew out of

that it's kind of a cool way to be to be impacted and to feel like you're you're a part of the story as well yeah so i'm excited about the podcast there's some really there's a very diverse group of of influencers and entertainers and people I find interesting. And of course, it's just a great way to learn through this conversational style, not just by what you're digging up or what you're applying in your own business. That's cool. When's it coming out? It's coming out in the fall. Yeah, it'll be out in September. I'll get you a launch. We'll ping you on social media for that for sure. Awesome. And the book's coming out next year?

Yep. Book will be after January. It'll be, it'll be in the spring of 2018. Okay, cool. Yep. And, where can people go to connect with you? Man,

they can check, connect me on a Facebook, Instagram, David Vobora, just my name, Twitter, same, uh,

follow adaptive training foundation, uh, on all those social channels, team atf.org. I promise you can go there and get a daily dose of amazing motivation as you watch what these videos are and the things that these athletes are doing in the gym. Or go to davevobor.com.

Davevobor.com is another place. But it's just I'm enjoying seeing what, again, this foundation is a great thing. But as we grow this thing, train trainers nationally, chapter plant nationally, create affiliate chapters, this isn't the end-all be-all for me. My goal is to take the book, the podcast, some other independent digital content, and craft this hope dealer message in a way that offers other opportunities for me to take business I want to do, commerce I want to do, and align it for cause relation. I mean, not just because it's good PR. Yeah, yeah.

But because there's a way to create a legacy and to use money in a way that is more meaningful than just productizing what the piece of business it is that you do, but thinking about what it could be for a systemic change to come from what also makes you money. Sure, sure. It's a novel approach, right? That's cool, man. That's great. That's great.

also makes you money. Sure, sure. It's a novel approach, right? That's cool, man. That's great. That's great. A couple of final questions for you. I kind of asked you this already, so if it's the same thing, we'll skip it.

This is called the three truths. And you shared kind of three things you would share with the new rookies coming into the NFL. But if this was your final day and you only could share three things with the world, everyone, if this is what people would remember you by, would those three things be different? Or would you say the exact same to the rookies as you would to the world?

I think the world, to me, it's very broad. The world, this globe. I'd say this. Advance toward fear, advance toward freedom, and then advance toward fulfillment. Fear is that false narrative, right? It's the whisper, fear of inadequacy.

When you decide that fear is, in fact, perception, the danger is real, but you can lean in, advance toward, jump toward, run toward that which scares you most. Then all of a sudden you're going to advance toward the freedom, the outcome of facing those things, right? Which we know is never as significant as what our brain creates. And then through that, you're going to have a different lens in which you view life. And I call that fulfillment because you're going to be able to recognize that

you are powerful, that you have what it is inside of you to go forth as a different person. You don't go back, right? One, two, and three in that step, fear, freedom, fulfillment, that's a cumulative. You can't just get to three before you do one and two. So I think that message is what I try to do daily. I don't do it well always, but the one thing. What is the one thing today that can create the three standard deviation events changes in my life that, that are building toward the future self that I want to be. That's it. I love it, man. I love it. Uh, I want to acknowledge you for a moment, David, for your incredible ability to move other people who don't have the opportunities

like you did. And for you to go after something, you know, training elite athletes and then saying, hey, listen, there's actually a lot of people who need support more than the elite athletes. They're going to be okay. But there's a community of people that really could use someone like me to guide them and get them back to a peak place in their life. So I think it's really moving and touching that you are willing to do whatever it takes to serve people in that manner and, and constantly give and be a voice for people who maybe, maybe don't share their voice as much as they should. So thanks brother. It means a lot. And also for your ability to transition gracefully after the

game. I know there was a couple of years of, you know, pain med and stress and adversity, but now really accelerating it for good. Where most guys, it's more challenging for them. Sure. So I want to acknowledge you for all that, man. Thanks, brother. Yeah. It's been an honor to be here, man.

I continually find myself, you know, after being on Ellen, for example, I don't think it actually set in until a couple of days later when I was like, man, like I've watched this show Ellen, right. And I always thought how cool it would be, right. Dreamed of being, and I just did that. It's crazy. And, you know, and I think for us, we're quick to good player, bad play football, throw the rear view mirror away. And, you know, I appreciate those words, man. Thank you. I need to accept, you know, affirmation, encouragement, man. Thank you. I need to accept, you know, affirmation, encouragement, compliment in a way that is meaningful. Cause I, I do care about what

I'm doing. It is, it is very, it feels good to accept that because I think, um, you know, you see that the effort you're putting in does have this true ripple effect. Um, and, and that's, that's, that's a huge benefit. And Ellen was a cool step in that. And here's the thing. If you were just training elite college college players or NFL players, you wouldn't be making an impact in the world the way you are. But by stepping out and doing something that maybe is uncomfortable but also is super fulfilling for you and giving back in a big way, the more we give back in the world, the more we receive, I believe.

And that's why you're getting recognition and attention because you're serving in a bigger cause than just for your profit with the elite guys or whatever because that's comfortable for you. You can do that all day. You can train with them. You can be with them. You can talk about the game.

But you're doing something that's uncomfortable. Maybe it's comfortable now, but it was uncomfortable to start. And that's why because you're giving back, you're receiving. When you find what it is, it's a source of your dash. You're born in this world with nothing, you die with nothing. On your gravestone, there's a dash. The best conclusion I can draw is you're supposed to give up

as much as yourself during that dash. And when you find what it is that you thrive at doing, it gives you excitement, it doesn't feel like work, watch out. And that was the beautiful breakthrough in recognizing what it was in Travis, that quadruple amputee, what I challenged him to do. And now it's spun into other awesome, cool business stuff that's coming across my desk that I can either endorse or step into the story and become a part of the group, a part of the team. And that's exciting, right? Because you diversify who you are based around, I call it the Laird Hamilton model, right? I'm either going to make this cost me nothing because I was paying

for it, or I'm going to make it pay me money or both, you know? And that's a beautiful piece when that's the lifestyle. So I'm going to work out. I'm going to go brag about the people working out with me because they're awesome. And I think people need to know their story. And I'm going to be humbled to always learn from people who are smarter than me and know that when you're the dumbest in the room, you can become the wisest because you can listen. Absolutely. I love that, man. Final question for you is what's your definition of greatness? My definition of greatness is alignment. I think it's what you're doing with action. We're human beings, right? I'm learning a little bit more of this

pull, not push, this allow to be. But I think alignment is the perfect way to think about, I guess to think about it as shooting a bow. If that arrow is not specifically in line with what you're doing, that thing could go anywhere.

And it could be a great distance, but it may not be great alignment and greatness. And so that's where I am right now is I can do the big boom, flash. That's a really cool firework. But do I want to be that or do I want to be the light that burns throughout and the sustainability of that

becomes a great light on the hill? And that alignment for me is where I think my greatness lies. It's by not letting my great attributes become the ones that wreck me because I'm so all in on those principles. Have to find that. I don't like the word balance necessarily, but I like alignment. David, thanks so much, man. There you have it, guys. If you enjoyed this one, make sure to share with your friends, lewishouse.com slash 491. Tag me on social media

at Lewis House everywhere that you can think of. I'm pretty much everywhere online right now. And all the show notes, the links, the resources, the videos that we talked about are back on that show note link, lewishouse.com slash 491. And if you have any thoughts, suggestions, or questions ever, make sure to tweet me at Lewis Housees with your ideas there and I'll try to get back to you as soon as I can. This has been a great episode. I hope you guys enjoyed this one as much as I enjoyed connecting with David. And as always,

you know what time it is. It's time to go out there and do something great. សូវាប់បានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបា Outro Music