The School of Greatness - 502 Find Freedom Through Using Your Voice with Bethany Mota

Episode Date: June 26, 2017

"The only way you can step into who you truly are is by trusting yourself." - Bethany Mota If you enjoyed this episode, check out show notes, video, and more at http://lewishowes.com/502

This is episode number 502 with Bethany Moda. Welcome to the School of Greatness. My name is Lewis Howes, former pro athlete turned lifestyle entrepreneur. And each week we bring you an inspiring person or message to help you discover how to unlock your inner greatness. Thanks for spending some time with me today. Now let the class begin. Thank you so much for joining today.

I'm super pumped about our episode. Welcome to today's episode with Bethany Moda, who is a rising star with over 25 million fans across her social media channels. She started out in YouTube back in 2009 as a young teenager, creating various lifestyle type videos and sharing her thoughts on overcoming the different fears she had in her life. She has since then created her own fashion line. She's gone on multiple tours, which she calls her motivators, to meet, interact with fans. And she also appeared on season 19 of Dancing with the Stars, made it to the finals with

partner Derek Hough, and she's got a new book out right now as well. And in this episode, we talk about how Beth used YouTube to find her voice after being cyber bullied. Also, how to deal with all the haters, whether it be online or offline. The key to best success over time. What failure teaches us and how to overcome the fear of failing. Plus, why YouTube fans are such a better audience than TV viewers. That and so much more, guys.

I was really inspired by who she is, what she's created at such a young age. Well wiser beyond her years. So I think you're going to enjoy this one. And I want to give a quick shout out to our fan and review of the week. Every week we try to find the best reviews and testimonials from people and acknowledge all the amazing people in this community. And this is from Aldo Savico, who said, Every episode is an essential and fundamental insight on the qualities of greatness, a masterclass in personal and leadership development. I have been an international

conflict resolution for 25 years. I have dealt with very complex and at times dangerous situations. I know the qualities that one needs to thrive in a complex and often complicated world. And Lewis gives you the access to the secret of mastering great leadership. Congratulations. So Aldo, thank you for being the fan and review of the week. And if you guys want to be considered, make sure to go to lewishouse.com slash iTunes and leave a review right now. All right.

Are you ready? Let's dive into this one with the one, the only, Bethany Mota. Welcome back, everyone, to the School of Greatness podcast. We have Bethany Mota, who likes to go by Beth. So thank you so much for being here. Very excited. Thanks for having me. I'm so excited. I was just telling you the story about how I first heard about you. It was two years ago at VidCon. I was walking from the hotel to the two years ago at VidCon. I was walking from the hotel to the venue in Anaheim. I think it was in Anaheim. And there was just

swarms of like 11-year-old girls and guys just like swarming you and you couldn't move. You're just like taking selfies with everyone and trying to move a step and you take 10 more. And that was the first time I'd heard about you. And there was a lot of other big YouTubers there, but no one had that type of influence that I saw that you did. And I started to research a little bit about you and I saw you're on Dancing with the Stars. I think Derek was your partner, right? Yeah, yeah. And I just saw Derek last week with Julianne on their tour, their dancing tour. So it's cool to finally kind of bring it full circle and meet you. We have a lot of mutual friends and I'm just so inspired by what you've created. Thank you so much. I'm inspired by you. I'm so excited and

honored to be on the podcast. I'm very excited about this. Good, good. You're here. You're the greatest headquarters. You've got a book out called Make Your Mind Up, a guide to finding your own style, life, and motivation. Make sure you guys check this out. It's really for the parents that want to get it for their kids, I think, or their teen girls or teenagers, right? It's more for kind of like your fans and for the younger audience, I would say. Well, to be honest, I definitely wanted, this is like a gift to my viewers. This is the most vulnerable that I've ever been. In my YouTube videos, I'm very personal and I talk about my life.

It's all based on what I enjoy. But with the book, I kind of wanted to dive into that even more. And also, hopefully, this book will apply to all ages and just a wider demographic. That's really what I was going for. So I offer what you would see on my YouTube channel, which is like beauty and fashion and fitness. And then I also talk a lot about self-confidence, self-love, body image, because those are all things that I've dealt with. And I'm 21. I still have a lot to learn, but this is what I've learned so far. And I hope that that can apply to not just my audience, but even people who may have never seen my videos before. Yeah. It's crazy how much you've achieved in 21 years old. It's amazing.

I never expected it. I think that's a big part of why it happened is because I didn't have intention of it happening. I got into YouTube in 2009. You were 13, is that right? I was 13. That's crazy. Yeah.

Your parents let you go on YouTube? I didn't tell my dad at first. I was like, my dad can't know. My sister can't know. She'll make fun of me. So I only, I asked my mom for permission and she let me use the family video camera and I didn't have any other equipment. I just used books as a tripod. I used my windows for lighting. I just worked with what I had. And growing up, I was always really shy. Like I was labeled as the shy girl between my sister and I, she was the outgoing one. I was the shy one that didn't say anything. Exactly. And I was labeled that my entire life. So it always kind of bothered me

and I never liked it. But I think when we're labeled something so much, we feel that we have to stick to it. and if we step outside of that label people will be confused and we ourselves will be confused as well like this isn't me what am i doing i'm shy i can't be outgoing so i stuck to that label and i was never happy with it really and when i was cyber bullied when i was 12 it had such an impact on me because i'd never been bullied before and it was all towards my physical appearance. Like I had never thought about my body in that way. I remember how it happened. Yeah. I logged, I logged online. And was this on MySpace? It was on MySpace.

Friendster or something? MySpace. Yeah. And someone had created a page that looked just like mine, but it wasn't mine. And all of the photos had captions that were just basically picking on my weight and things that I had never even thought about up until that point. I never questioned if I was fat or needed to lose weight. That never crossed my mind. I was 12 years old. You're probably really skinny. But that's the thing is I thought, you know, if these people are saying this about me, it has to be true.

Like if multiple people are thinking this, then I have to believe it. Right. And that's what I thought. So I believed it and already being introverted, already being shy, it just made me even more isolated and it made me very insecure and it affected me a lot for about a year. made me very insecure and it affected me a lot for about a year. And then I dealt with anxiety, not wanting to like socialize, make new friends, open up to people. I was very guarded because I was so hurt by that situation. And then I discovered YouTube and I started watching the videos and I just found it so fascinating that people of all ages, girls my

age were making these videos and putting them out there. And I thought, it so fascinating that people of all ages, girls my age were making these videos and putting them out there. And I thought, how cool would that be to have a voice? Like I want a voice again. You know, I want to be able to talk about what I feel and, and be confident in that. And so I thought about it for a couple months, but I was so held back by fear that it took me a while to take the first step. I thought about it all the couple months, but I was so held back by fear that it took me a while to take the first step. I thought about it all the time. I was like, I want to do this. I want to do this.

And I started filming like little fake videos on my BlackBerry and just like seeing what it felt like. Sure. At 13. At 13. And I never posted them. I would like delete them right away. Of course. Just like to try it out. And uh one day I just did it I asked my mom and she gave me permission and

it was so out of my comfort zone it was so completely not Bethany and uh it felt really uncomfortable but I didn't realize what I was getting myself into. I didn't realize that it would change my life. And that's why now I know like if I'm in an uncomfortable situation, it's probably leading to something and I'm probably going to grow from it and learn from it. And now I'm like, what if I would have stayed safe in that situation? What if I would have, you know, not taken that risk because you know,

there's a guarantee that I, that I wouldn't be hurt, that I wouldn't, you know, put myself out there and be rejected. But I did it anyway, after I had already dealt with all this rejection from people that I knew in my hometown, I was now putting myself out there for the world to possibly reject me. And, uh, I think I was just so fed up with feeling that way. And I realized that no one was going to change it for me. Like, yes, I had support of my friends and family, which was amazing. And I think that's great and so important. But at the end of the day, the way that that bullying made me feel, it was only going to change if I did something about it, if I decided to take action and move forward because I was so

paralyzed by it for a very long time. And I still have moments like that where, you know, things scare me and I, and I don't move. And I tell myself, I'm not afraid, like I'm okay, but I'm not moving forward. So maybe I am scared. So now looking back on it, I'm so happy that happened because I'm able to use that scenario, that situation in things that still happen to me now. Yeah. What gave you the courage to move forward when you knew that you were being bullied? Why did you say, okay, even though I'm going to get bullied, I'm going to go put myself out there even more. What gave you that courage? I think it was just reaching a point. I reached a point where I accepted my life was going to be like that. I accepted. No matter what you did, really. People are going to bully you or they're going to say things. Well, it was more of, I thought, oh my gosh, I'm going to be like this forever. I'm going to be insecure. I'm going to be in a dark place.

This is my life. Like, am I just that? I'm just one of those people that is just sad and not motivated and not happy about life. I guess that's me. Some people in the world have to be that way. I'm one of them. I had that, I started accepting it and it didn't feel good at all. And then I thought there has to be something like this can't be it. There has to be something that I can do. And reaching that, I guess you could say rock bottom is what allowed me to suspend myself up and try something and take a risk. Because at that point, I felt like I have nothing to lose. I might as well try this. If I'm already feeling this way, what do I have to lose? What did you start to experience and learn about yourself within the first year of putting

yourself out there? Did things shift? Did more people attack you? Did you gain confidence? What happened? All of those things, all of those things happened. And also getting into YouTube at 13, like 13 to 21. That is such a- Are you allowed to be on YouTube at 13? Isn't there like laws against that or something? I mean, maybe. But 13 to 21, it's like, I literally grew up online. Crazy. And you can watch, all my videos are still up. Privated a few. Yeah. But most of them are still there.

That's your most vulnerable years. Totally. You're figuring it all out. I was an idiot when I was 13. I mean, I'm still kind of an idiot now, but I was like then, I was like I had no clue what I was doing in life. Yeah, exactly. I was so scared all the time.

So scared. It takes a lot of courage to put yourself out there and constantly document what you're up to. Yeah. And bring the world into your life. Yeah. And I did it. And you can literally see, if you watch the videos, how my personality develops. I become more comfortable, more confident.

That wouldn't have happened. I don't think that would have happened had I not started YouTube or just did something that was scary and something out of my comfort zone. So yeah, I started gaining more confidence over time. I did get more hate over time. I feel like the cyber bullying experience helped me when the hate comments on YouTube started to come, but it's still, it, it hurt. Teenager. It's hard to, I think, well, the first hate comment i ever got i was kind of happy about it i was like i got a hate comment um but you know then sometimes people will say that one thing you know say you wake up thinking about something or like oh i really don't like this today i don't like how this looks or like this pimple oh my gosh whatever and then that's the one thing that

someone points out when you when you log on and're like, great, I was already feeling that. And now you just amplified it. So those moments have happened. And sometimes they still do. But through all of the hate, there's so much negativity online, but there's also so much positivity. I think it's all about what you focus on.

And also understanding that it's never personal. Because one time I actually reached out to someone who was leaving hate comments on all of my videos literally every video I would post she would find something to point out and I remember like I started thinking before I would upload a video she's not gonna be able to find anything wrong with this like this is good she's not gonna find anything she always did perfect here she always found something because she had already decided that she wanted to find something negative so i reached out to her one day and i just sent her a positive message she responded apologizing saying that she was going

through something in her life and she was taking it out on random people on the internet. And I thought, whoa, I was, it changed my perspective because here I was victimizing myself, feeling bad, questioning why this person was wanting to break me down. When in reality, she was feeling broken down. Because if you think about it, when you're so happy and you're so fulfilled in life, the last thing that you want to do is make someone feel bad. You just don't care. You're not going to put your energy into that. So if anyone is using their energy to make you feel insecure, there has to be something going on. And then it's almost an opportunity of maybe I can talk to this person. Maybe I can figure out what that is. You know, so when I started thinking of it that way, it shifted everything for me. And now, like I said, sometimes a hate comment will still get to me, but I just, you know, I become aware of that.

I shift my focus. I remind myself it's not personal. And then I become empathetic. Yeah. And you focus on the 10,000 comments of all positivity, right? You look at like everything else, like, oh, there's 10,000 other comments that are all good. Exactly, exactly. Look at the impact I'm making. Look at the change, yeah. I look at it as creators. Other authors, if you write a book, you're never going to leave a negative review on someone else's book

because you know how hard it is to create something. Right. So creators never hate. It's the people who aren't creating their life that are frustrated that start leaving comments or negativity or judging other people. But that's why I say, focus on creating and you'll never want to hate anything. That's so true. Just commit to creating. I love this. You're so much more wiser than I thought you'd be, which is really inspiring to see. You just have so much insight and you've

been through a lot. Who was the most influential person in your life growing up? Most influential? Wow. I don't think there was a specific person. I mean, obviously my parents, growing up, your parents are the most influential people in your life because they are your world. And they inspired me very much. And like I said, just their support with my mom in the very beginning. It was so unlike my mom to be okay with something like that. Like, yeah, mom, I'm 13. I'm going to go post these videos on the internet. But she was so supportive. And I think it was also because she saw what I was going through and she saw that this was one thing in life that really made me excited. And she knew that I should hold on to that and then when my dad found

out super supportive my sister so supportive my entire family so I think having that support system yeah is what has really encouraged me to continue going and it's cool is it's just nice to have that so I feel like just everybody around me, you know, I think the people that you surround yourself with, it's so important because that's the energy that you feed off of constantly. So if it's bad energy, that's going to show in your life, in your work and everything that you do. Yeah, absolutely. What would you say is the biggest lesson your dad taught you and your mom? Hmm. My dad is an incredibly hard worker and it's so funny because my dad is also my manager and he's been there with me through the very beginning. Like when I was trying to figure out this social media thing, that's how I feel like a lot of YouTubers are. There's no blueprint

on how to go about it. We're all just figuring it out. I feel like now you can kind of look at what other people have done. It's a little bit easier to navigate the platform. You can see different models and implement something and try it out. Right. But eight years ago, 13, just figured out how to work my computer. How am I supposed to understand? I don't get it. And my dad was there the entire time. And being a YouTube creator, it's difficult. there are lots of moments of self-doubt because you're so emotionally invested in the work you know it's creative so you have to be emotionally invested if you're not it shows through you're not passionate people aren't

going to be interested so because you're emotionally invested if something goes wrong you can easily take it personally when you shouldn't so he has been there with me through all those moments of self-doubt where I'm like, this video, oh my gosh, what am I doing? Why am I even a YouTuber? It's been so long since I posted. What am I doing? I need to be better and more creative. Or I didn't get as many views on this video as the last video. Yeah, we've all gone through that. And my dad has always reminded me to kind of go back to why I did it in the beginning. And why I did it in the beginning was because it was an outlet for me to express myself. And it made me feel good.

It made me excited. I wasn't so focused on numbers. Yeah, it's great to know that people enjoy what I'm putting out. But that wasn't my intention in the beginning. And when I can go back to that little 13 year old girl, I'm able to go back to a place where I'm doing it out of love again. Powerful. So that's what your dad taught you? Yes. And your mom? My mom, she's taught me a lot. I think just her overall support. And she's just a very loving person she's just so sweet and that's always inspired me to just you know be kind to everyone and and be empathetic and try to be more understanding of where people are coming from trying to understand people's emotions you know why we do the things

that we do she's just she's like my best friend and she always has been and even growing up because i was so shy i was like always attached to my mom like i never left her side and growing up that was actually really hard for me because i was so attached to her that when i had to kind of be my own person and become my own woman and and be independent it was a little scary because my mom was like always here but she's still you know she's still there for me when I need her. And she's just always inspired me to just be positive and radiate positive energy. Amazing. To hear you say that you're independent at 21 is like shocking to me because I was 25.

I was sleeping on my sister's couch like needing support from my family. So it's amazing, again, what you've created. Thanks. What's your vision moving forward? You've got, I think it's like 10 million subscribers on YouTube. I think 25 million fans across all channels, which is probably more now updated from these online stats. What's your vision? You're only 21, created so much, but overcome a lot. Where are you going? where are you going? I didn't know five years ago that I would have this book.

I also didn't know that I would have designed a clothing line. I didn't know that I would be on Dancing with the Stars. I didn't know that my YouTube channel would be where it is now. Those things just happened. And I believe they happened because I've stayed focused and I've had failure and I, yes, have felt defeated, but I've decided to get back up after that. And because of that, I feel like because I've been persistent and consistent, I have been led to things that are really dream come true. have been led to things that are really dream come true. And I think it's just focusing on that, maintaining, you know, my work and not thinking so much about this is where I want to be. You know, I want this many subscribers next year. I want this many views next year. You know what I mean? Because that can also be, that can be exhausting because what if that doesn't happen? I think as long as I'm progressing, as long as I'm growing and learning, that's all I really want to do. Because then when I create, I feel like what I create is even better if I'm constantly growing and learning as a person.

Yeah. So yeah. What are the dreams? Do you have dreams? As far as like, like specific projects? What you want to, you know, was a book ever a dream of yours or did it just happen? Do you want to have? What I really love is connecting with people. And that can be in any form. That's what I do on YouTube. That's what I was able to do with this book. And that's why I say that this is for my viewers,

but I also hope that people who don't even know who I am can connect to it. One of the things, or I feel like my biggest goal in life is just to create real bonds with people, to really connect with people, to really try to understand them, because everyone around you knows something that you don't. I think that's fascinating. I think that's so cool. And so if I can just connect with as many people as possible, that's what I really want to do. That's why having meet and greets, like doing this book tour, it's every time someone new comes up to me, I can be there for like two hours meeting hundreds of people and it doesn't get exhausting. Like, yeah, my cheeks hurt by the end of it. You're smiling so much. But I'm so emotionally, I'm so present and I'm so in it

because every time someone comes up to me, I'm like, how great is this? My YouTube channel, these videos that I make are allowing me to just meet 300 people in the world right now. Crazy. That's incredible. And as long as I can continue doing that,

that's what I want to do. And like I said, that can come in so many forms. I'm so grateful that I got to do it in the form of a book. And I hope that I can do it in lots of other forms in the future. What would you say is the biggest fear for you then? Again, you've gone through a lot of the bullying, the cyberbullying. You've had other people criticize you for things you've done. You've had failures, like you said.

But what's the big fear for you moving forward? Biggest fear? I think it's funny because my fears have changed. My biggest fear used to be failing. And I failed. We've all failed. But I used to be very affected by failure. I used to take it so personally. I let it stop me for months. And what did failure look like for you? Was it just not achieving something that you set out to achieve or what was the failure? I think it's when you have expectation, when you expect something to happen and then you feel entitled, you allow yourself to feel entitled to that happening because, oh, I put the work in. Why didn't I get the results? And then you start, you know, it affects your ego. And I think I used to let my ego have too much control because I simply,

I just wasn't aware of it. I wasn't aware of the ego and when my ego was in control. And when my ego was in control, that's when I would focus on numbers. And, oh, I didn't get this many views. Oh, my gosh, what am I doing? Take it really personally. And I wasn't happy because I wasn't focusing, again, on the passion, on just loving it and doing it out of love. Because when you do things out of love, there is no ego there. You don't take it personally if you don't get the views that you wanted. You just love the fact that you're able to create something.

And so failure was my biggest fear. And now I embrace failure because anytime, I don't even consider it, that's cheesy, but like I really don't consider it failure anymore. Anytime I've experienced failure or pain, somehow something beautiful always comes out of it. It's really strange. But cyberbull cyber bullying when I

went through that experience I started YouTube if that didn't happen if I wasn't cyber bullied 100% would not have started YouTube where would you be now and there's so many other experiences like that in my life that have happened even you know maybe yesterday like little things where it's like if I didn't go through that challenge I wouldn't have known that I was this strong I'm excited like what's the next challenge going to be because I know that I'm going to learn from it that's amazing because the stronger that I can get the more wise I can become what I'm working on what I'm creating hopefully can be more helpful to the people around me and if I can be more helpful to the people around me. And if I can be more helpful to the world, then I have purpose. So now I no longer fear failure. I think I fear losing passion. And as long as I'm aware of, I think awareness is so powerful. I believe that

as long as I stay aware of why I'm feeling things, because obviously I'm still going to feel insecure. I'm still going to feel doubtful at times. But if I can be aware of the fact that this is just a reaction, it's possibly just an illusion, it might not even be real, then I can keep the passion alive. Amen to that. I always talk about, for me, failure is feedback. It's

information that's telling me what's working and what's not working. Right. And when I figure out, okay, this isn't working, it's not allowing me to achieve or create what I want to create. So it's feedback. What's the information I need to learn to help me get there? And so I think, again, you're doing a great job of saying it's just something that's going to challenge me. That's going to bring something beautiful to life and going to make me stronger. Right. So I think, again, you're doing a great job of saying it's just something that's going to challenge me, that's going to bring something beautiful to life, and it's going to make me stronger. Right. So I think if we reframe failure or fear or any of these things as really opportunities to grow, that's pretty powerful. Yeah.

That's really cool. Who would you say inspires you the most today? Hmm. Ooh. You've met, I mean, you interviewed Obama. You've met so many incredible people. You're a part of this big YouTube community. There's a lot of inspiring YouTube creators.

That's a hard question. No one specific comes to mind. I don't know why because I've been asked this question a lot and there's not one specific person that I think of when I'm asked that question. I allow myself to be inspired by everybody. I have amazing friends that are also on YouTube and it's great to have them because I feel like being a YouTuber is a very unique situation and it's great to have people who understand it. I have so much respect for other creators because it's really hard. It's really intense.

I've had a lot of sleepless nights editing and all of that stuff and they get it. So I have so much respect. I'm inspired by the community around me. I'm also very inspired by my audience. They are so much more than viewers. It's really become a community. it's become kind of a family and i never expected that because the thing is with with youtubers and youtube in general is they don't just watch it and then turn it off you know like television you just watch something

turn off the television right with youtube there's a forum at the bottom of every video where you can say what you feel. You can talk to other people. It's a completely different experience. And it gives you the opportunity to meet people who have a similar interest. So I've seen viewers of mine that have actually become real-life friends. Really? They've met up in person. And they'll come to meet and greets

of mine and meet with each other. Even like if I'm not involved, they'll like send me photos. Friends with each other or friends with you? Friends with each other. Oh wow. And posting photos of each other. Yeah. They've met up in person and they're actual friends. I think that is so beautiful. And that inspires me. Just like also traveling. I haven't been traveling as much the past year, but I was going to Asia quite a bit. I went to Tokyo four years ago, four or five years ago. I sent out a tweet and I didn't think anyone would show up because, you know, it was four or five years ago. I'm in Tokyo.

Who watches my videos over here not sure so i tweeted i was going to be at this random park i didn't really set it up yeah didn't have security or anything my dad was there that's good he took on a lot it was like a bunch of kids away and and hundreds of girls showed up to this park and some of them didn't even speak English, but there was this connection there. And I just think that's so fascinating. It's truly inspiring to me. The fact that, whoa, I have this outlet. I can connect with so many people. I can make a difference. I can have an impact on their lives. And that's why whenever I feel self-doubt, whenever I'm feeling like, what am I doing? Who do I think I am? I remind myself that it's not so much about me because I have this power. I've been given this opportunity to give something to these people. So what do I want to

give them? I love that. What about the advice you would give to parents who have 13-year-old girls or boys that are going through their own insecurities? And maybe they want to share or create something online, but the parents are worried about them getting on there and getting hurt. What feedback would you give for parents in terms of sharing their message or evolving during these confusing teen years of how to grow through it? I mean, you're going to get hurt regardless, whether it's social media or not. It's definitely easier for people. Or school, right? Exactly. Also, bullying. I feel like a lot of people put it in the category of it happens when you're younger, but I think bullying can happen at any age in any scenario. It can happen in the workplace. Some

people might not even realize that they're being a bully or that they're having a negative impact on someone. So it's going to happen regardless. I think we need to go through that. We need to experience those things because that's what helps us and gets us ready for harder experiences. If I wasn't cyber bullied, I don't believe that I would be as strong as I am now. And insecurity is, you know, I still have it to this day, but I think in the past, I struggled with it more. For example, body image. I used to constantly compare myself to other people. And that's also really easy to do on the internet, you know, on Instagram, whatever, you know, sometimes our minds just, they just go there. And I used to always compare myself to other people. And then I would look at what society

would show me and say, you know, this is what's beautiful. There, there were like body trends of like thigh gaps and all of these things, which if have that that's great but i allowed myself to be so controlled by these demands just so i can feel validated that i wasn't happy like i would work out and i would eat healthy but i wasn't happy about it even if i saw results i wasn't complete because I wasn't doing it for the right reasons. It was exhausting, emotionally exhausting because you do all this work and, you know, maybe you buy a new outfit or you do this to get this validation and then it's not finished yet because you have to get the validation. If you don't get that, then you're disappointed, then you're upset, then you're resentful Because how could this person not show you the love that you wanted when you did all of this?

And I did that for a few years. And I realized. It's exhausting, right? It's so exhausting. And the thing is, sometimes you will get that validation. Sometimes people will give you the compliments. They will give you the love that you are striving for from them. But it's not reliable. Because you might not get it tomorrow. But what is reliable is self-acceptance

and not needing any, any source outside of yourself to give you that. And that, that can be a person that maybe you're trying to impress. It can also be numbers. It can also be X amount of likes on Instagram that makes me feel good that, Oh, I'm important now. It's such a roller coaster for your emotions. It's so up and down and you cannot, it's not sustainable over time. And I didn't realize that at first. So I just went through this period of time where I was just constantly trying to impress other people and trying to get that acceptance. And then I realized, you know what, it has to come from me. And now, you know, I work out, I eat healthy and I do it. Obviously, you know, I care about what I look like to some extent. We all

do. Of course. But it's for a completely different reason now. I've learned to be grateful for what I have and I don't compare myself to people. Sometimes, like I said, you do it and then you have to switch back and be like, okay. But I've learned to be grateful for, first of all, you know, I have a body, you know, I have legs. I'm able to walk. I'm able to see, experience so many things through this body that I was given. I'm not entitled to this. This was given to me. How dare I disrespect it by saying it's not as good as that one. This is what I was given. So I should work with what I have and want to nurture this because I can't change the fact that this is what I was given and I shouldn't want to. And when I started thinking about it that way,

I was given and I shouldn't want to. And when I started thinking about it that way, I, I, I see my body differently. I appreciate the little things about my body, the things that society may not say are perfect. I love those things. And then that also starts to work outside of you where you start looking at other people and seeing the things that they may not be so confident about. And you, you start to love those things. And you call them out on those things. Say, I love this about you. That's amazing. That thing that you don't like, I genuinely love that.

And then that can also make them realize, wait, I should love that too. It's just a whole domino effect. And it's such a great, it's so refreshing to think about it that way because you realize how can I be so disrespectful to my own body comparing it to someone else when this is a gift that I was given. Amen to that. I like that. What about the insecurities now? What's your biggest insecurity?

My biggest insecurity? Physically? Anything. I mean, physically it can change. Like the other day I had ice cream and then I woke up with a zit and I was like, ah, you know, I had a moment and then I got over it. Uh, so yeah, physically, you know, I have those moments where I look in the mirror and I'm like, oh my gosh. And then I kind of just have to go back to that being grateful and understanding, you know,

I, I have to be thankful for what I have and I, I shouldn't be picking myself apart because also it's, uh, with insecurities, they can become habits. That's what I, that's what I did with, uh, my body image in the past. I used to weigh, I don't own a scale anymore, but I used to weigh myself five times a day. Wow. Does it fluctuate that much in a day? It did. It would go up and down.

And if it wasn't going down, you probably had this negative feeling, right? Totally. Wow. I was obsessed with it. And it became a habit. It became something that I then didn't even think about. I just would do it without, you know, without even thinking about it. And I was so comfortable. I was so,

it was so certain. Like I always just went to the scale, focused on the weight. And then I realized that can be anything. It's what you choose to make that thing be, because we get into habits naturally. You do something enough and then it's like autopilot and that's what I was doing with my weight just obsessing over it so much and and now I realize like that number like it doesn't doesn't matter like I work out now and I might gain weight that's fine I feel stronger I'm I'm focused now on being stronger not being thinner. And so, yeah, I used to obsess over that a lot. And then I realized, what if I can focus on the things that I like, the things that I think are beautiful about myself, the positive things, and make that a habit? I was like, I'm going to give it a try. So

I started doing that. What did that look like? Was that affirmations in the morning? Was that self-talk? Yeah, it's affirmations in the morning. It's like looking in the mirror, just being grateful for little things, being grateful even for things that are not physical, thankful for, oh, my family, my friends, the people in my life. I met so many people this year that I didn't know a year ago. I also, I just have my like morning, I like play our music every morning and like dance around in my mirror. It's like, it's a good time. That's great. Might as well celebrate life. Absolutely. And so that became a habit. Now I do that every morning. It's fascinating. As opposed to look in the mirror and judge yourself and step on the scale and say,

I'm too heavy today and this is going to be a bad day and constantly going at a downward spiral, right? Yeah. It's all what you get comfortable doing. And then I realized, you know, maybe those things I was thinking about myself weren't even true. Maybe that was just an illusion. It was just, I was telling myself that so much and I was feeding myself those negative thoughts so much or focusing on those negative thoughts so much, giving them so much power that I just started to believe them to be true. And I still have negative thoughts, but that's going to happen. I think it's being able to kind of step back and almost observe your thoughts and understand that what you're thinking isn't always true. Like, what do you want to

believe? What do you know is true? What do you want to think about yourself? If you want to have a positive life, then you should focus on positive things. Absolutely. I love that. What would you say is the skill or the information that you need to learn or master in order to evolve into the woman you want to be? Wow. These questions. I? Hmm. Wow. These questions. I love it. Skill.

Skill or information or lesson or something that you need to master or own or step into to become the woman you want to become. Not that you're not already great right now, but if you're evolving yourself. Hmm. I feel like there's so many things. Let's share them. I mean, fear is a big one. Doing things that scare you, which I heard all the time and I just never really, I never

really applied it. And I didn't think that I was afraid. I was like, I don't, I'm not afraid of anything. I'm good. But I was hiding my fears for myself i was denying the fact that things scared me and things intimidated me and now i i like to look for things that scare me unless they're like you know crazy dangerous but you know what i mean so uh i think embracing fear and understanding that there doesn't have to be an absence of fear. I used to feel like I

needed to be fearless and not have fear instead of using that fear as energy and embracing the fact that I was afraid of something. Because if something scares me, something makes me nervous, it's because it means something. I care about it. I don't want to do anything that I don't care about. That's what we should be. We should only be doing things that actually mean something to us. And sometimes those things that actually mean something to us freak us out a little bit because they're uncomfortable. They're out of our comfort zone. And this was out of my comfort zone. Most vulnerable I've been. YouTube out of my comfort zone. I think constantly looking for those things that make you feel a little uncomfortable and understanding that if you move forward with it, you're going to feel even more uncomfortable.

You're not going to like it. You're not going to like it at first. What's that next thing for you? Well, for me, most recently, I think the, the vulnerability thing was really hard. That's what I, I spoke about a lot of things in the book that I had never really talked about before. And that was scary because, which is weird to say vulnerability scares me when I post videos of myself on the internet, but it's different because, you know because I choose what I want to talk about. And sometimes I don't really go into depth about things that make me emotional. And writing this book, talking about specific experiences like the bullying, I had to kind of feel it again. I had to go back to that place. And I started feeling the emotions as if it was happening.

And I wanted to pull back. I didn't want to do that anymore. And I thought, well, if this is making me feel something, it's probably going to make the readers feel something. So that's a sign that I should continue doing this. So yeah, I think for me, it's just like doing things that scare me and make me feel something. I'll cut you off. You were going to say something else about what you need to step into. I thought you were saying something. Embracing fears.

Embracing fears. And something else. Oh, what was I going to say? I mean, there are so many. I mean, there are so many, I think, I think challenging yourself, taking risks and just constantly looking for opportunities to grow and learn. That's why, that's why I love like self-improvement and self-help books so much. Like if you saw my apartment, they're like everywhere. I just, I'm like, what else can I learn? Because I see it as if I can be more wise, if I can be smarter, if I can know more things about the world and about people

and about the way that we work, I can be more helpful. And I think contributing to our community, to the people around us, that gives you that purpose. That's what we all want. We all want that happiness, that purpose. And that's why I just like to make myself more useful. And that's what I'm able to do through my videos is how can I improve myself? How can I improve my work so that it can possibly improve other people's lives? Yeah. You shared a ton in your videos, your book. I'm not sure if there's

anything you haven't shared with the world, but if there is anything maybe small that people don't know about that you're really proud of, or maybe something that you've done that's big that you're really proud of, but people don't know about, is there anything that maybe some people aren't aware of? Like a big thing or what are we talking about? Something small. I don't know. Maybe just something you do that people don't even know you do it. thing or what are we talking about? Something small. I don't know. Maybe just something you do that people don't even know you do it. Maybe it's like every morning you buy coffee for someone at Starbucks and you've never shared that with anyone, but something you're proud of that you do. Oh, wow. Wow. I feel like I should be buying people Starbucks now.

I'm just throwing it out there. Is there something that you do, again, that maybe you don't talk about a lot, but you're really proud of? Maybe you call your mom every day, and you tell her how much you love her. I don't know. Hopefully you do. No, that is a really great example.

Maybe you're not talking about it on YouTube. Like, hey guys, I call my mom every day, or I talk to my sister, or whatever it is. That is a good example. That is actually one that is true. I'm really happy that even though I don't... I'm glad it's true, because that would just put you on blast. That is actually one that is true. I am really happy that even though I don't, I'm glad it's true. Cause I would just put you on blast. I never talked to my mom anymore. Peace out mom. Uh, no, I, I'm, I'm really thankful for my family and I still,

even though I don't see them and much anymore, uh, I FaceTime them all the time and I'm really thankful for that bond. My sister just had her second baby. And so I'm very excited to be an aunt again. It's a good time. So yeah, I think maintaining that relationship with your family is very important. Also, when I reach a certain age, it was interesting. You realize like, whoa, my family members,

they're like real people. It's like my parents, like they're real people, just like me. And you gain this respect for your family members. I feel like when you reach a certain level of maturity where you, which maybe you, you realize that earlier on for me, I realized it a few years ago. And, uh, I just thought, well, you know, my parents, like they have struggles, they have their own insecurities. They are real people. My sister, she can be my best friend. My mom can be my best friend. It's just, it was this crazy realization that I had.

I don't know if other people experienced that because I think, you know, growing up with your family, you just see them differently. You see them as different or like your world separate from the rest of the world. Absolutely, yeah. How many times a day would you say you look in the mirror? A couple times? A couple times. A couple times a day, okay. If you had to get a tattoo on your forehead of a word,

one word that was in reverse that you could see when you were looking in the mirror because it would be reversed. And every time you looked in the mirror, you'd have this reminder of this word for the rest of your life. You had to have it. Couldn't cover it up with makeup. You just had to have the word. What would that word be for you? the word would be wow it would be wow you wouldn't have to look in the mirror to read that I think the word would be

light because that's what I want to be for the people in my life the people that I'm close to, the people that watch me on the internet that maybe I haven't met before that live on the other side of the world. I just want to be a positive light and positive energy for these people. And I, and I feel like I've had experiences in my life where I have not let my light shine and I've not embraced my my light

because of insecurities because of challenges and I don't want to do that anymore I want to embrace you know life and I want to just radiate positive energy so that that can inspire people because when you're around someone that's enlightened and happy and passionate and letting their light shine, that's infectious. You want to do that as well with your light. So that's probably what I would do. That's a good word. I haven't heard that one yet. That's a good word. Okay. A couple of final questions for you, Beth. Okay. And you've been, thank you so much for sharing so openly today.

It's been amazing. This is called the three truths question, okay? What? So imagine that this microphone is connected to the seven plus billion people, and they all have headphones on right now. All the people in the world have headphones on, and this mic is connected to all those headphones. And so we've turned on a switch. Your mic is live to the world. Everyone can understand you in English. No matter what their

language is, they can understand you. And you get to share your three truths to the world. You've done hundreds of videos. You've done music. You've written books now. You've done hundreds of videos. You've done music. You've written books now. You've been on Dancing with the Stars. You've done a lot of cool things. You've interviewed the president. You've done all these things.

And let's say that for whatever reason, those things are erased. Everything is gone. And they wouldn't have anything else to watch or listen to you except for this one message with three lessons you've learned or three truths that you would share with the world, three things you know to be true.

What would you say with everyone listening right now are your three truths? Number one would be you can never put your happiness in someone else's hands. It's an insane amount of responsibility to ask from someone and that's something that you are responsible for and you will always be responsible for. Becoming your best friend is so important. Being able to be alone with yourself and be alone with your thoughts so that you can be honest with yourself and who you are, that is key. That's what has helped me so much when I'm going through a challenge or if I'm in a situation where I may feel insecurity, whatever it may be, having a very strong sense of self is important and it can be scary to

be alone with yourself in that way, but I believe that it's so important. I would also say you already have everything that you need. Mm-hmm. I truly, this is what I try to get back to whenever I'm feeling doubtful is that there is nothing outside of myself that will make me complete. I'm already there. nothing outside of myself that will make me complete. I'm already there. So if I can realize that I am complete the way that I am, then everything else is just fun. And I can do everything else around me, my work, my relationships, my friendships with people. It's just out of love because I'm not asking anyone for anything. I'm not expecting anything. I just want to have fun because I'm already complete. And that doesn't mean you don't work hard. You know, you work hard because you're passionate and you want to grow and learn, but you don't take it personally and you don't have

expectations to take things personally if that expectation is not met because you are already complete. Those are great truths. Those are powerful. You have been inspiring. And I want to acknowledge you for a moment, Beth, for being the light for so many people. You know, 25 million people subscribed to you online. You're constantly reminding them of how beautiful they are and how they already have everything they need inside of them. So I want to acknowledge you for showing up when you were 13 and doing something that scared the crap out of you and constantly being committed to show up every single day to give back to anyone who wants to watch or listen to you. You have been, you're beautiful in every sense of the word. So I'm so inspired by you.

I'm excited about this book. I'm so excited about everything that's coming for you. And I wanted to acknowledge you for that. Thank you so much. Make sure you guys, there's one more question I have for you. But make sure you guys go get this book. Go check it out. It's on our YouTube channel.

It's on Amazon, Barnes & Noble. You can get it anywhere books are sold. Make your mind up. Bethany Moda, very exciting. A lot of cool stuff in there. Where should we connect with you the most online? Where do you like to hang out the most? Obviously, YouTube channel, but Instagram most?

Snapchat? I'm on Instagram. Twitter, Facebook? What do you like? I'm on Twitter. Haven't been using Snapchat as much recently. I don't use Snapchat at all anymore. I'm really into the Instagram stories right now.

Instagram is just amazing. It's really fun. It's so good. But I hate doing both. It's like, why do both? It's a lot. Yeah. Yeah, I mean,

you can just type in my name, Bethany Moda, and I'll show up on pretty much everything. Yes. I mean, I feel like I'm on every social media platform at this point.

Sure, sure. Very cool. Well, it's been great having you on. I really appreciate you. I know you've been busy this week with the tour, so thank you for making time. Yeah, of course. The final question for you is what's your definition of greatness?

My definition of greatness is having personal freedom, like allowing yourself to go after what you want without apologizing for it and without needing the approval of other people to tell you that it's good or that it's right but knowing yourself that it's good and it's right because it feels right that's that's I believe the only way that you can you know step into who you truly are is by trusting yourself in that way and it's great to have support of other people. The people around you are going to inspire you and encourage you to push yourself further. But I don't think that you should rely on anyone to tell you that what you're doing is right or not, because only you really know that.

And you only know that by giving yourself personal freedom. Bethany, thank you so much. Thank you. Appreciate it. There you have it, greats. I hope you enjoyed this episode. If you enjoyed it as much as I did, then make sure to share this online with your friends. Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, tag me at Lewis Howes and tag Bethany as well,

as I'm sure she'll appreciate seeing all of you that are listening and watching this right now. All the show notes are back at lewishouse.com slash 502. We can check out all the resources we talked about from today's interview. Watch the full video interview as well. And check out all the great quotes that Bethany shared on this interview back at lewishouse.com slash 502. I love you guys.

I hope you enjoyed this one. And you know what time it is. It's time to go out there and do something great. I love you guys. I hope you enjoyed this one. And you know what time it is. It's time to go out there and do something great.