The School of Greatness - 526 Conscious Parenting with Dr. Shefali Tsabary

Episode Date: August 21, 2017

"We need to keep our kids who they are; the rest will follow." - Dr. Shefali If you enjoyed this episode, check out show notes, video, and more at http;//lewishowes.com/526

This is episode number 526 with New York Times best-selling author, Dr. Shefali. Welcome to the School of Greatness. My name is Lewis Howes, a former pro-athlete turned lifestyle entrepreneur. And each week we bring you an inspiring person or message to help you discover how to unlock your inner greatness. Thanks for spending some time with me today. Now let the class begin. Wayne Dyer said it best when he said, your children are not your children. They come through you,

but they are life itself wanting to express itself. I was literally on the edge of my seat listening to and enthralled by Dr. Shefali and what she was sharing with me, the wisdom, the insights of so much I learned about myself. We go deep in today, and for those that don't know who Dr. Shefali is, Oprah has endorsed her work as revolutionary and life-changing. Dr. Shefali's groundbreaking approach to parenting has taken her books to the top of the New York Times bestseller list. Her blend of clinical psychology and Eastern mindfulness sets her apart as a leader in

the field of mindfulness psychology. And as an international speaker, she speaks at events around the globe, spreading her message of conscious parenting and mindful living. She also has a private practice where she consults with families and couples. And boy, did we go into it. We talk about the mental illness

running through so many parents in our society. The question every person should ask themselves before choosing to become a parent, why we need to think of children as coming through us instead of us creating them. If there is a way to parent the right way, what is it so that your kid isn't messed up? What the role of fear in parenting is and how we can heal ourselves from the trauma of our parents and also so many more things guys this blew me away and make sure to screenshot this right now share with your friends over on instagram story tag me lewishouse.com slash 526 because it's about to get real

and my mind was blown and before we dive in i want to give a shout out to the fan of the week who left a review over on iTunes. This is from Ada, who says, woo-wee, a true display of great minds and ideas coming together. These interviews and insights will catapult you to a new heightened level of your true unique greatness. So many tangible tools to implement into your life and business, etc. that will yield you results. You cannot afford to miss these and give yourself this gift today. Thank you, Louis, for orchestrating this platform.

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How do you find the right people on your team to help you grow, scale, take things off your plate that don't support you? Well, make sure to check out Z ziprecruiter.com slash greatness. With ZipRecruiter, you can now post your job to 100 plus job sites with just one click. And then their powerful technology efficiently matches the right people to your job better than anyone else. In fact, over 80% of jobs posted on ZipRecruiter get qualified candidates in just 24 hours. So you don't have to go back and forth over email, checking people's references. You get it all in one place.

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All right, get ready for your minds to be blown right away as we dive into this one with the one, the only only Dr. Shefali. Welcome back everyone to the School of Greatness podcast. We have the legendary Dr. Shefali in the house. Thank you so much for being here. Thank you. So excited. Very excited. I've been introduced to you many times by dozens of people to have you on. So I'm very glad that we finally got you in the studio. And you've been doing a lot of work with parents and their kids for a long time. Is that right? Yes. Yes. And it's not so much because I'm, you know, in love with parents, particularly. It's because I realize how important those first years are.

And as a therapist, I have been working with mostly adults. But then I would notice that no matter who the adult is, we inevitably spend all our time on their childhood. So then I figured if I want to make a difference in this world, and I always knew I wanted to write, then I need to go to the core of the issue. And the core of the issue is not the child. It's the parental unconscious. So if I can help the parent discover how unconscious they are and shed light on how messed up they are and then help them to evolve into their highest self and really raise the parent,

because all these parents haven't been raised well. They were raised unconsciously. So if I could help them raise themselves, then we have a hope for them to not mess up their kids so much. So you're like the parent whisperer. Well, kind of. I don't know. Parents are like dogs and you're teaching them, right? You're saying that. I didn't say that. You're training them to be the leader of the pack or something, right? Well, just to become conscious of how unconscious they are. And this is serious. The first 10 years of a kid's life, that's it.

Then you've irrevocably damaged them. That's it. So if you can get the first 10 years somewhat right, and if I can help parents to somewhat course correct after the first two years that they've already messed up, then we have some hope, you know, to create or to help create a future for their children that's whole and wholesome. Is there any parents that you, that actually can do it right? Is there a way to do it right so your kids aren't messed up? Or are we all messed

up no matter how much love we receive, how much attention we get, or how much people care about us? If our parents missed one game, do we hold onto that as kids that they didn't care about us no matter how hard they tried? Well, it's not about perfection and it's not about not messing up.

So that's not the point. Got it. The point is to become curious about how the mess up teaches us how to become more evolved, how to become more authentic. Every parent will mess up. It's just an irrevocable truth of life. You know, how can you not? So we're here to discover how to become more conscious. The only way to discover how to become more conscious is to see the unconsciousness. So what I really help parents do is penetrate their unconsciousness and transform

that into consciousness. Got it. So it's not about avoiding unconsciousness. It's about living your most authentic truth, seeing the mess up and the chaos and walking on the landmines to then evolve. Right. And you grew up in India and you moved here when you were 21, is that right? Or in your early 20s? And what's the different culture like from India? I've been to India, but what's it like having parents? What's the general theme of parenting there versus here in the US or in North America? Well, it's different on so many layers, but it's becoming uniform because the Western

model seems to have overtaken the world, right? So there's a Starbucks and a McDonald's everywhere. So with parenting and so with cultural ideations. But I think if you go deeper, the differences are really about how the East looks at the self and how the West looks at the self. And that's why my work integrates the Eastern and the Western perspective because I grew up in the East, which has such a different ideology around what the self is, right?

Influenced by Hinduism and Buddhism. And then the West has this very iconoclastic, individualistic, doing, achievement-oriented ideation of the self. And both have their place, but they both need to be integrated to create the whole self. So that's what I really try to do with my clients and in my work is, yeah, we need to do and we need to strive in a Western sort of way. But if you're not going to underpin that with a deep philosophical Eastern understanding of impermanence and transience and... Acceptance.

And acceptance of the as-is, then you're going to screw it up. So to do both is really to have the dove fly. Ooh, the doves fly. Is that Prince? I just stole. Just plagiarized, yes. Is that Prince though, right?

Yeah. Now, is it possible to raise kids without fighting with them? Without fighting with them? Yes. Well, we can fight with people without ostensibly fighting. The battle doesn't have to be in arms. Screaming and yelling and physical yeah so what the real battle between a parent and child which is more insidious than a yell and a fight

that's clear is the battle of egos who is the battle of my way versus your way i'm right you're wrong you're i'm right you're wrong i'm the. Exactly. And that's the toxicity of this paradigm, which I'm trying to shift. Because the traditional paradigm was I'm greater than, I'm the authority. I'm the teacher, you're the student. Absolutely. And you are here to do unto my command. And why did I have you? If not that, right? I didn't raise you to question me and to defy me. No, I only have had you. Of course, I won't admit this to the world because I'm going to pretend like I'm here to raise a spirit.

But really, the reason why I had you was just to follow me so I can finally feel full and complete because my parents never made me feel that. But I'll have you and you'll be my minion of sorts. I won't admit this to anyone. Or I just forgot to wear protection. Right, right. And then you're definitely going to be my minion because I made a mistake.

I didn't even think about it. So now you've come to mess up my life. You better do it my way and make me feel so good about myself so I can tell all my friends. And you need to be the idealized version of everything I was never. That's why I'm having you. More pressure on kids, huh? Yeah, but that's what it is.

That's what the prevailing and pervasive parenting model is. And this is the toxicity in our culture. This is the mental illness because it's all separatist, right? So what we're seeing in the world today, the separation between right wing and left wing or different cultures or different colors stems from this toxicity in

the parent-child dynamic. That's why I do the work I do, because this is the core. You understand? This is it. This is where it starts, where the parent tells the other, you are not me. I cannot learn from you. You're separate from me. You will follow me. So what does that lead the child to do when the child goes out in the world? The same attitude of dogmatism and separation, authority and hierarchy, right? This is what's right. This is what's wrong. And I'm going to take this belief into the world. Right. It's not oneness. The parent and child are not one. So what I try to do is shift the parent to understand that the child, if anything, is your teacher. And not in a subservient way, where you're giving up all charge, because that's what parents, you know, they can't stand.

But it's truly to unionize the dynamic. Because when the child feels that they have come into this world with authority and sovereignty, then they will honor the authority and sovereignty of others, right? But if their authority is not tolerated, why should they tolerate the authority of others? So this is where it starts. What's the perfect approach to being a parent? You just had a child, came home from the hospital, wherever you had the child from, and the child is developing in its first few years. How should you raise a child before it's able to verbally communicate, how should you raise a child before it's able to verbally communicate? How do you raise a child to set yourself up and the child up for the best, most harmonious relationship? Right. Well, ideally, since you're talking idealistically,

before you have a child, you need to A, really think of your motivation to have a child, because we don't think it through. We think this is how a family should be and this is your number five on your checklist. Yeah, right? Especially for a woman. Or it's, yeah, I'm getting older. I've got to do it now.

Completely. And I'll be scorned or looked on as selfish, especially a woman. So she has a lot of pressure. So she's already motivated by the wrong reasons or by the deluded reasons, by fear. She's not motivated by the ultimate reason, which if really she was motivated by, she may not have a child. The ultimate reason is, can I be so evolved in my own self that I truly feel I can guide the spirit to evolve into their true self.

So if she truly answered that, honestly, she would not have a child. There would be no kids in the world. Which wouldn't be a bad thing for a while, would you think? A pause, just a breather, let the earth just breathe. Let the world gain consciousness, awareness. And why are we continuing to do it wrong? We're all just doing it wrong. Why don't we just take a pause?

It isn't a terrible idea. Get it right. Align yourself with consciousness. And then start again. But no, we're so egoically obsessed. We're like, no, I have to have my kid because I have to leave my legacy of disease and mental illness.

I must leave my particular staff. Because that's what we're doing. Unworthiness. Unworthiness. Why not? Why not? I'm unworthy, so I'll create the same thing in someone else. Mine is a special kind of unworthiness. Right. No one else understands me. This particular kind of self-flagellation that I'm an expert at. So no, I think ideally,

we should all take a pause for a couple generations, become conscious human beings, and then really mindfully think as a community, if the community is ready for another child. You know, this should not be an individualistic enterprise anymore. You know, children growing up in nuclear families is also part of the disease. You know, you're putting so much pressure on two fragile, if they're two, one fragile human being. It's too much strain. You know, we've lost the whole collectivist mentality of raising children in a village.

You know, Hillary Clinton got it right. It does take a village and we've lost that. So when you ask me what's different about Eastern and Western, that's another way the East is different. There is a more communal orientation and the raising of a child. It's more in Eastern and Western. That's another way the East is different. There is a more communal orientation and the raising of a child. It's more in a joint system. It's more kinship, kindred.

Yes, yes. And then you come here to the West. My girlfriends in the East, they're appalled at how much pressure I have in the West. I don't have any help. Not extended families. It's isolated. Too much pressure. No one else can touch my baby.

They're going to get sick. So no one's going to touch my baby. So my baby gets all my crap. There's no hope that there'll be mediation from anyone to help. No other perspectives. No other perspectives. No multitude of roles and influences. And not only is the illness passed on, but the parent breaks under that. So not only does the child suffer, but the parent breaks under that so not only does

the child suffer but the parent is truly suffering in the west because the pressure is too much so much pressure yes there's no family around if they're leaving home or whatever and then with the divorce rate i don't even know is it more than 50 percent now is it well it's close yes so imagine you know like the analogy that many people give is that you won't get on a plane ride if there was a 50% chance of survival. Crashing? Hell no. That's one of the things I'm afraid of getting married for, right? Yeah, you should question.

You should question these institutions. So I think my book and my work is not about putting more pressure on parents. It actually liberates parents to penetrate the deluded ideations we're living under. You know, the whole idea of success that we put on children. It's deluded. The pressure. The pressure to achieve. It comes from fear and lack. So when I teach parents that you're just operating out of fear and lack because you're not complete, you want something to post on Facebook, you need a medal because you never got it, or you need to prove it to your parents that you're still a good person and you're using your children once parents get it in an epiphany then they release their children of it and now they have less anxiety when i teach them about the superficiality

of grades and how grades are just a hair's breadth of the whole potential. Now I've released the parent from pressure. Now they can truly connect with who their child is. Otherwise, parenting is all about pressure, pressure, pressure. Right? So the connection is coming undone. And if the child is not connected to, they grow up wandering the earth, addicted and searching. Yeah. So, okay.

We first have, in an ideal world, we first ask ourselves if we should have the baby. Yeah. So, okay. We first have, in an ideal world, we first ask ourselves if we should have the baby. Right. If we're aware, conscious, able to. We most likely would not,

but say. Right, right. Right. But say we've done the work. Okay. And we're like, all right, I'm not perfect,

but I'm aware. Okay, good. And I've processed a lot of my past hurts. Good. The suffering I've been through. I've forgiven everyone in my past. And most importantly, I've forgiven myself for all the suffering I've been through. I've forgiven everyone in my past. And most importantly, I've forgiven myself for all the things I've done. And I'm aware. I meditate.

I've got my routines. I still get crazy every now and then, but I'm pretty conscious, right? Okay. Then I have a baby. I decided to have the baby. Now, what's the first two years like? How should I set up my life and structure this relationship with my child in the early stage? Then you prepare yourself to encounter one of the most profound relationships of your life where you will be tested at the most highest level of spiritual lessons ever, which is now this being came from you, but you'll be tested that it's not yours. Really? What do you mean? They came through you,

but it's not yours. So you'll be tested in not possessing another being, even though it's yours. Even though you created it, but it owns itself is what you're saying. You don't have ownership over a human being. Yes, you barely created it too. But say it came through you and you did something.

Yes. You have to now release that. Ownership. Ownership. Because now you have to pay homage to the fact that this is a being that actually you called into your life for you to grow from. So you reverse everything. So it's not growing from you.

You're growing from it. Right. If you reverse everything. So it's not growing from you. You're growing from it. Right. If you want to do it the right way. So it's a, it's, you're creating a being that is now going to be your greatest teacher. Yes. You didn't create it though. You have to. Okay. It's coming through you. Sorry for the language. What's the language? Because parents think they created it. Okay. What's the language? You call this being into your life. You call this being into your life and it came from you. It came from your being. Okay.

But you didn't create this being. Well, because if you think you created it, there's a problem there. You're not a parent, so you don't see this side of crazy, but you have to see parents to know how crazy they are. I have two crazy parents.

Right. They think they created you and that's why they did all sorts of things to you. They brainwashed you and they took over your life because they think they created you and that's why they did all sorts of things to you they brainwashed you and they took over your life because they think they created you that's the problem

and I'm trying to burst this ideology you didn't I tell parents no you didn't create anyone like if you created a being you should be curing cancer like if you were that phenomenal

you're not this is just the process of life you had birth being done to you and you call this being into your life as a way of saying that you had some ownership or some partnership with who you call because the minute the child doesn't turn out who they want they're like where did this child come from i'm like no you call this child to learn lessons every relationship in our life

is called for the higher and the more sacred purpose of evolving no more so profound as the one with your child so now but because it's an infant and infantile and dependent on you it activates the ego you see of the parent this is the spiritual test so as it's activating the ego where you now get this you know unremitting love that you've never received before right this child looks at you with adoring gay it's a trip for the parent yeah it's a huge ego trip of course but this is the spiritual test that i challenge parents with like you're watching your ego rise but at the same time it's the you know like you can drive in new york you can drive anywhere here it's like your ego is going to rise like never before and this is the place where you're tested to release the ego right now when you learn

the art of the of the doing this is where the east and west come so beautifully in this journey together you have to do for the kid you have to do you have to wake up you have to feed you have to change you have to clean you have to earn money you have to pay for the baby it's a lot right yes so the doing is in full mode like never before. Yet the infant specifically at that age asks you to be with it in this silent, nonverbal communion way like no one else will. So here you're juxtaposed with the doing and the being. And these are the lessons of a spiritually conscious and awakened life, right? How do we do this podcast right now in the doing of it, but yet we have to connect and we have to be and we have to be present, right?

So this is what children teach us. Yes, mommy and daddy, do for me and protect me and send me to the greatest school. But if you're not with me in the present moment, then you've missed the whole boat. And that's when I'm going to scream and get your attention and punch you and lash out. So it's a spiritual training. This is one of the greatest spiritual trainings we can ever have. I can only imagine. Because with another adult, if you're in a partnership with your spouse or your partner, the ego doesn't roar with possession. So you're not tested like that because your partner's already told you, hey, you don't really possess me. Don't try. You may try but you you can't get away with it but

with the infant the ego will roar because i created it yeah right so this is the spiritual test which is the most profound and if you can pass it then you release it in all other areas of your life if you can do it with your kid and release your child and know that your child is a sovereign being and you've participated in that and they've helped you become more a sovereign being and you're just guiding each other, a child, and you can see that you're just guiding them, nothing more, ushering them,

then you've released your ego in most everything else. Wow. So in this way, the parent-child relationship becomes the spiritually regenerative relationship of your life the one where you awaken that's what it should be it should be okay why um what is the role of fear in parenting because i feel like there's a lot of fear with parents. Omnipresent. It is the role greater than anything else. Why are parents so afraid? Because they enter it with lack and they enter it incomplete. And now the child becomes the bedpost for who it is they are. So if the

child messes up, it's like, now I'm really messed up. Like now I've lost all hope. I mess up and my kid is messed up. And the mirror is so clear. We're using the children to fulfill us. Therefore, the child, there's a lot at stake here. It's not a joke. If they let their parents down, they let themselves down, they don't achieve, they let their parents down. It's a colossal breakdown.

They want to have that acknowledgement. I feel like the thing we long for the most, at least as a grown child, because I feel like we're all just kids, is acknowledgement. I feel like the thing we long for the most, at least as a grown child, because I feel like we're all just kids, is acknowledgement. Yes. To be seen for who it is you are, not who it is I want you to be. Exactly. The reason I do my podcast sitting across from someone is because everyone else does shows sitting side by side and you can get away from the eyes. For me, I want to connect and be present. Yeah, it's a different energy connect and be present yeah it's a different energy isn't it different energy than just being next to someone and being talking like this and once in a while i'll pay attention to you right but i'm going to go back over here because it's

more comfortable right right but really seeing someone and being present with someone i feel like is challenging right you have to show up just to practice you have to be here fully fully raw yeah and um i remember feeling you know as a kid like just never being seen you know i was the youngest of four i had two parents they were working three jobs like constantly trying to provide they probably shouldn't have had it you know us they were like 19 or whatever when they had my first kid and i remember just like all i wanted was acknowledgement and i remember i think a lot of kids feel that way it's like we just want acknowledgement just want to be seen it's probably why we do a lot of kids feel that way. It's like we just want acknowledgement, we just want to be seen.

That's probably why we do a lot of things as adults, for acknowledgement and to be seen. So even the parent who's taking care, like you were clothed and fed, so the parent is thinking, I've done my bit. I've done my job. Right, but it's not about the doing. That's what every kid will tell you.

I don't care that you send me to the fanciest school and you had a yacht that you went to. That's what you wanted for me. That's what you wanted. Because ultimately all I wanted was to know that I was being seen for who it is I am. Not to fit into your agenda and your image of a good life. And we use our children, you know, to fit into our idea. So they never get seen.

To look good on our Instagram page. To talk about to our friends. Exactly. So now they're going to have kids because they need to be seen. You see, this is why we keep having kids in the unconscious way, waiting to be seen. I know it's so dismal, but it's the truth. Let's just end the human race right now. No more babies. No. Well, well, babies, but babies but babies you know it's the most sacred thing you can do

so better think about it not creating life but calling life yes through you yes is that what I'm supposed to say yes yes yes

and it's not a joke you know you can't take it lightly I'm not trying to make a joke I'm just trying to make sure I don't say creating because we're not creating

I mean it's the most sacred thing in the world is bringing life in the world, right? Yes. And yet we take it for granted, I think, sometimes. I mean, one of my best friends just had a baby two weeks ago. And I was one of the first people to see his daughter in the hospital. I was just moved to tears by the calling forth of this being.

Yeah. And it was so powerful. And yet I was also worried for him at the same time. Cause I was like, I want to make sure you guys are set up in a conscious way for everything moving forward. Yes. And so I think people need to be conscious about this.

Because, and you also open yourself up to the magnificence of this unknown thing called the universe. And you've put your hands and you've surrendered to this force. And to recognize that you are partnering with a force, right? Then it creates humility in you. So you're not this overarching ruler and monarch over your child. No, you didn't create this.

It's coming through with this force energy. So commune with that force and pay homage to it in every age and stage of your child's life. Yeah, yeah. If you're a parent, what's the ideal thing that you should think of

first thing you wake up in the morning in regards to the relationship you want to have or the way of being you want to be with that child or children? Is there something

you should think about, a process, an awareness, whether it be first thing in the morning or throughout the day or whenever? But what's the thing every single day that a parent should ask themselves and be aware of? I think the question they could ask themselves is, am I connected to myself today?

Am I feeling whole today? Where are my missing pieces today? Because whatever's missing within us, within 10 minutes of our child waking up, we're going to dump it on them. Wow. Yeah. Every time I see something wrong in what my child is doing, it's because I'm feeling wronged in my own life or that I'm not good enough. So when I'm not feeling good enough, I see everything wrong in my child.

But I'm coming from a superfluous sense of gratitude and wellness. Suddenly they can do no wrong. It's projection. Yeah, same thing with relationships, intimate relationships, right? Absolutely, exactly. When we're feeling insecure about what we're creating, we're putting that on someone else.

And this parent-child relationship, there's no break for the first seven, eight, 10 years. You mean a baby can't just sustain itself and just be on its own, just get an apartment? Not entirely. So, you know, it's like such a deep marriage. Like with your partners, you can take a break. You can have a cigarette whenever you want.

Go for a glass of wine. No such thing with the child. You're just, you're there. You're fully there. So how do we remove the ego as a parent and say, okay, baby crying, screaming all day long or whatever, not doing what I wanted to do. How do we remove the ego and come from this place of like love and being? Yeah, yeah.

Like it's got to be so challenging with all the pressures that you're facing from your family or your parents or the grandparents' opinions and husband or wife. So first, parents opinions and yes yes husband or right so first the way i define ego is not simply a narcissistic desire to empower to power over the way i define the ego is that when we were young we weren't seen for who it is we are correct so as a result of that we had to survive now in order to survive we had to contort and distort and pretzel ourselves into a version into a version of who our

parents wanted us to be just to fit in. Just like survive. Please feed me. Take care of me. Don't be mad at me all day. Yeah, exactly. Gosh, it's the worst. Correct. Correct. Don't scream at me. Yes. What have I done, right? Be myself.

I just woke up. Yeah. I just spilled milk. So the nucleus, the core of the authentic self is now being denied and is increasingly invisible. So it needs an invincible shield to protect because now it's disintegrating. There's nothing inside. So it creates this false self. And I call the false self the ego. The ego was created to survive, but eventually will create suffocation. so we need to kill the ego now how do we kill the ego we first have to accept that it exists recognize each time it comes up love it for the service it's provided because it kept us surviving but now we need to understand that its

core came from fear it it was created because I was scared of being yelled at. Right? So I created some badass rebellion, or I created some whimpering obedience. Whatever I created was false. It was created out of fear. So now when my child screams, and I go back into that fear, and then I develop my ego, whatever the ego is, either I become too genuflecting toward my child and subservient and indulgent, or I become badass rebellion, thinking my child is my parent, but it isn't. I'm like acting in ego. I'm acting genuflecting toward my child and subservient and indulgent or I become badass rebellion thinking my child is my parent, but it isn't. I'm like acting in ego. I'm acting in false self.

So to recognize in those moments when it comes up and then to penetrate it, it takes a lot of introspection. You need the help of someone at first to do this because you don't even know. You see the ego is your second skin. You don't even know you're walking around with it. So it takes someone from the outside to go, you're in fear.

That's your ego. That's a mask. you're protecting something in you it's not the truth and as you release the ego only through accepting the ego understand it's the counter intuitive you can't be aware of it first yeah you can't just kill it then you emerge into your true self of connectivity and lack of fear right and this is why children will teach us how to be who it is we are by showing us our ego. Every moment you'll be seeing your ego as a parent. If you're willing to see it. Yeah, yeah.

No, it's fascinating you say this because not to go too off track, but my new book is called The Mask of Masculinity. Wow. It's about the mask that men wear that we're not even aware of that hold us back from having

vulnerable loving relationships. And it starts when parents tell their boys, right? Don't cry or don't be a girl. Don't be a girl. Don't be a pussy. Don't be whatever it is. Don't be a wimp. Suck it up.

So you begin to disconnect from your feelings. Put on masks. Right. And your authentic self gets hidden. That's it. Yeah. And then you're all like. Yeah.

And then it carries off through relationships, through parenting, through all these things. Yeah. And then the women in your life or other relationships tell you, but you have to feel. And you're like, feel? I stopped feeling a long time ago. And then when you're in sports, it's even worse. And you have to be a certain way. Yeah, you've got to be a warrior.

For men, it's prescribed. But for women, it's prescribed too. We have to be, you know. Now it is even more pressure for women. Yes, absolutely. Be great in the workforce. Be great in bed, be a great mother, always look hot, you know, all these things. Yeah. The pressures of both men and women.

And both now self-perpetuate. Right now, it's self-perpetuating. It's not even that the man is telling the woman any such thing. The woman is doing it to herself. And the man is- The pressure the woman is putting on herself. Now it's all inculcated. It's so imbibed.

Why? Why do women put so much pressure? Because it's something that we've been trained to be good girls. And we've been trained to be obedient. So whatever culture says is the way, we're going to be obedient to the way. Oh, now you want me to be a badass entrepreneur? I'll be that. Oh, you want me to be skinny?

I'll be that. Oh, you want me to have big boobs? I'll be that. Oh, you want me to be skinny? I'll be that. Oh, you want me to have big boobs? I'll do that. We're just trained to be obsequious, subservient. We're such good girls. That's what needs to break in us.

That's what we need to teach our girls. Be a bad girl. Well, not to be a bad girl. Just think. Question. Pause. You know,

have your own sovereign right. And mothers need to allow their daughters to do that and fathers too yeah but we mothers raising our daughters need to be the example where we question everything you know so i have a daughter and i try to raise her to question everything marriage sexuality everything what is beauty who is thin who is fat really do you really think you need to get a career what kind of career everything

so at least she now doesn't just dogmatically believe she has to be obedient just because you believed it or culture says or this man will tell you

you know you're not skinny enough or the man will tell you go cook for me no and everything pause and question yeah how old is your daughter 14 oh yes okay yeah all the guys are coming after her right now and I can see and I have to teach her about who men are and who boys are and I feel bad it's because it's kind

of bad it's tough I have to tell her that the boys she's with may not know how to feel and she'll be all in her feeling heart and thinking she's in her heart and thinking they're in their heart because they're trying to get something. And I have to teach her about the double agenda and who these boys are and feel compassion for them because they are trained to disconnect. And she's a girl looking to connect. So actually, boy and girl should not meet for a long time for

a long time till the man evolves for a long time what's her younger man who's evolved like i've got a nephew who's in touch with his 13 i think yeah 12 or 13 i never know they grow up so fast but he is like the most intelligent, loving, giving. I'm just like, who are you? I do believe there's a new wave. He is like, it's unbelievable. Right. His level of spirituality and awareness and feeling and empathy.

I'm just like, you're the ultimate boy. I think there's a new wave of consciousness coming. Yeah. But it's slow, but it is coming. Because parents are waking up now to a new way of being. So if we wake up, we'll do right by our boys and girls, right? Wow.

What do you think is the toughest age for parents to be able to be graceful and remove the ego of their kids? Yeah, I think it is the teenage years because the, while before, you could still get away with being a monarch when you're a parent of a teenager.

Now it becomes clear. Now, yeah, now your time is up. So now you have to deeply sit with who it is you are. Oh, right. Without the identity of someone needing you. Like your child is now bare faced and bold faced telling you i am entering my own right and might now you better figure out what your life is because i may not need you anymore wow and i don't want to need you and you need to release me and we parents don't want to release why is that it's like suffocating i don't know for me so i've been celebrating ever since my daughter began

you know becoming autonomous i'm like sweet cut the cord. I'm like, here, take the scissor. So ready because I want her to launch, but parents don't want that because they're tied up in the identity of being needed. They're so invested in the identity of being a parent that they've forgotten who it is they are. Another egoic mask. Parenting becomes another mask, you see. It's a mask.

It's a way to avoid who it is you truly are. And I keep teaching parents that if you don't go back to who it is you are, you will raise your child to have a false self. Gosh, my mind is being blown right now. What's the greatest lesson that you've faced in the last 14 years? Parenting. Just the... Personally, like a personal thing that you've come up with.

Yeah, no, for sure, for sure. That's why I write the books I do. I write them really for, you know, to talk to myself, right? Me too, me too. Yeah, to embed my own teachings. I open the book and I go, let me learn something. Because I think just the humility I've had at my own unconscious, and I've been meditating since I was 22 years old.

You know, that was only five years ago, I know. But it's been my life's mission. That was only five years ago, I know. But it's been my life's mission. And yet, the force and vigor of this unconsciousness is so profound. And it's my daily challenge. But I rise to it. I'm excited by it.

I'm not ashamed when I see my unconsciousness. I'm ready for it. I'm not narcissistic to believe, oh, I'm above it. It's there every day. My voice becomes high-pitched. I become shrill. I interfere almost every day, right? Because each time I'm afraid, she's too entitled. Each time I'm afraid, she's too lazy, too disorganized, right? The plethora of fears are endless. I interfere. So then I watch it and then I have to release it. So each day I do, and I'm just humbled by it, by how much there is to do so much work what do

you think is the greatest lesson you still have yet to learn by being a parent I think the absolute complete trust in their destiny like I have it but I lose it I forget you're questioning exactly are you sure that's the way you want to go? But when push comes to shove, and I see she's about to say yes to a boy, to go out on a little date, and I'm like, no. I'm like, no, don't learn that lesson on my time. Learn it when you're on your own. Take it from me. So while I say I want her to learn her own lessons, then I also want to bypass them. It's hard.

It's hard to see a child potentially go through pain. But don't we need to go through that? Absolutely. That's it. In order to learn, we've got to fail over and over and over again to achieve. This is the lesson. You just hit it. There's no way you can have a safe, perfect life.

To let your child go through pain. This is it. This is it. They're not going to be able to take on anything in the world when they're an adult if they don't experience, in my opinion, extreme discomfort. So this is the greatest lesson for parents, to let your child be rejected, let your child get the C grade, let your child come last in the race, and don't fix it. Don't fix it.

I'm so glad I was messed up as a kid. I know. Look how great you've become. Right? Because of it. No, really. It's made you resilient. And I'm like, you know, it was the most challenging times.

Yeah. Right? I look back at it and I'm like, you know, it was the most challenging times. Yeah. Right. It was so scary and uncertain. And there were many moments where I was like, why am I even here? I would say this when I get in trouble. I'm like, I don't think I should be alive because I just didn't even feel like accepted by anyone. And I feel like the trauma and the suffering.

Now, listen, I'm a white male in America. So it's like people, I already hear people saying white male privilege, like you have nothing to complain about. We all have an inner world that we face with our own demons. No matter how good it may look in the outer world, we all have an inner world that is a challenge to overcome. And I just faced a big inner world,

demons in the inner world where I was just like, I just believe that I had to go through it in order to be able to do what I'm doing now. What do you think allowed you to convert the pain into power? Being aware and forgiveness. Ultimately forgiving all the things that happened

to me, for me, whatever you want to call it. And then forgiving myself because I was holding onto so much resentment and shame and guilt and all these things for myself and anger for everything, whatever. Every experience that built up, just feeling like I hate the world or whatever. So letting it go and actually coming from a place of gratitude and being like, wow, if that didn't happen, I wouldn't have learned this.

And I wouldn't have been so driven or I wouldn't have been so compassionate towards other people who have gone through similar things. And I wouldn't be been so driven or I wouldn't have been so compassionate towards other people who have gone through similar things. Absolutely. And I wouldn't be so loving or understanding. Now, listen, I mess up all the time and I'm constantly like my ego is being attacked all the time. But I feel like I'm very aware and grateful for everything. That's amazing. You know, how messed up my parents were, like everything.

I'm so glad. Yeah, you didn't go under. You went through and came out. But I could have easily gone to prison or something, like everything. I'm so glad. Yeah, you didn't go under. You went through and came out. But I could have easily gone to prison or something. Absolutely. So I think it's just having the awareness enough to be like, okay, I need support, I need help, I need to do the work for years and start to let go of these things and keep doing the work.

I know. For some reason, you entered this life contract with them that somewhere you said to your own destiny, you know, kill my ego right away. Don't give me any false sense of comfort. Like, show me the unconsciousness in the world, right away I'm ready. Yeah.

Because you were obviously ready. But let me tell you, there's no family, do you understand? No human being that did not have an unconscious parent to some degree. They had no choice, your parents. They were conditioned. They were doing the best they could do with what they had. They were conditioned.

The illness was passed on as a legacy from their parents and generations past. And culture, culture is sick. Culture is diseased in many ways. is past. And culture. Culture is sick. Culture is diseased in many ways. And we're seeping our children's minds with separation, fear, lack, the need to keep

on doing versus abundance, presence, quiet, gratitude. You are already complete. Anything extra you do, great, to pay your rent and buy some makeup. But you don't have to use it to define who it is you are. But perversely today, all the doing is to define who it is you are.

And they're two contradicting things. You cannot define who it is you are by a doing. The who you are is beyond doing, you see? It's formless. It's your essence. It's your divinity. So it runs counter. So all these books on resilience

and teaching your children to achieve and to have power and plow through life, it's running counter to who it is they are. If our children came knowing who it is they are, we're taking them out of it into the doing state of the mind, which is disconnected from who it is they are. We need to keep our kids who it is they are.

The rest will follow. How do we keep them who they are? Well, that's it. The preservation of that is the mandate of a conscious parent. Because when you, you know, treat your who it is you are with honor, because you found it,

you won't mess with anyone else's who it is they are. You'll be like, I'm not messing with who it is you are my daughter you know is contrary to my idea of you know who a child should be but it's who it is who it is she is so do you accept her so it's it's my struggle right because i have to let go my ego but but i know driven woman but i know that i have to. I must. And she is different because I'm ready for this. Because why should she be the same of my fantasy? She is who they come driven, purposeful, destined, knowing who it is they are. We take them out of it.

And then they have to return back to it. We make them wrong for who they are. Right. And then they spend their whole life going back to it. No, you're not gay. Yeah, exactly. You're straight. No, you're Christian.

You're not this. You believe in this. You don't believe in that. Absolutely. Not only do we change who it is they are temperamentally, like why are you so bad? Why are you so clumsy? Like their nature, right? They're just children. We then contaminate their mind with how to think, tell them who God is, what love is, who to love, how to love, how to be. Now we've taken them way off course because we've given them a prescription instead of them evolving into those things on their own. Discovering it for themselves. Discovering it on their own.

Now they have to undo that. You know how to just undo? It's so hard. So hard. I mean, I feel like I've always questioned things though. Right. You know, so I'm glad you're saying this because I feel like I've always been like, no, I'm not going to be the guy that drinks alcohol just because all the other football guys are drinking. I was like, no, that doesn't serve me. No, I'm not going to do this.

I'm going to do this other thing. Right. I was like, nah, everyone's bullying someone else. Like let's go hang out with other people and like lift people up. Like I don't need to do that. So I always question, even though it's the extent of me being alone like i was alone yeah there was a price to pay for it massive price of isolation yeah but i think it's the reason why i still do this show because i'm constantly seeking what's a different belief what's another angle what's something maybe that doesn't fully support me right now that i could shift a little bit that would support me it's a constant learning process that's why i call all my work the deconstructive process, right? You have to deconstruct in no greater journey than parenting, because now you're responsible for providing the template for

another human being. You better get your stuff right. Don't pretend you know something because you don't know it. You've just been digesting somebody else's belief system. Have you deconstructed? What god who is god what is religion what is marriage what is sexuality what is empowerment what is power what is beauty have you really deconstructed right so in all my workshops i teach parents how to deconstruct because be careful what you put into that first foundational layer of your child's mind it's very hard to undo hard to undo right and don't give it don't make it the child's burden to undo your perversions. Oh, sorry, I didn't know. You know, now I know. And the kid is like, yeah, but now I'm 40 years old suffering because you told me what was good and

what was bad. Now you're telling me, oh, there isn't any good or bad because you've been following conscious parenting. Too late for me, right? Look at all the mistakes I've made because of you now. And I've been shaming myself. Or even worse, it's like if you don't follow the beliefs, and I believe in Indian culture, it's like you're out of the family, essentially, from what I understand from my Indian friends. If you don't follow what the parents want, if you don't marry the person or whatever it is.

Absolutely. There's a strong patriarchy. You're not in the family. You're not in the family. You're wrong. You're dead to us. And the shame and the guilt that kids must go through to feel like,

okay, I just have to do this. Otherwise... And it's unspoken. You don't even have to speak it in families. It's so conditioned. It's in the air you breathe. So it's funny then

because this Eastern philosophy of consciousness, it sounds like it's lacking then if that's the way it is. Oh no, it lacks a lot. Don't worry. Yes, yes, yes. Even though it's from there

but it's like, oh, it's like the worst almost. No, no, no lacks a lot. Don't worry. Yes, yes, yes. Even though it's from there, but it's like, oh, it's like the worst almost. No, no, no. Well, there is no worse or better. I'm talking about the core of an Eastern mindset. Doesn't mean it's being manifested, right? I mean, only the true people who do the work. Just because you're Indian

or Chinese doesn't mean you're automatically a consummate, you know, understander of Buddhism, right? You're not. Or the real teachings of the mystics. No, no. It just came from there. Yeah.

But no one's following it. Oh, absolutely not. And my culture is famous for patriarchy, hierarchy, dominance in the name of tradition. Or they will oust you and outcast you in a minute. Yeah. You dare shame me. No, so children don't shame their parents. So they follow the...

They follow the way. Yeah. That's why I had to leave. And they never become themselves. Well, not never. I mean, these are absolutes, but... Right, right. It's harder to...

They don't look for themselves. There's no question. The self knows right when they're born or a few years in that the self belongs to the parent's idea. So they willingly give it up. I couldn't. That's why I had to leave. it up i couldn't that's why i

had to leave really i couldn't not for my parents but for the culture it's a cultural thing you know yeah do you feel like your parents were supportive of you or why did you get into this work in the first place no they were very supportive of me but i was sickened by what i saw around me so they were like do what you want do who you want like but within limits because they were indoctrinated in that culture too but they were still better than most. But the culture is what the culture is. It's a deadly culture. It's everywhere. I think every culture is deadly in some way, right?

Yeah. But the Indian, because it's the we culture, it's already communal, right? Which is beautiful if it was done right. But it's done only for the sake of the ego of the we. Now it's not the ego of the I, it's the ego of all of us. So you don't disappoint one parent,

you disappoint the whole lineage. The last name yes oh my gosh yes the pressure the weight so they didn't do community

in the beauty of the way community used to be done right where kids teenagers would have babies when they're like 16

18 right but there was like a hundred family members raising yes so it wasn't like this pressure so that was a good part

but the negative part if it was done with the ego of all that is the ego of all right so more pressure right you're ruining the family name and the ancestral legacy you know and it's suffocating and and it works for kids who are willing to give up them their selves but for kid like you and I, no, it will not work. It'll kill us. So we must leave. Then we'll be alone. Then we have to find ourselves, you know? This is an incredible journey.

Yeah. What's a question that most parents have that they have the hardest challenge of answering for themselves? Will my kid be okay? Right? Just the okayness. They suffer from this fear because they

live with a morbid and pervasive sense of not okayness. Every day of a parent's life, if they haven't done the work of consciousness, they're walking volcanoes of anxiety. Is that how you feel as a parent? Well, I've done a lot of work, so I've released so much anxiety. Right? I'm ready to die. Like, I could go out right now and die. It's okay. I've been working on death.

Wow. So, if I'm, you know, I'm ready every day. It's complete. But what if something happens to your child? Have you accepted that? Well, same thing. Yes, absolutely. Okay.

You're at peace. I have to live with... Otherwise, you're living in anxiety and stress all day. You live in anxiety and stress when you think you can control death. When you understand that death is not in your control, therefore you live fully and release when death comes, then you don't live in anxiety and fear.

You live in anxiety and fear because you have this narcissistic, grandiose delusion that you can control death. And you haven't become one. You haven't made friends with death. But when you make friends with the ultimate, which is death, then you live fully in the moment. And when your child's destiny is ready to be complete in this life form, once you already understand who am I in this,

like I'm just a speck, when your child does end life form, you release her or him. Because we're only here to inhabit life form for a blink anyway. So this idea of permanence is a delusion. This idea of doing to create identity, a delusion. This idea of possessions being ours, children being ours, delusion. So when you penetrate these delusions, you have not no anxiety, less anxiety.

You're freeing yourself, right? Right now, if someone came and told you, the God came and told you, you're going to die right now, right? How ready are you to go, come, go, let's go? I feel like, I mean, I don't want to die right now because I feel like I haven't done everything I want to do, but I feel like I've attacked life fully and gone after everything I could up into this moment

like without regrets of being like I wish I would have tried that I wish I would have gone after that so far with the with the resources you had you lived fully I have yeah right now everyone will say I haven't yet done 10,000 things because this is the nature of life you will never be done right you will never ever be done so instead of having that as your reason to move forward you just have the way i look at it is with the resources i had did i try to live as fully and now that's it because there'll always be more there's always more yeah right no so i feel i mean i feel okay i feel like if i was like would i regret being dead right now that i didn't do something no see. See, that's it.

So you're living your life each day asking, am I living as complete as I can possibly? Yes. And again, not to measure it in what did I not do, but how am I being, right? Changing the question to not a doing question to am I fully being myself? Yeah. And so that's how you became close or okay with death by kind of asking yourself this process or going through the process? Well, just understanding the nature of life, that it's impermanent. So to cling on to anything is to suffer. So if I want to suffer, I keep

clinging. If I want to stop suffering, I stop clinging. When did you, what's the area of your life you suffered the most? That I have suffered the most? I think just trying to, for me, on a very, you're asking me personally? Yes, for you. The battle for me is living in this life form, knowing that it's such bullshit. You know, it's a game. So how to play this game with playfulness and elegance.

And I really don't take it very seriously. But everyone else does, right? So how to negotiate that, you know? And I don't really now, less and less take it seriously. So negotiating the form-based attachments that everyone has with my understanding that this is all formlessness. It's going to be over before we know it. Yeah.

And just like juxtaposing that, you know, trying to take it seriously. What about an area in your life that you suffered the most, whether it be through childhood or through early 20s? Was there a moment or a stage of years that you were suffering that you can remember? Well, I didn't suffer much. You didn't suffer much. That's good. I entered this with a little bit of joy.

I know most people enter through suffering. Was there like a relationship that you – When I did psychology, I did my PhD. You have to write papers on how did I suffer. I was like, what? No, but then I had some negative things. I'm like, hallelujah. Thank you, that uncle who tried to feel me up.

Thank you. There's something to write about. Because I had pretty wholesome parents. That's great. But I still had society around me. So my suffering came from being a girl in Indian culture and having unconscious men all around me and having to deal with that right it's very hard i can imagine yeah hard because i'm women are supposed to be a certain

way in india yes yes and men you know are aggressive and unconscious and repressed so growing up as a girl and then grew up to be a teenager, I could never fully be in my body or own my sexuality because if I was too much, then the onslaught and the payback of that was too much. So I used to hide. So I put on weight. I hid. I was like, let me just be, just like dumb myself, dim myself, not be seen. And then I just waited to leave.

And the minute I could leave, and then I began like undimming and undumbing myself. Wow. But I dumbed and dimmed a lot. Wow. Yeah. That's crazy. You have to do that to survive. That's the ego.

I know, it's crazy. Okay, a few questions left for you because I know you've got to run, but I'm fascinated here. How can a man be the best parent that he can be? Yeah. Because we've talked a lot about, I think, your experience as a female, but how can a man raise a son, a daughter, with the pressure that men feel,

which are different than women, right? Yes, very different. Different. Not more or less, but just like its own level of pressure. Yes, yes. And in many ways, men are absolved from the intensity of that bond. And they lose because of that. They lose.

Because the man is in the doing, therefore in the head, therefore in the disconnection. Not in the heart. Or in their penis. So head or penis, but there's the heart here. It's like, it goes around. So the or penis, but there's the heart here. It's like, it goes around. So the heart needs to be awakened. And if not the partner,

which is usually not the case, right? The partner is often bypassed. It's hard for a man to truly surrender to their partner. But a child has the potential to allow them to bypass that circuitry and enter the heart. Wow. But many men are missing that opportunity because for the first 10 years, But a child has the potential to allow them to bypass that circuitry and enter the heart. Wow.

But many men are missing that opportunity because for the first 10 years, typically of a family's life, they're out there, they're working, they have to pay for tuition, the woman is staying at home. The way it's set up culturally is that the woman stays at home. So she's losing out from the doing and the achieving that she needs. And the man is divested of the connection and the quietude that he needs. And so it's impossible. And the first 10 years are really the years to allow for that embedding to occur between father and child. They lose that.

So the father's just like, oh, I'll just play baseball. But that's a doing. Or I'll just wait till he can hike with me. That's a doing. The real essence of childhood is that zero to six where the child is not a doer yet. The child is a be-er and invites us all to be in the present moment.

And if you lose the first six years of entering and being invited into the child's being world, like if you're with a child zero to six, it's a trip. It's like nothing else because no one lives in the present moment like a child. Like I remember the epiphany I had because I would keep like wanting my child to get to bed or my infant, my two-year-old or, you know, brush their teeth or doing, do it. And then it hit me, oh my God, everything I practice in meditation is right here in front of me. Like slow the hell down. Have no agenda. There is no time. And we are non-verbal we're fully present that's when i realized i am learning all the lessons i'm reading about or meditating about here in this relationship

so therefore this child is my teacher that's when the epiphany came when i realized all i wanted was to do to my child come on come on let's go to the park let's run let's go use a trampoline let's learn let's learn abcs let's take a class i just wanted to make i was making my child my next phd my my project i was doing i was very masculine most parents are masked we're masculine we have to enter the feminine into the heart with a zero to six but very few parents including mothers are capitalizing on this spiritual jewel that's the zero to six because it's it's painful too i mean you have to slow beyond slow you have to awaken too you have to be so full and here and there's no payback really because they're not giving you much nothing they're

just giving you love but but they're not like intellectually stimulating you they're not yet winning medals they're not yet winning the spelling bee so you're like oh you're not like doing anything for my ego why am i here oh i'm here because i have to just be here like i have to just enter the present moment zero to six is the most profound spiritual transformation you can go through with a child and we're all missing it we're all missing it i i almost missed it it. We're all missing it. I almost missed it. Okay. Next time you're back in LA, we're going to have to dive in deeper on this topic because I could go on for this for a long time. But I want to ask the final couple of questions to be respectful of time. This is called the three truths. So imagine you jumped off this building right now and it was your last moment and all your work

has been erased everything all the books this video this interview is gone even erased people's consciousness it's all erased it didn't exist yeah it didn't so

but you had a piece of paper right here I'm going to give you a piece of paper and you get to write down three lessons that you know to be true from all your experience in life. The three truths that this is the only thing that people could live and be remembered by in your message. Write it down, you jump off, life is over.

But what would those three truths be if it was the last day for you? Okay. The first one is that life is never over life keeps transforming just this form is over the second one is that all life attachments in form are an illusion all these attachments you're holding on to are an illusion they will never take you to who it is you are. And the third one would be that the only moment and thing and entity and relationship of relevance is the one you have with yourself in the now. So you can erase everything. It really doesn't matter to me.

There you go. I like that. Those are good. Because it's never over. If it's meant to come back, it'll come back in another consciousness it was only form everything is really formless so just because it's my book in form it was taken from formless energy anyway and the only moment is now so if it was you're talking about yesterday or the moment before i only care about this moment yeah yeah before i ask the final question i'll make sure you guys get the new book. It's called The Awakened Family by Dr. Shefali. Make sure you guys go pick it up. Where can people connect with you on your website or online? And you also have an event coming up. Do and come to my event in Long Beach, California in a month in September

where I help everyone, children of parents, adult children of parents and parents to deconstruct all that I've been talking about and learn how to awaken to their truest selves.

The event is called Evolve the Conscious Way and it's a three-day sojourn and adventure into the awakened heart. So if they go to my website, they can- For parents and kids? No, it's for adult children.

Adult children. Like you. Okay. Suffering the damage of their unconscious parents and needing to heal. And for parents wanting tools to change their relationships from fear to connection. So it's three days, Long Beach, California. I also have added a day of meditation on the 18th. So the main weekend is 15th to the 17th of September

and an additional day of meditation. DrShifali.com for the information, right? Yes, yes. Awesome. I highly recommend checking that out. I'm sure it's going to be amazing. Before I ask the final question, I want to acknowledge you for a moment, Dr. Shifali,

for being so loving, for being so giving, and for being a vessel to share such wealth of information with all of us, because there's so much suffering in the world, as you know, and there's so much confusion of how to be a human being and how to fully accept who we are. There's so much disconnect in American society and culture right now with different views, beliefs, everything. So I believe your message is so powerful for all humans to rise into who we're being and how we can just be better in general and really help us connect the human race as one.

One family, one family, one race, one everything. So I acknowledge you for the work you're doing and for your surrender to life and death and for just being you. Thank you. Yeah. I really appreciate you. And,

uh, I have one final question. It's what's your definition of greatness? Authenticity. Daring to live your truth. Dr. Shefali, thank you so much. Appreciate it. Appreciate it.

If your mind is blown as much as mine right now, make sure to take a screenshot of this as you're listening to it on the podcast app on your phone or take a photo of this if you're listening to it in the car or on your computer and tag me on Instagram at Lewis Howes. Let me know what your thoughts are. I'm going to screenshot a lot of this if you're listening to it in the car or on your computer and tag me on Instagram at Lewis Howes. Let me know what your thoughts are. I'm going to screenshot a lot of these and repost them. But I really believe we got to get the message out about this one. It just blew my

mind. I wish I had four or five hours to dive into more of these things. We're going to have to bring on Dr. Shefali another time. But if you enjoyed this as much as me, then make sure to check out the full show notes at lewishouse.com slash 526. You can watch the full video interview, check out her book, her event as well. All of her stuff is amazing. And I'm so glad I got to connect with her and learn more about this information on how I can prepare myself, you know, for when I want to be a father someday, how I can truly prepare myself to know when it's the right time, not just because I'm feeling pressured by someone to have children or because other people want me to do it or whatever, but to truly know that I'm ready and what I'm signing up for, what I'm, you know, preparing myself for and letting my ego go and

preparing myself to have the greatest teacher ever enter my life, right? That's what this is all about is shedding the ego, dropping the mask and allowing to be taught something new at all periods of life. So I'm very excited about this. Make sure to share it again, lewishouse.com slash 526 and tag me at Lewis house when you do and make sure to tag Dr. Shefali as well. Big thank you to our sponsors lift.com slash greatness. If you're looking to earn more cash on the side, make sure to check out lift.com slash greatness and get that $500 new driver

bonus. Again, you can get tons of tips when you drive more and they are the ride sharing company that believes in treating its people better. Check out lyft.com slash greatness. Also, a big thank you to ZipRecruiter. If you're looking to scale your team and you want to find the right people on your team to help your mission, your business grow, then post your job to 100-plus job sites with just one by going to ZipRecruiter.com slash greatness.

You can post for free right now when you head there at ZipRecruiter.com slash greatness. Also, the Summit of Greatness is happening in a few weeks. Columbus, Ohio. We've got some of the biggest speakers in the world. It's going to be an experience you will always remember. Make sure to sign up at summitofgreatness.com. We've got a few tickets left, so get your ticket while they're still around, guys.

I am so pumped and excited to see all of you who are going to be there. It's going to be an amazing time. Make sure to say hi. Give me a big hug. Let's take a photo. Let's do all the things together in a few weeks. Columbus, Ohio, get ready.

The summit of greatness is coming to you. All right, guys, you know what time it is. It's time to go out there and do something great. Thank you. Outro Music