The School of Greatness - 566 Create Amazing Self-Worth and Body Image with Emily Skye

Episode Date: November 22, 2017

"IF YOU CAN'T ADAPT TO THINGS YOU WILL FAIL OR SUFFER. - EMILY SKYE Do you ever feel like you're in a dark place? Do you struggle and find that you keep comparing yourself to others? You're not alone, and it's natural. Even I find myself comparing my body to other guys on Instagram and feeling like I'm not adding up - and I'm a fit, healthy guy. The key is to shift our mindset. Don't feel like you are competing with them. Look at them for inspiration and motivation. If they can achieve it, you can too. There's a secret that really helps make this shift, and it's critical that we do it in our media flooded world.

This is episode number 566 with Emily Skye. Welcome to the School of Greatness. My name is Lewis Howes, former pro athlete turned lifestyle entrepreneur. And each week we bring you an inspiring person or message to help you discover how to unlock your inner greatness. Thanks for spending some time with me today. Now let the class begin. Very excited about our guest today. We have Emily Skye, who is a health and fitness ambassador,

qualified personal trainer, fitness model, fat loss, and healthy living guru. She has over 11 million people who have tuned to Emily to transform their bodies. They've tuned into her. And she's the skinny, insecure, depressed girl turned fit, happy, and confident. She was put on antidepressants at age 11, and she started modeling when she was 13 because it was her mom's attempt to help her gain self-confidence. And again, she's got over 11 million people on Facebook and over 2 million on Instagram who follow her and devour her information and her inspiration. And she has got an incredible journey, very powerful. She's not just a fitness personality. She's got so much more that we dive into.

And I was actually a little bit surprised on how far she went in this interview. What we talk about are whether body dysmorphia is worse because of social media or not, and how to be responsible about what you show on your Instagram or social media profiles. Also, Emily's best tools to get through low points in life as she's had many where she talks about and dives in deep, how to balance huge success and stay ambitious for what is to come and not get too comfortable. Guys, this is a powerful one. Make sure to take a screenshot of this right now and share it out on Instagram story, Twitter, Facebook, lewishouse.com slash 566 for the full show notes, the full video interview, all the information back on there as well. I want to give a shout

out to the fan of the week. This is from Britt Ford. So Britt, thank you so much for this. And Britt says, thank you, Lewis, for what you're doing for all of us. I've listened to every single episode and could not be a bigger fan. Being a former Division I athlete turned creative hustler, I resonate with your message and love listening to you during my workday. You're an amazing example to both men and women, and I look forward to continuing to follow you along your journey. I recommend this podcast to not only entrepreneurs, but to anyone who needs some more positivity in their life. So Britt Ford, you are the fan and the review of the week. Thank you very much for all your support

and for listening with this show. And if you guys want a chance to be shouted out on the podcast, for me to call your name out, spread some love back to you, then just go to your podcast app or go to iTunes and type in the School of Greatness podcast and leave a review. You can do it on your phone very easily right now. It's a lot easier to leave reviews and that helps us

get the word out to more people. Again, we get over 2 million downloads a month on the School of Greatness podcast and it's all because of you. So thank you guys very much. I'm super excited about this one, guys. I hope you enjoy this with Emily. She's got a powerful story and a powerful transformation and she inspires millions all over the world. Without further ado, let me introduce to you the one, the only, Emily Skye. Welcome back, everyone, to the School of Greatness podcast. We have the legendary Emily Skye in the house. Good to see you. Thanks for having me. It's good to be here. Yeah, from Skye in the house. Good to see you. Thanks for having me. It's good to be here.

Yeah, from Down Under in Los Angeles. Very excited. I guess we met where I forgot that we met for a few moments. It was like a brief moment at a fit expo. How dare you? Yeah, at an expo years ago. But it's coming back to me the more I'm thinking about it now. So we met for a moment through Mark Fitt, a mutual friend of ours who's a good buddy of mine.

And you've just been taken off, you and since before then. You've been taking off in terms of your career, your notoriety. You're getting on the cover of every magazine in the world. You've got a massive audience, I think, of over 12 million, probably 20 million by the time this comes out. Every week it's blowing up. But it wasn't always this way where you had all these followers and people interested in you. Isn't that right? Yeah, that's right. I was quite the opposite of the popular sort of person.

So growing up, I was quite insecure, had no confidence at all. I was depressed, suffered anxiety. I was just lost. I didn't know who I was. I didn't know what I wanted to do with my life. I never fit in with anything. So when I was at school, I never sort of had a good group of friends. I couldn't – I always felt like I was the odd one out,

almost like an alien. I couldn't figure out what I wanted to do with my life. And I remember sitting down in the library and we're going through this questionnaire thing to establish what we suited for a job and nothing suited. I thought, I can't do this. I can't sit in an office. I can't do this.

I'm different. I want to do something different that's creative, that is really, I guess, embracing and making the most of what I am and then how I can turn that into something that helps other people as well. So I didn't know how to do it. I knew it was there. I knew I was destined for something, but I knew it was going to take a process to get there, but also figure out who I am first before I could do that. I feel very similar to that. Did you feel like, were you good at school or did you struggle in school as well?

No, I struggled and that's probably because I didn't go to school much. Really? Yeah, I hated school and I avoided it. I had like 90 days off a year. 90 days off? Yeah, I just didn't go. I hated it. Was this in like elementary, middle or high school? The whole thing. Really? As I said before, I didn't go. I hated it. Was this in like elementary, middle or high school?

The whole thing. I just, as I said before, I didn't fit in with like a group of people that I felt like I belonged with. But also I didn't like restriction. I didn't like being told I had to do this and I had to study these subjects that I had no interest in. I wasn't going to use it in the future. So it was a point.

Waste of time. I literally don't remember very many things that i learned from school a couple of classes in college that was like on sports marketing where something i was interested in i was like okay i remember a few moments but everything else i felt the same way i just struggled and it's hard to remember and comprehend things and didn't want to study yeah it's tough so you didn't have friends that many friends at school you felt like you're an outsider. Why is that? I thought Australia, everyone was nice. I mean, I'm nice, I think.

Yeah, I don't know why exactly. Maybe I didn't conform. Maybe it's because I wasn't cool. I didn't, I wasn't there much. So it's hard to bond with people when you're not actually there. And I was very shy as well. So as I said before, I didn't have much confidence. I was so insecure and even

just talking to someone, I mean, even to do this, if I thought I'd do this one day, I would lose it. Like I wouldn't be able to handle it. The thought of it would make me sick because I was just so shy. I couldn't talk to anyone. I couldn't stand up in front of the class. I'd fall over. It was just, I have an idea of where it came from. I think when my dad left when I was two and a half, it sort of created this insecurity of not being good enough and that people always leave me and I'm not lovable and all those negative things. So it's probably stemmed from that, but I've gotten over it and I've used it for good, I guess. Yeah, that's good. What were you doing when you weren't in school then? When I wasn't? Yeah, if you were taking these days off,

what were you just at home by yourself? Yeah, at home. I'd watch TV. I'd do things that I enjoyed because I loved everything that's creative. So taking photos, drawing, painting, writing, just all those sorts of things that I could – like I had the freedom to do what I wanted to do. Yeah. Yeah. So when you were doing this career job thing, like these questionnaires, and you're realizing that there was nothing you wanted or nothing you fit into what was the vision you had for yourself did you see yourself doing what you're doing now and kind of health and wellness and fitness and inspiring people not this at all because i was always athletic that was the only thing i was good at at school really

athletic so taking photos like twins but I'd be good at that. I'd get picked for like the footy team at school and things like that. Footy meaning soccer? Football. So it's, I don't know, the ball's shaped like this, not round. It's different here, isn't it?

Rugby, rugby. Yeah, yeah, rugby. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, so the boys would pick me for their team. Really? That was the only time that they were interested. Was that because you were good or why did they pick you? Because I was good, yeah.

Okay. Yeah, I was a fast runner, so. really? Yeah. All right. Cool. Yeah. Um, so that's what you were doing in your off time and you imagine yourself doing what, when you're growing up then? I really had no idea what I was going to do. I thought maybe, maybe I'd do something with sports. Maybe I'd go into athletics or sprinting or something. I was talking to the Australian Institute of Sport back in, I would have been probably 12 or something about I was talking to the Australian Institute of Sport back in, I would have been probably 12 or something, about joining a team that would train me ready for like possibly the Olympics down the track. But because I didn't have any self-belief,

I didn't think I'd be good enough for that either. So I just, I was ruining everything, sabotaging myself before I even had a chance. But I never saw anything like this. We had no social media back then. I didn't even have a computer until I was late teens. And then phones came out when I was 15 or 16, something like that. No social media. I wasn't really into inspiring people or anything like that. Nothing that I'm doing now, because how do I inspire someone when I don't even like myself or the way I was living? I knew that I'd do something good and I wanted to do something that would help other people. I didn't know what it was going to be but I knew that I would have

some sort of following. I don't want to say fame but like some sort of people looking to me for something which I thought was ironic because I was so insecure and so shy. But you knew that's something you wanted. I knew it. I knew that it would, yeah. Or it was going to happen.

And it was weird because over here I've got this, like the ultimate of what I want to be and what I want to do. I wasn't sure what it was at that stage. And I'm down here and I thought, how can I be that though? I'm supposed to be there but I'm here now. And it just, it was a weird feeling. And then I knew that I had to start working on myself and I did reach a point where I did.

It was probably early to mid-20s, so I guess fairly late. And I started working towards making myself the best I could be by getting healthy and fit and being more positive and having some self-belief, surrounding myself with more positive people and realizing what actually made me happy in life, which was fitness, obviously, and health and helping people. So that's when I started doing what I'm doing now and sort of building that right yeah wow so how did you get out of this kind of place of being insecure or self-doubting yourself in your 20s what were the things you were doing were you reading books were you connecting with inspiring people like what allowed you to see that trigger and actually move

into it yeah it wasn't overnight it was like I guess it was a moment where I thought, I'm not happy with myself. I'm not happy with my life. I don't see myself going anywhere. I felt crap. I just didn't feel good at all. And I knew that I had to start making those changes that no one was going to come along and pick me up and do it for me. Because that's sort of what I thought would happen. Someone would come and help me. No one's coming to save you. No one rescued you? No. In a way, yes, because I've got my boyfriend of eight years who I'm having a baby with. He came along and he had a lot to do with it, but I had to take that first step and start making those changes. So, it was removing the negative people who were bringing me down in my life because I was doing modeling before. So, it sounds very odd

because I was so insecure, I had no self-belief and yet I was doing modeling because I saw that as a way of maybe getting some sort of love or praise from other people so I could feel like I fit in. So, I was doing that and that obviously wasn't working because it just made me more and more unhappy. More insecure, more unhappy, compare yourself to everyone else. Very competitive and very unhealthy for me. I'm not saying for everyone. I mean, some people love it, but for me, it just wasn't good. And when you were modeling, were you working out every day?

No. Or was it more like starving yourself and trying to fit in? I didn't know I was starving myself, but now I look back and I know I definitely wasn't eating enough and I was doing long cardio sessions just trying to get as skinny as I could be. And then I realized that wasn't healthy. Right. So how long were you modeling for?

About 10 or 12 years. 12 years. Towards the end of that, that's when I transitioned into fitness. So I started getting healthier and fitter. I started building muscle. I wanted to have muscle and be strong. And I was really passionate about that. So-

Why did you want muscle? I guess I saw women that had muscle. And back then it wasn't like it is now on Instagram. Every second person's a fitness model or so they say. There's only a few people. There's only like some people doing fitness competitions and the women were quite muscular, but they weren't really someone that the everyday person could look to and think, I want to be like that. It was almost too much, but I liked it. I appreciate it. I love muscle on a woman. I

think it's empowering. So I saw the empowering side of it. I saw magazines with these fit women on it with muscle and I thought, I want to be like that. And whether they're happy or not, that's another thing. It doesn't matter. It did the job for me. So I use that to motivate me and help me make changes. So I went out and started lifting weights, learned as much as I could about it. And then I started doing fitness modeling. So I was doing like- So you did regular modeling and going into fitness modeling.

Yeah, and it was hard because I was skinny before and doing like the normal sort of modeling, traditional modeling. Yeah. And then I started gaining muscle and they were saying to me, my agency that I was with or different companies that I was working with, that I was too muscly now and it was too much. Even though I wasn't, I was a lot smaller than I am now.

Right. I was still tiny but it was too much and they didn't like it. So they started Photoshopping my photos. No way. Getting my abs out, bringing in like the shoulders that I'd built. So I thought this is really, I just, I didn't like that, that they were changing me. Finally, I was happy with myself and I felt amazing. And yet they were trying to change me and bring me back to what I was before. So then I thought I'm going to have to say goodbye

to this. I can't do modeling because I can't be, not that it was making me happy anyway, but I don't want to be that. That's not who I am anymore. And I loved fitness and I wanted to make fitness cool and everyone wanted, I wanted everyone to have what I had in their own way. And that's when I went out and told all my friends and family, you need to start exercising and eating healthy food. It's amazing. I felt incredible. And then I thought, how can I do this on a bigger scale? And that's when Instagram, Facebook, and all the different social media platforms came out.

When was this that you started kind of putting this information out online? Well, I started on a – it was called Blogspot. Yeah. So I was blogging what I was doing. So you were doing a blog, yeah. When was that? Probably about seven and a half years ago, eight years ago. 2010, 2009.

About that, yeah. Yeah, it was around the time I met my ago, eight years ago. 2010, 2009. About that, yeah. Yeah, it was around the time I met my partner, Declan. So that's when I started getting really, really fit and healthy and then started blogging it and realized that's what I wanted to do with my life. Yeah, we just kind of documenting your process, your transformation. So I was doing competitions back then.

So up on stage flexing all the rest of it. That's a whole another story as well. I find it stage flexing, all the rest of it. That's a whole another story as well. I find it too intense for me. I still enjoyed it. I learned a lot from it. So I was documenting the competition, how I went about it, the diet and training that I was doing, and then how I came out of it. Cause I actually, after the first competition I did, because I was so restrictive, I put on a lot of weight within like a week and a half after. So I realized how unhealthy it was. So I documented that as well. Then Facebook and Instagram, I think I was on Facebook first, Instagram, I was a little bit late getting on, but I started using those

platforms as well to build it up and really went hard trying to build the audience and to reach as many people as I could to spread a positive message and spread information. When did you realize that it started to kind of take off? Like the things you were doing, that people were clinging onto it and they were excited about it and getting results in their life? It was years ago. So before I started my actual program that I've got, it's a diet and training program. I noticed that people really liked the fitness content that I was putting up, which went into more content around mind health, mental health. You like that the most?

Yeah. I'm actually more into the mind side of things. Yeah, me too. Yeah. It all starts with your mind. Yeah. Became quite popular and it really had a taking off online. I think a lot of other people sort of jumped on and were doing the whole fitness thing and it went crazy a taking off online. I think a lot of other people sort of jumped on and were doing the whole fitness thing and it went crazy, but I feel like I got in at a good time because it was before it was like popular and it was cool to do. People loved what I was

doing and the content I was putting out there. So it grew from there and I realized that they really did like the workout videos that I was doing. I was putting one up every day of a free workout and no one else, I'd never seen anyone do it before, a video with instructions on it. Really? Yeah. On Facebook or – Facebook and Instagram and it was like short.

I had to speed it up because it was like 15 seconds you had on Instagram. Yeah. Yeah. And so people started tagging people in on Instagram and sharing it on Facebook and it took off. I think in a week I built a million followers on Facebook just from – In a week? Videos going viral. yeah yeah don't you wish it was still that easy to grow that fast i think about

it all the time if i only would have done more than you know what i mean exactly make the most of it gosh instagram has taken over our lives hasn't it in a way yeah it's crazy right talk to me about you think this the people that have a more struggle now with body dysmorphia because of Instagram, Facebook or whatever, or is it easier now because there's more tools that are available for us to overcome as opposed to maybe when you were 13

and there wasn't as much access to this information? I think there's definitely a bit of both. I think there were always issues. It's just we weren't aware of the issues and now people they have a voice they're able to be heard now so I think on one hand we've got Instagram with everyone on there who's like living the perfect life putting their perfect photos on there betraying that and giving people the idea of they can have that too and then people never feeling good enough

so like in particular young girls looking at this content thinking that's life goals I want to be like that I want a body like that or a family like that or clothes like that whatever it is relationship like that yeah yeah relationship goals that's another one I've talked about before but they compare themselves and they always feel like they're not good enough and I struggled with not being good enough for many years but I didn't have Instagram and Facebook back then but it was in magazines and on movies and people at school that you compare yourself to. So I guess it's similar but obviously there's so much more now on Instagram but I just hope that people realise they can reach out and talk to people

and if people do just, I guess, talk more, talk to each other, then they can realise they can help people. But I think that if we use Instagram for good, like what I'm trying to do by educating people and being real with people that you've got like, it's sort of balanced. So, you've got the unhealthy people out there and then people like me, hopefully, that come along and can help people who maybe they didn't have that before. If there was no Instagram, they wouldn't have been able to have that chance. Yeah. What do you think we can do with Instagram and Facebook to regain a healthy sense of our bodies again, you know, without having to compare to these things?

What can we do since we're scrolling all day and looking at this? Yeah. You've got to be responsible for what you're consuming, I think. It's hard to do because young kids aren't, they like looking at this sort of stuff. They love seeing the perfect, they love I think. It's hard to do because young kids aren't – they like looking at this sort of stuff. They love seeing the perfect. They love that idea. It's almost like a romantic movie. It's romanticising it. I think if people can take more responsibility and if something's

making them feel bad, if a particular person's making them feel bad about themselves and maybe question themselves, why are they and do I need to have them on there? Can I rid of them yeah but that's hard i mean you can only say to people be responsible don't do this but they're still going to do it because it's an addiction isn't it people love it yeah what about yourself in terms of you know you've got this massive audience you have all these people that look up to you that are inspired by your mindset your body your look your, whatever it is. Do you ever go through times of still being insecure or comparing yourself,

even though you have this? Everyone wants to be you, but you're like, well, I'm still not good enough. I don't think anyone feels 100% confident all the time in themselves. I think people always have times where they have a bad day or they don't feel like they're as good as they can be. And I have those times. It's nowhere near what it used to be, but I think now I have the tools to be able to get through it and I know how to, and I'm aware of when I'm feeling down. Why am I feeling this way? What's contributing to that? What can I remove to help myself move on and get past this? So being really, I guess, self-aware. Why do you think you get insecure at times? What are the reasons?

I don't know whether it's because I used to be a very insecure person so that it's always sort of – It's a habit. I'm always fighting it. It's always sort of coming back. I think that that's a huge thing and getting on top of that and knowing that that's the type of person that I used to be as well, not going back to that. But there's a lot like social media is insane.

It's competitive. There's a lot of people out there posting things that I could look at and then go, oh, I'm not this or I'm not that. For instance, I'm pregnant at the moment obviously and I have gained fat and cellulite. Yeah, that's what this lump is here. But I've gained fat and cellulite and changed and I've lost a lot of muscle. Yeah, all these things are happening, which I am 100% embracing. I'm happy with. But I could look at these other people who are online who are fit

and pregnant and they look amazing and they're on their own journey. That's a thing. Everyone's on their own journey and shouldn't compare. But I could look at them and think, well, how come this person's got abs and she's a few months ahead of me and and yet her abs are there and she's tiny and I've got all this cellular and stuff going on I could look at that and and that could affect me but I don't I think I'm at a really good place now where I'm so happy and my baby's obviously most important to me so I don't let those insignificant things affect me. Yeah, that's good. What are some of the tools that you use when you're looking to overcome that insecurity or fear or comparison? Because I think this will be helpful

for a lot of people who are constantly comparing. Yeah. To see someone like you with a massive audience, great body, great image, great everything on how you do that. I think you've got to work out what makes you happy in life and what's most important to you. Is it really trying to be perfect and worrying about what everyone else thinks of you? Especially on social media, if you put up a photo and people say, oh, you look great here. Does that really make you happy temporarily? Yeah, you feel good. Your ego is getting fed, but

long-term, I don't think it really does. And I think you need to get to a point where you do know what makes you happy and you're aware of that and you don't rely on that to keep feeding the happiness. Yeah, but when I feel down and I've talked about this before with my followers but when I get in my sort of down moments and I haven't had one for a while, which is a good thing.

That's great. But last year I had a bit of a time. I think I'd been traveling a lot and I just got really run down and everything just went to shit pretty much it's hard to keep your body healthy and then your mind goes and oh i was feeling crappy i wasn't training which is a big thing getting moving is incredible does incredible things for you and the endorphins that you get from it really it's a real thing it's a real thing yeah and i hadn't been doing it for a while and i just i didn't want to,

I wasn't motivated. And I thought, how can I get myself back there? I know that that's what changed my life. And yet here I am stuck feeling shitty again. I thought, okay, well, I don't want to go to the gym because I'm not motivated to do that. How can I get myself there? So I put music on and dance around the house. And I learning hip-hop. I was putting tutorials on the big screen on YouTube and dancing around the lounge room like an idiot. I was no good at it but it's not the point. That's right. I felt good.

I felt happy and the music lifted my mood and I started getting outdoors outside in the sun and fresh air and just finding that balance again and I guess grounding myself in a way so I could start to feel like, okay, what is it? What is it that makes me happy again? What is it that gives me life that makes me jump out of bed every day? So I got back there and then I'm back on track again. So you've got to find what it is that does it for you.

Maybe it's reading a book. Maybe it's walking, I don't know, ice skating, rock climbing, whatever. Do something that makes you feel good again. But you've got to find your creative. And my creative for me is training and getting outdoors and talking to people and helping people. Yeah. It's probably not sticking on your phone, looking on Instagram all day. No. That can be quite poisonous. I know. Yeah. And you've got to set boundaries for yourself and restrictions. When you're following and your accounts is your business and your brand, and if something isn't working or isn't getting the results you want,

how do you deal with that inner voice? When like, okay, I put a post out here. Normally, I get a certain amount of results, whether traction, comments, whatever, sales, and I didn't get that. How do you handle that inner critic? It's hard because it is me. I'm the brand. It's not someone else.

So it's hard not to take it personally. And I think you invest so much. I invest a lot into my business and what I do and I love it. But I do take things personally because it is me. And I know it's a hard thing to do. So I've got to sort of sit back and go, okay, well, there's a lot of things coming into play here with algorithms and things. What could be the reason? Is it really my content that people aren't liking or is it because they're not actually seeing it because Instagram's done an update and people who follow me aren't actually seeing the post?

So you've got to like step back and realise what's going on here. So it is hard. It's hard to sort of monitor what's working and what's not and whether it is you or not. But you can test and there's a lot of things you can do to work out what actually works and what people want to see and what you're following really likes. But yeah, you've really got to think about

maybe it is just the algorithm. And how do you stay grounded? Something's taking off and doing really well. You're on the cover of every magazine. You're getting brand deals. You're getting all this stuff. It is all working for you. How do you stay grounded and also

stay happy with it being enough? Sometimes we'll get these big marks and then we're like, oh, but it could be more, it could be this and it's not enough. So how do you stay grounded in those times? Yeah, I think because it's taken a long time to get where I am and you could say that I started working on it when I was a teenager because that's when I started with modelling. And I use a lot of the things I learnt with modelling now. So I do a lot of things myself. I take my own photos on a tripod with a timer. I edit my own videos. I write my own content.

I reply to people online. I do a lot of stuff myself which I learnt when I was doing modelling. So I think in life there's a lot of things that you can use right now. I mean down the track when you find what it is you want to do. Because I've gone through that and I've worked really hard, it hasn't just happened overnight. I wasn't just handed it. I have a lot of appreciation for what I've got. One thing I do struggle with is really, really appreciating and being grateful for what it

is that I've got right now and it being enough because I always want to be, I want to be the best. I want to be the best I want to reach more people do so much stuff and I sometimes get frustrated because I know that I'm not quite where I want to be yet and it's a really hard balance to really appreciate and look back on what you've done and go yeah I've killed this I'm doing well and still go oh there's still more I want to do it's quite hard and that's something I do struggle with a lot. And when I do say get a magazine cover, I've got to really make an effort to go, I achieved this because I deserve it. It's difficult. And I think I get a bit mixed up with, I don't want to sort of

lose who I am through the whole thing. And I don't want people to think, and it's funny because I always say, don't worry about what people think, but I do. I care what people think because I'm doing this for a reason. I want to help people. So I have to care what they think, otherwise I wouldn't be doing this. I want to always stay, I guess, relatable to people and never seem like I'm full of myself, which I'm not, and I'm far from it actually. So yeah, it's finding that balance between being proud of yourself, looking at what you've achieved, where you've come from, and then still being able to say, yeah, but I've still got room to grow and more to do and more goals to do. Who's been the most influential person in your life growing up?

Growing up? When I was younger, I didn't really have anyone that I sort of looked up to. As I've, I don't know if I'm still growing up now in my 30s. Sure, yes. There's a few people. One's Brené Brown who's, she's a researcher, shame researcher. We just interviewed her a couple of weeks ago. Oh, she's incredible. She's amazing. Yeah, so she's been a big part of getting me through like tough times.

Oh, that's great. Yeah, incredible woman. So I look to her and also Dwayne Johnson who I I met last year I think it was he's been a bit of a mentor for me um yeah because obviously like he's absolutely killing it at everything yeah yeah and he's been guiding you in your career or helping with yeah yeah so if I've ever got you know something I'm I'm struggling with or I don't know how to deal with something he's a great person to ask his opinion on that's great yeah very Yeah. Very cool. What about your parents? You said your dad left when you were young, right?

Yeah, two and a half. Do you have a relationship with him or is he completely out of the picture? How long have you got? No, I don't have a relationship with him. I met him a few years ago for the first time. Really? Since I was, I think six was the last time I saw him.

He was sort of in and out of my sister and my life for years and then it was unhealthy for us for him to come in every six months see us and I just struggled with that. So he decided not to have anything to do with us. He went and did whatever he did with his life, not much. And then I kept in contact with my grandparents, which is his parents. They always said, when are you going to meet your father? Are you going to meet your father? Are you going to meet your father?

I never, to be honest, wanted to because I was hurt by him leaving and it really was hard for me to get over, which I did get over. Why bring that up? You know, he's had no interest in me all these years. But I met him because I felt like I had to. My sister and I went and met him a few years ago. Does he live in Australia? He's in New Zealand now.

Yeah, so that's sort of – he had opportunities to keep the relationship going or build a relationship and he didn't do it. So what do you do, hey? I don't think he deserves it to be honest. Yeah. Did you guys go to New Zealand and see him? Yeah. Yes, I've seen him.

I think I went on my own this trip. But we met him in Australia in Sydney and then I went over to see my grandparents over there and saw him there as well right years ago yeah what opened up for you during that time nothing nothing not i i remembered i met him and i thought he's a nice guy and we have a few things in common and i can see i get these traits from him but it's i don't see him as a father at all. Yeah. Yeah. What's the biggest lesson you learned from him, even being absent the whole time? What not to be. What's that?

Because there's some things, I see some things that he is or was and he's a musician so he didn't actually want a family anymore. So he had married my mum, had me and my sister and then realised that's not what he wants. He actually came home when my sister was born. My mum brought her home and he said, I'm leaving. It's not what I want. And she said, I've just had your child, your second child.

What are you doing? And he said, no, I want to be a musician and want to travel and be a famous whatever. So he made that choice and he didn't succeed at it yeah that was a question again biggest lesson you learned biggest lesson not to be like that so family comes first and it's most important i'm about to have my first baby and i almost gave away the sex then but my baby will be number one priority don't you try and get it out of me. Yeah, that everything else is secondary to that. It's great to have career goals or whatever,

but it's people in your life that are most important and you've really got to invest the most time and energy into that, I think. How is developing a relationship? It's your partner, you're not married, correct? No, we need to get him to put a ring on it, I think. You want a ring on it, but he's not ready yet. No, he does. It's just we haven't had time.

I know it's an excuse, isn't it? I get it. It's all good. I'm having his baby now, right? Yeah, yeah. It's time for a ring. How is having a family supporting your dream and vision or

not supporting it do you feel like it's going to help your vision or do you feel like it's shifting visions to have a family now something I've learnt over the years is you've got to adapt to things and if you can't adapt well then that's when I think you fail or you suffer and it's hard for humans

to adapt I think we get comfortable but I will adapt to this and I think you fail or you suffer and it's hard for humans to adapt. I think we get comfortable. But I will adapt to this and I think that having a baby will make me probably more relatable to people. A lot of mums and yeah. There's a new market there because I do have a big following of mums already. So then they're like, yes, finally, you like me sort of thing. So I think it'll be good. And also to show how i become a

mom and go through that and also getting back in shape my priority won't be to get back in shape it's going to be my baby but of course i love health and fitness and i want to be healthy and fit for my child and for me and my family so i will get back there but it's not like you're not trying to get on a cover of a magazine right away and yeah have a six pack I might have something you're not trying to get a six pack right away

no that's it it's not about that it's about how I feel and being the best for my family that's cool what about biggest lessons from your mom what are the biggest things

she taught you she taught a lot of values and how to treat people there's a few things I mean I don't want to talk about too much negative stuff because I love my mom to bits but she's taught me some things she's a few things. I mean, I don't want to talk about too much negative stuff because I love my mum to bits, but she's taught me some things.

She's a bit of a doormat and I think she'd be comfortable with me saying that. But yeah, she's a doormat. She's a people pleaser, always wants to make sure everyone else is happy and before her never worries about herself. And I used to be a lot like that, but I work not to be and not to say that I don't care about other people and I don't put other people like that but I work not to be and not to say that I don't care about other people and I don't put other people first but I don't think you can really,

truly help other people unless you help yourself first and not if you've got to be a doormat and you're unhappy and you're suffering. I really don't think that benefits anyone. So that's probably one of the biggest lessons. But she treats everyone very well and that's something I've learned as well. So that's positive. She's an amazing woman raising sister and and me all those years on her own yeah that's cool so what is the dream for you then after the baby comes what's the i'm living my dream you've

you've built this massive brand and business you've helped you know tens of thousands of people through your programs your products it's hard to say what my... Do you have a clear vision or dream? I've had clear visions along the way and there's things I've sort of envisioned and it's manifested into something and it's actually come true and it's crazy. I look back and go,

but I actually envisioned this and now I've got it. I think I've heard you talk about this before. It's real and I've done that over the years and I'm very happy with what I have achieved. I talk about I sometimes can't really understand and appreciate and believe that I deserve it, but I have achieved a lot and there's so much more I do want to achieve, but it really goes back to how can I reach more people? How can I have a positive impact on them? It's just growing my business, growing Fit Family that I've built to be bigger.

Why do you want to reach so many people? Because I was never happy before I found what makes me happy, which is health and fitness. It's weird what came first. I love helping people and love seeing how much they can change, going from being unhappy to finding what makes them happy. And it's different for everyone, obviously. But for instance, to give you an example, I had a girl at, I think I was at the fitness expo that I met you at that we can't remember. But anyway.

You thought it was Ohio. We met thousands of people. But a girl came up, it was actually her boyfriend came up to me and she said, my girlfriend's here and she wants to meet you, but she's so nervous and shy and she's suffering. She's got depression really bad and she's not wanting to live anymore and I just thought oh this is like outside of what I do but I can't turn her away like she's I've need to I need to meet her and sit with her so I found her just sitting on the ground she was crying and just freaking out because she wanted

to meet me but she's scared too so I sat down with her and I told her some of my story and what I've been through with hating myself and my life and not knowing what to do with it and blah blah blah so she sort of opened up and she was then in happy tears and thanked me for it and she ended up messaging me after saying that I made a huge impact on her and she was able to make changes and that just that's like one of the main reasons why I do this because it it's not all the yeah it's great to have followers and you know all that sort of stuff that might be attached to ego but this is really what matters reaching people in some way and I think if we're vulnerable and authentic then it makes it easier to be able to reach them because they realize hey I'm not alone or here's this person over here who's going through what I am going through or who has gone through it.

Because a lot of people might look at someone like me and think, oh, you know, she has everything and has a perfect life or whatever, even though I put out a lot of content to dispel that. But it's good to sort of show that, hey, I've achieved all this and I am happy and I've achieved so much within myself. My career has been a great achievement, but what I've achieved personally is far outweighs that. So I love that young girls like that can actually see me and then go, oh, there's hope for me. I can do this. Did you ever have a dark place where you felt like you didn't want to be here anymore? Yeah.

Really? Yeah, when I was a teenager. Really? Yeah, I was probably about maybe 18. I had not a nice boyfriend. I had a few pretty terrible relationships. One of those, I did get an AVO out on restraining order on a guy who was very abusive and tried to stab me with a knife.

No way. Smashed plates over my head and tried to throw me off a balcony. But he's not the guy that I actually – Holy cow. I had one before him. Smashed a plate over your head? Yeah. Used to get them out of the cup and smash them at me oh my gosh horrible did you live with him or was that just you were living at home still or how was that so back in my dark because i've sort of changed topic here but in my darkest spot was when i

was about 18 i was with this boyfriend that was no good not not nice. I'll keep it as that. I didn't want to live anymore. So I actually got tablets and I took a heap of tablets trying to end it. And then something happened and I said, no, this isn't what I want. I remember feeling like I was sinking through the bed and it was all over. And I, no, I want to live. And I made that choice. And it took years to sort of work out what actually can make me happy and everything else.

But I did make the choice to – I choose life. Anyway, so years later, I meet this other guy, horrible boyfriend. That was when you were with another boyfriend. Yeah, yeah. Were you living with him? I had a good run. Were you living with him or were you still at home? Not the one when I was 18.

I was still at home. And before you go on to the next horrible boyfriend, I mean you took these pills. Did you like go to the hospital and pump them out? Did throw up or when i just i threw up you threw up yeah i threw up yeah it was i was you're like i want to live it was very blurry i sort of crawled out yeah okay i think i went to the laundry so i didn't wake my mom up wow vomited and yeah it's pretty crazy to think that i was that person yeah and so the next the next horrible relationship. Yeah. Then I was living with him and he was the one

that was very physically abusive. Smashing plates on your head. Yeah. Strangling. He'd lay on top of me and strangle me. No way. Yeah.

My neck. And I remember looking into his eyes and they were just evil eyes. Just, oh, horrible. So- And he tried to stab you with a knife? Yep. He chased me around.

I got out. I was living in an apartment. I got out the front door and ran down the corridor and he chased me trying to stab me with a knife. And I got to this lift because it was a main lift and there was another one around the corner. It was like a slow lift. So I knew I wouldn't be able to get to the first one in time

because he'd get me. So I sprinted around to the other one. Got there, opened the doors. Doors open. I could hear him coming. It was like a movie the door shut like right when he was

coming in there boom hand goes through stops it his hand stopped it yep and then what pulls dragged me out

by my I think it was my hair oh my gosh and he's pulling me along and then the security saw it on the cameras footage yeah

they yelled out something I don't remember much it's all sort of blurry but they stopped him because I thought it's all sort of blurry but they stopped him because i thought it's all over you were screaming i'm assuming yeah i think i was oh my gosh i had to plan my escape because i moved away i was actually in queensland at that stage and i had family in sydney so it's actually a plane trip it's like an hour hour on the plane so the security came and broke it up or something

yeah you're able to get away he did the whole um i want to change and i can only do it if you you're here with me to support me and i i love you and i'll change for you and do all the crying and the it's like the beaten housewife syndrome where you just keep going back and because i wanted him to get better and help him i kept going back back. So is this point where you said enough is enough and you didn't go back? I knew that I couldn't go back, but I was stuck up there. So I had to plan how I was going to stay. So you stayed for a while.

So I said to him, because what he would do is he'd say, he'd manipulate me and say, if you leave, I'll hurt your family. Oh, my gosh. I'll kill your family sort of thing. Oh, my gosh. He was a nutter. Wow. Absolute nutter.

So I planned. I said that I wanted to move back so I could be close to where my family was. So we moved back and then waited until he went out one night because he'd go out and cheat on me all the time. Yeah, horrible. Got a friend to help me with all my stuff and I took as much as I could and escaped. And then he turned up at my mum's house, tried to drive his car through the garage, crazy. But he was yelling out, I'm going to drive the car through the garage. And he's revving it and trying to like drive it through to break in so he could get to me.

And he's pacing around the house, knocking on the – like banging on the windows and doors. We have very similar experiences with exes. Really? Did you have another too? I had a few interesting ones, yes. A few, yeah. Where they were at my house with a knife,

threatening to do things, yes. I wonder what it is that attracts these people. We're just crazy, I guess, I don't know. I think you learn from it though, don't you? Yeah, definitely. I learn a lot from those experiences and I've been able to help other people with similar things. So you got out.

Yeah. You left. Yeah. Moved. Yeah, it took a year to get the rest of my stuff back. He had my passport. Oh, man. He wouldn't give it back.

But it was a small sacrifice to make. Yeah. Wow. Yeah. Okay. Was the next guy just as bad or did you start finally? No, the next guy was quite good actually. We're still friends today.

Had a great relationship, just wasn't like in love sort of thing. Yeah, yeah, sure. And then I met Declan when I was 24. So I'm 32 now. I had to think about that. Yeah. I met him and he's my best friend. He's my business partner. He's everything. He's amazing. He helped me through a lot of the stuff and showed me how a man should really treat someone or a partner should treat their love. Yeah. That's great. Amazing stories. Good people do exist out there. You just got to go through the bad ones sometimes.

They do, right? They do. Wow. I want to transition into- That got intense, didn't it? It was amazing, yeah. I want to transition into a healthy body image in men. We talked about this with women,

but I feel like there's a lot of challenges with men as well with the distraction comparison. I see shredded, ripped, strong dudes on Instagram all the time. Not saying that I'm comparing and like not happy with my body, but I know there's a lot of this happening. How can men, I guess, have a more healthy relationship with their body image for themselves.

And how can they support other men in the process as well? I think it's hard because women are a little bit more vocal about it. I think perhaps, or they tend to gravitate towards each other and create these groups. Communities, yeah. There's no support groups of men being like. I think men feel like it's not like a masculine thing. They isolate themselves and they don't know that they can reach out

because that makes them look like they're weak and they have this fear. I'm just not talking from experience because I'm not a man, obviously, but I think they have a fear of demasculinated or a weakness. So it's the opposite. I think if you reach out and you're actually talking about these issues that you have and talking to each other, then I think that's a sign of strength and it's a good thing. But I really do think talk about it more and talk to your mate. Like find someone who is a good, genuine friend and talk to them. My boyfriend actually does this a lot with people. He's got a lot of friends that sort of ask him for help and he's become almost a bit like a counsellor

because he loves being able to help people like that. But, yeah, I think a lot of people, a lot of men don't. They just have to keep it all to themselves. I think they've got to stay strong. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Talking more, I think, helps with everything.

Got to talk more. Talking in general. People need people. Yeah. We've got to talk to each other more. So true. What's the thing that you're most proud of that you've done that maybe people do know or don't know about you?

I think the most proud is my personal journey and how I've come to a place where I do actually accept myself and I'm not chasing this idea of trying to fit in with people it's more about having a sense of belonging and only having a few select people around me that love me and realizing what's real and what's not or who's real and who's not. But definitely being able to say I love myself, that's a huge thing for me because I hate, I despise myself before. But I actually love myself now and I make, I invest a lot into myself because I think I'm worth it now and I think that's something that everyone needs to find and hopefully everyone does find.

But that's definitely my biggest achievement. It outweighs anything else career-wise or anything. Yeah, that's great. I think it's a great achievement. If we're not happy with ourselves, the rest of the stuff doesn't matter. What's a question you wish more people would ask you that they don't ask? You've actually asked you. I think more towards mental health is probably something I'm more interested in.

What's something you do then to empower your mental health is probably something I'm more interested in. Yeah. What's something you do then to empower your mental health or to strengthen your mental health on a daily basis, either in the morning or afternoon or whenever? Breathing. Sounds simple, but just stopping to take time to breathe into your diaphragm so that you can think and have a clear sort of mind. So you can work out where you're at and where you want to go from there and you get so caught up in life being so busy that you sort of forget what's happening. Well, I do anyway.

I get really out of control and don't know. I just feel stressed out. It's just so much to sort of handle and you've got to stop sometimes, take deep breaths and then relax, spend time on yourself and even if it's only 10 minutes a day. And I know a lot of people talk about this but doing something that is like your creative or your time out that is just time to yourself, sit down reading a book or sit down doing nothing,

turn your phone off and just really try to, what's the word like get get back to like your balance like a grounded yeah grounded so for me even just walking along the beach i'm lucky enough to live near the beach and getting my shoes off and just putting my bare feet in the sand getting in the water i just i feel like you're almost earthing yourself like you're downloading all the crap and the negative stuff and then you're recharging yourself with positive sure energy from the earth sure not to get too hippie or anything but yeah it works we're in la it's okay you can speak like that here yeah very cool anything else on mental health besides breathing mental health yeah talking more like i've talked about before but talking more to people not being afraid of opening up and being vulnerable with

the right people, of course. Sometimes if you're vulnerable with the wrong people, it can really turn worse for you. It's a whole other topic, isn't it? Realizing that you're not alone and that there's so many people out there that are more alike than you think. And if we did just talk about it more, then we could get through it more and have that support, support each other. Very cool. Very cool. Final few questions for you.

Or is there any questions you have for me first before we bring you to the final? When are you coming to Australia? I've been asked this a lot lately. I have a big audience there actually. So I need to get over there sometime, maybe around my next book, this book launch.

I might try to come at the end of this year. So we'll figure it out. But you're in the Gold Coast, right? Yeah, it's beautiful there. How far is that? Brisbane's the main city near there. I'm on the Gold Coast, but Brisbane's about an hour and 20 minutes drive from there. So you can actually fly into Brisbane. I'm trying to get you over there. So if I go to Brisbane, you'll come? We'll hang out in Brisbane? Yes, of course. 100%. All right, cool. Yeah, maybe I'll do a tour. I'll connect with you guys after sometime. This is called the three truths.

So you've put out a lot of content over the years. You've got a lot of programs, videos, images, everything. But let's say this is your last day many years from now, and all the stuff you've ever put out has been erased. All your content, images, everything's gone. Programs, gone. But you have a piece of paper and a pen to write down the three things you know to be true

about all of your experiences in life. The three lessons that you would share with the world. And these would be the only things that people would have to remember you by. What would you say are your three truths? Be 100% you and don't be afraid to be who you are. And it's not about trying to be who you think people want you to be. You've got to to be who you are. And it's not about trying to be who you think people want you to be.

You've got to find out who you are and then being happy with that and realising that not everyone's going to like you, but it's so much better to just be 100% you. And if people don't like you, then that doesn't matter. So there's one. Two, choose people that you want in your life who are real

and giving you something back. So it works both ways obviously but I think time is so short and our lives are so short and you don't want to waste it with the wrong people and I've wasted it with a lot of wrong people before. So really realising who's real. Does that count? I don't know if that counts.

Yeah, that's two. We have one more. So one more. I think something that I struggled with is perfection and realizing that nobody is perfect. Nobody's even close to it. And that chasing it's never going to make you happy because I've been there and I've done that and never did. never made me happy. And being okay with good enough is good enough. Just trying the best that you can and being a hundred percent who you are. I think this goes back to my first one though. It sort of ties in, but yeah, being authentic and it's not about perfection because that doesn't

exist and it'll never make you happy anyway. It's boring. I think that can count. That's really hard. You should have told me this earlier. I could have sat there and come up with a great response. It's all about being spontaneous. It's okay. You said, don't try to be perfect. If you would have known before, then it would have been too perfect. So it's a perfect and it's imperfection, right? Imperfectly perfect. Exactly. I want to acknowledge you for a moment, Emily, for all that you've been through. It sounds like you've been through a lot. You've overcome a lot that people weren't even aware of. And it sounds like about a decade of darkness, maybe even longer. And for you to discover at your own worth and really fall in love with yourself, which I think is really important for all of us to do, to be able to do that first is a huge thing. And then to be able to share that

with the world and inspire so many millions of people that you do, I want to acknowledge you for all that you're doing to stay committed to yourself and then to share that with the world. It's making an impact. So I appreciate you. Yeah. Before I ask the final question, I want to know where can we connect with you? Come to Australia. You've got a number of programs on how to optimize your fitness and nutrition and workouts and things like that. And that's all at your website, correct? Yeah. So it's emilysky.com. Make sure you don't forget the E. So it's emilysky with an E at the end, dot com. And then there's Facebook. If you just search Emily Sky on there, it'll come up. And Emily Sky Fit on Instagram. Snapchat's the same. and Twitter is MissEmilySky.

But if I get married, that's going to have to change. Oh. When I get married. Misses Emily Sky. Hint, hint. What's the thing you're most excited about right now? Having a baby. Okay, awesome.

Most excited, yeah. I've never been more excited in my life. That people can support you with in your online stuff? Are you mostly on Instagram now or Facebook? Where should they go, the main place? I think Instagram is a little bit more personal. I'm on there a lot more and I do talk to everyone on there. So I respond to people comment and I respond. But I think what's been really cool about this new journey I'm on having a baby is I'm sort of used to being the person that maybe people come to and I sort of give out information

or motivation, inspiration, whatever it is people come to me for. But now a lot of people are giving back and I'm learning from them about having a baby, which is really cool. And I think people like to feel like they're offering value or they're needed or wanted. And it's a really cool way for them to give to me. And then I appreciate that. So it's like, it really is a community and really like a family and I wish I could meet everyone, give everyone a hug. Do another world tour in a few years and you can have everyone come meet you. Very cool.

Well, I'm excited. I really appreciate the time you came here and I know this is going to add a lot of value to people. Thanks for having me. Yeah, of course. The final question is what's your definition of greatness? Yeah. me. Yeah, of course. The final question is what's your definition of greatness?

Yeah. Definition of greatness is being a hundred percent yourself and working out what it is that you enjoy in life, what gets you out of bed every day, what gives you the passion for life and how can you make that a part of what you do every day? So whether it's your career, your job, how can you make it a part of that? And then to me, what's very important is obviously reaching people and somehow helping them in some way. I think if I'm able to do that and sort of give to them in some way, give back, that's my definition of greatness. So it's when everything's aligned, my goals and what I want out of it and am I doing things the right way?

Am I helping people as well? It's not just about me and for my own benefit. It's not enough. I need to do something more to help people. I think that's my definition. Awesome. Emily, thank you so much for coming on. Thanks for having me.

Appreciate it. Come to Australia. You can get in my suitcase. I will. There you have it, my friends. I hope you enjoyed this and it inspires you to be greater today. Again, Ralph Waldo Emerson said, What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.

You have incredible power within you. Now is the time for you to step up and move forward. Don't analyze your life anymore. Don't second guess yourself anymore. Take committed action one step forward today and then continue to do it over and over again to get closer to the life that you want to live, the relationships you want to be in, the business you want to have, the career you want to have, and the feelings you want to have around your health and your environment. Again, this is your life. You have ownership over the thoughts that you have every single day and the decisions you make and the actions you take. If you enjoyed this, make sure to share it out with your friends, lewishowes.com

slash 566. Take a screenshot of this, post it on share it out with your friends, lewishouse.com slash 566. Take a screenshot of this, post it on your Instagram story. Tell me what you got the most out of during this interview and let me know. Post it on social media. And I screenshot a lot of these of what you guys do. So any creative posts you do on Instagram, tag me at lewishouse, tag Emily Sky as well. I'll screenshot and share some of these on my Instagram story to send you some love back also. You mean the world to me. Thank you so much for all you do

for spreading this message, but most of all for taking the action on the things you learn in these interviews and in these episodes, because if we just take in the information and we don't apply it, then we're wasting the information. So thank you for all that you guys do. I get so many emails and messages and tweets and posts on Instagram telling me about your transformations in your business and your life. And it means the world to me. And I'm so glad that we're doing this together. We're growing together. I'm learning, you're learning, and we're doing this together. Thank you again, guys, so much for being here. It means the world to me and you know what time it is. It's time to go out there and do something great. you