The School of Greatness - 581 Gabrielle Bernstein: The Judgment Detox

Episode Date: December 26, 2017

"JUDGMENT COMES FROM THE MOMENT OF SEPARATION.” One thing I’ve always struggled with in life is feeling like I was being judged. I was afraid of what people would think of me, and I felt I had an image I needed to keep up. I’m sure you can relate. I discovered that this was caused more by judgment of myself. I was judging everything I did right, and everything I did wrong. Anything I did wrong I would beat myself up for. One thing I’ve been working on is letting go of judgment. I try to observe when it’s there, and not have any emotional attachment to it. It’s amazing how much the world can change when judgment isn’t in the picture. "Judgment is toxic and holds us back from living our lives.” On this episode of The School of Greatness we are joined by Gabrielle Bernstein. Gabby is the #1 New York Times bestselling author of The Universe Has Your Back, and has written five additional bestsellers! She was featured on Oprah’s SuperSoul Sunday as a “next-generation thought leader,” and The New York Times named her “a new role model.” She appears regularly as an expert on The Dr. Oz Show and co-hosted the Guinness World Record largest guided meditation with Deepak Chopra. Gabrielle is a certified Kundalini yoga and meditation teacher. She is also trained in the Emotional Freedom Technique and she’s a student of Transcendental Meditation, as taught by the David Lynch Foundation. YouTube chose Gabrielle as one of its 16 YouTube Next Video Bloggers. Mashable included her in its list of 11 Must-Follow Twitter Accounts for Inspiration. Forbes called her one of the 20 Best-Branded Women. Gabby is here to talk about her newest book, Judgment Detox, Release the beliefs that hold you back from living a better life, that is being released in January 2018. She gives amazing insights on how to control the feeling of judgment and find inner peace and respect for yourself on Episode 581. "Forgiveness isn’t something we have to go figure out.” Some Questions I Ask: Why did you write judgment detox? (5:05) What was judgment doing to you? (6:23) Do you feel like you were more judgmental of yourself or others? (9:54) When did you realize you were so judgmental? (10:41) What’s worse, judging others or judging yourself? (14:40) Do you feel like in order to be less judgmental we have to forgive first? (18:12) What happens when you are triggered? (23:51) How do you approach someone to end judgment of you? (27:51) Do you feel like you and your husband are less judgmental of each other now? (31:04) Who is this book not for? (31:40) In This Episode You Will Learn: What judgment was doing to Gabby (6:23) How judgment is like an addiction (8:26) The effects of word on judgment (10:20) How to stop judging ourselves for judging (11:38) What’s possible for us when we stop judging ourselves or others (14:52) How to navigate everything happening today without judgment (16:19) What happens to our world when we are judging more (26:18) The biggest thing that’s opened up for Gabby since the book has been completed (30:18) Gabby’s vision for her life this year (32:14)

This is episode number 581 with number one New York Times best-selling author Gabby Bernstein. Welcome to the School of Greatness. My name is Lewis Howes, a former pro-athlete turned lifestyle entrepreneur. And each week we bring you an inspiring person or message to help you discover how to unlock your inner greatness. Thanks for spending some time with me today. Now let the class begin. Anne McCaffrey said, make no judgments where you have no compassion. Welcome to another powerful episode of the School of Greatness podcast.

We have my dear friend, Gabby Bernstein on. For those that don't know who Gabby is, she is the number one New York Times bestselling author of The Universe Has Your Back and has written five additional bestsellers. She was featured on Oprah's Super Soul Sunday as a next generation thought leader, and the New York Times named her a new role model. She appears regularly as an expert on the Dr. Oz Show and co-hosted the Guinness World Record Largest Guided Meditation with Deepak Chopra.

She's a force of nature and people all over the world listen to her, watch her videos, read her books, come to her seminars. She sells out all of her seminars, and she's just an inspiring individual and a dear friend. And we cover a powerful topic in this interview. It's all about judgment. We cover where judgment actually comes from, why we judge ourselves so much and so many other people, how to break free of the cycle of judgment, and how judgment is actually

affecting our politics, our families, and our society and our health right now. We cover so much about this topic, and Gabby really dives in deep about all these things. Before we dive into the interview, I want to give a shout out to the fan of the week. And this is from Casey Lee. Casey says, I am not disappointed in how the positive content has changed my days for better and helped me build a better mindset of positivity and renewed my drive to hustle harder while being a better human. Thank you, Lewis. So, Casey Lee, thank you so to do is head over to the School of Greatness podcast over on iTunes, or if you're listening to the podcast on the Apple app right now,

you can do that on your phone. So go ahead and do that right now for your chance to be shouted out as a fan of the week. I am super excited about this one. Again, Gabby Bernstein is a force of nature. She is inspiring so many people all over the world. If you're listening to this right now, take a screenshot on your phone that you're listening,

upload it to your Instagram page or Instagram story, tag myself at Lewis Howes and at Gabby Bernstein right now so that we can both see you on Instagram and connect with you. I pretty much respond to almost everyone that I can. So send me a direct message screenshotting this on your story and I and connect with you. I pretty much respond to almost everyone that I can. So send me a direct message, screenshotting this on your story, and I'll reply to you, hopefully, if I can get to all of them. But I like to have as many conversations as I can. And I know Gabby would love to see who's listening to this as well. So go ahead and do that on

Instagram, Twitter, and let us know. All right, guys, I'm super pumped. Again, let me introduce to you the one, the only Gabby Bernstein. Welcome everyone back to the School of Greatness podcast. We have the legendary Gabby Bernstein in the house. High fives. We're a little farther away than normal, but it's okay. Good to see you and congrats on the new book. It's always good to see you. Thank you for having me back on the show.

Of course. Judgment Detox is in the house. Make sure you guys go get it right now. Your last book was a huge hit, number one New York Times bestseller, so congratulations on that. You've got this other book out right now. Why Judgment Detox? Well, this is definitely my most timely book. Really? And I don't know that I planned it. I think the universe has my back, Lewis. And what happened was when I was writing The Universe Has Your Back, there was a chapter in the book about judgment.

And I wrote this whole chapter about how we had to heal our judgment in order to deepen our connection with the universe. And I recall writing that chapter and then being at the end of that chapter and just dropping my hands and thinking, oh shit, this is a book. This is an entire book. Because I realized there was so much more I had to say on that topic. So right after The Universe Has Your Back published, I sold this book and then I wrote it right away. It was right in the middle of the 2016 election. So we were at the height of the most divisive time we've ever seen. I'm writing this whole book on judgment. I personally always write what's going on for me.

So I'm in the midst of some of the most deep-rooted judgmental dramas of my own life. And I'm just writing about all of them. And through the process of writing this book, as it always happens, I had an amazing experience of healing myself and healing my experience of how I judge and what judgment was doing to me emotionally and physically and mentally. What was it doing to you? Oh, it was blocking my power. It was blocking my connection to my relationship to a higher power. It was blocking my connection to my intuition. It was blocking my capacity to attract what I wanted

into my life. It was affecting my relationships. It was making me play small. It was keeping me stuck in just like a really low vibe because I didn't even realize how judgmental I was until I started writing this book. Really? And that's the thing that I think unfortunately is going to happen for everybody when they read this book is they're going to be like, uh-oh. And it's actually not unfortunate because in order to heal those patterns, we have to look at them. Yeah. Where does judgment come from? What I write about here is that judgment comes from the moment of separation. So all of us in our own lives, in our own different experiences, particularly when we're young children, have experiences of

separating from the genuine love and compassion and connectedness and oneness and the truth of who we are. And that separation can happen as an infant. It can happen as a two, three, four-year-old. It can happen in high school. And those moments of separation are those moments when someone in some way makes you feel inadequate or you hear something that implies that you're better than or less than or you start to pick up the experiences of the world or your parents' belief systems that in some way infuse this belief system that you are different, that you are not good enough, that you are alone, that you are better than or whatever it may be.

And all of those moments of separation become belief systems and they become thoughts that we keep thinking. And as we start to develop that separation over and over and over, it becomes the belief of who we are. It becomes almost the pretense that we place upon ourselves. And so that deep wound that we have from that moment of separation is something that we run from our entire life. And judgment is just one of the ways that we run. So is it like an addiction then?

Exactly. That was my next sentence. Always thinking right ahead. And you know, you are one of the best active listeners I've ever met. This is why I love coming on the show because I have this amazing experience of having this man having this active listening. Most men aren't that way? My husband's really good at it too, actually. Are you being judgmental of men? No, actually. Can I be honest with you?

I think actually women are not as good at active listening than men are. Men are probably even better at it than women. But it feels good to have a man really listening and responding. But all of us should be active listening. Of course. Women were just such great multitaskers that were like, it's hard to actively listen. So it's more of an addiction to what masks the pain? Yes.

So the same way we would use drugs or alcohol or sex or love or whatever it is to avoid feeling our deep-rooted feelings, we use judgment the same way. Because it makes us feel better about ourselves. Oh, absolutely. But seemingly, for a moment in time. So what will happen is we'll feel that feeling of inadequacy. We'll feel that feeling of shame where we won't feel it. We'll notice it. And then we'll say, oh, no, okay, I'm not going to deal with that. So I'm going to project out what I do not want to feel within. And that's what that projection, that pushing out becomes an addictive pattern. And then there's a cycle because ultimately what happens is we're putting it out because we don't want to feel it.

And then we feel guilty unconsciously because we've judged because that's not the truth of who we are. So then we judge ourselves often for judging or just judge ourselves in general. And then we don't want to feel that feeling. So we judge somebody else again. So it becomes a very vicious cycle. Yeah. Do you feel like you were more judgmental of others or yourself? Oh, it's probably 50-50. I think that I, it was more obviously judgmental of others, but that judgment of others was just projecting out the judgments I had about myself.

So I also believe that when we judge others, we're often judging others for the disowned parts of our own shadow. Now, is it judgment if you don't say it to anyone? Yes. If you just say it to yourself, like, she looks really weird today. Like, if you're just saying it in your mind, is that still judgment? Yes, yes. Now, is it worse to verbalize it to other people then? Well, it just creates more momentum behind it. So whatever we say out loud just becomes perpetuated as we speak it.

When did you realize that you were so judgmental, I guess, or you were in this space or it was another addiction of yours? Writing this book was when I realized it. Yeah. When I was writing the book, I was just like, oh man, this is not good. And then I put my face on the book, which was really quite brave. Yeah, of course. Right now when I walk around and my husband's like, judgment detox, judgment detox. But I realized it when I was writing the book. Because writing the book, I started to feel this really deep sense that the important thing that I did here was the first step in the book is to witness your judgment without judgment. Because what happened was-

To not judge yourself when you're judging others. Exactly. Because I noticed myself throughout writing this book, I had to pay close attention to my own behavior because that's what I was asking the reader to do. And I was applying all the steps to myself. And so I really had to live that first step of to not judge myself for all the judgments because it was just unbelievable. So how do we end the judgment of ourself of judgment? Well, that first step does a really nice job of letting you off the hook and giving you full permission to look at your behavior and love yourself anyway. And sometimes when you have that self-help book author just saying, this is the task,

this is the exercise. The exercise is to love yourself anyway. That feels good. So love yourself, even if your entire life you've judged people and made people wrong or hurt people through your words or whatever it may be, let it go and start fresh, essentially. The steps that follow that first step give you the pathway to undoing the pattern. And the first step is really just the simplest part, which is just simply look at it. Just look at it and be aware. Yeah. Of you being judgmental in general. Yeah. And start to understand, you ask yourself four questions in the first step. So what or whom am I judging? How does it make me feel? Why am I justified in that judgment? And is there an experience from my past that has caused me to believe in this judgment? So an example that I

did, I did Dr. Oz yesterday and I was workshopping a woman on the show. And so it was like, what or whom are you judging? And she's like, I'm judging myself. And I said, how does that make you feel? It makes me feel really inadequate. It makes me feel less than it makes me feel like I'm not good enough. And then it was, and why do you feel justified in that judgment? And she said, well, I'm overweight and I don't do this right. Don't do that right. And all these different things that she feels about herself. And then I said, well, what was the experience from your past? And she said, when I was a kid, I was judged. This was sort of the off camera part, the The on-camera part, she wasn't that vulnerable because it's a little tough. But to hear that story that she felt judged, then she then became the judger.

Wow. There was an experience, a specific experience in her life where she felt judged and that put, and she knew that that was the moment when she detoured into that belief system. Are all of us judgmental from early ages, you think? she detoured into that belief system. Are all of us judgmental from early ages, you think? Yes. I think that we are not born that way. We are born with the God within us. We are born with that truth of who we are. We are born in that ease and that light and that love. And I believe that and I know that is true for everyone. And we're born into circumstances that build up these pretenses and these belief systems around us that

create false judgmental beliefs. And that false judgment becomes the detour in the wrong direction. Especially in elementary school, middle school, high school, it's almost like you have to be judgmental, right? To fit in. To survive, yeah. To fit in, to have friends. And these days, it's just a pervasive issue because you- Instagram and Snapchat and whatever. I mean, these kids are all day long just judging themselves and comparing themselves and looking at the likes. And it's just, and adults are doing it too. I mean, so that's why I think this is such a timely book. judgments that we're seeing politically or globally, but also the judgments that we're experiencing from this high-speed experience of seeing ourselves against other people all day

long. What's worse, judging others or judging yourself? I think it's the same thing. I think it's the same thing. It's going to have the same effect. Yeah. Yeah. What's possible for us when we stop judging ourselves or others? All right. So let me be super clear. Practicing this book doesn't mean that we stop judging, right? It's always going to happen. So my experience has been that it's not that I gave up judgment entirely. I did cut it. I mean, I did like, I judge far less. It's that I don't believe in it anymore. And then on top of that, I do catch myself quickly. So even this morning I was with my publicist, Jesse, and we were at an event and I was talking with my event partners and I was kind of like complaining about something that I had that didn't come out the way I wanted it to.

And I was getting into it about the partner that I had that didn't do a good job with it. And then like I heard myself speaking and because of my practice here, I was able to literally unwind it in a minute, like in like 30 seconds. I was like, but the good thing is this. And I was able to replace it with something better because I saw that that judgment was lowering my vibe. It was lowering their vibe. It was creating this whole low vibe experience that I didn't want to have.

And because of my practice and my dedication to the judgment detox, I was able to get out of it really fast. And so that's the miracle. The miracle isn't that it's gone. The miracle is that you don't believe in it anymore. Yeah. How do we handle it today, though, with just like you said, with the political climate, there's so much of the leadership that is judgmental and just constantly judging. And it's showing us the example in a high form of leadership.

How do we navigate all this? And with just everything in general, with the sexual harassment cases that are coming out, with everything that's happening. There's a difference between judgment and discernment. So discernment is, let's just be real. Like we have a unfit president. I'm not judging him. I have a deep compassion for him. I actually have deep compassion for him because I've practiced this book on him.

Okay? So I have a real place of deep compassion for him and I pray for him book on him. So I have a real place of deep compassion for him and I pray for him to get well. That's real. I mean that. And because I don't think he's well, that's where we're at. And this isn't about anything political. This is just like, this is not right. And so with that feeling of like, this is a situation of someone not being well, when we practice these principles, we come from a place of compassion. And that compassion begins to dissolve

that boundary of judgment. And that's been my experience. So it'd be loving as opposed to judging. Well, it's seeing people in their innocence. There's a step in the book called see for the first time. And that's a step that's really bold. It's a step where you have to really turn back the story and choose to see someone through the lens of love. I don't know if I shared this story the last time I was on. Did I share the story

about my father at the temple? I'm not sure. All right, I'll tell you now. So I'm in the book, in this See for the First Time piece, I tell a story about my relationship with my father and how I had a pretty tough time with a difficult relationship with my dad. And we'd always argue and we'd get on these heated debates about the same issue over and over again. And it would keep coming up every weekend. And there was a week right around the time of my birthday that was my grandfather's yahrzeit, which means the anniversary of his death in Jewish religion.

And my father every year celebrates both of his parents' yahrzeits. He goes to temple. They call my grandparents' names out. It's a really beautiful thing that he honors them. And so I was in this like really heated debate with my dad and we were arguing and like fighting. And at the end of the conversation, he said, you know, Gabby, I feel really judged by you. And this is right in the middle while I'm writing this book. And I was like- You're writing a book and stuff.

Yeah. Wow. And I said, well, you know, dad, I am judging you. And I'm actually writing a book about this right now. And I appreciate your feedback. I appreciate you presenting this to me and helping me see this from a different lens. And so I took that in. And then he said, okay, at the end of the conversation, he said, okay, so I'll see you next Friday for Temple and we'll go to dinner for your birthday and then we'll go to Temple for Poppy's yard site. Okay. So we go to dinner, and typically, like my family always says, we show up late for temple because that's what we did every time we'd go to temple. And we sneak in the back, and we're standing in the back of the temple. And we're listening to the sermon, and as God would have it, the sermon is all about just compassion and love and kindness. And I'm just sitting there,

I'm just like, oh my God. I'm thinking about all these things. And I'm just sitting there, I'm just like, oh my God. I'm like thinking about all these things. And it was just like, he was literally speaking to me exactly what I needed to hear. And at the end of the sermon, the rabbi says, you know, there's a very, very lovely family here tonight. They're a family that's been in this congregation for many years. And I want to really acknowledge the Bernsteins. And Edgar Bernstein's here with his daughter, Gabby, and his son, Max, and his wife. And I want to really acknowledge Edgar because Edgar's here every single year on his father's yard site and his mother's yard site, really honoring his elders. And so this year, I went into the archives of our membership box. And I have all these membership cards from our members. And I pulled out Seymour

Bernstein's membership card for Edgar, his father's membership card. And I wanted to give this to Edgar tonight. And so I saw my dad in the temple that night. It's making me very emotional right now. Standing there in the temple in tears, like standing in his stillness and just crying and just like really just moved deeply from this moment. And I was so deeply moved by that. And I could see him in that light. And in that moment, I was really able to see him for the first time. I could see him as a member of a community. I could see him as a man who shows up for his elders. I could see him as a man who shows up for his elders. I could see him as someone who was just acknowledged by his rabbi. And it was just a real moment of dissolving the judgment. And I went home and I wrote that chapter. That's a beautiful story. I had to

see for the first time. Wow, it's very beautiful. Yeah, because there's so much probably tied into family relationships of all the situations we've grown up as kids with our parents. It's hard not to judge our parents. I think a lot of kids judge their parents, right? Yeah, I mean, they're probably the people we want to judge most because we blame them. For everything, right? Yeah. It's hard to be a parent.

That's where the forgiveness step in this chapter comes in. Forgiveness. In this book, yeah, the sixth step in the chapter, in the book, is the chapter six is about forgiveness. Yeah. Do you feel like in order to be less judgmental, we need to forgive first? So forgiving comes last, actually. Really? So in this book, because ultimately it'd be amazing if you can get into the practice of forgiveness and it becomes a second nature. But I really put this as the last step in the book, because ultimately my hope was that you could go through this journey of unraveling and undoing the belief systems of judgment so that you could first, so that by the time you get to the place of forgiveness, you feel more connected, you feel more aligned, and you feel like it's going to be something that can be bestowed upon you. Because forgiveness isn't something that we have to go figure out. A lot of times people are like, I have to go forgive.

I have to make that happen. Really, forgiveness is something that's bestowed upon you. Do you feel like you've forgiven yourself for everything? Not yet, no. What's still not to forgive? Oh, you ask all the hard questions. What's still on your mind that you haven't forgiven about yourself? I think that I'm hard on myself. I'm hard on myself. And I have to try to forgive myself. I mean, even yesterday I was in my therapy and I was like,

I realized that I was having some physical stuff come up and I was blaming myself for it. Like physical sickness? Like my stomach. I had some stomach stuff and I was blaming myself for it. Like physical sickness? Like my stomach. I had some stomach stuff and I was blaming myself for getting so stressed out that my stomach would be upset. And my therapist reminded me in that moment, she was like, this situation that we were discussing that will not be discussed on Lewis Howes podcast, but this issue that we were addressing in the privacy of my therapy session, she's like, this is the trigger. Like that's your core wound. This has been triggered. Of course you would be stressed. Of course you would get sick.

And it was just like having somebody see me in that innocence helped me forgive myself. You don't want to share the trigger? Oh God, no. It's all wrapped up in a lot of things. Okay, so you haven't forgiven yourself for that thing. You know, yesterday I did. Like yesterday I had a lot of things. Okay. So you haven't forgiven yourself for that thing? You know, yesterday I did. Like yesterday I had a moment of saying, yeah, okay, you know, you're triggered again.

And this is how you responded. This was the best you could do. And you got sick from it. And you're getting better now. What happens when you're triggered? Do you feel like you just tighten up or you stress out inside and you put a lot of pressure on yourself and you feel like that's what's the cause of it? Yeah, exactly. So when I get triggered, yeah, my stomach tightens.

I get riled up. I go zero to ten. Is it more – you don't have to tell me the thing, but is it more a personal thing or is it more a business-related thing? Well, it's all a personal thing, but it shows up everywhere, right? So we're all triggered. This book is going to trigger your triggers. It's not going to trigger your triggers. It's going to help you understand how to manage your triggers. And not only, let's not talk about management, let's talk about heal. The whole second step of the book is to honor the wounds. And honoring the wounds means that the wounds that live beneath the judgments are the reason that we act out, right? It's the reason that we

talked about this already. Like this is the reason that we pick up the drink or we use the judgment. It's the trigger. It's the trigger. It's the trigger. And so when that thing that- Don't manage it, heal it. Heal it. And so in this second step, I use emotional freedom technique, which I know you interviewed Nick Ortner, so everybody already knows what tapping is because they listen to every single show, so they never miss anything. But I used EFT, and that tapping exercise is one of the most powerful ways to heal the root cause and the energetic disturbance that lives beneath the wound. So I tap all the time. Yeah. Because it's a constant practice. You don't just say, I'm healed one time. It's like, we've got to practice it all the time. We have to practice it all the time. It's like, I can't just meditate for a week or tap for a week.

Keep it going. Because it's going to come back at some point. You can have transformational healing from tapping and walk away and be like, that's gone. I'm good. Yeah, but I mean, if we've got 20, 30 years of conditioning of triggers, it might take five, 10 years of practice for that to fully heal to where we're not triggered every day it happens. The nice thing about something like EFT is that it can be healed in five sessions or one session. I mean, I'm sure Nick told you the miracles, right? So it's like, you can have that, but then there's nuances of those triggers or there's aspects. So in tapping, it's like we talk about a tabletop. So it's like you have different aspects of the issue and you kick out one and then you got to kick out the next one. You kick

out the next one, the kick out the next one, the table can collapse. And so there may still be other aspects that can come up. So you have to keep tapping to kick out those other aspects. Yeah. Is there a society, like a country that judges the most? Probably US. US? Yeah. I'm just guessing. Yeah, probably. And what happens to our world when we're judging more? Right. Great question. So I think that the, I write about this in the book,

that the reason for a lot of the world issues that we're seeing today, the root cause is judgment. Think about it. Terrorism, it's judgment. It's separation. It's seeing separateness. What we're seeing politically, separation. It's seeing with separateness.

Obesity, all the challenges we're facing. It's separateness, exactly. It's feelings of inadequacy that have led to self-judgment and attack and then projected outward. The fear that everyone's feeling is coming from that sense of separation, that feeling of not feeling safe, not feeling connected, feeling very alone. And so that is a issue that has become an epidemic and we're seeing it all throughout the world. And ultimately right now, I mean, I feel that what my hope and my intention with this book is, is that each individual that has the opportunity to go through these six steps, my prayer is that as they create those shifts in their own life, that they will begin to carry the message. And it's not even about necessarily

feeling like, oh, now I've got to go teach this, which many people may feel called to. Just being it. Being it, yeah. That you'll just take that moment like I did today and you'll unpack that story and you'll back it up and you'll start over or you will just not do it.

Yeah. When you're noticing someone's being judgmental of you, what's the best way to approach that conversation to say, as opposed to saying, you know, being mean about it, but how do you start that conversation where you want someone to end judgment of you? Like your dad said with you, I feel like you're being judgmental.

Is there a way or an approach? Say your girlfriends are being very judgmental of other people. Is there a way to have that conversation where you say, hey, listen, I'm noticing that we're being very judgmental, including myself. Is there a way to talk about it? Well, there's two things. One, if you're feeling judged by someone, the first question you have to ask yourself is, how am I judging myself? Because we wouldn't have the feeling of being judged if it wasn't something that was a wound within us. So if somebody was like saying something about you, but it's not your trigger, I'm sure this happens.

Like, you know, you're a very public figure. It's like people may say stuff all over his house. But if it's not your trigger, you're like, whatever. But when it hits a trigger. When it hits a trigger, you're like, balls. Yes, exactly. You're knives out. Knives out, right?

And so you and I have like a lot in common you know because we're really really nice but then when you ask for those it's like you know and that's the thing it's like I was my mantra I can curse on this show right my mantra was always like if you f*** with me f*** with death row like like can you believe like this like spiritual teacher is saying this but you know it's always very and kind, but if you do not want to mess with me and I've done a lot of tapping on that, even with Nick, Nick even was having with me days like, are you ready to put down the knives? So there's work that I've done around that where I've had really big relief. And then there's more to do because you know, my trigger is feeling being taken advantage of. So if I feel like I'm being taken advantage of, we are very well, we, you

know, we've got similar stories, you know? And so. And so it's like, if you've had experiences in your past that you've been taken advantage of, particularly as a child, you are going to protect yourself. And just my heart goes out to everyone out there who has had any experience where they've felt in any way abused or attacked. And all the women who are speaking up right now, it's just like unbelievable. And then the men who are brave enough like you to speak up, it's like, when we see that, that's the first step to putting down the knives. Because we have those knives out because we're protecting ourselves because of the shame and the fear and the fear, fear, fear of it happening again. What's the biggest thing that's opened up for you during the process of writing besides your father's experience and since the book's been

complete for you? Oh, so much has happened throughout this journey. I mean, friendships have changed. Really? Yeah. Work relationships ended. It wasn't an easy year, but it was all in the pursuit of greater healing. And I can look back at a lot of the stories that I wrote about in this book that I was living, and in a year they've been healed. Even if I didn't go back to that work relationship or didn't rekindle that connection, there's love. Sometimes the miracle isn't that you get back together. The miracle is that you are at peace. You find peace.

My marriage is better. My husband edits my book, so he edited this book. And we've just had such a nice opportunity to deepen our relationship as a result of living this practice. Do you feel like you're less judgmental of each other? Much less, yeah. And we're much more aware of the ways that we judge each other. And so the other answer to the question you asked earlier is, so if you feel someone's judging you, ask yourself, what is it that I'm judging about myself? But then there's this other step where it's really allowing yourself,

rather than acting out from the place of the trigger, speaking from the place of your higher self. Saying, I just, like my father did that day, I want to let you know I feel judged by you. Because that can be heard. I think you can really be heard when you say things like that to somebody. Yeah. Yeah.

Who's it not for? It's not for people that don't want to give up judgment. If you're holding on to it. Some people just feel really justified in that judgment. They want it. They're not ready. They're not willing. And it's not for the unwilling. So it's for anyone that wants to feel better. All of us. All of us. Anyone that

wants to feel better and is willing to go there. Yes. Well, I'm excited about this. It's out now. Make sure you guys go get it. Judgment Detox. Release the beliefs that hold you back from living a better life. A couple of final questions for you. What's your vision for your life this year? I think I said this last year, so it's a little bit, I don't want to use the word shameful. I want to use the word, or sad. I want to bring light to it. I want to bring grace to it.

But I shared with this year, I think, I've been sharing very publicly that I want to have a child. And so my vision this year, I'm taking it very seriously now. And I'm ready. Wow. And I feel that some of the work that I needed to put into the world has been birthed. And this baby's birthed. And now I'm ready.

And we really do pray that next year when I'm on your podcast, I'm with my baby. I hope so, too. I've been saying it for a long time. With your baby there. Yeah. Yeah. That'd be amazing. Yeah.

Wow. Picture of you with my baby. I'm in. I already see it though. I already see it. I can see it too. And that's the thing. And that's actually a beautiful lesson for everybody.

It's the new year. It's like getting that momentum. Like you could hear me just now. Let's use me as an example. You could hear me just now going into like, oh, I feel so bad because I probably said this last year on your podcast and getting into the drama, right? Or I hope it's not another year away. But then the second that I started to pivot and say, I see you with my baby, you can see me light up and I can feel that coming. And so that momentum, it's placebo, right? It's like that belief and that momentum really helps co-create what you want in life and helps you open invisible doors and find the doctors who will help you or find the healing that you need to create what it is that you want to create. So catch yourself, everybody, just like I just did, in the dramas and drop your drama and pivot and reach for a better feeling

thought very quickly. Yeah. I love it. Gabby, I acknowledge you for constantly evolving and growing and teaching us so many things that can help us live a better life. I mean, you're a powerful example of what's possible in the world to overcome so much. You've overcome so much in your life, and every year you continue to grow and help others heal. So I acknowledge you for the greatness in you, and make sure you guys pick up a copy of this book, GabbyBernstein.com, or is it Gabrielle Bernstein? It's GabbyBernstein.com.

GabbyBernstein.com or anywhere books are sold. Go check it out. Send some love to Gabby's Way and get the book for a friend as well. Gabby, you're amazing. Thanks for coming on. Thank you. I love you. Love you too.

Oh, I love this. I always love connecting with Gabby and hearing her wisdom and learning something new. Again, The Judgment Detox. Make sure to pick up a copy of the book right now. It's out in stores. You can go on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, everywhere else. We've got the show notes at lewishouse.com slash 581. And you can get the link to the book there so you can go buy it online.

And you can watch the full video interview of me and Gabby as well. Again, lewishouse.com slash 581. and Gabby as well. Again, lewishouse.com slash 581. Judgment is toxic and it holds us back from living our best lives, from having deeper relationships, from interacting better with our friends, from staying online and putting out great work. If we're judging ourselves and judging others,

we're holding ourselves back from our gifts. It's time to detox and let that judgment go because you are born as a gift and you are meant to give your gift away. Living in judgment will only hold you back. And as Anne McCaffrey said, make no judgments where you have no compassion. Again, live with some compassion today. Be compassionate towards your friends, your family, the people around you,

and live with less judgment. I love you, and you know what time it is. It's time to go out there and do something great. Thank you. Bye.