The School of Greatness - 590 Valentin Chmerkovskiy: The Art of Dance, Success and Pursuing Your Dreams

Episode Date: January 17, 2018

"Generosity is the key to happiness." - Val Chmerkovskiy If you enjoyed this episode, check out show notes, video, and more at http://lewishowes.com/590

This is episode number 590 with Val Chmierkowski. Welcome to the School of Greatness. My name is Lewis Howes, a former pro athlete turned lifestyle entrepreneur. And each week we bring you an inspiring person or message to help you discover how to unlock your inner greatness. Thanks for spending some time with me today. Now let the class begin. Albert Einstein once said,

never give up on what you really want to do. The person with big dreams is more powerful than the one with all the facts. If this is your first time here at the School of Greatness, then welcome to the community. And if you are a regular, then welcome back to the party where every single week we bring you some of the most inspiring individuals,

lessons, and principles to help you really get to that next step in your life. And today we've got Val Chmierkowski, who is a Ukrainian-American professional dancer, best known for his appearances on Dancing with the Stars here in the U.S., which he won twice. He is a two-time world Latin dance champion, junior and youth, and a 14-time U.S. national Latin dance champion. Powerful. His new book, I'll Never Change My Name, is out March 8th, 2018. Make sure to grab a copy right now and pre-order it.

In this episode, we talk about how dancing is viewed differently in Europe versus the U.S. in relation to masculinity. Why it's not viewed as a masculine thing necessarily in the U.S., but it's more masculine in other parts of the world. Also, what ballroom dance taught Val about how to treat women with respect. Also, what makes an explosive, captivating performance, whether you're on the dance floor, on a stage, or in front of a group of friends, what success is and what it's really measured by, how to get to a place of confidence if you aren't feeling that way, even when you're feeling

down, how do we get to that place of confidence? That and so much more. Super excited about this one. Make sure to take a screenshot right now and share with your friends, lewishouse.com slash 590. Tag myself and Val as well over on Twitter and Instagram. And before we dive in, I want to give a shout out to the fan of the week over on iTunes. The reviews we get every single week, we review them and shout someone out.

And this week is Ed Brooks who said, Over the years, I feel like Lewis chipped away at the rough Queens, New York exterior and made me a more compassionate man. Over the course of 11 days in 2018, I tested some of his suggestions to contribute more to others. It's made a profound impact on my personal health, my life, business, and as a husband. Thanks to you and your team, Ed from New York City.

So Ed, we love you, man. We appreciate you. Thanks for being the fan of the week and leaving us a review over on iTunes. This is the year for you to continue to open up and chip away some of those rough edges. Don't take it fully away because that's part of who you are, but definitely lean into compassion

so you don't let those rough edges hurt you so much anymore. So again, if you guys want to be considered as a shout out on the School of Greatness, just head over to iTunes and leave us a review on the podcast page there. All right, guys, let's dive into this episode. I'm super pumped for the one, the only Val Tchmarkovsky. Welcome back, everyone, to the school of greatness podcast we've got the legendary world champion val chmierkowski did i say it it's awesome chmierkowski in the house dude thank you so

much for having me so pumped that you're here man we got connected on instagram love the instagram probably i don't know like four six months ago we started following each other and I was like oh just another dancer I wonder if he's like interesting but then we hung out we got to connect and I was like oh you're actually a real dude who's got some great wisdom great experiences and you're much more than just a dancer on Dancing with the Stars which a lot of people know you as how many times times have you won? Twice? Three times? I've won twice, yeah. You've won twice. You're a world juniors and youth champion for Latin ballroom dancing, right?

When you were, what, 14 and 15? 15 and 18. 15 and 18. So, world championship. That must be cool to be considered a world champion, right? Yeah, it's awesome. It's especially awesome, I mean, I'm in my 30s now, so like 15, 18, for me to still take pride in a title I earned so long ago, it just means that much to me because at that

time, the Junior World Championships, I won a month after 9-11 and I grew up in New York so just you know seeing that moment and seeing it unfold and seeing the city come together and being an immigrant for me that was such a huge driving force to become the first ever junior world champion for the United States of America as an immigrant yeah well I mean as a human being no one from the US has ever won. What? You were the first US to win World Championship Juniors.

In Juniors, yeah. Wow. Yeah, it was huge. And so that's, again, that's why I think it's, some people might look at that and be like, wow, okay, it's silly. He's still holding on to some Junior title he won when he was 15. But to me, it was more than just a championship. It was more of my kind of rite of passage of kind of earning my space in this country

and, you know, giving back in the smallest way. I mean, since then, I think I've given back a lot more. But for the time, I just really felt validated as an American. Absolutely. Wow. And again, you know, you had so many people that served this country afterwards and, you know,

and obviously paid their dues in a lot more significant way than I had. But as a dancer, as a human, like for me, that was a huge... That was your best way

as a teenager of what you could do to represent. Yeah, I feel like, again, I felt really, at that moment, standing on the podium and hearing our national anthem in Italy, and the second and third place couples were Italian, and they were ranked first and kind of the top couples.

They were supposed to win, really. And for me to kind of have that on-the-dog moment and for our country and to be able to like stand there and hear the national anthem played and see the flag i mean they had to like look for an american flag no way because really it's never been been the case before so it's it really was you know in the late 90s early 2000s before dancing with the stars made ballroom dancing like the thing It was like the Jamaican bobsled team to compete for the United States and in ballroom dancing because it was huge in Europe Ballroom dancing. Yeah. Yeah, and so for me to

You know represent the United States. It was like what there's a couple from the States I mean there were competitions where we were the only You know two people my partner and I from the United States in the entire event. And there's usually multiple couples from one country. Oh, yeah. Okay. So just to give you perspective, there's, you know, Russian nationals is like in the junior category alone. Then youth, then in each category alone, like 500 couples. No way. Really? Yeah. United in each category alone, like 500 couples. No way.

Really? Yeah. United States and Italy, like another 200 couples. England, huge. Germany, huge. I mean, all of Western Europe is huge. So tons of competition. Tons of competition.

Yeah. In the States at that time, if we had a semifinals, it was huge. You know, so just sheer numbers. If you made it to the semifinals. No, no, no. had a semi-finals it was huge you know so just sheer numbers to the semi-final no no if you've had enough couples to make up a semi-finals or 24 meaning like 20 couples and they're not in the entire united states of america you know so if you think we're a huge country yes and we you know we we excel in so many things yes ballroom dancing was not one of them until, like I said,

until this Eastern European community moved into Brooklyn and set up shop and made this, like, cultural tradition, which, you know, again, in the Eastern European tradition, like, dancing is not soft for men to do. Why is that? Why is it, you know, a strong or masculine thing over there, but over here, until now, I guess, or it's starting to shift, it's looked at as soft or weak or feminine or girly or... I don't know. I mean, listen, I'm not giving, you know, Eastern Europe that much credit.

I mean, it's still looked at as, you know, somewhat of not the most masculine thing you could do relative to boxing or wrestling or things like that. But I mean, yeah, still, we celebrate our dancers like Baryshnikov, Nureyev, and we did to some degree, the Fred Astaire's and Arthur Murray's and to some degree Michael Jackson and et cetera. But there's definitely been like a renaissance in this country in the last 15 years because of shows like Dancing with the Stars and So You Think You Can Dance that really showcase another side of dance,

especially when it comes to male dancers. For us, if you could have the discipline to control your body in that type of range as an athlete, we respect athletes because of their ability to do extraordinary things. If you're able to have that athleticism while partnering a lady, while displaying artistry all at the same time, like, what can be better than that? I heard from someone who said that dancers are God's athletes. Athletes are the gods, right? Have you heard that? Yeah.

Yeah, I mean, listen, I grew up playing sports my whole life, so I didn't approach dance as an art form. I approached dance growing up as a sport. Really? It wasn't a competition. It was a sport. It? It was a sport. It was a sport to me. You approached it as like,

we're going to practice, where there's competitions on a weekly or monthly basis. Right. There are prizes. Right, I can't eat like, you know, I got to eat right. I got to stretch and, you know,

and run and raise my stamina. Really? And do like these supplementary exercises to stay in shape. Yeah, I mean, for me, like I said, that's how I treated it. When you grew up in the U.S. or when you grew up abroad? I started dancing in the States. I have an older brother, Max, and he started dancing in Ukraine

because of just an after-school activity. My parents never danced. It wasn't a big thing in our family at all. But it was celebrated in the country. Yeah, in the country, like I said it was a thing that you know it's not the national sport I don't know you know playing soccer yeah yeah yeah or playing hockey but it was definitely a cool thing to do you know my parents the way it came around is my brother was put into this after-school activity

after-school program rather that that's taught young boys, you know, chivalry and etiquette and all these things. And so there was, like, you know, table manner classes and, you know, some other class. And one of them was a ballroom dance class, just so you know how to present the lady, you know, how to curtsy and pay respect to one another. curtsy and pay respect to one another uh maybe even you know we talked about that too is like ballroom dance really made me comfortable around a lady and and made me less awkward and maybe you know because so that was probably all part of that uh class as well and so you know then then the dance teachers are always recruiting especially boys you know because there's so little of them dancing so she came up to to my parents especially boys, you know, because there's so little of them dancing. So she came up to my parents and was like, well, you know, your son really has got potential

to my brother. And maybe he didn't have any potential at all, but you know, they'll take a body. And so they were like, all right, man, okay, fine. So they signed them up to actual dance class. And that's it. And when we moved to the States uh you know my parents couldn't drive us everywhere so it's like my brother's going to dance you're going with him you know right while they well they did other things and so i started dancing really in the states

when did you realize that you had like a passion for it as opposed to just this is something my mom takes me to and i don't know man like I've definitely, you know, built a new relationship with dance after I joined Dancing with the Stars, which is crazy because, you know, to some degree you move to Hollywood and, you know, it was kind of selling out a little bit. Right. Pursuing a TV show rather than, you know, living out of a suitcase as a struggling artist. That was my life before Dancing with the Stars. But I was fulfilled. My pride was, I mean, I got a bank full of pride until that point.

But my whole life really was, until Dancing with the Stars, I really looked at it as a sport more than anything. And also my kind of way out of the situation I was in, that was my kind of source towards success and financial stability and all that. Dancing was your way out to become financially successful. Right, right.

Even though how many dancers make money in the world? Very few. In ballroom dancing, right? Right, in any dancing, very few. Not a lot of artists, period, make money, anything creative like that. But like I said, said for me it was the tools that i learned competing in ballroom definitely i can apply to everything else you

know now when you were done i guess high school moving on did you say i'm going to pursue being a professional ballroom dancer and like compete around the world and try to win i guess the seniors championship world championships or and how much money can you make doing that? If you're like the top five couples. I just, like I said, I definitely was not driven by money at all because there wasn't really much money. I appreciated that I had a tool that at 12 years old, my first job, I danced in a Russian restaurant on Brighton Beach, like on on coney island with my brother it was a two-couple show and we were getting like 25 bucks uh to you know sometimes while that tacky live band plays i mean i'm sure you've seen like a mob movie before where russian restaurant scene so you got like the live band playing like synthesized tacky music. But then you also have like this cabaret showcase or whatever.

And so, you know, my partner and I, my brother and his partner, the four of us would come out and do like a 10 dance performance. And yeah, I get 25 bucks. And then, you know, I saved up like 200 bucks and bought myself a Game Boy. Then saved up some money, bought myself a pair of Jankos. I don't know if anybody knows Jankos. Like, no offense to Janko, like probably one of the worst fashion moments in the history. But it was like the coolest thing in the 90s. Sure. Obviously, my parents are not spending that money on like, you know, this excess denim floating from your waist.

But I wanted some to fit in in school. So like I earned that janko, you know, and I bought my first pair with my own money. So for me, I had this relationship with dance as my source of providing, you know, first of all, yeah, I was 12 and it wasn't really maybe a long term goal at all. But, you know, I never really I felt bad until this day. I don't have like long, long term goals. I just my overall that are clear. I have these vague kind of I just want to be successful and I want to be able to be, you know, kind of provide for myself and the world around me as as i guess as far as i could

see i want to be able to provide for you know so it's my immediate family at first then it's my you know circle of friends and then beyond and beyond and and you know now as much as i could travel and and and help in in places that i i don't have like a family tied to, I'm driven to do so. Yeah. And, you know, dance has become that vehicle for me. So I'm very grateful that, you know, and it's only recently that I really forgave my parents

for putting me into dance. Really? But I'm definitely grateful that things turned out the way they did. And at the same time, I'm like, you know, if it wasn't dance, it might have been something else. Yeah, but you're also a classically trained violinist. Yeah. At a high level, right? I played violin for 16 years.

That was really the art, you know, like, I think, first of all, I was great, you know, I was blessed with the best parents ever. And I think that's really the key to my success, to be honest, at least one of the major keys. And they, as parents, just kind of put me into so many different things. And I think sports is important. It teaches you, you know, besides giving you the strength physically and having you connect to your body, which is important, it teaches you camaraderie and how to be part of a team, which I think down the line really helps you out. I think creativity and being part of the arts and helping you, you know, develop the creative part of your upbringing, I think, is important. And academia, I think,

is really important. So those three things were huge for my parents. And violin was my art. So they put me to music school when I was five. That was back in Ukraine. And our music school was like the most well-known. It was like the Juilliard of the Soviet Union of Eastern Europe you know and so I got in and then when we and I started playing violin and then at eight when we moved to Brooklyn they found a teacher again a Ukrainian immigrant that was a violin teacher she was a little older and she was teaching outside of her apartment you you know, out of her apartment. Yeah. And they signed me up, and I would come take private lessons. Her husband was a professor of Russian literature and history,

and so he would teach me, like, Russian poetry and literature from the great Russian writers Pushkin and Lermontov, and then she would teach me violin for, like, two hours. Wow. Every day? Like, three times a week. Wow. And then she had me sign up for a youth orchestra in Manhattan. teach me violin for like two hours wow and then every day like three times a week wow and then she had me sign up for a youth orchestra in manhattan and and with that youth orchestra

i became concert master of the orchestra and i got a chance to play in carnegie hall and lincoln center and that's amazing man and play you know and then that's the thing. It's like people hear, oh, Carnegie Hall, Lincoln Center, and nursing homes, and hospitals and so many other places that also were just as fulfilling of performance spaces as a Carnegie Hall. Right. What was the biggest lessons that dance has taught you in general about being a great human being? Again, I mean, when you're a kid growing up, it's not like you're taking notes on, oh, that was a great lesson I just learned about. But as you think back now. But as I look back in hindsight, I'm so grateful because it definitely taught me camaraderie.

I think camaraderie is so huge at least in my life being part of a team and and you know kind of having a common goal between two people so you know and and and having the you know not having the ego to you don't want the spotlight for for myself only but to be able to share the spotlight with someone else. And I'm a lot more comfortable actually now that I look at it like sharing the spotlight. So in a way, my partner and I won juniors and we both stood on that pedestal together, you know, sharing that first place together. And I think that was huge. And the fact that, and again, again in hindsight looking back at the fact that

it was with a girl that I shared that moment with and I created that camaraderie with a female, not this fraternal world of sports that is kind of very fraternal or female driven. It's like male sports and female sports and it still keeps them divided. I think it was cool that I got to be a teammate with a girl my whole life and learn how to, you know, from a sports perspective, you know, be a teammate with a female. But then, like, from a life perspective, I mean, I learned a lot about, you know, connecting with a female. I learned a lot about connecting with the female. Through, you know, with an eight year old,

10 year old girl at that time, 12, 15, 18, you know, and then seeing the evolution of human nature amongst boys and girls was like crazy too. Crazy, man. But it was nice to, again, grow up with a female so present in my life. Yeah, and you probably gained so much confidence just in general life, right?

From leading your partner, right? Yeah, yeah, for sure. From leading your partner, a female partner, and having to be attentive and listening and really being aware. In tune, yeah. Right, because as a male leader in a male-female partnership of dance, you've really got to be connected and listening to all the signals and signs, right? All the energy. If something's off, is she feeling it? If she's not, is she disconnected? And how to quickly shift that if you want to have a great performance.

Right. And how you are only as good, excuse me, as, you're only as good as your partner, you know, as your teammate, as she is, you know? And so for me me like if she's having an off day I have a role in making that a better better day for her but yeah and then outside of that performing I think it's so awesome even if I ended up being a lawyer or a doctor the ability to since I was a kid stand in front of an audience whether it's's an audience of 20 elderly people in a nursing home or thousands of millions of people on Dancing with the Stars or back in those days performing.

I mean, the venue always changed. But my approach of that accountability and being able to kind of step up to the occasion really helped me out down the road for sure. What do you think are the key elements to having an explosive performance in terms of just chemistry and connection to the audience is just wild? What are those elements that need to come from you or need to come from your partner

and need to come together? I mean, i thought about that i think authenticity is is a huge thing uh like we're you know i i have a tour this spring we're going on the road and it's kind of the follow-up to to a tour we did two years ago with my brother and it's it's like it meant a lot to us and it did really well. And now we're going out on tour again. And I'm thinking like, how are we going to make this the best tour ever? I mean, do I think of myself as the best dancer in the world? Not really, honestly.

So how am I going to produce the best product people have ever seen? And I realized like the best is really just you at your best, at your best. Like the most authentic you you can create, that's the best version of what you can create, period. And so I learn a lot from others. I observe and I don't have the ego to say, that's nothing worth my time.

I'm very in tune with what others are doing and i'm really you know very complimentary of what what others do but ultimately i take what i can from from learning from them but then you know i i make it as authentically me as possible and so you know back to your question i think people are really inspired by seeing people just super comfortable and authentically themselves. You know, whether they're playing ball or whether they're performing, dancing, I think it's just, or like playing music, creating music. I think anybody that's creating are the most powerful when they're, you know, can exude that authenticity. How do you get to that place if you don't feel comfortable with yourself? Practice.

Yeah. You know, I think ultimately it's like, it's not so, I don't know, it's pretty like, it's not so fancy. You know, like the road to success isn't as fancy or as like complex as people make it it's like honestly just action is really important doing like wake up be consistent in your preparation uh and and and it'll probably like you know most likely will add up like it's it's really mathematically proven formula of like the more you something, the more likely you will succeed in that. You know, it's like the chances are higher. Now, there are no guarantees, obviously.

But you're raising the chances of your success by continuously doing something. But, yeah, preparation. I grew up, my dad wrote this huge quote over his desk. Because at the dance studio, you know, my dad owned the dance studio. Ultimately, he got into the business of dance because my brother was, you know, wanted to open up a dance studio. Yeah. So, he was the teacher and my dad kind of managed it. And so, I was there every day.

And over his desk, his favorite quote is fail to prepare you prepare to fail and Pretty like I mean to some degree is pretty shallow Over phrase and it is definitely a cliche that everyone knows now But I'm old school like that. I really believe that that you know confidence. It's like chicken of the egg What comes first the confidence or or you know or the the great performance you know you have a great performance so you start believing in yourself then you have the confidence or do you have to have confidence first to really perform at your best but honestly it's just like work you know that's the it's like the the poster you have yeah you know it's like an iceberg

and people really just the performance is just the tip of the iceberg mm-hmm behind that is all the the meat of it absolutely when you're approaching you know a new partner either on the show or a performance you want to do in general but when you have a new partner that you're supposed to go on a journey with and you have competition dance with the stars performances performances, whatever it is. How do you approach that? Maybe it's someone who is a good performer and has confidence in themselves. Maybe it's someone who's never danced in their lives.

How do you approach connecting with them in order to get the best performance out of someone? I mean, at first, I just try to connect to them on a human level. I think I'm a pretty cool guy, so I don't know if it's too hard. No, but like I said, I try to win them over in terms of just making them feel like I have their best intentions in mind. I'm here. This is the first thing I say. I'm here for you, loosely speaking, at your service. I mean, I'm, like, I'm here for you. You know, loosely speaking, at your service. I mean, I'm not, but I am here, I'm at your service when it comes to you

fulfilling yourself in this competition. And that can't be, you know, you will never reach your peak without your own effort, but you have 100% of my undivided, unconditional attention and effort, and I'm here for you. And so hopefully that gives them a little bit of confidence, gives them a little bit of inspiration to match that intensity and match that passion that I have for them.

I guess the way I put it is I have to earn my voice, and I use it. At rehearsal, I really use it. I'm tough, but I've got to earn my voice, you know, and I use it. At rehearsal, I really use it, you know. I'm tough, but I gotta earn that. And I earn that by, you know, walking the walk, not just demanding things from them. Like, you gotta do more and you gotta be better, but actually, you know, earning that kind of demand first by actually showing up and doing it myself.

But then, yeah, but then it's, then it just put, you know, then it pushes the person to really squeeze every ounce of their effort into the project. And that always ends up being a win for them. Whether we win or not, they walk away like, damn, like I could actually apply myself to anything and really really accomplish anything i want i mean how random is this i actually became a ballroom dancer out of nowhere right right it really isn't so much about the dancing as much as the growth of the person sure uh and dance is such a great again it's just such a great platform with with such a great tool to to connect to people.

I mean, when I started, you know that I salsa dance. I showed you a little 15-second clip. And when I started learning how to salsa dance, I think it was about 12 years ago, 11, 12 years ago, it gave me so much more confidence with everything else in my life. Why? Just having the skill to knowing that I can do it whenever I needed to with anyone who could understand. Because it's a language. It's like you either speak the language or you don't.

You can't really fake understanding Spanish. You can kind of get some stuff, but people are going to know that you're not from a Spanish-speaking country unless you really speak it fluently. And when I started learning it, it was one of the most terrifying things I'd ever done. Right? For three months, I was terrified. Why? I think I was terrified because I didn't want to look silly. I didn't want to look stupid because I couldn't do it. I wasn't good. And so I always remember telling girls who wanted to dance with me because I lived above a jazz club were telling girls who wanted to dance with me because I lived above

a jazz club that would play jazz and have salsa dancing once a week. And I would go down and watch and I was fascinated by just all the

salseros who were out there and I was like the only tall white guy in the building. And all these girls would ask me to dance and I was like, no, I don't want to

make you look bad. I would say that all the time. I don't want to make you look bad. Really, I didn't want to look bad but I also was embarrassed because I didn't want to make you look bad Really? I didn't want to look bad But I also would was embarrassed that I want to make them look because all these guys were looking at making them look amazing I was like, there's no way I could do that

And it wasn't until you know after a few months I finally was convinced to try it out and I did more and I finally just dove in and said I'm gonna make people look Stupid I'm gonna look stupid until I figure it out And it took me a few months until I remember I finally, I couldn't figure out how to do a double turn. Like in one moment, I could do a single turn and then go back into the steps, but I couldn't double turn or triple turn or four turns. It's got to be in the same time.

Yeah, same time, right? And I couldn't figure it out. Like my hand was all messed up. I didn't know how to do it. And then one day someone finally taught me how to do it. And it was like all of a sudden, I was fluent in salsa dancing. I finally got it. And I had so much confidence with everything I was doing after that.

It was like the thing that was getting in the way. And it just made sense after that. I didn't have to count steps. I could just feel the music. I could feel the music and I could connect with my partner as opposed to looking down at my feet and like trying to see where's the one beat where it's a five beat you know I didn't have to count anymore and it gave me so much more confidence in my life I had such a respect for women in general after that

so much more and I would go out to the salsa club two three times a week And I remember for me it became an art It was like something I appreciated very much where it wasn't like how can I go like hit on girls? I really wanted to appreciate the experience and It built such incredible relationships with people through I mean the the the dancing world the the people are so wise and caring and giving and cultured and intelligent and just all doing really creative things. And I just really appreciated my experience.

I still do. But I feel like it gave me so much confidence with speaking on stage, with doing interviews, with connecting with humans in general. Right. Because it was like the ultimate Insecurity you're putting yourself out there on a dance floor in front of one person in front of everyone else Yeah, so it's ultimate vulnerability. Yeah, right

You have to put yourself out there in order to connect to get a great experience Yeah, like you said you've got to be authentic. Yeah, you have to be authentic. And I mean, that's where the partner kind of comes into play as well. I got a lot of confidence from my partner as well. It's not just me giving to them, but I get so much more in return. So it's like when you talk about standing in front of an audience and performing in front of people, I drew a lot of inspiration and strength from my teammate, from my partner.

But yeah, like you said, it's a language too. And I forget about that. It's so awesome to be able to connect with people. It's amazing. And I remember, I think at first I wanted to look good. And then I said, all I want to do is make my partner look good. And I think when you make your other person look really good, you look really good. Oh, yeah.

You know what I mean? As opposed to making it about you and having to do all this little solo stuff. When you're just like, how can I listen to my partner and connect and see how she's feeling? Am I spinning her too many times? Is she getting tired? How can I really make it an experience for her? I mean, on the most shallow level, like, that's the sexiest thing about it. That's when I look my best is when I present my lady in a way that makes her look like a queen.

Then in return, you know, I'm a reflection of that. My coach always said, like, when you come out to perform, you want all the females watching, you know, to look at her and be like, man, look at her perform. He must be so great to dance with. Right. I want to look like that girl. Yeah. Right. You see her perform and everyone wants to be dancing with you.

Right. And I think it goes for relationships as well. You know, I mean, if my significant other is unhappy and you know it's a reflection of you yeah

it may not all be a reflection of you absolutely but I mean to some degree yes everyone's independent

and everyone's strong etc etc but we all need a little you know love sometimes and part of that love is

you know being supportive and you know inspiring motivating that other person and I get a part of that love is is you know being supportive and you know inspiring the motivating that other person and I get a lot of that you know through my experience with dance yeah did you ever get made fun of being in America dancing all the time going to classes like you're not you're a little girl you're not masculine all the timeussy, a little dancer boy. Okay, keep going. What do people say? Well, my name is Valentin.

You know, I was a ballerina, ballerina. Like, I was a million things. But it's more masculine in, you know, Eastern Europe, right? Yeah. It's more celebrated. Yeah, it's a little more celebrated. Ultimately, like, it was tough. But at the same time, I'm not going to, like, dwell on it.

Like, I'm not going to sit here. Oh, I was really bullied. Like, of course I was bullied. But I also think that that's kind of part of life, you know. People are not going to all celebrate you all the time. Like, they're going to be people. They're going to look at what you're doing and laugh at that. Yeah.

But do I say, like, am I gonna say that that motivated me even more? Eh, not really, like, it just, I'm lucky enough to have had other voices that were so much louder in my life and so much more prominent that- Keeping you focused. Yeah, I muted those voices out pretty quickly.

And I really loved it. Like, you know, you couldn't talk me out of it. Like, you know what I'm saying? As much as I wanted to fit in in school, I wasn't going to compromise what, you know, the happiness I was feeling dancing to do so. I just kept it to myself. I mean, to be honest, I did keep it to myself. I was winning competitions. I mean, to be honest, I did keep it to myself.

I was winning competitions and maybe that is another thing that kind of helped me with my ego check as well. No one knew. No one knew. And so I would come into school, I had to fit in on those other levels of cafeteria politics, which is sports. I was always great at sports. I played basketball. I was up on, you know, just cultural things or local culture of, you know, growing up in Brooklyn. Like, hip-hop was huge.

So not to, not, I didn't do it to fit in, but, like, I was a product of the culture around me, and I was pretty cool and social. And, you know, it I just I had this little secret that after school I went and and ballroom dance so in high school people didn't know that you were doing this no I mean the first thing in elementary school I actually tell the story in the book but like uh before I even learned English that well, my school put on a play, Happy Days, and I played Patsy. And so I didn't get the Fonzie, obviously, Sparta or any of the cool kids, but I got Patsy, which is cool. And they had like a little dance that they, you know, she choreographed like a little two-step, whatever.

And you were like a machine. Oh, I was a machine. People were like, what is this kid? Yeah, yeah, yeah, whatever. And you were like, a machine. Oh, I was a machine. People were like, what is this kid? Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. And it was the first time I got to communicate and connect, you know, and that was my language,

you know, before English became my language. And so that, I kind of blew my cover on that. But it was already too late for kids to not like me. You know, they were already friends with me

because i'm like their favorite teammate to play ball with you know so it's too late to just like disown me now that they know i'm a ballroom dancer right right so i definitely don't make it the first thing i say i don't go to a club and like hey i'm val i'm extraordinary dancer this is really the last thing i say not because I'm trying to keep it keep it away from people but I just you know first of all I'm human being you know the the worst thing right now you know with with my celebrity my pseudo celebrity status is like I always hear it you know why don't you just stick to dancing like keep your opinion to yourself stick to dancing i hate that like it kills me because like before i am a dancer i'm a human being you

know with the thought process and emotions and like a whole emotional palette and an opinion and a train of thought and you know before we even get to dancing being a big part of my life there's so many more other you know so many other parts of my life that really dictate my decision-making and personality and who I am. So, yeah, I mean, dance has been great to me. But, like I said, now as I grow older, I'm building a new relationship with it, and I appreciate it even more now. Do you think becoming a great dancer has has allowed you become a better man? do you think it correlates with one another when you

Understand how to dance with a partner and really treat them well in the dance floor that that translates. I Think so. Yeah, I think to a degree. I remember I'm not vouching for the entire dance community. There are a lot of, you know, I don't know if misogynistic is the right word, but there's definitely a lot of discrepancy there as well. People are going to be people regardless in general. But me personally, for myself, yeah, it definitely played a role. for myself yeah it definitely played a role

you know just even even that train of thought of you know even you know

when we bow at the end of the dance it's I'm always in shadow position you know

because yeah because I'm I'm saying thank you and I'm saying thank you

you know and I'm presenting like the piece of work you know I'm the frame I'm a fancy frame you know golden crusted and I'm presenting like the piece of work, you know, I'm the frame. I'm a fancy frame, you know, golden crusted and everything. But she's really the, you know, the work of art.

And, you know, together we create this experience that you get to see every time, you know, every time you look at us perform. That principle, you know, taken into the real world when I go out with my lady. I'm really not trying to be front and center. And maybe she isn't either. But I'm much more, I'm a much more giving individual and I'm much more, like, inclined towards, you know, presenting. You go get the table. Exactly. No, no, no.

Yeah. Yeah, I mean, maybe to a degree that helped me with that. That's cool. But there's also physicality behind it that probably helped me out a lot.

Like what? Just being able to embrace often and not, you know, be comfortable with, you know, the close proximity. When it comes to at least meeting, meeting girls, be comfortable with, you know, the close proximity. When it comes to at least meeting girls, understanding the distance, you know,

respecting the distance, you know, but also being comfortable with, you know, organically, you know, making that distance smaller and smaller, you know, metaphorically speaking. Yeah, of course. Wow, man. What's the biggest failure you think you've faced in your life my biggest failure

I mean I fail all the time you know so I nothing comes up in my head because I just don't

like I'm not really looking at my failures I try to keep them moving no pun intended but yeah I try to keep it moving like it's hard not to obviously it's not there's no like secret formula but I think it's it's already I'm it's already a win when you try you know and it's I'm the last person to talk about, you know, participation awards. I'm so, you know, against that. I'm last, you know, I'm old school when it comes to that.

Yeah. It's first, second, and third. Yeah. That's it. Yeah, but ultimately it's like, you either, you know, what do they say? I'm not the one that said this, but like you either win or you learn, you know what do they say I'm not I'm not the one that said this

but like you either win or you learn you know the reality is when you give it everything you have and that's the key

it's like when you give 99% of it you know no you gotta give 100% of what you have and when you do I mean

how can you ever feel like you failed right you know so my biggest failure is when I didn't give it my all you know have and when you do I mean how can you ever feel like you you fail right you know so my biggest failure is when I didn't give it my all you know but when I did it was always a success I mean to some degree you could even I mean who said that me being on Dancing with the Stars me winning junior worlds or me being two-time year bowl champion is success by any stretch of the imagination

you know success is a relative term i find that success because i gave it every absolutely every ounce of what i had every single time so that's how i measure success yeah what's the thing you're most proud of the most people maybe don't know about you damn this is like some deep. It's like your hair. I know. It's looking clean. I got it, man. I got to throw.

I got to keep it down. What am I most proud of? I'm most proud of I mean, I'm most proud of being a good son and a great brother and a decent friend and like those things I'm most proud of.

I'm most proud, you know, of being able to buy my mom a car, like two years ago, three years ago. That was a proud moment of mine. And then outside of that, I'm just, I'm proud. of mine and then outside of that I'm just I'm proud I'm proud that that I was lucky enough in my life with all the influence and all the experiences that I had that you know as much of an ego as I may have it never kept me away from learning and never stopped me from looking at someone else and being like wow that was awesome yeah and and ask

you know how how did you do that or be a fan of other people's work and i really think that that really helped me a lot because i'm never too cool to learn something new biggest lesson your parents taught you? Well, my mom probably just, you know, eat my vegetables. My dad. Yeah, my dad is the biggest lesson I learned from my dad is, I think, is in line with how you do anything is how you do everything. And so his whole thing is like, I don't care what you want to be or what you don't, you know, what you want to pursue, but you better give it like a hundred, you know, a hundred percent of your effort every single time. So if you were, you know, if you want to be a garbage man, you know,

when you take out the garbage, you take out the garbage better than anybody has ever taken it out you know if you're gonna dance you're gonna you're gonna dance better than anyone has ever performed you know and give that much effort if you're gonna play ball you're gonna be the best basket you know so for him it was more about squeezing every ounce of you to try to, you know, achieve excellence in everything that you do. Right. Rather than like, pursue this or pursue this. He never told me what to do in that sense.

All he did was kind of guide me to be at my best all the time. Was he too hard ever? Was he kind of like, pushing you to practice and train? Like, kind of too much or was it just the right amount? No, I think it was just the right amount. I think, you know, ultimately it's like the biggest lessons I learned are really not by him preaching anything to me, but just by his actions.

You know, this was a, you know, my parents were 35 years old when they picked up, you know, two grown kids, 14 and 8, and left their entire life, their ancestry. Like, people don't realize that. Like, when people immigrate to America, they really, like, leave everything behind. So, to be 35 years old, two kids, family and friends, and to just get up with no job prospect nothing and and leave to another country set up shop and then you know i'm young but i was very present so i remember the everyday struggle and sacrifice and you know like i said my dad i mean to some other on some other level like my dad also could have abandoned the family like 35 really driven ambitious

handsome you know you could have just been like this like 35, really driven, ambitious, handsome. You know, you could have just been like, this is really hard. Why do I got to work in a pizzeria right now to feed four mouths when I could be out and, you know, and just take care of one? But he never did, you know. And so actions like that, he stuck it out and, you know, realized potential for two of his sons to go on. And, I mean, what are the chances of two Ukrainian kids that immigrated to Brooklyn, grew up, you know, ballroom dancing, find themselves in Hollywood, one of the most competitive industries in the world, on one of the top TV shows of this generation at the same time you know that's a that's a result of my parents my parents sacrifices you know and so that that those are the biggest lessons you know he gave me like a size 23 shoe

to fill so as a father as a man as a as an entrepreneur as a human like that's somebody that I idolize and learned a lot from not in some specific message he he gave me but more of like everyday action that he put in every day until this day he does you know now i have to i lecture him on things you know i try to help him out and give him some guidance because he's so, you know, not stuck in his ways, but, like, sometimes I'm like, dude, there's a lot more to life than just, you know, showing up to work. Yeah. Wow. And what's the greatest gift that Dancing with the Stars has given you?

The opportunity to connect to so many people. opportunity to connect to so many people and then on a smaller scale the opportunity to help someone else such a vast degree I never thought in my life that this project was going to give me that opportunity you know I thought I was going to LA to showcase my my dance ability and yeah I'll teach real quick but ultimately it's it's really about me and showing my talent and you know like i said i've built a whole new french relationship with dance because of the show uh and most mostly because it put me in a role that i found myself embracing so much more than i ever thought I would and that's the role of mentor and guide and then caretaker for for you know in my case these

celebrities that come on onto the show not expect you know having no expectations and leaving with it being one of the more monumental moments of their life and life-changing experiences for almost everyone that goes on the show and stays on for a while it's yeah it's a life-changing experiences. For almost everyone that goes on the show and stays on for a while, it's a life-changing experience for most. I would say so. And then, yeah, I mean, I could only speak on my own behalf. People that I've had the pleasure to be partnered with,

like I said, I think just having one other person show their unconditional, undivided attention and effort towards them really inspire them to you know go all out

and do any you know pursue whatever whatever they they want you got a new book that's coming out and it's called

I'll Never Change My Name an immigrant's American dream from Ukraine to the USA to Dancing with the Stars. Make sure you guys go get the book. You can preorder it or get it out right now. Barnes & Noble, Amazon, all those places. Where can they connect with you online personally?

I'm really present on Instagram. Yeah. I am at IamBalsi. I guess I changed my name on Instagram. Yeah. I am Val C. I guess I changed my name. You shortened it for that. But yeah, I'm getting better with social media. It's just a lot. But Instagram, Facebook.

Yeah, and do you have a personal website as well or no? No. No, Instagram, Facebook. I am Val C. And what's the main thing they're going to gain from this book? Why should they get this? What's in this that they should know I mean in terms of the title at least you know I'll never change my name is within the context of the conversation quickly became the Russian kid.

And I'm, first of all, Ukrainian, which is whatever, which is cool. But, you know, the conversation we had about how proud I am of being the first American to ever win a Junior World title for this country ever. You know, 17 years into living in this country, being proud to be an American, I joined this incredible show in which I am the Russian kid. And I guess the whole idea is that Tchmerkovsky will never sound less foreign, but does it make me less of an American or less proud to be an American or less driven to make this country a better place?

You know, Valentin Chmierkowski is not, you know, John Smith or Johnson or anything that's, you know, red-blooded American. But, like I said, and with the conversation of immigrants, you know, right now it's so important to know that as an immigrant, the last thing I ever felt was entitlement. the last thing I ever felt was entitlement and the first and the most you know motivating thing I've ever felt was gratitude yeah and I'm so grateful till this day I'm so grateful to that to my parents for making the trip but ultimately to this country for opening its doors and giving me a chance and you know hopefully in next generation because of you know Maxim and Val Chmierkowski who made this impossible to pronounce last name a household name now hopefully Chmierkowski won't sound as foreign to people next generation like I don't know like an Italian last name now doesn't sound as foreign. An Irish last name doesn't sound as foreign.

A Jewish last name doesn't sound as foreign. But these were all, you know, early 19th century, 20th century, you know, you would listen to those last names and be like, immigrant. Now it's as American as it gets. True, true. If you think about it, most of us are immigrants. I mean, my great-great- Yes, this country is built. My grandmother's mom came over and parents came over from Italy.

And my other side came over from England and Wales. It just wasn't my parents. So, you know, I'm a product of an immigrant family. Right, lineage. We all are. But yeah, this isn't a political book at all. It's just one nuance that I'm proud to talk about because I think it's an important conversation to have.

Gratitude. Just so grateful. No one's coming into this country to... And again, I don't want to generalize. There are a lot of... so grateful you know no one no one's coming into to this country to and again I don't want to generalize there are a lot of you know I speak for myself and and at least the circle of immigrant friends that I have is that the feeling is like man how can I contribute like how can I prove that you know this this you know the baton that you've given me like I'm gonna run the fastest lap

you've ever seen you know so I'm gonna make a difference in this country I want to ask you a couple final questions this one's called

the three truths if this was your last day many years from now and you achieved everything you wanted to achieve you said

everything you wanted to say you did every type of artistic expression that you wanted to achieve. You said everything you wanted to say. You did every type of artistic expression that you wanted to do. It came true. But for whatever reason, all the content and information that you had out there, books, videos, was all erased. And you had a piece of paper and a pen that was left. And you got to write down three lessons or three things you knew to be true about your experience that then you would pass on to the world and that's all they would have to remember you by. Okay.

These three truths. What would you say are your three truths from your experiences to date? Generosity is the key to happiness. That just came out. I've never said it like that but yeah if i had to do three truths like i really i really believe that um and it's so easy and it's like it's like a it's like a cheat code in life like if you're ever down and feel depressed do something for someone else it's like you'll see your day broaden, you know, lighten up, and you also see your worth just rise to yourself, you know.

We're all, I mean, especially today's world, you know, social media is so incredible, but at the same time, I feel like it's also adding to so many people's anxiety and, like, people feel like they're missing out or not doing enough or running out of time. And I think, yeah, when you wake up and you're questioning yourself and I have friends and I go through it all the time. I mean, the easiest thing is to, you know, on whatever scale, it's all relative to you is to just try doing something for someone else. That's good. it's all relative to you is to just try doing something for someone else.

That's good. Um, second, this is, might be stupid, but like, you know, stay physically active. Like,

honestly, you know, it's, it's not as complex as people make it. Life is, is like, there are pretty simple tools in life that could turn it around for you. And I think it's not about the aesthetic, the physical aesthetic, rather than the feeling that you feel when you're physically active.

That's the other thing is like I'm really grateful to dance for. I thought about it. I was recording the audio book for this and I was in a booth sitting for hours every day, and I was just thinking, how lucky am I that my job requires me to move? Because after the session, I couldn't wait to go to the gym. But people, unfortunately, have to make time for the gym

because their work doesn't allow it. And I was lucky enough to constantly be moving. But yeah, moving. Whether it's in the form of dance or sport or just exercise for yourself movement is key Those two and then the third one the three truths Hmm so what I got I got generosity is the key to happiness. Health. Health, movement. Movement.

Man. And that the best pizza in the world comes from Brooklyn, New York. I'm going to have to have it on Brooklyn next time with you. I like that. Before I ask the final question, Val, I want to acknowledge you for your generosity and your gifts. You know, in a world where it's not cool to be a male dancer, you make it cool. You make it accessible and you show the power of masculinity through dance. Actually, you can be a masculine man, human being, and still be gracious and grateful and caring and

compassionate and giving. And I think, you know, when you're leading someone on the dance floor, you're really being in service to their experience. And when you're leading people in the world, you're being in service. And I think that's one of the keys to being a great human and you're being in service. And I think that's one of the keys to being a great human. Masculinity, all those things, they combine for me. So I acknowledge you for following your dream

as an artist and pursuing it no matter what money's involved and showing other people what's possible for themselves by pursuing that craft. For being your authentic self, for showing up passionately and for constantly pushing the envelope of what's possible.

So we acknowledge you for that, man. Thanks, man. Yeah, of course. Thank you. Of course. Make sure you guys get this book. I'll never change my name. Check him out on Instagram, at IamValSiggy. And the final question for you is,

what is your definition of greatness? Damn, these questions. What is my definition of greatness? My definition of greatness is being a master of a craft while using it for, you know, to help the world around them. And, yeah, and in that process, you know, being a master and keeping your humility, I think that's awesome. I think when someone is truly a master or mastered a craft of some sort that they dedicated a lifetime to. And then they use that craft to make their world a better place.

Val, appreciate you, bro. Thanks, man. Thanks, man. Appreciate it. There you have it, my friends. I hope you enjoyed this one. I hope you got to dive in a little deeper behind the man of Val.

And if you're an artist or someone who is into creativity, hopefully this inspired you to be able to continue to pursue your passion in your art and also earn some credibility and success around that, whatever success looks like to you. And as the great Albert Einstein said, never give up on what you really want to do. The person with big dreams is more powerful

than the one with all the facts. If you enjoyed this episode, please share it with your friends. Tag me at Lewis Howes on Instagram. Make sure to tag Val on Instagram as well or on Twitter. And the link for this is lewishowes.com slash 590. Share it out. Take a screenshot of your phone with listening to this app right now. Post it on Twitter, Instagram, Facebook. I'd love to connect with you over on social media. It means the world to me that you continue to listen. And more importantly than listen, that you apply these principles to your life, that you take action and implement and execute these things and make a massive impact on the people around you, your friends, your family, your loved ones. You follow through on becoming the best version of you

so that you inspire those around you to do the same. You were born for greatness. This is what your destiny is and you know what time it is. It's time to go out there and do something great.