The School of Greatness - 623 The Beauty of Breaking with Candice Kumai

Episode Date: April 4, 2018

“The ones I’m attracted to the most have grit and grace all over them.” - Candice Kumai I’m sure you’ve had times in your life where you’ve felt broken. You may even be feeling that way now. In those moments you may feel like you’ve lost the ability to be perfect. You may even feel like there’s no point, that the boat has sailed. That’s not true. You have the chance to come out more beautiful of a person than you were before. In Japanese culture there is something called kintsugi, or golden repair. When someone would break something, especially of value, it would be repaired and finished with gold dust. These golden cracks were revered, and objects were considered to be even more beautiful than when they were brand new. These golden cracks gave it personality and a new life it wouldn’t have had before. On this episode of The School of Greatness I bring you a truly inspirational person with so much knowledge and love of applying this concept to ourselves: Candice Kumai. Candice is a Japanese Polish American who struggled with racism growing up because she was different. She persevered and saw the beauty in herself that made her different from others in her school and used it to become a professional model. From there Candice made a pivot to become a great chef, where she faced even more scrutiny in her new community for having been a former model. Candice has developed the unique ability of emotional kintsugi, where she can turn emotional turmoil, racism, and negative situations into golden opportunities. I really appreciated her energy and passion for sharing this idea with as many people as possible. Beyond being a well-known wellness influencer and chef, Candice has decided it’s time for her to tell the whole story of how wellness can come back into our lives after we experience being broken. Learn how you too can create beauty from your own personal darkness, on Episode 623. Some questions I ask: What was the hardest thing for you to reflect on? (10:16) Why is it that despite everything America has put them through, the Japanese still love us? (13:03) You had a relationship for a long time, is that right? (17:13) How long did you stay in Japan after the breakup? (23:08) Why did you want to do this type of book? (25:02) How do you think being broken makes us stronger? (28:47) What is the biggest problem a lot of Americans face with food and nutrition? (33:05) How closely related is food to our emotional stability? (41:04) In this episode you will learn: How things that were broken can become more beautiful than when they were perfect (6:25) What Candice experienced as an Asian kid growing up in Southern California (11:44) Candice’s experience of a breakup and losing a family member at the same time (18:18) Why Candice was always afraid to be successful (24:11) The biggest lesson Candice has learned about herself over the last few years (26:37) Principles we should be thinking about to have wellness all around (30:06) Why so many of us are afraid to be who we really are (36:48) Plus much more...

This is episode number 623 with Candice Kumai. Welcome to the School of Greatness. My name is Lewis Howes, a former pro athlete turned lifestyle entrepreneur. And each week we bring you an inspiring person or message to help you discover how to unlock your inner greatness. Thanks for spending some time with me today. Now let the class begin. Cicero said that diseases of the soul are more dangerous and more numerous than those of the body. You have an opportunity to make your life and your body complete when you start to heal the matters of the soul. And I'm excited about our guest today.

Candice Kumai is known as the golden girl of the wellness world from Elle magazine and one of the top 20 new role models from Ariana Huffington. She is a classically trained chef, wellness writer, and author of five books. chef, wellness writer, and author of five books. She contributes to lifestyle outlets like Cosmo Magazine, Yoga Journal, Elle, Shape, Bon Appetit, Girlboss, and Well and Good. She's also a former judge on Iron Chef America and Beat Bobby Flay. She's a regular contributor on the Dr. Oz and E! News shows. And she's got a new book out called Kintsugi Wellness. And in today's episode, we talk about why being broken can actually make us beautiful and strong. So if you think you're broken, you're actually just building yourself up to be stronger. Also why some women fear success and how to overcome that. What being real has to do with

wellness. Why we're so afraid to be ourselves, and the relationship between our emotions and what we eat and how to manage all this stuff that's always happening in the food and nutrition space. Before we dive in, I want to give a shout out to our fan of the week. This is from Jeff Schmidt over at Seaside Audio and Video. And he says this, we have all been at a restaurant and I've overheard the conversation at the next table. It's a casual conversation where each person is engaged in what the other person's saying, sharing and relating to it. And it's such a compelling conversation. You really

just can't pull yourself from it. This is how it feels when I'm listening to Lewis Howes on the School of Greatness. As some podcasts have a list of questions, some even have the same question every time, Lewis has a way of getting to know his guests and bringing out the best in them without sounding like an interview. Thanks again. That was from Jeff Schmidt. You are the fan of the week.

Thanks again for that unique perspective. I appreciate it. And if you guys want a chance to be shouted out as the fan of the week, all you need to do is go to applepodcast.com slash greatness. You can go right on your phone as well, open up the podcast app and leave us a review for your chance to be shouted out as the fan of the week. Now, if you want to do better in your life,

you want to achieve greater things in your life, you've got to look at every area of what could be holding you back. All right, guys, I'm excited about this one. This is all about finding beauty when something is broken or the broken perspective on wellness and how we can make it whole with Candice Kumai. Welcome back, everyone, to the School of Greatness podcast. We have Candice Kumai in the house. Good to see you. Good to see you, too, Luke. I'm very excited about this.

You've got some of the most energy I've ever seen in a human being. You just made us a cool matcha tea latte that we poured some whole milk in. You came with treats, so you make me happy, my team happy, and I'm excited. Yes. You got a new book out and tell me how to pronounce it again. Kintsugi. Kintsugi. Right. But the T is silent or no? Kintsugi. So in Japanese, typically you wouldn't say Tsu. T-S-U is pronounced Tsu. Got it. So very faintly with the T. Got it. Kintsugi Wellness, the Japanese art of nourishing body, mind, body, and spirit. And you've been in the wellness space for a long time.

You've been, you were on Top Chef, right? One of the first season. The first, yeah. You know my buddy Fabio Viviani. Shout out to Fabio. Love him. You were a model before that. Then you got into the nutrition world, chef world.

You know, you worked at restaurants. You've done it all, right? Right. And you've been in media for a long time talking about nutrition, the body, wellness. But now you're transitioning more into this topic, which is kind of bringing it all together without being a pun, right? Putting it all back together. Yeah. So tell me what this is all about.

I love that you bring that up because it's taken me my entire career to put myself back together. So tell me what this is all about. I love that you bring that up because it's taken me my entire career to put myself back together. And it was also little moments in my career that tore me apart. And when you start getting down to it, we try to make everything look pretty, but it truly, at the end of the day, it never really was. And it's still a work in progress. So kintsugi is the art of golden repair in Japanese. So it is based on the metaphor of an object breaking in Japanese culture. If an object was broken, they sometimes would put it back together if it was valuable or loved or beloved, and then they would seal it with lacquer and dust it with golden powder. And in certain cases back in the day of the feudal lord era, a servant, if they broke something of a master's,

would get it fixed with kintsugi, return it, and then they would kill themselves. No way. It's true and shocking. And the first time a kintsugi master I studied under in Kyoto told me that story, I said the same thing. I was like, there's no way. And he's like,

it is true. It's not in every case. No, thank God. That'd be crazy. Crazy. But when I started to research it, it's done with pottery, with ceramics. They believe the object is more beautiful after it's been golden repaired. After it's been broken. Yeah. Not by looking perfect. It's essentially the process of putting it back together and looking at the object put back together with the golden cracks that makes it more beautiful. Because if something was just so perfect, an object of perfection in Japanese culture

is not foreseen as beautiful all the time, whereas something more like wabi-sabi, which means looking at something and celebrating its imperfections, that is more beautiful in Japanese culture. So what I'm trying to do as a Japanese American is now look back at my life and say, I don't look like everyone else. I wasn't raised like everyone else. I was discriminated against tremendously, not so much in the modeling world, but more so in the food world, just by being a girl that wanted to transition. And then- From a model to- Yeah, that was not easy. But it paid-

It's like, go back to your modeling thing. Exactly. I'm sure. But it paid for all my culinary school. So that was the buyout was modeling also taught me how to hustle. And I wouldn't know how to hustle if it wasn't for all my colleagues and modeling and the agents and stuff that were pushing me to work hard, to build clientele, to work with my heart. But also back then it was about material things. It was about physicality and beauty on the outside. And inside, with the art of kintsugi in mind, I was broken.

I was not happy. I tortured myself to be perfect all the time. There are glimpses of those moments that still haunt me to this day. and I kind of realized like if I'm speaking to young women and women about kintsugi wellness what can I do to be honest and vulnerable and to change the industry because for so long I did just write for shape and women's health and self and men's health and men's fitness. And now Cosmo Girl lasts well and good. And it's like, everything was so basic and safe. And I was never that girl. Like I was raised by a Japanese mom, Polish American dad. He was in the US Navy. She was in Japan. They met in Japan. And then he brought her back to the US. And my sister and I, raised by immigrant parents,

and then he brought her back to the U.S. And my sister and I, raised by immigrant parents, were raised by a tiger mom. And I was raised in San Diego, which was predominantly Hispanic and white. So I got teased and I remembered, like while writing this book, I felt all the pain on every page.

More than any other book I've ever written because it wasn't basic anymore. It wasn't safe anymore. It wasn't safe anymore. It wasn't just five simple ways to do X, Y, and Z. Gotcha. Yeah. Five great ways to have hot sex. Exactly. It's like, come on, guys. We put this on every cover for the last 20 years. Yeah. Like by now we should know how to have great sex.

Exactly. Yeah. What's been the, what was the hardest thing for you to reflect on? So what was the hardest thing for you to reflect on? Well, I cried during many of the chapters. I wrote an intro chapter on my breakup, which was diluted so much when it came to the final rounds. Because most of the people that really care about me, including my team and my publisher and just my friends and colleagues. They said, you don't need this person to be a part of your story. And I had to stop them. I'm like, look, this isn't glorifying anybody. This is me being really real. Like people do shitty things to other people and it's not all golden. And being a public person while those shitty things are happening to you, that was beyond, I didn't even actually know what to do.

So I remembered being on a flight from New York to San Diego and crying the entire way writing one of the chapters. I probably had tears and snot all over my face and people around me probably thought it was insane. But I would wear my headphones and sit in front of my laptop for hours. So it was almost like drawing out the sorrows and the pain and the agony into the pages. And then I also really hurt when I was teased for being Japanese because as early as preschool,

I can remember being teased for looking different. And the sad part was, was that I always liked who I was. And I didn't understand why children were mean to other kids just because of the way that they looked. So it was amazing when I started to write about discrimination against Asians, because some people would write to me like on Instagram comments and say, hey, Candace, like, thanks for bringing this to my attention. I didn't know that Asians were discriminated against. And then it takes me back to even reading about the Japanese internment camps and how this entire generation of Japanese Americans, they weren't even Japanese, they were

actual American citizens, had to pack up their bags and leave and go to camps. And nobody did anything wrong. Actually, all the spies during the war were from other parts of the world, including the US. They didn't find one person who was Japanese that was spying on the US. And in the end, it scarred an entire nation. But in coming out of it, like Kintsugi, this is a country that has survived two atomic bombs, not just one. In the history of the world,

it's the only country that's had two bombs dropped on it. But look at how they've come out. You don't see them, they don't harbor on it. They don't hate the Americans. In fact, they love us more than anyone. Crazy. It is. Why is that? You know what? My aunt went through the war. My great aunt, Takuko Ne-chan is what we call her, which means Takuko, big sis. She said that during the war, they had radio and radio in Japan back then said we're winning the war can you believe it we're winning the war everything is great we're winning so they thought we were

winning and then when the bombs started to drop which by the way my mother's hometown was one that was on the list or around her hometown the only reason why they chose Hiroshima was because the weather was clear in that area that morning so we could see it crazy there was a t-shaped bridge that they used as a target and you could see it it's fascinating to learn about the history of the bomb the pilots that dropped the bombs had nightmares for the rest of their lives yeah what a horrific job to have and responsibility. How many people died? Oh, thousands in an instant. It was like in a flash. They had a demonstration at the Peace Memorial Museum and basically your skin would melt right off of your body. Crazy. And that was if you

lived. And then after that, radiation haunted them for many, many, many years after. Wow. But the recovery of Hiroshima, I have not been to Nagasaki, but I have been to Hiroshima and Okinawa, which both served as different places in Japan who have survived a horrendous amount of turmoil and trauma from war. And they don't talk about it in a way that they're ashamed or scared or crying or whining. There's a Japanese term in the book called gaman, and it means with great resilience. And so they show, they never tell in Japanese culture, they show you their honor and pride. And so my aunt Takuko said, while they said we were winning, we were winning, we were winning, we just knew it was war. So we have no ill will towards you.

Even George-san is what they call my dad. When George-san wanted to marry my mom, they were actually open to it, which is insane. But because my grandparents even had to flee. Your dad's American. Yeah. My grandparents had to flee from Tokyo back to the countryside because they started dropping bombs on them. So there's a lot of history between the U.S. and Japan, which is why it's important to postmark even like what the U.S.-Japan Council does. Their work helps to serve as a bridge between the two countries. We have a lot of imports from them. They're still, in my opinion, the leaders of technology. One of my

greatest mentors, James Higa, used to work under Steve Jobs at Apple for 30 years. And he was born in Okinawa and raised Japanese American. And he, among many other people, including Steve Aoki or Ann Curry, there's a couple of other high profile, like say even like the governor of Hawaii, the former governors that have done a really good job implementing the bridge between U.S. and Japan. That's cool. Because if you can imagine, there's probably a lot of pain that turned into progress later on. of war, my father was stationed out in Yokosuka, which is close to Tokyo, when he met my mother, who was just a really pretty Japanese schoolteacher, visiting a temple on the same day as he was. I feel that now, like we were saying, it was so basic to write those cover lines and,

Candice, we want you to write a story on... Making matcha. Yeah. on making matcha. Yeah. Instead of that assignment, who would give me the life assignment of being a bridge or a messenger? So I just, I said, I have to do this. And it wasn't even, I wasn't even ready to do it

because I was in that breakup a few years ago and I was crying and I was sad. I was on the couch at Harbor Collins and Julie, my editor, goes, it's time to write your Japanese book. And I was like, oh, no, I'm going to write Clean Green Wellness. And she's like, no. And then I was like, oh, I'm not in my 20s anymore.

So what happened after that? So you went through, so you were in a relationship for a long time, is that right? A couple of years, yeah. And then you just had a challenging breakup. We don't think about the details, but it was challenging for you it's heartbreaking it was identity shifting or all these things and and then what did you decide to do did you go back to Japan and it was um a really confusing time because I actually was in that moment I know everyone's been there through a breakup where I I didn't even know what to wear.

I didn't know what to eat. I didn't wear makeup for months. I didn't eat any meat, and I didn't drink alcohol because I knew that that would make things worse. It would, like, magnify. So instead of, like, partying and rebounding, I mean, I couldn't even think about looking at another man. It took me a while. Now I'm great. But then I was like, oh, God, this is terrible.

I'm like a vegetable. So I already had a Japanese trip planned to go see my mother and my grandmother who was passing away. And I also had this random trip to Okinawa planned before I saw my mom. So I went there and i had you been in japan before oh yeah since i was five so mom was smart and she started introducing the culture to jenny and i when when we were babies so that's why i keep asking my parents i'm like what the did you do to us when we were little because there's no stopping. My sister's an entrepreneur in London and I'm, who knows what I am here, but she took us there when we were little. So there was a lot of healing. There was

a lot of handholding with my grandma at the hospital. So she couldn't speak at a certain point. So we would just go and see her. And we knew when she saw us, she knew we were there. So there was a lot of like acknowledgement of what we call mono no aware in japanese which means the pathos of life it's kind of accepting the sad and i often write about the rain over the mountains from her hospital window and i remembered my ex at the time who i was around one of the trips, because I would go there many times. He was, like, out on a press trip, like, partying it up with his friends. And the crazy part about social media is, like, you can see what people are doing real time.

And while I was, like, holding her hand, mourning in a hospital, he's just, like, out and about doing his thing. And it really, it's, I still remember it. And it brought so much pain and sadness to me. So when I did go on the trip to heal, the intent wasn't even to heal. I saw my dad before I left. So he was holding down the fort in San Diego. And he's like, he barely said anything to me

because he knew how much pain I was in. But he just, he's like, I need you to get over this soon. And I need you to focus on work and move on. Your dad said this? Yes. And he said, you are going to come out of this better. And I never, ever believed it. Because when you're in the middle of a breakup, you think.

It's like the worst time in the world. Yeah. I mean, I look back and laugh, but it was terrible. Yeah. I mean, I look back and laugh, but it was terrible. So I get there and I didn't tell my mom that he basically lost his job and visa and bailed one day. The day before one of my books came out, he left. And I had a book release party that next day in front of 200 people at the Deepak Shopper Center at ABC Home.

And I think Michelle P. put it great. She's like, Candice, you definitely went on autopilot. And I remembered also, like, a lot of my girls said, you've got to call a spade a spade. And you've got to, if somebody does that to you, you know you have to move on. Because there isn't another person. You don't need to be. People like us are not wired to be with people that would not withhold. Or just somebody who gives up so easily.

I could never be with somebody like that. And when I went to Japan, I told my mom. And she's like, oh. She's like, it's okay. You are going to get through this. Yeah. And maybe next time you should date a short Baldi. A short Baldi? Because she kept telling me that a short bald guy would never leave me.

I was like, excuse me? I'm like crying, you know, like, that's not what I want to hear. Right. But humor was always her way of sort of coping. Yeah, yeah. And also being like, you better move on now. In Japanese culture, there is no time. Again, gaman, with great resilience.

There is no time to f***ing feel sorry for yourself. They hold pain in. Wow. Is that healthy? I'm not sure. I was like, I don't know if that's healthy. I think there should be a time of grieving and allowing yourself to move through your emotions and feelings. And then, okay, there's a time like enough is enough. Yeah, but. I think there should be a time of like grieving and like allowing yourself to move through your emotions and feelings. And then, okay, there's a time like enough is enough.

Yeah. You don't need to hold on to this for years to hold you back from living a beautiful life. But I think there's a balance between resilience and allowing yourself to express yourself, you know, and to feel. You know, and to feel. You are right. Because without the grieving and the sadness, there's a beautiful contrast to life. My sister says, without light, darkness cannot exist and vice versa. And so we must, monono'o ware, like appreciate the pathos in life when it's there. Because it makes the joyous times and the bright times brighter,

more colorful, more real. And I've never been this mindful and this present in my entire career. That's good. Yeah. I'm no longer basic. I've got the light in me and I am like, light in me and I am like, I'm just ready, like in divine timing, right? You would agree, it doesn't happen overnight. Takes time, yeah. You need those lessons. So how long were you staying in Japan then after this breakup? I stayed there, I usually stay there for about a month with mom and sometimes I go places by myself. I cry almost all the time when I'm alone on the train or when I'm listening to a song and reflecting.

That particular trip was really gnarly and sad, but it started to open up a light in me. And I said, wellness is so crowded. I don't want to do this anymore. What am I? Who am I? What do I have to offer the world that's different? And I didn't even have to try because you know how they kind of say the magic is always in,

everything is in you, the light, even the darkness. This book was always in me, but I wasn't ready to write it or tell it. And in fact, a lot of it came from shame and being different and not knowing how people would expect or how they would react. So mostly fear is what holds me back from pursuing. Oh, really? Yes. But no more. I also was always afraid to be successful because I thought it would hold me back from finding a good man, which is a really weird thought. Yeah. I've never brought that up, but for my speaking event at South by I, I said, I'm actually going to bring this up because I can guarantee you there are other women that do the same. Yeah. Yeah. I don't want to be too intimidated or too intimidating to men. Right. Yeah. But everyone keeps saying to me,

they're like, Candice, you can't do that because the person that you end up with is going to love this about you. Yeah. Or they're not the right fit. Yeah. Well, when you find them, call me. Sometimes you got to change your environment, you know?

Maybe you've been in New York for too long. I know. So why did you want to do this type of book then? You know, you've been in New York for too long I know so why did you want to do this type of book then you know you've been in the the food and nutrition space for a long time how is this different than anything else oh my gosh it's so unique it's so it's 12 Japanese lessons or or sections of like kintsugi kaizen gaman shikakanai, which means it cannot be helped. That's Donald Trump all the way. We don't have to open up that can of worms. There's yuimaru, which is your circle of friends.

Kaizen is continuous improvement. Gaman is with great resilience. And then towards the end of the book, we get into kancha, which is gratitude. And osettai at the end means welcoming gifts or being of service. So, like, in Japanese culture, there's a lot of untranslatable words. And I was like, oh, I get it, Mom. Like, all the stuff that you taught me and Jenny, she's a Japanese language teacher in San Diego.

So she's like, you know, me and your father, we kind of could just raise you. I don't know. But we did. Like, well, whatever you did, it must have been great because there's no way that Jenny and I could ever fail. But also with that, the pain came out while I was writing. The truth came out. I said no more like playing basic. Like that's just not me. And this is the time.

If not now, when? And I don't think there's a better year to come out the gate strong with a book that's about embracing our differences and celebrating our imperfections. Wow. What's the biggest lesson you learned about yourself through the last couple of years then? What a great question. Of the breakup or of things you discovered from the rituals that you talk about in the book or from a conversation late night with your mom? I mean, it's great that you bring her up. One thing I know for sure, my mother's principal at school said this. My mother's principal at school said this. He said, if there's one person that I could pick to inherit the world, it would be Miho Kumai, my mom. She's probably more powerful than I am, but she's not somebody who wants to be public, so she would never write a book or share Japanese heritage, but it's bizarre that the universe god, whoever it is, chose me to be her daughter because I could write and I could speak and I could be in front of the camera.

And so I think one of the greatest gifts was having her, Kumai-sensei, my mom, relay, and my father too, an incredible guy of integrity and grace and philanthropic soul. I watch them. And in Japanese culture, they say that children learn from what their parents do, not by what they say. And so I believe the greatest thing is probably paying an homage to my parents and saying, you did really well. And although I'm not perfect and neither is Jenny, she's like 3,000 tattoos and piercings and runs a cycling shop in like the most hipster part of London and still doesn't know she's a hipster, which makes her more hipster. So it's just saying that like, I'm so happy that you stayed Buddhist and you stayed Christian.

So dad's Christian, mom's Buddhist. I'm so happy that mom chose to raise us Japanese. I can't imagine what it was like to raise two American girls in the middle of San Diego when you're full Japanese and your husband's an American going off to work every day. But I feel like they did a good job. And I'm not successful, but I feel like they did a good job. And I'm not successful, but I'd like to acknowledge that they are successful. Right. That's cool. That's really

cool. How do you think being broken makes us actually stronger? Well, if somebody has got this perfect life where everything's handed to them, maybe their dad gave them a million dollars to start their business. Maybe they were sort of under the impression that life was like they were entitled. Let's put it that way, that life was going to be easy and everything should be handed to them. I don't find that to be attractive at all. And in fact, the people that I really am drawn to the most are the ones who had grit and grace written all over them because the people that overcome the obstacles are the most humble and loving and caring people. And I think their stories are what make them great. And so when you're broken, you have a story. And one day when you share it, you're going to help other people to heal and you're going to open and allow.

And when we open and share, we allow others to do the same. It's like that Marianne Williamson quote. And it's my favorite quote ever. Like when you shine, you allow others around you to shine, and we are all liberated by our light, not our darkness. That's powerful. Yeah. What's the thing you've learned about wellness in general in terms of nutrition, mind-body connection? You talk about community in here and how community makes us healthier. What is the thing, again, with all the information out there about

nutrition and wellness, what's the real principles that you believe we should be thinking about with every different diet and fat and technique and strategy? What's it come down to? This is another great question because for so long we're taught, you know, X amount of calories, X amount of workouts, X amount of sleep. And it's like, okay, great. Now that I got that down. So meditation added another layer of like, I don't know what it's doing to me, but I like it. So I always say, if it feels good, do it. And that could be many things.

Ice cream feels good. I don't know what that means, I should do it though. Because it doesn't feel good like four hours later four hours later. Hey, I'm there too. That's another good point is to like let up on yourself a little bit. And that's more of the Wabi Sabi chapter about celebrating imperfection. It's like, well, I am a former model fit model and I don't look like that every day. And I want people to know that. Like I have days where I'm gaining weight and I catch myself when I'm like, hey, you need to go work out a little bit more.

And there's that line of balance, which everybody talks about. But here's the problem with our industry is we tell people to do X and Y, but we don't actually show them how to do it. And so by being a living example, I'll meditate, I will work out. I will socialize, which helps me to feel good because I'm connecting with girlfriends.

You don't have to do this part. But what helps me to feel good is helping other people every day. I really believe in that osetai chapter, which means welcoming gifts and being of service. So my dad volunteers at a shelter. And my mom helps out all the pets and animals and the kids at school. And my sister runs a nonprofit in London. And it's like, if I didn't give to my community, why the am I even doing this? So there's this element of like, helping others feels good. So I'm going to keep doing it. And when I said that earlier, like, sure, some people will be like,

drugs feel good, I'm going to do them. Fine, in moderation. Like, I'm also really honest and open. Like, sure, I'll go on a bender with some hot guy over the weekend, no problem. I still want to do those fun things. I'm not going to let go because I'm the golden girl of wellness. I'm going to be as real as I possibly can because being real is also wellness. Like you can't tell people that you're going to stay the same size and weight and shape

for the rest of your life. You won't. That is a sure thing. The wrinkles will come. The under eye circles will come. You'll get a little muffin top. You'll start to see your ass is going to start dropping, all that. And so you will have to work on keeping it real, but you also need to let up a little bit and have some fun. Yeah. What do you think is the biggest challenge that a lot of Americans face specifically with food, nutrition, balancing their lifestyle with so much information and people saying different things, you know, different strategies about how to live healthier, again, specifically with food, nutrition and things like that. But what's your feedback for people? Well, we know that staying fit and healthy, quote unquote, is a mathematical equation. So it's like

what you take in, what you burn off, is what you're going to be. And it's true. Like, your body was meant to move. And so I will always tell people, find something you love. My dad's a cyclist. He does 13 miles a day. So does my sister. My mom gardens and has this beautiful adoration for flowers and gardening.

I'm a bar junkie, so pure bar, bar method, any kind of bar. Not that kind though, but sometimes. And then I'm also a yoga girl. I went this morning. I was around like-minded people. We sweated it out. I love it when they adjust me. I want a shirt that says, please adjust me on the back. If you find what makes you feel good, it doesn't feel like forced because I know a lot of people hate working out. But I will say staying active is going to keep you young. By studying the Okinawans over the last few years, I learned from them lots of vegetables and fruits. They garden themselves. So sweet potato, the emo, kept them alive through the war.

And many of them live long because they socialize their whole life. So they have a community. They're part of a community. It's just healthy, yeah. And then I also think that they believe in changing your mindset. So that we know also. I think Deepak Chopra is one of the best teachers that we have because he actually shows us how we can change our mindset. And a lot of it is meditation and practice

and focusing on the notion that everyone is trying their best. And if we can stop trying to be somebody we're not, like I really prefer to just be this Candice rather than the one that you see on TV for five minutes while I'm on the Today Show or on Dr. Oz or on Judging Iron Chef or something. Because that Candice is, like, buttoned up and perfect. And, oh, I love the knife cuts on this. It looks great.

It's like nobody gives a shit about the knife cuts like let's just talk real so this is much more my speed but that's the other thing i think we should remember is find what makes you feel good in your career in your personal life and in your physical like life as in like fitness personally too, if your mate and partner is not supporting you and loving you for the most part, you probably shouldn't be in that relationship. I feel better being single now and loving myself and having the right people around me before I meet the right person. So I also want women and girls, especially young girls, to know, like, you don't need a man to make you complete. And in fact, like, when you have options, it's fun. Of course, like, it sounds so now to be this girl, but it is exactly who I am.

Before I settle down, I'd love to play the field. There you go. There you go. By the way I am, I settle down, I'd love to play the field. There you go. By the way I am, but you know, discreetly. Well, it sounds like you're being who you are now. Why do you think so many of us are afraid to be who we really are? I love this question. And my God, my brain has tried to think, okay, so young age, we grew up seeing, like, say, models or actors on TV. And we're like, oh, I should be like this person.

I mean, growing up, my parents were really cool and laid back. And they were honest, honest, honest, honest, which later in life comes into play. Like, my sister and I had to help others. We had to be honest and we had to work hard because we watched my parents do that. I think there's a weird distorted period of school with other kids where you start reading the teen mags and you start having the crushes on the boys and the girls. And you're like, oh, I don't fit in. I'm different. Nobody likes me because I'm half Asian. And like, when I got teased for it when I was younger, the flip happened. And in high school, these boys started to be like, oh my God, Candace. Like, and I'm like, oh, you didn't

think I forgot? Like, I remember you used to tease me. And that was weird because I was like, I identified with being different my whole life and mixed. So I think there's a lot of like, oh, I wish I was, you know, like my friends who are blonde haired and blue eyed. And then when I got older, I met girls that were like me at Long Beach State and Christina and Tina and Casey and all the cute Asian girls in our group, Kelly, they were all mixed. And I was like, wow, like these girls are gorgeous. And they're like, wow, like these girls are gorgeous. And, and they're like, yeah, but you're like us. And so confidence isn't always built up during those young years. And when you get older, I think a lot of us are like, people probably look even at you,

Lewis. And they're like, wow, like what an awesome guy. I want to be like him. I want to grow up and play football. And then like, there are many people that have the same thing happening. Like their dreams get crushed by an injury and they don't live up to this standard. So Wabi Sabi is a celebration of imperfection. I started to realize that I like who I am in real life more than I like the Candice that is trying to be this persona. And so a very wise therapist once told me the best people keep their persona and their person close. He said, don't let your persona leave who you are, leave who you are as a person. Like, keep them as close together as possible. So that your persona is who you are. Yes, because that's you. That's Fabio. That's Gabby. That's half our friends that are living.

And I find that to be attractive yeah it's hard to live two different lives you know it's hard to have a persona that you turn on and then be yourself the other half of the time that's why I think you should just always be yourself it's just a lot more challenging and stressful to manage it any other way yeah but like when did we all like hit that button even ariana like people probably like i was scared to be ariana if we did for the first time that i met her i was like oh my god you're the nicest person that's another thing is just kindness and empathy and compassion go so far you don't have to be a shithead to make it in this industry. I had a producer on set like scream,

there will not be another poached egg. Like so loud that it rattled the entire set. And when I went home that day, I was so grateful that I was not that way. And I don't care what anybody says. I find that you can be a good person to the core and still make it. Even if you get trampled on, I truly believe someone is taking notes. But that is such a mysterious question, Lewis, that I don't really know if we can answer it because I feel like it's different for every person.

It's true, yeah. if we can answer it because I feel like it's different for every person. It's true. Yeah. Going back to food for a second, how closely related is food and our emotional stability? How are they connected? As in like?

The foods we eat. Yeah. How much does it affect our emotional stability? Well. Our emotions, the way we feel. I know that I like to eat well 90% of the time, which means fruits and veggies, because it makes me feel good and my body always seems to look better and I feel better. My gut, I like to keep very healthy. So I eat a lot of probiotics, I like to keep very healthy.

So I eat a lot of probiotics, but they're not in pill form or anything like that. It's in miso. It's in soy sauce. It's in yogurt. It's in fermented like pickles. We call them tsukimono in Japanese. I believe that when your body is feeling good and you're moving every day and your digestion is really good and you're moving every day and your digestion is really good and you're sleeping well that you will feel your best also and of course disease can plague anyone through genetics and that's almost like a lottery

so I'd like to think if you have your health right now you have everything your family and your health. Those are the two things that you should be the most grateful for because once you don't have one or the other, you'll go down. So it's important to have the support system along with the health. But you do have to take care of yourself. And I think that alcohol is something that, that was the first thing I thought of when you brought up emotion in food because we like to drink in our American society amongst the Japanese and the Brits and everybody. But it doesn't do us any good to over-consume alcohol.

And so instead of accepting the fact that, oh, like maybe alcohol will help me to relax. Right. Sometimes I think abstaining makes you feel a thousand times better in the long run. Celebratory, fine. Smoke weed in Cali, great. It's legal here, have fun. I'm stoked. But I certainly think that it's not something that's going to add plus value the way a balanced diet

will right i'll be honest i'm not going to eat like those cookies i made all day every day but i do i love them and i had like five of them all right so it's all things in moderation yeah of course very cool and make sure you guys check out the. I'm going to try to say the name again. Kintsugi. Is that right? Kintsugi, yeah. Kintsugi Wellness, the Japanese Art of Nourishing Mind, Body, and Spirit. Check it out.

A couple questions final for you. This one's called The Three Truths. You've written many books. You've done a lot of videos. I'm sure you'll do many more books and content for the rest of your life. But imagine that this is the last day for you and you're 100 and something. And you have to take everything with you on your last day. So all the content you've put out there, the videos, the books, everything you've done, you can't leave it in the world. You have to take it with you.

But you have a piece of paper and a pen to write down the three things you knew to be true about your existence that you would pass on to the world. You can only have three lessons to leave behind. From everything you've learned, whether it be your parents or Japanese rituals or a breakup, what would you say are the three lessons that you would leave behind if it was your last day? And for the record, I did not know this question. But I will say I love a good challenge and a curveball. Right now I'm going through that transition of like watching a lot of my friends and colleagues in relationships. And it doesn't mean that they're all extremely happy or sad. Either way.

I'm just, I want people to know that being in a relationship is work. It changes who you are as a person. And I have learned that being single is a wonderful gift. And if somebody doesn't want to be with you, fucking let them leave. Bye. Number two, I think being different, quote unquote, is also a gift. But you must accept that the way you look and who you are and how you were raised and where you came from and what your parents were like, all of it, good, bad, ugly, is happening to you for a reason. And so if you can make lemonade, please make it and share it with others because life is so much better filling your cup first and then serving others. We leave this world, all of us will, that is a sure thing. And if we can leave it better than we found it, whether it be, you know, education, this amazing podcast work that you're inspiring people with, whether it be books, children, gardens, whatever it is, I'd like for people to leave the world better than

they found it. Cool. And then I think lastly, my mother says that life is easier when you always do the right thing. And so if we can be more honest and if we can be real and live in the present moment, that in itself is a gift. I don't know if I'm going to get married in two years like that psychic told me last week. I don't know. She also said that he was in Cali and I had never met him before.

I just, she brought up blonde hair too. I was like, geez, lady, she's British. Her name is Marion. I don't know if I will have everything that I've ever wished for. But I know that I have to just trust. Because if I don't, I have to, like, believe, right? If I don't, what's the point of worrying? My father wrote my sister and I letters when

Donald Trump was elected. And at the very end of it, he barely speaks. So when he writes, you listen. He said, no politician will ever affect your lives or your daily lives. Other people will be president, including a woman, and you will not let this affect you. And please remember this. Don't sweat the small stuff because life is full of surprises. That was beautiful. It's very nice of him. So that's how I have to just trust. I don't know who he is. I don't know where the kids are going to come into the picture. All I know is that I'm having fun right now and I've just got to keep going. And I wrote this book, so it's time to promote it with my whole heart. And I can't miss a beat.

Like I want to do everything I can to help. So I really believe in others like letting that mask come off, especially in the next few years and just start helping other people. Yeah, that's great. Don't be such a shithead. There you go. for stepping into who you are and for allowing yourself to be okay being broken and putting yourself back together with gold because it's a beautiful journey that you've been on and you're learning so much

and teaching so much to so many other people. So I acknowledge you for that. Make sure you guys get the book, Kintsugi Wellness, and follow you on Instagram and Twitter. What's your handles? It's at Candice Kumai, C-A-N-D-I-C-E-K-U-M, as in Mary, A-I. There you go, Candice Kumai. You can get the book online at your website. You can

check her out on Instagram, Twitter, and find it there as well. The final question is, what's your definition of greatness? Well, man, I'd like to think that greatness is that moment at the end of the day where you say, did I do good? Do I feel good? And can I go to bed with peace? And I think really peace is the definition of greatness for all. There you go. Candice, thanks so much for coming on. Pleasure.

Thanks, Lewis. This was so good. There you have it, my friends. If you enjoyed this one, make sure to share it out with your friends. The link is lewishouse.com slash 623. You can get the full show notes, watch the full video over there, check out all the quotables, the tweets, all those things are back at the website, lewishouse.com slash 623. Let me know what you think. Tag me on Instagram, tag Candice as well. We'd love to hear your thoughts on this one. As always,

you guys know what to do. Leave a review over on iTunes if you haven't gone there yet. That's applepodcast.com slash greatness to leave a review and spread the message of greatness. Spread some inspiration today. Smile at someone that is looking down. Give someone a hug who maybe needs one. Be kind to people. You have the opportunity to change the world around you. You may not feel like you have an impact to change the world at scale, but you can make a difference to people's lives around you. Everything you say, how you look at people, the things you do, all these things matter. Take one step forward to helping yourself improve your own life and improve the lives of someone around you. And as Cicero said, diseases of the soul are more dangerous and more numerous than those of the body. Make sure you're taking care of your soul today. On a soul level, are you healthy? Are you loved? Are you calm? And are you at peace? I love you so very much. And you know what time

it is. It's time to go out there and do something great. Thank you. you