The School of Greatness - 628 Understand Your Body Through Somatic Intelligence with Chen Lizra

Episode Date: April 16, 2018

“MORE AND MORE PEOPLE ARE THINKING TOO MUCH AND FEELING ENOUGH.” There is a certain art that I feel had been lost over the years in this country, and you may have noticed it too. It’s the art of seduction. Let me make one thing clear, when I say seduction I don’t mean unwanted flirting. I don’t mean trying to manipulate someone. True seduction is a lore more than that. Seduction is about selflessly making other people feel good about themselves. Their bodies, their personalities, and everything about them. It’s also about being aware of your own body. Owning it, being proud of it, and listening to it. In America we spend so much time on our phones, we’ve lost that seduction between each other. This is a topic that my guest today, Chen Lizra, is an expert on. Chen Lizra had a wildly successful Ted Talk on the power of seduction. She’s also an award winning entrepreneur, best-selling author, and a professional dancer. She learned all about the power of seduction while living in Cuba, where she was deeply inspired by the culture of body confidence there. She was able to see how people were able to really connect with each other, lift each other up, and make a true connection with their bodies. As a result, she has developed a powerful method of teaching body-awareness called somatic intelligence. I was fascinated during this conversation as she explained (and demonstrated) these principles and how they impact our relationships, our opportunities, and our self-confidence. Learn all about the power of seduction in our everyday lives, on Episode 628. Some Questions I Ask: In your Ted Talk you mention children are taught in America to be more closed off, is that right? (5:20) What career were you in before this? (9:10) How long were you an animator for? (11:12) When did your vision come together? (21:51) How long were you in Cuba? (25:03) What happens when we rediscover our natural sensuality? (26:48) How do you use seduction without crossing people’s boundaries? (35:16) How do we know if we’ve disconnected from our body? (45:04) What’s the difference between sexuality and sensuality? (49:42) How do we cultivate charm? (51:44) How do we balance masculinity and femininity? (59:38) Are you in a relationship now? (1:06:24) In This Episode You Will Learn: The common misconception about seduction (7:35) What Chen decided to do after her awakening (10:24) How she learned about seduction in Cuba (18:12) What Cuba has in their culture that allowed her to free herself from trauma (22:41) When and why we started to lose the connection with our bodies (25:16) How having elegance calms nerves (30:12) How men can connect more without crossing boundaries (41:47) How we can learn to listen to our bodies (45:58) How a man be more sensual to attract a female partner (50:47) What Chen has to say to people that feel vulnerability and sensuality is weakness (56:18) How her arm injury was a result of not opening up emotionally (1:07:42) Plus much, much more

This is episode number 628 with Chen Lishra. Welcome to the School of Greatness. My name is Lewis Howes, a former pro athlete turned lifestyle entrepreneur. And each week we bring you an inspiring person or message to help you discover how to unlock your inner greatness. Thanks for spending some time with me today. Now let the class begin. Albert Camus said that charm is a way of getting the answer yes without ever having asked a clear question. Today we've got a powerful guest on. Her name is Chen Lisra and she's a TED speaker, award-winning social entrepreneur, somatic Lysra, and she's a TED speaker, award-winning social

entrepreneur, somatic intelligence life coach, and best-selling author and professional dancer. She spent over a decade investigating Cubans' emotional intelligence secrets through their body language, a culture that, due to its unique circumstances, did not lose the body-mind connection lost in the Western world, resulting in her unique somatic method. This experience has inspired her TED Talk, which has gained to date over 8 million views worldwide. And some of the things we cover today are the difference between how seduction is viewed in different cultures, also why it's so important to believe we can have anything we want in this world, also how we hold trauma in our minds and in our bodies, the five elements of somatic intelligence, our true nature, how to know if a no is a no,

to know if a no is a no or if a no is a maybe and how to cultivate charm. This is all about the power of influence, seduction, and mastering your body. I'm super pumped for this one and I hope you enjoy it. Make sure to share this out with your friends and let me know if you're listening to it over on Instagram. Just take a screenshot of this and tag the link lewishouse.com slash 628 and at lewishouse to let me know you're listening. All right, guys, this is all about influence, seduction, sensuality, mastering your somatic intelligence with the one, the only, Chen Lisra. Welcome back, everyone, to the school of greatness podcast we have the lovely hen lizra in the house thank you so much for being here very excited you got introduced to me by our mutual friends esther perel who's incredible who's been on the show a couple times she's doing incredible work and she doesn't email me introductions ever but said, I've got to have you on the podcast.

So I said, let me research more. I've never heard of her. But the more I started digging in, I really liked what you were talking about. And you had a TED Talk come out about seduction, sexual seduction, and really just how to seduce people in general and how important it is to be seductive in our lives, work, on the streets, in relationships, all these different areas of life, and how in Cuba, when you'd visit Cuba, you'd see kids being celebrated for being playful

and seductive in their own childlike way, and how in America, it's kind of a lost art, where we're told to close off and not be as flirtatious or seductive in that manner. Am I right there? I will correct you on something. Give me some correction. That what the main theme of the TED was about how seduction is viewed in a whole other way

in another culture, in this case Cuba, that builds confidence for them. That's what it is. So while we see seduction in, let's say, North America or Europe as something that you're taking something away, you're robbing something away from somebody, you're using your powers to manipulate. And these are the words, right? Like robbing and manipulation and using and all these things. They see it as a positive life skill. So they, you know, inside of seduction, they have something like the elegance of the possession of yourself, right?

And inside of that, there's pride. And in pride, you feel good about yourself, about what you've achieved, what you've done, and that's what attracts to you. So it's about self-worth, really, right? So the way they approach it is very different than the Western world, and it's a positive thing. And I wanted to flip the view of people to a new way of seeing the world about seduction that would say this is not necessarily a negative thing,

it's a power. And like any power, it could be used for good or can you use it for bad. I give you money, you can do wonderful philanthropic things with it or you can go and you can become a drug dealer with it. What you choose to do with that power has ethics or doesn't. The same as the power of seduction. Yeah, and I think in America when someone says seduction they think of it as more manipulative

if someone's seducing someone. But really anyone who achieves their dreams is a seducer in my mind. If you want to build a big business you need to seduce people and enroll people in your vision and in your dream. If you want to have a partner, a romantic partner, you need to seduce them and why you're a good match, right? You need to give them something that they don't have or call something out of them like I think you talked about in your TED Talk. It's like finding the gap within someone's heart and filling that gap or showing them what's possible. And I think you mentioned showing

a world of possibilities, right? Part of the problem is that people, when they think seduction, they think sexuality. So they think if it's seductive, then it's about sex and sleeping with people. But seductive is also a trailer for a movie because they give you just enough, not revealing, but enticing you enough

that you'd want to see more. I want it, I gotta watch this movie. Right, that's seduction. Yeah. There are many forms of seduction that we use daily all the time if we just understand the energy and we can take out the sexuality of it

and it's just a process of enticing. Yeah, and in business as well, they call that a takeaway close, where they say, well I have this thing, but it may be not the right thing for you. You're probably not right for it. You may not qualify, but it may be not the right thing for you. You're probably not right for it. You may not qualify, so it's probably not a good fit for you. And then someone wants it even more, the thing they can't have.

Of course. So in business, you can do that with a trailer, with whatever it may be, right? That's very seductive, actually. Right? Yeah, it makes you feel like, especially for people who are high achievers. Well, I want that. That's mine. What do you mean?

I deserve this. Exactly. And I just want this. Exactly. I mean, we have a high level group coaching mastermind program. And I really qualify people. It's not like a sales tactic, but I'm like, I need the right people in this. So tell me why you should fit in here, why you should be part of this group, because it's probably not a good fit. It's not like an intentional, this is a sales tactic, but it's like, this is the truth. And

tell me why. And people are like, well, I really want to be in now, but it's like, this is the truth, and tell me why. Yeah. And people are like, well, I really want to be in now. So it's easier almost when you just say, tell me why you want this. But you're also not in this space of seduction, and we'll talk about somatic intelligence in a second. You were not in this space for a career. You were in a career for, I think, a decade. Was it video games or online gaming or graphics or something? No, I was a computer animator. Computer animator, yeah., I think, a decade. Was it video games or like online gaming or graphics or something? No, I was a computer animator.

Computer animator. So I was doing character animation. That was my specialty. That's crazy. And I started with, it was really fun. It was really fun. Living in a kid's world was super exciting. I mean, you're doing animations.

I started with TV shows. And then I did one video game that did Jackie Chan's Stuntmaster. And then I continued with more TV shows. And it I did one video game that did Jackie Chan's Stuntmaster. And then I continued with more TV shows and it started with being an animator. Then I led a whole animation team and really like. Is this, where was this, what city or what country? I was in Vancouver in Canada and then I was in Montreal, then I was in Toronto. I was chasing the projects really. And it was, it was a good life. It was a good life for a

while. But I honestly wasn't happy. I was working 14-hour days, seven days a week. And at one point, I got tired of being a slave. Like there was one aspect of the work which I loved. And then the other aspect which I felt like just didn't align with the way I wanted to live my life. And what really, really stood out all the time is that I wanted to make a difference. And I felt like giving people a break from life to entertain them for a little bit wasn't the kind of time is that I wanted to make a difference. And I felt that giving people a break from life to entertain them for a little bit wasn't the kind of a difference

that I wanted. And I wanted to work with people, not in front of a computer, through a character. Got it. And so you decided what after this was, you know, this awakening, this awareness? Well, here's a really interesting part of this. So before that, I lived in Japan in an all traditional dojo and studied Zen Buddhism. Meditation, right? Yeah. Zen Buddhism. For how long? For about a month. Really intense.

Before your career started? Yes. Got it. And from there, I went to animation school. And it couldn't be like a bigger flip from total balance. Relaxed. To like 14-hour days, like seven days a week. It was crazy. And I tried different aspects of the industry to find a way to balance it. And at one point I realized there was no way for me to balance it.

That was the industry. You saw people that had broken families and, you know, like it just kept on. Divorces and stress and overweight and whatever. Yeah, it wasn't working. And how long were you working? It was almost a decade of doing this, like maybe about seven years or eight years in total. Wow.

And I was really burned out. Like the passion died. And I operate from passion. When I have like a goal, when I have this dream or something, like I explode on it. So I decided to take a year off and to search for what I wanted to do. I was looking for a simple job, just like to pay the bills. And I created a binder. I still have it at home. And it's called Getting the Life You Want. And for a year, I created categories and

things that I thought would interest me. No limits. No limits. Anything was game, like, to figure it out and included informational interviews and and like trying to really understand it and and uh it's really interesting we'll come back to that later because half of this happened and it's really interesting to see what I wrote because I was like I wanted to be a best-selling author and I wanted to do like workshops that would change the world would be transformation between body and mind and I wanted to do like workshops that would change the world and be transformation between body and mind. And I wanted to be a public speaker and motivate people. And then there was like the TV show, which didn't happen. And there was like, there are different things, right? Photojournalist in war zones. There are different things that inspired me. Anyway, after a year,

I still couldn't find what I wanted to do. I had a wonderful binder. I knew myself really well. I wrote everything that mattered to me, who I was, what I liked doing. It couldn't be like, if someone opened this, they would understand who I am. Right. Still couldn't figure it out. So I sat down with my friend, Rob, that I told you about before. And he was a wildlife photographer at the time. And right before, he became a really famous director

because his vision was to save the sharks in the world. And he was living a dream life. And I said to him, Rob, like it's been a year and I can't find what I want. And he looked at me and he said one sentence that changed my life forever. He said, of course you can't find what you want because like most people,

you don't believe that you can have what you want. And I went like, yeah. Went home, didn't get it. Didn't get it. So I sat at home and I opened that binder and I flipped through the pages and anything that I saw, I scratched off. Not possible. Oh, I didn't have this degree. I didn't have that experience. I didn't. And one by one, I killed them all. And then I thought about him and the fact that he was living his dream. And I was thinking about me and him, me, him, me, and what he said. And I was like, well, what's the difference between us?

And then it was like, you know, bricks fell on me. I was like, wow. The only difference is that he believes that he can have what he wants, and I don't. And in that moment, something shifted because I was like, that I'm getting what I want. It was just a decision. I was like, I don't know what I want, but I'm getting it. It was like that knowing that I could have it. So I was like, okay, dream job is the goal.

I'm getting it. It's obvious. Even though you weren't sure what it was yet. Doesn't is the goal. I'm getting it. It's obvious. Even though you weren't sure what it was yet. Doesn't matter. I know I'm getting it. Once you figure it out, you're getting it. What is the easy part now that I know that I can have it, right? So I was like, I'm getting the life I want.

And then I was like, okay, so what's the next step to figuring it out? So I went into another Tibetan retreat to meditate. Because one thing that I've learned in Japan doing this was that there's so much noise that society makes for us with fears that enter, right? So you sit there and you think about what you want and people are afraid for you, that you'll get hurt, they'll make mistakes, that you'll fall on your face. So they start to put that fear into you and then that paralyzes a lot of people because it meets their own fear. And if you don't have the fear, it's fine. But if you have the fear and it meets what everybody else tells you, you want support and you don't get it, then you get paralyzed and you back out.

So in Japan, I learned that if I meditate and I center myself and I distance myself from society, I can hear my own voice and I don't need to ask. I just need to see inside what the answer was. So I went because there was so much fear inside me. I didn't ask society. I went to ask. I just need to see inside what the answer was. So I went, because there was so much fear inside me, I didn't ask society, I went to meditate. And in my meditation, this is really funny, I sat there in my meditation, I'm like, I'm saying this to myself, whatever the answer will be, like inside, right? Whatever the answer will be, I will accept it. I will accept it, I will accept the answer, because it's my answer, I will accept it. because it's my answer I will accept it and I can't remember how many days like a week of silence or something like that and I get this feeling like it's got to

be business school and then the next reaction is like oh no what do you mean business school I'm an artist I can't do business school it's like no no. And then the next thing is like I start breathing. I'm like, you said that if it will be your answer, you will accept it. So I surrendered. I said, okay, business school. That's the next step. So I got myself into business school and got myself into a university where the people that were teaching were ones that were doing real business. Like the

one who taught me advertising had Todd Newfield, incredible guy. He was my mentor for a while. He had an ad agency in Japan, worked with Coca-Cola, L'Oreal, you know, Disney, sold it for 51 million, went to teach. You know, those are the kind of people you want to learn from. They know what they're doing. So I came to them and I made a deal with them and I said, look, I'm coming. I was in another university that was really famous and they were just professors. They didn't know how to do business. I said, I'm moving to your university, which is unknown, but under one condition. And they said, well, what's the condition?

I said, I'm working on my business. And they said, well, what's your business? I said, I don't know yet, but I'll have one by then. Right. And they went like, okay, shake on it. And we shook on it. And that's what I did. So I basically started working on my business in school.

And every class that I had, I tried it on the business, which was amazing because it's not anymore like a theory thing. Yeah. You implemented it right away. Yeah, exactly. So it's like they would teach me marketing, and then I would try it, and it would come to teachers and go like, it didn't work. And they'd go like, well, what did you do?

I said, well, you said this and this, so I tried that and that. And they'd go like, oh, yeah, you know what? Sometimes in the market there is a force that comes in, and this affects this. I'm like, hold right there. Run, try it, go like, it worked. So it became a very practical thing. And the business concept, Rob said to me another brilliant thing.

And he said, you should have your job as what you would do even if you didn't get paid because you love it so much that you'd have to do it. That should be your business. And then he looked at me and he said, I wouldn't be surprised if it would be with dance. And I'm like, why do you say that? And you know, it's right there and you can't see it. So the first business was a dance academy, Cuban dance academy. And that's what led me to Cuba because I started traveling to Cuba to train and dance professionally. Wow.

Okay. And then is that when you started to learn about seduction and realize, like, and getting into your body and understanding about your body? Okay, let's start with the fact that I've always worked with my body because I was doing sports and competing in athletics. And I did 10 years of gymnastics. And that was my thing. In Israel? Yeah, yeah. I was four hours a day, like five times a week, gymnastics.

And, I mean, you're an athlete. You know what it's like when you've got that self-discipline, when you're so connected to your body. You live through your body. So the connection was always there. But dancing was something that just lived in me. It wasn't like a profession. It just became natural from the control of the body.

I would just look at a video clip and then start imitating it and go like, oh, yeah, you know, end up at a party and there's a whole circle going, start imitating it and go like, oh, yeah. End up at a party and there's a whole circle going, hey, there's a show here. So getting to Cuba was never about the seduction to begin with, meaning I didn't come to Cuba and said, I want to learn about seduction. I'm going to go to Cuba. I came to learn about dance. dance and what I didn't realize at a time you know how you understand things in hindsight mm-hmm was that when I got to Cuba my body still held a somatic trauma like the trauma in my body cognitively I was 10 years working on

trauma that came from the fact that my mom got mentally sick and I was broken to pieces and it took took, for example, six years just to build healthy boundaries. Healthy boundaries are given to us, to most people, because it's just common. You learn it from your mom and dad by living and it's healthy and that's it. Well, my mom got sick. She was an incredible woman, but she got sick with, you know, she was manic depressive. And growing up around a person that was manic depressive and didn't have healthy boundaries broke the boundaries because she would do things and they would hurt me. And I was a child and I didn't know how to put the boundaries

in the right place. And then it was expected of me to do certain things because it's my mom and it wasn't healthy for me. So just building boundaries took five, six years. Wow. When I hit rock bottom and I started working on myself, I really hit rock bottom. There was a moment in my life at the age of 20 when it was live or die. That was what was left. It was so bad. Like, it was, like, years of spinning down, down, down, down. And then I was sitting one day on the street, like under the sun, and it was like, live or die.

What do you want? Because you can't go on like this. And I asked myself, I said, what do you want, to live or to die? And then I just sat there and waited for an hour. And then this amazing energy came. But I didn't do this and I didn't do that and da-da-da-da-da-da. All these things that I still haven't done. And I was like, I guess I'm not done yet.

But I promised myself that day something. And anybody that knows me, if I put my word to something, get out of the way. You're doing it. Get out of the way. So I promised myself that it doesn't matter how many years it's going to take, I'm going to find the way out of this. And I'm going to fight until I

do it. And it was really tough because for 10 years I tried to put it together and I was taking courses and trying things. No one knew how to resolve it. It took 10 years to put it together and it kept falling apart. And you don't know when it's going to end. But those 10 years taught me crazy perseverance, insane perseverance. If I'm now set to something, my God, most likely you'll break first. Yeah, sure, sure. Keeping a vision for 10 years in harsh conditions in that sense where you just, you don't feel good,

but it's like you keep going and you keep going and you go like, I'm not giving up until I get there. When it came together, it was one of the happiest moments of my life. And one of the moments I'm the most proud of. That's great. When did it come together? About 15 years ago or something like that, approximately. happiest moments in my life. And one of the moments I'm the most proud of. That's great. When did it come together?

About 15 years ago or something like that, approximately. And when I got to Cuba, I was cognitively fine. That was after that click. But the body still held the trauma. Like, we can hold this cognitively, but we can also hold it somatically in the body. Which means that I'm still feeling as something's not okay with me, something's hurt, something's damaged. And I got to find a way to

heal the body. Looking back, it wasn't really the seduction. I thought it was the seduction. It was what Cubans had in their culture that caused my body over time to heal from the trauma. had in their culture that caused my body over time to heal from the trauma. Like I'm pretty sure I'm down to about 2%, like the very loose of 2%, but I cleaned my body from the trauma. What did they have in the culture that allowed you to free yourself? One of them is the sabrosura. Sabrosura is the sensuality that's inside each and every one of us that sits on physical self-love.

sexuality that's inside each and every one of us that sits on physical self-love. So think about it as a society that doesn't have material things for that many years. Like you're talking about a country that got locked because of communism and socialism, where there's no advertising on the streets or anywhere, not on TV and not on the radio, no advertising. You're in a sterile place. And then you don't have internet on your phones and you don't have the crazy technology that we have and everybody's still in the streets connecting like in the 50s and the 60s old school talking to each other in person yeah yeah knock on the door when you need somebody rather than texting and whatsapping and and they didn't have material things but everybody didn't have material things, but everybody didn't have material things together. So there was that solidarity.

And then what happens when we don't have material things? Where do we put that energy to become happy? What do you think? With each other. Right. With ourselves, with each other, yeah. In human connections. Yeah.

And exactly the point, right? Like if you can't be out there, then you go in. right like if you can't be out there then you go in so they found ways that create a natural high through body movements that release dopamine and endorphin and it's constant right yes it's all the time it's just like it's all the time for us on our phones it's all the time but it's real in real life yes yeah so this is one of the things so and on top of that, when they're moving with the sabrosura, and there's sabrosura for women and sabrosura for men, it actually sits on physical self-love that gets released in the body, and you feel that warmth, and you feel good suddenly about yourself.

You feel confident. Also confident, but also love. Like you feel the love. Like you feel good about yourself. People that I get to experience the sabruzo, I'll say, do you feel it in your body right now? And they'll say, yes. I go like, where?

Like stomach, chest, what are you feeling? Heat. That's self-love. Yeah. Physical self-love. So really what brought me to Cuba, if we really look at it in a deeper way, was that they had the knowledge to heal my body and

seduce me on the way at the same time that's great how long were you there and allowing yourself to experience all this it started with trips of two weeks and then it grew into up to two months you know in four months a year yeah well for 13 years. Wow. When do you think we started to lose the connection with our body, and why do we lose the connection in general? Oh, that's a really good question.

The really interesting thing is going to Cuba, this is what fascinates me about Cuba, it's like taking a time machine back. Yeah. So I take a time machine back and experience the way things were, and then I take it back here and I see the way we live. And in that you understand many things. So what happened to us gradually is that we wanted to become more effective. We wanted to be more productive. We wanted to produce more. We wanted to achieve more. We wanted to have more, right? We wanted to achieve more. We wanted to have more. We wanted to sell more. We wanted to market more capitalism.

That's what happened to us. So as that happened, we had to start giving up things. So we gave up romance. We don't have time for romance. People don't have time for romance mostly. They're too busy running fast. Some people don't have time for their kids. We want to achieve. We want to fulfill

ourselves. And it's not a bad thing. It's all about balance. If you notice, more and more people are thinking too much and not feeling enough. And that's where you start to see people also get sick because the body signals when we're out of balance, but then they don't listen to the signals. They shove caffeine. They shove medication and they keep't listen to the signals. They shove caffeine, they shove medication, and they keep going. But the body tells you to stop, and you're not listening. So what is the body going to do? Make you sicker. Shut down, make you sick, depressed, anxious. Right, which is what we're seeing today. Yeah, wow. And what happens when we rediscover our natural sensuality or our bodies? Well, it's not just the sensuality, right? It's basically this.

So we've got the five elements of somatic intelligence, and it's really about coming back to our true nature. So when we're in true nature, everything's balanced, and we're at our optimal place. And we have to keep the elements balanced. And we got to also think about the fact that we need to balance between material and social. If one takes over the other, something comes out of balance. So what's our true nature? Yeah. So we've got five elements. And then you call this somatic intelligence. Yeah. The five elements of somatic intelligence.

So one is elegance. I'm not talking about clothing. I'm talking about our being. So elegance is the possession of ourselves, the quietness of being ourselves. It's that when you've got that, you know, the past generations, the way they were and the way they behaved, they had elegance in their being. Obama is very elegant. Very elegant.

In how he behaves, right? And we admire him for that. Yeah. He's like a role model for how, in the being. I'm not just talking about, you can just mute him and look. There's something about his being that says elegance. The same with Michelle Obama. Right?

Yeah. So that's the element of confidence. Intention is the one that is connected to meaning and drive. So I always get up at the end. When we think intention, if I'm, let's say, standing right now like this, what does my body say? Maybe unsure or quiet or reserved or shy or… Exactly, right? Or avoiding or…

But I'm not in the situation. And now, what am I saying? I'm going to shift it. So now what am I saying? More confident, I guess more interested, more elegant. So what I did is I went from avoiding the situation into being to being in the situation the intention is always forward going and it's the element of doing right it's like we're right there and it's the goal and it's the thing the energy goes there so when the body is towards there it's like ah right now somatically if your body isn't is in that position then you're really already like getting yourself to be there because it changes the chemistry in our body. So you know how Amy Cuddy talks about the power pose, right?

So if I put people into elegance, which is the being, and I put them into two minutes of elegance, and I will ask them at the beginning, how do you feel right now for your confidence before we do that? If they're feeling really bad, they will describe it between zero and four. If they're having a really bad day. By the end of it, they'll say probably six to eight because the chemistry in the body changes in two minutes, which changes the behavior, which changes the results. So this is the being, the quiets, the noise and the turmoil, right? And this is the doing. So it's like I'm going and I'm doing. They have to balance each other. If I'm just too much intention, I'm not really.

You're off balance too. Right. If I'm just really elegant, what's missing right now? The doing. The doing. Yeah. Right. But if I've got both, then I'm with the intention and I've got that thing that calms down the nerves and all these things.

So having that slight doing elegance calms nerves? Is that what you said? No, the elegance calms nerves. The doing doesn't calm the nerves. You get the nerves because you're doing and you're taking risks and stuff. But when we have the elegance in there, it balances the doing and it creates,

if I go into meetings and I'm really nervous, I'll put tons of elegance in and it quiets the system. Yeah. Right? Then I come in more balanced. Now. So that's intention. Intention.

Yeah. The next one is tempo, which is the element of enjoyment. So tempo, let's say that this is the tempo that we take. And it doesn't matter if it's slow or fast. It works for both. Right? Most people now, their tempo of their body is addiction. Addiction to the race of the pace.

So I'll give them a thing, and they're like, they get there, and they're already thinking of the next thing, and they haven't even gotten there. They're already like, you know when they get da-da-da-da-da-da-da, right? But if I take enjoyment, I'm enjoying myself. I'm enjoying the journey, right? Versus got there. It's the same tempo.

One, there's no enjoyment. And then the one, I'm like, I'm taking. You're feeling it. Yeah, yeah. I'm taking the juice of life. Of course. Which is all about, I'm not just about getting to the end goal. I'm going to enjoy also the journey.

Experiencing the journey, yeah. Which is what happens to us with stress and anxiety and depression is that we get so about... The next step. Right. That we're not there. Yeah. We're not present anymore.

So this is the tempo. When I change your tempo... Enjoyment, yep. I can change your tempo. And that would release endorphins and dopamine. And in the session, you sort of just feel good. Yeah. Because you're high now.

Right. Because I slow you down a little bit. We're running faster than the natural tempo. And I break that down into just celebrating the small wins of your day. Like what are you grateful for in the morning? Every little win, acknowledge it as opposed to waiting for the end journey of the big goal at the end. What's the smiling at someone down the street, like appreciating that moment. That's enjoyment. That's enjoyment, yeah.

That's when you're really enjoying your life. Right. And you're not trying to get to the end goal. Where are you going to die anyway? Exactly. You can't take anything with you anyways. No, and people live life like it's a trial life. But what about the years you're going through?

Those are the ones that count. Right. Right? So then you have the sabrosura. And the sabrosura is, like I said, it is the sensuality that sits on self-love. So it's connected to love. And the sabrosura, as you can see, it's not just any sensuality because I can just move with sensuality, okay?

That's sensuality. But if I'm moving with the sabrosura, there's something extra, right? And I'm doing the female one right now. And what is that? It's because when I'm moving with the sabrosura, there's something extra, right? And I'm doing the female one right now. And what is that? It's because when I'm looking at my hands, I'm looking at them as if they're the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. And that's where self-love is. I'm not going like my fingers look like really fat. And I hate them and I don't like my nails and that.

Whatever we think translates into how we also move because if I look at the flaws I'm missing the beauty of it then I'm missing the love and that also affects so it's how we look at ourselves it's how we think about our self-talk and our negative self-talk or positive but that's one aspect of it the other aspect of it is also when we talk about containing other people. And you know when people get, let's say, aggressive? Yeah. Right? When we talk about men who are taking things away.

So what do they have really strong? Which element right now? Their intention. Exactly. Right? So they have a really strong intention. They know what they want. What's missing? Elegance. One, Right? So they have a really strong intention. They know what they want. What's missing?

Elegance. One, right? That place of respect, of honor, of being a gentleman. What else is missing? Well, they're not playful, I guess, if they're being aggressive, but the beauty of it. Well, sabrosura, love. Yeah, yeah. Right?

Love is about bettering off the other person. Right. It's not about taking something. So it's not really the elements that we need to tone down. If you see there's a minus and a plus, it's which ones are missing that balance it. So if we look, and I'll explain to you, Mr. in a minute, if we look, for example, at, and let's look at a culture now, not a person. If we look at the U.S., which element is super strong right now? We look at the U.S., I element is super strong right now? We look at the U.S.,

I mean the attention, right? Right. What's missing? What got turned down lately? The love, the elegance. Exactly. Those, if we think Obama to Trump, those got turned down. And this is why it's not working. You have to keep them in balance to be in true nature.

And mystery, that's the trickiest one. Because this is why it's not working. You have to keep them in balance to be in true nature. And mystery, that's the trickiest one because this is where not just the playfulness is, but that's where the seduction is. And that's where there's that energy of like, mm-hmm, right? Right, yeah. And that's where people get scared because there's a gray area there. Right. You can't really box it because it's a life energy. Yeah.

How do you seduce people or have that element of seduction, that playfulness at work, on the streets, with friends, without crossing boundaries? And without hashtag MeToo coming up or someone saying something of like, well, you're being too aggressive or that's across the line. Like, how do you know when seductive is across the line? Let's start with what I call keeping the maybe alive. And I'll explain to you, there's one more section of this that we missed that's really important that would make it all sit for you really well. So let's start with the fact that. There's a no and there's a no that's a maybe, right? Right. There's a no that's a no. There's a no that's a maybe right right there's another that's a no

there's a no that's a no and then there's a no that means maybe how do you know the difference right so let's start with what is no that means maybe because that's where everybody that's the gray area says no but it's kind of flirting and playful at the same time right so if i'm a woman and let's say i'm interested in you but i want you to chase me then a no that means maybe it might be like, no. And I just said no. But I said no, but I left you a maybe there so that you'll come after me, right? The problem is when people come and take forcefully.

Because if we take away flirting, how are people supposed to interact for love? And you see that problem in North America in many places where suddenly it's like it's awkward, and they don't know what to do and what's allowed and what's not allowed. And it's like Esther Perel talks about this, about the fact that there are no rules anymore. And it's good and it's bad, right?

So we start with the fact that flirting should be okay. Now, let's put another rule here. In the workplace or now? At work, well, okay. So work, let's separate two things. There's working with your boss. That's not supposed to be flirty. That's supposed to be about work. And we don't seduce the boss into what we need to do. Got it. When it's about work. Right. I charm them into what I want to do. Charm is something different. It's very seductive. It's the way we talked about,

for example, before about trailers or anything else in seduction or in business when you're trying to get them to sign up and you're making it hard to get, right? So it's not a sexual thing. It's a charming, a fun, like... So let's talk, for example, Oprah. Give me four words that describe the essence of Oprah. Elegant, empathetic, powerful, purposeful. So I would describe her as powerful, no doubt. Authentic. That's one of the key things for Oprah. Everybody knows authentic, you trust what she says.

Doesn't matter if she's going to give you tomorrow McDonald's, tell you it's healthy, you buy it from Oprah. Because she's authentic. So authentic and powerful and there's that empathetic thing where she penetrates to your heart with what she says. Three, and then purposeful. She has purpose. So those are, it's like a brand. People are like brands, and that's Oprah.

And when she uses what I call her social charm, she gets success. We all have it. We see it in kids when they're really young. They start to activate that thing, and they're doing that cute thing that they do. You can't say no to them. And you can't say no to them, right? And each kid is different. It's not the same for everybody.

It depends on their personality. But what do we do? We tell them at one point, enough. It's time to grow up. Why? Teach them how to use it in a smart way, not for manipulation, but for success, because it's built into your body. And the people that have gone into adulthood and learned how to use that are super successful. Right. Yeah. There you go. What was the last thing you wanted to say

about this first? Yeah. So about this one, we got a plus and a minus for each one. And for those who are just listening, there's elegance, intention, tempo, sabrosura, and mystery. Yeah, the five elements. And, okay, so there's a plus and minus to each one of them. Like turning a knob up or down. Exactly. And when they're in the right optimal place, that's where the flow happens naturally. Where something goes in a really healthy way. And that's where we dare to be us more.

And that's where we have a deeper connection. That's where the magic happens. So how do we know where these should be? Good question. Exactly. The key question. So the way we know is because it's specific to us this is not a generic thing that goes around the world and everybody has to be the same way and it goes according to three

things life stage so when is this meeting me in my in my 20s 30s 40s 50s 60s and so on what am i going through in my life are you that guy right now on that sofa with the 100 in your pocket and it's like or are you now where you're the head of the school of greatness? It meets you in a different way. Cultural identity. So you're American. You lived your life probably the whole time here in the U.S.? Mostly, yep.

Yeah, but you've traveled a lot. Yeah, I've seen a lot of stuff. And you've seen a lot of stuff, and that opened up your view on life. So you don't meet the elements the same way as someone American who grew up here and lived their whole life just here will meet them. You might see the mystery and not get scared like someone who's afraid of sexual harassment. Right? So cultural identity. And when we look at this, like think about it, for example, if I put a Brazilian in here, cultural identity, what would be the element that they're most comfortable with?

Probably either one of these two. Mystery. Right? They've got the samba and they've got the seduction. So this is where it's really comfortable for them. I put a British person right here. How would they feel? Very here. How would they feel? Very uncomfortable.

Where would they feel comfortable? Elegance. Right, that's your cultural identity. And then some people might say, but that's a generalization, right? Yeah. Well, yeah, of course, because we've got one more element in here.

Well, what happens if that Brazilian had British parents? What was your upbringing? Self-identity. Right, it'd be a little different. Right.? Self-identity. Right. It'd be a little different. Right. So self-identity is your personalities, the values you grew up with at home. It's like how much love you got at home. Are you a man or a woman, which meets you differently. So when we put that into the mix, that really affects how we meet those elements for us. Also like our history, past traumas, different experiences we've had, all those things

can either hold us back or make us more comfortable about one of these things. So very cool. Let's talk more about how men can connect with people in general without crossing any boundaries. You talked about in work by charming people and not seducing people sexually. by charming people and not seducing people sexually. So how do we know the difference in work if it's someone of power, are they charming someone, or are they seducing someone? You know, can a charm look like a seduction? It can.

Yeah. But the question is. Is that crossing the line? Like how do we know what's. You can't, here's the thing, you can't put a hard line on seduction 100% and control it and this is the mistake when they're now creating laws that says no means no and there's no more no that means maybe well what are you gonna do seduction is gone yeah and then what then the sexual energy is gone

and that's part of what affects our vitality in life and it's known that people die you know if they don't have sexual energy they die at an earlier age it's already been proven you know with research so we can't really lock that life energy. And we can't really contain that. But what we can do is educate. So let's start with the fact that if some men, and obviously not all men, cross lines in a very aggressive way, what is missing? The intention. If I'm there to better you off, then you're not going to be aggressive. I'm not going to be aggressive. I'm going to meet you. I'm there to better you off, then you're not going to be aggressive. I'm not going to be aggressive. I'm going to meet you. I'm going to be respectful because I'm going to be elegant. And then I'm going to allow for a no and a maybe and a yes, whatever comes my way, but I'm not

going to take something from you. So at the end of the day, if I gave you energy, and that's also in sex, like if you're there to better off the person, then you leave them feeling full. You don't take something away from them. Then the lines are not so problematic. It's problematic when you start to take aggressively. People are busy taking rather than giving. That's where we went wrong. I want to get what I want as opposed to giving. Right. If you're giving, we don't really have a problem because no matter what, that person left feeling good. When you're taking, that's what it switched into. Not a connection. I'm going to take.

Yeah. Then it doesn't work. If you have the mindset of I'm going to leave everyone better off after I'm around them, when I'm gone, I'm going to leave them in a better experience, that's a good intention. Right. So if you came on to a woman and let's say she didn't want to, but you were with the intention of leaving her better off. What is she going to feel at the end? She'll feel like, man, I really like that feeling.

I want to be with this guy. I want to talk to him again. Or thank you. That felt really good. That was a nice compliment. Exactly, yeah. I'm not going to say no, but thank you. A guy stopped me, like, I don't know, like last year.

I came, I was practicing elegance. I practiced these semantics in the supermarket. And it was like, it was really funny because it's like if I'm standing, okay, I'm a dancer. I look like this, right? But if I'm practicing elegance, then I look like this. Subtle. It's subtle, but it changes. And now everything changes in how I feel inside, right?

So I was practicing elegance and I'm going and I'm doing my things and this and that. And I get out to my car and I'm going, and I'm doing my things, and this and that. And I get out to my car, and I'm packing the food. And the guy comes, and he says, look, I just want to tell you something. I'm married, and I don't want anything. But you left quite an impression on me. Wow. And walked away. There you go.

And I said, wow, isn't that a beautiful thing? Yeah. And this is what we're killing right now, with the men are not allowed to come on to women and nothing is allowed. Really? Like why not teach people how to be like men to be gentlemen and for women to hold their power again? That's what we've lost that went wrong.

Yeah. Wow. And how do we know how to find if we're disconnected to our bodies though? If we've lost this elegance that you just showed, how do we know when we've lost it? Well, first of all, your body speaks to you all the time about what you need. Are you listening to it?

And you know if you're listening or not because it's either that you're following things that your body tells you. It signals when you're sick. It signals when you need to sleep. It signals when you're thirsty. It signals when you're not feeling good. You're stressed, anxious. Yeah. Now, what are you doing with that? Are you just shutting it down, shoving things, you know, medication, caffeine, ignoring things?

Or are you stopping for a minute going like, you know what? I'm not feeling so good. What am I feeling right now? Why did I get upset in that situation just now? That shouldn't have upset me. What just happened? You know, why am I feeling what I'm feeling? Work through it.

See what is going on. And then as you start to follow the body, then you know that you're really connected to it. But most people don't listen. How do you think we create that awareness to listen? Is it just noticing when we're feeling off and just taking a moment to notice and write down our feelings? Is it to talk about it? Is it to just be aware? Like how do we, if we're so on autopilot, how do we become aware?

Well, first of all, send them all to me. I'll teach them. Yeah, there you go. But I think that you have to create somatic awareness. That's what it is, right? So somatic awareness comes in many different forms. And it's not just to say that you have to study somatic intelligence, but you could use yoga and you could use, you know,

what Tony Robbins teaches to like Delvin. You can, there's so many different methods that you could use, you know, what Tony Robbins teaches to like delve in. You can, there's so many different methods that you could use to create awareness. But for me, it's really like my day. I know you do gratitude. You said it before. I start my day with a short meditation in the morning, every morning. And one of the things I meditate on is that center of confidence and security, a sense of like when you have something really strong in the center. Sometimes if I feel like a lot of rambling, I'll check what the little girl needs because we all have a little girl, a little boy.

And I'll just, what I love doing is if I feel something's going on, is sitting in front of her, holding hands, and then giving her my energy to lift her up so that she comes to where I'm at. Sometimes she meets me and gives me energy. But that visualization, if I feel I need it, gives me a check of where I am at that moment. Am I starting to do good? Do I have things that bother me? And taking those five minutes or 10 minutes shows me what I need to do. And then there's the gratitude. And every morning starts with gratitude right after. Yeah. So it's really about going in, paying attention, taking a moment, and setting the intention. If I set the intention, the whole day's different. I don't just get up and brush my teeth and go do my work. I start with creating the intention for the day.

Then I start the day. So if I checked what was going on, I already know what is going on. Yeah. I think intention is so important. If we don't have intention, we're just walking through on autopilot. Exactly. And we're not being mindful of how we're feeling, our thoughts, our energy, and how we're treating other people.

So I think intention is something that in the spirituality world you hear a lot, but it might seem a little woo-woo-y or something, and I think it's really important. And I do that at the end of my meditation practice. How do I want to show up today when things go well and when things don't go well? How do I want to react? Do I want to be elegant

when someone cuts me off on the traffic on the 405? Or do I want to scream and be on autopilot and try to get in front of them and be competitive? And I think it's really important to always think about that because otherwise it's hard to get off autopilot unless we're being intentional. And we can't always do it perfect. That's another thing to remember. It doesn't mean that you can't have days where you have a meltdown. You just have to, right? We all do.

Right, of course. Even the people that teach and do amazing things and stuff, everybody has those days. But do you come back to your intention? Right. I had one of those last week. Tell me about it. I don't need to revisit it.

But it also doesn't feel good afterwards. I'm like, why did I react that way? And it's like, I don't want to be that way. It's not who I truly am. It's not my true nature, as you talk about. And it doesn't leave my experience better than when I left it. It created a worse experience with the other person, with myself, my energy throughout the day. It's not supporting my vision.

But you revisited it. Absolutely. And you checked and you saw what it is. Yeah. And then you owned it. Owned it. And then out of that, you created a new intention. Take responsibility.

That's the process. Move forward. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. What's the difference for you between sexuality and sensuality? Sexuality for me is about being sexual, which means it's that energy of sex and something very primal and, you know, it's sexual. Sensuality is about being for me, asking for me, it's about being more feminine and soft and connecting to that place where I'm more vulnerable, where I let

somebody see me in a way that's softer. And it's not just, okay, the strength, it's that place where I'm more vulnerable, where I let somebody see me in a way that's softer. And it's not just okay, the strength. It's that place that flows in a whole other way. Yeah, that's cool. And it's almost more seductive then. In my opinion it is. Sensuality is more seductive. In my opinion it is, and by the way,

this is a tip for the guys. There are a lot of guys today that come out to women in a very sexual way, and it puts off off women because what attracts them a lot more like what you said that's a lot more seductive for us too right if a man is being more essential with a woman than sexual she doesn't feel like a piece of meat how could a man be more sensual in order to attract a female partner better? Well, come more from the heart. Show more caring and love and interest in the woman.

Do things that charm, right? If you're doing something really nice where you're courting a woman, that used to be the norm in the past where you wanted to court a woman. It wasn't like I'll send you a text and we'll meet each night for booty call. It was like I'll come and wait for you outside and stand there for 30 minutes until I catch you. And it's like, there was chivalry in it. Right? That's a lot more attractive.

And it doesn't need to be crazy big, but it's like when you're making an effort for the other person, when everybody wants to be seen these days, we all want to be seen. And when you feel like someone sees you, you, you, then it touches your heart, then you're attracted to it. And that's more sensual and more seductive. Yeah. Yeah. I like that. How do we cultivate charm? Because charm is something I think that gets us anything we want. It's what gets us the upgrade to first class. It gets us a nicer hotel room. It gets us the free meal. It gets us the raise at our job.

It gets us clients. It gets us all these things, right? Charm is kind of what I live by. It's really like- I was about to say before, like when we did the whole four things, I was like, you use your charm really well. It's kind of like I really didn't have anything except for charm and it was like creating something from

nothing it's like how do I create something from nothing when I don't have all these things I didn't have a degree I didn't have money I was on my sister's couch like why would anyone say yes I had a charm but not manipulate it was just like playful mystery, cultivating joy within other people and calling out that childlike play. So how do we cultivate that more? Well, let's start with the fact that you said it wasn't a manipulation. So remember when we said it's about bettering off people? Yes. Not just in dating, but also in these situations. People can feel your intention, whether it's pure or not. When you're coming to do something, they feel whether you're trying to get something, you're playing with them, or they can feel it's pure, unless you're an Oscar-nominated actor.

People are very intuitive. Exactly. We're very intuitive at the end of the day. We can feel it. So you came with a good intention. Let's start with that. And that's already charming because there's something like the Oprah authenticity where people feel like someone's trying to cause something good. When we feel someone is on purpose, they're on a mission to do something and it's good, that's already enrolling. The other thing is, well, how did you find your charm? How did I find it?

I think I just always knew what – I could always feel what was missing in others. I think I just always knew what, I could always feel what was missing in others. So if it's someone like a customer service at a desk who's been yelled at all day, I just try to bring them joy and peace and tell them you're doing a great job. Because I think they're not acknowledged enough, you know, at the airport or at a hotel or whatever, maybe like that. So it's always coming from a place of like, you work really hard and I want to acknowledge you. I think acknowledgement and being seen is something we all want. And I would always just be very in tune to what's missing

and try to bring the opposite, essentially. Try to bring play, joyfulness, and have fun. Because that's what a lot of people just want to do. They just want to play. But we don't get to a lot of the times. So what you really did was find what they're lacking and then give it to them. You remember when I talked about it in my TED Talk

and he gave it to them and he gave it to them until he got seduced. But people think it's about seduction and sex. You remember when I talked about it in my TED Talk and he gave it to them and he gave it to them until he got seduced. But people think it's about seduction and sex and you remember the manipulation, but we do this all the time in a good way too. It's not always about the negative stuff. So what you did was meet them where they are

and then understood what they were missing and then you gave it to them and then you were playful and it's fun to play. Right. Right? So you activate a different phase. Never like touching someone or like, yeah. No, that's the mistake. We think that seduction, you remember I said at the beginning, always has to be sexual. It doesn't mean that it has to be sexual. Like

someone coming and being playful and joking with you and making you laugh, that's super seductive. You want to play with that. It's an energy that's captivating. Right. But there's one aspect that you didn't say, which was was also there that you already knew what your charm was it just you didn't always use it and this is really interesting because when I started asking a lot of people who use their charm or hiding their charm why then a lot of people were afraid that if they would use their charm they would be seen as being manipulative so you see a lot of successful people, if you ask them, some of them say, well, I only pull that card when I need it,

but I want people to know this. That's manipulative. Like if you only use it like you're… No, not necessarily. Like meaning like pulling it out and I'm now in a meeting, and like you say, and now I'm being charming, and it works, and it goes, and the deal goes through. I pulled that card when I need it, but afraid.

We don't need to be afraid to be us. That's exactly what you're saying. It feels manipulative if you're not like that all the time. Right. We can just bring it out. Yeah. We can just give that fear up. They're using it in a good way. Right. But afraid. And other people just turn it down because they're afraid of being seen as manipulative. I just feel like we've got to cultivate it more. Yeah. You know, if someone charms with me, it's like it makes it more fun. I feel like we're all just big kids that want to be in a sandbox and, like, play around all day. Oh, you would fall in love with Cuba because Cuba, they all live with it on the outside.

Right. They don't ever shut it down. It would be fun all day long. Amazing. You're just, like, dancing. Yeah, it is. You're just dancing through life. And that's what we all want to do, I think.

But we feel held back and feel like it's not acceptable. It's not, I don't know. It's unfortunate. What do you say to people when they believe that vulnerability and sensuality is weakness? Oh, that's a really good question. Vulnerability is not weakness. It's when we don't have the elements calibrated right. Like I'll show it to you somatically. You'll understand. Sure. So if I'm now, I don't have elegance, and I'm just really open and vulnerable,

and it's like, ah, yes, this, then it feels like I'm too much, right? But if I have my power now, and now I'm vulnerable, it balances out, right? Because elegance gives us a certain protection and emotional I'm vulnerable, it balances out, right? Because elegance gives us a certain protection and emotional sturdiness and it allows us to open up. And the connection between the two of them makes it work. But if I'm just super elegant and there isn't that softness, then I look stiff and hard, right? But when I add that vulnerability, it softens it up. It's the same if

I'm just like, I let go of the elegance and I'm just open and I'm right there But when I add that vulnerability, it softens it up. It's the same if I'm just like, I let go of the elegance and I'm just open and I'm right there. And it's like, then people consider you weak. Yeah. You don't have the elegance with it. Yeah. Right. They work together. So it's when we are not calibrated right, that people see that I can have full power, like intention and everything. I'm like, and be soft. It's not one or the other and one of the problems is that nowadays we think and I think that's that's also a big problem for women is that women had to compete in the business world and they were being treated as if when they showed their femininity they were being weak so they learned to turn it off and then be tougher. Be more assertive and in control.

Right. But they locked their femininity away also at home because of that. Because when you lock it, you lock it. You don't lock it in one place normally. You lock it. And then the world changed. I mean, look at Gal Gadot and Wonder Woman. We now see models of women that can be super strong.

And feminine. And feminine. So we don't need anymore of that place. This is the new leadership be super strong and feminine. So we don't need any more of that place. This is the new leadership of the 2018 and on. We can be that strong. I don't need to give up my strength, but I can be soft. And in the reverse, you know, for men who are trained in sports and football, for me, we were never allowed to show weakness. We were never allowed to show vulnerability. We're never allowed to cry or act soft. And so we wonder why some of the men in our society have not been able to turn it off after a practice of, you know, 46 hours a day of being so tough and so hard.

All of a sudden, they're supposed to come back and be like these vulnerable, open, expressive, caring human beings. They should be able to do that, but they've been conditioned not to. And like you said, just for women, it's hard to turn it off. It's hard to turn it back on the vulnerability for men as well. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And the body always practices something. The somatic body always practices. So if you're practicing being tough, then you're practicing it everywhere. So then it becomes a habit. And the more you practice, the more it becomes. So like you're practicing it everywhere so then it becomes a habit and the more you practice the more it becomes so like you're for example very vulnerable now because you worked on yourself and you opened up in ways that you've never opened up before and this is what taught you about new masculinity oh i don't have to be like that i've been conditioned in a certain way

that's cultural conditioning i can shift that right and opens up a whole new world of possibilities. Masculinity in 2018 like femininity needs to be something completely different. It needs to be redefined. I think also just being able to balance both of them. How do we balance them both? Where we can turn it on being stronger, being more assertive when we need to, to not be

taken advantage of or other things and then also being vulnerable or open in other times. I think it's hard to balance it. Well, because we have different situations, and this mix will work different in different situations. For example, if you're now in a business meeting, you might not be as vulnerable as when you're with your girlfriend. Right.

That's normal. Yeah. So you're turning maybe more elegant right now and a little bit more of the possession of yourself and toning down some of that vulnerability because you don't need it. But then you come out and you can go like, okay, turn this one a little bit down,

this one a little bit up. Turn the knobs a little bit. How do you teach people how to do that if they don't know how to? I teach them through the body. This is the interesting thing is that when you're teaching people through the head, then they get it, but they don't get it.

They don't feel it. Exactly. Like think like if I said to you now, let's say you've never fallen in love. And I'll explain to you what it feels to fall in love. Like, yeah, I get it. I get it. It's cool. Sounds amazing, but you never had the feeling.

One time falling in love goes through your body and you're like, whoa, that was amazing. Like, woo-hoo, amazing. So it's the same kind of thing. When you feel through the body, this is why somatic work is so powerful, then you understand faster the lesson. You tell the child, don't touch this. This is going to burn.

Don't touch this. Don't touch this. They touch out. They don't touch it again. Right, they feel it. But they had to touch it to understand what you meant. Right? And that always happens. So when we feel things through the body, we understand faster. So when I'm coaching or I'm doing retreats or anything that I do, I get people to experience it. I get them into the elegance or I'll work with them with sabrosura. And then when they feel it, they get it.

And then they understand also what it gives to their lives. But I also take it, you know, when I'm working one-on-one, I do somatic intelligence assessment. And based on the assessment, I see which elements are weak, and then I start to turn those elements up. And as I do that, something starts to flow better because it balances the other ones. And when it's in workshops and retreats, it's a process that's designed for a group.

So you're going through that wave and it meets you where you are. And there are things that cover different things. And you come into that wave where you are and it gets everybody through that, right, till the end process. Where everyone's just this elegant, flowing human beings of love. Yeah, like imagine that we're doing now the Power of the Sabrosura retreat in Havana in Cuba. And there are going to be 20 women and 10 instructors. And you're teaching them, for example,

like let's say like sabrosura. And teachers are going around and correcting you. But we teach you also the elegance and how to combine those energies and how to have the intention. We teach you how to walk in a way that uses all these elements. We take you to the elegance and how to combine those energies and how to have the intention we teach you how to walk in a way that uses all these elements we take you to the streets because you're going to get tons of comments in cuba cuba like it's still old school so it's safe and then you get the response and men treat women like they're beautiful and they give them

compliments and then you when you're using that you get more compliments so you know it's working so there's that more of it yeah yeah there's that enhanced learning from it, and at the same time, you learn it through the body. You start to embody it. By the time you leave, you're like a different person. Like you touch parts of yourself that you didn't know that existed. Wow. Like you're opening internal doors where you don't usually dare to go because you're afraid. Men and women go?

That one is for women. The retreat in Marrakesh is for men and women. That's the power of enjoyment. So teaching people how to live with enjoyment, how to live with gratitude, how to develop the mindset of super positivity where bad things come to you and you turn them into a plus, like Amy Purdy. I love the podcast you did with her. How did she take a situation where everything was falling apart and she turned it

into one of the biggest successes in the world? You know, a year ago, I had a really bad injury with my arm and it got so bad that I got steroids and drifted into an injury and we lost control of my arm. And the doctor told me that she didn't know if I would gain control back of my arm and it's my strong arm and I'm a dancer and it was she was like full stop two months hand on pillow you can't move if you want a chance to have this if you want to have a chance of this come back and I went pause and I sat at home and and it was like and you teach about how to move your body and And I can't do anything with my body. My body, my tool just broke. And I'm sitting there and I'm going like, okay, right or left?

Right means get depressed. My life just been destroyed. I lost my arm right now. I don't know if I'm getting it back. I'm sitting two months at home and I can't do anything. This is insane. You're going to move it at all. Or I'm going to take that same energy and I'm going to do the best that I can.

And this is going to be personal development two months. And you know which route I chose because I'm here. You trained the mind, yeah. And as a result, the parasympathetic intelligence probably, I'm assuming, came out about three years before. Right? That's the super positivity where you take that thing that could, and everybody was like, how come you're not depressed at home?

I said, well, if I sit depressed, is that going to be productive? Is that going to get me anywhere? Is that going to improve my physical condition? Then I have a choice. I can choose to take it as a growth. Came my way, okay, yes, I didn't want it. I didn't ask for it. But life is not like that.

You get many cards that you don't ask for. Maybe tomorrow, God forbid, I lose my legs or I die or I don't know what, someone important dies to me.

Well, I can't control that. But what I learned from this, how I grow from this is what I can control. Wow. That was the last year, you said? That was a year ago in March.

Wow. It probably gave you time to also reflect and think about and optimize your systems and optimize everything and what's working, what's not working, and how do I... And look for inspiration. And look deeper inside and make myself more effective and grow at that time and make something inside. And ask myself why, if we have a somatic problem, it's usually an indication to something that goes inside. So my question was like, what am I ignoring inside me

that's not working right now that my body is screaming out so loud? What have I locked? And to really search and find what it is. And what it was is that I wasn't working on even getting into a relationship. I kind of pushed it aside. And the body screams out, enough. It's not balanced. You're talking about balance? Well, hello. Where are you at with it? Yeah. Yeah. Have you been in a relationship now? I'm not yet, but I'm open to it now. You're attracting the relationship you want, yes. I'm calling him to find me. You're charming him.

I'm here. I like that. The difference is not necessarily whether you're resulted already. It's where you are, right? Whether you're locking it, there's that door that you locked, or whether it's open. There have been people that came into my life since, and it hasn't been a good fit yet. But I'm open to it. You're exploring it. You're going down the path as opposed to saying, I'm good.

Yeah, yeah, pushing it aside. Remember we talked about the mystery and that closing of the life energy? It's like if you close something, it's going to explode somewhere else. So this was an indication of something going on here. The somatic body will always come out with a symptom as big as what you're hiding. Man, that's powerful. The body will always create something that you're hiding. It will manifest. It will manifest, exactly. You'll feel the stress, the pain, the tightness, the whatever. Yeah, but where do we go? Where do we go when that happens?

Why me? Why is it happening to me? Or medication or... Yeah, this is unfair. The world is unfair. And then we get depressed. Well, ask yourself, what are you doing in your life? How are you causing this right now? What have you done that led your body to scream out so loud?

Yeah. Do you think the arm was a result of not opening up a potential for relationship? Part of it, yeah. For sure, yes. And it's interesting because I've done so much soul searching and checking and stuff like that and I've released places that I was holding back and oh look, that arc is coming back. Well, it's not fully there. We're still in rehabilitation, but it's like... Yeah, it's coming back. But it's coming back, yeah. That's great. What else do we need to know about somatic intelligence or seduction that

we haven't talked about yet? That could be useful for us. Well, I think this is a really important thing to know, is that somatic intelligence is built in our body system, in the system. This is not something that I need to teach your body. I need to wake up to certain things in your body, but it's already there,

because some people go like, do you I could study the sabrosura and I go like okay let's think about in a different way let's say that you're a child that was born right now in Japan and I take that child as soon as that child was born I put it in Cuba do you think that child is gonna have tons of sabrosura they're gonna have access to it right yeah right but if it stays if that baby stays in in Japan maybe not as much yeah right but if it stays if that baby stays in in japan maybe not as much yeah depends right so it's really cultural conditioning maybe unless they're dancing all the time and yeah you're right so it depends on those three things that we said yeah but if we go

with the generalization cultural wise then if we put them in one place that has tons that will learn from it and if we put them in a place so it tells us that it's really inside of our body. Right. We're all born with it. So, yes, we can all learn this because what it is is that I just looked at us humans and what exists in all cultures and us human beings, and then I extracted it out. And then I started working with it, you know, in New York, you know, where Esther came to my workshop, and in Turkey, and in Israel, and different places.

And then seeing that it's the same for everybody. It just depends on those three things. Yeah. So people don't have a problem really connecting with this. It's more leaving what we know. If I have a cultural conditioning that says, oh, this is not allowed, I'm not allowed to be mysterious and playful, then I'm afraid to go down that route. But if my culture says that, so it's really conditioning. Yeah. Got it.

Okay. This has been fascinating. I've got a couple questions left for you. Where can we, I think you have a free guide also that you want to give people. What's the guide? What do they get? Yeah, well, what I did is I put six insights

for embodying your true essence. and it's on somaticgift.com. So if anybody goes to somaticgift.com and they just enter their information, then they'll see a little video, and then they get the six insights straight to their email. What do these insights give them? How to embody your true essence. So practical things that you can already start doing day to day that would change your habits. Cool. And they're structured almost completely. There's only one element that I didn't put in, the mystery,

because that's always the hardest one to teach. So it's better to do it when I'm present. But I gave them tips for all the rest of them plus one extra one, and then people can start using them. These are actually practical things that they can actually use. Okay. So maticgift.com. Okay, cool. This is called The Three Truths. And if this was your final day many years from now, and you weren't able to leave any of this stuff behind, the stuff

that you've been learning and teaching, but you had to take it with you. Everything you've created, you'd have to take it all with you. So no one had access anymore. But you got to write down three things you knew to be true about your whole experience that you would share with the world. Your three lessons, your three truths. And this is all they would have of yours. Access of your information. What would you say are your three truths?

When we live out of our true essence, when we're in that place where it's calibrated correctly, we're at our optimal way of life. And that's the place where we're in that place where it's calibrated correctly, we're at our optimal way of life. And that's the place where we're the happiest, where we feel happiness and satisfaction and love. You know, so for me, why spend even one more day not finding that place for yourself? not finding that place for yourself. Like you're not really living as you. Like that would be one.

One of the biggest things for me that would be at the top three would be enjoyment. You talked about playfulness before. And I think we lose that energy. And we are so busy doing and being serious that enjoyment has to be the same as brushing your teeth. And like, if you don't delete that function and enjoyment is a must every day, then what would you every day look like? Sad. No, no, no. I'm saying not delete. Oh, if you didn't have, if you didn't delete it, because most people delete it. Oh, gotcha. Say if you didn't,

if you didn't have it, it'd be sad, right? If you didn't delete it, if you had it, it would be playful, be fun, it would be exciting, it would be expressive. Right, because you find a way. So he tells us that what we're really doing is going like delete. Now it's like I've got kids, I've got this, I've got that. But what if we don't have that option to delete it? What if we don't give ourselves that option to delete it? It would be a fun life.

Wouldn't it? It would be amazing amazing so he tells us that it's it's an intention within us it's a decision we make about life this is why i created the power of enjoyment retreat but it's about not allowing ourselves to give up on fun and the third one would have to be self-love. Because I think with my journey, I showed this to you before. Where is it? It was like... Before and after?

Yeah, the before and after, right? Is that this was me at the age of 20 drawing myself and like the self-portrait of how I saw myself from the trauma that I went through. And this I created as after the process of how I see myself today. Right? And I think that the biggest, we don't love ourselves. It's like we're robbing ourselves of one of the biggest treasures of self-love. Yeah. Right?

And when I say self-love, I mean also the negative self-talk robs us away from that. So, you know, it's like I can work with women and they're looking in the mirror and it's like, oh, my body is this. Oh, my God, that. Oh, the wrinkle here. Oh, my God, my fingers are like sausages. And it's known, by the way, for women specifically. And, I mean, you can probably talk about the guys on the other side. by the way for women specifically and i mean you can probably talk about the guys on the other side but that there was a study that was done that discovered that only four percent of women

worldwide today feel beautiful consider themselves beautiful four percent that's an insane number it's supposed to be the other way 96 feel and then only four and it's a distortion right and men have the same problem with their image and masculinity and having to live up to some, you know. But really, we're missing the point. Life is supposed to be about love. I walk on the streets of Cuba with all of its problems. It's a dictatorship and there are rights that are taken, millions of problems. But you walk on the streets of Cuba and you feel love between people.

And it's not because I'm there on vacation. I mean, I've been going 13 years. And that feeling of feeling love, I go like, what are we doing as a human race? Where are we putting our energies that we don't feel love between people? It doesn't need to be lovey-dovey, just basic love. To see the other person and want to see them good and walk and see that person who's feeling bad and lift them up emotionally and get them to feel a little better.

You know, where is the connection? Where is the tribe? It's no wonder that people are feeling so lonely and disconnected and lost. And it all starts with self-love. If I don't feel good about myself, why would I care about other people and why would I care about the environment and why would I care about anything really if I don't feel good about myself?

So it starts here. So when people say, well, what can you do? You know, the world is messed up. Start with you. Be a better person for all better people, and this would be a better world. Those are good. I like those. Thank you. I want to acknowledge you for a moment for turning your darkness into beauty because

it's an amazing transformation just seeing what you thought you looked like versus how you show up now in your elegance, your beauty, your just true nature. You know, you show up like yourself, like you're supposed to be. You show up like someone who is living an authentic, loving, enjoying life at the fullest. And you exude that energy. So I acknowledge you for showing up that way and showing other people how they can do the same thing. Being a great example of turning darkness into light and bringing that out into the world. And that's the journey, right? Is when we take something that happened, it's really not about me.

Really not about me. It's never been about me. It's about that example that you give people so that we can live in greatness. And you do that by choosing a way and then showing people that they can do it too. That's it. Yeah. Where can we connect with you on social media or online? I am all the time on Facebook and Instagram.

Okay. So people can come and join me there. What's your handle on Instagram? Clezra. So basically just my name, C-A-Z-R-A, C-A-Z-R-A, and then last name, Clezra. But Clez-G-N, and then last name Lisra. But C-Lisra is the shortcut. Got it.

Yeah. Cool. Final question for you is what is your definition of greatness? For me, greatness is about, you know, what you just said, is I take situations that are the same, the end of the world,

and then I find inspiration in them. And then I live it full out like there's no tomorrow. I mean, when you think of what I've gone through and where I am today, and you're right, it is authentic. It's really where I am today, and it took so much work to get here. And I think greatness is really about getting rid of the ego. It's not about people now going like, Han, you know, it's nice that you say that to me.

It feels good and I let it in and I feel it and I feel wonderful. And as you were saying this, I'm thinking, wow, it's not my TED with 8 million views or the best-selling book. It's this achievement of saving myself that's my biggest achievement today. But greatness really turns into greatness, in my opinion, when I can set that example for other people and inspire them. And the choices that we make daily. Because, I mean, I get mad and I get pissed off and I drive and I honk

and I do all these things like everybody else does. But I have a choice and I know that every morning when I wake up and I set my intention and I set into gratefulness, it's like I'm living a life that's great by example for others. And I can see it with what comes back because people tell me, wow, you inspire me. Or people tell me, I've been with you for eight years on this journey. Or then you know that you're inspiring people. And if you're inspiring people, there's greatness in it. And greatness doesn't mean you're better than them. That's the really important thing to know.

It's really humble. And people say that to me sometimes. They go like, I really love that you're humble about it. And I go like, because it's not about me. It's a purpose. And that purpose is to inspire people to see that in themselves. And if people get inspired, it's because it's inside them. So how can it be about me?

Great. Make sure you guys check out somaticgift.com, right? Follow you on Instagram and connect with you on social media. And thank you again so much for coming on. Thank you for having me. I appreciate it. Thank you. There you have it, my friends. I hope you enjoyed this one. Again, when you have desires in your life, when you have dreams, when you have something you want to chase, if you don't understand the power of seduction, the power of charm,

the power of moving your body in ways that attract other people's interest, that attract the things you want, that become a magnet for what you're looking for in your life, then you're always going to be one step behind. So make sure you learn to master the art of seduction in a powerful way, not a harmful way. Master your body in a kind, loving way, not a harmful way. This is what this is all about. If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to share it with your friends, lewishouse.com slash 628 and take a screenshot of this and tag me on Instagram

at lewishouse so we can connect over there as well. Super powerful. Love these insights and watch the full video interview so you can watch more of Chen moving her body and dancing. She did some other stuff on camera as well. Again, lewishouse.com slash 628 to watch the full video. Again, Albert Camus said that charm is a way of getting the answer yes without ever having asked a clear question. Make it a challenge for yourself to go out today and get people to be enrolled in who you are

by your body language, by your movement, by the way you connect through your eyes. Find a way to attract people to you, to have them give you what you want without ever having to say a word. That is someone who has mastered the art of all of this. I hope you enjoyed this one. And as always, you know what time it is. It's time to go out there and do something great. Thank you.