The School of Greatness - 643 Show the World Your Greatness with Trent Shelton

Episode Date: May 20, 2018

“WHAT YOU THINK IS YOUR GREATEST DISAPPOINTMENT CAN BE YOUR GREATEST RESCUE.” Do you ever get down on yourself over mistakes you’ve made in the past? Are you upset about things that happened to you and feel like the best times of your life are over? They’re not. When I was younger and injured right as my professional career as an athlete was starting to take off, I thought that was it. I thought my life was over in my early twenties. I had no backup. No plan B. I ended up sharing myself with the world, and turning my selfish nature into something selfless. I started making it my goal to help others, to transform lives, and I’m so much happier than I ever could have been. Of course, a part of me wishes my career as an athlete had been successful, but when I think about everything I have and all of the memories I have from helping others, I wouldn’t change it for the world. There’s no reason you can’t do the same now. Your glory days are still coming. On this episode of The School of Greatness, I had the pleasure to sit down with someone who has gone through a similar situation as myself: Trent Shelton. Trent Shelton is a former NFL wide receiver that is now considered one of the most impactful speakers of this generation. He reaches over 50 million people weekly through his various social media outlets, and also travels the world to speak his message of creating lasting change in your life. I was fortunate enough to have him sit down with me and discuss how he’s impacted people. We talk about the three steps to rehab when you’ve lost your identity, what happens when you don’t celebrate your accomplishments, and how to build your communication strategy. Learn how you can apply the best of yourself each day, on Episode 643. Some Questions I Ask: When you dropped to the arena league, did you do pretty well? (6:55) Did you start doing videos during your “rehab” time? (9:17) What has being a husband and father taught you about life?(17:48) What numbers do you think we should be measuring? (21:44) What is the biggest challenge in intimate relationships? (25:12) What do you do to connect with your wife or your kids every single day? (29:54) What’s the biggest challenge you face moving forward? (32:12) Can you share a spoken word? (34:36) What about the people who are afraid to share their story? (38:53) In This Episode You Will Learn: What Trent did when Plan A fell through (7:34) How long someone should take before they come back into life after dealing with pain (11:12) The three Rs of rehab (12:24) What Trent means by, “Chasing a life of fulfillment wears you out.” (19:38) The person Trent held a grudge against the longest (23:14) The biggest challenge he faces in his marriage (27:52) Trent’s main goal and dream for himself (30:52) How social media is affecting relationships today (33:23) The biggest thing Trent has learned from reflecting on his life (37:08) Plus much, much more

This is episode number 643 with Trent Shelton. Welcome to the School of Greatness. My name is Lewis Howes, a former pro athlete turned lifestyle entrepreneur. And each week we bring you an inspiring person or message to help you discover how to unlock your inner greatness. Thanks for spending some time with me today. Now let the class begin. Vince Lombardi said, the price of success is hard work, dedication to the job at hand, and the determination that whether we win or lose, we have applied the best of ourselves to the task at hand. Welcome to the podcast and ask yourself,

am I applying the best of myself to the task at hand right now? In my relationships, with my health, with the vision for my career or my business that I'm building, am I applying the best of myself every single moment to the best of my abilities? And if you're not, why aren't you? What's holding you back? What's keeping you from moving forward towards the vision of your life, towards your dream job, towards your dream business, the way you want to feel and look with your body, the energy you want to have?

What is holding you back? Think about it and let's get clear on how to move forward today. We've got Trent Shelton in the house who is a former NFL wide receiver that is now considered one of the most impactful speakers of this generation. He reaches over 50 million people weekly through his social media outlets, over 50 million people weekly through his social media outlets, videos, and he also travels the world to speak his message of creating lasting change in your life. Today we're diving in deep about how to come back from losing your identity. Again, Trent lost his identity, similar like mine, playing professional football, and we break down what it's like going through that and how to get through losing your identity.

And we break down what it's like going through that and how to get through losing your identity. Also, the three steps to rehabbing any pain in your life or any struggle you're going through in your life, the three different steps necessary to rehabbing. What happens if you don't celebrate your accomplishments? You know, a lot of times I see people who can never receive a compliment or they don't acknowledge themselves for the hard work they're putting in. And there is some long-term damage that will happen if you do not celebrate your accomplishments. We'll talk about that.

Also, why chasing fulfillment can wear you out. Interesting concept. We'll dive in more on that. And Trent's communication strategy when talking with anyone, it's all about the arc, which we'll go into. And before we dive in, I want to give a shout out to the fan of the week. This is from Vladimir Bellevue, who said, I've been listening to this podcast for two and a half years during my commute to work. I always enjoy the wisdom shared by all the guests on the show. The content is always

interesting, and Lewis has an amazing way of asking questions that bring perspective to each individual guest. I am thankful that I have an opportunity to receive the positive message to help navigate through life's ups and downs. Thank you to the School of Greatness for all the amazing love and content your team brings to the world. So Vladimir, Bellevue, thank you, my friend, for leaving a review. We just hit over 3,000 reviews, over 60 million downloads on the School of Greatness podcast. And we continue to spread this message to anyone who wants to take their life to the next level, who wants to have inspiration, tools, insights to unlocking your fullest potential and achieving the greatness within you.

So again, if you haven't left a review yet, go over to iTunes, leave a review, or on your podcast app right now. Let me know what you think for a chance to be shouted out as the fan of the week. So again, make sure to check out designcrowd.com slash greatness for all your design needs right now. All right, my friends, I'm excited to bring you this episode. Let me know what you think.

Again, lewishouse.com slash 643. Take a screenshot on Instagram and tag me while you're listening to this of the thought that inspires you the most. Without further ado, let me introduce to you the one and only Trent Shelton. Welcome back, everyone, to the School of Greatness podcast. We've got the legendary Trent Shelton in the house, man. How you doing, Lewis, man? Good to see you, brother.

Good to see you too, man. Excited you're here. I always love when another football player is on the show, and we both played wide receiver. Yeah. Both had limited professional careers. I was trying to make it to the NFL, got injured playing in the Arena League in my rookie season.

You were playing practice squad in the NFL. Right. Got injured, had to drop to Arena League, and then it was it were playing practice squad in the NFL, got injured, had to drop to Arena League, and then it was it, right? That was it, pretty much. Now, when you dropped down to the Arena League, did you do pretty well, but you only played a half a season? Yeah, man, I did pretty good. I was playing with the Tulsa Talons. I ended up getting hurt there again, pretty much spraying my MCL. At that point, I'll just be honest, I didn't want to play. That was my way of trying to make it back to the NFL or who would I be without football?

That was your identity, right? Exactly. That was my whole identity since I was like five years old. Being a football player. Yeah. Sports, period. That's it. It's like Trent Shelton, the guy who plays sports. That's all that I ever knew in my whole life, which I'm sure you can relate to that. Was me too. I didn't really go to school to learn. I went to school to play.

Exactly. It's like athlete, student, right? Exactly. Student, athlete. Now, did you have any other skills or a backup plan, or was it just you had no clue what you were going to do afterwards? Yeah, no clue. My backup plan was, it wasn't one.

It was plan A. Of course, I went to school. I went to Baylor for speech communications. But to be honest, I kind of took that. I was in business and I was struggling. So I was like, let me, what can I take to, so I don't fail out, you know? So I went to speech communications. Sociology. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. Right. All the athletes, that's what you know they're going to major in. Yeah, I took speech communications and, but I didn't know what I wanted to do. My whole thing was, okay, well, I'm going to make it to the NFL. After my NFL career, I'm going to be a broadcaster.

Like that was my whole plan. Right. Well, I'm a make it to the NFL after my NFL career I'm gonna be a broadcaster like that was my whole plan right but it didn't work like that Yeah, did you go into that role afterwards and try to make it there or did you nah man right after the NFL? You know, I went arena but I was in a dark place with my life into everything drugs alcohol Just really at a rock bottom I went into rehab time from there rehab time for me was just like getting my mind and my body and my soul right because I got fed up. I was just like, man, I can't keep living this lifestyle. I have a son and I got to set an example for him. I went right into rehab time and I never wanted to be a speaker or anything like that.

Speaking was my biggest fear. If you would have asked me 10 years ago would I be here, I would tell you no. No way. Because you didn't want to speak in front of people. Period. It's terrifying. Exactly. The fear of being judged, fear of being perfect, just the fear of my story even mattering. I didn't think nothing was special about my story and what I went through. Growing up, just to be honest, it wasn't never, I want to be a speaker. Even though my dad was a pastor, but I just like, I never wanted to be a speaker when I grew up. That's not like the goals

that you have as kids, especially where I'm from. You know, it's like, nah, I want to play sports. And so that was my only option growing up. It wasn't no plan B at all. Yeah. Wow. Okay. So you started getting into rehab time.

Does that mean you started doing videos online at that time on YouTube, Facebook? Back then it was. Myspace back then? It was almost, right? It was like, I would say it was like rehab-ish. And so what I mean by that, I was like one foot in, one foot out. I was transitioning. I was talking about things, and I really meant them, but I was still living a certain lifestyle.

And so I was also free. What do you mean? You were doing drugs, right? Well, just, I mean, weed, you know, going out partying, clubbing. And there's nothing wrong with if you want to go out and nothing like that. But for me, my actions weren't reflecting my words at all. And so deep down inside, that bothered me, too. I didn't want to be a hypocrite. I didn't want to be that guy. But also, I know it's a process. And so I was on Ustream back then. And I would just play video games, turn on my Ustream, and just talk to people about random

stuff. And then it was funny because people started to ask me about life. And I would give them advice back. And they was like, can you come on here tomorrow? I'm like, nah, I don't think so. I started to come back and then I was like, well, I don't have time to Ustream all the time. I'll just start making videos. And so some of the videos were sports, me working out. Some was me sharing my story. Some was me rapping, you know, so I was just trying to figure out my way, but it was kind

of my way of therapy for me, just releasing everything that was inside of me. Now, did you actually go to rehab yourself or anything? No, I never went to rehab, man. Like, I never went to the rehab people. I always say, yeah. But I just said, we all in rehab, you know, because that name came from sports. Because when you're hurt, you go to rehab. And rehab, as we know, it sucks. Especially as an athlete, right? You want to come back, and you come back too quick, you get hurt even more. So that process is terrifying, honestly, because, and it's a struggle, but it's about putting strength back into a weakness.

And if you do it right, I mean, we see a lot of people, Adrian Peterson is one example, you know, he had the greatest season ever. You do it right. Sometimes you'll come back stronger than what you was before you got hurt. I took that same mindset to life. I said, you know, mind, body, and soul, I'm going to rehab my life. I'm going to put strength back into these weaknesses and I'm going to just take my. I'm going to put strength back into these weaknesses. And I'm going to just take my time and just see where it goes for me. Now, if someone's dealing with a pain, whether it be physical, emotional, mental, whatever it may be, spiritual pain, are you saying that they should take enough time of rehabbing first before they come back into life?

Or can they do both at the same time? Because it's different with a physical injury. You don't want to come back too soon. Right. You know, I think you should always work on yourself first. You can definitely come back as far as like sharing your journey, your testimony, but I feel like the most important where you ever can do is on yourself. And so like for me, it was isolation period with me. I was in my room. I remember crying like a baby just saying, you know, I want to change my life. And so I was going to the gym. Rehab at first meant me going to the gym, 24 hour fitness, 12 a.m. with one of my friends, Junior, at that time. And we would sit there and fellowship, talk, work out, nobody being there.

That's what rehab meant to me. So I was working on myself. And like I said, I never wanted to be a speaker. I didn't do this to say I want to have all these likes on Facebook or whatever. But as I started to share my journey, just like, oh, you're at the gym? Are you doing this? You're doing that? And people started to take to that. It was very unintentional for where I'm at today. It was just really my way of healing. I always tell when I go speak,

rehab time wasn't for the people. It was for me. Right. And then me sharing my story, people were able to relate. Wow. So what are some of the practical tools that you share with people

about something they're going through, whether it be some type of pain emotionally, where they feel stuck, where they feel like their plan A is now over and they've got to figure out plan B. How can they start practically rehabbing? Do you have any practical steps? Yeah, for sure. I break rehab down in three parts. The first part is three R's. The first R is reality.

I tell people, you've got to face it. That doesn't mean that you have to stay stuck there, but a lot of times we run from our reality, right? We try to smoke screen it. We try to hide from it. And we know reality will find you regardless. You can sweep it under the rug, but it'll still be there. And so one of the quotes that I like to use is, you'll never win your war by running from your battles. And so it's time to face your battles. It's going to be hard. It's going to be tough. You will be judged. But acceptance to me is one of the most powerful things you can do is you can accept, OK, this is where I'm at with my life and also accept that I don't have to stay there. The second part is the second R is release.

And that's really burning every single bridge that leads your life back to destruction. So this is a tough one, right? That could be. What did you do? Oh, man. Man, a lot. Pretty sure a lot of people see people have seen my video of friends, my spoken word. A lot was my circle. I just realized that the people I was around, not that they were bad people, they weren't

right for me at that time in my life. I couldn't continue hanging around these people expecting to elevate my life when they were keeping me down. Honestly, too, I was a bad friend for other people, too, so I had to release those things. I had to burn certain bridges as far as habits. I was doing my life, like I said, smoking and whether it was drinking and clubbing all the time because I realized those things weren't going to get me to a place where I wanted to go. So I had to let those things go. And that's discipline, right? Getting good at saying no to the things that don't get you a yes. And so I had to start

saying, nah, nah. Even if I wanted to do these things, I wanted to hang around these friends, I just couldn't. And some people understood it. Some people didn't. Yeah, not that you're saying it's bad if people do those things. No. But it wasn't supporting your vision for the life. Exactly, exactly.

You have to look at your life and say, you know what? If you want to be here and you're doing things that don't get you there, you have to make those changes. Now, if those things get you to where you want to go, cool. But for me in my life, those things weren't transitioning me into my greatest me. So I had to let it go. Okay. That's a second R. Release. And then the last one is repair. Basically repair is this digging up the negative seeds in your life and replacing those seeds with seeds of positivity. And so that means going back. A lot of us, we have seeds that can stem from our childhood. We have seeds that can stem from bad

relationships, bad friendships, seeds that even with me, I had a problem with accepting compliments. And this is kind of weird when people like, what do you mean by that? But growing up my whole entire life, I had two older brothers and I credit them for everything. They told me what to do and not to do. But I was always the one that kind of got the attention just because sports and things like that. And so I always had a fear that they would become jealous, even though they were the most, they still are the most supportive brothers ever. And so I would basically hide my accomplishments. And I realized that I was doing this even in college, the NFL, even at the beginning of rehab time. So I was teaching myself not to celebrate.

And if you don't celebrate your accomplishments, you start to feel like guilty for being successful. And then you start to feel like what you're doing is a burden. In 2015, 2014, 2015, I went to quit rehab time. Just to be honest with you, I just couldn't handle everything that was coming with it. I was too much pressure. The success, the acknowledgement, the following. Exactly. And even people around me, the expectations and just people pulling on me are, you've changed, all this type of stuff. And I said, I just did this to, for one, help my life and I want to help people. I don't care about all this other stuff. But I realized I had to let go of those things. And so I had to go

back in my life and see where those seeds are at. Because it's kind of like anything. If you don't get down to the root issues, those problems will find its way back to the surface. So you might say, well, I'm in a relationship and I'm accepting this, but really the reason you're accepting is because you saw your mom or your dad go through this. That's your definition of relationship or your mindset is because something stemmed from a long time ago.

So a lot of times we try to handle things at the surface level issue and we handle those problems, but then we wonder why, whether it's our next relationship, our next friendship, we're in the same situation because we haven't gotten down to the root issues. And so repair is really diving down deep, maybe going back to the places you try to forget, you don't want to go back to, but you have to go back to it. Maybe it's giving forgiveness

to somebody, going back to those places so you can really dig up those roots and really replace those seeds of negativity with seeds of positivity. So those are the three R's. Yep. That's rehab time. Yeah. Gotcha. Okay. So once after we repair, is that the last one? Repair, replace, repair.

That's the last one. Yeah. Yeah. What's the next step after that? Is that, that's kind of the process or is it then rinse and repeat until. There you go. For the rest of your life. Exactly.

Get it right on that nail. Because you're never going to be like. Exactly. I mean, I go through rehab every single day. You know, I have things I deal with, struggles I deal with. Yeah. I'm sure you get this. Like you're in the light or, you know, you're a speaker and people think that you have it all together.

I'm like, man, the reason I have so many videos, I have so many questions, you know, that I have, so many insecurities that I have. But I've decided to also not try to play the perfection game. Like, I like to share with people, man, I'm just like you. Like, I'm at the top of the mountain telling you how to get up there. We're climbing this mountain together. And it's okay. I just don't stay there. So one of the things I like to tell people is that it's okay to not be okay, but it's not okay to stay that way.

And so I have processes and things in place where my mindset has changed when I go through things where in the past I would be victim to those things. Now I look at it as like how can this help me? How can this help other people? And I don't stay there. What has becoming a husband and a father taught you about life in general? A lot, man. It taught me a lot. I think the main thing is being selfless. Once you realize that your life is not just about you, because you know, with my whole sports career, just to be honest, I was never an arrogant person. It's just not me, but it was still about me.

I wasn't, I guess, training, practice. Exactly. It's about what you need. person. It's just not me. But it was still about me. I wasn't, I guess, training, practice. Exactly. Everything's about what you need. Exactly. It's about myself. But then having a son, daughter, and then a wife, you realize that your life is bigger than you. Tristan changed my life. People always ask, and I'll just be totally transparent with you.

That situation happened out of wedlock. And now me and Maria are married. But at that time, I wasn't being a man. You know, I was with the Colts. And me and her, we were great friends. And that situation happened. And honestly, man, I wasn't, I felt like it was a disappointment. I was like, child support.

Like, I knew Maria. Like, we knew each other really well for months. But I'm just like, how? I don't know how this is going to turn out. I was scared. First of all, I had to face the situation now. Head on, I couldn't run from it. I had to face the reality because that reality was coming.

But to fast forward, it even hurts me to say that because Tristan, what you think can be your greatest disappointment can be your greatest rescue. Tristan's literally saved my life. When I looked at him and said, I don't want you to grow up to be like me. And if you think you're a father, if you're a sister, if you're anybody in leadership, you got to say that to somebody, whether it's a coworker or your son or your kid, it should tell you a lot about your life. And immediately I say, you know what? I have to do something with myself because my son is not just going to listen to what I say. He's going to follow what I do. And I refuse to give him a cycle that's not positive for his life. And so he's my why, he's my motivation. I mean, he's right here. I got, now I have a daughter, so she's going to

ask like, where do I get my tattoo next, right? He definitely changed my life. And marriage, it's a process, but it's taught me how to love outside of myself. And it's really taught me a lot, man. So my family is everything. They're the reason why I do it. That's cool, man. You said this at one point. You said, chasing a life of fulfillment wears you out.

What does that mean? Because I think the way you're explaining it is something different than what I would think fulfillment. Yeah. Empty fulfillment. Following numbers. Exactly, man. Like people say numbers don't lie. And I tell people all the time, numbers do lie. They do. Some numbers do lie. And it's not about the whole social media thing. You know, one thing I get is, oh, you have a million followers or this or that. And it's like, that doesn't matter, man. Because when I started, I remember when I was first speaking, it would be like a row of people and those people would be my family and my friends, you know? And it was always about, for me, impact over numbers. So I

tell people, you have a thousand followers, you impact all thousand, but you have somebody that has a million followers and impacts none of them, none of them who's making a greater impact. And so for me, realizing status, the things that the world offers, what society tells you, you have to make this amount of money. Nothing wrong with none of these things, but if you're allowing those things to define who you are, then you're always going to feel empty at some point. For me, I've tried to find peace in other things, whether it be nature, whether it just be my family. All those other things are extra credit because at the end of the day, I've never met a person. I even talked to my grandma before she passed away, and I said, what's one thing that you would do over? If you had one wish,

what would it be? She says, more time. More time with people that I should have spent more time with, more conversations. I wish I would have gave forgiveness earlier and things like that. And so nobody's ever said, I wish I had more followers or anything like that. So I try to remind myself in this crazy world that we're always programmed that these are the things you need to be successful. I try to remind myself what true success is for me. And that's love, peace and happiness and joy. And that's how I want to live my life. So everything else is just kind of extra credit. Cool. But if it doesn't come, it doesn't come because I just know in the NFL life when I have the most money,

when I had that title, when I had the world in my hands, I was the emptiest. And so those things, like I said, those things are necessities to life. I get that, but you can't make those things your whole entire life because that can come or that can go. And so I'm trying to build something that will last forever, whether I have that or I don't have it. Yeah. What numbers do you think we should be measuring? Oh, that's a good question, man. I think, I don't know. What do you think? So we can maybe have a conversation with it. That's a good question. I think the amount of minutes that you made count. Yeah, I definitely agree.

The minutes you made count or the moments you made count, the seconds, whatever. I definitely agree. The days that you were living with joy and abundance and gratitude and service over the days that you weren't right over the days where you're just selfish or making everything about you yeah and the amount of times that you're able to forgive like how quickly you're able to forgive right yeah amount of minutes you're able to forgive quickly when you have a grudge because i think holding a grudge or not forgiving someone is one of the most destructive things we can do to ourselves yeah is when you hold on to negativity and pain for what someone else said or did or what you think they did whether they did it or not just holding

on to that is the biggest disservice to yourself and other people because when we live with that negativity and anger just festering in our hearts and our souls, it really takes us away from our joy. It robs us of deeper, meaningful relationships and the moments that matter. So I think it's important to learn how to forgive quickly, which is really hard if you're used to taking things personally, or if you've been hurt in the past and you're defensive. So I think it's a skill that we have to constantly learn how to do. It's not easy. Not at all. I'm definitely with you on that. What's the person you've, in the past, where you held a grudge onto for the longest? What was them? Yeah, I think I've had a few. I've had definitely some friends. I've had people

a part of my team in the past. Family members, not my immediate family, but I've had like, I guess, extended family members, but definitely people are personal on my team that, and it's not. Do they cross you the wrong way? Yeah. I think, yeah, I think it's a little bit of that, but also too, it's about, you know, always try to understand like where people are at, right? Because I think understanding is the key to life. Because if somebody's going through something, they went through something. Even with addiction, my life changed when I went. It's a group called Hope Soldiers with my friend Lindsey Grinke in Seattle.

And I always have this, not this view or judgment of addicts, but it's just like what society always tells you. And I was able to sit in a room with, I think it was like 13, 14 year olds. And we did this thing, if you really knew me, we all went around and talked about things that we never shared. And it just makes you look at just them differently. Like a lot of them didn't even have a chance from their parents going through addictions and things like that. And so for me, it's understanding that people have went through things that go through things. And so now I'm in a better place of trying to understand the person before I judge them before I hold them against them. But yeah, it things, they go through things. And so now I'm in a better place of trying to understand the person before I judge them, before I hold them against them. But yeah, it's just a lot of things.

I think somebody wanting certain expectations for me, for myself, and also expectations they had on me silently that I didn't know about. And so I think that's a big thing because somebody can have expectations on you that will never tell you what those expectations are. And they expect you to meet those expectations without saying a word. Communicating. Exactly. Communication is key. It's everything. Connection is key. I think that's one of the challenges in a lot of relationships that are struggling is that there's these expectations that aren't being communicated. Right. Right. Exactly. These silent expectations like you said and therefore there's conflict within partnerships all the time whether it be business partnerships or intimate relationships because you talk a lot about relationships right now in your videos that I'm seeing.

Is that one of the biggest challenges people face? Or what is the biggest challenge in an intimate relationship? I think it's definitely communication. Communication is, like I always say, it's like oxygen to your relationship. Without it, it will die. And even going a step deeper, I think communication is the first step. But even a more important step is connection. A lot of people can communicate, but if you can connect, you can communicate anger.

You can communicate anything. But if you're not connecting on a deep level, connection is power, period. Like without anything plugged in, like that light wouldn't work in here. You know, connection is everything. So you have to watch what you're connected to. My relationship and the relationships I had, I try to make sure our connections are always powerful. It's always meaningful. Because if not, those connections can also drain you. Take your power.

And burn you out. And so you have to evaluate those things in your life. It's open, honest communication. I like to, I have this little, my wife is funny because she says, you're using ARC communication on me, right? But I have this method of communication. It's ARC, A-R-C. And I tell people, because you get it a lot, like, well, I can't communicate with this person. They don't want to listen. They don't want to talk to me. And I always ask, like, well, how are you trying to communicate with them? On your level or on the level they can understand? Usually it's out of anger. It's out of frustration. And nobody, if you're like me, you raise your voice to me, I guess it's like me being an athlete from coaches. I'm like, I'm turned off. Like, you know, just talk to me out of respect and we can talk it out.

But if you yell at me, I'm like, I don't want to hear it. It's the worst. Exactly. We've been hearing it our whole life. Do more. And it's like. Catch the ball. Exactly.

You think I wanted to drop the ball? Exactly. And I told my wife that. I tell everybody that. I think it's just the sports nature in me. I'm just like, man, just communicate with me if you have to take a break, whatever. Peacefully. Exactly. I can respond to that all day. So with R communication, A stands for appreciation. So I tell people, now go to that person and tell them what you appreciate. Yeah, that's great. You know,

the R stands for reassurance. Reassuring that you want the best for them, that you're on their side and then C, place your concern. Because I can guarantee two things. One, you're going to be in a better place to communicate that. Your anger's probably went down. And for two, place your concern. Because I can guarantee two things. One, you're going to be in a better place to communicate that. Your anger has probably went down. And for two, they're in a better place to receive it. And so now you can get rid of all the friction and just focus on the concern at place. And people are in better places to receive it. That's a great formula.

Appreciation first. Yep. So acknowledge. Exactly. Acknowledge. Appreciation. The second thing is reassurance. Yep.

Reassure that everything is going to be okay or that you just want to get on their side. And then here's my concern. Exactly. Because sometimes you can forget. I mean, if you're always yelling at a person, it's like, this person on my, are we opponents? Are we teammates? You know, you know, I can't say it can work for everybody, but I'll say 98% of the people that it puts you in a better place for sure.

And it makes you calmer, makes the other person calmer as opposed to triggered by you just attacking someone right away. Facts over feelings. Exactly. Yeah, exactly. That's powerful. What's the biggest challenge you face in your marriage? Make sure I say the right thing.

I would say probably a relationship is, I can't say it's perfect because no relationship is perfect, but I would say. Or is it something else? I would say maybe traveling and just being away. She would never say it. Maria would never say it. But I know even leaving today, I mean, I have a two-year-old daughter. And, you know, that's, I mean, that's, Maya's great, but she's a handful. And nine-year-old son, Tristan, I mean, he can take care of himself.

But I think me traveling, I think also her, the pressure of being who I am on her because she's not a speaker. That's not who she is. And I tell her, that's not who you have to be. You don't have to sit in and be somebody that you're not just because I'm this. And I think sometimes people have those expectations like, oh, who's your wife? Does she speak too? It's like, that's not her. So I think, I think silently she would never say it, but I think those two things are tough on her at times. And I expect that from that. And so what I do is I don't travel a lot because one of my things is, man, I think it's no point of being successful in the world's eyes if you're not successful in your family's eyes. Because at the end of the day, that matters to me, what my son says, what my wife says, what my daughter says.

And so I scale back a lot. Yes, I'm traveling right now. I'm going to Fiji and Australia, but also they're meeting me out there. Then I'll scale back for a while. 2016, when my daughter was born, I took all 2016 off. I make sure that when I'm there, I'm there. Attentional when you travel. Exactly. Because I get that question a lot. How do you find balance? And I'm just like, I think you can try to drive yourself crazy trying to find balance, especially in the unbalanced world at times. So I just say, you know what? When I'm at home, I think you can try to drive yourself crazy trying to find balance, especially in the unbalanced world at times.

So I just say, you know what? When I'm at home, they get my full attention. I'm not on my phone all the time. People think I am just because social media. I'm not. I post, get off, maybe respond to some people. And then when I'm away, I make sure I give my attention to the events and things like that.

So I think without her saying that, I think it's hard for her. I can only imagine. I just try my best to make it as easy as I can for her in the process. What do you do to connect with your wife or your kids every single day? Do you have something that you live by or is there a non-negotiable for you where you do some type of practice or exercise or just habit that you follow? Yeah. Right now, we're trying to implement this, but just basically unfocused quality time just at the dinner table. I know that might seem like the simplest thing,

but I think we live in a generation now, especially everything younger kids, the tablet, the phone, it carries people away. Every night we try to definitely put those phones up. Tristan, he definitely reminds us because if he can't be on his phone, he'll definitely call us out on it for sure. So we just really, yeah, he'll call us out quick. But we definitely spend that time just connecting with each other, talking about life, talking about goals and dreams of each other. I think that's a big thing in relationships and your family is like, when's the last time you talked about your kids' goals and dreams and your wife's goals and dreams? And then as a collective, what do you want to do with your family? What kind of legacy do you want to leave? And so we

try to have those conversations. And that's something that we kind of implemented probably like a few months ago. It's been working. Wow. What's your main goal and dream for yourself? Man, I think my main dream, man, is just, and this is like, I guess a cop out answer, but this is true, just to continue doing what I'm doing. I want to just impact lives through my story and just through being real.

I want to understand people. Like when I leave here, I don't care if people was like, oh, you're the best, whatever. I don't care about all that. I just want people to know that Trent cared about helping people. And he was real. You know, when you met him in person, when you seen him anywhere, like he was the same person that's online. And so that's what I care about. And I have a hunger to connect with people. You know, it's true. So you go, I'll call somebody, I'll order a shirt. I'll call them, you know, I'm shipping out the shirts. Yeah, I'm super hands on. They trip out. I didn't expect this. That's just who I am. And I don't do it for like any other reason except I want to connect

with people because rehabbers are the reason that I'm able to do what I do. If it wasn't for them, I wouldn't be able to travel the world and speak. And so I try to give as much time to them as I can to let them know that I care about them because they inspire me when I'm having a bad day, when I'm going through my moments, even my doubt, my insecurities at times, like, am I doing enough? I just go online, open up a message, and I'm like, I am. You know, I made an impact on this life. And so I'm in my inbox probably like an hour a day just responding to people and getting those messages to fill back up. Yeah. Exactly.

Learning to receive. Exactly. That's good, man. What's the biggest challenge you face moving forward? You've got this big platform, you know, I don't know, what, over 10 million followers all over the place. You get millions of views on your videos. You're impacting a lot of lives.

What do you feel like is the biggest challenge or what will be the biggest challenge for you moving forward? Hmm. I was like, Shay, what's the biggest challenge, man? I think content. Well, I don't want to say content, but I kind of battle that. I've been doing this for almost since 2009, probably 2011, like full time. And so like, sometimes I feel like I've talked about everything.

It's like, what else do I talk about? I hear you. But I realized, too, that there's a lot of people who haven't heard me speak on and are like, it people it's like I saw that video but I watched it this time again and it meant something different to me and so I've always battled with that just content like what else do I create just making sure I'm connecting with people you know even through social media you know our social media is changing algorithm is changing all these other things yeah it's like you know I just want to reach my people I don't want to have to worry about all the extra stuff you know so just So just dealing with those things, I think, kind of are the biggest challenges. Just finding better ways to connect with people on different levels, you know?

Yeah. Wow. I feel like you've been talking more about relationships a lot, Lily. Yeah. On Instagram and Facebook, I see all your videos talking about relationships. Is that because you feel like people are struggling with relationships more now because of social media, how it's bringing us together, but also disconnecting us by not being present. Is that why you feel like you're doing it? Or is it because people are asking you those questions? I think I started with kind of relationships and friendships. Yeah. Like my first probably viral video was like your prayer for the heart that's

meant to love you and then know your circle. And so like people, I feel like come to me for that, the friends and just dealing with removal from your life and getting toxic out of your life and building better relationships. And so I think it's definitely like requests from people. I think they want that a lot. And so I try to get, but also too, I have to be in a place for me to share those things. I don't want to just share stuff because they want me to share it because it's not going to come from a real authentic place. You have to feel it. I have to feel it for sure. And feel like an integrity around those topics or. Exactly. And so like I'll dive into spoken words now a lot. It's not going to come from a real authentic place. You have to feel it. I have to feel it for sure. And feel like an integrity around those topics or.

Exactly. And so like I'll dive into spoken words now a lot. It's kind of been, so I used to love rapping. Kind of my way of diving into that. And we want to dive into music a little bit more. Just different avenues for creativity to reach people on different levels. The book is coming. So I'll tend to always stick around relationships and things like that.

I feel like that's just what I'm here to do. You know, help people with that. But also there's other components to my life. I feel like from building a brand and doing all these things that I can help people with also. That's cool. Can you share a spoken word? Yeah, for sure. Something? Yeah. Let's hear one.

Okay. Let me see. Okay. I'll do this. Can I spit on my gum real quick? Yeah, yeah. All right. Your life isn't over. Never let your struggle make you think that. I know your setback was major, but so can be your comeback. You see, strength, pain builds that. I know it might be hard for you to feel that, but even in your darkest storms, there's a plan for you to still shine bright. Please believe that. I know because God did it for me. God would allow you to go through places you don't understand just to bring you to the place where he needs you to be. So don't let this season take your life.

You can win this fight. If it wasn't for my darkest storms, I would have never found the strength to shine my light. There's a purpose greater than your pain. There's no growth without rain. Sometimes it takes your hardest storms to birth your greatest change. Your life is not finished. You keep living. It doesn't matter what happened in your past.

You're just a choice away from a new beginning. Your perspective can either be your power or your prison. So no matter what, appreciate your life and build your testimony with the test you were given. Listen, I get it. I know depression is real, but so is deliverance. You can heal from those afflictions, overcome those addictions. It's time to put a semicolon where you're trying to put a period because your sentence hasn't ended. Repression is real, but so is deliverance. You can heal from those afflictions, overcome those addictions. It's time to put a semicolon where you're trying to put a period because your sentence hasn't ended.

You got more life to live, so don't give up. And forget anybody or anything that's ever tried to make you feel like you're not enough. You're enough. You're more than enough. So don't try to end your story just because this chapter sucks. Breakdowns happen right before breakthroughs. So I pray you break that cycle that's trying to break you. I pray you kill those thoughts that are trying to kill you. No mistake is too great as long as you forgive you.

Make your tomorrow new. You always have a choice. Never stay silent about your battles. Give your pain a voice. It's okay to not be okay. We're all one struggle away. Your change is going to come. You just keep believing day by day.

This storm will eventually run out of rain. And remember this, we are all a little broken. But the last time I checked, broken crayons still color the same. You're going to defeat your pain. Your life isn't over. It's just beginning. It's rehab time. Let's get it.

Damn. I like it. I like that. Got the chills at the end there. Oh man, that was good. How many poems have you done? Completed? Probably about 10. I probably got about a hundred. That's actually, I have one coming out really soon called loyalty is rare. And people love my friendship one. So I think they'll really like this one coming out. Wow. What have you learned about looking back at your life at different moments, situations and experiences? What's the biggest thing you've learned about reflecting on all this? I would say the word comes to me right now,

just appreciation. Appreciate it all. The bad, the good, the ugly, the times where I was complaining, the times where I was stressed, the times where I was angry at God, the times where I thought my life was over, I had nothing else to my life. Appreciate those times. Appreciate the good. Appreciate the people. Because all of that taught me so much about my life. It built who I am today. If it wasn't for my experiences, I wouldn't be able to talk like I speak today. I would have nothing to talk about. Right. And so we need those challenges. Big time. And what's even more important is that being comfortable with those challenges and understand that your transparency will lead to other people's transformation. And so being open. And I'm at a place now where I'm so open as far as even when I speak on stage, letting people know like, hey, I have these current struggles now.

Even in my story, things that I kind of didn't want to talk about before because I was afraid to be judged. And people are looking at me like, oh, you used to do that? But I realized that my mom taught me this a long time ago. She said, when you're true with your story, you're going to reach people that other people can reach. And he said the same thing with anybody. There's people out there that have stories that will reach people and transform people's lives that I could never do, that you could never do, but only their story could do. And so I want people when they watch me or when they see me

in person or at an event to leave there and say, you know what? I can be who I am and be comfortable with that. The imperfections, the perfections, the hard times, the struggles, the storms in their life. I want to be open with it because I know this is a step towards my healing. Yeah. Wow. What about the people listening or watching who feel afraid to share their story? They feel like, why me? Kind of like you were 10 years ago. Why would someone listen to my story? I remember being terrified to speak publicly and I did a year long training with Toastmasters just to get over the fear of speaking in front of a group. What would you say to people who haven't put their message out there or feel like they're not good enough or their story is not important enough to put it out there?

Well, I would attack that in two ways. For one, I would tell you that you're great enough, and I would tell you that you don't have to be perfect. And there's nobody who can tell your story like you. And when you realize that's your unique gift is yourself, there's nobody created like you, it takes the pressure off of you. Because I tell people all the time, it's your story. You can talk about your story all day long. What happens is we're so afraid to be judged. And the thing that I like to share and what helped me is realizing people are judging

you regardless. Yeah. It doesn't matter. Like, I don't care how great you are, how bad you are. You can go in my comments right now, it's people that's probably saying something crazy. Not a lot, but it's few. And so it's like, why not give your greatness to the world and have them judge that? Because there's somebody's life that's dependent on yours. And when I realized that, like the lives that I've helped change, I never say change because I don't take that credit, but the lives that I

helped change through my stories or my lives, I posted this on my Instagram because it wowed me. A lady said, you went live a few months ago. And she said, I was about to jump off a bridge, literally, like literally. And I got your live. And I don't know what I said that day, honestly, but she said it helped me. And so if I would have never went live, who knows what would have happened. So I tell people, just share your story. My most imperfect moments on stage have been my most powerful. The times that I thought were perfect, oh, I killed it. And I'm sure it reached people and it's like, yeah, you get one of those, right? I mean, I remember being at an event, I had like two mics on. I mean, I've done so many things, it's funny, that I thought, man, that wasn't whatever. But people have related to

those moments the most, even in videos. Like even in lives, all that I wasn't whatever but People have related to those moments the most even in videos like even the lives like I love wasn't just didn't feel good to me But the mess just come after was like I needed that Wow And so that takes the pressure off you to be perfect Stop trying to be perfect because the people who are judging you are not perfect anyway It's hard to connect with perfection exactly really hard to connect with the most polished speaker and say, oh, I can relate to that person. Exactly. But if you show your vulnerabilities, or you just show your imperfections, let's say,

and you're not 100% polished all the time, I'm not saying you shouldn't strive for greatness and strive to have a great brand and everything look the way it should, but you're gonna make mistakes. You're not gonna be perfect. And that reminded me of something, Lewis. I was in the gym, it kind of reminded me of a parallel to that. I was in the gym. It kind of reminded me of a parallel to that.

I was in the gym the other day. They had a guy in there that was just killing it, right? And I was like, oh, man, he's in shape. And it was inspiration. Like, hey, I want to get there. There's also another guy in there who were actually flipping tires. He was struggling. Like, you know how it is.

Like, he's flipping tires. He's the one that quit, but he keeps pushing. And that inspired me more than the guy that was just killing it. You know what I'm saying? Because I'm like, man, he's going through struggle, but he's still progressing. And so I kind of relate that to life. The person that's climbing the mountain with you

is kind of more inspired than the person who's just standing on top of it saying, hey, this is how you get up here, you know? Yeah. You've seen somebody go through struggle, so. And the guy who looked like he was killing it, maybe he wasn't pushing himself hard enough. Right.

We might need to check his heart rate monitor. Exactly. He needed a tire twice as big so he could struggle. Exactly. I don't think if we're constantly pushing ourselves, you know, that's why the power of working out, I think those that train with some type of physical activity and push themselves to failure or to struggle is one of the most powerful things we can do on a consistent basis, I believe, because, you know because as athletes,

we already know this, but I think that those that didn't go through that, when you put yourself through some type of strategic pain and struggle, you gain so much more confidence throughout your day and belief in yourself when you get it the next time and you see improvement and growth and you know that you were responsible for that growth and you put yourself through it. I think it's really challenging to be able to take on life's challenges if we're not constantly putting ourselves through them. That's right. In a strategic way. I'm not saying we should hurt ourselves and injure ourselves, but we should be pushing boundaries and almost training ourselves to fail to the edge where then we can finally succeed.

And if we're just looking like we're killing it but we're not struggling, it's almost like when we should push ourselves to some extent. Yeah, you know what I mean? I definitely agree. I don't know, man. It's that athlete mentality, I think. It's like constantly, how can I get better? How can I break through my personal best?

I like to call it like attacking your impossibilities. Like I said, I'm going to run a marathon. My photographer, he's not here, he actually just went down the street, but he actually ran a marathon, New York City Marathon, like two years ago. He challenged me, and I get that a lot. I was like, come run a marathon. I was like, all right. He was like, oh man.

So you have to sign up, and it's like a lottery. So I was like, please don't pick me. So I can tell them I wanted to do it, but they pick me. And so I'm like, cool, let's do it. know? So I can tell them I wanted to do it, but they pick me. And so I'm like, cool, let's do it. But I like to do things that I haven't done before. Like you said, it builds that confidence. And so now you come to things where it's kind of like the limited mindset versus the progressive mindset.

Or moving from can I do this to what can I do? And so I used to be at that place where whether it be speaking, it's like, can I really do this? But after I've done it so many times and went through fear so many times and overcame those fears and those struggles and conquered those struggles so many times, now it's to a point where, not in an arrogant way, but what can I do? What can't I do in life? I can do this. Let me go attack this. Let me go try this. And so my mom even thinks I'm crazy sometimes. She's like, you're climbing this thing and you're doing what again? Because she's like, you're always doing that. But it builds that confidence in me and it's just like i think that is contagious throughout your whole entire life i don't know if you've seen that meme video of i don't know what his name is anymore puff daddy p diddy where he's like in his office and he hangs up the phone and he's like i

can do anything he's like give me something there's nothing i can't do and i think it's just like when we constantly put ourselves through these challenges, again, it creates this belief that, man, there's nothing I can't do. That's right. And when you have that mindset that there's nothing I cannot do, then you go through life with more of a confidence, a kind of reckless abandon towards just like your dreams. That's right. And you're not as timid and fearful. And I think that's what it's about is if we can instill that in more people, then it's just going to serve all of us.

It's going to support everything we're doing. So I love this, man. I love always connecting with another athlete. I want to ask the final couple questions. This one is called the three truths. Okay. So imagine it's your last day many years from now, and you achieve everything you want to.

You have a beautiful life, everything you want to create, you impact the people you want to impact and it's the last day and you can decide when it's your last day. But for whatever reason, you've got to take everything with you that you created. So no one has access to your videos, your books or anything you've ever made. You have to take it with you. But you get a piece of paper and a pen to write down the three things you know to be true about all of your experiences, all the lessons you've learned. And that's the only thing you could share with the world, essentially your final message. What would you say are your three truths? One, I would say that just because you have some bad chapters doesn't mean your story can end well.

That would be one truth for sure. Second truth would be it all starts with you. Just responsibility in your life. And I think the third truth would be if you appreciate everything that you have, you realize you have everything that you need. And I think those would be my three that I would stick with. Appreciation. Yeah, I think so. Key, man. Gratitude, appreciation, perspective.

That was powerful. Where can we connect with you online? And where do you hang out with the most? Where do you spend the most time? I'm kind of all over the board, man. But Instagram, you can find me at Trent Shelton. I'm still on Snapchat. Rehab time on there.

I got off that about a year and a half ago, man. And then Facebook is just like Trent Shelton on there. I got off that about a year and a half ago, man. And then Facebook is just like Trent Shelton on there. And then I'm trying to, you know, I need to be more consistent in my YouTube,

getting back on there. But those are the main spots where you can find me at. Yeah. Well, you got 10 million followers all over or where are you? Yeah, about that, I believe. Close there.

Eight to 10 million. Yeah. No big deal. Well, before, and you got a book coming out. So be in tune to the book when it's coming out. You got a clothing line. What's the clothing line called? It's just Rehab Merch. Rehab Merch. But it's really inspirational stuff. Yeah, everything. Yeah, everything on the shirts

is just, when you wear it, I want you to be inspired. And also, when you wear it, I want other people to see it and be inspired. And so, every message we put out is try to, you know, inspire somebody as well as yourself. That's cool. I like that. Before I ask the final question, I want to acknowledge you for a moment, Trent, for allowing yourself to go through the pain of losing your dream and rehabbing yourself and in the process of figuring out plan B, impacting so many people that you have.

Because there's a lot of athletes that never come back after they're done playing. And you probably know a lot of athletes that never come back after they're done playing. And you probably know a lot of them that never have done anything and that are constantly living on the glory days. And you've taken your talents, your abilities, even when you were fearful, you've learned how to move through the fear and impact people. And I think that's the greatest gift you have and you've given to the world. So I want to acknowledge you for that. Thank you, man. I appreciate it. Of course.

Final question for you is what's your definition of greatness? You got some good questions, man. My definition of greatness is using your life to impact lives. That would be my definition. Trent, thanks, brother. Yes, sir. Appreciate you. Appreciate it. there you have it my friends trent shelton in the house sharing his wisdom i hope you enjoyed this if you did lewishouse.com slash 643 share it with your friends share with someone who might be inspired by this and let me know what you think over on Twitter or Instagram at Lewis Howes and tag Trent Shelton as well. Again, some powerful insights from today. So I'd love to hear how it supported you the most and the full show notes. The full video interview is back at lewishowes.com slash 643. So if you haven't subscribed over on YouTube yet, go subscribe there. Subscribe on

iTunes if this is your first time here. Leave us a review for a chance to be shouted out as the review of the week. And so many more amazing episodes are coming very soon. Again, we release episodes every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday here in the United States. So stay tuned for some greatness coming at you very soon. Every day you have an opportunity to do something meaningful with your life, to take one step closer to overcoming your struggle and turning it into your strength. You have an opportunity to make someone else's life better

by smiling, by giving them a hug, by listening to them. Every single day, there is a task at hand. How are you going to use your time and energy to make the most of that task? Again, Vince Lombardi said, the price of success is hard work, dedication to the job at hand, and the determination that whether we win or lose,

we have applied the best of ourselves to the task at hand. You have a moment right now to make the most of yourself. What are you going to do? I love you so very much and you know what time it is. It's time to go out there and do something great. ស្រូវនប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប�ាប់បានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបា you