The School of Greatness - 652 Jesse Itzler on Building a Healthy, Wealthy, Wise Life

Episode Date: June 11, 2018

“I LEARN BEST BY JUMPING INTO THE UNKNOWN.” There’s one resource in this world we all take for granted: time. We’re only on this planet for a small amount of time, and we tend to build routines in our lives that makes the days roll by. The next thing we know, we look in the mirror and we’re 70. When you look at that face do you want to see a life of missed opportunities or one filled with experiences you are proud of? If you want the latter, you need to make sure you schedule time for you. Take the time to build your life resume, because that’s what makes our lives much more interesting. When you talk about someone, do you talk about how they clock in to work on time everyday at 9 am and work late hours? Or do you talk about the places they’ve been to, and the experiences they’ve had? On this episode of The School of Greatness, I bring you back someone who has decided to build their life’s resume: Jesse Itzler. Importance of taking advantage of time. Routine make life fly by. Make time for yourself - building life resume instead of business resume. Jesse enjoys living life "out of the box." In fact, he doesn't even have a box. The author of the New York Times bestseller, Living with a Seal, co founded Marquis Jet, the world's largest private jet card company which he and his partner sold to Berkshire Hathaway/NetJets. Jesse then partnered with Zico coconut water, which he and his partner sold to The Coca-Cola Company. He’s also the kind of person that when he wants something he grabs onto the opportunity without delay. He recently decided he needed to detox his mind from electronics and the constant multitasking of today’s world. He ended up living with monks, living in a room as small as a table, and unable to communicate with his family, just to find himself. The lessons he learned most were about the need to make time for yourself and the people around you that you care most about. In the end, that’s where you’ll have the most impact and where your true legacy will come from. Learn more lessons from Jesse’s isolation and time with the monks, on Episode 652. Some Questions I Ask: How was your 15 day digital detox? (8:45) What are you not waiting for? (20:09) If you could go back 20 years, what would you eliminate or add to your life? (21:41) Do you still take 3 hours for yourself every day? (24:44) What do you think you can learn from pain? (29:14) What did the monks teach you about overcoming personal challenges? (32:52) What did the master’s say (about death)? (36:34) Have you and your wife ever struggled with competing with one another? (44:47) Do you ever have a fear that your kids are a little soft? (47:04) What are the things you’ve learned from your time in your monks you didn’t know before? (48:13) In This Episode You Will Learn: When he had the idea to live with monks (10:50) What Jesse didn’t miss during his time away (14:51) How Jesse worked in the music business (17:07) The Kevin Rule (22:28) When Jesse started living this type of life (27:37) The biggest personal challenge he’s faced (30:29) Why death kept coming up in Jesse’s mind (34:40) How he maintains the spark of sexual desire and dynamic of business in his relationship (41:26) The greatest lessons his kids have taught him (45:40) Plus much, much more...

This is episode number 652 with New York Times bestselling author Jesse Itzler. Welcome to the School of Greatness. My name is Lewis Howes, a former pro athlete turned lifestyle entrepreneur. And each week we bring you an inspiring person or message to help you discover how to unlock your inner greatness. Thanks for spending some time with me today. Now let the class begin. Leo Christopher said, there's only one thing more precious than our time,

and that's who we spend it on. I am excited about this episode because I learned so much. I really dove in and asked Jesse about reflecting back on his life, now almost 50 years old. What are some things he would do in his business and his relationships differently if he was 35 years old, my age right now? Really leaned in on some of the perspectives he learned over this last year and so many things he's been up to. And if you don't know who he is, he's an author of a New York Times bestseller called Living with a Seal, where he had this extreme Navy SEAL live with him, his kids, and his wife for a period of time in his home and train him to have a tougher mentality. And this is

a guy who's already in extreme mentality. He co-founded Marquis Jets, the world's largest private jet card company, which he and his partner then sold to Berkshire Hathaway and NetJets. Jesse then partnered with Zico Coconut Water, a water that I love, which he and his partner then sold to Coca-Cola.

He's an owner of NBA's Atlanta Hawks with his wife, Sarah, and his new book is called Living with the Monks. It's out right now, and it chronicles his 15-day stay with Russian Orthodox monks in a monastery in New York. And in this episode, we really dive into what made Jesse rethink about his entire relationship with time and what he wants to do with the rest of his life now hitting 50. How much time each day you should be setting aside for yourself because there's a lot of people that don't give themselves any time and there's other people that only do things for themselves. We talk about that. We talk about a new definition of happiness and how sometimes suffering can support happiness. Also what Jesse learned living with monks for these

two weeks and how he and Sarah have created such a strong marriage. Sarah Blakely, his wife, who's been on the podcast as well. And as always, make sure to share this with your friends. Tag me, Lewis Howes, on Instagram. Tag Jesse Itzler. And the link for this is lewishowes.com slash 652 to watch the full video and share it with your friends on Twitter, Instagram, social media. I want to give a shout-out to our fan of the week. We've had so many incredible fans reach out lately and share about their stories, their success stories about how the podcast has changed their life, had impacted them, had helped them

lose weight, find the relationship of their dreams, live more purposeful, fulfilling lifestyles. And this one's from Tori Lee, who says, Lewis, they say you can become similar to the five people you spend the most time with. I have been at a point in my life where inspirational and enlightening influencers are lacking. I love this podcast and listen every day, hoping that I become more and more like the many people you bring on the show. Thank you. P.S., I think it would be great

if you could gather quotes from every single person that you had on this podcast, speaking their three truths and make a book out of it. So Tori Lee, thank you so much for being the fan of the week and for sharing. And we are working on that actually, working on collecting the three truths of everyone that we've asked the question to and creating a little book out of that. If you'd be interested in getting an early copy, just send me a DM on Instagram, again, at Lewis Howes, and let us know if you'd wanna pre-order an early copy

because I'm curious to see how many people are interested in this little book. As always, if you haven't left a review yet, you can go over to iTunes right now, leave a review, go on your podcast app on your phone, leave a review. It takes a couple seconds and it helps us get the word out there. All right, guys, I'm excited about this one.

It's all about understanding how to have a better, richer, more fulfilling, and meaningful life. Let's dive in with the one and only Jesse Itzler. Welcome, everyone, back to the School of Greatness podcast. We've got the legendary Jesse Itzler in the house. Oh, man, Thank you. My man. It's good to see you back again. You've got a new book called Living with the Monks. What turning off my phone taught me about happiness, gratitude, and focus. Make sure you guys check it out. And you got me up on the top of the cover, which is pretty cool.

So make sure you guys support our friend Jesse and check this out because I think it's really powerful. check this out because I think it's really powerful. I did a digital detox two years ago where I went to Hawaii, left my phone in LA, and freaked out the first day and a half because I didn't know how to, I didn't have directions to go anywhere. I went old school, 1999, pre-cell phone, and had to go to the gas station and ask for directions

and had to just be at peace in the ocean. And about day three, it was beautiful because I didn't think about going back on the beach and being like, where's my phone? I needed to check something. I could just be at peace. And it was unbelievable because for 15 years, I realized I had my phone on me every single day. Sure. Until that moment. And now I do this every year. I try to do it every six months. I went to Hawaii again a couple months ago, left my phone here. Again, beautiful experience. Now you did this for what, 15 days?

Yeah, what I love about this, I love the setup. Yes. I love that you went to Hawaii. Yeah. Beautiful beach, ocean. I was in the middle of nowhere in the woods. I know, I saw. You had like a crappy little bathroom.

I couldn't walk on the same thing. No, but same thing. I mean, it was so hard for me at first just to separate and just to be away from everything. It was just change is different in general for anybody. But change without technology and change with family and being away from that is, and plus change in the wilderness is not easy.

Yeah, because you have four kids. You didn't talk to anyone during that time, right? No, no. I spoke to my wife once, like a check-in from a landline. Like a 10-minute, like, hey. Yeah. I'm losing my mind. Is everything okay?

Yes, exactly. But she knows you're crazy, and she knows you do these experiments. What did you think you were going to learn going into this experiment? Well, first of all, I've spent so much of my life exploring the physical side. You know, I've ran a 100-mile race. I've done ultra paddleboard races. I've done marathons.

And I love that. I learn a lot from those kind of things. But I've completely neglected the inner work. And I just felt super distracted, a little bit overwhelmed, four kids, wife, work, just like everybody else. And I just said, like, well, who are the masters? Like who would be the best person or persons to talk about like just self-reflection

and just, and it was monks. And I didn't know anything about monk culture. I didn't know anything other than like watching a couple of movies and reading a couple of blogs about the monk world. and reading a couple of blogs about the monk world. So I just said to my wife, I think I'm going to go live on a monastery. And her immediate reaction was like, listen to Lewis. Like, they're a podcast for this shit, man. You know, you don't have to go away to a monastery.

But I learned best without question by jumping into the unknown. Like, that's the best teaching tool for me. And it's always been the way that I've gotten the most like growth. And I was like, man, I'm just going to go. And I put the plan in motion pretty quickly. When did you have the idea? And then when did you go?

Was it like within a couple months, a couple weeks? It was fast. You had an idea, you asked, you told her about it. Otherwise, I'm going to talk myself out of it. You will. So ready, fire, aim. Ready, fire, aim. And that's the difference.

Like, I'm in a relationship. My wife is a processor. Everything gets analyzed and processed and thought out. What are the pros? There's a pro sheet. There's a con sheet. What are the consequences? And I'm in her.

I'm in. Lewis, where are we going? And you're going to learn something good. I'm in. Something good's going to happen. There's going to be a consequence, but it's going to be a great experience. Right.

So it was about a month, I would say. A month, yeah, that you were in. Gotcha. And you were there. You already knew where you wanted to go or you started researching? I knew that Living with the Seal, I had a book, you know, about living with my...

You were a top bestseller. Yeah, about living with a Navy SEAL that moved in with my family. So I knew I wanted to write a book about this journey, if it was suited for that. So I called my publisher, and she happened to know of this monastery. That's how I got to the monastery. And that started the journey. There you go.

And it was close enough to you. It was in the States. You didn't have to go to, like, Grand Tetons or some other place in another country or something it was close to you in atlanta near atlanta in the east coast at least i went to india a year and a half ago as well after i did this digital detox i said i want to explore more so i went to india and essentially lived with monks for but i had like a nice you know a nice bed a nice place it wasn't like I was living on the ground but it was training 15 hours a day on the mind and the inner work meditation and it was for two weeks the first week was learning meditation the second week was learning how to teach meditation other people and I had some incredible

experiences and it was the most profound peace I'd found with that type of work so I know that this works when you do it. Did you, and I saw your before and after photos. I think you sent it to me or you posted it online. I was like, man, you look so clear and calm. What was the greatest lesson you learned about yourself through the process? I was very clear and calm. It took me a while to get to that place because when I first got there, literally the first minute I walked in, I took a quick tour and the main monk, like my grand poobah, brother Christopher, said to me tomorrow, we're going to start at 7.15 a.m.

with prayer, reflection, and meditation. And I was like, great. It's 6.05 p.m. What do I do for the next 13 hours? And he looked at me dead in the eye and he said, you think. And I was sitting in the room the size of this desk, basically. And I said, okay, I'm going to try to meditate. I'm not a big meditator.

My form of meditation has been running. Working out. Yeah, like that's like my alone time. So I set my timer for 20 minutes and I'm like, let me try to focus on my mantra. And I'm going through my routine and I'm getting bombarded with thoughts. Like the worst shit is coming into my head. Why am I here? Why am I here? What if something happens to my wife? My kids aren't, you know, all this stuff. And time is going by and I'm like, why hasn't my timer beeped? You know, I've been at this. So I'm like, well, maybe I didn't set it. Let me reset it. I'm like, no, I don't want

to cheat. It's not going to happen any minute. So I go back into my mantra and back into my mantra. And after what felt like forever, I'm like, I didn't start the timer. So I go to reset my timer and I look down, three minutes and 27 seconds. And I'm like, whoa, I am that distracted that I can't even like sit quietly for three minutes. Like I'm that overwhelmed and distracted. And I realized that like I'm here for 15 days. Like I'm f***ed.

You know, like I'm like, this is like, I'm, what am I going to do? And I couldn't call my wife and be like, what are you doing right now? And there was, I had to work it out in my own head. That was hard. And one of the other really big takeaways for me was like. So that was one that you were really distracted.

That was a lesson you learned. Really distracted. I realized, you know, when I came home, everybody asked me what I missed the most. But nobody asked me what I didn't miss. And I realized that a lot of things that I didn't miss filled up my calendar. So I went during the final, during March Madness and I've grown up

watching March Madness and filling out the brackets and watching all the games and I didn't miss that at all. I didn't miss going and searching through Netflix the thousands of films that I could maybe watch

and short circuiting because it's just too much. I didn't miss a lot of stuff that I do every day. And I realized that I'm putting a and short-circuiting because it's just too much. I didn't miss a lot of stuff that I do every day. And I realized that I'm putting a lot, like I realized that I want to, we were just talking about this before the podcast started, I'm turning 50.

The average American lives to be 78 years old. Here we go. We got all the research. Here we go. If I'm average, I got 28 years left. If I'm average, I hope I'm not. But you're vegan, you work out, yeah. But if you reverse engineer that,

if you reverse engineer the next 30 years, like I just climbed Mount Washington. There was no 60 or 70-year-old guys on top of Mount Washington. The relevant years you have to do things that you want to do, like it's limited. So my enemy is the clock. And I realized, man,

I just got to live with so much urgency and to put as much stuff of the things that I love to do with the people that I love to do them with on my plate. And that's like, as soon as I got home, I'm saying no to everything unless it moves the buckets in my family life, wellness, finances, or cause-related. Like, otherwise, I mean, of course I'm going to have some stuff on my plate, but the majority of my plate, I want to fill it up with that stuff. Yeah, 80%, 90% needs to be filled up with that. Yeah. Is what you're saying. Yeah, and I've been very lucky to live my life a lot like that, but certainly the next 30 years, 50 to 80, like that, I mean, man, it's spooky.

I feel 32, but there's a reality. I look at it every day when I pull my driver's license out to get on a plane or I look at my, like, I'm fucking turning 50, man. I start to reverse engineer how I want to live those days. And I talk about it in the book. I got this lesson early on in life, but I didn't, I appreciated it, but I appreciated to live those days. And I talk about it in the book. I got this lesson early on in life, but I didn't, I appreciated it, but I appreciated a lot more. When I first started out in the music business, I was writing theme songs for professional sports teams. We've spoken about this. But I had no money. I had like $100 in my bank account. And I needed money to write demos,

create these demos to present them because everything was on spec. Do you like it? Buy it. Not like, it wasn't like, hey, I want to write you this theme song. Will you give me 10 grand so I can go in the studio? You had to make it. You had to make it.

Deliver the product, yeah. And then if they liked it, they would buy it. But I had no money to make it. So I went to this music manager, and he said, I'll lend you the $10,000 you need to make four or five of these demos, but I want 10% for that. I want 10% of you forever. Forever. Forever. I'm investing in you. I'm giving you the 10 grand. I don't know where this is going to go. And I was like, I'll do it.

I'm 21 years old. 10% of me, like $10,000. There wasn't nothing without this money. But before I finalized the deal, I went and talked to my friend's father, who was a big business mogul. And I went into his apartment. He had this mac daddy apartment. I mean, mogul in the true sense of the word mogul. Owned parking garages all over New York, owned a piece of the Yankees, a piece of the New Jersey Nets at the time.

True mogul and philanthropist. I go to his apartment, I'm 21 years old. He has all this fancy artwork up. He has his own swimming pool. And I mean, it was just mind blowing, the wealth. And I start to tell him the story and he stops me. And he says, Jesse, I will trade every single thing I have for the one thing that you have.

And I'm like, me? What's that? I have $128,000. Yes. Youth. Youth. Yeah. Youth.

And the process, the journey of going through the unknown. The struggle, the uncertainty, everything. The struggle, the uncertainty, everything. The wins, the losses, just the whole thing. He would give up everything to go back to that. To go back to that. And I've been really aware of that. Like that, here I am 30 years later still talking about that. Wow.

And, but now more so now. I don't want to get to be 70 and 80 and have that thought in my head like I want to live my life with that kind of urgency and Fill up my plate so I don't have that regret that like because when you're in a routine Time goes really fast and then you wake up and you're 70 and you're like, I can't climb the mountain I'm 70 When you get out of the out of your routine like at the monastery and you look at the thing and it's three minutes and 27 seconds, time slows down. I want to stop the clock, man.

I got four kids. So my relationship with time in general was reestablished at the monastery. Really? Definitely. By eliminating the things that no longer support or serve your vision for your life and focusing on things that do. And not waiting. Not waiting for what? So like I climbed Mount Washington.

I didn't get to the summit with five friends and I came back. And Mount Washington is a really dangerous mountain in the winter. I think it's one of the ten most dangerous mountains because of the climate. It's cold, like minus 30. And the winds get up to 50 to 75 miles an hour and no visibility, blah, blah. Because of that, I didn't get to the top of this journey I did with five of my close friends. I came back and I'm talking to my wife about it. And because I posted it on Facebook, I was getting bombarded with, you didn't make it?

Facebook, I was getting bombarded with, you didn't make it? Six miles to the top, you couldn't get. And I said to Sarah, I failed. And I felt terrible. I let my friends down. We put it out there. And she said, no, no, no, sweetie. She said, first of all, you numbskull, get a tour guide. Right, don't do it on your own. Get proper equipment and train for it and go back next year, next winter, and knock it out. And I was like, next winter? I'm going back on Saturday. Wow. That's the urgency because there's no guarantee what next winter is going to do.

We could talk about all of our vision. My thing would be like, well, do it now. You have a five-year plan? That takes too long, man. Yeah, it does. It takes too long. Yeah. So that's what I mean about my relationship with time. It's like, yes, I eliminated a lot of the things that were no's, but I also created a tremendous amount of urgency. I started to look at my enemy,

my greatest enemy, other than keeping my health. I mean, we all want to, is the clock. Yeah. If you could go back 15 to 20 years, my age or five years earlier, when you're 30, 35, what would you eliminate and what would you add into your life? I would act like I'm not going to live till 80.

I would just, I wouldn't put off the trip to Hawaii. I mean, you're doing it. You're going to live with monks. You're traveling to Hawaii. You have to Hawaii. I mean, you're doing it. You're going to live with monks. You're traveling to Hawaii. You have a business. I mean, you have good balance. I mean, you've kind of cracked, you have a short commute to work. You've kind of cracked a lot of the things that many struggle with,

sitting in traffic in their commute, bad relationships, struggling with health issues and finances. You've been able to eliminate a lot of that at a really early age. But I would just say, you know, my suggestion would be to put, just to put it in an analogy, again, I met a good friend of mine has this rule, I call it the Kevin rule. Every year, I asked him how he lives his life, because he's one of the happiest guys that I know. And he's a police officer. He told me that every year he takes a trip with his college friends. He's been doing it since he's 21 years old, one time a year.

And then every other month, one weekend, he goes away and puts something on his calendar that he circles. He's going to run a marathon. He's going to go to the beach, whatever. I call it the Kevin rule. run a marathon, he's going to go to the beach, whatever. I call it the Kevin rule. And I said to myself, and this is what I would say to my 35-year-old self, especially at 35, and I'll show you why.

If I can't take a weekend every other month to put something on the calendar for myself, if I can't do that, my life is really out of balance. Because if I do live to 80 and I put five of those on the calendar a year, right? That would be 150 memories that I'm creating and moments that I'm creating. If you do it at 35 years old, then you have another 75 memories. You have over 200 memories that you're creating. But if you don't do it, think of the loss.

No, seriously. I'm dead serious. Think of the loss. So that's how I look at it, man. I would like take advantage of the opportunity that you have at this age and the people that you know to create amazing, to build your life resume

and sort of talk about all the time. It's like you have the work resume, so what? That means nothing if you're not building up your life resume. And those moments are the things, there's only two kinds of moments, man. Like the moments that happen, not to preach, but like the OJ Simpson, you remember during where OJ was when during the chase or 9-11, you know exactly where you can never forget that, but you didn't control that. It just happened. There are moments like that where you have no control over that you just remember because they're so vivid.

And then you have the moments that you have control over, like the Kevin rule, that you circle, that you create, that you put in a position to happen. And that's kind of how you build this life resume. And that's what I would tell – that's what I hope my kids do. I hope they have a life filled with memories. And you told me this on the last time on the podcast. I believe you said that you take three hours for yourself every day. Is that still true? Even with four kids and wife and businesses and travel and everything,

you still take roughly three hours a day for just the things you want to do? Not roughly. Three hours. Yeah. I mean, at least. Is that in the morning or is it just- It's cumulative. It's cumulative. Got it. So it could be a 45 minute walk in the morning, 20 minute sauna, sit on the couch and do nothing but- Hang with friends, whatever it may be. Yeah. But that's my time. And when I'm in that zone, I'm not guilty that I'm not with my wife or kids or at work or anything. But the flip side is when I'm at work, when I'm in that zone, I'm not guilty that I'm not with my wife or kids or at work or anything. But the flip side is when I'm at work, because I've had that time, I'm not guilty that I'm not with, you know. You're not thinking about what you're going to do on the weekend or whatever, yeah. And the reason is because, like, if my wife or my employer or whoever took away the things that I like to do during the day, I'd resent them.

I mean, I'd be so mad at Sarah if she during the day, I'd resent them. I mean, I'd be so mad at Sarah if she said to me, you can't run. We gotta go do this, or you gotta do, I'll do it, but allow me to do what I need to do for me. That's 10% of the day. It's not, I mean, I'm talking about like I'm taking 80% of the day from me.

It's just a small piece of the pie chart of the day. But it's cumulative, and I'm aware of it when I'm in that time. Yeah. I think it's really beautiful. That stuck with me because if you don't have a couple hours a day for yourself, you don't have a life. It sounds like if you're not creating this life resume and circling things on the calendar every couple of months for you to do that you're excited about, then you don't have a life either. You're just running through the motions.

I think so. Yeah. Well, I think it leads for, I think that the more interesting, the more experiences you have, the more you can offer. Mm-hmm. The more experiences you have, the more you can offer. And I think by building this life resume,

I think it can also help you land your dream job. You become more interesting. It can help you accelerate at the job that you're at. It's a lightning rod. People want to talk about, oh, wait, I'm interested. I want to interview you about your trip to Hawaii. Now you told me you went and lived with, you did meditation and lived with monks and had clarity. Tell me, that's interesting to me. I'm already want to take you out to dinner. I want to talk about that and learn from that. And, I mean, just from you saying that to me in one second. So imagine if you're sitting at the conference room at work when everyone's going through the motions and you're like, no, for my vacation, I didn't go sit at the beach at the Hilton.

I went and I journeyed across blah, blah, blah and did this and blah, blah, blah. What? Built schools with kids or something else. Right. All the things that you're doing. So, you know, I'm not some wise old man. But if I was going to tell my 35-year-old son, Lewis, which you're not, it's so funny.

But you were doing that at 35, weren't you? Weren't you living this type of life? I was. I'm very lucky. My brother just said to me the other day, I was talking to him about my son, he asked me how my son, who's eight, is doing its swim season. And I said, you know, he's a good swimmer,

but he just really doesn't have that eye of the tiger and that drive, you know? And my brother said, well, listen. You're like, how old is he? He's eight. He's eight. No, but I said to him, he said, well, listen, as long as he's happy, that's all that matters. And I thought about it. I said to him, Peter, my brother, I said, Pete, my son could sit on the couch, eat ice cream all day, and play Minecraft and be very, very happy.

It's not as long as he's happy. I mean, I want him to be happy. It's is he getting experiences and is he living to his potential? I want him to be happy. But that's not like, that's a bullshit answer, man. Because happiness could be, it's like, you know what I mean?

It's all in the same spirit of what we're talking about. It's interesting. I just interviewed James, the Iron Cowboy, and he talked about happiness for him is the ability to endure suffering. It's like the more that you can endure pain and suffering in a safe container, right, the more you can take on life's adversities and challenges

and not let everything affect you 24-7, and you can have more happiness when you go through a struggle is what his ideal of that was. I thought it was an interesting perspective. He's like, when you force pain upon yourself, this is a guy who did 50 Ironman triathlons in 50 days in 50 different states. And when you can force that, I believe that you can really overcome any challenge.

And the day-to-day stresses don't overwhelm you as much. I don't know. What do you think of that? I think you learn a lot from pain. I think that we're wired for comfort and we seek comfort, we run away from pain. That's why you had a Navy SEAL live with you. Yeah, and I've gone through my share of pain.

My pain has been self-induced too. It's been physical, I ran 100 miles. It put me in a wheelchair nonstop and it put me in a wheelchair for four days. I can relate to what he's saying for sure because I think there's tremendous growth there. But it takes a really disciplined person to go to a place of consistent pain for growth. And I'm not disagreeing with him because I think there's validity in there. But for me, I find that an equal amount, if not more growth, comes from simply stepping into the unknown. So that could be an entrepreneur taking the journey, taking the leap into a space that they're not aware of.

It could be I'm going to go live, I'm going to go run my first marathon, although I've never done that before. It's uncharted territory. That's still growth without pain. It's the unknown. Uncertainty of it all, yeah. Yeah, that I think really is where the real growth comes from. What's the biggest personal challenge you've ever faced? Parenting.

I think it's one of the hardest things. In what ways? I mean, it's just so complicated think it's one of the hardest things, you know? In what ways? I mean, it's just so complicated. There's no manual. There's no one around to, you know, I have four kids with different personalities, different interests, different wants, different needs,

different fears, different issues. I mean, no one's perfect. I have my own issues. So, I mean, just like that's a difficult thing. I love it. It's the most rewarding, but it never stops. Challenges have definitive, most of them have definitive dates. Like, okay, I'm going to run a marathon on this date.

And then it's over. Yeah, a child is, it's ongoing challenge. When they come home and tell you they've been bullied or they had a tough day or they can't pick this up or whatever and you're looking at your kid and all you want to do is give them all the answers but you can't because they got to figure it out themselves. It's hard and I wasn't my only training has been being a son you know so I've been taught by two people that had their own vision but now the world's a much different place. That's been really hard so I've been taught by two people that had their own vision, but now the world's a much different place. That's been really hard.

I've had partnerships that have been hard in business. I've had setbacks. I've had plenty of egg on my face. I remember when my record, when my album came out in the early 90s, I was at an airport in Pittsburgh about to do a show. And I was walking through the airport, and I saw a cover of a big rap magazine, and the headline of it is, Are White Rappers Ruining Rap?

Ruining Hip Hop or something. And I was like, whoa. And then I looked down, and it was a picture of me. No way. On the cover? Yeah. Oh, man. And I was like, oh, my God.

I want to go hide under a rock. And then I read the article, and I was so pissed. I'm like, the writer doesn't even know me. I wrote this album when I was in my college dorm room. And it's a reflection of that. I'm not competing. Like, this is, like, this is for me and my friends. If you don't like, you know, like, what are you?

I just, like, all these thoughts, and I'm 21 with no one to call. And, like, that's a hard thing to like move past because you think everyone's looking at you and thinking that's the guy. He's one of, you know. So I've had all kinds of things. But at the end of the day, I mean, I wouldn't trade any of that.

I just think it gives you a little bit of thicker skin. And what did the monks teach you about overcoming personal challenges? I think, I don't know if it was a direct lesson from them, but I think I became very aware of my own mortality. Through the experience. Through the experience. And I spoke to them a lot about death.

You did. My parents are getting older and I'm getting older. Some of my friends now are having complications, health complications. And that's just an inevitable thing with time. As you get older, stuff catches up to people. And, you know, you're going to face that soon. And I hope not.

Not you personally. I'm just saying as you get older. Yeah, you'll see. And so I had a lot of questions around that. And they had a lot of good advice around it. But for me, that helps me overcome a lot of my fears. Because if I'm really, really having a gut check about something like, man, I'm scared. I got to go on Lewis's show. What if people are thumbs downing me? I say to myself really,

and this, I don't know, man, this is, my wife would probably hit me for saying this, but in a hundred years, nobody watching the show is going to be here. There'll be a whole, you walk down the street and look at everything going on and all the fears and challenges. Nobody's going to be here in 100 years, man. There'll be a whole new wave of Jesses and Louises and this one and Stranger or whatever. So who cares if I fall flat on my face?

Yeah. Like, who cares if the reviews aren't good? That's going to stop me because I'm scared of it. No one's even going to know about it in 100 years that I had this fear or concern. And that very often helps me, gives me a little nudge. Yeah. Doesn't always get me over the edge,

but it gives me a little bit of like, you can do this. It's in the scheme of the universe. It's okay. Why was death one of the main things you talked about or that was coming up for you? I just think as, again, as a parent and as a son and seeing some of my friends now that have like just get starting to get diagnosed with stuff and having complications, I've never really dealt with grief on that level. Knock on wood, I've had a really charmed, lucky, blessed. My parents are alive.

I say this to Sarah all the time. Look at our existence today. Kids are healthy. You're healthy. I'm healthy. Parents are like, it doesn't get better than this. At 50, it's pretty good. This doesn't get better than this. Yeah. Like, this doesn't get better than like this.

And I'm not talking about money or any, I'm just talking about- People in your life. Feeling, yeah. It's just, there's an inevitable timeline, man. And when you reverse engineer your life, again, I'm 50. If I reverse engineer my life

and don't say, what am I doing next week? But where am I in 10 years when I'm 50. If I reverse engineer my life and don't say, what am I doing next week, but where am I in 10 years when I'm 60? Okay, now my parents are 98. My grandma's 105. Sarah's grandma's 105. The world's a different world for us than it is right now. So I wanted to know fast forward.

They've been through it. They've helped people. I've never experienced that. Help me deal through it. They've helped people. I've never experienced that. Help me deal with it now so I can prepare myself. I'm prepared for a lot of things, man. I try to make myself as bulletproof as I can for certain things, right? You eat healthy, you exercise, you have great relationships. You become bulletproof in your own world through these relationships that are longstanding, et cetera. But I'm not prepared for that kind of stuff. I've never had to deal with it on a close, real level. So, you know, why would I go to the masters and be like,

you know. What did they say? They said how you deal with it is a lesson for others. You have a responsibility of how you deal with that stuff where it's a lesson and a blessing for others the way you handle it. And I was like, wow, and that made sense to me. And they look at death as a passage. It's just a passage. So they almost celebrate life and celebrate the fact that this is just a passage into something probably better.

Not as this massive loss, this grieving, my life is over, the world is ending. It's going to take me years to overcome this. Correct. We're a vessel. We're here for a reason. Yeah. And so it's more of a celebration. I'm sure there's some grieving that happens and a process of longing and missing. But then they say it's more to celebrate that process. Right. And there's a dignity.

Listen, it's a really tough topic because people that are grieving, everybody grieves differently. Of course. Everybody takes time, has different periods of grieving periods. I'm not an expert. Like I said, I'm trying to learn. And if they can give me some guidance and I talked to my friends that have been down that path about it, and it's not something that you would normally talk to people about, death. You know, I have several friends from high school that have lost their parents that were, that like raised me as

a kid, you know, through their housing. They lost their parents. And like, we don't talk about it. But now I do, you know, and they love it. And I'll share, I'll be like, I remember I was with your mom, man. And we went to a flea market and she was negotiating for these jeans. It was unbelievable. And then it makes them feel good. And it keeps the spirit alive. So I think it's important to have those kind of conversations.

I don't know, man. Like I said, this 50 thing is hitting me. I of conversations. I don't know, man. Like I said, this 50 thing is hitting me. I could imagine. I don't know, man. I'll tell you, 35 started hitting me, though, too, because I always felt like this young kid. I was in my 20s. I was always like the young guy in the industry. And then I hit 30, and I was like, okay, I'm still relatively young.

But 35 is closer to 40. And it was the first time I really was like, wow, I'm getting older. It hit me as like, I'm getting older now. And I'm not the young 23, 40 year old in this space anymore, or in, you know, business anymore. I'm getting up there. And it made me reflect a lot of these things, just like urgency as well. Again, I'm not 50, so I'm not living in this, that different of a space with four kids. But I'm still like I want to do things now because tomorrow is not guaranteed for me. Right.

Let alone 50, like tomorrow is not guaranteed. And that's what I try to reflect on as much as possible. I mean, hopefully I'll be here for a long time, but tomorrow is not guaranteed. And I don't want to hold on to grudges or regret or frustration or resentment towards people or myself. I want to be free in my heart. And that's the goal. And listen, you know, we live in a world of routine because routine is comfort. You talked about the iron cowboy talking about getting uncomfortable and pain, but pretty much all of us, myself included, we live in a world of routine. Routines are comfortable, but routines can be a rut. And when you're in a routine, the clock goes

fast. It goes fast. I was 35 yesterday. When you're in a routine, get up, get the kids ready, take them to the carpool, go work, come out, boom, day over, next day. And then if you don't get out of the routine and take advantage of those five weekends a year, creating whatever, you wake up and you're 60 and 70

or 50 or 40 or whatever and you're like, man, my knee's messed up. I can't, I always wanted to do that but now I can't do that.

Man, you know, like you just don't know. It's just like I said to Sarah, I want to run this race called Badwater. I've heard of it,

yeah. It's 135, whatever. Is this the one running on the sun, that documentary? Yeah, in Death Valley. Yeah, Badwater, yeah. And she said to me, well, aren't you concerned? She's like, don't do it. She's just, aren't you concerned about like when you're 75,

your hips and your knees? And I'm like, you think I'm worried about 75 right now? Like 75, get me to 75. I mean, I'll be more angry at 75 that I didn't do it now. And then if I wait four or five years to think about it, to see how my, now I'm 55. You might have knee problems or something. Exactly.

And that's my point. It's urgency, taking advantage of those opportunities while you can, before they go away. You know, because you just, like you said, you just don't know. I want to change the subject a little bit to relationships because I'm always fascinated with the dynamics of married couples who are both extremely successful and have done incredible things and how that dynamic works. And you and Sarah have been together for how long now? Ten years. Ten years, four kids.

How does that work where you guys continue to have the spark, the sexual desire, but also the dynamics of business and where both of you are at success-wise? How does that work where you guys aren't resenting each other or trying to one-up each other, but there's actual support on both ends? And has that been a challenge for you, or has it always been a pretty smooth process?

It's always challenging. Marriage is hard for anybody. It's always a work in progress because things are always, there's always a dynamic, especially when you bring in parenting. And I think there's a couple of ways to answer this. I think for starters, one thing that we didn't do, we didn't talk about how we wanted to parent our kids before we had kids. You didn't talk about it.

Did not. I mean, we just assumed that like… You both are going to do it the right way. We had the same morals. We're very aligned in pretty much everything. You know, we're very different. But we have the same fundamental values that our parenting would be the same. But it's not.

We have different styles. So that has to be, when you're in a marriage and if you take, I got to be careful here because my wife's going to ask. I know. When you take divorce off the table. Yeah. Okay? If you take it off the table and you just say, it's not an option, instead of rationalizing, listen, if this shit doesn't work out, man, five years, I'll just go, I'll get separated, you know, whatever. It's not, it's easy. That's what a lot of people I think do. It's in the back

of their head or they rationalize it or whatever. When you take it off the table, like we got to figure this marriage stuff out. We have to figure out the schedule. We have to work together. It's a different kind of dynamic. And I think for us, it's always been, we don't take it so seriously if we get an argument and it gets somewhat heated, which we really don't. We'll slow dance. We'll be like, let's just slow dance. Let's move on. Like, what am I going to do? I'm not going to hold her. I'm living with this. This is my wife. This is my wife, man. I mean, we kind of just work it out and we move, we work toward it. We were lucky that we got married later in life. I got married at 40. Sarah was 37. So we were, we were both independent, and we've been able to maintain our independence.

So again, if Sarah told me I couldn't go to the monastery or said I couldn't do this, and those are things that I love to do, I would resent her. So she's given me a leash to do the things that I want to do. I still have the responsibilities to the family and everything else. And I'm very respectful of her journey. So we have independent journeys, but then we have our journey together. And I don't try to interfere with her journey. She doesn't try to interfere with my journey.

I'm a cheerleader for her journey. She's a cheerleader for my journey. But then we come together. And, you know, she's just an amazing, like, support system. Yeah. She's like the ultimate mom and support. She's just like, she gives so much that I feel like such a jerk if I'm not,

you know what I mean? She's making pancakes every morning. But you know what? I'll tell you, Louis, to be honest, it's just little things that keep a marriage rolling, in my opinion. It's just thinking of the other person. Yeah.

You want some water, sweetie? I'm going to get some water. As opposed to coming back with the water for yourself. Right. You know what I mean? Or, hey, I picked this up for you. I thought you would like it. It's little things that really go a big way.

She's always doing the little things, and I'm learning how to do the little things. Now, have you guys ever struggled with competing with one another since you have both been extremely successful? Never. No, no, it's never been a thing at all. No, when her star shines, I'm loving it. Pointing a spotlight at her. Yeah, and I feel, you know, she's always cheering for me even if my star is not shining. So, yeah, no, not at all.

That's great. Yeah. But it is a work in progress, and I wish we had, I don't think anyone's figured it out, or if they do, there'll be a gazillion zillionaire. It's day-to-day, and it's respect, and it's pretty cool, though, man. It's awesome. Yeah.

It's amazing. My parents have been married for 60-something years, so I've had good teachers. And what's the greatest lessons your kids have taught you? Oh, God, I learned so much from them. I'll tell you, you know, the way Sarah and I parent, or we try to parent, is to praise the effort, not the result. That's big.

Yeah, so we're always constantly praising, you know, like, you worked so hard for this swim meet. You know, not you won or you lost, but you put so much effort into it. I'm so proud of how you practice it. What a great teammate versus, oh my God, you know, you won. Yes. It's about the effort. So everything is a lesson. Like it's amazing because kids, they start out, we have two, we have a two-year-old, two four-year-olds, and an eight-year-old. And everything we do is a lesson for them. And that they're just such sponges. It just changes the way you have to act in front of them. So it's interesting. It's this really interesting dynamic.

You know, I hear that a lot of parents, a lot of individuals want to create a life that their kids don't have to go through that they went through. For me, I didn't have all the money in the world growing up, hand-me-down type of family, you know, hardworking, but we didn't have like this luxury. But then sometimes you see that these kids who have it all are a little soft. Do you ever have that fear that like, okay, we've created this incredible environment for our kids, safe, I'm sure they're going to the best schools. They have the best stuff. Do you ever feel like they might be a little soft here and there? Yes.

Is that a fear of yours? It's a fear, so I address it. Yeah. Yeah, it's a fear. I mean, I think the number one thing is understanding that they're on their own journey. If I wanted to play basketball every day in my driveway as an eight-year-old, it's very hard as a parent when my son wants to play Minecraft. I'm like, what are you doing? Yeah, this is what I did when I was a kid. Or go ride your bike. This is what I did when I was a kid. They're on their own journey.

So that's kind of the first thing that's been really hard for me to get over. But as far as the soft thing, I try to expose my kids, and so does Sarah, our kids, to as many things that we do that's challenging and difficult as possible so they can see what we go through. I still choose to do tough races and push myself and go to a monastery and do the cold plunge challenge and all that stuff. And I bring my kids to as much of that stuff as I can. That's cool. And I encourage them to participate in that kind of stuff. But it's a different world, you know? Yeah. The iPad world. Yeah. Yeah. What would you say are the one to three things that you learned from this time with the monks that you started applying in your life that you weren't doing before?

I realized that a lot of times I'm not where my feet are. I'm not super present. Your mind's somewhere else. Yeah, like my feet are here, but I'm not here. I'm at the soccer game, but I'm thinking about my to-do list. Phone or whatever. I'm on the phone. I'm making a call.

Who do I have to do? When I get done with the soccer game, then the soccer game's over. I really, I remember when I was at the monastery day one, they gave me some dishes to wash. And then they brought in about 500 dishes from this convention they had. And I said, man, how am I going to do all 500 dishes? And one of the monks said to me,

he's like, there's not 500 dishes. There's only the dish that's in your hand. And I was like, whoa. It's like karate kid shit, man. Like, whoa. And I realized that, like, he's right. I live in a world of multitasking, and I have to make a significant shift to be a monotasker. Like, they don't have to-do lists.

They have do lists. I don't care about my to-do. This is what I'm doing now. So I just made a really big fundamental effort shift to be aware of right now I'm with Lewis. Yeah. This is where I am. I'm not thinking about this is what I'm doing right now. When it's over, I'm going to go on to the next thing.

So that's kind of one thing. I put a lot of parameters around my phone. Yeah, that's good. No dinner, no bedtime, not taking it to the movies with me, et cetera. And I say no a lot because of my relationship with time that came from the book i realized that like you know if it's not moving the needle in my wellness my family my finances or something that's important to me like i can't really say yes to those things because they're distracting from those four key buckets. So I became really good at saying no.

You know, and I've been really bad at that. And that's a zapper. Yeah. Well, a lot of the yeses in your life have also gotten you your life resume. By saying yes to a lot of things or by meeting people at certain times. So just being aware of what it sounds like.

It's like really being clear on what buck is it filling and saying yes to those things are going to support it, but not yes to everything. But you're in a position where people, I've done this. I've zapped your energy. I've called you and said,

I've called you for advice many times. And you've been great to me, by the way, man. Of course. I really appreciate you. I'm always available. And I said,

you know, I'm going into this thing and I got this little coaching class and how would you do it if you were me? Can you give me 15 minutes? And you said yes. know, I'm going into this thing, and I got this little coaching class, and how would you do it if you were me? Can you give me 15 minutes? And you said yes. You gave me 30 minutes on the call and didn't ask me for anything for it.

And that's 30 minutes of your time away from all this, away from an idea, away from a book. If you say yes to 10 of those people, you know, they have five hours. That's a work day that you just gave away. And I've done that a lot. You still do that a lot. And it's great. If I had kids, maybe it'd be different. But I'm building relationships with people that I'm inspired by and that I believe in

and I want to support at this phase of my life. So maybe that has something to do with it too. I'm super grateful for it. And in my 20s and 30s, I built my career saying yes because I laughed at jokes that weren't funny. I sat in the meetings because, you know, you build the relationship and you want to be liked and you want to be part of it.

But now it's a different chapter. So once you recognize that, like, you know, I'm at a place where I can start saying no a little bit more. I wouldn't have been insulted. You know, I'm grateful for what you did. But that's where I am right now. Because I can't. That's 30 minutes away from the time that I want to spend with my kids, man. And it's just too important. Yeah. I know we've only got a few minutes left. I want to get you out of here on time. Was there anything else that you do besides a do list as one of the main things? Was there anything else you learned that you apply now? I do. I went to like a three-year-old journaling system that's been really effective for me. I have two journals. In journal one, I take everything

that's in my head that comes during the day and I write, I get it out of my head to clear up space and I dump it. Doesn't mean it went away. Doesn't mean that the task is done. It just means that I don't have to spend any energy, which allows me to be creative, allows me to think clearly. And then I have a journal of like this week, that's my list. Here's my week. Here's what I have to accomplish this week. And it's broken up into days and then I'll eliminate it. So for me, the point is I've been carrying a lot in my head, which can make you feel really overwhelmed and really distracted. Oh, I was like, oh, oh yeah. Oh no, I forgot. Oh, I got to get this kid a birthday present. You know, like, but if it's here, I don't have to worry about it.

So that's been really effective. Part B of that is i realized if a tornado whipped it away i'd still be okay yeah you know like it doesn't really matter yeah you know like life goes on i put so much emphasis into these lists and it's like but that that's been really helpful system for me yeah and it sounds so easy and obvious but it's the fundamentals it's the fundamentals man like basketball. Things we learn is like how to dribble, how to chest pass, not a one handed pass. It's like all the simple things

that we already know what to do. It's just coming back to them. Yeah. It sounds like. How can I thank you for my 30 minutes that I got? You can answer. You know, you gave me a quote on my book. You're on the cover of my book.

Yeah, you can answer two final questions. Okay, deal. That's how you can thank me. One is called the three truths. I think you might have answered it last time, but since you have a new perspective, this is, and since we're talking about death, not to go there, but imagine you get to choose the day you get to die. As many years away from now as you want. It could be 300 years old. Let's just say you picked a day and you've achieved everything you imagined on your bucket list with your wife, with your family, everything you want to do, you did it. There's no regrets. Live the greatest life you could ever dream of.

But for whatever reason, everything you created, you've got to take with you. Your books, your videos, your message to the world that you've been sharing, it's all going to come with you. And everyone's there. It's a celebration to come with you. And everyone's there. It's a celebration, like the monks said. Everyone's happy. And they give you a piece of paper and say, we'd like you to write down the three things you know to be true about everything you've learned in your life. And this is the only thing that we would have access to of your information.

These three lessons or three truths. What would you write down as your three? All things come to an end. Nothing like love. There's nothing more important than love. What would you write down as your three? All things come to an end. Nothing like love. There's nothing more important than love. And I hope I write, and I have no regrets. They have no regrets. Have no regrets.

Yeah, that's great. Well, I want to acknowledge you before I get to the final question. I want to acknowledge you, Jesse, for your constant example of the message you share in the world. You're living the example of doing the things you want to do, getting uncomfortable, having time for yourself. All the things you challenge people to do, you're doing yourself. And most people don't do the things they say you should do.

And you're being the example. You're being a loving husband, a loving father. You're showing up, you're present, and you're just an incredible human being. So I want to acknowledge you for everything, for the book, Living With The Monks. Make sure you guys get a copy right now. Share this with your friends. Jesse Itzler on Instagram, or is it?

Jesse Itzler on Instagram. Yep, and Twitter and Facebook. I'm the 100 mile man on Twitter, but yeah. Yeah, yeah. Jesse Itzler on Instagram. Yeah. And Twitter and Facebook. I'm the 100 mile man on Twitter, but yeah. Yeah, yeah. JesseItzler.com. JesseItzler.com. Final question is,

what's your definition of greatness? Oh, man. Over-indexing, going beyond what you even thought you could do. I think a lot of us don't really realize what we're capable of and under-index a lot of buckets of our life. And I think greatness is really hitting your potential and even going beyond your potential. It's different for everybody, right?

Everyone's potential is different. What's yours? Discovering the unique gifts and talents within you to pursue your dreams and in that pursuit make the maximum impact on the world around you. F***. Why did you go first? I'm always curious. I've been doing this for years, so I've got mine down.

But yeah. God. Yours is great, though. We said the same thing. You said it better. We said the same thing. All right. Jesse, appreciate you, man. Thank you, man. Appreciate it., though. We said the same thing. You said it better. We said the same thing. Jesse, appreciate you, man.

Thank you, man. Appreciate it. Appreciate it. Cool. There you have it, my friends. I hope you enjoyed this one as much as I did. I love connecting with Jesse. I love learning from him.

He's got so much information over years of experience from his upbringing in music and sports and business and relationships and now father of multiple kids. I mean, he's just doing it all and he's doing it at a great high level. His ability to continue to stay sharp mentally, focusing on his health. He's doing the work every single day. The work doesn't end. Growing never stops. And Jesse is a prime example that it never stops,

that life is an ongoing learning process. And if you learn something from this, make sure to share with your friends, lewishouse.com slash 652. Tag me at Lewis House and at Jesse Itzler on your Instagram stories, on your posts, on Twitter, and let's spread this message far and wide. Also, make sure to check out a copy of his book, Living With The Monks. You'll learn a lot more about how you can be more mindful in your life and the other exercises and principles

that you can start applying in your life right now to get bigger, better, more meaningful results. Again, to watch the full video interview, you can go to lewishouse.com slash 652 all the show notes the links where jesse's book is his social media handles all the tweets that you can share out are over there and as leo christopher said there's only one thing more precious than our time and that's who we spend it on make sure you're spending quality time on yourself and on the people that matter most in your life today.

Send someone a message that you care about and let them know how much you appreciate and acknowledge them for the person that they are in your life. Continue to add value to other human beings. Continue to show up and be the best person you can be. I love you so very much and you know what time it is. It's time to go out there and do something great. Outro Music you