The School of Greatness - 684 Love Yourself First with Tracy McMillan

Episode Date: August 24, 2018

“THE MOST IMPORTANT RELATIONSHIP YOU CAN HAVE IS WITH YOURSELF." Sometimes, we repeatedly attract the same kind of person into our life who does more harm than good. When we see this type of harmful pattern, we have to ask ourselves, “What is it about about me that is attracting someone like that?” You can continue to blame others for your relationship woes, or you can start to look within yourself. On this episode of Five Minute Friday, I wanted to revisit a conversation I had with Tracy McMillan where she explains the importance of loving yourself. Tracy has a fascinating history and background, including 16 years in a TV newsroom, writing the 4th most viewed article on Huffington Post, and being a dating coach on a TV Show. But beyond that, Tracy came from a really tough background and has used her life experiences as the base for all of her perspectives and wisdom. No matter what your relationships look like right now, I’m excited for you to hear Tracy’s wisdom on Episode 684. In This Episode You Will Learn: How loving yourself can change your life (1:10) The thing men need more of (2:34) What’s Tracy thinks is wrong with the show The Bachelor (3:50) Why you’re attracted to the wrong person (4:07) Tracy’s definition of love (4:50)

This is 5-Minute Friday! Our guest is Tracy McMillan. She is a relationship expert, author, television writer, and matchmaker on NBC's Ready for Love. She is known for the 2011 viral blog post, Why You're Not Married, which for two years was the most viewed article on Huffington Post and is the fourth most read post

of all time. She also won the 2010 Writers Guild of America Awards for the dramatic series For Mad Men. And she's a TEDx speaker as well. That was like the beginning of my, okay'm gonna take care of me and i wrote this script that i didn't know anything was going to happen with it and it got me an agent i started writing television

i sold a book like all these things started to happen in my life after I came to that place, after that third husband cheated and then left, I was like, Tracy, I love you. Doesn't matter if he left. Doesn't matter if he's dating a 20 year old. Doesn't matter. You are worthy. So as I practiced that one day at a time, practice, practice, practice, I took all these actions in line with somebody who feels like she's worthy.

I finished the thing. I sat down and wrote every day. I took all these actions in line with somebody who feels like she's worthy. I finished the thing. I sat down and wrote every day. I did these things. And things started to happen. And I remember I was on United States of Terror. I was a television writer. I'd been writing TV for probably, I guess, like two and a half years.

And this house comes back on the market. And I bought that house by myself with my own money, and there's not a day that goes by that I don't sit in my house and go, I love my house. Like, I take out the garbage, and I'll be like, I'll see that my house is all lit up, and I'm like, I love my house. Like, sometimes I just want to go back in the house, get some more garbage and take it out so I can go, oh, my house. Because that's what it feels

like when you take care of yourself, when you are loving yourself, it feels super good. And when you start to make relationships from that place, they are entirely different relationships. So if I could say anything to American women, it's really about knowing the most important relationship you're having is with yourself and that anything you want a man or a job or an outfit to do for you, you really can do. So what do you think is something that all men should have more of? Self-love.

So I heard self-worth or self-love from women. I think it's the same thing. Same thing. Men need the same thing. Because, you know, it's not like, I had a friend once who felt like, women are gold diggers and they all just want, Well, if you're a man with self-worth,

that gold digger woman is not attractive to you. No, you're not even looking at you no you're not even looking at her you're noticing it's like but the truth was is that he was into big boobs right and like the gold digger girls are not some they're like i want to go buy some big boobs because you don't know what i mean yeah because the gold digger girl is a match for the big boob loving man it's like if the if if a man treats a woman like an object he's gonna find a woman who's gonna treat him like an object treats herself like an object and treats herself like an object yeah and treats him like an object because men can be

objectified to get what i want to get what i want exactly and like when a woman is just like this is what you see a lot on the bachelor like you see a lot of like objectification the girls objectify themselves and then they objectify the man and they're like i'm gonna get that thing there's no friendship there's no loving it's it's about it's acquisition yeah it's about acquisition so men have to really come from a place of self-love as well, or they are going to open. It's like when people are like, men love bitches. I'm like, no. That's like saying women love bad boys. Yes.

Women with low self-esteem love bad boys. Men with low self-esteem love bitches. But if you love yourself. You're not going to put up with that. Yeah. Yeah. You're just like, oh, I'm sorry. I'm not a match for that.

And frankly, people know what they're looking for.'re mammals that's what i'm always saying we're mammals so people know on a very unconscious animal level what you're about in that quick yes they just sit across from me and they're like okay this person i can do my game on that person i cannot you know what i mean it's like subconsciously yeah we're we are supercomputers interesting what's your definition of love um yeah well i have so many um love to me like the biggest definition is it's it's like that pervasive force that is everywhere. And that when you tune into it, you're in it. And it can be extrapolated in any direction. It could be in your work.

It could be walking down the street. It could be in a love relationship, like a sexual relationship. It could be between parent and child. So there's just like this thing that is there and it's always there. It's everywhere. And you can tune into it or not. So when you tune into that, you're in love.