The School of Greatness - 688 Maria Shriver on Reflections for a Meaningful Life

Episode Date: September 3, 2018

“Everybody wants to be great, but I advocate that people already are great.” Things move much faster than they used to. The world is 24 hours a day, and people feel like they have to keep up. We have to post, we have to read, we’re comparing ourselves to each other on social media. Wayne Dyer says, “Peace is the result of retraining your mind to process life as it is rather than as you think it should be.” It’s so important that we take time to step back and reflect, so we don’t lose sight of what really matters. When we accept ourselves and everyone around us, we can experience a fuller life. On today’s episode of The School of Greatness, I dive deep into a lot of things that have inspired an incredible mother and human being: Maria Shriver. Maria Shriver is a journalist, author, and former first lady of California. She has received a Peabody Award, been a co-anchor on CBS and NBC, and is an emmy-award winning producer. Maria is a New York Times Bestselling Author a few times over. She works with Alzheimer's and helps with so many charities around the world. Maria’s been through a lot in her life, but she still shows up for all of us. I’m so excited about this one, guys. So get ready to learn all about faith, love and family on Episode 688. Some Questions I Ask: Do you think we’re doing too much as a society? (3:30) You’ve spent time with the most amazing individuals- are they typically happy? (8:50) How can parents raise conscious children to live meaningful lives? (12:20) Who has been your greatest teacher (19:00) Do you think we should be putting more women in leadership, or do you think that they should earn it on their own? (29:54) In This Episode You Will Learn: How social media affects your children (3:35) Benefits of church vs. the benefits of meditation Why successful people are more complicated than anyone else What to do when you’re triggered emotionally by someone next to you The greatest lesson Maria learned from her mom (15:20) The number one thing Maria thinks will heal society (27:30) Why faith, love, and family are the most important things in life (45:30)

This is episode number 688 with New York Times bestselling author Maria Shriver. Welcome to the School of Greatness. My name is Lewis Howes, a former pro athlete turned lifestyle entrepreneur. And each week we bring you an inspiring person or message to help you discover how to unlock your inner greatness. Thanks for spending some time with me today. Now let the class begin. Wayne Dyer said, peace is the result of retraining your mind to process life as it is, rather than as you think it should be. I am so excited about our guest. Maria Shriver is a journalist, author, former first lady of California. She has received a Peabody Award and been a co-anchor on CBS and

NBC. She's an Emmy Award winning producer, multiple time New York Times bestselling author. She works with Alzheimer's. She helps so many causes and charities around the world, and she is an incredible mother and, again, human being. In this episode, we dive in deep on a lot of things that has inspired her along her life. We talk about the benefits of church versus the benefits of meditation. We talk about why successful people are more complicated than anyone else. Also, how parents can raise conscious children in today's world and some of the biggest lessons

she's learned as a mother in today's society. What to do when you are triggered emotionally by someone close to you and why everyone has earned the right to contribute. That and so much more. I'm so excited about this. Make sure to share this out with your friends on Instagram. Take a screenshot of your podcast that you're listening to right now and tag me and Maria Shriver over on Instagram, lewishouse.com slash 688 for the full interview

with the video, the show notes, and everything else where you can get Maria's new book and learn more about her as well. Again, a big thank you to our sponsors. And this one is a powerful episode, guys. Make sure you guys take your notes, share with your friends. And without further ado, let me introduce to you the one, the only, Maria Shriver. It's a great day, and it's a yippy moment. We've got Maria Shriver in the house.

Thank you so much for being here. Oh, thank you. Very excited about this. You gave me a hug out there, and now you're shaking my hand. Well, I can't jump over. Okay, I see how it is. Okay. I'll give you a bigger hug when you leave. Okay.

You've got a book out called I've Been Thinking, Reflections, Prayers, and Meditations for a Meaningful Life. A very inspiring book. I read most of it. I haven't finished it, but my audience knows that I've rarely finished books. Really? But just the point that I got through most of it was very inspiring. That is? Really?

I was committed. It's hard for me to read and stay focused. It's hard for me to get through. Well, the goal of this book is that you can pick it up and put it down, pick it up and put it down, and it's done in kind of spurts. So there's a reflection, there's a quote for inspiration, and then there's a prayer at the end of every chapter, so to speak.

But it was done conscious of people's attention span, conscious of the speed at which people are going in life, and it's designed to slow you down. It's designed to get you thinking. It's designed to get you thinking. It's designed to get you to be reflective about your own life, about what I'm talking about. Do you agree, not agree? Does it resonate? Do you have something different to say about it? Because they're all really kind of chapters about what constitutes a meaningful life. Yeah. Do you think we're going too fast right now?

Oh, for sure. For sure. We're doing too much? Well, I think that the world is, you know, 24 hours a day, right? And people feel, I think, that they have to keep up. They have to post. They have to read. They have to see what everybody else is doing. So everybody's comparing each other to the other person. And so I think that's really of all ages, actually.

Really? Yeah, I think it's certainly acute for young people, kids who are in even grade school, middle school, high school, college. It's acute for people who are coming into the workplace to see kind of how they're comparing to people they went to school with. Or are they going to be as successful as Mark Zuckerberg when he was 30? What's wrong with them that they didn't come up with the bird? Bird scooters, you mean? The bird scooters, right? Those are amazing.

Yeah. So young people are thinking about that. Women are worried about their careers, their families. Are they going to have a kid? Are they not? What's going to happen? And so I think there's a lot of that going on. And so I advocate for really a moment in everybody's day to step back, step off, to reflect.

Because I think all great thinkers and all great people had a practice of stepping out and stepping back, because that's the only way you could actually have an original thought. Yeah, I think growing up, you know, I used to go to church all the time, and then at some point in my 20s, I kind of stopped doing that, and I think there's a lot of young adults who kind of stop that tradition from my experience at least. And then they don't have the time to reflect. They don't have the time to think like you're talking about. Right.

And that's why I think that meditation has got this big movement right now where it's like the new prayer for some people that maybe don't believe in religion or church or for whatever reason they're not going anymore. It's their opportunity to sit and just be as opposed to constantly do, right? Right. But I think the benefit of church is that it's communal, right? You're in community. So you're gathering and you're part of something larger. I'm a big advocate of meditation, but it's singular. It's alone again, right?

So I think the, myself, I think people are gravitating to that because they're like anxious. They're high strung. They need relief. And meditation provides that. But I think really what ultimately provides that is connection, right? It's being in community, in connection with another person, making a real life friend. Knowing that real life friend will pick you up if you get a flat tire or if your bird gets stuck on the side of the road, but that's a real person, right? And that- As opposed to social media person.

Well, or, you know, and I think there are great communities on social media, but it's different than someone who will sit with you at the doctor's office. It's different than someone who will come over when you're really hurting. Those are different people. Those people can become that. But I think that so many of the people of all ages that I talk to know that there's something wrong with the way we're all living, that it's going so fast. And so they're looking for alternative ways to live. Meditation offers that, right? People look to exercise to offer that. They look to be of

service to offer that. So I think that we're human beings and connection is what we need. Whether you want to call it love, community, connection, I think all of us want to live a meaningful life. I think everybody wants to be great, and I advocate that people already are just by their being. And I think we mistake oftentimes that you have to do something to be great. So just being alive. I think you're divine by being alive. I think you are, you know, if you're a good person, that's great. If you are being a great daughter, a great son, a great brother, a sister, a great, you know, partner, whatever that is, that's great. If you are being a great daughter, a great son, a great brother, a sister, a great

partner, whatever that is, that's great. I think we put so much pressure on each other to, quote, achieve something so we can be in the school of greatness or we can be viewed as great by others. And so often those people don't feel great themselves, right? That they're just rushing through life. So I've come to find that the people, what makes me feel great is really being in connection with other people. You've been surrounded by some of the most celebrated people of our lifetime. You've spent time with people like that. Are those individuals, you don't have to name names, but are those individuals typically happy and feel like they're living meaningful lives?

Or is it kind of split where some of them are miserable, but they look like they're achieving a lot? Well, I think that's always, you know, everybody has their own path. And I grew up around people who did really great things, moved societies, moved countries, moved. They had a great deal of restlessness about them, a great deal of drive about them, a great deal of rage and anger about some kind of injustice. And that's what propelled them. I've also been around other people who lived their lives in different ways. And I think they characterize success differently than maybe people I grew up with. And I think so. I think it's always different. I think people have such

different paths. I've found that people get to a certain place in life where they do wonder like, am I on the right path? Is this all there is? Maybe I should switch it up. I think the first part of life is different than the middle and different from the end of it. I think that's super interesting. And I think really great, great people that we meet, you know, that are super, super successful people are complicated by and large. Why is that? It's complicated to be, you know, I don't know how you're defining great. you're defining great. But, you know, if you're, I guess, trying to run for president of the country,

you know, if you're Putin, those people are complicated, right? So I think... Are there any people that are extremely driven and say have achieved great things or achieved big things that aren't complicated? Well, I don't know. It depends on the person. Certainly, what I know of like the Dalai Lama or Bishop Tutu, and I had the good fortune to meet Mandela. I would say that, you know, at the point when I met him, perhaps he was less complicated than had I met him when he was a young man. And he was driven. Yeah. And he was on his way to prison. And then you meet somebody who's on their way out there, a very different person.

Right. I'm always interested in people who grow and evolve because I think that's why we're here. You know, I think sometimes people say, well, so-and-so said I changed. I'm like, thank God, because who wants to be at 50 exactly the same you are at 20? I've always said that about politics. You know, we penalize political leaders for evolving and for changing their opinion. We say, like, you said 20 years ago on this day that you felt like this, and now you're changing your mind. And that to me is always a good sign because that means life impacted you. You opened your eyes, you allowed yourself to evolve and to change. And in this book, I write about some of the things

that I was wrong about, where I have re-evaluated my opinion on that. And I think that's a good thing to think differently all the time, right? Steve Jobs said, think different. I'm interested in people who think outside the box, as I know you are too. Absolutely. Yeah. What's the one thing, if there is anything, that you would change in your life? Nothing. Nothing? Nothing.

Any regrets? Nothing. Nothing? Nothing. Any regrets? No. No. No. I think, you know, that doesn't mean there haven't been painful experiences, but I think you grow from them. You know, you evolve from them. I grew up in a kind of great family, but there was a lot of trauma,

and so I think that shaped me. I was really pleased to go into journalism, but it was tough and competitive. I fell in love at 21 and had four great children out of a long relationship. I'm on my own doing different things now. I have a great relationship with my kids. So that's an interesting, having adult kids versus young kids. So I don't look back and say, I regret this. There are some things I wish had turned out differently

that might have taken a right instead of a left or might not have happened, but I don't regret the things that have happened in my life. How do you think parents can raise conscious children to live meaningful, fulfilled lives in today's society with all the comparison and judgment and desires that I guess kids or young adults have. Well, I think it's challenging, right? I think you have to first know your kid, right? I think you have to be in conversation with your kid because as any good parent knows, your kids change a lot, right? And they talk about

changing opinions and changing needs and changing wants. It's every day. Changing people, you know? So I think setting aside time to be with that child, setting aside time to have family activities, I think all of that's super important. Letting children know that they're loved and that they don't have to be, quote, you know, on the cover of a magazine or in a movie or whatever that is, that they're loved. They don't have to earn your love. I think it's a really powerful thing that a parent can give. Is there anything your kids could ever do or say that would make you not love them? No. No. No matter what it is? No. If they disappointed you at the highest level or? I don't even know what that is. What is the highest level? Not sure. Maybe they committed

crimes or did something immoral or they went to prison or who knows. Yeah. I think everybody, you know, I would, you know, want to be able to offer them a place of safety and sanctuary and work through whatever that is. I'm not scared of people who have dark sides or who make mistakes because I think we all have that. I think we all are imperfect. We all have darkness. We all have light. We all have complexity. We all have simplicity. We all fall down. We all need to be raised up. So I think that, you know, we all fall down. We all need to be raised up. So I think that, you know, no, I can't, I can't really imagine what that would be. I hope, um, because I would think that whatever, you know, caused that or happened, there must be some reason and I should work through it with.

Yeah. What's the dark side of you? Oh, I'm restless. I'm complicated. I'm driven. There's a lot there and there's a lot of good. There's a lot there. And there's a lot of good. There's a lot of light. There's a lot of complexity. I was saying to my brother the other day, I'm a lot. I'm a lot. He goes, you've always been a lot. It's okay. He goes, don't be afraid of your a lotness. But I'm curious. I'm indefatigable. But I'm also fun. I'm really fun. I'm adventurous. I'm curious. So I think, you know, the good and the bad, right?

And I don't like to look at it as bad, but I think of, like, that maybe my allotness might scare some people, but I'm interested in people who are a lot, too. And who was the most influential person for you growing up? Was it your mom? My mom definitely influenced me tremendously. My kind of family influenced me tremendously. The greatest lesson you think you learned from your mom? Life is a marathon, not a sprint. You're going to have it over a know, over a lifetime, but not all at once. And don't judge yourself at that moment that you haven't done X, Y, or Z. And so I really now, I practice kind of visualization of where I want to be kind of towards the end of my life or 15 years from now. Who do I want around me? What do I want that picture to look like? What do I want to be able to look back on and say that I did, the company I kept? And so I work towards that vision. I call it, and I write

about it in the book, I call it the open field. And so I visualize that that's where I want to go. I visualize getting there. I visualize who will be at the table with me. And I visualize. And then I concentrate on making sure that those people in my present day feel loved, feel seen, feel that I have time for them because I want them to be there for me at the end. I think I heard you say that the open field is a place beyond fear and resentment and guilt and shame and insecurity where you can be your most authentic loving self. Yeah. And beyond political affiliation, beyond net worth, beyond zip code, just where your divine self is there and you're accepted and nobody's asking you what you do or what you did or how much money you made or who you voted for. They're just thrilled that you're there. And I think that that's an image that has brought me hope in my

life when I felt like, oh my God. And I think that's also everybody feels like that at some point, right? And they're like, ugh. And then I visualize that, and then I'm like, okay, I know where I'm going. I know where I'm going. And I've also never been afraid to go to kind of unknown places with no plan. So I moved out here unknown. I went into journalism unknown. And so I've done things that kind of in my own family were like, what? You know, what are you doing? And I was like, I don't know. I'm just going here.

I'm just going there. I'm just going to try this. And so that's good. It's given me a great life. What do you think has been the greatest decision you've made in your life? I don't think there's any, quote, one greatest decision that I've made in your life? I don't think there's any quote one greatest decision that I've made. I think certainly having children was a great decision. I was scared to do that because I was like, oh my God, there's no women in journalism that are doing that. How am I going to be able to do that? Now, of course, everybody in journalism is having a kid. But at the time

that I was doing it, it was being at the network and having a kid was like, you couldn't see it. So I didn't know how it would work and all that sort of stuff. But it turned out to be a great thing for me. So Arnold and I have four kids and they love each other and they have fun with each other and they're there for each other. And I've tried to instill in them that, you know, these siblings of yours are going to be your best friends through life. So take care of that. You can have a fight, but you can't peace out.

Hold on to it. You can't peace out. You've got to peace in. Who has been your greatest teacher in your adult life besides your mom? Because I'm sure she influenced you for your adult life. Different people. Certainly, you know, my mom died nine years ago. So she was a big teacher of mine. My father taught me different things. I've learned things from friends. I've learned a lot from my children.

Really? What about? I've learned about patience. I've learned unconditional love from my children really I've learned what about I've learned about patience I've learned unconditional love from my children yeah I've learned about how different they are and how they want to be treated like individuals I've learned about patience from my children I've learned you know about acceptance from my children I've learned about letting go from my children. I've learned. What's been the hardest thing to let go of? Them. What do you mean? Well, you know, they get older and they start their own lives and they have their own opinions and they go off to school and you've, you know, devoted your whole self and then you're supposed to be thrilled that they're up and leaving you and that's supposed to be just the best news of all and um so you have to let go and then because they're not living with you anymore i have one

boy who's in school so he comes home in the summer but and i do family dinner so they all come home but they're you know they're on their own path they moved on no they haven't moved on, but they've moved to their own beat. And so in order to allow for that, you have to step back and step off, right? So I think that that's been— And not be attached to what it used to look like or— Yeah, not be attached, not to think that they're, you know, six and seven and you're in control. Yeah, because you're not. You're not in control anymore, huh?

You're not in control anymore. So that's, is that challenging? Yes. I think it's challenging if you've been in control of something and it's all gone the way you laid it out. And then people get up and go like, I'm going over here now and do my own thing. I'm going to do that. And, uh, but I think that that's a really great lesson because you, it teaches you that, you know, you really have so little control over everything. And trying to be a control freak is never a good idea. You know, in this book, I write about letting go. I write about grief.

I write about death. I write about separate identities. I write about all of these things that life presents to itself. Life is a journey, right? And it's constantly asking you to step in and step out, to hold on and to let go. And I think that's what, I think we don't talk enough about that, that we all think it's a linear path. We're going to go to here, go there, get a picket fence, do well, you know. And I think it's so much more complex than that. And knowing that, I think, is a relief. Knowing that you can be- Just the awareness of it.

Yeah, that you can be happy or that when you're really depressed and sad, that's not the end of the world. It's a wave. But I don't think, you know, like certainly when I was growing up, nobody talked about that. So I try to say to my kids, you could have all of those feelings in one day, and that's okay. You can be incredibly depressed. You can be full of grief. You can be angry. You can be elated. You can be hopeful.

You can be sad. You can be excited. And that could be one day. And so I think knowing that that's common, normal, that that's life, takes some of the fear out of it. Because when we get depressed or we get desolate and we're like, oh, my God, oh, my God. But then you know if that's a wave. And obviously for some people who have serious medical depression, it's not a wave. And they should get medical treatment and be in good therapy and stuff like that. But for many people, it's not a wave and they should get medical treatment and be in good therapy and stuff like that. But for many people, it's a wave and that's life. Yeah. I think a

former coach, I think his name is Jimmy V. There's a Jimmy V Foundation. Yes, I know Jimmy V. His quote, like his speech where he said that, you know, I think a good day is when you laugh and cry and smile and hug all in the same day. He's like, that's a good day. Yeah, I think a good day is when you laugh and cry and smile and hug all on the same day. He's like, that's a good day. Yeah, that's a good day. Laugh and cry. Yeah. It's a great day.

But I could do without the cry. Yeah. Or like a good week. Joyful. Maybe a good week. Yeah, exactly. You're going to have some crying. Is there any pain or challenges that you're still holding on to that you haven't learned to let go of?

Oh, yeah, but I'm not going to tell you. Okay. Yeah, I think there's, you know, there's always stuff that you're working, for me anyway, that I'm working on, working through. I think the goal, as I said, is when you get there, you've lost whatever anger, pain, resentment, all those things. And sometimes that takes longer than other stuff. But it's your responsibility to work it through. Why do you think you still hold on to some of those things? Because you're human. I think sometimes you're still sad that you lost your mom and you're still in grief and you wish you could get over it quicker. Or you're still

really angry about something that happened X two years ago and you want to get through it. And you haven't gone at the pace or you haven't done the work or I have to say I feel really at peace in my life I feel good I feel joy filled I feel connected I feel on purpose do you think you don't have to share if you don't want to do you think if you were able to let go of some of these things whatever these things are that you're holding on to still are working through do you think if you're able to work through them and let them go quicker that something new would open up in your life or be available? Or do you think you're exactly where you need to be?

Yeah, I think I'm exactly where I need to be. And I don't think there's a lot that, you know, some week you're working on something you didn't even know you were working on, right? So it's like, wow, I didn't even know I was still dealing with that. Or you feel like, oh, I'm feeling like I'm not dealing with anything. I don't have any pain. I don't have any regret. And then all of a sudden a trigger thing happens and you're like, got to do some more work on that. Yeah. I mean, I think we talked about this before when we connected that, you know, even though five years ago I started to heal and let go of trauma from

being sexually abused as a kid and never telling anyone about it and kind of always feeling this defensive trigger when someone did something that I felt was abusive towards me. Right, right. Even though I feel like I'm at peace and I've healed it, you know, five years later and I'm constantly working through it, there are still moments where I get triggered and I get defensive and I'm like, okay, well, I haven't fully let this go, I guess. Yes, that's what I think. And I think, but being self-aware, that's your job. As I try to say to my kids all the time,

whatever somebody else is triggering in you is your work. That's you. You have to figure out, you know, what is it that they, what button did they press in you? And what can you do to heal yourself in that space? What can you do to understand yourself, right? We like to blame other people for, they yelled at me. It's like, okay, that might be their issue.

What's your responsibility in it? And I think that that's an empowering way to look at your life. So if I had talked to you six or seven years ago, you might have said, I have no problems or whatever. And then something came up. And you're like, holy, that's a whole part of my life I put over there and I never dealt with. Never talked about it. Yeah. And so, but maybe last week you would have felt like, oh my God, everything's perfect or great. And then this week something happened and you're like, gosh, I need to work on that more.

And I think as opposed to that being bad, I think that's good. Yeah. What do you think we as a society can do more of that we're not doing to overcome the biggest challenges that we're each facing in our own life? I mean, that's obviously a huge question. I think that if we could look at people less as others and more like ourselves, I went to this retreat that Richard Rohr, who's a Franciscan priest, and he wrote that, you know, if you have a heart and soul, so does that person that's pushing your buttons. So does that person that is a different political party than you. And if you want love and forgiveness and understanding, that person is entitled to it too. So I think perhaps, you know, looking at people less as

other, looking at people less as someone who's of a different color skin or a different experience, but just being curious about their life. I talk a lot about we can all be more compassionate, caring, and conscious towards one another. And I don't believe that that's kind of, we'll talk, I think that's hard work. Being compassionate, caring, and conscious. Yeah, I think, you know, you don't see it in our political world. You don't see it being discussed by this president. You don't even see those words coming out of his mouth, and or you don't see it coming out of the mouths of people who are talking in Washington. It's very combative. It's competitive. Why is that? Why are we focused on that?

I don't know. And yet, if you look at, you know, whether it's all the people that we admire or that people admire, whether it's, you know, Mandela, that's Gandhi. Martin Luther King. Martin Luther King. Those that have a true legacy. Yeah. An inspiring legacy. Talk about compassion, love, caring for humanity, right? And I thought, you know, former President Obama spoke about that last week in South Africa on the anniversary of Mandela's birthday, where he talked about the need for more love. Where he talked about the need for more women to be in leadership positions. Where he talked about the legacy of a man like that. leadership positions where he talked about the legacy of a man like that. And I think that that kind of dialogue, President Macron in France has spoken about leading from a place of love. You do hear some leaders talking about it, but I don't think enough, and I don't think we pay it

enough attention. We more respond to what he called strong men politics right strong arms strong men that's like you know sure sure beating your chest and like you come near me i'm gonna defend myself protect myself whatever yeah whatever now you mentioned women in leadership and more women in leadership do you think we should be putting more women in leadership as companies, societies, politics, placing women there? Or do you think that it should be because they earned it for whatever reason or they're a vote-in? I think everybody wants to earn their place. And I think even women who, you know, companies that say we want to have a certain amount of women on our boards, those women have earned it. I think it's really helpful for companies to say we want to have, you know, a diverse board, whether it's women, people of Latinos, African Americans,

it's better if our company's board is diverse. I think that's good. And I think it's, you know, important. I think it's important, you know, I do a lot of work in the Alzheimer's space and women's space is to go into doctors and researchers and say, we need to focus attention on women because we haven't tested these drugs on women. We haven't looked at how women are aging. We haven't looked at women's health the same way. That's not against men. It's just earning the right to be equal in terms of how we're treated in the medical profession or how we're treated in any profession. But I think there are more women running for office. I don't think running for office is for every person, but I think women who are jumping in, they feel they've

earned it. They've earned the right. And I think, by the way, everybody's earned the right, right? You have a story. You can tell it. If you have an idea, put yourself out there, make your way and see what happens. But I think that, you know, women can lead at home. They can lead in communities. They can lead. You don't have to be on the board of a Fortune 500 company to be great. I think moms are the most influential people because really as, you know, a young boy growing up, I was so, I was influenced by my dad as well, but my mom was there more. You know, my dad just happened to be working longer hours

and so I was around my mother more and she had the ability to really influence me and the way I think, the way I treat people, the way I act, everything. And so I think moms, whether they're pursuing a big career or they're moms by themselves, have the most influence in my mind. Right. They have massive influence.

They do have massive influence. And I think it's also time that we recognize the incredible work of motherhood. Absolutely. You know, I meet so many women. Certainly when I was first lady, women would come up to me all the time and introduce themselves and they would say, I'm just a mom. And I had a whole thing like, let's eliminate the word just because I think women very often feel like if I'm not doing X, Y, and Z over here and I'm just a mom, but you're not going to be interested in me. I'm not going to be great. I'm not going to be interested in me. I'm not going to be great. I'm not going to be invited

on the show. And I think society is telling people that's not enough to just be a mom. When it is, in fact, then we say, oh, but it's the most important job in the world. But we're also saying it's really not, I'm not going to talk to you at dinner if I could sit next to Lewis. I want to talk to him because you're just a mom. So I think we have a lot of conflicting messages we put out there. And so we say, oh my gosh, you know, school teachers are so important. And then they ask for a raise or help. And we're like, how dare they? Or we say we really value our firefighters and stuff, but we don't want to support them. Yeah. So i think we as a society

are very often hypocritical in what we say and actually in what we do and we want to um you know uh be of service we think everybody should be of service but then we're not of service and i have a friend who's like oh my god about the environment and she doesn't recycle. So I think, you know, it's, I think we could all do well to check our own house, get that. We're all pontificating about everybody else's house a lot. I think it's good to like, make sure you're in your lane, focused on your house. Absolutely. Before you criticize anything. Yeah, exactly. Make sure you're in order. Yeah. Yeah. I've only got,'m taking notes because i i'm curious of this question because i know you're constantly seeking information ideas you're constantly learning and growing yeah and sharing that through your books and journalism and everything what's the question you've yet

to answer for yourself i don't know and that's a good question what i've yet to answer from i have a different question for myself almost daily. But is there like a, you know, have you answered the question of why you think you're here or what this world is or what the purpose of it all? Have you answered these questions for yourself? I don't. Yeah, I have this and I write about this in the Sunday paper because I'm taking August off. So this is taped. I'm not lying, but you know, there's this great quote, Rumi poem that I'm a big fan of Rumi. And it's like, what you're looking for is looking for you. And I think that that is really, I think ultimately we're all looking to be loved.

And I think everybody is looking for love and they exercise their way of getting that in different ways. But I think ultimately, you know, maybe that's what is looking for you is love at the end of the day. And so I'm aware of that. So I don't think there's a question. I think it changes as in my decades, you know, what am I here for? What am I doing? I ask myself a lot of know, what am I here for? What am I doing? I ask myself a lot of that. Why am I doing everything that I'm doing?

But then when I'm quiet, I know why I'm here. I know what I'm doing. It's only when I get like, oh, my God, what am I doing? Right. And I do get that. I do like, am I in the right place? Am I doing the right thing? Can I focus it more?

Can I do it better? My mother was a lot like that. So I think I do have a little bit of that. But if I come up with one question at the end that I could never figure out, I'll have to let you know. I don't think, is there one question that you? That's a good question. That's why I asked it. Why are we here? Why are we here why are we here that's my question why are we here i know i'm here because my parents had me i mean why are we as a human

beings why are human beings here to connect to collaborate why compassion why not yeah yeah why not where else would we be why were we created you know why wasn't it just animals or why was there life in general there was there were animals there was animals there are animals and perhaps they evolved and i happen to believe in god i believe that god that we're all divine and that we're all here for our own unique divine purpose absolutely and i like to believe that and i like to believe. Absolutely. And I like to believe that. I like to believe that as well. Yeah, I like to believe that because...

But I wonder what the real reason is, though. But what if that is the real reason? That might be. Yeah, let's just say that it is. Oh, perfect. This is called the three truths question. Three truths question. I like to ask this at the end for people.

All these people that you have on the board have answered this. I think almost all of them, yes. Almost all of them. Lewis has pictures of all the great people. The wall of greatness, which will be up there soon. What is it about greatness that is so intriguing to you, so attractive to you? I think, like you talked about, we're all here to connect, to create, to evolve, to see what we can do with our lives and how we can become greater, I think. And you said that over your life, your early childhood, there was a different mission and a purpose than when you were a teenager and then when you were in your 20s and 30s.

And now that you're 41, it's completely different, right? Yes. So for me, we're all here to grow into something. Right. and 30s and now that you're 41, it's completely different, right? So for me, we're all here to grow into something. Right. We're growing. Right. Evolving. We're evolving.

Yes. And what is it we are evolving for? Are we evolving to stay the same from when we were children? Are we evolving to create something in the world, create connection, create a positive energy, create an invention to solve a problem. And I'm fascinated with people who evolve to create something for good and create something that inspires one person, 10 people, the world to grow themselves. Do they have to create a thing or can they just be? They can just be. And a lot of it is their way of being. Yeah. I think that is, we're all kind of creatures of doing. And so

if we were actually just being and our being is what made us great, as opposed to what do you do? It's, I always wish that people come up to me all the time and they say, you know, I do this or I know so-and-so. And I stop and I go, do you have a name? Right. And who are you? Who are you? What would you say if I said who are you? I'd say I'm a fun woman.

I'm a girl who lives in Brentwood, California. I'm a mom of four. I'm a divine light. And I'm here to get to know you. And if I said, what are you most excited about? Getting to know you. Yeah. Is that what you're about? Getting to know people? Getting to know people, being in connection. How can I help you? Is anything I've learned or done in life, is it of any value to you? How can I support you? value to you? How can I support you? But I'm here to know you. I want you to know me,

not the book I wrote, the family I came from, but me, Maria. So I'm interested in who you, Lewis, are. I'm less interested in your school of greatness. I'm here because you have it and you invited me, but I'm not really interested in it. I'm more interested in you and your being. And I think that that's the challenge. Not the actions we take, but our ways of being. Who are we? Our generous hearts, our loving nature, our fun, our spontaneity. Yeah. Are you the kind of person I could call when I have a flat tire?

I want to know that about you. I want to know about your struggles. It would take me a long time to change a flat tire, but I could call someone I have a flat tire, I want to know that about you. I want to know about your struggles. It would take me a long time to change a flat tire, but I could call someone to fix it for you. That's good. I could make it happen for you. Yeah, I think we live in unfortunately or fortunately, that's why I call this, I've been thinking,

I want to know what you're thinking. I don't want to know. What you're doing. Yeah, I'm less interested in that. And I think that that puts people off. I see oftentimes, you know, when I go out with my kids, people go, what do you do to them? And they're like, well, I'm doing this. I'm like, but what do you really want to do?

And right away, I can see they're like, well, I'm. Do kids say this? No, people say that to them. They'll be like, well, what are you doing? What do you really want to be doing? Are you, what is your person? And there's no like, what are you doing? What do you really want to be doing? Are you, what is your person? And there's no like, what's your name? Who are you?

Who are you? What do you enjoy? You know, what brings you, you know, happiness? Why are you here? I'm so happy to meet you. Yeah. I usually leave with two questions. What are you most excited about and what are you grateful for?

Yeah. I think when people, when you ask what are you excited about? For whatever reason, it unlocks people where they always look up or they just smile because they think about the thing that brings them the most joy. And then I say, what are you grateful for? And again, it unlocks something else in their heart where they're like, man, I'm just grateful to be alive. I'm grateful I got to see my mom and have lunch, go to church with my mom this last Sunday. I would love to be able to do that. Right? Yeah.

Grateful for these moments. And I think that's a better way to start a conversation than what do you do? Amen. It's very boring. What do you do? Well, I think it oftentimes puts people on the like, because whatever I do isn't what you think I should be doing. Or maybe I don't really like what I do. I don't know if what I'm doing is going to be me what you think i should be doing or maybe i don't really like what i do i don't know if what i'm doing is going to be interesting to you but i meet so many people all the time as i

said who come up to me who never even say their name they'll they'll say like you know i know so and so who knew you or i know or i work over at a thing like this and then i always say like do you have a name and they're always like stopped and i go do you have a name? And they're always, like, stopped. And I go, do you have a name? Yeah. And they'll be like, oh, yeah, my name is. I was like, okay, great. Now tell me who you are. Yeah.

I'm trying to impress me. Yeah, no, or just, and I think we all do it. Yeah. And, you know, somebody was interviewing me today. And she said, okay, just for the record, can you say your name on this tape and put your title on the tape? And I was like, okay, my name is Maria Shrobert. I have no title. And she's like, what do you mean you have no title?

I said, I have no title. I don't know how to answer that. What is your title? Yeah. What is your title? I would say a passionate, loving, wise man. Good. Human.

Yeah, human. Yeah. This is called the three truths. Human. Yeah, human. Yeah. This is called the three truths. Okay. So imagine it's your final moment on earth. My final moment, yeah. It's whenever you want it to be. As many years out, it could be hundreds of years.

You choose a day. You've achieved and you've been the person you want to be for the rest of this time, right? You've created all the books and the events and anything you wanted to do, you've done it. Or anything you don't want to do, you haven't done it. Whatever. It's up to you. You've lived the life of your dreams. Okay.

But for whatever reason, everything you've created, you've got to take with you. So there's no more access to books that you've written or words that you've said or videos. You've got to take it all with you. And everyone's there on your bedside, your family, your kids, everyone that you care about is there. And it's a celebration. And they give you a piece of paper and a pen to write down three things you know to be true about your entire existence. Everything you've done, been, everything. They're giving me a pen and a piece of paper. I have a line on my deathbed and everybody's there. Is that the picture we got? Yeah. But it's a celebration. You've got a few days to end it until you call it quits, right? Right. But they say, we really want to know like the three things you know to be true about everything you've done. You've had so many

incredible experiences. Yeah. From all the people you've met. God loves family. Faith, love, family. Faith, love, family. Yeah. What about those three? What about them? That's what I tell you you need. You need faith. You need love and you need family. Faith, love, family. Yeah. I've thought about it. There you go. There you go. What happens when we don't have family? I think you feel alone. You feel, you know, disconnected. You feel, I'm just speaking for myself, you know, I think you feel alone. You feel, you know, disconnected. You feel, I'm just speaking for myself. You know, I think, I mean, I can't imagine because I grew up in a big family and family to me. And I always like to also broaden that concept of family because your children bring people into family. And I think even if you're separated in a marriage or divorce, that person is still always family.

So I think family is, for me, I have four brothers, I have nieces and nephews, and if my brother said to me, walking out of here, I need you in Boston tomorrow, done. I just feel, for me, that's a sense of stability stability grounding in the world I think for me having faith gets you through the tough times which everybody inevitably is going to have as I say to my children all the time don't think you're going to be immune from really challenging stuff because everybody has really challenging stuff and how navigate that, how you hold yourself in it, how you get through it, I think it would be hard to get through it without faith.

Yeah, just because you're so-and-so's kids and you might have more money than other people or something. I think there's a lot of people with money who with terrible pain and no family and who are sad and alone. Money is not, you know, i don't put my three things money right i think you know they've done actually a lot of studies about that that it's a certain amount of money where people feel like that they have a roof over their head they can put food on the table but there's no difference between that i think the last number of that i think was as i did a story on that i think the the number was $100,000 or $70,000 or something. There was no differentiation between that and like millions.

And that people really, it's that they're loved, that they have family, and that they have faith. And really, I don't know. That's the next book title. What? Faith, Love, and Family. Faith, the next book title. What? Faith, Love, and Family. Faith, Love, and Family. I like that. Yeah.

Before I ask you the final question, I want to acknowledge you for a moment, Maria, for being a stand for humanity. Because in a world where so many people are doing and need to accomplish, you're doing, but you're also constantly reminding us to be loving, compassionate. Thank you. For your example as a mother to raise incredible children who are all being compassionate, kind individuals. I'm sure they have their challenges and moments. But I think you've gone through a lot in your life. And to still be here showing up with so much love in your heart for all of us is really inspiring. And I want to acknowledge you for all that you do and the way that you're being with me and always. Thank you.

Thank you for doing that. Yeah, of course. Of course. Make sure you guys get the book. We'll link it up. Go grab a copy. It's been on the New York Times bestseller list for almost— And that is me on the cover.

That's me. You're 41. Who is that on the cover? 41 on the cover. My son took that picture. That's great. Yeah, that's me. It're 41? Who is that on the cover? 41 on the cover. My son took that picture. That's great. Yeah, that's me. It's a really powerful book.

What's funny is that I have a picture kind of like this of Georgia O'Keeffe on my bulletin board. And I pulled it out, and it is a picture of her looking out at the desert. And she's got her hair in a bun, and she's got a paintbrush. And it's about letting go of everything in your life to actually create the life you want. And I was always attracted to her and attracted to the way she lived her life and her independence and her creativity. And I subconsciously, when they wanted me to do this book cover with just my name and have it white and everything, I was like, no, no, that's not right.

That's not right. And my son took my kids to Utah. And he took this picture. I'm like, there's my cover. That's it. That's it. And then I realized when I was sitting there with it, I was like, oh, my God. It's the same as the Georgia O'Keeffe picture.

And it's close to an open field. Yeah. With some boulders in there. But it's pretty close to an open field. You've got to get over the boulders to get to the open field. Yeah. With some boulders in there, but it's pretty close to an open field. You've got to get over the boulders to get to the open field. Trust me. Where can we connect with you online or your website? You can sign up for the Sunday paper, which is the newsletter.

And I've been thinking out every week. You've been in the Sunday paper. Yes, thank you. And I'd love to have you back. Yes. And it's a newsletter for people with passion and purpose. And so we put people who have, we put news above the noise in there. We put views above the noise and people who are

really trying to move humanity forward, move us in a positive direction. Because I believe there are way more people like that than there are those who want to divide us and promote hate and negativity. And I don't think that's soft. I don't think that's, you know, aren't you in denial? I think that's the reality of the world. I just came from the 50th anniversary of Special Olympics, the program my mom started. And there are cops there and teachers there and parents there and local citizens and Knights of Columbus. and teachers there and parents there and local citizens and Knights of Columbus and the numbers of people who want to be of service, who want to live lives of passion and purpose, lives of

greatness, lives of meaning is way more than the people who want to divide us, gaslight us, scare us, and make us nuts. So I think it's where you put your attention that matters. And if you put your attention where the insanity is, you're going to go insane. And if you put your attention where the people are lying and gaslighting you, you will go insane. Or you can put your attention to all the good in the world and the people who are promoting inclusion

and women's rights and men's rights and trying to make the world better, you will rise up. Yeah. And for me, greatness is about really reaching your full potential and living in service at the same time. Yeah. Because if service is not in your life, I don't think you're really doing something great.

You might achieve things, but it's not really that great for me unless it's really impacting humanity on some level. Yes. But I'm curious, as the final question is, what is your definition of greatness? I think somebody who's living their life, who's like secure enough to do their own journey, to chart their own course, pave their own path, and get to the open field. That's great. Appreciate you. Thank you. Appreciate it. Thank you. I'll do another hug in a second. Appreciate you. School of greatness. There you have it, my friends. I hope you enjoyed this episode. And if you did, if you're inspired by anything that Maria shared, make sure to tag her over on Instagram in your

Instagram stories. Check her out over there over on Instagram in your Instagram stories. Check her out over there over on Twitter and Facebook as well. And tag me also at Lewis Howes. Share this with your friends over on Instagram, on social media. Again, this is all about the reflections for a meaningful life and so much more.

The episode is lewishowes.com slash 688. You can link that up on your social media and share it with your friends. You can watch the full video interview as well. Make sure to get Maria's new book, powerful book. I love reading it right now also. And there's so much more that she is up to. Check out her show and everything else that she has over at lewishouse.com slash 688. I appreciate you guys so very much.

And I want to remind you that you are a powerful gift in this world. You have something to contribute. Even if you feel stuck in your life, even if you feel like you're in a place that you don't want to be in right now, even if you feel like you don't know where the path is heading

or you're not sure what your passion is, I'm telling you, just start taking baby steps every single day towards something because some path is better than no path. And when you start down that path, you're gonna start to swerve and swiggle and move around and start figuring out what you don't like

and what you do love. And you're gonna start leading a path that inspires you and inspires those around you. You were born for greatness. You were born for greatness. You were born for incredible things, but you've got to be willing to put yourself out there, overcome your fears, and do the work every single day. The best way to learn is to grow through giving and service. Continue to show up with a grateful heart.

Show up with a positive attitude. Show up with a smile on your face so that you will reflect that inspiration on others and be the light that others are looking for. I love you, and you know what time it is. It's time to go out there and do something great. Outro Musicご視聴ありがとうございました