The School of Greatness - 695 Your Thoughts Will Heal or Kill You with Marisa Peer

Episode Date: September 19, 2018

YOU MAKE YOUR BELIEFS AND THEN YOUR BELIEFS MAKE YOU. Marisa was listed in Tatler’s Guide to Britain’s 250 Best Practitioners and was the only woman on the Men’s Health’s list “Best of British.” She has over 25 years of experience whose clients include Olympians, Royalty, CEOs, and superstars. She’s the bestselling author of four books and makes frequent appearances on TV and radio. She’s helped thousands of people overcome a variety of issues. Marisa has started a radical #iamenough movement. Just saying those three words, I am enough, you can change your brain’s pattern and come from a place of self-love. The way we feel really comes down to the pictures we have in our head and the words that we say. It’s as simple as that. Marisa sees her mind as the horse, and she is the rider. Learn how to master your thoughts to master your world in Episode 695.

This is episode number 695 with Marissa Peer. Welcome to the School of Greatness. My name is Lewis Howes, former pro athlete turned lifestyle entrepreneur. And each week we bring you an inspiring person or message to help you discover how to unlock your inner greatness. Thanks for spending some time with me today. Now let the class begin. Napoleon Hill said, both poverty and riches are the offspring of thought. Wow, what a powerful

idea. And this episode is all about your thoughts and how your thoughts will heal you or they will kill you. And I had the pleasure of connecting with Marissa Peer, who really blew me away. Just her presence, her energy, her delivery on her message. I was really fascinated and I hope to connect with her much more in the future because I think she's a voice that needs to be heard. And I want to make sure you guys hear what she has to say and let me know what you think. As always, take a screenshot of the podcast that you're listening to, tag me on Instagram at Lewis Howes or on Twitter, on Facebook, and let me know what you're thinking. The full video interview is at lewishowes.com slash 695 and all the show notes are back there as well. Marissa Peer was named best British therapist

by men's health magazine. She has spent 25 plus years working with an extensive client list, including royalty, rock stars, actors, professionals, and Olympic athletes, CEOs, and media personalities, and has developed her own style that is frequently referred to as life-changing. Marissa also studied hypnotherapy at the Hypnotism Training Institute of Los Angeles, known as the best hypnotherapy training establishment in the world. And some of the things we talk about today are why our mind's job is not to make us happy, but to help us survive. And we cover a few different things and examples of experiences she's had with people in the past where they never seem like they can find happiness. And we cover how you can find happiness in your life.

Also, what she sees most people struggle with emotionally, because we go through a wide range of emotions. But what are those things that stick to us that we can seem to never get through? Also, why the story you tell yourself is so important and how to change the story in any moment and how every word you say is a blueprint for our mind, body, and reality. This one is a game changer. Again, make sure to share it with your friends, lewishouse.com slash 695. Again, a big thank you to our sponsor, and I'm so excited about this one. So without further ado, let me introduce to you the one and only Marissa Peer. Welcome, everyone, to the School of Greatness podcast.

We have Marissa Peer in the house. Good to see you. Thank you. Thanks for being on here. Now, you have been named Britain's best therapist by many magazines. You've worked with a lot of superstars, rock stars, celebrities, actors, athletes, Olympians, top of the top, helping them overcome a lot of their challenges and be better performers. Is that right?

Yeah, that's absolutely right. And how long have you been in this field of therapy? Amazingly, over 30 years. Over 30 years. So you must be like, you started when you were about 10, 11. I started when I was an embryo, yeah. Okay, that's great. Why did you get into this field in the first place?

Well, it's very interesting. I used to teach aerobics for Jane Fonda here in South Robertson. Yeah, many moons ago. A few blocks away. Yeah. We were looking at it this morning. So I trained to be a child psychologist, and I didn't love that because when you're a child psychologist, you have three patients, mom, dad, child. And especially when mom and dad are divorced, it's very hard to get to the child because they use that child often. One says no sugar, one says all sugar.

I found it very frustrating. And, of course, the kids that really need help. You're not seeing the rich, privileged kids who are underperforming because they want to punish one or both parents. So that wasn't working for me. And I think I was too young anyway to do that. I was only 22. So I left and I came to LA and I ended up teaching

aerobics for Jane, which I have to say was way more fun than being a child psychologist in the north of England. But I had a psychology background. I've always been fascinated by human behavior. And I noticed in her studio, she'd be the first to admit it, every third woman was bulimic, anorexic, including Jane, who was bulimic for a long, every third woman was bulimic, anorexic, including Jane, who was bulimic for a long time. So they were bulimic, anorexic, exercise, compulsive or body dysmorphic. They'd go, look at this fat on my wrist.

Skin. I know, yeah, but to them it was fat. And I remember thinking, this is just insane. And I lived in West Hollywood and I had two roommates. One was bulimic, one was anorexic. One would defrost cheesecake and cry hysterically while eating the whole thing. The other would eat frozen grape every 30 minutes. And it's like, oh, this is like mad,

but also fascinating. So I found this genius hypnotherapist called Gil Boyne out in Glendale. And I trained with him and thought, this is like amazing. I've got all these people in my class. I've got all these issues. Now I've got this hypnotherapy training

and all I have to do is take all my clients straight out of my classes, which I did with immense success. But what happened is I was so busy. People would ring up, look, I know you're the weight loss hypnotist, but I've got a fear of bees and I only want to see you

because my neighbor said you're amazing or I know you're the bulimic girl, but I've got a fear of bees and I only want to see you because my neighbor said you're like amazing or I know you're the bulimic girl but I've got a fear of lift and I want to see you and then I realized it was actually much more interesting and so I continued to do that and then I was doing it backwards and forwards London and LA flying commuting and then I worked on several tv shows wrote some books and then thought you know there TV shows, wrote some books, and then thought, you know, there's only me doing this, so I should teach other people to do it. And now I teach lots of people to do, because now I've created my own method, which is really taking the world by storm. What's it called? It's called rapid transformational therapy. How does it work?

So for instance, if you have migraines or you're obese and you go to a therapist, they want you to talk every week about what's it like being obese. Very distressing, actually. And what does that feel like? Frustrating. It's like you're going to the dentist and saying, can I come in every week and talk about the infection in my gum? The dentist goes, no, get that infection out because it just does ongoing damage.

So conventional therapy likes to talk a lot. And what I don't like about conventional therapy is they go, okay, you have bipolar. That's very complex. Therefore, the treatment is going to be very complex. And that is not the case. And we're going to take it in stages and break it down here. And conventional medicine too, they treat the symptoms. Whereas when I work with someone who's believed, it can go, what happened? What happened to you? They go, well, my granddad had sex with me when I was 11 until I was 13. And I got really fat. And I never realized the connection that I kept saying, I wish I could stop him looking at me like that. And the mind goes, that's the command. You want your

granddad to stop lusting after your body. I'll make your body super unattractive. And you have to unpick that. So we had someone who had chronic migraines and had tried everything. And she was having injections in her head. And when I asked her, because we do this thing called role, function, purpose, we hypnotize someone. Role, function, purpose. And in hypnosis, they go back and we say be the headache and tell me your role and amazingly they do it because they're out of their thinking into the feeling mind and they'll say things like oh well as long as i have those headaches i can't disappoint my dad who always says why aren't you an overachiever like me

i spent all that money on your education. How can you just be a waitress? But now I've got the headaches. He goes, oh, my poor daughter. She could be an amazing barrister, lawyer. But she's got these symptoms that she can't control and get over. Yeah, and then, of course, when the symptom has a role, function, purpose, and an intention, it's not going anywhere.

So if someone has headaches, you would walk them through what's the role of that headache? What's the benefit? Yeah, what's the payoff? Even with children of five, if I say to a five-year-old, baby, I know this is a silly question, but if the headache was your friend, what would it be doing? They go, well, when mommy and daddy fight and I've got a headache, they stop fighting. They turn off all the lights and we lie in the dark till it goes away. There's a kid who's had a thought, I've got to stop mommy and daddy fighting. And because they're not logical creatures, they're feeling creatures, a feeling mindset, an illness will stop your parents fighting.

Maybe failing at school will make them see that you're unhappy. Maybe getting excellent will make your mom spend ages massaging the cream into your skin, and you might feel that you matter to her. Because every time you speak to her, she goes, I'm busy at work. I'm doing my emails. I've got to speak to work. And kids think, I want mommy to notice me in the mind, which is illogical, goes, can I come up with, well, we can have asthma, eczema, dermatitis, irritable bowel.

Obesity. Yeah. And 70% of these issues, although the symptoms are real, you have a real migraine and real flaky skin, the cause of them is completely psychosomatic. Because the mind's job is to tune into your thoughts and give you what it thinks you want. And it can only work that out by what you say. When you say, this 405 is killing me, I'm dying under paper, my boss makes me want to kill myself. Your mind goes, you better not go back to that place called work. I think I should give you an ulcer or agoraphobia because you keep saying that the commute is killing you, the job is killing you. And we say things like killing it,

dying here. Clarence was telling me that her boss just died. He used to sign off all his emails, busy, busy, busy, I wish I was dead. A joke, and then he got cancer and died really fast, but his signature was, I wish I was dead. And they'll say, oh, somebody asked me, I want to die. Oh, my boss promoted me, I want to die. I'm going to kill it. And we don't understand that the brain has no sense of humor and only picks up words and thinks they're real. Yeah. It's a lot of what we were talking about with Dr. Joe Dispenza. He covers a lot of this stuff. Yeah, of course. Wow. Okay. So you started helping people from one phase, which was in losing weight. And you said,

let me understand people. It's much more than just losing weight. Yeah. Yeah. And you've been doing this for 30 plus years since you were 11. Yeah. Why were you so fascinated by human behavior in the first place? Well, I was told I could never have children. When I was 17, I stopped having periods completely, and all the doctors said, well, you know, you have infertility, unexplained,

which I thought, that's a good title, isn't it? Unexplained. Because explained is your fallopian tubes are blocked or you don't have enough oestrogen. But unexplained means everything's working. We have no idea what's going on. And so I decided to just work on myself. And I simply wouldn't accept that. And I did get pregnant. But then they said, well, everything's gonna be wrong with this baby. And it's gonna have the same issues that you've got. You've got all these different hormone or thyroid issues.

And they really freaked me out. And then when she was born, she was perfect. And they said, well, she's going to be very underweight. She was 7 1⁄2 pounds. And I realized then that I was going to stop all the medication and just come out of that. And then I started working with infertile women. It's so rewarding. You'd come in and go, I can't get pregnant. And they'd always go back to say, what's going on in this scene? I'm 50 and I think my dad will kill me. Oh my God, my mom will kill

herself. You know, we're Muslims and I'm dating this white guy. And oh my God, the shame, the terror. And the day they found out they're not pregnant, they go, thank you, Allah. I'm so happy I'm not pregnant. Now the mind is crystal clear. Having a baby will kill you. And not having a baby is something to celebrate. And when you repeat something that's in mind enough, it just can't unravel that. When women say, I've got the curse every month. And i hate this and i wish i never had them and then periods go away they never kind of look at what's going on there and so i found infertility really easy to fix and then i had people with secondary infertility which means you had a baby you got pregnant like a high high school girl on a date immediately but you've been

trying for seven years to get pregnant again. Why does that not happen? Because you go home and say to your husband, imagine if you had a second one. Oh, that would kill me. Oh, I'd leave you. If we had two keeping us up all night, and that would bankrupt us.

And can you imagine what a night we would like to have another one? The mind goes, don't have another one. And of course you don't mean it. You don't mean it. You're going to quite cheerfully throw this kid out the window. The middle of the night, I could just give them away. I remember saying to someone, your baby is lovely. You should come back at 2 a.m.

You can have him. It's a joke. Like we say to our kids, you're so lovely, I could eat you. And they think, really? So we say all this crazy stuff, which we know is crazy, but the mind says, this is literal. This is real. You mean it. When you say, I'm dying under my paperwork, the mind goes, no more paperwork for you. When we say, I'd die if my next relationship ends. If I got hurt like this again, it would

kill me. The mind goes, you know what? If it would kill you, why don't I just turn you into a complete bitch? You never have another relationship again. And then it can't kill you. Right. I mean, you'll never have love as well. No, no. Or men who go, you know, well, women are ball breakers. They just want your money. I'm done with women. I couldn't go through that again. It would kill me if I had to lose half my property again. The mind goes, that's my job. You see, we think our mind's job is to make us happy. It really isn't. It's to make us survive against what were once really pretty bad odds.

And how we survive is every time we say something, that would kill me, I'd die if that happened, the mind goes on red alert to stop it happening. In the same way, if you ate some mushrooms and were violently sick, you'll find the minute you think, oh, no, no mushrooms again, or shellfish, and the next time you see shellfish, you go, oh, no, no, I couldn't eat that. Because your mind will always remember what hurts you, because its job is to keep you alive by making sure you don't get hurt. But it doesn't know what hurts you until you say, that last boyfriend broke my

heart, shredded it to pieces and jumped on it. No, he just got bored with you. And you probably got bored with him. Or it wasn't the right fit or a number of things. Yeah. And everything he loved in you is still in you. He was just your starter boyfriend. Maybe he was your starter husband, but he didn't kill you. But we tell ourselves all this crazy stuff and then wonder why we feel so crazy. And all we have to do is tell ourselves better stuff. My mom will kill me if I get my shoes dirty. My dad will kill me if I don't get all A's. My dad will go crazy if I come home with a bad report card, which is not true. But if you believe that, then you create a world of stress. All because of what you say to yourself and tell yourself. But that's actually very good news,

because since you say it, you can say something better. Say something else. You're in control. Yeah, always. What's the thing that you see the most that people struggle with? Is it a stress, an overwhelm, an anxiousness, a fear of something? It's always a belief. I'm not enough. That's the biggest thing. In fact, I always say to all my clients, there's only three things wrong with everyone. Everyone has got three things wrong. The number one is I'm not enough. The second one is I'm different, so I can't connect. And the third is I really want something like freedom from depression or success, but it's not available. But I'm not enough is the biggest. I mean, I've worked with hundreds of thousands of addicts. I've never found one ever that ever

believed they're enough. And if we look at the key addiction, shopping, binging on food, binging on alcohol, binging on drugs, sex, especially porn. All of those things come from a feeling of emptiness inside because we're taught, oh, you feel a feeling? Why don't you eat some donuts or go onto eBay or Amazon or buy something or have a drink? And our feelings are the most real thing we have. have a drink, and our feelings are the most real thing we have. And we push them down. We find all this stuff to buy or eat or drink or take to keep us, like John Lennon said, comfortably numb. But then the feelings regroup and come back because they've always got a job to do. And I would say to my clients, look, you've got to feel the feeling until it no longer requires

to be felt. You can't eat it or drink it or shop it away, but we're all taught that we can and should. So I'm not enough is the biggest problem I see. I mean, if you look at Amy Winehouse or George Michael or Whitney Houston or Philip Seymour Hoff, an immense talent, a gift, beauty. Why didn't they feel like they were enough, though? When the world says you are enough, I'm going to celebrate you. You're going to have everything you want. We're going to talk about you constantly, stroke your ego,

pay you a ton of money. How come they still can't get over that they're not enough? That's a great question. There's a couple of things. First of all, if you're Amy Winehouse and someone says write a song and you write back to Black in five minutes, they give you $8 million, it's what I call the self-destructiveness of talent. I didn't earn that.

It's a bit like a lottery winner. I didn't work for that. I've got to get rid of it. You know, lottery winners who haven't had money will almost always go bankrupt very quickly. So if you didn't earn it, it has no value. The guilt of not feeling like, well, I didn't work 10 years for this. Even with guys, you know, guys like to pursue women. So if you just give it up to them immediately, they like it, but they don't want to see you again because you've taken away their desire to earn it.

If your dad is an heir and gives you a ton of money to open a business, you won't respect it because you didn't earn it. So the first thing is, this came to me so easily. Therefore, it has no value at all. And that's a big thing with rock stars and music stars who debase it. But the second thing is with many people, like, for instance, George Michael and Whitney Houston always had to pretend they were straight. They have to live a lie from the very beginning. Michael Jackson had to pretend to him this lovely, God-fearing, wonderful Walton-type family. And we know that wasn't true. Amy had to pretend that she didn't mind at all that her dad

left her mom when she was four. And she minded very much indeed. So when you fake it and fake it and fake it and fool the world, you can't fool yourself. And then you're living a lie. And eventually it comes back. And people like Whitney, who is just so talented, then use drugs to hide the pain because I can't now come out and say that I'm not straight. And I'm portrayed as this Bible-bashing, God-fearing, heterosexual, man-loving girl. And that's not me. I'm a party animal. I like women.

But she wasn't allowed to say that. Coming from the church and everything else. Coming from the church. And it's so unfair to do that to people because you make them pretend to be something else, which causes intense stress. And then when you're in intense stress, what do you do? You have to take drugs. I remember years ago Carrie Fisher's mother saying that she would appear on screen with two baby diaper pins on her shirt. And she was America's Golden Girl, but her husband was cheating.

She was a chronic bulimic all her life and hit that. And such a shame. You mentioned something about leaning into the feelings until you no longer need to feel them or until they go away. Feel the feeling until it no longer requires to be felt. Why should we do that? So give me an example of a feeling. So let's imagine you and your ex-wife are not getting on

and you have a feeling of rage about the fact that she's trying to get your kid to call the new guy daddy and she's blocking you out and you feel so angry. You think, well, I mustn't feel angry. She's doing it for the interest of my kid. And so I just drink the anger and I drink so angry. You think, well, I mustn't feel angry. You know, she's doing it for the interest of my kid. And so I just drink the anger and I drink the anger. And you see with a feeling, it's the most real thing you have. A feeling is like a little kid in a class going, notice me, I'm over here.

And if you don't, they get more and more out of control. And so when you don't acknowledge your feelings, they regroup and they regroup until they become outrage, rage coming out. And then suddenly they go a bit crazy in the car park of a store or the line of a store because the mind says, I've got all this rage, it wants to come out. Someone just cut into the line, take it out on them. And it's so ineffective because I have something I call triple A, which is be aware of your feeling. Most people have no idea what they feel. They go, I shouldn't feel jealous.

I shouldn't feel envious. I shouldn't be furious with this kid who's keeping me up all night. So they're not aware of it. They certainly can't accept it, and they never get to articulate it. If you can say, you know, my wife's a good person, but actually I'm furious with what she's doing. It really hurts my feelings. That's why group therapy in places like AA, the good thing is you get to say, sometimes I could quite cheerfully hurt my wife. I'm not going to, but I feel like, oh yeah, I feel like that too. Because when you can express your feeling, it goes away.

It goes away immediately. When you communicate it, yeah. Yeah, even to yourself. So if your mother-in-law is the absolute bitch from hell, and you can't say, by the way, Dorothy, you are the most horrible mother-in-law in the world, but you just go and shut yourself in the bathroom, turn on the taps, flutter door, and say,

Dorothy is a really unpleasant mother-in-law. And one of my- You feel better. Yeah, you feel so much better because you're not saying it to them. It's like feelings are like gas. They're in or they're out. And they hurt much more when you keep them in. And you want to let them out. Gas, I mean, obviously right in the middle of a meeting, but when you keep stuff in, it causes you pain. And one of my amazing therapists said, my mother-in-law really was the mother-in-law from hell. And I could never say anything

because my husband was the golden boy. But after I trained with her, I started to say, you know, Brenda, you're a really unhappy person and I know you're trying to hurt my feelings, but I just feel so bad. And Brenda finally said, well, you know, I've been bulimic for 32 years. Nobody knows.

Could you help me? She completely transformed that woman in two sessions. Never been bulimic since. Now she likes me more than her son now. I'm now the daughter-in-law from heaven. I've got a big halo. But when we keep everything in, it does so much damage. It's like with little kids.

They get angry and we shout at them. They go, oh, my anger makes you angry. And I'm not allowed to be angry. I'm not allowed to say something hurt me. And all psychiatrists will tell you that if you want to be sorted out, here's something you must do. Express your hurt as close to the event that hurt you happening as possible. You can't say to your dad, 20 years, I asked for a bike,

and you got me a skateboard. I didn't want that. What? I worked nights to buy you that bike. You can't get any resolution after 10 years or 20 years. But when you can say to your friend, look, I love you, you're my friend, but it really hurt me when you didn't even turn up to my wedding, and I still had to pay for all of that and you didn't call.

And it hurt me. I still love you, but you hurt my feelings. Then it's gone. But when you keep it in, it doesn't work. When you say to the friend, you make me feel so angry, well, you make me feel angry. I didn't come to your wedding because your guest list, that was extortionate, asking for all this stuff.

I mean, I'm not Bank of America and I didn't want to buy that stuff. But you can't get resolution. But when you say, I'm not Bank of America and I didn't want to buy that stuff. But you can't get resolution. But when you say, I was hurt when, or I felt hurt by, and you can say it to a wall, you can say it to a force, you can say it to a mirror. You can write it down. It's not for the other person. It's good to say it because it's out then. And then it goes away. It's the most wonderful thing. It goes away. And then everything is so different. away. It's the most wonderful thing. It goes away. And then everything is so different. Yeah. It's interesting because of the last two years specifically, it's been magnified with men in the media who have created all these killings, shootings. Yeah, I know.

Racial marches, political distress, you know, domestic violence, all these things have been happening and it's been magnified over the last couple of years, right? With Me Too and Time's Up and everything. And as a society, when men are unable to express or communicate themselves, or they're going to be known as weak or soft or whatever the word is, it's hard for them to express themselves in any other way except for this blow up. Yeah. Especially when you say this, like, stop acting like a girl. You're running like a girl. Exactly. You're acting like a girl.'re running like a girl exactly you're acting like a girl don't be a wuss don't be this don't be it's like less than their manhood or something yeah of course there's no wonder why if it's unacceptable for men to express themselves in this way it's hard for them to just be stoic constantly i'm not saying it's okay what they've done to act out but i think society in general needs to

have a big group hug and let it out in a way where it's more acceptable to express ourselves. And also, whenever anyone does anything wrong, we go, what's wrong with you? We should say, what happened to you? What happened to you? And they'll go, well, you know,

my mom always said she didn't want a girl. Boy, she wanted a girl. And I've been brought up. Give an example. I had a city trader as a client who really had problems trading. And his boss said, you know, he's the best trader, but he's so nervous. And when I worked with him, he was saying that when he was a kid, his parents had two girls and then him. And he would smash his tongue good towards the other

and they'd go, what's wrong with you? Look at your sisters just combing their doll's hair, and they're so good. and why are you so aggressive? And a four-year-old can't go, well, because I have something called testosterone. Right. And they don't. And I'm designed to run and jump and hunt and fish, and I've got to learn what to do with aggression. Smashing my cars together is good for me. A four-year-old doesn't have anything because they live in the world of, yeah, they just live in the world of feeling, not logic.

And he said, I never realized, I just spent my whole life thinking something was wrong with me because my parents would say, everything comes to me, what's wrong with you? Look how neat you are. They don't get peas on the floor when they eat. And he said, I heard it every day until I formed a belief something's wrong with me. He didn't date women because he thought, well, I should be like one, but I want to be like a man. And that session totally turned him around. He said it was like someone had sprayed him with pheromones because he went out that night and women were attaching themselves to him like a magnet. But he just got rid of the feeling of something's wrong with me.

Because most people do walk around going, something's wrong with me. I'm just majorly messed up. And you can't heal. And no one understands me no one gets me and i don't understand me and if i don't understand me how can you and why should i even be here yeah because you can't heal what you can't understand and so all the treating the symptom is like putting a band-aid on an infection it doesn't when you understand it you can totally change your perception of what it is. Because events actually don't affect you, but the meaning you attach to them does. The story we tell ourselves about the event. The story.

And I love that because when I just got all my Stevie Awards, it's like, oh, I feel like I've got an Oscar. And that's good because I take clients' stories and I give them a happy ending, always give them a happy ending. But then you have to understand a bit more of psychology because humans are hardwired to recreate what they know. We like what's familiar, even if it's very bad. If I've never had money and I win the lottery, I'm going to get rid of it. Or if I've never had love and you love me, I'm going to reject you because it's so unfamiliar. If I've had a dad who calls me an idiot and worthless, guess what kind of guy I like? That's it. Because when I meet them, I go, oh, I feel like I've known this guy my whole life. We just clicked. And then you think, oh my God,

it's because he's my dad. But now I've been sleeping with him for six months. I don't know what to do with that now. Because we are wired to like what is familiar and to resist what's unfamiliar. And that's what kept us alive. When we lived in Wall Street, we didn't go, I'm a bit bored with this group. I think I'll go outside the Wall City and find another tribe because they might have killed you. So we have this wiring that says run towards what's familiar and run away from what's unfamiliar. But the very good news is you can make anything familiar. And the most important thing to make familiar is praising yourself. If you could just do that, that in itself would change your entire life.

How do you praise yourself? Well, you get out in the morning and go, I'm a good person. I have a skill. I have a talent. I have something to offer the world. I'm here for a reason. You look in the mirror and go, oh, there you are. You're a good person. You've got a good heart. The most important way to answer that question is this. What did you always want your dad to tell you, even if you never had a dad? If you had a dad, a good dad, what would he have said? What would your mom have said? What would a nice teacher have said to you?

And it would be something like this. I'm proud of you. You're a good son. I'm so glad I'm your dad. How lucky I got to have you. And a teacher would say, you're such a smart kid. What a joy it is to teach you because you're smart. And we all want to hear the same stuff.

I love you. I'm proud of you. You're interesting. You're a great company. Nobody needs to hear I'm the best dentist in Beverly Hills because that doesn't work. It's emotions. And many of my clients, their mother might be dead, but they're still trying to get her to approve of them. Dad's living in another country, but they're still

working to make him like them. And, you know, the most important thing is you like you. So whatever you wanted to hear, say it to yourself because your mind doesn't even know that it's coming. And also it doesn't care. Your mind doesn't care what that it's coming and also it doesn't care your mind doesn't care what you tell it is right or wrong or true or false or even if it's good or bad it lets it in like chapstick on your lips your lips don't go is this organic fair trade just lets it in it needs a bit of nourishment and we need some nourishment and words are very nourishing and there is actually nothing on the planet that will raise your self-esteem like praise. But self-praise is better.

It has to be self-praise. Because if I said to you, I just adore you, you're amazing. By the way, you know, can you do this and this and this? I've manipulated you. But if I say it to myself, my mind knows there's no manipulation, and the mind likes repetition. And when you say it every day, your mind kind of goes, oh, yeah, here you go again with that praise. You say it every day. It must be true.

And now it sinks in. The problem is if you criticize yourself every day, it says the same thing. That sinks in as well, and that hurts you. It's interesting because the big talents that commit suicide or die, you know, the, who's the comedian? Robin Williams. Robin Williams, Amy Winehouse, all these individuals who had the world praising them, but they weren't able to praise themselves. Yeah, and they don't let it in.

It doesn't matter if everyone else acknowledges you. It does matter, but you have to be willing to acknowledge yourself as well, right? And the familiar, unfamiliar, if praise is unfamiliar but criticism is familiar, and you say to someone like Robin Williams, oh, my God, that last show was funny. He goes, didn't you notice? I fluffed a word. It wasn't as good as the one before.

So if you're not used to praise, you'll reject it. And if you're used to criticism, you'll add it in. Because we do what's familiar. So if we say to someone, I love your book, they go, oh, actually, it's not that good. The other one is much, I love your top. Oh, I got it in a car boot sale. It's five years. I've got a hole in it. So if we haven't got praise, we actually reject it. And you just have to say to yourself, I'm going to make this familiar. I'm going to praise myself every day. It might feel weird, but I'll

keep doing it. It's a bit like running. You know, running isn't familiar, especially around Beverly Hills. But if you put your shoes on and go for a run on concrete, eventually it becomes familiar. And then you like it. I mean, sticking a lens in your eye, that's the weirdest thing. Very unfamiliar. The first few times, oh my God, I'm coming in my eye like that. And then after a while, you can do it almost without thinking because you get used to it. You can make anything familiar or unfamiliar. And my advice to everyone is look at your bad habits

and make them unfamiliar. And look at what you want, especially praise, and make it familiar more so because if you've got a startup where you're working for yourself, the days of a boss going, well done, good job, pat on the back are over. And you have a praise muscle and no one's going to build it up except for you. But if you build it up, it makes you bulletproof. Yeah.

It's fascinating. I'm so glad you're talking about this because we have a similar philosophy and a lot of people that come to me are afraid of certain things. At an early age, I was afraid of a lot of things. I was afraid to talk to girls. As a 12-year-old, I was afraid of speaking in public. I was afraid of dancing. I was afraid of all these things, right? And I got so sick and tired of being afraid that I just said, I'm going to give myself a challenge. And every day, when I was afraid of girls, I was like, every time I see a girl that gives me butterflies, I'm going to go up to them and start a conversation. And it's terrifying. And I'm sweating and I'm stumbling over my words.

And people rejected me the first few times. But I just kept doing it until a girl said, hi, nice to see you. And you get a little confidence until, you know, by the end of the summer, when I was a teenager, it was like every girl was talking to me. Of course. And I tell people you've got to embrace the fear until the fear disappears. It's similar with the feelings. You've got to live in the feelings until, what did you say?

Feel the feelings. Feel the feelings. It no longer requires to be felt. That's great. Because what you're really describing so eloquently is you had a massive fear of rejection, talking to girls, speaking in public, asking. Feeling enough. Yeah, someone asking to employ you or pay you. So we have a great fear of rejection, which is not surprising because when we're born, we have two drivers, find connection, avoid rejection. After all, if a mother rejects a child, if a lion rejects the cub,

it's not going to be adopted. It will die. Yeah. Or it just starves to death. And so we know innately that our survival on the planet is linked to not being rejected. And not that long ago, you would have died from rejection. You know, a thousand years ago when they banished you outside the walls of the city or you marooned a difficult sailor or you cast someone out of the community you pretty much died there was nothing out there but purgatory so we have a wiring that says rejection will kill me and that's why you had the fear but when you can dialogue with the other no it feels like it will kill me it can't kill me because no girl can reject me unless I give her my permission. Right, give her my power.

You can't reject me unless I agree with everything. I don't like you because you've got short hair. I don't like your shirt. I don't like you because you're white, not white at all, short, glasses, not. But when you say you can't reject me, I can't be rejected because the only person you can reject me is me. You can talk to girls realizing even if they say, no, you're not my type, I'm with someone, no thanks, or even, ew, not no,

they can only reject you if you let that in. And we look at someone like James Corden, who's certainly not gorgeous, but women love him because he's funny. So funny. So funny. Love that guy. And, you know, we like warm people. You know, the packaging is all very nice.

We'll always have a great packaging, a great wrapper, but they're unhappy. And so our greatest fear is to be rejected. But the truth is, in 2018, you could live in this apartment, have Amazon deliver your groceries, never see a soul. And you probably live until you're 106. Yeah. Wouldn't advise it. But we don't die of rejection anymore. But we still feel like we will.

And all schools should be teaching kids you cannot be rejected. You can ask for a pay rise. You can ask for crowdfunding. You can go to someone and go, here's my idea. You can write a book, speak in public. Because I work with a lot of actors who say, I'm so scared of rejection. I'm like, well, how are you going to be an actor then? Because you're supposed to be rejected all the time.

So why don't you and I write books for everyone who loves it? There's going to be the odd person who goes, I hate this book and I hate that writer too. But we don't let it in. We have to laugh about it. When you give a YouTube talk, I mean, I've got, one of my talks has got like 3 million views, and there's few and they're going, I hate her, stuck up English snob. But they don't know me because that's not me at all. But I don't go, oh my God, I can never write another book. I

can, I'm okay because I don't let it in because the only opinion that matters is my opinion. I know I'm not a stuck up English snob. So that can't hurt me. Because if it did, I wouldn't be sharing it with you. Right. Yeah. So if everyone's giving you negative feedback or critical feedback on who you are, your performance, your work, how does someone not let it affect them? How does someone say, okay, it came in and it came out? That's such a great question. So if someone just comes in and goes, I hate that shirt, or that color is so not you, or you should never have cut your hair, or, whoa, you've got a bit heavy, you just go, thanks for sharing that.

Just a really simple thing which says, thank you for sharing your opinion, which I can choose to not let in. You don't have to do anything else. The minute you go, well, your shirt's pretty awful, or look at your hair, or calling me heavy, you look kind of wrecked that you've let it in. And now you're trying to retaliate. And it's like a game of tennis. If you put down your racket and walk off the court, you can't volley. So the first thing to say is thanks for sharing that. And it's very good for the little barbs we get from people, family, friends, sisters, cousins, exes. If someone is really mean and says, you know, I listened to

your talk on YouTube. Oh my God, you stank up the place. I was embarrassed for you. Then you go back and you say, I missed that. Could you repeat that for me? Slowly. They will usually not bother because they know that in you asking them to repeat it slowly, you're going to call them out on it. And they usually go, oh, me and my big mouth. I'm just having a bad, I didn't actually really watch it anyway. Just ignore me. And if they do, you must not go after them and go, no, I want you to just repeat it right now. Say it to my face. Don't do that because a bit like a lion who bears the teeth, they're saying back off and I don't want to attack you. When a lion bears its teeth, you don't go up to it, you walk away. It gives you a chance to retract. So saying,

could you repeat that slowly is giving the person a chance to retract. They almost always do, but occasionally they'll come back and go, no, I just said you're so wooden as a speaker it's an insult to wood and then you have your third reaction which is oh are you trying to make me feel bad about myself amazing they usually go no no me no I thought I should tell you how bad you are because you need to get help or never speak in public again or I mean I had a nanny once who was so awful. I had to say to her, darling, you're wonderful, but you're not meant to be a nanny. And I didn't criticize her.

I just advised her to go and do something else. And we're still friends. Sometimes people think that the criticism and the barbs and the humor are a good way to give you a message. So when you say you're trying to hurt my feelings, they often say no. When you're being bullied at school, if you say that, they go, yeah, I really am. I want to hurt you. That's the point, dummy. Why? Because it's a domination. Bullying is just dominating. It's a bit like a seesaw. The bully feels they're at the bottom and you're above them and they can only

diminish you or embellish themselves to be above you on this little seesaw. So they feel inferior. A bully feels inferior. Yeah, bullies always feel inferior. So let's imagine you're poor, your dad drinks, you don't have any money, and there's this kid with new trainers and a new backpack. And they come up and say, you're just a faggot or you're gay. Because they can't really embellish themselves. So the next option is let me diminish you. I mean, the embellishment is no one in my family has been divorced. So when we fight, it must be your fault. I mean, you're from divorced people or, well, I've got a degree and you haven't, or I've already raised a kid and I've got no problem with those ones. So this must be

your fault. So you can embellish yourself. But if you can't, you go into diminishment. And so when someone says, yes, I am trying to hurt your feelings, you simply reply, well, it's not going to work because I'm not letting that in. And I was in my garden last week filming an anti-bullying program, which we're giving away to every school. And I had these kids and this little girl was saying, I'm not letting that in. That's not going every school. And I had these kids and this little girl was saying, I'm not letting that in. That's not going to work. And I said, how do you feel?

She goes, I feel so good because he's not hurting my feelings. I'm not letting it in. He can't hurt me because I'm just saying I'm not going to let that in. And then when it was his turn, he said, I'm kind of running. I'm becoming demotivated to bully her. I'm totally demotivated. And I was enjoying it because he got to the horrible things. He said, I'm becoming demotivated to bully her. I'm totally demotivated. And I was enjoying it because he got to the horrible things. He said, I'm so demotivated.

I'm running out of stuff to say because she just won't let it in. And then they switched and she said the same thing. What's the point? He's not letting it in. I just want to stop this now. So that's the fourth option. Well, that won't work because I'm not letting it in. And the fifth stage is to say, particularly with adults,

like if you have a bullying co-worker, do you know, since we're sharing here, you do know, don't you, that people who are critical have so much criticism reserved for themselves, they actively dislike themselves. And you're actually showing me and the entire office that you really don't like yourself. By critiquing me, you're actually showing me and the entire office that you really don't like yourself. By critiquing me. Yeah, by critiquing.

You're just showing me. Critical people always have criticism reserved for themselves. They are full of self-criticism, but they reflect it out. And superior people and happy people always praise, and people who feel inadequate always criticize because criticism withers you and praise builds you up. And if you can use those five techniques, thanks for sharing. Could you repeat that? Are you trying to hurt my feelings? Won't work. I'm not letting it in. Since we're sharing, did you know what is

running your critical behavior? You don't let it in and being able to not let in criticism, that too will change your life. It makes you bulletproof. You can't stop being mean and having a horrible day. And we now have trolling, which is becoming an epidemic. So it's actually worse. Our kids used to get bullied at school and go home to a sanctuary. Now they're bullied online. Now they're bullied online, on the phone. And it never ends, and they feel really attacked. And, see, when you find trolls, they're usually really miserable and unhappy, but they love the power because they have no power. They live on their own or with their mom.

They have no life. I mean, we had a terrible situation in England where somebody was trolling this person whose child had been kidnapped and when they exposed her she killed herself oh man which was a terrible thing for her but obviously her sense of shame that she was outed and to kill herself but she must have felt terrible I felt so sorry for her but she was very vicious in her trolling but that's a really unhappy person she needed a lot of help but when you can teach people to come back from criticism without fighting or going, well, I hate you too, or you're all shut up,

or crying, when you can just teach them, look, I'm not letting it. It's like if I try to give you a gift, you go, no, I don't need that gift. I'm holding the gift. I can't give you something if you don't take it. I can't serve papers on you unless you accept them. I can't serve a volley to you unless you volley it back. So when you learn that people can try and give you anything, but if you don't accept it, you haven't let it in.

And if you don't let it in, it can't hurt you. It just hurts the person who's left holding it. Years ago, I used to, when I got early in my career, I would react to any negative comment that I got online, Twitter, Facebook, whatever it might be. Anything that was critical towards me, it was like I had to defend myself. Sure.

You don't know this about me. Because you let it in. I let everything in. I let everything consume me. Yeah. So I was driven to be perfect, to try to never let anyone critique me. And then when they did, I was like,

you don't know me, you don't know this. And I remember feeling so exhausted. Of course. Trying to reply and be defensive and whatever it may be. And sometimes these arguments online, we go back and forth for days and weeks. I know. Just waiting for them.

And then you forget what you've even argued about in the first place and a good coach of mine at one point he saw me this was years ago saw me like I'd gotten a lot better but still five years ago I like tried to defend myself with like a very positive response that was like well here's why I did this this and this but nothing negative about it right and he called me out, listen, don't even respond like that. Just say thank you for the feedback, period. Thanks for sharing. Exactly what you said. Just like thank you for the feedback and let it go.

And really now I think about the biggest critics are the ones who aren't creating. If you don't see an author, you never go on Amazon and leave a negative review for another author. No, I have a cushion. Yeah, and it says there's never leave a negative review for another author. No, I have a cushion. Because you know how much. Yeah. And it says, there's never been a statue erected to a critic. And I gave it to one of my clients who's an actor.

That's great. And it's such a great thing. There's never been a statue or a monument erected to a critic. That's great. Yeah. We had a critic in London, a play critic, and he actually wrote a play and it was absolutely hammered. And he went, I never realized what I was doing to people, how much I hurt them when I reviewed them.

I thought it was funny to make a joke. They were expensive. Oh, my God, this book should not be put down. Indeed, it should be thrown as far away from the unfortunate reader as possible. Wow. He wrote that. And then people started to get their own back. You put your own book out, yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. The trouble with this book is once you put it down, you simply can't pick it up again. That's funny, isn't it? But not for the person who wrote it. Exactly. Wow, this is fascinating. What do you think is your greatest challenge that you face internally,

personal challenge as someone who's helped thousands, tens of thousands of people personally and understand all this stuff? Yeah, I suppose it's not a challenge to get more people to understand it because people need it. You know, we all need to be nourished. You know, we need nourishment. Our soul needs to be nourished. It's not about organic avocados from Erwan Market.

That's great. But we all need this emotional nourishment. So is it a challenge getting more people to accept it? I don't think it is because everyone I see, oh my God, I love that. Some of you know, I listen to you, oh, that's rubbish. But then I found myself going into the garage and saying nice stuff to myself. So maybe my only challenge, but even then it's not a challenge, is I would say half the medical profession love what I do and really go for it and go, oh, my God, this is amazing. I'm using it with my own patients.

The other half go, this is all silly. Illness is caused by disease. You can't talk yourself better. Talking to yourself doesn't make any difference. You can't possibly give birth just using positive affirmations. It's like if you had cancer and you had a very good oncologist, you might go, look, you know, the way you think, the way you eat, the way you act, the way you rest can all affect. You got cancer, chemotherapy, there's nothing else that will work. And all that stuff is hocus

pocus. So that is a challenge. but it's not so much because I find so many doctors love what I do and go, wow, you know, all these illnesses are autoimmune illnesses. Many years ago, there was a wonderful psychiatrist in London called Dr. Maudsley, and he had a great expression. It's always been my favorite. And it says, the feeling that cannot find its expression in tears may cause other organs to weep. So he knew a hundred years ago. That's beautiful. So beautiful and so true.

The feeling that cannot find its expression in tears will cause other organs to weep. So he's sort of saying if you don't feel the feeling, your body's going to feel it. If you don't open your mouth and say, you hurt me, don't be surprised if you get a screaming. I've got this screaming headache. I've got this angry red rash. I've got this thumping pain. And by the words they're using, angry, screaming, they're saying, I have rage that can't come out. I'm not expressing it, but it's expressed through

my body. Yeah, because the body is very clever at finding something. I worked with someone who couldn't walk, and all she ever said, I can't stand that. I can't stand my ex. I can't stand my love. I can't stand my kids. And you can't stand up. Isn't that interesting? Wow.

She had sort of phantom leg pains because she couldn't stand anything. Believers will say, well, what makes me sick is my sister-in-law. Oh, I'm so sick of her. She just makes me sick. I vomit in my mouth every time I hear her voice. And then they wonder why they're bulimic. Right. Because our words really affect our reality,

partly because, and it's such an easy thing to say, every word you say is a blueprint that your mind, body, and psyche are working to make your reality. So we make our thoughts and our thoughts make us. Then we go out into the world and we justify our thoughts every day. But our words are a blueprint. And when you know that, you think, well, I better pay attention to that blueprint. I better not say this kid is killing me.

My job is making me want to die i'm so stressed out by what the queue in hughes market well go to zimbabwe where there is no hughes market and there is no queue and there's no money to buy food anyway then you can say you're stressed because your problem the queue in er and the bill, is someone else's fantasy dream come true. This freeway is killing you. You have a car. You have a job to go to. Look at people on four buses.

I used to take my daughter to school. And I'm one day thinking that, oh, my God, this commute is hell. And I saw someone at a bus and thought, how lucky. I'm in my car. I've got the heating. I've got a cup of tea, I've got an hour to listen to music, I can talk to my kid. I keep saying I want an hour to myself, well here it is. And I learned to stop doing that. But when you say, how are you? Nightmare. It is torture. What,

the traffic? Yeah, the traffic, the queue, people keep ringing me, the phone ringing, it's torture. Well, maybe if it didn't ring, that might be worse. Some of my clients or models will say my life is hell because people look at me. It's like, really? Well, one day they won't. And then you might miss it. Yeah, but I get on a plane and guys hit on me. It's a nightmare.

Well, put on a baseball hat and glasses, read a book. Put a hoodie over yourself, yeah. Then they'll leave you alone. But that's not a nightmare. It's just mildly inconvenient. It's not hell. It's not killing you. But we use these incredible words. This is torture. This is killing me. This is a disaster. What is? Well, I went to the bathroom and I forgot to pause my movie. It's not a disaster. But when you use those words, because your mind can't differentiate, it's to feel like it really is a disaster.

The flip side of this, the beautiful part, when we understand and appreciate that our thoughts become reality, we can create the life of our dreams as well. We can start to manifest our thoughts by visualizing, by telling ourselves what we want, who we want to become, and taking those actions toward it, we can manifest our dreams. You really can. You can stop being ill.

You can change the shape of your body. You can change your digestion. You can have physical things. You can change the way you interact with your kids. So here's a good example. My kid is a nightmare. Change that to my child is age appropriate. There you go.

This builder's going to go, oh, my God, that's a nightmare. Change that to my child is age appropriate. There you go. This builder's going to go, oh, my God, that's a disaster. But a good builder will go, it's a challenge. When you said talking to girls is terrifying, you just changed that to it's challenging. But, hey, there's hundreds of girls out there. It's a numbers game. One will say yes. Some will say hi. And even if they say no, the only risk in life is not to take the risk.

That's the risk. If you don't take the risk. That's the risk. If you don't, when you take the risk and it goes wrong, you learn something. It gives you feedback for how to show up differently the next time. My girlfriend's a doctor of physical therapy, and when she works on people, she would agree with everything you're saying because people's bodies are so tight, not because of something they tore or something sore, but it's because they're holding on to something emotionally. And she says once they start to talk, their bodies relax and the

pain goes away. All the pain where they can't lift their shoulder, they can't turn their neck, once they let it out their feelings about their relationship or their insecurities or whatever it may be, that's when they have a pain-free body. Yeah, because the body keeps score. The body holds on to pain and stress and tension and grief. And we carry around all this stuff. And yet we really don't have to if just more people knew. Even to say I'm enough every day. And to say another of my favorite things is I'm choosing this and I'm choosing to feel great.

I'm choosing to work on my website all week and I'm choosing to go to the gym. I don't love it, but I love having a six-pack. I'm choosing to say no to Krispy Kreme donuts and yes to apples. Love Krispy Kremes. Do you? I could eat 12 of them right now. Oh, they're so good. But I choose to eat healthy.

Yeah, and if you say, I'm choosing to do this and choosing to feel great about it, your mind has a very clear image. The way you feel about everything is down to two things. The pictures you make in your head and the words you say to yourself. There's nothing else. So if you choose to run, going, I'm running, so I'm raising money for charity. So I'm going to complete this run, even though my feet hurt, my knee hurts, because I'm going to raise my knee. But you could run going, oh, I hate this. I could be at home watching

Netflix. I haven't eaten. And now my knee hurts. And then you'll have to stop. So when you keep saying, I'm choosing it. Because, yeah. Yeah. So if you're an Olympic athlete, you would choose to get up at 4 a.m. and train. If you are a diabetic, you choose to put a needle in your arm. If you wear lenses, you choose to jab your finger in your eye. But you don't go, oh, I hate it. I can't accept it and I can't change it. And when you say, I'm choosing to study, to work, to go and talk to this girl I really like or to put good food in my body, and I'm choosing to feel great about that too, there is no resistance. When you go, I want donuts and I can't have them,

I've got to eat this freaking rabbit food, what your mind does is it increases the desire for donuts because you say, I want donuts, but I can't have them. I want pizza, I'm eating kale. I can't have these, but I choose to do this. Yeah, I can eat pizza every day. When I'm 95, I'm going to knock myself out with pizza. But right now, I actually want to look really good in my clothes, maybe out of them too.

So I'll save the pizza when I'm 80 because that door is probably shut then anyway. Then you can have loads of pizza. Every day. But you have to reason with your mind and negotiate. And your mind will always do what it thinks you want. That's its job. And if you could only tell your mind what you want using relevant, up-to-the-minute words, you'll get exactly what you want.

What do you struggle with telling your mind? Is there anything that you practice this whole time? It took me a long time to tell my mind not to eat sugar. I still look at it and go, it looks so nice. That's me. But I still look at Canby. The other day I was really tired and I went into a shop to get coffee and they had jars of jellies and I thought I could eat all of those.

All of it. But I'm choosing not to. And I just had the coffee. So working out, you know, we're on a schedule, sometimes just finding the time to go to the gym or do yoga making the time yeah that's probably the only two really eating healthy food all the time even on a plane even sometimes where there is no healthy food then you've got to wait and choosing to make myself excellent i don't want to but other than that nothing really because i'm i couldn't do

what i do unless i was really good at dialoguing. My mind is my best friend. It's the best PA I've ever had. And it does what I want because I give it clear instructions. What do you say yourself on a daily basis? Is there like a process in the morning, afternoon, and night?

Or what would it be like? Actually, when I wake up, the first thing I would say is I love my life. I love my linen. I love my linen. I love my cup of tea. I always wake up going, I love my life. And then when I make my go, I love this tea. I love the coffee.

I love the shower gel in my shower. Because I really believe that if you can make your mind get excited by little things, then big things every day is like Christmas. And I think when you wake up, you should go, oh, what have I got today? Oh, a world of stress. I've got this, this, this, this, this. So you should always wake up and go, I love my life. I'm alive in a free country. I've got all this stuff to make tea. And life is great. So I do that. The second thing I do is I tend to stay in bed and do all my emails because then I feel like I'm not working

because I'm in bed, propped up, drinking my tea, and I get all of that out of the way. Yeah, it's very relaxed. It's more relaxed. Not stressed. I try not to have to rush to go to work, but sometimes I do. I mean, I'm very lucky because I love what I do, and I do what I love.

Obviously, you work really hard. I go, I've never worked a day in my life. I don't know what that is. I don't have to go. My life is a weekend. I would say, oh, the weekend. I go, what's a weekend? I can take time off.

I mean, I love my job because I get to make such a difference. So I don't really have much to moan about. Maybe communicating with my daughter is sometimes a challenge because I'm so positive that she occasionally wants me to be super negative. Why is that? Well, I guess because you have to be the opposite of your parents. So I do all these positive. She's an artist and she does lots of negative statements on her paintings,

on her T-shirts because that's the deal. You've got to be the opposite of your parents. But I understand that. But she's great. But really, I don't have much to complain about. You have a positive conversation with yourself pretty much 24-7. Yeah. What about a nightly routine?

Do you have thoughts that you say to yourself? Well, you see, for me, I really believe that first it's what you do and then it's who you are. So first you're doing it and then it's who you are. And it's so who you are that it wouldn't occur to you to have to make yourself do it. See, I would never sit on the carousel going, my case is lost. I just know it. It's all going to go wrong. There's no cabs out there.

This is a horrible flight. I now have a belief, and it really excuse me, that there's no such thing as being bored. If my flight is late, I mean, I just get on my laptop, on my phone. I mean, I have 24-hour entertainment empty out. My emails look at something. The days of having to wait and being bored, even waiting in the car. My little phone is like everything, books, messages, videos.

And so I love that. i don't really mind about missing stuff and being late anymore but when i was last landing here two weeks ago i was hoping the moment because i was so into this movie hopefully it's delayed yeah it was delayed when the pilots have we've got to go around so great that's exactly how long is left of this movie but i think it's important for people to understand that it isn't what you do. It's a bit like people who say, I've done yoga every day, and now it's just my soul. Like Meghan Markle said that, yoga is in my soul. I don't do yoga. Yoga is part of my life. It's like you don't say, I walk my dog. If you've had a dog for 20,

just get up, pick up the lead. And it's who you are, not what you've had a dog for 20 years just get up pick up the lead and it's it's who you are not what you do and so for me it really isn't what I do because it's so a part of me and I like it and so I'm quite lucky that I'm pretty happy and positive but I really do love my life and that's a good thing was there ever something in the last 10 years that questioned everything that you've done or that questioned your ability to say, I love my life? Well, I did get very sick like a year ago. And I was like, wow, how could that happen? You know, I'm so happy and positive and eat well.

So I was a bit surprised when I got sick. But then I thought, well, the same thing, the thinking, the belief. I decided I'd focus on massive healing I kept telling my body that it was a cancer fighting machine I was making all these nk killer cells and I did actually go home the next day I was on stage a week later and my doctor was like wow you become the poster girl for just going on with your life and now I look at one particular youtube and that's so bizarre I had like major surgery just a week before that. And you'd never know. But again, it's a belief. I decided I do wellness. I said to the hospital, I need to go home. And I went and I got into my own bed. I watched Ray Donovan. I said, this is it. I'm

doing wellness here. I'm not going to lie in that bed where they keep trying to give you pills. And I didn't feel any pain at all because I just kept telling my body to heal itself. And then later I thought, maybe it's good I got that because I can help other people. And I go, look, you know, life throws stuff at you, but you get to choose how to deal with it. And even then I noticed that I was very positive because I, you know, I had actually got womb cancer. I thought, well, that's a stroke of luck to get womb cancer. I don't need a womb. It's done its job. I've had a great kid. I talked to my womb and said, thanks for giving me this great kid. But now I've got to get rid of you because I've got to stay here and raise this great kid. And I thought, that's good. I mean, imagine if you

get brain cancer or bone cancer. I felt very lucky. It was a disposable organ. They'd done a great job. I didn't need it. And so I think once you become like that, it's just who you are. So I never had, oh, my God, I'm going to die because I thought, no, I'm not going anywhere. It's all perspective, yeah. It is all perspective. I mean, people would say to me, but I thought you were so healthy.

How could you get that? As it turns out, I have that same gene that Angelina Jolie has. But then, of course, Bruce Lipton would tell you, you can turn off a gene. You can mentally remove that gene. So even with adversity, because it's quite good in a way, because people think, oh, your life's just, you're like Pollyanna, just tripping along, having a wonderful life. That's not true. I've still had adversity. But your mind will always kick in when it's well trained and go, this is a blip.

Just a blip, just carry on. And so you've got to train your mind like you train a horse. You know, I say your mind's like a Ferrari. And if you've never driven a Ferrari, it's going to go all over the place. But if you have Ferrari driving lessons, you're going to run that Ferrari. The Ferrari should not be running you. If you get on a horse you've never ridden, it's going to go everywhere. But if you have some horse riding skills,

you say go there and it goes. So I see my mind like a horse and I am the rider, but I'm going to tell my mind where to go and it's going to do it. You're fascinating. I love this. And you've got a book coming out right now called Hashtag I Am Enough. Mark your mirror and change your life.

Tell me a little bit about this. Well, that's been my life's work. Mark your mirror and change your life. It was actually lipstick your mirror and change your life because I used to teach people to write on their mirror, I'm enough. One of my graduates was saying that the removal man that was removing, I said, why have you got that on your mirror? And she told me, I went, I need a session with you this week. And my plumber was saying, why have you got that on your mirror? And I said, well, everybody wants to change the world, but that's the big ask. I want to change people

one soul at a time. And I'm enough changes people who will write to me and say, it's just three words, but oh my God, the difference is made. And so I told my plumber and he came back and said, you know, I had this really nerdy, unhappy son. He's now still nerdy, but he's a happy nerd. He's got a happy nerdy girlfriend. He's a happy nerdy club. My wife, who was in the menopause, is so different because we've got it on the fridge, on the mirrors. And a lot of parents write to me and say, wow, I put that in my kid's bathroom and had them say it.

And they've just suddenly become bulletproof against being bullied. And so I've always been in love with the I'm enough because when you're a therapist, you're always working with what lies beneath. What lies beneath these people's problems? It's always the same. I don't feel smart enough, rich enough, good enough. And when you say things like I'm a rock star, my mind goes, I'm not really a rock star because come on, you live in a shared apartment and you've got a car that's 11 years old. You show up in Target. That's not a rock star.

I'm a goddess. But you're not really a goddess because you've got cellulite. But when you say I'm enough, it's strength, it's simplicity, and it's honesty because you are enough. You're not your weight, your shape, your size, your bank account, your childhood. Your race. You're enough. And the thing is, when you say it and

really say it, speak it and let it in, people pick up your enoughness and believe it. So within that book, you'll see that we get people to change their passwords so they contain I'm enough. Obviously, with some letters and numbers and squiggles, we can't find enough. It'd be a hacker's dream come true. But you write it all over your mirrors. You put it on your fridge and fridge. You put it on your screen. You have your phone alerts go off twice a day.

When you type it out in your passwords, when you write it, read it, say it, think it, it goes in and does the most incredible work. Because when you feel enough, you can talk to people. You don't risk rejection because you can't be rejected. You take risks. We'll say, but if I'm enough, I'll just lie on the sofa and eat potato chips. No. When you know you're enough, you think, I'm enough. I'm going to build this company, get a raise, get a promotion, release my book. I'm going to invent this thing I've had in my head for years. I'm going to ask that girl or guy out. I'm going to stand up to

my kid's teacher who I think is terrifying me because they're not terrifying. So I'm enough. Just open so many doors and make sure you like yourself because if you don't like yourself, and makes you like yourself. Because if you don't like yourself, nothing counts. Nothing you have is enough, and that's what's behind so many people. We think of everything. It becomes suicidal. Right.

But I'm enough. Its strength is its simplicity, but also its absolute truthfulness because everyone's enough. And the minute you know it, the whole world knows it, and they treat you differently. You see, we think I'll buy a Porsche and then I'm going to say, look, I'm enough. I've got a Porsche. Still not. I'll get an Armani jacket or I'll get breast implants or lip implants. And then I'm saying I'm enough. But we see lots of people who've got all of that and are desperately, desperately unhappy. Because everything you

want is because it might make you feel enough. When you can feel enough without the stuff, now you've won. And then you'll get the stuff anyway. But you only get the stuff because you want it, not because you need it to feel enough. Yeah. So if someone said to me, I keep buying all these Jo Malone candles to feel enough, I'm like, but you've got 22. And if they worked, why would you need 26? You've got 18 pairs of shoes to feel enough. Do you think 19 is going to make any difference?

Stuff can't make you feel enough. It's out there. Feeling enough is in here. And when you know you're enough, you can still love a pair of shoes. Believe me, I love a nice pair of shoes. But I never buy them to feel enough because I'm enough without them. Powerful. It's very powerful. It's amazing. Yeah, because it's true. So they can get the book,

hashtag I'm enough, and go to your website and get it there, right? Or Amazon. What's your website? You can go to marisapeer.com. We have lots of free stuff there. We have self-esteem downloads and money downloads and relationship. We give them all away. And you can buy I'm Enough, the book. There's also a program. You can also get it on Amazon, I'm Enough. And then you can start to hashtag and create the movement. Send me from all over the world what it is in your country. We get people sending us pictures of their kids doing paintings of I'm Enough and writing it somewhere, planting flowers in their garden that come up and spell out I'm Enough. So nice.

Amazing. And it sounds like you don't work with many clients today, but how could people work with you or one of your students? Yeah, I work with clients if it's a very unusual or particularly deserving case. But actually, I don't need to see clients anymore because I used to really know I had a gift for what I do. But the way I teach my method is something that you can replicate. And we have amazing therapists all over the world, many in Los Angeles who are so good. I mean, getting phenomenal results with people with impetigo and vitiligo and ringing in the ears,

tinnitus, all kinds of stuff, depression, anxiety, insomnia. So if you want to have some amazing RTT therapy, and it is amazing, again, just go to marisapier.com or you can go to rapidtransformationtherapy.com and you can find someone who will change your life in 90 minutes. It's a 90-minute session. It might be three sessions. It might be a three session, but it's not a year. Oh, no. If you had bipolar or bulimia, three sessions. If you have insomnia or nail biting or anxiety, one session.

Wow. Yeah, because it's so powerful and it's permanent. And you get your own audio recording to wire in the changes. And it is a revolutionary therapy, but I'm so proud of it. But I learned it from my clients. I learned what worked with real clients in real time that created stunning turns. I thought, oh, this works. I'll teach that to everyone else because it's always your clients that teach stunning turns. I thought, oh, this works. I'll teach that to everyone else.

Because it's always your clients that teach you everything. Right. You had to learn. And some things were. Some things didn't. Yeah. They would always say, oh, my God, when you got me to praise myself or when you got me to not let it increase

and when you got me to go back to my boyfriend and go, that hurt my feelings, wow. Somebody said to me, you know, I'm enough. Those words got me to walk out of my marriage, walk into a building, ask for a job, got the job, walk back to my apartment, ask the super if he'd rent me something else, and took my kids away from a violent man.

And it was just those words that got it all started. And so people write to me and tell me that, and it's really nice. Amazing. I want to make sure people get the book. Check out your site. You're on social media as well. Yeah. Marissa Peer everywhere. So I'm very lucky that my parents gave me such an unusual name, Marissa Peer, because on Facebook, on Twitter, on Instagram, it's all Marissa Peer. I do have another Twitter feed called I'm Always Enough because we couldn't get the I'm. I like that. Yeah. That's cool. Yeah. We'll

make sure to follow you all over those places. And YouTube, it's all Marissa Peer too. Okay, perfect. We'll link it all up as well. Thank you. This is a question I ask everyone at the end. It's called the three truths. So I want you to imagine you get to pick the day that it's your last day on earth.

It could be as far away as you want it to be. And you've achieved everything you want or you've created everything you want. All the books, the talks, hundreds of thousands of therapists have taken your program. Whatever you want it to be and you've achieved everything you want or you've created everything you want all the books the talks hundreds of thousands of therapists have taken your program whatever you want you've created it but for whatever reason you've got to take all of your work with you on this last day right celebration you've got to take it with you and all you get to do is write down on a piece of paper the three things you know to be true about all of your experiences these three lessons okay that you would share with the world. Since there's nothing else that they have access to. Yeah.

What would you say are your three truths? I think that would be you're always enough and never forget it. Because when you know it, the whole world knows it. And the world will believe what you believe about you. I'd also say you make your beliefs, and then your beliefs make you, and then you go into the world and it starts to mirror whatever you believe. So make your beliefs amazing. Make your beliefs good. If you believe that dogs bite you, you make that belief, and then you act badly around dogs, and then dogs pick up your anxiety and they do

bite you because you've made them nervous. If you believe dogs are wonderful and loyal and man's, oh, I love dogs. The dog will love you because our beliefs, our thoughts become feelings and they resonate out from us and back to us, events that always match up our thoughts and beliefs. And when you know that, all you have to do is change your thoughts and beliefs, make them positive. It's like there's not enough money. There's enough money for everyone. There's more than enough. But your belief that, well, if I have more, you get less, and spiritual people shouldn't ask for money, and it's arrogant, and I'm not worth it. If you make that belief, that's your blueprint. Why don't you make a belief that if I have more money, other people get to benefit too,

and there's more than enough for everyone. Because there really is. Powerful. Yeah. Wow. And true. And true. If you believe it to be true.

Yeah. You are what you believe. It says that in the Bible, man is what he believes. But it doesn't say, well, so go ahead and make great beliefs then. And women do. That should be the second thing. That should be the second thing. That should be the second thing. So that's what I would say if I had one day left. You are what you believe and you get to choose whatever you believe. I know what I'd say.

You can choose whatever you wish, negative, positive. You get to choose. What you can't choose is what you do to your body and your health when you're negative. You can't choose that. I could say I'm just a negative person, but over here is a positive person. We all can choose to do that, but you can never choose how you ruin your health, defeat your immune system, paralyze your autoimmune system, affect your nervous system. What goes on in your body when you're negative is horrific because the body can't choose. It has to react to negative. You make cortisol, that's a stress hormone, that shuts down fertility, it lays down fat. So all the stuff you're doing when you're negative, giving yourself heart attacks and strokes and high blood pressure, all because

you're choosing to be negative when if you come over to the positive world, which is so much better, you have better health. You live longer. You look 20 years younger. That's a good thing too, because all the stress leaves your face. So you don't have to take laxatives and all those antacids and stuff that people take because of their thinking. This is amazing. I know my audience is going to love this. So I want to acknowledge you, Marissa, for teaching in such a way that is simple.

Simple. Because I think a lot of people overcomplicate their feelings, the pain, the traumas, their story, and they feel like there's no way out. But by you simplifying things and creating a structure and a process that makes it okay for people to let go of these things that they're holding on to, you're helping heal so many people. So I want to acknowledge you for the work you're doing, the impact you're making, and the human that you are. I appreciate you.

Well, it should be simple. If you've got a job and a home and a kid, that's enough work for the rest of your life. People don't want self-help. Let's just say you've got to read a book every day. You've got to write a thousand goals. You've got to write a mission statement. It's like it should take three minutes. I'm enough takes 30 seconds. But the results are out of all proportion in investment. And that's how it should be. Little teeny adjustments and tweaks, but have massive, phenomenal results. And that's what that book's all about. There's no work in it.

It's amazing. Hashtag I Am Enough. Make sure you guys pick it up. One final question is, what's your definition of greatness? My definition of greatness is do what you love and love what you do. Everyone has a gift, and your gift tends to lie behind what you love. So find what you love and then you'll never work a day in your life. And this is what you do too, isn't it? You've never worked a day in your life because you do what you love. And we could all do that.

Yeah. Thank you very much. Thank you. It's been a pleasure. Thank you. There you have it, my friends. I hope you enjoyed this. And I'm so excited about this episode. I'm so excited about all the things we're learning here on the School of Greatness. For me, this podcast, this show has transformed into a movement so much bigger than anything I imagined early on when we started this.

We're almost at 700 episodes. And every day day I'm learning something new and I hope you're learning something new as well that applies directly to improving your life. That is the key. That is my mission to bring you some of the most inspiring people in the world to give you the lessons, the tools, the stories to help you transform and improve your life. That's what this is about. If you enjoyed this and you thought it was helpful for you and you think it could help a friend, please share with them right now.

Send them a text with the link lewishouse.com slash 695 or you can click the share button right on your podcast app that you're listening to this too and tag me at lewishouse. You can learn about Marissa over on the show notes, all of her information there, her book and everything else that she's got. Go to lewishowes.com slash 695 to learn more about her and connect with her as well on social media. I'm so very grateful for the support. This podcast continues to grow and grow and it's because of you. So thank

you for showing up every single week. Thank you for listening. And you give me the motivation to continue to bust my butt to find the most inspiring people in the world. So I'm not going to stop as long as you keep listening. I appreciate you so very much. I appreciate you guys so very much. And as always, keep living an inspiring life. That is the key. You want to be an example to your family, to your friends, to the people around you, to the people that follow you online. And as Napoleon Hill said, both poverty and riches are the offspring of thought.

What are you thinking about right now? Where is your mind taking you? What is the conversation you're having with yourself? What are the things that run through your mind every single day? Are they creating poverty in your life or building riches? I love you so very much.

And you know what time it is. It's time to go out there and do something great. Thank you.