The School of Greatness - 704 The Power of Building Influential Relationships

Episode Date: October 10, 2018

YOUR CONNECTIONS WILL SAVE YOUR LIFE. The biggest challenge I see is that most people don’t have support groups. You will not get to where you want to go without the help of those who know more than you. Find people who won’t just take from you. Find people who will help you build your dreams. That’s why, for this episode of School of Greatness, I put together a networking mashup. Here are three excerpts from previous interviews with three people whose careers have been made through networking: Keith Ferrazzi, Bozoma Saint John, and Scooter Braun. Keith Ferrazzi is a two-time NYT bestselling author including Never Eat Alone, which has become a staple among networking books. His firm coaches the very top companies and individuals in how to practice vulnerability and emotional intelligence to create and develop powerful relationships. Bozama Saint John is the marketing mastermind behind brands such as Pepsi and Beats by Dre. She is currently the Chief Marketing Officer at Endeavor after leaving Uber in June of 2018. She grew up in Africa, went to an ivy-league school, and has overcome a lot in her life. Scooter Braun is a talent manager, investor, and philanthropist who represent artists like Justin Bieber, Ariana Grande, Kanye West and more. At the age of 20 he became an agent. In 2013, he was on the Time 100 list of the most influential people in the world. Scooter co-organized the March for Our Lives, the demonstration for stricter gun laws, in 2018. These three people know that relationships are the key to success. You don’t have to do everything on your own. Don’t let fear of asking for help hold you back from networking and accomplishing your goals. Learn how relationships can help you get where you want to go on Episode 704.

This is episode number 704 on the power of building influential relationships. Welcome to the School of Greatness. My name is Lewis Howes, a former pro athlete turned lifestyle entrepreneur. And each week we bring you an inspiring person or message to help you discover how to unlock your inner greatness. Thanks for spending some time with me today. Now let the class begin. Harvey McKay said,

my golden rule of networking is simple. Don't keep score. And the quality of your life is determined by the quality of your relationships and the quality of your business is no different. I'm so excited about this episode because we just got finished with the Summit of Greatness 2018, our third annual event, and I've been hearing nonstop feedback from the weekend about how many key influential relationships the 1, 1500 plus attendees all made with one another,

with the speakers, the performers, and all the influencers who were in attendance. For me, over the last 10 years, since I got started in online business and building a business and brand, relationships have been the cornerstone of my business and my growth. It's what's gotten me in the big rooms. It's what's gotten me the mainstream press, the six and seven figure deals, the New York Times bestselling author. All those big things I've achieved have come through key, influential, powerful individuals that I've connected with over the years. And finding those key influential people for your business or your career or your life is one thing. Connecting with them and cultivating a relationship is another. We're going to talk about that in this episode. But if you haven't been to one of

my Summit of Greatness events, my annual event, make sure to check out my Instagram stories right now and my page at Lewis Howes to check out what happened this last weekend. It was crazy. And early bird tickets for next year are available. So make sure to go to summitofgreatness.com slash 2019. In this episode, we cover how people in your life help you make a roadmap for where you want to go. Also, why you need to make a relationship action plan, the importance of an accountability group, and how you can find a powerful one. We discuss why you are never too good for a job and the reason you should always bring your creative best to the table and why you need to go all in and not let failure be an option for you. We bring you Keith Barazzi, one of the leading experts on building high net worth relationships,

New York Times bestseller of Never Eat Alone. We bring you Bozema St. John, who is incredible at building relationships in her career over her track record, and Scooter Braun, my good friend who has one of the most influential networks in the world to teach you insights on how to build powerful relationships. Again, I thank you to our sponsor. And for those who are looking to grow your business, your brand, your relationships, this is the episode for you. lewishouse.com slash 704. Make sure to share it out with your friends. Without further ado, let's dive into the show. Our job is to create a roadmap of individuals in our lives through whom we learn. And I just started a new, I was just chatting with you about a second ago, I started a new high-tech, mobile enterprise software company.

I am so out of my element. But I'm raising money. I'm hiring individuals. I'm coming up with strategy. I'm building a sales force. I'm doing a lot of the stuff I know how to do, a lot of stuff I don't know how to do. I am finding mentors, left and right.

It's survival. You are, yeah. So mentorship to me is about a relational learning. And if you think about it that way, then you, then you don't have a mentor. You have many mentors around your learning roadmap. What is relational learning? What does that actually mean? All right. What are my goals in life? You've got plenty of goals in your life. And we've talked about these at lunch. I remember that great conversation we had. And then what you do is you assign to your goals, a relationship action plan and a relationship You've got plenty of goals in your life. And we've talked about these. At lunch, I remember that great conversation we had. And then what you do is you assign to your goals a relationship action plan.

And a relationship action plan, as I teach in Never Eat Alone, had to do with who are the individuals that will open up opportunity for me, right? That's great. But then the next question is, who are the individuals that will teach me the stuff I need to do to be successful once I get there and on my way to getting there? That's a distinct relationship map. You have the opportunity relationship map. Who's going to get me that job? Who's going to introduce me to the network that I need?

Who's going to help me get clients? Opportunity network. Which is huge. And then the relational learning network is separate, right? Interesting. And I think both are critical to be curated. Interesting. What's more important? Getting the foot in the door or? Yes. Yes, right? And I think both are critical to be curated. Interesting. What's more important,

getting the foot in the door or? Yes, yes, right? I mean, because if you show up as an empty suit without the intellectual curiosity, without the inquisitive questions, which I learned from those, the learning roadmap individuals, the relational learning roadmap, the answer is yes. Like, I mean, look, I guess I would rather get a shot at the job if I had to choose one or the other. The opportunity roadmap is critical. But I have to tell you, you'll never exceed, you'll never grow. And then the third set of relationships, which we've talked about are the lifelines that actually go one step deeper. It's not about knowledge acquisition. It's about butt kicking accountability. It's that small group of people, those lifeline relationships, as I talk about in Who's Got Your Back,

that won't let you fail. So for us to achieve anything we want to achieve in our life, we've got to have the opportunity. We've got to have the knowledge and the wisdom, but then we have to have the chutzpah, the push, the drive, the accountability that, frankly, most of us will fail ourselves and need somebody else for butt kicking. Yeah, exactly. And the challenge I see with most people is that they don't have a support group or accountability group or a mastermind or whatever you want to call it. So how does someone first find that and figure out who the right people are that aren't going to suck the energy from them but are also going to give and take at the same time? Look, it's trial and error. When I wrote Who's Got Your Back, there's a chapter in it that talks about the long, slow dinner.

And I think by the time we're done here, in a short period of time, I want everybody who's watching us to have a relationship action plan. So, you know, as we're sitting here, scribble down your goals. And next to every goal, start writing three to five people's names critical to achieving those goals right that's the opportunity group then i want you to ask yourself who to achieve my goal do i want to learn from write those names down then start imagining who the people that i could trust around four core there are four core characteristics of a lifeline relationship and frankly all relationships but the but the tightest ones have to have four things. Number one is intimacy to the point of vulnerability. Can I tell you when I'm

really feeling weak? Can I tell you when I'm up against the wall? Intimacy to the point of vulnerability. Second is generosity. Do I really want to help you? And do you really want to help me? Do we care enough to help? Generosity. Candor. Will you tell me the truth? Right? Most intimate, critical relationships lie to each other.

And they shouldn't. Sure. Candor and conflict avoidance is horrible. Why do they lie to each other? Because they just don't want to make each other feel bad or... Placation. They think that that's their role to make each other feel good. Yeah.

Look, I mean, I think a lot of it is the people don't realize that relationships need to be leaned on. The relationships aren't scarce, that there are a lot of people are conflict avoidant out of psychological fear of abandonment. I mean, there's a lot of insecurities and fear that drive our relational behaviors. And I have to say that conflict avoidance has to be one of the most erosive, erosive elements of organizational and human society. Right. So the fourth is accountability. Right. But candor and accountability together make a high performing relationship.

What I would do is I would list three people that you have a strong enough relationship with now. You and I, frankly, you and I have a perfectly reasonable and strong enough relationship. I call it a level two relationship. Okay. Right? Maybe we're bordering on a three, but certainly two to three and three is a strong relationship. If you want to go to a lifeline, which is like in my world, a three plus, what you're going to do is you're going to go out and have a long, slow dinner. You're going to take your armor off and you're going to say, look, here's what I want to do. Here's what I'm afraid of. And here's how I think I'm going to get there. What do you think?

And see how the person responds. Do they respond with candor? Do they respond with intimacy? Do they let their guards down? Do they respond with accountability? At the end of the dinner, are they saying to you, dude, let's talk next week because I think you should do these two or three things and I'm going to hold you accountable for them, damn it. Now, if after the dinner they don't call you the following week, then maybe they're not the right person to be your lifeline, right? But this is why I just, I love when we think about like culture and connections with people and stuff like that. It didn't matter where I came from or that I'd gone to this super snobby school and thought I was like the biggest, illest thing.

You make connections with people and they saved my life. They fed me. That's amazing. You make connections with people and they save my life. They fed me. That's amazing. Actually, because I was in Floridica when the wonderful waitress who had become like an auntie to me was like, you need a job. And I'm like, I know I'm trying to get a job. But I was like applying for these like highfalutin jobs that didn't make any sense.

Now I look back on it and like I laugh at myself. Yeah. You need like an entry level. Yeah. I need like an entry level job. And she had like a niece or something who signed up with a temp agency. And so she was like, oh, you know, you sign up and basically, you know, you call them every night and they'll tell you where you need to go in the morning. So it's like it's transient work basically.

And I was like, yeah, whatever, anything. Pay me 50, 100 bucks a day, whatever it is. It doesn't matter. I was making zero money. So anything would have been good. So I walked in there. They laughed at me because I had a great degree and all these experiences. I speak language.

They were just like, yeah, they were like, what are you doing here? But they sent me out on jobs. I was a receptionist at a dog washing salon on the Upper East Side. I filed National Geographic's at this one place for like two months, which was awful. I nearly lost my mind in that one. I did so many little things. Oh, I was, uh, Oh, what do they call them? When, um, you know, you're like serving at a party, you wearing like the tux, catering, catering. Yes. So I did that a few times, which by the way, I mean,

all of these experiences now. It's like what every model does. Yeah, right, right. Except I was not, you know, I was in the club though. Out in those streets. Get to know people

and got all the clubs in New York then, which were just so fun and just crazy. I also made so many good friends at that time because all of like the assistants or people who were like entry level at their own places would like get you in to the party.

So like my good friend, Maksha Fitzgibbons, who's now very senior at Complex Magazine, I met him that way. Where like I would go to their magazine release parties because they had one every month. And pass hors d'oeuvres were free. You know what I mean? Open bar. So I go and eat there. Right? It was great. Just hustling. Just hustling to make it. have one every month and pass our doors are free you know everything right open bar yeah so i go and eat there right it was great that just hustling just hustling to make it and then one day i got the divine intervention the call that it was like okay spike lee had fired his assistant and they

needed me to go cover phones the next day so it was like oh this is my jam i was like something like this me yeah this is me for me you know so something like this. I was like, yeah, this is me. Yeah, this is me for me. You know, so I go in there. I'm wearing like the only gray suit I own. I've pulled my hair back into like a severe bun. I'm wearing these little tiny pearls because I wanted to look professional. And I walk in there and he's like, they sent me Miss America. That's literally what he said to me.

Like I was like, like all shriveled down, you know, like, you know, I was like, oh my God, I'm going to get fired before I answer the first phone. And he was like,

who are you? You know, and I was like, oh, I'm Bozeman St. John. You know, it was like an honor to meet you. Did I just want to help?

You know, like, where do you want me? He's just like, just sit down. Okay. And answer the phone. Cause here I thought I was going to be doing

some big stuff. Right. But that turned into a month of answering the phones. I was getting coffee. So you came back the next day. Yeah. Because here I thought I was going to be doing some big stuff, right? But that turned into a month of answering the phones. I was getting coffee. So you had to come back the next day. Yeah, I got the drive cleaning,

anything, lunch, for anybody in the office, everything, whatever needed to be done. I mean, I was fixing the copying machine, anything that needed to be done I was doing.

Meanwhile, my dad is like calling me constantly and screaming, right? You have an Ivy League degree and you're getting coffee! You know, he was so pissed. And then, again, moment of divine intervention, Spike had just finished writing Bamboozled,

one of his films that, to me, is one of the greatest... I remember this. Yes, pieces of, like, you know, just what racial conflict is like in America, right? And what it means and all that. Very, very deep film. He finished writing it and he threw it down

on the desk and he was like, take a look at this. I didn't know any better. I thought he meant like, mark it up. Because, yeah, I was an English major.

I mean, I was like, oh, let me just, let me grab my red pen. You know what I mean? And I marked this thing up. I marked it up. Now, I literally could die sitting here

and being like, right? How arrogant of you. Like, yes, like six weeks in. Wow. I marked it up Now I literally could die Sitting here And being like Hey go boss Like Right How arrogant of you Like Yes like six weeks in Wow

Like I've been getting the coffee And the dry cleaning Wow Who do you think you are You just walk in Now you're gonna be Marking up Spike Lee's script Like that's what you're gonna do

But like yeah He came the next day He's like what'd you think of it And I was like oh yeah I made some notes And he was like Notes You made notes on my script

And I was like Yeah. And he was like, Notes? You made notes on my script? And I was like, Yeah? Yeah. And so he just shook his head. And I remember literally everyone snickering around. And I was like, Oh my God, now I'm really going to get fired.

And he goes into his office. An hour later, he walks back out of his office like, What do you do again? And that was it. That was it. I had a full-time job. No way. I got promoted. Yep. I had a little desk. Then I became like the assistant account executive. I didn't even know what the hell that was. But I told my dad I have benefits, you know, so I was not a temp anymore. What happened was Jermaine was, took me to, I'll never forget, took me downstairs to this nightclub and he wanted to talk alone.

And he got on this stool and he's so short that his feet were dangling. And he's like, man, I'm going to get you living in mansions and these parties aren't going to be there. Come work for me at So So Def. And I said, okay. And I went and worked for So So Def for three years and dropped out of school. And I still remember when he gave me like my So So Def puffy jacket. Like it's kind of like a starter jacket, but it's SoSodef and a scooter on it. I thought it was the coolest guy in the whole world. Cause I was like, money ain't a thing. But yeah, that was a really great ride. I learned a lot from Jermaine, super grateful. And then, you know,

I've had certain people who've given me chances throughout my career. Right. Right. Right. So were you already three to five years in the promotion business when he approached you? Or was that earlier on? No, no. I was a big promoter when he approached me. Yeah, I was a big college party promoter. Everyone knew that you could pull. We were the biggest revenue-wise college promotion company in the US.

Right, right. And so we were doing really well. That's my seat. I was like, where's that sound coming from? And I was like, oh, that's me. It's all good. That's cool. So you made a name for yourself.

And he was like, okay, me it's all good um that's cool so you made a name for yourself and he was like okay this guy can yeah consistently bring yeah he used to call me his leor to his russell simmons so i do little leor white puff i had a lot of cool little nicknames back then so what did you start doing for him so you learned a lot in this promotional business it sounds like you learned a lot just like guerrilla marketing basically and being creative what did you learn while uh at the next level? And what were you doing specifically for him? Was it more marketing artists and records? Yeah, it was marketing artists.

It was building outside campaigns. I was the vice president of marketing at Sosedef Records. I was 20 years old. Wow. And we went on this crazy run where when I signed on with Jermaine, he didn't even have distribution yet. He signed on new distribution. And then we did J. Quan, Tipsy. We did Anthony Hamilton. We did Youngbloods. We did Usher

Confessions. Jermaine executive produced that. And that's how me and Usher became close because we were in the studio every night. In fact, Confessions part one almost didn't happen because I was trying to get them to come to the nightclub with me. No way. And they kicked me out of the studio. Wow. Smart move, guys. But yeah yeah i was still learning and while i was doing that i was trying to create my own artist so i was spending all my money on the side

this is asher or is this no this was this was early on these were um acts that people don't know about because it was while i was still learning you know so i had this act od and that fell apart because they robbed a bunch of banks in atlanta and the fbi shut them down they got caught because our mixtape i paid for to put out, they were opposing. And the FBI finally identified them from our mixtape that we flooded Atlanta with. And then I had this artist, Kato, who was part of OD, who I was very close with. And I just financed everything for a long time. I mean, I paid for the mixes, the masters, the housing. I mean, it was just like, I was understanding how to develop an artist. And I learned a lot from that experience because I failed.

What were some of the big lessons you learned early on, you think? Well, I learned how to make records, first of all. I mean, I learned the mixing, the mastering. I learned the radio promotion side independently because I was working record independently. I learned how to trust my gut at the right time. And I hear all the time of like, oh, everything you sign blows up. But I had a lot of failures before Asher Roth happened.

And Asher was kind of a new beginning for me because it was the first time I did it without SosoDev. So my back was against the wall. It was all my money. I had no income coming in. I refused to do parties.

You had everything to lose, basically. Everything. I mean, literally, I will never forget. I'm actually moving into my new house with my wife now. And I looked around. I said, I can't believe we live here.

Because I remember paying for pizza with change. I remember I ordered this pizza and I realized I didn't have any money. And I had to wait till the next party the following week. And I paid for pizza with change. And then I was quick parties cold turkey because I said, if I have to throw a party again, I failed. So I had enough money when I signed Asher to, you know, live for about 13 months, my lifestyle. And then I was going to go broke.

And I signed Asher and Justin within four months of each other. And I put everything into them. I mean, housing, studio time, paying for the tutor, paying for the furniture, paying everything. And I really believed in these guys. And it makes it all worth it now because I was far away from home. I couldn't go home. I wasn't asking my dad for money since I was 18. And I had to make it on my own. And the idea of failing wasn't an option. Did you ever think that one of them wanted or both of them wouldn't be successful in their

own way or that they wouldn't work out or you would have to find another way to make money? No, I really believed in both of them. When I found Asher, I knew exactly what it could be. What Asher also taught me though is sometimes artists don't want to be as big as you want them to be. Asher was super happy being who he was. And I had this vision to make him

the biggest artist in the world. And we had so much hype and that wasn't what he wanted. And one of my closest friends now, he's my brother for life. And he just so much hype. And that wasn't what he wanted. And one of my closest friends now, he's my brother for life. And he just put out a video the other day chronicling the whole journey we've had together for himself. And it was really nice to see because he just wanted to make music and enjoy his life and never really be famous. And he's achieved that. And he's done very well for himself. And he had the big hit. He had the number three album.

And it was a struggle for me. But Justin was like, make me the biggest. Let's go. Perfect. And he was very much like me. And we grinded. And he was a young man. And it was a different thing.

But when Asher made I Love College, it was in the basement of this house I was renting, this crap hole that had rats everywhere. We used to call it the greenhouse because the truth is he was smoking so much weed down there. But that night, he wasn't smoking weed. He was never smoking when Justin was around. But he recorded I Love College, and Justin actually was in the studio. He was with the studio. It was like a little crap room in the basement. You know, my buddy was with studio. It was like a little crap room in the basement. My buddy was doing engineering.

But we all kind of came up together and there's this really great picture of me, Asher, and Justin on the front porch of that house. And no one knew Justin was. I mean, there's videos of Asher and me with Ludacris and everyone's hyped because Asher and Ludacris are in the same room. And they don't notice there's this little kid sitting behind us. Just chilling. Justin.

There you have it, my friends. I hope you enjoyed this episode all about the power of building influential relationships, how to build them, how to cultivate them, and how to add value to influential people. This is a powerful one. Again, relationships are the key to growth in any business. And I hope you enjoyed this episode. If you did, make sure to share with your friends, lewishouse.com slash 704.

All the show notes back at the show notes page. You can check it out there and let me know what you thought of this. Make sure to share it on your Instagram stories and tag me as well. Again, Harvey McKay said, the quality of your life is determined by the quality of your relationships and the quality of your business is no different. Are you cultivating new relationships in your life?

Are the five most influential people around you actually positive or negative? Are they succeeding in the ways that you want to be succeeding? If not, make sure to take a look at that and start seeing how can I cultivate new relationships, powerful relationships? What are the rooms I need to get into? Who do I need to be reaching out to online? How can I be different and creative in the way I approach new relationships? I hope you guys enjoyed this one. And as always, you know what time it is. It's time to go out there and do something great. Thank you.