The School of Greatness - 796 Pete Holmes: Having Hindsight Now

Episode Date: May 13, 2019

FIND YOUR FLOW. You can’t always be achieving. You can’t always win, always give, and always be making an impact. Sometimes you have to receive, too. It’s how the universe works. You have to balance your “in” with your “out.” Even when the water recedes back from the shore it’s still the ocean. On today’s episode of The School of Greatness, I talk about being equally grateful for the busy times and the quiet ones with a successful podcast host, author, and comedian: Pete Holmes. Pete Holmes is a stand-up comedian, actor, and writer who premiered his own talk show, The Pete Holmes Show, on TBS in 2013. He went on to create and star in the hit HBO series Crashing, and he also hosts the podcast You Made It Weird. Pete has learned to say, “Yes, thank you” to whatever happens to him. So get ready to learn approach life with an abundance model on Episode 796. Some Questions I Ask: Why can’t you just achieve all the time? (26:22) How did you show getting canceled make you feel? (28:30) What does happiness mean? (42:55) What’s the biggest challenge in your life you’re actually grateful for? (1:00:00) In This Episode You Will Learn: How to have balance in life (10:00) How your thoughts don’t have power on their own (37:00) About your false self (44:00) How Pete deals with anger and sadness (55:00) How psychedelics changed Pete’s mindset (1:09:30)

This is episode number 796 with the hilarious and wise Pete Holmes. Welcome to the School of Greatness. My name is Lewis Howes, a former pro athlete turned lifestyle entrepreneur. And each week we bring you an inspiring person or message to help you discover how to unlock your inner greatness. Thanks for spending some time with me today. Now let the class begin. Benjamin Franklin said,

without continual growth and progress, such words as improvement, achievement, and success have no meaning. Welcome to today's episode. This one goes in some interesting directions that I think you're going to enjoy, and it gets there pretty quick. For those that don't know, Pete Holmes is a comedian, writer, cartoonist, and podcast host. You might know him from his podcast, You Made It Weird, or The Pete Holmes Show. Pete is also created and starred in

the semi-autobiographical HBO show, Crashing, which he executive produced alongside Judd Apatow. An accomplished stand-up with three-hour-long television specials and innumerous late-night appearances, he continues to tour regularly to sold-out crowds. And his latest book, Comedy Sex God, is available and it's out for pre-order right now. In this interview, we talk about how suffering is the fuel or energy that takes you where you need to go, how your consciousness can only grow through awareness, how peace cannot exist in the ego, and Pete's journey as a father and how it has shifted his mindset. Also, we talk about the comedy industry

and what he's learned from some of the most famous comedians in the world. And while you're listening to this episode, make sure to share it with your friends. Let me know what you thought about this over on your Instagram story. Tag me at Lewis Howes and at Pete Holmes over there. Let us know what you thought.

I'm sure he would love to hear from you as well over there. The link is lewishow.com slash 796, or you can just take the link from whichever podcast app you're listening to and share it over on your stories on Twitter, Facebook, and everywhere you'd like to share. And without further ado, let me introduce to you to the funny and the wise Pete Holmes. the funny, and the wise, Pete Holmes. Welcome, everyone, to the School of Greatness podcast. We've got Pete Holmes in the house. My man, good to meet you.

Hello. Glad you're here. We just had a 20, 30-minute pre-interview already that we'll probably throw in here somewhere. I hope you do. I love that. We'll probably throw that in there before this. And we talked about our... Oh, I thought that's what you did. On my podcast, we just started. You just roll. I don't mean to impose my style onto you. No. I love that. We'll probably throw that in there before this. And we talked about our – Oh, I thought that's what you did.

On my podcast, we just started. Just roll. I don't mean to impose my style onto you. No, I like it, though. And also, I'm sure you know this. When you interview other hosts, they're like chefs or something. They just start cooking. Yeah.

No, I actually like that model. Neil Strauss did that one time with me years ago. He was like, we're just rolling. We just started sitting down and talking and he was like, okay, we're rolling and we're going to keep going here. I like to prepare people to make sure that they're grounded as well and be like, okay, is there anything off limits that you don't want to talk about? Otherwise, I might ask something and you're like, what a jerk. He's an idiot. I'm actually surprised my style hasn't bit me in the butt more because a lot of people probably, what you're doing is very loving.

What I'm doing is sort of like the dad that lets go of your mic. Right. He's like, you can bike. Right, exactly. And maybe, I'm surprised it hasn't rubbed people the wrong way. Maybe since you're a comedian, they expect that, like, you're going to go to those places. Isn't that funny?

It's just a word. Your container is more. That's right. I picked a good container. Yeah, you're going to go those places. Isn't that funny? It's just a word. Your container is more. That's right. I picked a good container. Yeah, you did. So we talked about being friends with Rob, Rob Bell. He and I, in our work together, he's fascinated by just the social contract of comedian. You're allowed to do all these things.

It's absurd. You're allowed to say whatever you want. What does it mean? And he's not a pastor, but he's a spiritual teacher, right? So he's supposed to... And then pick the type of comedian you are. Well, I always think about, like, rappers, right? And how they sort of, they have to be cool all the time.

Not all rappers, but a lot of people in hip-hop feel... Jay-Z has to be pretty cool. Yeah. You know what I mean? And I always joke that, like like he couldn't do an interview and just be like, I just feel silly today. But I can.

If I'm feeling cool, I can be cool. If I'm feeling silly, I can be silly. So comedian, if any young people are watching, do that. Even if you don't always do it,

just do it enough to get like, oh, they were a comedian. Oh, yeah. You know what I mean? Oh, I get it. I see the comedian in you. Every time I watch Jack Black do an interview, I'm like this guy has is fearless yeah he'll just say what he wants he

just like lays around like lets his belly kind of hang out just doesn't care what he looks like he looks like comedy he is comedy he is comedy no i know it's amazing it's a body confidence it's a vocal confidence yeah he just starts singing whenever he wants to you're right who is this but it's also vulnerable see that's what I thought was interesting about you is that you have vulnerability and you share that yeah and that's so essential Jack you can kind of see it I'm not making fun of it is vulnerable but he's confident with it that's right well it's confident vulnerability which is funny so just in his so the setup is his body and the punchline this is vulnerability like that his, so the setup is his body and the punchline is his

vulnerability, like that you sense, or the setup is his vulnerability, because he kind of looks like somebody who might be looking through records at the record store. And then when he's excellent, or amazing, or outrageous, you're like, yes, it's incredible more than someone who looked like somebody else, right? You would want, it wouldn't be as much of a, there wouldn't be as much fun in the contrast between how he looks and how he is. So that is kind of funny. Who's the comedian that if you could be from one day, you'd want to be that person that's currently alive? That's a great question. I don't know.

I don't spend a lot of time envying. Who do you appreciate or admire? You're like, no, I don't envy, but they're just really funny. Yeah. Buddy, I know them all a little too well. You know behind the scenes. It's like when someone goes and sees a speaker and they seem incredible, but then behind the scenes they work with them and they're out of integrity all the time. And you're like, oh, they're not who they appear to be.

That's interesting. It's more like I, like, so Bill Burr is like my favorite, one of my favorites, absolutely. And when I'm with Bill, I'm like, the guy just speaks in bits. Like you can't talk to Bill and not have him flood you with unbelievable material. John Mulaney, the same way, absolutely one of my favorites. I don't know if I would want to be either of those guys. Because what it is, is like the art of being a comedian is taking your dysfunction, which I have my own dysfunction, and learning how to like, do jujitsu with it. So you can go to dinner with your wife, or you can

be quiet on a beach or something. And it took me 35 years to figure that out. Because when you're starting, like, if you have a show, it would ruin your day. You know what I mean? The anxiety that you had a show, the stress. People are going to like me. They're going to laugh. You're writing everything down and you're panicked and you're freaking out all the time. And it took me 35 years to get to the point where I can be like, no, like an hour before the show I'll look at my notes

or whatever, or I'll kind of make a set list. So if I was dropped into Bill's body and I had his brain, I would enjoy his perspective, but I don't know if I would know how to like harness it. It'd be like being locked in a room

with a bear or something. You know what I mean? So it's fun. You're like, wow, there's a bear. But he knows how to put the bear in a headlock and go like, okay, I'm going to have brunch with my wife. You know what I mean? How many of the most successful comedians,

it sounds like you know them all. You've met them all. You've done. I don't know. You're in the scene. Yes, we are. You're in the scene in L.A. In the scene. They know who you are. You know who they are, most of them probably. You're in the scene. Yeah, yes. You're in the scene in L.A. You're in the scene.

They know who you are. You know who they are, most of them probably. It's a small community. It is a small community. Yeah, that's why I'm agreeing. How many of these high-level comedians that are like famous comedians, let's say, that people know of in the world, how many of them actually have their life together and can actually function in normal ways? It looks like to me like Kevin Hart seems to have his life together.

Like he has businesses and he has structure and he has routines, but he also has major breakdowns every month and goes on TV. I'm actually, so clearly you're into productivity. You like efficiency. I see Kevin, and I mean this i if kevin hart did my podcast i would want to discuss what is driving him to do so much because if i'm on an airplane and i scroll past three movies you're in and there's a netflix special coming out i, I don't think awesome. A YouTube show? What's wrong? Really?

Oh, yeah. Are you kidding me? No disrespect to Kevin, so we'll take Kevin out. So for all I know, Kevin has the most balance in the world and even schedules in spaciousness in his routine or whatever.

Plus, I don't understand his psychology. You know what I mean? We have different lives. That being said, I sort of, at this point, I'm 40. At this point in my life, I measure success by a different metric entirely. Again, Rob is similar. It's like Ryan Holiday. You know Ryan Holiday?

Of course. So it's like, what do you want your day to look like? I don't want my day to look like I got to go. I don't want my day to look like that. I love that this day I'm doing this interview with you and my ability to just be here with you is built into the idea that I tell my team I don't want to do five things in a day.

And just because I could sell a special, no, Fuck you. I'm talking to myself. I'm talking to the monster in me that goes like, comedy's hot right now. You could sell it for more. It's like, you suck, my dick. Get out of my fucking face.

Just because you can doesn't mean you should. Now, again, I really do want to remove Kevin from this. I'm speaking for myself. Your ability to have a somewhat normal life is balanced against like you're producing and you're achieving. And I believe, and I'll probably end up quoting Richard Rohr a lot, especially if we end up talking about my book. Richard talks about like knowing needs to be balanced with unknowing and talking needs to be balanced with not talking. And achieving needs to be balanced with not achieving.

And this isn't just like. Why is this? Why is this? Because that's the way the f***ing universe works. Why can't people just always achieve and keep growing? It's f***ed up, dude. The American corporation, it's a lie that you should be making more money every year. It is against the law of the universe.

And this is why we see corporations being shitty to their employees. Why isn't, I could name any one of them, but I use all of them, so I don't want to call out anybody. But, like, we know who these corporations are. Their mythology is that their shareholders should make more money every year. That is not the way the universe, look at the forest. Does it get bigger every year? There's a balance. There's fires.

There's droughts. It goes down. It goes up. There's a flow. This is fires. There's droughts. It goes down. It goes up. There's a flow. This is the law of the universe. This is the Tao. That's what we're talking about. There is an inherent structure to everything that is. And a lot of our ideas go fucking flat in the face, right in the face of those ideas. And that is not balance. And that is not harmony. And that is not the Tao. And that is not the and that is not harmony and that is not the Tao and that is not the kingdom of heaven, I would say.

These are structures of the ego that say, like, we need to do more this year. You know what I mean? My TV show just got canceled. Well, how am I going to book enough?

Fuck you. Have a year where it's a little bit more like the sizzle, not the wave. That sizzle that we all love on the beach where the wave gets pulled back. Do that, you stupid.

Right. That's, don't you see? It is the ocean. Big waves, little waves, calm time, big time. You need to find harmony. It's not just going like, I have a, I would have a month off in between shooting Crashing. I didn't run out to do a movie. Why would I do that? And again, I sound, I don't want to sound holier than thou. I like being with my family. I like being alone. You can't be a healthy person that gets, I don't think, that gets up on stage in front of a thousand people regularly and entertains them and has them hanging on your words and not balance that with time where you're not demanding that everyone

listen to you and you're not demanding that everyone listen to you and you're not listening to other people. It's a sickness. And you know what? I don't just see it in famous people. I see it in family members. I'm like, oh, you forgot to practice how to in. You're just out.

And nobody likes talking to a just out. It's a horrible thing. Right. What do you mean just in? No, they didn't know how to do in. They're just out. What does in mean, just in? No, they didn't know how to do in. They're just out. What does in mean? In would be like quiet.

In would be ingesting. In would be reading. We're people that buy books and don't read them. I'm one of those people. Of course you are. I buy lots of books. I say this, why do I know this so well? Because it's me.

I'm talking about me. And that's why I get passionate about it. But it's like there needs to be your social time and your solitude. And there needs to be like, I already said it. You get it. So that to me, but I do see that with some comedians. But it's not common. You just had this show, HBO show, three seasons, right?

And then it just recently got discontinued. That's nice. Right? You can say canceled too. I mean. But how does that make you feel as a comedian that's like, feels like you need to be on TV that, oh, we had this show and then. But three seasons is a lot right now. Most shows don't go past one season.

Most shows don't even get on air. Right. You know what I mean? So three seasons is a huge. No, it's a miracle. It's unbelievable. It's. But how does it make you feel to have it be that?

But, oh, it's not six seasons like this person. Right. How does that make you feel? Because it's fresh. It's recent right now. No. First of all, it's loving of you to ask me that. I was waiting for my dad to ask me that.

And instead he would just like project oh wow on to me what he hoped that i felt so i appreciate that yeah yeah of course and i love my dad but i noticed that a lot of men too uncomfortable with things ending or failing continuing or discontinuing or being canceled yeah might not hold yeah well dude when my wife left me like no one wants to they just go like, you're not hold. Yeah, well, dude, when my wife left me, like, no one wants to, they just go like, but you're doing okay, right? Like, they don't want to go like, how are you? Yeah.

You know? So I appreciate that you asked how I am. But, you know, I said to somebody recently, I was like, I made a show that is a love letter to the necessary change that is instigated by what we perceive as failures, right? Things ending. The character arc of my show is his wife leaves and his faith leaves. The two things that he never wanted to let go of. And then everything that he's supposed to be doing, he finds his flow because of something he would have never asked for. So I'm like, how disappointing would it be if I was devastated that my show went away?

I made a show that is a love letter to change. And then my life changes and I go, no, no. It was joy and gratitude. And not just because I can rationalize and say like, yeah, three seasons is amazing. That's not it. It's because this is how the game is played. And the up moments are great. Sure. It's fine. But I'm looking at Tony Robbins and you in his private jet. How many lessons has he learned in that jet? You know what I mean? You talk to Tony Robbins, he's going to tell you about Thanksgiving

when his dad wasn't there. You know what I'm saying? And I'm not saying crashing going away is Thanksgiving with my dad not there, but I'm just saying you need to learn, or I've needed to learn, something happens that you wouldn't have asked for. And it's this very interesting technique of saying, yes, thank you to that. It's very peculiar. The other example that I give is I wrote this book, right? And then they sent out the galleys for the reviews. It's the new book, right? Yeah, my first book.

It's called Comedy Sex. Comedy Sex Guide, yeah. Yeah. So they sent out the galleys for reviews. Probably if you wanted one, they would have sent you this galley. I'm flipping through the galley, and it was the wrong draft. It was like the second draft. It's the worst, man. and it was the wrong draft. It was like the second draft. It's the worst, man. I knew as an author you would appreciate this. Oh my gosh, the worst. But I think anybody can appreciate it. It's something that you worked on for, I worked on

the book for three years and then I'm flipping through it and there's just stuff in there that I did not want in there. Like things that I took out, things that I added. It was just the wrong draft. And I'm like, this is what's going. So I had this flood of like pain, right? And then I was like, but what did I write in the book? I was trying to employ what I talk about in the book. And I was like, you're full of shit right now. You talk about suffering being this fuel or this engine that can take you where you need to go. And maybe not even like externally, but internally, it takes you where you need to go. And maybe not even like externally, but internally, it takes you where you need to go. So I tried it.

I said, yes, thank you. To the pain, to the suffering, to that horrible, itchy panic. Of the cancellation of the book? Yeah. Or the wrong draft of the book going out. You say, yes, thank you. You say, yes, thank you. And your brain doesn't know what to do with that.

And this isn't just mind tricks it's a it's it's an abundance model and it's a gratitude model and you go like okay pete if i was getting up in the morning and writing out what would happen in my day would i write in the wrong draft of the book? No. But all of the change and all of the growth and all of the evolution and all of the consciousness expansion comes from these things that we didn't want. Yeah. And the trick is most of us can have a divorce or a breakup or losing a show or losing a job. Maybe, let's say it's five years. People say sometimes it's twice the length of the relationship.

You can look back and not have the suffering. You can understand, yeah, that wasn't the right person for me. And you were bullied and all these things, and you were injured. And now look at your life. OK, so we can look back and go, it was grace. It was a good thing. The trick for me is to, so here's the perspective, trick for me is to so here's the perspective and here's it happening to you yeah so this is five years to me spirituality or or consciousness or whatever is trying to get those things right next to each other so while they're happening you go like i may not rationally understand it but i'm going to myself and say thank you i have this earache say, right now I'm in pain. And I go, thank you. You're right. My body's impermanent. Don't get too attached. Look how quickly you can get f***ed up.

You think you're a, ooh, I'm a big fancy comedian. Oh yeah? You can't hear in this ear. Yeah, yeah. Deal with that. And you go, ah, right. How much am I going to learn from just succeeding banging pinatas candy candy candy candy f***ing nothing and people like that that have only banged pinatas I don't want to talk to them I want to talk to people about what they didn't want and how they rolled with it

right it's so fascinating you say this because I've had some big lessons in my life in the last 4 or five months that, and for the first time, I was able to have the awareness and kind of use the tools that I've learned over the last six years of really diving into understanding myself and overcoming my childhood traumas and all the work I've done with therapy and everything, right? And interviewing great spiritual mentors.

And I was like, wow, this is one of those moments that I don't want to happen in my life. I went through this pretty bad breakup about four months ago. And everything that I didn't want to happen happened. And then some, right? And so all my insecurities and fears of judgment of what people thought about me,

everything was coming up for me and There was about a week of like stress But at the same time I just kept saying this is happening for a reason this is happening for a reason like and it's all Gonna make sense And then I just said I got out of the stressful moments and I started saying to myself Gosh, I'm so grateful for this like this is gonna make me so so much more humble, so much wiser, so much kinder, have so much more compassion for people. That's right. And I just said, I'm going to have hindsight now.

I'm not going to wait. You're going to have hindsight now. You just said what I said. Yeah. And so I was like, I'm going to have hindsight now. You're already doing it. I was doing it. And I was like, I'm going to act like it's Christmas,

the end of this year, 2019 is how we're in right now. I don't even know what day of the year it is. But it's the end of this year, right? It's another year later. I'm going to reflect back on this. And I felt my body in the moment of a year out, Christmas time. And I was experiencing these beautiful experiences with my family and friends and loved ones. And I was happy and peaceful.

And I was like, none of this is gonna matter. And it's gonna be the thing that propelled me into the next stage of my life. Right. Well it's also, it's a story that you're telling. And it's your, the thought itself, by the way, I'd like to say,

people who are suffering that are watching this, this is not what I would say to someone who's suffering. You can just be with someone who's suffering. And you can listen to them and buy them ice cream or give them a shoulder rub. Don't get philosophical. And if this doesn't apply to you, I understand. But I'm talking to you right now and you guys are listening. But I understand that your suffering is real and your pain is real and it feels real.

And that makes it real. is real and your pain is real and it feels real and it is and that makes it real yeah that being said one of the great buddhist ideas is it's like your thoughts don't have power on their own it's the belief that you and we can get into who that you is but the you are giving them power so the belief or you that's right yeah so even yours is a little bit too painful i like to use small things and this is an eck Tolle example, actually. He's like, your flight is delayed. This happens to people like us all the time. You're stuck in traffic.

You're late for a meeting. All these things. You need to, like, you don't need to do anything. If you want to, like, sink your teeth into the story and get angry, I mean, that's one of the joys of life. Even pain is one of the joys of life, is's just being oh, I'm so depressed. When my wife left me, I didn't tell anybody, but I was like this is kind of fun. Like getting drunk

all the time and I'd stay in bed all day. Like you know how to do it. You've seen it in movies and you're just like I eat Chinese food three times a day because I'm sad. It's like being snowed in. There's a feeling of like nobody expects anything from me.

My wife just left. So I'm smoking cigarettes and stuff. Like, it was okay. Sometimes people would be like, whoa, Pete. But it's like, yeah, my wife left. So there's a temptation to pick up all of it. Not just the good, but we actually enjoy the passion and the pain of the bad. You know what I mean?

We like it in a quiet place. I think if we're honest with ourselves, there's a part of us that's like, one more time around. You know what I mean? Like I'm not quite done milking that trauma. And I like it. I like the way it helps me define myself.

I like how it gives me attention or might get me love or whatever it might be. So we like it. It's meaning, yeah. So it's hard to do this. And it's not very sexy and it's not very exciting to do this. This is why it's hard or difficult. But if your flight's delayed, and this just happened to me,

it happens all the time. You catch yourself going like, oh, I was on a flight recently and the chair wouldn't. The worst. And it was a six-hour flight. You're a tall guy. You're 6'4", right? Yeah, I'm 6'6". 6'6"? Yeah, I'm 6'4". Yeah. We're giants. We're giants. We're not built for planes. It was actually worse. wouldn't the worst and it was a six hour flight you're six four right yeah i'm six six six six

yeah i'm six four so yeah we're giants we're giants we're not built for my chair it was actually worse my chair wouldn't not stay up oh man so i'm just like and like it wasn't just that i of course reclining is fine but it's like anytime i sat up it came up now this is admittedly a small example first world problem problem, too. Of course. But I like using bullshit examples because we can look at them less passionately. But you're just like, you hear it. You start writing it. The story.

I paid full price for this ticket. You know what I mean? Delta. Delta. What is Delta? Delta is nothing. It's nothing. It's just a label for a bunch of machines and people

in an area of the airport that we call Delta. And it's a stock that you can trade in. Well, right now, Delta is just me on this plane. But you go like, f***ing Delta. It wasn't Delta. I don't even know what airline it was. But Delta is fun to say. F***ing Delta.

This chair, I deserve better. Looking around, no to say. F***ing Delta. This chair. I deserve better. Looking around. No one else's chair. They just flew in front. No one complained about the... But then you go like, it's the suffering is your attachment to the story. So you start telling a story to yourself.

You believe the story. And by the way, that story is rational. Yeah. I'm not saying... you did pay full price. You should have what you, yeah. But what does that mean right now? All of that are just like, it's just a tale. I gave this many money units for this.

And my flight, when I imagined it, had a working chair or was on time or whatever it is. None of that is happening right now. What's happening right now? I'm in a miracle. But this is rationalization. A miracle 100 years ago is like... Right. This is rationalization. I'm actually looking for something better than rationalization. But you can rationalize. You can say like, I'm in a miracle. I'm going home to my baby and my baby, my wife and my baby. And there's movies and I'm eating, now I'm having ice cream or whatever.

You're delivering food to me like Postmates. My life is better than every pharaoh and every Caesar. It's f***ing- Every king. Any king. I'm just a Joe Schmo on a plane. I beat those kings. I'm better than those kings.

That's rationalization. What's actually even one up level of that, that's like an attitude adjustment that's you telling yourself another story and saying believe this story the best thing i found to do is to just drop all the stories and just be right there and you feel like an alien visiting you're not thinking about how you're an alien visiting you're not thinking about how you're an alien visiting. You're not thinking about how your chair is still pretty good. You're just going like, well, what is? What is?

I could complain, and maybe that would feel good. Ooh, madam. And maybe I'd get a voucher. Ooh, voucher. Or maybe I'd get a, I don't know, a free drink or something. Is it worth it? Yeah. Just be with what is. That, to to me is presence and love it's funny love

right what is love it's like love is this big cosmic yes and the buddha would say all of our suffering comes from saying no to what is instead of yes to what is even when it kind of sucks why are we so attached to everything? It's so fun! It's so fun! It's Indiana Jones. We're emotionally running and rolling and we're whipping. It's an addiction. We build up these identities and these structures

and these systems and these titles and these jobs because it's fun. It's addicting because it's fun. It's not fun. There aren't a lot of movies about realized beings that just kind of go through life going like, my chair doesn't work. There's no drama. What are we doing? Then you get a little bit scared. Well, what are we doing? If it doesn't matter that my team lost or that my job promoted Henry and not me or that my job promoted Henry and not me, or that my girlfriend and I broke up, if none of that really matters

because the moment is actually enough, which is crazy because it is, but if we can put that away, then what are we doing? And then you have to ask a lot more interesting, deeper, philosophical, and metaphysical questions about what's going on here. Because you said something interesting. You said, so this is in my book too.

It's like, we say everything happens for a reason. That to me can fall in the category of rationalization. We go like, my girlfriend broke up with me, but if she hadn't, I wouldn't have met this new girlfriend. That to me is like introductory level kind of jujitsu. Right, right. It's good. It's way better than moping and whatever.

Being a victim to everything, yeah. You go like, this happens for a reason. I always grew up thinking things happen for a reason. But the truth is, one of these things that'll happen to you is going to kill you, right? You're going to die. And then that whole model goes out the window. You can't just go like, well, if she hadn't have left me,

I wouldn't have been hit by the car that I was storming out of her apartment. So the ego wants to go, it's still paid out. I got that job or I got that money or I got that blow job in the elevator or whatever it is. That's all ego stuff. One of the big points of my book is to try and identify who we really are, which I would say is just awareness. That awareness had a shell grow around it. And for you and I, that awareness went like, I am an American. I am a male. I'm a tall male. I'm white. I'm from, now it's just me, I'm East Coast. My parents, Lithuanian and Irish. It's all this story, right? And that's a Patriots jersey and that's like an American flag

and it's all fun stuff. It's like, but it's your false self. That's what Carl Jung and Freud would call your false self. You're building up this thing that isn't really who you are. If you can remember what it was like being a baby, you just were. You were just isness. You were just awareness. So I would say, let's call that words, let's call that isness soul. That makes people kind of, their buttholes tense up sometimes, and I understand. So we can just call it awareness.

If that awareness is who you really are, I think the growth is for your consciousness, is for your awareness. It's not for your story. We say, this bad thing happened, but look, here's a bad ego story for me. My wife left me, but I turned it into a TV show. All right, f***ing who cares? Zoom out. Let's zoom out a little bit. show. All right. Who cares? Zoom out. Let's zoom out a little bit. Some ape just said that on a blue rock floating in infinity and it's expanding infinity. What the are you talking about? But I got a show. Oh, my dad, another ape, another confused awareness, just like all of us thinks I'm, I'm still a winner because my false self wanted to be a winner. So dad still thinks I'm a winner and I'm still winning. It's all bullshit. The cup's

already broken. We're all both dead already. It's over. So what can we really work on? Your consciousness, your awareness, your stillness. It's like a candle inside that isn't swayed by like, I won or I lost. I broke a pinata and this pinata was full of horse shit. Okay, what was there watching it the whole time? I'm depressed. What's watching the depression? I'm elated. What's watching the elation?

We want to sort of opt out of this f***ing nonsense of the thrills of the spills and the chills and the ups and the downs that make for good movies and TV shows and books. But equanimity and peace comes from identifying with the candle inside that isn't blown, that isn't swayed. Hopefully it's blown sometimes. It isn't swayed by these things. That's peace. I used to think peace was like, we're in this nice apartment with a nice view and we can go like, ugh, I'm being you. That was a good interview with Pete.

Wow, I feel peace. Do you? Because as soon as you think that, you go like, well, who's tomorrow? Yeah. Did I say anything wrong on that podcast? Like, in 10 years, what will we be woke to

that we're not woke to now that maybe we said was wrong? It's going to happen. So f*** it. F*** it. None of this matters. Not in a bad way, in the good way. Peace, this is something Ram Dass told me, it's a big part of the book.

Peace cannot exist in the ego. It can only exist in your awareness. So identification with your awareness is where peace is. You can experience peace for a brief moment, but the way the ego works, it's made of stuff that does not allow for peace or equanimity. So I tell the story. So how do we shed ego?

Well, that's where practice comes from, right? And it's not as complicated as this sounds. For me, it's reading about it, reading other people's words about it, lectures. These are good ways to start feeding the brain. For me, it was an audio series called Experiments in Truth by Ram Dass. It's on iTunes. Changed my life. I just listened to that. That was the beginning. Then you start like just kind of follow that, maybe some Alan Watts. If you were raised Christian, then that's valuable to you, those

symbols and those metaphors, find some woke Christians like Richard Rohr and Rob Bell. Start feeding that in. And then what happens, it's really beautiful. Once you're pouring tea in your cup and it starts overflowing, eventually you can just throw the cup away and realize that you are the tea and you're the cop and that everything you've always been told but you didn't understand, like the greatest question you can ask is who am I, is true. And then you can have some actual, but it's a little bit simpler than that. That's like advanced. If you're on that plane and your chair isn't working, if you can observe your thoughts, that is a very powerful technique. Really, all the great spiritual people

to me are saying something pretty basic. And then what we do is we pad it to make it fill a book, or we pad it to make it fill an hour. It could be one sentence. It is one sentence. Not a whole book yet. The way that it works is there's all this ego resistance. So we want it to be a three-hour lecture. We need it to be because for those three hours, maybe we're in that space. And it's really the, as Ram Dass would say, it's the space between the words

where you're actually just being present and feeling some good vibrations of a lot of people aiming themselves at the same kind of intention. That feels really good, so that's good. But the lecture could be simple. And in my book, it's simple. It's like just, there are so many metaphors, but it's like you're the sky and any thought or feeling is a cloud.

And just watch it go by. Or you're a river and the thought is just a leaf on it. And you don't resist it. I wish my fucking chair worked. You love it. Nothing goes away by resisting. Don't think that. Just go like, hello.

Hi. This will be over in a few hours. Oh, great. Good. Good. You can't, this is what Krishna Das says, you can't get out of a prison made of thought with more thought, right? So you're trying to get into a place where you're not thinking, you're just being. Okay, these are all fun things to say, but what does that really

look like? To me, it looks like noticing your breath. Even in the breath, it's like, this is a Gunger lyric, but it's like, it's a give and take. The law of the universe is right there in your physiology. It's like, it's a give, there's my show, there's my show being canceled. It's built into me. That's the lawfulness. That's the balance. Here's an American corporation. What? You can't only inhale. You know what I mean? Right.

That's a bad mythology. Yeah. Anyway, breathing. I think gratitude really helps, too, is focusing on what you are grateful for in that moment. Oh, man, this is happening in a bad way, and that sucks, and everything's against me right now, but gosh, at least my right ear works. It's my left ear. Yeah, your left ear works.

At least I'm healthy. I live in Americaica whatever it is you're grateful well that's a tony robbins thing that actually really helped me is is doing gratitude and having grateful the antidote to anger frustration you know completely agree i think then the next level is to go well who's having the thought of gratitude and if you can identify and it's not as woo-woo as it sounds. So you're going, I wish my ear didn't hurt. Then you're going like, at least you have an ear. Okay, these are just clouds. What is the sky? Who's hearing it? Who's hearing you correcting yourself and going, well, don't think about, who is it talking to? That's your candle. That's your spirit. That's your awareness. And that's where peace is.

Because we can fence with our emotions and go like, at least there's an in-flight meal and win briefly. But real equanimity comes from going like a big yes to whatever it is. It's not easy all the time. It's not easy. And it's not sexy. It's not a fun story always. All of my comedy is about times when I really couldn't do that. Those are funnier. You couldn't say yes, thank you. It's a funnier story. I probably would have gotten a bit out of it if I complained, start live tweeting it. It's funnier. It's funny. It's good. Be a human. And sometimes I am a human human how often do you get since you're so woke into this information and this is something you talk about you know at

largo a lot with rob and you do sets with rob talking about these things how often do you see yourself getting angry and allowing the anger to consume your thoughts for more than you know a few minutes or 30 minutes it's funny because that's a t Robbins, I keep looking at him, that's a Tony Robbins thing too where he was like, life's too short. I can't get mad. He has a rule where he and his wife don't get mad for more than 90 seconds

or something. Something like that. Two minute rule or something, yeah. And I bet Tony could just school me on this. I have a deep respect for him. So it's not that I think he's wrong. I think that's perfect. He probably found the perfect thing for him so it's not that I think he's wrong I think that's perfect he probably found the perfect thing for him yeah I just I I don't that that model has a lot of resistance to me

because it's a story and I said this with respect and it probably works for him he can do a lot of things I can't do you know what I mean like jump in a cold pool and all these and lift all this but you might need to still eat ice cream and have pizza for two days or whatever. Yeah. If my anger or my sadness is persisting, I like to be gentle with myself. And the story of I don't get angry for more than 90 seconds is resistance. And that to me can cause suffering. Because what happens at second 91?

You're not feeling any emotions anymore. Right. That's totally. You're like, okay, stop in the emotion. Or you are, and now I'm mad because the story was I told myself I'd only have 90 seconds. And now it's three minutes and I'm still angry about it. That to me, it's attraction and aversion

that causes suffering. So my attraction is to drop it. My aversion is to have it. Those two things, settling into what is, and maybe that's how he gets rid of his anger, by the way. And maybe he just kind of gives it a Western model. And that's a brilliant thing to do to make it a little bit more sellable or digestible

to a achieving Western audience. So that's full respect to Tony. That might be what he's doing because he's a brilliant guy. But for me, what I'm doing is the game of saying, okay, this is 90 seconds doesn't appeal to me because it's just another wagging finger in my head. But if I go, I'm trying to think of when I was angry recently, because it happens all the time. You get angry. When was I angry? Oh, I was in waiting room for the year and the kid next to me was watching Instagram stories

with the volume on. And I'm having this, I want to grab him and go, is anyone else watching Instagram stories? There's 10 people in here. But you want us to listen to yours? That, you know how annoying someone else's Instagram stories are? You don't even know these people

and they're just like, noodles. And we're all just sitting there. There's sick people and old people. And there's this hipster in his dumb ass jeans. And he's just like, I hated him. And then instead of going, you only have 90 seconds to feel this, I go like, I love that too. Look at Pete go.

Look at Pete being Pete. Not rationalizing, not going like, oh, wow, these are funny thoughts or I understand, you're right. It's just going like, just saying yes to what is, including my anger, helps the anger go away. Saying no to my anger, for me, leads to more anger. Go, don't do that.

That's what I was as a Christian. It was willpower Christianity, as Richard Rohr calls it. It was like, don't be an asshole. Don't be horny. What you resist persists is what people say all the time. Fucking A. That's right. Dude, as soon as I gave myself a green light

to jerk off or look at porn or all these bad, bad things, I do it so much less. So much less. You're not resisting it. The addiction was all of it. That was a big breakthrough for me as a Christian, was like the addiction, I say in Comedy Sex God, I say it was like a, it's either a speedball or a eight ball,

a speedball, heroin and cocaine. So the coke was looking at porn. The heroin one is the guilt. It was the deleting the cash and the shame. I'd confess to my wife, I looked at porn today. I loved it. That's what I'm saying. Like somewhere deep down, I was addicted to both.

I like saying Oscar Wilde says the only way to get rid of temptation is to yield to it. It sounds like somebody in Vegas would say that. Just like, just have another margarita. But there's actually something beautiful going on there. Pretty conscious, which is just like

making it forbidden makes it cling to you so much worse. It's almost like when you're, I'm not married, but if your wife was to give you like a hall pass,

it's like you wouldn't need the hall pass because now she's giving it to you or vice versa. It's funny that you say that because my wife and I are not open. We're not in an open marriage, but we're psychologically open.

I say to my wife all the time, because you're brilliant. That's exactly it. I just go, I just want good for you. Yeah. I want good for you. I don't want you. This is all hypothetical. Of course, it would hurt my feelings if my wife cheated on me, but in a very different

way from what had actually happened to me. If my wife went, I always say, went to Spain, and there's an amazing classical guitarist, and they had some wine, and it started to rain, and they ducked for shelter, and then something happened, right? It sort of breaks my heart that she could tell her best friend that, and her best friend, even though she was rooting for our marriage and stuff, would be like, oh, my God, that's amazing.

But she can't tell me? F*** that shit, dude. That's a story. Again, I'm not hoping that my wife does that. You're not saying what's right or wrong or good and bad for someone else. I want good for her. I'm on her side. So we're psychologically open.

Meaning, I love you unconditionally. If you want to really get trippy with it, would I let her kill me? That's a way more interesting game than would I be okay if she had an affair. If she really wanted to murder me, which she wouldn't, it goes back to your point, the openness makes, could you let her? That's not unconditional love. You can do anything you want to me. You want to murder me?

You know what I mean? That is the love of the universe to me. Wow. Obviously, I'm not there. I don't know if anybody could be there. But there's a game we play where it's like, I love you as unconditionally up to you murdering me. That's where I'm at.

Right, right. I want to be alive. Yeah. Unfortunately, I have instincts that would stop you from killing me. Right. Like the body is just going to say, and I'm going to alive. Yeah. Unfortunately, I have instincts that would stop you from killing me. Right. Like the body. I'll kill you first.

And I'll kill you first. And if you love me, you'll let me. But that's a good example. It's like can we be outside of – can our marriage be psychologically free? Because if you go around going like don't cheat. Don't think that thought. Don't look at that. Don't do this.

Yeah. It's willpower marriage. And willpower sucks. Freedom is beautiful. Freedom brings you peace. Freedom is peace. Well, that's what's free. Your awareness is free.

You know what I'm saying? So when I go like, I'm a straight, married, white guy, then there's this resistance to that. Well, now you can't do this. F*** that. Anybody can do anything in the moment. There might be consequences. That's right. You have to use your brain. And I go, my marriage is way more valuable to me than, and even my belief in myself as being a good husband psychologically is more valuable to me.

And that's fine. I'm stuck in this meat puppet. I might as well, you know what I mean? I feed myself too. I do things to take care of my body and my story and my situation. At the same time, you're sort of like, the cup's already broken, zoom out, you're on a rock and somebody's down here going like, I only have sex with one person. And you know what the universe says? It goes, that's not even true. Of all things being equal, you've had sex with dozens of people. You know what I mean? It's not true. Right.

You know how they say swans are monogamous? Swans are monogamous. Human beings are not monogamous. Look at what I just, I had a wife. Yeah. And then you have another wife. We're looking at the whole data. You're not a penguin.

You don't start being monogamous when you have a ceremony in a gazebo. You're not monogamous. Or some people are. I mean, I know some people. Some people are, yeah. And then they get divorced, and then the rules change. You're not monogamous. What's been the biggest challenge in your life that you've had to overcome?

That looking back, you say to yourself, wow, I'm really actually grateful that happened. Whether it was the divorce or then, you know, I don't know, something else when you were younger, but. Well, the reason it was the divorce, which is embarrassing, obviously other things have happened. So what happened in the divorce for people that don't know? What's the story? Totally. I think I wanted to say the reason is the divorce is because that is the time in my life when I had the most attachments. You were attached, you were committed to being married. A Christian, a winner, a guy who doesn't get divorced, a guy whose wife doesn't leave him. So basically an achiever.

I'm going to be a great husband. How old were you when this happened? I got married when I was 22. So there's the red flag. Didn't have an idea. I meet 22-year-olds now. I don't know. I don't want to be like anti-young marriage.

But if someone asked me point blank for advice, I'd be like, just be together. Why get the law involved? You know what I mean? Why add another layer to it? I know why. Because you're probably, you know, a lot of people that do that are trying to recreate their parents marriage in a good way like in a better way my parents didn't really get along i i love them they you know they argued a lot so there's like a psychological need get married and fix it through and it's like you

watched a play called my parents marriage and there was all this tension. You're like, well, I'm going to write a new play, and this time I'll be dad, and she'll be mom, and we'll get along. And that play will be so well-reviewed that we'll forget about that. That's what we're doing psychologically, right? At least some of us are. So I had all these attachments. I wanted to be a good boy. And I was a Christian. Like, I really meant it, sort of Christian.

And I wanted to be a good boy. What does that mean to be a Christian? Well, I mean, how long do you have? It really depends on which church you're talking about. Right, right. I was a... Fit the mold of, like, you get married, you don't get divorced, you do this. Totally.

Yeah. But also, like, the most important, although it wasn't. I think about this all the time. There was all this cognitive dissonance that I was like, God is the most important thing. But dude, I'd give Tony Robbins a run for his money with how ambitious I was. I wanted to...

To go to the world. Yeah, I wanted to make a new volcano. Like with my imprint, you know what I'm saying? I was hungry. So that's causing tension. I remember at my wedding, they played the song, Be Thou My Vision. It's a hymn. And there's a line in that hymn that always used to make me laugh. And it was, riches I want not, nor man's empty praise. And I always used to cry at that line. Why? Because I wanted riches and I wanted man's empty praise. More than riches.

Praise. Why? It just gets me off. It's my psychology. Like I love people laughing and listening. It's my drug. I love it. It's so good.

I like to think I found a way to work with it. You know, Jesus said, I got this from Richard Rohr, but he said, you don't pull up the weeds while the wheat is still growing. You let them grow along with the wheat. And then when the harvest comes, you pull all of it up. So I don't look back and wish I could have yanked out my fucking red-blooded American ambition, but those were my weeds and you work with them. The weed just grew with them and they got taller, but you find a way to prune your garden, but you can't yank it up because you'll yank up the wheat too.

Jesus said that. The same Jesus that people are quoting to get people to stop, stop whatever it is you're doing that's bad. Yank those weeds up. And Jesus is over there going like, gotta let everything grow as it is. It's very Buddhist. It's like, what are you doing? You can't, I mean, it's too deep. So anyway, got married because I wanted to move to Chicago because I wanted to do Second City because I loved

Chris Farley and Chris Farley did Second City and then he got SNL. So I was like, I want SNL. I'll go to Second City. Same path. And dude, I got there and everyone had the same idea. It was every tall, doughy, white guy who was the star of their college improv team moved to Chicago as soon as they graduated. It was a cattle call.

It was crazy. Corn husks in their mouths. Just a bunch of me's. So it was very hard to get in. So I started doing stand-up because I was doing a little bit, but I went from being really into improv and doing some stand-up to being really into stand-up and doing some improv. That was like a very practical, utilitarian decision.

I was like, because I realized, like Tony, again, I keep looking at him, but he would like this. I realized that I was only as good as the worst person on my improv team. And any improv team I was on would always have someone. Maybe they would be funny, but they wouldn't be dedicated. They're smoking pot all the time, or they miss a lot of rehearsals. And I was like, it's hard to get seven people to make it in Hollywood. So you're just sort of like, well, I'll just do stand-up.

I can do it every night. Alone, yeah. Alone. And I'll be as good as I am. And I liked that because I could control that. That worked out for me. And then when I was 28, we had just moved to New York, maybe a year or two in.

And then my wife had an affair with someone she worked with. And then so she left me. So I was in this situation. The story's longer. The full version of the story is in the book, because the book isn't just me going like, be a candle. Nobody wants to read that book. It's the drama.

It's the drama. It's the story. So I really kind of draw out, even in ways that I haven't shared on my own podcast, but it's like, really tell the full story. But that was when I was like, God, I sort of looked at God like the mafia. Like I paid him protection money by being good. I didn't smoke. I didn't drink.

I didn't swear. I didn't watch porn. Or if I did, at least I felt really bad about it and like deleted Internet Explorer. And, you know, if your web browser causes you to sin. And then, so I was a very good boy-ish. And then, so that's the mafia, but someone still threw a brick through my bakery window. You know, I was like, what's all this protection money for? So it wasn't working. My model of God wasn't working because it had no allowance for suffering.

You can see why now one of my passions is to figure out why we live in this world of duality, of good and bad, of pain and pleasure. You know, like what's going on here? What is the model of existence? Because it can't just be a God that if you're believing correctly and do what he says, everything will pay out for you. That's a very Western achiever model. It's also very narcissistic. You're just like, the world's about me.

The movie is being shot from these cameras. My story is the one that matters. And I have a direct line to the God that made everything. So everything's going to pay out. Then your wife leaves you. It's not funny. No, it is funny. It's funny.

That's a great joke. It's a great joke. It's a great joke. It's a great joke. It's a great joke. And then you go, well, what's wrong with this situation? At first, I was an atheist, briefly. So after you were a Christian, after all this happened, you were like, screw God, screw religion. Pretty standard, right? I mean, you either go really hard, you double down on God. Yeah, all day and like.

You're like, well, it's probably because I smoked cigars or something. I don't know. And then you're like, I'm going to go harder. Yeah.

I went the other obvious way. Nobody stays the same. I went the other obvious way and lost my faith. You started studying everything. You were like. No, not yet.

Oh, okay. That would have been awesome. Screw God. I wish I was that awesome. I wish Pete was that awesome. Buddhism. Yeah, it's like, well, now I can study all the canons.

No, I was just like, I really enjoyed a period of, and I'm grateful that I had a period of my life that was, if it wasn't like active atheism, where I was like really thinking and contemplating that there's no God, it was just like a casual enjoyment of putting the issue aside, which I recommend. It was a nice time for me. You were just like, there is no God.

I just was like... None of this matters. I guess we don't know. I thought I knew. I guess I don't know. I'm going to put it aside. And when all your friends are comedians, nobody believes in God, so you're just sort of like, I'll just do...

They seem fine. You know what I mean? They look good on stage. Yeah. Behind the scenes. But behind the scenes, I was one of them. I started like drinking more and whatever. It wasn't that exciting.

I always had girlfriends. So I wasn't like going out and having orgies and stuff. But I just went hard into the body and had a lot of Chinese food and a lot of guilt-free porn and whatever it might have been. But then, and this is a big turning point in the book, I took psychedelics. Have you ever taken psychedelics? I have not. I've been in ceremonies and watched it and watched. Yeah. And said, here you go. When I saw someone like demons coming out of him, I was like, pass. You went to ayahuasca. It was like a... Dude, who pass you went to ayahuasca it was like a dude who told you to take ayahuasca i didn't take ayahuasca i didn't take anything uh it was like

some other drug i don't remember what it's called it doesn't last that long i think it's only like dmt yeah i think it was that yeah so i was in like a circle i was in a circle a friend of mine i wasn't gonna i want to know who on this wall was like, because I do think you'd like Psychedelics, maybe at some point. I don't know. I'm not here to tell you that. But I want to know which one of these guests told you to smoke DMT. It wasn't me. I don't even know if it was DMT.

I'm just saying. If it doesn't last very long, it was very strong and it tastes. It's like about an hour. I don't even remember. It wasn't DMT. I don't even know. Yeah, I think it was something else. And it was a bunch of UFC

guys in a circle. Because that's who you want to be with. The embodiment of aggression. Right, but it was crazy to watch. I wasn't planning on doing it anyways when I went in there. I was just like, I'll come and watch and see what's going down. But one of the first guys smoked whatever it was. I don't think it was DMT.

And he was freaking out. I was like uh i wasn't planning on coming here to do this and i'm not gonna do it now yeah but other people had like this they were joyful and happy it was just i don't know so anyways i wonder what it was salvia maybe i'll ask i'll ask but you see you started doing this i took mushrooms yeah which and i didn't even take that big of a dose uh i split a dose with my girlfriend at the time. So it was pretty mild. What happened?

I mean, which Pete do you want to ask? You're asking this Pete. I know what that Pete thought happened, which was like euphoria and wonder and body high and fascination. Really what's great about it is that it makes you fascinated. Like you'd just be like, it sounds so trivial to say this, like you're an idiot or something, but you're not an idiot. You're actually a Buddha. And you'd be so fascinated that there's this, this is molecules,

this water is molecules, I'm molecules, and these molecules like swoosh around. That would be the funniest thing to you. But not in like a, I've said this before, like when you smoke pot the next day, sometimes what was funny isn't funny anymore. When you take mushrooms, what was amazing the next day is amazing. You've just sort of forgotten because your brain builds reality, right? And one of the many things that your brain does, I think it's your frontal lobe, is it prioritizes reality. Right now it's more important for me to be remembering my posture and to sit like, okay, I look okay.

Does she think I look okay? The audience, and don't spill the water. And what's a threat? Like probably on some level we're like, well, there's fire there. It's very low level,

but we're like, be aware that there's fire there. Like if something happened, we'd be like, don't let the fire hit the carpet. Right. And when you take mushrooms, whatever the door guy is

that tells you what's important and what isn't important, I say this in the book, it's like you slip them a 50 and tell them to take the day off. So everything becomes equally important. The air and the wood and your feet and your hands and everything becomes equally important. So what I experienced at the time was joy and fascination. And fascination is really much harder to come by than joy.

You can smoke pot and feel joy. But what... Fascinated by every little thing. You're like, wow. People. You're like, look, there's another this in that. And it thinks it needs fried dough. And you're like...

And love. Like you're like, and love. Like you feel love for everybody. But it's not just, you know, you have a couple beers, and you're like, I love everybody. It's not that. It's like you get it. It's like there's a line to a nightclub called Enlightenment, and someone came and took you, and they let you in the club.

They let you around the line, and then you go in the club. But you can only go in for a couple hours. But it's still fucking amazing that you can go in for a couple hours. So that now, if you ask me now what happened is that I was fully in the moment. Why wouldn't you be if everything is fascinating? So all of the planning and all of the regretting and all of the anxiety completely goes away and moves aside for basically like what feels like a jacuzzi in nowness. So this later I realized is what I believe Jesus is talking about when he says the kingdom of heaven. He says, you know, the kingdom of heaven will not come by expectation. The kingdom of heaven is here and men do not see it is my favorite Bible verse. Another favorite Bible

verse that applies is he goes, lest ye be converted and become as little children, ye shall not enter the kingdom of heaven. Children, it's right there. It's in the text. If you want to be Western, we can look at other texts. We can go Eastern. But it's right there in ours, right?

Which is an Eastern text, but I'm just saying. Children aren't, they don't have beliefs or complicated trees of philosophy. Well, if this, then this. Well, oh, that's determinism. Well, that's Calvinism. They're here. My baby is here.

And that is a beautiful satsang to share with my baby. She's just here. So he's saying, be open. Realize you're already here. Men do not see it because we're too busy. Back then they were too busy. I don't know what they were doing, getting dusty sandals or whatever, but we're doing dusty sandals here. And he's like, it's here, it's here, it's here, it's here, it's here. How many times does he have to say it? But we don't believe it. Took this drug and I went, oh, it is here. That's great. What was the big lesson

for you when through that pain and through the drugs and through the dating other women and then now finding you're being married again? Well, I mean, I guess that it's all, it's all this. It's all, it's all one thing. It doesn't really make sense when you talk about it. But it is one thing, and it's thinging itself. It's one thing thinging itself. So the illusion of separateness, right? My friend Michael Gungor wrote a book called This, and he talks about, like, we are part of the earth as much as a tree is. And he has this great line where he's like, we're the wireless upgrades.

We don't have to be rooted to the earth, but we are a byproduct or a product of this system. And this system is a part of the solar system and it's a part of everything. Everything is. Like I said, the air is made of the same thing you and I are made of. So it's helpful to think of the air as gelatinous. You know what I mean? But the ego builds up a story that goes, well, I'm over here and you're over there. Well, tell that to my baby. My baby doesn't know that. My baby's just like, it's this.

And then we play out these little stories and these games because when you think you're separate and you think you're the center of everything, it makes sense that you would do that. So the big thing that my book is about and the big lessons that drugs and everything taught me was that it's all in it. It's all in the game, including your suffering

and including the things that you wouldn't ask for and including your death. That's why I want to be clear that I'm not saying that might have happened, but you got the job because that happened. That's ego shit. I'm saying it's all one thing working itself out, pretending to be lots of things, to know and understand and play with itself, basically. That's what I think is going on.

And if you took one of these dregs, you wouldn't have to believe me. You would believe me. You'd feel it. Yeah, yeah. You would feel it. Completely different than knowing it. None of us know it, but I've had moments on drugs and off drugs where you go like,

so have you. Swim in the cold ocean. I just did yesterday. You're nowhere but there. You're present. You can't think about anything, and that is similar to a feeling of taking. So you don't have to, like the guy that free climbed that mountain. Free solo? Yeah. Crazy. I would argue the reason he's doing that is he's completely present.

Where else would he be? And that has to be. The best feeling ever. It's the feeling of euphoria. It's the best feeling. That's why I love playing sports because you can't be on your phone and shoot a basketball at the same time. That's why I love doing stand-up. Exactly.

You have to be present. I can't not be thinking about it. So people with ADD and all this stuff tend to you know migrate towards these activities but like i it was never explained to me that spirituality is actually trying to maintain a state of that without some sort of threat to our lizard brains that forces us there can we just be there and that's what i believe to be the kingdom of heaven what's been the biggest uh lesson you've learned being a father? Six-month-old baby, right? Six, seven months old. I mean, we did sort of hit on it because my baby doesn't think in words yet, but she is. You know what I mean? Yeah. So like we call her, or I call her,

I think my wife calls her this too. The chapter about her in the book is called Luminous Emptiness. So she's just luminous and empty. That doesn't mean she's not having, you know, as she's getting older, she's almost seven months, we see her reach for things now and she's more interested and she likes her solid food. And so she's building a false self. By the way, we're not going to resist that. She can be a false self until she's,

she can do that her whole life if she wants. That's her journey. But I'm watching her build it, you know, from the ground up. Like, oh, she likes spinach. She actually does more than she likes lentils. So you see her building a preference. And you can see that, like, laser printer make a groove in her brain. So it's pretty wild.

But what she's taught me was that there are people sometimes, it's a little bit cheesy, but they're like, oh, babies are like, it's like it makes me feel God, right? I would argue that it does, but it's not as simple. Sometimes there's like pro-life billboards that say like, there is proof of God and it's just a baby. I'm like, okay, that's sort of like the guiltification of a beautiful idea, which is that a baby who has no sellable identity, that's why I don't, I'll never. My brother gave, it was well-meaning, but he gave her a Red Sox onesie. I was like, I'll never put her in this.

Wow. Because I don't like that imposition of like, you're from Boston. And I get it. If you like that, go for it. It's fine. But I'm just like, what's beautiful about her is that she's nothing. She's just the, it's the video game screen. Make a player.

She's like a rotating avatar. What are we going to do? And that is valuable in itself. In America especially, we see a big spacious field, and we're like, well, what can we build here? But the field itself is valuable. And my identity-less infant is the greatest spiritual teacher I've ever had. And I've sat with some pretty great ones. And the feeling you get with something that isn't insisting that it's something but is,

is what God is to me. That's powerful. Yeah. Wow. Is that great? That's really powerful. So I don't go like, I can't wait till she's taught. Why? I love that she doesn't know her name. She doesn't turn when you say her name. Why would she? What does that mean? There's a word that's you? Get the f*** out of here. This is f***ing bullshit. This is powerful, man. I feel like I could talk to you for like three more hours. There's a word that's you. See, that's like a, that's a psychedelic thought. Like if you, like again, you don't have to do it, but you know it already. Like those moments when you're, when you're in the shower and you're like, there is a word that when they say it, they mean this.

They mean all of this. But it feels more exciting when you're tripping. Again, you don't have to. I don't want to sound like somebody that pushes that because one of the points in the book is that there are techniques and methods to get you in the kingdom of heaven, in the Tao, in the garden. Without that, yeah. Yeah, without that. This is a question I ask everyone at the end. I love this conversation, so I'd love to have you back on sometime. Oh, anytime. I just want to see the view again. I know, right? And look at Tony.

And feel snuggled by love. Yeah. That's a great choice. This is called the three truths. So imagine it is your last day on this meat suit physical earth that we're in right now. 100, 200, 500 years from now, whenever you want it to be, you get to choose the day. And you've achieved everything you want, if you want to achieve or if not. Right. Whatever you choose, you've done, okay? Right.

And you've lived the life that you want, but you've gotta call it quits. And you've gotta take everything you've created with you. So you put everything into the world, whatever you've done, books, shows, movies, whatever you wanna do, you gotta take it with you. So no one has access to your information anymore. I'm leaving and everything I made is leaving. It's coming with you, yeah. But you get to do, you've got to take it with you. So no one has access to your information anymore. I'm leaving and everything I made is leaving.

It's coming with you, yeah. But you get to rip a piece of paper out of a book and write down three things you know to be true and leave that as kind of like your principles or your lessons that you would leave with the world. Right. And this is all they would have to remember you by. Your three lessons, I call it your three truths. What would you say are your three truths? What if it was just like my best

joke? It can be whatever you want. Whatever you want to leave behind that you think that would be a good lesson or a good story or whatever. Three ideas, three thoughts, three lessons. Right. Well, on the first one I would write, who is watching you read this right now? On the first one I would write, who is watching you read this right now? Okay. Who's observing you read this right now? I think that's the most important question. I used to think that like when people said the most important question you can ask in life is who am I?

I'm sure you've heard that. Why am I here? Who am I here? And we've sort of turned that into like an excavation of your preferences. Which again, zoom out. Who cares? Who am I here? Who am I here? And we've sort of turned that into like an excavation of your preferences. Which again, zoom out. Who cares? I like chocolate ice cream. What a prostitution of that beautiful idea. Who are you really is the better question.

And who's observing the thought, I like chocolate ice cream? Because you're not your love of the Patriots and you're not your love of chocolate ice cream. So I think that's encapsulated in the first one. And this is silly, but I think I would say everything belongs. I like that one. And that obviously includes yourself.

There's so much energy. That's not to say that there's not. I took LSD recently and my big epiphany was it's nice to be nice. So sometimes they're not that deep. So it's nice to be nice is a good one. I don't know if that's going to go on there, but everything belongs is a good way to get over the idea

that we're just like, if only I was this or that, or like, but even your suffering belongs is like, that's my, when I'm like, it's all one thing thinging itself. It's sort of a trippy idea, but like, we live in a world where as soon as you move forward, backwards exists. That's just sort of what we're stuck in. So as soon as there's like pleasure or goodness or kindness,

like ugliness and selfishness and pain just exists. That's just like what's happening. Because one doesn't exist without the other. So that's what the world of form is and that's what duality is. And our resistance to that causes a lot more suffering than actually those things on their own. Wishing that it wasn't that way. So saying everything belongs is a nice way of saying try to dissolve into and flow with everything that is.

Because as Jesus said, this is how it will be always. He said that. He's basically like, the poor will always be with you. The suffering will always be with you. And it's just like, okay. The homeless will always be down the street. That's right. That's what he's saying.

He actually says, I think he's speaking as the Christ. He's like, but I'm only here for a limited time, so you should be talking to me. Which is kind of a funny thing to say. But he's saying like, this is this. So everything belongs is a good way to say this is this. So what was the first one? Who is observing you reading this now? Right.

Everything belongs. Everything belongs. And the third one would be, it's a Richard Rohr quote, and I think it matters. Oh, there's two Richard Rohrs. Let's decide which one we should put in. One is, love is learning to say yes to what is. So we could just say yes to what is. That's very powerful. It's a little bit more hashtag greatness. This quote is on my wall. He says, humbly and proudly return what you've been given. God, I love that one. He says the meaning of life is to humbly and proudly. So right there is non-dual thinking. It's humbly and proudly. And that's in there for a reason. It's to make you

go like, what? It's not a rational thought. It's a heart thought. You can humbly and proudly return what you've been given. So that's kind of the game. I was given a sense of humor or whatever. So that is a little bit more practical. Like living a life of service. Yeah. What do you got?

Yeah. Give. Give. Give. And do it proudly, but also do it with humility because zoom out and what are you really doing? So that's four. I love it all, man. Those are powerful.

I'm glad I got to make you think there too. You got this new book coming out. And the fifth one will just be the word diarrhea. Okay. Because that'll make you laugh. He could have left anything. He left diarrhea and he misspelled it. We all do. I'm not even going to make you laugh. He could have left anything. He left diarrhea. And he misspelled it.

We all do. I'm not even going to make you write it down. I know. I'm dyslexic, so for me it's like. Well, you've got this new book coming out, which sounds like you're sharing all these stories and more. Yeah. Called Comedy Sex God.

Comedy Sex God. And it'll be out when we post this interview, or if it's out before, you can preorder it on Amazon. Please do. Your website is. If you've enjoyed this, it's out before, you can pre-order it on Amazon. Please do. Your website is. If you've enjoyed this, it's weird to just make an open plea to people. But like you want a book to like, as you know, you want it to like open strong. And not because I'll be like, oh, my book opens strong.

But because that means it'll be like, it'll get more attention to it. When you've worked so hard on something, and I worked on it for three years, you want those pre-sale numbers and that first week number to be big, not so I can jerk off in the shower thinking, oh, I'm a big boy, but because more people will find the book. Of course. That's really what I'm not just saying that. I want people to find the book. I worked so hard on it, harder than I worked on anything. It was more satisfying and more difficult than anything I've done. And a lot of what we've been saying, I'll happily give it away for free. And I'll never go like, well, if you want the answer to that one, read the book. But everything we've been talking about and more is in the book.

Yeah. And if you like this conversation, that's my little commercial. I love it, man. I love it. It's called, yeah, Comedy Sex God. What's your website? Is it PeteHolmes.com? PeteHolmes.com, yeah.

So you can get on there, Amazon, Barnes & Noble. I'm pretty sure there's just a link to Amazon on my website. Yeah, just go there. Perfect. And follow you on Instagram. Got some funny stuff up there. PeteHolmes on Instagram. Make sure you guys, if you're watching or listening, take a screenshot, put it on your story, tag Pete, let him know what you enjoyed the most from this as well.

I will see those. Yeah, I look on my Instagram. That's your DMs and stuff. So just whatever you do, don't put the volume up when you're in a waiting room. Or if you do, know on some level you are the spiritual work of the Lithuanian ogre to your right. And he's trying to love you as himself. I love it, man. I want to acknowledge you, Pete, for I feel like it's hard for comedians to really be vulnerable and continue to

like do the work on themselves maybe that's just my perception of comedians which is probably bad for me to judge and as a group but I feel like you were a bunch of pirates but you're constantly you're constantly doing the work and you're probably doing things that aren't popular you know you're probably like saying things that aren't like what You're probably saying things that aren't what every audience wants to hear. And you're asking people to tap into deeper questions for themselves. And that doesn't get the best jokes all the time. And you're doing the unconventional thing, which is making people think and making people love and open up. So I want to acknowledge you for the work that you're doing and allowing yourself to go there even when it may not seem like

the sexiest, coolest thing to do. Right, right. So, yeah, man, I really acknowledge this conversation too for everything you shared and your vulnerability and everything. So I think people are gonna love this. We did it.

We had some here. We did. We did, man. We did, man. We had here. I love it. Make sure you guys get the book. Follow him on Instagram.

And my podcast, You Made It Weird. You Made It Weird. Yeah. You Made It Weird. Check it out. You should be on. I would love to come on. Yeah.

I would love to come on. You can see my house. Go see Pete at the Largo once a month if you're in LA. Every month you're at the Largo. It's every month. You're touring every now and then. So if you guys go to PeteHolmes.com, go see him live and give him a big hug afterwards if you say hi to people.

This is my final question. It's what's your definition of greatness? Man. Greatness is your ability to flow with and find balance within all that is. That's greatness. Pete Holmes, my man. Appreciate it, brother. Thanks, dude. That's greatness. Pete Holmes, my man. Appreciate it, brother. Thanks, dude.

I love this. There you have it, my friends. I hope you enjoyed this episode with the funny Pete Holmes, who we went all over the place in some different context today. It wasn't all about comedy, which is what he's known for,

but this was a powerful conversation in my mind. I love having these types of conversations with individuals that you normally wouldn't think you'd have these conversations with. So if you enjoyed this, make sure to share it with your friends. lewishouse.com slash 796 with the hilarious Pete Holmes. Make sure to tag us both at lewishouse at Pete Holmes over on Instagram. And be a hero for someone in your life, someone that you can inspire. Spread the message of greatness.

Don't be stingy with your resources and the information that you're learning. Make sure to share this with a friend. Text a friend or two. If you have a text in group chat, post this in a group chat, post this in a group. Let people know about this link

because I think they're going to love this in a big way, just as much as I loved doing this interview with Pete. And as Benjamin Franklin said, without continual growth and progress, such words as improvement, achievement, and success have no meaning. What are you doing on a daily basis to listen to your heart, to listen to your intuition, to listen to what the fears are that you have in your life and make sure you're leaning into those fears and not hiding from them.

How are you growing? How are you developing? How are you learning? How are you becoming more of who you're supposed to be in this world, not becoming less of it? Think about that today. Make sure to share this with a friend. I love you so very much.

And you know what time it is. It's time to go out there and do something great. Thank you.