The School of Greatness - 820 Thriving in Marriage and Business with Lauryn Evarts and Michael Bosstick

Episode Date: July 8, 2019

DO THINGS ON YOUR OWN TERMS. We all judge people. We make assumptions about what people care about and who they are based on the way they look. But people are often more than they seem. No matter what judgments people may have of you, you can break the status quo. Never let the way you look determine what you’re capable of. Keep questioning your judgements and make others question. On today’s episode of The School of Greatness, I talk about defying people’s expectations with a couple who is much more than they seem: Lauryn and Michael Bosstick. Lauryn Evarts and Michael Bosstick host the entrepreneurial podcast, The Skinny Confidential HIM & HER, which just hit 16 million downloads. Lauryn has turned her passion for beauty, wellness and no-censor advice into one of the most distinctive blogs online today, The Skinny Confidential. Along with the blog Lauryn released her own book, The Skinny Confidential Lifestyle Guide and a BODY GUIDE, which is a monthly subscription service that includes new workouts and meal plans. Michael Bosstick is the CEO of Dear Media, founder of Bosstick Media, co-founder of Jetbed, Inc., co-host of the TSC podcast + much more. Lauryn and Michael are open about the struggles of working together while being married and what it takes to keep sex alive after ten years. So get ready to learn how to keep a relationship exciting (especially while working together) on Episode 820. Some Questions I Ask: What did you want in a long term partner? (7:00) What do you guys get judged for the most? (17:00) What’s the hardest thing about being married and working together? (19:00) Do you ever wish you could not be so public with everything? (27:00) Which is something you wish you were better at? (38:00) What advice would you give to a couple who wants to go into business together? (46:00) What’s the question you wish Lauryn would ask you that she hasn’t asked? (58:00) In This Episode You Will Learn: About Lauryn and Michael’s most interesting podcast guest (11:00) A fun easy way to spice up your sex life (23:00) Why Lauryn has been transparent about her plastic surgery (26:00) How to build a “strategic future by design” (47:00) How to not let outside voices affect your relationship (54:00)

This is episode number 820 with Lauren and Michael Bostick. Welcome to the School of Greatness. My name is Lewis Howes, a former pro athlete turned lifestyle entrepreneur. And each week we bring you an inspiring person or message to help you discover how to unlock your inner greatness. Thanks for spending some time with me today. Now let the class begin. Henry Ford said, coming together is a beginning. Keeping together is progress. Working together is success. We've got Lauren and Michael who are in today. And this one gets pretty interesting because I love how they talk about everything. They really open up about all topics. Nothing's off limits and we get into it pretty quickly. So I'm excited about this. Lauren and Michael host a

cheeky entrepreneurial podcast themselves, him and her, whose guests are top celebrities, entrepreneurs, and beyond. Lauren is the creator of The Skinny Confidential, which is a book, a blog, podcast, YouTube channel, and really a movement where she helps women live their best lives by sharing everything from wellness to beauty and business and real-life tips. The Skinny Confidential has been featured everywhere, Shape, Women's Health Magazine, Gary Vee Show, People Magazine, and beyond. And Michael, really cool guy, up-and-coming serial entrepreneur and brand builder who's done some amazing things in his career.

He is currently the CEO of a female-focused network, Dear Media, and the CEO of Bostic Media, a holding company that has ownership in multiple direct-to-consumer brands and businesses. And they have an interesting dynamic. I asked them some intimate questions about their personal lives, about how they mesh business and marriage together, relationships, what it's like being in LA with distractions and other opportunities. And we talk about the importance of questioning your judgments and what it can tell you about yourself. Also, how to make a relationship work through the high demands of running successful businesses. They both have businesses separate and together.

They invest separate and together, and how do they balance it all? Vulnerability as a tool for influencers, when it works and when it doesn't work. What it means to be a CEO and to truly scale a business. How to empower your partner while also staying focused on your personal goals. Make sure to share this with your friends, anyone that's in a relationship that's trying to build a business or that's trying to build one together or start one or thinking of one. This is a powerful episode to share with those friends. lewishouse.com slash 820. Make sure to share it out with your friends. Shoot them a text. Be a hero by sending someone some positive inspiration and information today by sending them a quick text or posting on

social media. All right, guys, I'm excited about this. Make sure to share with your friends. Tag me on Instagram while you're listening. Without further ado, let's bring on the one and only Lauren and Michael Bostic. Welcome everyone back to the School of Greenness podcast. We've got an incredible couple on today. We've got Lauren Everett, sometimes Bostic, Michael Bostic in the house. Good to see you guys.

Thank you, brother. How you doing? Been a while. Good to see you. Thanks for having us. Excited about this. So excited. This is all about sex and love and marriage and masturbation and everything, right?

Perfect. Isn't that everything you guys already talked about? Right in our wheelhouse. Perfect, right? Lubrication. Lubrication. All of it. Everything.

Orgies. Do you guys do orgies too? We don't. We have not done that yet. Yeah. He just sees it. Yeah. Listen, we always leave.

You get this room for improvement. You never know. Now, how long have you guys been married? We have been married. Liz, you're going to get me in trouble. We've been married three years, but we have known each other since we were 12. 12 years old. San Diego?

San Diego. But we haven't been together that long. It wasn't one of those situations where it was like high school sweetheart. We were together from, if you want to call it, 12 to 15. Broke up. Got back together at 23. 22? Yeah, 22.

Excuse me. Went into business together when we were probably 28 and the rest is history you're dating at 22 yes you dated in high school for a little bit no hooked up we did the whole played around three we did the whole like kid thing you know go to the movies make out run around and then in high school we both had different relationships different boyfriends different girlfriends same school same And you were in the same school? Same school. Yeah, always the same school. And then both went to college, had our own unique

experiences. Some more than others. And then when we got back, we just reconnected and I always tell everybody, Lauren's just been chasing me for a really long time. Oh, snap. Who's older? I'm older. Yeah, well, same grade. No, I'm just kidding.

I was pursuing her for a long time. You were pursuing her for a long time. I was. You were in college. She was in another relationship or no? Yes, we both were. But I would say I had very surface relationships for a long time. And for a long time, I was like, what's, maybe there's an issue with me. I think I knew very early on, and I know this sounds corny now, but I think it's true because

we're married, that I knew what I wanted in Lauren early on. And so a lot of those relationships that followed, unfortunately kind of suffered the brunt of that because I was never fully in them. I was just kind of doing my thing and holding out for, not like desperately, just sitting around doing like, I knew that this is what I would want in a woman for a marriage or a life partner. And so some of those other relationships kind of, let's say, let's use the term more for fun. Sure, sure. Recreational. Recreational, yeah.

What were the things you wanted in a long-term relationship? Committed. Something that's always attracted me to Lauren is she's extremely, like if I wasn't in the picture, she's completely self-dependent. She's self-sufficient. She's driven.

She's motivated. She pushes me. She holds me accountable. I think that I was in a lot of situations where I was kind of running the show and kind of trucking over my partner. It wasn't exciting. No. It wasn't fulfilling probably in that sense. I'm very attracted to strong women.

Wow. His mom's a very strong woman too. Very strong. That's cool. And what attracted Michael to you? Michael had to chase me a little bit. He's definitely not a pushover. Michael is very much like the logical business side to my creative, sometimes emotional side.

He really balances me out. But what I think is most interesting about Michael is a lot of people, when they see me, they see blonde, fake boobs and immediately get judged. There's a lot more. I mean, as people were just very, very complex. And I think Michael's always been able to see my full potential. When I came to him 10 years ago and said, I want to launch a blog instead of laughing at me. And this is 10 years ago. So, you know, this is a long time. A lot of people laughed and said, how are you going to monetize? This doesn't make sense. He immediately believed in me. How are you going to monetize? This doesn't make sense.

He immediately believed in me. And even more than believing me, he pushed me to execute and really saw the full potential of what the skinny confidential could be. And he's always seen that. And I think that that's really interesting instead of just looking at the surface. Well, I think like we were talking earlier,

and I think the most interesting people is when you think you're getting something and it turns out to be completely different and it turns out to be deeper. But not only for Lauren, I would push anybody that wants to break past the status quo and do things differently on their terms. I think that that is the most exciting thing about life is that you can do things differently and you can break status quos and you can break barriers and do things on your own terms. So when she told me that, it's not that I fully, I didn't understand where the blog space or influencer space or podcast

space was going. I just saw her potential to do something different. That's pretty cool. So you always inspired her or just at least said, go for it. Like, I believe in you. You should do this. You didn't question or doubt her. No.

But I think that I would give anybody that message that is looking to push against the norms, right? Like everything I've ever done in my own life has been something that somebody somewhere said I couldn't do. And I think that's what makes it interesting. I don't, you know, I don't think us as human beings are meant for singular purpose. I think we're meant to push against barriers. And I think that's why we've evolved past every other species on this planet. What I like about what you said is, you know, your show Skinny Confidential on the outside of surface might, people might think you talk about big boobs and, I don't know, sex and lubrication

or whatever it is, the main things that people think about. But then you dive into personal development and growth and inspiration and philosophy and spirituality. You talk about the deeper things as well. It represents my entire life. My whole life, people have looked at me

and wanted to put me in this box. And so many people talk about feminism and they're marching. life. I've my whole life. People have looked at me and wanted to put me in this box. And, you know, so many people talk about feminism and they're marching and being a feminist is also looking at people and being like, okay, just because they don't fit into my box, that's okay. I just think it's about empowering women, whatever they look like, or however they're judged. I think that sometimes with social media, you can immediately judge a book by its cover. Instantly. Instantly. And with my brand, it's pink, it's loud, it's flamboyant, it's in your face. But I hope that when someone comes and consumes it, it provides them with so many tangible takeaways. And I love when you're on your stories and you're just like, I'm listening to

this podcast, I'm reading this book, check out this new book. And you show people's side of you, it's like, wow, you're not just someone who's talking about makeup or whatever by itself. You're really diving into something to make you better. I am constantly learning. I don't take one second of my day to not be learning. When I walk to coffee every morning, it's a five minute walk and I'm listening to a podcast. I'm listening to an audio book when I'm in the car. I'm constantly learning and wanting to be better. And I think that's what my whole brand is about. It's like being the best version of yourself, but on your own terms, whatever that looks like. Unapologetic. Yes, totally unapologetic. When did you guys know that you were the right match for each other? What was it about Michael and what was about Lauren where you guys were like, this is my right match. It's hard to put

it into words, right? I always make the joke that, was 12, she was 13, a couple months separated, and she showed up in sixth grade and she was a fully developed woman. And I was like, whoa. Spirituality, personality, physically. I had huge boobs. Really? As a 13-year-old. Yeah, I was developed at 13.

It was weird. And I said to my sixth grade girlfriend, listen, we're finished. We're done. I have to go home. But no, I think I've always been attracted, like I said, to Lauren's drive, to her ambition. I think she's a very deep thinker.

And it's not what you expect on the surface. Like you said, I recognized that very early on. I was very attracted to it. And if it comes with all the other great things that she comes with, then that's an added benefit. But Lauren's somebody like,

I always joke around, Frank Sinatra says that you shouldn't go on a date, when you go on a date with a woman, it shouldn't be a staring contest. And what I always found with Lauren is there was really, really deep conversations. It was never surface. It was like diving into what do you want for your future? What does your family want? Like, how can we help other people? How can we, this book about history, what do you think was going through these people's minds? And it's just- Wow. She'll ask you those questions. Yeah. I think we both ask each other those questions and push. And I think,

like you said, we're in on the joke. We like the idea that maybe we present something some way, but it's deeper. It's different. We've had many amazing conversations, yourself included, Robert Greene, a lot of these people that come on the podcast. It's not just sex and relationships. It's really like, what is going on in the human mind? How do we understand ourselves a little better? How do we understand how to be vulnerable in a space that's not always vulnerable? All those things. And it's even like the name, the skinny confidential, people automatically think skinny as a negative word. The blog was built on getting the juice. Like, let's go deeper. Let's get the juice, get the skinny. So it's like, everything sort of has to

do with like, it almost like tricks you into thinking like wait am i judging this like cover before i'm reading it i kind of get off on it it's important to have people really question their judgments we're all guilty of it you know right i'm guilty of it you meet somebody you think they're going to be a certain way and i think what we try to do on the show is say wait a minute you may not agree with this perspective or this way of life but at least understand it a little bit more and be open to what that person's individual experience could be. Yeah. We just, we just had the highest paid legal sex worker on the podcast. I saw that. I saw you guys talk about this. How was that? Amazing. Interesting. How much does this woman make a year? I don't want to quote, but she is going to retire in

two years. She said she can make up to $35,000 a night. What? What is that? Once every few months, though, maybe? I don't think so. She has clients booked out. She's very popular. How old is she? She's probably our age. About 27, I think. 28? She's young. You guys are about 28?

No, 33. I was like, man, our age? I'm like 36. You kind of get face blindness after a while and you lose between. 28 to 38, yeah. That was such a cool interview, though, for the platform because that's what it's about. It's about not putting people in a box and hearing their story and seeing where they're coming from.

And instead of judging, having empathy and even above empathy, understanding and actually putting yourself in their shoes they're coming from. And instead of judging, having empathy and even above empathy, understanding and actually putting yourself in their shoes and being like, wait a minute, I find that so interesting. It's like challenging yourself to not be so judgmental. The most interesting feedback we got from that one was people thought that she was going to be a certain way, right? You think legal sex worker, you're thinking what you've seen in the movies. But when she presents herself, she's extremely educated, well-spoken. She's a deep thinker, deep reader.

And you start to hear, and you're like, whoa. I didn't realize that this person chose this life. It's on their terms. They enjoy it. They enjoy it. It's their thing. They have boundaries. They have certain things.

You don't make 35 grand a night if you're not intelligent, working on yourself. Or at least you don't do it consistently. Maybe you get something once in a once in a while but not consistent i mean one of her favorite books is robert green the 48 laws that's great so you know that that i mean that just tells you a lot about the whole situation now is she i don't know anything about her is she like super attractive in your mind or is she more like wow she just got a whole package of i think that she definitely is she's very pretty and i think she appeals to like i that she definitely is. She's very pretty. And I think she appeals to like,

I think men like love her. She's very pretty. She's very well spoken. Yeah. I think she definitely has a clientele. I'll tell you that. And they're reoccurring clientele. What I found the most interesting about it is what you think most people,

what most men and women would be going to her for is right. Sex, but they want to talk me. Listen to, they want connection. Hilarious. They want these, they want a deep connection. They want to be me listen to they want connection hilarious they want these they want a deep connection they want to be heard and so she provides a lot that she's like listen the act of sex takes five minutes yeah actually it's averaging two minutes no way yeah they're

probably so they probably feel so open after 45 minutes to be on all to finally say what they want to say that their wife or whoever is not listening to or they don't feel like they're being being listened to. And then they feel so open and vulnerable. They're like, you know, it's so easy at that point. It's wild. One of the things we dove into is like, who is the typical clientele? And it's like, we have an image in our head of who we think that would be. And it's completely different than what you would think. Who is it? It's that, like I said, it's that person that's craving connection. Maybe it's a widower that's lost his wife. Maybe it's somebody who's handicapped. Maybe it's a disabled person who can't necessarily, who's struggling finding sex. Maybe it's just somebody that doesn't feel they're being heard in their current relationship. It was really, it wasn't this like kind of seedy guy that's out for a party on a bachelor party

looking to get laid. It wasn't that. Wow. Fascinating. Super interesting. She also said that there was this man that came in and his wife had cervical cancer, so she actually couldn't have sex with him. And so the wife was the one that actually facilitated the whole thing. No way. Yeah. And so you start to look at these things

from different eyes and different goggles, and it just starts to become really amazing. It just takes the judgment out of it wow yeah what do you feel like you guys get judged for the most i think that let me let me roll i think with my community especially like the blog and the instagram i think that people understand me now i don't i don't get a lot of hate because I feel like they know I'm going to be me. I'm going to do me, whatever that looks like. And you should do you, whatever that looks like. So I don't get a ton of hate. It's something that I honestly, I was thinking about it when

she was speaking. It's something I don't put a lot of thought into, really. I'm sure that there's judgment happening. I feel like I don't pay attention to, listen, I hope that everybody likes what we're doing and identifies it, but I also know that not everybody is. And like, you're going to see this bright pink couple that says the skinny confidential. You wear pink too? No, but the cover is going to be pink and they're going to think a certain thing. But to me, like I said, Lauren and I are in on the joke. I'm looking for people with depth, right? I'm looking for people that aren't going to be judging what's based on the surface. I think if we,

as a society, if we start to do that a little bit more, right? I'm looking for people that aren't going to be judging what's based on the surface. I think if we, as a society, if we start to do that a little bit more, one, maybe you'll understand people's perspective. Two, we can get into a place where it's not just so much like, you're wrong, I'm right. It's more of like a conversation, dialogue, understanding. So I just don't put a lot of thought into like, who is judging me.

I just feel like I have a thermometer of energy every single day. And I am going to allocate that energy towards things that are positive and productive. And sit there and give into the energy of someone not liking me is a waste of time. I'm not for everyone. I know that. And I'm fine with that. Yeah. How do you guys find either a balance or a structure for being married and working together at the same time? You guys have a podcast together and you're both running businesses separate and together. It sounds like there's some sharing of effort and support. So

how do you keep love life and sex and intimacy strong when we're all three obsessive over our mission and our work? I'm assuming you guys are probably thinking about it all the time. So how do you shut down to really connect? It's really hard. I'm not going to sit here and pretend like it's an easy thing. We've been together now. We were, we were dating for six years, 10, 11 years, 10 years total, married three, four. Yeah. It's really, really hard. There's one thing that I think is the foundation of it. We're both committed to the same vision. It's so important when you're in a relationship that you're committed to the same vision, because if you're not on the same page with that, it's yes. And it can't just be goals. It needs to be working backwards and having strategic systems to get to the goals. You have to sort of be committed to that. So Michael has

his business, Dear Media, which is the podcast network. I have the Skinny Confidential, which is like the creative. And then together we have the podcast. So the him and her podcast. And I think it's, we've turned it into something fun and playful with the podcast, but at the same time, when it's time to sit down and do work, it's time to sit down and do work. And we have to put that aside for a while. It was Michael coming into bed at 11 30 at night and me ready to wind down and get my cortisol down and read my book and him wanting to talk about things like numbers and that is just not my personality and it's when i'm in call me for that yeah you gotta have like a boundary so i said you know let's stop talking about business at this time and obviously we've up multiple times

but the boundary is there. And, and we're, we're, it's something we're working on. I always say it's like a dance. I'll give you the flip side of that. I think Lauren answered that question really well, but I'll give you the flip side. I have a lot of young friends that are starting to get in relationships and they want to talk business and their significant others saying, I'm never going to talk about that. And so the flip side of that is you don't want to just because there, just because there's a time and a place to understand when it's time to turn on and off, but you also don't want to be deprived where you can't have these conversations with your significant other, the person that you're with all the time. I think it would be extremely limiting

and also impactful to our relationship if some of those times when we're at dinner and I want to talk business with my wife, if I couldn't, like if I felt limited and then I got to go outside for that, right? I think it's important to understand, okay, what's the long-term vision? Yes, it's time to turn on and off. Communication is lubrication, like we say. It's important to have these conversations, but then it's time to respect. If she says, listen, today's really not the time, fine, but then when is? Don't just shut a portion of your life off or an interest of your life off. Like we're going away this summer and we have pre-recorded our podcast we have like all the content planned and we're just gonna take a two and a half week break that's good um where

you going we're going to france wow our favorite and i said to michael today i'm like we're gonna have sex every single day like we're this is like we're gonna concentrate on our relationship have really nice rosé lunches and have sex every single day. Are you having sex every day right now? No. Every day now? No.

No. No. And that's the thing that we should. Listen, 10 years together too. A couple of times a week. Every day is like, you know, you got to put that in my calendar. But that's what it's going to be like in 10 years from now. Listen, that's the other thing is like when you.

Well, Louis, you have time for sex every single day. You're so busy. I don't see her. How long have you been in a relationship? Yeah. How long have you been in a relationship? me? Listen, that's the other thing. It's like when you- Well, Lewis, you have time for sex every single day. You're so busy. I don't see her every day. How long have you been in a relationship? Yeah, how long have you been in a relationship? Five, six, almost six months. But listen, this is important for young couples or for couples that have been together for a long time.

You have to work at sex. You have to put it- We always say on our show, there's so many people, they put thought into their health, their wellness, their business. But when it comes to their sex life, they just think it's going to solve itself. It's not. People are uncomfortable talking about sex people think that if you hook up with your wife once a week she's going to be satisfied or vice versa if you if you excuse my language if you hook up with your husband or blow him once a month it's going to be fine like you have to put in the same amount of work into your sex life otherwise yes or otherwise listen

it's going to die and people are going to get bored go to the bunny ranch you know what we just did for my birthday and if anyone's out there and they want to spice it up with their husband or their significant other, girlfriend, boyfriend, wife, whatever,

we decided to do Sexy Stranger and it was recommended by Sex with Emily and basically you dress up as a stranger. So I was, I think I was Ivanka and I was a Russian working girl.

Wow. I did like the short black wig, got all the makeup done, tight black dress with the trench coat and no underwear, the whole thing. And I did that. We did that on my birthday. And that's, you know, that's a really fun way to spice up your sex life. We met at a bar. He could have tried a little harder. Let's be honest.

He was like a cowboy. She had like a whole team come in with a costume. She had a whole wardrobe. It's just you like He was like a cowboy. She had like a whole team come in with a costume. She had a whole wardrobe. It's just you like I live with some gel in my hair. Yeah, because I had some like leather pants on

and like a cowboy hat or something. You could have worked harder with that. We kind of fucked it up because we showed up, first of all, for anyone that wants

to do Sexy Stranger, you actually have to include the pickup part. We messed up because we escalated it to I'll meet you at dinner and so it took like the pickup

and the stranger part away. Do a bar. Do a hotel bar. We're going to redo it and do a bar connection. Yeah, but just doing those kind of things are fun. Yeah, you've got to pick her up. Exactly. Adding toys to the bedroom. Adding lube to the bedroom. Just having fun with it and never letting it get boring. You've got to keep it spicy.

You know what I mean? Now, this is off topic. Excuse me if I'm asking a personal question. No, you can ask anything. Because you posted that you were having breast implants like last year, six months ago or something, right? Yeah. And you were posting about it publicly.

The whole thing. And I was like, hey, I hope you're healing okay. Like, did you get a breast reduction or something? And you were like, no, they're bigger or something. They're bigger, yes. But didn't you already have like large breasts when you were younger?

Okay, so yeah, I had a B cup when I was like in sixth grade, which is pretty good. I thought you were talking like a double D when you were developed. No, pretty developed though.

No, she was developed. Well, she got the boob job before, but over time. I got the boob job right out of high school. I'm the type of person if I want something, I figure out a way

to make it happen. So when I was in high school, I made my money. I worked at the clothing store, the tanning bed, whatever I had to do, I made the money. The second I graduated, I got boobs. And then after 10 years, it was time to redo them. So I went and got new ones and I decided to bring my audience on the whole journey. I just feel like with social media, there's so many women getting so many things done, which is their own prerogative. But for me and my audience, I wanted to be transparent and show the entire journey. And again, I'm not telling anyone to get breast implants.

I'm saying this is my journey. Like if you can take any tips or tricks away from this for your own, great. And if you don't like it, leave it. So the boob job was- It's interesting, I'm seeing a lot of women who are showcasing them getting their boobs out. Yes.

Like this is like explanting. Yes. It's very popular. Now they're all like, well, my health is horrible for the last five years and I didn't know why. And so I'm explanting it. I have not had one. Yeah. There's some people that have issues.

Some people. Yes. I've heard a lot of people do have issues. I think again, it goes back to just knowing yourself, knowing your own body and everyone's different. Yeah. And if you're feeling complications that you can't figure out what it is,

then maybe you would take a second look at it. I haven't had one complication. That's great. Yeah, my doctor was great. And we were joking on here when you said, is there anything off topics? And we said, I think at this point, we've literally, I don't know what else.

You talked about it publicly, yeah. Yeah, I don't know what, and I also think that for people that are thinking about being public people, it's better you control the narrative than give the narrative to somebody else, right? And we're starting with the internet now, with podcasts, with YouTube, with social, like this has been one of the only times in history where a public person or a

non-public person can get on and completely control their narrative. It's not, you know, think about the celebrity space. We just had Jessica Albon and I said, what's been the change since you've been able to have your own social, your own Twitter, and address what a paparazzi or an article would say immediately. These things did not exist. She said, it's great because it take all the power away. Like there's nobody that can control her narrative anymore. She can answer it the way she wants,

the way she sees fit, how she wants, what she wants. And so I always think it's important for people that are thinking about getting into this space, the public space, no matter how big or how small, to understand that if you're going to put it out there, put it out there on your terms and don't let somebody control it for you. Do you feel like,

do you like that you have your personalities out there publicly or do you wish you'd go back and not be so public with your everything? I was born an overshare. I just was, this is the way that I am. This is the perfect platform for you there.

My dad was always like rolling his eyes my entire life. I just overshare. It's by nature. When someone asks me any kind of question, I share. So when my blog first launched, a lot of influencers were blogging about what they wear, what they eat. I was like, no, I want to talk about birth control. I want to talk about camel toes. I want to talk about boob jobs, Botox.

I want to talk about suicide. I want to talk about death. I want to talk about all these things that aren't being talked about that are taboo. Nowadays, people are starting, I'm seeing, to start opening up about all these things. Everyone's vulnerable now. Right. It's like an over-vulnerability issue. You know, maybe it just took some time, but I just think as an influencer, like for me to be an over-sharer, it's just my natural personality.

You shouldn't curate your vulnerability though. If you want to be vulnerable, be vulnerable. You know, don't say like, here's a selfie of me and I'm, you know, I'm being so vulnerable and this, I feel, and then swipe over with a filter. We crave that connection. We crave that human connection, right? When you see somebody being vulnerable, you identify, you see things in yourself. And I think it creators, influencers are doing themselves a disservice by trying to create that vulnerability. If you're going to be vulnerable, be vulnerable. I think I just speaking about your content, I really fell in love with you as a creator. When you opened up about your whole struggle, it just, it took you to a different level, in my opinion, as an influencer or a podcaster and just made me really lean into your content. Yeah. What is it about the relationship that works really well and what doesn't work? Oh, that's such a good question. Do you think if you guys

weren't these, you know, in a business together that it would actually be a better relationship? No, I think if I think us being in a biz, I'm an onion, I need a hundred layers and I like 5 million dynamics. I'm a Gemini and I want everything to be intense and chaotic and crazy. And I think having the business adds that other layer. So I 100%, if there wasn't the business relationship, I think I would feel something missing. Really? Just if I'm being honest. Like if Michael had his own career path

that he was driven about and it wasn't anything to do with you. No, I could deal with that. If Michael was sitting on the couch eating popcorn every day and twiddling his thumbs, I couldn't deal with that. And that's just me knowing myself. I mean, we intersect in so many places, right? With the show and with some of our businesses.

But what I find the most, like we can go off, like I can go off to Jermita. She'd go off and run. We have separate offices. You come back and there's something to talk about. Something changed. Something's different. There's a new goal, a new height to reach. What don't you think is working about me?

No, but I think... No, no, no, you have to answer the question. I think that, no, I think that obviously, we would probably not be the textbook thing that a therapist would point to and say, that's how you live a relationship. But I think what Lauren and I find so much interest in is that we can do things on our terms differently

than other people would find normal and find success in our own relationship. Because it works for both of you. It works for us. And we're not pushing this on anybody else i'm not i actually don't think every couple should work together i think that could be a huge mistake i think it requires certain discipline right like we were joking before the show started i said as soon when i put these headphones on it's like ptsd you get anxiety because these are the headphones we use at home if we need to record our pickups or an intros or an ad spot and you know fight over

what you're saying about. Throwing things. Really? It's 8 o'clock at night. The night before an episode needs to release. And you're exhausted. You don't want to do it. Exhausted.

Why are pickups the worst? Pickups are the worst. Intros and ad reads? Because you're just like, I just did three interviews today. I don't want to do the ad reads for next week. I'm exhausted. And imagine doing it with your significant other. Because you have to read them together.

Yeah. Oh, man. I think we would both be bored with each other if it was but there's some things that like that we don't get along about he's very impatient and wants everything right away and his thoughts are very fast whereas I'm the type of person that if I'm thinking about something creative I need to wrap my head around it I need to listen to creative. I need to wrap my head around it. I need to listen to a podcast. I need to listen to a book on Audible or read. It takes me a while. And so we're very different like that. And I don't like when he ups my cortisol in the morning or night.

When hot, she runs cold, right? Like if I'm up, I'm going. Probably similar to you. I also had like a very chaotic upbringing and he didn't. And so I think I thrive in chaos, which was serving me until about six months ago. It wasn't, it stopped serving me. It doesn't help you get to the next level with peace in your heart. No, it stopped serving me. And so I think that although you think he's more chaotic because he's impatient, I'm actually more chaotic. Well, I'm impatient with certain

things for sure. My time management's not the best. When I'm ready to move, I'm ready to move. When I'm ready to work on a project, I'm ready to work on a project. You've made the decision, let's go. Yes. She's still making her decision. It's not always the right decision,

but if I make a decision, then I can move. Hey, clarity is better than, you know, clarity and being wrong is better than like indecision a lot of the time. Yes.

Waiting for years to make a decision. Yes. You know, there's a time and place for like having strategy and thinking about it for a certain amount of time, but it's like, we've been talking about launching our podcast for three years. Let's do this. Yes. Let's go. You're an executor though. I love this. Yes. I

feel like I just don't want to die tomorrow and say, Oh, I wish I would have done those 10 things I wanted to do. Yeah. And I feel like if I never woke up with a rosé hangover, I would maybe be more of an execute. I'm an executor, but it just, like I said, it takes me a while to wrap my head around things. What's the thing that you know you can improve on in your personal life that would make the business and your marriage a hundred times better? Oh my God, there's so many things that I could improve on. I have so many weaknesses. What's a couple key things? One thing that would make a huge shift in your marriage and your business. I think that, and I was listening to your podcast today, we talked about this. I think it's time for me to step up as a CEO

and not just be creating content every single day. I create content seven days a week. There is not one day I have off for the last 10 years. So it's time for me to be able to scale my business. It's like step into the role of CEO, step into the role of really dealing with my finances, step into the role of taking my product line that's probably step into the role of CEO, step into the role of really dealing with my finances, step into the role of, you know, taking my product line. That's probably launching at the end of this year to the next level. Um, that's been really hard, but then also another layer of that comes with managing a team. I've, I've never been a manager. I was a solopreneur for so long. It's a different experience. I was a horrible employee, the worst you've ever seen in your life. And I was a bartender for six years while I built the Skinny Confidential,

worst employee. Then I was a solopreneur. And then it's like, wait, now to scale, you need a team. And that's been, I've had to really consume a lot of Peter Drucker. Right. Right. Let's put it that way. I think, well, I know what it is for me 100 i know it's listening more i'm a problem solver by nature if if you and i are friends if you came to me and said hey michael this is my problem my default state is okay how am i gonna help here's the answer here's the answer here's what we're gonna do exactly that's my move that's like okay we're

gonna do this we're gonna bring these people in we're gonna talk to this person we're gonna get these resources i got the guy i got the girl i got the yeah i'm a fixer right that's what i try to do and sometimes in a relationship both in an intimate relationship in a friendship it's better to just stop and listen and make the person feel heard and hear what they say and at least he's self-aware well i struggle with i think that it's because it's out of my default state i'll tell you what it's interesting because i've just been getting into a new relationship in the last five months i I haven't been talking about it publicly. I just announced it today.

You guys saw it earlier. And one of the things, when I think about the things I really appreciate about her is that she's such a good listener. Because I've been going through a lot of changes in my life personally, professionally, and everything, and she just listens. And I'm like, I don't need anything else. And I'm like, wow, is this what it's like for almost all women in the world? They just want their man to listen and not even respond, just to look and listen to you.

That's a thought. It was like, wow, this is amazing. And maybe I've been always trying to fix things myself. And I got to take a look at myself because I felt how amazing it was to have someone who just listened. I think you should have a listening expert on the podcast. And I'll play it while Michael and I are getting ready. There you go.

Subconsciously. Yeah, sure. Yeah, you need a listening expert. Well, listen, none of us are perfect, right? Like it's a practice. It's something that I'm aware I need to improve on for sure in all my relationships. And it's something I just got to work at.

Yeah. Okay, so that's the number one thing for you. I mean, if I think it was, when it pertains to our relationship, like how the, if the question was, how do I, what would be immediate improvement and impact on the relationship? It's not listening. What about in your business? I think again, it goes the same way, right?

Like when you're managing a team and you're adding people, it's like making them feel heard. Like my biggest thing when I bring anybody onto the dear media team is listen, speak up, let me know what I'm doing wrong. Let me know what feedback, like as the boss, let me know what I'm doing wrong. Let me know what feedback, like as the boss, let me know what we could be doing better. What do you think, where do you think we can improve? Because maybe I'm operating head in the cloud looking at a long-term vision, but maybe some of the operations that are taking place that worked eight months

ago don't work anymore. I need the people that are helping me build those processes and build this giant company. I need them to voice that up. And I think putting that out there that yes, I'm a listener and also I'm willing to take feedback is extremely important. So I think a lot of human beings in general, I think could get in a lot less trouble if they listen to each other more. Wow. Okay. Very Robert Greene. As somebody that talks professionally all the time. You're right, exactly. And yours is stepping into more of a CEO role in your business. Yes. And that includes time management on a micro level.

The time management thing has been... What's it mean to be a CEO? Does it mean not Snapchatting 24-7 and Instagram stories and creating as much content, being more intentional about content, batching it so that you can manage your team? I think it means stepping in to the back end of your business and working on your business and

not in it every single day. Does it mean probably less Instagram stories? Yeah, sure. For me, it's really important that as I evolve people, in my opinion, I'm sick of myself looking at pictures of myself all the time, which is why we launched a podcast. It has nothing to do with the way you look. You don't have to wear a new outfit every day and post this thing and accessory and makeup or whatever. Yeah. It's just, I just don't see how, and you were talking about this earlier, the bright and shiny is going to work long-term. The long-term is really interesting to me. I have such a vision of how I want to build the brand and the community that I think to do that, I think taking out just the way you like, just the way you look is not enough. It has to have those value,

the takeaways all the time, even in the caption on Instagram. It's so important. What's something you wish you both learned how to do besides the answers you just gave before you met each other? What's something you had proved on in your life? Manage money. Manage money. Did you spend your money all the time before you got? I don't think I've, I've had an attachment to money and I think that that's served me. You've had an attachment? No attachment. And I think it's served me because I went into blogging with literally the intention to provide quality content. That was my intention. And I was

bartending and I was broke and I had no money and I was going to school full time, teaching pure bar and Pilates, like living out of my godparents house. But my intention was just to provide the quality. And for three years, I didn't make one dime and I blogged every single day for seven years, or excuse me, for three years, every single day, seven days a week for three years. So I think that that non-attachment to money really helped build the foundation of the brand. But I think now, like we talked about the CEO, like it's time to step into the financials and really get into the nitty gritty. I need to have more of an attachment to money. I think like speaking of finances, but it kind of talks into this or touches on this question. When I was coming up, I'd say maybe 20 to 25, my first years as an entrepreneur, my focus was completely on the wrong things when it came to finances, right? It was on material goals.

All of my goals were material focused. Get the car. Get the car. Get the watch. Get the trip. Get the house. I'm glad this phase is over. Get the clothing.

And I wish more young people could understand how fleeting that stuff is because it caused me a lot of trouble, right? Because you're in debt constantly or whatever. You're not even necessarily in debt. Like I was, I was a solid, I was solid at making money. What I was, what was wrong though, was I was not fulfilled, right? You're going in one day, it's like, okay, if I could afford this gold watch one day, everything's going to be great in my life. Then you get there and you're like, wait a minute, got it. Move on to the next. If I could afford that, maybe this next brand. And you're just constantly chasing things that don't matter. Nobody else cares. Nobody serious cares.

It doesn't help you. It doesn't help your family. Your vision is not in place to help people. And so I wasted a lot of years having the wrong focus in terms of what my business goals were because I was focused on material wealth. Now, it's funny. Arguably, we're more successful than ever, but it's not a focus on material things. It's what are we giving back to the community? What,

who are we helping? What are we, what message are we amplifying? What team are we built? Like there's, there's so many other things that provide such greater fulfillment. Having conversations like these, you could strip away any finances around any of the things we're doing now. And I just enjoy doing them fulfilled. And I want to shout Michael out for one second, because when we first got together, we were very different with money. Very different. Like I said, I had no attachment. He was very materialistic. No offense. And it was just like material driven. And so I think we balanced each other out. Yeah, we definitely balanced each other out. But making a transition from being like that to how he is now wasn't just a snap of the

finger. It was so much self-work. I have watched him read Ryan Holiday's The Daily Stoic every single day. I have watched him write in a journal every single day. His Gratefuls every single day. Making it a thing to wake up every morning at 5 a.m. He has worked on himself for the last, I would say for the last three years,

every single day. So it wasn't something that just changed overnight. What was that quote? I can't remember who it's by, but it's like human beings get in trouble because they set out to find something when you should set out to create yourself, right? It's like something along those lines.

And I think where, to her point, it's the example that a lot of young men grow up with. The car, the watch, the house, the thing. And if more people would talk about, like, that's not the answer. Those aren't the things that are going to actually make you happy. Yes, having basic income needs met and being able to pay your bills and provide food for your family. Like, yes, that's going to move the needle and make you happy if you don't have those things. But beyond that, it's not the answer. I mean, it's nice. It's nice to have nice things. provide food for your family. Like, yes, that's going to move the needle and make you happy if you don't have those things. But beyond that, it's not the answer.

I mean, it's nice. It's nice to have nice things. Don't get me wrong. I still have nice things. We still do nice things, but it can't be the motivating force in your life. Right. Where do you feel the most loved and where do you feel the most pain in your life? That's a good question. Where do I feel the most loved? I feel the most loved when my husband gives me every speck of his attention. And listens. And listens. And all my five love languages, my

main love language is touch. You know you have the five love languages? You haven't touched her once right now. Yeah, why haven't you touched me? I'm just kidding. YouTube watching. me. I think she, she capitalizes all five love languages. She says all of them. She's like, all of them are the love languages. I need everything. I need gifts. I need service. It's like that meme, the person's dead on the floor and they're like, how much attention do you need? And it's like all of it. When I want attention from my husband, I want my full

attention. And I don't, I'm not super needy when it comes to that. I let you do you. I'm super independent. But when I want attention, it's like, look out. I want his attention. So that's when I feel most love, when every single speck of your being is on me. Wow. So the only way he can love you the most is if he's fully paying attention to you 100% of the time. No, not 100% of the time. In the moment we decide that I want attention. I need help. Is anyone out there? I need help.

Yeah. When we decide to have full attention, I want the full attention. Gotcha. So when you say, hey, let's be present in this moment. Like today we were out to lunch and he does this thing where he goes like this. I'll explain it. He's looking around at lunch. Not looking at you.

Not even like looking at anything in specific, just looking around at the setting and I'm like, let me tell you what it's like to date a Gemini or to marry a Gemini.

The beginning of the lunch starts with, hey, I'm not going to be able to talk this lunch. I have to work. I'm so far behind. Cool.

So I start looking around. Hey, why aren't you paying attention to me? Oh, wow. Yes. A lot of this is

you got to take responsibility as well. When do I feel the most pain? I feel the most pain when I'm in chaos. I have a the most pain when I'm in chaos. I have a lot of pain when I'm in chaos. You must have been in pain your whole life. Yeah.

You said you like to be in chaos. Yeah, not my whole life. When I'm really in a chaotic moment is when I feel the most in pain. Like a real true chaotic moment triggers me. And I've noticed that now, like the other day I had a moment where it was triggering and I went to Michael, which I normally don't do. And it was like, I need you to take this one for me. Wow. And he took it. He took it like a champ. You listened, you were a hundred percent listening. Wow. That's great. Well, I think as a couple, like

feeling, it's just, I feel the most love probably when somebody understood, like it's the little things where you can recognize somebody's in pain and step in and it doesn't necessarily like for me when things are not going right or if i need a moment like i'm a very cerebral person i'll go and i need to take some time by myself i need to get in my own head i need to think it's not that i don't want to be around people it's just it's just the way i process things and when she can recognize that and not hassle me for it, because a lot of people want to jump in and she just understands like, okay, that's his process. Let him be and letting other people know, like, let him be for a while. And I think when we feel the

least of that is when people push against this, like the way you are, right? So if my default state is not being chaotic and I need to be, and it's like trying to bring chaos into that, even though you know that that's going to set me off or you know that that's going to upset me, that's when it's very difficult. And I think a lot of couples run into issue because they know the buttons they can push. Yeah, of course. Right? Like I know exactly what's going to set her off.

I know what she doesn't like. And I can get there where maybe it would take you a while because you don't necessarily know. It would take me three seconds. She could do the same to me. And so when you're in a relationship and you have your significant other pushing those buttons, you know it's not coming from a place of love.

You know it's coming from a place of, hey, I want to set this guy off. And so couples need to be cognitive of that, us included, saying, okay, where is this coming from? Why do I want to set this person off? Why do I want to make them feel bad? So here's a scenario. There's a relationship of two people coming together

who love each other for two, three, four years, whatever. And one person says, I want to start a business together with you. What advice would you give to a couple that's been together for a few years that wants to do this? That wants to launch something together, start a business together,

make money with the same thing together? Put your helmet on. What advice would you recommend it for people? Would you say only if you're this type of people, here are the things you really need to look out for or the conversations you need to have about money or about ownership or about boundaries? What would you say? I would say the first step is self-awareness.

You need to be so in tune with who you are and how I would say to get there is I do this thing called the morning pages and it's by Julia Childs, The Artist's Way. And basically you wake up every morning and you brain dump onto a piece of paper for three pages, not judging yourself. So you just projectile what you're thinking. Anything.

And if that was the self-awareness talk for three pages every single morning for a month, I would write down what you're committed to, if you're committed to the same, like we talked about earlier, goals. Then I would sit down with your partner and I would have a list in front of me, and I would actually build out a strategic future by design, which is like you set your goals with your partner and you're both committed to the same goals. And then you work backwards with systems of how you're going to get there. And so it's really clear. Is it turning off your phone at 10 o'clock at night? Is it, you know, I, I just being honest here, I don't like when Michael talks business to me

before 9am. I'm not a morning person. I need, I need my mornings to be meditation and, you know, again, learning from your podcast, no working out, getting coffee, whatever that is. I need to like get my head in the game. And because I think of myself and what I'm doing as content is like not a professional athlete, but I want to be able to train at a high level all the time. And to lay the foundation of my day, I need to be cerebral.

I need to be inside. So just really laying that out, Michael and I didn't do that to start. And it sort of bit us in the ass later, but then we ended up doing it. Thank God. And I think we're on the same page. So I would just say, get on the same page and write it down so you can go back to that and show each. Remember when we said this right here, we wrote it down. I just speak it to you, text it to him, put it on his forehead, tattoo it on his ass, whatever you got to do. This is a longer answer.

So both of you cut me off if it goes too far, please. I've been on the mic before I can, it's fine to cut me off. Um, but I would say the first thing is really define like your idea of starting a business together compared to your partners. Like your idea may be, I want to operate this thing into a hundred million dollar business with a hundred team members. And we're going to have this massive office and we're going to go here and we're going to be in all these different States or countries, whatever. And your partner's idea might be, Hey and we're going to have this massive office, and we're going to go here, and we're going to be in all these different states or countries, whatever. And your partner's idea might be, hey, we're going to have two or three people. We're going to be able to travel all over the world, and we're going to have fun doing this together, right? So that's important to define just as a starting place of what your actual vision is. Because I think a lot of people think, oh, let's start a business. What does that mean? What's that scale? And then I

think the second part of that is to really define the roles. Like, what are you doing? What is she or he doing? Where do you have veto? Where does she have veto or vice versa? Or he and he or she and she, I think all of those things should be talked about in advance because doing business together comes with all of the stress that comes with starting a business and separate stress than being in a marriage, completely separate. And I don't care what sports you're in, what relationship you're in. The most stressful thing is entrepreneurship and building a business.

It's very challenging, yeah. Because not only is it reliant on your household or not only reliant for your household and your family, but anybody else that you start to impact, their families, the team you bring on, the people you're reaching. And so you have to carry all of that weight and you have to be willing to do that. It's a lot of pressure. How do you guys manage

money conversations for the marriage, for your future, for, you know, what do we invest back in the business? What do we invest in buying the shiny toys of the month, you know, versus the vacations? Do you guys have a good relationship with money? Or do you feel like that is a struggle? Her money's hers and my money's hers. No. We make our own money separately and then we have the podcast together, which is its own entity. We created, I want to say this right, an LLC, right?

No, we have a holding company that has holdings in the different entities. And together, that's our money. Is it your holding company or is it everyone? It's our holding. So we own it jointly and then that'll have different brands different brands different entities different sort of like an umbrella and so you have skinny confidential which is mine do you work on that at all i'm completely this what it's a it's a common misconception that people think that i've been working in it or involved i to this day have outside of consulting with my wife and having those conversations

just as like an advisor would, and she is to me, I'm not in the day-to-day of Skinny at all, right? Like she has her own manager, she has her own team, she has her own office, she has her own thing. The only thing that intersects is obviously

I run Dear Media and we have the podcast together and the podcast is with Dear Media. With Dear Media, gotcha. Yeah. And we host that together. But outside of that, we have investments together,

we have companies together, but we keep things separate. Like I have a separate company. She has a separate company. And then we have stuff jointly. So you have your own bank accounts? My own bank account. Since day one? Since day one. Since marriage? I mean, I'm a very independent person. And Michael is too. That's another thing. It's like, again, that self-awareness. We're very, very independent. I've always wanted to make my own money and have my own thing. And even if Michael was a multi-gazillionaire, it's still really important

for me to have my own platform, my own money, my own thing. Yeah, exactly. You have a joint account too? Yeah, we have joint companies. And I think that's another thing, not to get too technical here, but get with your accountant and sit down and say, hey, what kind of joint company makes sense? You could have a joint account, you could have joint companies. It makes things clean. I mean, listen, hopefully the wheels don't fall off this thing, but if it does, there's no, the companies are joint, right? And so-

We like to invest together. It'd be the same as if you and I were partners, right? And like the investment, like he'll ask my opinion creatively and I'll ask his opinion more business. And from the numbers standpoint, I think that we make a good team when it comes to that. And anyone that's listening, that's hearing this, I just think it's so important. My main advice of all this would be don't settle. Don't settle because at 30 years

old, someone told you you had to be married with kids. Don't settle because at 35 years old, you want children. You can freeze your eggs. You can adopt. There's so many options out there. Don't settle for someone who's half-ass. That's obviously my own opinion. But if Michael and I weren't together, I really truthfully think that I would be single at this moment. I'm really focused on my business and building that. And I think that, again, has to do with the self-awareness.

Yeah. Wow. Inspiring. So you guys invest together. You'll pay for trips together? Or does that come out of all your money? No. No.

It depends what we're doing. Our trip to France, we split it. I still like to take my wife to dinner and pick up the check and do things. But I think what the biggest thing is, is we're not, listen, we try to be responsible with money, invest properly, do all those things that we just outlined. But also, we're not putting this huge pressure on finances on the relationship, right? We try to live humbly below our means. We try to, you know, save money. Yeah. But like the same time, like if there is something that my wife and I do spend on, it's experiences, but it's experiences together

because I think that's something you take with you. Like, you know, a material thing, like I said, you can wear it, you can have it, you can't take it anywhere. Like the, this, the experiences that we have together can live in here. Yeah. That's great. What, um, what do you see as like the biggest problem that could potentially happen over the next three, five, 10 years? Oh my God. Let me pull up my scroll. There's a million things that can happen. I mean, there's like, it could be anything from like, this is like morbid, but it could be anything from deaths to breaking up to divorce. I mean, you have, you have to understand that life takes you on different directions. Like I said, it's from the beginning. Like I think we're committed to the same goal, but

I've been taught from a very young age. You don't know what's going to happen tomorrow. You don't know what's going to happen next month. You just have to really enjoy every second of each other. And right now we're in a really good place. We're best friends. We enjoy building together. And I feel like that's what matters. I mean, we'd love to have kids, but we're not in a rush. We're not, people want to, like the second we got married, it was like, when are you

having kids? It's crazy, right? I just think that it's, you don't have to conform to what society wants you to do. Everyone is different. And if that means having kids at 40, like there's, there's lots of different options nowadays. You got to do. Everyone is different. And if that means having kids at 40, there's lots of different options nowadays. You got to do what works for you. As you put yourself out there as a public person on any scale, the larger that scale gets, the more outside opinions come in. I don't have to tell you that. I think the wheels could potentially fall off or become difficult.

And you've seen this before with with many couples if you let some of those outside voices that don't necessarily know what's actually going on have an impact and opinion on on your relationship so what do you guys do to make sure it doesn't happen in a weird way it's like we're out there but we're also very insulated we have all these conversations we understand okay that was a unique experience you know having breakfast and maybe somebody came up and it's super grateful to have that but you didn't have that before. How do we do that? Okay. Having a, our relationship put on display to all these listeners, like, okay, that's interesting. Like how do we navigate that? It's a unique scenario that not a lot of people understand or relate to because I haven't been

through it. And I think that we just have to keep having a dialogue as the, as that that's happening. A lot of the time you'll see a couple where it's like, I'm out there. I'm a public, take Gary V. I'm a public person and we love Gary, but he keeps his family behind. There's something to be said for that.

For us, we don't have that luxury, so it'll be interesting. And when we have kids, I don't know how I'm going to feel. I'm the type of person, like I'm just going with each day. Like I don't have a rule book for this. There's definitely 20% of our relationship

that's kept off social media, which I find, you know, special to us. What's that? Just when you're in the bedroom, when we're in the bedroom conversation. No, I mean, there's a lot. I mean, on Instagram story, you see 10 minutes of a 24 hour day. You see a lot of the good stuff. You don't see, we're not snapping while we're fighting. You know what I mean? There's definitely, and he's also a lot of influencers have their husbands or boyfriends as the photographer. He won't take a picture. Really?

If it were going to save my life for him to take a picture, he wouldn't take a picture. He won't take any photos of you? I would never. No, no. When you're wearing an outfit, it's always you. Never. Don't lie. I set the bar low.

Yeah. Because I knew. You set the bar underground. I didn't want, I'm not a photographer. I don't have any interest in it. I'm not good at it. It's a fight between us, right? Cause it's like, get the angle. I can't get it. So I would rather bring somebody in. That's a professional, have them do it, have them do it. So when you're in France where you'll hire a photographer to take photos. Yes. If it's necessary or, but like, listen, if it's like, Hey, we're at dinner,

like snap a few, that's, that's different. I'm just saying i'm not going out on set and doing that i'm not figuring out the lighting um but i think you know that's another thing it's like defining the roles right like if i came in and said hey listen i need you to start looking into the books here and doing all the you know bookkeeping here yeah of course not um and these guys you watch these guys get in trouble because they set the bar really high in the beginning like i can take all your photos but if i was in that position, listen, that's what she does for a living. It would be my job.

It would be nonstop. So I had to be taking 10 minutes a day of Instagram stories, Snapchatting. Can you imagine? I actually turn the camera on him a lot, a lot, a lot, a lot. You do? Yeah. Do you like that?

I don't have a choice in it, but I don't dislike it. I don't mind. I don't need an angle, and I'm a pretty open book. I just snap him in his natural element. You know what I mean? Like I don't, nothing's like, no, it's just,

he's being absurd. For instance, when we're packing for a trip, it's like he has the wear, weighs the bag and he has to have the 20 things. Just pay the extra five bucks if you're taking my heat.

No, no, no. No, listen. This is a whole podcast. Take the five dollars. It's that I have to carry these massive bags everywhere. It's all her stuff. It's not the payment. Take the $5. It's that I have to carry these massive bags everywhere. It's all her stuff. It's all 20 shoes.

Trust me. It is ridiculous. I like to snap him in his natural arms. There was bags and bags of protein powder the last time, and they all spilled in the suitcase. Yeah, I'm trying to stay fit. Stay healthy. I get it.

Want to get out of shape? I don't know. Do I want to be scooping protein powder? I've got to decide. Wow. Okay. What's the question you wish she would ask you that she never has asked? Sometimes I think it would be nice. Listen, because I'm somebody who just trucks and trucks forward. And a lot of that time is even if something's going wrong, my default again is okay, everything's going to, like, I'll find the light in a dark tunnel.

Sometimes the question of, hey, are you all right in all this stuff? Are you okay? Are you, are you super, like, just those types of questions. I'm so used to him being a rock, I never think to ask that question. He never needs help. Yeah. He's the man. Yeah.

He's got it all under control. And sometimes, like, the other night we were in New York and we were running around and it was just an exhausting day. And I looked at her for, like, one of of the first times I just said, I'm exhausted. It's probably the first time she's heard that in a long time. I don't even remember the last time I heard that. Not just physically, but mentally. Like there's just a lot going on.

We're doing a lot of different things. You had like 18 meetings in one day. Yeah. And it's just a lot. It's fine. It's just, it's emotionally draining sometimes. You're carrying a lot of weight. And so to have that question sometimes,

we can all have that one strong friend. Maybe you're that strong friend. And because that's your default most of the time, people don't take the time to say, wait a minute, are you okay? And it's not that we're not, but it's just nice to have somebody thinking about like, hey, are you?

Yeah, I think you should always ask your strongest friend. I need to do that more. Always ask your strongest friend. I've never thought about that question, but that is where my mind just went. Interesting. What question? Was that helpful for you? Yeah, really helpful, actually. This is like therapy, Lewis. What question do you wish Michael would have ever asked you or ask you more? What do you feel about that? And I'm not going to insert my opinion. Is that a question or a statement? I just want, I like when he just asks me a question without trying to figure out the answer.

Sometimes I just don't want a solution. I just want you to listen. How do you feel about this? Okay, cool. And just saying like, all right. It's really hard for you. Can you do that? Well, I think the thing you could say is, how do you feel about this?

And then when you vomit on him whatever you're saying that he feels like, okay, I need a solution. Then you can say, would you like me to offer feedback or a solution? And if she said no, then say, okay, cool. Anything else? Do you know what I say? Sometimes I say I'm not at request for coaching. That's great. I want to say something and I'm not at request for coaching. Sometimes I just want to bitch and sometimes I just want to talk. And she probably just wants you to touch her and look her in the eyes while she's doing it. While I get a gift with a card.

While he's sweeping the floor. I'd like a massage. Yeah, right, exactly. Amazing. Maybe some pizza. I saw Jeff Bezos doing this thing where he had these big mechanical hands. Robot hands. That's what I'm going to need in order to get all her love languages.

20 arms. I don't ask for much. Everything in the world. What is your quote that you have? It says, I want it all and I'd like it delivered. Yeah. Why not? It's literally on her profile.

School of greatness. I'm trying to be the best. I like it. I like it. But if you're willing to work for it, I guess. Yeah. Yeah. Five love languages.

All it was. All it was. Yes. Where can we find you guys? You can find us at the Skinny, well guys you can find us at the skinny well you can find me at the skinny confidential and then my blog

is the skinny confidential dot com yeah just the podcast and like I said we're working on a lot of different shows on the dear media network and check out

I think 30 female focused shows there any of them would be a good place to start and yeah and I'm just Michael Bostic everywhere but I don't have as much

pink content do you guys have an account together too or no? No. Well, I guess we have at TSC podcast. Okay. Yeah, that's about it. Just the podcast. The podcast.

We've got a lot of, Lewis has been on, go listen to that episode. Yeah, go listen to Lewis's episode. We had a good time. We had a good time on that one. Lewis's episode is my favorite. We kind of took over, right?

We did. Michael took over. We went a little deep. I thought I was interviewing you and then it just flipped. You know what I'm going to do? I'm going to have you and your new girlfriend on.

So you better watch out and I'm going to do the same thing to you guys. I'll give it another six months and then I'll have you guys on. Yeah, six months. I'm going to cook for a while. Let her make her list of ones.

I know, right? Because right now, man, it's like, I've never been in a relationship where I'm like, man, it's just really, really good. Like it's really- It's easy. Yeah, I'm like, I'm almost having a little PTSD or anxiety from

my last relationship. Cause it was like every day it felt like when we were together, I felt like stressed, like something bad was going to happen. Right. Or, and I'm not saying I was perfect or it was like, you know, all her fault or something, but I just felt like anxious all the time. And she probably felt the same thing. Right. And man, I just feel like, gosh, I'm like, is something going to happen bad in the future? Like, I don't know. Well, you're used to chaos. I'm so used to it.

I'm like, this is unbelievable. And it makes me emotional just like when I talk with her because I'm like, I've never felt so much love and like security. I don't know. What's her vibe? Is she super business oriented? Like what's her?

She's very, she's a lot like you probably where she's got a movie coming out next month. She does TV show five days a week and then she does theater six times a weekend. So she has no days off, literally. She has to show up somewhere every day.

You guys are on the same page. She's busy. She's very independent and got her own thing. She makes her own money. She just bought her mom a house last month. She's like giving and caring and she doesn't need anything from me. That's the best.

She's got, she's had every major, like Latin pop star and billionaire offer her planes and this and that and taking her all the world. She's not into any of that, you know? And so she doesn't need it. She could have it easily. And that's what I her all the world. She's not into any of that, you know? And so she doesn't need it.

She could have it easily. And that's what I really appreciate about her. She's just like, I don't know. She's crazy. She's a passionate Latina, but she's also telling you, man, super calm and loving and a great listener.

Something to be said for these strong women. It's weird. I've never been, but I've also, when I broke up with my, when we broke up last year, I had like a month and a half where I was reflecting on my whole life. I was like, okay, who are the, all the women that I've been with and what do they have in common? And I realized, wow, I've never asked myself this. I've always just kind of repeated the pattern

of kind of dating the same girls. And I didn't even know why I was like, why do they all break horribly? You know, they all end horribly. And I had a moment where I was like, oh my gosh, they all were super beautiful to me. I was very attracted to them sexually. They all had some type of talent or gift that was different than the person before. Like one was a doctor, one was a photographer, a dancer, a singer. It was like always like a thing that I couldn't do that I thought was interesting. And then I said, wow, they all have the third thing in common as well, which is none of them believe they're beautiful or talented. I knew you were going to say that.

Really? Yeah. Wow. I'm not putting anyone down or anything. They lack self-confidence. Yes. And confidence, I think, is what's attracting you so much too. It attracted me to them originally because I was like,

how do you not see how beautiful you are, how talented you are? These are all my girlfriends, right? And they're all amazing in their own way. And I'm not trying to put anyone down here. I have my insecurities as well. But I reflected on it. I was like, wow, these are the things they had in common for me. It was like a project for me to help them.

I wasn't even consciously thinking about it. But I was like, you've got to see how beautiful you are and how talented you are. You're an incredible human being. All my exes are incredible, right, in their own way. But for me, I never felt like they were able to get over the hump of actually truly believing in themselves.

It didn't matter how many years, how much I tried, how much I said the words, like, you're amazing, you're beautiful. Because they have to feel it from within, and that's something that you have to work on on yourself. Exactly. And I think they all worked on it at different levels. So again, I'm not trying to put anyone down here.

But I felt like I was always growing more in certain ways in that area. And they weren't as much in that area. That's probably why you're feeling peace, though, is because that third one's fulfilled. Yeah, I'm like, wow, she's confident and humble. She's driven and grateful. It's weird. And so I'm like also like a little anxious because I'm like, is something going to happen wrong?

That's like the future. Like, I don't know. You just got to let it be good. Just let it be good. Like, just enjoy it. And you know, life's going to happen how it happens. We talk about this all the time is sometimes, you know, if you have a chaotic background or you're looking for something to fall, maybe you're waiting for the wheels to fall

off something and so it's almost like you're creating that and lauren and i have these conversations all the time like if something's good let it be good right now don't look enjoy it enjoy it and so many of us self-sabotage and ruin good things for no reason like if it's good let it be good and just say it's good confidence Confidence though, like just from my own experience, confidence is the sexiest thing that you can have in a, in a friend, anything in a husband, in a podcaster confidence is like, that is for me, it's like charisma. It's amazing. Yeah. You just want to lean into it. Magnetic. Yes. It's a question we ask a lot of people on our shows, like how do they find confidence? And it's, I still to this day don't know

if we've had a definitive answer. How do you define confidence? How do you find confidence? How do you become, if you're not confident, right? I think you create confidence by overcoming all of your emotional fears personally. Because I felt like the only way I've become confident is because I embodied everything I was the most afraid of.

And I gave myself a game and a challenge. Like when I was a teenager, it was talking to girls. I could not talk to girls to save my life. And I remember just saying, like, I'm sick and tired of feeling so terrified when a girl comes around because I don't know what to say and I'm going to get laughed at

and everyone's going to talk about, you know, I build up this story. And then one summer I said, okay, enough is enough. I'm going to a place where no one knows me for a summer. And every time I see someone that I'm attracted to that gives me like butterflies, I'm going to sprint up to them. Not in a creepy way, but I'm going to, if I see them and I'm like, wow, they turn me on. I have to like move my body and just go right up to them and start talking. And it was horrible the first week, first couple of weeks. It was miserable, like so terrifying. I thought I was going to die

until I didn't die. Until like, okay, a couple of weeks in, a girl talked back to me until I didn't make up, she didn't laugh at me and run away or whatever. It was like, okay, now we can have a conversation. That gave me so much confidence at the end of that summer just to overcome that emotional fear was creating those moments. And I've done that in so many areas of my life because I was never confident. I was always insecure, always lacked confidence until I created it. So I think for me, that's what's worked is really like diving into those things. Whatever your emotional fears are, create a list. The one that scares you the most i'm not talking about like spiders or something but an emotional fear like write a list down and circle the biggest one and then go do that big one first that's great advice it makes a lot of sense putting yourself in just uncomfortable situations over and over over and over again because you when you

when you tackle that you'll be like i can do anything yeah this with public speaking i could not speak in front of five people to save my life. I was going to say that my biggest fear in my life forever was public speaking, and now I speak for a living. I was terrified. I couldn't speak in front of six people. But it's like riding a bike. You rinse and repeat.

You keep putting yourself in the situation over and over and over and over and over until it becomes confident. That's it. Until it becomes like, okay, I'm not stressed out. I'm not sweating my pits right now. I can breathe. And you overcome that fear. So that's how I've created over the years.

And I went through a lot of insecurities earlier in the year because I was getting publicly shamed by my ex, right? So I was publicly getting shamed. And that was a big emotional fear. It was like lies and rumors being spread about me that I couldn't control or I

felt like I was being under attack. I think you putting it out there and even just saying that, that must feel good and liberating. Well, it was also like, okay, all my fears happen where people like betrayed me and people like judged me. And it was like, I never wanted to be, everyone wants to be liked by everyone. Right. And so I was like, okay, wow. My ego had to die so that I could know that I'm still alive and it's okay i still have friends and family and people love me and now more people are like following me and love me for who i am so i think it's a part of like killing the ego and rebuilding constantly and we need to do it to build confidence that's how i've done and also just because you're a public person like you

you're not going to do every single thing right all the time. Like there's, there's, it's crazy sometimes how people get shamed for doing one thing and no one has, it's like, I, we've talked about this earlier. It's like they build you up to tear you down.

No, I mean, no one is perfect. I mean, I'm going to up a million times and I hope that my community can rally against me and realize no one's perfect. I think I apologize every week on the show. Really?

I start off with it all. Sorry, I did this. Sorry, I did that. I mean, I think, yeah, we're not professing to be perfect here. We're just sharing. Sharing the journey. Yeah. Well, I acknowledge you guys both for sharing the journey

because you guys open up in a big way. I mean, just the episode we did alone, I was like, wow, you guys are really willing to go there and empower your audience in a big way to inspire them more than the boobs and makeup and type of conversations. You really open up and you continue to do the work individually and together.

I think it's really important to set that example. You guys are an amazing example of a married couple that can be independent and thrive together and not kill each other. That's very, very nice. At least not yet. And you seem like you not kill each other. That's very, very nice. At least not yet. And you seem like you really admire each other and you really love each other.

I'm sure there's complications and challenges like everyone has, but you really have stayed together for 10 years. And I admire you for being able to do that in a world where it's easy to compare to other guys out there, other girls out there. It's easy to say, oh, it's not working. I've got 30 other girls that are hitting me up right to say, oh, it's not working. I've got 30

other girls that are hitting me up right now that want me, that aren't creating stress for me, that are just whatever. And same thing for you. I've got guys that just want to listen to me all day long. You won't listen to me. Sure, they want to do more than that. Right, exactly. And so I admire and acknowledge you guys for staying committed to your vision and staying strong even when people may try to tear you down. And I think it's really cool, especially as a young 33-year-old couple. It's really inspiring. Thank you.

High praise coming from you. Yeah, thank you for having us on your show. I've got two final questions for you. Yeah. Three truths. Maybe we'll let Lauren start with the first, you do the second, and then start with the first you the second then you do the third since ladies go first so three truths question is this was your last day and you

could only share three lessons with the world what would you share so you get two and you get one i got three i would say uh create your you are in charge of your own future you can create your own future and and the second that you can own that and step into it, your life will become immensely better. Design your life accordingly. Okay. How about you? I was going to say, to start it, you can live life on your own terms. You can and should break the status quo. You don't need to wait for permission to do any of that. I like that. Okay. So you get two more now. I get two more? Well, he just did three. So you get two more now. Might kind of go together as one.

Oh, okay. My whole message is do you be you on your own terms? I think that I feel most empowered and most confident that I can, and my parents always gave me that space to do me whatever that looks like. And if you're listening to outside influences on how to live your life, I would sit back and I would take a lot of time to reflect.

That's good, yeah. And then my last one, just to sum up this episode would be don't settle. Don't settle for mediocrity in any area of your life, where your relationship, your business, even like doing small things, your workouts don't settle for mediocrity. And don't be willing to throw things away so quickly when they're, when they're getting tough and they're hard. And I think that's really important for relationships. Relationships are tough, really tough. A lot of people are willing to just give up and throw them away without really taking the time and putting in the work.

It requires work. And final question, what's your definition of greatness? I think I kind of answered it. I mean, my whole thing, when I think about the greatest people, it's people who have done things on their own terms and have gone against the grain and have pushed against society norms and haven't waited for permission, right? There's so many of us that are waiting, okay, I'm going to get this degree. I'm going

to take this course and then I'm going to start this business. Like just get going. Everything that we've done, we just got going. There's no reason or no certification that we were given to do anything that we're doing, whether success or failure. And I think that if people just stopped waiting and started doing anything, talking to that girl, starting that business, getting in shape, I think that is the biggest. Those are the people that I'm the most impressed with. I would say getting rid of excuses. The internet's not too saturated. Blogging's not too saturated.

Creating content's not too saturated. You're not too old. You're not too old. You're not too young. I would say get rid of the excuses and execute. There you go. Double high five. Thank you guys very much. Thanks for having us.

Appreciate it. Thanks, Liz. Thank you so much for being here, for being a listener, for subscribing, and being a part of the School of Greatness community. We have over 120 million downloads in the last six and a half years. We continue to grow at a rapid pace, over 5 million downloads a month. And it's all because of you. So if you enjoyed this episode, please share it with a friend.

You can send the link lewishouse.com slash 820. Text a friend, text a few friends. If you're on a WhatsApp group chat, if you're in a Facebook group, share it to friends you think this would inspire and empower and elevate in any way. If there's lessons or insights or just good old entertainment, share with a few friends, post it on social media and tag me at Lewis Howes, wherever you are. Let me know what you think. Tag Lauren and Michael Bostic as well. Let them know what you thought about their conversation. And as always, it's so good that you're here. If this is your first time here, please subscribe.

Leave us a review over on Apple Podcasts and let us know what you think over there. And no matter where you're at in your life right now, whether you're single, you're in a relationship, you've got a business, you're a career seeker, whether your partner has a business and you have a career, whether you're both looking to do something on the side, this is powerful information

because running a marriage is kind of like running a business together. There's a lot of things you need to do that are similar, even if it's not a business. So I hope you found this valuable and just continue to take what you can from every interview, every episode, and use the things that work for you.

Maybe not everything works for you, and that's okay. Use and apply what works for you in your life to improve your life. Have a more loving, fulfilling, joyful experience every single day. As Henry Ford said, coming together is a beginning. Keeping together is progress. Working together is success. I love you so very much. You know what time it is.

It's time to go out there and do something great. Bye.