The School of Greatness - 850 Tony Gonzalez: What it Takes to Become The Greatest of All Time

Episode Date: September 16, 2019

THE CRITICS ARE COMING. People understand that there will be challenges and fear when they chase their dreams. But they’re not willing to be embarrassed. Are you willing to look like a fool? To go all-in and fail? It’s a guarantee when you go after the thing you want. You have to keep putting your head out there knowing that it could get chopped off. The more you face your fears, the more self-confidence you’ll have. You will fall. You need to have the grit to use it as fuel to get back up. On today’s episode of The School of Greatness, I talk about relentlessly pursuing your passion with one of the most successful football players in history: Tony Gonzalez. Tony Gonzalez is a Pro Football Hall of Famer, retired All-Pro NFL Tight end, and father of four. He is currently an analyst on Fox NFL’s pregame show. During his career, he only missed two games and lost only two fumbles on 1,327 touches. Tony is open about his struggles with depression and self-doubt that he might not be good enough. But by working through these emotions, he has come out a more authentic and heart-centered person. So get ready to learn how to get into the flow of life on Episode 850. Some Questions I Ask: How do you get connected to the heart when there is so much ego? (8:00) When did you experience the most self-doubt? (16:00) How do people stop caring what people think about them? (31:30) Who was the most influential for you growing up? (43:00) In This Episode You Will Learn: How to get into the flow (6:00) How to use criticism as fuel (20:00) About Tony’s struggle to transition from football to commentary (22:00) An exercise for opening your heart (32:00) About the letters Tony wrote himself before games (35:00) How to parent with your heart (52:00) If you enjoyed this episode, check out the video, show notes and more at http://www.lewishowes.com/850 and follow at instagram.com/lewishowes

This is episode number 850 with NFL Hall of Famer, Tony Gonzalez. Welcome to the School of Greatness. My name is Lewis Howes, a former pro athlete turned lifestyle entrepreneur. And each week we bring you an inspiring person or message to help you discover how to unlock your inner greatness. Thanks for spending some time with me today. Now let the class begin. Helen Keller said,

avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure. The fearful are caught as often as the bold. I am super excited about this interview with my man, Tony Gonzalez. We just got back a week ago from the Summit of Greatness, and it was the four-year anniversary of the Summit of Greatness.

An incredible weekend. Thousands of people flew in from around the world, and I'm so grateful. I'm still on a high reflecting on what that weekend was like. If you enjoyed that weekend, I've been seeing so many people posting about it on Instagram and Twitter.

It was just a powerful time and it shows me how powerful and inspiring this community is. Coming together, creating lifelong friendships. People were coming who had gotten engaged, meeting previous years, business partnerships, building seven-figure businesses in the last couple of years. So much inspiration. So I just want to say thank you for everyone who came. And if you haven't got your ticket for next

year, we've already sold 2,000 tickets in the first week for next year. Go to summitofgreatness.com, check it out. And I can't wait to get back there and see all of you in person. Just amazing. So thank you guys so much. I am pumped about my man, Tony Gonzalez. I've got to spend some good time with him over the last six months. And he's actually my next door neighbor. He lives about a couple blocks away and a much nicer home than mine. But he is just such an inspiration and such a good guy. A great husband, great father, and one of the greatest of all time.

Former NFL tight end who was just inducted in the Pro Football Hall of Fame this year. He was a 14-time Pro Bowl selection and holds the NFL record for total receiving yards by a tight end and the second all-time in receptions. And following retirement, Tony became an analyst on CBS's NFL pregame show, NFL Today, where he worked until the end of 2016 season. And he's currently an

analyst for Fox NFL's pregame show, Big Time. and he's got a brand new podcast called Wide Open. He dives deep into conversations with the brightest minds and worlds of business and entertainment to discuss health, wellness, and mindset. Make sure to check out Wide Open. In today's interview, we dive in deep as well. We go wide open and talk about how Tony stays open with his heart in an ego-filled industry and how he differentiates himself by staying in that heart-centered space. We talk about visualization, discipline, and other tools to finding your routine for success. Facing your fears to figure out what you really want in life. The things Tony wishes he had done differently for his team, and

how it has transformed him as a leader and a father, and the greatest lessons he's learned from his wife and his children. We dive into that and so much more. I am super pumped. Make sure to share this with your friends. Episode number 850. Make sure to text this to one friend, lewishouse.com slash 850. Post it on your Instagram story and tag Tony Gonzalez as well,

as I'm sure he'd love to hear your thoughts about this. Welcome, everyone, to the School of Greatness podcast. We've got Hall of Famer Tony Gonzalez in the house. My man. Good to see you, brother. Good to see you. Super excited about this. We got connected, when was it, a couple months ago?

A few months ago? I don't know. How did we get connected? I was thinking about that on the way over here. Someone made an email intro. It was Catherine Woodward Thomas, I believe. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm not sure where you met her originally,

but she had come on the show years ago. For people out there, because Catherine Woodward, she does- She's a therapist. A therapist, yeah. She's a therapist that does marriage counseling and things like that, I believe, still. But I remember I went to a session with her like five years ago

when I was going through a breakup a couple girlfriends ago trying to figure out what was wrong with me. You got a lot of girlfriends, huh? That's probably one thing that's wrong. It's finding the right girlfriend, which I think I found right now. So I remember going to her because I was just like, am I broken? What's wrong with me?

Why am I attracting these women? What do I need to work on in my inner stuff? And she was amazing. Yeah, she was great. I met her at a Mindvalley event. Okay, yeah. Which is Vishen Lakhiani. Yeah, he's great.

And I've become friendly with him. So anyways, yeah, that whole room was filled with people like her. Amazing people. So it was good to be in. Yeah, she connected us over email, I guess. Yeah, because she was just talking to me. And so I had seen your stuff before, School of Greatness, on YouTube. I'm a big YouTube guy.

Sure. And so I've been admiring your stuff for a long time. And then it's funny how you meet somebody, and she's like, you know somebody that you kind of remind me of? This big jock guy. Yeah. And she goes, yada, yada. And I go, yeah, yeah. That somebody that you kind of remind me of. The big jock guy. Yeah. She goes, yada, yada.

And I go, yeah, yeah. That's how. Yeah, it's cool. So we connected over email. I think we met up for lunch, and then I came over to your place a few times. Yeah, and I used my cold tub. I did, man, because I was training. I know.

I love that. I'm going to come over more. It's an amazing place. We have some things in common. You were an All-American football player. I love that. I'm going to come over more. It's an amazing place. We have some things in common. You were an All-American football player. So was I. You went on to play in the NFL. I just played kind of semi-pro football, arena league. And we're both over 6'4".

We're both over 6'4". And we both hold football records. Really? What records do you hold? Well, I mean, I've got some school records at small schools that don't mean anything. You've got actual NFL records. But I still hold the record for the most receiving yards in a single game. Really?

At your high school? In college. In college. And it was an all-division record, 418 yards in one game. Get the hell out of here. You had 418 yards in one game. For 10 years, maybe 11 years, it was an all-division record. I don't think anyone in pro had ever done it, or high school, or college.

And then someone in D2 broke it like four years ago. How the hell did you have 413 yards in one game? You know what's crazy? At the end of the game, we lost. I scored four touchdowns. I scored like a two-point conversion. I was kicking field goals and extra points. I was like punting, kicking off defense.

I was doing everything. It was D3. And they had two or three guys on me. And I remember at the end, I was so focused on the loss that I thought, I was like, yeah, I had a good game. Maybe I had like 150 yards. And they were like, no, you had 418 yards. And I was like, are you sure the stats weren't messed up?

It was like 17 catches, 418 yards. And it was one of those games, I'm sure you've had this, where I just felt like no one could stop me. I just said, throw me the ball. I mean, every receiver says, throw me the ball the whole time. But I was just like in the zone. They had one guy on me, then two,

then the safety over top. It was just like, it was always perfect placement and I just caught the ball. Isn't that a good place to be? It's amazing, man. That's the place that I try to get daily. Can you get into that zone, that flow, that heart, that whatever? Can you do that daily is what I'm after.

That's the question I always have for people. Always. Still. Always. Because I felt like that during games. Yeah. How did you get into that? And when did you know that you weren't into it?

You get into it, first of all, at each level. As you keep leveling up, you have those type of games. I mean, you're a kid out there, and I remember being back in junior high playing basketball. I was a horrible football player. But in basketball, I was like, okay, this is something I can do. And where you feel unstoppable, and you are. You are unstoppable in that moment.

And then you level up, and then you start getting your ass kicked again. And then you start developing, and then you start kicking ass again. And then you keep going up. And then when you get to the professional ranks, I didn't feel like that ever for the first two years of my career, and I've talked about this story before, where the whole reason I think I'm,

the only reason I'm sitting here is because I went through that shitty time after my second year where I led the NFL and dropped passes. It was bad. Look at the Hall of Fame speech if you want to know more about that. It was a great speech. But that was kind of my transformation power of crisis, you know,

as the quote goes. You led the NFL in drop passes. Led the NFL in drop passes. Do you remember how many it was? 16. Oh, yeah. 16. And then I remember my offensive coordinator named Jimmy Ray,

who's amazing, a great guy. But that year he was in front of the whole team. He goes, Tony Gonzalez, you've dropped 16 balls this year, and you've probably led to 32 missed opportunities for this whole team or something like that. He's like, you got to step it up. And that was kind of, you know, that was deep into my depression during that year.

In front of everyone. In front of everybody. In front of everybody. That's the thing about sports that is so great. It doesn't matter what sport you play, but you are on full blast. I don't care if you're

in Pop Warner or high school. It doesn't matter what level. You can be on your rec team at your local YMCA. Yep. It doesn't lie. You drop a ball, everyone sees it.

You drop the ball, that's you. And so it's embarrassing if you're the type of person, I mean, there's guys you can call out and they can be like, I don't give a shit. But for me, it meant something to me because I really wanted to be good at it. But I was in the wrong place.

I was in my head, and I was working my ass off. I was working hard, and I was logical about my approach. I'm like, okay, well, I'm going to go five steps and then cut it in and cut it out. But you can't play that way. I mean, when the ball snapped, I think just like anything, when you were playing that game and you had 418 yards, you're not thinking about the next play. You're not thinking about the last play.

You're not thinking about what the crowd thinks. You're not thinking about your steps. It's like you're just going. You're just going. And for me, over the years, I learned how to put myself in that zone, in that flow, where I could get there pretty quickly when I needed to. Now, I mean, you're going to have bad games, but you'll be consistent if you can get into that state.

And that's one of the proudest things that I am of my career is that I was able to stay. I was consistent. I think that's the hallmark of greatness is consistency. Yeah, you missed like two games your whole career. I missed two games, but even when I play, like you can count on me that I'm going to catch probably around 75 to 85 balls a year. I'm going to have close to 1,000 yards.

I'm going to have almost 10 touchdowns a year in and year out. And I knew that no matter what. That's what I was going to bring. It's because I was able to get myself into that mental and that heart connection. That's what you have to connect. How do you get into that after the two years of dropping everything and being humiliated in front of the team and feeling disconnected? How do you get connected to the heart after that in an industry that is all about ego?

Well, I think sometimes, at least for me and and you've probably noticed this more me because you've been at this game where you're interviewing these these movers and shakers majority of people they have that story of of just depression that that story of like it all went to for me and where you know you stop believing in yourself and you suck and you're just not good where it can bring you to your knees. And that's what happened to me. I was brought to my knees where I was on the bottom. Literally or figuratively. Literally where, I mean, there's clips of me dropping another ball and just hitting the earth,

the grass out of frustration. And I would go home that night and I would be crying in my room, drinking a bunch of alcohol and crying and just spiraling out of control. And a lot of people, maybe they don't, they go through it differently, but I think that's, that's part of the process. I mean, that's part of you coming face to face with who you really are and what is it, what are you going to do about it now? And I think from there, that's how you learn. At least that created a real hunger for me to go out and actually study the great ones. Study the people that have had great success because it leaves clues.

I don't know who quoted that. That's not my original. Success leaves clues. But whoever said that, it's wise because the formula for success is there. But we all have these stories that you can, I'll come in here and I can tell you my story. There's underlying, like there's always stories of jealousy. There's stories of, okay, I'm not good enough.

There's stories of, I don't have what it takes and the self-doubt and all that envy and all that stuff wrapped up in different stories. And that's just mine. And I was able to start reading books, reading about people's lives, biographies. Then you start reading mind, body, and spirit. Those type of books I like to read and then learn from that. And then you start learning how to use vision, you know, close your eyes. That's really been, that helped me a lot was just getting to where every morning and every night, kind of the first

thought on my brain was, okay, how am I going to get better at what I do? Maybe that's a feeling of love too, of like, I love playing football. I don't love practicing per se, but I love catching footballs. And I fell in love with that. And I fell in love with the process of what it takes to be great. I came up with this routine of success. I called it that. That was my routine of success. And I did the numbers.

I wish I had them. I should have brought them. But just to put it in perspective, because I fell in love with the sport. Because if you're not in love with what you do, you're going to have to use a lot of discipline. And I always say, if you love what you do, you're going to have to use a lot of discipline. And I always say, if you love what you do, the need for discipline will disappear. Discipline is great in a lot of areas of life and you need it. But when it comes to what you are doing for a living, you want to

be excited. You want to be like, okay, yeah, it's a grind and I'm working my ass off, but where else would I rather be? And so I went from catching maybe 30 balls of practice, which as a receiver, you know this. Most guys go out there, they'll catch about 10 balls to warm up. And then throughout practice, as a starter, if you're one of the main guys who catches balls on the team, you'll catch seven balls at the most during practice. At the most.

The play doesn't fall apart if everything goes your way. We're talking seven on seven. You're not catching anything nine on seven. Like, really, you don't catch that many balls. And then after practice, everybody goes in. So I'm catching maybe 30 balls, like the rest of the NFL does. Believe it or not, that's all they catch a day.

Where I said, you know what? I got to come up with a different routine. Because Michael Jordan does this. Michael Jordan gets 1,000 shots. You know, Kobe Bryant gets 3,000 makes. Makes, not shots. Makes. 3,000 makes a day?

That's what I read. Something crazy, right? Wow. You see, like I said, you want to be like Jerry Rice. This is what I started studying Jerry Rice's routine. I'm like, freak. I'm like, holy shit. These guys are putting in overtime.

But you have to love what you do in order to do that. Otherwise, you'll quit. I've had guys that watch me and they're like, oh, I want to do what you do. And they quit. They'll do it for about two, three weeks. It's because they haven't fallen in love with some aspect of the game. And if you don't do that, you won't do it.

So I caught 30 balls. I went from catching 30 balls a day to now catching probably 300 balls a practice. And you add that up. And the difference, I did it over my career. I remember this number. It's somewhere around this number. If after that third year, so 15 years, I played 17 years after that going from my third year to the end of my career, if I would have kept doing the routine that I did before, I would have caught 20,000 balls over my career. That's including practice and then games or whatever. Who knows? At 30 balls a day.

At 30 balls a day. The way I did it now, since I'm catching 300 over the four days a week or whatever it is, I have the numbers. So people out there are like, all right, that math doesn't add up. Math's not my strong suit. But I did it.

It was like 245,000 balls I've caught. So you just do the math, 20,000 to $240,000 balls caught over a 15 year span. That's what will make you a hall of famer. But let's not just, let's not fool ourselves. You won't do that if you're not in love with your sport and you're not doing the vision, the confidence, closing your eyes, putting yourself in that game, speed, that smell of the grass, looking up at the crowd, seeing the happiness from my coaches. I would do this before I even played the game. I do this with my kids now. I have four kids and I do guided meditations and I've seen a result. It changes everything when you play the game in your head before you go out there.

But it has to come from your heart. And I try to open my heart when I do these visionary exercises or meditations or whatever you want to call it because that's the most powerful thing on your body. That's what your coach always says. Get your head out of your ass. Get out of your mind. You're too in your mind.

And play with heart. And that's what that means. And that's when you can get to that point. And there's plenty of ways to do it. I have my ways. And everything takes off. Everything takes off. Do you think you'd be in a Hall of Famer if you just stuck to 30 balls a day?

No. Because people would say, well, you're so talented. You're 6'5". You're 250 pounds. You've got the natural athletic ability. You don't think you would have made it? No. Well, judging off that year, I mean,

I dropped all those balls doing it that way. And like I said, let's not mistake. Don't act like I wasn't that guy who was out partying and chasing girls and stuff like that. I mean, I did a little bit of that, but I was in control. It wasn't a lack of discipline. You were showing up. It wasn't because I wasn't working hard.

I worked hard as soon as practice started. For that two hours, I'd go out there and bust my ass, just like the rest of the guys on the team. But I didn't do anything before that, and I didn't do anything after that. It was like that was it, and then I'd go home, and I'd be back in my regular space, where you can't do that.

It doesn't work that way. It might get you in the league. It's not going to help you excel in your league, whatever industry or business you're in. Whatever industry or business, talent is, they say talent is overrated. And it really is. Don't get me wrong.

You need some talent. And pick what you're good at. But if you want to be an excellent, you want to be a mover and shaker, you want to be somebody that has a legacy at what you do, if that's important to you, this is the way to do it. When, after that third year, when did you face the most self-doubt? Honestly, after that, self-doubt never got in again.

Wow. Really? Never on the football field. Like I said, I was going to go out there. It was all routine now. Big games, Monday night games, playoff, nothing. Never, ever, ever. In fact, the bigger the game, the more honed in I got. My better games came when the stage got brighter and bigger. In fact, you'll go from a point where now when the games you're supposed to win, the competition is not as high, that's what you have to concentrate on.

Oh, yeah, because you bring your game down. Yeah, you don't want to bring your game down. You have to excel. I think it's all routine and just that Michael Jordan, Kobe, Richard Branson, Michael Jackson. I could show you clips from Michael Jackson where he's like, I don't know where it comes from. He was another, I mean, I could show you clips from Michael Jackson where he's like,

I don't know where it comes from. He'll tell you. And that's how it is. You feel like that as an athlete. Like you're just out there in that flow. It's just flowing through you. And I remember Michael Jackson,

they were interviewing some of his dancers and they were talking about Michael's, how he prepares for each show. And they were saying about Michael's, how he prepares for each show. And they were saying, they would rehearse until two and three o'clock in the morning.

They'd start around six o'clock at night and go till two, three in the morning. The same routine. The same routine. Over and over again. Over and over. And then they know they got it. And then Michael back,

come on, man, let's just do one more. Let's just do one more. And I remember going, wow and michael even explaining he's all you just you love it like this is now you are where and and the hard part is finding that is finding that passion finding that love but i believe especially for young people if you just you just got to keep putting your head out there and be willing to get it chopped off because it's gonna come yeah i wrote a letter to my kids at the Hall of Fame that the critics are coming.

The pain is coming. You have to go through that. That's where beauty is or the fear. And I always talk about that. Life takes off on the other side of fear. And you have to be willing to sit there in it and ride that wave. Yeah.

When you started to get criticized a lot for maybe those first few years, and I'm sure you got criticized from the next 15 years after that for certain things, how did you face the judgment, the critiques, the, you know, he's washed up or whatever, you know, different ages, you know? I love it. I mean, that's all fuel. When people tell you that you can't do something, for me, the way you take that is say, okay, well, I guess I got to show you that I can do it. And when that self-doubt comes, I got into a good place, a good rhythm, where for football, that doesn't matter. Now, and I'm sure we'll get to it. Now, the transition after I get done playing, that's where all that self-doubt comes back

and that fear comes back and the anxiety. It all came back to me. Did you feel that right after you retired? You feel that, yeah, right after you retire. And I had a job. I mean, I went straight into working for CBS, being on national television, the main desk at every job

that every player who wants to do television wants. But I had to go through the same thing again. I got beat to my knees again. Really? Huh. Yeah. How so? I remember I was, after my third year working for CBS,

and I loved it over there. I'm seeing a theme here. Three years. Yeah, it's funny. Three. It's funny. It was the same thing when I was younger, too. Two years of Pop Warner football,

and finally took off my third year in freshman year three. But I made the transition. I'm working for CBS. I'm on the main desk. My contract is coming up, and I loved working there. It was shot out in New York, but I did not like getting on the plane, going back and forth.

And even more than that, I wasn't giving them everything that I could give them. Not because I wasn't trying, either. It was shot out in New York, but I did not like getting on the plane, going back and forth. And even more than that, I wasn't giving them everything that I could give them. Not because I wasn't trying either. I was trying. I was working my ass off. Meaning what? Meaning I wasn't coming from a place of in my heart. I wasn't like on the football field. That flow never happened for me when I was

over at CBS. It was kind of a little bit forced here and there. It was forced. Oh, it was in my head the whole time. Like, hey, well, if I say this joke here and I punch it with this word, then it's going to get a laugh. Or when I am talking about, you know, Rob Gronkowski running his routes, I'm going to talk about it from this angle and you can do all that. Uh, but if it's not here, it comes off as rehearsed. It's a, it's, it's not a good performance. You're performing, but it's just not good. And it doesn't feel good to me. That sucks.

I was having anxiety before shows. I was nervous. And I don't want to feel that way. I mean, don't get me wrong. You're going to have that excitedness. I mean, you need to have a little bit. That helps you run faster. That helps you perform better.

You want a little butterflies. But mine was from fear. I was so scared that I was going to screw up every time and scared of showing who I really am because what if that's not good enough? And so you work your ass off trying to do it funny or to do it without stuttering or whatever it is. I mean, a lot of guys struggle to watch players that make that transition to TV. It is hard because you have to show who you are. You have to put everything out there, just like you're on a football field,

just like I'm talking to you right now, whatever. I don't care if you're a doctor, you're a lawyer, or you're a construction worker. It's hard to let everybody see who you really are. It's even harder because it's your singular voice and you on camera maybe with one or two other guys or girls as opposed to a whole team, 20-something people on a field being criticized.

You can't hide as much on camera, right? No, you can't hide at all. You can't hide your voice, yeah. You don't have to speak on the field. You just use your talents. And that's where a lot of people, it's like, well, on the football field, I can just be physical. But here, I got to use my mind now.

And you want it to be entertaining. And you want to say something good and something profound. But that talk right there, it's like, shut up. Just shut up and go. And just speak. Just talk. You know this game. And that's what I would tell all these guys.

And they gave me this guy that I had to work with. I'm not going to say his name, but it just wasn't for me because it just puts you more in your head. And maybe you have to go through that. But I remember it hit me. I was sitting, we're on vacation in Spain, just me and my wife sitting in a courtyard in a cafe. She starts talking about the contract negotiations with CBS.

And I'm almost done with my contract negotiation and I'm going to negotiate another three years, but I kind of don't want to be there. And I never told her, I never told my management team or anybody else. And I'm sitting there and the wife's all, yeah, so you got to be pretty happy with it. It was a good deal they offered me. And I'm like, yeah, yeah. And then good money. Great deal. Yeah. And all of a sudden this wave of just fear came over me. Like my body started getting cold and I started sweating, but at the same time sweating. And I had like, I don't know if it's a nervous breakdown, but I was like, oh shit. And it was the feeling of fear, just like absolute fear. And the thought came into my head that what if I peaked? What if the best of me is over? And that's a scary feeling to be in.

I did not like that. And I started crying and she's like, what's wrong with you in the middle of Spain? And I'm not bawling or anything like that, but I started tearing up and I'm like, and she's all, I just don't know. I have over the last three years, I have not felt how I felt that aliveness, that excitement. I haven't felt it, felt it in three years for what I do because, and this is a lot of football players go through this. A lot of pro athletes, people transitioning into the next stage of life. Yeah. Anybody transitioning. And because I've, I've talked about that. I've told that story before in front of groups. And after the show, I've had, um, men come up to me with tears in their eyes and they're like, I felt that same

way. I had a company that it was successful for 10 years. And then I made the transition out because I wanted something new. Even if you sell a company for was successful for 10 years, and then I made the transition out because I wanted something new. Even if you sell a company for $100 million or whatever, it's like, now what? And how do you get back? And then you doubt yourself. You're like, I'll never be great again like I was on the football. And obviously, I had a great career.

It's like a Hall of Fame career. And you're like, so now I never get to experience that again. And I'm 40 years old at this time. And I'm like, I got 40 more years to live, 50 more years to live. And I'm going to be talking about football games, talking about old, like. 30 years from now, yeah.

Glory days. It was a scary feeling. But I'm glad that that happened. Because off of that, I called up my manager, Constance Schwartz. And I called up my agent, my television agent, Jim Ornstein, and I said, hey, guys, I think I don't want to. They're like, yeah, it's a good deal.

We're good. We've been negotiating back and forth. It's over. And they're like, I think I'm having second thoughts. I don't want to do it. And they were both like, shut up. Yeah, right. Right.

My agent was like, this is a mistake. I mean, these jobs don't come along and you're not going to get a job at Fox. I mean, that's Terry Bradshaw, Howie Long and Jimmy and- Strahan. Strahan. There's no room over there. I mean, what are you going to do? And I said, I don't know, but I can't not do this. I cannot live like this. I'm so tired of being afraid, being afraid when I'm on air. I'm tired of being away from my kids because that was getting to me, flying back and forth to New York for 26 weeks a year from LA. That's a long hike. And I was like, I'm out. I don't know what we're going to do, but something's going to work. And that, that really changed my life. That was like another pinnacle moment in my life that I could either go this way or I can go that way.

And I was like, I'm going that way. I'm going to go to the road that I don't want the sheer thing. You know, I had people close to me, the loved ones are like, you're, are you a fool? Like you can't, you can't walk away from that. And I'm like, well, something's going to work. And that's what, that's where the phrase life takes off on the other side of fear. I'm like, well, something's going to work. And that's where the phrase, life takes off on the other side of fear. I was like, I am afraid right now. There is no doubt about it. This is scary.

But I believe that's where the good stuff is. That's where the gold is. That's where the diamonds are made. That's where you will achieve greatness if you go up to what you're afraid of, but you know in your heart you have to do. But you go anyway. I'm're afraid of, but you know in your heart you have to do. But you go anyway. I'm not talking about skydiving

if that scares the shit out of you and you're like, I don't want to. But that's not in your heart anyway. You don't want to do that and it scares you. I'm talking about the stuff that you want to do, but you're scared to do, but you feel it. That's where you got to go. And that's where you got to have the cojones

or whatever you want to call it, the matzi, the balls, whatever you want to call it. That's where you got to go. And that's where you got to have the cojones or whatever you want to call it, the mozzie, the balls, whatever you want to call it. You got to have that and go through that. And there's steps out there and there's people that will help you if you just ask for help. And there's books and there's School of Greatness podcast. There's wide open. Wide open, baby. My podcast. It's all over the place. It's all around you. And the only thing that's stopping you is that fear and just go for it because that's where the beauty is. You know, I love that story. And it's, I think it's so hard. I think people understand that

there's going to be challenges and fear that they're going to have to face to have what they want, but I don't think they're willing to be that embarrassed or emotionally insecure through being dropped to their knees because either way, you've got to drop to your knees. You've got to fail. You've got to look like an idiot or make fun of yourself or something's got to happen where you don't look good when you go after the thing you want, right? Yeah.

You're going to not look good. People are going to make fun of you. They're going to criticize you. And sometimes the people that are criticizing you are your closest relatives, your loved ones, your husband, your wife. And it's done out of love too. They're looking out for you. So how do people manage that emotionally, internally, knowing that they're going to face criticism, judgment, embarrassment, and being laughed at when they go after what they really want? The greatest thing is to understand that it is coming.

So you're not shocked. Just know that those roadblocks are coming and embrace it. And that's where I always say, close your eyes, calm your breathing down. This is what I did on the football field. And this is what has dawned on me over the last couple of weeks is you already know how to do this, at least for me. Yeah. And if you haven't learned, this is a great technique for me, is you close your eyes, slow your breathing down, relax every part of your body, do it one at a time.

And then you open your heart up. And you say that I am opening my heart. Because when you're in your heart, there is no fear of judgment. There is purpose. There is authenticity. Time will stand still when you're in your heart. And now you've opened up your heart now. It says love, peace, joy, just whatever you, that's what that means to me. And that's unshakable confidence in there too. And then you put in the vision

of whatever it is that you want to do. See the highest version of yourself. See yourself dominating at what you do. See yourself in the moment saying the greatest thing that needs to be said if you're a person who's a personality on TV or whatever it is, or making the great business deal.

Or making the catch. Or making the catch. And see the happiness that that gives you, the happiness that gives the people around you. See yourself enjoying every aspect, the highest version of yourself, the greatest version of yourself. And to me, that takes, first of all, that can take five minutes or 20 minutes, whatever you want to do.

But at least, at the very least, it only takes five minutes. It's a great way to calm yourself and breathe. When you breathe slowly, deep breaths, you send a message of calmness to your body. When you're breathing fast and out of control, that's why I look at teammates and all this stuff. It's like, just watch Tom Brady in the fourth quarter zone. He's relaxed. They call it poise, whatever it is. And what poise means, to stand in the pocket, he's just breathing slowly and he's calm

and he's fearless in that moment. And that's what you have to have. You have to be fearless. And it's, who cares what people think? Tell yourself that I got what it takes. I got this. Over and over and over again, repetition, and they're proving this now with studies,

meditation clinics. Like self-talk is huge. It's huge and it works wonders. And then go out there and learn from the greats. Like I said, just YouTube it. That's it, man. It's so much easier now to learn these things because it's so available than when you were growing up probably, right?

I remember I had like one CD from some weird weird doctor or psychologist that no one was really studying, and I was just grabbing onto anything I could find. But now that stuff's everywhere and it's accessible. Yeah. But there's much more judgment and criticism than ever because everyone's online with a voice.

Yeah. And everyone can judge you online now as opposed to just at your school or in your company or at your work or something. But my thing is, who gives a shit? Yeah. I don't don't care. How do people get to a place of not caring? That's a practice. Because a lot of people care about what other people, how they judge them. I was that person too. I've been that person. So how did you get from caring to not caring? And those are the people that are in their head. And that's me. I'm an in the head type guy. You

got to get out of your head. And like we me. I'm an in the head type guy. Yeah, yeah. You got to get out of your head. And like we said, the coach says, play with your heart. But, and that's what that means. I mean, you're seeing a theme now from me talking about this. But if you're a person who's in your head, you have to work now. And just like anything else,

it's like catching a football or doing a jump shot or doing a presentation. The more you do it, experience, experience is going to make you better. But the way you accelerate that experience into knowledge and wisdom is by letting go of what people think and letting go of what you think, like really trying to put yourself in that flow, in that spirit of calmness. That's how you do it. And it takes time. You're not going to, more than likely, there's people that have that, you know, that overnight in that spirit of calmness. That's how you do it. And it takes time.

You're not going to, more than likely, there's people that have that overnight realization. They call that the transformative power of crisis. Going to back, I read a great book a long time ago. And you can get there. You can do it. Maybe you can do it in one night with, people talk about psychedelics.

You can talk about journeys. You can talk about ayahuasca. You can talk about psilocybin. Deep meditation talk about journeys. You can talk about ayahuasca. You can talk about psilocybin. Deep meditation. Deep meditation. You can do it. Rhythmic dancing. Rhythmic breathing. There's places to...

Chanting, whatever. Chanting, whatever. Sweat lodges. Sweat lodges. All that stuff. And there's ways to do it. But ultimately, I think if you set the goal,

you write it down. I believe in writing down all my stuff. And you see it every day. You read from that every day. You give yourself a blueprint for success that you write it down. I believe in writing down all my stuff. And you see it every day. You read from that every day. You give yourself a blueprint for success that you wrote to yourself. I used to write letters to myself the night before games. Oh, that's big.

I used to write a whole letter. Like, you're here. They're doubting you. When I used to write, you're getting old. You know they're going to be ready for you. You know you're going to have to be double teams tomorrow. But you got this because you're one of the greatest. And you're one of the greatest that's ever lived to make this game. Give me chills now. Let's go. And so

I'm writing this to myself. This is from me to me. Would you read it later or would you just? I'd read it. It would be on my notes for the week. So sometimes I'd write that at the beginning of the week when we get in there on Wednesday morning and I'd read it all week. And I would be like, I want six catches. I want two touchdowns. I want 125 yards or whatever it is. That's my goal. If I don't get it, I don't care. But that's what I'm going for. That's where your focus is. And I want to grade out 90%. So I do believe that when it comes to abundance training or greatness training, whatever it is, right where you want to be, right out what your goals are. And then when you hit those goals, then it's time to reset it baby

let's go let's keep climbing let's keep leveling up and let's keep you know in every aspect of your life it's not just work

I mean that's just a piece of the pie it's a good piece but you got to do that with your relationships and that's where I've missed the mark too before you know you got to do that with your kids you got to do that with just strangers on the street just looking people in the eye and connecting. It's so much more fun to be there. And the only reason you're not doing it, the only reason you're not doing it is because

you're afraid of something. You're afraid to talk to the neighbor or you're afraid to open yourself up to people. But the way you get out of that, if you want to get out of that, some people might be comfortable where they are. And go ahead. If that's comfortable where you're at, as long as you're not hurting anybody, I don't have a problem with you. But if you do want to get out of that, if you want to get out of that, some people might be comfortable where they are. And go ahead. If that's comfortable where you're at, as long as you're not hurting anybody, I don't have a problem with you. But if you do want to get out of that, which I think most people do, that's how you do it. Just set the goal and then practice every single day. Practice with the person in the elevator. Say hello. You want to put yourself in fearful situations and go through it. Just keep putting yourself in those fearful situations, and you'll keep leveling up. I promise you. There's no doubt in my mind. It's already been proven. I know. I'm writing a new book about eliminating self-doubt, and I think self-doubt

comes from people that aren't willing to put themselves through enough fear. Just like you said, you're saying everything that I'm talking about in my book, where I tell people to give yourself a 30-day challenge of whatever the thing you're most embarrassed or insecure about and do that thing every day, whether it is talking to the person in the elevator every day or talking to a stranger you would never talk to, but you got to do it over and over until the fear disappears. It's like anything else. It's a jump shot. That's it, man. It's a jump shot. And when you get past that fear, you go to the next one and you just keep doing it. And you become kind of bulletproof the more of those fears that you overcome. Yeah.

I think that's the key. I jumped out of a plane. That's scary. Last year. Yeah. Was that last year? Maybe I'll wait until I'm 40 or something and do that. Do you want to do it, though?

I don't care to do it. Okay. Well, then you probably shouldn't do it. Yeah, I don't care. But for me, I've always wanted to jump out of a plane. I wanted to do a parachute. But I was scared shitless of it. Yeah.

What if it doesn't work? You know? And so I finally did it. The opportunity came up. And I was scared shitless. Yeah. What if it doesn't open? You know? And so I finally did it. The opportunity came up, and I was like... Were you terrified? I was. At first, I said no, and then I thought about it. I said, you know what?

I got to do this. I got to do this. Yeah, I could die, but more likely I'm not going to. Sure. But anyway, long story short, you're flying up there. The hardest part about jumping out of a plane is you're scared the whole time. You're nervous and anxiety and all that stuff. But when you're up at 13,000

feet or whatever it is, and then they open that door. Oh my gosh, man. It's crazy. You're like, I'm about to jump out of a damn plane. This is about to happen. Wow. My heart was going so fast. And I was the first one out, which I'm glad. I don't watch other one out. Oh, man. Which I'm glad.

I was like, I don't want to watch other people. Send me back down. Send me back down. And I was like, screw it. Let's go. And you jump out. And by the way, when you do go through that fear, you always find out that it's not as bad as you thought it was going to be.

And the cool thing, I did it with the Golden Knights, which are experts at this. And they're jumping. And some guy jumps out and he's videotaping you and he's looking the whole time and he starts doing this like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And I'm like, you're right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I'm enjoying it and I'm jumping out. But when I got to the bottom of that, uh, when I landed and I got on the earth, safe and sound, I was, something clicked in me that I was like, I got this. Because I've been wanting to do this my whole life. And I was scared to do this. And I did it.

And it really changed my life. Like, I was like, I think everybody needs to jump out of a plane. It's mandatory. Do you have to jump out of a plane? You talk about facing your fear. Most people are probably scared to do that but it was exhilarating it was awesome uh would i do it again maybe i'll tell you right now probably not but because i already did it once yeah uh but maybe i'd do it again i i'm telling you what

opened up for you after that what what changed i felt like i could do anything i remember i walked in the room uh with all the guys because the had an Air Force base. It was for Fox. And I remember they're like, how was it? How was it? And Michael Strahan. He went with you? No, he didn't go. He said he couldn't go. He said he wanted to go, but he couldn't go. And I said, man, I feel like I can do anything. I feel like I can, honestly, I feel like I can do anything. And he's like, all right, do a backflip. And I'm like, well, that doesn't count because I don't want to do a backflip. Anything you want to do. But I mean, you really feel I can accomplish anything because that's all it is. Like I said, and that's why I add, whatever you're afraid of, but you want to do, you feel like a calling to do it, but you're

afraid to do it, that's probably, that's life giving you that clue. That's the little push right there. That's where you should go. That's where you belong, whether it's starting a new business, whether it's quitting your job and saying, you know what? I've been there for seven, eight years, and I'm getting a little tired of it. I would love to go over to do this for a living, but I'm scared because I got the family, and I know there's good excuses. Of course.

I got kids. I got this. I got family. That would be irresponsible of me. But I'm telling you, I do believe that that's, you need to make a plan. Yeah.

Because you'll be so proud of yourself. And yeah, there is that danger of it not working. Yeah. But imagine the feeling to see yourself, see it working for you. And that might not be

what you ultimately want. I wanted to be an actor, you know, when I first got done playing. Right. And you talk about humiliating. Try auditioning. Oh, man. You get rejected over and over again.

Over and over. Over and over again. That brought me to my knees. That was another where literally I was like, oh, this hurts. Yeah. Because your show used to be in the man, the guy. Yeah. The stud, the all-star, the all-pro, whatever.

But now they're just like, okay, you're one of 100 coming through audition, and we don't care. And the way to get good at it. And your name isn't good enough for us. They don't care about your name. Tony goes, oh, who cares? We got to make money on this movie. You suck.

You suck. And so that's another lesson that it taught me, that you have to get out of your head. Because I was one of those guys, I'd study the script, and I'd look at it, and I'd go over, and I'd be like, okay, when it says legends, I'm going to say legends, and this and this, and then you rehearse it, rehearse it, rehearse it. It's like giving a speech that's read.

This is why I don't like reading speeches. People are like, for the Hall of Fame, they're like, hey, we need your speech. I'm like, well, too bad. I'm not reading it. It's going to come from here. Because I believe when you can learn it and you can perfect a performance,

and I was doing that with acting, and then I'd go in there and I'd get crushed. Because the moment you miss that rehearsed, like you start getting in your head, you're like, well, I didn't say that right. That's not how, that didn't sound like that in rehearsal. And now I'm in my head. You need to get tighter. You need to get tight. Now you're thinking well i didn't say that right that's not how that didn't sound like that in rehearsal and now i'm in my head tighter tight now you start now you're thinking about that in the past instead of thinking about in the future where true acting or true performing in anything

whether you're a doctor whether you're a singer or athlete the good stuff comes when you're completely in the moment and you're not thinking about the past or the future. I've already said this. And then the ad lib that comes off of that. When you're in the moment, if you get an impulse, you just go with it. That's what Leonardo DiCaprio does. The improv, yeah. Yeah, the improv. That's in football.

It would be boring to watch. Okay, Tony, you're going to go 10 yards and turn out. And I want you to catch it. And then more than likely, they'll tackle you right there. I don't think fans would, they would be like, ah, it's okay, it's fun.

Cool, but you want to see me, okay okay when i got to the top of that route the defender was waiting there so i had to juke them up and come underneath and you're not thinking this you're just reacting some people a lot of athletes do think this and that's where they're not as good but you're just reacting now and then when you catch the ball okay now you got to move and now you got to start ad-libbing you got to start that's where the beauty comes and the people that can ad-lib the best are the people that are in their heart, and those are the ones that make the performance. That's Michael Jordan when he goes up for the dunk. He's like, uh-oh, you know what?

I'm going to switch it, and I'm going to put it right here now. So clean. And that's when we, as fans, are like, whoa. It's the ad-lib. It's the ad-lib where the magic happens. That's true. And the only way you'll get there is if you're completely in the moment and you can train yourself to get into that flow. Yeah. And that takes doing lots of reps over and

over again. Experience. Experience is the best teacher. Now, success leads clues, you said, someone else said. But for me, that means that you had a lot of great insights growing up. There was someone or someones who taught you, and maybe it was coaches or teachers or parents, friends. Who was the most influential for you growing up, and what was the greatest lesson they taught you? Okay, before I answer that, by the way, Jared Pobre, a buddy of mine who's a successful business, he's the one who told me success leaves clues. I'm having dinner with him tomorrow night, and I'm going to go, where did you get that? Yeah, exactly. Because I copied you unknowingly but you know she said but uh the the people that affected me the most um is my mother probably she is the the rock of my life and the more i look

at this woman i see you talk about an example living with your heart because my mom doesn't, you know, she's not the most, how do I say this, scholastic person or whatever it is. Don't get me wrong, smart woman. Academic. That's a better word. But she is all this. You know, me growing up, I have three adopted brothers because of my mom's heart.

Like, she brings people in. You know, I remember we moved around a lot. We didn't have a lot of money. We weren't poor. We just didn't have a lot of money. I think there's a difference there. I always felt like we were good, even though we were on welfare at times. But she is somebody that takes no shit from anybody.

She stands up for what she believes in, and she'll love you fully, like the best hugs and kisses. She was like masculine and female perfect into one woman. And so she is somebody that will tell me the truth always. I'm not saying she's right either. Her truth. People out there with moms know what I'm talking about.

And you need somebody like that in your life. And so she's really, really helped me. And then my brother Chris, my older brother Chris, he's the one who got me started in football. I will say this, that we haven't had a relationship in five years, but doesn't take away the fact of what he did for me when I was younger, really getting me in football and getting me into that mindset of what it takes to be great on a football field.

What was the best lesson that he taught you? really getting me in football and getting me into that mindset of what it takes to be great on a football field. What was the best lesson that he taught you? Really the consistency, I think, and the understanding that people are coming for you. And when you get on top, you know. Coming even more. The tall poppy syndrome or whatever. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, they're coming for you.

And so you better make sure that you're taking care of business because you can't relax. Don't get me wrong. I went all over the world, and I went out and had fun, and I was single for a while, and I was doing all the things that single men do unapologetically, and having a good time. But at the same time, when it comes time to lock in,

it's an expression of football, lock in and lock out. It's time to get to work. in and lock out. It's time to get to work. He really helped me out with that. The greatest lesson your mom taught you was that... I don't know if she ever... She's not the type to give you like, okay... There's no singers. What was maybe the lesson

you learned from her experience or her way of being? I think just really letting it hang out without caring. Really, it's come into picture for me lately. Really? How so? Really lately. I don't... It just... Over the last

few weeks, I've just had a couple realizations about stuff that I already knew and stuff that I've done before, but really being cognizant of it. And I see that example a lot in my mom. I think she is so free. She does not care what anybody thinks. And she'll

stand up for what she believes in. And I've been afraid to do that at times. I was afraid. We talked about what would I have changed or what I went through as a football player. One thing that I really wish that I could have done more of is not been so afraid to be a leader to my teammates. I could have been a better leader for them. I could have spoke up more. I could have helped my coaches out more. But the only reason I didn't do that

is because I was afraid that nobody would even listen to me. It's kind of like me starting a podcast now like where the reason I would never have wanted to do this before is because like who the hell am I? Who am I to say

to get advice from you? You're Tony Gonzalez, Hall of Famer, man. I know. Greatest tight end of all time. It shows you how insecure I was with everything and I was like this as a player.

I mean, and that's probably, that also gave me an edge too. To work harder. To keep working harder and to keep proving everybody wrong and it keeps going. I am. I belong here. To work harder. To keep working harder and to keep proving everybody wrong. It keeps going.

I am. I belong here. I belong here. You went to five Pro Bowls now. Well, I got to go to six. I got to go to seven. It just kept adding up. Then I got to 14.

You missed a few. I missed a few. You're not good enough. You're not good enough. Not good enough. What's the record of Pro Bowls? That right there is tied. I had the most at the time when I retired,

but I think Peyton has 14 as well, which is good company. It's just good company. So, yeah, my mother really put that in me that you just need to – she just laughs. She dances. She can't dance. I can't dance, but she'll dance. She doesn't care how she looks. Me, I'll sit on the sideline. I used to, but now I'm getting to the point where, you know what? I'm going to go out there't dance. I can't dance, but she'll dance. She doesn't care how she looks.

Me, I'll sit on the sideline. I used to, but now I'm getting to the point where, you know what? I'm going to go out there and dance, and yeah, you can make fun of me. Who cares? You're like, yeah, you got all that ethnic blood in you, but you can't dance. I'm like, well, I catch football. That's true. So that's what I mean.

And you know what? A movie that I'll use that is really hit home with me. I went and saw it with my kids a couple weeks ago. They had the remake of it. It's Lion King. Oh, it's so good. Remember who you are. Remember who you are.

Let's go. Zimba, remember, remember. And that's what it is. I think you have to remember you as that little kid because we all have this. I have four children. And when they're up, one's 18, the other one's 11, nine, and then we have a four-year-old.

And she's still in that, when you have to remember who you are, she's still there. And you know, when you're younger, you're honest. You can tell people, you know, when you're hungry, you can ask for help. You go to sleep when you're tired. You dance like nobody's watching. You sing like nobody's watching. There is no racism when you're tired. You dance like nobody's watching. You sing like nobody's watching.

There is no racism when you're a child. There is no, the emotions come and they go. They filter through you. So we're not saying you're going to cut off emotions, but they come right through you when you're a child. And you have to remember that. And remember what is, and when you can combine that with your life experience,

and by the way, you're going to get broken. You have to go through those broken stages. That's what adoles, and when you can combine that with your life experience, and by the way, you're going to get broken. You have to go through those broken stages. That's what adolescence and teenage and all that stuff is about and starting out new. But in the end, that's why I love getting older now. Somebody was complaining to me. She was turning 28, Toby, my wife's sister. And I was like, 28? Like, it is so much better because now you're combining that life experience

and if you can remember who you are that fearless kid who used to jump off the top of a roof used to say hello to everybody and like I said

dance and sing and play and talk to everybody and be free that's where your life is it's like so Lion King has been great to me

and just remembering who I am. I write that on top of my journal. It's remember who you are. And what is that, though? And write that down. Write who are you? Who is that?

Who are you? And for me, that's fearless. That's, to me, and it changes. And it keeps changing. And it should keep changing. It keeps evolving. Just like everything else in this world. The world keeps evolving.

You know, the continents shift. And there's cycles and there's rain, there's sun. Seasons, yeah. There's seasons. But you always keep changing and that's me. And I'm fearless. I have an open heart. I'm loving.

I'm not afraid to connect to people. I'm not afraid to be me. I'm not afraid to dance anymore. I'm not afraid to connect to people. I'm not afraid to be me. I'm not afraid to dance anymore. I'm not afraid to sing. You have to start salsa dancing with me. Salsa dancing. I'll do it. And going after what I truly want in life.

But that I want to do. Like I said, that's the formula for me is not being afraid to go after what's in my heart. What's missing in your life? Right now, honestly, I'm feeling really good. Wife, kids, family, but I have my goals. But I don't count that as missing because I'm enjoying the process and it's coming. It's coming.

I look at these goals and I know they're going to come and if it's not that, it's going to be something even better. How long have you been married for? 15, well, 12 years. 12 years. 15 years together. You were 15 years together. Do you think you would have had as successful a career

without being married? I don't know. Say if you were single the whole time or just dating different people? Yeah, I think so. Do you still have the same career, same career you think well because i was on my way to that anyway before i met her i was single 10 years my first 10 years in the nfl i mean i was married the last seven and i did have a child the older one from a previous relationship and he lived out in in california while i played in kansas city I'm still very close to him, obviously.

He's probably my son. But I was out there living La Vida Loca off the field and enjoying myself. Right. So, yeah, I think I could have been able to do that. But there is something about that I've noticed, too. And I wonder, I would love somebody to do the research on this. When you fall in love, everything gets greater. The sky's blue and the colors

and everything. Everybody's in a good mood and all this good stuff. And then guys play better. I've seen guys that when they're engaged, when they're in love, their game gets better. Or they have a child, their game gets better. Why do you think they play better

when they're in love? I think because that is in their heart. I'm telling you. I'm telling you. I've been thinking about this. Wow. That there is a reason that these guys excel when you're there. Because I told you, there's no fear of judgment when you're there. Yeah.

You know, when you're in love, you'll tell everybody, I just want to shout it from the rooftops. I know, right? You just don't care. Don't care. And so, yeah, I think my wife has absolutely helped me become a better person

in other aspects of my life. In football, I kind of figured that out because I was in love with football. I was already in love. It's funny how some guys need that to help approach their football. But for me, I think,

just like if you said Kobe or Jordan or Tiger Woods or whatever, I mean, I think they would have been fine if they never got married. It's just, those guys are assassins and they figured out how to put everything out. And I feel like I'm in that same boat. I consider myself one of them. Because when I was on that field,

nothing else is there. It's just complete time stands still. What's the greatest lesson your wife's taught you about yourself, about life? Same thing. They always say you marry your mother. And my wife is absolutely in her heart. And I love that about her. She's got a big heart.

She's got a huge heart. And that's why everybody loves her. She's doing a big heart. She's got a huge heart. And that's why everybody loves her. She's doing a podcast called Keep On. And she's so raw, genuinely cares about you. When she's talking to you, she genuinely cares about you because she's interested. She's one of those, they talk about, are you an introvert or are you an extrovert?

And I'm an introvert. That's all there is to it. Like when I leave a party or whatever it is, I get tired because I'm in there and I'm trying to get to the point where she is because she leaves these things and goes, all right, where are we going now? Because she draws energy from people

because she loves people. And so she's also taught me it's not about where you come from because her life was a tough one. I mean, her mom died of a heroin overdose when she was younger. So you can get caught up by looking at her because she's beautiful and go, oh, she's one of those pretty girls football player-wise,

but it's not that at all. She's got some deep stuff going on in there because she's been through a lot. I don't know if that's why. And it doesn't mean that just because she didn't meet her dad until she was nine, they were on welfare, cops being called. She's gone through a lot. And that was one of the things that stood out for me,

that she can still have this great personality and this unbelievable ability to connect with everybody. She's my secret weapon. I'm like, I want to bring- Should go do the work for you. You got to come with me to this because they're all going to love her because she's so so open and so nice and that's what i try to emulate she's kind of a hero for me when it comes to that wow that's cool what do you want your kids to say

about you when you're long gone uh i wonder what they will say they're probably gonna say he lectured a lot that's what my 18 year oldyear-old says. Another lecture. Here we go. What do you want them to say? I want them to say that, I mean, hopefully, and I believe this with children too, that it's more about how you conduct yourself. It is. I mean, it's proven now that I can sit there and talk to them until I'm blue in the face. That's why I don't believe people say, don't do as I do, do as I say. It's like, I don't care because I've made all the mistakes. So now, even though I'm still screwing up, it's like, well, kids aren't going to listen to you and people aren't going to listen to you.

They're going to follow your actions. They want to follow your actions. And so my kids, hopefully I've been that good example for them. And I think they will. They'll see a good example of how to live. And nobody's perfect. And who knows what the future holds for me. I'm fine.

Yeah. But I think they'll definitely say that this guy was somebody who kept trying to level up. You never, ever want to be. There's no status quo. Yeah. I want to keep. Either you're getting better or you're getting worse, to me.

And you look around nature and all that stuff, it's constantly moving. And you constantly have to keep searching. I think curious. I hope they say that he was a curious man and followed that curiosity until he found an answer. And that's what I want from them. Because that'll take you a long way.

If you're number one, Tom Bilyeu came on my podcast and he's talked about it before, but he said, if anything, I am a learner. And I love his explanation of why, because you can't screw with him. You can't f*** with him anymore when somebody says I'm a learner. Because if you tell me I suck or I'm not good,

you're like, okay, great. You think that, but tell me how I'm going to get better. Tell me what to do so I can go learn to get better. And that's how I felt. And I was like, I agree with you. I'm curious. So, except I wasn't as evolved as him. Sometimes you could hurt my feelings back in the day, but I am getting to the point where it's like, all right, you can say whatever the hell you want. I'm going to keep getting better and I'm going to keep trying. And and I'm going to keep trying. So I want my children to be curious. But I know they got to get broke.

You got to have some. All the parents out there, just understand. I mean, the hardest thing is being like, I don't know what the quote is, but it's like, you never want your kids to grow up with wealthy parents. Yeah. Because they're always kind of given things. It's probably going to be the hardest thing to make sure they work hard. I tell my kids that, though. I tell them, because they're always kind of given things. It's probably gonna be the hardest thing to like, make sure that they work hard.

I tell my kids that though. I tell them, I go, you guys are rich. You guys got cash. Yeah. You got cash. We're not,

we're not a nice house. Billionaires. Right. But you guys got to take care of. Yeah. And people are going to doubt you because your last name, first of all, they're going to compare you because of your last name.

Second of all, they're going to think you're just rich and you got it all. I feel bad for all those kids. I mean, of, of successful people. It's tough. If you're poor got it all. I feel bad for all those kids of successful people. It's tough if you're poor. It's tough if you're – I mean, it's tough. There's a challenge either way.

But that's – There's different challenges. I agree. You might have a nicer home and nicer food and this and that, but there's different mental and emotional challenge. Yes. And it's just going to be your path. That's your path.

If it's not one thing, it's going to be another thing because you're a human being, and that's why we're all down here is to have this human experience and you're going to have to get broke and you have to get cracked apart. It's seasonal, just like life is as above, so below. It'll pass. It'll pass eventually. And the sun's going to come out, but you got to keep willing to get into the ring and you don't want to be sitting in the stands. It's better to get, get into the ring, get your ass knocked out. And then to be sitting in the stands. It's better to get into the ring, get your ass knocked out, and then to be sitting in the stands watching it. Get involved.

Get in the game, and let's play it. And don't be afraid. And just know that you're going to take some shots. It's just like sports. It's just like this. Anybody out there listening. You're going to be hitting the ribs, man. You have children.

You want to complicate your life. Have some kids. You haven't had kids yet, right? No. Are you going to have kids one day? I think so, yeah. Yeah, well, get ready, okay? Because this shit ain't easy.

What's the lesson you could give to me as a potential father in the future? What would you say as your advice? Well, you just had your son just broke his arm, and you're running around. Oh, man, and they're fighting this morning. Now he's pissed off because he broke his arm, so he's mad. He's yelling and fighting with his sister and whatever. So yeah, kids complicate everything. It really is.

It really is tough. That's probably why I haven't had kids for as long as I have. Oh, I believe it's the, that and finances is the number one reason for divorce. Because you talk about all these different persons, especially the more kids you have, it's tough. But it's the best thing that ever happened to you too.

It opens your heart up even more. And so I would say approach being a father or a mother, whoever's listening, just like you would approach your job using all the principles that I'm talking about. Realize it's going to be hard. It's going to bring you to your knees sometime, but there's so much information out there on how to be the best parent you can be and really connect to them. Don't try to bring them up to your level. Go to them. And this is something I had to learn the hard way. It's took me a while to learn this, but get down on your knees, look those kids in the eye and listen to them and open your heart when you're talking to them and dance and play with them. Become a little kid with them.

Because they're not ready to come to your level. And I know people out there, I'm not saying you have to do baby talk and all that stuff. And people out there, well, I treat my kids like they're an adult and like this because it helps them get older and better and wiser and faster. And I'm like, who cares? Little prodigies, most prodigies don't work out. Just know that. Look up the stats.

LeBron's one of the few. One of the few. I mean, don't get me wrong. They work sometime. But you look at, that's incredible. And you the few. I mean, don't get me wrong. They work sometimes. But you look at that's incredible, and you look at all these shows. Tiger Woods was on there when he was younger. Yeah, it worked out. But most of those kids are dribbling.

You see them on YouTube and running fast and juking all the kids. Never hear about them again. They fizzle out. So enjoy it. Enjoy being a parent. Enjoy. Really try to look at it as just fun. And your kids will love you a lot more for it.

And you can't force the flower open. I always feel like children are little flowers and you water them and you put the good fertilizer, you put the good food down there for them to grow, but you can't force it open. You have to wait for them to open. And it takes- Might take a long time for them to build roots underneath.

My 18-year-old, this is the first year I've seen this kid just blossom. And my other kids are different. Everybody's different. There's all these different personalities. You can't blanket pair it. Every kid is unique and individual. Just like if somebody works for you, you have to really hone in on what their gifts are and grow it. This is beautiful. I've got a couple of final questions for you. Sure. This is called the three truths.

So imagine it is your last day on earth. And you're as old as you want to be. You get to pick the day. But eventually, you've got to leave the physical body. Yeah. It could be 100, 200. It doesn't matter. Modern technology, 1,000.

Whatever it is. You've got to go at some point. And you've created and achieved everything that you've written down in your journal every week. It's all come true. All the success you want, the love, everything, it's happened. But for whatever reason, you've got to take all your accomplishments, your work with you. So no one has your podcast anymore, anything you've written down, any video access to you. It's all come with you. But you get to leave behind a piece of paper that has three things you know to be true about your life. That would be the lessons you would leave behind.

Three lessons that the world would have. And this is all they have to remember you by. What would you say? Words? lesson like a lesson it could be a sentence it could be a paragraph but just three different lessons like come from your heart could be a lesson yeah well always give your best you know whatever whatever your truth is what would be the three things you'd want people to have as lessons from you when it comes to what you love life takes off on the other side of fear I think relentlessly pursue what you love I guess you guess you know no I know relentlessly pursue what you love And when speaking and listening, do that with your heart.

That's the third one. Yeah. When speaking and listening, do it with your heart. I like it. Like your mind, your heart, prosperity and fun come when your

heart becomes the filter to your mind's thoughts. What do you mean by that? So I believe everything you want will come when you can filter what comes up into your brain and filter that down through your heart and let your heart speak it. Ooh.

So yeah, fun and prosperity come when your mind, when your heart can become the filter for your mind's thoughts. That's good. I've never heard it said that way. Quote Tony Gonzalez. Yeah. Okay.

What is the thing you are most proud of that most people don't know about you? That most people don't know about me? That most people don't know about me? I think that's a hard one. What the hell? Hey, we're trying to get wide open here. I know. I love it.

But I'm like, okay, what the hell? Most proud of me? I'm trying to think because I am pretty wide open. Like most people, I'll just tell them. Like something that I saw your actions was like when I was over at your house, you were like, yeah, I make breakfast for my kids every day. Oh. Or like five days a week. I'm not sure how many times, but you're like,

pretty much every day, I'm getting up, I'm making gourmet bread, I'm doing the pancakes, I'm doing everything. Yeah. And I'm really proud that I do that for them. And I was like, that's pretty cool, because you could have a chef doing this, you could, whatever, have them do it,

but you get up and you make breakfast for those kids. I think that's something that inspired me as a future father. It's like, wow, I want to be like that. That's a good one. Not like I want to be a Hall of Famer, but I want to be like a dad that makes kids for his breakfast. I think that gets me emotional just thinking about that. You know where I got that from?

It's funny. You ever seen Casino with Robert De Niro and Joe Pesci? Yes. So Joe Pesci in there, he's narrating it, and he goes, no matter what we did, I'd always go home, and I'd make breakfast for the kids. Wow, there you go. I'm shooting people in the middle of the night.

Yeah, I shoot people in the middle of the night, walk you out, a couple people, but I'm going to go home and make pancakes for my kids. So that's where I got that from, and that's a good one. I would say that because that is pretty unique. I don't know anybody else who does it, but I really love doing that for the kids. I got a date this morning. I like being the short order cut for all four of the kids or whoever friends they have there.

That's cool. I love opening up my home to people. I get that from my mother. So yesterday, we had probably 20 kids at the house. And if you get to know me, you're like, you've come over a couple of times, come on over and I'll have other people there. I love hosting people at my home. That's cool. And then I love to read. Most people, I guess maybe you probably do know that, but I love to read. I always want a book in my hand. That's cool.

About something. Mind, body, spirit related. It could be a story, but I want to learn. I love it, man. It's good stuff. I love learning this about you. Okay. We've got a new show that's coming out soon.

Yep. Wide open. It hasn't come out yet, right? Wide open podcast. It's coming out soon, And they can get it where? Where can they get it? Where do you want to send people to? Well, I think it will be on Facebook.

It'll be on iTunes. It'll be on Apple Podcasts. I got my little cheat sheet here. It's on Spotify. It's on everywhere podcast. Yeah, it's on everywhere. It's podcast, Spotify, Apple, all that stuff. And do you have a website yet?

Personal website? TonyGonzalez88. Okay. Are you putting out information there? Are you doing a newsletter? No, we're not. I got Nisha here. She's helping me out.

Can they subscribe for updates anywhere on your site, or is it just social media follow you on? Right now, it's social media. We've got to get you an opt-in somewhere. Yeah, TonyGonzalez88, social media. You can check out all information there, and then it's all going to be coming out. And I got to tell you thank you,

because you are an inspiration for me to even do the podcast, because I was watching your shit, and I was like, this is great. And there's a lot of people that have done stuff like this, but I'm doing it because I love it, because I feel like I do have a lot to share. And a lot of that is, honestly, is being inspired by you. I found out you play semi-pro football and all these guys.

And I look at it this way. We're all in this together. Of course. And you have your crowd. And then Gary Vandertook has his crowd. And Tim Ferris has his crowd. And we all have these crowds. But we're all making the world a better place by presenting information that we love. I appreciate you for taking the lead on all this stuff.

You've been doing this stuff for how long? You've been doing this show? Six and a half years. Six and a half years. Yeah, I'm looking at this wall. I'm like, this is nuts. 840 episodes. Yeah.

This is great. If I could do it, you could do it easily. Trust me. I mean, it took some time to learn how to connect and interview. And I had no clue what I was doing, but I was just curious. Yeah. You know, kind of like what Tom talks about is being curious. And I think that's going to be what's going to make your show great, too, is you being curious and not trying to script everything.

No, I don't. We're wide open. Your team was like, oh, send over questions. I'm like, no, we're going to keep it open. You know, we're going to make sure that it's authentic. And I like to hear that you're like, oh, I actually don't know. Let me think about it for a second. For me, that's the stuff where the magic comes right after that.

The ad lib. Exactly. The ad lib. The ad lib. That's where it's at. So wide open. It's coming out soon. They can follow you on Instagram.

You're going to be doing hopefully more stuff on there. I see you doing a little bit more there. I'm trying to get acclimated. This whole social media thing has been a little bit of a thing for me. You asked my team about it. I'm kind of I'm part Charles Barkley where Charles is like, I don't need that stuff.

But it's also at the same time I understand the knowledge that you can bring to people. The help. It's there. And it's fun. It is fun. I just have a hard time stopping my day sometime going, okay, hey, I need to put something else's there. Yeah. And it's fun. It is fun. I just have a hard time stopping my day sometime going, okay, hey, I need to put something else out there. But I do understand it, and I'm getting into it,

and I'm starting to enjoy it a little bit. Yeah, and your team will support you. They'll support me. Okay, they can go subscribe to that. How else can we support you? Besides that, you're going to be on TV every week. Football season is here. And so, yeah, Thursday night football on Fox.

And then Sunday, football all day. It's amazing, man. All day. Talking about what I did for a living. The glory days. The glory days. And that's pretty much it. I am working on a book here.

Really? I'm running it. What's that going to be about? It's like a little handbook is what I'm doing. That's the idea of it. It's not really a 278-page book. That's what they told me the last book I wrote back a long time ago. Yeah.

It was like, yeah, it's got to be 278 pages or something like that. It's a sweet spot. But this is a little bit shorter handbook. That's cool. More like life principles or what's going to be? Yeah, like leveling up. That's cool. I don't care who you are. Let's get better if that's what you're into. I like it. Given my take on that, and there's a lot of takes out there, but underneath

it all, it's all the same thing, just presented differently. And you have to find what connects to you. You have to find what connects to you. I love that. Well, if they follow you on social media and the podcast, then you'll announce that when it comes out in the future, they can get the book. Yeah. Before I ask the final question, do you have any questions for me? I told you, I'm going to bring you on the show now. Okay, we'll do that then. I'll have people come listen to that when I get there.

I want you to sit there. I want to see you tearing up a little bit going. Okay, tell me what you've got to say. I cry all the time at this place. Well, I want to acknowledge you, Tony. We've only known each other for a few months, but I really acknowledge you for your authenticity and your openness.

Like, you came to me and you were like, hey, I have questions for you. Can you help me out with this thing, some stuff you're going through in your life? We've connected at your house a few times. You're just such a giving, generous human being. And for me, that's what matters. The Hall of Fame status, the records,

all that stuff, it's cool. But if you don't have the caring, giving nature, it's not as fun to be with someone. So I acknowledge you for your continued curiosity at such a high level. You're so successful in what you've done. You're at the top of the world. And you're still a giver. You're still curious. And you don't act like you have it all figured out. And I think that's really hard for someone at your level to do. And I acknowledge that about you. And I just think that you're just getting started, man.

This is all just like groundwork. You're just getting started and I'm excited for everything in the future. I'm excited for our friendship and if there's anything I can do to support you, please let me know. Thank you, bud. Yeah, man.

Final question is, what's your definition of greatness? Isn't that what we talked about this whole time? Rewind the damn tape. Definition of greatness. I think curious, open heart, and fearlessness. I think if you can be curious, have an open heart, and to me, open heart means no fear of judgment,

total presence, not worrying about the past or the future. That's what open heart, they're like joy, joy, like really finding joy in other people's joy. That's what I call joy. That's being in your heart. Joy, joy, is that what you said? I call it joy, joy. That's cool.

That's what I tell my kids. You got to have joy, joy. And if you can be fearless as you approach that, as you stay in your heart, really the sky is the limit. You will have whatever you want. It doesn't mean you're not going to get your ass kicked, but you will have it all.

I promise you will. Because it isn't about the money. It isn't about the fame. Trust me, there's miserable people that I know that have a lot of money and have a lot of fame. It's about what's in your heart and being fearless as you approach that. And so that's my definition. There you go. All right, man. Appreciate you. Thank you. Thanks, brother. Thanks for having me. There you have it, my friend. I hope you enjoyed this episode with tony i love his mindset i love how much he's been able to constantly grow after all those years in the nfl and consistently stay

at the top of his game and get better every single day make sure to share this with one friend two friends today i don't care as many people as you can, but at least one person. Text a friend this link, lewishouse.com slash 850. Be a champion and a hero in someone's life today by sending them this valuable information and inspiration. It could truly help someone transform and upgrade their life with this tool in this interview. Again, lewishouse.com slash 850. Make sure to share it on Instagram story, tag me Lewis House and tag

Tony Gonzalez so we can know what you enjoyed most about this. Share it with your friends over on social media. And as always, if you have not left a review yet, please leave me a review over on Apple podcast over 5,000 plus five-star reviews. I don't care if you leave a one-star or five-star review. I just want you to leave a review and tell me what you think about this show so we can continue to learn, improve, and make it better for you. So make sure to leave a review today as well. A big thank you to Tony again for coming on. Make sure you guys check out his new podcast, Wide Open. He's got some amazing people on there already,

and he's going to help a lot of people in this stage of their life. So make sure to check it out. Give him a follow over on Instagram. Send him some love. Again, share this with your friends. And as always, you know what time it is. It's time to go out there and do something great. Bye.