The School of Greatness - 987 Relationships in Quarantine: Finding Love, and Thriving

Episode Date: July 31, 2020

On today's 5-minute Friday, Lewis lets us peek inside his heart and home, unpacking the last 6 months of a challenging yet deeply rewarding relationship with his girlfriend, Yanet. He describes how they've grown closer and stronger during the quarantine.The Power of Erotic Intelligence with Esther Perel: https://link.chtbl.com/732-podFind Lasting Love with Matthew Hussey: https://link.chtbl.com/811-pod%22

This is 5-Minute Friday! I want to start this episode with a Turkish proverb. No road is long with good company. Now, I've had a long, long road to finding an amazing partner. The partner that I have right now is my lady, Jeanette. And we met after 15 years of me just being in relationships and never truly figuring out the type of person I wanted to be with. I kind of always just started dating people that I liked, that I was interested in, but I

wasn't really thoughtful about the type of partner I wanted to have long-term. I was more just kind of choosing off of attraction or off of interest and us going on a couple of dates and kind of following down a road of hanging out more and more and then just kind of being in a relationship. And this happened for many relationships over the past 15 years. And I want to do a full episode on this at another time if you're interested in me talking about this and figuring out how I found an amazing partner. So if you want that from me, let me know, send me a message on social media or email and let me know and we'll do a full episode on this. But it was a long road

in finding my girlfriend Jeanette. And we're both excited about creating memories and adventures and life together. But we also both know that we can be okay alone. If we're not together, it's going to be okay also. And I think that's the first time that's really been like, wow, yes, I want to be with this person. But I know that if it doesn't work out, I'll be okay. And she knows that she'll be okay. And that grounding gives us such peace and less pressure. We started dating after a breakup I went through, the last relationship I went through. It was amazing because it was just different from the start because I did this process of getting clear on exactly what I wanted.

And this process was a huge game changer for me. We decided to live together in the last six months. She moved in right before COVID. for me. We decided to live together in the last six months. She moved in right before COVID. And I'll tell you what, it was a crazy time because I knew that it would be hard moving in with someone and living together by itself. Then COVID hit and man, it was quickly trying to figure out, is this going to work? And are these challenges going to make us break up at some point or actually going to bring us together? A couple of weeks ago, she went home to see her family, to hang out with her sisters and her mom.

And I was alone for the first time in six months. And since being alone for a couple of weeks, I started reflecting on my time with Jeanette and our relationship, I've learned what I've learned about spending time alone and I'll tell you what I'm a simple guy but I'm also a complex guy I love being around people I love being around lots of people and interacting I love spending time with my girlfriend but I also love being alone and I enjoy both experiences so for me it's something that I've learned about myself that 15 years ago, I would have not been happy alone, I would have not been comfortable, because I was very insecure, and I needed to be around people. And I stayed in relationships because I was afraid to be alone.

And that's why a lot of times they didn't work out because I was being in them for the wrong reasons. And my insecurities led the way as opposed to my vision for the relationships I wanted to create. And what I've learned is that when you are clear on exactly what you want in your relationship, and when you are clear on if that lines up with the vision you have for your life, for your own dreams, with your family, with your health, with your identity,

with your lifestyle, with your sleeping patterns, your identity, with your lifestyle, with your sleeping patterns, everything. It all plays in based on the person you choose to be with and spend a majority of your time with. And the last six months of us spending time together, we went through a lot of difficulty from her moving from another country and speaking a different language to having a different culture, different expectations on what a relationship looks like. And us having to just deal with that challenge. Then we also had to deal with things at home for her in Mexico, where she was just going through a lot of personal challenges and deaths close to the family and struggles with the home that she was building and just challenges in general that were happening. And she was in LA and wasn't able to really leave

and do anything. And she didn't know anyone. And so there was a challenge there figuring out how we're going to communicate during that time. There was just a lot of different challenges. Then Kobe Bryant died, unfortunately and sadly. And that really affected me when that happened. And then coronavirus. And then me figuring out what's the next moves for my business and her supporting me. All of it was just like, wow, okay, we're going to figure out in this six months, are we going to work out? Or was this a nice year experience of dating each other and we're not the right fit and I'm so grateful because I remember telling her before she moved in with me I said you know we're gonna find out

within six months whether this is gonna work or not I didn't know all this stuff was gonna happen when I was saying this but I was just like we're gonna find out within six months if this is gonna work or not and for me I feel like the love is stronger you know we had our challenges we had arguments we had stressful nights, all these things. But it made us stronger because we both were willing to set our egos aside and focus on what do we want? What is our vision? How can we come together with our vision, with our differences from culture, with our differences from language, with our differences from expectations? Do we love each other enough to stay together, to be together, to thrive together, to grow together, or is it not worth it?

So far, we've found that it's very worth it. We have a stronger connection more than ever because of the challenges we face. And I almost hope that every relationship goes through some type of adversity early on where you get to figure out, okay, is this a person I really want to be with? You get to see how they handle adversity, how they emotionally adapt to tough times. And I don't know a tougher time than people dying in your life and stress in your finances and stress in your health and a pandemic. I don't know a more challenging and adverse time in the last 20 years where it all has come at once in many different areas of life for us to see like okay we got through this in a pretty strong way and I'm very very grateful and I also

think that space is important I know we've had different episodes on relationships during quarantine how to have space so that you don't you know get each other's throats every day and I think having space for me to reflect and be alone for a couple of weeks while she's with her family in Mexico has been beautiful for me and for her because it makes us appreciate each other and it really allows us to continue to focus

on what we wanna create together for the future. So these are just some thoughts I wanna share with you. If you want me to do a full episode on how we met and the whole process of what I've learned about finding a partner episode on how we met and the whole process of what I've learned about finding a partner based on values, based on a vision, and based on a process. Not being too analytical, but as I look back at it, I truly did things differently than an old pattern I was repeating for 15 years. And I really looked within to ask myself, you know, what are the things that I'm doing

wrong to attract someone that that isn't the right fit? And what can I do to shift and change moving forward? So if you're interested in that, feel free to message me on Instagram or Twitter or anywhere on social media or send us an email at our support email and let me know what you think. If you enjoyed this episode, if you enjoyed any of our recent episodes, we've had some amazing guests recently, and we've got a big guest coming up next week, then please subscribe on Apple Podcast and click that review button and leave us a five-star review and share your thoughts with us there on what you've enjoyed the most about this podcast. Every time we get people that subscribe,

it helps us spread the message of love, positivity, and greatness to the world on that platform. So please click the subscribe button now on Apple Podcasts and leave us a five-star review. And if you want inspirational texts from me every week, then text the word podcast to 614-350-3960. And I started with a Turkish proverb, but I'll say goodbye with a Swedish proverb. Shared joy is a double joy. Shared sorrow is a half sorrow. If no one has reminded you, you matter, you are loved, and you are worth it. And as always, you know what time it is. It's time to go out there and do something great.